Title: The Adventures of Priscilla II, Queen
of Imladris (1/?)

Author: Willow (ladyofgondor4@hotmail.com)

Parings: Elrond/Glorfindel, Elladan/Elrohir, Legolas/Haldir, 
Celebrian/OC
implied,

Rating: R (as of yet...)

Summery: Elrond never told Glorfindel what he did before the Last
Alliance. That's interesting. And Arwen does the twins' makeup? That's
very interesting.  
Disclaimer:  I own nothing. If it looks like
Priscilla/Tolkien/any songs they used, it is. Why not?   
Feedback: Hit me!
Archive: Whatever.
Warning: Slash, twincest, cross-dressing, sex, general insanity.
Author's Note: Helps if you've seen The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen 
of the Desert, and read/seen Lord of the Rings. Otherwise, it won't make
sense. I had fun with this, and yes, the Elves are always doing things
they normally wouldn't.  Kissing, touching, shagging, it's all here. 
Blame the bunny.

Everyone is OOC, as it is, but not entirely. I am bridging two fandoms,
here.  Thanks to Ru for beta.







~~~

Elrond was bored. Not just of the court he currently held, but totally 
and
completely bored. Bored of Rivendell, bored of ruling, bored of life. 
He
needed a change of scene. Fast.

The half-Elf stood abruptly, interrupting whoever had been speaking, 
and
dismissed the court. He knew what he wanted. By the time the Elves had
totally comprehended what had just happened, Elrond was halfway up the
staircase.

'Elrond!'

Elrond sighed, turned around, and brightened at the sight of 
Glorfindel.

'Hello!'

'Where are you going?' Glorfindel asked, catching Elrond's hand.

'Leaving,' Elrond said simply, and turned to continue up the stairs.

'Leaving? What do you mean?' Glorfindel grabbed Elrond's robe and 
pulled
him to a stop.

'I need to get out of here, Glorfindel,' Elrond explained. Then he 
smiled.
'Why don't you come with me?'

'But,' Glorfindel persisted, confused, 'where are we going?'

'Well, you see, I need a change of scene, and I had a sudden idea.' 
Elrond
dragged Glorfindel moving again, and continued down the hall. 'I'll
explain in a moment.'

Elrond opened the doors to the rooms he shared with his wide, and 
smiled
as she looked up from her book. He gave her a quick kiss, and moved on 
to
his own bedchamber, which he shared with Glorfindel, talking the entire
time.

'Hello Celebrian, dear. I am going on a trip, Glorfindel's coming, and 
I
may take the twins. Do I still have that bus?'

Celebrian burst out laughing and shook her head in disbelief. Oh, what 
was
he doing? Glorfindel looked from one to the other, confused, and then 
was
dragged by Elrond into their room.

The Lord and Lady of Imladris were married. They had three children, 
yet
Celebrian knew of Elrond's sexual inclination, as did the children. 
They
had a shared from room to their chambers, but separate bath and bed 
rooms.
Elrond and Glorfindel, who was Elrond's partner, had one half, and
Celebrian and her current lover in the other. They had always loved 
each
other, the Lord and Lady, but not in any other way than friendship. 
They
had children because they wanted to, and Elladan, Elrohir, and Arwen 
never
thought it odd. It worked out for everyone.

Glorfindel sat on the edge of the bed, watching Elrond. The Lord was
rummaging through the closer, pulling out travelling clothes a few 
cloaks,
boots, two robes, and assortment of odd clothes Glorfindel didn't
understand. For instance, the tall feathery event that looked like a 
hat.
Glorfindel smiled inwardly. A hat indeed. And the leather trousers, 
loose
at the bottom, tight at the top, with belt loops and a metal 
contraption
that kept it closed.

'Glorfindel?'

'Yes?'

Elrond turned around to regard the other Elf with amusement. Then he 
went
back to the closet.

'Did I ever tell you what I did before the Last Alliance?'

'No, I don't think you did.'

'I was a Drag Queen.'

Elrond didn't need to turn around to know that Glorfindel had just 
fallen
off the bed.

'A WHAT?!'

'A queen, Glorfindel. Please tell me you know what I speak of.'

'I- I do,' Glorfindel stuttered, scrambling back up. 'But... a -Drag
Queen-, Elrond?'

'Yes. Is it so hard to understand?'

'It is hard...' Glorfindel murmured. Elrond threw a shoe at him. 'Not 
like
that!' The Elda caught the shoe. Elrond stuck out his tongue.

'Well,' Elrond continued, 'I am bored of Rivendell. I want to see
Middle-earth again! I've been here for far too long.'

'And you're taking the twins?!'

'Oh, they've done more than a few shows together. They've even 
