Title: In the Dark  Forest the Secret Lies…

Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon

Paring; Elrond/Erestor

Overall rating: NC-17
Summary: The twins (as Elflings) discover a refugee in the forests close to Imladris and
Erestor’s secret will eventually be revealed.

Disclaimer: Not mine, Tolkien’s.
Warning: AU of course!

Author’s Note: Completely AU. I am taking huge liberties with Erestor, Ereinion and
everyone else involved!

Beta reading, translations and research by Patricia Pleasant, thanks! I couldn’t have
written this story without your help!

All remaining mistakes are mine

 

 

 

In the Dark Forest the Secret Lies…

Part 4/7

 

 

 

Erestor placed Elrond on his bed and then stepped away from the half-Elf, as he was
uncertain how to proceed. Looking at Elrond, Erestor realized that the first thing he
should do was clean the half-Elf up and check for injuries. It dawned on
to disrobe Elrond first, and he nervously shuffled his feet. His thoughts returned to
that one night they had shared, holding each other close. There had been no touching and
they had been clothed. Disrobing Elrond now seemed like trespassing, but Erestor also
realized that he didn’t have a choice.

 

The first thing he did was heat some water above the fire. Then, he returned to Elrond’s
side and calmed himself. There was nothing sexual about tending to the injured half-Elf!
Now that he had centered himself, the rest became easier. Erestor unbuttoned the formal
robes and rolled Elrond gently onto his side to disrobe him further. Removing the
undershirt, Erestor sucked in his breath. He remembered Elrond as thin, but not this
thin! Whatever had happened must have caused the half-Elf to stop eating! His jaw set
grimly whilst Erestor completed the task of removing Elrond’s clothes.

 

To his relief he found no injuries. Lack of nourishment and personal hygiene seemed to be
Elrond’s sole problems and Erestor couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to cause
Elrond to neglect himself to such a degree. The Elf-Lord had mumbled something about his
wife, and that she had left him, but surely Elrond would have found a way to deal with
that? But then again, he didn’t have any extra information as to why Celebrían had left
her family.

 

Erestor collected the warm water and a wash cloth and began to clean Elrond up. The face
was gaunt and the body emaciated, making Erestor determined to fatten the half-Elf up
during his stay here. Although he was low on supplies, he could go hunting and maybe it
was just time to end one of the chicken’s lives. The meat would strengthen Elrond.

 

Erestor concentrated on washing the dirt and grime from Elrond’s face and then moved on
to clean up the rest of his body. He kept his touches gentle, but clinical, and grew
worried, finding ribs protruding from the skin. A condition like this didn’t happen
overnight. Elrond must have been withering away for quite some time. He didn’t know why
Elrond had decided to seek him out, but he thanked the Valar that he had. Elrond had
reached him just in time!

 

Selecting the warmest clothes he owned, he dressed Elrond in a brown shirt and gray
leggings. Both were gifts from the Peredhil family and now came in handy. Erestor pulled
the blanket into place and tucked it around Elrond’s form. His eyes came to rest upon the
furs, which he had begun sewing together. It had been his intention to create another,
warmer blanket, and although it was still unfinished, it would help keep Elrond warm.
Erestor placed the furs upon the blanket and found that some color returned to Elrond’s
ghastly-looking face.

 

Unable to stop himself, he leaned in closer and pressed a chaste kiss onto the cold brow.
“I will take care of you.” Did Elrond’s children know where their father was? Did
Glorfindel know? He had seen the golden-haired Elf a few times, and during the first
time, he had almost run, as Glorfindel had reminded him of the five Elves who were
hunting him. It had taken him centuries to begin trusting Glorfindel. Maybe he should
send a message? The trees would pass his words on until they reached Glorfindel.

 

Erestor left the cabin and stepped into the biting wind. He walked over to the nearest
tree, placed his hands on the trunk and whispered, “Take my words to one of the
inhabitants of the Last Homely House, an Elf called Glorfindel. Tell him that Elrond is
alive and that I will take care of him.”

 

We will do your bidding, replied the tree and a murmur swept through the forest as
countless trees repeated his words. It might take them some hours, but they would convey
the message.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor regularly checked on Elrond, whilst preparing the meat. He had decided on making
a stew, using the few potatoes and vegetables he had left. Erestor had considered going
hunting, but had decided against it, as he didn’t want Elrond to be alone upon waking up.
He could hunt later, once Elrond felt more comfortable – more at peace.

 

The half-Elf worried him. Elrond constantly moved about in his sleep and occasionally
called out, mostly calling out his wife’s name. A pained expression lay on his face and
his voice was raw with sorrow. This behavior affected Erestor in turn, as his heart
ached, seeing the one he loved in such emotional pain. He wished Elrond would wake up, so
he could console him, but the half-Elf remained locked in his restless sleep.

 

It wasn’t until the evening that Elrond stirred and his eyes opened. A ray of awareness
was visible, and seeing it urged Erestor to make contact. He sat beside Elrond and found
the half-Elf’s hand beneath the blanket. Their gazes locked and Erestor cringed, seeing
the immense sorrow in the gray pools of pain.

 

“I found you,” whispered Elrond in a hoarse voice. During these last days he had felt
like losing his sanity and he hadn’t been certain if he had really run toward the dark
forest, or if he had only been running in his imagination.

 

“Aye, you found me.” Erestor moved further onto the bed and rested his back against the
wall. Resolutely, he pulled Elrond close until the half-Elf rested comfortably against
his chest. “You don’t look well,” he said, carefully broaching the painful subject of
Celebrían’s departure and the effect it had had on Elrond’s health.

 

“She left me…” Elrond’s gaze unexpectedly encountered the drawing the twins had brought
Erestor many years ago. With a speed and vehemence that surprised even Elrond, he reached
for the parchment and he tore it into several pieces.

 

Erestor felt shocked, seeing the hatred in Elrond’s eyes. “Why did you do that?”

 

“I don’t want to be reminded of her!” Elrond rolled onto his side, away from Erestor. If
he was to tell this tale, he could only do it without Erestor’s compassionate eyes
searching his. “It happened a year ago. She was traveling home after a stay in the Golden
Wood. My sons would meet with her, but she left early. Orcs found her and her small
escort didn’t stand a chance fighting off the foul creatures. The Orcs killed most
members of her escort and… violated her.” His voice hitched and he closed his eyes,
feeling Erestor drawing soothing circles on his trembling back. “We tried to defeat her
horrid memories, but she could no longer bear my touch. Her mind began to retreat and in
the end, I didn’t have a choice except granting her request to sail for the Undying
Lands. She is gone, Erestor. The only female I ever loved – the mother of my children.
What am I now? A husband without a wife… I have a family without a mother.”

 

Erestor also heard the words Elrond didn’t dare speak and took a risk, contradicting the
half-Elf aloud. “You didn’t fail her.”

 

“How would you know?” Within a heartbeat, Elrond had turned, sat upright, and stared at
Erestor with venom in his glance. “You weren’t there! You didn’t see Elladan and Elrohir
blame themselves! You didn’t see Arwen cry bitter tears! I failed her! I failed them!”

