Title: In the Shadows (1/1)
Author: Chris (runya_of_gondor@hotmail.com)
Pairing: Aragorn/Boromir (Aragorn's POV this time)
Rating: R
Summary: Boromir finds that despite their strong disagreement 
concerning the future road of the Fellowship and the Ring his 
attraction towards 
his future King is not to be neglected...
Disclaimer: No... *sigh* I do not own them, Tolkien and New Line do, I 
just love them...
Archives: list archive, others please ask
Feedback: YES PLEASE... praise, criticism, flames... everything's 
highly appreciated
Author's Note: This fic was inspired by a scene from the Extended DVD 
version of FOTR (obviously the confrontation by the river) and by a 
comment by Philippa Boyens: 'We wanted them to part on bad terms... 
almost 
like lovers...' So I decided to drop the 'almost'... ;)

-------------------------------------------

In the Shadows

'You are afraid!'

Boromir's grip on my arm is hard, almost violent as he forces me to 
face him.

'All your life you've hidden in the shadows, scared of who you are, of 
what you are...'

His face is flushed with rage, anger and disappointment mirrored in his 
dark eyes, disappointment and something even deeper, grief, the grief 
of a man who has just learned he has been betrayed by one he trusted 
with all his heart. 

*You are afraid*

The words keep echoing in my mind.

*Scared of who you are...*

Can it be he is right? Can it be I have turned away from my appointed 
path out of fear of that great responsibility I feel I am not ready to 
face? Am I a coward then, the coward Boromir thinks me to be? No, what 
I 
have done is not cowardice, is not just some way to hide from an 
undesired duty. I feel my cheeks turn hot with anger. How can he dare 
to say 
this to me? To me, who has not yielded after that fateful journey 
through the darkness of Moria, to me, who has not turned aside swept 
away by 
grief but has faced the task Gandalf has appointed to me.

*Lead them on, Aragorn.*

And I have, I have fought hard to find hope in uttermost hopelessness, 
to find strength in uttermost weakness, I have led them on, into the 
safety of Lórien and I will lead them on now. I will lead them on the 
path I feel is right, the path I feel Gandalf would have wanted us to 
take.

How can Boromir dare to reproach me? He who has been tempted by the 
Ring more than once, he who would never have the strength to lead them 
on, 
he whose only purpose is to take the Ring to Minas Tirith and never let 
it leave the White City again.

'I will not lead the Ring within a hundred leagues of your city.' 

Boromir does not answer, he just stares at me, eyes wide open, full of 
disbelief and pain, never leaving my face as if to read in my features 
what I will not tell. There is no anger in this dark pools of green 
now, only disbelief, disbelief and pain. I want to turn away but I find 
these eyes hold me under their spell like so often on our long journey, 
like that day in the halls of Rivendell. It seems so long ago, ages 
past, out of reach, but still agonizingly clear. The image has been 
imprinted in my memory ever since and - I know it well - will be until 
the end 
of my days.

And now in this darkest night these deep green eyes hold mine again. 
But the expression is different, so different. It almost makes me 
regret 
my harsh words and I feel my anger melt, give way to an urge to soothe 
that silent pain. I will not lead them to Minas Tirith, no, but I curse 
myself for telling him like this, for shattering all his hopes so 
cruelly in a matter of seconds. I should have told him so many times 
before, 
I should have told him in Moria, I should have told him in Lórien. 
After all it was clear from the start, at least to me, that the Ring 
would 
never pass the gates of the White City.

*One day our paths will lead us there...*

That night in Lórien. I should have told him then, carefully, I should 
have explained, I should have told him then, gently, not like this. But 
I didn't dare. So Boromir was right after all calling me a coward. I 
didn't dare, afraid to shatter everything that has been between us. Our 
friendship, our trust... and so much more than that... afraid to 
destroy 
what although it has never been said aloud is the most valuable to me 
but at the same time the most fragile... our love.

*One day our paths will lead us there...*

I didn't dare to speak then, I just cast down my eyes, evading his 
gaze, afraid that he might read it in my eyes. I didn't dare to tell 
him 
then because I felt I could not bear to see him turn away, cast me back 
into the dead loneliness that was my life before he illuminated that 
dark and cold existance like a candle in a winter storm, turned 
darkness 
into light, cold into warmth, despair into hope. But what hope is left 
now? Trying to shield the candle from the deadly wind I have killed the 
flame, trying to rescue I have only caused more damage, damage - I fear 
- that cannot be repaired.

And there is Boromir, my Boromir, still looking at me with that 
incredible sadness in his eyes and I feel my heart must break any 
second now 
if I don't take him in my arms, touch him, comfort him. I can no longer 
bear it.

