Title: A Bond of Brothers 
Chapter Five (a) - Broken Promises
Author: Oakenshield (Oakenshield@lonelymountain.zzn.com)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Elladan/Elrohir, Rumil/Elrohir
Warnings/Spoilers: Incest, graphic sex
Archive: Anyone who wants it is welcome to have it, just let me know first.
Disclaimer: The characters and the places all belong to J.R.R. Tolkien, and I
am making no profit from this at all.
Summary: The twins are betrayed by Haldir and Rumil, who they thought to trust. 

------

Chapter Five(a) - Broken Promises

Imladris
Year 2498 of the 3rd Age


The sound sent a chill slicing like a knife down Arwen's spine as it brought
her from her bed.  It would be a lie to say the noise had woken her, for she
had been awake for some part of an hour after being disturbed by the sound of a
horse trotting across the flagstones beneath her chambers. It was strange that
a single visitor should be arriving at the house so early in the morning. The
heavy curtains of her bedchamber were drawn tightly shut, but she could tell
from the light seeping beneath them that it was barely dawn. Drawing back her
covers and groping in the dim light for her robe, she struggled to discern what
the noise had been. 

Then it came again... A harsh sob from down the corridor. 

"Elrohir," she realised in an instant, stepping into her slippers before
walking swiftly out of the room. Her heart pounded against her ribs to think
what could be the cause of such a tortured cry. Her dearest Elrohir sounded
like his soul had just been torn from his body. Perhaps that rider had come
with bad news? She paced quickly to her brother's chambers to find the door
open and her mother already in the bedroom, kneeling beside Elrohir's trembling
form. 

Halting at the door, not daring to intrude, Arwen found her father mirroring
her position at the other side of the doorway. It was apparent from his clothes
that he had been awake some time, though her mother was still in a light
nightdress, without even a robe around her. 

"Father, what is going on?" She stared at Elrohir, hunched on the floor with
his head bowed over something he held in his hands. "What frightful news has
arrived? I heard a rider. What has happened?!" 

"The rider you heard was a messenger from Lórien," Elrond replied. "He brought
with him an urgent letter that has caused Elrohir this distress."

"Elladan! Is he all right?" Arwen tugged at her father's sleeve. "Father, what
has happened? What was in the letter?"

Elrond took her hands and looked into her eyes. "My daughter, do you think I am
the sort to read through my children's private letters?" He raised an eyebrow
at her. "I do not know what the letter's contents were, but I can assure you
Elladan is well. He is very well indeed." A smile crossed his face. "It is not
my place to announce it yet but a change is about to happen within this family
that I have been hoping for for many years. Everything is as it should be, I
promise you." He sighed. "Or it will be when your brother stops this hysteria."

Arwen opened her mouth to argue further, then decided it would be best to shut
it again. Lord Elrond was an impossible beast in these sorts of situations.
Even so, she had to bite her tongue to stop herself pouring out a stream of
questions. His promise to her that all was well was not convincing. She had
been feeling an air of uncertainty lingering around the house for a while. She
had spent day after day trying to isolate exactly what was wrong, only to find
that she couldn't. But still it was there. Her father had something on his
mind, something she had tried to read many times, but it was not for her to
know about. 

She watched her mother reach helplessly towards Elrohir's shoulder, only to be
batted away. 

"Elrohir. What was in that letter, my son? Tell me what has made you so
upset." Celebrían reached for the parchment on the floor.

Elrohir dived for it before her fingers could grasp it and leapt to his feet,
holding the roll protectively against his chest. "That is private! Do not touch
it!" He shied away from her like a spooked horse, glancing with reddened eyes
towards Arwen and Elrond. "Let me be!" he nearly shrieked at them.

"Elrohir, please..." Celebrían tried to reach for him again, but he tossed
himself to the bed, curling himself into a tight ball with his back to them.
"Very well, I will go." She reluctantly left the room. "Come, Elrond, let us
give him some time to grieve for this by himself. Surely he deserves that
much." She steered her husband somewhat forcefully from the door, giving him a
small shove down the corridor. 

"Mother, please tell me what is amiss," Arwen whispered as she watched her
father retreat. "I am part of this family, and I know that something is
happening that is being kept from me. Why should I not be involved? I am not a
fool, so do not treat me like one." 

"My love, your father is head of the family," Celebrían whispered to her, tears
shining in her eyes as they so often had of late. "I am helpless. I will not
deny that something is wrong, something is very wrong indeed, and I do not wish
to keep it from you but the choice is not mine. Do not even say that I have
said this much. Promise me, please."

"Ai! I could scream with all this worry weighing on my heart!" Arwen caught her
mother's arm to stop her walking away. "I know you want to tell me. Please,
Mother, share it with me, ease your burden. Perhaps I can help. I will not tell
Father." It broke her heart to see her mother so saddened; to see her fair face
so shadowed by grief. 
 
