Posted: December 2, 2005
Title: Beneath the Stars
Author: Sairalinde and Anorienbean
Type: FPS
Pairing: Faramir/Haldir
Rating: NC-17 for graphic m/m sex
Disclaimer: No money was made from this, and this in no way is meant to imply 
anything about the sexual preferences or practices of anyone mentioned within 
this story.
Warnings: This is basically a hurt/comfort/Love story, but it starts out as a 
*very* dark fic, containing violence, rape, and torture. If this bothers you, 
please don’t read.
Summary: Haldir is captured and abused by the Haradrim. Faramir is captured as 
well, but afforded a little more care, because he has value in the Haradrim’s 
eyes. Unspeakable tortures are bestowed on the Elf, yet Faramir saves him…in 
more ways than one, without even knowing it.

~~~

Faramir struggled against his captors, knowing in his heart that it was a lost 
cause. 

"This one should be fun to break...as fiery as his hair!" 

“This one is not for breaking, Nasir,” Altair said firmly. “This one…is the 
Steward of Gondor’s youngest whelp. He is to be used for bargaining, if you use 
him for your games we will have nothing left to bargain with. Remember, he is a 
man, not an Elf.” 

Faramir spoke enough Haradrim to understand the conversation though his captors 
didn’t know that. He was confused by what they were talking about however and 
thought maybe he didn’t understand as much as he thought he did. //Games? 
And…why would it matter if I wasn’t an Elf?// He decided to keep his knowledge 
of their language a secret, perhaps it would serve him later. 

As he was guided along, he felt a strange feeling move over him. As if he knew 
this place, despite the hood that was covering his face. Moving from outside in 
the sunlight and into a dark, damp place he began to recognize where he might 
be. Even the scent of the air was oddly familiar to him. 

After what seemed an eternity in darkness, he heard the jingle of keys and the 
squeak of a door opening and slamming back against a wall. The echo told him 
that his suspicions were right they were in a cave. One he thought perhaps he 
might know. Once the hood was pulled from over his head, Faramir's eyes took a 
moment to adjust to the darkness of the tiny cell he was in. He spun around to 
face his captors, but was immediately knocked backwards by strong arms. 

"Welcome, son of Gondor!" they snickered as they shut the door to the cell, 
leaving him standing in the center of the tiny room.

Faramir smiled inwardly despite his situation. He did in fact know these 
caves...he knew exactly where he was...now all he had to do was figure out his 
captors weakness and make his get away. He was certain these men did not know 
the caves quite as well as he did. Turning to assess the changes to the small 
cell since he had last been there, he saw a form huddled in the corner. 

Immediately his heart went out to the poor soul. By the look of his clothes, he 
had been there quite a while. Carefully, he moved toward the silent form and 
felt his heart nearly stop in his chest as frightened blue eyes rose to meet his 
own. 

Those eyes seemed to reach into his very soul and stir *something* within him. 
For several long moments he was stunned motionless, his breath catching in his 
chest in a way he'd never felt before. After what seemed a long time, Faramir 
managed to pull his gaze away from the startling blue eyes and his eyes moved 
over the other prisioner. He gasped as he saw the pointed tip of an ear poking 
out from under slightly tangled, and matted pale blond hair. 

Moving closer, he dropped to his knees slowly to not startle the Elf and smiled 
sadly, "Master Elf? I...I will not harm you...seems we are both in the same 
predicament. My name is Faramir," he said softly. 

Haldir’s eyes held the newcomer’s for a moment, wishing with all his heart that 
his words were true. //‘I will not harm you.’ Gods…if only… If only one person 
here wouldn’t hurt me…// Quickly, his eyes dropped and he steeled himself for 
whatever would come next. //It’s a trick. He doesn’t *look* like them, but he 
must be trying to trick me…to gain my trust so he can join in the fun of 
torturing an Elf.// Shivering, he tried to make himself smaller, to hide away 
from yet another man, who no doubt had some new terror to bestow on him. His 
breath caught in his throat, and he closed his eyes, waiting for strong hands to 
haul him to his feet and drag him back into one of the other rooms for yet 
another ‘game’. 

Faramir felt his heart drop as he watched the Elf draw even further into 
himself. //Gods, what have they been doing to you?// He felt anger well up 
inside him at their captors, but pushed the feeling down so as to not frighten 
the Elf further. 

Very carefully, he shifted just the slightest bit closer and hoped that he would 
yet again open his eyes. //He had such lovely eyes.// Faramir shook his head at 
the odd thought and tried his best to remember Mithrandir's lessons. Maybe the 
Elf didn't understand Westron? 

"Suilad, mani naa essa en lle?" (Hello, what is your name?) He asked struggling 
slightly and hoping he had gotten it right and not just insulted his new, 
hopefully, new friend. Continuing trying his best to remember words he had 
almost forgotten Faramir added, "Lle quena i'lambe tel' Annúnaid?" (Do you speak 
Westron?) "Please, speak it...I doubt my Elvish is very good...I'm not even sure 
if I'm not mixing the words up," he added smiling and hoping to get the blond to 
look at him. 

Haldir’s eyes opened in shock, but he kept his face buried in his arms for a 
moment. In all his months here, no one had ever tried communicating to him in 
his own language. //He is educated. Maybe he *is* different? Maybe he’s not here 
to hurt me?// Swallowing his fear for the moment, he slowly lifted his eyes and 
looked into the startlingly blue ones before him. 

“I….I am Haldir,” he managed. “I…did they send you to…to do something else to 
me? I…I only got back in my cell a few hours ago…please just….just give me a 
little more time.’’ //Gods…I’m begging! I’m actually begging this man not to 
hurt me! How will I ever face my Lord and Lady again? Or my brothers? Or….or 
anyone else?// Tears of shame filled his eyes. He’d fought as best he could 
against the Haradrim who took such pleasure in torturing him almost every day, 
but they’d learned exactly how to restrain him so that he could barely move, and 
he always ended up back in his cell, bleeding, sobbing, and very nearly broken. 
//Please…just….not yet. Give me a moment’s peace.// 

Faramir was shocked as the Elf, Haldir, began to speak. //Hurt him?// His brow 
furrowed as he watched Haldir's eyes fill with tears. "I'm not here to hurt 
you...I am a prisoner here, just like you. I got separated from my patrol and 
was captured this morning," he explained softly. "I am a Ranger from Gondor. 
Gods, Haldir...what have they been doing to you?" he asked, his heart clenching 
in his chest as he noticed dried blood on the Elf's lower lip. Faramir was 
suddenly filled with an overwhelming sense of protection for this Elf whom he 
hardly knew.

Haldir’s shoulders slumped in relief at Faramir’s words. //They took a Ranger 
prisioner? Gods…they’ll hurt him as they’ve hurt me. And we’ll both die here!// 
He breathed a little easier, letting himself believe the young man’s words. He 
*looked* like a good man…unlike the Haradrim who’d held him prisioner for the 
Valar only knew how long. His eyes…the bluest he’d ever seen…they looked honest. 
And kind. And it had been so long since he’d seen any kindness. Running his 
tongue gingerly over his sore and swollen lips, he tried to straighten up, but 
the lashes across his back caused him to whimper in pain. He closed his eyes 
again and waited for it to pass. “They…they like to see how badly they can hurt 
me,” he whispered softly, “…to see who could make me scream the loudest. It is 
their favorite ‘game.’” 

Faramir clenched his fists against his thighs and looked at Haldir sadly. "For 
what it is worth...I am sorry. Is...is there anything I can do to help? Anything 
at all?" he asked softly. He looked around the cell for something, *anything* 
and saw a torn and very dirty blanket on the floor, a cot, and a small bucket 
with what looked to be somewhat murky water. 

He felt anger well inside him again at the Haradrim for their abominable 
treatment of their prisoners. Gondor didn't treat prisoners from Harad this way. 
There wasn't anything to really clean Haldir up with. He looked back at the Elf 
for a moment. "They beat you...and then don't treat your wounds?" he asked 
suspecting he already knew the answer. 

Leaning against the wall, Haldir looked up at Faramir and shook his head, trying 
to ignore the pain that raced down his back at the gesture. “The only time they 
ever touch me is to beat me,” he said, letting his eyes drift back down to his 
bloodied hands. “That’s one of the things they love about torturing Elves. They 
don’t *have* to take care of us. We heal rather quickly in most cases. I clean 
my wounds as best I can, but…they won’t bring me supplies or fresh water unless 
I beg. And I will *not* beg for that. I do have one scrap of pride left…it is 
all I have, and I will keep it for as long as I am able.” 

Faramir frowned when Haldir described his treatment and nodded in understanding 
about his pride being all he had left. It was all any prisoner would have left. 
"Would...would you object to my asking on your behalf? They may not allow 
it...but I can at least try. They think the men of the west are weak 
anyway...they would take great pride in my begging so soon after my capture. It 
does not matter to me. At least not yet...I've only been here a few hours. 
How...how long have they kept you here like this?" he asked softly. He hoped 
that Haldir would agree to let him at least try and ask the guard. He hated to 
see anyone suffering, and he could tell from the set of Haldir's shoulders that 
he was in a great deal of pain and making an enormous effort not to let it show. 

The mere fact that this handsome young Ranger would do that for him outweighed 
his delight at the mere thought of fresh water. //Gods…they will have a hard 
time breaking this one. I don’t think I can bear to see them trying.// His eyes 
rose to meet Faramir’s once again and he studied his face for a moment. “I lost 
count after the first few months,” Haldir whispered. “The days run together, but 
I think I have been here at least 4 months…maybe longer.” His gaze drifted over 
to the bucket of filthy water and he couldn’t keep the longing from his 
expression. “I…I would not ask you to beg on my behalf,” he said sadly. “I will 
not die from these wounds. You…you shouldn’t worry yourself with me. But, I 
thank you for the thought. It is the most kindness I’ve been shown in a long, 
long time.” 

When Haldir told him how long he had been there Faramir shook his head. Four 
months of beatings is a very long time for anyone to survive...even an Elf. He 
could tell that Haldir was still battling with his pride by his response. 

"Well...I don't know about you, but they have to give us something to 
drink...and quite frankly if they want a mere man to survive, they can't expect 
me to drink that." he grinned slightly as he tipped his head toward the bucket 
that had drawn Haldir's eyes. "So...if I can procure some drinking water from 
them...I'm sure I might be able to save enough to clean your wounds. If I can't 
get clean rags from them, my under tunic is clean," he smiled warmly at Haldir, 
and without waiting for an answer walked to the door of the cell and banged on 
it a few times before a guard appeared. Faramir spoke to him for a few minutes, 
pleading with him and the guard left. He stayed by the cell door waiting and 
hoping what he had told him had worked. 

Haldir slid back in the shadows as far as he could when he heard the guard 
approaching, but he heard every word of their exchange. //Why is he doing this? 
Why is he wasting his time on me?// He breathed easier as the guard finally 
walked away, even though it was the one guard, Altair, who’d at least *tried* to 
save him from the worst of the games. 

Altair had been the one to remind the soldiers that if they raped Haldir, he 
would fade, and they would no longer have anyone to play their games with. He’d 
apparently felt sorry enough for Haldir to slip him an extra crust of bread now 
and then, and he was the one who had brought the dirty blanket to the cell as 
Haldir had lain shivering and in pain one cold night a few weeks ago. Altair was 
the captain of the unit that had captured Haldir, and while he seemed to have a 
little compassion, he could not afford to let it show in front of his men. His 
lashes were the lightest, and sometimes Haldir could swear he saw shame in the 
captain’s brown eyes just before his own eyes closed in pain. 

Keeping his eyes on Faramir, Haldir bowed his head in thanks. His dry, cracked 
lips were craving the water more than he’d ever craved anything in his long 
life, and his body was already aching to be clean, to have the blood washed 
away, if for only the rest of the day. 

After several long moments the guard returned and warned Faramir to stand well 
back from the doorway. 'Do I look like an idiot?' He thought mildly amused and 
stepped back, holding his arms out to his sides to keep from getting himself run 
through for simply *looking* like he might fight. 

The guard entered and set two buckets of fresh water on the floor of the cell 
and collected the bucket of murky water, making a face himself as the smell of 
the acrid substance assaulted him. Faramir simply looked at him, and then the 
guard laid a large cloth over one of the buckets. 

Once the guard left, locking the cell door behind him, Faramir finally moved 
forward to look at the items. The cloth had a slight bulge in it and he opened 
it to find a small jar of salve. He frowned, wondering why after all this time 
they would give salve for Haldir to be treated...but no one had been here before 
apparently to do it. The Haradrim didn't seem to want to touch the Elf other 
than to beat him. 

Gathering the cloth and salve and picking up the bucket, he moved over to Haldir 
in the corner. "Got more out of him than I thought I would," he mused. "We can 
probably use this cloth as a blanket, it's almost thick enough, if you don't 
mind me treating your wounds with pieces of my undertunic?" Faramir asked, 
settling on his haunches beside Haldir again. 

Haldir couldn’t help but cringe when Faramir approached, but the young Ranger 
hadn’t harmed him yet…maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t. He was stunned that he 
*wanted* to treat his wounds…but then again, who’d want to share a cell with 
someone so filthy and covered in blood? 

He looked down to see the salve in Faramir’s hands and he wondered if it would 
possibly bring him a few moments free from the pain. It’d been so long since he 
hadn’t hurt, he could scarcely remember how it felt. //Thank you Altair. I still 
hate you, but at least my suffering doesn’t bring you the joy it brings your 
men.// 

“You don’t have to dirty yourself or your clothes,” he said softly. “I’ll try to 
stay out of your way.” He had no doubt the young ranger had seen wounds on the 
battlefield, but he didn’t wish to expose him to even more violence. Seldom did 
a day go by that they hadn’t beaten him with whips or belts or canes, and they’d 
even managed to capture a few wargs. They’d had great fun in watching the beasts 
attack their prisioner, and Haldir bore not only the scars from the beatings, 
but had several vicious bites all over his body as well. //He will probably want 
another cell when he sees the wounds…and who could blame him?// 

Faramir sighed and shook his head. "You know, Haldir, it's one thing to be 
proud...it's another to just be downright stubborn. I'm offering you my help, 
and my friendship if you will take them. I know you have been here a while...and 
have no reason to trust me, but I'd like to help you if you will let me. I can't 
stand to see anyone in pain, so please, if you won't do it for yourself...do it 
for me?" Faramir said hoping he had said the right thing. 

He wanted to help Haldir, he would want to help anyone in a similar situation 
but found for some reason, he truly did not wish to see the Elf in pain. If he 
could take his pain away and bear it himself, he would, and the thought almost 
frightened him. There was just something...something in those sad blue eyes when 
they had looked at him, as if they had looked into his very soul. He wanted to 
help him, and if he could protect him from further beatings, Faramir would like 
to try. Maybe now that he was here...maybe they would not take all of their 
aggression out on Haldir? 

A small smile touched Haldir’s lips. Faramir’s eyes were shining, and the Elf’s 
breath caught in his throat as he gazed at his new friend. //Gods, he’s 
beautiful. I’ve never seen such light, such kindness, in all my life.// “I…I 
would appreciate your help, Faramir,” he nodded. “I apologize for my manners. I 
think I have forgotten how to be nice somewhere along the way.” He gingerly 
stretched out his legs, trying to gather his strength to stand. “Just…give me a 
moment. I am still a bit weak.” 

Faramir wasn't sure if he should offer to help Haldir to stand or not. He didn't 
want to make Haldir feel worse just by trying to be helpful. He watched pain 
flicker in his new friend's eyes and sighed softly. "Just take your time," he 
whispered. "If...if you like you can use my shoulder to lever yourself up...it 
may take a bit of strain off your injuries." He thought that might be the safest 
route, allow Haldir to make the decision for himself and not just pull him up 
like Faramir wanted to. He would need to think about a plan on how they could 
get out of the caves. It would take time to figure out the guard’s routine's but 
after seeing what they were doing to Haldir, he was sure time wasn't something 
either of them had much of. If they started playing their 'games' with Faramir 
he might not be strong enough to escape. 

Looking at Haldir once more he felt his heart clench in his chest and knew 
without a doubt he *had* to get Haldir out of there. He knew Elves were more 
resilient than men but...four months of this? He had already decided, when he 
escaped, he would take his cellmate with him. 

Gritting his teeth against the pain, Haldir nodded gratefully at Faramir’s offer 
of assistance. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew Faramir wouldn’t laugh 
at him, wouldn’t think him weak for asking for or accepting help. //No one with 
eyes like that could be cruel. How could I have thought so in the first place?// 

Placing one hand on the Ranger’s shoulder, he took a deep breath and tried to 
get his legs to cooperate. His fingers automatically tightened on Faramir’s 
shoulder as he slowly pushed himself up. The pain was almost unbearable as the 
wounds on his back reopened, and he felt fresh blood soak into his tunic. His 
forehead broke out in a thin sheen of perspiration and his face grew paler by 
the second. As soon as his legs were underneath him, he concentrated on not 
collapsing back to the ground and held on to Faramir’s shoulder for long 
moments. “I’m…sorry, Faramir,” he breathed. “I…I just got back in here a few 
hours before you came. I didn’t realize the simple act of standing would hurt so 
much.” 

Faramir watched sadly as Haldir struggled to pull himself up. He could see how 
much pain he was in and was almost angry with himself for even asking him to 
move. 

He felt the Elf's hand tighten on his shoulder and shook his head as he spoke. 
"There is nothing for you to be sorry for. Nothing at all, Haldir," he said 
softly. Reaching up, he placed his hand over Haldir's on his shoulder for a 
moment and then slowly rose keeping the contact, not wanting to let go in case 
Haldir wasn't able to stay on his feet. He faced Haldir for a moment and spoke 
softly. "I hope...that we can alleviate some of your pain," he whispered. He 
waited patiently as Haldir tried to steel himself for the pain of cleaning the 
wounds. 

The contact of Faramir’s hand over his own almost brought Haldir to tears. It 
was the gentlest touch he’d had in months, and he swallowed back the lump in his 
throat. //He’s only being kind…If I don’t disgust him now, I certainly will when 
he sees my wounds. I can only imagine how hideous they are.// When the stinging 
in his back and legs had become more bearable, he nodded toward the cot on the 
other side of the small cell. “I suppose that’s the best place?” he asked 
hoarsely. “I don’t think I can stand much longer. Maybe later…after I’ve rested, 
but not now.” 

"It's alright, Haldir. Here...let me help?" Faramir said trying to consider how 
to help Haldir without hurting him worse. "Just...since I don't know where all 
your injuries are, how about you slide your arm around me and hang on and I'll 
help you get over there. Just take your time...obviously, I'm not going 
anywhere," he tried to tease to take Haldir's mind off the pain for a moment. 

He waited for Haldir to make the first moves, not wanting to push him too 
quickly. Faramir could tell from his short intakes of breath and the way he was 
holding himself so stiffly, that he was in far more pain than he was willing to 
admit to. He knew that all too well. All warriors hid their pain; it was the 
only way to survive sometimes. Never show weakness; never show anything that 
could be an advantage to the enemy. Be they Elves or men, all warriors are 
taught those things but now neither of them were warriors anymore, they were 
prisoners. 

Haldir smiled once again at Faramir’s words, despite the pain it caused where 
his lip had been cleanly split. The young Ranger was like a ray of sunshine in 
the small room that had become Haldir’s world in the past months, and he began 
to wonder if he wasn’t hallucinating. 

His arm slid from Faramir’s shoulder to rest around his waist. He took the first 
step gingerly, and clung to his new friend when the pain raced up from his legs. 
The guards had been particularly vicious that morning, and he’d ended up with 
welts and deep lacerations from his shoulders down to his waist…then they’d 
turned him over and proceeded to whip his chest. 

Just as they were working their way further down, Altair called them away for 
their morning patrols, and two of the larger guards had thrown him roughly back 
into his cell. “Just like a nice, *slow* stroll in the gardens,” he breathed, 
trying to erase the look of concern on Faramir’s face. “Nice and….*SLOW*, right, 
mellonamin?” 

Faramir tried to smile encouragingly at Haldir, despite his heart feeling as if 
it were twisting in his chest. //I am so sorry. I wish I could make them stop 
doing this. I'll get you out of here. I'll get us both out.// He nodded as 
Haldir spoke, "That's right, nice and slow," he whispered. Trying to think of 
something to help distract Haldir from his pain, he decided to ask a few 
questions as they made the short, painful trek toward the cot. "A stroll in the 
gardens...so where are you from? Mirkwood or Lorien? I couldn't imagine you 
being from Imladris that's so far away," he asked hoping his questions would 
distract Haldir from at least some of the pain he was feeling. 

“Lorien,” Haldir managed past gritting teeth. “I am…rather, I *was* a 
Marchwarden of the Golden Wood. I only hope my Lord and Lady and my family think 
me dead, for I know I can not face them again.” His last words trailed off, as 
if he were speaking more to himself than to Faramir. He kept one hand on the 
wall to steady himself, but Faramir was taking the majority of his weight, as he 
was holding the Ranger as close as he could, unconsciously craving the warmth 
and the gentle touch he offered so freely. 

"Cannot face them again? Haldir...none of *this* is your fault. Of course you 
can face them, you've done nothing to be ashamed of I'm sure. You've endured 
their 'games' for four months, I am sure that your family and your Lord and Lady 
will always be proud of you, no matter what. And your family, I'm sure, loves 
you very much. I have a brother...I'm certain that once he finds out I didn't 
return from my patrol that he will be beside himself. Please...don't let our 
captors win. Don't let them take away the joy of one day being reunited with 
those who care about you," Faramir said softly as they reached the edge of the 
cot. He stood patiently waiting for Haldir to rest a bit before moving onto the 
cot. 

Haldir looked at Faramir in surprise. //Could he possibly be right? Will they 
still welcome me, even after I’ve begged these men for my freedom, begged them 
for a moment free of pain?// “But I’ve…I’ve let them hear me scream…and beg for 
mercy. Not exactly the kind of marchwarden, or brother, they will welcome back.” 
Before Faramir could answer, he looked back down at his feet. “Maybe you are 
right, my friend…to lose that hope of seeing them again *would* be to let them 
win. Maybe they will forgive me for my weakness.” 

Before Faramir could respond, Haldir realized they’d reached the cot. He turned 
back to his friend and looked at him questioningly. “You don’t have to do 
this….Treat my wounds, I mean. They …they aren’t exactly pleasant…and have not 
truly been cleaned in weeks.” 

Faramir stared at Haldir for a moment and his arms ached to wrap around his new 
friend and simply hold him and tell him that everything would be all right, but 
he didn't know that. He didn't know if tomorrow he would be the one to face 
their games. "Haldir...would you think less of me if they pulled me into the 
hall tonight and beat me like they have you, and I screamed and begged for 
mercy? I don't think you would, and I don't think that your family and friends 
would either," he said softly and nodded. "And...I know I don't *have* to treat 
your wounds, I want to. I want to help if I can. I'm a soldier; I've seen a lot 
of things that weren't pleasant. Please? I can't stand seeing anyone in pain 
like this, allow me to at least try and give you some respite?" Faramir had 
never thought that he would feel grateful for being captured, but from what he 
had seen today he knew if he had not been taken prisioner then Haldir likely 
would not have survived much longer. True, he hardly knew the Elf but for some 
reason the very notion of *this* Elf dieing broke his heart. 

Haldir shook his head as Faramir spoke. “No,” he whispered as he sat down 
cautiously on the edge of the cot. “I would certainly not think less of you, I 
promise you that.” //But I pray to the Valar that they never touch you. I would 
much rather be their plaything, than see them do to you what they have done to 
me. Your kindness has already helped me more than you could possibly know, and I 
will do anything I can to keep them from harming you.// 

Only moments ago, Haldir thought, he would have given anything to have one day 
pass without a beating…but he could not bear the thoughts of the guards turning 
their attention to Faramir in his stead. He was too beautiful, too noble and 
caring to be broken as Haldir had been. Haldir would survive…he wasn’t sure if a 
mortal man could…and he wasn’t willing to take that chance with Faramir. //Gods, 
I wish you hadn’t been captured; Faramir, yet at the same time, I am grateful 
beyond words to have you next to me. It’s selfish, I know….I only hope you can 
escape before they lay their filthy hands on you, but just having you here for a 
few hours has made me feel better..// Shaking his head, Haldir forced himself 
out of his reverie and tried to smile at Faramir. “I would appreciate your 
treating my wounds,” he said softly as he began to unlace his tunic. “Thank you 
again for offering.” 

"No need for thanks. I'm sure you'd do the same if our roles were reversed," 
Faramir said softly. As Haldir began to remove his tunic, he noticed how 
difficult it was for him to raise his arms, probably pulling the abused skin of 
his back tight and causing even more pain. "Here. I'll do this part, save your 
energy for when I start cleaning the wounds...if it's as bad as I think it is, 
you'll need your strength," he whispered. 

He felt slightly awkward working at removing Haldir's garment, but it would be 
better if he helped. After a few moments he had it opened enough to pull over 
Haldir's head. Leaning forward, Faramir took hold of the back of his tunic and 
rolled it up slowly and carefully, not wishing to drag it over Haldir's back. He 
then pulled it forward over his head and pulled it down his arms to keep from 
hurting him worse or forcing him to lift his arms in the air. "There we go," he 
whispered softly. "My brother, Boromir, taught me to do that when I was young 
and had fallen out of a tree into a large patch of poison ivy." He tried not to 
react to the myriad of marks on Haldir's skin. Deep cuts, bruises, scrapes, the 
imprint of a boot heel on his chest...and ...bite marks? "What...what bit you?" 
he asked in confusion and drawing back to look into Haldir's eyes. He'd expected 
the marks from whips, and beatings but...not that. 

Haldir knew he should, by all rights, feel terribly self-conscious in front of 
Faramir, yet he either simply didn’t have the strength, or knew, deep down, that 
the young Ranger would not judge him. He looked wearily down at the bite marks 
on his stomach and thigh and winced at the memory. “The guards grew bored a few 
days ago and locked me in another cell…with a warg. It was a fight to the death, 
and I had only one weapon…a small dagger. I had grand ideas of killing each of 
them with that dagger,” he mused, “but by the time I killed the warg and they 
opened the cell door, I could do nothing but lie there and watch as they took 
the dagger away and threw me back in here. That was the third warg I had to 
fight. They seem to be getting…larger. Or maybe I am getting weaker.” 

Faramir was stunned for a moment and crouched down in front of Haldir so he 
could look into his downcast eyes. "The third one? Gods, Haldir. I...I have no 
words to express my anger at them, nor my disgust. I'm sure you in Lorien don't 
treat your prisoners like this and we don't in Gondor. I...I cannot understand 
how anyone could draw pleasure from someone else’s pain like that. I...I am 
sorry," he said softly. 

Standing back up, Faramir pulled his over tunic off and laid it aside, and then 
tore a section off his undertunic. The material was quite soft, much softer than 
the material they'd been brought. He walked over and picked up the bucket and 
salve and knelt before Haldir again. "This will probably sting," he whispered. 

Haldir nodded and took a deep breath. “Go ahead, mellonamin (my friend),” he 
said. His eyes traveled slowly over Faramir’s face, and he forgot his pain for a 
moment as he noticed the soft laugh lines around the young man’s mouth and the 
way his eyes crinkled in the corners…as if he laughed often and without 
reservation. 

The Silvan Elf had never been attracted to anyone of the race of men in all his 
long years, and, with the exception of Estel, he had almost determined that he 
hated them all, especially since he had been captured. But Faramir…Faramir was 
different. //If only I were free, and unscarred, I think I would like to know 
this gentle man as more than a friend….if he would be amenable to that. But I 
will probably die here…and I am no doubt enough to disgust anyone in my current 
state.// Quickly pushing his thoughts away, Haldir’s eyes widened and he forced 
a smile to his lips. “I…I am sorry. Please…continue. I was simply…lost in 
thought for a moment.” 

Faramir had paused for only a moment, as Haldir seemed to be thinking about 
something and smiled gently. "I'll try my best not to cause you more pain than 
necessary," he whispered. Swallowing back his anger at the men, no, monsters, 
who had done this to Haldir, he began to slowly and as carefully as possible 
clean the wounds on Haldir's chest, and sides and even as low as his stomach. As 
he took note how low the wounds traveled he bit his lip. //How could they do 
this? Gods, making him fight a warg, not once but *three* times? What sick 
purpose does it serve?//

He listened carefully for any sharp intakes of breath, and each time paused to 
allow Haldir a moment before continuing on. The process was slow, and he knew 
painful but some of the wounds were quite deep and needed to be cleaned. Once he 
had finished with the majority of them, he reached for the small jar of salve 
and hoped it would be enough to treat all of his wounds. He decided to start 
with the worst first, and then if there was enough, he would treat the lesser 
wounds. 

Haldir gritted his teeth as his wounds were cleaned, and tried his best to hide 
how much pain he was in. He was grateful beyond words when Faramir seemed to 
sense the worst of the pain and paused, giving Haldir time to gather himself and 
prepare for the next wound to be addressed. 

The wounds from earlier that morning were especially sensitive, and even though 
Faramir was being incredibly gentle, Haldir soon had a thin sheen of 
perspiration covering his face and his fingers were clenched firmly around the 
metal sides of the cot. As gentle fingers begin to apply the salve, his pain 
lessened, and he gave Faramir a weak smile. “I’m feeling better already,” he 
said softly. “Thank you again for getting this…and for helping me.” 

"I'm glad to be of help, I'm sure you'd have done the same for me or anyone 
else," Faramir whispered. He tried his best to be as gentle as possible but he 
could tell that Haldir was in a lot of pain. "I'll be done soon," he said 
softly. Once he was finished with the task of putting salve over the wounds on 
Haldir's chest and stomach, he tore more pieces from his undertunic and placed 
them over the worst of the wounds. Some of which had started bleeding again 
while he cleaned them. Setting back on his heels, he looked up at Haldir. "Your 
back as well?" he asked softly. 

“Aye,” Haldir said as his face colored with shame. He was a warrior, yet he now 
bore countless scars that would probably never fully heal. //What must this 
Ranger think of me? I just pray to the Valar that he might escape before he 
hears me screaming. I don’t think I shall be able to meet his eyes if he hears 
*that*.// 

With a resigned sigh, Haldir gingerly turned and lay on his stomach on the cot, 
turning his face to the wall so as not to see the disgust in Faramir’s eyes. He 
took a deep breath and closed his eyes, wishing again that he had had the 
opportunity to meet this gentle man under different circumstances. There was a 
wound on his leg from his last encounter with the warg, but he decided not to 
mention that one, and he doubted it was visible. His breeches had been torn, and 
he’d bound the wound as soon as he’d returned to his cell. Besides, he reasoned, 
this poor Ranger had seen blood and ragged skin…a filthy, bleeding Elf was not 
something a man would run across every day, and doubtless he had seen more than 
enough already. 

Faramir bit his lower lip to suppress the gasp he almost emitted when he saw 
Haldir's back. //If I could cut out their black hearts, each and every one of 
them, I would.// Instead of voicing those thoughts, he took a deep breath and 
took the rag, wetting it and then moving back to start working on the many of 
wounds and deep cuts across the Elf's back. He paused before touching him, "This 
may sting, brace yourself, mellonamin," he whispered softly. He did not wish to 
inflict more pain on Haldir but there was little choice, some of the wounds were 
infected. 

Haldir bit bottom lip to try and stifle the moans he knew would inevitably 
escape when the worst of his wounds were treated. He wound his fingers around 
the edge of the cot again and nodded. “I am ready,” he whispered softly, still 
facing the wall. “I don’t think you could possibly hurt me as much as they have, 
so you don’t have to be careful. I know you probably wish to get this over 
with…or that you had never offered to do this, and I am so sorry you are having 
to…to dirty yourself. Please…fell free to stop anytime you like. I would 
understand if you have had enough already, Faramir, and would not blame you in 
the least if you need to distance yourself a bit.” 

Faramir's hands stilled and he sighed heavily before he spoke. "Haldir, I do 
wish to get it over with but only so I don't hurt you anymore than you already 
have been. I am not dirtying myself, nor am I disgusted with YOU in any way, I 
am disgusted with what has been done to you. This...what you have endured…," he 
paused at a loss and began again, "I held my tongue earlier when I first saw 
your back, but if I were able I would kill each and every one of your 
tormentors. I would cut out their black hearts for what they have done to you. 
You did not deserve this. I may not know you well but I am a good judge of 
character. I do not wish to distance myself from you at all, and if they came 
here tonight to take you I would offer myself in your stead. You cannot take 
much more of this until you have time to heal, mellonamin," Faramir spoke softly 
but firmly. He knew Haldir's words were colored by the pain and despair he was 
feeling after spending months being tortured, but it broke Faramir's heart 
nonetheless to hear the Elf speak that way. It was not his fault.

Haldir’s eyes opened and he stared at the wall in shock for a moment before 
turning to face Faramir. //He is not disgusted? He does not think I’m weak?// As 
Faramir’s final words sunk in, Haldir ignored his pain long enough to turn on 
his side and clutched at his friend’s hand with every bit of strength he had. “I 
will *not* let you go in my stead, Faramir,” he ground out, shaking his head. “I 
could not stand to see you hurt as well…please, please do not even say that. I 
beg of you not to even *think* that. I will survive…I swear I will. But it would 
break my heart to see these marks on you.” His face colored once again, but he 
spoke nothing but the truth. He barely knew this Ranger, but he was so fair, so 
gentle and kind, that Haldir knew without a doubt it would tear him to pieces to 
see him marked as he himself was, especially if it was done to protect him. 
“Please, Faramir, I beg of you…I will do anything. Just do not offer yourself up 
for me…Please, just….*please*, my friend, do not offer yourself to them.” 

Faramir was shocked when Haldir rolled over and took his hand. He closed his 
eyes for a moment as the Elf spoke, shaking his head. He wished to argue but 
Haldir's pleas touched his heart and he felt tears gather in his eyes as he 
opened them again to behold the earnest look on Haldir's face. "You…all 
right…but I swear to you, Haldir…I swear that I will get you out of here. I 
promise you, *we * will escape," he whispered. Leaning closer to Haldir to make 
sure his words were not overheard, he continued. "I know these caves, Haldir. I 
have been here before, not as a prisoner of course…but I know them well. As soon 
as I am able to form a plan and determine the best possible time, I will get you 
out of here, get both of us out. Do you trust me?" he asked. 

Haldir felt relief at Faramir’s words, as well as a thin ray of hope that they 
might actually escape. He stared intently into the Ranger’s blue eyes, not even 
realizing he was still holding on to his hand for dear life. Without even 
searching his heart, the words fell from Haldir’s lips before he realized it. “I 
do trust you,” he said softly. “I believe that if anyone can get us out of here, 
it is you.” His pains forgotten for the moment, Haldir simply stared into the 
blue eyes before him, realizing that Faramir must feel as though the Elf was 
ready to climb in his lap and curl up against him, which, Haldir had to admit, 
didn’t seem to be such a terribly bad idea. Swallowing the lump in his throat, 
he looked down and suddenly realized that his sudden movement had reopened some 
of the wounds on his back as they began to bleed and sting anew. “I…I do trust 
you,” he repeated as he released Faramir’s hand and stared at the floor. 

Faramir felt his heart almost stop in his chest as Haldir stared into his eyes 
so intently and he took a deep breath when Haldir said that he trusted him. He 
hadn't realized that he had been holding his breath as the Elf stared into his 
eyes. "Good," he spoke finally. "I promise I will not fail you as long as there 
is breath in my body, I will not fail you my friend." 

After a moment, Haldir settled back onto the cot and Faramir continued treating 
his wounds, attending to the ones that had begun to bleed when Haldir had moved 
and cleaning those he had yet to treat. After many long moments, he finally 
began to apply the salve, and covered the worst of the wounds with bandages from 
his undertunic. "There we go, hopefully the salve will make you feel much 
better. There isn't much left," he said as he leaned over Haldir and wiped at a 
small gash over his eye. Cleaning it carefully as well, he dabbed a bit of the 
salve on it. It wasn't a very bad injury but he knew it was probably painful. 
"You'll wish to sleep now I'm sure," he said standing up and pulling back on his 
tunic. "I will sleep on the floor. You take the clean cloth they gave us as a 
blanket, I don't want you getting the wounds dirty from that other blanket," he 
said frowning at the pitiful excuse of a blanket. 

Haldir couldn’t help the small smile that touched his lips as Faramir so 
tenderly tended the wound above his eye. The cuts on his back were feeling much 
better, and he hated the thoughts that there wouldn’t be enough salve for the 
next day…after his next beating. At least maybe the soothing ointment would 
speed the healing a bit…although he was an Elf, he did often need more than one 
day to heal…though he rarely got that anymore. 

As Faramir gestured toward the blanket, Haldir sat up carefully and shook his 
head. “You take the cot,” he said. “I…I rarely sleep anymore. They…they like to 
sneak up on me when I’m asleep and…” He paused for a moment trying not to 
remember all the times they’d awoken him with a hard kick between the legs, or 
as they grabbed a handful of his hair and drug him toward the cell door. Or the 
time he awoke as he was being hoisted in the air by ropes tied to the top of the 
cell, arms and legs outspread so they could beat him without having to go 
through the trouble of transferring him to another cell. “They…do things when I 
sleep. So I just sit in the corner and doze. I’m quite used to it by now. You, 
on the other hand…I know men need more sleep than Elves. You should curl up 
underneath this blanket and rest while you can, and I will stay close and wake 
you if they try to sneak in.” 

Faramir gritted his teeth and shook his head. "In...your sleep? I...no. You take 
the cot; you rest, and allow me to guard your sleep. You are injured not me. I 
may be a human but I am also a Ranger and I have spent many a night on watch. 
Please...you won't heal sitting in that corner. You need rest...and I will be 
here this time to guard it. If you trust me, you will allow me to watch over 
you. If I become tired I will wake you to take my place. So you must keep the 
cot. I'll settle down right here beside it and watch the door," he bargained, 
hoping that Haldir would agree. Several of the wounds on his back were infected, 
and rest would most certainly help now that they were clean. 

Haldir started to protest, but realized that in the shape he was in now, he 
could never escape with Faramir, even if he found a way out tonight. And it 
*had* been so long since he’d slept. //Maybe for a few hours…just a few, then I 
could watch over him while he rests. If I could only sleep for a while, I could 
heal, and not be such a burden to him.// With a resigned sigh, Haldir smiled at 
Faramir and nodded as he carefully pulled his tunic back over his head. “Aye. 
But I am only doing this so that I won’t be a burden to you when we escape. And 
only if you swear to wake me should you become tired.” 

"I swear it, Haldir. And...you will be no burden...but please, you do need the 
rest. I can see it in your eyes," Faramir whispered. He covered Haldir with the 
clean sheet of material and almost felt silly as he realized he was tucking the 
Elf in. He blushed brightly. "Sorry...force of habit. My brother and I have 
guarded one another's sleep when we were younger after our mother 
passed...and...tucking each other in was well...nevermind, sorry." He felt his 
blush burning all the way to the tips of his ears and looked down at the floor 
for a moment before turning and settling in the floor beside Haldir's cot and 
staring at the door of their cell. "Sleep, my friend." 

Haldir was shocked at the measure of comfort he felt as Faramir gently tucked 
him in. He smiled and realized his eyes were incredibly heavy already at the 
mere notion that he might possibly sleep undisturbed for a few hours, yet he 
found it difficult to look away from the copper colored, wavy hair and handsome 
profile of his new cell mate….and new friend. //His mother must have passed away 
when he was young. I wonder what his life was like? If his father or brother 
made up for the loneliness he must have suffered after his mother was gone?// 
Before he could dwell on his thoughts, his eyes closed for a moment, and he felt 
himself drifting off to sleep. 

Moments later, a cell door down the hallway slammed closed, and Haldir jumped, 
cursing, and causing the entire cot to rattle in its frame. //You must 
relax…they are not here…Faramir is keeping watch…// He trusted Faramir not to 
leave, and not to fall asleep…but what if they took him? Haldir’s hand slowly 
reached out and rested on Faramir’s shoulder, wanting to keep him close, to make 
sure that they wouldn’t take him away. Without a word, he simply gazed at the 
Ranger, hoping that he would allow this barest of contact as Haldir slept. 

Faramir cursed under his breath as he realized Haldir was just falling asleep 
when a door slammed and startled him back from the fringe of sleep. As he felt a 
tentative hand rest on his shoulder, he smiled and reached across his chest to 
lay his hand over Haldir's. Their hands shifted at the same time and he felt his 
fingers slip between Haldir's. Closing his eyes for a moment, he tangled his 
fingers more fully with the Elf's. "Sleep, Haldir," he whispered, "I will guard 
your slumber, mellonamin." 

Faramir could not believe the torture Haldir had endured these last months, and 
he couldn't help feeling protective of him. He reasoned with himself that he 
would feel that way for anyone in the same situation but he knew he was lying to 
himself. Even beneath the grime, and the bruises, he could see how beautiful the 
Elf was. He was inexplicably drawn to him, from the first moment Haldir's 
startling blue eyes had met his own, Faramir had felt drawn to him. He did not 
know why he felt this way but he would do everything in his power to formulate 
an escape plan as quickly as he could. He did not care if he, himself escaped, 
his only care was to get Haldir away from his tormentors as soon as possible. He 
listened to Haldir's breathing even out and watched the door, his silent vigil 
lasting late into the night. 

Hours later, Haldir began moaning softly in his sleep. His fingers tightened 
around Faramir’s and he moved restlessly on the cot. It was still many hours 
before daybreak, and his tormenters were lazy…they never came for him until late 
morning, but he found himself caught in a half-sleep, half-awake state, one 
moment knowing that he should sleep while he was relatively safe, and the next, 
dreaming that they were taking him away again, to the room with the whips and 
blades, the belts and restraints. In this particular dream, however, not only 
had Haldir been captured, but his brothers as well. As he was being beaten, 
Orophin and Rumil were beside him, screaming in agony and begging for their 
tormenters to stop. “No,” he whimpered, “no…please...” 

Faramir shifted when he heard Haldir moan and turned to look at him, even as 
fingers tightened around his own. "Haldir?" he asked softly and then realized 
the Elf was most likely having a nightmare. He leaned closer and whispered to 
him quietly. "You are safe, mellonamin. Rest easy, Haldir. They aren't here," he 
whispered hoping his words would help. His hand ached from how tightly Haldir 
was gripping him but he would not pull away. Faramir suspected that he needed 
some sort of grounding touch and would not abandon him for such a small thing. 

Haldir relaxed slightly under Faramir’s touch, the softly whispered words 
soothing his soul for the moment, but as soon as the young Ranger stopped 
talking, Haldir was once again caught up in his nightmare. His eyes opened 
abruptly and he gasped, seeing someone so close to him, and he automatically 
pressed himself back against the wall, crying out as his freshly treated wounds 
ground into the rough stone. //Faramir…It’s Faramir. He won’t hurt me…he’s not 
one of *them*.// 

He released Faramir’s hand, and not even letting the thoughts of how pathetic he 
would look in his new friend’s eyes reach his mind, he pushed off the wall, and 
wrapped both arms around Faramir’s neck. He buried his face in the Ranger’s neck 
and tried to calm himself, but the dream had been so real…and he was so 
completely exhausted, it was a loosing battle. He could do nothing more than 
cling to Faramir, sobbing quietly as he reveled in the first touch he’d had in 
months from someone who didn’t mean to cause him pain. 

Faramir was startled as Haldir had come awake and pressed himself against the 
wall. His eyes widened for a moment as he saw pain lace across Haldir's face 
briefly before the Elf launched himself forward to wrap himself around Faramir. 
His arms automatically went around the shivering Elf, careful not to touch his 
injuries, Faramir held him gently. "It's a nightmare, Haldir. Just a nightmare," 
he whispered. "I've got you, you are safe //for now at least// relax, relax dear 
one," he crooned softly. He shifted his body up onto the cot and held Haldir 
close and rocked him slightly as he felt warm tears against his neck. He wasn't 
sure what to do, so he simply held him and whispered calming words softly to his 
shaken friend. 

Haldir *knew* he should feel ashamed, *knew* he was making a fool out of 
himself, but Faramir’s arms around him felt so safe, so soothing, so…right. He 
was a warrior, one of the best and strongest in the Golden Wood, a Marchwarden 
of the highest order, yet he was sobbing uncontrollably…and Faramir wasn’t 
laughing at him, wasn’t pushing him away, wasn’t telling him to control himself 
and stop sounding like an Elfling. He relaxed into the embrace, but couldn’t 
bring himself to unwrap his arms from around Faramir’s neck. Instead, he curled 
up like a child in the Ranger’s lap, feeling truly secure…a feeling he’d almost 
forgotten completely in the past weeks. Exhaustion fell over him like a thick 
blanket, yet still, he clung to Faramir. “Stay with me?” he asked between great, 
hiccupping breaths as his face stayed buried against the warm skin of Faramir’s 
neck. “I…I mean…would you just…just….hold me for a while? I don’t mean to be a 
bother. I didn’t realize the nightmares would take hold of me if I slept, but…if 
you would stay here…they might stay away…” His voice trailed off, and he held 
his breath, realizing how pathetic he must seem, but knowing that he would not 
find sleep again if he were alone. 

Faramir drew back slightly and looked into Haldir's eyes, smoothing golden hair 
away from his face. "Yes, as long as you need me, I will stay," he whispered. 
Shifting, he moved over Haldir's body without breaking contact with him and lay 
against the wall facing toward the door and toward Haldir. "This way I can see 
the door and still keep watch. I am not yet tired, so you go back to sleep. I 
will hold you and do my best to protect your dreams," he said smiling kindly. 

Nodding gratefully, Haldir was too worn out to even realize that his own back 
was toward the door….something he’d never let happen after his first week in 
this cell. He felt safe in Faramir’s arms. He *did* trust him, and he knew 
without the faintest doubt that Faramir would be the one to wake him, instead of 
his tormenters when the time came. His head rested on a firmly muscled arm, and 
Haldir released his hold on Faramir’s neck only to slide one arm around his 
waist. “Thank you mellonamin,” he whispered. His eyes were already closed again, 
and he snuggled closer, burying his face in Faramir’s chest, and was in a 
peaceful and healing slumber moments later. 

Faramir wrapped his arm around Haldir protectively as the other acted as a 
pillow for the weary blond head. "You are welcome, Haldir," he whispered. "Get 
some sleep." When Haldir snuggled closer Faramir smiled. 

He really should not be enjoying this as much as he was, he was comforting a 
friend that was all, but each time Haldir moved closer Faramir felt *something* 
flicker within him. //He is your friend and you are protecting him. That is all. 
Nothing more and nothing less.// 

He took a deep breath and released it slowly as his eyes settled on the door 
once more and he listened for footfalls in the passage outside their cell. He 
was determined to stay awake as long as possible to give Haldir plenty of time 
to sleep. Throughout the night, he would soothe his friend with soft words and 
gentle touches whenever Haldir would moan or shiver in his sleep. It was all 
Faramir could offer and he offered all of his warmth and compassion freely to 
Haldir. His anger with their captors grew with each shiver, and his mind went 
over plans for their eventual escape as he kept his watch. 

***** 
Chapter 2

Haldir slept throughout the night and early morning, waking several hours after 
the sun had risen. The small window of his cell had admitted precious rays of 
sunlight that warmed the small room slightly, yet it was Faramir’s warmth that 
had sustained him throughout the night. He slowly opened his eyes, realizing 
that he was having much less pain than he’d had since his capture. 

His face was still buried in the folds of Faramir’s tunic, and his arm was still 
wrapped securely around the Ranger’s waist. Not only that, Haldir realized, but 
two strong, yet incredibly gentle arms were wrapped around him, holding him just 
as securely. He truly had had a healing sleep, thanks to Faramir. Rare was the 
day the Haradrim did not drag him from his cell, but it seemed that maybe today 
he would have some peace, as the sun was high in the sky, and it was well past 
the time they usually came for him. 

Occasionally, they would leave…for whatever reason, Haldir never knew, but if 
they did not come for him before noon, they usually left him alone for the rest 
of the day. It sometimes meant a worse beating the next day, but right now, here 
in Faramir’s arms, he would take what he could get, and be grateful. 

“Faramir?” he asked softly, unwilling to move away just yet. “Are you awake, my 
friend?” 

Faramir looked down from watching the door across the room and smiled. "Yes, I 
am awake. I promised I would watch over you," he whispered. "How are you 
feeling?" he asked, shifting slightly so he could look into Haldir's eyes. He 
found himself smiling as Haldir looked up at him. All throughout the night, he 
had held the Elf close, whispering to him when he needed solace, and watched the 
door, praying that they would not come for his friend again. 

“Surprisingly better,” Haldir answered with a smile that matched Faramir’s. “All 
thanks to you. I haven’t had a healing sleep in a very long time. Between that 
and your attention to my wounds, I almost feel like my old self again.” He had 
absolutely no desire to, and, despite how he knew he must look, Faramir didn’t 
seem to mind being this close to him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, 
smiling even wider when he realized that his wounds must have knitted together 
during the night. Even the wound on his leg felt better, even though Faramir 
hadn’t treated it. “I don’t think they will come for me today,” he said softly, 
trying not to get his hopes up, but reveling in the feeling of being pain free 
for the first time in months. 

"I hope they don't," Faramir frowned, wondering how exactly *he* would react 
when they would. He was feeling quite protective of Haldir and though he 
promised not to offer himself in his place...he could not keep silent when his 
friend and cellmate would be dragged off to be tortured. //Deal with it when the 
time comes.// 

"I am glad you are feeling better. Truly I am," he said not realizing his arms 
tightening slightly around Haldir in somewhat of a hug. After a moment, he 
realized that Haldir had needed him in his sleep, but he probably didn't need 
him now. He was, after all a warrior, one who had gone through quite a lot, but 
Faramir didn't want to embarrass him. He let his arms fall away and smiled 
again. "Suppose you might want to get up," he whispered, feeling a blush stain 
his cheeks. 

Haldir looked down and sighed as Faramir released him and his own arm slid away 
from Faramir’s waist. He didn’t *really* want to get up…not just yet. And for a 
moment, it almost felt as if the Ranger had pulled him closer. But Faramir was 
most likely not relishing the fact that he’d been forced to lie in bed with an 
Elf all night long. Haldir couldn’t help but wonder if he had a mate back at 
home, and if he’d had to picture holding the one he loved, rather than a scarred 
and dirty Elf who had practically begged him to share the small cot the night 
before. Still, he hesitated for a moment, feeling better and more rested than 
he’d thought possible. “I think you are in need of sleep, my friend. I will 
gladly watch over you now that I am able.” He slowly sat up and smiled down into 
sparkling blue eyes, resisting the urge to brush a lock of hair back from 
Faramir’s forehead. “I will leave the cot to you. Please…make yourself 
comfortable.” 

Faramir felt the most irrational desire to pull Haldir back down to lie beside 
him again but closed his eyes for a moment to force the thought away. When he 
opened his eyes, he looked up at Haldir and smiled. "I cannot say sleep would 
not be welcome. Perhaps we can take turns watching over one another? It will 
give us a bit of purpose here in this dark place," he whispered. "Though I've 
been awake so long now, I think it may take me a bit to fall to sleep. Will you 
tell me of your home? Or...we can share stories if you like...help me relax a 
bit. I think I've stared holes through that door last night," he grinned and 
found himself infinitely proud when Haldir's movements didn't seem to be as pain 
