Making Assumptions by Alexa Bond
Summary: Sometimes things aren't as you think...
Categories: RPS, RPS > Viggo Mortensen/Sean Bean, RPS > Sean Bean/Viggo Mortensen Characters: Sean Bean, Viggo Mortensen
Type: None
Warning: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 1485 Read: 1475 Published: April 21, 2008 Updated: April 21, 2008
Story Notes:
For Vivi because she inspired this with her amazing fic "Fragile". I strongly suggest you go read it. Great thanks to Carmen for beta! *big hug*

1. Chapter 1 by Alexa Bond

Chapter 1 by Alexa Bond
Author's Notes:
Set during the filming of LOTR.
He had seemed like a vision from a dream or the answer to all Sean's prayers. A strong man with a gentle spirit and a warm heart. Someone who cared for him, who quickly became a friend. Someone to confide in, someone to support him through yet another ugly breakup. Lost on a fantasy island far away from everything, Sean began to think that happiness might yet still be within his grasp.

Never once had he doubted that Viggo truly liked him, never once had he doubted his genuine concern. Their friendship forged a bond between them which was stronger than that, so much stronger. He had begun to consider whether his feelings ran deeper than friendship. At first he had fought that thought, afraid to ruin a perfect friendship but then he began to see the signs; caught himself worrying for Viggo when he was filming dangerous stunts, getting lost in his eyes, forgetting what to say when he looked at him and trying to cover it up as best he could. He found himself fascinated by everything Viggo did... found himself almost bragging about how amazing Viggo was, what a great artist, poet... often he had to tell himself to be quiet. He found himself smiling whenever he saw him and feel at ease and safe with him.

He had debated with himself for some time whether or not he should admit to his feelings. He didn't want to ruin what they shared but he didn't want to lose the chance of something better.

He didn't have any concerns about the fact that Viggo was a man, though it had been a long time since he had been with a man. He had thought it had been a phase he had outgrown but now he began to see that he had just been waiting for the right man to come along.

Yet still he was nervous about leaving himself open to hurt. He had been burnt by love too many times to count so what would make this so different? Then he would catch the warmth in Viggo's eyes and he would smile at him and fling his arm round Sean's shoulder before they walked to the set. No, he didn't have anything to worry about. Viggo did care for him. Though did he care for him in that way? He was pretty sure that at least some of the younger actors on the set were open to the idea of a relationship with another man but was Viggo? Just looking at him stole Sean's breath away but it also gave him reason to worry because Viggo was man in every sense of the word. Looking at him everyone would agree he looked the part of a heterosexual man with a capital m. Though that didn't have to mean anything as Sean himself was well aware of. Viggo was also an artist and Sean had read an interview with Viggo somewhere where he had played with words, hinted that something might have happened during his filming of 'The Prophecy'. Besides... weren't artists supposed to be free in their love? Open-minded? Viggo had very liberal ideas both as a person and as an artist.

Having thought about it for a long time, Sean concluded that Viggo wouldn't be offended by any approach he might make. Viggo might be a man in every sense of the word but he was also an artist in every sense of the word. Happy with his conclusion and certain that he had read the signals correctly, Sean had gone to Viggo's house one night, smiling at the prospect of what was to come.

What happened next haunted Sean for a long time, still haunted him. He had done everything right... he was sure of it. He hadn't pushed, he hadn't come on too strong and he had been discreet. He had talked about his feelings first, tried to explain. Viggo had listened, always kind and there for him but, when he had taken this as a sign to move on, Viggo had drawn back. He had given Sean's hand a quick and gentle squeeze but then said that he was sorry, he didn't feel that way about him. He valued his friendship a lot and didn't deny he felt deeply for Sean. But not like a lover.

Sean had felt it like a slap to the face, had just stood there, shocked and embarrassed. Viggo, so attuned to him, had noticed his discomfort at once and tried to soothe it; tried to explain. Told him that it didn't matter, they could still be friends. Told him he had a lot of gay friends and that he didn't mind. Told Sean that he could see how he could have misunderstood... it was a mistake easily made. But he had never in his life been with another man and had never had the desire to do so. He had found that as an artist and just by being himself many thought he had and he had found a slight suspicion like that didn't hurt his career, on the contrary, and then he didn't really mind what people thought, only he knew the truth anyway.

Sean had listened to Viggo's words as if from miles away. He knew Viggo had tried to make things better but it had only made them worse. Viggo had never been with a man at all... never thought about it. What Sean had seen had only been his open-mindedness in general, something Viggo knew he could play at and get away with. It had just been Viggo being Viggo and nothing more. Nothing deeper. Never in his life had he felt so stupid or so humiliated which didn't lessen because he knew he had been the one who had misinterpreted, he who had made assumptions based on everyone but Viggo himself.

Unable to stay any longer Sean had all but run out of the house and back to his place where he had drowned his sorrows in alcohol which had given him nothing but a terrible headache the day after.

Viggo never mentioned the incident after that, never changed behavior and so Sean fell back into the good friend role again. But now he was very conscious about what he said, how close he stood, how he behaved. Their friendship never got the easy and safe feel back again and Sean felt it was another relationship he had ruined. He had known his relationship with Viggo could be special, could last for a long time. Now, because of his advances, it had ended when filming had ended, not on bad terms at all, but the wall that had been created between them never went down and now Sean knew it never would.

Back home and alone, he thought maybe he could try to work through it all. Try to find the courage to love again. He wasn't sure if he could or if he even should. So far his success rate in that department left a lot to be desired. With distance, the pain in his heart did lessen and so did the feeling of humiliation. But then from time to time he would hear Viggo's name, see his face in a magazine, hear his voice on television and his heart would betray him again.

Thinking of what could have been was always pointless but sometimes such thoughts and images still haunted his dreams. Regrets always were so much more bitter to taste as time went by and Sean really regretted what had happened, wished he could take it back. No matter how painful it might be, at times he still wished he could have Viggo in his life in some way. Then reality returned and he knew he wouldn't have been able to stand it, being so close yet so far away from him.

Yet he had been forever parted from him even when they had been together. Sean realized that now. He had been making assumptions... jumped to conclusions. He had seen what he had wished to see, what he had hoped to see and he had let his own desires ruin it all. He sighed deeply. In time... in time he would be able to move on. Time did heal all wounds, he knew that better than most but right now... God, he wished time would hurry up and get on with it 'cause this was a pain he didn't mind being without. Thinking of what could have been, what he had lost... yes, that pain he didn't need at all. Still, he couldn't keep from thinking that no matter how painful... meeting Viggo had still been one of the greatest things he had ever done.


The End
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