there's a kid who had a big hallucination
making love to girls in magazines
he wonders if you're sleeping with your new found faith
could anybody love him
or is it just a crazy dream
and if i show you my dark side
will you still hold me tonight
and if i open my heart to you
and show you my weak side
what would you do
would you sell your story to rolling stone
would you take the children away
and leave me all alone
and smile in reassurance
as you whisper down the phone
would you send me packing
or would you take me home
thought i oughta bare my naked feelings
thought i oughta tear the curtain down
i held the blade in trembling hands
prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
i never had the nerve to make the final cut
-- pink floyd - the final cut
Irmo sat at the pond's edge and splashed his feet in the water. This was the only sound at all, and Elladan was unusually quiet. "What is amiss my love?" Irmo asked.
".. Nothing" Elladan whispered and faked a smile. "I am just tired."
"Tired?" Irmo said and raised a brow. "Now 'that' I don't believe, you will have to increase your lying skills if you are to make me believe it."
Elladan sighed. "You wouldn't understand anyway."
"Who said I wouldn't understand? You haven't even given me a chance."
"I heard my father yesterday," Elladan said with a sad voice.
"And you miss him?" Irmo asked as he reached for his beloved, squeezing Elladan's shoulder.
"Yes," Elladan sighed, "I miss all of them." He turned his head and caressed Irmo's hand with his cheek. "Most of all I wish Elrohir was here."
"You can just wake up, my love," Irmo said with a hint of melancholy. "They would all be there."
"I know," Elladan murmured, and looked up at his beloved, "but you would not."
Irmo shook his head. "No I wouldn't." He looked away from Elladan and down on his feet in the water. "I cannot journey with you to Middle-earth."
"That is why I am staying here in your gardens," Elladan said and took Irmo's hand in his and kissed it. "I don't care about Middle-earth when you are not there."
"Elrohir will be coming home soon, you realize that don't you? Your father can't keep this a secret from him much longer," Irmo said darkly.
"He is?" Elladan perked up but instantly felt bad about his outburst. "I didn't mean to imply that..."
"Oh Elladan," Irmo whispered and turned his head and watched his young love. "I know you love him, and I know that I can never compete with him in your heart."
"Don't say so," Elladan said. "You make it sound like I would dump you like a hot piece of coal, come Elrohir."
"Perhaps you would," Irmo said.
Elladan shook his head. "Never, I would never treat you like that, I love you, and I love your gardens. I would stay here forever if you would let me."
Irmo laughed hollowly. "But you have yet to be confronted with Elrohir." The Valar pulled his feet up from the water and wrapped his arm around his knees. "Don't be so sure you would not hear his call."
"Don't, my love." Elladan pleaded. "I would never leave your side."
"Not even for your twin?" Irmo asked.
"No, not even for him, I swear this, Irmo."
Irmo pulled his hand back. "Do not make promises you cannot keep, Peredhel."
Elladan didn't answer but just slowly stood up. "I love you, Irmo, why won't you hear me when I say so?"
Irmo didn't turn and look at the young elf. "I am the Valar of dreams, young Elladan," he said coldly. "Do not think I have not seen what you dreamt of doing with your brother, and I do not mean stealing your father's horse."
"I.I." Elladan stammered.
"I wont judge you," Irmo answered, "but you claim you love me, yet you lie to my face - I know you would hear your brother's call."
Elladan didn't answer; he just hung his head and walked away from the pond. He needed to be alone, he needed to think - he needed his family.
Erestor was sitting and reading to himself, drinking some tea made from hibiscus. Elladan stirred slightly on the bed, and Erestor looked up over the top of the book. "Elladan?" he whispered.
The form on the bed didn't answer, he just curled into a little ball and sobbed.
"Oh, by the Valar! Elladan" Erestor gasped before he threw away the book and ran to the bedside, taking the half-elf's hand in his. "Elladan? Elladan? Can you hear me? - It is I, Erestor."
"Elrohir," Elladan cried broken-heartedly. "W-where is Elrohir?"
"Oh sweet Eru," the dark-haired advisor sighed in relief. "He is in Rohan, penneth, doing your father's bidding."
"Make him come home," Elladan whispered. "I have something to tell him."
"I will fetch your father for you, and you can tell him," Erestor offered while he lovingly stroked Elladan's tear-streaked face.
"No," Elladan mumbled, already drifting away again. "Erestor, I trust you, bring him home to me."