ridden today. 

Haldir laughed softly, feeling oddly at peace, even though their situation had 
changed very little since the night before. They were still trapped, he would 
still most likely be beaten the next day, but at least he was no longer alone, 
and he had some hope once again. He stood up and gingerly stretched, still 
unable to fully believe how little pain he was in this morning. “I would love 
for us to learn more about each other,” he said, looking around the small cell 
and wondering where he could sit so Faramir would not have to strain to see him. 
He wished he could simply curl back up against him, but was certain Faramir 
would not want that. “Do you mind…I mean, would it make you uncomfortable if I 
sat on the end of the cot? I think it would be easier to talk if we could see 
one another, and if I face you and sit on the floor, my back will be toward the 
door…and I don’t want that.” 

Hearing Haldir laugh was probably the most beautiful thing Faramir had ever 
heard. Knowing that he'd made the Elf laugh with his poor jest and drew the 
eyes, that had been so frightened and dark the day before when they'd met, to 
sparkle with some small amount of joy, made him feel incredibly happy. Faramir 
leaned up on his elbow to look at Haldir, resting his chin in his hand he 
smiled. "By all means, go right ahead. Besides this cot was yours first," he 
grinned. 

Haldir nodded and sat on the end of the cot. It wasn’t long enough for Faramir 
to stretch out with him sitting there, and he reasoned that Faramir had held him 
all through the night, so the least he could do would be to make the young man 
comfortable. He reached underneath Faramir’s legs and rested them in his lap as 
Haldir’s own legs curled up underneath him and he leaned back against the wall, 
turning slightly to face his cell-mate. “You first,” he smiled. “Where do you 
call home?” Biting his tongue, he managed to refrain from asking if Faramir had 
a mate…it was really none of his business…he knew any feelings he had toward the 
young Ranger would be one-sided. Still…he could enjoy those feelings. He’d been 
alone for a long time, and he could at least dream. 

Faramir sighed as Haldir pulled his legs into his lap, enjoying the feeling. 
He'd been quite tense all through the night watching over Haldir and now that he 
was relaxing his muscles were letting him know about it. He smiled at Haldir's 
question. "Gondor, I grew up in Minas Tirith...I guess you could say I'm quite a 
'prize' to our captors here. I am the Steward's youngest son. I am a Captain in 
the Ithilian Rangers; my brother Boromir is Captain General of our armies. I am 
sure he and my men are wondering what happened to me. If they don't find a body, 
there is some chance we might not need to form an escape plan...my older brother 
can be quite relentless. If he thinks me still alive...we may yet get out of 
here by his hand," he explained. 

//Thank the Valar…maybe they won’t hurt him if they know what a valuable 
prisioner he is.// Haldir’s shoulders sagged in relief and he realized that he 
already cared deeply for this kind young man…much more deeply than he should. 
//Whether he shows it or not, he pities you…how could he not? Maybe, if you had 
met him before….but you didn’t, and if we indeed *do* escape, we both have very 
different lives to lead. You will likely never lay eyes on him again.// Pulling 
himself from his reverie, he smiled again and nodded. “I had long since given up 
hope of being rescued,” he said. “Yet I find my hope renewed. I am truly sorry 
you were captured, but I find myself with more peace than I have had since my 
first days in this prison.” 

"I have a firm belief that everything in life happens for a reason...though some 
things...I can't seem to figure out," Faramir said frowning as he thought of how 
Haldir had been treated. I can’t say I’m happy to be here, I’d be a mad man if I 
said that,” he grinned, “but I am glad that my arrival has given you some 
measure of hope. And I was serious when I promised we would get out of here...we 
will." Faramir shifted slightly and stretched a bit. "So what is the Golden Wood 
like? I have heard they don't allow men there, how is it you know the common 
tongue so well?" he asked curiously. 

“I have traveled to many cities in the course of my duties,” Haldir said as he 
settled Faramir’s legs more comfortably in his lap. “I have guarded the Golden 
Wood for many centuries, but I have also fought many battles in these troubled 
times, and encountered countless races. My friendships with those I have fought 
beside have gained me much knowledge over the years…knowledge that did me little 
good when the Haradrim overtook my patrol, to be honest.” His eyes grew dark for 
a moment before he continued. “But the Golden Wood…I do not have the words to 
describe its beauty. If we do escape, and if you would wish it, I will take you 
there, and show you what very, very few men have ever had the privilege to see.” 

Faramir smiled, "I should like that. I have always been curious about the Elven 
realms. Gondor is so often besieged that I have not had the opportunity to 
travel much. A few trips to Rohan and that is about it," he said softly. 
Haldir's hand rested against his lower leg and he could feel the warmth from his 
slender fingers through his breeches. "I suppose that in a life as long as 
yours, there is ample opportunity to learn new things and make many friends over 
that time." He found himself curious to know if Haldir had a mate but was unsure 
how to ask. It certainly wasn't his right to know...but curiosity got the best 
of him after a moment. "You had spoken last night of your family...do...do you 
have a mate waiting for you back in Lorien?" he asked forcing himself not to 
blush at his own boldness. 

Haldir’s face flushed as he shook his head. //At least now I can ask the same 
thing of him.// “No…I have no one waiting for me but my brothers,” he said 
quietly. “I have lived alone for a very, very long time. I have yet to find my 
life’s mate. I was with someone for a while, but he grew tired of me after a few 
hundred years and found someone else. I was surprised at how little it hurt me…I 
suppose he was not the one I was meant to be with, or I would have been 
devastated.” Worrying his bottom lip for a moment, Haldir looked down at his 
hands and tried to make his voice sound casual. “And you? Do you have a…mate?” 

When Haldir said he did not have anyone waiting for him, Faramir felt his heart 
leap in his chest and wondered at himself. Then when he spoke of someone who 
left him, he found himself wondering why anyone would leave someone like Haldir. 
"I am sorry," he whispered and before he could stop himself the words spilled 
from his lips, "I find it hard to believe anyone would not wish to stay with you 
forever," he continued, blushing furiously. "I...I mean...well...it...after a 
few hundred years you'd think...oh nevermind, I think I've embarrassed us both 
now," he said looking down. After a few moments he whispered, "I have no one 
waiting either...only my brother and my father," he whispered softly. 

Haldir’s face was a bright red as Faramir spoke and he was momentarily at a loss 
for words. “I…honestly find it hard to believe that no one is waiting for you 
too,” he said softly as his fingers idly toyed with the hem of Faramir’s 
breeches. “I…I suppose we are both waiting for someone special. Do you…do you 
think you’ll know when you meet the one you’re meant to be with? I’ve often 
wondered if I’ll see him, and somehow drive him away, or that I’ll feel 
something for him and he’ll find me …unworthy.” //And I only hope that *if* he 
could love me back, that he is half as handsome and kind and gentle as you, 
Faramir. Gods, if only….if only there was a chance we could be more than 
friends…if only I could find the words to tell you how beautiful you are…// 

Faramir looked up, his embarrassment fading as Haldir spoke. "Unworthy? Haldir, 
you do yourself a disservice, you are far too beautiful and kind to be 
considered either of those. You have been here at the mercy of those monsters 
for far too long I think," he said stronger than he expected to. Sighing softly 
as he saw Haldir look up at him with disbelieving eyes, he attempted a smile. 
"And finding love…I don't know to be honest...some say love can be like 
lightening striking, others say it creeps up slowly, but those I have talked to 
have all said the same thing. When you find the one person you truly are made 
for, you are complete in every way. As if they were the missing part of 
yourself," he said softly. //I wonder if what I keep feeling when I look into 
your eyes might be that...or am I mistaking caring for more?// Faramir sighed 
and unsuccessfully attempted to stifle a yawn. Blinking he shook his head, 
"Finally starting to catch up with me," he said smiling. 

//’The missing part of yourself’…you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to find 
the one that completes me, Faramir. I have almost given up hope…but once again, 
you somehow manage to make me believe there is actually something left to hope 
for…Though how you can see any beauty or kindness in me is beyond me. Maybe once 
there was beauty, but it has long since been erased…or hidden under these scars 
that I will bear for the rest of my life. But I will never forget your kindness 
or your words for as long as I live. // Haldir shook his head and closed his 
eyes. //You are making it worse. You *know* he pities you…even your own family 
will pity you when you return…*if* you return.// “You watched over me all 
through the night,” he whispered as Faramir tried not to yawn, and forced 
himself to stop thinking about love and forever, when they were not yet assured 
of tomorrow. “Close your eyes and let me watch over you, won’t you?” He gently 
lifted Faramir’s feet, planning on letting him stretch out completely. “I will 
stay out of your way, mellonamin, but I will stay close enough to wake you if 
they return.” 

Faramir sat up slightly and shook his head, "Don't go," he said quickly, feeling 
yet another blush stain his cheeks, "I...just...it can't be comfortable on the 
floor. Just sit here, I think we've established I don't bite," he grinned trying 
to cover how needy his first statement had sounded. "Please...just, this cot 
isn't the most luxurious thing on Arda but it is at least off the cold floor. 
You are still not completely healed and sitting on that cold floor will just 
undo all we have done," he said softly. 

Haldir’s eyes met Faramir’s for a moment, and he rested back against the wall. 
“Very well,” he smiled, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. //I will relish 
the chance to be able to touch you while I might. After…after they finish with 
me tomorrow, you might find yourself wishing for me to stay away.// He knew the 
wounds Faramir had seen the day before had had a few hours to heal at least, and 
a few hours to an Elf in terms of healing was equal to a substantially longer 
time for men. He seriously doubted Faramir would want to share the cot with him 
after seeing him as he looked fresh from one of his captor’s ‘games’. “Do you 
have enough room?” 

Faramir smiled sleepily. "I am fine, if you wish lay down like I did beside you 
last night. You can stay awake but still take rest at least. May help you regain 
your strength and heal even more. I don't mind...besides it's chilly in here, I 
wouldn't mind the extra warmth...this cloth they gave us isn't exactly up to the 
task of a blanket," he teased yawning again. He lifted his legs from Haldir's 
lap and scooted aside. "Come on...lay down with me and share your warmth and 
return the favor of watching over my sleep this time," he said smiling 
encouragingly. Part of him knew he was making excuses to keep the Elf near, but 
he didn't see the harm in it. 

Without a moment’s hesitation, Haldir crawled up to lie beside Faramir on the 
cot. //After all, it *is* cold in here. If nothing else, we should at least keep 
each other warm…it’s the only friendly thing to do.// He pressed his back 
gingerly against the wall, and looked at Faramir as his face flushed again. He 
wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around the man and mold their bodies 
together, but he knew he would make a complete fool of himself if he did that. 
Smiling shyly, he waited to see if Faramir simply wanted him to lie close beside 
him, or if he wanted to rest against him….or…//Gods…I have never been so unsure 
of myself! But he isn’t as broken as I was last night, nor as afraid. He would 
not need me to hold him as he held me last night. Or was that what he meant by 
sharing my warmth? Or…Gods!// 

Faramir smiled as Haldir took the place he had laid in all night to watch over 
his friend. Snuggling closer, Faramir rested his head against his own arm curled 
beneath himself and slid his other arm under Haldir's to wrap around him gently. 
Closing his eyes, he smiled sleepily, "Thank you, mellonamin," he whispered as 
he felt sleep begin to overwhelm him. 

Haldir’s eyes widened in surprise, which soon turned to pleasure, and he would 
have been embarrassed beyond all measure if Faramir’s eyes had been open to see 
how wide his smile was. His hand moved to rest on the small of Faramir’s back, 
and he gave in to the urge to let his fingertips rub small, soothing circles 
over the tense muscles as he managed to drag his eyes away from the Ranger’s 
peaceful face to stare at the cell door. “Thank *you*,” Haldir whispered, 
unconsciously pulling Faramir just a bit closer. “Rest well, my friend.” 

Faramir smiled sleepily against Haldir's chest and let himself relax into his 
friend's arms. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Haldir would watch over 
him and gave himself over to sleep. His body shifted closer to the source of 
warmth on it's own accord and he unconsciously twirled a lock of golden hair 
around his fingertip. His sleep was sound, and near dreamless, except for vague 
images of sparkling blue eyes and golden hair flashing in dappled sunlight. A 
dream he would take heart in and hope it was a glimpse of a future where Haldir 
is free of this dark, damp place filled with pain. 

*****

Chapter 3

Haldir smiled each time Faramir shifted in his sleep, as he seemed to snuggle 
closer and closer, without ever waking up, a fact which Haldir didn’t mind in 
the least. Except for the wound on his leg, he was barely in any pain at all 
now…the healing sleep Faramir had offered him had almost restored his peace of 
mind as well as healed his body. His arm was wrapped securely around the young 
Ranger, and he’d only looked away from the cell door to stare at the fair face 
before him, marveling at the graceful beauty of the man in his arms. 

Several hours had passed with no disturbances, and he figured that the Haradrim 
had spent the day fighting, or scouting…he didn’t care as long as they left him 
and his new companion alone. //Gods, I hope they don’t try to hurt you, 
mellonamin. I hope they will see your value and leave you in peace.// 

The soft scrape of the door at the end of the hall caused Haldir to stiffen and 
automatically pull Faramir closer. //They’re back. Surely it is only to bring us 
food…surely they are too tired for their games today?// Lowering his head close 
to Faramir’s ear, Haldir’s hand moved from around the young man to rest on his 
shoulder. Shaking him gently, he whispered, “Faramir. Wake up, my friend. They 
will be here in a few moments.” 

Faramir felt warmth along his entire body and vaguely registered that his back 
was cold, after a moment the voice and a gentle shake also registered in his 
mind. //Haldir.// He opened his eyes and looked up at his friend. "Here?" he 
whispered and immediately stiffened in worry for his friend. Haldir couldn't be 
taken away now! He realized then how tightly he was holding the Elf and released 
him. Sitting up, he turned and faced the door in a way that his body seemed to 
unconsciously block whoever entered from seeing Haldir. As if that alone would 
keep him from harm. "What time do you think it is?" he asked, glancing toward 
the tiny window that provided them with some small measure of fresh air in the 
tiny cell. 

Trying to keep his voice calm, Haldir swallowed the lump in his throat and 
prayed that his instincts were correct. He noticed the way Faramir was trying to 
shield him, and felt his heart warm. //I will not let you go in my place, 
Faramir. I cannot.// He placed a gentle hand on Faramir’s shoulder and moved to 
sit beside him. “It is early evening, I think,” he whispered. “Which usually 
means they will be too tired for their games, and this is simply the guard 
bringing food. If they don’t take me in the mornings, they usually don’t take me 
at all until the next day, so I doubt they are here for either of us.” 

Faramir felt himself relax slightly and nodded. "Good. It also helps us to know 
when the best time to escape is...while most of them are gone," he whispered in 
Elvish, not sure how close the guard was to the door. His instincts to protect 
Haldir automatically surged within him again as he heard the key in the lock. 
They both remained where they were on the cot, side by side as the guard entered 
carrying a bucket and a tray. The bucket had fresh water and he removed the old 
one casting the pair on the cot a wary glance as he saw the water had not been 
used for drinking but for cleaning the Elf's wounds. He'd always thought the 
Gondorians were too soft hearted, and this was proof. He didn't even know the 
haughty Elf but a few hours and he was using their water for cleaning him. Then 
again, maybe the man just couldn't stand sharing a cell with the Elf without 
cleaning him up a bit. 

Haldir held his breath until the guard cast them both one final, weary glance, 
then shut the door behind him. He immediately relaxed, relieved that they were, 
indeed, going to have one day free from the usual torture. //Fresh water? They 
must realize that Faramir’s life is worth more than mine…maybe at least, they 
will keep their filthy hands off him.// He stood slowly, resting his hand on 
Faramir’s shoulder in an effort to try and make him stay seated just in case the 
guard returned, as well as using him to steady himself. Hearing no signs of 
anyone coming back, he smiled. “You must be hungry. I know I am.” 

Faramir was grateful beyond words that Haldir had been left in peace for one 
day. He watched as Haldir stood slowly, using his shoulder for aid and noticed 
him limp toward the food that had been placed on the floor. "Yes, I am hungry 
too," he said standing up and moving toward the tray. Taking one of the small 
cups, he scooped fresh water out for Haldir and then himself. "Here...take this 
and sit back down, you seem to still be sore. I'll bring the food to the cot and 
we can eat there," he said handing Haldir the cup and then picked up the tray. 

Drinking the water gratefully, Haldir nodded and made his way back to the cot. 
His sleep had done wonders for him, but his leg was still stiff and sore from 
the wound on his thigh. He sat down and watched as Faramir crossed the room with 
the tray holding more food then he’d seen in weeks. “This is the first fresh 
water I’ve had in a long time,” he smiled, draining the cup. “Maybe your words 
to Altair last night made him decide to treat us with a little more compassion.” 

Faramir almost frowned when Haldir said 'us', the guard had given them the salve 
only because Faramir had practically begged, and the other provisions he was 
told were for himself, though he suspected the guard knew exactly why Faramir 
had begged for them. "Maybe so...I hope that perhaps they will leave you be for 
a while as well," he whispered though doubting it. If they used Haldir for 
releasing their tensions, their anger, their aggression when a battle went 
poorly or for whatever reason, he knew deep down they would not stop. "Would you 
like more water?" Faramir asked, noticing that Haldir had already drained his 
cup. Not even waiting for the Elf to answer, he set the tray on the cot and took 
Haldir's cup back to the bucket and refilled it. "Here...I can't imagine they 
expected you to drink that other." 

Closing his eyes as he forced himself to sip the second cup slowly, Haldir 
nodded. “I had only to beg for fresh water, but I could not bring myself to do 
it,” he said softly. Altair took pity on me now and again, and would bring me a 
cup full, or an extra piece of bread, but to be clean *and* have something to 
drink…these are luxuries I have not had in many, many weeks. I don’t know how I 
will ever repay you for your kindness, Faramir….I have even begun to heal again 
thanks to you.” 

"I understand why you did not beg them, Haldir. If I were in your position, I 
probably would have done the very same. I suppose I did use my 'weaknesses' as a 
crutch when I begged them. I grew up in a noble house...youngest son of the 
Steward...how can I possibly survive like that...sort of thing. They don't need 
to know how long I've been a Ranger, or how my father and brother raised me," he 
smiled. "Here," he said handing Haldir the bowl that contained the larger 
portion of their food. 

Haldir took the bowl and made quick work of the cold soup as he grinned at 
Faramir. “I think you are much, much stronger and wiser than they give you 
credit for, mellonamin,” he chuckled. “I think we may manage to get out of here 
yet.” //And I think I will miss you for the rest of my days when you leave me 
and return to Gondor.// 

Faramir smiled, "Ah well, my station as the youngest son doesn't exactly give me 
all that much to work with...but at least it is something. I have never cared 
for court or titles but if they help me here...I've seen enough whining nobles 
in my life to be able to pull it off when I need to," he teased. "We will get 
out of here...I promised you that, and we will. When the time is right, which I 
hope is soon," he said taking a bit of his own soup. It had little flavor but it 
was food. He handed a chunk of the hard bread to Haldir that was much larger 
than his own, knowing that Haldir needed the food more than he did at this 
point. 

Taking the bread, Haldir brought it up to his lips and started to dig in. He 
noticed that his piece was much larger that Faramir’s and immediately began 
shaking his head. Tearing off a chuck, he handed it back to Faramir. “I see what 
you are doing,” he smiled. “But we are in this together, and you need your 
strength as well as I. Eat, my friend. It isn’t much, but it is the best they 
have given me in months, and I have more than enough to fill my stomach.” 

Faramir eyed the bread for a moment before taking it and setting it on the tray. 
"You need to heal, you need the food more than I do, such as it is. I'll just 
set it on the tray and we can decide if we are still hungry later. We can always 
split it," he said softly. He had hoped Haldir hadn't noticed what he was doing, 
he didn't want to offend him, and was greatly relieved when Haldir had smiled 
about it. Faramir just could not help himself. Haldir had already been through 
so much, and just little things like that seemed the least he could do. But the 
Elf was right. Tomorrow could be the day they come for Faramir instead. They 
both needed their strength. From now on he supposed that would be the hardest 
part. The fear and the worry that the person sitting next to you would be taken 
away...beaten and tortured...or would it be yourself? Either way, it left a fist 
of cold dread in the pit of Faramir's stomach. He'd already grown to like and 
care about Haldir. He would rather they did come for himself, even though he 
knew he could not heal as quickly as the Elf, he did wish to spare him...for at 
least another day. 

//Gods, what a noble man he is. He has no idea what they are capable of…and I 
pray to the Valar that he never does. I wonder…does he offer this out of 
friendship or pity? Or does he simply not wish for me to be a burden any longer 
than I have to?// Haldir chewed quietly on the hard bread as he stared down at 
the floor. //I wonder if we can at least be friends after this is over, 
assuming, of course, that we both survive?// With a sigh, he shifted on the cot 
and forced a smile back on his face. The smile was quickly erased as his leg hit 
the edge of the cot and he winced. “I think,” he began, telling himself to 
ignore the throbbing, “that since we are apparently going to have the day free, 
we could both use some more sleep in the coming hours. We should be prepared 
when the opportunity presents itself, whenever that might be.” 

Faramir was watching Haldir as he ate. He had found that his eyes hardly ever 
left the Elf, though it was easy to see why. Despite everything, Faramir found 
him beautiful. As he watched, he saw Haldir shift and wince as if in pain. "I 
think that you may be right about the rest but I also think you are in pain. Why 
didn't you tell me your leg was hurt?" he asked setting his bowl down and 
reaching out toward Haldir's torn breeches. 

Haldir’s eyes widened as Faramir reached out toward him. “It…it is nothing,” he 
said softly as his fingers closed lightly over Faramir’s wrist. “The wound on my 
leg is one of the more disgusting ones….it was from the warg, and you had enough 
on your hands dealing with the wounds I couldn’t see. There is no need to 
trouble yourself. It will heal when I sleep again, I think.” In fact, the wound 
on his leg was the one that still ached. He knew it was badly infected, but it 
was deep, and angry, and he honestly believed the sight would further disgust 
his new friend, even though he’d managed to disguise his feelings thus far. His 
fingers were still wrapped around Faramir’s wrist as their gazes met. 
“I…Please…it is the worst of the injuries. There isn’t much you can do.” 

Faramir looked up into worried blue eyes and shook his head, "Haldir, it is not 
nothing if it pains you...and...I told you last night neither YOU, nor your 
wounds disgust me. I consider you my friend and I only wish to help you. If you 
wish to wait until later after we have eaten, fine. But please, at least let me 
put what little is left of the salve on it and clean it properly. If it is 
infected, then it will never get better if it isn't cleaned, you know this," he 
said softly. "If you wish to treat it yourself, I understand, and I will guard 
your privacy while you do so then. I...I only wish to help you," he said 
pleadingly and laying his other hand over the top of Haldir's which still 
gripped his wrist. 

Haldir’s hand was engulfed in warmth and he felt his heart skip a beat as he 
looked into Faramir’s eyes. //I could fall in love with you, Faramir. Were it a 
different time, a different place…// His fingers tightened around Faramir’s 
wrist and he was at a complete loss for words. The lips before him looked so 
soft, so kind, so very sweet…Blinking away *those* thoughts, he released his 
hold on the man, and nodded. “It…it is not privacy that concerns me,” he said. 
“I…I would be grateful for your help. Your touch is gentle, and I would welcome 
anything to make this pain go away. Please…eat first, then I will lie back and 
trust myself to you, my friend.” 

Faramir swallowed hard as Haldir's eyes met his own and the words 'I will lie 
back and trust myself to you' made his heart almost stop in his chest. //I think 
I am beginning to understand why each time I look at you my heart skips a beat. 
Why I wish to protect you so.// He knew that he'd been lost the first moment 
he'd looked into those deep blue eyes and now he was more than certain. After a 
moment, he sat back and nodded pushing away his previous thoughts. "Thank 
you...I don't like to see you in pain," he said softly and picked up his bowl 
again to finish eating. 

//’I don’t like seeing you in pain.’ I only hope you, at least, have escaped by 
the time they come for me tomorrow, because I’m not sure I can hide how much 
pain I’m in when they return me.// Haldir wondered if Faramir were this caring 
with all his friends, and decided that he most likely was. //He barely knows me, 
yet he gives me his share of the food, doesn’t like seeing me in pain, takes 
care of me as one would take care of someone they cared deeply for. I know all 
men aren’t like this…he is a rare find indeed.// 

Quickly draining his bowl and the last of the water in his cup, he eyed the last 
of the bread. He was still starving, but had no desire to eat the last of their 
meager meal by himself. He reached over and tore the bread in half and offered 
it to Faramir. “Share this with me?” he asked softly. 

Faramir smiled and nodded, "Thank you." He wished that Haldir would take the 
whole piece for himself, but he knew there would be no way to convince him to do 
so. Chewing the bread slowly, Faramir leaned against the wall at the head of the 
cot. He changed from the common tongue to Elvish so he could speak of their 
escape plans. "How many of them usually come for you?" he asked softly. He 
feared that someone among the Haradrim might know some Elvish and pick up on 
what they were discussing. 

“Usually only three now,” Haldir said as he settled back against the wall. “At 
first they always sent more…but that was when I was stronger. They’ll probably 
send at least five tomorrow…they’ll know I’ve had a full day to heal. I always 
try to fight them, but…sometimes, after days of….of the games, I have very 
little strength left.” His face colored slightly as he confessed his weakness, 
and he toyed with the final bit of bread. “When they come, Faramir, I will go 
with them quietly this time. Please – you must remember your promise not to 
offer yourself in my stead. It would be….easier on me if I know that you will 
hold to your promise.” 

Faramir frowned and sighed deeply. "I will hold to my promise, though I do not 
wish to. I do see your point though, the longer I stay unharmed, the more chance 
we both have to get out of here. If both of us are battling injuries it will be 
more difficult. I don't like it...but...I fear it will be the only way for us to 
escape. I do know that Gondor's armies are mounting an offensive in several more 
days. If we time our escape right, we might be able to get away more easily 
because the Haradrim will be distracted trying to hold their position in these 
caves. Plus...I know my way around them. If we can get out of this cell and into 
the main passage way, I know a way that we can get out undetected if they have 
not found it," he said softly. He hated the idea of Haldir being hurt again but 
resigned himself to the fact that there was little choice. 

Haldir reached out and clasped Faramir’s hand, glad, at least that he wouldn’t 
have to worry about him when the guards came the next morning. “Thank you,” he 
smiled. “You have no idea how much of a relief it is to hear you say that.” He 
shifted again and drew in a sharp breath as his leg hit the metal edge of the 
cot again, automatically squeezing Faramir’s hand until the pain passed. “I…if 
you have finished, I think maybe some of that ointment would help. I thought my 
night of rest would heal me completely, but the infection in my leg must be 
worse than I thought. Are you sure you want to do this? It is…not pleasant.” 

Faramir felt himself wince right along with Haldir as he hit his leg against the 
side of the cot. He felt him tighten his grasp and tightened his own to offer 
him comfort. "Yes, I want to help you, Haldir. There are many things in life 
that aren't pleasant but that have to be done. You need to heal, were you a man 
you could lose your leg," he said softly. Standing up, he pulled Haldir forward 
slightly as his other hand picked up their tray. "Just lay down and try to 
relax," he whispered. Crossing the small cell, he set the tray by the door and 
then returned to the cot. Reaching under it, he pulled out the small jar of 
salve. There was only a small amount left and he prayed it would be enough. He 
went to the bucket and reached under his tunic to tear a piece of his undertunic 
off, and then poured clean water over it and returned to Haldir's side. "I'll 
cover you with the sheet if you like, and you can just lower your breeches 
enough for me to treat the wound. I do not wish to take your dignity in this, my 
friend," he whispered gently. 

Haldir lay back on the cot and nodded. At least he would get to keep his last 
shred of self-respect with Faramir, though he suspected that too would be gone 
the next day when he was returned to his cell. He waited for Faramir to pull the 
sheet over his lower body and reached down to unlace the leather laces on his 
breeches. 

Slowly, he lifted his hips and slid the thin fabric down his hips. Gritting his 
teeth as the material pulled away from the gaping wound on his leg, he felt a 
cold sweat engulf him. “It’s…it’s very tender,” he ground out between clenched 
teeth. 

Faramir sucked in a breath as he looked at the angry bite wound. It was deep, 
and it was infected. "I can see that it is...you are very lucky you are an Elf," 
he scolded softly. "This...Gods, just cleaning it is going to hurt, dear one...I 
am sorry. Just...hold onto something," he warned as he wrung the wet rag over 
the wound to let fresh water pour over it. He bit his lip as he saw Haldir's 
muscles tighten and he wished that he could give him something, anything for the 
pain. The wound had not closed and he wondered at that. "How long ago did this 
happen?" 

The pain in Haldir’s leg was momentarily forgotten as the words ‘dear one’ 
filtered through his mind. //It is most likely a term he uses with anyone to 
soothe them…don’t read more into it than that.// He blinked and focused on 
Faramir’s question, although the warmth that had suffused his body at the sweet 
endearment lingered. “It was…two days ago, I think. Maybe three. I tried to 
clean it, but you saw the state of the water they gave me, so I doubt it did 
much more than make matters worse.” His knuckles were white with the strain as 
he held on to the metal rim of the cot and tried to ignore the pain as the water 
trickled deeper into the gaping wound. “I *thought* it would have healed by now. 
I guess I am weaker than I thought.” 

Faramir frowned and wanted to curse those monsters for not even allowing Haldir 
to clean his own wounds. Leaning closer, Faramir looked at the wound trying to 
see what could be preventing it from closing. He swallowed hard and sat back 
looking at Haldir sadly. "I think...I think there is something in the wound," he 
whispered softly. "I...I don't want to hurt you...but I may have to." 

“Something….*in* it?” Haldir swallowed back the bile that rose in his throat. 
That would explain why it hadn’t healed, even with a full night of sleep. Taking 
the edge of the blanket, he rolled it up into a large wad and took a deep 
breath. “Do what you must mellonamin,” he whispered. “I trust you.” With that, 
he put the material in his mouth and clamped his teeth down, determined that he 
would not scream in front of Faramir. 

Faramir watched as Haldir prepared himself for the pain he'd have to endure. "I 
need...something to use as tool. If I had a dagger or...oh, I have an idea," he 
said softly. Sitting back he pulled his tunic off and began folding back the 
material cross the chest area. Pushing upwards from the back of the fabric, he 
could see the boning within the front of his tunic protrude. "We...use heavy 
padding that is secured on the ends with boning in our soldiers tunics. 
It...helps protect our soldiers from minor injuries and sometimes even prevents 
major ones. It's not much, but, the boning is clean and it is sturdy. I might be 
able to use it to remove whatever is embedded and not cause more damage," he 
explained and looked up triumphantly when he finally managed to pull the long 
piece of white bone from the material. It was thin but flexible and strong. He 
curved it over itself and tested it a few times to see if he really could grasp 
with it. "I think this will do it. I...wish there were a way to clean it 
properly but...I think it's probably cleaner than my own hands. Are you ready?" 
he asked worriedly. 

Haldir nodded and closed his eyes. “As ready as I’ll ever be,” he murmured 
through the cloth in his mouth as he took another deep breath and tried to steel 
himself for the pain he knew would come. 

Faramir also took a deep breath and wished he had more light to work with. He 
leaned over the wound and as gently as possible, slid the boning into it, 
grasping whatever was embedded in the tissue and muscle and carefully as he 
could withdrew it. Several times the item slipped from his grasp and he had to 
try again. He could see the agony in Haldir's eyes and kept whispering to him. 
"I am sorry, almost done. You are doing so well, dear one. Just a little bit 
more," he whispered as he finally managed to pull what looked to be a warg tooth 
from Haldir's thigh. "Gods," he gasped and threw it and the boning aside with a 
shudder. As quickly and as carefully as he could he continued to clean the wound 
of the fresh blood and yellow pus, which pulling the tooth out had withdrawn 
with it. Faramir felt his meager dinner try to come back on him and swallowed 
hard. "Almost done," he whispered again and then smoothed the salve over and 
within the wound, then bound it with a bandage torn from his undertunic, which 
the side of was nearly gone to the chest now. "I'm sorry," he whispered again, 
feeling horrible for having to hurt Haldir even more. 

Haldir lay pale and shivering on the cot, weak from the pain the procedure had 
caused him. He opened his eyes and moved his hand to pull the fabric away from 
his face as he gave Faramir a feeble smile. “Nothing…to be sorry for…” he 
murmured. “It will heal now. I’m …sorry you had to do that though, my friend. 
You look as pale as I feel.” 

Faramir shook his head. "You look pretty pale yourself. I am far from a field 
surgeon...by any stretch of the imagination. I'm sorry if I wasn't gentle 
enough...I did try to be. I didn't wish to hurt you anymore than you already 
have been," he said softly. He could feel tears sting at his eyes and looked 
away, pulling on his tunic and then moving away from the cot to throw the dirty 
rag along with the tooth and boning onto the tray. //Let them see. The 
monsters.// He kicked at the door and walked back to the cot to wait on them to 
remove the tray. "Do...do you need some water...or...well not much else I can 
offer. Space perhaps, so you can rest?" he asked suddenly feeling unsure of 
himself. 

“You were as gentle as you could possibly have been,” Haldir said softly, 
thinking that he saw Faramir’s eyes fill with tears for just a moment before he 
turned away. “I…honestly, I would like to get some sleep. I think it would speed 
my healing, but…Gods, I hate to ask you this…” His voice trailed off and his 
face colored. //I cannot ask him to hold me again. We are warriors, not children 
who are afraid of the dark.// “Never mind, mellonamin. I just need some rest. I 
doubt you are tired already.” 

"Hate to ask me what?" Faramir asked seeing Haldir's face color and not 
understanding why. "I am not tired, though I did intend to watch over your sleep 
again. The same as last night, I think it is a good arrangement. I watch over 
you and you...watch over me," he said softly. 

Haldir stared at the young Ranger for a moment, wondering how on all of Arda he 
could be so caring, so gentle and compassionate, when he should, by all rights, 
be concerned only by his own escape. Instead, he was promising to help a perfect 
stranger, caring for him and watching over him as he slept. “I…like that 
arrangement as well,” he smiled. “I was going to ask that you do that…watch over 
me so that I might heal. I will only need a few hours, then I think I should be 
strong enough to watch over you for the night.” 

"We shall see then. I am quite awake now from my rest today...so I'll watch over 
you and once you wake up you can take over for me," Faramir smiled. "Would...do 
you wish it as we did last night and today...for me to share the cot...or for me 
to sit in the floor? The cot is more comfortable but I know you are hurting, if 
you rather rest alone that is fine as well. Whatever helps you the most is all I 
care about," he explained. 

“I honestly don’t think I could sleep with you on the floor again,” Haldir said 
shyly, realizing that Faramir didn’t think him weak. Gingerly pulling his 
breeches back up over his thighs, he continued as he laced them up. “It’s 
just…the nightmares. I kept dreaming of the things they did, or the wargs, or 
being captured, or my family being hurt….but you seemed to keep the dreams away. 
If you’re sure you wouldn’t mind…I would be honored to share the cot with you 
again.” 

"And I would be honored to guard your dreams, dear one," Faramir said smiling 
brightly. Carefully crawling into the cot, he made sure he didn't cause Haldir 
even more pain by jostling him. "Rest and dream of happier times, mellonamin," 
he whispered, brushing a lock of pale gold hair from Haldir's cheek. 

Haldir smiled and curled against Faramir, feeling safe and warm, and loving the 
feeling of the gentle fingers moving in his hair. One arm snaked sleepily around 
Faramir’s waist and he gave a contented sigh. Burying his face in the soft folds 
of Faramir’s tunic, he felt his exhausted body relax once again into a peaceful 
slumber, a small smile on his face as he realized how good it felt to be in 
Faramir’s arms again. //Oh yes, Faramir. I could love you so easily…maybe…I 
already do…// 

Faramir couldn't repress a soft sigh as Haldir moved closer and curled up 
against him. Running his fingers through his hair, he looked up from the 
beautiful face resting against him toward the door. //Please don't come for him 
tomorrow. Please, just leave him be. He's been through enough.// He hoped his 
prayers would be answered but he didn't have much hope in them. He knew the only 
hope was what he could guarantee. If he could somehow get a weapon...then they 
could make their escape. His mind rolled over the possibilities until he felt 
Haldir shiver in his arms from his dreams and whispered to him. "I am here, my 
dear one. I won't let anything happen to you while you slumber. Rest easy," he 
whispered. And then paused as he looked down at Haldir's face. //My love. For 
that you are, my dearest love.//

*****
Chapter 4

Faramir lay holding Haldir close and listening to the sounds in the outer 
passage way. His friend's breathing was low and even and he was glad to see him 
resting after everything that had happened. After several hours, he heard sounds 
outside their cell, the footfalls of their guards and tensed. 

"Haldir....someone's coming," he whispered shaking him slightly. 

Haldir’s eyes flew open and he froze. //No…it’s too soon!// He noticed there was 
very little light coming through the window above Faramir’s shoulder…//They 
never come for me in the evening…never…Gods, don’t let them be here for 
Faramir!!!// He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer to the Valar for 
Faramir’s safety, then turned toward the cell door, still locked safely in 
Faramir’s embrace. His heart began to pound in his chest as his back pressed 
against the young captain, trying to make sure Faramir didn’t try to shield him 
from their wrath as well as reveling in the protective embrace that he was loath 
to give up so soon. Unable to suppress a shiver, he stared, wide-eyed at the 
door, holding his breath as he waited for the inevitable sound of the lock 
turning and the door flinging open. 

Faramir wrapped his arms protectively around Haldir and held him close as he 
turned toward the door. They both listened in silence as the footfalls passed 
their cell door by. Faramir felt himself relax slightly but then heard another 
cell down the hall unlocking and the door banging back against the wall. He felt 
Haldir flinch in his arms and he pressed his lips close to his ear. "They have 
someone else it seems," he whispered softly. "Poor soul." 

He felt sorry for the now pleading captive in the other cell, they could hear 
the sounds of scuffling and cursing as they were dragged from the cell and along 
the passage past their door and onwards. As sorry as he felt for the other 
prisoner, he could not help feeling relieved that it was not Haldir that they 
had come for. 

He felt Haldir shiver in his arms and whispered again, "I've got you now...they 
won't hurt you right now," he whispered reassuringly knowing that he would not 
be able to keep that promise another time. When they came for Haldir next time, 
he would not be able to protect him and it broke his heart. 

The only thing that seemed to keep Haldir grounded was Faramir’s arms around 
him, and the soft murmurs and reassurances that were whispered in his ears. 
Without further thought, he turned back around and buried his face in Faramir’s 
chest, shivering violently as the screams began. Despite the sounds down the 
hall, he *felt* safe, and he was desperate to hold on to that feeling for just a 
little longer. Deep down, in the part of him he didn’t want to acknowledge, he 
was thankful that at least this time, it wasn’t him or Faramir. Seeing Faramir 
hurt would surely hurt a hundred times more than the beatings he had received 
almost every day, but just for now…they were both safe, and for that, he was 
more grateful than he could say. 

As Haldir had rolled over and buried his face against his chest, Faramir felt 
his eyes well up with tears and rested his chin against pale golden hair. He was 
grateful that it wasn't Haldir being hurt, but with each scream from the other 
prisoner, he felt his heart rip in half. Haldir *had* endured this same 
treatment. "I am truly a horrible person because I am glad that is someone else 
screaming and not you, dear one," he admitted softly and pulled Haldir closer to 
himself. His hand traveled lightly up and down Haldir's arm as he spoke. "I 
should not be glad at another's pain, but while I feel sorry for them, I am glad 
that it is not you." 

Shivering in Faramir’s arms, Haldir simply snuggled even closer and moved his 
head to the crook of Faramir’s neck. //I don’t know why he cares, but I am so 
thankful that he does, if only for this moment, if only for today.// His arms 
were locked around the Ranger and he flinched each time he heard the loud 
screams, but he closed his eyes and shook his head. “You are not horrible,” he 
said softly as he fought back his tears, his face still buried against Faramir’s 
neck. “I…I was thanking the Valar that they hadn’t come for either of us. I 
thought it was selfish, but Gods…it feels so….strange not to hurt, if only for a 
day…so good to feel safe for a change. I…” His words were cut off by a 
particularly loud scream from down the hall and he burrowed back against 
Faramir’s chest. “I couldn’t stand it if they took you,” he sobbed quietly. 
“Please…say what you must, tell them again of your title, of your bloodline…just 
don’t let them take you, Faramir. I could not bear it.” 

Faramir's tears finally fell as Haldir spoke and he nodded as they slipped down 
his face. "Anything. Anything for you, Haldir. If it would pain you so to see me 
hurt, I will do whatever I can, but...if it comes to a choice between you and 
myself...I cannot make that choice. Please, I couldn't. Please understand that I 
cannot choose myself over you. You....your life is worth more than mine...you 
are an Elf...immortal. One of the first born...please don't ask me to choose 
myself over you, because I could not. I am mortal and I have prepared myself my 
whole life, knowing that death would one day take me, be it on the battlefield 
or old in my bed. Please, do not ask of me what I cannot give," he pleaded. 

“I will make the choice,” Haldir whispered as his tears soaked the front of 
Faramir’s tunic. “You will not have to chose, I swear. I could not live knowing 
that you gave yourself to them in my place. It would surely kill me to hear them 
doing to you what they are doing to that poor soul down the hall. I will survive 
whatever they do to me, I will, but I would not survive hearing them beating 
you.” //I love you, Faramir….I love the way you’re holding me, calling me your 
dear one, protecting my dreams, the way you smile. I think I loved you from the 
first moment I looked at you. I know you can care for me as no more than a 
friend, and I know I will never be able to tell you, but I do…I do love you, and 
I will die before I let them touch you.// He continued sobbing quietly, holding 
on to Faramir for dear life. 

Faramir pulled Haldir even closer and simply rocked him in his arms. He had no 
words anymore, as each scream rent the air they flinched into one another's 
embrace. After what seemed an eternity, the screams died out to whimpers and 
they heard footfalls in the passageway again, as the other prisioner was dragged 
back to their cell. Faramir could see under the door of their own cell as feet 
passed, the dragging legs of the one they had tortured for the last few hours. 
"It is over," he whispered to Haldir as they heard the cell door slam shut and 
the other captive weeping softly down the hall. 

Haldir slowly looked up into Faramir’s eyes, his own eyes red and swollen. 
“Finally,” he murmured, trying to block out the sobs that wafted back to their 
ears. He listened for the guards to walk by their door again and relaxed again 
for the first time in hours back into Faramir’s arms when the footfalls had 
passed without stopping. 

“We’ll be back for you tomorrow, Elf!” The words were cackled from the beyond 
their cell door and Haldir trembled once again and closed his eyes as the front 
door of their prison slammed shut. 

Faramir tensed when their captors called out to Haldir and he shook his head. "I 
have to get a weapon....somehow....we have to get out of here, Haldir. I can't 
stand by and watch you being hurt...I simply cannot. I don't know how yet, but I 
intend to find a way. I will get us out of here...I promise," he whispered as 
Haldir drew closer shivering from the threats. 

Drawing in a deep breath, Haldir nodded. “I know you will,” he whispered. “I had 
given up hope before you came, but we *will* escape, I have no doubt.” Forcing 
himself to breathe and relax, he realized he had soaked Faramir’s tunic. Only 
then did it register in his mind that Faramir had been crying as well. //Gods, 
how he must pity me! How pathetic I must look to his eyes!// “I…I am fine now,” 
he murmured hoarsely. “If you want to sleep now, I will watch over you. I was…” 
Closing his eyes, he knew he couldn’t lie…not to Faramir. “I was afraid…I just 
kept remembering everything they’d done…and…I’m sorry. I am fine now, truly.” 

Faramir sighed softly, "You have nothing to be sorry for, and being afraid after 
what has been done to you is perfectly natural, Haldir," he whispered. Slowly 
tipping Haldir's face up to look into his eyes, Faramir smiled sadly, "I know 
you are not fine, you are still trembling, dear one. Please, just rest. I do not 
think any less of you for reacting the way you have, you do know that don't you? 
You are the strongest person I have ever met, to have endured such treatment for 
so long, and to still be the kind, beautiful Elf that you are. I am not yet 
tired, you rest. Sleep while you can, build your strength for when we can get 
out of here. I need you, Haldir. I cannot escape on my own," he whispered. 

Gazing into mesmerizing blue eyes, Haldir could barely find his voice. For a 
single moment, he forgot where they were, forgot their captors, forgot his 
wounds, and he wished, more than anything, that he could simply press his lips 
against Faramir’s, hold him tight and never let him go. He looked down quickly 
as his face flushed, and he curled back up against the Ranger’s warmth, hoping 
that his thoughts hadn’t been apparent in his eyes. “I am no longer strong nor 
beautiful,” he said softly, “but I will not fail you, Faramir, and I know that 
you don’t think less of me. When the time is right, we *will* escape. I know 
that.” 

Faramir frowned and shook his head. "You are strong and you are beautiful...to 
me," he whispered so very tempted to press a kiss against Haldir's forehead but 
afraid to do so. Instead, he simply hugged him tighter against him. "We will 
escape...do you know how I know? Because you will show me your Golden Wood, and 
I would very much like to see it. And...I wish to see you in the sunlight, away 
from this dark place. I can only imagine what your lovely hair would look like 
in the sunlight," he whispered boldly and almost feeling silly for it, but he 
wanted Haldir to know he did see him as beautiful. For some reason it felt 
important to Faramir that Haldir know for certain that he did not look at him as 
he did others, though he wasn't sure he could tell him why. //He would think I 
was mad if I told him that I was in love with him.// 

Slowly, Haldir’s face tilted up and he looked at Faramir in disbelief. //Maybe, 
once we are free from this place, he *could* love me, despite the scars and my 
obvious lack of courage?// “I would love to show you the Golden Wood,” he said 
shyly as a soft smile touched his face. “And I would love to see you in the 
sunlight as well. //I have no doubt you would be even more breathtaking than you 
are now.// Maybe…maybe our….friendship will not come to an end after we escape 
this place and…you could also show me Minas Tirith?” 

Faramir smiled, "Our friendship will not end, of that I am certain, " he said 
softly. "I would be honored to show you my home as well, and anywhere else you'd 
want to go with me." Faramir took a deep breath and tried to force the words 
that he wanted to say from spilling from his lips. He wanted to tell Haldir how 
he felt, that he could not imagine leaving his side. He had been in a few minor 
relationships in his life, but he had never felt the depth of emotion with them 
as he felt simply holding Haldir close. //Can you love someone so deeply, so 
quickly? Apparently, you can, because I do love you. From the moment your eyes 
met mine...but I don't think you are prepared to hear those things yet.// He was 
drawn from his thoughts when he heard the prisoner who'd been beaten earlier 
whimper again. "When...when they...when they beat you...they don't...do 
they...Gods, I can't even ask it. You had no marks other than the warg bite 
below your waist...they do not...harm you… more than beat you do they?" he 
fumbled the question badly and bit his bottom lip in frustration.

Haldir’s head rested comfortably on Faramir’s arm and he realized how much 
trouble Faramir was having asking this question. //Gods, no…I know you could 
never love me if they did *that*.// “No,” he said, shaking his head, and looking 
down at his fingers, which were playing idly with the folds of fabric on 
Faramir’s tunic. “They haven’t raped me. At least…not yet. They wanted to…they 
started to on my first day here, but Altair – the guard who brought the clean 
water and the ointment – he reminded them that I would fade if they did…*that*. 
That they would lose their plaything. So…they decided to leave me alone. The 
other prisoner though…I think he is an Elf as well, and I think they take him. 
Once he fades….well, one of the guards revels in telling me that they will have 
no choice but to take their chances and….and…take me…when the other prisoner 
dies.” //I only pray that you, at least, will be long gone if that comes to 
pass.// 

Faramir stiffened and his arms tightened around Haldir. "Fade? I...I thought 
that was a myth," he gasped. "I...Gods they cannot do that to you, 
I...I...lo...no...Gods no," he rambled slightly not even realizing how tightly 
he was holding Haldir. His heart felt like it would break in two and he felt 
tears gather in his eyes once again. "I will do everything I can to keep that 
from happening to you," he said softly against Haldir's hair. 

Slightly shocked by the fervor in Faramir’s words and his embrace, Haldir 
nevertheless held him back just as tightly, loving the way they fit together, 
and loving the feeling of having someone truly care for him for the first time 
in a long while. He had decided weeks ago that as soon as the prisoner down the 
hall was too weak to pleasure them, or he faded beyond their grasp, that he, 
Haldir, would be next. As disgusting as that thought was, he’d resigned himself 
to his fate, but now…now he was scarred, but untouched by the Haradrim in an 
intimate manner, and there was hope, something to look forward to should he 
escape. Faramir *seemed* to care for him, and Haldir could easily imagine how it 
would feel to be with Faramir in every way…Gods, he wanted that. //We must 
escape…we must, before they ruin me completely for Faramir. At least now there 
is a chance, however slim it may be.// 

Faramir finally realized how tight he was holding Haldir and relaxed slightly. 
"I am sorry, you need your rest. Let us not speak of this anymore tonight. Go to 
sleep, dear one. I will watch over you, //I will always watch over you, until I 
draw my last breath I will love you//" Faramir took a deep breath and looked 
back up at the door. He wished he had a weapon, a means of protecting Haldir 
from the monsters on the other side of their cell door. //Soon. We will escape 
here soon. The Gondorians will mount their offensive in two more days if I have 
not lost track, we will be able to slip away then. I am sure of it. Just two 
more days...please just hold the wolves at bay for that long.// 

Haldir tried to stifle a yawn and nodded. He knew Faramir would keep him safe…as 
safe as he possibly could, and he knew that no one would sneak up on him as long 
as he was in Faramir’s arms. “Don’t worry about me,” he whispered. “You just 
worry about a plan to get us out of here, and keep yourself safe. I will be fine 
now that….I have you.” His words drifted off, and he was sound asleep moments 
later, where the only dreams to find him were dreams of Faramir and the future 
they could possibly have, if, indeed, they escaped, and if, indeed, Faramir was 
interested. 

Faramir smiled and pressed a soft kiss against Haldir's forehead. "You do...you 
do have me," he whispered knowing that Haldir was already asleep. Again his eyes 
lifted to the door and he prayed to the Valar that tomorrow they would be too 
busy to come for Haldir. He prayed his Rangers would keep them busy. //Just 
another few days...please.//
~~~ 
Faramir lay awake all night, just as he'd done the night before, guarding 
Haldir's sleep. And just as the night before, Haldir had moaned and writhed in 
his sleep from nightmares, and just as before, Faramir held him close and 
whispered soft, soothing words and a few innocent endearments to calm the 
frightened Elf. 

