Thranduil raised a hand as a goodbye and then turned his horse around and left, heading home.

Dazed, Erestor looked over his shoulder. He still couldn't believe he was actually fleeing Mirkwood.

Eridhren would be raging with fury now that he had escaped his clutches. Sighing tiredly, Erestor patted the mare's back and urged her on. He had to reach Imladris as quickly as possible. Thranduil wouldn't tell Eridhren his destination, but what if his father had left as well and was now tracking him down? Shudders traveled down his spine at the thought that his father could be hiding behind the next hill.

"Hurry like the wind," he said pleadingly, and the mare increased her speed. Holding onto the saddle, desperation overwhelmed him. What if he was turned away in Imladris? What if Elrond Peredhel refused him asylum? What if...?

"Stop it," he ordered himself. He was only driving himself insane asking these questions. He had to believe he had escaped and that he was free now. Free. Had he ever been free before? No.

He traveled swiftly and only stopped when the mare was growing tired. Building a small fire, he sat down, hugging his knees close and shivering. His eyes scanned his surroundings, scared that his father would unexpectedly pounce on him. Darkness surrounded him when Ithil hid behind heavy clouds, and the branches, which he had thrown in the fire, suddenly snapped, making him jump to his feet.

Gathering his cloak close to him, he forced himself to calm down. Slowly, he lowered himself back onto the damp earth and groaned at the pain the motion caused. Until now he had felt numb, but now the places his father had left bruised were starting to ache. Raising a shaky hand, he touched his black and blue face. His father hadn't held back and had cruelly back-handed him several times.

Shivering, he stared into the fire. His father had not taken rejection well, but what had he been supposed to do? Let his father rape him? The violation would have killed him eventually. No, he hadn't had a choice. Fleeing had been his only option. But then his father had caught him, thrown him onto the floor and had started to beat and kick him. Raising his arms, he had tried to protect his head, but his father had managed to grab hold of him and his sharp fingernails had dug into the back of his neck, drawing blood.

In the middle of this mayhem, he had succeeded in freeing himself and he had run into Thranduil's throne room. The King of Mirkwood and his lady had protected him before and he hoped Thranduil would take pity on him. He had hidden behind the throne, and when he had heard Thranduil's footsteps, he had flung himself at the King, not caring what the elder Elf might think of him.

He had whimpered softly when Thranduil had caught him, instantly checking him for serious injuries. And what he had found had obviously angered the King, who had shooed him into his private rooms whilst ordering his guards to bring him Eridhren.

Sobbing in Aewithôn's arms, he had listened to Thranduil rage whilst the King had paced his quarters. Gathering his courage, he had pleaded with the elder Elf, begging him to help him - but how, he did not know. In the end, Thranduil had turned around and had advised him to travel to Imladris where Elrond Half-Elven would hopefully grant him asylum.

When he had mounted the mare, he had heard Eridhren's voice carrying through the corridor. Petrified, he had stared at Thranduil, who had grabbed the reins of his horse, and together they had headed for the forest.

And now here he was, seated next to a dying fire, shaking himself to pieces, but he preferred the cold and loneliness to his father's cruelty. Somehow, he would survive, and maybe Elrond would allow him to stay in Imladris. He wasn't without skills. Thranduil had made sure he'd had a good education, and he had been copying scrolls for the King. Maybe Elrond needed another scribe? He hoped so.

Curling up on the cold earth, he laid down his head to rest and shivered all through the night until Arien finally rose again. The shivers still coursed through his body, telling him just how scared he really was. "Don't think of him. Don't think of him." Every time he thought of his father, the shivers worsened. He had to get this under control before he arrived in Imladris. He didn't want Elrond to grow suspicious and send him back. By Elbereth, he still hadn't reached his majority! If Elrond found out, the Peredhel would surely send him back to his father.

Biting his bottom lip, he tiredly climbed onto the mare's back again. He still had several days of travel ahead of him and wasn't sure he had the stamina to follow through. He had to take extra care of the mare, making sure she stayed healthy and in shape, for he would never be able to walk the distance to Imladris. "Hartha," he said, naming her 'hope', for she was his only way to escape his father, "please take me to Imladris. Don't forsake me."

The mare snorted softly and Erestor bent down, resting his upper body against her warm neck. "Please take me away from my father..."

---

Three days later, he raised his weary eyes to look upon Imladris for the first time in his life. The sight was breathtaking, and so very different from Mirkwood that tears appeared in his eyes. Imladris rested in Arien's warm sunbeams, and a soft breeze rustled the leaves. His heart contracted painfully, praying to Elbereth that he would be allowed to stay here. But could he be that lucky?

Reaching for the water flask, he allowed the last droplet to drip into his mouth. Now that they had finally arrived, he felt drained. His stomach had long stopped growling and his throat felt awfully dry. Maybe he could drink of the river Bruinen and quench his thirst. "We are almost there, mellon-nîn," he said, urging Hartha on.

When they finally reached the Bruinen, Hartha immediately began to drink. Weakened by the lack of food and sufficient water, Erestor lowered himself onto the ground and promptly collapsed near the river. Reaching for the water, he cupped his hands and drank greedily.

A branch snapped behind him and, spooked, he looked over his shoulder. He was terrified when the sentries appeared. A sword was aimed at his throat and his entire body shook.

"Get to your feet."

Erestor tried to obey, but his legs refused to carry him. "I cannot..." Would they have mercy on him and help him? "Please... Take me to Lord Elrond..."

"Why do you wish to speak to him?" One sentry stared suspiciously at him. "You are from Mirkwood." He had instantly recognized the colors and braids Erestor was wearing. "Why should we allow one of Thranduil's spies to speak to our Lord?"

Erestor flinched. "I am no spy! I seek refuge here. Please..." Exhausted, his eyes closed momentarily. "I beseech you... Let me speak to your master." He didn't know what he would do if they turned him away. Die in the wilderness, probably. He didn't possess the necessary skills to survive in the wild. Or maybe he would fade?

The three sentries discussed the matter privately and then turned to face him. "We will take you to our master."

"Thank you," whispered Erestor, relieved. "But I am afraid I cannot get to my feet any more. I am so tired..." His voice faltered when exhaustion overwhelmed him. Hartha nudged against him and he grabbed hold of her neck, feeling thankful when the mare helped him back to his feet. "I will try to walk..."

Suddenly a pair of strong hands encircled his waist, steadying him. The next moment, his knees buckled beneath him, and he released a strangled yelp when darkness descended over him as he lost consciousness.

---

Elrond studied the unconscious Elfling, lying in a warm bed and tucked safely beneath soft blankets. When his sentries had told him they had found a Mirkwood Elf, he had grown suspicious. He hadn't seen one of Thranduil's subjects for centuries, so what was this particular Elf doing here?

When the sentries had delivered the unconscious Elf to the healing house, he had told them to take him to one of the rooms, where the healers could tend to the dark-haired Elf. He had been shocked, seeing how young the Elf was, and doubted he had reached majority yet. What was an Elfling doing this far away from home?

Seating himself on a comfortable chair next to the bed, he continued to search the Elfling's features. His face was heavily bruised, and the healers had told him that they had discovered several other bruises on the Elf's arms, back and chest. He had quickly reached the conclusion that the Elfling had received a particularly brutal beating, and had felt somewhat protective, considering the dark-haired Elf's age.

Using a cool, wet cloth, he wiped away the beads of sweat that had formed on the Elfling's brow. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" He couldn't dismiss the notion that he was one of Thranduil's spies, but his young age and injuries didn't support that theory. A soft groan attracted his attention, and he tensed when the dark eyes filled with awareness.

Erestor blinked once, twice, trying to establish where he was. This room was alien to him; he had never been in here before. As his eyes scanned the room, his breath caught, finding an elder Elf staring at him. The dark-haired Elf's sharp glance quickly warned him that this was someone to reckon with, and the dignity and pride that clung to him made Erestor lower his eyes respectfully.

Elrond smiled, seeing the respect in the dark eyes, before the younger Elf averted them. "You are in Imladris, in the Last Homely House, and I am a healer." There was no reason to reveal his identity just yet.

Erestor shyly peeked at the elder Elf.

Elrond leaned forward in the chair, his eyes searching the younger Elf's face. "What is your name, Elfling?" Seeing the hesitation in the dark eyes, he added, "And tell me the truth."

Erestor sighed; indeed, he had briefly considered giving a false name, but he seriously doubted he would get away with lying. Even Thranduil had been able to tell when he was lying. "It is Erestor."

"Erestor," said Elrond, thoughtfully, leaning back in his chair. "And have you reached your majority yet, Erestor?"

Now he truly panicked. "Aye, I have, only a few days ago. Please, you must believe me!" Growing hysterical, he threw off the blankets, but he froze as waves of pain coursed through his battered body. The wounds Eridhren had inflicted were still healing.

Elrond could easily tell Erestor was lying, but why? "You hail from Mirkwood?"

"I am no spy! I do not know why the sentries thought I was one, but I am not! I am a scribe!" Erestor shook like a leaf and bit his bottom lip nervously, not even realizing that it had begun to bleed.

"Calm yourself," said Elrond, finally realizing he was dealing with a severely frightened Elfling. Following his instincts, he decided to give Erestor the benefit of the doubt. "Why did you leave Mirkwood?"

Erestor was at a loss for words. What would satisfy the elder Elf's curiosity? When he had fled from Mirkwood he hadn't been thinking straight, and now he had to come up with a believable explanation. Recalling that Thranduil wasn't loved by the Rivendell Elves, he hoped for the best when he said, "I defied the King and was banished."

Another lie, registered Elrond, who was growing interested in the younger Elf. Seeing Erestor shake himself to pieces, he asked, "Why did you come to Imladris?"

"I want to beg Lord Elrond to allow me sanctuary here. I am a hard worker and I will do whatever it takes to be allowed to stay. Just do not send me back!"

Elrond rubbed the bridge of his nose, whilst still studying the younger Elf, who was clearly panicking. "Be truthful," he said eventually. "Have you reached your majority yet?"

Erestor averted his eyes, realizing he had failed to mislead the elder Elf. "Not yet."

"How many years before you reach your majority?"

"Ten more years," whispered Erestor, shakily.

"Then you should still be with your parents." Elrond never expected Erestor to start to sob, but when the younger Elf did, he reached out instinctively, trying to comfort him. His eyes widened, seeing Erestor violently flinch away from him. The younger Elf didn't want to be touched. Why?

"Please do not send me back! I work hard and require little." Erestor pleadingly locked eyes with the elder Elf. Maybe if he could convince this Elf then he would also be able to convince Elrond, should he be allowed to meet the half-Elf.

Elrond leaned back into the comfort of his chair and noticed how Erestor relaxed once he was no longer in his immediate proximity. He was beaten, brutally at that, and fled from Mirkwood. I should not trust him, but I do. There is innocence in his eyes and he is obviously terrified of being sent back. Who scared and beat him like that?

"Please, give me a chance to plead my case with Lord Elrond. If you send me back now, I... I will die, somehow..." Desperation overwhelmed him and he bowed his head in defeat. "Please do not send me back."

Elrond finally reached a decision, hoping he would eventually find out what had driven the Elfling to seek refuge in Imladris. "You will rest for the new few days. Stay in bed, eat and drink."

Erestor's eyes widened in disbelief. "I can stay?" Had he really convinced the healer to let him stay until Lord Elrond would decide over his fate?

"Aye," said Elrond, rising to his feet, "You may stay."

"Thank you," whispered Erestor from the bottom of his heart.

Elrond walked over to the doorway, still studying the frightened Elfling. Something about Erestor made him feel protective, though he couldn't explain why. "Rest. You are safe now." He was surprised, seeing the impact his words had. Erestor seemed to collapse into himself, finally showing his physical and emotional exhaustion. Stepping into the corridor, he recalled that his chief librarian still needed another scribe.

---

Hearing footsteps startled Erestor and he quickly sat upright in bed. He had been resting for two days now. A different healer to the one he had talked to had looked after him, making sure he ate and rested. The bruises were finally fading, and this healer had also tended to the wounds at the back of his neck. Staring at the doorway, he wondered what would happen next.

Elrond stepped into the room, inclined his head in greeting, and sat down next to the bed. "How do you fare today?"

"I am feeling much better, thank you." He tried to control his curiosity, but in the end, he blurted out, "Do you know what will happen to me? Will Lord Elrond allow me to stay?"

Elrond watched Erestor closely whilst saying, "I have spoken to him, and he feels strongly that you should return to your family, Elfling." Erestor's reaction startled him. The younger Elf became deadly pale and his entire body began to shake. The fingernails dug into the sheets, clawing at them. Terrified eyes met his, and then the pleading began again.

"Please, do not send me back! I cannot go home, never! Please do not condemn me to death!" Panicking, Erestor left the bed and dropped onto his knees in front of the healer, who seemed to have some influence since he was allowed to talk to Lord Elrond. "Please, I will do whatever you want!"

Elrond regretted upsetting this fragile mind and quickly gathered Erestor's hands in his. "Calm down, Elfling. There is no reason to panic. You may stay here in Imladris." Erestor seemed to choke, hearing those words, and Elrond reacted by soothingly rubbing the Elfling's back. "Calm down and breathe slowly." Erestor was now panting hard and his eyes nearly bulged from their sockets. "There is no reason to panic, pen-neth, and calm yourself." Elrond now knelt next to Erestor, holding him whilst the anxiety attack continued. He grew worried, realizing that the mere notion of being sent back to his family had driven Erestor straight into a panic attack. "Be calm, be at peace. You can stay here. You do not have to go back to Mirkwood."

The words finally registered in Erestor's troubled mind and he clung to them, slowly regaining his calm. "How can you say... such a thing?" he said, still panting softly. "Only Lord Elrond...can make such a... decision." His shoulders slumped in defeat. "I want to stay...so badly. I want to remain alive... I am too young to die, please..."

Elrond wasn't able to make much sense of the Elfling's ramblings, but when he felt Erestor move away from him, he allowed it. "Worry no longer, pen-neth. You may stay." Erestor raised his tearstreaked face and their eyes met. Elrond slowly lifted his hand and pretended to not notice Erestor's flinch when he gently stroked the long, tangled hair. "You never asked me what my name was... Do you want to know?"

"Your name?" Erestor frowned through the tears that were rolling down his face.

"My name is Elrond Half-Elven—" He was forced to stop talking when Erestor stared at him in shock. Nodding his head, he waited for the Elfling to calm himself and then continued, "I regret not telling you earlier, but I wanted to know why you came here, and I was afraid you would not tell me if you knew who I was."

Erestor couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You... are... Lord... Elrond?" he stuttered in disbelief. At once, he pulled back, feeling uncomfortable being this close to the fabled Elf-lord. "I apologize for... for taking up this much of your precious time."