performed
here a few times. Arwen does their makeup.'

Glorfindel dropped his head, trying to comprehend everything.

'You will of course,' Elrond said, 'not tell Arwen that her best green
dress- the one with the silver?- used to be mine.' He laughed 
cheerfully,
and Glorfindel ran his hand through his hair.

Elrond turned. He held out a blue gown with gold tracing. 'Try it on?'

Glorfindel stared at Elrond, the gown, and Elrond again. He burst out
laughing. He fell off the bed again and made no move to get up he was
laughing so hard. Glorfindel finally looked up, wiping tears of mirth 
out
of his eyes, and saw Elrond was serious. He fell back and laughed 
harder.

Elrond frowned, and lowered the blue material. He turned away and heard
Glorfindel's laughter fall to an occasional chuckle, and then heard
Glorfindel rise, and felt his arms about his waist.

'I'm sorry, meleth, I'm sorry.'

Elrond pulled away again, feigning great upset. 'Very well, Glorfindel.
Nevermind.'



'Elrond...'

'Nay! You could have just refused! I wouldn't care if you refused! But
it's important to me, and you just...' The half-Elf faced his lover, 
tears
running down his cheeks. 'You just...' He sobbed brokenly.

'Elrond, my precious, Elrond. Shh...' Glorfindel pulled him into his 
arms.
Elrond smiled to himself.

Being able to weep on command had done wonders for his acting career. 
And,
surprisingly, with Glorfindel. Glorfindel was bright, but he was too
sentimental.

'Elrond, I'm sorry...' Glorfindel rubbed Elrond's back while Elrond
sniffled into his shoulder.

'Will you try it?' Elrond asked, pulling back and looking at Glorfindel
with huge eyes. Glorfindel sighed. He couldn't resist Elrond like that. 
He
snatched the dress.

'Fine. Lock the bleeding door.'

Elrond went over, smirking, and did. Then, fixing his face, he rubbed 
at
his nose on his sleeve and seated himself cross-legged on the floor.
Glorfindel, with occasional glances at him, stripped quickly and donned
the gown. It stuck at his shoulders, and he stood still, his arms in 
the
air.

'Elrond?'

Elrond tried not to laugh. 'Yes?'

'Help?'

'Very well,' Elrond said, rising. He took the hem and tugged. The dress
slid on and hugged Glorfindel nicely. He still looked to masculine,
though. Elrond went around behind him and unbound his hair.  Almost 
there.
Glorfindel had a very pretty face, and he didn't look terrible.

Elrond looked him over. 'Makeup,' he said. Glorfindel blanched.

'No! I stop at the dress!'

'You need makeup,' Elrond insisted. He pulled Glorfindel to the 
bathroom.
Opening a drawer, Elrond pulled out the amount of makeup Glorfindel
expected an adolescent Elf like Arwen to have. He gawped.

'Fine, me first,' Elrond said, smirking.

He left the room, and came back wearing purple. He had loosed his hair
too, and Glorfindel ran his fingers through the dark sheet of silk.
Elrond, focused on the mirror and the lipstick, smiled.  Glorfindel
brought his mouth to Elrond's ear and sucked gently on the tip. Elrond
batted him away.

'You'll distract me, and it'll look funny.'

'It already does,' Glorfindel said, and sucked on his ear again. Elrond
shuddered involuntarily, and pushed him away again.

'Really! Stop!'

Glorfindel huffed, but stopped. Elrond leaned across and kissed him,
getting lipstick on him. Then, before Glorfindel could object, he 
rubbed
Glorfindel's lower lip with his finger.

'Go like this,' Elrond said, and rubbed his lips together, trying to 
get
Glorfindel to get the lipstick smooth.

Glorfindel did, and Elrond smiled brightly.

'Fantastic.'

There was a knock on the door. Glorfindel jumped and hid behind the 
shower
curtain, but Elrond went to answer it. It was Celebrian. She laughed 
again
when she saw him, but got to business.

'I saw your sons recently, and told them what you had in mind. They 
have a
surprise.'

'Good,' Elrond said, and dropped his voice. 'Come into the bathroom. I 
got
Glorfindel...' He motioned to himself, and she laughed again. Then he 
said
loudly, 'All right, Celebrian, I'll be right there!' and pulled her
inside, closing the door.

Glorfindel, thinking it was all right, peeked around the door. 
Celebrian
grinned. He yelped and hid in the shower again. Elrond laughed and
Celebrian left.

'Glorfindel, get dressed again. Elladan and Elrohir have something for 
me,
so Celebrian says.'

Glorfindel came out of the bathroom slowly, glaring at Elrond. Elrond
kissed his cheek, and left a lipstick mark. Hopefully, Glorfindel 