When a few rays of dim sunlight began to appear on the floor of their cell, 
Faramir heard the scrape of the outer passageway door. He tensed listening as 
the footsteps came closer and he realized there were several pairs. //No...Gods. 
No!// He tightened his arms around Haldir and whispered, "Haldir...wake up, dear 
one. I think they are coming," he said giving the Elf a slight shake to stir him 
and hating himself for it. He decided he'd rather Haldir wake to a friendly face 
than theirs though. He didn't know what he wanted to do or say and though he 
didn't like it, he would hold to his promise to Haldir. But he would *not* be 
silent. 

One moment, Haldir was dreaming about his talan in the Golden Wood – he and 
Faramir were curled up together, wearing nothing but blankets around their 
waists, talking and laughing, and he was feeding ripe berries to Faramir one by 
one. The next moment, he was gently pulled from his dream, and automatically 
drew closer to Faramir, blissfully unaware, for the first instant of wakefulness 
where he was. “Meleth, it *can’t* be morning already,” he murmured. 

Slowly, his mind registered that his bed partner, while still the same person he 
was dreaming about, was fully clothed, and they were about as far from the 
Golden Wood as they could possibly be. //Gods…it’s morning already…they’re 
coming for me!// His first instinct was to simply cling to Faramir and pray that 
this was a dream, but he knew better…he knew this was real, and likely to be a 
replay of almost every morning from the past four months. Careful to keep the 
terror from his face, he looked up at Faramir for a moment and nodded. “You 
promised,” he said softly. “I will go with them…please, just stay here and don’t 
anger them…please.” 

Faramir felt his heart swell in his chest when Haldir's soft voice spoke the 
word 'meleth', until he realized he probably was not aware he'd spoken the word 
to *him*. Swallowing hard, he bit his lip and nodded. "I...I'll...I'll be here 
when you return, and I will take care of you, at least you will have someone to 
take care of you this time," he said for lack of anything better. The footsteps 
grew closer and they sat up together to face the door. 

The simple fact that Faramir would be here when he returned lifted Haldir’s 
heart a bit, but he couldn’t help but worry that Faramir would pity him even 
more when he saw the state he would be in. Taking a deep breath, he was grateful 
that he’d managed to at least gain Faramir’s promise…he would take solace in 
that fact when the pain was at it’s worst. 

Slowly, the door opened, and Haldir felt his mouth go dry. Five guards entered 
the room wearily…they knew Haldir always put up as much as a fight as possible, 
and now they had this Ranger to contend with as well. 

Without a word, Haldir stood, and gave Faramir an encouraging smile. “Avosto, 
mellonamin,” (Do not worry, my friend), he said too softly for the guards to 
hear. He took a step toward the guards and stopped in the middle of the room, 
where he removed his tunic and threw it onto the cot next to Faramir. After his 
first day, he realized that the clothes on his back were the only ones he would 
see for a while, and, rather than have them torn to shreds, he always left the 
shirt in his cell. Thankfully, the beatings to his lower half had been minimal, 
and through his breeches, and, thanks to Altair’s orders, he had not been 
ordered to remove *them*…yet. 

Haldir looked toward the guards and squared his shoulders. “I will not fight you 
today,” he said firmly. He’d already planned on making them mad enough at him, 
that taking Faramir instead would never cross their minds. With a sneer, his 
eyes met the first guard’s. “Do your worst, pig,” he spat.

