Amends by Kaly

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Story notes: The fandom I swore I'd never write in? This would be it. So, movie canon and newbie warning (although not to fic in general). Exits are to the side and in the rear. ;)

Thanks to Ossian and Nix for reading and betaish things.
I regretted the words between us as soon as I said them. Faced with a hopeless battle my anger overtook my reason. You were merely a target I knew would not begrudge me the moment's slip. Your eyes, however, told a different story.

I almost paused at seeing the hurt there. And if there had been more time I might have gone back to your side, but time was something we did not have. And as I turned away rather than face what we had said, I felt regret. Regret that we should have such petty arguments at the hour that might also bring our end.

I walked away even though I longed to make amends -- there were plans, however inadequate, to complete. Any problems between us would have to wait. I did my best to ignore that I might not have a chance to set things right between us.

Little did I imagine it would be you who came to me. Perhaps you felt the pull of battle the same as I and knew there might not be another chance to set things right. I was grateful that you risked such a step when I would not. And as I heard your regrets, which so mirrored my own, I felt a bit of peace. It was as then I felt I would be able to bear it were I never to see you again.

Or so I let my mind tell me. My heart was one to argue, as it oft is where those I care for are concerned. I do not know that I could bear your loss; regret hanging between us or no. But there was no time left to think on it then. I knew my friends -- you -- stood with me. You made sure I knew that to be so, even if a small, selfish part of me wished that you were safe, far from the awaiting battle.

Then there was time only for halting the Uruk-hai's relentless advances. The chaos flowing all around, I did what I had to. We all did. Afterward it is nothing but a blur, the fight to stay alive, to kill the enemy.

Even with Haldir and his warriors there I could still find you amid the writhing mass of battle. And although I could but ensure you still stood, firing into the onslaught, it was enough. When I lost sight of you after the wall fell it gave my heart pause. I knew you could take care of yourself and I held this thought close. The possibility that you had fallen... I would not consider it.

After Gandalf arrived with the riders of Rohan and the fighting was ended, among the cheers and muted celebrations, you were the one I longed to see. When I finally found you, standing and whole, I felt something inside me fall back into place. Your eyes found mine, as they always seem to when my gaze lingers too long. I could see your grief within them. Such death as surrounded us is always difficult for you.

I long to join you as the citizens of Rohan begin rebuilding, as I stood beside you in battle. But even with the words of amends spoken, there is a distance in your eyes and I find myself strangely hesitant. Perhaps my harsh words cut more closely than I had feared. Or perhaps it was the poor timing of it all.

Nevertheless, we will speak further on this. We must. Such a specter, however formless or vague, cannot remain between us. I will not risk losing you before we are as we were before. As we were when you met me at the entrance to the Deep -- emotions as bright in your eyes as they were, no doubt, in my own. Yet until you are ready to trust me with your heart, I'm consoled in knowing you will always trust me with your back.

As I will always trust you with mine.
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