"No, Arwen," she said, pulling her arm free. "If you want to do anything to
help, go to your brother. There is nothing I can do to comfort him. He needs
you." 

"You need me..."

"Not as much as Elrohir does," Celebrían glanced back to her son's sobbing
figure on the bed. "Ask me no more of this, Arwen, and that is not a request.
Excuse me."

Frowning further as her mother disappeared around the corner, Arwen stepped
into the room, pushing the door shut behind her. "Dear Elrohir, whatever is the
matter?" She perched at the edge of the bed beside him, gingerly reaching a
hand to his shoulder and clasping tighter only when she felt him relax a little
beneath her touch.

"Elladan." Elrohir gulped in a ragged voice, still clutching the paper firmly
in his hand. "He... he is... to be... married." 

"Elladan? Married? To whom?"

Elrond had obviously known that much, that must have been what he was so
pleased about. Despite Elrohir's state, Arwen could not feel anything but
confused at the news. She knew Elladan had a male lover in Imladris, he had
told her as much before he had left, though he had curiously refused to give
her a name. 

A sinful thought had once whispered to her, and though she had banished it to
the back of her mind it now returned at the sight of Elrohir's tears. Her
conscience told her to think sensibly, but in her heart she knew it was true. 

And in her heart, she felt she was not the only one who knew about it. Perhaps
it was the cause of her mother's tears, her father's bad moods, and
Glorfindel's reticence? Perhaps it was the cause of her father's meetings with
any Lórien messengers who came with word of Elladan? Perhaps it was the reason
Elrohir had been so reclusive since Elladan had left. 

She had seen the unspoken words her brothers had said to each other on the
morning of Elladan's departure. Only she could ever read those glances. 

Elrohir rolled over to face her. "Oh, Arwen, I..." his words ran dry as more
tears consumed him. "You will say we had to part one day, but you do not
understand, do you?" He blinked tearful eyes at her, as if he was begging her
to understand. "Do you, Arwen?" 

Yes, her feelings were true, her brothers had been lovers, and deep down she
had always known it. 

"Yes, I understand," she nodded, taking his hand within hers. "I understand
completely."

"You do?!" Elrohir exhaled a huge breath. "Oh, I could not keep it inside a
second longer!" Then he sat bolt upright and gripped her fingers. "How do you
know? If you know who else knows?!"

"Shh." She stroked his hair back from his wet cheeks. "Elrohir, I am your
sister. You and Elladan have never been able to keep anything from me. Nobody
needed to tell me, I just knew." She pulled him into her arms. "No one else
knows; at least no one has said anything to me, and Father and Mother surely
would have if they suspected anything." Even as she spoke the words, she felt
them choke her. She only *assumed* that their parents knew, and that wasn't
enough reason to panic her brother. Even though she was nearly wholly sure, she
saw no point in adding to his anguish. 

Elrohir regarded her with fresh tears welling in his eyes. "You do not hate us
for it?" he whispered.

"No, my sweetness, I don't." Arwen kissed his forehead. "Somehow, it does not
seem wrong to me, though I do not know why, for it should be wrong. You are
half of each other. No one has the right to condemn love. No one can tell who
they will fall in love with. I may yet fall in love with someone completely
inappropriate; though I had better not, Father would lay an egg!"

"No, I fear not even a king would be good enough to take you from Father."
Elrohir passed her the letter with a shaking hand. "Elladan and I were lovers
for six months before he left," he told her. "We shared one night together
before that, in our youth, which I made him swear to forget. Then things came
about last year and we found we could fight it no longer. We made an oath! An
oath, Arwen, in each other's blood that we would be together always. Now
this!" 

Holding her brother close to her side, Arwen lowered her eyes to the letter.


My dear Elrohir,

I write this with a heavy heart for I know its content will hurt you deeply. I
do not wish to cause you pain in any way, but I know that in order to do what
is right I must break your heart. This pains me more than you could ever
imagine. 
Therefore, I will get to the point swiftly, to save my stomach if not your
heart. I have decided, after much consideration, that our affair must come to
an end. Despite the promises and pledges we made to one another, we both know
there is no way it could ever work. We would spend our days kissing in the
shadows, and eventually somebody would find out about us. I cannot bring that
shame upon Mother and Father. I am only thankful they did not note our change
with each other in the short time before I left for Lothlórien.  
You must be thinking now that I have broken my oath, and that would be fair. I
did swear it, and at the time I did mean it, but it was all a dream; I hope you
can see that now. In the time I have been from your side, though I have missed
your presence horribly, I have come to realise it was all a fantasy. I was
certain I was in love with you, as I dare say you were certain you were in love
with me, but I have come to the decision now that this was not at all the case.
It was infatuation; foolish lust built on the fact that we had never been close
to another. I hope, as my twin, you have felt this in your own heart and maybe
found another while I have been gone. I believe that this time apart has been
good for us. It has always only been us, and we used to think that was good but
it is not. Father was right about that.
Even in fear of hurting you more, I am afraid I must break more news to you
now. I have become reacquainted with a girl while in Caras Galadhon,
Grandmother's handmaiden Melethoniel. I have courted her for some months, and
her father has recently awarded me her hand in marriage. Though I was due home
within the next few weeks, I am now staying in Caras Galadhon for a while
longer. I will return to Imladris for the wedding ceremonies in June. Before I
left, Father spoke to me about finding a wife and I have considered his words
strongly.  I hope you understand why I do this; I am heir to Imladris, and its
people, and she will make a fine wife and queen. I carry a great responsibility
and it would not be at all practical to be carrying on with my brother whilst
ruling a realm. Please know that I enjoyed our time together while it lasted
and look back at it with no shame, merely open eyes. No one will ever
understand me as you do; I love you as my brother, but no more. I am thankful
for our affair, and all the things it taught me, but now it must come to an
end. I hope we can still be brothers and friends, to lose you completely would
make it all in vain. I promise things will be all right in the end. 