Faramir gritted his teeth and glared at the guards as Haldir stood bravely 
before them. It went against everything in him to remain seated on the cot. His 
fingers wrapped around the edge, gripping it until his knuckles were white. He 
would not betray the promise he had made but it was killing him. One of the 
guards looked at him and he raised his chin and returned the glare. 

"We can't touch you, Ranger. We have our orders...but if they should change, 
I'll personally enjoy repaying you for this," the guard said indicating his eye. 

Faramir smiled slightly, "Perhaps next time we could try a fair fight since your 
friends were holding me down," he said defiantly. One of the other guards cursed 
him in Haradic and Faramir answered the curse, surprising all of them. He bit 
his tongue not to say anything in defense of Haldir knowing that it would only 
make his torment worse. 

Haldir had to bite his tongue to keep the smile from his face as the guards 
looked at Faramir in stunned disbelief. After a moment, he moved forward again, 
hands held straight out in front of him for the leather cuffs they always led 
him from the room in. The first guard eyed him suspiciously, but bound his 
wrists tightly in the cuffs and nodded. A second guard grabbed a handful of 
Haldir’s hair and jerked his head back as his put his mouth next to the Elf’s 
ear. “We are going to have a lot of fun today, Elf,” he smirked. “Our other 
plaything faded away last night…and, with him gone, and Altair on patrol, 
there’s really no one to protect your virtue, is there? Of course, we must 
‘play’ first…don’t think we’d forget *that*.” 

Haldir’s heart fell as the guard’s putrid breath wafted across his skin. //So it 
has come to this. I am so sorry Faramir…I was foolish to think we could be 
together…now I know there is no chance. I will still love you, but I will never 
burden you with that knowledge.// He prayed Faramir hadn’t heard the guard’s 
words as he was dragged from the room, his heart in his throat, and his stomach 
feeling sick at the very idea of what was to come. 

Faramir watched as one of the guards whispered against Haldir's ear and had to 
tighten his grip even more on the cot. Every fiber of his body screamed at him 
to push the guard away, to fight, to protect Haldir, but he knew there was no 
way. They were armed and he wasn't, and two against five weren't good odds at 
all with Haldir still recovering. His eyes fixed on the wounds on Haldir's back 
that were just healing and he wanted to scream at them to leave him be. Instead, 
he sat biting his bottom lip, watching them walk the stoic Elf from the room. 
Haldir wasn't even putting up any fight at all and Faramir felt his heart break 
for him. //I'd kill them all for you, if I could.// 

The guard led Haldir to a different room…not the usual ‘playroom’. Normally, 
they attached the cuffs to a hook high up on the wall, and then secured his feet 
with leather straps near the floor. This time, however, they lead him to a 
larger room with a huge wooden table in the middle. The far edge of the table 
had hooks, as did the front legs. //So…this is how they plan to take me. I hope 
that they will either kill me today, or that I shall fade quickly, and spare 
Faramir from having to tend to me. He is so caring and gentle…I think this would 
break his heart, whether he cared for me or not.// 

Haldir was roughly pushed toward the table, and he resisted the urge to fight. 
His face was ground into the wood as his hands were secured and, to his utter 
humiliation, he felt his breeches being pulled from his legs. Stifling a cry as 
dirty hands passed roughly over the wound on his leg, he closed his eyes and 
felt his legs being pulled apart and secured to the legs of the table. Taking a 
deep breath, he again prayed to fade quickly, and filled his mind with memories 
of Faramir’s smile…and dreams of things being different, so that they might have 
had a chance. The smile was still on his face as the first guard brought the 
whip down across his shoulders and the second began to undress.

Once the guards closed and locked the cell door, Faramir got up from the cot, 
unable to stay still as thoughts of what they were doing to Haldir ran through 
his mind. He heard sounds coming from down the hall, the unmistakable sound of a 
whip slapping against flesh, but did not hear a cry. 

He bit his lip and closed his eyes. "Gods, Haldir I'm so sorry," he whispered. 
He spotted Haldir's tunic on the cot and picked it up, clutching it to his chest 
as he paced. One of the guards looked in the cell and he cast him a dirty look. 
"Does it make them feel like bigger men?" he asked. The guard snorted and 
Faramir ground his teeth and cursed him in Elvish. 

How could he face Haldir? He'd just sat there and LET them take him...even if he 
had promised. They had to get out, but now, there was no chance for escape 
tonight. Not with the sounds from down the hall...they were beating him more and 
more. He could hear the lashes falling swifter and swifter and each one made 
Faramir flinch and his rage build. Until finally....finally he heard the most 
heart wrenching scream pierce the air and he fell to his knees. Rocking back and 
forth, clutching Haldir's tunic to his chest, he wept for the one he loved and 
could do absolutely nothing to save. 

The guards beat Haldir for over an hour, this time not only on his back, but 
from his ankles up to his shoulders and every point in between. He thought 
nothing could be worse than the pain he was in, until they stopped. The room was 
deathly silent for a moment, then the guards began to argue who would get to 
take the Elf first. 

As the first guard raped him, Haldir’s screams did nothing but encourage him to 
move faster and harder, and Haldir felt something in him begin to dim. He knew 
that although he would not die just then, he was fading already, and there was 
little that could be done to stop it. 

After the third guard took him, his body was filled with a strange numbness, and 
by the time they had all been satisfied, some more than once, his voice was 
hoarse from screaming and he could barely move. They quickly tired of him, 
seeing that the fight had gone out of him. The first guard unhooked his limp 
arms and legs from the hooks and two of them drug Haldir back to his cell where 
they unceremoniously threw him to the floor. 

“Here’s your filthy Elf back,” the second guard laughed as he threw Haldir’s 
breeches at Faramir. “He really wasn’t worth all the trouble…barely put up much 
of a fight as we fucked him…I was hoping for a bit more sport myself.” 

Faramir jumped up from the floor when he heard the commotion in the hall and 
quickly wiped the tears from his eyes. As the door flew open, Faramir had to 
duck as a pair of breeches, Haldir's breeches flew past his head, and Haldir was 
thrown into the cell battered and naked. 

Faramir couldn't contain his rage and flew forward toward the door snarling. 
"Monsters, all of you!" he yelled as they slammed the door. "I hope you all burn 
for this," he seethed, and cursed them in their own language.

Turning back to Haldir, he simply had no idea what to do. After all of that, 
would he even want Faramir to touch him at all? Going to the cot, he grabbed the 
cloth the guard from the first night had given them, and went to the shivering 
Elf. "Haldir? I...can...can I do anything?" he asked gingerly laying the 
material over him to give him back some sort of dignity. 

Haldir closed his eyes and curled up into a tight ball. He ached from head to 
toe, and all he could remember was how comforting Faramir’s embrace had been, 
how his gentle touch had soothed and calmed him almost at once. He was torn 
between not wanting to burden his new friend, and desperately yearning for any 
measure of comfort Faramir could offer, if, indeed, he was still willing. //I 
shouldn’t ask him to even touch me…but I will fade quickly now, and it would 
only be for a few days…maybe he would not mind? At least he will not have to 
worry about me…that should make his escape easier.// The pain was almost 
unbearable, and without even realizing it, Haldir’s hand had reached out and his 
fingers had curled around Faramir’s. “Help…me……?” he managed as he looked toward 
the cot, too ashamed to meet Faramir’s eyes. 

Faramir felt his heart break as Haldir's fingers wrapped around his own and 
nodded, trying to keep his tears from falling. "Of course, dear one, of course. 
I...I don't want to hurt you though," he whispered. Scooting closer, he leaned 
close to Haldir. "Wrap your arms around my neck," he whispered. When Haldir 
slowly responded to his request, Faramir gently scooped him into his arms and 
carried him to the cot. Laying him down as carefully as possible, he knelt 
beside his friend. "I am so sorry," he sobbed; unable to keep the tears at bay 
any longer. 

Haldir had cried countless tears of pain in the other room, but the tears that 
filled his eyes now were of heartbreak as he saw Faramir sobbing quietly beside 
him. Slowly, he reached one hand out to rest against the Ranger’s cheek and his 
thumb gently brushed away the tears. “Mellonamin,” he whispered, “there is 
nothing for you to be sorry for. Please…will you lie with me for a while? I am 
cold and so very tired…You can put the sheet between us…”//I don’t want to dirty 
you, my love…// He was determined to keep what little strength he had for as 
long as possible, and planned on trying to heal as much as he could in his sleep 
so they could take him to the playroom again the next morning…and every morning 
thereafter until Faramir escaped, just in case they forgot that the steward’s 
son was not to be abused. 

Faramir reached up and took Haldir's hand in his own. "Yes, I'll lay with you 
and offer you all the comfort I can," he whispered, amazed that Haldir even 
wanted anyone to touch him after...after what had been done to him. Faramir 
carefully crawled onto the cot and pulled Haldir into his arms, burying his face 
against his neck. "Rest, just rest...I...I won't hurt you, I'll never hurt you. 
Gods, I wish I could have stopped them," his tears fell against Haldir's neck. 
His anger and his heartache now that Haldir had told him that Elves do fade from 
being raped. He couldn't stand the idea of *this* Elf fading. He couldn't. 
Faramir already loved him too much for that. 

Before either of them knew it, one of the guards opened the door and set a 
bucket inside and a towel. He looked up to see the pair on the cot. //So that's 
how it is? I bet Nasir would like to know about this development.// With that 
the guard backed out of the room, shivering from the glare that the Ranger gave 
him. He knew from that look if the man had a weapon he would not stand a chance 
against the Ranger, such was the passion of hatred in that gaze. 

“There was nothing you could have done,” Haldir said as he clung to Faramir. “I 
know you’ll never hurt me…after I looked in your eyes the very first time, I 
knew that. This…just your holding me like this helps more than anything else 
ever could.” He could feel Faramir trembling in his arms and knew he was still 
crying as well. //Gods…how he must hate having to hold me! It’s selfish to want 
this, but I can’t help it…I can’t.// He wondered if maybe, at least knowing that 
Haldir wouldn’t be a burden for much longer would help or hinder Faramir’s peace 
of mind. //I wonder if he even knows just *how* filthy I am now?// Closing his 
eyes again, he burrowed closer, praying that Faramir wouldn’t mind, just this 
once. “Please, mellonamin…please…there was nothing you could do…please don’t 
cry.” 

Faramir nodded, and sighed heavily. "I know, I know...but...it breaks my heart 
seeing you hurt like this. They have no right, none at all. When we get out of 
this...there will be no quarter for Harad's prisoners. Not after this. Never 
again," he said coldly. "You just rest, if you need anything at all let me know. 
They...they brought fresh water and maybe a towel if you'd like to clean up 
later. Right now just rest, I've got you," he whispered. He was almost babbling 
he felt so unsure of himself. Everything that had seemed important to him before 
meeting Haldir, seemed to simply disappear and the only thing he found he 
wanted, the only thing he needed in his life, was right there in his arms. He 
didn't want to lose him. //Please don't die on me. Please don't fade away, 
Haldir. I love you.// 

Haldir could feel a peacefulness surround him as he lay in Faramir’s arms, a 
calmness, as if, without words, something was telling him that everything would 
be all right. It made the aches and pains fade just a bit, and he closed his 
eyes and took a deep breath. //Gods, Faramir, I think maybe I could have made 
you happy…I wish I could have at least tried.// “Faramir,” he whispered as his 
words began to slur and his exhausted body began to shut down. He wanted to be 
clean, to wash away *their* touch, but he was simply too tired to move, and 
there was no way he was going to let go of Faramir one moment sooner than he had 
to. “I’m so sorry.” 

"Sorry for what? You...Haldir, you have nothing to be sorry for, nothing at 
all," he said looking into Haldir's eyes and almost feeling his heart stop from 
the pain he saw there. "Nothing at all, dear one. Please don't be sorry," he 
repeated, and risked pulling him slightly closer. He was afraid he would hurt 
the Elf, but couldn't help himself. He pressed a tender kiss against Haldir's 
forehead. "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for." 

The gentle kiss to his forehead soothed Haldir even more and a small smile 
touched his lips. He felt himself drifting off to sleep, his face buried in 
Faramir’s neck, and his lips pressed against warm skin. “They will come for me 
again in the morning, mellonamin,” he whispered softly. “Remember your 
promise…you will not antagonize them. I will not fade for a few days…I know it’s 
hard for you, but you must hold to your word. You can still escape unharmed and 
send your men here to kill them.” 

Faramir tensed as Haldir spoke. His jaw ached from clenching his teeth together 
but he nodded. "Oh I will send an entire company and have them wiped off the 
face of Arda and take back control of these blasted caves and have them sealed 
forever. No one...no one else will ever have to face this again. I promise. 
Never again. You rest. Rest and please....please, hold on, mellonamin. I'd like 
you to be free at least, to have the sun on your face one last time. Will you 
try and hang on until I can get you out....at least for that?" Faramir pleaded. 

Haldir’s eyelids fluttered open and he pulled back just enough to look into 
Faramir’s eyes. //Gods, I don’t want to fade….I want to know what could have 
been with you Faramir….to just kiss you once, and tell you how very much I love 
you.// He reached up one hand and gently tucked Faramir’s hair behind his ear. 
“Aye,” he whispered. “I would like to feel the sun on my face again, and you 
said you wished to see me in the sunlight. But more than that, I have my heart 
set on seeing you in the sunlight as well. I will hold on for that. But if you 
can escape without me, you must…you can send your troops back, and I will be 
waiting for you.” 

"No...I will not leave this damnable place without you Haldir. If I have to 
carry you, I will, but I will get you out of here. I swear it," he whispered. 
Reaching up, he captured Haldir's hand as it withdrew from tucking his hair 
behind his ear and pressed his lips against the palm. "I swear it," he repeated. 
//I love you so much, Haldir. I'm not sure I can bear losing you. I will not 
leave you. I can't.// 

Shaking his head, Haldir started to argue, but his exhaustion overwhelmed him. 
He could swear he could still feel the warmth from the kiss on his hand 
radiating all the way up his arm, and would have given anything on Arda to have 
been able to return the kiss. //You are fading, and you will soon be gone. Don’t 
make this harder for both of you.// He talked himself out of the kiss, but his 
hand turned in Faramir’s and Haldir tangled their fingers together. He moved 
forward and buried his face in Faramir’s tunic again, whimpering as his back 
scraped across the rough fabric of the cot. “I will sleep, my friend, so you 
will not have to carry me. You should rest as well…there is nothing more you can 
do, and they won’t come for me until morning.” 

Faramir wasn't sure he *could* rest but he rested his chin against Haldir's head 
and closed his eyes. "I will rest too. Go to sleep now, my dear one. Sleep, and 
I will be here to guard your dreams," Faramir whispered softly. He felt Haldir's 
breath's even out against his chest and pulled him slightly closer. //I love you 
so very much. I wish there was more that I could do for you. Please, just hold 
on for me. Just long enough for us to escape this place.// 

Haldir was asleep in moments; the land of his dreams the only haven from the 
pain of his wounds. He slept deeply, and his body healed, though not as quickly 
as it had before. It was through sheer will alone that he kept the fading from 
overtaking him swiftly, and he kept his mind firmly on Faramir…the only good 
thing that he could manage to think about or picture right now. His hand never 
left Faramir’s and he gripped it tightly throughout the night, knowing that if 
Faramir left him, he would be lost forever.

*****

Chapter 5

The next time Haldir opened his eyes, the early morning sunlight was again 
streaming through their window. At first, he thought he’d only slept a few 
minutes, but after a moving around a bit, he realized that he wasn’t in quite as 
much pain as he had been when he’d went to sleep. Though the fading dramatically 
slowed the healing process, his determination to see this through to the end for 
Faramir’s sake had let the worst of the wounds heal a bit. He realized he’d been 
asleep for an entire day and night, and that soon, they would be coming for him 
again. 

He also realized that he’d had no nightmares the night before, thanks to the 
strong arms around him, and the sweet endearments Faramir had whispered 
throughout the night. He pulled back just enough to study the Ranger’s face, 
only wincing slightly when he realized that not *all* of his wounds had healed. 
He was still sore where they had taken him, and the deepest of the lashes still 
had not knitted together. Ignoring the pain for the moment, he made sure Faramir 
was asleep and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. “I will hold on for you, 
meleth,” he whispered softly. “For as long as I can, because I treasure every 
single moment I spend with you, even if we are in here, trapped behind these 
stone walls. I can never say the words when you are awake, but I’ll say them 
now. I love you. I love you more than you could possibly know, and I’m so sorry 
we never had a chance. I would have done my very best to make you happy.” 

Haldir simply stared at his love’s face for long moments, a wistful smile on his 
lips as the sun rose higher, and the rays of light moved deeper into the room. 
He heard the door at the far end of the hall slam, and he stiffened 
instinctively and closed his eyes. “Faramir…” he whispered, resting a hand on 
the Ranger’s shoulder, “mellonamin….//meleth//…wake up. They are here. It is 
time for me to go.” 

Faramir's eyes fluttered open and he stared at Haldir for a moment. "Go?" 
Sitting up, he looked around blinking a bit. "By the Valar, they cannot...not 
again...I can't stand to see you like this again," he said quickly and pulled 
Haldir into his arms, careful of his injuries. "I would give anything for my 
sword right now," he ground out. Taking a deep breath, he released Haldir 
reluctantly and they both stared at the door. 

Haldir sat on the edge of the cot and wrapped the blanket around him, tying it 
in a loose knot around his waist. There was no need for propriety anymore, they 
had already taken everything from him the day before, but he refused to let 
Faramir see him cross the room so submissively and completely naked from head to 
toe. He took a deep breath and stood up stiffly as the door was flung open and 
bounced off the stone wall behind it. “I will be fine,” he whispered to Faramir 
as he started across the room and held out his hands for the cuffs. 

"Haldir," Faramir whispered in defeat. Glaring up at the guards, he couldn't 
bite back the words that tumbled out. "Why are you doing this? Our soldiers 
don't do this to your prisoners!" Faramir said looking into the dark brown eyes. 
Before he could even say another word, two other guards stepped up to the cot. 
"You are to come this time, Ranger. Perhaps give us more lectures about how 
Gondor treats their prisoners maybe?" one of the guards said laughing. 

At the guard’s words, Haldir began fighting with every bit of strength he had. 
He had long ago broken the first cuffs they had used on him, but he was weaker 
now, and malnourished, and the leather cuffs they bound him with now were more 
than enough to make his struggles useless. “You were not to touch him!” he cried 
desperately as one of the guards got a firmer grip on the cuffs and the other 
grabbed a handful of his hair and pressed his face against the stone wall. He 
continued to plead, even as his lip split against the smooth stone and his arms 
were almost jerked out of their sockets. “He is the son of a steward! There will 
be a reward for his safe return! Please….just….I will do whatever you ask! You 
will not have to tie me down…I swear, I will not fight you, just leave him be!” 

"He didn't fight us at all yesterday, yet he fights for this Ranger," Nasir said 
smiling smugly. "The Ranger won't be harmed Elf....he is only going to watch. 
We've seen the two of you, we can't use him in our games but one way is as good 
as another as they say," he laughed as the guards pulled Faramir up. "Should we 
bind his hands, Nasir?" one of them asked and the other guard shook his head. "I 
doubt there is a need...do anything, Ranger and your precious Elf will meet his 
doom at the end of my knife!" Nasir warned and then strode out of the cell ahead 
of the others. 

Faramir felt his stomach flip at the thought of being forced to watch Haldir 
being...Oh Gods! 

"Not so quick to lecture now?" the guard said, pulling him along behind Haldir. 
Faramir’s eyes met his friend's for only a moment and he tried to convey how 
sorry he was with that single glance before the guards blocked his view. 

Haldir’s face was crimson with shame. The terror in his eyes turned to relief 
when they said Faramir would not be harmed, and as their eyes met, he tried to 
let the man he loved know, with one brief look, that he remembered his promise 
and would try to hold on, if, indeed, Faramir would even still wish for him to. 
Faramir, the only comfort he would have had in his last days would never be able 
to look at him again after this, but he would be safe. If he, Haldir, made it 
through this morning, he determined that he would go back to his cell and not 
subject Faramir to having to hold him and tend to him again. //I’m so sorry, my 
love. Please, please don’t pity me…don’t feel that you have to touch me when we 
return…it won’t change the way I feel about you, I swear.// The fight had gone 
out of him as soon as they said Faramir would not be harmed, and he meekly 
followed the guards to yet another room, avoiding Faramir’s eyes, and looking 
down at the floor as tears filled his own. 

Faramir tried not to think too much about where they were going and what they 
were going for, instead his mind began working on how to escape. He watched each 
of the guards, how they carried their weapons, where they carried them, and what 
type. They hadn't bound him, so he prayed at some point he might be able to do 
*something* he couldn't just stand by and watch them hurt Haldir. //Gods, I 
can't bear to watch that, what am I going to do? How will he ever be able to 
look at me again, standing there with his tormentors and doing nothing?// Once 
they entered the room he felt his stomach flip again. 

The guard leading Haldir jerked on the leather cuffs as soon as they were in the 
middle of the room. Haldir had been expecting to be forced back to a table, but 
apparently, they had other plans. The guard behind him kicked his legs from 
underneath him and he landed with a small cry, falling hard on his knees. 

Nasir, the guard he hated more than any of the rest, put his dagger to Haldir’s 
neck and grinned. “You move, we kill the ranger, Elf. I don’t care what he’s 
worth. We will beat him worse than we ever beat you, and kill him very, very 
slowly. Do you understand me?” 

Bile rose up in Haldir’s throat at Nasir’s words. He nodded and flinched when 
Nasir slapped him and forced his hands to the floor, leaving him on all fours 
against the cold stone. He would not fight, and he would not fade…not yet. 

Faramir barely managed to suppress a growl when the guard that had been 
addressed as Nasir slapped Haldir. He glared at the dark haired man and tried to 
avoid watching Haldir. He didn't want to watch this; he didn't want Haldir to 
feel his eyes on him too. Faramir tensed when they ripped the sheet around 
Haldir's waist off and the guards holding his arms tightened their grips. He 
forced his eyes back up, staring at a point on the far wall trying to block as 
much out as he could. For a moment he closed his eyes and sent a prayer to the 
Valar for Haldir's sake. 

"You ARE going to watch, Ranger," Nasir snapped at him. 

Faramir shifted his eyes to Nasir and ground his teeth to keep from saying 
something that would likely get them both killed. The room seemed charged, some 
of the guards seemed uncomfortable with this idea of Nasir's, and he could feel 
the tension in the room not just from himself and Haldir but even some of the 
guards. As if they knew, somehow this was pushing it all too far. The silence 
was almost deafening as they all waited for Nasir to do or say something. 

Haldir closed his eyes and waited, never in his life having felt so humiliated 
or disgraced. He dared not look at any of the guards or at Faramir. After long 
moments of silence, he heard Nasir roar at his guards and begin to remove his 
belt. 

“I see that I will get the first taste of you this morning, Elf,” Nasir 
snickered as he pushed his pants down his thighs and moved behind Haldir to 
settle between his legs. He took his dagger in one hand and rested it on the 
small of Haldir’s back, the blade dangerously close to his spine as his other 
hand stroked his already engorged arousal. “You! Ranger! You*will* watch this, 
or I will kill him…very, very slowly.” With that, he thrust forward into 
Haldir’s body, laughing loudly at the muffled scream that fell from the Elf’s 
lips as Haldir tried to stay relaxed and not fight him. He was still aching from 
his treatment the day before, and soon Haldir’s own pained whimpers filled the 
room to mix with Nasir’s moans of pleasure. 

Faramir thought his teeth may grind to dust as he stood witness. His eyes locked 
on Nasir, staring holes through him and imagining every possible way he could 
kill the man. He vaguely registered his body was shaking with pent up rage, and 
then he noticed the guards had loosened their holds on his arms, their eyes 
hungrily taking in what was being done to Haldir. //I am so sorry, Haldir. My 
love, I am so sorry.// Faramir knew he couldn't look away or they would kill 
Haldir, but as Nasir began to lose control, the guards hands seemed to fall 
away. One of them beside him he realized with disgust was rubbing himself and 
the other seemed transfixed. 

His eyes quickly scanned the room and no one was watching him. Using all the 
training he knew and every bit of concentration he could, Faramir managed to 
slip one of the guards short knives from it's sheath and shifted only slightly 
to slide it inside his boot where a holster was fashioned for just such use. His 
own knife had been taken from him when he was captured. Quickly, his eyes moved 
back to Nasir and after what seemed an eternity the man finally shouted his 
release and Faramir had to resist the urge to go to Haldir's side. "Animals," he 
murmured under his breath but one of the guards heard him. "What did you say, 
Ranger?" the guard on his opposite side asked. Faramir looked at him with hatred 
in his eyes, "I said you are all animals," he answered. 

Haldir’s head hung dejectedly as his tears fell to the cold stone floor, and he 
wondered how much longer he could fight the need for his body to fade. The pain 
in his backside only intensified when Nasir pulled out and he felt the guard’s 
seed burning deep inside him. //Please….no more…at least let Faramir go back to 
our cell…Knowing that he is watching is more difficult than anything else.// 

Nasir stood and quickly pulled his breeches over his spent arousal, heedless of 
the mess. He stalked over to Faramir and leaned in close, his breath hot and 
rank as it drifted over the Ranger’s skin. “Did you just call us animals, you 
spoiled little brat? You *dare* call us names for simply taking what you wish to 
take for yourself?” His hand reached down and grabbed Faramir between the legs 
as he moved in even closer. “Well, well….seems that you’re not *able* to take 
what I *know* you want. I think we can remedy that.” He looked over Faramir’s 
shoulders and nodded to the guard standing behind him. “Hold his arms, Damril. I 
think our little Ranger needs to sample the goods as well.” With that, he used 
both hands, jerked Faramir’s breeches down to his knees and turned to grab the 
lead to the cuffs around Haldir’s wrists. With one swift yank, which almost 
caused Haldir to fall flat on the floor, he brought the Elf to his knees and 
grabbed a handful of his hair. He laughed loudly and forced Haldir’s lips toward 
Faramir’s groin. “Make him hard, Elf, so that he can feel your tightness as 
well, or I will kill you both.” 

Faramir choked a bit as Nasir spoke so close to him. //Gods, the man is vile.// 
When Nasir's hand grasped him through his breeches he growled low and Nasir had 
one of the other guards hold him. He was shaking his head even as they'd jerked 
his breeches down and were dragging Haldir across the floor toward him. //Gods 
no! Please no! Not like this, please no!// Faramir felt tears sting his eyes as 
he looked down at Haldir. "I am so sorry," he whispered softly in Elvish. 

Haldir gathered his courage and looked up at Faramir for only a moment as he 
heard the softly spoken words. “You have nothing to be sorry for, my friend,” 
Haldir answered back in his own language. He looked down again quickly and 
brought his bound hands up to rest on Faramir’s thighs. //I wanted you Faramir, 
so very much, but not like this. Please don’t hate me…don’t think *this* is the 
Elf I have always been.// His face burning with shame, he licked his lips and 
moved forward, taking Faramir’s organ in his mouth, and wishing this were 
happening under very different circumstances. //Gods…how disgusting he must 
think me! He will probably be glad when I have faded!// Deciding he had nothing 
to lose now, Haldir let his tongue slide lovingly over the organ which was 
swelling and filling his mouth. He moved his head back and forth, taking Faramir 
in deep and relaxing his throat, trying to give him as much pleasure as the 
situation would allow, even as he tried to ignore the sneers and crude comments 
from the men surrounding them. 

Faramir swallowed hard when Haldir's lips sunk around him. He was not aroused 
but now...he would not be able to hide his reaction to Haldir. He loved him with 
all his heart, and had wanted him as well, but not this way. Not ever, like 
this. He tried to block out all of the others in the room; he longed to touch 
Haldir, to caress him, to at least let him feel a loving touch. "Please, release 
at least one of my arms?" he asked and somehow he was granted that wish without 
ever looking away from Haldir. His free hand moved down to touch the side of 
Haldir's face. "I am so sorry...I wish that I hadn't said anything. This is my 
fault," he whispered in Elvish. His words were lost in a gasp as Haldir's tongue 
pressed against the underside of the head that was now throbbing within the warm 
wet cavern. His eyes sunk closed for a moment and he almost could imagine them 
being somewhere else. As he started to enjoy the sensation, his conscience 
prickled and he forced his eyes open. //Gods I'm no better than they are!// Warm 
tears slid down his face unnoticed, even as warmth spread through him from what 
Haldir's mouth was doing to him. 

Haldir took heart in Faramir’s gentle touch, and though he would not risk the 
guard’s wrath by pulling away and reassuring Faramir with words, he closed his 
eyes and let his thumbs run in small circles over his thighs, hoping that the 
gesture would bring him some measure of comfort. //Please, love, don’t be sorry. 
Though I wish this were happening differently, it will be my only chance to love 
you this way before I fade.// He steadied Faramir’s body as he continued to work 
the thick arousal filling his mouth until he was abruptly pulled away and forced 
back down on all fours. 

“Take him, Ranger,” Nasir growled, twirling the dagger in his hands. “I think 
you are more than ready.” With a depraved smile, he kicked Haldir in the ribs, 
knocking him over to lie on his back, and pulled his hands above his head. He 
stepped on the lead to the cuffs so Haldir’s arms could not move as he looked 
back at Faramir and grinned. “And you…you will look at him as you take him. I 
think we would all love to see the shame on your arrogant face as you take what 
you’ve obviously been wanting a piece of...though I do believe he isn’t even 
very good for that anymore…he seems rather….*faded* already.” Cackling at his 
own joke, Nasir looked expectantly at Faramir and made sure the Ranger had a 
good view of the dagger. “Well? What are you waiting for?” 

Faramir barely restrained a low growl at Nasir for kicking Haldir, and bit his 
lip hard to keep from saying anything that could make the situation even worse. 
His eyes moved to Haldir's and he tried to convey how truly sorry he was before 
he was shoved forward and forced to his knees between Haldir's legs. //I cannot 
do this. Gods, please, I cannot hurt him further.// He hesitated and looked up 
at Nasir. "Please, don't make me do this," he begged. 

Nasir barked a laugh and shook his head. "You want him, Ranger. I've heard from 
the guards and seen the two of you myself. You do want him, only you are more 
greedy than we are. You want him to yourself…we…wish to share," he smiled 
smugly. "Take him now…or I'll speed his death with my blade. Your choice." 

Faramir almost hesitated again as he looked back into Haldir's eyes. The pain 
and the fear he saw there almost stopped his heart and he thought for one insane 
moment that perhaps letting Nasir kill Haldir now…swiftly so he would not suffer 
would be best. Nevertheless, he knew deep down that he would not do it 
swiftly…Nasir would perversely torture Haldir even more before he finally ended 
his life. There was no choice. His arousal was already starting to wan, and he 
knew if he did not do this, things could only get worse for both of them.

"I am sorry, Haldir," he whispered. 


"Stop talking and TAKE HIM NOW!!!" Nasir yelled shoving Faramir forward so that 
he had to brace himself on his hands, either side of Haldir's shoulders. 

Silent tears spilled from Haldir's eyes as well as his own. As carefully and 
slowly as possible, he pressed forward. His arousal barely slipping past the 
tight ring of muscle and he had to avert his eyes. He could not look into 
Haldir's eyes as he took him. //I am sorry. Gods, I'm sorry.// 

Biting back a whimper of pain as Faramir pushed forward, Haldir caught his 
bottom lip between his teeth. He could see how difficult this was for Faramir. 
Gods, how repulsed he must be by having to be inside him while he was torn and 
bleeding and Nasir’s seed still filled his body! Determined not to make Faramir 
feel worse than he already did, Haldir swallowed the lump in his throat as he 
registered how gently he was being taken, even under the most degrading of 
circumstances. His body ached, and his entrance still burned, but nowhere near 
as badly as when the other guards had taken him. //I should never have promised 
him I would try not to fade….if I had just given in and faded, he wouldn’t be 
forced into this. Gods, I bet he wishes he had never asked me to hold on!// “I 
am so very sorry, Faramir,” he whispered in Elvish as the tears streamed from 
his eyes and were lost in the tangles of his hair. “Please don’t hate me.” 

Faramir was torn, he was repulsed by himself, by hurting the one person he loved 
and the more baser part of him couldn't resist the feeling of pleasure as he 
sunk into the tight channel. He'd closed his eyes tight as his mind and heart 
and body were all at war within him when Haldir's whispered words sunk into his 
mind. His eyes snapped open and he turned to look into Haldir's eyes. "Hate you? 
Gods...never, never," he whispered. //I hate myself. I hate THEM. Never 
you...never you.// 

Nasir shoved Faramir forward, and it was all Faramir could do to keep his body 
from surging forward into Haldir's too quickly. "If you want me to do this, then 
LET me!" he snarled at the guard and winced, realizing he could have just sealed 
both their fates. 

Nasir however backed off slightly and realized how late it was truly getting. 
Altair and his patrol would be returning soon. "Just hurry, Ranger, others want 
their turns," he snapped but didn't continue pushing the man. 

Faramir looked into Haldir's eyes filled with sadness and pain. "I don't want to 
hurt you, but I fear I will no matter what," he whispered. 

“It is all right, mellonamin,” Haldir said softly. His face was flushed with 
shame and his sex lay soft between them, the pain and humiliation too much to 
allow any measure of pleasure or arousal, even though the man he loved was 
sheathed deep within his body. He found that he could barely move, and realized 
that even as Faramir moved within him, the additional rape by Nasir had served 
only to make his body’s desire to fade even more intense, and he knew he could 
not fight it much longer. Pulling feebly at his bonds, he tried to bring his 
hands to Faramir’s face to brush away the tears, but the guard holding his hands 
stretched high above his head simply sneered and jerked at the lead, stretching 
his arms even more. With the little strength he had left, he ignored the fiery 
pain in his backside and squeezed his internal muscles, hoping, at least, to 
give Faramir some bit of pleasure in what surely must be the worst moment of his 
life. //I would have at least liked to have been in his arms when I finally let 
go of this world…but I doubt he will even touch me again if we make it back to 
our cell alive.// 

Faramir almost felt any measure of resolve crumble within him as Haldir spoke. 
//Mellonamin...my friend. Gods how can he even view me as a friend anymore?// He 
knew that he could not offer Haldir any pleasure in this, so he decided he must 
try his best to finish quickly and attempt not to hurt him anymore than he 
already was. 

Faramir began to move slightly faster within the tight channel, which suddenly 
tightened more and he gasped as pleasure shot through him. Again he was torn 
from his reaction, the fact he could derive any pleasure from this made him 
sick. He heard Nasir and the others laughing and he could see in his peripheral 
vision some of them pleasuring themselves as they watched. He wanted to kill 
them, all of them; he'd never felt this measure of hatred in his life. Looking 
into Haldir's eyes again he whispered yet another apology as he began to speed 
his thrusts to just try and get it over with. 

Haldir’s eyes clouded with pain, and he quickly closed them again, rather than 
let Faramir see all the emotions that would surely be reflected back at 
him…mixed with the pain, he was sure, was unaccountable sorrow, love, 
wistfulness, and shame, jumbled together in an impossible combination that would 
serve only to make Faramir feel even worse, if that were possible. The Elf’s 
entire body lay limp, but he concentrated on contracting and releasing the 
muscles around the thick shaft impaling him, realizing that Faramir was trying 
his best to finish this as quickly as possible. He vaguely wondered if Faramir 
would demand a separate cell after this, not wanting to be alone with a filthy, 
dying creature such as Haldir. 