His curiosity piqued, Elrond rose from the floor, followed by Erestor, who swayed on his feet. "Sit down, Elfling."

Erestor obeyed at once, trembling nervously. "I was serious, my lord. I am no spy and I will work hard." His eyes downcast, he tried to control his growing fear. "Will you truly let me stay?" Peeking through his eyelids at the Elf-lord, he wondered how low Elrond's opinion was of him. "You won't even know I am here." He planned to make himself invisible, and hopefully Elrond would forget his very existence. All he wanted was a quite and peaceful life.

"My wife, Celebrian, will assign quarters to you where you may stay as long as you wish. If you desire to work for me, you may ask my chief librarian, Collneled, if he requires your services. You mentioned you were trained as scribe?"

Erestor nodded shyly. "I will work to repay you for your kindness. Thank you for letting me stay."

Elrond smiled reassuringly. He still didn't know why Erestor had sought refuge here, but he hoped to find out in time.

Erestor felt hesitant to venture outside now that he was being released from the healing house. Everyone had been friendly toward him once they had learned the Elfling was allowed to stay. He stared at the doorway, wondering where he was supposed to go now.

"Erestor?"

His breath caught, hearing his name spoken in such a gentle, liquid tone. A silver-haired she-Elf had appeared in the doorway and kindly smiled at him. Aewithôn was beautiful, but she didn't compare to this ethereal being. "Milady?" He tentatively rose to his feet and bowed his head.

"I am Celebrian, Elrond's wife. Let me show you to your quarters." When her husband had asked her to take the Elfling under her wing she had approved at once.

Shyly raising his eyes, he took in her magical sight. His eyes were drawn toward her hands, which she held protectively in front of her abdomen. And only then did he realize, "You are pregnant." Realizing he had blurted it out aloud, he quickly covered his mouth with his hand.

Celebrian noticed his nervousness and waved his fears away. "Aye, I am pregnant with twins, or at least my dear husband thinks so. He is convinced I will give birth to two boys."

"I apologize, milady. I should not have—"

Celebrian cut him short and extended her hand. "Come with me." Erestor looked so young, and her awakening motherly feelings urged her to reach out. The way Erestor stared at her hand made her realize how shy and insecure the Elfling was. "Let me show you to your room. And later, I will take you to the library. Collneled is already waiting for you."

Erestor cautiously placed his hand in hers. He would rather not touch her, feeling like he defiled her splendor with his touch, but her kind eyes assured him that it was all right. He followed obediently when she led him through the corridors, until she halted in front of a door. She opened it and then pulled him inside.

"I hope you like your new room," she said, smiling warmly.

"It is bigger than my old one," muttered Erestor, absentmindedly. "I like it. Thank you."

She seemed to float past him and pulled him along again. For such a delicate creature she did seem to possess an amazing strength, and he let her, following suit.

"The library is this way." Her soft laughter echoed through the corridor.

Erestor felt enchanted by her. His mother had died giving birth to him and he found himself fantasizing about her looking just like Celebrian. His mother had been flaxen-haired, - at least that was what his father had told him, during the many accusations the Elf had aimed at him. He bowed his head, still hearing his father rage at him, telling him over and over again that he had caused her death; that he was a murderer.

"Erestor?" Cocking her head, she studied him. She understood her husband's worry about the young one. Erestor looked like a truly lost soul. She opened the door to the library and shooed him inside.

Feeling nervous, Erestor involuntarily met dark grey eyes, which belonged to an elder Elf, dressed in green. That must be the librarian Elrond had mentioned. Respectfully, he bowed his head. "Greetings, I am Erestor."

Collneled nodded once. "Elrond told me you desire to be a scribe here?"

Erestor nodded as well. "I would be honored to work here."

Celebrian smiled at both of them. "Collneled, I entrust him to you. Please make sure he does not tire himself out too much? Lord Elrond thinks he should pace himself for a few more days."

"Of course, milady." Collneled smiled, watching her leave, and then turned to Erestor. "Let us find out how good... or bad... your writing skills are."

Erestor followed the chief librarian. His eyes greedily devoured the thousands of books that made up Elrond's library. He had always loved to read. It had allowed him to escape reality.

"Copy this scroll in your best writing," said Collneled. Elrond had told him to treat Erestor kindly, and he realized he would have done so even without his Lord's order. Erestor was timid, even seemed frightened. Looking out of the window, he reckoned that Arien would set in two, maybe three hours. "I will check on you when Ithil appears."

Erestor nodded obediently, dipped the quill in the ink and began copying the scroll.

---

Collneled studied his newest scribe, impressed by the Elfling's concentration and motivation to copy the scroll in his best handwriting. He had seldom seen such determination in such young eyes. Walking up behind Erestor, he slowly rested his hand on the Elfling's shoulder, about to praise him for his work. He was absolutely stunned when Erestor flinched away from him, quickly stepping away and pushing over the ink in the process. The black liquid flowed down the parchment, rendering his work useless.

Erestor's breathing was too fast and he fought down another panic attack. He hadn't heard the librarian approach! His gaze shifted from the Elf to the scroll and he released a shocked gasp, seeing the damage the ink had done. "Oh, I am so sorry..."

"No," said Collneled, "this was not your fault. I startled you." Why had Erestor reacted like that? "I will clean this up."

"No! I will!" He was about to protest once more, but then the librarian's stern gaze silenced him. He felt like an utter failure. He had worked so hard and had hoped Collneled would approve of his work; now everything had been ruined because he was so jumpy.

"Elfling, go for a walk in the gardens, eat and then sleep. Return here in the morning." Collneled was determined to have a word with Elrond. Maybe the half-Elf knew what had spooked Erestor. "And I do not want to see you here before Arien has risen, do you understand?"

Feeling miserable, Erestor nodded. "Are you sure you want me to return at all?"

"As I said just now, it was my fault, not yours. Now go and put this behind you. No harm was done." He turned Erestor around and gently nudged him toward the exit.

Erestor left, feeling more depressed with every step he took. Why had he deluded himself into thinking things would be different here? His father was right; he was good for nothing!

"Erestor?" Elrond frowned. He had been on his way to ask Collneled how the Elfling had done when he happened upon a listless Erestor in the corridor.

Erestor cringed, unable to meet the Elf-Lord's eyes. He came to a halt, bowed his head and kept his eyes downcast.

The Elfling's behavior worried Elrond and he stepped up to the younger Elf. "Is something wrong?"

"I spilled ink and ruined the scroll I was copying. I am so sorry."

"Was it an accident or did you do it on purpose?" He had to push through the self-contempt that radiated so lividly from Erestor's eyes.

"I would never do it on purpose!" Realizing he had raised his voice, Erestor flinched.

"Then stop blaming yourself for accidentally spilling the ink. Now go to your room. I will have one of the maids deliver dinner to your room. Eat, and then go to sleep."

"Yes, milord." Erestor would never defy Elrond and would do what the half-Elf had said, though he doubted he could sleep.

Elrond watched Erestor walk down the corridor and he disliked seeing so much pain in someone that young. He had to talk to his wife. Maybe they could somehow help this tormented young soul.

---

Erestor lay curled up in his bed, hidden beneath the covers. He couldn't help listening to every noise that sounded in this wing of the house and he trembled, hearing voices in the corridor. "It is not my father... He is not here... is not...." His body failed to stay vigilant and he fell asleep sometime during the night, dreaming of his father, who was ripping the clothes from his body.

---

Celebrian smiled dotingly at her husband, who had finally fallen asleep after telling her he was worried about Erestor. Unable to sleep herself, she slipped out of his embrace, pulled on a warm robe and tiptoed into the corridor, trying hard to not wake him. Humming softly, she rubbed her growing belly and smiled, walking down the corridor. Maybe some hot milk would help her sleep.

Unexpectedly, soft sobbing reached her ears and she halted in her tracks, trying to pinpoint the source of the pitiful noise. Slowly, she walked down the corridor and then realized who was crying that brokenly. It was the Elfling, Erestor.

Shuffling her feet, she wondered what to do. But then she knocked, softly.

Not getting a response, she pushed the door ajar, relieved that Erestor hadn't locked it. Erestor was whimpering softly, and seemed to be pleading with someone.

"No... please... no more... stop it..."

Suddenly, something moved into place behind her and, startled, she looked over her shoulder. She sighed, realizing it was her husband. "I thought you were asleep."

"I woke when you left." He quickly gathered his robes around him, fastening them with a belt. "I thought I heard someone crying, but I had no idea it was Erestor."

The Elfling was now struggling against the sheets, which had wrapped themselves around him during the night and soft whimpers left his lips. "No... no more... I can... not..."

"What do you think happened to him?" asked Celebrian, worried.

"I do not know," said Elrond, worried as well. "It will take time for him to learn to trust us, maybe even confide in us. But what he needs most, I think, is peace and quiet."

"In that case, he will have it." Celebrian closed the door behind her and resumed her walk to the kitchen, this time with her husband at her side.

---

During the next few weeks, Erestor fell into a comfortable rhythm of working in the library and spending his evenings in his room, or walking in the gardens. Sometimes, Celebrian would seek him out and accompany him on his strolls. They seldom talked, as she respected his silence, which made him in turn more willing to trust her.

"Erestor, would you help out my husband this afternoon? Collneled highly praised you and Elrond needs a personal assistant, someone who can create order in his chaotic pile of papers." Celebrian smiled at him. She had quickly discovered that he adored her, and seldom denied her when she asked him for a favor. "He is working on some road maintenance plans and is becoming frustrated with being unable to come up with a solution to the problem."

"I would be honored to help," said Erestor shyly. He quickly averted his eyes, hoping she didn't see the growing affection in them. Celebrian had quickly become the mother he had never had. And Elrond? Elrond was doing his best to make him open up about his past, but he was determined to never mention his father to the half-Elf.

Growing tired, Celebrian sat down on a bench. Patting the space next to her, she hoped Erestor would get the hint - and yes, the Elfling sat down, but still remained at a respectful distance. At times like this, she wanted to hug him close. "You seem to feel at home here now. Do you not miss your life at Mirkwood?" She caught the violent shivers that suddenly coursed through his body and berated herself for bringing up something that was obviously painful to Erestor.

"I miss Thranduil and Aewithôn." Erestor's eyes widened in shock, realizing what he had just revealed to her. He had told Elrond that he had defied the King and had been banished... and now he had admitted to missing the royal couple. What was he doing? He had to remain alert! He couldn't let his guard down!

Celebrian saw the cornered expression in his eyes and refrained from probing deeper. She sighed and rubbed her belly. "Two more months, Erestor, and then the babies will be born."

Relieved that she had changed the subject, he smiled warmly. "Did you decide on names yet?"

"Elrond is still convinced they will be boys, so we decided on Elladan for the first born and Elrohir for the youngest. I hope I will one day give birth to a girl as well." She smiled blissfully.

Erestor was at a loss for words, seeing the happiness in her eyes.

"Ah, there you are! I finally found you!" Elrond walked up to them and Erestor immediately rose to his feet, bowing respectfully. The half-Elf sighed; he had told Erestor to stop bowing to him, but the Elfling wouldn't listen. He had been pleasantly surprised, realizing Celebrian and Erestor were becoming friends. Apparently his wife was getting through to the Elfling when he could not.

Celebrian, who now rose slowly, reached for her husband. Elrond quickly supported her. "Are you not tiring yourself out?"

"I am fine. Stop worrying over me." Celebrian directed her lovely smile at her husband. "Erestor agreed to help you out this afternoon."

Elrond's gaze shifted from Celebrian to Erestor, who was still staring at the ground. "Elbereth knows I can use all the help I can get!" he said, jokingly. "But first we should walk Celebrian to her rooms."

Celebrian met Elrond's gaze when Erestor stayed several steps behind them, keeping his distance. Like her husband, she hoped that Erestor would grow more comfortable with being close to them. The downcast eyes unsettled both Elves.

---

Erestor made sure that Elrond didn't hear his sigh when he went through the unsorted pile of papers that covered most of the half-Elf's desk. How was it possible that Elrond found anything at all? This was such a mess! Not even Thranduil had been so badly organized!

Elrond, realizing Erestor felt like he wasn't being watched, studied the Elfling, who was now shaking his head, sorting out all scrolls. He was discussing these road plans again and was getting fed up with them. There was no way to satisfy all parties involved. No matter where he wanted to build the bridge, someone objected. "We will stop now and discuss this later!"

None of his counselors dared to protest and, one by one, they left. Frustrated, Elrond flung the plans onto his desk. He walked over to the balcony doors, opened them and deeply inhaled the sweet air.

Erestor shook his head again, and began to sort out the plans, which had fallen onto the floor. Absentmindedly, he scanned them. His father, being one of Thranduil's advisors, had worked on construction plans in the past and he realized what Elrond's problem was and how to fix it. But it wasn't his place to point that out to the ruler of Imladris. He was a mere scribe.

"Erestor? Will you join Celebrian and me for dinner tonight?" Elrond turned around and looked at the Elfling. "She finds so much pleasure in your company." It was true; Celebrian always spoke warmly of Erestor.

Erestor choked up. "My place is not at your dining table, my Lord. I am not worthy of such an offer." He quickly lowered his eyes and continued sorting out the papers. He had already found more of a home here than he ever had at Mirkwood.

Elrond, still frustrated from working on the road plans, advanced on Erestor and slowly rested a hand on the Elfling's shoulder, noticing that he still flinched. "You would make Celebrian very happy if you joined us."

Erestor, feeling nervous, nodded eventually. "As you wish." There was no way he could deny the Lord of Imladris.

"And now I should return to these plans." Elrond sat down behind his desk, and groaned when Erestor handed him the assorted papers. "I am growing tired of this. Why can I not find a solution that pleases everyone?"

Erestor almost opened his mouth to make a suggestion, but then reminded himself that it was not his place to advice the Elf-Lord. Busying himself with alphabetically arranging Elrond's correspondence, his nervousness increased. Why would they want him to be present at dinner? They had never invited him before, and he had been content to eat dinner in the safe confines of his rooms.

Elrond noted Erestor's jerky movements. He had learned to recognize them as outward signs of the Elfling's discomfort. Celebrian was doing the right thing in trying to befriend Erestor. They just had to try a little harder.

---

Erestor shifted uncomfortably on the chair. Celebrian continued to smile at him and Elrond was still complaining about these accursed road plans. Suddenly Elrond released a groan and seemed to rub his shin beneath the table. His eyes widened; had Celebrian kicked her husband?

"No more talk of work this evening," decreed Celebrian. "Sing for us, dear husband."

Erestor actually flushed. Sing for –us-? Why include me? What am I doing here?

Elrond, still rubbing his shin, pushed back his chair, rose to gather his harp, and began to sing. Erestor, who had never heard the half-Elf sing before, looked at him in wonder; Elrond possessed a unique voice. His eyes were beginning to swim, hearing the emotion in the gentle tone. Suddenly Celebrian's hand settled on his, trying to rub his knuckles and he needed every ounce of his courage to not pull back. She didn't deserve the rejection.