wouldn't
notice it until later.

The Elda put his leggings back on and looked somewhat relieved now that 
he
was back wearing pants.  Slipping his tunic on, he glanced at Elrond, 
who
was rubbing the lipstick off his mouth. Elrond gave him a small smile, 
and
Glorfindel twined his hand in Elrond's hair and pulled him into a deep
kiss.

'I love you, even if you are weird.'

Elrond smiled and played with a lock of Glorfindel's fair hair.

'Good. It gets weirder.'

Glorfindel raised an eyebrow, and kissed him again. Then he let Elrond 
go,
and began rebraiding his hair. Elrond went round behind him and did it 
for
him.

'So, what was it about your sons?' Glorfindel asked, sitting carefully 
on
the edge of the bed so Elrond had a better angle.

'Celebrian says they have a surprise. I can't imagine what. I think
Elrohir will be excited about the trip. I'm hoping to do shows in
Lothlorien and then Mirkwood. He's always wanted to be in theatre
professionally. Though I think this hardly counts as a profession, and 
I
do hope this is not how he makes money, but we may be hired, and I am
looking forwards to it. Shall we?'

Glorfindel stood and followed Elrond outside, to where they saw Elrohir
waiting. Elrohir began waving, and looked excited. When they met him in
the courtyard he was hardly able to control himself.

'Come see, oh come see! Elladan found it earlier this year and he 
couldn't
imagine what the- oh come see!'

Elrond and Glorfindel followed, bemused, and Elrohir led them into the
courtyard outside the stables.  Elrond stopped dead.

'What the hell is that?' Glorfindel asked. Elrond said nothing.

It was purple. No, not purple, lavender. Huge and lavender. It had 
wheels
on the sides, like a massive cart, but the top was covered. A door that
folded in and stairs up to the inside. Glorfindel climbed them, while
Elrond stood and gaped. There was a seat in front of Glorfindel, and he
turned to look at the huge empty interior. There were bars on either 
side
as if to hang clothing, and a small bathroom in the back. What seemed 
to
be a bed was halfway down the left side, behind the driver's seat, as
Glorfindel faced the back.

He came back outside. 'What is it?'

'Yes, Ada,' Elladan said, 'what is it? Nana said you'd appreciate it, 
but
we have no idea as to its purpose.'

Elrond burst into tears, real this time, and buried his face in 
Elladan's
tunic. Glorfindel came across the courtyard and took Elrond in his 
arms.
He sat down on a stone bench, cradling the half-Elf on his lap.

'Does he not like it?' Elrohir asked Elladan quietly.

'I'm not sure.'

Elrond looked up at the bus and smiled, still crying. He held out his 
arms
to the twins, and hugged them when they came over.

'It's wonderful! I cannot imagine- where did you find this?!'

'In the stable,' Elladan said. 'I was actually looking for... um...
somewhere to...'

'Keep his... horse,' Elrohir said quickly.

'I know about you two and your... escapades, shall we say?'

'Oh. Well, um, that wasn't really the...'

'I have known for about ten years,' Elrond said, giving the twins a 
very
parental look. They both had the grace to blush faintly. Celebrian came
and sat down by Elrond and Glorfindel.

'Yes, 'tis most obvious,' she said. 'I'm rather sorry this came up now,
but... I don't have anything against it. Elrond?'

Elrond shook his head. 'Nor do I.'

Elladan and Elrohir visibly relaxed, and Elrohir grabbed Elladan and
kissed him. Elrond, Glorfindel, and Celebrian looked away. Finally 
Elrond
coughed loudly.

'Em, yes,' Elladan said, detaching himself from Elrohir. 'So, what is 
it?'

'It's a bus.'

'Oh...?'

'It's like a horse-drawn cart but without the horses.' He got off
Glorfindel, mounted the steps and sat in the seat. One hand on the 
wheel,
he found the keys in the ignition and turned. The bus started with a
rumble, and Glorfindel jumped into the air and hid behind a stone 
statue.

'Make it stop!' he cried, his head in his hands. Elrond turned it off 
and
jumped back down to the ground. Glorfindel looked out fearfully and 
then
emerged, shaking.

'Sorry,' Elrond said. 'Balrog, death all over again. I know.'

Glorfindel nodded, and Elrond rubbed his back. Celebrian smiled. 'So,
who's going on this event?'

'Me!' cried the twins in unison.

'I am. I'm the only one who can drive,' Elrond said, smiling. 
'Glorfindel?'

Glorfindel glowered, but shrugged. 'I'm going.'

Elladan cocked his head to the side. 'Glorfindel, is that lipstick on 
your
cheek?'

Elrond grinned.

~~~