Dear Journal,

You know what is amusing? After all the years I've ever known Merry, I never knew how I'd feel about him. I always thought that, he and I would be best friends forever. You know? Well, I was wrong...And as I think about him more and more as I write in you, journal...The more my heart is shattering to pieces. And I have started to realize the truth..I was falling in love with my own cousin.


I have grown fond of him over the years and we have this special bond. How he will react to this, I have no idea. I bet he'll probably ignore me or never talk to me again. Well, it would be the same as what is happening now. You see, journal, Merry and I had gotten into a fight...Over such a silly thing, I believe.


Good lord, I just hope I won't bore you with the details. Anyway, so I had my weekly visit to Brandy Hall in Buckland, where Merry lived. I was scampering through the halls, looking for my favorite cousin....

---

"Merry!" the voice was distant, a few feet away from Merry's room, behind the closed door.

Merry's mouth twitched into a smile as his eyes tore from the book on one of Bildo's adventures that he was reading and slowly got up from his chair inside his room.

"Merry!"the voice had called again, coming even closer.

Merry quickly hid under his bed, doing a small cough from the dust bustling about and waited with a michievious smile on his face. He heard the sound of feet scampering closer to the door, then walking away for a moment. Seconds later, there was more scampering and his door suddenly swung open as Pippin had kicked it.

"Merry?"asked Pippin as he looked around.

"Where would that bloody hobbit be?"he murmered to himself as he walked around the room.

Pippin sat down on the bed for a moment, pondering his thoughts, wondering where his cousin has went.

Merry took the chance of grabbing Pippin's ankle with a growl and savored the cry that escaped from Pippin's mouth.

"Elbereth!"cried out Pippin as he knelt down on the side of the bed and saw Merry laughing his head off.

"You....You monster!"he cursed with a smile and pulled the hysterical Merry from under the bed.

"Hullo cousin, gave you quite a scare, didn't I?"Merry said, with a smirk on his face.

Pippin held back his hand and kept from smacking that smirk off of Merry's face.

"Merry, how many times do you have to do that when I visit you?"said Pippin pulling Merry out of his room, the michievious glint returning in his eyes.

"As many times as you forget that I always do that, you fool,"Merry said with a grin.

He cried out as Pippin smacked him playfully in the back of the head.

---

Dear Journal,

Honestly, I don't know how I could just stand Pippin. I mean, we were great friends until the fight we had. It was actually nothing, journal, I guess we were just getting on each other's nerves. I mean it went by so fast! The food, the dining hall, the chandelier...Oh boy, that chandelier...Mum was red-hot mad with the both of us. It was of course, Pippin's fault.. I mean, sure I come up with the plans, right? And just when I'm pretty sure we've made it through, there goes Pippin...Always causing trouble with that foolish curiousity that he has.

Then again, his curiousity has been a lot of fun over the years...Now that I think about it, I do have a few reasons why I can stand Pippin. I'll tell you, he cares..alot. Whenever we get in trouble, he'll try to get us out of it while pouting his lips and buldging out his sparkling, green eyes. Usually that gets us out of trouble, but not this time...He's still a lot of fun I mean...Muck, I wish we hadn't have that fight...There's really nothing to do know that my best friend doesn't really visit anymore...I really do miss Pip.

What am I saying? I'm supposed to be mad at him. Yeah. Yeah! It's his fault that we're stuck in this mess in the first place! We had just got kicked out of the kitchen when we were trying to steal some biscuts...

---

"Out boys! I said out! Scoot! Dinner will be ready soon! Go outside in the fresh air or something,"said Esmerelda Brandybuck as she pushed out the two boys, who's faces and hands were smeared with biscut crumbs, tomato juice and blue berries.

"Oh mum, come off it! We were just getting a little snack, that's all!"said Merry turning around and pouting.

"Yeah Aunt Esmy, we didn't really mean to cause any trouble with that pie.."said Pippin, pouting with his eyes.

"And those pans.."

"And the cake."

"And the vegetables.."

"And the biscuts."