Long moments later, Elrond finished the song and bowed at the waist when Celebrian praised him. His gaze then shifted to Erestor, realizing the Elfling's stare was directed at his wife's hand, resting on top of his. What was going on in Erestor's head? Celebrian was the right age to be his mother... Did the Elfling need a mother in his life? It did sound logical.

"Regretfully, I need to return to my study," he said, addressing his wife. "Do not wait up for me. These road plans—"

Celebrian sighed, silencing him. One of her ladies in waiting hurried to help her rise and then assisted her back to her rooms. She was growing heavier with every passing day.

"Ah, Erestor, you should go to bed as well. Someone as young as you still needs lots of sleep, even if you do not realize that."

Realizing he was being dismissed, Erestor rose from his chair and bowed. "Thank you for allowing me to have dinner with you. It is a great honor."

Elrond raised a hand and waved the comment away. "You are welcome to join us again tomorrow evening and now go to sleep, Erestor. You need rest." He watched the Elfling leave, and swore he could literally see the burden the young Elf carried on his shoulders. "Why won't you confide in us?" He signaled for one of the servants to refill his glass and indulged himself, emptying it before returning to his study.

---

Erestor felt like an intruder, leaving Elrond's study. He had entered without the half-Elf's permission and was now shaking, hoping his visit had remained unnoticed.

---

Elrond sat down behind his desk, and went through the plans again, hoping he would finally find a solution. This was definitely driving him insane!

Going through the plans, a note suddenly dropped onto his lap. That was strange. He couldn't remember ever seeing it before. What was it doing here? Scanning it quickly, he realized it was a suggestion to improve the road plans. Now that it had captured his attention, he continued to read, occasionally nodding and whispering 'yes'.

"This would work and it would satisfy all parties." It was the solution he had been looking for, but had been unable to come up with. The question was; who had found the solution to his problem and had then dropped a note between his papers? Why not tell him personally?

"Of course..." There was only one person who would do such a thing. "Erestor."

Elrond watched Erestor closely when the Elfling returned to his study the next morning to finish sorting out all his papers. Erestor seemed even more nervous than usual and the half-Elf distinctly noticed the quick, stolen glances directed at his desk where he had placed the note in front of him, clearly visible. He picked up the piece of paper and turned it around between his fingers. The movement seemed to make Erestor panic, as the Elfling began to pant softly. Recognizing the approaching anxiety attack, Elrond placed the paper on his desk, pushed back his chair and rose to his feet.

Erestor seemed to shrink into himself, trying to hide from the half-Elf's stare, but Elrond refused to look away and advanced on the terrified Elfling.

Erestor desperately tried to remain calm, but his nerves were getting the better of him and he turned away from Elrond. He rested his hands against the wall and tried to re-compose himself. Leaving the note on the Elf-Lord's desk had been a stupid thing to do.

"Erestor?"

Hearing the softness to Elrond's tone, he slowly looked over his shoulder; he still didn't dare to make eye contact. Suddenly Elrond rested his hands on his shoulders, and then turned him around so they were now facing each other. Lowering his eyes, he tried to bring his breathing back under control. "My Lord?"

"Why do you fear me?" asked Elrond, in dire need of answers. "Do you not know by now that I mean well?"

Shamefaced, Erestor cringed. "I cannot help it."

Elrond sighed, dejectedly. "Tell me, did you leave that note on my desk? The one about the bridge?"

Erestor squirmed, wishing Elrond would let go of him so he could flee the room. "I am not sure..."

"You are not sure?" Elrond raised an eyebrow curiously. "How can you not be sure? You either wrote it or you did not."

Realizing there was no way out, Erestor sighed shakily. "Aye, I wrote it. I know I should not have, but you seemed so frustrated and the solution was rather simple. I apologize for—" His nervousness caused him to ramble, but Elrond cut him short.

"There is no reason to apologize. I should thank you instead. Thanks to your ingenuity we can now start to build this bridge, which will enable more traders to enter our lands." Gently pulling him along, he steered Erestor toward the balcony, where a servant had served tea just a moment ago. "Sit down," said Elrond, signaling for the Elfling to seat himself in one of the comfortable chairs so they could enjoy the morning sun.

Erestor sat down obediently, wringing his hands. What had he done? What had he gotten himself in to? Stealing a glance at Elrond, he wondered just how cross the elder Elf was with him. Maybe apologizing again to the Elf-Lord would help? Providing Elrond would allow him to apologize and not cut him down like he had done earlier. "My Lord, I know I was out of line and I should not have written that note and—" Rambling, he wondered what to say. "I will never do it again! Please... I..."

Elrond leaned in closer, took hold of the teapot, and poured the Elfling some herbal tea. "I said it before, calm yourself. You did nothing wrong. I want to compliment you instead." He handed Erestor a cup of tea and noticed how shaky the hands were that reached for it.

The tea nearly sloshed over the rim and Erestor forced himself to act composed, but inwardly he was shaking himself to pieces. He decided to remain quiet and wait for Elrond to address him again. The Elf-Lord was confusing him by not being cross with him.

"How did you know that it was the perfect spot to build that bridge?" asked Elrond, genuinely interested.

Erestor closed his eyes momentarily, realizing he had to be honest if he wanted the Elf-Lord to remain this mellow. "My... father was advisor to Thranduil and..." He flinched, hearing Elrond's sharp intake of breath. Apprehensively, he looked at the half-Elf and found a puzzled expression in the blue eyes. "He was often asked to solve a similar problem, and I..." He shrugged his shoulders. "At times I read the reports and saw how he handled the situation. I did nothing special. I merely looked at the facts and—"

Elrond studied the Elfling. "Your father is one of Thranduil's advisors?" Now that was something new!

"Aye." Erestor wished he had never dropped that note onto Elrond's desk. Now the half-Elf would continue to question him!

"You were not banished from Mirkwood then? You did not defy the King as you told me?" Elrond frowned. He wasn't sure what to make of this new information. But it did confirm his suspicions that Erestor was an innocent and not a spy. "Why did you leave Mirkwood?"

Erestor squirmed on the chair. "Please, my Lord, I cannot tell you."

"I order you to tell me." Elrond was getting fed up with Erestor's evasive behavior and decided to try a new, somewhat harsher approach. He didn't want to intimate the Elfling, but he had to know what had happened. "You had been beaten. Is that why you left?"

Erestor wrapped his arms around his chest, barely resisting the urge to rock himself in search of comfort. "Aye, I fled because I was afraid for my life."

Elrond leaned in closer, deeply probing the elusive, scared eyes. "Who beat you?"

"I cannot tell you..." Erestor's voice faltered and he pleadingly raised his hands. "My Lord, I did not have a choice. I wanted to stay alive and thus I had to leave. Thranduil, he..."

Elrond edged even closer. Realizing that Erestor was pushing back the chair to maintain a safe distance between them, he moved back slightly. The last thing he wanted was to scare Erestor. "What did Thranduil do?" Why did this have to be about his former lover? He prayed to Elbereth that it wasn't Thranduil who had beaten the Elfling; he had always thought Thranduil was an honorable warrior.

"He helped me escape," whispered Erestor, quickly glancing at Elrond. "Aewithôn and he looked after me, and... he told me to come here. He hoped you would let me stay. I did not have a place to go and I do not know how to survive in the wilderness."

Elrond sipped his tea and signaled for Erestor to follow his example; the Elfling's voice was hoarse with emotion. He felt somewhat relieved, knowing that Thranduil had aided Erestor and not hurt him. But one question still remained. "Who hurt you? Who beat you so badly?"

Erestor averted his eyes once more, sipped, and calmed when the warm liquid flowed down his throat. "I cannot tell you." Maybe it was misplaced loyalty, or maybe he was afraid that Elrond might contact Thranduil to ask questions about his father, but he clamped down, unable to mutter even a single word.

Elrond was at a loss. "Erestor, how can I protect you when I do not know the enemy?"

Erestor's eyes widened. "Protect me?" What was Elrond talking about? "Why would you want to protect me?"

Elrond shook his head. "Aiya, Erestor..." What had the Elfling's life been like for him to be this surprised at hearing that someone wanted to protect him? He was about to address Erestor again when suddenly Lindir stormed onto the balcony, panic radiating from his eyes.

"My Lord, your Lady has gone into labor!"

Elrond gasped. "But she is not supposed to give birth for another two months!" Instantly worried, he pushed Lindir aside. "Where is she now?"

"We took her to the healing house when she told us about her first contraction." Lindir panted softly. He had run here.

Elrond marched into his study, headed for the door and disappeared into the corridor. Lindir turned to leave as well, but then realized Erestor was staring at him in shock. The look in those dark and haunted eyes warned him to not leave the Elfling alone. "Are you coming as well?"

Erestor was at a loss for words. Would Lindir allow him to accompany him? But he wasn't part of this family; Elrond and Celebrian hardly knew him! Why would he be allowed close?

Lindir, eager to follow Elrond, simply grabbed Erestor's arm and pulled him along.

---

Erestor sat frozen in the corner of the room. Several of Celebrian's ladies in waiting were moving in and out of the next room, where he occasionally heard Celebrian yelp in pain. Wringing his hands, he tentatively looked at Lindir, who appeared calm, but Erestor swore he could see a bead of sweat sitting on the Elf's brow. He had never really talked to Lindir, who was Celebrian's personal assistant when it came down to running the household.

Lindir's long, white hair reached his hips and a cunning expression lay in his grey eyes; now, that piercing gaze was aimed at him. Erestor shivered and cringed when another scream erupted from the next room. "Please do not let her die. Elbereth, please do not take her life." He was painfully reminded of the fact that his mother had died in child birth.

Murderer! You killed her! If it had not been for you she would still be alive now!

Erestor whimpered softly when his father's voice echoed in his head. Raising his hands, he buried his face in them, hoping no one noticed his distress.

But one did.

Lindir seated himself in a chair next to Erestor, observing the Elfling, who looked absolutely terrified. "Lord Elrond is a truly skilled healer, pen-neth. He will take good care of his wife. Before you know it, the cries of newborns will echo through these halls."

Erestor peeked at Lindir through his fingers. Suddenly realizing how ridiculous he must look to the elder Elf, he forced himself to rest his hands in his lap. But now the tears and horror in his eyes showed clearly. The emotional turmoil he was in needed a way out and he stuttered, "I do not want her... to die. She is so young... so kind."

Lindir smiled encouragingly. "Take heart, Elfling, she is the best hands. Lord Elrond will make sure she survives." He understood Erestor's fear to a certain degree, but couldn't shake the feeling there was more to the younger Elf's panic. "It is only seldom that an Elf dies whilst giving birth."

Unable to hide the tremors that coursed through him, Erestor lowered his eyes. His anxiety was growing and he didn't want Lindir to witness one of his panic attacks. Maybe if he let out the horrible truth, he would calm down. "My mother did."

Lindir sucked in his breath. Erestor had quickly built a reputation of being reserved and it was a well-known fact that the Elfling seldom revealed personal information. So Lindir was surprised when Erestor continued.

"She died after giving birth to me. I never saw her face." Erestor shook with emotion and he almost rose to his feet to flee the room, but unexpectedly Lindir's hand came to rest on his. The contact startled him and he involuntarily made eye contact with the elder Elf. The dam broke and an emotional flood was released. "I am a murderer, you know. I killed her."

Lindir's eyes widened in shock. "A murderer? Aiya, Erestor, you did not kill her! It was most unfortunate that she died, but you are not to blame." Who had put that idea in the Elfling's head? "Who told you that you are a murderer?" Who could be so cold, so cruel?

"My father..." Erestor suddenly jumped to his feet when a baby cried out in the adjoining room. "That is one..." But Celebrian had been carrying twins. "Let her survive. Please let her survive."

Lindir got to his feet as well and rested a hand on Erestor's arm, noticing the distinct flinch that traveled through the Elfling's body. "Your father?" It was beyond him how a father could say something like that to his son when he should have been offering his comfort and unconditional love instead.

Until now, Erestor hadn't fully realized what he had told Lindir, and now that realization set in, he panicked again. "I told you... How could I do that? Promise me... Promise me you won't tell a living soul!"

Taken aback by the fear in Erestor's eyes, Lindir promised. "I won't tell anyone."

Erestor calmed somewhat. "Please, Lindir. Keep that promise." His eyes grew big when a second baby tested his lungs, joining in when his brother cried out.

Lindir tightened his hold on Erestor's arm; the Elfling looked like he was about to flee the room.

The door opened and a very tired-looking Elrond appeared. In his arms, he held a baby. "This is Elladan, my firstborn. Elrohir is resting with his mother."

Lindir, the ladies in waiting and several advisors now approached, congratulating Elrond. Erestor stayed at the back, and managed to gaze into the next room, eager to find out how Celebrian was doing.

Elrond thanked all present for staying and then Lindir shooed everyone out of the room. Seeing that Erestor was leaving as well, Elrond called the Elfling back. "Erestor? Stay."

Erestor felt frozen, and when Elrond advanced on him, his gaze settled on the baby in the half-Elf's arms. Black hair already showed on the scalp and large, blue eyes stared at him from beneath long eyelashes. Erestor sighed; the baby was adorable.

"Come with me," instructed Elrond as he returned to his wife's side.

Erestor hesitantly shuffled into the room, and his first gaze was for Celebrian, who looked exhausted, but at the same time she was smiling happily at her youngest son.

Elrond sat down on the edge of the bed and gently pulled his wife close, making sure she rested comfortably against him. After placing a tender kiss on her lips, he stared into her eyes and said, "Thank you for this treasure."

Celebrian smiled warmly and placed a kiss on her husband's brow. Her eyes then searched the room and came to rest on Erestor. "Pen-neth, you must have been worried."

Erestor shakily nodded his head. Curiously, he looked at the baby in Celebrian's arms. Did all babies look identical when they were just born? But no, these were twins. How would anyone be able to tell them apart? Suddenly Elrohir, resting in Celebrian's arms, opened his mouth and released an unintelligible sound, making everyone smile. "They are adorable," whispered Erestor, shyly, uncertain if he was allowed to talk during such an intimate moment.

Celebrian gestured for Erestor to approach and sit down on the chair next to the bed. She watched the Elfling closely when he finally obeyed. There was so much pain in his eyes that her heart missed a beat. Although she was exhausted, she had to know what was troubling him so. "Erestor? Why are you in pain?"

Maybe it was easier to say the words because he had already told Lindir, but he blurted out, "My mother died after giving birth to me. I was afraid you would die as well." Lowering his eyes, he tried to stare at the floor, but Elrohir's big, blue eyes seemed to meet his, which couldn't possibly be. A newborn couldn't focus his gaze like that. And yet, it seemed like their gazes met and he instantly fell in love with the big, blue eyes. He didn't know why, but he ached to hold the babies in his arms. What is wrong with you? You are a stranger to them! It is amazing that Elrond and Celebrian allow you this close!