Ever affectionately your brother,
Elladan 


"I do not understand," Elrohir whispered as Arwen put the letter down. "He
loved me! He said he would always love me, and never leave me for another! The
night before he left, he swore he would never forsake me! Now he has! I don't
feel like anything has changed for me! I.... I do not understand!" He sobbed
pitifully against her breast. 

"I do not understand it either," she whispered against his hair, as she brushed
a kiss against his temple. "Something is not right in all this, Elrohir. I can
feel it." She stared at the letter again; it was certainly Elladan's hand but
it was not his voice. Elladan would never do such a thing. In the six months
before he left for Lórien he had been happier than she had ever seen him. He
was not the type to marry for duty, or change his life for their father's
wishes. Perhaps she would write to him, sending the messenger back with a
letter, though there was hardly time before the wedding ceremonies. "I must
speak to Mother..."

"No!" Elrohir cried. "No Arwen, please! Do not tell Mother a thing! Why must
you tell her?!"
 
Arwen winced, not even realising she had spoken the words aloud. "No, I will
not tell her anything..."

"Swear it!" Elrohir looked sternly at her.

"I swear I will not," she promised. "I merely meant to tell her that you are
upset by being broken from your twin, no more." She had meant to say much more
than that, but if Celebrían did know all about it then she was surely under
some pressure from Elrond. No, it was best keep silent. "I still don't like
this, Elrohir. It is not right."

"Whatever it is, he has left me." He sniffed loudly. "And I will surely die of
this broken heart before he returns."

******

Lothlórien
8 months earlier

Haldir peered through the trees at the dark tall figure standing in the glade,
bowed over Galadriel's mirror as though in prayer. 

"I wish I could see you, my love, though the mirror will not hear my command. I
miss you so much... Oh, Elrohir what I would not give that you could hear me. I
am afraid, my beautiful one, I am afraid of what will happen when I come home.
I cannot see how we can keep our love a secret forever."

Haldir felt his stomach tense at the sound of the words, at the sight of the
one who had shared his bed for months now speaking words of love towards his
own twin. He had choked on his own vitriol when he had finally kissed the full
story from Celeborn's gasping lips, and every thought of it made him retch. 

The hands that had covered his body, the body he had submitted to time after
time, never a chance to be on top, never a chance to bend Elladan to his will;
always he had been beneath, always he had been used, a willing body for Elladan
to take whilst painting on a different face in his imagination. 

Haldir swallowed back the memory of it. To be so hurt, yet to still desire the
one who had hurt him was beyond all reason. Not that it was the first time that
had happened to him... He still wanted Elladan, if he could not have his heart,
he still wanted his body. Only this time things would be different, he would
get what he had always wanted, and he would make Elladan honestly scream out
his name, and not think of another.

He watched as Elladan moved back from the mirror, before stepping into the
glade, coughing lightly to announce his presence. 

"Haldir!" Elladan spun on his heel. "How long have you been there! Speak! Tell
me what you heard!"

True panic was raging in the deep grey eyes and Haldir nearly found his heart
torn by the passion of the emotion. Now was not the time to be weakened. Now
was the time to push aside his feelings in order to step closer to his goal. 

"I hear a lot." He took a step closer to his erstwhile lover. "How are you
Elladan? It has been too long since we last spoke on friendly terms. Though I
have spent every day with you in the last year and a half, you always manage to
avoid me."

Ever since coming to Lórien, Elladan had been avoiding him when Haldir could
not see any reason for him to. True, his thoughts were less than pure but
Elladan could not have known that. The Peredhelion still had the same arrogant
air about him, assuming immediately that Haldir would want him back. Not that
he was wrong...

"Go away," Elladan spoke in a low voice and took a step to the side to inch
past his opponent. 