 

“In what way?” asked Erestor, forcing himself to remain calm. The last thing Elrond
needed was to face another hysterical person.

 

Erestor’s composure calmed Elrond in turn. He still glared defiantly at Erestor, but the
poisonous expression had faded from his eyes. “I should have known that Orcs had invaded
my lands! I should have sent an additional escort!”

 

“You didn’t know there were Orcs sightings or you would have done so,” said Erestor,
maintaining eye contact, even though it was wearing him down. Elrond was extremely
emotional and he sensed the half-Elf’s grief in his own mind. A connection was growing
between them – a strong link.

 

Elrond’s shoulders sagged forward. “I should have known! The fact that I hadn’t received
any reports on Orc activities doesn’t justify my…” Elrond’s voice trailed off, uncertain
how to label his feelings, “failure.”

 

“You are not to blame,” said Erestor, debating if it was safe to reach out to Elrond once
more. The Elf-Lord seemed to be calming down, but one couldn’t be certain.

 

“I carry more blame than that,” whispered Elrond. His gaze swept away from Erestor,
unable to maintain eye contact any longer. “I am a healer – at least I always thought I
was. The sick and injured head for Imladris for one purpose – to be healed by me. But I
couldn’t even heal my wife.”

 

Elrond’s voice had softened and was nothing but a mere whisper. It encouraged Erestor to
reach out again and he gently wrapped his arms around the trembling half-Elf. He sucked
in his breath, feeling Elrond pull away. But after a moment’s struggle, the Elf-Lord gave
in and pressed close to him. Erestor reacted by tightening the embrace and guiding
Elrond’s head against his shoulder. “Erestor taught me that some ailments cannot be
healed – especially the hurts of the soul. You said that the Orcs violated her… Elrond,
if that is true, you were doomed to fail.”

 

“But I should have…” Elrond’s protest began fierce, but then faded. Deep in his heart he
knew Erestor was correct, but he was having a hard time accepting that he had been
chanceless. “She was my wife, Erestor. I loved her.”

 

“She still is your wife,” said Erestor, ignoring the ache in his heart. Although he loved
Elrond, he had vowed to never act upon that love. “Why don’t you sail for Valinor as
well? You will be reunited with her and her suffering would be gone.”

 

“I can not do that,” whispered Elrond into Erestor’s dark hair. “I still have a role to
play here in Middle-Earth. I can not sail for a very long time.”

 

“How do you know that?”

 

Elrond lifted his head from Erestor’s shoulder and shyly made eye contact. “I possess the
gift of foresight, and although I cannot command it, it has shown me that my presence
here is required in the future.”

 

“The gift of foresight?” Erestor raised an eyebrow. “And you didn’t know this attack on
your wife was coming? What good is having this gift then?”

 

“It only shows me what it wants me to see. As I said, I cannot control it.” Elrond placed
his head against Erestor’s shoulder once more. “I sent the children to the Golden Wood,
where their grandparents will guide them through the process of grieving.”

 

Erestor’s thoughts raced. The attack had happened a year ago. Did that mean… “Have you
been withering away for a year now?”

 

“I no longer had an appetite and after she left I stopped taking care of myself. Why
should I?” Elrond closed his eyes and deeply inhaled Erestor’s spicy scent. The Elf
smelled of the forest, of pine and grass. “Glorfindel urged me to seek out Celeborn, or a
healer, but I refused.”

 

“Instead you came to me.” Erestor’s heart missed a beat, realizing he could have lost
Elrond to grief. “I am glad you did.”

 

“I didn’t have much of a choice,” said Elrond, releasing a bitter chuckle. “You began to
haunt my dreams.”

 

“I did?” Erestor patted the long, dark hair, encountering small twigs and pieces of
leaves between the strands.

 

“Aye, toward the end of my suffering I only found rest in my sleep. Then the dreams
started. In those dreams, you called me to you, and in the end, I couldn’t withstand your
call.”

 

“I am glad you came to me.” Erestor held Elrond close, sensing how most of the tension
had left the half-Elf’s body. Elrond was falling asleep and Erestor encouraged the
process by humming a lullaby, which his warden had sung when he had been little. “Sleep
now,” he whispered. “I will watch over you.” Elrond shivered; not as much as from the
cold as from emotional pain and Erestor reacted by curling himself around the half-Elf.
Elrond’s trembling lessened and Erestor continued to pat the dark hair.

 

Erestor’s thoughts began to drift. The trees would deliver his message to Glorfindel, who
would hopefully leave them alone for some time. But the Captain might be concerned and
seek them out. Erestor hoped Glorfindel would give him the time he needed to see to
Elrond’s recovery. At least, he didn’t have to worry about the children. They were in the
best hands with the Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elrond woke to the smells of a spicy stew. Disorientated, he rubbed his eyes with the
back of his hand. It took him a moment to realize his whereabouts. Erestor had found him
and taken him to his cabin in the dark forest. For one terrible moment he had been afraid
that he was still at home – at the Last Homely House.

 

He had fled his home for two reasons. One reason, he had already shared with Erestor – it
had been the dreams, driving him to seek out Erestor, but there was also a second reason.
He had been unable to bear the remnants of his wife’s presence at the Last Homely House.
Wherever he looked, he saw an object that reminded him of her. It didn’t matter which
room he entered, for the memories of their love was everywhere. He could no longer deal
with those memories and had run.

 

“You are awake – good.” Erestor spooned a generous portion of stew into a bowl. He made
his way back to the bed and sat down again. He took hold of Elrond’s hands and guided the
fingers around the bowl and spoon. “Eat.”

 

“I am sorry that we didn’t bring you any supplies this year,” said Elrond, feeling even
more miserable, realizing he had also let down Erestor and not just his wife.

 

“Don’t worry about that,” said Erestor, guiding Elrond’s hand to his mouth. The half-Elf
was forced to eat and chewed listlessly on his bite. “I will survive.” Erestor smiled in
an effort to reassure the half-Elf.

 

The stew warmed Elrond from the inside and he peeked bashfully at Erestor. The attraction
was still there, although his grief covered it like a thick blanket. “I missed you… I
missed our short visits.”

 

Erestor nodded. “I missed them too.” Truthfully, he had never expected to meet with
Elrond again and certainly not under such sad conditions. “You can stay as long as you
wish.”

 

“Glorfindel will worry about me, though. I didn’t tell him I was leaving.” Elrond forced
himself to eat more of the stew, knowing darn well that the other Elf had little food to
share.

 

“The trees will inform him of your location.” Erestor smiled, seeing Elrond eat more of
the stew.

 

“I don’t really know what to say,” said Elrond in an apologizing tone. “I ran to you,
but…”

 

“Don’t force yourself to speak,” advised Erestor. “When the time comes, you will find the
words. You can grieve for her in silence.”

 

A lump of emotions formed in Elrond’s throat. “She set me free before she left.”

 

Erestor’s gaze remained calm, though his heart missed a beat. “Why would she do that?”

