Still Holding On (2/?)

Disclaimer: Tolkien owns them, not me... though surely he wouldn't mind 
if I just borrowed them for a little while? Or maybe not...

A/N: Thought I'd better finally put the betaed version up :) Thanks to 
everyone who's reviewed so far and to my wonderful beta reader, Chiara.

**Flashback**

It was summer in Minas Tirith. Seemingly endless days of heat, sun 
beating down on the city. On one of those relentlessly hot days Boromir 
and Faramir were sparring in the courtyard of the tower. As the sun had 
reached its peak the two brothers had stripped to the waist, and now sweat 
covered both their bodies. Muscles stretched and rippled under sun-
bronzed skin.

The brothers' fight had collected quite a large audience, mostly lounging 
in the shadows around the courtyard's edge. Both of the Steward's sons 
were talented swordsmen and admired by many; although Faramir was 
often mocked for his unwillingness to fight in real battle, none could deny 
his ability.

After a number of closely fought matches, they had decided that one last 
match would decide who should be overall winner. The last fight was 
fierce and intense, neither brother giving an inch despite the heat and their 
tiredness. Finally, Faramir managed to catch Boromir off-guard with a 
cunning feint and disarm him. Seconds later he had his brother on the 
ground with his sword at his throat. Boromir smiled. "Well brother, it 
seems that you've bested me today."

Faramir returned the smile, helping his brother up. "Does that mean I get a 
prize?" he asked, jokingly.

Boromir, however, had an interested look on his face and, leaning in close 
so that they couldn't be overheard, said, "What would you like as a 
reward?" The words, spoken in a husky voice, sounded so erotic that 
Faramir felt weak at the knees. He met his brother's eyes, and the intense 
look he received made his instantly aroused.

Clearly aware of the effect he was having on his younger brother, Boromir 
quickly excused them both. They made their way out of the courtyard, and 
headed into the tower. As soon as they were out of sight, Boromir 
slammed his brother up against the nearest wall.

Faramir moaned with desire as he was kissed passionately, wrapping his 
arms around Boromir's back, trying to pull him closer. As Boromir took 
hold of his hips to press their bodies together, Faramir could feel the 
evidence of his desire. The younger Man deliberately writhed against him, 
knowing that it would drive his brother wild with need.

"If you keep doing that I'm going to take you right here against this 
wall..." Boromir threatened. He was having trouble holding himself back 
as it was, and didn't think he could take any more of his brother's teasing.

Faramir flushed at his words, even as desire grew within him; he longed 
for Boromir to do just that, to finally take him. However, as badly as he 
wanted Boromir, he still had enough modesty that he didn't want to risk 
being caught in the act. Not to mention their father's likely reaction to 
finding out that his sons were involved with each other. He stopped 
moving, and loosened his arms so that Boromir could step back.

For a moment they just looked at one another, both breathing heavily, then 
Boromir grabbed hold of Faramir by the wrist, pulling him along with 
him. "Come on..." he said, and then, "my room's the closest." Faramir 
didn't argue or put up any resistance, but allowed himself to be led 
wheresoever Boromir wished.

Finally they were alone in Boromir's chambers. He drew the bolt shut and 
turned, as Faramir reversed their roles and took charge, pushing him up 
against the door, kissing him. Faramir's hands were fumbling with his 
brother's belt and trouser fastenings, then Boromir was gasping with 
pleasure as Faramir took hold of his swollen cock.

A moment later Faramir broke away from the kiss, and before Boromir 
could say anything, he was on his knees in front of him. This was 
something that he loved doing for his brother, just being able to give him 
this pleasure. As a child he had worshipped his brother, watching him 
from a distance, now he worshipped his body with his hands and mouth.

Boromir was so aroused that he nearly came from the first feel of his 
brother's mouth on his cock. It always felt so good, every time Faramir did 
this for him. He couldn't get enough of this incredible feeling.