Haldir followed his step and held a hand against his chest to keep him in
place. "You asked me what I heard..."

"You heard nothing," Elladan warned him through clenched teeth. "Do you
understand me?"

"Why does your heart beat so madly?" Haldir flexed his fingers over Elladan's
chest, feeling the firm muscle beneath his tunic. "Surely you are not afraid."
He smiled his most beguiling smile and pressed his hand harder against the
tight pectoral, enjoying having Elladan within his taunting grasp if only for a
second. 

"Get out of my way." Elladan pushed past him and stomped towards the edge of
the circle. "You have no proof of anything."

"I need none," Haldir called after him. "They all know, Elladan. It is not me
you should worry about. If you listen to me, maybe I can help you."

Elladan halted in his footsteps and even from several yards away Haldir saw a
shiver run down his spine. "I beg your pardon?"

"They all know," Haldir repeated, walking to his side. "Your parents, your
grandparents, Lord Glorfindel, and counsellor Erestor. They know." He tensed
himself for an angry explosion, knowing well the shortness of Elladan's temper,
and was not disappointed to find himself grabbed by the collar.

Elladan stared into his face, trying to find a fragment of untruth in his eyes,
but Haldir was confident he would find none there. 

Staring so close to that face, so close to the lips that had tormented his
body, so close to the eyes that had always avoided his. He had to order his own
face not to betray his feelings, but he could not avoid swallowing the lump in
his throat. He had never imagined to feel so hurt by one, not again. He had
sworn never again.

"You lie!" Elladan hissed.

"Lord Glorfindel saw you the morning you made that delightful little pledge to
each other," Haldir told him, rolling his shoulder to reclaim his collar now
Elladan had slackened his grip upon it. "He told Erestor. And then he told your
parents." 

Elladan took a step back, his hands balling into fists at his sides. "How do
you know this?" His gaze roamed to the mirror. "Tell me this instant!"

Haldir had to halt a smirk crawling across his face as he heard true fear in
the young Lord's voice. "Ah, your grandfather told me much in a moment of
distress," was all he would offer. There had been much more to his consolation
of the Lord of Lothlórien but it was not for Elladan to hear. As gentle a being
as Celeborn was, Haldir knew revealing such information was more than his life
was worth. "He told me everything there was to know, but do not say a word to
him. He confided in me, knowing I would not tell a soul but I cannot stand by
and do nothing while a dear friend of mine is misled."

Elladan looked at him suspiciously but curiously. "Do tell."

"You remember how Erestor was rushed here after the autumn festival? That was
with a letter from Lord Elrond, explaining all to your grandparents." He ran
his gaze over Elladan's tense posture and saw then that his hands were shaking.
"Your father apparently decided to send you here until your feelings passed. He
believes you not to be in love, merely lust built on the fact that neither of
you have ever been close to another. He secretly hopes you will find a wife
while you are here. Your father wanted to pass the responsibility to Lady
Galadriel and Lord Celeborn. Somewhat cowardly, I might say. Though if it had
not been for your mother, you would have been disowned and exiled from
Imladris."

Elladan crossed a trembling hand over his face. "How can I believe you?" he
asked, in a voice that was begging for it not to be true.

Haldir merely shrugged in response. "How else would I know?" He took Elladan by
the elbow and snaked an arm about his shoulders to lead him across the clearing
to sit on a stone bench. "Come, you are trembling like a leaf in the autumn
wind." Though he enjoyed the feel of the shivering body under his hands.

Elladan slumped to the bench. "It has all been set up," he whispered, tears
glistening at the corners of his eyes. "Elrohir..."

"He is as ignorant as you were a minute ago." Haldir sat beside him, not
removing the arm from around his shoulders. "There is no way he could know
anything."

"I don't believe it. I will not believe it!" Elladan tried to convince himself
in vain. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I care for you," Haldir replied softly, running a hand through his
hair. "And I do not approve of this deceit." He could still see mistrust in
Elladan's eyes, but what other choice did he have other than to trust and
believe him.

Elladan gasped for breath. "I must write to Elrohir immediately!" He began to
rise to his feet but Haldir caught his hand.

"Any letters going into or out of Imladris are being read by your father," he
told him, pulling him back to the seat. "Anything you have discussed through
letters since you have been here has gone through your father's eyes." Likely
some very sordid things, at that... 

"Our private letters..?" Elladan paled. "Haldir, what must I do?!" His voice
rose in pitch in his panic.

Haldir smiled, hoping his smile conveyed only kindness and not the mirth he was
feeling at finally having Elladan under his power. "Do what your father
wishes," he advised. "Marry."

Elladan stared incredulously at him. "I cannot!"

"Elladan, you must! If you do not, and you go home with everything as it was,
your father will surely disown you." He thought of the times he had seen
Elladan in the company of one of Lady Galadriel's maids. They seemed to be
close, perhaps... Though maybe that would be too perfect a solution to be true.
"Who else knows of your affair?"