"And the-"

"Enough boys, I get the point."said Esmerelda raising her hand to stop them.

"We were just hungry tha's all,"said Pippin pouting his big green eyes again.

"I think you boys can wait just ten minutes can't you?" She got a nod. "Yes I thought so. Go outside, like I said before. Or read. Do something contructive...Scratch that. Just don't do anything destructive or cause anymore trouble, alright boys?"she said and rose a menacing finger cutting Pippin off, who was opening his mouth in protest.

"Yes mum," "Yes Aunt Esmy," the boys said stimutantiously.

Esmerelda left without another word and disappeared back in the kitchen. The two boys sighed for a moment before walking into the dining room. They saw the empty plates, forks and napkins just waiting to be used. Their stomachs rumbled at the same time and Pippin licked his lips.

"Merry...Are those strawberries in that garden you planted ready yet?"Pippin asked turning to Merry.

"Well...I think..Yes they are, Pip. Come on!"said Merry and started sprinting through the halls to go out the door with Pippin following behind him.

Pippin stopped for a moment as he stared at the golden chandelier with the sparkling diamonds and flickering candles at the edges of the "arms" of the structure. For years, he had been yearning to climb up and sit on it. There was a sitting place that he had always looked for on that chandelier and he had found it just a few months ago. Merry came back from running outside, his skin colder since it was lightly raining outside.

"Pip, we had better get out their soon before...What are you looking at?"he asked and tried to figure out where Pippin's eyes were directed.

"Just that chandelier...It's beautiful isn't it?"Pippin replied as he stared up at it, the reflection shining in his eyes.

Merry looked up as well and couldn't tear his eyes off it. Saradoc, his da, had put it up there years ago. Merry had never really payed attention to it actually. He would sort of look up at it for a moment, before rummaging through the kitchen for any kind of snacks or when he'd sneak out food with Pippin, and would see the chandelier hanging from the ceiling in the corner of his eye. Now that Pippin was looking at it, Merry looked at the texture and color of the chandelier. It was a sort of golden colored, maybe a little lighter than his own hair. The "arms" of it curved upwards where in each hold a candle sat lit. 15 candles in all, Merry counted. The fire of the candles flicked for a moment, reflecting off Merry's pure grey eyes and then finally he blinked, tearing his gaxe away from it.

"Pip,"Merry said putting a hand to his shoulder,"come on, let's hurry up and get those strawberries."

Pippin nodded, walking behind Merry, looking over his shoulder, taking one last glance at the chandelier before finally going outside in the drizzling rain and quickly picking some strawberries from the garden.

---

That chandelier...Wow did I love to look at it. It was beautiful, hand carved in fact...Uncle Saradoc had put it up over the dining table, making it look very fancy. It just made me want to climb up on it even more. Still haven't guessed what Merry and I fought over? It was the chandelier...That chandelier destroyed our friendship and bond...The one we created so many years ago, was gone just because of a beautiful structure that hung from that ceiling.

I miss Merry...I miss him so much, that the pain is just too much. I haven't seen him for weeks now, maybe even months. I had lost count. I missed seeing his big grey eyes, that lit up whenever he had one of his ideas...His blond sort of hair that brighten up in the sun and always tickled my neck when he'd wrestle me to the ground playfully. Sometimes I'd miss him so much, that I'd cry.

It wasn't until I was thinking of this event a few weeks ago when I was having dreams. I dreamed of being in one of those fields with those daisys popping up from the ground and that every step you took, there would be butterflies coming out from the ground. And then...There would be Merry, standing right there waiting for me. I'd of course, go up and meet him. He'd take me up in his arms and hug me close. Then he'd pull back for a moment and smile, then lean down to kiss me tender. Oh, sometimes I wish that he would have done that to me so long ago...Now I don't think that will ever happen...Only in my dreams...