Faramir couldn't blame Haldir for closing his eyes, and he felt his inner 
muscles clamp around him. //He's trying to help me.// He squeezed his eyes shut 
and tried to let his mind go to another time, another place where there were no 
guards watching them. He tried to imagine what it would have been like if things 
had been different. Making love to Haldir beneath the stars, and telling him 
over and over how much he loved him. //I do. I love you with all that I am.// He 
could almost see his 'lover' smiling at him, and wrapping his arms around 
Faramir, kissing him deeply. Their bodies moving together, and soft Elvish 
endearments filling the air around them. 

The fantasy world he’d created in his mind helped push Faramir over the edge as 
Haldir's muscles clamped down one last time, and he called out Haldir's name as 
his release finally hit. Shuddering as he thrust one last time into Haldir, he 
felt a sob rip from his chest, even as a feeling of warmth and love like nothing 
he’d ever felt before flooded through him. As if he and Haldir were wrapped in a 
soft blanket warmed by fire. The feeling was soothing and peaceful, and more 
incredible than anything he’d ever felt and for that he felt even worse. //I 
should not be enjoying this at all. Gods, I’m sorry, Haldir. I am so sorry my 
love.// "I am sorry," he sobbed softly unable to control his sadness. "I am so 
very sorry." 

With Faramir’s final, deep thrust, Haldir felt a warmth fill his body…a warmth 
unlike anything he’d ever known. So very different from when the other guards 
had spilled within him….there was no burning, no pain, none of the utter 
desolation that seemed to touch every fiber of his being as their seed had 
filled him. Instead, he was filled with such peacefulness, he wondered if he had 
somehow managed to enter the Halls of Mandos in the blink of an eye. He forgot 
the pain and the degradation of the last months, forgot that Faramir had been 
forced into taking him, and for a brief moment, he felt his faer dance and join 
with Faramir’s. 

His eyes flew open and he stared at Faramir in amazement. He’d never had his 
faer bond with another’s, but he knew, without a doubt that at that very moment, 
he ceased to fade, and that he and Faramir were as one. //He…I….this isn’t 
possible….a bond can only form when there is love on *both* sides, and I know he 
cannot love me…he cannot! Not after seeing me like this, after being forced 
to…Gods!// “Faramir?” he whispered softly. 

Faramir's vision was blurred with tears as Haldir said his name, when he looked 
into Haldir's eyes he didn't see the fear or the revulsion he expected. He 
saw...something else entirely. "Haldir?" he asked staring into his beautiful 
eyes, still wet with tears. They simply stared at each other for what seemed a 
long time and Faramir realized that the guards were no longer there. 

Breaking his gaze from Haldir, he looked around the room and saw the guard from 
the first night looking at them sadly. The room had been cleared and neither of 
them had even noticed. Faramir looked at Altair pleadingly. 

"Take him back to your cell...they will not bother you again tonight or 
tomorrow. I...I am sorry I was not here to..." Altair began and Faramir nodded. 
"So am I." 

Relieved beyond all words that he would not be raped or beaten again today, 
Haldir realized with a start that he could move his arms. Without a word, Altair 
released his wrists from their bonds and he automatically started to wind his 
arms around Faramir’s neck. He froze suddenly; arms stopping in mid air, as he 
wondered again if Faramir could still bear his touch, and then let them fall 
limply to his sides. He was no longer fading, but it would take weeks for his 
strength to return, weeks of being next to Faramir and letting their bond heal 
him, and, right now, he was as weak as a kitten. Knowing that he should at least 
*try* to move, he nevertheless lay still and limp beneath Faramir, trying to 
piece together the last few moments. There was no way Faramir could love him, 
especially with the deep and pure love that had to be present for a bond to 
form, yet there was no denying that that was exactly what had just happened. 
There was no doubt in his mind that he loved Faramir in that way, but….//No. It 
is simply not possible…He can’t…// Maybe one of the Valar had somehow healed 
him, or…maybe they gave Faramir one moment of love so the bond could be formed 
long enough for them to escape? 

Exhaustion suddenly overwhelmed both his mind and his body, and his eyes closed. 
He was dimly aware of Faramir slipping from his body and moving above him, but 
he could no longer speak, or even see the man he loved. //Please...please don’t 
leave me, Faramir. We have so much to figure out…If you somehow did this for me, 
to halt my fading, I will not hold you to it, I swear…though I doubt you even 
know what you’ve gotten yourself into.// 

Faramir watched as Altair released Haldir's arms from his bonds and felt his 
heart break as Haldir tried to reach out to him but his arms collapsed back to 
his sides. //He's too weak to even push me away.// Faramir bowed his head and as 
carefully as possible slipped from his love's body. 

He looked at Altair for a moment and the man's brown eyes seemed to hold the 
same sorrow he felt himself. Altair handed him a cloth, and he cleaned himself 
quickly feeling his stomach churn as he saw the blood...Haldir's blood, stain 
the cloth. He swallowed hard and threw the cloth aside as he scrambled up and 
pulled his breeches on. 

Altair handed him a blanket and he nodded his thanks, wrapping it around Haldir 
and scooping him carefully into his arms. Altair led the way to their cell and 
Faramir prayed that Haldir's being unconscious meant he couldn't feel any pain. 
He carried him to their cot that had another fresh blanket on it and laid Haldir 
on it gently. He started to pull away, certain that Haldir would not want his 
rapist near him only to find Haldir's hands lock behind his neck holding him in 
place. "Haldir?" he asked nervously. 

Slowly, Haldir’s eyes opened, and he realized that they were back in their cell. 
He knew Faramir had to be desperate to get away from him, yet he couldn’t bring 
himself to let go just yet. He waited to hear Faramir beg Altair to move him to 
another room, even as he tried to reconcile himself with the fact that Faramir 
actually had feelings other than revulsion toward him. 

When the cell door slammed shut with no further comment from Faramir, and he 
heard Altair’s voice raised as he cursed his own men, Haldir flinched and 
tightened his arms around Faramir’s neck. “Please,” he begged softly, forgetting 
any attempt at salvaging his pride. “Don’t leave me just yet, Faramir.” //I need 
you close.// 

Faramir was shocked when Haldir asked him to stay. "But...but after what I 
did...how can you want me near...how can you even look at me, Haldir?" Faramir 
asked sadly. He dropped to his knees beside the cot and rested his head against 
it. "There are no words in any language I know to express how sorry I am, and 
how I wish I could beg your forgiveness for what I did," Faramir said trying to 
keep his tears at bay. How could Haldir possibly stand the sight of him now? He 
was no better than the Haradrim. 

Haldir lay gingerly back on the cot, lying on his side facing Faramir, but kept 
one arm firmly around the Ranger’s neck, determined to keep him close for as 
long as possible. //He doesn’t know what happened. Maybe it is best that he 
*never* knows?// “Mellonamin,” he whispered hoarsely, “you saved both our lives. 
I know taking me was never what you wanted, but they would have killed us both 
if you hadn’t. There is nothing you need forgiveness for, and nothing for you to 
feel sorry for.” 

Moving his arm to gently tilt Faramir’s face up, he gazed into tormented blue 
eyes. “Faramir…yesterday, even after they….they raped me, you said that I did 
not disgust you. Do you feel that way even now…or do you need to distance 
yourself from me? Be honest with me, please. I will understand if you no longer 
wish to touch me, but if it isn’t too distasteful, I would….I would like for you 
to hold me again, if only for a few moments.” 

Faramir was shocked by Haldir's question. //How can he think that? He...he 
should hate me for hurting him worse. Not worried if I am disgusted by 
him....yet...yet he still wishes for me to hold him. Gods. I would do 
anything...anything for him.// "Disgusting? No...never, dear one," he whispered. 
"I would be honored to hold you and offer you any comfort you can gain from me. 
I...I am so sorry, Haldir. I know I was forced...I know...but...Gods, how can 
you forgive me for hurting you?" he asked still confused. He was elated that 
Haldir didn't wish to push him away, but confused as to why he wouldn't. 

Warmth stole into Haldir’s heart again as Faramir called him his ‘dear one.’ 
//Gods, Faramir…I love you. I know I shouldn’t, I know you deserve better, but I 
can’t help it.// His thumb moved lightly over Faramir’s face, following the 
trail of drying tears, and he shook his head. “Please, mellonamin, please don’t 
think for one moment that I would hold that against you. I didn’t while it was 
happening, and I never, ever will, I swear.” //Gods, he must think I am still 
fading...that my ‘never’ means only a few days!// He started to tell Faramir the 
truth, that his love had saved him, but bit his tongue. //I will not tie him to 
me in such a manner! He should go, find someone better, and live his life, not 
feel obligated to one such as me.// With a sigh, he moved back on the bed and 
looked expectantly at Faramir. He was still bleeding and in pain, and it was all 
too much right now…but for the moment, he could relax, knowing that at least for 
now, the man he loved, loved him in return. “Please?” he begged. “Just for a 
little while?” 

"Your wounds..." Faramir's voice trailed off as Haldir looked at him pleadingly. 
//He is dying you idiot. Lay down with him and hold him and let him at least 
remember a gentle touch.// Faramir felt his heart break at those thoughts and 
had to repress a wracking sob he felt building within him. He feared that he 
would give Haldir the wrong impression if he let his feelings show too much, so 
he clamped down on his emotions as much as possible. Slowly, he crawled into the 
cot trying desperately not to hurt Haldir. He carefully wrapped his arms around 
Haldir and buried his face in his hair. //I love you. I love you so much, I 
don't want to lose you, but...I know I will. Just hold on till we can escape 
love.// 

Curling against Faramir, Haldir closed his eyes and tried to simply stop 
thinking. None of this made sense anyway, and he was too weary to dwell on it 
any longer. His love for Faramir grew even deeper as Faramir held him with such 
tenderness, and he relaxed into the embrace, feeling warm and safe and at peace. 
He was still wrapped securely in the blanket, but he slid one arm out to rest 
across Faramir’s waist, holding him close. As he fell into a deep, healing 
sleep, the bleeding from the wounds he’d sustained from the beatings and the 
rapes slowed, then stopped altogether. His healing abilities were again restored 
and growing stronger, sustained by a bond of love that warmed his heart and his 
very soul, even as he slumbered. 

Faramir was shocked when Haldir slipped his arm around him. //How can he 
possibly want to touch me? How can he not blame me, when I cannot stop blaming 
myself? If I hadn't said anything…maybe…just maybe…no…they would have just kept 
abusing him…at least…at least I *tried * to be gentle. Gods, I don't know how 
you could forgive me, Haldir.// 

Many hours passed as Faramir continued to hold Haldir close. In that time, 
Altair came several times, leaving fresh water, towels, and even salve. But 
Haldir continued to sleep, and continued to hold onto Faramir. So Faramir 
stayed, and held him, and soothed him each time he cried out, or shivered in his 
sleep. Whispering soothing words to him over and over again. //I am wrong to 
want to hold you to this world. I have prayed countless times to the Valar to 
keep you here but that is selfish. I don't want to see you suffer anymore my 
love. I won't hold you to your promise if you need to let go, though I do want 
you to see freedom one last time. Now…now we have a chance. I'll rest and build 
my strength too…and I will carry you from this place if I must.// 

*****
Chapter 6

Faramir had been awake a few hours, listening intently to the movements outside 
their cell. Altair had come again early that morning and though he hadn't said a 
word, Faramir could tell that he was checking to see if Haldir yet lived. 

He'd caught bits and pieces of what Altair had said to his men. Nasir was to be 
flogged for disobeying orders and Faramir wished he could be the one to do it. 
Though he'd rather kill him than beat him. 

He continued his silent vigil; listening to Haldir's breathing and marveling at 
the fact he yet lived. Hope grew in Faramir's heart that Haldir may yet see 
freedom if he was strong enough to be moved. They'd slept for probably close to 
14 hours and at times he worried if Haldir would ever wake again. Staring at the 
ceiling of their cell, Faramir ran over in his mind how they might escape now 
that he had a weapon secreted away. 

Slowly, the sounds of raised voices filtered through Haldir’s consciousness, and 
he stirred. Momentarily surprised that he felt very little pain from his wounds, 
he murmured softly and snuggled closer against the warm body holding him close. 
//Faramir. My love. You’re still here. You saved me.// As he gradually felt 
consciousness overtaking him, he sighed softly and opened his eyes. 

His face was buried in the folds of Faramir’s tunic, and though he was no longer 
in pain, he found that he barely had the strength to move. He’d been so very 
close to fading, he marveled that their bond had formed in time, and wondered 
exactly how much longer he would have lasted without the gift of Faramir’s love. 
//A love which you are not worthy of, and which you cannot accept. To be bound 
to you would destroy his life.// He was torn – though his body was still weak, 
his heart longed to confess his feelings to Faramir, and he marveled that 
Faramir had somehow managed to love him back, if only for long enough to save 
him. Yet he knew he would never forget the pain of what was done to him, and he 
knew he would never be able to offer Faramir everything he would need in a mate, 
even though he seriously doubted Faramir knew that they were even bound. There 
was a fine line between loving someone and hiding your deepest desires in an 
effort to do what was best for him, and Haldir found that he was having trouble 
deciding just how to thank Faramir without ruining the rest of his life. He 
stirred again and pulled Faramir closer. “You’re still here,” he whispered. 

Faramir felt his heart leap in his chest as Haldir spoke and pulled him closer. 
Closing his eyes for a moment, he breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes, dear one, I 
am still here. I will not leave you until you bid me to," he said softly. //Or 
pass to a realm where I cannot follow.// Pushing the sad thoughts away, he 
looked across the room at the provisions that had been brought. "Would you like 
some water...food...anything? I believe our jailor is having a moment of guilt, 
Altair has been here several times to check on you and has brought more 
provisions than I'm sure you've seen the entire time you've been in this 
damnable place," Faramir said trying not to sound bitter that only now would the 
man show such compassion. 

Haldir nodded and realized that, in fact, he was starving. He licked at his 
lips, noting that they were no longer swollen and bleeding and looked up at 
Faramir with a still-sleepy smile. The realization that Faramir loved him, 
whether mesmerized by a trick of the Valar or not, made the pain a distant 
memory for the moment. “I am hungry,” he said softly, “as I’m sure you are as 
well.” Reluctantly releasing his hold on Faramir, Haldir fought the urge to 
reach up and cup his face in his hand. //Do you even know that you’ve already 
saved me?// Before he could move, he heard raised voices in the hall again, and 
flinched as he quickly buried his face against Faramir’s neck. His body may have 
healed as he’d slept, but his mind would take much longer to forget the agony of 
his time as a prisoner within these walls. 

Faramir felt his heart lighten as Haldir smiled sleepily up at him. //So 
beautiful. How could they have done this to one so beautiful?// He was about to 
answer Haldir's question, when the voices from the hall startled the Elf and he 
snuggled yet closer. "It's all right. They...they are arguing over something 
about their patrol. I have you...I...you are safe," he said softly, though he 
knew he couldn't promise that Haldir was safe. After long moments, he felt 
Haldir relax and looked down at him. "I will get you some food. He left some 
broth earlier, it will be cold but it should still be edible," he whispered. 
Beginning to sit up, he found he couldn't because Haldir still held him. "I'll 
be right back, dear one...right back," he whispered. 

“Promise?” Haldir asked softly, his earlier promises to himself not to let 
Faramir know how he felt pushed to the back of his mind as the men outside their 
cell continued to rage. His arm stayed firmly around the Ranger’s waist, not 
budging an inch as he waited for Faramir to answer. 

Faramir smiled gently, "I promise," he said softly. He still was amazed that 
Haldir wanted him near but then...he wouldn't wish to die alone. Without a kind 
word or caring touch to soothe him from this world to the next. Sighing softly 
and trying to push the thoughts out of his head, he carefully raised his hand 
and brushed a lock of hair from Haldir's face and tucked it behind an elegantly 
pointed ear. //So beautiful. Gods, how much I love you. I don't know how I will 
go on when you fade from this world.// He tried to keep the thoughts in his mind 
from passing over his face and watched Haldir's eyes. They were 
so...trusting...even after what he had been forced to do to him. 

Haldir held Faramir’s gaze for a moment, nearly breathless as gentle fingers 
brushed his hair back. He realized that he would have to release his love 
eventually, and he forced his fingers to unclench from the fabric of Faramir’s 
tunic, and his arm to slide from his waist. Curling up under the blanket, he 
instinctively knew that his body would be cold as soon as Faramir pulled away, 
the effects of his near-fading still close at hand. With an uncertain smile, his 
eyes followed the Ranger he’d come to love as he gently pulled away and tucked 
the blanket more securely around him. //Please…hurry back.// Perversely, he 
found himself glad that the cell was so small, so that Faramir could not move 
very far away. //I’m so sorry…I will regain my strength and stop clinging to 
you, meleth. Please just be patient for a little longer, then you will be free 
of me.// 

Faramir carefully got up from the cot and went to the door. He scooped fresh 
water into cups, and set them on the tray and brought it to the cot. He returned 
and carried the bucket of water, salve, and towels closer in case Haldir wished 
to drink or have his wounds tended. Leaning over the cot he helped Haldir sit up 
and carefully tucked the blankets around him so he would be warm and comfortable 
as possible. "There we go. I...I am amazed you are still with me," he said 
softly as he knelt before Haldir. 

Looking around at the door, he could see no shadows and reverted to Elvish 
again. "I...I have a weapon now. We can plan to escape whenever you feel strong 
enough...if...if you do still want that. I know you are weak but do you think 
you could?" Faramir asked softly, still slightly worried the guards might know 
Elvish. 

//Gods…he does think I’m still fading! Will he be relieved to know I’m not, or 
will he simply feel burdened with me?// Haldir reached out and rested his hand 
on Faramir’s shoulder as he wondered how to explain something he failed to 
understand himself. His surprise that Faramir had managed to get a weapon made 
him feel even better, and another smile touched his lips. “You promised to let 
me see you in the sunlight,” he whispered, “and I promised you the same. I 
intend for both of us to hold to our promises.” 

Faramir nodded and tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. He felt guilty 
for asking Haldir to hold on just for that when he must be in such pain. He 
picked up the cup of water and offered it to him. "You are probably thirsty, 
drink and then take some of the broth," he whispered. "We...when the guard comes 
later tonight...I'd like to try then if all seems right. Do...do you think you 
can? I know you are in pain but I won't ask more of you than you can give," he 
added. 

Haldir sipped the water as he studied Faramir over the rim of the small metal 
cup. He couldn’t lie to him, couldn’t let him believe that he was still in pain 
when he wasn’t. “Mellonamin, I am no longer in pain,” he said softly. “I am 
still weak, but I will not be a burden to you. I don’t think I will be much help 
in a fight, but can walk. Just…don’t feel like you have to wait for me. If the 
opportunity presents itself, I beg of you not to lose your chance of escape by 
waiting for me.” He wondered how he could even look Faramir in the eye after 
what had happened, after he had been shamed repeatedly in front of this 
beautiful Ranger, but the kindness and compassion he saw there made it more than 
a little difficult to look away. His strength would falter if Faramir moved too 
far away before he’d recovered, but Faramir had no way of knowing that, and 
Haldir wasn’t about to enlighten him. Then there was the issue of what would 
happen if and when Faramir found someone else to love. As soon as he made love 
to any other, their bond would shatter, and Haldir would fade at once, another 
little fact that Haldir didn’t want to burden his love with. //So much has 
changed now, meleth. So much that I cannot bear to tell you.// 

Faramir shook his head, "You will not be a burden, and if you can walk and crawl 
then we will escape. I know a way out, but we will have to crawl a short way. 
Your...you'll need to redress in your clothes, but...if it hasn't been 
discovered, the place I know of was a storage area. If anything is left over, 
there might be cloaks or maybe if we are very lucky fresh clothing we can take 
among other things," he said softly. "Anyway...all that is to think about later. 
Let's eat and you can tell me if there is anything else you need. And don't say 
it...please...please just let me take care of you....after everything 
I...everything I couldn't do, allow me this?" Faramir said quickly hoping to 
keep Haldir from telling him no. 

Haldir wanted to tell Faramir that he had done more than anyone else would ever 
dream of doing to help him, but the earnest look in the blue eyes before him 
stayed his tongue. He hated feeling this helpless, but was at least grateful 
that his strength was returning, albeit entirely too slowly for his tastes. 
Draining the bowl of broth, he sat it down and leaned back against the wall. “I 
would welcome your help my //love// friend. I will be ready when you are, and I 
would welcome the feel of clothes, especially clean ones. Even more of an 
incentive for us to hurry and make our escape. I trust you implicitly, and will 
follow you where you lead me, never doubt that.” 

Faramir smiled and nodded, "Good." He drank some water and broth himself, and 
then looked around for a moment. "Would you like to have some of your wounds 
cleaned and dressed before you put your clothing back on? Judging by the times 
that Altair came last night and earlier today we have only a few hours before he 
or another guard returns to retrieve our tray. When we hear them coming, I will 
hide behind the door and you stay here on the cot out of harms way....plus, with 
you sitting up after so many hours, it may actually work in our favor as a 
distraction to them," Faramir suggested, still trying to iron out the details of 
the plan in his mind. It was risky and there was a very high chance they would 
fail but they had to at least try. He couldn't stay there a moment longer, and 
he needed to get Haldir as far from those caves as possible. He didn't want his 
last moments on Arda to be spent in that dismal place. 

Haldir tentatively reached behind him and ran his fingers lightly over his lower 
back. The wounds were still there, and felt as if they had knitted together 
while he’d slept, but he knew the salve would speed the healing process even 
further. He hesitated to let Faramir see the scars, but he was determined that 
no matter what, he *had* to do his best to aid their escape, and Faramir’s plan 
sounded as if it really might work. “I wish I could be of more help to you,” he 
sighed, “but I fear that I would only distract you…I doubt I could even lift a 
weapon if I had one. In the meantime, though, if you wouldn’t mind tending the 
wounds once more, I think it would help. I want to be at my best when we make 
our attempt, and I would not deny anything that might speed the healing. I 
just…I…you’re sure? I know I’ve healed a bit in my sleep, but I’m sure that 
they’re not going to look pleasant…especially just after you’ve eaten.” 

Faramir smiled kindly, "I wouldn't really consider that food....but...it would 
be best to treat them. Anything that can make it easier for you to move. 
Crawling will be painful, we should at least try to make it less so," he said 
softly. "Besides...it gives us something to do besides get nervous and poke 
holes in the plan and end up talking ourselves out of it because it's so likely 
to fail," he teased though there was quite a bit of truth to what he said. He 
wasn't sure the plan would work, or that they wouldn't be recaptured. 

Haldir smiled the brightest smile he’s managed in months and allowed himself a 
small chuckle. “We’re not going to fail,” he said softly as he gazed into 
Faramir’s eyes. //The Valar would not be cruel enough to give us this gift, only 
to make us suffer in here any longer. I might only have your love for a few 
days, but I *will* see you in the sunlight, and burn that into my memory 
forever.// Slowly, he turned and lay on his stomach, keeping the blanket around 
his body as he waited for Faramir to gather the ointment and towels, watching 
his every movement, and finding himself grateful that the guards had finally 
ceased their yelling for the moment. “We are going to escape,” he whispered. “I 
have no doubt about that, my friend.” 

Faramir found himself simply smiling dumbly at Haldir as he had laughed; the 
sound seemed to soothe every one of his worries away. "I am glad to see you in 
somewhat better spirits, despite everything. If...if I were in your place I 
don't know how I would react. Elves are truly remarkable beings," he remarked as 
he settled next to Haldir on the cot with the jar of salve between his knees and 
the bucket of water next to him on the floor where he could easily reach it. 
"I...again, I don't wish to hurt you...seems all I do," Faramir said sadly for a 
moment then shook himself. "I'll try to be as gentle as possible," he added as 
he pulled the blanket back slowly in case it was stuck to any of the lacerations 
across Haldir's back. 

“You have never hurt me, Faramir,” Haldir said firmly. “You have saved me in 
more ways than you know.” Folding his arms underneath his head, he rested his 
forehead on them and closed his eyes. “You promised me our…our friendship would 
outlast this place. As your friend, I beg of you to stop blaming yourself for 
any of this. You have been my one ray of hope and happiness in the darkness, and 
I can not bear to see you taking the blame for something that was not your 
fault.” He looked up and met Faramir’s gaze once again. “Can you do that for me, 
mellonamin?” 

Faramir closed his eyes for a moment and nodded. "I will try," he smiled. He had 
never in his life met anyone quite like Haldir. How he could not blame Faramir 
seemed near impossible but he didn't. Sighing softly, he focused on the wounds 
on Haldir's back cleaning them, applying salve and torn strips of the material 
that had been brought to them. Slowly and carefully he worked his way down from 
Haldir's shoulders to his waist and lower back where he stopped. "Do...do you 
wish me to go on?" he asked nervously. 

Haldir’s face turned red and he buried his face in his arms once again. //Of 
course he wouldn’t wish to continue…you’ve been used, more than once, and he 
certainly doesn’t need reminding of that!// He hesitated, not wishing for 
Faramir to be reminded of the night before, but realizing that the wounds from 
the whip were still present on his lower body as well. The guards had been 
especially brutal with their games before they’d raped him, taking pleasure in 
marking previously unblemished skin. “I…I don’t know,” he said, unsure of 
himself once again. “You…you don’t have to. I think you’ve gotten to the worst 
of the injuries.” 

Faramir sighed, "I...I am asking because....not because I don't *want* to treat 
the wounds...it's just...I...I don't want to...remind you of....of..." he 
trailed off unable to even bring voice to it now. //Rape. It's what you did to 
him. Even if you were forced too...it is still rape. He didn't want you...he was 
hurt and you hurt him worse!// Faramir bowed his head and closed his eyes 
waiting for Haldir's answer. He worried that maybe it just hadn't sunk in 
entirely everything that happened, that Haldir was some how blocking out what 
Faramir had done? 

“Your touch is so gentle, Faramir,” Haldir said, still blushing and adamantly 
refusing to look at the young man. He’d never met someone, man or Elf, with so 
much compassion. //He saw you after the rapes, yet he still loved you enough to 
save you. Maybe he needs to see you this way again…it will make it easier for 
him leave and return to his home when we are free from this place. // He took a 
deep breath and continued. “It will remind me of nothing but the fact that my 
wounds are healing and we shall soon be free of this place. Please…go ahead if 
you’re sure it won’t disturb you. As I said, I trust you completely.” 

Faramir nodded as Haldir spoke, yet still hesitated slightly. After a few 
moments, he began to roll the blanket down further, very carefully down to the 
top of Haldir's thighs and set to work on the lash wounds across his backside. 
He moved carefully and slowly and used his shoulder to wipe his own tears away 
before they fell on Haldir, stinging his sensitive skin with salt. He continued 
working on the wounds, moving lower and lower, then rolled the blanket further 
down all the way to Haldir's ankles and continued treating all of the wounds. 
After quite some time, he stopped. "I...I think...that is all of the lash 
wounds," he said uncertainly knowing Haldir was yet 'wounded' elsewhere but 
unable to bring voice to *that*. 

Haldir’s entrance still ached; though nowhere near as badly as it had the night 
before. Part of him wanted Faramir to see him, to be disgusted, to know that 
there was no way on all of Arda he would ever desire to make love to the Elf 
again. But seeing *that* wound would only make Faramir blame himself again, of 
that Haldir had no doubt. He was still torn and swollen, and he simply could not 
bear for Faramir to know the extent of his injuries any more intimately than he 
already did. Slowly, he rolled over and smiled, pulling the blanket around his 
waist. “Thank you, mellonamin. If you will hand me my clothes, I will dress now. 
I feel better already.” 

Faramir nodded and stood up to gather Haldir's torn breeches and blood stained 
tunic. He hoped there would still be supplies in the cave so that Haldir would 
have clean clothes before the end at least. He wondered though at how Haldir's 
eyes seemed to hold more sparkle than they had before. He could only hope that 
it meant he wasn't in as much pain as before. Returning to the cot, he handed 
the clothes to Haldir. "Here you are...do...do you need help or...or would you 
like me to just...give you some privacy?" he asked feeling slightly silly, he 
had seen almost all of Haldir one could see...but it seemed like the appropriate 
thing to ask despite the situation. 

Haldir smiled up at Faramir and reached for the clothes. He slid his tunic over 
his head and cautiously put his feet on the floor. “I…I think I can manage,” he 
offered, as he pulled the thin fabric over his calves, wincing slightly as it 
brushed over his wounds, “though I may have to ask you to help me stand. I 
promise…I’ll be ready when you are. I think if I can get in a few more hours of 
rest, I’ll be ready to run all the way back to Lorien by the time you’re ready 
to make your move.” 

Faramir smiled encouragingly and stood next to Haldir, averting his eyes so he'd 
have some sort of privacy and dignity. "Just take my hand when you need to 
stand. Let me bear your weight if you need for now," he said softly. 

Working the breeches up to his thighs, Haldir noticed that the warg wound had 
almost completely healed…thanks, in more ways than one, to Faramir. Smiling 
fondly, he decided to enjoy Faramir’s presence for as long as he might, and 
reached out to wrap his fingers around Faramir’s hand. He pulled himself off the 
cot, standing next to the man he loved, and reached down with his free hand to 
finish pulling his breeches to his waist. Releasing his love’s hand only long 
enough to fasten the lacings, he turned and entwined their fingers again for a 
moment, reveling in the feeling of being this close again. “Sorry,” he grinned 
shyly as he gestured to their hands. “I’m still a bit shaky…wouldn’t want to 
fall and hurt myself.” 

"Oh...I wouldn't want that either," Faramir said worriedly. "Here," he said 
turning and helping Haldir to sit back down and wrapping his arms around him. 
"I'm sure your back is tender and...I'm not that soft but I'm softer than the 
cot or the wall...lean against me," he said sitting down with one leg stretched 
the length of the cot and settling Haldir between his legs. The other foot 
stayed on the floor and he rested his back against the cold rock wall. "Just 
rest against me for a while, and then when it's time, I'll go over by the door 
like we discussed." 

Haldir curled both legs up on the cot and turned sideways between Faramir’s 
legs. He loved the feeling of these blessedly strong and loving arms around him, 
and he didn’t want to waste one moment of it, knowing that once they escaped, 
he’d never be able to be with him this way again. 

Resting his head on Faramir’s shoulder, Haldir lay his arms over the ones 
wrapped so gently around him and gave a contented sigh. “Yes,” he whispered, 
“you feel much better than that wall.” Snuggling closer, he didn’t even realize 
that his fingers were tracing imaginary patterns over Faramir’s skin. “Promise 
me that you’ll be careful?” he said softly. 

Faramir almost felt completely content holding Haldir this way. A feeling of 
warmth seemed to envelope him and he didn't quite understand how he could feel 
like this after everything that had happened. He'd not been through what Haldir 
had, but his emotions had been in turmoil for what seemed days. Just the simple 
action of relaxing with his arms around Haldir seemed to help erase some of that 
cold numbness that had gripped him before. //I love you so much, Haldir. I just 
want you to know freedom again. I want you to see your Golden Wood again. I 
wish...I wish we had more time. I wish for so much that I cannot have.// Taking 
a deep breath, he held his love closer. "I will be...I will be dear one," he 
whispered. He'd thought that waiting might be difficult but with Haldir in his 
arms he wasn't dwelling on the escape as he thought he might. 

“If something happens to you, I won’t leave you behind…you know that, don’t 
you?” Haldir asked softly, smiling again as Faramir used the beloved endearment. 

Faramir smiled, "I believe that I do, the same goes for me. I can't leave you 
behind, Haldir. We had a deal...each of us...to see each other in the sunlight 
and I mean to hold to it," he said softly. 

Haldir nodded and reached up to toy with Faramir’s hair as it rested over his 
shoulder. “Tell me more about your family?” he asked, settling in and closing 
his eyes, blocking out everything but the sound of Faramir’s voice and the way 
his arms held him so securely. “And about Gondor, and your Rangers, and…and 
anything else you can think of?” 

Faramir smiled as Haldir toyed with his hair and resisted the urge to lean 
forward and press a kiss against his lips. "I would be glad to," he said softly. 

He began telling Haldir of his beloved brother Boromir and his father the 
Steward of Gondor...he didn't always see eye to eye with his father, but he was 
a good man. As Faramir spoke, the two of them seemed to just relax into one 
another and time seemed to pass quickly. Just as Faramir was answering a 
question about how he had learned Elvish, they heard movement in the passageway 
outside. Faramir's mouth snapped shut and he looked at Haldir. "I believe it's 
time," he whispered. Carefully, he disentangled himself with Haldir, leaving him 
on the cot. He reached into his boot for the knife he'd stolen and stood behind 
the door where his feet could not be seen from the other side. He looked at 
Haldir for a long moment before they heard the key in the door.

*****

Chapter 7 

Forcing himself not to stare at Faramir, Haldir fixed his eyes on the door, 
sitting taller and straighter than was really comfortable in his current 
condition. With a final prayer to the Valar for Faramir’s safety, he held his 
breath as his heart pounded furiously in his chest. //I love you Faramir. 
Please, please don’t let them hurt you.// His fingers clenched around the edge 
of the cot, and the door swung open. He regarded their visitor with wide eyes 
and felt himself break out in a cold sweat. //Altair.// 

Altair entered the cell slowly. He was surprised not to see the provisions he'd 
left still sitting by the door. Looking up, he almost smiled to see the Elf 
sitting up. He'd thought he was fading...dying...by rights he should be. He 
stared at Haldir for several moments before he realized the Ranger was not in 
his line of vision. At that time strong fingers clenched in his hair and drew 
his head back against a firm body, and one of his own soldier's knives was 
pressed to his throat. He held his breath waiting for the Ranger to slit his 
throat. 

Faramir had acted quickly once the door had closed behind Altair. He had been 
right about Haldir distracting him by *seeming* to be all right. He soon had the 
Haradrim pinned against his chest with his knife at his throat. "Do not call 
out," he whispered. "I do not wish to kill you...you are the only person here 
who has shown any small measure of compassion. If you call the guards, I will 
kill you and I will take both our lives to prevent them from ever touching us 
again. Do you understand?" he asked. He knew his last statements would shock 
Haldir but he couldn't risk looking at him. Walking Altair toward Haldir on the 
cot he whispered, "Give your weapons to him." 

Haldir stood and held out his hands for the weapons. The hours in Faramir’s arms 
had made him even stronger still, and though he was afraid his strength would 
not last, it was holding steadily for the moment. Faramir’s words surprised him, 
but he didn’t let it show on his face. Faramir didn’t know it, but if he killed 
himself, Haldir would follow…the bond that had saved his life would also be the 
death of him if Faramir passed from this world. He watched Altair warily, 
determined not to let his eyes stray in case the guard put up a fight. 

Altair swallowed hard and handed over his weapons. "I will not give you 
away...you may not trust me, but you can release me. There is no other in the 
passageway right now. Take these keys and leave me here in your cell. I won't 
cry out. They will eventually come to check on you and find me here...knock me 
out if you need to make it believable but go...just go. I never wished to 
see...to see what was done to the Elf or to you. I only wished to free our 
prisoners from Gondor using you to bargain with. It...it has all been a 
mistake," he spoke softly but clearly. 

