Erestor bit down a frustrated sigh as he marched through Imladris and shoved open the door to Elrond's office. He'd been waiting at the stables on his own for a good half hour. They had been due to go riding today. He had brought the idea up at dinner last night. It was well into spring and the weather was just perfect for a ride but as he'd expected, Elrond had forgotten and was hard at work in his office.

"Well?" he asked as he came to a stop in front of Elrond's desk, placed something on the floor and glared at the Lord of Imladris. Elrond's head snapped up from the report he'd been reading, his face dropped as he saw his Chief Advisor in riding gear stood in front of his desk. How had he forgotten? He thought frantically for an excuse as to why he had forgotten to meet Erestor.

"Oh." Was the best that he came up with.

"Oh, indeed. Come on, you've still got time to get changed. I'm not going out on my own."

"Can we arrange his for another time, Erestor?" Elrond asked looking at the pile of paper work he had to get through.

"No, we can't. You need a break. It's a beautiful day outside. The horses are ready and," he placed a basket on the desk "I packed lunch. Besides, you promised."

Elrond smiled and shook his head. He could never refuse Erestor. "I guess these can wait for a bit. Go and wait, I'll meet you at the stables." He said. Erestor didn't move. Elrond raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm not going anywhere until I make sure you're not just going to sit straight back down again."

"You know me too well." Laughing, Elrond stood up from his desk and wrapped his arms around Erestor. "I won't be long." He said before placing a quick kiss to Erestor's lips and leaving the room.

---

They rode for a few hours, enjoying the weather and each other's company with no real destination in mind. They found themselves at a shady spot near a stream and both decided it was an excellent spot for lunch.

"We've come quite far, meldir." Said Erestor, looking about before he dismounted. "Still, it's lovely spot for lunch."

"Hmm," sighed Elrond, breathing in the clear air. "I've been cooped up for far too long. I'll see to the horses. You sort out lunch." Erestor busied himself laying out the blanket and dishing out the huge amount of food the cooks had provided him with. He smiled as Elrond flopped onto the blanket.

"All that riding has made me hungry. What have we got to eat?"

"Plenty." Said Erestor, handing Elrond a plate. "I think the cooks thought we'd be out here for a week." Silence descended as they enjoyed their food.

After they had finished Elrond stretched and lay back on his elbows with his face turned up to the sun, basking in the warmth. Erestor had moved so that he was sat cross-legged, reclining against a tree. He shut his eyes and rested his head against the trunk, listening to the birdsong.

"This was an excellent idea Erestor" Elrond sighed happily. Erestor didn't reply but opened his eyes and sat admiring the elf in front of him. The features were utterly relaxed, his dark hair gleamed in the sunlight and there was a slight smile on his face. They had a long friendship together that had somehow seamlessly become something more one evening a few years ago.

"Elrond." He said, suddenly nervous.

"Yes?" he replied, not moving.

"I love you." Elrond turned to face his friend and lover with one eyebrow raised. He smiled and turned his face back to the sun.

"Good, I would hate to think that I was alone in my affections."

"So you..." Erestor trailed off, biting his lip. Elrond moved to sit in front of Erestor. He took his advisor's hands in his before reaching up with one hand to stroke Erestor's cheek.

"Yes, I do. I-"He was broken off by screams and the harsh sound of metal hitting metal. Their conversation forgotten, they both jumped up and looked around, each with a hand on their sword. Elrond whistled to bring the horses and they both quickly mounted.

"We're outside Imladris' boundaries." Said Erestor, suddenly recognizing where they were. He hadn't thought they had come so far out.

"We'd best leave and hope we've gone unnoticed."

They turned their horses in the direction of the house and dug their heels in, the picnic forgotten. As they came around a corner, they stopped dead.

"Yrch." Hissed Elrond

There was a pack of about twenty orcs waiting for them. Erestor took a deep breath and looked over to Elrond, worried. They'd come out to enjoy a ride but had wondered too far out of Imladris. They were no longer protected. They drew their swords and looked at each other.

"Forgive me, meldir." Erestor said, nerves apparent.

"There's nothing to forgive, mellon-nin, you could not have known." Elrond replied, fear evident in his voice.

Then the orcs attacked. The attack was swift and brutal with no pattern in the orcs' movement. Their plan was to kill the Elves as quickly as possible. They both fought hard but they lost their horses and were forced to dismount, losing the advantage of height. They planned on keeping their backs to each other but they were separated in the battle. Erestor tried hard to work his way over to where Elrond had been drawn but the attack was too fierce, all he could do was keep fighting and hope Elrond did the same. He risked a quick glance over to his left and met Elrond's eyes, both amazed the other hadn't been killed yet.