---

Merry and Pippin came in, their pockets and hands full of strawberries. Some were even stuff in their mouths and they both spat out the green leafs whenever they had finished the fruit part. Merry opened up a closet in the hallway and grabbed his sack that he always used when helping his Da with the farming and planting the seeds. They put all the strawberries in there and started off for Merry's room. They had passed by the chandelier again and Pippin suddenly stopped in his tracks. There was food, piled in the plates hot, steaming; ready to be eaten. However he wasn't paying attention to the food, just the chandelier that was lit and hung over the meal. Merry came walking back and noticed that the chandelier had caught Pippin's eye again.

A huge grin spread across his face. "Hoy, Pip. I bet half of my strawberries that you can't sit on that without it falling down on the table."

As if it were a plague, the same grin appeared on Pippin's face and he turned to Merry. "And...What if I sit on it and it goes crashing down to the table?"he asked.

Merry thought about it and shrugged. "Then you can have my strawberries."

Pippin nodded and smiled, shoving his sack of strawberries into Merry's chest to hold. He nodded to his own sack. "Don't lose those.." He started for the table before turning around again and nodding to Merry's sack. "Or those, I'll be collecting those two when I get down."he said with a grin and started to climb up the table.

Merry watched as Pippin avoided stepping on the food and jumped up and down, trying to grab one of the arms of the chandelier. He put a hand to his mouth, forcing back a laugh.

"I can' reach...Hoy, give me that chair. Careful! Don't want it to fall into that pie Aunt Esmy just made after we destroyed her other one." They both had to laugh for a moment.

Carefully, Pippin climbed up onto the chair and looked up. The candles were still lit and had brightened up Pippin's bronze colored curls. He looked down at Merry and bit his lip.

"Do I have to keep the candles lit?" He gulped after recieving a nod from a grinning Merry.

He took in a deep breath and he carefully hoisted himself between the arms and candles. Carefully...Carefully Pippin started to sit down on it...

"Okay Merry...It's-OH!" Pippin had started to lose his balence from sitting on it and was tilted backwards.

"Pippin!"hissed Merry, worried about him.

Pippin stopped swaying, looking down at Merry and laughing his head off. "Hoy! You shoulda seen your face!"he said in between laughs.

Merry's worried look had changed to a look of annoyence, but he just shook his head with a smile anyways and put his hands on his hips. "So how's the weather up there?"he asked, knowing his joke was a little cheesy.

"Eh not bad, actually. Come up here with me."Pippin said motioning with his hand.

This, Merry had started to frown. "But with my weight...Wouldn't it fall down?"he asked, fumbling nervously with his vest.

Pippin shook his head. "No Merry, it will hold both of us. Promise. I won't let it fall." He said giving Merry a reasurring smile. Then Pippin held out a hand nodding a little, letting Merry know it was okay.

Merry nodded as he got onto the table, climbing up on the chair and grabbing Pippin's hand. They sort of paused there for a moment, both just looking at each other and clutching hands. Pippin suddenly became concious and looked away at where Merry was going to sit as Merry gently jerked Pippin's hand downwards.

"So come on, Pip, help me up,"he managed to say remembering he could talk.

Pippin nodded, saying nothing and pulled him up, carefully avoiding any of the lit candles. Merry slowly sat down and they both looked up, hearing a crackling sound above them. However, nothing had happened and the chandelier was still hanging on the chain that was connected to the ceiling.

"Well it is nice up here."

"Yes I thought so mys-elllllf!"

The chain had jerked down a few inches, the two hobbits a little closer to the table.

"What was tha'?"

"I don't know, P-AHH!"

The chain jerked down another two inches, some plaster falling into some of the soup.

"Merry...We should probably get-AHHH!"

---

There was two things I was thinking of while I was sitting up in the chandelier..."Was it going to stay up?" and "What was that awkward pause between me and Pippin?"...On the outside, It was like we were shy or embarressed by the fact we were holding hands at that point. That it was just plain outrageous or queer..

Then on the inside, it was like there was a special bond between us...And we were not shy..or embarressed...Or thinking that it was queer. It was almost like we thought it was right. Almost like...

Well anyways, a few moments later, the chain had started to crack and slowly fall closer and closer to the table. Plaster and dust was falling all around Pip and I. It was then I thought, "This is going to fall, that's no mistake."....And so were Pip and I...