Faramir looked at Haldir wondering if they could believe him. "I would not have 
helped your cause. My father would not have negotiated, but I can tell you with 
absolute certainty that your brothers in arms have not been treated as Haldir 
has been. Flogging Nasir was not enough," Faramir hissed. He released the guard 
and shoved him toward the cot. Taking the blankets, he used the knife to cut 
them so they could be used to bind Altair's hands and legs. He took the keys and 
had almost started to gag the guard, but he had not called out. "I...I am sorry 
but I cannot trust you," Faramir finally said gagging Altair. Turning to Haldir, 
he took a deep breath. "This has almost been too easy...that worries me. Go to 
the end of the passageway and wait for me there. Take the weapons with you." 

Haldir truly didn’t want to leave Faramir’s side, but he did as Faramir 
instructed, knowing that if he stayed, he would surely be more of a hindrance 
than anything else. Keeping one hand on the wall for support, he gathered the 
weapons to him and made his way out the door and down the hallway, listening 
carefully for any signs that Altair had began to struggle. The further away from 
Faramir he walked, the weaker he felt, yet he continued until he reached the 
main doorway, praying that Faramir would soon follow. //Hurry, meleth, before 
the other men get here!// 

Faramir made sure Altair couldn't escape and soon made his way to meet Haldir. 
Seeing him leaning against the wall, he placed his hand on his arm. "You will be 
able to make it?" he asked quickly. 

“Yes,” Haldir whispered, drawing strength from Faramir’s nearness. “I’m right 
behind you. Do you want the weapons?” 

"Keep one of the knives...you may not be strong enough to use it...but just 
having it may be a deterrent," Faramir whispered. As quietly as possible, he 
unlocked the door and pulled it open. There were no guards in the open area 
beyond and he could see the passage they needed to get to. "Stay close to me, 
dear one," he whispered squeezing Haldir's hand just before they made their way 
across the large open area. Faramir watched for other soldiers or guards but saw 
none. Most were probably in bed by now, and they wouldn't be expecting their 
prisoners to be escaping after all that had happened. 

Haldir followed close behind Faramir, trusting the Ranger’s instincts 
implicitly. Their hands stayed entangled, and they moved silently, stopping 
often to listen for noises or peer around corners. He pushed any lingering aches 
or pains to the back of his mind and concentrated on the task at hand, almost 
smiling as he watched Faramir move just as silently as any Elf. 

At the edge of the passageway Faramir stopped and squeezed Haldir's hand 
encouragingly. Peering around the wall he saw that the passageway was clear and 
moved forward with Haldir close behind. Moving down the narrowing hall they came 
to a doorway. He stopped and looked at Haldir for a moment before nodding and 
pushing the door open slightly, his knife ready in front of him. Seeing that the 
room was empty, he and Haldir moved into it and they closed the door quietly. 
"Looks like they may not have found it," he whispered softly as he moved across 
the room. 

Breathing a sigh of relief, Haldir nodded and wiped the sweat from his brow with 
the back of his hand. He was breathing heavily and his heart was pounding 
furiously in his chest – he’d been inactive for far too long, but they were so 
near to freedom, he could practically taste it. Looking around the room, he 
clutched Faramir’s hand tightly with his left hand as his right held desperately 
on to his weapon. “I can almost feel the fresh air,” he whispered, squeezing 
Faramir’s hand in gratitude. “Is it much further?” 

"No, not much further," Faramir said smiling. He moved toward the far wall and 
released Haldir's hand for a moment, running both hands over the wall until he 
found what he was looking for. Faramir pressed as hard as he could against the 
small outcropping of rock and a soft snicking sound could be heard and cool air 
seemed to spill into the room. "I'll go first...you follow me," he said as he 
led Haldir toward the source of the fresh air. "This is a secret passage way we 
used for sieges. We ended up using it for emergency storage at times," he 
whispered. "We will have to crawl to get to the larger chamber. I'll go first 
but you follow close behind me," he said softly. Taking Haldir's hand again he 
squeezed it gently. "We are almost free, dear one." 

Haldir realized that the closer they got to freedom, the closer he was to losing 
the man he loved. //Gods, Faramir, I would like to lie in your arms under the 
moonlight, if only for one night. But I know you must be anxious to return to 
Gondor and your family.// “I’m right behind you, mellonamin. Just be careful. I 
don’t want to lose you.” 

Faramir smiled, "You won't," he said softly and squeezed Haldir's hand one last 
time before entering the cramped passage. He crawled slowly, listening for 
Haldir behind him and when he reached the other side he turned in the slightly 
larger passage and let his legs drop down. Twisting his body he landed on the 
floor. "Don't you try that, you'll reopen your wounds. Just keep coming forward. 
Once at the edge hand me your knife, and then I'll help you down," Faramir said 
still keeping his voice soft, knowing any noise could carry in the caves. He was 
honestly shocked they'd made it this far undetected. //The Gods must be smiling 
on us after everything Haldir has endured. They want to see him free of this 
place too.// 

Haldir, crawling painfully slowly behind Faramir, nodded as Faramir whispered to 
him. It wasn’t a very long drop, but he knew without a doubt that his legs 
wouldn’t hold him. He was determined to force himself to go for as long as 
Faramir deemed necessary, but he could tell that he was slowing down their 
progress. Reaching the edge, he handed the knife down toward waiting hands and 
turned himself around so that his legs hung over the edge. “I’m sorry, I know 
I’m slowing us down. I think I overestimated my strength, meleth.” His words 
were spoken softly, and he bit his tongue, praying that the endearment that 
slipped from his lips had been lost in the tunnel behind him. He froze, half 
hanging over the edge and felt his face flush. //He cannot know that you love 
him, you fool! Have you lost your mind?// 

Faramir sighed as Haldir began to speak about to tell him there was nothing to 
be sorry for and then he froze. He could have sworn Haldir called him 'meleth', 
but before he could even think about what he thought he'd heard, he saw how 
Haldir was shaking. //This is too much for him so soon.// Reaching up quickly, 
he grasped Haldir's waist. "Grab my shoulders," he warned. As he pulled Haldir 
down from the opening, long legs slipped from within the crawl space and Haldir 
settled on them again, Faramir still holding him close. They were face to face, 
their lips only a hairs breadth apart. Faramir felt lost for a moment as he 
looked into Haldir's eyes and barely able to control the urge to kiss him. //I 
will love you until my dying day, Haldir.// 

Haldir’s arms wound automatically around Faramir’s neck as he slid down, and 
before he knew it, he was once again surrounded and supported by strong, loving 
arms. He knew he should move, should pull away, or say something, but as 
Faramir’s warm breath ghosted over his skin, he found himself frozen in place. 
Long, silent moments passed, and neither man nor Elf moved. //One kiss. We can 
share one kiss before he says goodbye, can’t we? No…no, no, no, even if he does 
love you, it was only long enough to save you…he *cant’* want this, *can’t* 
still want you after everything that’s happened….Can he?// 

Faramir couldn't move, Haldir's body was pressed so close to his own, and his 
lips were just *there*. //Lean forward just a little and do it. You've wanted to 
kiss him for days now. He's not afraid of you, even though you think he should 
be. Just kiss him!// Faramir fought his inner thoughts and leaned forward just 
slightly, his lips just brushing against Haldir's gently before the sound of the 
wind howling through the tunnels startled them both away from each other. 
"I...I...um...we should get out of here," he stammered. Turning, he spotted one 
of the old storage trunks, it was dusty but hopefully still contained some items 
of use. Backing away from Haldir, he went to the trunk and opened it, looking 
inside and trying not to think about the fact he'd almost kissed Haldir. 
//You've already taken him against his will...you cannot kiss him and make him 
think you'd do that again this time not forced. You don't want him to fear 
you!// 

Haldir’s eyes filled with tears and he looked down at his bare feet, his legs 
suddenly feeling weak again as Faramir backed away. //He tried to make himself 
kiss me, but he couldn’t. I should have moved away and not pressured him. Gods, 
what he must think of me!// Leaning back against the wall, Haldir 
surreptitiously wiped away his tears and walked over to stand on the other side 
of the room. “Yes,” he murmured, “we should hurry. They may have already 
discovered Altair. I’m sure they won’t want their ‘plaything’ to escape.” The 
last words were bitter, but he no longer cared. He wondered if he could have 
been wrong…could have missed something in the tales of old about a bond being 
formed by abject pity as well as deep love. 

Faramir turned to Haldir when he said the words 'plaything'. He shook his head 
and refrained from saying anything. As he dug through the trunk he managed to 
find some items they could use, among them a waterskin thankfully. "There are a 
few pairs of boots in here...they may not fit though...Oh...and a few tunics. 
I...don't see any breeches or cloaks though," he said pulling some of the items 
from the old trunk. The tunics were plain lower ranking soldiers garb, but they 
would do. He held a couple of tunics up to Haldir and then chose one and handed 
the clothing and a few pair of boots to Haldir. "We need to hurry, so just find 
a pair of boots that fit and once we are free of here you can pull on the 
tunic," he said softly. While Haldir tried on the boots he went to another trunk 
and pushed it aside opening up another crawl space. "More crawling," he sighed. 

Haldir nodded and quickly pulled on a pair of boots that looked closest to his 
size. Grabbing the tunic in one hand, he crossed the room and lowered himself to 
his hands and knees as he looked expectantly back at Faramir. “Ready when you 
are,” he said, putting on his best smile and hoping they didn’t have far to 
crawl this time. His lips still tingled from the soft touch of Faramir’s against 
them, and, while he’d managed to embarrass them both, at least he had that, the 
briefest of kisses, to hold on to. //I should have kissed you before they took 
me, meleth. I wanted to, but I was too much of a coward.// 

Faramir began crawling ahead into the passageway. It was narrow, even more so 
than the other and he prayed it had never caved in. As they continued to move 
forward, he could smell fresh air and soon feel it and a smile touched his face 
for the first time since they had confronted Altair. 

He kept listening for Haldir behind him and finally they reached the end of the 
tunnel where faint moonlight could be seen. "Almost there, dear one...we will 
soon be free," he whispered encouragingly. Haldir was slowing down more and more 
and Faramir feared he would be the one responsible for his death now. 

Each movement forward was harder than the last, and Haldir knew he couldn’t go 
much further. Despite their missed kiss, Faramir was still calling him his dear 
one, and, as always, that made the Elf’s heart lighter and even more determined 
to keep going. “I knew we’d make it,” he panted. “Even if all the guards had 
attacked at once, I knew you’d somehow manage to free us both, mellonamin.” 

Faramir smiled, though he heard the strain in Haldir's voice. Soon, he stopped 
and looked up where the moonlight was shining in. Reaching up, he began to push 
aside brush that had been used to conceal the opening to the tunnel. "Here we 
are," he smiled brightly. "I'll go up first and help pull you up," he said with 
his smile still firmly in place. As Haldir nodded, he quickly scrambled up 
through the small opening and onto the rocks above. "Give me your hands," he 
said once he saw Haldir directly below the opening. 

Haldir gritted his teeth and lifted his hands up as high as he could. His legs 
were shaking again, and he wondered if he could convince Faramir to leave him 
here and go for help. //He will get only so far away then you will die, you know 
that. He would blame himself for your death. You must keep trying, if only for 
his sake.// Bracing himself against the wall, he looked up and took Faramir’s 
hand, his own hand clammy and weak in the Ranger’s strong grasp. “I’m ready,” he 
nodded, knowing that the strain on his arms would cause his body to ache even 
worse, but not seeing any way around it. //He will not leave you behind. You 
know that.// 

Faramir could tell that Haldir was in pain but once they were free of the tunnel 
and made it to the nearby woods they could take rest. "Slowly," he said softly 
and began to pull Haldir up and out of the tunnel. Once he was clear of the 
tunnel, he wrapped his arms around Haldir to steady him and felt him shaking. 
"Let's rest a moment," he suggested moving them behind some large rocks and 
leaning against one himself. He knew they couldn't risk staying there long but 
they could at least catch their breath. 

Haldir sank into Faramir’s arms, breathing heavily and feeling every single 
wound on his body suddenly seeming to burn and ache anew. He needed more time, 
and more rest, and more of being close to Faramir, but he was more than grateful 
for every bit of contact he could get now, and resisted the urge to slide to the 
ground at Faramir’s feet. “Just for a moment,” he agreed breathlessly. “To 
think, I was once the strongest warrior in the Golden Wood. My soldiers would be 
embarrassed by my performance now.” 

"No they wouldn't. You have endured more than any of them could even 
imagine...you know at times I wish I had some soap," Faramir said in 
frustration. When Haldir gave him an odd look he smiled, "So I could wash your 
mouth out for saying such things about yourself," he teased. "Look around you, 
Haldir. You are under the moon and the stars again." 

Haldir’s laughter was soft, but he was touched beyond words at the way Faramir 
always seemed to lift up his spirits when he was at his very lowest. 

Slowly, he lifted his face toward the sky, resting his head on Faramir’s arm and 
smiled as the moonlight touched his face. “I wondered if I would ever feel the 
moonlight on my face again,” he said softly. He closed his eyes for a moment, 
and then turned his face toward Faramir, leaning forward and pressing a soft 
kiss to his cheek. “Thank you for this, my friend. You have no idea how much 
you’ve given me in only a few short days. I will never know how to repay your 
kindness and compassion, and I will be in your debt forever.” 

Faramir gasped when Haldir kissed him on the cheek so sweetly and turned to look 
at him. "You...you don't owe me anything. Friends...don't owe one another...they 
simply *are*," he said softly. //Gods, I wish I had truly kissed you earlier.// 
He felt himself get lost in Haldir's eyes again for a moment, then his eyes 
drifted over his face, taking in the way the moonlight shimmered against his 
pale skin. "I wanted to see you in sunlight, but I cannot believe it would 
surpass your beauty under the silver light of night," he whispered, caught up in 
his love's eyes and not weighing his words before speaking. 

Staring into sparkling blue eyes, Haldir was once again mesmerized into 
immobility. “I was thinking the same thing about you,” he said softly as he 
blushed from Faramir’s sweet words. “Though I still can’t wait for morning, when 
I can see the sunlight in your hair, and see exactly how blue your eyes are 
without the walls of those gloomy caverns to darken them.” Suddenly realizing 
that he was undoubtedly putting Faramir in yet another impossible situation, he 
closed his eyes and rested his head against the Ranger’s broad shoulder. “I’m 
sorry, my friend. I know we should be on our way. I…I tend to ramble when I get 
tired. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.” 

"You didn't," Faramir said softly and infinitely grateful he'd not made a fool 
of himself. "Once you have rested enough we can go into the woods for more 
safety. I don't want to stay too close to these caves," he said softly. As 
Haldir relaxed against him, he slipped his arm around his waist and waited for 
him to regain his strength. 

After long moments, Haldir’s breathing became steadier and he gained a measure 
of strength simply from being in Faramir’s arms. //Yes…that happens when one is 
bonded. Gods, how can I explain this to him? He’ll see me as a burden for the 
rest of his life!// Taking a deep breath, he breathed in the scent of the man he 
loved once more and reluctantly pulled away. “I’m fine,” he whispered, forcing a 
smile back to his lips. “We should go. I’m sure you cannot wait to get back to 
Gondor. Your family must be worried sick.” 

Faramir really hadn't thought about going back to Gondor yet. He had intended to 
make sure Haldir made it safely back to Lorien and from there...he hadn't made a 
decision other than telling Haldir how he felt about him once the time felt 
right and there was some distance between what had happened while they were 
captured. "I...honestly, I planned on seeing you back to Lorien...my family I 
can notify by messenger I'm sure...but...I would feel better making sure you 
made it home. Besides, you promised to show me the Golden Wood and I intend to 
keep you to that promise.//If you live long enough for us to get there. 
Please....please hold on, Haldir. Now that you are free, please let the fading 
slow or ... or something!// He forced a smile and helped Haldir to stand. "Come 
on...lean on me if you need to." 

Haldir’s eyes widened in surprise. He’d had no idea that Faramir would still 
want to see the Golden Wood, leastwise with *him* anymore. After their last 
encounter with the guards, he felt sure that he would want to put as much 
distance between them as possible. His smile turned genuine and he slid an arm 
around Faramir’s waist, both for the comfort and the strength Faramir offered so 
freely. “I would be honored to show you the Golden Wood, mellonamin.” 

Faramir smiled and wrapped his arm around Haldir carefully, mindful of the 
wounds still on his back. "Good. Let me know when you feel strong enough to move 
from here...I'd like to put some distance between ourselves and this place," he 
whispered. He wanted to give Haldir time to rest, but he feared that they didn't 
have much time. If they were recaptured he was certain they'd both be killed. 

Seeing the weariness in Faramir’s eyes, mixed with such gentle concern, Haldir 
nodded. //If we wait much longer, they will come for us, and it will be *my* 
fault.// Taking a deep breath, he gathered what strength he had left and 
straightened up. “I will be fine.” 

Faramir felt somewhat torn, wishing to give Haldir more time to rest, but 
knowing they were already on borrowed time. "All right, stay close to me. I 
will...actually...just hold onto my hand, that way we can't get separated in the 
dark. The moon is bright but there are many shadows. Plus...if you become weak, 
I will be there for you. Is...is that all right?" Faramir asked cautiously. He 
still wasn't sure Haldir wanted Faramir to be touching him...even though he'd 
not had a problem so far. He feared that at any moment realization of what 
Faramir had been forced to do would hit Haldir and he would shun Faramir's 
closeness. 

“Of course,” Haldir whispered, as his hand automatically dropped and his fingers 
wound around Faramir’s. Deep down, he began to wonder if he would be able to 
push Faramir away when the time was right. When he no longer needed Faramir’s 
strength, and Faramir would return to Gondor to find a love more pure than 
anything Haldir could give him now that he was so tainted…a love that would be 
returned physically, as well as emotionally. “I…I am quite weak,” he said 
honestly. “My eyes and ears aren’t exactly in peak condition, I am sorry to say. 
Don’t worry, I will not let go of you…I have no doubt at all that I would not 
survive long if I were alone in these woods.” 

Faramir frowned for a moment and nodded. "Then I will not leave your side, for 
any reason," he said softly. As their fingers entwined, he began leading Haldir 
down from the rocky slope and toward the woods across the short valley. It 
wasn't far but in the darkness, and with Haldir still so weak it would take 
time. He prayed that they indeed still had time. 

He wondered just how long Haldir would be able to make it before the effects of 
the rapes caught up with him and he faded beyond Faramir's grasp. //Please hold 
on...at least until I get you home. I...I don't want to have to go to your 
family alone and tell them what happened.// Faramir realized then that he didn't 
know Haldir's brother's names. As they made it onto level ground again he looked 
at Haldir. "I...I don't know your brother's names...should...should anything 
happen to you...I would want to tell them in person what happened...and how 
brave and strong you've been. I think they would deserve that should...should I 
not be able to deliver you safely home." 

Haldir smiled sadly, well aware that Faramir had no idea that he was no longer 
fading. He desperately wanted to tell him the truth, but could think of no way 
to reassure him, without telling him that they now shared a bond that Faramir 
could never be made aware of. //Besides, I might still fade. If we get 
separated, or he leaves me before I fully heal…it’s probably best that he 
doesn’t know the truth. That will make it easier for him. “My brothers’ names 
are Rumil and Orophin,” he said softly. “I think they would be very grateful 
indeed if you at least let them know that I did not die as a prisoner. If…If I 
don’t make it back, just please…please don’t tell them what…what they did to me 
at the end? I don’t think they could bear it, and I would not have them remember 
me that way.” 

Faramir stopped and turned to Haldir looking at him sadly, "I would never tell 
them that. That...that is our secret, none other in this life needs to know of 
it," he whispered. "I would not...I would not sully your name that way, Haldir. 
I would hope...that you trust me enough for that still. I know I have done 
nothing to truly earn that trust, but I would never betray you that way," he 
whispered brushing a lock of hair from Haldir's face. 

Closing his eyes for a moment, Haldir unconsciously leaned in to Faramir’s touch 
with a soft sigh. “You are a good man,” he whispered. “A good man, and a good 
friend, Faramir. I am so very thankful to have met you, even if it was under the 
most desperate of circumstances.” Slowly opening his eyes, he gave Faramir an 
earnest smile, trying not to show how he truly felt, but to convey that his 
words were sincere. “And I *do* trust you. From the moment our eyes met, I 
trusted you, and, no matter what you might think, you have never, ever made me 
regret that decision.” 

Faramir looked down unable to meet Haldir's eyes. //How can he possibly still 
trust me, let alone think I am good?// "Thank you," he said softly, and drew in 
a deep breath. "We...we better keep moving," he said taking Haldir's hand firmly 
in his own as they began moving toward the small forest. He hoped that the cover 
of trees and darkness would aid their escape. He hated to keep pushing Haldir in 
the state he was in but they really had no other choice. 

*****
Chapter 8

They walked for several hours, and Haldir was more grateful for Faramir's 
patience with every passing moment. More than once he'd fallen, sure that he 
didn't have the strength to rise to his feet again, almost wishing that Faramir 
had simply escaped without him. He knew he was being a burden, whether Faramir 
would admit that or not. Each time, Faramir had sunk to his knees beside him, 
murmuring gentle, encouraging words, pulling him close and letting him regain 
his breath. The Ranger had kept a close eye out for intruders, yet made Haldir 
feel as if nothing else but him mattered as he shivered and relaxed against 
Faramir's broad chest. Without even realizing it, Faramir was giving him the 
will to move, and Haldir would keep going for as long as he possibly could.

They pressed on, traveling deeper into the forest until they came to a large, 
hollow tree set back against a hillside. Haldir, breathless and gasping for air, 
looked questioningly at Faramir as they stopped just before the small opening 
that led deep into the hollowed out trunk. Realizing that he was too winded to 
speak, he gave Faramir's hand a gentle squeeze as he leaned against the rough 
bark, wondering what it was that had caused Faramir to stop. //Maybe he will 
want to leave me here and go get help? He could have been out of the forest by 
now if it weren't for me!//

Faramir knew how tired Haldir was; he could sense it, even if he couldn't see 
him clearly in the gloom of the dark forest. When he spotted what looked like a 
hollow tree he felt relief wash over him. They could stop there, and be safely 
protected while they rested. He felt Haldir's hand squeeze his own gently and 
smiled. "I think we can rest here...let me poke around inside and make sure we 
won't be disturbing some animal," he said softly. Pulling the knife from his 
boot he leaned down looking inside the trunk for any eyes that might shine back 
at him, and used the shiny blade to cast the faint moonlight into the hollow to 
illuminate it enough to make sure they would truly be safe within. Seeing 
nothing at all, he sighed in relief and looked up at Haldir. "Nothing inside. 
Come on...let's get some rest until the sun rises at least. We can barely see to 
walk and you're tired and frankly, so am I," Faramir said softly. He resheathed 
the knife in his boot and waited for Haldir to crawl inside the tree and 
followed close behind.

Haldir crawled blindly until he reached the back of the hollow. Sighing in 
relief, he turned and leaned against the solid wood, watching Faramir as he was 
silhouetted by the moonlight from the small opening in the tree behind him. He 
was still exhausted, but at least he could breathe easier, and the hollow was so 
dark he knew he wouldn't have to worry about hiding his feelings from Faramir 
for a while at least. //Now, if I can only manage to keep from saying something 
wrong.// "Thank you for your patience with me, mellonamin," he said, still a 
little breathless. "I know I've slowed you down, but you've never made me feel 
as if you blame me for that."

"Because I don't," Faramir said settling beside Haldir. "Here, lean against me, 
//love//, mellonamin. We can keep each other warm," he whispered slipping his 
arm around Haldir's shoulders. //I am doing this because we need to share 
warmth...not any other reason.// He knew he was lying to himself and sighed 
softly. //I love him...how can I possibly go on when he fades? I...I only want 
to take care of him, protect him, now that we are away from that place, and I 
can't. I can't protect him from what's already been done, what's already been 
set in motion by their black hearts. By...by my own body, even if I was forced. 
It still added to what he'd already endured. He doesn't deserve this...and I 
feel guilty because I feel I don't deserve it either. I wish him to stay with 
me...forever.//

Haldir practically melted into Faramir's embrace. His head rested against the 
Ranger's chest and his arms automatically slipped around his waist. He loved 
being like this, simply being held by this man who had so effortlessly stolen 
his heart, just the two of them, blocking out everything and everyone else on 
the face of Arda.

His body was already trying to shut down, to give him much needed sleep, but he 
was reluctant to close his eyes and miss one moment with the man he loved, 
knowing that they wouldn't be able to share many more nights like this. "I hope 
we can find a river or stream nearby in the morning," he murmured sleepily as he 
curled up against his love. "I would dearly love to be clean again. I can't 
imagine holding a filthy Elf who hasn't had a proper bath in months is a very 
pleasant experience for you, so I think you would be grateful for me to be clean 
as well." He chuckled softly and wished for the thousandth time that Faramir had 
met him before, when he was hearty and strong, when he was brave, and not the 
trembling, terrified Elf he had become since.

Faramir chuckled and shook his head, "I think we could both do with baths...I'm 
sure we will find a stream and you can change out of this old tunic. I imagine 
it's not very comfortable," he said softly not wanting to think why it was stiff 
and probably scratchy on Haldir's skin. The amount of blood permanently embedded 
in the garment was not something Faramir wanted to think of. "Rest, Haldir. 
Sleep and try and regain some strength...I will be here watching over you, 
//always my love...until I can no longer// you are safe now. Soon you will be 
back in your Golden Wood. May your dreams be of that...of better days," he 
whispered pulling him slightly closer.

"Hmmm." Haldir managed with a smile, as he finally gave in and let his eyes fall 
shut. "Yes. The Golden Wood and better days. May you dream of the same, my dear 
friend." Already, he was having a difficult time staying awake, and without even 
realizing it, he moved closer, practically crawling in Faramir's lap and 
snuggling up against him, his body automatically craving his mate's touch, even 
in his sleep.

Faramir's eyes widened briefly as Haldir moved closer, almost wrapping around 
him and he smiled. //I don't know how you can stand my touch but I am so 
grateful that you do.// He sighed softly and rested his head against Haldir's, 
listening to the sounds of the night. He would not take sleep this night. He 
didn't want to tell Haldir of that though, he wanted him to rest without worry, 
and he was in no shape to sit watch of his own. Faramir had endured long periods 
without sleep as a Ranger, and he would do so now to protect the one person he 
loved more than life itself. "Sleep my love," he whispered after he was certain 
Haldir was in fact asleep. "I will watch over you."

Haldir dreamed of the Golden Wood, of he and Faramir living happily together in 
the talan he'd called his own for centuries, spending long days simply enjoying 
each other's company, and even longer nights in each other's arms.

In his dreams, he and Faramir met at the edge of the forest, and as they gazed 
into each other's eyes, they both found that, without even a word being 
exchanged between them, they'd each found the love of their lives. They were 
both strong and free, nothing in their pasts to be ashamed of, and nothing to 
stop them from giving themselves to each other completely, in every way. It was 
a good dream, and, combined with Faramir's arms, managed to keep the nightmares 
away for most of the night.

Faramir sat awake throughout the twilight hours until the sun began to rise and 
still he sat holding Haldir close. Only a few times in the night had Haldir 
moved restlessly in his arms and murmured. At those moments Faramir had 
tightened his arms around the Elf and whispered softly to him.

A few times words of love did slip from his lips but he knew Haldir was deep in 
slumber and would not remember them come morning. Looking out upon the forest 
from their hidden cove, he watched the sunlight glittering on the morning dew 
and smiled. At points he worried he might not ever see something as simple and 
beautiful again. Not wishing to wake Haldir but knowing that he must he 
whispered softly, "Haldir...dear one, it is morning."

Haldir was caught up in his dream, and smiled as he heard Faramir's words. 
Without opening his eyes, he moved up and buried his face in Faramir's neck, a 
warm, sweet part of the man he loved that was quickly becoming one of his 
favorites. He was still tired, but had regained a bit of strength, and, at the 
moment, his mind was still in the Golden Wood, in the talan he shared with his 
lover. "We *just* went to sleep, love," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to 
Faramir's neck that turned into a gentle nibble. "Mmmm.you certainly do taste 
good. I think I'll just skip breakfast this morning and nibble on you for a few 
hours."

Faramir was caught off guard by the way that Haldir had awoken, obviously caught 
up in a dream of another time. Feeling Haldir's lips against his skin, his heart 
skipped a beat and he wanted nothing more than to draw him close and kiss him 
until they were both breathless. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest as 
Haldir's lips continued to move over his skin and he shivered slightly. 
Swallowing hard, he tried to fight the desire he had to return the kisses and 
touches. "Um...well...good morning to you too," he finally spoke, his voice 
huskier than normal and slightly breathless. He waited for awareness to come to 
Haldir. He wished with all his heart that those things were truly meant for him 
and not some past lover Haldir had been with.

The words filtered through Haldir's mind and he realized where they were. In a 
tree, deep in the forest, and he was practically molesting the man he loved. 
//Gods! And I'm *nibbling* on him?// Pulling away and hiding his furiously 
blushing face in Faramir's chest for a moment, he pretended to still be asleep, 
hoping that he could simply pretend not to remember what he'd just said or done. 
He concentrated on breathing deeply for a few more moments, then stretched and 
unwound himself from Faramir. "Hm?" he asked, as innocently as he could, while 
being thankful that it was still too dark inside the tree for Faramir to see his 
face. "Oh, good morning. It seems like we just got here. I guess I was sleeping 
pretty deeply."

"I...um...yes, I suppose you were. Sweet dreams I hope?" Faramir said nearly 
slapping himself for such a daft question. "Er...anyway I...we...we should 
probably see if we can put more distance between ourselves and the caves," he 
said trying to change the subject. He let his arms fall away from around Haldir 
so he could get up and smiled. "I'm glad you slept so soundly."

Haldir nodded, feeling as if his face were red enough to light up the entire 
forest, and marveling that the inside of the tree was still rather dark. He 
moved away reluctantly, and was pleased to feel that he felt much stronger. He 
knew the feeling wouldn't last very long until he'd healed completely, and he 
only prayed that Faramir would be in his life long enough for that to happen. 
//When he returns to Gondor, at least I can spend some time with my brothers, 
until Faramir takes a lover. I should be thinking of a way to explain all this 
to them, they'll wonder what to do when I start fading all of a sudden.// 
"You're right." he said, pushing away the thought of Faramir making love to 
someone else, despite the fact that he knew *he* could never offer him that. 
"Maybe we can at least make it out of the forest before nightfall. I doubt they 
would follow us beyond the borders of these woods. They are too cowardly to risk 
capture." The border wasn't all that far, but in his current condition, he 
doubted they would make it much farther than that before the sunset.

"Maybe so. We will see how far we can get, without food or water; I fear we 
won't get very far at all though. Once we come to a stream or river we can fill 
the waterskin, and we can both bathe and maybe we can find some berries or 
something to eat. We can't risk a fire even if I was able to catch us anything," 
Faramir said shifting around so that he could crawl out of their hiding place 
first, just in case anyone would be waiting for them.

"I think I have forgotten what real food tastes like," Haldir mused, finally 
feeling his embarrassment fading. //Maybe he didn't hear me? Or had no idea that 
I was dreaming about him?// As Faramir crawled toward the entrance of their 
hideout, Haldir stayed close behind him. //I should be protecting him.Gods.one 
would never know I used to be the mightiest Marchwarden in the Golden Wood!//

Faramir moved out of the entrance of the tree and watched the woods for a moment 
before standing up and offering his hand to Haldir. "Just seems to be us and the 
trees," he smiled. He hoped that would hold true all the way to Lorien. Neither 
of them was fit for battle. All they had were short knives and Haldir wasn't up 
to a fight, and quite honestly Faramir wasn't even sure he was. Looking around 
for a moment to get his bearings, he smiled and began walking with Haldir's hand 
still firmly within his own. //At some point you are going to have to stop 
treating him like a child and holding his hand all the time.//

"Good," Haldir smiled. "I'm not particularly anxious for anyone else to join us 
just yet." His dream came back to him as they walked…just like this, hand in 
hand through the forest. The reality was just as peaceful as he'd dreamt, 
despite their circumstances. They made good time, and Haldir managed to keep up 
with Faramir for quite a while before he started to get winded once again. 
//Gods! When will this stop?// Concentrating on simply walking, he pushed his 
dark thoughts away and pressed on, the gracefulness he'd once possessed a thing 
of the past.

Faramir could tell once again that Haldir was struggling to keep up and slowed 
his pace. He'd started out fairly strong but now his strength was yet again 
waning. Stopping for a moment, he feigned that it was to determine their 
direction, though it was more to let Haldir rest, he looked around the wood and 
listened. As he turned to look at Haldir a smile passed over his face, as the 
sunlight seemed to break through the canopy of trees and dance over Haldir's 
hair. He stared at his companion completely enthralled by his beauty and unaware 
that Haldir had noticed his gaze.

Haldir forgot everything around them for the moment as Faramir stared at him. 
"I-Is something wrong?" he whispered. "Do you... hear them?" His heart began to 
beat furiously in his chest and he turned to look behind them, automatically 
moving closer and clutching at Faramir's hand.

Faramir startled out of his thoughts and shook his head, "No...no one is 
coming...I just...I had said I wanted to see you in sunlight. You...you truly 
are beautiful, Haldir. I know you have a hard time believing that...but you did 
say you trust me. Please trust me when I say it...even...even now...with all 
that has happened...is happening...you are beautiful," he said softly. He knew 
he shouldn't say such things, but Faramir wanted him to know that he found him 
beautiful. He only wished he'd met him under different circumstances.

Smiling, Haldir lifted his eyes and shyly met Faramir's gaze. So many times he'd 
thought of Faramir's beauty, and the Ranger's sweet words lowered his resistance 
toward keeping his feelings to himself. He moved closer still and reached up to 
tuck soft copper colored hair behind Faramir's ear with his free hand. "Thank 
you," he whispered bashfully. "I do trust you. I do not see how you can think 
that, unless the Valar bewitched you into thinking so, but even if that were so, 
your words make my heart lighter. And you…Faramir...you are just as beautiful as 
I knew you would be - by sunlight as well as moonlight." //And I love you. And, 
Gods, I want to kiss you so badly I can barely stand it. But if I do, I know you 
will never leave me...and you have to, Faramir. I cannot let you waste the rest 
of your life on me.//

Faramir felt his heart almost stop as Haldir moved closer and tucked his hair 
behind his ear. He wanted to drag him into his arms and kiss him, but he knew 
better. "If I have been bewitched...then I certainly do not mind," he smiled. 
The words were on the tip of his tongue, he wished to tell Haldir everything he 
felt for him, and promised himself he would. He would tell him before it was too 
late. Taking a deep breath, he looked around the forest in an effort to keep 
from saying too much. "I suppose we should keep moving. I...think that perhaps a 
river may be ahead of us...I hope so, we could both use some water I think."