Celebrian saw the longing in Erestor's eyes and cocked her head to whisper into her husband's ear. "Let him hold Elladan..."

Elrond nodded; he had been thinking the same thing. Rising from the bed, he walked over to Erestor and slowly placed the newborn in the Elfling's arms.

Erestor stared in mute shock at the Elf-Lord. "Please don't, I will drop him, or—" Feeling a small, warm body in his arms silenced him. Large, blue eyes stared at him and Elladan raised a hand as if reaching for him. Feeling entranced, Erestor gently cradled the small baby to his chest and offered him a finger. Elladan wrapped his tiny fingers around it and pulled, making Erestor smile blissfully. "He likes me."

Elrond gave his wife a loving glance. She would never stop to amaze him. "I love you," he whispered, returning to her side and kissing her on the lips. Their love was so different from the passion he had shared with Gil-galad, and the silent understanding he had felt with Thranduil. "You are my life..." She had given him life, had given him sons.

Celebrian's smile broke momentarily, staring deeply into her husband's eyes, and seeing the reflection of others there. She had never been able to make Elrond forget his past loves and she sighed, disappointedly, knowing she had to share his heart with others. Elrohir thankfully cooed and wiggled in her arms, distracting her.

"He is probably hungry." Elrond rose to his feet to retrieve the milk he had asked to be prepared. Celebrian had enough milk to feed one of them, but not two.

Erestor, who had been lost staring into Elladan's big eyes, started when Elrond pressed a milk bottle into his hands. "What?" His gaze was suddenly drawn to Celebrian and he quickly looked away, as she was breastfeeding Elrohir.

"Feed him, pen-neth. Elladan is hungry." Elrond watched, bemused, as Erestor placed the bottle at his son's lips. Elladan, apparently craving the milk, drank eagerly. His gaze shifted back to Celebrian and he smiled contently. Although his sons had been born two months early, they were healthy and drinking greedily.

Celebrian had reached the same conclusion. She had been terrified when the first contraction had taken her by surprise. The fear of losing her babies had nearly paralyzed her, but thankfully Lindir had taken charge and taken her to the healing house. When Elrond had joined her, she had taken heart, and although the birth had exhausted her, she felt invigorated as well. But now her eyes were growing vacant with fatigue.

Elrond noticed, leaned in closer and eased Elrohir, who instantly began to cry, away from her breast. "Quickly, fetch another bottle of milk." Lindir brought him another bottle and he sat down, feeding his son. Now that Celebrian was asleep, he allowed himself to relax. His wife had given him two beautiful sons and although she was exhausted, he was confident that she would recover quickly now that she could hold her sons in her arms.

Looking at Erestor, he saw a blissful expression on the Elfling's face. Elladan seemed extremely comfortable in Erestor's arms. The baby burped and Erestor instinctively removed the bottle. The large eyes grew vacant and Erestor's heart missed a beat when they began to close. "My Lord?" Wide-eyed, he stared at Elrond.

But Elrond smiled reassuringly. "They are half-Elven. Like me, they will sleep with their eyes closed at times." Seeing him sleep like that had startled Celebrian at first as well. "It is to be expected."

Still worried, Erestor checked the baby's pulse, and found it steady. Elrond was apparently right; the little one had fallen asleep.

Elrond disposed of the now empty bottle and sat down on the bed again. After rearranging the baby in his arms, he lay down. Celebrian snuggled up to him and he looked dotingly at his wife, love filling his eyes and his heart.

Feeling like an intruder, Erestor slowly got to his feet, approached the bed and placed Elladan in Elrond's arms. The Elf-Lord looked at him thankfully, now cradling both his sons in his arms.

Erestor took several steps away from the bed and headed for the doorway. He could tell that Elrond wanted some privacy, and he was already surprised that the Elf-Lord had allowed him to hold one of his sons.

Realizing Erestor was about to leave, Elrond quickly addressed him. "I want to spend some time with my family, but certain formal matters cannot wait. You are familiar with my plans. I want you to take over."

Erestor gasped in surprise. "But milord, what about your advisors? I am just your assistant!"

"Erestor, you will work together with them." The potential he had seen in the Elfling would now be put to the test. "I trust you to take good care of Imladris for the next few days. And now close the door behind you and let me tend to my family."

Dumbfounded, Erestor stepped into the corridor and softly closed the door behind him. Elrond couldn't be serious! None of the advisors would allow him to take part in their council! He couldn't carry out Elrond's orders! They wouldn't let him!

"Pen-neth?"

Erestor spun around, startled at unexpectedly hearing Lindir's voice.

"Elrond told me he wants you to replace him for the next few days. You should talk to the other advisors and tell them." Lindir's eyes narrowed, seeing the apprehension in the dark eyes. "Is anything wrong?"

"But I am just his secretary, his assistant! How can I... I am not an advisor... I..." Stuttering, despair crept up on him. "Is there not someone else who can replace Lord Elrond? Maybe you?"

Lindir laughed softly. "I am sure Lord Elrond chose you for a reason. Now follow me. They are already waiting for you."

"Who are?"

"Lord Elrond's advisors."

Erestor abruptly halted. "I cannot face them."

"You must," said Lindir in a firm tone. "Lord Elrond wishes it."

Erestor nearly bolted from the room, but he didn't want to disappoint Elrond, who, for some elusive reason, had decided to put his trust in him. Drawing in a deep breath, he followed Lindir to Elrond's study, where the Elf-lord's advisors awaited him.

Erestor drew in a deep breath, telling himself he could do this, had to do this because Elrond had told him so. He sensed Lindir's eyes on him, which made him even more nervous. He really didn't want to let Elrond down, but what had possessed the Elf-Lord to put –him- in charge for the next few days? He was an Elfling!

Quietly, he stepped into Elrond's study where several advisors were already going through the half-Elf's papers. Clearing his throat, he wondered what to say. They would never listen to him!

"What are you doing here, Elfling?" One of the advisors, a dark-haired Noldorin Elf called Brass, glared at him. "Your place is in the library, not in our Lord's study. I do not know what possessed him to take on a Mirkwood Elf as his secretary, but that stops now."

Erestor shook, and cold shivers coursed through his body. "I beg your pardon, but Lord Elrond himself asked me... me to..." Stuttering, his voice faltered and he lowered his eyes. His fears and panic overwhelmed him.

"Return to the library and do not disturb us again. Why Lord Elrond chose to trust in you is beyond me, but you will find that you cannot wrap us around your little finger that easily. We know Thranduil sent you to spy on us. Now leave!"

Erestor's fingers clawed at the door handle and he left the room, trying to get his breathing back under control. Once the door had closed, he leaned against the wall, panting hard. Oh, Elbereth, he had made it easy for them to dismiss him. His every emotion had been on his face, and his fears had made him shake fiercely. They had seen his weakness and had sent him away. Elrond would be disappointed in him!

Bowing his head, he realized he didn't want to let Elrond down, but how could he face that mob again? It was obvious they wanted him gone.

"Erestor?" Lindir, who had passed the Elfling by, saw the distress in the dark eyes and halted in his tracks.

"They threw me out," whispered Erestor, still taken aback. "I let Master Elrond down."

Lindir carefully considered his next move. "And you let them throw you out?"

Erestor stared at the white-haired Elf. "They are Lord Elrond's advisors. How can I oppose them? They are right, you know. Why should they trust me? I am a stranger to them. The fact that Lord Elrond trusts me still baffles me."

"You should not let them get away with treating you like that."

Erestor shrugged. Lindir didn't know he had been treated in a similar way by his father his entire life. He was used to being put down like that. "I should return to the library and ask Collneled which scrolls to copy. What was I thinking, actually going in there and facing them?" He flinched when Lindir suddenly grabbed hold of him. "What?"

"You will go back in there and make them listen to you! They cannot defy Lord Elrond like that, and they know it! They are counting on you being too timid, too emotional to call them to order. Now go in there and tell them you will carry out Elrond's orders. Now!"

Erestor had managed to steady his breathing during Lindir's speech. "How do I do that? They only need to take one look at me and see the state I am in. I cannot face them."

Lindir sternly looked at Erestor. "Act. Even if you do not feel confident, you can pretend you do. That is what they do as well. It is a role they play; a mask they wear. You can do the same thing."

Erestor stared at Lindir in disbelief. "Act confidently?"

"Pretend." Lindir grinned. "I am sure you can do that."

Erestor wasn't so sure. "I can try."

"No, do not just try. Do it." Lindir nodded once. "Do not let them treat you like that. You deserve better." Resuming his walk, he headed for the kitchen to fetch Celebrian's hot tea.

Erestor couldn't believe it was supposed to be so easy. But Lindir had made it sound easy. Just act, pretend. He could do that. He had acted his entire life, trying to fool the Elves in Mirkwood, hiding his feelings. Only Thranduil and his wife had seen through the pretence. He had watched Elrond for weeks now, and he knew how to act dignified and in control.

After drawing in a deep breath, he straightened his robes and adopted a regal and reserved expression. Inwardly he was falling apart from nervousness, but his outward appearance radiated confidence and control. His hand still rested on the door handle and he now pushed it down.

Five pairs of eyes instantly looked at him and Brass glared at him menacingly. He almost reconsidered and bolted from the room, but then Lindir's words returned to him. The elder Elf was right; he didn't deserve to be treated like that. "Hîri," he said, addressing them in a calm tone, "I will carry out Lord Elrond's orders. He asked me to carry out his duties for a few days and I will not disobey him." Inwardly, he was running scared, but he made sure none of his raging emotions showed when he glared at them. The fact that he sounded calm surprised him, and he felt thankful for it.

Ignoring their indignant muttering and dagger-like glares, he walked toward Elrond's desk and came to a stop behind it. He didn't sit down, knowing that would be pushing the limits. Acting like nothing out of the ordinary was going on, he took hold of today's schedule and addressed the first topic; the building of the bridge that he had suggested.

Elrond's advisors were about to jump to their feet to protest, but he glared at them the same way his father had stared him into submission. He didn't think it would work, but it did; they remained silent. Addressing one by one, he told them what needed to be done in order to build that bridge and as he talked, he realized they were actually listening. Was it really that simple? Was wearing a mask of haughty indifference the answer to his problems? At least they were now listening and at times they nodded their agreement.

Several minutes later, Elrond's advisors left the study, muttering softly.

Erestor could tell he had surprised them, acting like that. But it had worked. If it worked on them, will it also work on others? The expression in their eyes had been alien to him. It seemed to mirror respect, but he wasn't sure. Why would they respect an Elfling? But it meant he could protect himself from getting hurt again. His jaw set grimly, determined to never let anyone treat him disrespectfully again.

---

Celebrian smiled when Erestor entered the bedroom. Elrond was seated in the chair next to the bed, playing with Elladan, who was trying to put his father's thumb into his mouth to suckle it. "Pen-neth, it is good to see you. Sit down and talk to us."

Elrond looked up and smiled at Erestor as well. Brass had told him how Erestor had taken charge, and he had to admit to being surprised. He hadn't thought Erestor would assume leadership that easily, but apparently he was more talented than he had thought. Erestor would make an excellent advisor in time. "Did they give you any trouble?"

Erestor wavered between expressing his feelings and reassuming the mask which he had worn earlier. But this was Elrond and he did feel comfortable in the Elf-Lord's and Celebrian's presence. "They did, at first."

Elrond inquisitively raised an eyebrow. "It is only for a few more days. I just do not want to miss my sons' very first days on Arda." Adoringly, he smiled at the baby in his arms.

Erestor smiled as well, seating himself near the window, maintaining a respectful distance from the couple; he didn't want to infringe on their privacy.

Celebrian slowly pushed herself into a sitting position, swung her feet onto the floor and rose from the bed with Elrohir pressed tightly against her chest. She still moved cautiously, but more because of the baby in her arms than due to feeling weak. Holding the twins during the night had given her new strength and had aided her recovery. She walked over to Erestor and placed Elrohir into the stricken Elfling's arms. "Hold him tight. I want to bathe in Arien's beams for a short while."

"Let me join you," said Elrond, eager to share that moment with his wife. But Elladan was still in his arms and...

Erestor's eyes widened when Elrond got to his feet and then placed Elladan in his arms as well. Now he was holding both babies and they were staring at him! Clearing his throat, he pleading looked at the parents. "I will drop them accidentally."

"You won't," said Celebrian confidently. She took hold of her husband's hand and they stepped onto the balcony, basking in the warm sun. She kept one eye on Erestor and the other on the babies. Erestor had looked startled at first, but was now cooing and making funny faces at the babies. "He will be fine... eventually."

"I hope so. I talked to Brass earlier and what he said disturbed me." Seeing her puzzled expression, he added, "Brass told me Erestor seemed to adopt a completely different personality when he addressed them. They were so taken aback, that they just listened and then left, carrying out his instructions."

"What worries you about that?" Celebrian smiled, seeing Erestor squirm in the chair when Elrohir's tiny hand managed to grab a strand of hair, pulling at it. She couldn't picture Erestor like that; reserved and authoritative. Surely Brass had exaggerated!

"Brass said Erestor seemed like a totally different person. I do not like the sound of that."

"Maybe he is not ready yet to assume the responsibilities you placed on his shoulders. He is still very young."

"But," said Elrond, after placing a kiss on her lips, "he has so much potential. He will make an excellent advisor."

"Did you tell him that, dear husband?"

"Not yet, but I will... soon."

Celebrian's smile sparkled, hearing Erestor whimper softly. "Let us quickly rescue him." Now both babies were pulling at his hair.

Elrond nodded, but at the same time he saw the smile on Erestor's face. I doubt he needs rescuing. He seems to be enjoying himself.

---

A few days later...

Erestor felt relieved now that Elrond had returned to his formal duties. Standing close to the window, he stared outside. But he still continued to listen to the reports the advisors were giving Elrond. The construction of the bridge had begun and so far the progress the builders were making was satisfying. He felt some pride, knowing it was his idea that was now being carried out.

"Erestor?"

Elrond's voice pulled him from his musings and he inclined his head, waiting for the Elf-Lord to continue. The reserved and authoritative attitude that he now adopted at formal meetings was quickly becoming a second skin, making him feel safe. The only time his mask slipped was when Elrond addressed him. He trusted the half-Elf, and couldn't keep up the haughty attitude when Elrond sounded so compassionate. "My Lord?"

Elrond's brow furrowed, seeing the reserved expression in the Elfling's eyes. Had he made a mistake, asking Erestor to fill in for him? Had he pushed the young Elf too far? What had caused the change in the vulnerable Elfling who now acted distant and cold?