They were both so focused on the battle that they didn't notice the first volley of arrows that shot around them. The orcs paused in the fight trying to work out where the arrows had come from. Another volley shot and they once again sought each other's eyes in the pause. Elven arrows! The few orcs that survived the onslaught quickly retreated, unwilling to do battle against Imladris' finest warriors. The relief was evident on their faces as the last few orcs were quickly taken out by the guards that appeared through the trees. Erestor was overjoyed to find that Elrond had survived. A little battered and bloodied, but definitely alive. He made his way across the battlefield towards him, stepping over the corpses of the orcs, overcome with the urge to hold the bloodied Lord in his arms. Neither of them noticed the dying orc until it was too late. Erestor gasped as he felt a sharp pain run through his stomach and his world began to go hazy. He saw Elrond's look at him in shock. There was an eerie silence on the battlefield as all stopped in their movements. Suddenly, his eyes cleared and all he could do was watch as Elrond fell to the ground, in seeming slow motion, with an orc blade through his stomach.

"ELROND!" He screamed as the world sped up again. They had not survived through this battle for them to be parted now. As he ran towards Elrond, he tripped over the orc that had stabbed Elrond. Belatedly he noticed the orc had died. He reached Elrond and knelt beside him in the mud. Gingerly he rolled Elrond onto his back and his heart broke at what he saw. The wound on his stomach was gaping and now it was barely bleeding. The blood loss had been swift and now there simply wasn't enough left. His face was white, his lips grey and his eyes closed. Erestor reached to Elrond's lips and wiped away the trickle of blood coming from his mouth. Elrond's eyes fluttered open at this touch but they were glazed and didn't focus. Erestor wondered if Elrond was even aware of him now. He looked up when something wet fell onto Elrond's face, expecting to see rain but the sky was just as blue as it had been and he realized he was crying. Erestor took one of Elrond's cold hands in his, feeling for a pulse in the wrist. He couldn't feel anything.

"Elrond...please, don't leave me." He said

"Ere...stor," he whispered thickly through the blood in his mouth. He smiled at the blurred form above him. "Mela...min." Then he was gone.

"Elrond?" He called. "Elrond?" He asked again feeling for Elrond's heartbeat. But Elrond was gone. Then Erestor let out a scream of pain as he realized what Elrond had said. Not mellon-nin, but melamin. He dropped his head to Elrond's chest and sobbed. The guards ran up to them at Erestor's scream and all looked on in silent shock. Their Lord was dead. Forming a circle around them, the guards removed their helmets and bowed their heads in respect. Glorfindel stepped forwards and looked on sadly. They were too late.

As the sun began to set, Glorfindel walked towards the two still forms and placed his hand on the advisor's shoulder.

"Erestor?" He asked gently but there was no response, Erestor had passed out. He lifted Erestor's limp form of their Lord's body and cradled him to his chest, tears in his eyes. He would allow his own grief later but first they had more important things to tend to. Two of the soldiers reverently lifted Elrond and carefully placed him onto the litter he had instructed them to build. They placed Elrond's sword into his hands. No word was needed as the litter was lifted and the silent procession slowly made its way back to Imladris.

Heads were bowed as the residents of Imladris watched the procession pass. There was none of the haste associated with bringing the injured home as quickly as possible. Eventually, they reached the courtyard where the twins were waiting.

"Glorfindel, thank the Valar. You reached them." Said Elrohir relieved. There had been word of Orc activity in the direction that Elrond and Erestor had gone that morning and the guards had immediately been sent out to find the two Elves. He took in the limp form that Glorfindel cradled. "Is Erestor injured? What happened?" He received no response other than Glorfindel bowing his head. Something was wrong. "Glorfindel. Where is ada?" He asked. He knew his father would have raced in with Erestor, heading straight to the Healer's wing of the house.

Glorfindel raised his eyes to meet those of Elrohir, who felt his heart shattering at the grief contained in the blue eyes. "Ada?" He whispered, knowing that something had happened and he suddenly didn't want the answer to his question. Glorfindel stepped aside to allow the litter through.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. Both of the twins looked at each other in horror. Something must have happened to their father. Then Elladan noticed the litter.

"Ada!" He cried, thinking his father was badly injured. But then he took in the sad faces of the guards, the stillness of his father's form, the closed eyes and the sword in his hands. How many times had he arranged the dead that way? A warrior's death... "No." He whispered, tear filled eyes turning to those of his twin, who looked just as shocked.

The procession moved through the house, now with the twins following, to the healing wing where Erestor was placed on a bed. Elrond was taken further into the healing house to where the dead were tended. The twins turned away as the healers began to clean their father. They just couldn't watch that.

