Glorfindel walked toward Erestor slowly, he was unsure what to say to him, he looked behind himself to see Thranduil walk away from the scene, he still felt reluctant to speak with Erestor for their last meeting did not end well for either of them. Also Glorfindel was worried that his distance with Erestor might cause problems for Thranduil and Terrance...he didn't want that. Even though he wasn't particularly fond of Terrance, he knew that that elf would love and protect Thranduil from any harm, he needed that assurance if he ever hoped to let Thranduil go at the end of the ceremony he shook away those thoughts and looked back at Erestor who seemed lost in thought, he was still worried he would somehow make Erestor angry again but he had to try if not for himself then to at least give Erestor the benefit of a doubt.
"Are you desiring a moment alone with your thoughts or may I interrupt?" Glorfindel asked lightly.
Erestor looked up a little surprised that Glorfindel noticed him and managed to come so close during his musing. "I thought you were with Thranduil..." He said not seeing the blonde elf any longer.
"We parted ways, what we need to discuss he felt should be in private...i wouldn't have minded his presence though, I wouldn't keep secrets from him." Glorfindel said.
"That's good...that you'll be honest with him, don't take this the wrong way but he's changed you somewhat and I believe it's for the better." Erestor paused. "I wanted to apologize for what I said to you earlier...i was out of line and cruel I shouldn't have said such things especially not in front of Thranduil and Terrance." Erestor said.
"I forgive you, you were not entirely wrong in what you said..." Glorfindel said softly.
"I could have tried...but I couldn't bring myself to trust you and that was my fault, you deserved more than that. You were willing to give it up your current lifestyle for me but I simply couldn't allow myself at the time to take any kind of chance." Erestor sighed. "I did love you Glorfindel, very much in fact, that's why it hurt so much to know you were with another so soon..." Erestor looked at him sadly.
Glorfindel deeply sighed. "I loved you too, that's why I took the comfort offered to me, I didn't do it to intentionally hurt you...it just seemed like a good idea at the time was all, and honestly I didn't think you would care." He said.
"Neither did I, you know me though, sometimes it takes time before I realize something...even if it is staring me right in the face...I wish I could have trusted you, you were always honest with me so there was no reason for me to reject you, I was just foolish." Erestor said.
"This feels good, to talk to you again...it's a shame that we couldn't move past our own selves to give one another a chance, although I do think now it was for the best. I wouldn't be with Thranduil now and you wouldn't have Terrance...do you have Terrance?" He asked unsure.
"It's progressing slowly, he's very cautious around me but he's warming up to me...slowly but surely." Erestor said.
"I'm glad for you." Glorfindel said. "I'm sorry about everything that happened between us Erestor, anything I did to hurt you, intentionally or not, I ask your forgiveness." He said.
"Will you grant me the same?" He asked.
"Of course, it already feels as if a weight has been lifted from my heart, besides how could I not forgive you? I honestly miss you and we are together much of our lives so...I forgive you." Glorfindel said.
"And I forgive you." Erestor said walking up to Glorfindel and giving him a brief hug, it felt good to hold him for a moment and he was glad that they had talked this through.
"Let us walk and catch up, I tried to keep myself scarce at the Last Homely House so not to make you uncomfortable around me...i want to know if Elrond is still giving you headaches." Glorfindel said.
"Of course he is, how about you though, you've been training the twins have you not? That must be causing you some headaches as well I'm sure." Erestor said with a slight laugh to his words.
Elrond gazed at Thranduil for a moment, he wanted to know...he wanted to know so badly what it felt like...he gently touched Thranduil's lips with his fingertips, slowly tracing the curvature of his mouth with adapt fascination. They felt so soft...it was too much for Elrond to stand anymore and he leaned over Thranduil's sleeping form and pressed his lips gently to Thranduil's.
Thranduil's lips parted ever so slightly and Elrond couldn't stop himself from slipping his tongue inside the yielding mouth, he tasted so sweet, at that moment all sense of right and wrong were gone. He was so lost in the sensation he almost didn't notice that tentative mouth kissing him back but even then he couldn't bring himself to pull away, he was too far away now to care.
Thranduil could feel someone kissing him, he was still somewhere in-between being awake and being asleep but, regardless, he still kissed back, assuming it to be Glorfindel's lips against his own. Something though about this kiss was different, that heat that consumed Thranduil normally was not there it was a soft warmth. He was about to pull away but hesitated, he felt a hand placed so gently against his cheek and that warm mouth ran across his jaw line and down his neck. In his dreamlike state Thranduil didn't really resist it, it wasn't as if he knew who this was, even so, his body was reacting to this unfamiliar touch. His arms lifted to wrap around the shoulders and pull the face of his lover to his own to kiss him properly.