"No one should know," Elladan whispered, "but I did confide in Melethoniel. She
has been a true and honest friend since we were children, and I had to tell
someone of my fears before I went mad."

It was too perfect. The Valar must have been in a devious frame of mind. "Then
why not marry her?" Haldir suggested as though the thought had just come to his
mind. "I know her father Finervenn has had his eye on you as a husband for her
for a long time. It would be perfect. Surely she would help you, if she is as
true a friend as you say she is? And what maiden would not wish to wed such a
handsome prince and become Lady of Imladris one day?"

"I have no other choice, do I?" Elladan whispered, lowering his head as tears
coursed his cheeks. "But what about Elrohir? How would I get word to him?" 

"Write to Elrohir and tell him it is over," Haldir said, wiping a tear than
slithered along the sharp jaw. "That letter will be read by your father of
course, and will be enough to fool him into thinking you have ended the affair.
I will arrange myself for a courier; I will send my brother Rúmil, who I can
trust to do my will. He will take another note, explaining all, and put it into
your brother's hand. Let winter be your friend. Use this time to court your
lady, for your no one will believe it is true if you rush a marriage. As it is,
your grandfather will not look for mistrust in me. He will think I have talked
you into marrying, and said nothing about the truth of the matter to you. We
will send Rúmil to Imladris in March, and if you try to plan the wedding for
Midsummer, then it will not give your father a chance to get word back here if
he does suspect anything is amiss." Nor Elrohir...

Elladan nodded slowly, his brow furrowing as he worked through his thoughts. "I
do hope it will work. Growing up with Galadriel for a grandmother I have always
been able to lie convincingly but I have never always been free from her
eyes." He exhaled slowly. "I do not think Elrohir will like this, but he will
understand I am doing it to be with him. I hope I am eloquent enough to explain
that in writing." He raised his head then to look Haldir long in the eyes, a
naughty smile pulling at his lips. "It is all very sly, Haldir; you have
obviously given this much thought. I have been an ass to be ignorant to you for
so long. Do forgive me."

"Have I not been trying to catch you alone for the last six seasons? It is not
something one can discuss amongst the treetops with the guard, is it?" Haldir
smiled back at him. "Why have you been avoiding me? I thought we were friends."

Elladan shook with a short laugh. "I am sorry. I thought... I thought you were
just trying to..." he shook his head. 

/'Trying to, lover? I am still trying to, though you cannot see it.'/

Haldir did not find it hard to laugh then. "Elladan, you flatter yourself. I
would not mind still having you in my bed, I admit, but we were finished a long
time ago. I have had many partners, my dear. It is a little arrogant to think I
would fall head over heels for you. Yet I would still like us to be the best of
friends. We are good together." If only it was that simple...

"I would like that too. It means a lot, thank you." Elladan clasped his
shoulder and rose to his feet. "I really thought you would not understand, and
that you would be disgusted at me. I love him so much, Haldir, whether I should
or not. I know not if you have ever been in love but it is not something one
can stop. Once the path is set, to stray off it would bring heartbreak. And
whether it is an ill course of fate or not, my path is to walk with Elrohir.
Even if it means my death." He glanced into Haldir's eyes for a second. "Now I
must see Melethoniel immediately. We are being presumptuous thinking she will
marry me for these reasons. I will speak with you in the morning. Thank you
Haldir, you really are a true friend. I feel so terrible for ever doubting
you." Long legs took him up the stone steps in three strides, and he ran out
into the wood as though time was biting at his heels with sharpened fangs.

"Thank you Haldir, your really are a true friend!" A mocking voice came from
the arch behind, and it's owner stepped into the clearing. "My word, you almost
had me convinced there. Had I not known your plan, I would have wept for your
charity. Isn't it remarkable how a suspicious Elf Lord can change his mood so
quickly when given reason to panic?! I had my doubts that you would be able to
get him to trust you, he has been so insular since he has been here, but my
word you had him eating from your hand like a tame sparrow!"

Haldir stood to regard the Elf behind him. "Hush, Rúmil." He raised a hand to
silence his brother, glancing sideways at the mirror. "These trees have ears,
and we should not be here. Come away." He walked from the clearing, in the
opposite direction to the one Elladan had taken. 

"Oh, Haldir, you have him right where you want him now. I do wish you would
tell me your full plan, but I am sure I will find out soon enough." Rúmil ran
to catch up, linking his arm through his elder brother's. "I must say I am
surprised at you, but proud nonetheless."

Haldir smiled at the thought. How could something so wicked feel so perversely
wonderful?! Rúmil was a conniving little wretch at the best of times, but he
had always been so honest. Now he was a liar and a manipulator. Perhaps it was
in his blood. Or perhaps he'd had enough of being honest, and being taken
advantage of. It was about time he turned the tables on those who had used him.
Elladan did deserve it. He had not deserved to be led along and buggered by one
who had only ever been thinking of his brother... 