They made their way through to the room where Erestor was. He was sat up with his arms wrapped around his waist, confusion and pain in his eyes. He was rocking back and forth, muttering something under his breath that the twins couldn't make out. He stopped and his breathing became laboured. He seemed to be having trouble breathing. Elrohir's healer training kicked in and he sat down in front of Erestor, gathering his hands in his and speaking soft words to calm him down. Erestor slowly began to calm down and his breathing became easier. He realized both twins were with him. He tried not to look at either of them, now that Elladan had moved to sit beside him. He blamed himself. He'd suggested the ride to Elrond and he should have been playing closer attention to the surroundings.

"Erestor." Elrohir's soft voice caused him to snap his head up and look at him. Elrohir almost flinched at the guilt and grief contained in those eyes. "What happened?" He asked gently but firmly.

"Too many," he whispered, rocking. "Too many. I should have seen them. Too many." He broke down, whispering, "I'm sorry" over and over again. Elrohir reached out and gathered him in his arms.

"It's not your fault." His own tears soon followed, as did Elladan's as they held each other through the night in their grief.

It had been almost a week since Elrond had left their lives. Erestor could hardly bring himself to eat or sleep. Everything he tried to eat he brought back up anyway and he had such nightmares the first night he slept that he wouldn't let himself sleep. He had also taken on most of Elrond's duties, silently working all day and most of the night. He still blamed himself entirely. He should never have taken Elrond out on that ride. Then the words Elrond had whispered as he passed. It was no real secret to his friends how Erestor felt about Elrond. But to know Elrond felt the same way...it was too much.

Erestor stared up at the ceiling of his empty chambers. He'd long since given up actually trying to sleep. Not only was he afraid of the nightmares returning but also it had been decades since he had actually slept on his own or even in this room. He had unofficially moved into Elrond's chambers while they had been lovers. Although the twins had assured him they wouldn't mind him sleeping in there now it still felt wrong. He had only returned once to take his belongings back to his own room. Once or twice since Elrond's death he had rolled over in bed expecting to curl around a warm body next to him. Each time he had been on the verge of sleep and had woken abruptly when he realized he was alone in bed. The nearest to sleep he could manage was to allow his body to relax for a couple of hours but this never left him feeling rested.

Sighing, he threw back the covers and stood up. A wave of dizziness overtook him and he slumped back onto the bed, holding his head in his hands, clenching his eyes shut as his sight unfocused. His breathing was too fast and shallow He knew he was fading, wasting away slowly day by day until there was nothing left of him. The twins had each other, Arwen had fled to Valinor to find her mother, unable to cope with the loss of both her parents from Arda, and he was alone in his pain. Dying over his lost love. The dizzy spell gradually passed and he dressed in his black robes. Always black now, it suited him and he no longer felt he could wear anything of colour. Pulling his comb through his hair he glanced up to the shattered mirror willing himself not to hear the whispers of Elrond's last words that followed him. He had smashed the mirror a few days before when he thought he'd seen Elrond behind him.

"Erestor..." The voice whispered behind him.

"Leave me, please." He pleaded.

"Melamin." Always the same words, every morning when he combed his hair. He wondered if madness was a symptom of fading. Throwing down the comb he left his chambers. He didn't bother braiding his hair now. Elrond had gifted him with a clasp to hold his braids. He couldn't bear to touch it now, let alone put it in his hair.

He made his way slowly to the study; even walking that short distance left him exhausted and out of breath. He didn't even bother going to the dining hall for breakfast. He hardly ate, only what either of the twins practically forced down his throat. They were lucky if that stayed down. The twins were coping; they had Glorfindel to support them. The three of them barely spoke to him now and he rarely saw them. He took that as proof of his guilt. So he worked away quietly, waiting to die.

Groaning, he reached the desk and saw how much work there was waiting for him. Half of it was what he couldn't finish yesterday; his concentration wasn't as good as it had been. He collapsed onto the chair, trying to catch his breath. Eventually managing to calm down his breathing, he reached for the first piece of parchment and began to work his way through.

A few hours later he had done all he could manage and his thoughts began drifting back to Elrond...

It was a winter's night, cold even for Elves. Erestor smiled as he wrapped his cloak around his body and headed for Elrond's chamber. Elrond had invited Erestor to his chambers for some mulled wine and conversation, which would no doubt last several hours. They had begun to spend more and more of their free time sat together in front of Elrond's fire, talking through the night. Erestor had begun to look forward to their evenings together but he always felt as though something had been left unsaid. As had become usual, he didn't knock and pushed open the door. Elrond was waiting in front of the fire with the wine already warmed.

"Good evening, meldir." He said as he sat down on the furs and accepted a mug of mulled wine.

"It is, Erestor." Replied Elrond. "With your company, the evening is always good." He continued seeing Erestor's raised eyebrow.

"You flatter me Elrond!" He had said laughing but Elrond had just smiled.

