Haldir loved visiting the royal apartments, they were so grand and a feast to the eye. In particular, he loved the throne room, which was also used for a whole host of other occasions. Today he would meet Prince Legolas and he would probably have to escort him to the places he wanted to see in the realm. He didn't mind babysitting duties but he would have liked at least a week off for himself after arriving back from patrol. He looked at the ballroom and wondered how easy it would be to have a much smaller version of it in his flet. Delicate gold tracery framed mirrors mounted on the walls between portraits of important personages, while high above were brightly painted mouldings of birds, animals and jewelled flowers on white branches.
'I look pretty good,' Haldir thought to himself. He posed for a brief second in front of one of the large panelled mirrors and admired how his thigh-high, chestnut leather boots fitted snug against his tight fitting trousers, part of his ceremonial Marchwarden uniform. On his chest were various decorations for displaying extreme bravery during battle, and across his front was fastened a white silk sash denoting that he was part of the Elite Marchwarden unit, answerable only to Galadriel and Celeborn. He had no doubt that this was the deciding factor when he was chosen for royal bodyguarding duties, and also because, in his own opinion, he was the fairest elf for miles around.
"Ah, Haldir." Galadriel beamed happily and then she looked at his reflection in the mirror. "I am sure you have nothing to worry about where appearance is concerned."
"My Lady." Haldir bowed slightly, knowing she was right.
"Come and meet Price Legolas. I believe you will like him. He is a splendid archer and a highly accomplished warrior; he is quite easy on the eyes as well." Galadriel made her way through the guests, who stood aside for her as soon as she stepped near them. "Come along."
Haldir was too busy smiling at elves he knew to see the elf waiting to meet him by Celeborn's throne. When he looked up his throat closed and his mouth became dry, although he managed to suppress looking nervous and guilty. If he could be anywhere other than where he was he would be a much relieved elf, even if that meant being back on patrol fighting orcs again. The elf looked at him and raised a disdainful eyebrow.
"Prince Legolas, may I introduce you to Haldir; he is the head of our Elite Marchwarden Unit. I have chosen him to be your guide during your visit. Indeed, you could not wish for better protection." Galadriel smiled at Legolas, who observing protocol nodded his head in Haldir's direction and said how pleased he was to meet him. His tone was icily polite, something not lost on Galadriel, who narrowed her eyes at Haldir as if it was his fault.
Haldir gave her an innocent look. She raised a supercilious eyebrow at him. ‘I’m getting that a lot today,’ he thought. He turned to the prince. "I assure you, Prince Legolas, that the honour is all mine," he fawned, grateful that the prince had not mentioned anything about the cake incident the night before.
"Well, I will leave you two together. I am sure you will both get along well. You are the same age and are both warriors. Haldir is probably the best spear thrower we have, and I believe you, Legolas, are the best archer in Mirkwood." Galadriel smiled widely, her eyes flashing with happiness. Mirkwood and Lothlórien had only recently declared intents of friendship, and visits were necessary to smooth the way for a higher degree of cooperation and friendship between the realms.
"My Lady," Legolas said and gave a slight bow.
Haldir inclined his head, as was the Marchwardens way, and watched as Galadriel walked away. He turned back to Legolas. "I apologise for throwing a cake at you last night, it was behaviour beneath that expected of a Marchwarden, but I meant it when I said you were beautiful."
Legolas looked at him as though he was an insect. "I will pummel you senseless if you throw anything at me ever again."
Haldir bristled, but managed to control himself. "You have me at a disadvantage, My Lord." He seriously doubted that Legolas could best him in a fight, but he did not want to invite any confrontation, simply because he was representing the rulers of his realm and sought not to disappoint them.
" Your state of disadvantage is actually an advantage for me." Legolas smirked, knowing that Haldir was trying to control his anger. "Right, let's both have a glass of wine. You should have one with hardly any alcohol because we both know what happens when you get drunk."
"I have already apologised." To Haldir that should have been the end of it.
"Yes you did, didn't you? But it all rather depends on whether I accept the apology or not." Legolas looked away, as if he had heard some juicy titbit nearby, and allowed himself a private smile.
"What are you looking at?"
"The buffet. Just checking there is no throwable food. I wouldn't want your Lady to see your true colours."
"Are we going to spend the rest of your visit with you taunting me?"
"We might." Legolas cocked his head. "It all depends on whether you behave or not. Doesn't it?"
Haldir had had enough. "If you were one of my warriors, I would thrash your arse!"
Legolas grinned. "Yes, but I am not one of your warriors, so the threat is redundant. Right, let's leave here and go somewhere more interesting, and I do not mean your cake filled flet either."
"Ha! I only let elves I like into my flet. I doubt you will ever see inside."
"Oh dear. My life is incomplete because I cannot go inside Haldir's cake shrine!"
"My flet isn't filled with cakes!"
"I bet when you go to bed you cuddle a teddy made of sponge cake."
"It would be better than cuddling you in bed!"
"You will never get the chance to make the comparison, although I expect you will always wonder, and your teddy won't have the allure it had before. Not since you saw my 'beautiful' face."
"You have a very high opinion of yourself."
"I am a prince. What do you expect? Now where are you going to take me?"
A naughty thought crossed Haldir's mind. He would make the outing as boring as he could. "We will visit a lembas factory, followed by a tour of the weavers’ workshops."
"But that's boring."
"It's cultural. Are you saying that our culture is not good enough for you to show an interest?"
"We could do that tomorrow. I thought we could go out drinking."
"Well obviously we cannot. As you have implied, you do not trust me around alcohol, so the lembas factory it is."
"I think I will stay here."
"As you wish, My Lord." Haldir smiled. Legolas glared at him but said nothing. Privately he knew Haldir had played him at his own game, but he had refuted the implication of not appearing to be interested in Lothlórien culture by staying at the welcoming reception, which was a cultural event of itself. Thus he had avoided offence but gained nothing.
Haldir took two glasses of sparkling wine from a passing waiter holding a large tray of drinks. He handed one to Legolas. "I really do hope this wine doesn't make me drunk. I would hate to throw a cake at anyone."
"Very funny," Legolas sulked.
"I thought so," Haldir agreed happily. "Now, are we going to bicker all night, and every single day of your visit here, or are we going to act like adults and try to get along?"
"I suppose I have no choice. Although you should know that of all the elves in the whole of Middle-earth you are the one I like the least."
"I can live with that. After all, I have my sponge teddy to make me feel good about myself."
"One day you will know the touch of a real man. But I expect you will lay there thinking your teddy is better."
Without thinking Haldir shrugged. Legolas put his hand to mouth and laughed. "You are still a virgin. Aren't you?"
"As are you, Prince Legolas," Galadriel said gently from behind. Legolas hadn't seen her standing there, but Haldir had.
Legolas went a shade of red that Haldir found most pleasing, but he decided to be kind. "My Lord, there is nothing wrong with not knowing the pleasures of the flesh. I am only a hundred years old and still looking for the right person to fall in love with."
Legolas' look softened a bit. "I am sure you will find someone, in time."
"I am sure you both will," Galadriel said kindly. "Now why don't you take Legolas to one of the places the young elves go?"
"I was thinking of the tavern the Marchwardens frequent, My Lady."
"Excellent idea. You will meet lots of warriors there, Legolas. Better than staying here with a load of stuffy older elves." Celeborn had joined his wife, as silently as she had appeared. "Though you may find their company a bit raucous, I think you'll also find them quite merry."