Elrond startled somewhat his eyes going wide when Thranduil wrapped his arms around him and brought their faces close so that they could kiss, it was more than he could have hoped for and it was wonderful to feel those soft lips kissing hm back.
The slight resistance Thranduil felt caused his tired body to awaken fully as he opened his eyes to stare into not his lover's eyes...but Elrond's.
Thranduil pulled away almost instantly with such force it sent both of them to floor, Thranduil still somewhat shocked and it seemed Elrond was a little surprised as well. "I...I'm sorry...I thought you were Glorfindel, I didn't mean anything by..." Thranduil stumbled with his words as he pulled himself back up to the bed clutching the sheet tightly. Thranduil shook his head, Elrond looked really shocked and it worried Thranduil that he would be angry with him. "I...I'm terribly sorry Elrond." He said.
Elrond looked at him confused, Thranduil wasn't angry with he was actually apologizing to him...why though? "Why are you apologizing?" Elrond asked standing up, by all rights Elrond should be apologizing to Thranduil.
"I thought you were Glorfindel, that's why I kissed you and...I thought you were him, I was half asleep I'm sorry Elrond." Thranduil said.
Elrond shook his head at Thranduil. Apparently he thought he had been the one to initiate the entire ordeal...Thranduil thought this to be his fault. Elrond sighed and stood up sitting next to Thranduil on the bed. "It's all right, you were asleep after all...I was checking your temperature when you grabbed me, I knew there had to be some type of explanation." Elrond paused seeing Thranduil's face flush in embarrassment. "I would have pulled away instantly but it shocked me quite a bit." He added, he couldn't bring himself to tell Thranduil the truth.
"I really am sorry Elrond..." He trailed off a bit. "Where are my clothes?" He asked changing the subject, seeming eager to do so.
"Oh, I had to remove them to see to your injures, blood had soaked somewhat into your tunic and leggings, I needed to access your wounds anyway...nothing major, the bleeding was mainly superficial, although you did hit your head rather hard, thankfully though you'll be fine." He said. "Once you feel up to it you can borrow some of my clothing before you leave." He added.
"I feel fine, a slight sting in my leg and a minor headache but other than that I think I'm okay." Thranduil said.
"You broke into a fever in your sleep from the blood loss, it still hasn't subsided, although I'm sure you are anxious to see Glorfindel I would greatly appreciate it if you were to stay here and rest until the fever leaves you at least." Elrond said. "I will find Glorfindel and tell him of your condition if it pleases you though."
"He'll worry about me if he can't find me, I promised I would meet him back at our talan, I do not want to make ill on my promise to him." Thranduil said.
Elrond smiled. "I'll go to your talan then and leave Glorfindel a note as to your whereabouts, he could be anywhere on the grounds by now, I'll bring us something to eat on my way back. Just stay here and rest, I'll be back soon." He said before leaving Thranduil.
Thranduil took a deep breath as he laid his face in his hands, why couldn't he ever think before he acted, how could he have been so foolish to kiss Elrond. That elf was like a father to him, but over the past few days Elrond had been acting so different around him, Thranduil felt as if he had now only made the situation worse, he didn't want to lose Elrond over simple misunderstandings he would have to talk to him, he couldn't let things stay so ill at ease around them, there was a time Thranduil could say anything to Elrond but now Elrond seemed so nervous around him so Thranduil feared saying the wrong thing to him...Thranduil decided that he would clear up the awkwardness between them once Elrond returned.
Elrond wrote a simple note to Glorfindel and hurried back to his own talan stopping to get some food along the way, he already had a good vintage in his talan. He was slightly concerned to see Thranduil curled up on the bed, wearing one of his robes, with such a somber expression. He was happy to see Thranduil hadn't left, he wanted him to stay...he wanted him close if nothing else.
"Are you feeling all right?" Elrond asked setting the food down on the small table in the room before going to sit next to Thranduil.
Thranduil looked at him questionably. "I was going to ask you the same thing..." He said trailing off slightly. "Has something changed between us?" He added.
Elrond frowned. "Changed? Why do you ask?"
"You're different...the way you speak to me, your body language is so uncomfortable around me now, you hardly even look me in the eye anymore, if you look at me at all...have I done something to make you no longer wish to see me? Am I nothing but a bother to you? I don't wish to lose you but you must tell me what I have done wrong, otherwise I know I'll only do it again and make things worse." Thranduil said truly believing he was the origin of Elrond's behavior as of late.
Elrond shook his head at Thranduil, he wished he wasn't so transparent, he had hoped that he wouldn't notice the subtle changes he had made...but Thranduil obviously noticed and now blamed himself thinking that he had done something wrong in which case he hadn't...Elrond felt his mouth go dry as he stood up and walked over to the table pouring himself a glass of wine.
"You haven't done anything wrong Thranduil." He said taking a large drink from his glass.
