Title: Time Stood Still
Author: Crista
Pairings: Elrond/Erestor, Elrond/Celebrian
Rating: R
Warnings: slash, angst/suicide, character death
Author's Note: Back by popular demand: the sequel to Thirty Minutes, which was
apparently wildly popular, since I got a lot of positive feedback on that one. I
hope this meets expectations. AU. ***I'm doing two versions of this fic, and
this is the darker one. Hold out for the happy ending sequel if you prefer that
kind of thing, or read them both.***
Disclaimer: Tolkein's, not mine. I'm not making a profit, so please don't sue.
Summary: After Erestor's death, the household of Imladris is grieving.  The
darker sequel to Thirty Minutes.
Feedback: Sure, feel free, just put either "feedback," the title, or both in the
subject of the e-mail. RinkRatNB@aol.com
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	"Erestor? Might I have a word?" Elrond called, knocking softly on the door.
There was no answer, and he frowned slightly in concern; it was unlike Erestor
to be asleep even this late at night, and even less so for him not to wake at
the sound of a knock. Worried, Elrond tried the doorknob, and found it was
unlocked. Feeling strangely like an intruder, Elrond pushed the door open, and
his frown deepened. It was pitch black in Erestor's chambers, and Elrond could
smell alcohol, which was also odd; Erestor rarely drank more than the occasional
sip of wine at dinner. And there was another, nagging smell that Elrond could
not quite place. He found the nightstand by touch, for he knew the room well,
and lit the candle Erestor kept at his bedside for late-night wanderings.
	Time seemed to stand still.
	"Erestor?"
	Silence.
	"Erestor!"
	The smell of blood, overpowering now.
	Not moving.
	Not breathing.
	Dead?
	A blade dripping scarlet.
	"Erestor! No! Saes, meleth-nin, no! Erestor!"
	Elrond was dimly aware of footsteps pounding down the hall, at least two 
Elves, and he blinked, trying vainly to clear his eyes of unshed tears. 
	"Elrond, what on Arda-" Glorfindel began, then fell instantly silent.
"Elbereth." he whispered, and knelt on the ground beside Elrond. Beside Erestor.
His hand rested briefly on Erestor's chest, then hovered above his parted lips,
before dropping first to one wrist, then his neck. The fingers came away stained
scarlet, and Glorfindel stilled for perhaps a second before Elrond felt a
stinging slap across his cheek. "You ! You did this!" Glorfindel screamed. "It's
your fault! I warned you, Elrond! Murderer!" he burst out, and fled, shoving
roughly past Celebrian, who stood silently in the doorway, horrified.
"Elbereth..." she whispered.
	"Go!" Elrond snapped, and Celebrian did so, knowing better than to anger 
either of the two Elf-Lords right now.
	"Erestor, saes, im mela lle, saes..." Elrond choked out, and finally dared to
bring a trembling hand to touch the pale skin of Erestor's face, but flinched
away almost as soon as the tips of his fingers met the skin.
	He was so cold.
	"No..." the word was no more than a whisper.
	A puff of wind blew into the room through the open window, and the candle
flickered out, plunging the room abruptly into darkness.
	"He's mine, I need him here. Give him back to me." Elrond said quietly, but
there was no answer to his words save the soft rustle of curtains in the faint,
cold breeze filtering in through the window.
	It was so dark.
	Elrond had spent nights beyond counting in this room, he knew it without 
sight. But suddenly the darkness, which had once been a comforting presence wrapped
around them both, seemed hard and unfamiliar without the soft, gentle tones of
Erestor's voice.
	Elrond abruptly turned and ran, nearly trampling Lindir, who was walking 
down the hall toward his own room. "My Lord?" Lindir queried, but Elrond only shook
his head and rushed out of the house. He could not bear to return to his
chambers, with so many memories of Erestor, and Celebrian probably lying in the
bed. No, the gardens... it was a chilly night, but nothing seemed cold after
that one instant of contact. 
	Nothing could compare with the ice of death. The cold and the dark...