Faramir took his time, alternately licking along his brother's thick shaft, 
then taking the head in his mouth, sucking and letting his tongue play 
across the engorged flesh. He looked up at Boromir, waiting until their 
eyes met before licking his lips teasingly, and then taking as much of his 
cock into his mouth as possible.

Although he couldn't quite manage the whole length it was more than 
enough for Boromir. He threw his head back, crying out in pleasure, 
unable to form any thoughts with that gorgeous, hot wetness surrounding 
his manhood. The pleasure was almost overwhelming, and he was barely 
aware as he wrapped his hands in his brother's hair, hips thrusting into that 
perfect mouth.

Faramir didn't even try to stop him, instead relaxing his throat muscles and 
allowing Boromir to fuck his mouth. Faramir knew that his brother loved 
it when he did this for him, freeing him from the necessity of having to 
control or temper his desire.

As his release grew closer, Boromir began to moan incoherently, "Yes... 
yes... oh, gods yes... please Faramir... ohhh... please... need... Faramir... 
love you... ohhhh..." And then he came, hard, crying his brother's name.
Faramir swallowed every drop of the seed that was spilled into his mouth, 
milking his brother's cock for the last of it. Boromir was still shaking from 
the intensity of his release as Faramir moved back up his body, tracing a 
path of kisses over his chest and neck until he reached his mouth. Once 
more their lips met, were crushed forcefully against each other. Faramir 
pushed against the seam of his lips until his brother allowed his tongue 
into his mouth, making him share the taste of his essence.

Their tongues pressed against each other, both battling for control of the 
kiss. Finally, gasping for air, Faramir pulled away and took a step back, 
looking with hunger at his brother's body.

Boromir leaned against the door as if it were the only thing holding him 
up. His eyes were glazed over with pleasure and it took him a moment to 
focus on where Faramir had gone. He reached a hand out to him but, 
instead of coming back, Faramir took another step away. Boromir frowned 
in confusion, his thoughts still slowed by what he had just experienced.
Faramir bit his lip with nervousness. He was terrified of how Boromir 
would react to what he had to say, but was determined to reveal his true 
feelings, whatever the consequences. He took a deep breath, then met his 
brother's eyes. For a moment he was lost in their grey depths, then 
Boromir broke the silence between them.

"Faramir?" he asked, wondering what could be worrying his younger 
brother. He went to take a step towards him, intending to try and ease 
whatever anxiety he felt, but realised that he would be hindered by his 
trousers which were, at that point, around his ankles.

Faramir looked away a second time, his momentary courage fading. 

Staring at the floor, unwilling to risk seeing condemnation on his brother's 
face, he said softly, "I think I'm in love with you." When Boromir failed to 
respond Faramir wished that he could sink through the floor. *How could 
I have been so foolish to think that he might share my feelings? We're 
brothers, for Valar's sake,* he berated himself.

Meanwhile, Boromir was stunned into silence. He had been briefly 
reluctant to hear what Faramir had to say, fearing that he'd said or done 
something to push him away. He couldn't bear the thought of losing him, 
and had worried for some time that Faramir would hate him if he ever 
discovered what he felt for him. But now, if he wasn't imagining things...
No, he must be, Faramir could not really have said what he thought he 
had. Somehow he managed to ask, "What did you just say?" Boromir was 
surprised by how steady his voice was, even though his hands were 
shaking and his heart was pounding.

Faramir was steadfastly refusing to look at his brother and so didn't realise 
how deeply his words had affected him. He couldn't hear the disgust he's 
expected in Boromir's voice, but nevertheless he was afraid to repeat 
himself in case the only reason for his brother's calmness was that he 
hadn't heard or understood what he had said.

"Faramir?" Boromir prompted, sounding confused.

At last Faramir dared to look him in the eye, knowing that, having got this 
far, he had to go through with it. "I said I think I'm in love with you." 

There, he'd said it at last, though not without considerable hesitancy. 
Trying not to panic, he simply stared straight at Boromir, awaiting his 
reaction, forcing himself not to think about what he would suffer should 
his brother chose to reveal this admission to their father.