"So I don't suppose the private letter will ever reach Elrohir's fair hand?"
Rúmil enquired with a wicked grin, to which Haldir just smirked as a reply. "I
still cannot believe it! The twin sons of Lord Elrond Peredhel in an incestuous
affair! It is scandalous! Imladris would fall if anyone found out of this." 

"Not a word, little brother, or you will die by my very own knife," Haldir
warned in all sincerity. 

"I am jesting with you, I would never breathe a word," Rúmil assured him.
"Though it is bound to get out sometime, and I only hope I am there to see the
look on their faces!" He seemed to contemplate something for a moment. "We have
still not discussed my payment for this. Or am I to be corrupt and underhand
merely for the love of my brother?"

Haldir sighed. He had expected Rúmil to want something in return. Though he
could think of the very thing, the missing piece in his puzzle, the thing that
would make it certain that Elladan could be his once more. "You will have
payment," he told him. "You can take it yourself once you arrive at Imladris."

******

Imladris

Elrohir awoke to find himself with sore eyes and a headache, alone in his bed
with a thick blanket wrapped about his body. He remembered falling asleep
crying on Arwen. She must have left some time earlier, for now it seemed to be
late afternoon and the other side of the bed was cold. 

He sat up, feeling fresh tears sting his eyes as soon as he was fully awake.
How he any more tears to cry, he did not know, though they sprung as soon as
his eyes fell upon Elladan's letter, folded on the bedside cabinet. 

Part of his soul told him to read it again, just to make sure it was true, just
to make sure it hadn't all been a terrible dream, but he knew from the burning
ache in his heart that it was all very real. Sniffing back his tears, he tried
again to fathom out why Elladan had done such a thing to him. To marry was one
thing, for the sake of their father and the realm, but to cast him off
completely was beyond all acceptance. He could not believe that Elladan did not
love him as he had claimed, yet it was there, written in black ink. 

Perhaps Elladan was right, perhaps he had seen sense; he was strong enough to
make the right choice. Elrohir had fought with the right choice for centuries
and it had never really felt right. All that had felt right was being one with
Elladan. Now he did not know how he would survive without knowing his twin was
a part of him. It was as though half of his heart and soul had been torn out,
and in it's wake a freezing chill had set in. He was lost in the mountains with
no light to guide him home. He was naked in winter's icy arms with no fire to
warm him. 

"Why?" he whispered, angrily wiping the tears from his cheeks with the back of
his hand. "Elladan, you ... you worthless piece of orc excrement!" He grasped
the letter in both hands, crushed it into a ball and hurled it in the direction
of the mirror, perhaps hoping to shatter his own reflection, though the paper
merely bounced off the glass and fell to the floor with a soft thud, rolling a
few inches back towards him. It was then that he realised he was not alone in
the room. A golden haired figure was seated on his couch, watching him
intently. "Who are you?" He rose from the bed to approach the Elf, hastily
pulling a light robe around his body to cover his nightshirt. "How did you get
in my room?"

The blond stood calmly and bowed his head to him. "Forgive me for my intrusion,
my Lord, only I - as the bearer of the tidings that have grieved you so - had
to come to see that you were well. I heard the uproar this morning, and on
asking your sister of your welfare I feared she was going to kill me. But she
told me to wait here until you awoke." 

Elrohir noted the uniform of the Lórien guard upon him. So this was the one who
had brought Elladan's letter. "I am not well," he said, seating himself on the
bed and turning his face away from his unwanted visitor. "Though it is not your
concern. Leave my chambers, or I will have you escorted from them." He bit into
his lower lip to still his tears, not wanting this stranger and associate of
Elladan's to see how fragile his state of mind was. "I will not ask you again.
Leave," he ordered, his voice lacking the conviction he intended to convey. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw the guard slowly cross the room to sit
beside him. 

"Your brother asked me to make sure you were not too aggrieved," he said in a
gentle voice, turning his head to the side in an attempt to catch Elrohir's
eye. "He wanted to make sure you understood."

"He told you?" Elrohir turned to find concerned eyes looking into his. Another
promise broken. So their affair wasn't a secret anymore. Elladan had not even
thought that much sacred. 

"He confided in me, yes," the guard nodded. "We have become fast friends. Hence
him requesting that I be the one to bring the letter to you." He extended his
hand in a gesture of friendship though Elrohir did not take it. "My name is
Rúmil."

Elrohir rose to his feet and walked to the window to stare out onto the
gardens. Perhaps this guard, Rúmil, would be able to tell him something, settle
some of the confusion. "Why has he done this to me? Is it payment for what
happened in our youth?" That was the only answer that kept returning to his
mind. He was now to suffer as he had made Elladan suffer for centuries. Elladan
had probably got over him years ago, and only wanted to make him know how it
felt to be spurned. 