"...Really...you say that, yet you leave my side, and you're not even looking at me. Please Elrond talk to me, if I am not the problem then what is?" He asked.
Elrond looked at him, seeing the inner struggle he was having and Elrond took another long drink. "I didn't say you were not the problem, I said you didn't do anything wrong. However, you are the reason I'm acting so out of character I guess." Elornd looked at the sad expression Thranduil now wore. "I don't hate you for it..." He embraced Thranduil.
Thranduil stiffened somewhat from the embrace. "You just said I was a problem though." Thranduil said pulling away from the embrace.
Elrond tilted his head to the side as if contemplating Thranduil's words. "Not really a problem but a cause...I really do wish it could be as it once was, I really do."
"Well...if I didn't do anything wrong, then what did I do?" Thranduil asked if had caused something he wanted to know what.
Elornd gave a short laugh. "You grew up to be most beautiful, I had this image of you from the last alliance...you were so much younger then and I was nothing but a substitute for your father at first then I became a friend through nothing but letters and we haven't even corresponded in years, but now seeing you not needing those things from me any longer I see you differently. " Elrond paused. "You were just yourself Thranduil not much to be done about that." Elrond took a deep sigh. "It's not really a problem as I said, it's the cause of my behavior, you want to know what I'm acting the way I am?" Elrond asked Thranduil. "I shouldn't say, it would destroy what we have now...it's not the right time to discuss such things."
"Folly...and you know it. If you wanted the subject to be dismissed then you would have never said anything, and I refuse to leave things as they are now. I stayed so we could talk but if you refuse then I should go back to Glorfindel." Thranduil said, giving Elrond a moment to think.
"Do you want to destroy us? Why do you so effortlessly want to throw away what we have?" Elrond asked.
"How do you know that's what will happen to us? Have you committed such a terrible crime or sin that I cannot forgive you for? I could never...There was a time in my life that I would throw away everything for you Elrond, my title, my kingdom, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't even have those things, I will always forgive you no matter what." Thranduil said.
Elrond scoffed and turned away from Thranduil. "How can you be so beautiful on the inside? It tortures me knowing that I could practically do anything and I would still have your forgiveness." Elrond said. "You should learn to hate people, it would be easier on both of us if you did." Elrond truly believed that if was able to hold Thranduil and Thranduil hated him for it...that would be easier to handle than forgiveness. Elrond would only abuse Thranduil's love, all the more reason why he didn't necessarily want his love, he wanted to hold him and have him yes, but that wasn't really love it was simply want...that much he knew.
"Is it so terrible that I would forgive you? I still love you and care for you a great deal Elrond that I could not change that fact even if I wanted to. " Thranduil asked.
"I know you love me Thranduil probably the same as I love you...However, the feelings I hold for you have changed...I still love you, how could I not." Elrond paused a moment. "But you are not my son." He placed cupped Thranduil's cheek adoringly as he move a bit closer to him. "I do not want your childish love, and the affection I wish to show you is far from a fatherly one...we have moved past that stage in our lives." He said unable to stop himself from kissing Thranduil.
Thranduil's eyes went wide in shock as he stepped back but only hit the wall behind him, he couldn't seem to move much at all, as if he was paralyzed from the confession Elrond just made. The insistent lips pressed against his forcing him to counter the gentle warmth, Elrond's large hands touching him everywhere, his body reacting to the experts strokes and caresses. Earlier his body reacted to this gentle warmth and now was no different however, why was he responding to this?
Thranduil managed to pull his face away from Elrond's long enough to speak. "E-Elrond please..." Thranduil managed through his trembling breathing. "I...I'm with Glorfindel, I can't do this...this is a mistake." He said pushing Elrond away.
"I don't think so..." Elrond said pushing the robe of Thranduil's shoulders. "I know you love Glorfindel Thranduil, but I'm not asking for anything I can't have, I'm not going to ask you to leave him to be with me...all I want is this." Elrond said grasping Thranduil's arousal making his arch involuntarily into the touch. "From the moment I saw you I have fantasized about you." Elrond breathed hotly in Thranduil's ear.
"Why this?" Thranduil asked pushing against him.
"Why go through with this?" Elrond asked. "Why not? Does it really make much of a difference now? I've already begun a downward spiral with you, can you save us from it...?" Elrond stopped momentarily. "If I stop, what then? Will it erase what I feel for you, will all my wrong doings be amended, will you forget this had transpired? Will you still love me and forgive me...?" Elrond said grasping Thranduil's arms and tossing him to the floor and quickly straddling his waist. "It's too late now, since I will no longer have your love...I'll settle for your hate." Elrond said about to kiss him again but Thranduil's words stopped him.