 

“I told her about the kiss I took from your lips,” admitted Elrond, avoiding Erestor’s
eyes. “I couldn’t lie to her. I couldn’t pretend it hadn’t happened.”

 

Elrond’s admission surprised Erestor. “You must really love and trust her then.”

 

“She is gone, Erestor. She told me to let her go – to let my love sail with her to the
Undying Lands. She told me to find comfort, to find a new love. By Elbereth, she knew I
would come running to you.” Elrond’s eyes widened with revelation. “She knew I still
longed for you.”

 

“You do?” Erestor’s face grew flustered. “Elrond, you are grieving – this is hardly the
time to discuss any feelings we might have.”

 

“Nay!” Elrond sought out Erestor’s eyes and searched them. “I must address this now!”

 

“You shouldn’t. The loss, the pain, it is still too fresh.” Erestor was about to rise
from the bed when Elrond’s fingers locked around his wrist in an amazingly strong and
determined grip. “Elrond…”

 

“Nay, I need to know this now – do you still care for me? Do you desire me in that way?
Or has that changed?” Elrond gave Erestor a pleading look. “I don’t know if this will
make any sense to you, but I need to know. Oh, how to explain this? I only feel complete
when being loved – when I have someone to love in turn. I believe I can accept and deal
with losing her, but I need you at my side. I need you, Erestor. I need you to love me.
Can you?”

 

Erestor lowered his eyes. “You lost her not so long ago, Elrond. It is only normal that
you feel this way. Maybe your feelings for her are becoming entangled with the way you
feel about me? I feel hesitant to act upon those feelings now that you are grieving.”

 

Elrond abruptly sat upright and used his hold on Erestor’s wrist to pull the other Elf
close to him. Erestor’s expression told him that his strength had taken the other Elf
aback, but he refused to let go. “You must understand, Erestor. I cannot do this alone.
If you cast away my love, and set me astray, I will fade. I have already begun to fade.
Why do you think I came here? Your love can keep me alive.”

 

“I…” Erestor felt at a loss. “It feels wrong – accepting you as my lover whilst she has
only been gone for such short time.”

 

“Would you rather have me fade and die?” Elrond struggled to maintain his hold on
Erestor, who was trying to back away from him. “This isn’t my choice, Erestor. It is
yours! Will you cast me into darkness, pain and suffering? Or will your light sustain
mine? Can you love me? I know in your heart you already do. If you reject me, and my
love, you will sentence me to a slow death. I need you, Erestor. I have needed you for
centuries and I denied myself for her sake – for the love I bore Celebrían. But she has
sailed and left me behind.”

 

Erestor’s eyes swam with tears, hearing Elrond’s emotional admission. “I love you,
Elrond. You know that.” But he had vowed to never come between bonded mates.

 

“She and I are bound no longer, Erestor. Do you understand? She has set me free.”

 

“You have my love, Elrond, but…”

“But we need time, I understand that,” interjected Elrond, quickly. “But can you at least
give me hope?”

 

“Aye, I think I can.” Erestor felt nervous, seeing Elrond leaning in closer. This was so
different from the moment of intimacy they had shared so many years ago that he almost
pulled away when Elrond’s lips touched his. He tasted bitterness in that kiss, hatred,
pain and self-loathing, but in Elrond’s gray eyes he saw the love the half-Elf was
capable of. Their love wouldn’t be easy and would demand sacrifices of the heart. There
would be pain and ecstasy, loss and belonging, and Erestor could only hope that Elrond
wouldn’t leave him broken and shattered. For the half-Elf’s love was a selfish one, at
this point. Elrond needed him to keep him from fading and that would make their road hard
and painful. But he had to believe that their love would become something more –
something powerful – and that it would strengthen Elrond in such a way that the half-Elf
would no longer be driven by selfish motives.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I need you…” Elrond had lost control over his urges, his emotions and took control.
Taking Erestor by surprise, he wrestled the dark-haired Elf onto his back. Rising
majestically above Erestor, Elrond whispered, “You are warm – so warm.” And he felt
incredibly cold!

 

Erestor wasn’t certain what he was feeling. Excitement was a part of it, but there was
also fear. He had never lain with another Elf, and although his tutor had also shown him
books on the matter of love, he was only a novice. He had no other choice than to entrust
himself to the Elf-Lord, who towered above him.

 

Need and a deeply rooted instinct took over and guided Elrond’s fingers when he did away
with Erestor’s tunic. Now that the other Elf’s chest had been bared to him, Elrond wasted
no time and he tasted the skin, which reminded him of a warm afternoon in the forest –
all the smells were there, ingrained on Erestor’s skin. His tongue teased one nipple into
hardness and hearing Erestor groan, he suckled the tip hard. Erestor bucked beneath him,
and that reaction fueled Elrond’s desire even more.

 

A part of Elrond wondered what he was doing, the other understood only too well. He was
using Erestor in order to deal with his pain, but at the moment, both parts of him agreed
that this was acceptable behavior for the moment. He also knew he would later be mad with
himself for using Erestor in this manner, but at the moment his pain ruled supreme and he
believed he could only find comfort by sinking into Erestor’s body and making him his new
lover.

 

To Erestor, everything was a rush. Elrond’s fingertips caressed his skin and a demanding
tongue trailed down toward his groin area. His eyes widened, feeling Elrond undo the
lacing of his leggings and a moment later, cool air swept over his exposed genitalia.
“Elrond…”

 

“Hush now…” Elrond kissed him them, taking away his breath. It was a desperate effort to
take Erestor inside of him, to breathe Erestor – to keep him inside. His hands were busy
removing his own restricting leggings and it wasn’t long before he had succeeded in
ridding them both of their clothing. Erestor rested beneath him, face flushed and
breathing heavily. The dark-haired Elf was a vision and Elrond intended to fully claim
his inexperienced partner. “I need you, Erestor. I need you to chase away the cold and
the pain. I need to feel your warmth, your love.”

 

Erestor, struck speechless, allowed Elrond to explore his body and when warm fingers
curled around his firm flesh, he arched his back in silent need. Oh, he wanted this –
wanted this as much as Elrond did, but he wanted it for different reasons. He loved
Elrond, but was fully aware why the half-Elf was staking his claim. And because he loved
Elrond, he allowed the half-Elf to proceed.

 

“Oil…” breathed Elrond into Erestor’s ear. “We need oil.”

 

Shakily, Erestor reached for the vial of oil which he had intended to use on Elrond’s
hair after washing it, and handed it to the half-Elf. Elrond’s face practically glowed
with excitement and the half-Elf’s fingers had warmed, as they stroked him into hardness.
Sharp teeth suddenly pierced his shoulder and his eyes widened.

 

Elrond soothed his lover by whispering sweet endearments into his ear, but at the same
time, he coated his arousal with the oil. “I desire to take you, melethron1, will you let
me?”

 

All Erestor was capable of was a shaky nod. His eyes remained fastened on the half-Elf,
and he understood how the soldiers would have looked up to Elrond. The half-Elf radiated
strength and authority. Elrond had become the fierce warrior he had once been now that he
was about to make another conquest.