	Lindir frowned to himself, wondering what was amiss. Lord Glorfindel was
unusually late to breakfast and ate almost nothing before excusing himself, and
Lady Celebrian seemed wrapped in some dark sorrow. Yet it was not until after
Celebrian left and Elrond finally entered the dining hall that Lindir began to
feel a twinge of panic. He had never seen the Lord of Imladris in such a
terrible state. Elrond looked tired, and old, and all traces of joy had
abandoned him completely. He regarded his breakfast for perhaps a minute through
shuttered grey eyes before leaving, and Lindir hurried after him. "My Lord?"
Elrond turned. "Yes, Lindir?"
	"My Lord, are you alright? What is wrong?"
"No, and, I do not wish to discuss it, respectively." Elrond said quietly, and
Lindir found himself seized by an irrational and uncharacteristic frustration.
"if you will not tell me, then I will ask Erestor, he will-" Lindir broke off,
seeing the way Elrond tensed at the name.
	"Forgive me, I forgot how close you were to him." Elrond said quietly, 
bowing his head. "You deserve to know." he closed his eyes for a long moment and
finally whispered, "Erestor killed himself last night."
	"He would never-"
"Lindir!" Elrond snapped, and his eyes flashed, the first hint of life Lindir
had seen in them yet. "If you need proof, ask Celebrian, or Glorfindel, or go
and look in his rooms!" the Lord of Imladris subsided abruptly, and Lindir
looked down, ashamed. "Forgive me. I know...a bit. Of what there was between
you. I...I'm sorry." Lindir swallowed hard, choking back his tears, and walked
away.


	"Elrond." Glorfindel said softly, and the Lord turned. "Glorfindel."
"I came to apologize. I did not mean what I said last night, I was not
thinking...I'm sorry."
	"I barely even heard the words." Elrond said, and Glorfindel sighed. The 
blonde ran a gentle finger along Elrond's cheekbone, where the force of the blow had
left a bruise. A few flakes of dried blood came free when Glorfindel brushed his
hand over them; doubtless they had come from his fingers. Glorfindel let his
hand fall to his side, and he shook his head slightly. "We need to go back,
Elrond."
	"I can't." 
"You have to."
	"Glorfindel...I don't belong there anymore."
"I know." Glorfindel murmured. "But we need to...take care of things." Elrond
shook his head. "I cannot, Glorfindel. Saes, mellon-nin." Glorfindel paused a
long moment before nodding ever so slightly and leaving the room.


	Glorfindel opened Erestor's door with trembling hands to find Lady Celebrian
kneeling on the floor beside Erestor's still form. She looked up when Glorfindel
entered and started to rise, wiping away the silvery trails of tears down her
cheeks, but Glorfindel shook his head. "Stay, if you wish." a small, bittersweet
smile ghosted across Glorfindel's lips, and he sighed. "He was rather fond of
you, though I do not know why. He had every reason to hate you...but it was
never your fault, and he knew that." Glorfindel paused a moment. "I knew it as
well...but I am often far too quick to assign blame."
	"I do not fault you for it." Celebrian said quietly. "And certainly last
night...you were upset, and it was Elrond's fault, at least in part. He was
offered every chance to change his mind." she fell silent, and her gaze returned
to Erestor. Glorfindel didn't really know what to say to that, and he was silent
for a long moment before he noticed that the hem of Celebrian's dress was
stained crimson.
	"My Lady, your dress will be stained."
"Elbereth knows I have more white gowns than I need." Celebrian said. She looked
up at Glorfindel. "Don't just stand in the doorway, my Lord."
	"Lady Celebrian, I came to...take care of things." he said quietly, and
Celebrian closed her eyes for a long moment. "I will do it, if you would rather.
I know you two were close...it must be hard."
	"That does not begin to describe it." Glorfindel murmured, and he knelt beside
Erestor's still form. 
	"I can only imagine what Elrond is going through." Celebrian whispered, and
Glorfindel swallowed hard. "It cannot be described in words, the feeling of
loosing a lover. All too well do I know the...emptiness." he sighed. "The only
mercy is that Elrond did not watch him die." Glorfindel fell silent, and
Celebrian did not press him for details.
	"Erestor..." Glorfindel murmured, brushing aside a loose strand of raven hair
from his friend's face. "I thought I had seen the last of loss, of death, after
Gondolin fell...I thought perhaps you at least were safe, even if I could not
save Ecthelion and so many others. You always thought me a fool for it." a
pause. "You always had to have the last word."
	Celebrian was silent as Glorfindel spoke, feeling like an intruder, but the
blonde seneschal seemed to have forgotten her presence. His head was bowed, and
his golden tresses tumbled forward to hide his face, but Celebrian knew he was
crying by the way his frame shook. It was not until she tasted tears on her lips
that Celebrian realized she was weeping as well.
	It seemed like only minutes later that Glorfindel stood, wiping away the last
traces of moisture from his eyes, but a glance at the clock told Celebrian that
it had been over an hour. Glorfindel sighed and pushed his hair away from his
face, then paused for a long moment, his gaze fixed on a band of mithril in
Erestor's hand. At length, Glorfindel turned away, pausing only briefly to pick
up a sheet of parchment on the nightstand before leaving the room.