They did talk for a good few hours, just as Erestor had expected. Midnight soon approached, which had become the unofficial end to their talks. Erestor went to stand but Elrond put his hand over his. The touch was warm and Erestor instinctively curled his fingers around Elrond's. With his other hand, Elrond cupped Erestor's cheek and slowly leant forward. Erestor met him in the middle and, almost cautiously, their lips met. The kiss was over almost as soon as it started but it left no doubt as to what had remained unsaid between them.

"Stay with me Erestor." Elrond had whispered.

"Always." He had whispered back. And he had. After that night, he never spent another in his own room.

The door of the study opened quietly and Elrohir poked his head through the doorway. Erestor was asleep as he always was at lunchtime when he brought him some food. He left the tray on a side table and left quietly.

Erestor opened his eyes. He was laid on his back looking up at the stars. He hadn't done that for far too long. He felt carefree. He became aware of a presence next to him.

"Elrond..." The name fell from his lips. Elrond smiled at him. The smile seen too rarely and the smile that had made Erestor fall head over heels in love with him. Erestor couldn't help himself and smiled back. Elrond took his hand and kissed the back of it causing Erestor to laugh. Elrond bent down and gave a quick kiss to Erestor's lips. Erestor looked on, shocked. In the back of his mind, he knew this was a dream, but that had felt far too real. Erestor brought the fingertips of his other hand to his lips, still able to feel Elrond's lips on his. But why did Elrond look so sad?

"Erestor." Elrond said, pain evident in his voice. Erestor turned round to look at him. "Please wake up."

Erestor woke up with a jerk. It took him a moment to work out where he was and he looked around panicked.

"Easy Erestor, you were asleep." Said Elladan, putting a hand on Erestor's shoulder.

"I was asleep?" He asked.

"We think you were dreaming." He looked down at the floor.

"You were calling for ada." Said Elrohir, not taking his eyes off Erestor.

"A dream?" He whispered to himself. He touched his fingertips to his lips. He was sure he could still feel the kiss. He stood and turned to the window. "Only a dream." He said, bowing his head.

The twins looked on sadly. They knew about the relationship between their father and Erestor. It was no real secret and it was obvious that they had been in love with each other. As it was obvious how much Erestor was now suffering.

"Will you be alright, meldir?" Asked one of the twins behind him. Without looking, he couldn't be sure of which one.

"I will be fine." He lied. The twins left the study and Erestor to his grief.

Time passed, as it does, and the day Erestor had been dreading arrived. Elrond's burial was going to take place today, followed by a memorial feast. The Hall of Fire had been decorated in Elrond's favourite colours and his favourite foods were going to be served. Erestor had not taken part in any of the preparations. It should have been his job, and if it had been for anyone else then Erestor would have arranged everything.

That morning Erestor struggled to wake. He had not had a nightmare that night but his exhausted body had refused to stay awake any longer. He was terrified of the dreams he'd had of Elrond calling for him to come back. They were so real, it almost felt as though Elrond was there with him. The ache in his heart upon waking only served to remind him that it wasn't real. Erestor stopped sleeping after that day in the study, refusing to have another dream. Eventually, the lack of food and sleep had been too much and last night he had awoken on the floor of the study. It had taken far too long to stand but his body no longer had the energy it needed to work properly. Somehow he had managed to make it back to his room and had collapsed, still fully clothed, on top of the bed and knew nothing until the next morning.

Erestor groaned as he shifted on the bed. His whole body ached. As he stretched out a sharp, stabbing pain shot through his abdomen and he curled up into a ball panting as the pain started to increase. Just as he thought it would cause him to pass out, it went. Slowly he began to uncurl.

"Erestor..." Came Elrond's whispered voice and at once he curled up again. "Melamin..." Erestor whimpered in reply and curled up tighter. He just wanted this to be over. He didn't want to hear Elrond's voice following him any longer. He didn't want to feel this way. He only wanted to be where Elrond was right now. "Erestor..." Why couldn't this voice leave him alone? He lay there, refusing to move and willing himself not to hear the voice again.

"Erestor! Can you hear me?" Erestor jumped at the unexpected sound. This voice was different. Cautiously, he lifted his head and looked to the door. There was a loud knock and he screwed up his eyes, hoping he wasn't asleep. No, he was sure he wasn't. He was never scared in his dreams. Obviously someone was trying to get in. But who was it? Had Elrond come to get him?

"Erestor!" Came the voice again. It definitely wasn't Elrond. "I'm coming in." Erestor's eyes flashed wide open and he breathing quickened.

"No, please leave me alone." He whispered. He wanted to raise his voice and call out to who ever was on the other side but he was terrified. The door knob turned and Erestor shifted to the other side of the bed, trembling. The door opened and a blond head poked through.