 

Elrond parted Erestor’s legs and settled between them. “You will be mine after this.”
Elrond was no longer capable of rational thought. He had suffered another loss, by
letting Celebrían sail -- he had suffered too many losses altogether. First, they had
taken Elros away from him – he positioned himself at the tight opening and began to push
inside – later, they had taken Ereinion away from him, his King and his secret love – oh,
he pushed inside, burying himself to the hilt – and now, he had lost his wife. Just how
many sacrifices would the Valar demand of him? Elrond, lost in his despair, thrust. He
vaguely registered Erestor’s sobs of distress and covered the other Elf with his body.
Again, he soothed him, calling him his love and his fingers returned to Erestor’s
softening member.

 

Erestor hadn’t been prepared for the brutal invasion of his body. Elrond looked lost in
thoughts and he yelped, when Elrond finally claimed him. The half-Elf’s shaft pierced him
and pushed all breath from his lungs. Tears erupted from his eyes, as pain took him by
surprise. “Elrond… Elrond!”

 

The sharp outcries of pain penetrated the dark recesses of Elrond’s mind and his eyes
widened, realizing what he was doing – what he had done and he stilled. “Erestor, I…”
Disgusted by his own actions, he tried to pull out, but Erestor didn’t let him. “I don’t
understand… I am hurting you! Why won’t you let me…?”

 

“I want this,” managed Erestor, trying not to breathe in too deeply. “But, I want you
here with me when we make love.” Hopefully the full extent of those words registered with
Elrond.

 

“Oh, I am sorry!” Elrond pressed soothing kisses all over Erestor’s face. He had directed
his anger, his hatred, at the one person he loved!

 

Erestor carefully moved his hips and sucked in his breath, as the tip of Elrond’s shaft
rubbed against something deep inside him. His erection instantly returned and the initial
pain he had felt faded. “I want this,” clarified Erestor. “I want us to make love… I want
your thoughts here with me… I want *you* here with me.”

 

“I love you, Erestor,” whispered Elrond, fully understanding what his beloved was trying
to tell him. His next thrust was gentle and well-aimed and he sensed Erestor relaxing
beneath him now that pleasure was taking over. His actions were guided by the need to
make this as good as possible for his inexperienced lover. He continued to stroke
Erestor’s hard flesh, showered face and shoulders with passionate kisses and moved inside
Erestor with intention, hitting his lover’s prostrate with each stroke.

 

Erestor’s head reeled, feeling a degree of pleasure which he had never felt before. He
began to push back and met each stroke with enthusiasm. The pressure in his groin became
unbearable and he knew he was close to reaching orgasm. “Elrond, I…”

 

“Let go, melethron…” Elrond aimed his last thrust well and buried himself deeply inside
Erestor’s body. Keeping still, he waited for his beloved to find release. He didn’t have
to wait long. Warm cream erupted from Erestor’s slit and hit his fingers. Feeling the
warm substance crawl down his hand launched his own orgasm.

 

Erestor’s eyes closed, as he wanted to *feel* Elrond inside of him. The warm sensation
that followed took him by surprise and he needed a moment to understand that it was
Elrond’s seed filling him. His eyes opened and encountered Elrond’s. The half-Elf’s face
revealed his every feeling, from ecstasy to pain and promises.

 

Erestor’s inner muscle continued to contract around his member and Elrond claimed his
lover’s lips once more. Lips locked in a passionate kiss, limbs entangled and bodies
still one, they rode waves of passion, not wanting to return to cold reality ever again.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elrond pulled Erestor into a possessive embrace and was trying hard to come to terms with
the way their lovemaking had begun. It had never been his intention to stake his claim in
such a forceful way, but his pain had overwhelmed him and Erestor had taken the brunt of
his anger. “Do you regret it?” Elrond raised his head, which had rested on Erestor’s
shoulder and made eye contact. He was afraid of what he would find in those normally so
wise eyes.

 

Erestor smiled, lazily. “I don’t. Do you?” He had a fairly good idea of what was going on
in Elrond’s head. He saw regret and shame in the gray eyes.

 

“I regret taking you so forcefully and I want to apologize for not preparing you. I don’t
know what happened.”

 

“Don’t lie to me. You *do* know what happened.”

 

For one moment, Elrond felt shocked that Erestor would call him on that. But maybe that
was what he needed – someone who wouldn’t put up with his behavior. Glorfindel and his
children had, excusing each miss-guided action on his part. “I was angry.”

 

Erestor stroked Elrond’s back and searched those gray eyes. “Continue.”

 

“I lost so many people who were dear to me. I lost my twin, Elros. I lost Ereinion and
now my wife.”

 

“Ereinion?” Erestor frowned.

 

Elrond released a deep breath. “Aye, I know that your warden and he were lovers and they
were happy, but my heart desired him at any rate. We don’t control whom we fall in love
with and when he died it felt like a part of me had died.”

 

“You were in love with the High-King?” Erestor felt stunned.

 

“He was the only male I ever desired – until now that is.” Elrond blushed. “I think I
have loved you since that last visit. Celebrían must have known that too. Why else would
she set me free and give me permission to love again?” Oh, he *did* feel guilty for
taking a new mate so shortly after she had left, but for him it was the only way to
survive. He hadn’t lied to Erestor when he had said he needed him – his warmth and his
love.

 

Erestor carefully considered his next words. “Elrond, I still think you need to properly
mourn the loss. Take the time to say goodbye to her, but don’t say goodbye to your love
for her. Always treasure that, for it will enrich your life.”

 

“You are so wise,” whispered Elrond, who was beginning to drift off into sleep.

 

“I am not wise,” replied Erestor in a soothing voice. Now that Elrond was falling asleep,
he kissed the half-Elf’s temple in an effort to soothe him further. “I only love you,
Elrond. And I have no idea why it happened.”

 

For one moment, Erestor’s voice sounded like Ereinion’s to Elrond’s ears. The half-Elf
attributed the sensation to being exhausted and half asleep and didn’t give it much
thought. Slowly, he drifted off into sleep, savoring the sensation of holding Erestor and
being held in turn.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

During the next few days, they slipped into a comfortable routine. Erestor would go
hunting, and whilst alone, Elrond would cry, and thus provide a way out for the grief he
still felt. Elrond wrote letters to his wife, telling her about his pain, but also of the
new love he had found. When the evening fell, he would burn them in the fire and only
ashes remained by the time Erestor returned home.

 

Two months after Elrond’s arrival the half-Elf bundled up and accompanied Erestor on the
hunt. The half-Elf was impressed with Erestor’s tracking and hunting skills and easily
identified the Chief Advisor’s style when they sparred for the first time. Ereinion’s
lover had instructed his pupil well.