Boromir's breath had caught in his throat as Faramir had repeated his 
words. He really had said what he had thought he'd heard the first time. 
Boromir could hardly believe that his brother could feel that way towards 
him. Knowing that such feelings were unnatural, he had never dared hope 
that they might be reciprocated.

Overcome with joy, he couldn't speak through the sudden tightness in his 
throat, but instead just stared at Faramir. He could see in his brother's eyes 
that he meant what he'd said, and was sure that his own emotions must be 
evident from his expression.

However, expecting rejection, Faramir had looked away after only a few 
seconds. When Boromir didn't speak, Faramir had turned away and 
walked over to the window, sure that he would be asked to leave. *I 
should have known better,* he thought. *Now he won't want me anywhere 
near him.*

Realising that Faramir had misinterpreted his silence, Boromir knew that 
he would have to show him how he truly felt. After quickly struggling out 
of his boots, then kicking off his trousers, Boromir walked up behind 
Faramir, wrapping his arms around his brother's body. Not trusting his 
voice, he simply stood there for a moment, holding him.

Faramir was taken by surprise at his brother's actions. He had been 
fighting back tears up till that point, but once Boromir touched him, 
without accusation, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his 
shoulders. *He isn't disgusted by my feelings! I haven't driven away.*
They stood together for a few minutes, still, just enjoying their awareness 
of the other's presence. Then Faramir turned in his brother's arms, so that 
he could see his face. Their eyes met and they could both see clearly the 
truth of the other's feelings.

Finally Boromir spoke. "You don't know how long I have longed to hear 
that from you," he said, his voice deep with emotion.

Faramir felt the last remnants of his tension flow out of his body. "And to 
think that I was terrified that you would reject me," he replied, trying to 
keep his tone light.

"Never," Boromir assured him, hearing the strain in his brother's voice, 
despite his attempt to hide it. "I could never reject you, my love."

Faramir clung to his brother, now struggling to hold back tears of joy. *He 
called me 'love.'* They just held each other for a moment, then Faramir 
slid a hand up the curve of his brother's back, up to his neck, to pull him 
down into a fervent kiss. They stayed like this for a while until forced, by 
need for air, to break apart. A few moments later Boromir laughed softly, 
releasing Faramir from his embrace and stepping back to look at him.

"I think you are wearing far too many clothes, brother," he said, lightly.
Faramir merely smiled in response. "So what do you think I should do 
about that?" he asked, with a suggestive look on his face.

"I believe that you should remedy this situation immediately," Boromir 
replied, struggling to keep his face straight.

Without speaking, Faramir began to strip off his remaining clothing. First 
his boots came off, then he slowly removed his belt and started to undo his 
trouser fastenings.

Boromir watched this show with a look of appreciation on his face. He 
wasn't surprised to feel himself beginning to respond to the sight of his 
brother's beautiful body. He reached out for Faramir, but the younger Man 
simply took a step back. Boromir made a sound of frustration, but forced 
himself to wait for Faramir to finish undressing.

A moment later, Faramir was finally naked, and he stood still briefly, 
allowing Boromir to take a good look at him. Then, instead of going to his 
brother, he walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. Boromir 
turned, following his movement with his eyes. "Aren't you going to come 
and join me?" Faramir asked.

Answering with actions rather than words, Boromir was in front of him 
almost instantly and then, taking hold of his brother's shoulders, pushed 
him backwards until his back was flat on the bed. Hovering over him, 
Boromir gave a predatory smile before leaning down to press his lips 
against Faramir's.

As their kiss deepened, Boromir's grip loosened and Faramir reached up to 
stroke his hands against his brother's strong chest. Boromir moaned with 
desire as Faramir's long fingers caressed and pinched his nipples, turning 
them into firm peaks. Their kiss became more demanding; lips parting, 
tongues meeting, and then pressing against each other.