Rúmil looked long at him. "It is nothing of the sort."

"Then how is it? You know Elladan's mind so well. Tell me! Why has he forsaken
me?!" Elrohir felt tears fold him again, and within a second Rúmil was at his
side with a strong arm about his waist, and a glass was put into the hand he
was attempting to use to cover his face. 

"It is just as he said in his letter, my Lord, no more or less." Rúmil soothed
a circle in the small of his back to comfort him while he poured some ruby
liquid from a silver decanter. "He had a most dreadful time composing that note
to you. I know it's very content for he asked my opinion on it. There is no
more to be explained than what was said." 

"So it is as simple as that, is it? Apparently so." Elrohir took a sip from the
dark coloured wine. It was strong and heady, from Lórien, unlike the wines he
was used to. "It is funny, usually I am the over-practical one. But after all
he said! After all he made me swear! If he has indeed told you everything?"

"Yes, I know of what you speak. My Lord Elrohir, the last thing Elladan wants
to do is hurt you. The thought of hurting you nearly took the very life from
his body. But for so many reasons your affair cannot be. I do not need to say
why. My opinion matters not, but think of your family, your subjects."

"I suppose he is right." Elrohir could not argue about that much. But that was
why they had sworn to keep it silent, why they had always been normal on the
surface, saving their passion for private moments where no eyes could pry. "Did
he ever love me? Do you think?" He tried to read an answer in Rúmil's face as
he poured more wine. He was tempted to say that he wanted no more, but instead
watched as the glass filled, then took a large gulp of the liquid. 

"He thought he did." Rúmil's hand roamed up Elrohir's back. "But then he
thought about what was right. As you will in time."

"I will not think that." Elrohir flinched a little as he found a calloused hand
on the back of his neck, gently kneading away the tension that had knotted
itself there. "I spent years trying to think it. Nothing could be more right
than being one with him." He sighed, rolling his head back to gain more
pressure from the strong fingers. Every muscle in his body felt taut enough to
snap. 

"You say that, my Lord, but you have been with no other but him." 

True, Elladan had been with many. Perhaps having lots of lovers had made him
more open to finding another mate. Elrohir had only ever lain with his brother,
never daring to think to look elsewhere. No one had ever desired him, not like
Elladan who could have any man or maid he wanted, mortal or Elf, merely by
looking at them. Perhaps if Elrohir had cast his sight around when he had been
younger, it would not be so hard to think to look elsewhere now. 

Moving as swiftly and softly as a shadow, Rúmil stepped forward to stand tight
against his back, winding a hand through his hair. "There is more than what you
know," he whispered against his ear. 

Elrohir quivered as the warm breath brushed the tip of his ear and he almost
stepped back to press into the tall, slim body, before sense reclaimed him. He
was not so naïve that he could not recognise the honeyed voice of seduction, or
feel the velvet heat of desire. "Sweet Valar! What are you implying?!" he
cried, pushing the other Elf away. "And sousing me with drink!" 

Rúmil took the glass from him and placed it on the table, not bothered about
being clouted sideways. "Elladan asked me to comfort you, my Lord," he stated
simply, taking Elrohir's hand within his fingers. "I would fulfil his wish if
you would have it."

"And if I would not have it?" Elrohir withdrew his hand sharply, snatching the
wine from the table and drinking so quickly it made him shudder. He shook his
head, trying to figure out what had just happened in that moment, how - and why
- comfort had turned into an advance. No one had ever treated him like that
before. Or maybe they had... and he had been too blinded by Elladan to see it. 

"If you would not have it then I would just sit with you." Rúmil perched on the
edge of the mattress. "If my Lord would have that?" 

Elrohir took another gulp of the wine, feeling it burn down his gullet. He
drained the glass, and took the bottle from Rúmil to refill it. Getting drunk
out of his mind suddenly seemed like a very agreeable idea. "I would like you
to stay with me awhile," he confessed softly. "I do not wish to be alone." 

"I am wholly at your service, my Lord."

"Do stop calling me 'my Lord', I cannot bear it." He drained his second drink
in one swallow and it made his eyes run. "What?" he asked as Rúmil looked
curiously at him. 

"Drink how much you like, my Lord... Elrohir, sorry," he corrected himself.
"Only do not do anything you may regret under the influence of that alcohol. It
is no weak potion and I can tell by the way you are choking after every
mouthful that you are not used to its potency." 

"I am feeling more than enough regret right now," he spat bitterly. "I am
regretting a lifetime. There is little I could do in this moment to make it any
worse!" He slammed the glass onto the table. 

"You may look for comfort in places you normally would not." Rúmil took hold of
the hand that still gripped the empty glass, rubbing the back in small, gentle
circles as he pulled Elrohir to sit upon the bed. "Chose not the drink that
will make you ill come morning. Rather choose a body that will still keep you
warm come morning." 