 

One night, when they sat in front of the fireplace, Elrond took Erestor’s hand in his and
rubbed the fingers. A comfortable silence descended onto them and they smiled at each
other. Although Erestor still saw sorrow in Elrond’s eyes, the degree had lessened.
Elrond was doing something the half-Elf had thought impossible. He was finally letting go
of Celebrían, of his pain and his suffering. Elrond was finally focusing on the future.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Tell me about Elros,” said Erestor. They sat huddled close in front of the fire place.
They had eaten the omelet Erestor had prepared and felt warm and comfortable. The fire
blazed and the flames danced a sensual dance. It seemed the perfect moment to ask Elrond
to reveal a bit more of himself.

 

“Elros,” whispered Elrond, thoughtfully. He tightened his hold on Erestor and deeply
inhaled his lover’s scent. “I actually thought a lot about him these last few days.” Now
that the grief for Celebrían was lessening, older grief reappeared and demanded he dealt
with that as well. “He was my twin – the other half of my soul. We were inseparable for
the first half of our lives.”

 

Erestor snuggled closer to Elrond and listened, realizing what his lover really needed
was to unburden his heart and maybe even his soul.

 

“But then the time came for us to make our choice. We are half-Elves you see, and one
day, even my children will have to make the choice to belong to the Firstborn or the
World of Man.”

 

Erestor closed his eyes and listened to Elrond’s voice. The half-Elf sounded thoughtful
and he gave Elrond all the time he needed to speak his mind.

 

“When Elros revealed to me that he preferred to become mortal, I thought I would lose my
mind. Elros was the only person who had been there for me my entire life. We lost our
parents at a tender age, and although we had loving wardens, he was the only relative I
had. He was much more than just my brother – he was my world. When he chose to become
mortal, my first thought was to follow his example. Why live forever when I didn’t have
him?”

 

“What changed your mind?”

“A dream did,” revealed Elrond in a soft voice. “Or maybe it was my gift of foresight
manifesting itself, but I saw my future. I saw that I was destined to play an important
part in the history of Arda and that by choosing my brother’s fate I would condemn many
to a premature death. I chose to belong to the Firstborn, though my heart always remained
entwined with my twin’s. When he died…” Elrond failed to continue and closed his eyes in
an effort to best the ugly memory.

 

Erestor’s eyes opened and he turned in the embrace so he could look upon Elrond’s face.
He saw the old, raw, undealt-with hurt and caressed the ancient face. Each line, deeply
drawn onto Elrond’s brow, told of the half-Elf’s suffering. “Did you ever discuss his
reasons for his choice with him?”

 

“I did.” Elrond didn’t want to remember that last conversation.

 

“What did he say?”

 

Elrond drew in a deep breath. He had repressed this memory since his brother’s death. “He
said he’d had a similar dream and that the Valar had revealed his destiny to him. Elros
said that he had seen his wife, his children, and his kingdom and that he couldn’t turn
his back on them. He was convinced that he had reached the right decision when becoming
mortal.”

 

“Was he at peace with his decision?” The gray eyes opened and Erestor looked into them,
searching them and finding the truth.

 

“Aye, he was. He had lived a long and fruitful live. He had sired children and ruled his
kingdom well.” Elros hadn’t been resentful, like he had been during their last meeting.
“I held him in my arms when he died.” Elrond moistened his lips, feeling nervous now that
he was confronting this part of him. “He was at peace and he asked me to let him go. I
clung to him until his dying breath and then I had no choice but to let him go.” Tears
dripped from his face and Erestor moved quickly, catching them with his fingertips. “He
chose his destiny much like I chose mine.”

 

“You should let him go, meleth2. Don’t you think he would want that?” Erestor pressed a
sweet kiss on first one eyelid and then the other.

 

“You are right,” admitted Elrond with a sigh. He bowed his head and rested his weary body
against Erestor’s. It was beyond him how it was possible, but he was finally ready to
give his brother’s memory the rest he deserved.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I have got it!” Elrond, bundled up in several layers of clothing, jumped after the
rabbit, but the young animal got away from him. However, his action left Elrond buried
beneath a mound of snow.

 

“Oh, you mighty warrior, you!” Erestor, towering over Elrond, laughed.

 

Elrond was bent on getting his revenge and tugged hard at Erestor’s ankles. The laughter
stopped and Erestor tumbled backwards, landing in a pile of snow. Elrond quickly climbed
atop of his lover and stole a kiss from Erestor’s trembling lips. The snow began to melt
between their bodies and Elrond ran his fingers down Erestor’s hair. “Thank you,
Erestor.”

 

Erestor gave Elrond a brilliant smile, but wondered why the half-Elf was thanking him.
“And what did I do?”

 

“You are bringing me back to life, don’t you know that?” It was true – Elrond couldn’t
remember the last time he’d had so much fun, rolling about in the snow, trying to push
the cold substance past the folds of Erestor’s cloak. He felt like an Elfling again,
carefree and happy.

 

Looking at Erestor, who was squirming beneath him, Elrond caught his beloved’s wrists
above his head and plundered the mouth, robbing one sweet kiss after another.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Do you want me to remove the crest from the wall?” Erestor had undressed and was about
to join Elrond in bed, when he saw the melancholy expression in the gray eyes.

 

Elrond lifted the blanket and waited for Erestor to join him. Living here, all alone and
with little luxury felt primal to him and he gave in to ancient urges, licking Erestor’s
throat and suckling the skin there. They hadn’t made love since that first time. Erestor
wouldn’t deny him, Elrond knew that, and so it was the half-Elf’s choice that they didn’t
engage into more intimate play. The next time they made love, he wanted their love play
free of old ghosts and anger.

 

“Didn’t I feed you properly?” asked Erestor, giggling, as Elrond’s tongue tickled against
his skin.

 

Elrond laughed and tucked Erestor’s head beneath his chin. “I love holding you.” It felt
perfect – he didn’t need the confirmation of their love by burying himself in Erestor’s
body. There was a deeper connection, a stronger link than he had ever felt with his wife.
Erestor loved him – he knew that for certain.

 

Erestor moistened his lips, determined to tackle the next barrier in their relationship.
He knew very well that Elrond had to deal with the past before he could focus on their
future. “How did you deal with the fact that Ereinion’s heart was already taken?”

 

Elrond felt stunned and speechless that Erestor would bring this up during such a playful
moment. “Must we discuss this now?”

 

“Aye, we must.” Erestor pressed a kiss onto Elrond’s shoulder and snuggled closer. “Tell
me about your heartache.”

 

Elrond felt uncomfortable and had a hard time believing Erestor was asking him to do
this. But in the end, he gave in because he loved Erestor. “I was still young when I met
the High-King for the first time. His name was already legend and I worshipped the ground
he walked on. He was wise, a diplomat, but also a warrior! A true leader and King.”

 

“Go on.”

 

“Do you really want me to tell you this? I mean, considering the fact that your warden…”

 

“Tell me, Elrond.” Erestor’s fingertips lightly moved through Elrond’s hair, which had
long since captured its old shine and elegance again.

