Title: Still Holding On
Author: Aleks (aleksrothis@yahoo.co.uk)
Pairing: Boromir/ Faramir
Part: 3/?
Rating: NC-17 
Feedback: Much appreciated
Archive: LE, LXF, Sweet Sorcery. Other than that, if you want it, just 
ask... 
Warnings: Slash, incest, spoilers for later books
Disclaimer: Tolkien owns them, not me... though surely he wouldn't mind 
if I just borrowed them for a little while? Or maybe not
Summary: Somewhere between life and death, Faramir remembers his 
brother
  
A/N: If the formatting sucks, you can find a prettier version at 
http://www.geocities.com/aleksrothis/lotr/still03.html

A/N2: Thanks to all who reviewed last part. And special thanks to my 
beta reader, Chiara.


Forcing himself to ignore the summons in his father's tone, to ignore 
the voices calling him back, Faramir let his thoughts drift back to his 
and Boromir's final parting.


**Flashback**


Once again it was the height of summer, this time but an hour 'til 
dawn. Boromir had arisen early so as to have time for farewells before he 
had to depart. Now he was standing in the doorway of his brother's 
chamber, watching Faramir sleep.

As if feeling the gaze upon him, Faramir stirred, then opened his eyes. 
When he realised that Boromir was standing before him he was drawn 
instantly into full wakefulness. "Boromir," he said, sitting up in his bed. 
"Surely you're not going yet?"

Boromir smiled as he moved further into the room, pushing the door shut 
behind him. "Not yet, no. I needed to come and say goodbye to you 
first." He walked over to the bed and sat down on its edge, reaching out a 
hand towards Faramir. "Did you have the dream again last night?"

Faramir shook his head. "No. Not since it was decided that you should 
go to find Imladris." He clasped his brother's hand in his own and felt 
his eyes begin to fill with tears. Part of him wished that he'd never 
told Boromir of his dream, for then his beloved brother would not be 
being sent far away, but he knew that the message of the dream was of 
pressing importance.

Seeing the tears forming in Faramir's eyes, Boromir pulled his brother 
towards him, wrapping his arms tightly around him. "Do not worry, 
Faramir. All will be well. I will find Imladris, and seek the counsel of 
Elrond Half-Elven and mayhap I will return before the first snows fall."

Faramir didn't speak, instead holding his brother as closely as he 
could. He had lived in constant fear of losing him for many moons now, 
never more so than when the Enemy had driven them back from Osgiliath 
and 
yet that very night he had had the fateful dream that was to send 
Boromir many leagues away.

Boromir stroked Faramir's back, gently soothing, trying to reassure 
him. Gradually Faramir relaxed, and he looked up to meet his brother's 
concerned look. "I wish I didn't have to leave you..." Boromir said.

Faramir forced a smile onto his face. "I know. But we have no choice. 
This is a matter which is bigger than the both of us. Gondor needs us to 
make this sacrifice..."

"Don't let us speak of sacrifice," Boromir interrupted, "This will just 
be a short separation, I'm sure. What harm will I come to amongst the 
Elves? It is you I fear for, here with the Enemy on our doorstep and 
only Father's company."

At this last Faramir's expression became troubled. Denethor had little 
time for either of his sons, but for the most part he seemed to favour 
Boromir. Whether it was because of Faramir's gentler nature or merely 
that his firstborn should be dearer to him, none knew, but Faramir could 
do little good in his father's eyes. He sighed heavily.

"He's only doing what he thinks is best," Boromir said, trying to ease 
his mood. "He's doesn't mean to hurt you..."

"I know that," said Faramir. "It's just hard, that's all. Whatever I do 
it's never enough for him." He paused and took a deep breath, then, 
"But I shouldn't be talking like this when you must be nervous about your 
journey. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I care about you. I don't want to leave knowing that you're 
miserable."

Faramir laughed bitterly. "I'm not likely to be anything else with you 
gone. Though I'm sure Father will try to keep me too busy to be 
miserable for long."

Boromir smiled, then stood, still holding Faramir's hand. "Come along," 
he said. "If I have to leave, you have to come to see me off."