I want to feel him near me, want to hear him say that he doesn't hate 
me now, want to hear him say that it will be all right, want him to 
make 
me believe...

*My Boromir... my brave warrior...*

I reach out into the night, reach out for his arm but he pulls away and 
I feel a sharp pain stab my heart. So I have ruined it, ruined all we 
have shared, ruined our intimacy and have made us strangers in a cold 
dark world.

'Boromir...'

The beloved name is just a pleading whisper, lost in the nightly 
silence. Lost, while he moves further away, further into the shadow 
that 
surrounds us.

'Boromir... please... don't...'

I want to tell him I am sorry, want to tell him that I care, more than 
that, so much more, that I love him... But what right do I have to 
speak? What right do I have to ask now? Deep in my heart I feel I 
deserve 
no better treatment than that and my guilt - I know too well - lies not 
in my refusal to lead the company to Minas Tirith, but in the betrayal 
of the trust he has placed in me. I have broken our trust to preserve 
it, I have betrayed our friendship to keep it alive. And Boromir is 
proud, too proud, I fear, to forgive such treason.

No, I cannot let him go like this, not like this, without even fighting 
for what I treasure above all. Some steps and I am at his side. 

'Boromir... forgive me... oh Valar... forgive me...'

No answer, he does not even turn his head to indicate he has heard, to 
show he has understood. Nothing. Desperately, only half concious of 
what I am doing I grip Boromir's arm, force him to turn around and face 
me, much like he has done with me earlier.

'Boromir... for Eru's sake...' 

My voice echoes in the night. They will hear but I do not care.

'Boromir... don't think I'm going to let you walk away like this, treat 
me like this... Who do you think you are? Who do you think...'

*Who do you think I am* I wanted to say but my words get lost in the 
night, incomplete as a sharp pain surges through my body, paralysing 
me, 
making me stumble. I did not notice Boromir raising his arm, I did not 
notice the expression of anger, angry pride mingled with disgust in his 
eyes. The blow has taken me by surprise and for a moment the pain seems 
unbearable, I'm not able to think, not able to breathe. I feel blood 
streaming down my face, blood filling my mouth. And before me I can see 
Boromir, motionless, as if turned to stone. Blackness clouding my 
vision, I stumble, my hands helplessly seeking for support in the 
night.  

Suddenly I am caught in strong arms, hot lips on mine, kissing me hard. 
The tongue that invades my bruised mouth speaks not of tenderness, not 
of love but of possession, anger and pride.

'Damn you...'

Boromir's voice is shaking, shaking with emotions I can't clearly 
distinguish: pride, anger, passion, desire, mingled, becoming one in 
those 
two words.

*Damn you...*

The pain in my head slowly begins to lessen and I clutch Boromir's 
shoulders, refusing to let go, not willing to leave the embrace. And 
Boromir does not push me away but claims my mouth again, hungrily, a 
silent 
confession of desperate desire. But this time there is an unmistakable 
tenderness in the way he kisses the blood from my lips, in the way he 
runs his warm tongue over my skin as if to soothe the pain he has 
caused. 
I slip my arm around his neck, drawing him closer, my hand resting in 
his hair.

'Do you know how much I hate you right now?'

Boromir's voice is no more than a low hiss, so close, dangerously close 
to my ear, his hot breath on my skin, his lips travelling down my 
throat.

'And do you know how much more I hate myself for not being able to hate 
you the way I should?'

*Yes, my proud warrior, I know, I know too well...*

I feel him trace the line of my jaw with the tip of his tongue, lick 
along the corners of my mouth, claim my lips again in a passionate 
kiss, 
possessively invade my mouth, let his lips travel over my face, the tip 
of his tongue caressing my earlobe.

'Damn you, damn whatever makes you so irresistible... damn whatever it 
is...'

Boromir's hot breath strokes my ear as he continues to explore my face 
as if to cover every inch of my skin with fevered kisses.

*Damn whatever it is...*

'Love, Boromir...'

I did not mean to say it aloud but it is too late now, now that I have 
passed the point of no return. I have known it for so long, known that 
this moment must come... But I fear, I fear that now my soul is there 
before him he will not have it... Boromir stares at me, his eyes dark 
with passion making it impossible to read their expression. But I think 
I 
see doubt there, there in those mysterious dark pools and it makes my 
heart burn with unknown pain. No, I won't let him doubt me this time 
for 
I mean what I have said, mean it with all my heart, have known it all 
the way, right from the start although I have been afraid to say the 
word ever since, afraid to be rejected, afraid of my own vulnerability.

*Push me away then, kill my heart if you will have it so but please do 
not doubt me...*

I trace the lines of his fair face with my fingertips, this face 
forever imprinted in my memory, his beloved face. I inhale his scent, 
he 
smells of earth and forest, of leather and sweat...