"Erestor?" Glorfindel's heart broke at the sight of his friend curled up, trembling on the edge of the bed. He slowly moved towards him. For some reason, his friend was terrified. "Erestor" he said gently as he sat on the bed, ignoring the whimper the form on the bed made. "It's Glorfindel meldir." Erestor's head shot up, his dark eyes, wide with confusion, meeting Glorfindel's concerned blue ones.

"Glorfindel?" He whispered shakily. "I thought...I..." he trailed off and looked away. Glorfindel could see Erestor was scared and confused so he knew to proceed gently.

"We need to get ready." He said softly. Erestor sat up and moved to the head of the bed and looked at Glorfindel, unsure as to what he wanted. He had calmed somewhat now. Glorfindel was never in his dreams so he was sure he was awake.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Aye, it's Elrond's memorial today."

"Today? But I've not arranged anything. I've not...not..." He trailed off again. He seemed to be having trouble thinking properly today and his head felt as though it was wrapped in wool. How could they be burying Elrond today? As he thought about it, he wasn't sure what day today was.

"Hush meldir." Soothed Glorfindel. "It is taken care of. Let's get you ready shall we?" Erestor just nodded blankly and after a moment's thought he slid off the bed and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He could hear Glorfindel go as if to follow him so he quickly began to wash. Listening, he could hear that Glorfindel had moved away from the door and was doing something else in his room. Splashing his face with cold water he looked up and gasped in horror when he saw someone had been in and replaced his mirror. Cringing, he took in his appearance. He looked awful and almost didn't recognise the image staring back at him. Movement behind him in the mirror caught his eye and he twisted round only to find himself alone in the bathroom. Abandoning his attempt at washing he went back into his room.

Glorfindel was still there and he had put a clean robe on his bed for him. Erestor shot him a grateful look and quickly got changed. He went to his dresser intending to comb his hair but Glorfindel had it and was picking out the hairs. Holding his hand out, he asked silently for it back. Glorfindel was jolted out of whatever reverie he had been in.

"Sit, I'll do it for you." He said. No one but Elrond had been allowed to tend to his hair! Erestor was about to argue but Glorfindel had the comb and obviously wasn't going to give it up. Sighing happily as Glorfindel got to work, Erestor relaxed. He'd loved it when Elrond had combed his hair then braided it. Glorfindel was a little rougher, but it was still pleasant. His eyes shot open when he felt Glorfindel's fingers shift in his hair. He would let him comb it but never braid it.

"What are you doing?" He asked, distressed.

"Braiding your hair." Glorfindel replied as he reached forwards to fasten off Erestor's braids with the clasp on the dresser. Erestor's hand reached out and grabbed it first. He turned and stood, wrenching the braids out of Glorfindel's grip.

"No don't' please." He begged, clutching the clasp to his heart. Glorfindel didn't understand, but then he realised the clasp was one Elrond had given to Erestor.

"I'm sorry meldir." He said. "Let me comb those out for you." Erestor shook his head, placed the clasp back onto the dresser and undid them himself. He paused for a moment then bowed his head.

"Let's got then."

---

The burial took place at sunset. A large group had congregated on the bank of the Bruinen to watch Elrond's departure. Heads bowed as he was placed into a boat and they watched as it was gently pushed off. The gathered Elves watched as the boat moved slowly, much slower than the current should have allowed, down to the sea. As the boat moved out of their sight the Elves turned and walked slowly back to Imladris, confident that the boat would reach the sea without damage or misfortune. Elrond was of Tuor's line, beloved of Ulmo, so it was only fitting that he had been given to the sea.

Elrond's burial had allowed most of the residents of Imladris to begin to heal. The twins had run after the boat, shouting goodbye and that they would find each other again in Valinor. It was now time for the feast where songs would be sung and speeches made.

Erestor made his way to the Hall of Fire. He could hear laughing and singing ahead of him. The point of the feast was to celebrate Elrond's life but Erestor didn't feel as though he would be able to laugh at all. He pushed open the doors and made his way to his usual seat, trying to ignore the glances and scattered whispers. He sighed as he sat, the walk had made him ache badly. The smells of the various foods made his stomach turn and he was sure he would have been sick if he had eaten anything this morning. It would be sometime before the food was served. He sat through a few of the songs celebrating Elrond's battles before switching off to the sound around him. The few people who tried to make conversation with him quickly gave up. Shortly after that the first course was served. No one said anything when Erestor stood and left.

Erestor slowly made his way back to his room, not even aware of where was walking. He felt utterly weary and his body ached even worse than before. He struggled to make his way back as his body wanted to collapse where he was. He was too tired to even be relieved that he had made it to his door. Opening it, he stumbled through and fell on it to push it shut. Dragging himself over to the bed, he collapsed on top of it and tried not to fall asleep and dream of ebony hair and grey eyes. His eyelids began to droop and he lost the battle as nothingness beckoned to him.