"But Elladan," Erestor whispered, but Elladan didn't answer, he was lost in his dream again. "Elladan? Elladan?" Erestor called, and as he didn't answer Erestor sighed. "I can only try, penneth."
Mirkwood
Dinalu walked with determined strides down to the stables. He had been wavering for a fourth night, but he came to the conclusion that he should at least aid his husband when he begged for him to do so. He had been afraid to go to Rohan, for what if Elrohir had found himself another lover? What if what they had together was gone? His father had made him aware he was
being unjust towards Elrohir, and of course Thranduil was right, he ways was in an annoying way. Elrohir loved him, and he loved Elrohir. Why did this have to be so hard?
He had prayed and prayed to Irmo not to let him have dreams of his husband. He just couldn't bear to wake up in an empty bed. And in the end it had become too much for him, he had wanted to follow his husband; he would have crawled to Rivendell if that were what it took. But his father had stopped him from leaving Mirkwood back then. Thranduil had made him aware of his responsibility towards his people and the royal house, but Dinalu didn't care. He had only wanted to see his husband. But again Thranduil had prevailed, and Dinalu had stayed. And when he got the first letter from Elrohir he had not known what to believe, and thus he had gone to his father once more asking for advice. And the king had said, if he really does love you, he will call for you. Dinalu had not been so sure, he had been more afraid that 'he' was the one to call Elrohir. But now, after 1½ years it finally came, the letter he had been waiting for. The letter where Elrohir begged of him to come join him.
"My son?" Thranduil said softly, yet startling Dinalu.
The prince of Mirkwood turned. "Father," he said, smiling brilliantly.
"Where are you going in such a haste?" he asked even though he knew the answer somehow.
"To Rohan, father," Dinalu said. "How did you know I was on my way?"
"I am the king, my son. It is my duty to know all things in my kingdom, and especially the ones that concern my son." Thranduil followed Dinalu to the stall where his horse was. "You know I was standing right here when Elrohir left, as well."
"I know," Dinalu said in a sad voice as he opened the stall door and patted the horse, before he threw a saddlebag over its back. "I won't be away for long, father."
"You can take the time you want my, dear son," Thranduil said as he too patted the horse. "I hope he is sincere in his beckoning."
"I know he is," Dinalu said and mounted the large brown horse. "I cannot ignore our wedding vows like that. If he really needs me, I will aid him -no matter where he is."
"Farewell Dinalu, and I hope you return as a revived soul," Thranduil said, looking up at his son, who now most of all had begun to look like an animated corpse. His year long solitude and lack of lust for life had gotten to him, and when he had announced that he wished to remain here no longer, but to join his mother in Aman, Thranduil had panicked. He had asked Dinalu if he had told Elrohir, for at the least his bonded mate had the right to know, and then Thranduil had put his faith in Elrohir. He had hoped and prayed that Elrohir would find some love in his heart for Dinalu, and either come home or call him to his side, and this was exactly what the young half elf had done. He was not so useless after all.
"Thank you, father. Do you have any message for Rohan I can carry with me?"
"Nay," Thranduil said and moved out of the way. "Take care, my son, and come home soon."
"Yes, father," Dinalu said and spurred his horse to trot quickly out of the stables and over the courtyard.
Rohan
Theodred paced his room. He wondered if Elrohir and Ferret had moved in together all right, and if Ferret understood any of this. What if he thought that it was Theodred himself who had sent him from his side? - "Oy," Theodred sighed and slumped against his windowsill. Nay, Elrohir would surely make Ferret understand.
He felt a little sting from the inside. Was he a little jealous of Elrohir's capability to 'talk' with Ferret, where he, Theodred, had none? So far he had only understood the sign for 'nice' and for 'bird' and then of course his own name.
He needed to stand up to his father, yes! That was what he should do! Make him understand that he did not want to marry some lady from some other noble house; he wanted Ferret, but how? If he spoke like this, Theoden would surely send Ferret further from his side, and then what would he do? He was Theoden's only heir, and he could not leave Meduseld - there had to be a way, there just 'had' to.
He sighed once more. Who was he kidding? Theoden would never in his life accept a bond between his heir and an elf. Even less a male elf. He would just have to find a discreet way to address that matter. But no matter how he twisted and turned it, he could not find any, and he was more and more sure that the love he felt for his Ferret was doomed from its beginning.
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