 

“I didn’t want to fall in love with him. It just happened. He was my hero.” Elrond’s eyes
assumed a dreamy expression, as his mind drifted back to that time. “Everything about him
was perfect. I had never had a lover before, had just lost my brother and I dreamt about
Ereinion. I wanted him to become my lover and to heal my hurts. Then, I saw Erestor and
Ereinion kiss and my world shattered. My first reaction was to slay Erestor…” Elrond
paused, hearing his lover gasp softly.

 

“Am I right to assume that you are prone to jealousy and possessiveness, Elrond?”
inquired Erestor in a teasing voice, though in truth he felt a bit tense, at hearing
Elrond had wanted to slay his warden.

“Very jealous… very possessive,” admitted Elrond, licking the tip of Erestor’s ear, which
was just within reach. “So you had better be careful.”

 

“I will keep that in mind,” replied Erestor, only half joking.

 

“I watched them. First, with envy and jealousy, but later on, I saw that their love was
true. They were a perfect match and I have seldom seen such dedicated love. I learned to
accept that and I let Ereinion go. I served him as his Herald and stopped desiring him in
that way, though I always continued to love him.” Elrond pressed a kiss on the crown on
his lover’s hair. “And I will always love you.” It was the strangest thing – although his
lover reminded him of his former rival, he also reminded him of Ereinion in some strange
way.

 

“You have me, Elrond. You won’t lose me.”

 

“I pray to the Valar that I won’t.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I had forgotten that the twins brought this bottle along three years ago.”

 

Erestor watched with interest how Elrond warmed the wine in the pot above the fire. The
concept of mulled wine was alien to him, but he was willing to try.

 

Elrond poured the warm wine into goblets and handed one to Erestor. “You will like it.”
He had been with Erestor for four months now and his heart had begun to heal. He didn’t
know how it was possible, but Erestor had found a way to make him feel balanced again.
Although the pain was still there, Erestor’s love was there as well.

 

Erestor tried the wine and a red hue appeared on his cheeks after taking several sips.
“Lovely.”

 

Elrond giggled and sipped his own wine. Ever since he had stopped trying to find out
about Erestor’s real identity the love and trust between them had deepened, and yet he
still hoped that one day Erestor would confide in him. “Do you also feel hot?”

 

Erestor chuckled. “Ah, this is just another way to get me out of my clothes!”

 

“Maybe,” admitted Elrond, who felt incredibly relaxed and at ease.

 

Erestor judged Elrond was relaxed enough to face his last sorrow. “Do you miss her?”

 

Maybe it was the fact that Erestor always managed to catch him unawares, which made
Elrond always answer. “Aye, I miss her. She has been a part of my life for a long time.”

“Did she blame you for the attack?” Erestor sipped once more and caught Elrond’s hand in
his to rub the long and elegant fingers.

 

“She never did.” Elrond swallowed hard, feeling completely sober again. “She blamed the
Orcs, but never me.” Tears appeared in his eyes and he realized what Erestor had been
doing all along. Layer for layer, the dark-haired Elf had removed his feelings of guilt
and shame. “She did the only thing she could do, by leaving for the Undying Lands. If she
had stayed, she would have died. Witnessing her death would have truly been devastating,
especially on the children.”

 

“Elrond, I know you fairly well. I know you did everything you could to keep her safe and
to heal her. The attack wasn’t your fault; nor do you carry any blame for her departure.
She made her decision, just like Elros did.” Erestor’s fingertips caught the single tear
that left Elrond’s eyes.

 

“What would I do without you? I would be long dead – killed by my need to suffer.” Elrond
placed the mulled wine aside and rested his hands on either side of his lover’s head. “We
are mated, Erestor, bound… Will you complete the circle and take me?”

 

Erestor swallowed hard, not expecting that request. “You want me to claim you?”

 

“Aye, meleth, I claimed you. You should do the same.” Elrond dreamily stared into
Erestor’s eyes. Maybe it was the mulled wine making him light-headed, or maybe he was
simply drunk on Erestor’s love. “Allow me.” He scooted closer and unbuttoned Erestor’s
shirt, which he pushed down the shoulders, baring his lover to himself. Moving closer
still, he folded his arms around Erestor, pulled him closer and kissed him.

 

Erestor’s goblet fell onto the floor with a loud crashing sound, but neither Elf paid it
any attention. They were too busy removing each other’s clothes. His breathing became
fast and shallow, seeing Elrond naked and aroused in front of him, and Erestor pulled the
half-Elf in for another kiss. “I love you. My heart belongs to you.”

 

“And mine belongs to you for as long as I shall live.” Elrond reached for the vial with
oil and removed the stopper. “I want to feel you move inside of me.”

 

Those words had an amazing effect on Erestor’s member, which immediately rose to
attention. Warm and oily fingers moved along it, and had him sighing for more.

 

Maintaining control of their lovemaking, Elrond raised himself and sat on his heels in
front of his lover. Positioning himself, he placed his hands on Erestor’s shoulders. The
head of his lover’s shaft already pressed against his opening and Elrond closed his eyes,
slowly allowing his lover to take possession of him. Pushing down, his eyes opened as his
lover’s hardness pierced him, penetrating him and opening up to him. He bit his bottom
lip, moaned helplessly, and impaled himself on the hard flesh until he had completely
taken his lover’s length inside.

 

Erestor’s eyes had widened with ecstasy and he quickly placed his hands beneath Elrond’s
buttocks. “Not too fast.” He didn’t want Elrond to be as sore as he had been after their
first round of lovemaking. Massaging the firm mounds of flesh, Erestor slowly lifted
Elrond, practically purring at the tight sensation that enveloped his shaft.

 

Elrond tightened his hold on Erestor’s shoulders and took control once more. He set a
steady rhythm, taking himself time after time and bringing them to orgasm.

 

Erestor had never seen a more bewitching sight and thrust upward, finally rubbing
Elrond’s pleasure gland.

 

The half-Elf threw back his head and surrendered to the sensation. He drove himself hard
– to the edge and further – and when his body could take no more sweet torture, he
collapsed against his lover and spilled his seed.

 

Warm breath caressed his skin and Erestor pressed Elrond close to him. The contractions
that formed around his shaft made him growl in need and another deep thrust finally
brought him the release he so yearned for.

 

Sweaty and exhausted they clung to each other. Erestor was still hard and inside of
Elrond and the half-Elf cherished the connection. “Say it,” he whispered into Erestor’s
ear, hoping his lover knew what he needed to hear.

 

“You are free, Elrond. Free of the past, free of mistakes and pain. You are free.”
Erestor’s lips pressed against the tender skin of Elrond’s throat and like Elrond had
done during their first love making, he bit and broke the skin. “But you will never be
free of me.”

 

And aye, Erestor was right; they were bound now… mated. “Melethron?” Elrond waited for
Erestor to release his skin and then looked him in the eye. “I want to know you—your
name. Will you tell me?”

 

Erestor felt conflicted. They had just made love and were mated. If anyone had the right
to know his real name it was Elrond. “Do you promise to tell no one?”

“I promise.” Erestor’s sex had softened and now slipped out of his body. Elrond wished
they could have stayed connected longer, but there was always a next time to make love.