Elrohir stared at the hot hand that was causing sudden flutters in his belly
than ran his gaze up the arm to the face. He realised Rúmil was beautiful, with
somewhat effeminate features, golden hair, blue eyes, fine porcelain skin, and
pouting lips that just edged on looking sulky. He would be lying if he could
not admit that he did desire this male, who wouldn't? But he had only ever
desired Elladan. And this was not Elladan... 

/'I swear to you that I will always love you, and I will never love another. I
will live only for your love.'/

The words stung his conscience, but they had not been his words. They had been
Elladan's words, and now they were broken. He doubted Elladan cared much about
them as he lay with his woman, their childhood friend. Elrohir wished that
knowledge would stop the pain, and stop the guilt as he felt his fingers close
around Rúmil's. He wished that he did not feel the urge to throw himself at the
messenger of the news that had broken his heart. He wished it were all still
for Elladan, but his mind told his heart that Elladan had lost that right. 

"But..." He felt more tears build in his throat. "But it is only his place
to..." Sobs overtook him and he found himself leaning into the embrace that
closed around him as Rúmil crawled up the bed towards him. He laid his head on
the strong shoulder, wetting the light gold hair with his tears, unable to hold
back his emotions anymore. Anger was now overtaking pain in a whirlwind of
torment within his soul. "Oh this is like some ghastly dream! My heart is
hurting fit to stop!"

"Shh, Elrohir." Rúmil embraced him gently and dipped his head to kiss his
tears. "Elrohir, it is not his place anymore." Two long fingers found their way
under Elrohir's chin to raise his face. "Wilt not for that which cannot be." He
laid the gentlest little kiss on his lips, making sure it was welcome there.
"Blossom for that which can be." Bowman's hands meandered down his spine to
take a firm grip on his behind. "All your years fear and guilt, un-natural love
and obsession have suffocated your heart. This is lust, my Lord. Feel it.
Indulge in it. But do not reject it."

Elrohir gasped as he was laid back against the pillows. "This is not right," he
whispered, though he wanted nothing more than to be taken, to tremble beneath
gentle hands and firm lips, hoping the find in them the warmth that he had been
robbed of. He closed his eyes and bit into his lip as the strong hands pulled
him closer, tight against the other's body. Heat radiated into his being, heat
he had been without for many months. His breath quickened as he fisted a hand
into the back of Rúmil's tunic and raised his head to meet his lips. His heart
was fluttering and his head was spinning. "It is not right!" he told himself
again, as the image of Elladan's face returned to him. But Elladan had forsaken
him, betrayed him, lied to him. Why should it matter? Why should he wilt? Why
should he suffer? Why should he not be desired? Why should he not feel lust?
Why should he not throw himself into the arms of a stranger as Elladan had done
so many times in his youth? Was he not as beautiful, though he was not as
confident? Should he crumble and die of a broken heart? Or enjoy the life that
had been taken from him by his own guilt and fear? 

"Your body does not say it is not right." Rúmil rolled to lie atop him, sliding
an insistent hand beneath Elrohir's robe and up his leg. "You are beautiful, my
Lord, fairer than your brother. You share the same face, though you do not
share his arrogance. I long desired someone with his face, and a soul made of
butterfly wings. In you I have found that." 

"You have a sweet tongue, I will give you that," Elrohir muttered, using the
moment to hold Rúmil back from his body to give himself a second to think. He
could scarcely breathe in the air to think. Unreasonable feelings were
clutching at him in an iron grip, lust taking over his dizzy senses as Rúmil's
hand meandered purposefully up the inside of his thigh. 

"All Elladan's life he has used people and thrown them aside. I would not see
you suffer for it. I do not do this merely because Elladan wished it, I am
nobody's whore. I do it because I desire you, and you deserve to be
worshipped." Rúmil kissed him tenderly again. "I would like us to become
acquainted, Elrohir. I know at the moment you are hurting badly, and you may be
doing this to ease that hurt, I do not mind." 

"I do not care any longer." Elrohir blushed as he heard his own voice quaver,
eliciting a needy whimper as Rúmil's fingers found his awakening arousal. 

"I do not believe that," Rúmil kissed his tears once more. "You do care, that
is why your tears still pour. But I will try to make you feel better, if you
wish it?" He gave a somewhat predatory smile as he stroked his quarry to full
hardness. "I would like to help heal your heart." 

With a gasp, Elrohir grasped Rúmil to his body as his sex was manipulated by
fingers that were so unfamiliar, yet so delicious. "Damn my heart!" he said
firmly, anger and desire and heat driving the cold and the hurt out of his
heart. "If Elladan wants to tie himself to a woman he does not love merely to
please Father, and in doing so throw away the only one who will ever love him,
then so be it. And if I wish to sleep with you, then so be it. He has no claim
to my heart or my body now; I swear that to you."