---

Pippin had rolled off the chandelier, his breeches had hit one of the candles and he rolled off one of the arms, falling onto the table.

"Pippin!!"

Fortuantly, it was only after Pippin had a few bruises and the soup had flung off the table onto Pippin's pants, taking out the flames. However, as he rolled, the chandelier(with Merry still on it) had started to unhidge itself from the chain and fall to the table.

Merry was quick however, and grabbed the head of the chandelier as his other arm was wound tightly around the chair.

"Pip!"his voice was strained from holding onto the chandelier,"Help quick."

Just as Pippin had gotten up, the chain ripped out from the ceiling and plaster fell to the ground, falling into the food. The chandelier has fell as well, Merry included. With a crash the chandelier landed right in the middle of the table, catching some of the table cloth in flames. Merry landed on the jello mold Esmerelda made and bounced right off, falling to the ground. Esmerelda and Saradoc quickly came in, and saw the fire.

"Ahhh!"screamed Esmerelda seeing the table on fire and the chandelier was shattered in pieces on the table.

Both limping, Merry and Pippin helped Saradoc with putting out the flames with buckets of water. Esmerelda ran over to them, hugging them both and sobbing.

"Oh my boys..Are you alright?"she asked them both.

"Yes mum,"said Merry nodded pulling back.

"Yes Aunt Esmy."said Pippin.

They had gotten sympathy from Esmerelda, but there was none from Saradoc when both had to sit in the parlor. Merry and Pippin sat on the couch as Saradoc lectured and yelled at them.

"What were you boy thinking doing something like that!"

"We can-"

"I know, Meriadoc, I know...You can't help it...Boys, that is no excuse for breaking that chandelier and ruining your Aunt Esmy's dinner! Do you know how long that took me to make that chandelier?"

"As long as-"

"Do not talk back to me, Peregrin Took! Be like your cousin and be quiet for at least five seconds! Do you know how long it took me to put up that chandelier? Or for Esmerelda to cook that dinner? She spent HOURS slaving in that hot kitchen...For YOU! For US! Honestly, you two boys should know better. Until further notice...Or until you two boys shapen up...Peregrin, there will be no more weekly visits. The only time you'll ever see Meriadoc is on holidays or birthdays!"

"But Da-"

"Be silent! Now I want you to say your goodbyes and Peregrin will leave after supper...Or whatever is left of it. I've said enough,"Saradoc finished and left the room.

---

Split us up? No more weekly visits? Until further notice? Only on holidays and birthdays? Was he mad? Had Uncle Saradoc gone completly MAD? You can never split Merry and I up. We're too close to each other..We're like one. When one leaves, the other follows. When one is hurt, the other is hurt. Oh Merry and I were talking, making plans.

Thinking that, we could just meet at Bag End secretly with Frodo and Sam. Oh yes, ol' Uncle Saradoc would not have noticed. However, things did not go well after we had discussed about meeting at Bad End..We both thought, yes it was a good idea. But what is towns people spoke? What if...Someone said that there was trouble brewing always at Bag End? Then he would know...And then we started talking about the whole situation.

Well, first we were laughing and smiling. We actually thought it was a pretty good idea to do at the time, jumping up onto that chandelier. However, we did apologize to Aunt Esmy, who I love with all my heart. She's like a second mum to me. Uncle Saradoc, I love him too, but honestly..Sometimes I think he's just a wee bit mad. Well, okay, he's a really great Uncle. It's just the only reason I think he's mad is splitting Merry and I up...Well, we both didn't like this idea at all.

---

The parlor door slammed and both hobbits jumped at the sound. They turned to each other, then started to smile and laughed.

"Aw, Pip that was great."Merry said with a smile, clapping Pippin on the back.

"Yes yes, I feel bad for poor dear Aunt Esmy thought. I mean, we did ruin all her hard working in the kitchen today.."Pippin said, frowning a little.