*Do you have so little faith in your own people?*

*No, Boromir, I have faith in you... do not doubt that... never doubt 
it...*

I can't stop my hands from trembling as I slowly open the elven brooch 
that holds Boromir's cloak, as I undo the lacing of his tunic, let my 
hand travel over the warm skin underneath, cover it with light kisses.

'Love?'

A hesitant question, hardly audible in the night, disbelief but no sign 
of rejection in a failing voice.

'Yes.'

I whisper against his skin, my lips caressing his broad chest, so warm, 
so alive beneath my touch.

*Do not doubt me... I could not bear it... could not bear your 
doubt...*

Boromir grips me hard, forcing me to raise my head, to meet his eyes 
and I stiffen, a cold fear rushing through my body, fear that he might 
push me away after all, seconds of fear before his lips are on mine, 
his 
tongue hungrily invading my mouth, strong hands pulling me to the 
ground, tearing at my clothing, ripping it down. I do not resist, no, I 
do 
not even want to. Is not this what I have dreamed of so many times, 
dreamed of for so long? A heavy body on mine, the evidence of his 
arousal 
brushing my thighs, hot breath on my cheek as he speaks, whispers, his 
voice trembling, breaking.

'Love you call this...?'

'Yes...'

Boromir's hands on my body, his hands and his lips, everywhere, my own 
helpless moans in the silence as Boromir's tongue plays with my 
hardened nipples, traces the thin line of dark hair down my belly, 
lower 
still... the world blurring before my eyes as he takes me into his hot 
mouth... his tongue dancing over my hard flesh... thoughts, reason 
fading, 
contol slipping, souls surrendering to burning desire.

*Love you call this...?*

*Yes...*

Boromir's lips, Boromir's tongue, Boromir's hands... trembling... 
Boromir's body, Boromir's hair beneath my fingers, Boromir's touch... 
nothing but him, nothing... Boromir's kisses, Boromir's caress, 
Boromir's 
passion, Boromir's desire... nothing, nothing matters, nothing but 
this... 
nothing but you... my soul burning on your lips... I'm yours...

*Do not doubt me...never doubt me...*
 
Ecstatic passion, pleasure inexperienced... I'm torn apart, torn apart 
between pleasure and pain as your body invades mine... no mercy, no 
tenderness... but I do not want you to be tender now, do not want you 
to 
be careful... I want you to claim, want you to conquer, conquer what is 
yours already, has been yours for so long...

*Love you call this?*

*Yes, love this is also...*

I desperately cling to your body, your strong body moving over mine. 
Your scent, your touch, your life running in my blood... I offer you my 
heart, my body, my soul if you will have it... forgive me...

*You are afraid!*

*Yes... yes, I am... afraid to lose you..*

I cannot bear to lose you for losing you would mean losing my strength, 
my hope, losing my will to go on...
I feel you sheathed inside me, moving, reaching the depths of my soul 
with every thrust of your hips... low moans drowned in  your warm 
mouth... control long lost to burning desire... ecstasy balancing on 
the 
brink of violence, tension almost unbearable, desperately crying out 
for 
release, begging for satisfaction... 

*Scared of who you are...*

*Yes... scared because who I am might make me your rival... and that I 
could not bear...*

Do not leave me... never leave me... tears running down my face... I 
cannot stop them... this is my confession, Boromir... my Boromir... I 
love you... oh Valar, I love you so much I feel my heart must break...

Completion surging through my body, fulfilment conquering my soul... 
your name, a stifled cry on my lips... nothing but your warmth running 
through me, your strong arms holding me... nothing but you, you holding 
me... I'm yours, yours only... this is all I can give, I owe you so 
much 
more... heir of Isildur no longer, no longer heir to the throne of 
Gondor, your Gondor, no longer leader of the fellowship, I'm yours, 
nothing 
else, yours only...

*... scared of what you are...*

*Yes... scared because what I am might stand between us in the end...*

But not now, not now... I lie in your arms, eyes closed... never open 
them again, stay here like this, in your arms, feel your fingers run 
through my hair, your warm lips on mine... never return to that cold, 
cruel reality... hear you whisper my name, whisper words hardly 
audible, 
tender words of love... love, yes, love this is, love in your voice, 
love 
in your caress, love in your kisses on my bruised lips... 

*Do not doubt me... never doubt me...*

 No, you do not doubt me... no longer... trust in your voice, an 
unbreakable vow... trust in your kisses... trust broken and trust 
regained... 
a silent promise in the warmth of your lips...

*All your life you've hidden in the shadows...*

*Yes... but the darkness is no more, this fear doesn't hold sway over 
me, Boromir, as long as you are beside me... beside me in the 
shadows...*