Boromir shifted his hands so that one cupped the back of Faramir's head 
whilst the other slid down to caress his manhood. Faramir gasped as his 
hard length was enclosed in his brother's grasp. Boromir lightly stroked 
his thumb across the head of his brother's erection and Faramir's hips 
jerked as he tried to thrust into that pleasure.

Tangling the fingers of his other hand through Faramir's hair, Boromir 
pulled back from the kiss to gaze upon his brother's flushed face. Trailing 
kisses across the younger Man's face and neck, Boromir continued to 
stroke his cock, taking his own pleasure in the way Faramir writhed in 
desire beneath him.

Faramir moved his hands so he could hold onto his brother's shoulders, 
pulling their bodies closer together as if he could pull Boromir inside him 
if he tried hard enough. He spread his legs apart, drawing his knees up, so 
as to allow Boromir to settle between his thighs.

He felt his release approaching and began to thrust harder into his 
brother's hand. But as he was almost about to come, Boromir suddenly 
stopped stroking his cock, instead pinching it just below the head, 
preventing him from reaching satisfaction. Faramir groaned in frustration, 
looking at Boromir with a questioning expression.

Boromir smiled, telling him, "I want you to come with me inside you." 
Faramir shuddered at the intensity in his brother's voice. For all that the 
brothers had experienced with each other, they had never before gone that 
far, however tempted they had been, knowing that it would cause an 
irreversible change in their relationship. However, now that they had 
expressed and shared their deepest emotions, it only seemed right that they 
should take this final step.

Faramir was nervous. Although he had taken other lovers, he had never 
cared about them deeply enough to allow them this intimacy. Whilst he 
knew that he could trust Boromir to go slowly and not to hurt him, the 
thought of what they were about to do filled him with trepidation.
Realising what his brother was feeling from the sudden tension in his 
body, Boromir tried to reassure him. "Don't worry, beloved. Nothing has 
to happen if you don't want it to. Just relax..." he whispered.

The soothing tone of his words did relax Faramir a little, but his muscles 
remained somewhat tense. Very aware of Boromir's arousal, and the 
weight of his body above him, Faramir held himself still, as if to move 
would be to encourage his brother to act.

Knowing that they wouldn't get anywhere with Faramir that tense, 
Boromir moved off of his brother and lay at his side, urging him to shift 
further onto the bed where they could lay more comfortably. "There's no 
need to rush at anything, love. We've got all the time in the world," he told 
him gently, as he reached over to brush a hand across Faramir's face.

Faramir turned into the caress, rubbing his cheek against Boromir's rough 
palm. When Boromir's fingers passed over his lips, he parted them, laving 
their tips and softly biting at one. Faramir smiled as Boromir groaned at 
the unexpected touch.

As Faramir turned his body to face his brother, Boromir couldn't resist 
leaning in to kiss him again. This time, however, their kiss was slow and 
gentle. Boromir didn't want to rush him, didn't want Faramir to feel that he 
was being pressured in any way, especially not over something as serious 
as this. Almost instinctively though, Boromir found his hands roaming 
across his brother's body, trying to ease away his tension.

Faramir moaned softly as Boromir continued to caress him, relaxing his 
tense muscles. Soon he was again writhing against his brother's body, 
eager to experience more. He froze momentarily as Boromir's fingers slid 
across his buttocks, finding his hidden cleft, but forced himself to stay 
calm, knowing that his brother would be careful not to cause him pain.
Still, Boromir couldn't help but notice Faramir's reaction and once again 
stopped to reassure him. "If I'm going too fast, if you want me to stop at 
any point just say..."

"No, don't stop," Faramir interrupted him. "Just... slowly, please..."

"Of course," Boromir answered, as his fingers gently continued their 
exploration of this, his brother's most private point. One hand moved, 
returning to Faramir's cock, lightly stroking his heated flesh, then slipping 
behind to play with his balls. The other hand rested on his buttocks, 
waiting for Faramir to relax further.