	"Elrond?" Glorfindel asked quietly, and the dark-haired Lord looked up. 
"Yes?"
"This was on the nightstand." Glorfindel said, handing over the piece of
parchment. It was folded and sealed with red wax, which was imprinted with a
sunburst pattern, Erestor's personal seal. Elrond peeled the wax away and
unfolded the parchment slowly, then quickly put it down. "I can't read this
yet."
	"Of course not, but I thought you should have it now."
"Hannon le." Elrond said, and Glorfindel merely nodded. At length, Elrond said,
"I should check on Celebrian."
	"She was there when I was." Glorfindel replied gently. "She is taking this
harder than one might have anticipated."
	"She had great respect for him." Elrond murmured. "We all did."
"I still do." Glorfindel said quietly. "What he did...it was tragic, but it was
courageous nonetheless."
	"I want him back." Elrond whispered, and Glorfindel sighed heavily, 
wrapping his arms around his old friend's shoulders. "So do I." he said, and found
himself choking on the words. Elrond squeezed his eyes shut and allowed
Glorfindel to pull him close. The blonde was shaking...or was that him? He
supposed it didn't matter...
	"Elrond?" Glorfindel murmured. "Have you slept?"
"No." Elrond admitted, and Glorfindel sighed. "I don't suppose you've eaten
anything, either."
	"No...I just looked at the food, and I couldn't..."
"Sssh, I know." Glorfindel sighed. "I couldn't keep anything down, truth be
told. I just kept seeing it in my head..."
	"Me too." Elrond replied, and Glorfindel tightened his embrace a bit. "You 
need some rest, meldir, or you won't be able to see straight, much less think."
	"Elbereth, I don't want to face the dreams."
"So take something for it." Glorfindel said. "That awful-tasting draught of
yours."
	"You know any kind of sweetener makes it useless." Elrond muttered, and he 
got to his feet, though Glorfindel's proximity made it rather difficult. The blonde
loosened his hold and stepped back slightly, so he and Elrond were eye-to-eye.
"Take care of yourself, mellon-nin. There are people who need you, myself
included...the worst thing you could do right now is to fade, or all your
sacrifices will be for naught." Elrond sighed and nodded; never had his
responsibilities as Lord of Imladris weighed so heavily upon him as they did
now.
	"Get some sleep." Glorfindel said, and released his hold on Elrond.
"I will. Would you do me a favor?"
	"Of course."
"Check on Celebrian for me, and make sure she's alright?"
	"Certainly. And I shall take care of any matters that might arise while you're
sleeping, so don't worry."
	"Hannon le, mellon-nin."
"You are, as always, most welcome."


	"My Lady?" Glorfindel asked softly, and she looked up. Erestor's room was 
now empty, and the only sign of what had happened there was the stain on the wood
floor. Celebrian herself stood in the middle of the room, still clad in a gown
of simple white stained at least six inches up the skirt with blood, the sleeves
and bodice also smudged with red. There were smears of crimson on her fair skin
as well; indeed, only her silvery-blonde hair seemed to have been spared.
	"Yes, Lord Glorfindel?" she asked, and he shook his head. "None of that,
please. Glorfindel will suffice."
	"If you wish. But we digress."
"Yes, we do. My Lady, Lord Elrond asked me to check on you. He was concerned."
	"He would be. I have not known him long, but he strikes me as a person who
worries a great deal."
	"You do not know the half of it." Glorfindel said, and Celebrian almost 
smiled.
"Well...I am alright I suppose. Certainly not at my best...but I will be fine."
she frowned. "How is he?"
	"Upset. I made him get some rest."
"He won't sleep."
	"He took some of that horrible concoction of his."
"Probably for the best." Celebrian replied. She looked down and caught sight of
her bloodstained gown. "I should find something else to wear."
	"Just try not to wake him."
"He won't wake, I shall be careful." Glorfindel nodded. "Go on then." he looked
at her, and noticed for the first time how the fabric of her dress seemed a bit
more strained than usual. "You will need new gowns soon."
	"I know." she said softly, one hand resting on her abdomen. The slight
roundness of her belly was barely even noticeable yet, but it would not be long.
	"You aren't having any trouble, I take it?"
"No, not as yet. A bit of nausea in the mornings once or twice, but nothing
more."
	"Male or female, do you think?"
"As if I have the slightest idea." Celebrian replied. "I do hope there's at
least one male, though. Lord Elrond needs an heir...that's why we went through
all this in the first place."
	"Lady Galadriel thought it best."
"My mother interfered in a way she had no right to." Celebrian said, unusually
harsh. "It is because of her that all this happened. Erestor is needed here, and
not only by Elrond. And she is the only one who is at all happy."
	"You didn't want this?"
"I didn't even know him! I still don't!" she burst out. "It's terrible,
Glorfindel. I'm married to him, I'm pregnant with his children, and it still
feels strange for me to call him by his name, instead of Ômy Lord.' I was
against it, Ada was against it, you and Erestor and Lindir and even Elrond were
against it, but she insisted, because it was for the future! That's all she
sees, she never looks at the present!" Celebrian abruptly subsided, and
Glorfindel frowned. "Forgive me, my Lady. I fear I have severely misjudged you."
	"I expected nothing more from anyone here. It is forgotten." she sighed and
shook her head slightly. "Please excuse me, Glorfindel, but I really had best
find something clean to wear, and perhaps bathe. Thank you...for everything."
she said quietly, and was gone with only a soft swish of fabric.