Addressing his advisors, he gave them permission to leave and after the door had closed, he rose from behind the desk and advanced on the Elfling. "I hardly recognize you. For how many days did you perform my duties?"

"I filled in for you for five days," said Erestor, wondering why there was such a strange expression in the half-Elf's eyes. "I hope I did not disappoint you."

"You worry me," admitted Elrond. "Now that we are alone, you have reverted to the Erestor I have come to know the last few weeks. But when my advisors are near, you become cold and reserved. Why?"

Erestor quickly averted his eyes, and stared at the floor. "I do not know what you are talking about, my Lord."

"This... personality... that you adopted during the meetings worries me."

Erestor shuffled his feet, nervously. "It was the only way they would listen to me."

"Do not let it go too far," advised Elrond. "Do not pretend to be something you are not."

In his heart Erestor knew Elrond was right, but at the same time wearing this mask empowered him, took away those feelings of fear and weakness that usually terrified him. Curtly, he nodded once, but he didn't plan to give up on wearing this mask. It kept him from getting hurt.

"Erestor, I need to catch up on my correspondence, and that will take several hours," said Elrond. "But I do not want Celebrian to be alone this evening. Will you keep her company? The babies have been crying the entire time and are keeping her from getting enough sleep. They are wearing her down." The babies usually grew quiet when Erestor was near and he hoped the Elfling's presence would calm them down as well this time. Maybe then his wife could get some sleep.

Erestor nodded, bowed and fled from the study. He was looking forward to visit Celebrian and the babies. When holding them he felt at peace, and Celebrian's cheerful chatter always lifted his spirits.

Erestor knocked on the door and Celebrian answered at once. Opening the door, Erestor's features contorted in sympathy. Celebrian's long, silver hair was a tangled mess because Elladan was pulling at the strands and Elrohir was clinging to his mother's waist as she tried to soothe him back to sleep.

"Erestor! Thank the Valar Elrond sent you... Please help me?"

The way she looked at him told Erestor she was truly drained. Wanting to help, he managed to pry her hair from Elladan's little, possessive fingers. Instantly Elladan wrapped his fingers around Erestor's dark hair, tugging slightly.

"I am so tired, pen-neth. They just do not want to go to sleep. I do not know what to do!" Celebrian sighed, somewhat relieved to see Elladan snuggle up to Erestor when the Elfling sat down in her rocking chair with the baby in his arms.

"You look tired, my Lady. Who don't you give me Elrohir as well? Then you can get some necessary sleep. I would love to hold them." Elladan had finally released his hair and was now cooing happily.

"Elbereth bless you," whispered Celebrian, exhausted. She placed Elrohir on Erestor's lap and then walked over to the bed, where she curled up beneath the sheets. "I won't sleep long. Wake me in an hour."

Elrohir stretched hands and feet, reaching for him. Erestor smiled giddily, rubbing the soft tummy. "We need to be quiet now. Your mother needs to sleep." Two pairs of large, blue eyes were staring at him and he gathered the little ones close, cradling them against his chest, one baby on each arm. Humming softly, he rocked in the rocking chair.

Celebrian smiled when the babies calmed down. Her fatigue overwhelmed her and she quickly fell asleep, trusting Erestor to take good care of her sons.

Rocking them, first Elladan and then Elrohir's eyes closed, falling asleep like their mother. Smiling warmly, his eyes traveled to Celebrian's form. Her features were relaxed in sleep and it looked like she was smiling.

Looking at the babies in his arms, his eyes filled with tears. Had his father felt like this when holding him in his arms? Had Eridhren loved him? Had his father rocked him? Sang soft lullabies? He couldn't picture his father doing that.

"I know you cannot tell anyone," he whispered in a conspiracy tone, "so I can safely say I love you. You are not my children, but I would have loved to have little brothers." A tear flowed down his cheek.

How had his father been able to call him a murderer? Even if the birth had killed Celebrian, he couldn't picture Elrond accusing his children of being murderers.

Elrond traipsed into the room, looking contently at Erestor and his sons. Elladan had fallen asleep whilst sucking his thumb and Elrohir had wrapped his tiny fingers around Erestor's ring finger. The three of them looked very comfortable, and, reassured, his gaze traveled to his wife, who was blissfully asleep in their bed.

"Thank you," he whispered, addressing Erestor, who looked startled at hearing his voice.

Erestor started, not having heard Elrond enter, and felt uncomfortable beneath his stare.

"She has not been able to sleep for two days now. No matter what I did, they would not go to sleep. The twins really adore you."

Erestor blushed weakly. "I think they are adorable as well."

Elrond felt relieved now that the reserved mask was gone from Erestor's features. He pulled up a chair and sat down next to him. Fascinated, he watched his sons sleep; their tiny chests regularly rising to draw in breath. "It is a miracle."

Erestor nodded, instinctively knowing what Elrond was referring to. He had lost his heart to the two little ones as well. "And they have the best parents they could wish for."

Something in Erestor's tone alerted Elrond. The sadness and regret in the soft tone made him wonder about Erestor's family. "Would you not like to be reunited with your family?" He wasn't prepared for Erestor's pallor and stricken expression. He could tell that Erestor would have liked to jump to his feet and leave the room, but the babies were keeping him in place. "Or not?"

Erestor shook his head, giving Elrond a pleading look. "Do not contact my father."

Father? thought Elrond. What about the rest of his family? He carefully considered his next words. "If you prefer me to not contact him, I won't, but I must admit I wonder why you do not want me to tell him how well you are doing."

Erestor blinked. How -well- he was doing?

"I am thinking about making you one of my advisors in future. If you continue to carry out your secretary duties satisfactorily I will make you my personal assistant, and advisor eventually."

Erestor blinked again. "But... I have not reached my majority yet and..."

"You are very intelligent and cunning; qualities which every advisor needs." Elrond smiled, seeing the stunned look on Erestor's face. "But you will stay my secretary for a few more years. I just want you to know you have a future here... if you want it."

"Of course I want it," whispered Erestor, pleasantly surprised at hearing Elrond praise him like that. His father had always told him how stupid he was and now Elrond Half-Elven wanted him as his personal assistant?

Elladan shifted against his chest, rolled onto his side, opened his arms and grabbed as much of Erestor's waist as he could. Dotingly, Erestor smiled at the baby, gently rubbing the tiny back.

"You do realize you are more to us than just a secretary? You are quickly becoming part of my family." Seeing the surprise in Erestor's dark eyes, Elrond added, "And you seem to be the only one who can put them to sleep."

Erestor smiled hesitantly. "I do not know why they react to my presence like that."

They sense you love them. Maybe they sense even more than that. They might feel your pain and react to that. You won't confide in us and you keep everyone inside, but the twins bring a genuine smile to your face. Erestor, why can you not allow us in? Why lock us out? What have you been through to act like that?

Erestor's gaze shifted away from the baby and was directed at him, puzzled and inquisitively, making Elrond wonder if the Elfling was able to read his very thoughts. He had to be more careful, a bit more guarded. He wanted Erestor to feel safe, not cornered. "Holding them both cannot be comfortable. Why don't you give me Elladan?"

Erestor nodded, and watched as Elrond gathered his oldest son in his arms. Suddenly, his arms felt strangely empty, even whilst Elrohir was still cradled against his chest. I need to watch my feelings. I cannot let go like that. They are not my children. Saddened, he rubbed Elrohir's soft skin, deeply inhaling the baby's sweet scent. But I cannot help it. I love you both.

"Elladan, Elrohir, you may play until dinner, but do not stray too far." Celebrian, Elrond, Lindir and Erestor had taken to the gardens to enjoy the beautiful sunlit afternoon.

The twins expectedly looked at each other. They had turned twenty-five a few days ago and were full of mischief, as youngsters usually are. They were determined to visit the Bruinen, for it was the one place their father had forbidden them to go.

"Come on, Elrohir. They are not watching us!" Elladan, slightly bolder than his younger brother, pulled Elrohir with him.

"Remember! Stay close!" called out Elrond after them. He leaned back into the chair, watching Celebrian play with Arwen, who had curled up in her arms. Life was perfect.

"Someone should keep an eye on them," mumbled Erestor, still peering after the twins. "I could go if you want me to."

Elrond smiled warmly at Erestor, who now was one of his trusted advisors. No longer an Elfling, Erestor had become a cunning and handsome Elf. But Elrond still felt worried. During these last twenty-five years Erestor had built a reputation of being cold, distant and emotionless. He had seen it happen, but had been unable to prevent it. The only time that the mask slipped was when Erestor spent time with the twins or talked to Celebrian. At times Erestor would even act reserved toward him, which completely unnerved the half-Elf. It almost seemed like that mask had become a permanent part of Erestor. "Be at peace, mellon-nîn. They can be left alone for a few minutes."

I hope you are right, thought Erestor, worried. He might no longer show his affection and concern openly, but he didn't like the idea of the twins being unsupervised. Elladan especially got himself into trouble regularly. He still searched for the twins, but trees hampered his sight. Frustrated, he busied himself with his tea, sipping occasionally.

He liked spending time with Celebrian and Elrond. And he enjoyed Lindir's company as well, but he still maintained an emotional distance when it came down to all three of them. He could only let go when he was near the twins and now that they were growing older, he felt like that he couldn't show his feelings like he used to when they were babies.

Celebrian convinced her husband to sing for them and smiled when Arwen cooed along with Elrond's voice. It was such a lovely moment and she felt completely happy. Nothing bad could happen to them now.

---

"Do not be a spoilsport, Elrohir! Come play with me! It is only water! We bathe in it all the time!" Elladan had crossed his arms in front of his chest and impatiently tapped his foot. "Come on! It is only water! Don't be a baby! We are older now!"

Elrohir still wasn't convinced. Sucking on his thumb, he stared at the frightening mass of water.

"And do not put your thumb in your mouth. You know Nana does not want you to do that!" Elladan grabbed his younger brother's arm, and forced Elrohir to stop sucking on his thumb. "I want to play in the river!"

"Ada told us to stay away from the river," said Elrohir in a berating tone. "The water is dangerous and we are much too little to play in it. Not even Ada, Nana or Erestor play in the river because it is dangerous."

"Elrohir, I want to play in the water!" Elladan pouted angrily, staring at his younger brother. "Please? We will be careful."

Elrohir shook his head. "We should not do this..."

"Please?" Elladan cocked his head and pleadingly stared at him. "Because I love you?"

Elrohir sighed, giving in. He couldn't deny his brother when Elladan reminded him of his love for him. "But be careful."

Elladan smiled triumphantly. "Hurry!" Arien was still blazing and the water would be warm, if they got in now!

Still reluctant, Elrohir followed. "Elladan, the water will be cold." He really didn't want to do this. Why did he always let his older brother talk him into these things? But as long as he was close, he could keep an eye on his twin.

Elladan took Elrohir's hand in his and then waded into the water. He flinched momentarily. The water was colder than he had thought, but he didn't want Elrohir to know he had been right... again. He always was. Pulling him along, Elladan gasped when his feet no longer encountered any ground. Elrond had tried to teach them how to swim, but it had been awkward and they hadn't mastered it yet. Suddenly he realized Elrohir had been right. This was stupid; even worse, it was dangerous!

Elrohir released a strangled whimper when Elladan unexpectedly released him, even pushing him back toward the riverbank. Elladan cried out, helplessly, when the river pulled him further in, pushing him into a violent whirlpool.

"Elladan!" Elrohir cried out in shock, feeling his brother's hand slip out of his. "No, Elladan, no! Come back to me! Eeeeeellaaadan!" His brother struggled against the whirlpool and he even considered jumping in after him, but he was alert enough to realize he couldn't help Elladan; he wasn't strong enough. Shocked, the only thing he could do was cry.

Elladan struggled against the water, which now closed over his head. He lost his last breath and everything became dark around him as the water pulled him toward the bottom.

---

Erestor was growing increasingly restless, and although he couldn't quite explain the feeling, he felt like checking on the twins. He just couldn't shake the feeling that Elladan had gotten himself into trouble again. Rising to his feet, he excused himself, telling Elrond and Celebrian that he was going for a walk. He could see Celebrian's disappointment at the thought of him leaving them, but he didn't share their carefree nature. He needed to keep an eye on the twins.

After smiling at Arwen, who was playing with Elrond's finger, he headed for the trees, the same direction that the twins had disappeared in. His speed increased when a sense of foreboding slid through him and he broke out into a run, hearing a cry in the distance. He knew he should alert Elrond and Celebrian, but time was of the essence and he couldn't waste any!

Approaching the river, he immediately noticed Elrohir, standing frozen with his feet still in the water. The ends of the youngster's hair were wet and he shook with fear. Letting his gaze sweep further, he saw dark hair floating on the water. "Elladan!" Seeing the oldest twin struggle against the water, he shrugged off his cloak and dived into the water, heading for Elladan.

"Gwador, help him!" Elrohir, still sobbing with fear, now stilled, watching Erestor's valiant attempt to rescue his brother. His eyes widened as the dark hair slipped beneath the water. Erestor drew in a deep breath, dived, and came back up again with Elladan in his arms. Elrohir, finally finding his voice again, began to call out. "Nana! Ada," and then, "Gwador, help him! Elladan!"

Elrond, who had followed Erestor out of curiosity, felt how his heart stopped to beat momentarily, seeing Elrohir standing in the water. Running toward him, he pulled his youngest son out of the river and sat him down on the grass. "Stay here!" He dropped his cloak onto the ground and waded into the water, heading for Erestor, who was now swimming toward him. "Give him to me!" Panicking, he took hold of Elladan and carried his son onto the riverbank, where he lay him down next to Elrohir, who was staring at his brother in shock.

Elrond calmed slightly when he saw that Elladan was still breathing. The oldest twin now spat out the water and pulled a face at the awful taste. Elrond didn't know how to react. He wanted to be cross with his children, but he was too happy to know them alive. "What did you think you were doing? Putting yourself in danger like that! Can't I ever leave you alone? I told you to stay away from the river!"

Erestor, who had reached the riverbank as well, sank onto his knees, his heavy robes pulling him down. One look at Elladan told him the youngster was quickly regaining his breath and he thanked Elbereth that he had been in time to pull him from the treacherous river.

"Oh, my babies! Elladan, Elrohir!" Celebrian, balancing Arwen on her hip, appeared as well and immediately knelt next to her sons, pulling them toward her. "Oh, to think I could have lost you!"

Elrond, still on his heels, looked at the two boys and saw a definitely guilty expression in Elladan's eyes. There was no need to question them about who had instigated this. "Elladan, we will talk later. Now go home with your mother and behave." Elrohir gave him a heartbreaking look and he quickly hugged the youngest twin, suspecting Elrohir had tried to stop his brother from carrying out this folly. "I am not cross with you," he whispered into Elrohir's ear. "Lindir?" Signaling for the white-haired Elf to approach, he placed Elrohir's tiny hand in Lindir's. "Take good care of him."

