From the moment I saw him there on the big vast bed, all cleaned up and glowing like I hadn't seen for months, I knew I would never have him. I'd supposed all along, but that was when I realized that he would never be mine. I just didn't deserve someone like him.

Oh, I could ask him. He'd probably oblige me just because he feels he owes me something after what happened, and I couldn't have that. Even so, I never had the courage or the plain stupidity to tell him that I wanted him. I'm just his gardener with a head that would fall right off if it weren't screwed on, or so me old gaffer used to say. Frodo, he, well, he saved all of Middle Earth. He was a hero, like the ones in the old tales I loved so much as a hobbit-lad. He deserved much better than someone like me.

But I knew from that point on I'd never have him. If he ever knew how much I loved him it would just be another burden for him to bear. Goodness knows he's had more than his portion of those.

I've always loved him, and I've tried to always be there for him when he needed me. But I think that even I can't help him now. I've seen him, I have, when he thinks he's alone. He sits there rubbing that scar of his on his shoulder, gazing off into space. He goes to live in his own world, one where I can't follow no matter how much I want to. No, I can't help him anymore. He's suffering and I can't do a blessed thing about it.

I think I made quite a big mistake, marrying Rosie. I saw his face. He was all clapping like the others, but his eyes were one of the saddest sights I've ever seen. He looked so... sad and helpless, as if his best friend were dying with nothing he could do. His best friend wasn't dying, just going away. He would be even more alone than ever. There he stood, all sad and desperate looking, his lovely eyes so full of a kind of hopeless longing. And I just stood back and watched.

I should never have married Rosie. I loved her of course, I still do. But I never loved her nearly as much as I loved Frodo. But it was too late, and he went away.

I was heartbroken at first, but realized it was selfish of me. He was going somewhere safe now, where his shoulder won't be hurting him anymore. He'd have old Gandalf to look after him. He has a chance to be happy there.

It was all I could do to keep from sobbing as I watched him sail away. I never told him how much I loved him, and I'm not sure why. But when he gave me that sweet, perfect kiss on my forehead, I knew I'd remember it with my dying breath. I can still feel it now, years after he's left. And I can still see the beautiful smile he gave me, just before he turned around and I never saw him again.

Frodo might leave me to find contentment somewhere else. But I'll never leave him, nor stop loving him. "Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee," said Gandalf so many years ago. I don't mean to.