Erestor woke when he felt something soft touch his face. He was sat under a tree and it looked to be spring. There were flowers about and he could hear birdsong. Erestor smiled at the form in front of him. He knew this was a dream but he didn't care if it wasn't real, he didn't hurt here.

"I wish you wouldn't stay where you are." Said Elrond, stroking his face again.

"Why is that then?" He purred contentedly.

"I miss you."

"But I'm here with you now." Elrond said nothing but continued to stroke his cheek. He picked up one of Erestor's hands and held it against his cheek.

"Do you remember the day we found the hot springs?" Elrond began. "I fell in love with you that day." Erestor opened his eyes and looked at Elrond in shock. That day was centuries ago! Why was he having this dream? Was his mind creating it to stop him going completely mad? Elrond ignored Erestor's reaction. "You were so happy that day, it was infectious. You looked so beautiful and you didn't stop smiling and laughing all day. You made life look good again." Elrond broke off to laugh. "I wrote you a letter. I never gave it to you; it's still in my desk. I was too afraid you wouldn't return my feelings but you do. I was going to give it to you when we got back from the ride." Erestor could hear Elrond crying but he couldn't see any tears. "After I lost Gil-Galad, you were there. After I lost Celebrian, you were there. Now I'm afraid I'm going to lose you and there won't be anyone to pick me up and dust me off."

"Elrond? What's going on?"

"Erestor, please," it sounded as though he was sobbing. "Open your eyes."

"I don't understand. My eyes are open!" He cried.

"Erestor, please. Just wake up."

Erestor woke gasping for breath. That felt far too real. There was no way a dream could feel like that. He rolled onto his back and bought his hands to his face when he noticed something. His hand, the one Elrond had been holding in his dream, was wet. Erestor lifted his hand and stared at it before bringing it to his lips to taste the liquid. It was salty. He felt his face. It was dry. So where had the tears come from? Elrond had cried in his dream. Erestor froze. He could hardly dare hope. Had Elrond found a way to reach him? Surely that wasn't possible. Something else registered in his mind. There was a letter. Elrond in his dream had mentioned a letter. If Elrond was really speaking to him from Mandos, then there should be a letter in Elrond's desk. He quickly dressed and ran out of his room, not even bothering to comb his hair. He had to stop partway down the corridor to catch his breath; it was coming in short gasps now. He was getting dizzy and his vision was going hazy but he had to reach Elrond's desk. Leaning against a wall, he sank down onto the floor, unable to continue supporting himself. He found himself collapsed on the floor. He tried to push himself up but got to his knees before he felt himself falling again. His mind barely registered being caught in strong arms before his eyes rolled back and he lost consciousness.

"Erestor..." No not again!

"Erestor! Can you hear me?" No, please! "Erestor!" But that voice was different. "Erestor, wake up."

Erestor groaned faintly as the unexpected voice pulled him away from the silent haze that unconsciousness had bought him. He opened his eyes only to shut them again as the candlelight in the corridor seemed far too bright. Trying again, more slowly this time, he blinked hard to clear his vision. Someone was above him but he couldn't make out the form. Looking up at the form with frown, Erestor was baffled. Who was that? His confusion must have been obvious as the form above him looked away for a moment. "Erestor, do you recognize me?" He asked slowly. Erestor narrowed his eyes and then tried blinking again, trying to focus. After a minute his eyes cleared and he was able to make out deep blue eyes looking at him in concern, but he had no idea who they belonged to. And why was he on his back in the corridor anyway?

"Erestor, do you know who I am?" He twitched as he heard another voice. He hadn't realized anyone else was here. The owner of this voice had brown eyes and he was sure who they belonged to.

"Twin?" He whispered. The owner of the brown eyes nodded.

"It's me, Elladan." He said softly before turning to the owner of the blue eyes. "I hadn't realized it was this bad." He said quietly, not intending for Erestor to hear.

"Glorfindel." Said Erestor, finally able to place the blue eyes.

"That's right. Do you want to go back to bed?" He asked.

"No." Said Erestor weakly. "There's a letter."

"What letter?" Asked Glorfindel.

"A letter in his desk for me. He told me. There's a letter." Glorfindel looked up at Elladan as Erestor continued to mumble quietly to himself.

"I cleaned out his desk myself. There was no letter for Erestor." Said Elladan.

"Erestor..." Came a whisper. Glorfindel and Elladan melted away before his eyes, leaving him sat alone in the corridor. No, he couldn't be asleep!

"No, leave me be!" He begged. He was tired of this voice. All he wanted was for it to go away.