	No amount of sleep draught could keep all of the dreams from Elrond's mind,
though they were not nightmares. In fact, they were hardly dreams at all, come
to that...they were memories. All Elrond saw behind his eyelids was his
dark-haired lover.
	"Is this all there is left of you?"
	"I live only in you, Elrond. There are pieces of what I was, scattered in the 	
thoughts and memories of others...Glorfindel, Lindir, your Lady...but you are
the only one who ever knew all of me."
	"So is that all? I will see you in my dreams, speak to you, and wake only to 	
remember you are gone?"
	"Never quite gone...but how can you know if this is real or not? I don't even 	
know. Take it up with the Valar, I suppose. Just enjoy what you have."
	"When did it happen, Erestor? What started it, exactly?"
	"It started with Lord Celeborn, of course. But I don't think I believed it yet.
You would never do that to me, no matter what the price, I thought. I was
wrong, of course, but I didn't know that yet. It was when Glorfindel spoke to me that day, 
I think, that I finally understood."
	"But what you did..."
	"Better than fading. Easier, quicker, and I didn't have to face pity, or
attempts to make amends or avert the inevitable. This way seemed...cleaner.
Less painful."
	"Not for us. Not for me."
	"It doesn't matter anymore. I'm dead, remember? I only live in this corner of
your mind, now. Eventually you'll see less of me, as you slowly start to
forget. Sooner or later, I won't be anything more than the faintest whisper in
the back of your dream, one you think you should know but can't quite place.
I'll be there...but I will be truly dead to you, then. Only the faintest of
memories, from when you were foolish and selfish. Nothing more."
	"Don't talk like that."
	"Why shouldn't I? I'm only telling you the truth. It may seem hard now...but it 
will only happen when you are ready for it to do so." Erestor's hand ghosted across 
Elrond's cheek, and he smiled slightly. "You should wake up."


	Elrond's eyes opened suddenly, and he shifted. casing Celebrian to look up.
"Did I wake you? Glorfindel will kill me."
	"No, you didn't..." Elrond sighed. "It was just...a dream."
"You can't have slept longer than fifteen minutes. Go back to sleep."
	"I couldn't if I wanted to." Elrond said, in a tone meant to end all argument.
Celebrian sighed and shifted the bundle of fabric in her arms, and Elrond
frowned. "What happened to your dress?"
	"I was...in the room." Celebrian said, and she shifted a bit awkwardly. "The
stains are never going to come out of this."
	"Don't throw it away."
"I don't think I could have." she sighed and set the dress aside. "I'm sorry,
Elrond. I'm sorry for everything...I feel like this is my fault."
	"It isn't." Elrond murmured. He glanced at the clock and resettled himself
under the covers. "I take it back, I think I am going to try to get a bit more
rest."
	"You should. You must need it, you had your eyes closed."
"I know."
	"I'll bring you some food when you wake, since I know better than to expect 
you to go to dinner. Sleep well." she left the room then, and Elrond closed his eyes
once more.


	"Didn't I tell you you should wake up?"
	"I did."
	"Obey the letter of the law, if not the spirit, hm? Ai, well, no matter."
Erestor shrugged. "Have a seat." he added, and Elrond sank into one of the
chairs in Erestor's study. Or wherever he was.
	"Easier not to think about it. You'll get your mind all tangled up." Erestor
said.
	"Was I really only here for fifteen minutes last time?"
	"How would I know? I didn't even know you were gone, I ceased to exist in 
this form when you woke. Disturbing thought, isn't it? But I'm already dead. At any 	
rate, time doesn't have much meaning here, at least not to me. It could have 	
been a year, for all I know. It could have stood still. I couldn't tell you."
	"Couldn't, or wouldn't?"
	"Couldn't. Would I lie to you, Elrond?"
	"You have in the past."
	"Extenuating circumstances. I wouldn't lie about something this trivial. We're 	
here, that's all I know. Don't complicate matters more than necessary."
	"You always did."
	"Death gives you a bit more perspective."
	"How can you be so casual about it?"
	"How can I not? Would it do me any good to feel sorry for myself?"
	"I suppose you have a point."
	"Of course I do. Now stop tormenting yourself for a bit, and get some real 
sleep. This can't possibly be restful. I'll still be here tomorrow night. I'm always here, if 
you want me. Now run along, have some real dreams. Stop worrying about me, 	meleth-
nin. I'm fine now. That's a promise."

END