 

“I never told anyone before. I never said my name aloud before,” said Erestor, wavering
if this was the right decision to make.

 

“You can trust me.” Elrond twirled a strand of Erestor’s dark hair around a fingertip,
reflecting how far he had come in dealing with his grief since he had admitted to loving
Erestor. “Tell me.”

 

Erestor closed his eyes. “It is only a name,” he said, trying to reassure himself. “I
don’t feel like that name still belongs to me. I have been Erestor for too long.”

 

“Tell me, meleth,” whispered Elrond, nibbling on the tip of Erestor’s pointed ear.

 

“It is Dûrel.” Erestor closed his eyes and held his breath, fully expecting Middle Earth
to stop existing now that he had revealed his name to Elrond.

 

“Dark star?” Elrond had hoped learning Erestor’s real name would also reveal the other
Elf’s heritage, but this made no sense. Why would Erestor name his son dark star? Or had
it been Erestor’s way of honoring Ereinion? Had it been his way of expressing his hope
that the High-King would accept his child?

 

Realizing that nothing disastrous had happened after speaking his name, Erestor opened
his eyes again. “Aye, I am named Dûrel.”

 

Elrond eyed his mate closely, realizing that by unraveling one secret, he had only
created another.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

My Lord, we carry a message from the one called Glorfindel.

 

Erestor looked up from the snow Elf he was building with Elrond. The half-Elf had
recovered in mind and body and had even gained some weight. The gray eyes sparkled, the
cheeks were rosy, and sometimes even red from mirth. Elrond had stopped grieving and no
longer assumed guilt for anything that had gone wrong in his life. He should have known
that the day would come that Imladris would call her Lord back home. Tell me. Erestor
opened his mind, allowing Elrond to share in the trees’ message.

 

Elrond froze, feeling the strange presence in his mind. Normally, Vilya would stop any
presence from entering his mind, but he wasn’t wearing the ring. It was in Glorfindel’s
safe keeping. “What is this?”

 

“Listen to the trees,” instructed Erestor, whose heart was growing heavy with foreboding.

 

My Lord, the one called Glorfindel has asked us to tell the one called Elrond that his
children have returned and that they desire to see him. They want to make certain that
their father fares well. They are calling him home.

 

Elrond felt paralyzed. How had he managed to delude himself that this was his new home?
For the last half year, he had built a life here with his lover. And now, his children
were calling him home!

 

“You must go,” said Erestor, fighting the breaking of his heart. “Your family and your
people need you.”

 

“How can you say such a thing?” whispered Elrond in disbelief. “I thought you loved me!
How can you ask me to leave then?”

 

Erestor advanced on Elrond and rested the palm of his hand against Elrond’s cheek. “I
always knew that this day would come. We lived on borrowed time, melethron. You are a
Lord, the ruler of Imladris. You cannot stay here forever. And no, make no mistake!  I
*don’t* want you to go! But I am no fool and I know that duty comes before love.” His
heart was breaking, speaking those words, but he had learned his warden’s lessons well.
“Elrond, you said yourself that you still have to play an important part in the history
of Middle Earth. How can you do so when you remain here?”

 

“How can you ask me to leave?” Elrond, stunned, searched his lover’s dark eyes.

 

“Because I love you.” Oh, he *had* known that this day would come and was grateful that
they had been given six months together to feast on each other’s love.

 

“Then come with me!” Elrond wasn’t giving up. “Come to Imladris with me! Live with me at
the Last Homely House!”

 

“Are you so certain that your children will accept that their father has taken a new
lover? Me? After losing their mother only a year and a half  ago?” Erestor hated doing
this to Elrond, but it was for their best.

 

“Erestor… Dûrel, I can not lose you now!” Not when he finally felt whole again! “You must
come with me!”

 

“I can never leave this forest, I told you that.”

 

“Why? Why do you think that the whole of Middle Earth is out to get you? You are
secretive about your name and when you tell me, it doesn’t sound familiar. It doesn’t
give me any reason at all to believe that you are in any danger!” Elrond was prepared to
fight hard and if necessary dirty to keep his lover close.

 

Erestor stepped away from Elrond. “You speak the truth. I also thought my name would have
a bigger impact on you, or maybe reveal my heritage to you, but it didn’t. Yet, I cannot
set aside Erestor’s teachings and that he told me to remain hidden.”

 

“I came here because I needed you, because I love you. But you aren’t willing to do the
same for me! Why would living in Imladris be so awful? You would be safer there than you
are here!” Elrond realized he was losing the fight and resorted to dirty tactics. “I
don’t believe that you are in any kind of danger, Dûrel. I don’t know why Erestor chose
to tell you so, but you are just another Elf. Aye, your sire was Ereinion’s Chief
Advisor, but that is about it! Come to Imladris with me!”

 

Erestor moved away from Elrond as if bitten by a snake. “I know you are saying this
because you are hurting, but… But you can always visit with me, Elrond. I am only a few
hours away. You can always come to me.”

 

“Don’t you understand? I want you at my side! I don’t want to worry about your well-
being! I want you safe and close!”

 

“I am not coming with you, Elrond.” Erestor drew in a deep breath. “The Valar know I love
you and that my heart belongs to you, but I can not leave this forest.”

 

Feeling insulted, shunned, and angry, Elrond turned on his heel and marched away from
Erestor.

 

Erestor watched him go with much pain in his heart. If Elrond continued to march in that
direction he would reach the rim of the forest within the next two hours. For one moment,
his heart urged him to go after his lover, placate him and to make amends, but he
remained frozen, realizing that their time of joy, love and happiness had come to an end.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elrond realized too late that he was lost and couldn’t find the way back to the cabin.
His sense of direction had completely deserted him and he screamed his frustration out to
the trees, but they remained quiet and his wrath remained unmet. “Erestor! Dûrel!”

 

But his lover didn’t answer him and Elrond dropped to his knees. His own stubbornness and
arrogance had driven him to leave his lover in anger and he doubted Erestor would want to
meet him any time soon. “I will return to you in a year, melethron!” Elrond hoped for
some sort of reply but none came.

 

Feeling discouraged, defeated, and utterly lonely, Elrond made his way to the rim of the
forest. His heart remained in the dark forest though – with the one he loved.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Elrond!” Glorfindel had never felt more relieved, seeing Elrond’s form leave the
darkness of the forest. “I am here, meldir3!” He had brought Elrond’s mare along. The
golden-haired Captain jumped from Asfaloth’s back and embraced Elrond when the half-Elf
was within reach. Elrond felt strong and well-fed in his arms, but when the gray eyes
fastened upon his, Glorfindel felt shocked. He had hoped that Elrond had healed during
his stay with Erestor, but the half-Elf still looked more like a shell than the Elf-Lord
he had been. “Elrond?”

Elrond composed himself and met Glorfindel’s worried eyes. “I will be all right… I just
lost something precious.”

 

“Oh, meldir, we still all mourn her departure, but…” He had hoped Elrond had found a way
to deal with losing his wife in the past six months!