"Please, open your eyes."

"What do you mean? My eyes are open!"

"Wake up Erestor. Please wake up."

Erestor struggled to open his eyes and he found himself slumped over his desk. The dreams were getting worse. He though he really had been awake that time. Did that mean there was a letter for him or not? Pushing himself to his feet, he gasped as he felt a stabbing pain shooting through his abdomen. It was almost enough to make him lose consciousness. He sank back onto the chair as his stomach muscles began cramping up. As he calmed down he tried to push himself up again, more slowly this time. He managed it and found the pain had been reduced to a dull ache. As he stood, it began to build again until it almost felt as though he had been run through with a sword. He cried out as it reached a crescendo. Then it vanished and he was left gasping for breath. Erestor picked himself off the floor. He hadn't even noticed he had fallen. He felt something run down his chin and reached up to wipe it away. It was blood, but he hadn't bit his lip. He wiped it away and there wasn't any more.

"Erestor..." He did his best to ignore the voice as he dragged himself over to Elrond's desk. He sat on the floor and began to pull open the drawers, looking frantically through the papers. If there was a letter then he wasn't going mad. Finally he had emptied all the drawers and there was no letter. Erestor looked at the pile of paperwork around him and began going through it again. He couldn't believe Elrond was truly gone. He wiped away the tears that were falling as he searched through the papers. There was no letter. Erestor pulled himself into Elrond's chair and held his head in his hands. He'd imagined the whole thing. He took a deep breath and a sudden calm took over him. He stopped crying and stood, ready to leave the room and go back to his chambers. He was ready to lie down and never wake up. He wanted to join Elrond in Mandos.

"Erestor..." Erestor closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. soon, my love. he thought. He turned to take one last look at Elrond's desk.

"Don't leave me. I love you Erestor."

There was a letter. Calmly, he walked over and picked it up. His name was on the front in Elrond's fine script. He turned the paper over to break the seal.

"Don't give in. Come back to the light." Erestor dropped the letter as he saw a bright light appearing in front of him. Was this what it was like to die? He reached for the letter again. Elrond's voice came from the light. It was clear, not the whisper as it had been in his dreams, almost as he really was hearing Elrond's voice.

"Come back to the light." It was almost as though there was a choice in front of him. Open the letter or go to the light? Open the letter or go to the light? It was that simple. Erestor turned the paper over and stared at the back.

Open the letter or...

"Open your eyes. Please come back. Don't give in. Erestor, I love you." Erestor broke the seal and cried out as pain overtook him and he dropped to his knees.

"Erestor! Listen to my voice. Come back to the light." Erestor looked down at the letter he had dropped on the floor and then back up at the light.

...go to the light?

"I love you, Elrond." He whispered, his decision made.

"Please wake up. Open your eyes." Erestor bowed his head, focussing on Elrond's voice. He didn't care where he was going, as long as he was going to be with Elrond. Then he felt, rather than saw the light fill the room and engulf him.

"That's it, open your eyes." Now Elrond's voice sounded as though it was next to his ear, like he was right there with him. Images quickly flashed through his mind's eye. Storming down the corridor to drag Elrond out for a ride, telling Elrond he loved him, a fight with Orcs. The images sped up and repeated over and over again until he couldn't follow them anymore. Then he was laying in the mud with Elrond's worried face looking down at him. After he had been stabbed by an Orc blade.

"Erestor..."

Then Erestor opened his eyes.

And he found himself looking into stormy grey ones. Unable to believe what his eyes were seeing, he just stared in shock.

"El..." He tried to speak but it came out as a hoarse whisper. His throat was parched and the words wouldn't come out. Elrond must have understood because he smiled down at him. It was only then that Erestor realised that Elrond was looking down at him and he was laid in a bed. What was going on? He moved to sit up but pain suddenly flared across his abdomen and Elrond's hands gently pushed him back down.

"Don't try to sit, you're still healing." Said Elrond taking one of Erestor's hands in his. Erestor looked at the hand that held his. Elrond's touch felt solid and his hand was warm. Was this real?

"Would you like some water?" Erestor just nodded, not believing what he was seeing and feeling. Elrond's touch felt so much more real than it had been. He watched Elrond move to the other side of the room to pour some water. Elrond placed the tumbler on the table next to the bed. He then sat on the edge of the bed and put his arm underneath Erestor's shoulders.

"Relax meleth." He urged. Erestor did his best to relax but there was still some pain as Elrond gently lifted his shoulders so he was in a semi reclining position. Elrond shifted behind him so that Erestor could lean back onto his chest. Erestor smiled happily as Elrond wrapped one of his arms around his waist to support him.

