'Go on, run. It is what you always do.' That was what you shouted at me when I left you standing there in the courtyard a fortnight ago. My heart was in my throat as I mounted my horse and rode away. I do not know what scared me more, the way you love me or the fact that one day I will run one too many times and I will lose that love. Is that what I have done? Have I lost your love, Erestor?

I am such a coward. How can one scholarly elf frighten me so badly that I must run? Indeed, you frighten me, Erestor, more than any Balrog, more than the Dark Lord himself. I suppose I think if I just keep moving, I can avoid the heartbreak that has touched so many I have loved. If I keep running, I will leave it behind, and I will be safe. I will be alone, as I always have been.

Erestor. Your name takes my breath away; it dies on the wind in a whisper when it should fly to the heavens. You are the bain of my existence, keeper of my conscience, master of my heart. My beautiful raven. Quiet, assured, braver than I have ever been or could ever be. Silver eyes that haunt me even now, eyes that remind me of Ithil's light, eyes that see deep into my soul. Pale skin and hair like pitch, hair that I have buried my hands in, skin that I have consumed as if I was starving. I am but a child compared to you, my dark angel. And because of your love, I will never be the same.

Valar, how I need you. That need shakes me to my core, it burns me, threatens to consume who I am. I have died once; I should not fear it a second time. But this is a different death and my resurrection is uncertain. Will I reemerge stronger? Will I become a better elf through your love? Or will I only disappoint you as I fear I will?

But if I stay here, if I remain in my sanctuary of the woods, if I stay away from you, my death will be inevitable. I know death, but I do not know love and it frightens me. Am I brave enough to face what I have never known? Am I strong enough to love you as you deserve? There is only one way to know.

Run. Just this one last time. I am running, Erestor, running home to you.