Lindir lifted Elrohir in his arms and settled the little one safely in his arms. Then he pulled Elladan to his feet, and finding them shaky, he lifted the oldest twin as well, letting him sit on his shoulders.

Celebrian, fussing over her sons, now exchanged a glance with Elrond and then looked at Erestor. She knew why her husband wanted a moment with Erestor; he wanted to thank the Elf for saving Elladan's life. Walking away, she continued to chide Elladan, who was now sulking.

Elrond turned to face Erestor and gave him a thankful look. "If it had not been for you I would have lost my firstborn."

Erestor got to his feet. Water dripped from his hair and robes, but he didn't feel the cold or the wet clothes clinging to his body. "He is alive."

Signaling for Erestor to fall in step beside him, Elrond studied his friend's face. "What made you come here?"

"Instinct?" Erestor wasn't sure. "Does it matter?"

"I suppose not," said Elrond thoughtfully. "I do not know why I let them wander off alone. I was wrong to not supervise them. Sometimes I forget what children are like at that age. I am immensely thankful you were in the right place at the right time"

"So am I." Erestor gathered his wet robes around him and answered Elrond's gaze. Both of them realized how close they had come to losing Elladan and were determined to keep a closer eye on the oldest twin.

---

Elladan shivered; he couldn't believe he had caught a cold. It was unheard of among Elves, but then again, he was only half-Elven, like his father. Trembling, he clutched the warm blanket closer to him.

Celebrian and Lindir had put him and his brother in a tub filled with hot water, trying to warm them up. Elrohir, who was now placed beside him on the large towel, opened his arms and wrapped them around his waist. "I am sorry," whispered Elladan in a guilty tone. It was bad enough that he had almost drowned, but even worse was that he had endangered his little brother. "I should have listened to you. The river is too dangerous; you were right." Returning the hug, the two children held each other close. "I am so sorry..."

Elrohir sensed his brother's sincerity and rubbed his back. "Don't go back into the river ever again, Elladan. I was so scared when you went under."

Nodding, Elladan knew very well that he could have died. "I will never do something like that again." He didn't want to see his younger brother distressed ever again, just because he had been too stubborn to listen.

Celebrian sat down behind her sons and pulled them close. The three of them remained like that, finding comfort in the embrace. They looked up when Elrond entered the room.

"Ada..." Elladan didn't dare meet his father's eyes. "I was so stupid." Elrond was a loving and caring father, but always lectured him when he had done something stupid. "I won't ever do it again!" Eventually he looked at his father. "I am so sorry." If it hadn't been for his father he would be dead now. He vividly remembered the dark hair fanning around him when he had been pulled to the surface.

Elrond, who had planned to be stern, suddenly sighed and sat down cross-legged, catching Elladan in his arms when the older twin flung himself into his arms. Elladan sobbed, clinging tightly to him and continuing to say how sorry he was. Elrond smiled, saddened. "I hope you learned your lesson today."

"I did." Elladan raised teary eyes at his father, his hero who had saved him from the cruel, dark river. "I will never be that stupid again."

Elrond hugged Elladan close, exchanging a look with Celebrian. They hoped Elladan would be more careful in future. Now that Elladan was calming down, he handed his son to Celebrian, who rocked him soothingly. Next was Elrohir, walking toward him and nearly stumbling on a corner of the blanket he was wrapped up in.

Enveloping Elrohir in a warm hug, Elrond stroked his son's hair. "You tried to stop him, didn't you?"

"Elladan never listens," said Elrohir in a serious tone. "I wish he did."

Elrond marveled at his youngest. Even at this tender age Elrohir was exceptionally wise. It was very probable that Elrohir would have to keep his brother away from trouble for the rest of his life. His sons couldn't be more different, but he loved them both unconditionally. "Maybe one day he will."

---

Erestor exited the bathroom, wrapped up in warm towels and collapsed on his bed. Curling up, he tried to banish Elrohir's desperate cries from his mind. But then another image appeared; Elladan, drowning in the river. By Elbereth, if he had been a moment later the youngster would have died!

Died, death... Murderer! After having been silent all these years his father's voice suddenly yelled at him. His birth had demanded his mother's life in return... Had he now made up for it by rescuing Elladan? Had he finally redeemed himself?

But no, saving Elladan didn't bring his mother back.

Closing his eyes, he sighed deeply and curled up on the bed. He loved the twins dearly and couldn't imagine what life would be like if Elladan had died. "Elbereth, thank you for sparing his life."

---

"Erestor, I asked you to join me for two reasons," started Elrond, seated comfortably behind his desk in his study. Erestor now sat down opposite him, his arms crossed in front of his chest and letting his hair obscure part of his face. "First, I want to thank you again for saving Elladan's life."

Erestor felt strangely shy. "I acted instinctively."

Elrond nodded. "I will never forget what you did."

Erestor blushed and squirmed in his chair. "What other matter did you want to discuss?" The thankful look Elrond was giving him made him uncomfortable.

"I want to inform you of an addition to the household. Tomorrow Glorfindel will arrive. He will educate the twins in warfare, diplomacy and weapons' skill when they have reached the appropriate age. I want you to show him around, tell him what he needs to know. The two of you will work very closely together during the next few decades."

Erestor swallowed hard; he never got along with strangers. "Glorfindel? Is this the reborn Glorfindel from Gondolin? I heard he had been granted a new body and was returned to Arda by the grace of the Valar."

Elrond nodded. "Aye, that is the Glorfindel I am talking about. He should be an excellent seneschal and tutor. I want you to incorporate his teachings into the lesson plan for the twins." Erestor had been in charge of the twin's education for years now.

"I will adjust their lesson plan," said Erestor, regretting he now had to share the twins with this intruder. But he also knew that Elrond was right. These were skills he couldn't teach the boys. He hoped he would get along with the fabled Glorfindel.

---

Erestor watched the blond closely when Glorfindel dismounted. The Elda was a stunning sight. Long, flaxen hair reached his delicately curved hips and sea-blue eyes twinkled with life and energy. The blond was a divine vision and he quickly locked away his heart, knowing he was in danger of losing it.

Elrond smiled warmly at Glorfindel and inclined his head in greeting. "Welcome to Imladris, Glorfindel."

"Thank you for your kind welcome," replied Glorfindel in a formal tone.

Erestor's heart strained against the bars of its cage, but the lock didn't bulge at hearing the enchantingly soft tone. Glorfindel was an ethereal, magical creature and he quickly hid behind his cold appearance, glaring at the blond.

"Glorfindel?" Elrond signaled for the blond to follow him as he led the Elda over to where his wife was standing. "This is Celebrian, my beloved wife."

Glorfindel bowed respectfully, charmed by her beauty. "My Lady, your star shines as brightly as Ithil during a full moon."

Celebrian gracefully accepted the compliment. "Welcome, Glorfindel. And these are my children. Arwen is the youngest, my dearest daughter." Arwen cooed at the blond when Celebrian continued, "And these are the twins. Elladan is the oldest, and Elrohir the wisest."

The two boys stared at Glorfindel in amazement. They had never before encountered an Elf who radiated as much warmth and beauty as Arien herself.

Amused with their reaction, Glorfindel sat on his heels and ruffled Elladan's hair. "It is good to meet you. We will be spending a lot of time together."

"Will you teach us how to ride a horse?" Elladan eagerly shuffled his feet. "And how to use a sword? And A bow?" He was literally jumping up and down with excitement.

Glorfindel laughed warmly at Elladan's enthusiasm. "All that and more!" His gaze shifted to Elrohir, who stared him earnestly. "And you are Elrohir." The boy nodded and then Glorfindel continued, "You look very serious for someone as young as you are."

"Someone must keep Elladan out of trouble," replied Elrohir calmly.

Glorfindel smiled warmly at the youngest twin. "And do you want to learn to ride a horse as well?" Seeing the youngster hesitate, he followed Elrohir's gaze, which was directed at a dark-haired Elf. The first thing that struck him was the haughty expression in the dark eyes and he instantly disliked the other Elf.

"I like to study with Erestor," said Elrohir eventually.

"Erestor?" repeated Glorfindel, puzzled.

Elrohir clutched his mentor's hand. "This is Erestor. He is my friend."

Erestor had a hard time maintaining his cold composure at hearing Elrohir's words. There was so much trust, so much love that sounded in that young voice, that it nearly caused his mask to crack in front of everyone.

Glorfindel got to his feet, straightened out his shirt and advanced on Erestor. He forced himself to nod in greeting. The cold expression in the nearly black eyes made him wonder why the boy liked his cold-hearted tutor. "Greetings, Erestor."

"Greetings, Glorfindel," replied Erestor in a clipped tone, but then Elrohir's fingers tightened around his, tightly holding onto his hand, and he instinctively returned the hold.

Glorfindel missed it however, and turned away from Erestor to face Elrond. "I am looking forward to teaching your sons."

"Good," said Elrond, pleased. He had noticed the tension between Erestor and Glorfindel, but didn't address it. "Erestor, will you show Glorfindel to his rooms?" He hoped the two would get along once they got to know each other.

Erestor nodded and signaled for the blond to follow him. Elrohir reluctantly let go of his hand and he gave the boy a warm look, hoping no one else had seen it.

Glorfindel followed Erestor through the long corridors, trying to memorize the route they were taking. "I hope that we will find a way to optimize the boys' lesson plan."

Erestor drew in a deep breath, trying to remain calm. He would never show how much Glorfindel's arrival distressed him. He had seen the instant admiration in Elladan's eyes and realized that he now had to share the twins' love and affection with the blond, who would quickly become their role model and hero. I cannot teach them how to ride a horse, shoot an arrow or wield a sword.

"I am confident we will find a way to adjust their lesson plan," said Erestor in a neutral tone when they reached Glorfindel's quarters. "I hope your rooms will be satisfactory. If they are not, please let me know."

"Thank you." Glorfindel's eyes narrowed when Erestor began to walk away from him. Never before had he met an Elf that intrigued him right from the start. He could tell working with Erestor would be difficult at best, and getting along would be even harder, but he enjoyed a challenge.

Opening the door, he stepped into luxuriously furnished rooms. He headed for the bed and let himself fall onto it. Arms spread wide, he smiled. He had instantly liked his pupils and Elrond and Celebrian seemed very friendly. If only it weren't for Erestor's depressing presence!

"Well, I will just have to hope for the best!"

Elladan couldn't sit quietly during today's lessons. He shifted impatiently on his chair, wishing Erestor would finally finish, but instead he was now giving them a new assignment! Sighing, he glared at his dark-haired tutor. "You are making us work too hard," he muttered beneath his breath, but he knew the opposite was true.

A few weeks ago Elrond had briefly taken over teaching Erestor's classes and they had been swamped with work. Until that moment they hadn't realized how easy Erestor was when it came down to homework.

"He is not," said Elrohir, coming to Erestor's defense before the dark-haired tutor had a chance to address Elladan. "You just cannot wait until Glorfindel appears to take you for your first riding lesson!"

They were twenty-five years old now, young Elflings. Glorfindel had finally decided it was time to start their riding lessons, and Elladan would go first. Elrohir hadn't minded. He liked to study with Erestor, whose patience was endless, and the elder Elf was always willing to explain matters when he didn't understand.

Erestor shook his head. "Elladan, I am not changing the assignment just because you have a riding lesson." He could tell he was losing Elladan to Glorfindel. The blond had become Elladan's hero and the youngster wanted to spend as much time as possible with the Elda.

Erestor had been relatively happy since his arrival in Imladris. The time he had enjoyed most was when the twins had been babies and toddlers. Now the time had come to let them go. They would lose interest in his lessons and hurry to meet with Glorfindel who would take them riding.

"Gwador?"

Elrohir's timed tone alerted Erestor. Was something wrong with the younger twin? Looking at Elrohir he saw concern in the half-Elf's eyes, which had turned darker over the years. "Aye, Elrohir?"

"Are you sad?"

Erestor swallowed; that was Elrohir, direct and caring. "Maybe a little," admitted Erestor. "But we should continue today's lessons."

"Ah, lessons!" Glorfindel entered, smiling cheerfully. "I will give you your first riding lesson, Elladan!" He extended his hand and waited for the youngster to take it.

But Elladan first looked at Erestor for permission to leave the study.

Erestor sighed wearily. "You may go, but do not forget to hand in your assignment in time." He ignored Glorfindel's irritated glance, which was now directed at him. Unfortunately the tension between them had never left, and although they tolerated each other, they never sought out the other's company. Deep in his heart Erestor had hoped things would have developed differently; he would have liked to have had a friend. No matter how much he loved the twins, they were children. "And we will continue to study this scroll." Seeing Elrohir's smile, his heart warmed slightly. The youngest twin had never stopped loving him, unlike Elladan.

"Come with me, then." Glorfindel wrapped his fingers around Elladan's, who was actually already pulling him along. "Wait for me!"

Elladan giggled, dragging Glorfindel toward the stables. "Can I ride Asfaloth?"

Glorfindel laughed warmly. "Asfaloth is too big for you, Elfling!" He took control and guided Elladan to one of the smaller mares. "Gell is mellow and perfect for you to start with."

Disappointedly, Elladan stared at the grey mare, who now raised her head to look at him. "But I want to ride Asfaloth..." The big, white stallion was a magnificent creature and he had hoped Glorfindel would let him ride him.

"Maybe when you are older and more experienced. Now watch carefully." Glorfindel placed a saddle on Gell's back and fastened the girth. "In time you will saddle her yourself." Looking at Elladan, he found that the Elfling was still pouting. "Maybe I will let you sit in front of me later? Then you still get to ride Asfaloth." Elladan instantly smiled at him, happily. Glorfindel complimented himself on solving a potential dangerous situation. Elladan had quite a temper and had been known to throw tantrums which only Elrohir could soothe.

Glorfindel lifted Elladan and placed him on Gell's back. He placed the reins in the Elfling's hands and said, "Let Gell lead you. She knows what to do. Let her teach you." Elladan's smile faded once more, and Glorfindel quickly mounted Asfaloth, telling Elladan to follow him.

Elladan began to cheer up again now that he was finally riding a horse. Looking up at the window to his father's study, he caught Elrond's image and proudly waved at him. Elrond waved back and Elladan straightened his shoulders, proud that he was the first to ride a horse. Oh, he would tease Elrohir mercilessly later!

---

Elrohir glanced at Erestor, who was lost in his reading. They had studied Tengwar for the last two hours and Erestor had allowed him to take a break. The truth was that he didn't need a break. What he wanted was to spend more time with the dark-haired Elf, so he sat down at Erestor's feet, rested his elbows on his knees and cupped his chin in his palms, staring at the elder Elf. One... two... three... And yes, he looks up! Erestor never managed to endure his stare for longer than a three-count.