"Slow sips." Elrond whispered into Erestor's ear before bringing the tumbler to his lips. The cool water instantly soothed his throat and he soon emptied the glass. Elrond placed the tumbler back onto the table and wrapped his other arm around Erestor, who immediately nuzzled into Elrond's neck. Erestor brought his hand up to touch Elrond's arm but frustratingly, he found he lacked the strength to keep it there. Instead he dropped his arm and rested his hand on Elrond's thigh.

"Better?" Asked Elrond.

"Hmm, much." Replied Erestor. His voice still croaked but it wasn't painful to speak now. They stayed like that for several minutes, content to just be holding each other. For a moment Erestor was almost convinced Elrond was really there with him. It felt so good being held like this. He nuzzled further into Elrond's neck, breathing in deeply and sighing. Elrond felt so real. Feeling overwhelmed, he was unable to stop the tears as they began to fall.

"Erestor, what is the matter?" Asked Elrond who grew concerned when the Elf in his arms had begun to shake with sobs.

"I don't want to wake up this time. Let me stay." He said through his tears.

"Meleth, you are awake." Elrond murmured as he slowly rocked Erestor in an attempt to calm him down.

"That's what I thought before but none of it is real." Then Elrond thought he understood. Erestor had had a high fever while his body was fighting off the effects of the poison so he may have had some disturbing dreams. But why was he so upset at the thought of waking? Elrond tightened his hold on Erestor who was crying in earnest now. It was a few moments before Elrond realised Erestor was mumbling to himself.

"...not wake up...don't leave...Elrond...no...alone..." Elrond couldn't make sense of it.

"Erestor?" He whispered. "Melamin?" He had been hoping to calm Erestor down again, it had worked while he had been unconscious. He wasn't expecting Erestor to freeze in his arms and then struggle to get out.

"No!" He wailed. He wasn't going to go through this again, surely? Why was he being tormented this way? Elrond just held Erestor tighter. In his weakened state, he wasn't able to put up much of a fight. Quickly, he wore himself out and stopped struggling. However, Elrond grew anxious when Erestor trembled and whimpered in his arms.

"Tell me what ails you, melamin." Elrond coaxed. Erestor sniffed as he stopped crying.

"I don't want to wake up and for you to leave me again."

"I won't leave you," said Elrond gently. "I'm right here." He pressed his lips to the top of Erestor's hair, hoping that this would solve the problem.

"But you have." Erestor tried to move to face Elrond but as he shifted he hissed in pain. He had forgotten about the pain in his stomach. Realising his lover wanted to see him, Elrond shifted Erestor so that he was laying down again. Elrond then sat on the edge of the bed and took Erestor's hand in his.

"I don't understand." Said Elrond. Obviously something that Erestor had dreamt had upset him. Erestor's brown eyes widened in bewilderment and he looked up at Elrond; half confused, half afraid.

"Don't you know?" He whispered. Now he was definitely confused. Before, Elrond had seemed to know that they were apart.

"No. You were dreaming Erestor."

"Dreaming? When?"

"Since you were stabbed by that Orc."

"What? I wasn't! You were. You're dead. I'm dreaming again. Why can't this stop?" Erestor grew distressed again. Elrond wondered about what Erestor had dreamt to think him dead.

"Hush now. Tell me what happened." Elrond asked softly. He had to get to the bottom of this. Erestor's stress would slow down his healing.

"You were stabbed." Erestor whispered. After a moment's thought he continued. "You died. I kept hearing you and I kept thinking I was awake but you would tell me to wake up. Then I'd be somewhere else and I'd hear you again. I thought I was going mad." He paused for a second. Then, making eye contact with Elrond he admitted "I don't know if I'm awake."

Elrond reached forwards and gently stroked Erestor's cheek with his other hand. Looking into Erestor's eyes he gently explained what had happened.

"You are awake, meleth. I am alive and here with you." He paused, thinking of how was best to phrase the truth of what had happened. "You were stabbed after the fight with a poisoned blade. I thought I was going to lose you. You've been delirious, dreaming and calling out. You seemed to calm down when I spoke to you. I am so happy that you are back." Then Elrond leant over and softly pressed his lips to Erestor's. Elrond's lips were warm against his slightly chilled ones and it felt so real. He was almost sure that he was awake now but there was still a small amount of doubt in his mind. The kiss ended and Elrond gazed down into Erestor's eyes. He was troubled to see some doubt remaining.

"You're still not sure, are you?" Erestor shook his head sadly.

"So many times I thought you were but it was a dream. Now all of it is a dream and I don't know what to think."

Without another word, Elrond moved aside his shirt and placed Erestor's palm over his heart. Erestor's eyes widened.

"You're..." He was overwhelmed and his eyes filled with tears of joy as he felt Elrond's strong heartbeat through his palm.

END