Haldir saw the hesitation in Faramir's eyes, and heard it in his voice. //I 
wonder what he's thinking right now? Maybe…maybe I should just be honest with 
him and tell him...tell him that I love him, but I honestly don't think I can 
ever have a physical relationship with anyone ever again? That we're bonded, and 
that, because of that bond, I know that at least for a moment, he loved me 
enough to save me, even after all they did to me…and after what they made him 
do. If I ask him to just leave, to go live his life…would he? Or would his honor 
make him stay by my side, even if he desperately wanted to leave?// Knowing the 
answer to his questions already, Haldir simply sighed and turned in the 
direction Faramir was looking. "A river?" he asked hopefully. "Gods, I think I 
can hear the sound of water, now that you mention it. Come, my friend...I think 
it's this way." With a small burst of energy, Haldir took the lead for once, 
gripping Faramir's hand firmly, and leading the way toward where he hoped and 
prayed the water would be.

Faramir smiled as Haldir took his hand and led him forward. "I guess you really 
are thirsty," he laughed as he sped his pace to match Haldir's. He could tell 
that Haldir was still tired but he couldn't deny him this moment. As they topped 
the small hill and started down the slope, both of them smiled happily as they 
watched the small river running past below them. The water was slow moving but 
looked clean and refreshing. "Now that's a sight I think we have both wanted to 
see for a while now," he mused as he neared the bank.

As they quickly made their way down the slope, Haldir was already pulling at the 
laces of his tunic. For the moment, he forgot his scars, forgot every ache and 
pain and humiliation he'd suffered over the past four months, and concentrated 
on the fact that *finally* he would both be clean again, and be able to admire 
the man he loved relaxing, and hopefully, without a tunic as well. Despite his 
burst of energy, his legs, unused to so much walking, especially walking so 
quickly, began to ache, and he stopped at the edge of the water. //It would 
*really* make Faramir feel better if he went to all the trouble to save me, then 
I drown in front of his very eyes because my legs will not hold me!// "I want to 
bathe as I drink, mellonamin. Will you join me, or had you rather stay here?"

Following Haldir's lead, Faramir's hands were already at his laces of his tunic 
too. "I think that is a good idea, besides...there could be undercurrents, it 
would be best if we went in together for safety sake," Faramir said softly. 
//Safety? You're an idiot Faramir.// He sighed softly and tugged both his tunic 
and what was left of his under tunic off, laying them aside on a fallen log.

They still had the tunic they'd found in the storage room for Haldir to change 
into and he reached out to take Haldir's spoiled tunic from him. Balling it up 
he tucked it under the log making sure it was well hidden. "You don't need that 
thing anymore," he said softly as if getting rid of it might rid Haldir of the 
memories.

"You're right," Haldir agreed. "We should stay close together ...because of the 
undercurrents." He watched as Faramir hid his tunic and smiled. "I'd forgotten 
about the new tunic," he admitted. "It's a good thing we waited though…I think 
my wounds are only now completely closed. If I'd put it on yesterday, it would 
have been...soiled as well." He started to unlace his breeches, but thought 
better of that. They were soiled and dirty as well, and could do with a washing. 
The real reason, he knew, was that despite the cold water, he would almost 
assuredly end up aroused with Faramir so close, and half naked as well.

Perversely, he took heart in the fact that he *could* still be aroused. After 
the rapes, he'd wondered if he could ever feel that way again, afraid that the 
memories would override any thoughts of pleasure, but he already felt his 
arousal begin to stir as Faramir removed his tunic. //Gods…make up your mind! 
One minute you think you could *never* want that again, and the next, you're 
dreaming of being with him!// "I-I think I have healed greatly," he stammered, 
desperate for something to say. "The sleep you allowed me has helped me more 
than you know, my dear friend. I doubt you slept any, though…a fact I am 
determined to remedy. You must keep up your strength as well."

"I am fine, Haldir," Faramir said avoiding his eyes. He knew he couldn't lie to 
Haldir if he looked him in the eyes so he kept his gaze down while he removed 
his boots and Haldir did the same. "Now...let's see if we can't at least get a 
bit cleaner. No soap...but at least its water...it will have to do," he smiled 
moving closer to Haldir. "Together," he said softly, and offered Haldir his hand 
to help steady them both as they stepped into the cold water.

Haldir's fingers wrapped around Faramir's and he couldn't help the thrill of 
pleasure that went from his fingers to every other point in his body. //It 
happens every time you touch him...you *know* that. It's the bond…it has to be. 
I only wonder if he feels it as well?// He was distracted momentarily by 
Faramir's lean body, as Faramir moved into the water and tugged gently on his 
hand. He wanted to run his hands over those smooth, broad shoulders, to touch 
and tease every inch of his body, lavishing him with kisses and licks, 
and...//and then? Exactly. You'd tease him, get him interested, then be 
terrified of what you'd done…you *know* you cannot offer him more. Why torture 
yourself this way?// Shaking his head, he stepped gingerly down into the water, 
noting that the current indeed was stronger than he'd expected. He was soon 
immersed up to his waist, and, unable to wait any longer, he gave Faramir a 
smile and ducked under the cold water. He maintained a firm grip on Faramir's 
hand to let him know that he hadn't drowned, and stood up only when he could 
hold his breath no longer.

As Haldir's fingers wrapped around his own, Faramir couldn't stop the smile that 
spread across his face. He didn't understand why he felt the need to touch 
Haldir so often or so much, but he seemed to *need* to touch him. He kept 
telling himself it was to help him, to steady him, to offer him comfort or 
warmth but...it wasn't entirely true. He *wanted* to touch Haldir but more than 
that it seemed that he *needed* to touch him. He watched silently as Haldir 
lowered himself into the cool water and his eyes followed the way his golden 
hair spread out in the water above and around him. //So beautiful.// He waited 
until Haldir surfaced and smiled at him before he did the same, dipping his body 
under the water and enjoying the feeling of fresh water moving over his skin. He 
knew he'd only been a short time without a bath, Haldir had literally gone 
months. This must be heaven to him. As he surfaced he pushed his hair from his 
face. "Cold...but it feels incredibly good," he smiled trying to keep his eyes 
locked with Haldir's eyes and not make him self-conscious. Faramir didn't find 
the healing wounds and scars unseemly but he knew they made Haldir uncomfortable 
so he tried to avoid looking at them for fear of giving him the wrong idea.

"Aye," Haldir smiled, thinking that he could happily just stay here forever, 
especially with Faramir this close. The thought crossed his mind that Faramir 
was deliberately avoiding looking at his scars, and he knew that even though 
they had healed, they were still not pleasant. He moved into deeper water, 
pulling Faramir along behind him. //Gods…you have *got* to stop clinging to him. 
Let the man *breathe*, you foolish Elf!// He released his grip to allow Faramir 
to swim away if he wished to do so. "If...if you want swim, mellonamin, I will 
hang on to this rock. I know you must sometimes feel as if you will never be 
free of me."

Faramir sighed wishing Haldir had continued to hold his hand. "I don't wish to 
be free of you, Haldir," he said honestly. He slid further down into the water 
and watched Haldir for a moment. "Come...swim with me...I used to do this with 
Boromir when we were children. Of course...it was him supporting me, 
but...still," he said softly. He moved closer to Haldir and moved behind him. 
"Lean back against me, I'll not let go of you," he whispered.

Haldir was surprised that Faramir didn't want to move away from him, but, at the 
same time, he felt his heart swell with an even deeper love for the man. He 
leaned back and rested his head on Faramir's shoulder, as his feet floated 
upward through the cool water. Faramir's hands were supporting his back, and he 
held his breath, wondering if those strong arms that he loved so dearly would 
wrap around him, and if he would have the opportunity to hold Faramir before 
they moved on.

As Haldir leaned back against him, Faramir's arm moved around him across his 
chest holding him as the other moved out to his side and he leaned back into the 
water carefully guiding Haldir with him as they floated. "I always used to love 
this, felt like it was what flying might feel like," he said softly. He knew his 
heart was pounding in his chest and he hoped that Haldir couldn't feel it. He 
was careful to make sure his body didn't connect with Haldir's below the waist 
for fear of scaring him. He had become aroused despite the cold water, as they 
had bathed even though they still wore their breeches. He still wanted Haldir, 
that hadn't changed but he knew Haldir wouldn't want him...would possibly even 
fear him if he knew so Faramir was careful not to let him know his desire.

Resting his arms over Faramir's as it lay across his chest, Haldir looked up at 
the clouds and thought that he'd never, ever felt as wonderful as he felt at 
this moment. "I think you're right," he whispered, as the fingers on his right 
hand slid unconsciously to entangle with Faramir's. "It does feel like flying…as 
if nothing else can touch us...like we're in our own little world, and no one 
else matters. It's...it's wonderful, isn't it?"

Smiling at Haldir's description, Faramir felt the words on the tip of his tongue 
again and had to force them away. "It is...and I know it certainly is helping to 
relax me a bit. How about you? Is it helping any?" he asked lamely. He wanted to 
turn Haldir around and look into his beautiful blue eyes and confess everything 
that was in his heart. //Maybe I should? He seems fine now, but we both know 
he's fading...would it be such a bad thing to tell him how I felt?//

"It is helping," Haldir whispered just loud enough to be heard over the rush of 
water as he gave Faramir's hand a gentle squeeze. "It's helping me more than you 
know." //What are you thinking, my love? You don't *seem* to be in any hurry to 
get away from me...how can you possibly not feel tied down already?// Taking a 
deep breath, he continued. "I will never forget this day, my dear friend. It 
somehow manages to erase so many of the bad days."

"Good...I am glad to hear that, mellonamin," Faramir whispered. His feet touched 
the bottom again yet he still held Haldir against him, floating in the water. 
His other hand moved around and gathered Haldir's hand in his gently until he 
was able to put his feet down again. "We shouldn't tarry here too much longer, 
unfortunately," he whispered sadly.

Haldir sighed, knowing that Faramir was right, but hating to give up the feeling 
of being so close and so safe. He was tiring already though, and promised 
himself that one day, before Faramir left him and returned to the Golden Wood, 
he would hold him in his arms as he relaxed for a change.

As he stood and steadied himself using Faramir's arm, he realized that getting 
out of the water would be embarrassing indeed. //Gods...I'm aroused! Just being 
this close to him, seeing him like this...I doubt he would feel so friendly 
towards me if he notices *that*.// Standing and leaning awkwardly against a 
nearby rock, he pretended to study the horizon. "I know…maybe just one more 
moment, while I…I...finish getting clean?" he stammered lamely.

Faramir hesitated for a moment and looked at Haldir, as he gazed into his eyes 
he felt his heart melt. "I...I...um...of course," he said swallowing back the 
words that almost slipped from his lips. It would be best if they exited the 
water separately so Haldir didn't see he'd gotten aroused and worry about it. 
He'd never harm him ever, but after what had happened...of course it would 
frighten him.

Faramir headed back to the shore leaving Haldir for a moment. He grabbed his 
under tunic and tried to will his arousal away as he pulled the torn garment on. 
He was glad part of it was still long enough to cover him though if he shifted 
too much it would give him away. "I'll be right here and help you out when you 
are ready. Just stay close to the rocks," he warned afraid to take his eyes off 
Haldir for fear something may happen.

Haldir's face flushed and he watched Faramir exit the water from the corner of 
his eye, an activity which did *not* help the state of his arousal in the least. 
Faramir kept his back turned, and finally, Haldir drug his eyes away, and tried 
to think of *anything* other than how much he wanted to be back in Faramir's 
arms. If only he could will away his fear, and the memories of all the pain he'd 
been through over the last few months.

As he stared into the distance, a large buck raced through the trees, being 
chased, no doubt, by an even larger predator. The sudden noise startled Haldir, 
and he automatically scrambled over the rocks toward the only person who could 
save him. //Gods! They're here! They've found us!// Another loud noise came from 
the forest, and though it was apparent to anyone else who would hear it, that it 
was only an animal, Haldir would have sworn he heard the sound of men's 
voices...Nasir's in particular. He froze at the edge of the river, unable to 
move, or even cry out, as his body trembled in abject terror and he looked 
helplessly up at Faramir.

Faramir had heard the rustling in the forest, most likely a bear chasing a deer 
and turned just in time to see Haldir's panicked look. He quickly made his way 
to the rivers edge and held his hand out to Haldir, as he saw that the Elf was 
still frozen by fear, he stepped into the water and wrapped his arms around him. 
"It's all right, it was just animals in the forest. No one is here...except you 
and I. We are safe...I have you, dear one. I have you and I won't let anything 
happen to you ever, ever again. You know that don't you? I will keep you from 
harm as long as I am able to, mellonamin," he whispered soothingly. //I love 
you. I couldn't possibly let anything happen to you.// Slowly, he moved 
backwards, pulling Haldir with him onto the bank. "Come...let's get dressed and 
keep moving," he whispered.

Haldir closed his eyes and shivered in Faramir's embrace, hating himself for 
acting like such an Elfling, but unable to push away the fear that had 
overwhelmed him so suddenly. When he finally found his voice, he was back on the 
riverbank, and clinging to Faramir as if his life depended on it. To Haldir, at 
least at that moment, it did.

Slowly, he forced himself to unlock his arms, and concentrated on looking at 
nothing but Faramir's dear face as his breathing slowed down and his heart 
stopped pounding furiously in his chest. "I.I know you won't let anything 
happen," he whispered. "I just...I'm sorry. I was startled and...and." He 
trembled again and reached for the clean tunic that lay on a rock beside them 
and slowly slid it over his shoulders. "You're right. We should keep moving," he 
said nervously.

Faramir brushed Haldir's wet hair back from his shoulders and looked at him for 
a moment after he had pulled his tunic on. "You are all right? We can stay here 
a bit longer if you need more time," he suggested. He was so uncertain 
sometimes, he didn't want to push Haldir too far, but didn't want to make him 
feel like he was a burden. It was a fine line to walk and Faramir was sure he 
wasn't doing very well. He sighed softly and picked up his own tunic slipping it 
on. "Will....will you be all right here if I go to fill the waterskin?" he asked 
unsure if he should leave Haldir's side just yet.

//No. Don't leave me!// Haldir took a deep breath and forced himself to smile. 
"I will be fine," he said, feeling his fingernails digging into the palms of his 
hands. "I just…stay where I can see you?" His face flushed as he asked that, but 
he *needed* to know that Faramir was close...and safe.

"Of course," Faramir said taking the empty waterskin and moving to the river 
just up from where they had bathed so he made sure he got fresh water. Quickly 
filling the vessel, he returned to Haldir's side just as Haldir was finishing 
pulling on his boots. "We should get moving, it's getting late and I'd like to 
get more distance between us and the caves before nightfall," he said softly. He 
didn't want to keep pushing Haldir but he knew they had little choice.

Haldir nodded and wrung the water out of his hair. He stood up quickly and, 
without thinking, grabbed Faramir's hand in a sure grip. "I am ready," he said, 
looking around the woods and listening for any little sound that might mean they 
weren't alone after all.

Faramir smiled as Haldir took his hand and they began walking again, making 
their way toward Lorien. Faramir hoped that Haldir would be able to hold up, he 
was still so weak and he suspected that he was getting weaker all the time. //We 
need to hurry but we cannot. If only I can get him home...maybe...maybe being 
home will help, will stop him from fading? Anything. Please...please just hold 
on a little longer. I know it's selfish of me ...I know but I can't lose you 
yet.//

*****

Chapter 9

They continued to walk until they reached the edge of the forest and the sun was 
starting to sink in the sky. It would be dusk soon, and they would need to find 
shelter for the night. Faramir would have liked to have kept going, putting more 
distance between themselves and their captors and getting closer to Haldir's 
home and safety, but he could almost feel the exhaustion radiating from Haldir. 

Haldir had faltered several times in the last few hours, his feet not wanting to 
rise more than a hair’s breadth from the forest floor and tangling in 
underbrush. He knew the Elf was trying to keep going, but Faramir didn't have 
the heart to continue on. 

Stopping for a moment, he looked around for what might make a suitable shelter 
for the night. Spotting an outcropping of rocks in a sloping hillside, he nodded 
toward it. "That looks like a good place to rest for the night," he said softly. 

Haldir nodded gratefully and forced himself to walk toward the rocks that 
Faramir had indicated. He knew he would not be able to go much further. The few 
hours he managed to sleep in Faramir’s arms were just enough to keep him going, 
but he needed much longer…and a much deeper, healing sleep, before he could be 
anywhere near his former self. He could not last like this much longer, he was 
certain. 

Despite their bond, unless he had time to fully heal, his body would eventually 
give in to the exhaustion and he would simply fade, or pass quietly into the 
Halls of Mandos. He marveled that Faramir had such strength, especially since he 
doubted the Ranger gotten much sleep during the night, and they’d had nothing to 
eat except berries and roots. Even eating had become a chore – simply another 
task to complete before they could continue on their slow and torturous journey. 

As they reached the small shelter of stones, Haldir sank from his feet without a 
word and closed his eyes, waiting patiently for Faramir to sit beside him. Each 
night, Faramir had held him close, and they no longer even discussed their 
sleeping arrangements. Haldir knew he would get no sleep unless Faramir’s arms 
were around him, and Faramir seemed to understand and not hold that fact against 
him. He always simply sat down and opened his arms in silent offering, 
eliminating the need for Haldir to ask. The exhausted Elf appreciated that more 
than he could find the words to express. 

Faramir watched Haldir silently as he sat down. He could see how weary he was, 
and wished that he could do more than offer him warmth and comfort. //How 
depressing must it be to live thousands of years and to suddenly be facing the 
end? This fading was a fate much worse than a quick death at the end of a blade; 
it was yet more torture on top of everything else the Elf had endured. Why would 
the Valar be so cruel to their First Born?// 

Sighing softly, he lowered himself beside Haldir and opened his arms to him. At 
the very least he could offer him some measure of comfort. He found himself 
worrying that Haldir may not make it to Lorien after all. His strength seemed to 
ebb faster and faster each day they walked. "Rest, mellonamin," he whispered 
against Haldir's hair as he rested his own head against him. He too needed rest, 
he'd slept little since they escaped, trying to keep watch over Haldir as best 
he could, but he was more tired than he ever remembered being in his life. 
Closing his eyes, he thought about how things might have been different. 

Haldir sighed as Faramir’s arms wound around him, and drifted off to sleep 
almost at once. His last thoughts, as always, were of how much he loved the kind 
and gentle man holding him. These precious thoughts were his desperate ploy to 
have sweet dreams instead of nightmares of the horrible events of the months 
before. Sometimes it worked, and his nights were filled with sweet dreams.

At other times, the bad memories overwhelmed his longings, and tormented him 
throughout the night. The terrible memories won out this night, and more than 
once he cried out in his sleep and clutched at Faramir as nightmare after 
nightmare assaulted his mind and body, and he slept even less than normal. 

Faramir had drifted off to sleep with Haldir this time but soon was awakened by 
his friend's nightmares. He whispered to him to soothe him back to sleep, as he 
had done since the first night they met. Once Haldir settled again, he fell back 
to sleep, but later Haldir called out in his sleep, the nightmare's relentlessly 
gripping him this night. Faramir did not understand why they were haunting him 
so badly, he suspected maybe because he was so weak now? Was he finally fading 
beyond Faramir's grasp? Would he be carrying a lifeless body back to Lorien? He 
stayed awake the rest of the night, soothing and comforting Haldir's sleep as 
best he could and crying silent tears for a life he would never be able to share 
with the Elf he loved. 

As the early morning sunlight began to make its way across the leaf-strewn 
forest floor at their feet, Haldir stared dully across the landscape, his head 
resting on Faramir’s chest and his arms wrapped loosely around the Ranger’s 
body. He no longer even had the strength to pull him close, and was grateful 
that Faramir’s hold on him had never loosened during the night. His eyes were 
red and swollen, and he couldn’t even be sure he’d be able to make it to his 
feet when it became time for them to leave. 

More than once in the past few days, he’d begged Faramir to leave him behind, 
knowing that in his weakened state, he would simply pass on when his mate was no 
longer in sight. //Maybe that would not be such a bad thing. Maybe it is time?// 
Despite his exhausted pleas, Faramir would firmly but gently refuse, and make 
some excuse for them to stop, often claiming exhaustion himself when Haldir knew 
it was for his own sake. “You should go,” he whispered hoarsely, deciding to try 
one more time to lessen Faramir’s burden. “You have done more than anyone else 
would have, mellonamin, but it is time for you to leave me.” 

Faramir stiffened as Haldir spoke his head already shaking, "No, I will not. I 
will not leave you, Haldir. I...I cannot. Please don't ask it of me again," he 
answered tiredly. He knew that in Haldir's mind it may not make sense, but 
Faramir loved him, he could never abandon him. //I don't want to add to your 
burdens, my love but I do wish you knew how I felt. If I tell you now, you will 
only feel guilty that you are fading away and my heart will be broken.// "You 
are much weaker aren't you? We...we are not terribly far from Lorien now....we 
can slow down if you like? It will take more time...but...these lands are 
safer," he whispered worriedly. 

Haldir closed his eyes as a mixture of relief and sadness enveloped him. He 
truly did not wish to be alone, yet he knew that despite Faramir’s words and 
actions to the contrary, he, Haldir, *had* to be an ever increasing burden as he 
continued to grow weaker. //He will not leave you. You must get up…you must at 
least try to make it to Lorien so that he will be free to leave you without 
guilt.// “Yes,” he whispered. “I am getting weaker. I *will* make it to Lorien 
though.” With a great effort, he forced himself to sit up and tried his best to 
smile. “When we get there, I think we both need to sleep. I know you have had 
little sleep, thanks to me, but I promise that the hospitality of the Elves will 
be extended to you, and you will rest and sleep and eat to your heart’s content, 
my dear friend.” 

Faramir forced a smile over his melancholy and nodded, "I would be grateful for 
a soft bed again, as I know you will be," he said softly. Crawling out of their 
meager shelter, Faramir looked around to make sure they were in fact alone. 
After a moment, he turned back and offered his hand to Haldir. Standing up, he 
helped his friend to stand as well and noticed how much just that effort had 
taken out of him. He hung his head sadly for a moment and tried to keep the 
tears that wanted to fall at bay. "We will go slowly...and if you falter, I will 
be here. You are not alone in this mellonamin." 

Haldir turned to study Faramir for a moment, wondering how on all of Arda he 
could possibly be so patient and kind after everything he’d been through. Giving 
Faramir’s hand a gentle squeeze, he smiled and nodded. “Neither are you,” he 
said softly. “No matter how it might feel at times, I am still with you, 
Faramir.” 

Faramir smiled, this time a true smile that reached his eyes. "And I am glad of 
that, more than you know," he whispered. They began walking slowly and within 
just a few yards of where they had slept, had to put his arm around Haldir's 
waist to steady him. He wanted to ask if they had time to allow Haldir to regain 
more strength but he doubted rest would help. "Just lean on me, let me help 
you," he whispered softly. 

Too tired to even be embarrassed at his weakness, Haldir simply wrapped his arm 
around Faramir’s waist and hooked his thumb over his belt. He concentrated on 
putting one foot in front of the other and pushed all other thoughts away. Their 
progress was slow, but, thanks to Faramir’s strength and gentle encouragement, 
and Haldir’s single minded determination, they made their way closer to the 
Golden Wood as the sun rose high above them and slowly started its descent on 
the horizon. 

As they made their way across the hills and plains leading to the Golden Wood, 
Faramir's heart felt lighter as the high treetops came into view. "Not much 
longer and you'll be home," he whispered. His eyes scanned around them, making 
sure no other saw them moving out in the open fields and as his eyes drifted 
downward he felt his stomach lurch as he saw the imprint of a paw in the soft 
earth. //Wargs!// His mind was barely able to form the word before he felt 
Haldir stiffen beside him. He turned to the Elf to try and reassure him that the 
tracks were at least a week old but the look in Haldir's eyes stole any words he 
might have had. 

The moment Haldir’s eyes found the track; he would have sworn his heart stopped 
beating. He suddenly could not breathe, and his leg, which had almost healed 
completely, seemed as if a hot brand had suddenly been held against it. He was 
back in the caves, in the large room at the very end of the passageway that 
stank of death and decay, alone except for the largest warg he’d ever laid eyes 
on. He heard the cell door slam shut and the shrill laughter of Nasir and the 
other guards. The tiny dagger in his hand looked even smaller as the warg eyed 
him, and as he kept a weary eye on the creature, he realized that the beating 
they’d just given him had him bleeding more heavily than normal. The warg could 
smell his blood, and it was driving the creature insane. 

As if in slow motion, Haldir saw the warg crouch, the hair on the back of it’s 
thick neck standing on end and stiffening for only a moment before the animal 
leapt high in the air. As sharp, razor-like teeth sank into his flesh, Haldir 
screamed and fell to his knees. 

He could not feel Faramir beside him, nor could he feel the fresh, clean air 
that surrounded them. His mind had taken over, overriding everything his body 
was telling him, and he finally gave in to the darkness he’d thus far managed to 
keep at bay. As he fell back against a cushion of soft leaves, his head struck a 
large rock and bounced helplessly to one side, and he knew no more. 

Faramir was unable to prevent Haldir from falling, his grip on the Elf's hand 
had been tight, but as he had crumpled to the ground Faramir could only follow 
him down. He tried to reach out, to steady him, but Haldir was dead weight and 
he fell to his knees almost astride of the fallen Elf. 

"Haldir?" Faramir cried out once he found his voice again. He saw blood on the 
rock and cursed himself for not being fast enough. Leaning close he could feel 
Haldir's breath against his cheek and sighed in relief. He was yet alive, only 
unconscious. 

The only thing he could think of, was that the memories of fighting the vile 
beasts had overwhelmed Haldir's already weary mind. "Gods...Haldir," he 
whispered helplessly. He staunched the bleeding with a piece of his under tunic; 
it was only a minor cut for which he was grateful. 

After a few moments, Faramir decided that they couldn't remain in the open as 
they were. There was no protection at all for them here. Scooping the 
unconscious Elf into his arms, he began to walk, with Haldir's head nestled 
under his chin like a child. Faramir was tired himself, but he would not fail 
his love. He faltered many times as the woods grew closer, and it was almost 
dark by the time he reached the edge. 

He had walked for hours carrying his precious charge, only stopping for a few 
sips of water, before continuing on. Now that he was on the edge of the Golden 
Wood, he remembered the warnings about men not being allowed to enter. Taking a 
deep breath, he called out in Elvish to the wardens he knew were hidden within 
the trees. "I need safe passage, and help. My name is Faramir, a Ranger from 
Gondor. I carry one of your own....he was a prisioner of the Haradrim like 
myself and he needs help. Please....please grant me entry!" he called. He waited 
a few moments and got no answer. "Please, do not turn him away. He is a son of 
Lorien! Haldir, a...former...your Marchwarden!" he cried out desperately. 
"Please!” 

*****
Chapter 10

Rumil had been the first to spot Faramir, and over a dozen other Elves soon 
followed suit. He had drawn his arrow, lined it up, and drew back the 
drawstring, seeming to magically appear from behind a tree, his arrowhead mere 
inches from Faramir’s head. He could see that the man was carrying something; 
most likely one of his own injured men, seeking help and healing from the Elves 
of the Golden Wood. As he’d opened his mouth to warn him away, Faramir’s words 
sank in. //Haldir? No…*that* cannot be my brother!// 

Dropping his bow to the ground, he moved quickly to stand in front of Faramir, 
eyeing him warily even as his hand reached out to brush back the dirty and 
tangled hair from the face of the unconscious being in his arms. He saw that the 
Ranger held no weapons in his hands, and slowly, his eyes drifted down to take 
in the unconscious form, knowing that the other Elves would have the Ranger in 
their sights if he did, indeed, try something. 

//Gods! It is Haldir! He is alive!…barely, it seems, but he *is* alive!// “He 
was a prisoner of the *Haradrim*?” he cried out softly. He reached out and 
gently tried to gather Haldir into his arms, but Haldir shivered and moaned as 
Rumil’s hands touched him and he burrowed closer to Faramir, even in his 
unconscious state not wishing for another’s touch. 

Slowly, almost a dozen other Elves slid silently from behind the trees to form a 
tight circle around the Ranger. Moving back slightly, Rumil looked at Faramir 
with pain-filled eyes. “Why will he not let me hold him? What have they done to 
him?” 

Faramir looked at the Elves surrounding him nervously. As one approached he 
could see something...familiar...about him. As the blonde looked at Haldir and 
spoke, Faramir nodded and then backed away slightly as the other had tried to 
take Haldir from him and his precious charge reacted almost violently. "He...he 
was badly mistreated for months. I...I am sorry I was not able to save him from 
their harshness....or help him escape sooner," Faramir said sadly, tears 
stinging at his eyes. He looked at the Elf before him and took a deep breath. 
"I...I fear he is fading," he said softly. 

The other Elves slowly began to move in a tighter circle around the newcomer, 
murmuring softly, as each tried to get a look at the unconscious Elf and 
convince themselves that this was, indeed, Haldir. Their dismayed voices filled 
the air and they looked at each other in horror. //*This* cannot be Haldir!// 

“*Fading?!*” Rumil choked out through tear filled eyes. “No…Not Haldir. He is 
strong…the strongest Elf in the Golden Woods. He cannot fade…he just…he wouldn’t 
do that to us.” He reached out again to try and take his brother from the 
Ranger’s arms, but just as before, Haldir cried out and wrapped his arms even 
tighter around Faramir’s neck, never fully gaining consciousness. “I…Gods…come, 
Ranger. Follow me. We must get him some help.” 

Faramir nodded, tightening his hold on Haldir to assure him he was safe. "I...I 
need to speak with his brothers, I...I promised...will you notify his brothers 
Rumil and Orophin? They must be worried sick about him. I promised him I would 
bring him home. He was walking on his own, albeit with my aid until early this 
morning. He...he is very weak and finally collapsed...I have carried him ever 
since," Faramir rambled breathlessly, the words spilling over one another in a 
mix of both Elvish and the common tongue, he was so exhausted. Even through his 
exhaustion, he kept his promise to Haldir to not reveal too much. He would not 
want them to know how he collapsed or why. //That is for him to tell them, if at 
all.// 

Rumil studied the Ranger’s face for a moment as he wiped away his tears. //He 
looks exhausted as well. But why is Haldir clinging to him?// “I am Rumil,” he 
said softly. “Orophin is out on patrol. I will send word for him to meet us. I 
do not know how you found him, or why you cared enough to bring him home to us, 
but we will be forever grateful to you, Ranger. If you will convince Haldir to 
let me hold him, I will carry him and you can leave us, or you may take some 
time and rest before you go. My Lord and Lady will surely give you some reward 
for bringing my brother home.” 

"I do not wish for a reward," Faramir said softly the word reward twisting into 
something almost bitter. "I was a prisoner of the Haradrim as well, he...he was 
my cellmate," he explained. "We...we endured quite a lot together, and...he has 
become...accustomed to my touch after so long. I...I will not leave him. If that 
is what you are asking me to do, then...then you may as well have those Elves 
with arrows drawn on me loose them," he said firmly. 

Rumil arched one eyebrow in surprise, realizing that Faramir was serious, and 
had no intention of letting Haldir go. The words ‘we endured quite a lot’ rang 
in his ears and he couldn’t help but wonder exactly what his brother had been 
through over the past months. 

Search parties had been sent out to look for Haldir and his archers, but they’d 
only found the slain bodies of several Elves in Haldir’s company, and no sign of 
their leader. Several patrols were still searching, and Rumil and Orophin had 
wandered far and wide in search of their brother, with no luck whatsoever. Now, 
here he was, in the arms of a Ranger, looking almost worse than some of the 
slain Elven bodies they’d found in the distant forests. 

“Thank you, Ranger,” Rumil said softly, resisting the urge to at least grasp his 
brother’s hand. “We will help him. Carry him if you wish, but if he becomes to 
heavy, we will take him. He does not look able to put up much of a fight.” 

"You might be surprised," Faramir smiled slightly. "Your brother...I...I have 
never witnessed such strength. You cannot imagine all that he has been through 
these past months. I have treated his wounds, bound them and cleaned them, and 
even I cannot believe he survived. I can't lose him now," Faramir said softly 
not realizing in his exhaustion how his last words might be taken. He followed 
Rumil slowly, his feet feeling like lead, but he continued onward. He would not 
hand Haldir over even to his own brother. Not when he was yet so frightened. 

Rumil heard the conviction in Faramir’s voice and shook his head in disbelief as 
Faramir said he could not lose Haldir now. //By the Valar, I think this man 
cares for him. Why else would he take so much time and bring him here, when he 
could have easily left him long ago? And…Gods. What have they done to Haldir? 
What if I’ve lost my brother for good, even if he does survive? Will he ever be 
the same?// 

They slowly made their way through the forest, Rumil stealing glances at his 
brother and the Ranger who was carrying him, and the other Elves keeping a 
respectful distance behind them. He stopped when he reached the base of one of 
the largest mallorn trees, eyeing the winding staircase with unease. “I think 
you are too tired to follow me,” he said to Faramir. “Stay here, and I will 
bring someone to help him.” 

Faramir looked at the staircase and sighed in relief. "Thank you," he whispered, 
leaning against the large trunk to give his legs some rest. Cradling Haldir in 
his lap as he leaned against the tree, he kept one arm around Haldir's back and 
raised the other to brush his hair from his face. "You are home, mellonamin," he 
whispered softly, "Please, hold on a little longer for me, we've come so far." 
He rested his chin against Haldir's head and closed his eyes while he waited for 
Rumil to return. He had not even the energy to look about him, to see the fabled 
beauty of Lorien. All he wanted was to hold Haldir close, and rest. 

Rumil ran swiftly up the winding staircase and called out for his Lord and Lady. 
Hand in hand, they met him at the top, having sensed that their long lost 
Marchwarden had come home, but bidding Rumil to calm down and explain as he 
finally reached the top of their talan. The breathless Elf told him as quickly 
as possibly all that he knew and begged them to help his brother. 

Galadriel closed her eyes as Rumil spoke and reached out to Haldir and gasped. 
The pain that she encountered almost made her knees buckle but she 
sensed...something more than pain. Turning her attention to his companion, she 
again felt pain, this time guilt, anger, worry, and fear as well as great love. 
A small smile touched her lips and she opened her eyes. "He is in pain, but I 
sense that he will not pass from this world yet, Rumil. Let us go to him," she 
said releasing her husband's hand and descending the staircase behind Rumil. As 
they approached, her eyes seemed to sparkle as she saw the bond that surrounded 
both Haldir and his companion. 

Taking heart in Galadriel’s words, Rumil raced back down the staircase as fast 
as he could. When he reached the bottom, he found Faramir cradling Haldir close, 
eyes closed, yet still looking as if he would be more than ready to fight off 
anyone who dared touch the Elf in his arms. “Ranger?” he said softly. “I have 
brought help…if anyone can save my brother, it will be the Lady of the Wood. 
Will…will he let her touch him?” 

"I...I think so. A...a woman's touch may not frighten him as much since it was 
men who...who did this to him //even myself//," Faramir said softly. He looked 
at the Lady of the Golden Wood and felt his mouth go dry. She seemed to glow and 
not so much walk, as float across the ground it seemed. He shook his head for a 
moment, thinking that he was just seeing things in his exhaustion. 
"Where...where should I take him?" he asked, hoping they wouldn't need to climb 
a tree. Not that he had any aversion to it, but he was so tired. 