 

Elrond realized the mistake Glorfindel had made, but didn’t correct him. “The trees told
me that my children have returned?” He couldn’t think of Erestor, or talk about him,
because his fragile heart wouldn’t take it.

 

“Aye, they returned yesterday and are most eager to speak with you. Staying with their
grandparents did them a world of good.” Glorfindel felt a bit more reassured, seeing that
Elrond had enough strength to mount unaided.

 

“Then we shouldn’t keep them waiting!” Elrond buried his heels into his mare’s flank.

 

Elrond didn’t look over his shoulder and thus didn’t see Erestor, perched high in the
tree, watching him leave with tears in his eyes.

 

Glorfindel however *did* notice Erestor’s presence *and* the tears.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The first evening alone caused Erestor to sob. He had become used to having Elrond close
– to feeling his love and now he was alone again. Maybe denying Elrond had been the wrong
thing to do and he should have accepted traveling with Elrond to the Last Homely House.
But what if those five fair-haired warriors found out he resided there and came for him?
What if they accidentally injured one of the half-Elves? A mistake was easily made,
especially since they were all dark-haired. Nay, he couldn’t take that risk – ever.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Ada4! You have come back to us!” Arwen reached her father first and wrapped her arms
around him. She noticed his withdrawn expression and contributed it to the fact that he
still mourned Celebrían’s departure. “It is good to have to you here again.”

 

Elladan and Elrohir walked up to their father. Their stay with their grandparents had
helped them heal. Whilst Arwen had found comfort in her grandmother’s presence, it had
been Celeborn who had seen to the twins’ needs. Celeborn had guided them through their
grief, giving them all the love Elrond couldn’t at that moment. The children had come
stronger out of the experience and they had hoped that staying with Erestor would have
strengthened their father in turn, but apparently it hadn’t helped. “Ada?” Elladan wasn’t
even certain Elrond had noticed their presence.

 

Elrohir exchanged a worried look with Glorfindel, who shrugged once. “He has been quiet –
hardly saying a word on our way back.” But Elrond hadn’t been as distant as he was now.
“Meldir?”

 

Elrond shook himself from his musings; he couldn’t continue to dwell on Erestor when his
family needed him. “I am well,” he said. “Only a bit tired. You know Erestor, he kept me
busy.”

 

The twins sensed that something was wrong, but couldn’t label the sensation. In the end,
Elrohir embraced their father, holding him close. “Welcome home, Ada.”

 

How could he explain to his sons that the Last Homely House didn’t feel like home
anymore? He returned Elrohir’s embrace and then reached for Elladan, including him in the
hug as well. “I missed you, my sons.”

 

Arwen felt relieved, now that Elrond was responding to them, but also worried, seeing the
distant expression in the eyes. Although she and her brothers still felt their mother’s
loss keenly, Galadriel and Celeborn had found a way to make them accept their mother’s
departure. They had realized that Celebrían had no real choice and had made their peace
with it. “Come, Ada. If you are tired, you should rest.”

 

Elrond caught his daughter’s hand in his and realized how fortunate he was to still have
his children. After the attack, his sons had been hostile and buried in self-loathing,
blaming themselves for their mother’s state, and he thanked Galadriel and Celeborn for
taking those negative feelings away.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Later that evening, the family gathered for dinner in Elrond’s rooms – rooms, which
constantly reminded him of his wife. Rooms, which brought back pain. Elrond held his
façade upright during dinner. By the time his children left, they felt reassured that
their father would bounce back from his loss.

 

Elrond stared into the starlit night, completely forgetting that Glorfindel was still
present.

 

“What happened during your stay with Erestor?” Glorfindel had followed Elrond onto the
balcony and now leaned against the wall, his arms crossed in front of him. At first, he
had thought Elrond was feeling miserable because he still hadn’t dealt with the loss of
his wife, but something in Elrond’s manner had made him change his thoughts. “This isn’t
about her, is it?”

 

Elrond cursed Glorfindel’s alertness. His friend had always read him too well. “Nothing
happened.”

 

“You cannot fool me,” said Glorfindel, walking toward Elrond. He turned the half-Elf
around until they were face and face and then said, “I saw him. I saw Erestor lurking
between the branches when we left and he was crying. Why was he crying, Elrond?”

 

“Crying? I didn’t know he was there…” Elrond shook his head. “He refused to come to
Imladris with me. For some absurd reason he thinks he is only safe in the forest.”

 

“That is nonsense! I guard the borders well! We are safe here! He is probably safer here
than he is at the forest!” Glorfindel felt insulted. “I would make certain no evil
touches him!”

 

“I told him that.”

 

“And yet he refuses to live here?” But Glorfindel sensed that this was only part of what
really troubled Elrond. “What happened? You can confide in me. You know that I will never
betray your trust!” Elrond might not want to confide in his children, but maybe he would
confide in him.

 

“I fell in love with him,” admitted Elrond, who desperately needed to tell someone. He
couldn’t tell his children for he didn’t know if they would understand, but Glorfindel
would. “I love Erestor, Glorfindel, and yet he refuses to live here with me.”

 

Glorfindel marginally raised an eyebrow. Why hadn’t he thought of this before? He had
always suspected something had happened when Elrond had visited Erestor that winter, he
had just never found out exactly what it was. Had this attraction started back then?
During that year when the twins had reached their majority and had been tied up in
festivities?

 

“We mated, Glorfindel. We are bound, but don’t tell the children. I don’t think they will
understand. After all, they just lost their mother.”

 

“And you just lost your wife,” pointed out Glorfindel.

 

“I fell in love with him many centuries ago, Glorfindel. Celebrían knew of this
attraction and she also knew I chose to be with her. That is why I never visited with
Erestor again, until now.”

 

Glorfindel considered everything very carefully. “Does he return your feelings?” He
assumed Erestor did, otherwise they wouldn’t have bonded, but he wanted to know for
certain.

 

“Aye, he loves me back and that is why I can not understand why he didn’t come with me.
He would be safe here.”

“Maybe he was afraid the children wouldn’t understand?” suggested Glorfindel. But, like
Elrond, he wondered about Erestor’s obsessive need to stay in the forest. What scared
Erestor so much that he chose to live like a hermit?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

After Glorfindel had left, Elrond seated himself on the balcony and looked at Vilya. The
ring sparkled and shone like it never had before and Elrond swore it was trying to tell
him something – but what?


His thoughts drifted back to Erestor, and as he stared at the ring, his surroundings
disappeared. Instead, he saw Erestor, seated in front of the fire, drinking the last bit
of the mulled wine. Erestor’s lips mouthed words, which Elrond easily deciphered as he
was mouthing them as well – I love you.

 

Part 5

1  melethron –- (male) lover (Sindarin, noun)

2 meleth –- love (Sindarin, noun) 

3 meldir (sing.) –-“male” friend (Sindarin, noun) mell + dir

4 Ada  –- dad, daddy, papa (Sindarin, noun)

 

From the Council of Elrond Quenyan and Sindarin dictionary