"Is something wrong, pen-neth?" Erestor frowned worriedly. Why was Elrohir looking at him like that?

"I miss Elladan," said Elrohir, honestly. "I miss having him close. Now I cannot keep an eye on him."

Erestor sighed worriedly. "You will often be apart in the future, pen-neth." He disliked seeing Elrohir distressed. "It is part of growing up. When you reach your majority you will both go separate ways." He cursed privately, seeing tears appear in the large eyes. "Oh, I am sorry, Elrohir, I did not want to upset you." He felt helpless, seeing tears flow down the Elfling's face. "Please do not cry."

"But I miss him!" Elrohir now sobbed in earnest, wrapping his arms around his waist and rocking slowly. Usually Elladan would soothe him, but his twin was out riding with Glorfindel. "He deserted me! Elladan does not love me anymore! He wants to spend time with Glorfindel instead of me!"

"Aiya, pen-neth, Elladan still loves you. You are his brother; he will always love you. But he needs some time alone as well." His hands itched to wrap Elrohir in a tight hug, but the half-Elf was too old now and he was afraid to reach out; still scared to get hurt again.

"Gwador?" Elrohir wrapped his arms around Erestor's knees. "Why does my heart hurt?"

Erestor tightly held onto his book. He wanted to reach out so badly, but couldn't. His fears were keeping him back. "Would you like to go back to studying? It will distract you." Seeing Elrohir's wet face, he added, "And maybe the pain in your heart will lessen slightly."

Elrohir squeezed against Erestor's knees, wishing his tutor would bury him in a hug like his father always did. But the dark-haired Elf didn't move. Dejectedly, he nodded. "Aye, maybe it will help."

Erestor's heart felt heavy, guiding Elrohir back to the desk. They sat down, he uncovered the scroll they had been studying, and told Elrohir to read aloud. The Elfling's voice was raw with sadness and Erestor sat on his hands; it was the only way to refrain from reaching out to Elrohir. Glorfindel, bring Elladan back quickly. I cannot bear to see Elrohir in this much pain. He could only hope Elladan felt sad at being separated as well and would hurry home.

---

Hours later, Elrohir had curled up on his bed, hiding beneath the sheets and crying his heart out. Glorfindel and Elladan hadn't returned in time for dinner and now he felt abandoned. Elladan had forgotten about him! He had been right earlier; his brother no longer loved him! Erestor had tried to convince him otherwise, but his tutor was wrong; Elladan didn't want to be close to him any more!

His frame shook, crying even harder. Why didn't Ada or Nana hear him? They were his parents and supposed to know he was hurting! Why weren't they here with him? Consoling him? Releasing a strangled choke, he angrily wiped his eyes, but the tears continued to flow.

"Pen-neth?"

Erestor's voice took him aback and, surprised, he stopped crying. Feeling tense, he pulled down the sheets and peeked at his tutor. What was Erestor doing here? "Gwa...dor?" he stuttered, sobbingly. Instinctively, he opened his arms, begging Erestor to hold him close.

Erestor sighed and gave in. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he enfolded the Elfling in his arms and allowed Elrohir to snuggle up to him, constantly suppressing the shivers that threatened to shake his body. It had been years since he had held Elrohir this intimately and he wasn't sure just what he was feeling. There were so many emotions rushing through him that his eyes began to swim as well.

"Hush now, pen-neth. Elladan will be back shortly." Erestor rocked Elrohir gently, humming softly. He let Elrohir cling to him for long moments and eventually the sobs began to fade. Intent on cheering the youngster up, he whispered, "There is a bunny in your room."

Elrohir, puzzled, looked at his tutor. "A bunny?" Scanning the room with his eyes, his brow furrowed. "There is no..." His eyes widened, seeing a bunny made of shadows projected on his wall. Pleased, he stared wildly at Erestor, who was using his hands to project the form onto the wall. "More! More!"

Erestor smiled, relieved that the sadness was leaving Elrohir's features. Next was a wolf and then a goat. Elrohir was now applauding him, still demanding more. Suddenly, he heard movement behind him; Elladan had returned and now sat cross-legged on his bed, watching Elrohir intently.

"Now that Elladan is back I can leave," said Erestor, smiling warmly. Elrohir reluctantly released his hand. "Lie down and try to sleep." He tucked the youngster in, making sure he was warm. Soundlessly, he left the room, knowing the twins wanted to talk.

---

Elladan had felt guilty, realizing Glorfindel and he had lost track of time when the blond had finally allowed him onto Asfaloth's back. He had felt so proud in the Elda's arms, tightly holding on to the stallion's mane, that he had completely forgotten about his twin. Later, guilt had set in for leaving Elrohir alone that long. But seeing the dark-haired Elf at Elrohir's side, distracting him and making him laugh, he had felt grateful that their father had comforted him.

Now that Elrond was gone, he hesitantly addressed his twin. "Elrohir? I am sorry... I did not realize it was that late and Glorfindel..." Unable to finish, he left his bed and walked over to Elrohir's, sneaking into it.

Elrohir opened his arms, and by doing that, he showed his twin that he needed him close. "I do not like it when you are gone. I want you close." His tears had dried when Erestor had entertained him with the shadows dancing on the wall, but now they returned.

Elladan cringed, seeing the tears in his brother's eyes. "I won't leave you alone again. The next time I will make sure Glorfindel will take us out riding together."

Elrohir nodded, thankfully, and then pulled Elladan closer. His brother's arms tightly enfolded him and he finally felt safe enough to go to sleep. His last thought however, was for Erestor. Thank you for comforting me, gwador. And I love you too.

Elrohir had been restless all day long, but he couldn't quite explain why. Elladan had stayed close on purpose, never strolling far away from him. Even Erestor and Glorfindel had seemed worried about him during dinner.

It wasn't like he still was a frightened Elfling. Elladan and he had reached majority fifteen years ago, and they were now skilled warriors who feared no one. Glorfindel had taught them well, and they had become accomplished archers, well-trained swordsmen and they could handle most of the diplomatic matters their father entrusted to them. But occasionally they still needed Erestor's advice, who had now become Elrond's most trusted advisor and one of Celebrian's closest friends.

Celebrian.

Elrohir couldn't stop worrying about his mother, who had traveled to Lothlorien to spend time with her family. Elladan and he had missed her sparkling presence and were already counting the days until her return.

"Elrohir, would you please stop pacing for a moment? You are driving me insane!" Elladan sighed, dramatically. "And you pacing the entire time won't bring her back faster. Nana will arrive shortly. Be patient!"

"But I cannot help being concerned!" Elrohir's voice was filled with tension. "Something is wrong. I do not know what it is, but I feel..." Lacking the right words to describe his confused state, he pleadingly stared at his twin. "I cannot believe you do not feel it!"

Elladan bit his bottom lip. "But I do feel it."

"Then why did you not tell me?" Elrohir marched toward his twin, grabbed Elladan's shoulders and shook him. "Why?"

"I did not want to add to your worry," explained Elladan. "But I cannot deny that a sense of foreboding has overwhelmed me as well."

"Enough!" said Elrohir decisively. "We are leaving! We are going to search for her and escort her back home."

Elladan gave in reluctantly. "You may be right."

"You know I am!" Elrohir was about to tell Elladan to follow him when distressed cries coming from the courtyard alerted him. "Aiya, Elladan, let my fears haven't come true!" He grabbed his twin's arm and then pulled him along, down the endless corridors until they finally emerged in the courtyard.

The sight that awaited them broke their hearts. Frozen in time, they stared at their mother, clad in a bloodstained robe, sitting in front of Lindir, her eyes void of emotions. Fresh blood showed on her bandaged shoulder.

"Elbereth..." Elrohir released a strangled sob, whilst taking in her battered appearance. He didn't bother to ask where the rest of their escort was, seeing bite marks and the lashes of a whip on Lindir's face. The white-haired Elf looked like an apparition, eyes blank and lips smeared with blood.

"Take hold of your mother," commanded Lindir in an emotionless tone. "It was a lucky coincidence Galadriel wanted Arwen to stay longer. At least she was spared."

Elrohir charged forward and carefully caught Celebrian in his arms when Lindir lowered her. "Aiya, Elbereth... No." Her face was marred with dark, drying blood and strands of her hair had been pulled out. Her long, golden-colored dress was stained with her own blood and had been ripped apart. Staring at her, Elrohir nearly choked on his emotions.

"We encountered Orcs," said Lindir. "Celebrian was struck by a poisonous arrow." Elladan helped him dismount and steadied him. "There were too many of them and too few of us."

Elrond and Erestor, who had been in the study, now appeared as well. Elrond's face was deathly pale. His blue eyes were large, and wet with tears. The half-Elf immediately headed for his wife. "Please give her to me." He opened his arms and waited for a shocked Elrohir to place Celebrian in them. "Oh, melme, what did they do to you?"

Celebrian's stare broke and she suddenly looked at her husband. A pain-filled whimper fled from her bruised lips and she quickly averted her eyes.

Seeing the emotional turmoil his wife was in, Elrond turned around and took her to the healing house, closely followed by Elrohir and Elladan.

Erestor looked at Lindir and saw very familiar anguish in the white-haired Elf's eyes. In an uncharacteristic show of concern, he folded an arm around the elder Elf's waist. "You should be in the healing house as well." His entire body was trembling; he had recognized the expression in Lindir and Celebrian's eyes. He had felt like that when his father had tried to rape him. There was no need to guess what the foul creatures had done to the two Elves.

"I do not want to go there," whispered Lindir, his tone devoid of emotion. "I want to die. Will the Valar allow me to die?" His eyes stared off into the distance, reliving the horror Celebrian and he had endured. "I –should- die."

Erestor, tightly controlling his raging emotions, steered Lindir toward the healing house. "You cannot give up, Lindir. Celebrian needs you." He didn't really know what to say or how to console the hurting Elf. "You must be strong for her."

"I will fade, Erestor. I can already feel the call of Mandos. And now that I feel it, she will feel it as well."

Erestor's features contorted. "They... hurt... both of you?"

Lindir's eyes suddenly filled with sorrow. "I told her we would not be able to keep it hidden."

Erestor guided Lindir into the healing house and called for a healer. "Please do not give up. As long as there is hope..."

"Hope?" said Lindir, his tone filled with disbelief. "There is no hope."

Erestor regretted having to let go of the elder Elf, but the healers needed to examine him. He watched the white-haired Elf being led into a room and then turned around, bowing his head in defeat. They were going to lose Celebrian and Lindir to Mandos and there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening.

---

"Ada? Can they help her?"

Elrond had chosen to stay with his sons whilst his best healers examined Celebrian. He had offered to examine her himself, but she had refused, glaring him into submission until he had left the room. Now he was here with his sons, burying them in a warm and tight hug. "I do not know if they can help her," said Elrond honestly. Still severely shocked from seeing his wife in that state, he pulled his sons even closer. He needed them at his side now that he risked losing his precious love; his beloved wife.

The poisoned wound worried him, and then there was her ripped dress and the blood on the back of the golden gown. Digging his nails into his palms, he ignored the pain. What if they violated her? We will lose her if they did. She will die from grief and fade away. And we will have to watch it happen.

Elrohir was the first to break the hug and to pull away. Wrapping his arms around his waist, he began to nervously pace the waiting room. "What did they do to her? I never saw such pain in her eyes. Ada, you are a healer! You can heal her, can't you?"

Elrond sighed, distressed. "Elrohir, you saw the shape your mother was in."

Elladan, who had been quiet until that point, suddenly said, "You think they violated her." His words sounded like thunder and all present cringed at hearing them.

Elrond's shoulders slumped. "It is possible." He couldn't mislead his sons; there was a distinct possibility that they were going to lose her. Suddenly, he saw some movement to his right; Erestor was advancing on them. "Where is Lindir?"

"In the best possible care. One of the healers is tending to him." He hid his trembling hands in the long sleeves of his robes. Uncertain if he was wanted close during such a painful and intimate moment, he moved back to the doorway, but halted at hearing Elrond's voice.

"Please stay. I might need you later." Elrond wrung his hands, unable to hide the full extent of his despair. "Erestor, you talked to Lindir. What did he tell you?"

Erestor moistened his lips, suddenly feeling nervous. "I am not sure he would want me to—"

Elrohir, who had been pacing, now came to a stop in front of Erestor. Grabbing the advisor's shoulders, he pleadingly said, "Just tell us what the monsters did to Nana!"

Erestor barely kept from flinching at Elrohir's hard tone, but he knew he had to be strong and that he couldn't allow his feelings to rule him. He had never thought the day would come when they needed him. He exchanged a look with Elrond and then confirmed their worst fears. "The Orcs did not show any mercy or compassion and abused their bodies and souls. Both Lindir and Celebrian are feeling the call of Mandos as we speak."

Elrohir's world shattered right there and then. "No..."

"I am so sorry, caun-nîn." Sensing Elrohir's pain, Erestor enveloped the younger twin in his arms. "You must be strong now."

"I do not want to be strong," sobbed Elrohir. His knees gave out beneath him and he allowed Erestor to drag him over to a chair, on which he collapsed. Suddenly Elladan was at his side, hugging him.

Elrond, still shocked, tried to compose himself. When Glorfindel suddenly entered, short of breath and eyes wide with disbelief, the half-Elf whispered into Erestor's ear, "I cannot deal with this."

Erestor nodded and stepped in front of Elrond, addressing the blond. "Please look after the twins. We have just learned that Celebrian is mortally injured."

Glorfindel's eyes widened. "But how? Why?"

"Do not ask questions!" rebuked Erestor. "Comfort them instead!"

Taken aback by Erestor's authoritative tone, Glorfindel hurried over to the twins and knelt next to Elladan, quickly wrapping one arm around Elrohir and using the other to soothingly rub Elladan's back. Part of him still couldn't believe what had happened, but the twins' pain was too palpable not to believe.

Elrond shook his head, unable to wrap his mind around the upending loss. "And Lindir?"

"He mentioned feeling Mandos' call. He will fade during the next few months and will probably enter the Halls of Waiting before the next year will start." Erestor wished he knew how to comfort the half-Elf, who was shaking with emotion, but then the door opened and a healer appeared, who had a worried expression on his brow.

"My Lord, I bring sad news." The healer bowed his head in defeat. "Your wife... Her injuries are of such a nature that she will fade during the next few months. There is nothing I can do to help her."

Elrohir gasped and then cried out in despair, tightly clinging to his brother and Glorfindel.

Elladan, trying to be the strong one, stroked his brother's hair. "We will help her overcome her pain."

"Child," said the healer, "her injuries are beyond your powers to heal. Not even love can keep her here."

"Ada?" Elrohir looked trustingly at his father. "You can help her... Please?"

Elrond's heart broke, knowing he had to disappoint his sons. "Her injuries are of the mind, nîn-ion. No one can heal her soul." Sighing deeply, his eyes closed momentarily. "We must do the little we can to ease her suffering."