This time Faramir's laugh was genuine. "It's not dawn yet," he said. 
"Surely you're not leaving for another couple of hours?"

"Unfortunately, I am. It'll be bad enough travelling in this heat as it 
is, without waiting for the day to warm up before I set off."

Faramir knew that he was right, and reluctantly forced himself out of 
bed. He didn't want to move, certainly didn't want to be saying farewell 
to Boromir, but he had no choice. He wouldn't let his brother go 
/without/ wishing him well.

He dressed quickly, they had no time to linger together this morning, 
and then the two brothers made their way down to the stables. They had 
to stop enroute for Boromir to collect his pack from his quarters, but 
at such an hour the tower was all but deserted and so they were able to 
avoid any intrusions.

The stables were also empty as they arrived, though it seemed they had 
been occupied as Boromir's horse was saddled and ready to depart. At 
this sight, Faramir stopped as he felt his stomach sink. Up until then he 
had been able to think of Boromir's leaving in a detached manner; now 
the full impact of this undertaking was beginning to sink in.

Boromir had continued walking towards his horse, to check that 
everything had been prepared properly, but stopped when he realised that 
Faramir was no longer beside him. He turned, a concerned look on his 
face, 
asking, "What's the matter, Faramir?"

"I'm sorry," Faramir said, sounding miserable. "It's nothing, 
really..." Mentally he berated himself for allowing Boromir to notice his 
distress. *You know he has to leave. /You/ argued that someone should be 
sent 
to Imladris to discover the meaning behind /your/ dream. Why are you 
shirking from this duty now?* But he knew why; he had never expected it 
to be Boromir who was sent away on this mission and he had an odd sense 
of trepidation.

Putting down his pack, Boromir gazed into his eyes for a long moment 
then, with a sigh, walked over to where Faramir stood. "You don't have to 
worry about me," he said. "And don't try to pretend you're not, I know 
you too well." He paused before wrapping his arms tightly around his 
brother, "I love you, you know..." he whispered in Faramir's ear.

Faramir had been hesitant in accepting the embrace when they could be 
interrupted any moment, but Boromir's whispered words melted his 
resolve. He, also, wrapped his arms around his brother, holding him as 
closely 
as he could, head resting against Boromir's chest. "I love you too," he 
said, his voice muffled by his brother's body.

They stood like that for several minutes, until they heard the patter 
of footsteps on stone that indicating someone's approach. Stepping 
apart, they were standing, looking into each other's eyes when the 
newcomer 
arrived.

"Lord Boromir?" asked a tentative voice.

Boromir spun around to see who hailed him. A serving boy stood at the 
far entrance to the stables, holding what appeared to be a heavy sack. 
"Yes?" Boromir asked sharply, annoyed at having been disturbed.

The lad quavered under Boromir's harsh look, but managed to say, 
"Th-these are th-the provisions ordered f-for your j-journey..." He held the 
sack out towards the steward's son.

"Well, leave it there then," said Boromir, not seeming to realise that 
he was making him nervous. The boy, seemingly relieved at this apparent 
dismissal, put the sack down against the entranceway and hurried away. 
Boromir turned back to Faramir, who shook his head at him, a half-smile 
on his face. "You needn't have been quite so sharp with him," he said, 
"He was only doing his duty."

Boromir looked impassive. "We have little enough time as it is. I 
didn't want to waste any of it dealing with unimportant things like that." 
He took a step closer to his brother. "Now... where were we?"

Faramir smiled and stepped forward into Boromir's arms once again. He 
tilted his head up, and found Boromir staring into his eyes. Boromir 
leant down slightly and their lips met in a gentle kiss. They broke apart 
after a moment, Faramir saying, "I wish you didn't have to leave..."

"I wish I didn't either," Boromir said, his arms instinctively 
tightening around Faramir's body. They kissed again, then again, passion 
growing between them. Boromir knew that they wouldn't have much time 
before 
their father arrived and said, "Never forget that I love you, Faramir. 
You mean the world to me..."

Faramir made to speak, but then they both heard the sound of new 
footsteps approaching and moved apart again. Faramir's heart sank as 
Denethor 
arrived, now he would have no chance to give his brother the farewell 
he would have hoped to.