Soon Faramir was distracted by the pleasurable sensations rising in his 
crotch and Boromir was able to press a finger against his brother's 
entrance and push the tip inside. Faramir jerked away from the probing 
finger and cried out softly, but Boromir didn't draw away, instead leaning 
forwards to join their lips, silencing his brother.

Faramir allowed his brother to carry on touching him so intimately, as the 
shock of the intrusion faded, and it didn't seem as strange as he had feared. 
In fact, his body appeared to be responding as much to that feeling as to 
the more familiar stimulation of his cock. Trusting that Boromir knew 
what he was doing, Faramir found the last of his tension disappearing.

Realising that Faramir would soon be ready to take the next step, Boromir 
tried to think of what he had to hand that could be used as a lubricant. If 
only he had considered the possibility of this in advance, then he would 
have been able to sneak some cooking oil from the kitchens. As it was he 
struggled to think for a moment. Glancing quickly about his room 
Boromir's gaze came to rest on the lantern, which sat on his dresser. Of 
course! He should have remembered that he had a spare jar of oil in his 
traveling pack.

Gently he withdrew his fingers, leaving Faramir protesting at their loss. 

Boromir laid his hand against Faramir's chest until his brother's eyes 
refocused on his face. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?" he 
asked. There was no need to elaborate further, both Men knew what he 
was referring to.

Faramir stared at him, his gaze seeming to pierce Boromir's flesh and look 
straight into his soul. He smiled without a trace of his earlier nervousness. 

"Yes," he said simply, although that single word appeared to be imbued 
with hidden layers of meaning, the sign of a deeper acceptance.

Boromir returned the smile, then pressed a soft kiss to his brother's lips. 

"I'll be but a moment," he said. Rising quickly he stepped over to where 
his pack was propped up in the corner of his chamber. He crouched down, 
rummaging through its pockets.

Laying still on the bed, nerves aching in anticipation, Faramir watched 
him, wondering what he was searching for. When Boromir turned back 
towards him, something clutched in his hand he could no longer contain 
his curiosity. "What's that?"

Boromir smiled affectionately, "Something that should make what 
happens next a lot easier." He knelt on the bed beside Faramir and 
uncorked the flask, allowing some oil to drizzle across his fingers. Then, 
looking over at Faramir he said, "Why don't you roll over onto your 
side..."

Faramir did as instructed, turning to face away from his brother and 
awaiting his touch. He didn't have to wait long. Soon Boromir's now oil 
slickened fingers resumed their exploration of his body and Faramir 
rapidly began to respond to that sensation.

After a few moments more Boromir once again withdrew his fingers and 
quickly coated his cock with the oil. Pressing himself against Faramir's 
back he then pushed the head of his manhood against his entrance. "This 
may hurt a little," he said, as he began to thrust into the tight passage.
Faramir gasped as he felt Boromir start to fill his body. Despite his 
brother's warnings he hadn't realised just how this would feel. He had been 
so caught up by their new emotional bond that he hadn't fully considered 
the practicalities of this situation. "Stop. Stop," he cried, as the burn of his 
straining muscles began to turn to genuine pain.

Half-sunk into Faramir's tightness Boromir forced himself to stop, 
resisting the instinctive urge to bury himself in this hot, grasping hole. He 
stroked his hands across Faramir's back and chest hoping to get him to 
relax. "It's alright," he said, in what he hoped was a reassuring tone, "it's 
al-right. I'm not doing anything. I don't want to hurt you."

Faramir wanted to believe him but the pain wasn't something he'd 
expected and it wasn't fading. "You are hurting me," he said, almost 
sobbing. He didn't think he could stand this much longer - how could 
anyone find this pleasurable?

Realising that it wasn't getting any easier for Faramir, Boromir reluctantly 
pulled out of his body. "Relax, love. Look. It's alright now. I'm stopping. 
You know I wouldn't do anything you didn't want..."

Relief warred with disappointment in Faramir's mind. He wished that he'd 
been able to allow his brother to make love to him. He felt as if he'd failed 
by being unable to bear the pain. "I'm sorry..." he began, turning to face 
Boromir but he wouldn't let him apologise.