Elladan's brow furrowed. "What can we do?"

"There is only one way to keep her alive... and relatively happy," said Elrond, his heart burdened with pain and loss.

Elrohir, staring at Elrond, felt hope blossom in his heart. "How can we accomplish that?"

"In a few months her spirit will want to travel to the Halls of Waiting. There is only one way to keep her alive and that is by letting her, and Lindir, sail for Valinor."

Silence descended over them, each of them trying to deal with this revelation in their own way. Erestor was the first to clear his throat and to address Elrond. "That should be her decision, but in the mean time you should treasure her presence and show her how much you love her."

Elrohir and Elladan stared at each other in wild disbelief. "She cannot sail for Valinor. We need her!" That was all they had left? A few months' time to spend with their mother?

Elrond walked over to his sons and Glorfindel quickly moved away, letting the half-Elf embrace the twins. "You must understand," started Elrond in an emotional tone. "The longer she stays, the stronger the grief will become, and it will cause her to fade. I do not want to lose her either. I love her, but I love her enough to let her go. Do you understand?"

Elrohir sobbed softly. "My heart will slowly die, knowing that we are going to lose her."

Elrond cupped his youngest son's chin in the palm of his hand. "She is already fading. It started the moment those monsters touched her... intimately."

"Can we speak with her? Please, Ada?" Elladan struggled to his feet, pulling Elrohir with him.

Elrond nodded, giving in. "We will talk to her." Pushing himself to his feet, he tiredly turned to Glorfindel. "Will you stay here and make sure we are not disturbed?"

"Of course I will," said Glorfindel, saddened to hear they would lose Celebrian one way or the other.

Elrond took his sons' hands in his and led them toward the doorway. Passing by Erestor, he said, "You are welcome to join us."

Glorfindel gasped, hearing those words. He had never realized how much Elrond considered the advisor part of his family.

But Erestor shook his head. "Someone should sit with Lindir. He needs support as well."

Elrond's features softened with affection. "You do well to think of him. Go then."

Erestor bowed and quickly left the room, eager to comfort Lindir - unlike Celebrian, the white-haired Elf had no one to support him.

Making eye contact with his sons, Elrond drew in a deep breath. Pushing open the door, he entered first. His heart stopped beating momentarily, seeing Celebrian's form beneath the blankets. Pulling his sons along with him, he knelt at the bed.

Elrohir and Elladan freed their hands from Elrond's hold and sank onto their knees as well, on the other side of the bed. "Nana..." Elrohir, crying softly, gathered one of her hands close to his heart. "You must stay."

Celebrian's unreadable gaze was fastened on Elrond. "I still have a few months left, but Mandos is already calling me. I do not want to obey, but I feel I am fading. I do not have a choice. In time, I must leave you." Her eyes were now full of fear, loss, and yet there was love as well. "But for now I want to take comfort in the fact that you are here with me." Opening her arms, she encouraged her sons to embrace her.

They sobbed in her arms, started by her pallor and fragility. Both of them would treasure these last few months. "We love you, Nana," sobbed Elrohir, "Do not leave us."

Celebrian's gaze met Elrond and they both looked upon their sons with great sadness in their hearts, knowing their time was very limited. "We will make the best of these last few months," said Celebrian soothingly, stroking their hair. "We will love each other so much that it will last a lifetime."

---

Lindir, wrapped up in warm blankets, was surprised when Erestor entered and then sat down in a chair next to his bed. The healer had left a moment ago after confirming his thoughts; he would continue to fade during the next few months. "How does Celebrian fare?"

Erestor directed his saddened gaze at the elder Elf. "She is fading, like you."

Lindir rested his head in the pile of pillows propped up against the headboard and studied the advisor. "Erestor, I still recall the first time we met. You were so frightened back then and now... You have changed."

Erestor swallowed past the lump in his throat. "When I arrived in Imladris I was scared... and hurting," he admitted after a moment's thought. What did he have to lose by being honest with Lindir? The elder Elf wouldn't betray his secret now that they shared this pain. "I fled from Mirkwood because my father hurt me, badly. He took great care in violating me in ways that would assure I would not fade."

Lindir's eyes widened at the unexpected admission. "I always thought it was something like that."

Erestor shrugged. "The day I ran away he tried to rape me. I could not let him do that and ran."

"I was not as fortunate as you," said Lindir neutrally, "I did not get away and neither did Celebrian."

Erestor lowered his eyes and stared at the floor. "I would give my life to render that." Surprised, he felt Lindir's hand settle on his arm.

"I know you would, but what is done is done, and the past cannot be undone. Stay here with Lord Elrond, Arwen and the twins. Comfort them. Support them."

"I will do the best I can," promised Erestor as his eyes filled with tears. "You are so strong to think of them in this dark hour, mellon-nîn... May I call you that?"

Lindir nodded once, feeling weak and tired. "I would like to rest now."

"Of course..."

Lindir saw the door open behind Erestor and cocked his head, seeing Glorfindel shuffle hesitantly inside. "Lord Glorfindel?"

Erestor's head jerked back and he angrily wiped away the tear that had managed to escape his eyes.

"I regret disturbing you when you need rest, Lindir, but Lord Elrond wishes to speak to Erestor." Glorfindel felt nervous dealing with Lindir, knowing what had happened to the white-haired Elf.

Lindir could tell by the expression on the blond's face that Glorfindel felt uncomfortable and quickly addressed Erestor. "Go talk to our master."

Erestor slowly rose to his feet, trying to keep the shivers that coursed through his body hidden from the blond's inquisitive look, which was now aimed at him.

Erestor nodded slowly, turned around and quickly passed by Glorfindel. Now that he was in the corridor, he allowed for his eyes to fill with tears. But by the time he reached the waiting room, he had wiped them away again.

---

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, filled with immense sorrow and never-ending pain. Celebrian and Lindir had now begun to fade more quickly and Elrond knew the time had come to address their departure for Valinor. Late one night, long after dinner, he sat down opposite his wife and watched her now transparent fingers, resting idly in her lap. Elladan and Elrohir were seated at her feet, staring into the dying fire, and Arwen sat beside her mother, gently stroking her long hair.

"You do not have to continue to suffer in this way, melme. There is another way," said Elrond softly. "Go to Valinor." Elladan and Elrohir started at hearing his words and locked gazes with him. Arwen however, remained quiet and took one of Celebrian's hands in hers.

"You will not come with me then?" Disbelief colored Celebrian's tone. She had expected him to bring this up, but she had also hoped he would stay with her.

"I cannot come with you," said Elrond, saddened. "I have a responsibility to our people."

Celebrian sighed and her gaze now settled on her sons and daughter. "Will you come with me then?"

Elladan and Elrohir looked at each other with a panicked expression in their eyes. "Nana, please..." whispered Elrohir, scared. Imladris was their home, but he loved Celebrian with all his heart. He didn't know how to make such a decision.

Looking at Arwen, Celebrian saw the love she held for Aragorn reflected in her eyes and she knew her daughter wanted to stay in Imladris as well. Tired, she closed her eyes. "I will lose you then, no matter what fate I choose."

Elrond leaned in closer and gathered her hands in his. "Celebrian, melme, my time has not yet come. The last battle against Sauron has not been fought and I... I am needed here."

"I need you as well, my Lord," said Celebrian in an icy tone.

Elrond cringed, hearing her cold tone. "Please forgive me, melme, but this is not my choice to make."

Celebrian now opened her eyes and glared at her husband. She knew he meant well, but she had hoped he would accompany her to Valinor. She felt like he had let her down, betrayed their love, but at the same time, she also realized he had to stay in Imladris. One day, he might be instrumental in defeating evil one last time. "I cannot promise I will wait for you in Valinor."

"Live your life, melme," said Elrond, setting her free and releasing her from her vows. "But know that you will always have my love." Elrond pushed himself onto his feet and leaned in closer to press a kiss onto his wife's brow. But she flinched away from the caress and Elrond's eyes filled with tears and sadness. "Maybe one day you will be able to forgive me for failing you."

Celebrian released the breath she had involuntarily been holding. She had always known in her heart that Elrond wasn't hers completely. His destiny lay elsewhere. Finally realizing she had made the best of her time with Elrond, she admitted the moment had come to let him go. "Be at peace, my husband. I will sail for Valinor."

At hearing that, Elrohir cried out in distress. Elladan immediately soothed him and the twins huddled close, comforting each other, whilst Arwen clung to her mother.

Celebrian's tone was warm and caring when she addressed them. "Give me your hands."

The twins turned to face her, knelt in front of her and held her hands tightly, refusing to let go of her just yet. "Nana, please stay," whispered Elrohir, but deep in his heart he knew he was going to lose her, either to Mandos or to Valinor.

"I cannot stay," said Celebrian in a heart-wrenching tone. "I would fade if I stayed, and you do not want that, do you?"

Elrohir released another sob. "I do not want to lose you!" Suddenly Elladan's arm came up behind his back, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Nana is right; we must let her go. At least in Valinor she can heal. We should be glad that we could spend these last few months with her," whispered Arwen in a melancholy tone.

Elrohir's tear streaked face now turned toward his twin. "I cannot live without her."

Celebrian's heart was breaking, hearing Elrohir sob. "Always remember that I love you," she said in a loving tone. "And never forget me."

"How can I forget you?" called Elrohir out in despair.


Celebrian now addressed her husband. "Look after them. Comfort them. And make all necessary arrangements for my departure. I cannot linger here any longer."

Elrond nodded; his shoulders heavy with burden. "You will be able to leave within the hour." Looking into her eyes, his heart missed a beat from fear. The blue in her eyes had faded. "We must hurry."

Celebrian nodded and pulled her sons close for one last hug. Whilst holding them, she said, "Elrond, you must inform my mother that I am leaving." She turned to Arwen, leaned into her daughter for support and found comfort in the fact that Arwen would stay with her until her ship set sail.

Another sigh left Elrond's lips. "I will see to it." Tears pooled in the depths of his eyes, but he forced them back; his family needed him to be strong.

---

Erestor, who had chosen to sit with a weakening Lindir tonight, looked up when the door opened behind him.

"I regret disturbing you when you need rest, Lindir, but Lord Elrond wishes to speak to Erestor," said a servant.

"Erestor, the time has come to say goodbye."

Erestor slowly rose to his feet, trying to keep the shivers that coursed through his body hidden.

Both of them knew this moment had been inevitable; Celebrian had decided to finally sail for Valinor. In the last few months Celebrian and Lindir had spent much time together, talking and comforting each other.

Erestor cleared his throat. "I doubt we will speak again." He regretted losing Lindir to Valinor. During these last few months they had begun building a friendship which would now never prosper.

Lindir managed a weak smile. "Be at peace, Erestor, and remember me kindly."

---

Elrond looked up at Erestor's arrival. The twins and Arwen were trying to protect another from the loss that threatened to rob them of their sanity. The Lord of Imladris signaled for Erestor to approach.

Erestor bowed respectfully and waited for Elrond to address him.

"She wants to speak to you one last time before she leaves."

"Lindir and Celebrian will sail for Valinor then?" Erestor's heart was slowly breaking into thousands of pieces, hearing his thoughts confirmed.

"Aye, they will leave in a few minutes. We have already said our goodbyes, but she wants to talk to you as well." Elrond opened the door and signaled for his friend to enter the room.

Erestor drew in a deep breath; he wasn't sure he wanted to do this. But in the end, he entered and walked toward Celebrian, who was being dressed in a warm riding cloak. Her long silver hair was hidden beneath a hood and her eyes were white now that her irises had faded as well. Her lips, which used to be full and red, now resembled thin, pink lines.

"My Lady?" Erestor remained at an appropriate distance, knowing from personal experience that she wouldn't want him close.

Celebrian looked at him and gave him a sad smile. "Pen-neth, I want to ask you a question."

Erestor bowed his head. "I cannot come with you." He had instantly known what question she was referring to. "Someone needs to look over Arwen and Elrohir, and especially Elladan. I want to keep them safe."

"You love them," said Celebrian and this time her smile was genuine.

"I always did. It started the day they were born." Erestor felt ill at ease now that he was letting his guard down. "I wish I could accompany you, but—"

Celebrian cut him short. "I think I already know what your answer would be. Pen-neth, you have always been like a son to me and I regret leaving you behind, but you do understand that I have no choice?"

Erestor nodded and hesitantly met her gaze. She had moved closer and was now standing in front of him. Even now, whilst she was fading, he could see the inner strength that would keep her alive until she had reached Valinor. "I understand that neither you nor Lindir have a choice."

Celebrian then raised her hand and touched his face. "There is so much pain inside me. So much shame... So much grief. But you know that, child, don't you?"

Trembling fiercely he nodded. "I do."

"Because you carry this pain, shame and grief inside your heart as well." Celebrian sighed, dejectedly. "I always tried to alleviate your pain, but I never understood how you felt and now that I do, it is too late."

Erestor caved in and allowed the tears to flow from his eyes. "My Lady... I would gladly bear your pain, if the Valar would let me."

"I know that, child," said Celebrian, as some serenity returned to her gaze. "And I love you for it." Tentatively, uncertain how either one of them would react, she buried him in a final embrace. "Look after Elrond and my children for me. I entrust them to your care."

Erestor nodded against her shoulder, breathing in her sweet scent for the last time. "I will miss you so much."

Celebrian released him, took a step away from him and pulled the hood further over her face, hiding her features. "Maybe one day we will meet again, pen-neth, in Valinor."

"Maybe," whispered Erestor in a shaky tone.

Celebrian couldn't take any more emotional pain and hurried out of the room and into the corridor where Arwen, Lindir and an escort were waiting to take her to the havens. Looking upon Lindir's face, she placed one hand in his, tightly holding onto him, and her other in Arwen's. They were now united in pain and sorrow and hopefully they would find comfort in each other's arms.

As they fled the Last Homely House, they left a shattered family behind. Elrond was trying to comfort his sons with Glorfindel's assistance, whilst Erestor quietly sneaked out of the room and into the corridor. Looking at the four of them, he felt their connection and realized his heart wouldn't let him be part of this. He had just lost one of the most important persons in his life and couldn't let the twins rule his heart any more. They would break it the day they left.

Elrond, still busy consoling his sons, caught Erestor's hurried departure and was tempted to follow his friend, but he couldn't possibly leave his sons. He couldn't ask Glorfindel to comfort Erestor either; the two Elves just didn't get along. Resigned, he concentrated on comforting the twins.

Erestor headed for Elrond's study, hoping to lessen the half-Elf's burden slightly by taking over his duties for the next few days.

His mask of indifference was perfectly in place again when he addressed his fellow advisors. He didn't allow himself the luxury of grieving now that Celebrian was gone. He would go on, living his life in cold solitude.

The End
May 2003