"Boromir..." Denethor said, smiling at his eldest son then, 
"Faramir..." as afterthought.

Both brothers returned his greeting without enthusiasm, both wishing 
that he could have taken longer in arriving. Boromir turned away from his 
father and brother to collect the sack of provisions that had been left 
in the far doorway.

"Are you ready to leave then, Boromir?" Denethor asked. To Boromir's 
eyes, his father looked far too cheerful for someone who was sending his 
son and heir many leagues away at the worst possible time and on what 
was, potentially, a dangerous mission.

Boromir began loading his gear onto his horse. "Nearly, Father... I was 
just saying farewell to Faramir and waiting for you to arrive."

"Well, I'm here now," said Denethor, ignoring Faramir, even though his 
eyes had narrowed and his lips pursed at the mention of his name.

Frowning internally, Boromir turned back to face his father. "Yes..." 
he said, indifferently. *How can I leave Faramir here, alone, with him?* 
he asked himself. *Father can happily ignore him whilst I'm around, but 
once I'm gone... well, who knows how he'll treat him? He's never been 
satisfied with anything Faramir's done...* He risked a glance across at 
his brother and the expression he saw on his face only increased his 
reluctance to leave.

Faramir was staring at the ground. He couldn't watch Boromir, knowing 
that he was about to leave, without wanting to run to him or weep or 
both, and yet he knew that their father would be furious if he did any 
such thing. So he stared at the ground, which wasn't going anywhere, 
wasn't about to break his heart, and his expression grew gloomy.

The three of the stood in silence for a few moments; Boromir not 
wanting to say that he was ready to leave - he /wasn't/ ready to leave, not 
with his beloved Faramir still hurting; Faramir refusing to do anything 
at all, as if in the hope that, if he stayed absolutely still, then 
time would do the same; and Denethor waiting for one of them to speak.

Finally, he broke the silence. "Boromir? Are you ready?" he asked 
impatiently. He sounded more than a little confused about what could be 
delaying him.

Suppressing a sigh of irritation, Boromir had to reply that he was. He 
paused, then quickly stepped forward, hugging both his father and his 
brother briefly. If he lingered a little longer over Faramir it wasn't 
enough to be noticed, though Faramir felt his spirits rise, as though a 
measure of his brother's strength had passed into him.

Boromir gave his horse one last quick check over, then mounted it and 
prepared to leave. He glanced again at Faramir and was relieved to see 
that his brother looked somewhat more at ease. *Just be strong until I 
return,* he thought, willing Faramir to sense his love.

Denethor stepped aside, leaving Boromir's path to the gate free. "I 
wish you well, son," he said, and his face showed no emotion at the 
parting.

"Good luck, Boromir," said Faramir, so quietly that Boromir almost had 
to strain to hear him.

"Farewell, Father... Faramir..." And with that Boromir spurred his 
horse forward towards the gate. He daren't look back - any show of 
weakness 
on his part would no doubt be taken out on Faramir in his absence - and 
anyway, he didn't want either of them to see the tears forming in his 
eyes.

Faramir stood watching his departing back, watching where he had left 
until long after Boromir himself had disappeared from view. Denethor had 
gone as soon as Boromir had passed through the gates and so Faramir was 
alone in the courtyard in front of the stables.

Nevertheless, he held back his tears and emotion, burying the pain deep 
inside him, knowing that his father could read deep into his thoughts.


**End Flashback**


And with this painful memory Faramir found himself back in the empty 
darkness. He didn't know how long he had been here - it could be hours, 
it could be days, it could be weeks. All he knew was that he couldn't 
bear to return to his body; that nothing could heal his wounded heart and 
make his life worth living once more.

Then, once again, he heard a voice in the darkness, a strange voice 
this time, one that he didn't recognise. *Who would bother calling for 
/me/?* Faramir wondered, as the voice took on a commanding tone.

"Faramir," it called, "Faramir," ever coming closer. As with when 
Boromir's spirit had appeared to him, Faramir's surroundings grew 
gradually 
brighter and once again he was able to make out a tall figure coming 
towards him.

TBC