"It's not your fault you weren't ready. Just relax. We can always try again 
later, if that's what you want."

"I do," Faramir replied. "I want to feel you inside me. I just didn't realise 
how much it would hurt..."

"Don't worry about it," Boromir told him and, when he tried to speak 
again, silenced him with a kiss. Soon Faramir had forgotten whatever it 
was he was going to say as Boromir proceeded to kiss him deeply, desire 
stealing his higher mental abilities away from him.

They continued to kiss for a while, hands returning to gentle caresses such 
as they had shared in the past. Slowly Faramir found himself beginning to 
relax once more. Their embrace became gradually more intimate.

Boromir longed to be able to make love to his brother but forced himself 
to hold back. It would have to be Faramir who made the first move this 
time. He couldn't push him into making that decision, but his body ached 
with unsatiated desire.

Seemingly unaware of the passion still raging in his brother's veins, 
Faramir took his time in making that move. Finally he looked into 
Boromir's face, meeting his eyes. "I'm ready now."

Boromir was cautious; he'd hurt his beloved brother once already and had 
no wish to do so again. As before he slowly prepared Faramir for his 
lovemaking, then urged him to roll over onto his side again. Wrapping one 
arm around his slender form, he used the other hand to aid him in gently 
easing his way into Faramir's willing body.

This time Boromir moved as slowly as he could bear to, filling Faramir a 
little at a time until he was completely inside him. Then, as tenderly as he 
could, he proceeded to make love to him as he had promised.

Faramir could still feel some pain, but this time it was overshadowed by 
the incredible pleasure that built and built in his loins, driving him to push 
back against his brother, pleading incoherently for more. Soon any 
remaining pain had vanished completely, washed away by waves of 
ecstasy.

The two brothers' bodies twisted together, joined in mutual need and love, 
until their desires peaked leaving them drained but exultant. They lay in 
each other's arms for a while afterwards, regaining control of mind and 
body.

The day grew late and still they lay there together, contented with the 
other's company. They ignored the summons to dinner, knowing that the 
presence of others would shatter their illusion of peacefulness.

Then finally, as the evening drew in, Faramir fell asleep, surrounded by 
the warmth of his brother's love.//

***End Flashback***

Still hanging in the bleak darkness between life and death, Faramir had 
never felt more alone. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he felt as if 
there were a hollow void in his chest where his heart should be. How 
could his brother have been taken away when he had loved him so much? 
How could he be expected to survive without being able to feel that love 
returned?

Faramir remembered the words of Boromir's spirit - that he still had so 
much to live for - but he couldn't imagine that life without Boromir would 
be worth living. Yes, he could hold within his heart memories of happier 
times, but that would be all they would be - memories.

Once again Faramir felt his surroundings change. He began to be able to 
faintly hear something. As he concentrated on the sound it resolved itself 
into his father's voice. He was calling him, calling him to return. Pleading 
with him. Faramir had never heard such emotion in his father's voice 
before. He supposed that Denethor was also suffering from the pain of 
Boromir's death, but he hardened his heart against his father's call. It was 
his fault that Boromir had died, if /he/ hadn't sent Boromir away to find 
the answer to the riddle of his dream...

Faramir remembered the words of the strange halflings he had met in 
Ithilien, remembered the way they had treated him with caution merely 
because he resembled his brother. Boromir had not been strong enough to 
resist the lure of the Dark Lord's ring. He, himself, might even have been 
tempted if it hadn't been for the uncanny sense of revulsion that had come 
as he thought of it. Yet it was Boromir who had been sent, not him. 

Boromir, whose sense of love and duty for his people would have blinded 
him to the ring's true nature. *Why send him, father? How could you 
allow him to leave?*

Forcing himself to ignore the summons in his father's tone, to ignore the 
voices calling him back, Faramir let his thoughts drift back to his and 
Boromir's final parting.

TBC