Merry nodded and sat back. "We can get her flowers tomarrow and put them in that vase you made for her long ago."

Pippin frowned as he rubbed the back of his neck and looked back at Merry. "Merry...Remember? I'm banned from this house after dinner...I can't do it tomarrow,"Pippin said sadly.

"Oh right...,"Merry sighed,"if only Da didn't say that.."

"If only the dinner wasn't ruined.."

"If only the chandelier didn't shatter to pieces.."

"If only you didn't drop it.."

"If-...Pippin, I didn't drop it. Remember? The chain fell out of the ceiling and I went with it."Merry said turning to Pippin.

"Yeah well, it's still your fault that you let the chandelier fall,"Pippin replied with a shrug.

"My fault? Pippin! You were the one that rolled off the chandelier and made it topple even more!"argued Merry, scrunching up his nose.

"What? My breeches caught fire!"

"Yeah if you hadn't moved."

"Merry! The chandelier was starting to fall after you climbed up on it."

"Yeah, well you shouldn't have let me on."

"You shouldn't have agreed!"

"You shouldn't have asked!"

"You shouldn't have bet me those strawberries to climb up there!"

"You shouldn't have been hungry!"

"Merry, how can I not?! You should not have let me up there!"

"-Because I thought you wouldn't do it!"

"Merry you knew I would have done it for fun!"

"You did it for the straw-berr-ies!"

"This was all your fault, Merry! For letting me-"

"Don't start with me Pippin, don't you start!"

Pippin huffed as he stood up and went to the door. "You know what? I don't want to put up with this anymore! I don't want to see you ever again!" He said putting a hand on the door knob.

"F-Fine! Y-you know what! Don't you ever come back! Even when da unbans you from Brandy Hall!"cried Merry shaking with anger.

"Maybe I will! Goodnight, Meriadoc Brandybuck!"Pippin said opening the door and slamming it behind him.

"Good riddance, Peregrin Took!"Merry called back and kicked one of the cushions of the couch. He angrily sat down on one of the empty chairs and crossed his arms. Pippin is going to come right back any second now, he thought narrowing his eyes. Minute after minute had passed by, and there was no Pippin coming back into the parlor to apologize. Just like that, Pippin had left Brandy Hall to go back to Tookland. Merry slowly unnarrowed his eyebrows, his lip slightly trembling and he put his head in his hands, crying silently.

---

Pippin was gone...I couldn't believe it. I was sitting there, ready for him to burst right in and saying he was sorry. Then we'd laugh and get right over it, going to dinner. But there was nothing...I heard voices outside and mum came in to talk to me after I had started crying. I'm actually crying now, thinking of that day..

I do miss my Pippin...I was hurting inside, my world was shattering. I kept thinking, he would come back some time soon and say he was sorry. Days and days had passed; No Pippin. He never wrote any letters and if he did, it was just to say hi to mum...And there was no holidays coming, not until next week I think...His birthday had passed, but I had gotten a letter that he was sick with common pox and could not see anyone. I knew that was just a lie for Pippin not to see me..

I love Pippin, I cannot deny it. But it is too late...He cannot know...He cannot know...Everyday gets darker, everytime I do not see him. I love him and he will never find out now...Pippin would just ignore me or would not be the same with me...It wouldn't change anything now, since we are still not speaking...I miss him so much, my dearest Pippin...

---

Oh Merry, if only you knew how much I miss you. I don't hate you at all. I'm only avoiding you because of your da's banning. I miss you everyday and I see you everywhere. You are the sun, the sky, the rocks and even the dung...Although I do not think of you as dung, I think of you as my whole world...Sun...Universe...Just my whole life, dearest Merry.

My hand is now trembling at the thought of not being with you at this very moment. Sometimes I wish I could just break down and cry, but I cannot...Run into your arms and just be lost forever...Do you think of me too Merry? Are you still mad?...I hope you think of me and you are not mad...I love you, Merry, even if I told you and you denied your love for me...I'd still love you..and will always think of you....Thinking of you, my dear Merry...

Goodnight Diary,

Pippin Took