"I don't hate you Elrond...I could not nor will I ever hate you, even when this is finished between us I will forgive you and I will always love you. Understand Elrond that even if you took me here on your talan floor you would still never have me, I belong to Glorfindel...a simple act of sex, lust, that will not change anything...and I won't hate you for it either." Thranduil said seeing a wave of realization cross Elrond's features. "That is what this is isn't it? Lust, you said so yourself that we haven't spoken in ages much less seen one another how could this be anything more?" He asked, slightly worried yes but his words did seem to be having the effect he hoped for.
All of Elrond's senses came rushing back to him a swift moment and he was so angry with himself now...more than any time beforehand, even when he had touched himself with images of Thranduil he felt even more shame now. He stood up and moved away from Thranduil turning away to hide his face, unable to face those concerned eyes.
Thranduil gave a small sigh of relief when Elrond moved off of him, while he was honest with Elrond he was hoping the older elf would come to his senses and not force himself upon him. He was happy to see that Elrond realized what he was doing before it had become too late. He stood up as well and placed a gentle hand on Elrond's shoulder in the attempt to let him know things were all right.
Elrond shrugged it off and turned further away form him, it seemed no matter what he did he could not keep these impure thoughts and actions toward Thranduil from surfacing and it only seemed to happen when Thranduil was near him which made it all the worse. He didn't want to hurt him or their relationship but at the same time he did, this was a dangerous predicament for them both.
"You can go now and I will not hold anything against you if you never wish to see me again." He said looking away from Thranduil.
Thranduil hesitated only a moment before he embraced Elrond gently from behind. "You needn't be foolish, nothing has changed between us." He said.
Elrond sighed as he gently pulled himself from Thranduil's grasp. "You are too kind for your own good Thranduil...you're not even angry with me, I worry about you for that reason alone, I'm surprised you haven't been dragged into the street and stabbed already...but not before forgiving them." He said shaking his head at Thranduil.
"If my flaw is loving you then I am guilty. You might be right, maybe you don't deserve my love or my forgiveness but if that is true you also do not deserve my hate...there is a very thin line between love and hate Elrond so thin others have been known to experience both with the same individual, but with me, I cannot hate someone I love no matter how much they may hurt me." Thranduil locked eyes with Elrond for a moment and the two simply stood for a while until the silence became less tense and a little more relaxed. "I would like to begin our corresponding once more...do you not wish for that?" Thranduil asked.
Elrond nodded 'yes' slowly. "I think it best that you stay away from me for a while though Thranduil...letters are fine I suppose...but I am not so easily turned from something I desire, right now I believe the only thing holding me back is rationalization, but that is something that will not last forever...I need to move beyond this on my own and I cannot with you here." Elrond said. This night could have turned so terrible but thankfully things did not, Elrond believed that the further Thranduil was from him the safer they both would be.
"Then I will take my leave." Thranduil said taking his clothing and leaving the talan, his clothes were still stained and he only wore a robe but his own flat was not far from this one and he quickly made his way home. When he walked inside he noticed Glorfindel the letter written by Elrond in hand.
"I was just about to go to Elrond's to see you." He said walking up to Thranduil kissing him on the cheek then noticing his clothes in hand and state of dress. "What happened?" He asked concerned.
"I hit my head and my leg got cut, but I'm all right." he said with a reassuring smile which seemed to help. "What about you? Did you and Erestor talk?" He asked.
"Yes, I think we've cleared up a lot that needed to be...should have been cleared a long time ago, but better late than never I guess." He smiled at Thranduil. "Thranduil...when this ceremony is over do you really want me to return to Imladris? I am still willing to give it up if it means that I can be with you." He said.
"I know that...but I don't want you to do that for me. You told me once how beautiful Imladris is, how you miss it when you are required to travel, how you love it...It's your home Glorfindel and you have already lost one house, I do not wish for you to lose another especially not upon my account." Thranduil said. "I cannot leave Mirkwood, I am her King so I am bound to her, but that doesn't mean I cannot travel, my eldest son is more than capable of temporarily taking my place so that I can visit you on a regular basis...and you can travel as well." Thranduil paused taking Glorfindel's hands in his own. "It will be hard at first I know, we are together all day and everyday here...and it will not be that way once the ceremony ends but it will be all right love, we will overcome this and if we are strong enough I am sure that a day will come when we need not to be apart ever again." Thranduil said.
Glorfindel looked at Thranduil seriously. "Do you mean that? That you wish to stay with me, here now, later, and well into the future you wish to be with me?" Glorfindel asked.
"I love you Glorfindel, so of course I wish to be with you.. forever. If the Valar is willing, for I already am...i will be with you always no matter where we go or end up." Thranduil said.
Glorfindel kissed Thranduil passionately. "Then I ask you, bind to me."
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Chapter end notes: I'm no longer going to post elven definitions, unless it very unusual or not commonly seen in other fictions (including this one).
