When had it begun? It seemed like forever, now, awash with all the guilty dreams that were his plague, and all the sweet charades that were the cover for those dreams, the numerous facades he juggled in order to keep Him oblivious, to keep Him happy. Rosie, for instance. Had he once thought that he would hurt and lead another on simply to provide a cover for true emotions? Never, but that was what He did to him.

But oh, the look in those eyes was enough! Both punishment and reward, that look of the sky smiling in forget-me-not eyes, and the warmth of a summer sun radiating from the smile on blushing lips. How could he resist Him, when that smile appeared? Some way that was so exquisitely beautiful that made him shake with yearning. And the flip side of the coin, talking with Him on cold nights about futures, silently denying vivid dreams that left him reeling, hardly managing to keep Him oblivious. Oblivious to those cruel emotions that made him stay with Him on these nights, despite the will to state the obvious: That he loved Him. Oh, it was so obvious, so perfect, and yet, it was wrong. "How could such a wonder be wrong?!", he felt like crying out, but it was wrong to the core.

Oh, not that he had always loved and adored a lad and not a lass, but in so many other ways, most potent of all the fact that He was a gentlehobbit of the best kind, and so flawless in every way that He left him breathless simply by living. On the other hand, he was simply a lowly gardener, lucky to have the chance to even speak to Him, let alone be called friends. Or more, but that was one of the dreams he was forced to deny. Ah, those precocious thoughts - they crept up on him when he wasn't looking, and claimed him so that he could hardly look at Him without one of those thoughts worming it's way in!

And now they were off on an adventure, an adventure that stole them away from the Shire and everything so familiar within it. What if He was killed, so far from home? That was why he had to stay with Him, through anything, and everything! Pippin and Merry looked out for each other, he looked after Him, and He looked after Himself too. That was the way of things, and always would be. All this newness scared him, and make no mistake. Those black riders too, they were after Him, no doubt about that. Even if they wanted to get Him, though, they wouldn't, because he was always going to be at His side, and he wouldn't let those Black Riders hurt Him.

Did Pippin know? Did Merry know? Did Gandalf and all his magic know? Know of those dreams and emotions that plagued him - even now, when they sat in dreadful fear of those Black Riders that screamed in the darkness. Even now! There was something blasphemous in that, somewhere, and he would be much happier when the sun rose, shedding her light on the situation. Strider, he was a frightening one, and one he didn't want to get mixed up in unless he had to - but He seemed to trust the ranger, and so, so would he.

Oh, if only He knew... everything would be easy. And those dreams would no longer be tormenting, but sweet, as they were meant to be.