“Follow me,” Rumil said softly, as his eyes again drifted back to his eldest 
brother. He managed to drag his gaze away and lead Faramir to a small clearing 
in the trees. It was often used for healing injured soldiers who were too weary 
to climb, and he led Faramir to a large stone covered in a thick blanket of 
newly fallen leaves. It was just long enough for Haldir’s body, and wide enough 
so that several Elves…or, in this case, two Elves and a man, could all sit by 
Haldir’s side if they so wished. “There…lay him down. I think…maybe you should 
stay close by him for the moment, if you wouldn’t mind.” Without waiting for an 
answer, Rumil looked up and met Galadriel’s gaze. “He will not let me touch him, 
but he seems comfortable with this Ranger’s touch.” 

Galadriel simply smiled at Rumil knowingly and inclined her head. "You have 
cared for him for some time now?" she asked softly, as Faramir laid Haldir on 
the healer’s stone. Faramir simply nodded in response to her question and she 
looked down at Haldir. "He has endured much, his soul is weary, and the light 
within is dim but far from gone," she whispered. 

She asked for Rumil to have healing herbs and fresh water to be brought and laid 
her slender hand across Haldir's forehead. Closing her eyes, she nearly wept 
when the pain within him hit her with a force she was not expecting. She 
swallowed hard and tried to sense how deep his injuries were and her eyes 
snapped open. She looked at the Ranger for a long moment but said nothing. "His 
faer almost faded from this world, but it has stopped now." 

Rumil stared from Galadriel to Faramir in stunned silence. Even Galadriel didn’t 
have to power to stop him from fading…yet…//It has stopped now? How? When? 
*WHY*?// Haldir certainly looked as if he were beyond help, but….if he started 
fading, how could he possibly have stopped? Unless…//Gods, Haldir. What in the 
name of the Valar has been happening to you these last months? And could 
this…this….*Ranger* have saved you?// 

Faramir didn't know what to think as the Lady's eyes and Rumil's moved to him 
and back to Haldir. The whole time he simply held Haldir's hand tight within his 
own. When she said that his fading had stopped, he hung his head and then looked 
up at her gratefully. "I...I have no words to express my thanks," he said 
softly, not noticing the odd look that Rumil gave him. 

Galadriel nodded, knowing that the Ranger didn't know that *he* was who saved 
Haldir. //Why have you kept it to yourself, Haldir? He loves you...one does not 
need great foresight to see that.// When the other healers arrived she backed 
away. 

"The healers will see to him now...you stay here with him. Keep close; he draws 
strength from your presence, Faramir. If you move too far away it...may weaken 
him," she said delicately. "I bid you good evening," she said starting to walk 
away. 

“Thank you, my Lady...I...you have me at a disadvantage, I do not recall giving 
you my name," Faramir said. He was relieved but confused. 

"You did not...rest, Faramir....stay close to your dear one," she said knowingly 
and walked away. Faramir shook his head in confusion and looked at Rumil oddly. 

Rumil tried to take Haldir’s free hand in his own, but Haldir simply pulled away 
and scooted closer to Faramir. //You…you saved him? Do you know even know that 
it was you to whom he owes his life?//With a sigh, Rumil met Faramir’s gaze and 
shook his head as he saw the healers gathering their supplies and heading their 
way. “So you are…friends, then? He trusts you?” he asked, trying to figure out 
exactly how much Faramir knew about what had happened. He wondered if they had 
declared their love to each other before Haldir had fallen, or if they even knew 
how the other felt. Judging from the innocent look in Faramir’s eyes, Rumil 
wasn’t exactly sure the Ranger knew what he’d done. 

"Yes, we are friends and...he does trust me. I feel I've not done enough to earn 
the amount of trust he puts in me, but I will do all that I can to never fail 
him....at least not again. I could not protect him when we were prisoners, only 
because he would not allow me. I would have offered myself in his place, and 
even now...if I could take his pain...I would," Faramir said softly, gazing at 
Haldir and not looking at Rumil. "He...he has endured more than any being should 
ever have to." 

Rumil’s already pale face lost what little color it had, and he shivered. He 
could see that Faramir spoke with conviction, and believed him all the more when 
he said Haldir would not allow him to take his place. //Haldir, my dear brother, 
I think you have managed to find love after all these years. I can only hope 
that you will accept it, and not let it slip from your grasp.// “Thank you for 
saving him,” he whispered as his eyes again drifted down to Haldir. “He is lucky 
you found him, and that you cared enough for him to save his life. I…I take it 
you will be staying here in Lorien then?” //Well, of *course* he will. They are 
bonded, and Haldir will be in no position to travel with him for a long while.// 

Faramir shook his head, "I only helped him escape, your Lady saved him," he said 
softly. "I...do care about him, and...I do suppose I'll be staying here at least 
until Haldir is healed. I will need to send word to my father and brother in 
Gondor. To let them know that I am still alive myself. I...beyond that, I do not 
know. We...we never discussed anything beyond escaping and getting here to 
Lorien. I...well...between you and me I would wish to stay but...I do not think 
Haldir will wish it," he said softly. //Not once it dawns on him what I was 
forced to do...not once he's stronger and realizes that he cannot face me one 
more day.// 

//Never discussed anything? Then when did you bond? And why would Haldir not 
wish for you to stay? And…// Rumil shook his head, trying to clear away the 
jumble of thoughts racing through his head. He had so many questions for 
Faramir, and there was so much he needed to understand. It was apparent that 
Faramir had no idea that he was now bound to Haldir, and Rumil knew it wasn’t 
his place to tell him. His lips were sealed, unless Faramir tried to leave, then 
he would tell the Ranger the truth, if Haldir refused to do so. 

Seeing the healers motioning Rumil to move away so they could work, he stood and 
smiled at Faramir. “My Lady was not the one who saved him,” he whispered. “You 
did. And I think you might be surprised about what my brother would wish for. 
Whatever he might or might not say, he needs you, Faramir. He knows it, but he 
may not want to admit it to you…his greatest fear is being a burden to someone 
he cares about. I must go and find Orophin now, and find someone to send word to 
your family. I will leave you with Haldir and the healers. Just…just promise me 
that you will listen to Haldir’s heart, and not necessarily his words. Can you 
do that?” 

Faramir stared at Rumil in confusion. //I saved him? No...no I almost sealed his 
fate.// "I....I am afraid I don't completely understand, but...I will try," he 
said smiling. Faramir watched as Rumil walked away and he looked back down at 
Haldir and brushed his hair from his face with his free hand. He stayed out of 
the way while the healers worked and anytime Haldir moaned or moved away from 
them, Faramir leaned over him and whispered to him. After what seemed an 
eternity, the healers were finally finished. They had cleaned him and dressed 
all of Haldir's wounds, including his most recent to his head. Last they pulled 
a loose nightshirt over him. They never spoke a word about all of the scars and 
wounds; they simply did their jobs in silence. After they were finished, one of 
the healers asked him to carry Haldir and follow him. Faramir scooped Haldir 
into his arms and followed the Elf. "Where are we going?" he asked. 

The healer smiled kindly at Faramir, realizing that he must be completely at a 
loss. “Haldir needs healing sleep…most likely days of it, before he can begin 
his recovery. I think he would rest easier in his own talan. We are taking him 
there.”

They threaded their way among dozens of enormous trees, each boasting elegant 
stairs and large landings wound among their limbs. Finally, he stopped at the 
foot of one of the great silver trees and looked up. “This is Haldir’s. I think 
there is no more that I can do for him now. He needs you, Ranger. I will check 
on him often, but even my touch seems to upset him and I have known him since he 
was an Elfling. Let him rest, and call for me if you have need of me. I am 
Mirdan, and I will listen for you. Take care of him…he is well-loved and greatly 
respected among our warriors.” 

The healer started to make his way back down the stairs and gave Faramir a 
final, encouraging nod. “I will send someone back with some food and warm water. 
If you would like to bathe, you will find a small tub just on the other side of 
the bed and I’m sure Haldir wouldn’t mind if you made use of his clothes. But 
please…just stay close to him. He’ll need you, even in his sleep, and if he 
awakes and you aren’t here, it would only serve to make him worse.” With that, 
the healer quickly made his way down the stairs, leaving Haldir alone in 
Faramir’s care. 

Faramir had followed the healer up into a talan and was told it was Haldir's. He 
felt a smile cross his face, "You truly are home now, mellonamin," he whispered 
softly. As the healer spoke, Faramir nodded. "I will...I will take care of him," 
he said smiling. "Thank you, Mirdan. Food and a bath would be most welcome." 

The healer left and Faramir carried Haldir to the room in the back, which served 
as Haldir's bedroom. Seeing the bed, he laid Haldir on it and covered him 
carefully, tucking the covers around him. Faramir looked around the room and 
pulled a chair from the corner of the room to beside the bed. He was exhausted, 
but his clothes were dirty and he was desperately in need of a bath. He didn't 
wish to get the bed dirty especially now that Haldir was clean. The healers had 
even washed his hair, and it laid spread out against the pillow in a beautiful 
golden fan. 

Since his collapse, Haldir had known very little of what was going on around 
him. His terror at seeing the warg print had quickly abated, and he realized he 
was in Faramir’s arms. No matter how hard he tried, he was unable to wake, and, 
finally, he’d simply stopped trying. As long as Faramir was near, Haldir knew 
that he was safe. 

He was in a dream world – not exactly sleeping, or healing, but simply no longer 
able to fight off the world around him. At one point, he felt strange hands 
reaching out for him, and his terror returned as his mind filled with memories 
of other hands that had hurt him and tormented him until he prayed for death. 
But Faramir had pulled him closer, and the hands, blessedly, had left him. He’d 
sensed… something…touching his mind, but it was pure and gentle, and he did not 
try to fight it. 

Finally, he felt a gentle peacefulness settle over him, and he knew that 
somehow, Faramir had brought him home…to the Golden Wood, and even to his very 
own talan. //Thank you, my love. I don’t know how you managed it, but thank you 
for protecting me.// He finally relaxed completely, and fell into a deep sleep, 
snuggled in his own bed, under his own blankets, feeling that Faramir was close 
by and he was finally going to heal. 

Faramir sat in the chair beside Haldir's bed waiting for someone to return with 
food and water, in the meantime he was so tired he simply stretched his legs out 
in front of him and closed his eyes. His hand was tangled with Haldir's and he 
hadn't intended to nod off, but his own exhaustion had caught up with him. After 
a few minutes of dozing however, he heard someone on the steps outside the talan 
and immediately his eyes flew open and he sat forward in his chair. He bent his 
leg so he could easily reach his knife, though he knew deep down he wouldn't 
need it here in the Golden Wood or in Haldir's talan...but many days of 
constantly being on guard wasn't something he could easily set aside. He could 
hear movement in the other room but he was uncomfortable about leaving Haldir 
alone. 

A tall, blonde Elf knocked gently and announced his arrival. “We have food and 
water for you and Haldir,” he called. “We’ve been ordered to leave you in peace, 
but if you would like one of us to watch over him while you bathe, we would be 
honored.” He started to ask if they needed another bed brought up, but he 
thought better of it. No one knew the extent of Haldir’s injuries, but rumor was 
that Haldir had bonded with this Ranger, so obviously they would share one bed. 
He waited for further instructions and shushed the Elves that had followed him, 
wondering if he should let everyone file in and fill the tub, or if the Ranger 
would rather they simply set the buckets down and leave. 

Faramir released Haldir's hand and crossed the room to the doorway. "Thank you," 
he said softly. "I...the tub is just the other side of the bed. I think we will 
be fine. I...I appreciate your offer, but...he's resting and I'd prefer not to 
disturb him. Just leave everything here and I'll take care of it. Perhaps, 
when...he's more alert it will be all right, but for now...he...he's been 
through a lot," he said sadly. "Are...are his brothers back? If so...I hate to 
ask them to wait, they are his family, but...I think it might be best if they 
waited until morning to visit him. I will be glad to speak with them...but I 
will not leave him. Please...let them know for me. I am not trying to take their 
brother away, I...just want what's best for him," he explained in halting 
Elvish. He was so tired he could barely remember his own language let alone 
others. 

The troop of Elves began to whisper again, wondering what could have happened to 
Haldir during his long absence. After a moment, they made their way back down 
the steps, leaving only Aredhel, the Elf who had spoken earlier, alone on the 
landing. “I will give Rumil and Orophin your message,” he said, “Orophin and 
Rumil…they are…not exactly the type of Elves who would want to sit by Haldir’s 
sickbed anyway. Already, they are packing for the journey to find these 
Haradrim.” 

"Then they will need more than a few warriors for the journey. We were held by a 
company of Haradrim. If they will wait for a message to be sent to Gondor, my 
brother would be glad to send a company of men to help reclaim the caves they 
inhabit. They were once under Gondor's rule, but we abandoned them when we had 
to withdraw from the territory. We should have sealed them so they would not be 
used for...for a prison," Faramir said softly, not wanting Haldir to overhear 
should he awaken. 

Aredhel nodded silently, feeling his heart clench as he imagined what had 
probably happened to Haldir these last few months. “I will tell them,” he said, 
turning back toward the staircase. “Maybe they will gather a company and take 
the message to Gondor themselves so they can get to the Haradrim even more 
quickly. As expected, they are quite angry, and want revenge for the harm their 
brother suffered. Half the warriors in Lorien are ready to kill the Haradrim, 
and they haven’t even seen the state Haldir was in. I will take my leave of you 
now. If you need anything else, simply call out for me. My talan is not far 
away, and I will be glad to bring you whatever you desire.” 

"I would be glad to send the message with them. My brother would be more than 
happy to retake those caves after what I have to tell him," Faramir said 
bitterly. Shaking his head he took a deep breath, "Thank you...again. I will 
call for you if we should need anything. Goodnight," he said picking up one of 
the buckets of warm water and already carrying it to the bedroom before the Elf 
had even departed. 

Slowly, Faramir filled the tub and then stripped down quietly and slipped into 
the warm water. He sighed softly and closed his eyes for a long moment. He was 
so tired that his thoughts were jumbled in his head, all he knew was that he 
would not leave Haldir's side for any reason. 

After a few minutes of just soaking in the water, he set to work scrubbing with 
the fresh scented soap they had left, and then washed his hair. 

Soon, he was finished and standing beside the tub wrapped in a towel and looking 
around Haldir's bedroom trying to determine which chest held clothing. He moved 
about the room quietly and soon happened across a chest, which held a 
nightshirt. He pulled it on and stepped onto the small balcony and laid the 
towel over the rail there. Returning to the other room, he ate a few bites of 
the food the Elves had left but was simply too tired. He returned to the 
bedroom, snuffed out the lamp there and slid into bed next to Haldir, wrapping 
his arms around him carefully. 

Haldir sighed and turned to face Faramir, never fully waking up. The tunic 
Faramir had chosen laced up the front, and the lose laces exposed a wide ‘v’ on 
Faramir’s broad chest. Haldir buried his face against warm skin, breathing in 
the scent of the man he loved, and wrapped his arm around Faramir’s waist. He 
burrowed as close as possible and murmured Faramir’s name softly in his sleep 
before once again drifting back into a dreamless slumber. 

Faramir glanced down at the golden head burrowed against him and smiled. //I 
love you so much, Haldir.// He sighed softly and pressed a gentle kiss against 
the top of Haldir's head. "You are home, my love, rest," he whispered knowing 
that Haldir was asleep and wouldn't recall the words even if he heard them. With 
that Faramir closed his eyes and finally allowed himself to sleep.

*****

Chapter 11

It had been three says since they had arrived in Lorien and Haldir had slept 
almost the entire time uninterrupted by nightmares or anything else. His 
brothers had come to visit only to discover their brother was still asleep. They 
talked with Faramir for a short time, not asking for details, and the Ranger 
didn't offer any. He told them what they needed to know, and wrote a letter to 
be delivered to Boromir of Gondor and one for the Steward. Both were shocked to 
learn the young man was actually the Steward's youngest son. Faramir had drawn 
them maps, given them details of the caves, all of the entrances and exits he 
knew of, and even numbers of men stationed there. 

This morning had been no different than the previous two mornings. Faramir awoke 
with his arms tightly wound around Haldir and Haldir's face buried against his 
neck. He'd decided that if he woke that way for the rest of his life it simply 
wouldn't be enough. 

Drawing back slightly, he looked down at the beautiful face cradled against his 
shoulder. He had worried about the fact Haldir hadn't woken, up but the healers 
assured him that he was healing. That he needed to sleep, so Faramir had tried 
to accept that. He missed seeing Haldir's eyes though, missed talking to 
him...just...spending time with him. Though....watching him sleep had it's 
benefits. He could tell him how much he loved him without risk of frightening 
his friend. 

As he watched Haldir's face serene in sleep, Faramir leaned forward and pressed 
a gentle kiss against his forehead, not daring for more even with his love 
asleep. "I wish you'd join me today. I'm getting lonely and I've already read 
all your books," he whispered gently. 

Haldir vaguely heard Faramir speaking and smiled. His body had healed 
remarkably, and though he could remember little of the past few days, he knew 
that Faramir had never once left his side. He shifted against his love, and 
murmured his name again as he pulled him closer still. “Faramir?” he asked 
sleepily. He resisted pulling away from the sweet warmth Faramir offered, and 
moved only his head back to smile up at the man he loved. “Gods…how long have I 
been asleep?” 

"Well hello there," Faramir said smiling brightly as Haldir smiled up at him. 
"You have been asleep for almost three whole days. How are you feeling?" he 
asked. Faramir couldn't possibly express how happy he was to see Haldir looking 
up at him, his stunning blue eyes clear and not clouded with pain.

Haldir was momentarily breathless by the beauty of Faramir’s smile, which only 
served to make his own smile grow wider. Deep down, he told himself that he 
should tell Faramir to leave, to find happiness with someone better, but 
another, more adamant part of him insisted that he could simply enjoy a few more 
days of this, of just being close to a friend who was doing his best to help 
him. Haldir could insist Faramir return to Gondor after that. //For now, if only 
for a few days, we can enjoy each other as friends.// “I feel much better,” he 
said, stretching gingerly, and realizing that he was completely pain free for 
the first time in months. “Gods…Faramir. I almost feel like my old self again. 
And I’m starving!” 

Faramir laughed, "I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better...and I guess 
I will need to do something about the fact you are starving," he said with a 
grin. "I'll get you some breakfast," he said softly as he drew back and released 
Haldir. He caught himself just before he brushed a kiss over Haldir's forehead 
and abruptly pulled away. Sitting up, he gave Haldir a quick smile and climbed 
out of bed. "I'll just be a few minutes, and will bring you breakfast," he said 
helping Haldir to sit up and fluffing pillows behind him. He was so happy to see 
Haldir awake he couldn't stop smiling at him. "I...I'll just be in the other 
room if you need anything just call out," he said going through the doorway. 
//You idiot you almost kissed him!// 

Feeling his breath catch in his throat, Haldir almost found himself hoping 
Faramir would kiss him. When he drew away and left the room, he sighed inwardly, 
knowing that he had no right to wish for such a thing. Faramir had seen him 
safely home, just as promised, and was most likely already planning a quick tour 
of the Golden Wood, just as promised, and then returning to Gondor as quickly as 
possible. The very thought of leaving his talan sent shivers through Haldir’s 
body, erasing his smile immediately, and darkening his eyes. Not to mention the 
thought of Faramir actually leaving. //He has to leave. You know that.// Hearing 
Faramir approaching, Haldir quickly pasted a smile back on his face and waited, 
determined not to let Faramir see his dark thoughts. 

Faramir had quickly made tea and gathered a few items on a tray; he wasn't sure 
what Haldir would want to eat. Or...even what he could eat after being asleep so 
long and their diets being so meager, so he just placed whatever he could think 
of on the tray. Returning to the bedroom, he smiled as he saw Haldir sitting up 
in bed waiting for him. "I...wasn't sure what you'd feel up to...so I thought a 
variety might be a good thing," he said blushing slightly. 

Surveying the food-laden tray, Haldir’s dark mood was pushed away as Faramir’s 
nearness calmed and soothed him automatically. He reached for a bowl of fruit 
and brought a honey-sweetened berry to his lips. He realized the other Elves 
must have brought food, as there were a large variety of fruits, cakes, dried 
meats, and bread. He lifted the tray and crossed his legs as he gestured for 
Faramir to join him on the bed. “Eat with me, mellonamin,” he smiled. “I 
remember how you share…giving me the largest portions of the food, while you 
take little for yourself. As you can see, there is plenty, and I would love 
nothing more than to share a real meal with you for a change.” 

Faramir laughed, "Well...I haven't been asleep for three days, I've had plenty 
of chance to eat," Faramir teased, "But, I would be glad to join you." He sat 
down on the bed next to Haldir, facing him and lifted his own cup of tea to his 
lips. "See...even got myself a cup of tea too," he grinned. 

For a moment, Faramir sat silently watching Haldir eat and looked down at the 
tray absently tracing a pattern on his cup with his fingertip. "Haldir...I am so 
glad to see you awake. I...you really gave me quite a scare. If it hadn't been 
for Lady Galadriel I fear I'd have lost you," he said softly. He didn't remember 
a time in his life when he'd ever been so worried, or afraid of losing someone. 
Not even when Boromir was injured once. 

//Oh, love…it was you who saved me, not her.// Haldir drank his tea in silence 
and studied Faramir’s dear face. Now was the time to explain, if there ever was 
one, but he simply could not bring himself to speak the words that would tell 
Faramir that he was bound to him, Haldir, for the rest of his life. He deserved 
so much better, so much more. “Mellonamin, I…did Lady Galadriel tell 
you…anything about my injuries? About my…fading? Or…or why I didn’t?” 

"No, she...well," Faramir frowned, "No offence to your Lady... but... she's... 
well...a bit vague sometimes. Or...perhaps I was just too tired to understand 
what she was saying. I myself, ended up sleeping over half a day once we got 
here," he explained. "Your...your brothers came to see you, and I spoke with 
them. I couldn't talk them out of going to take revenge on our captors. I made 
sure they took an entire company of warriors with them, and they are taking a 
message to both my brother and my father. My brother, I asked to send a company 
of men to assist the Elven warriors in retaking the caves," he explained. It 
wasn't something he wanted to talk about with Haldir so soon, but...he needed to 
know where his family was. 

Haldir’s eyes widened as Faramir spoke of Rumil and Orophin. He found that he 
wasn’t surprised in the least. If this had happened to one of them, he would 
have done the same thing. And, in the back of his mind, he was ashamed to admit, 
he was almost glad that he wouldn’t have to explain what had happened to them. 
The mere thought of speaking to anyone other than Faramir made his heart race 
and his stomach clench. He had no doubt that between the Elven warriors and the 
Gondorian soldiers, they would make quick work of the Haradrim. //Something *I* 
should have done, instead of letting myself end up as their prisoner…as 
their…*toy*…// He trembled at the very thought, and suddenly lost his appetite. 
“They…they will be safe. They are strong warriors, and no doubt took enough 
soldiers to do the job. They…don’t know what happened to me, do they?” 

"Nothing beyond the obvious. I told you I would not betray you, Haldir, and I 
won't. No one knows but the two of us about...about...*that*. They only know of 
the beatings and lack of medical attention," he explained carefully. "I...I am 
sorry to have brought it up, I just...assumed you'd wonder why I'm here and not 
your family," he whispered toying with a piece of bread not able to look up at 
Haldir. 

“I don’t want them here,” Haldir said quickly, before he could screen his 
thoughts. “I want *you* here, and no one else. I…I know you must be wanting to 
return to your home, but…but…If you could just stay for a while…I don’t want to 
see anyone, not yet, but I’m not ready to let you go either…” His face flushed 
and he realized he was rambling, but couldn’t seem to stop the flow of words 
that fell from his lips. “I just…I can’t let anyone know, and I don’t want to be 
alone, and…and…” His voice finally trailed off as his grip on the teacup in his 
hand finally shattered the fragile porcelain. “I’m sorry,” he said in a small 
voice. “Gods…I’m so sorry.” 

Faramir was shocked by Haldir's reaction and stood up quickly to grab a towel. 
"Don't...don't be sorry," he said moving back to the bed and moving the tray to 
sit on the chair beside it. "Here, let me see your hands," he said taking the 
shards of the cup from him carefully and setting them aside on the bedside 
table. Then he carefully checked Haldir's hands for cuts and breathed a sigh of 
relief when he found none. Haldir was still apologizing and he simply wrapped 
his arms around him and began rocking him in his arms. "I'm not leaving...I'm 
not, there is nothing to be sorry for...please, love...please, it's all right. I 
have you," Faramir babbled unaware of the endearment slipping past his lips, he 
was so worried about Haldir; the words didn't register before they left his 
mouth. 

Haldir wrapped his arms around Faramir’s waist and sobbed quietly, his good mood 
of only moments before completely forgotten. As Faramir held him close and began 
whispering, the Silvan Elf would have sworn he was hearing things. //Love? 
Gods…He can’t still love me! Not after seeing me like this, not after what they 
made him do!// He had truly convinced himself that their bond was nothing more 
than the result of the Valar bewitching Faramir, but if that were true, surely 
he would have been released by now. He pulled away slowly and looked through 
tear filled eyes at Faramir’s beloved face. “Don’t…don’t say that,” he 
whispered. “You can’t love me…you can’t. You…shouldn’t.” 

Faramir held Haldir close and then felt him stiffen and pull away. When he 
looked down into Haldir's eyes he felt his heart break. "But I do...and I 
have...I...I was afraid to tell you before...but I love you, Haldir. I have 
loved you since the first moment you looked up at me in that horrible place. 
I...I am sorry if you don't wish it...and I would never...never expect you to 
love me in return. Just..." he trailed off and sighed. "I just can't hide it 
anymore. I love you, Haldir. I do not expect you to love me in return, 
and...don't expect anything else. I...if it bothers you so, I won't say it 
again. I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he said drawing 
away from him but not leaving the bed. 

Wiping away his tears, Haldir fought with himself for long moments. His feelings 
about a physical relationship hadn’t changed….he simply didn’t think he could 
ever bear letting anyone take him again, and that wasn’t fair to Faramir. But 
hearing Faramir *say* the words broke down every last wall of resistance he had 
in him, and he reached out to cup Faramir’s face in his hand. Slowly turning the 
beloved face toward his own, Haldir took a deep breath. “Faramir…don’t you know 
that’s why I’m still here? Because I love you too? It was your love that gave me 
the strength to stay with you.” He bit back his words before he could tell 
Faramir of the bond. Maybe…just maybe they could spend time together. Declaring 
their love, and…and Faramir…//What? Faramir would be stuck in a relationship 
with you forever. Even if you could live like this, he would *have* to have 
physical release one day, and you would fade if he took his release with 
another. This cannot work, you foolish Elf! It cannot! You should have been 
stronger and kept your mouth closed!// 

Faramir felt his heart leap within his chest when Haldir said that he loved him. 
"You...you love me?" he asked smiling. "You love me," he repeated as if in 
amazement. Very carefully, he wrapped his arms around Haldir and held him close. 
He didn't know what to do or say, his heart felt like it was ready to leap from 
his chest and he didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry or both. //Never have 
I thought that he would love me in return. Not...not after what I did...what I 
couldn't prevent.// 

“I *do* love you, Faramir,” Haldir whispered closing his eyes, and pressing a 
soft kiss against Faramir’s neck. “Gods, I’ve loved you since...since before 
they…” Shivering at the very thought, he shook his head. “Don’t you see? That’s 
why you shouldn’t love me. I can never…never give you everything you deserve. 
After…after what happened, I don’t think I could ever bear to be in a…physical 
relationship again. We should love each other as great friends, but you should 
find your happiness elsewhere. I will always love you, no matter what you do, 
but I cannot offer you more than that.” 

Faramir shook his head, "I don't want anyone else...this isn't about...I loved 
you before that. I've loved you for *you* Haldir, not...not physically not that 
I didn't want that. I find you to be the most beautiful person I've ever known, 
but...I can love you...have loved you without even ever kissing you," he said 
softly. "I...I know after what happened....after....after what *I* had to do, 
that there is no way you could ever want intimacy with me...and I won't ask it 
of you and I will not seek it elsewhere." 

Haldir pulled away and looked into Faramir’s eyes. “You can’t mean that, 
meleth,” he whispered. “It’s not that I don’t want it with *you*, and it has 
nothing, nothing at all, to do with what they made you do. Gods, I loved you 
before that…long before that. It’s what *they* did to me. I…I don’t think I can 
ever be intimate with anyone, but if I could, I would only want that with you.” 
Resting his forehead against Faramir’s, he ran his fingers through the soft hair 
over Faramir’s temple. “You don’t understand. I cannot tie you down like that; I 
cannot ask this of you. I love you too much for that.” 

"Then I think we might be at an impasse, my love, because I love you too much to 
just walk away. I cannot and I will not," Faramir said firmly. "It...it isn't 
something we need to decide this morning. You just woke up after being so very 
close to death, Haldir. I nearly lost you...please, love. We...we don't have to 
decide anything right now, but I assure you...I won't be leaving you. My heart 
belongs to you and no one else," he whispered softly. //It would kill me as 
surely as an arrow through my heart if I lost you. I practically told your 
brother to have me shot if they meant for me to leave you.// 

Haldir leaned back against the pillows, and pulled Faramir down to lie beside 
him. “You’re right,” he whispered, as he looked up at Faramir with sparkling 
eyes and took a deep breath, “let’s not argue about this. I…I can’t believe you 
love me, after seeing me like…*that*, after knowing what they’ve done to me, but 
I cannot deny that you do, since your love saved me. You said you loved me 
without ever kissing me. Will…will you do that now? Will you kiss me? Do…do you 
even want to? I’ve wanted to taste your lips for so long now.” 

"Do I want to?" Faramir asked as he settled beside Haldir on the bed. "I have 
wanted to kiss you so many times...so many, love," he whispered. He was afraid 
to frighten Haldir, he was still fragile...much like the porcelain cup that had 
shattered so easily earlier. Faramir made sure he was well on top of the 
blankets and that his lower body did not press against Haldir's before he leaned 
down and gently brushed his lips against Haldir's. He moved slowly, just a 
gentle press against soft lips and gradually sinking further into the kiss as he 
felt Haldir relax against him. He concentrated on not letting his passion for 
Haldir overwhelm him, and waited to let Haldir decide how much he did or did not 
want. 

Haldir’s arms slid around Faramir, and he tentatively parted his lips and licked 
at the soft lips brushing against his own. He recognized how careful Faramir was 
being, and loved him all the more for that. Slowly, his tongue pressed forward 
and explored the warm cavern of Faramir’s mouth, and he thought that he had 
never in his long life tasted anything so very sweet, not even the honey he’d 
tasted earlier. After long moments, he let his tongue glide across slick teeth 
and back between his own lips as he clung to Faramir and sighed into the kiss. 
His lips parted again and he silently invited Faramir to explore his own mouth, 
praying that Faramir would find him even half as delicious. 

Faramir sighed into the kiss as Haldir's tongue slid past his lips and gently 
explored his mouth. He was careful not to push for too much and as Haldir 
invited him entrance, he felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. Slowly, his 
tongue slipped past soft lips and gently explored his love's mouth, and suddenly 
realized never in his life had a kiss been this perfect. He had never tasted 
anything sweeter, and he knew that he would never again wish to kiss another. 
This was what it felt like to love someone with everything you are. Gently, he 
continued to explore, and kiss his love, his hands trailing through soft golden 
hair. 

Haldir gave himself over to the kiss, his worries and fears pushed to the back 
of his mind as the man he loved so dearly kissed him. He pulled Faramir closer, 
and thought that he would happily give up breathing, if these incredible lips 
would just stay sealed over his forever. But slowly, without Haldir’s knowledge 
or consent, his body slowly began to betray him. Bit by bit, he was becoming 
aroused, and he was almost startled when he realized he had to fight the urge 
not to twist his hips and press his arousal against Faramir’s hip. Faramir 
wasn’t pushing for anything, and Haldir had no idea whether he was aroused as 
well or not, but he *knew* this was wrong. He was teasing Faramir, teasing him 
when he well knew that he couldn’t offer more. Gasping, he pulled away from the 
kiss and looked with frightened eyes up at Faramir. “I…I’m so sorry. I…I can’t. 
*This* is why you can’t love me.” His eyes once again filled with tears and he 
turned his body away from Faramir so Faramir wouldn’t see or feel his arousal, 
which was quickly dwindling. “Gods, I’m so sorry,” he sobbed quietly. 

Faramir was startled when Haldir pulled away and simply hung his head and got up 
from the bed thinking that it would be easier for Haldir if he weren't lying 
beside him. He moved around to the other side of the bed and knelt beside it, 
brushing Haldir's hair back from his face and wiping the tears away gently. "But 
I *do* love you...if that is all that you can offer me is a kiss as sweet as 
that, then I will be happy. There is no need to be sorry, my love. 
Please...please don't cry," he said softly as his own tears gathered in his 
eyes. "I will never ask for more than you are willing to freely give, Haldir. 
Please, do not be sorry, I am not disappointed, love." Faramir took one of 
Haldir's hands and drew it up to his lips and kissed his fingers. "Even if this 
is all I can have until my dying day...then I will be happy with that." 

Curling his fingers around Faramir’s, Haldir saw the sincerity in his eyes, and 
knew that he spoke the truth. //I cannot ask him to do this…not for a lifetime. 
But, I need him so much right now. Maybe…for only a while. He will probably tire 
of me as Glorfindel did, and find another who can love him freely.// He moved 
back on the bed and pulled Faramir up to lay beside him, their firmly clasped 
hands resting between them. His arousal had softened, but he was careful to keep 
some space between them, just in case Faramir had been aroused as well, though 
Haldir didn’t see how that was possible. //He *has* to remember seeing Nasir 
take you…and he knows that all the others had you as well.// “I do love you,” he 
whispered as he stared into shining blue eyes. “No matter what happens, I will 
always love you, even though I have no way of showing you how much.” 

"You are showing me how much you love me right now, Haldir...I will not ask for 
more," Faramir whispered softly. He was grateful for every little touch and 
moment he had with Haldir. He would be happy to spend his life that way. It 
wouldn't be easy at times...but he had no need of seeking out others for 
release. He was careful to keep his lower body from moving to close to Haldir, 
their kiss had aroused him, just being near Haldir aroused him at times, but he 
would never ask for more than Haldir could give him. 

*****
Chapter 12

It had been almost two weeks since Faramir had brought Haldir back to Lorien and 
over a week since they had told one another how they felt. In that time, they 
had grown closer on some levels but it seemed there was always a tension between 
them. As if there were things left unsaid, and Faramir was always careful after 
that first morning that Haldir had awoken not to bring up anything that might 
bring bad memories for Haldir. 

They had simply spent many days just spending time together, either talking or 
in comfortable silence of reading. At night, they still shared the same bed but 
Faramir was always careful not to let his lower body touch Haldir's, fearing 
that he might frighten him if he became aroused in dreams or in the natural 
cycle of sleep. There were times when Faramir thought that even though they 
spent more time together, they seemed to spend so much time avoiding things that 
they failed to truly get to know one another better. 

Every day together with Faramir was sweet torture to Haldir. On one hand, he 
felt loved and cherished beyond measure; on the other, that small voice in the 
back of his mind told him again and again that he couldn’t possibly be enough 
for Faramir. He wasn’t sure which would be worse – letting Faramir go, to find a 
lover who could be everything to him, unlike Haldir, or keeping him close, and 
fighting the constant worry that Faramir would one day realize he needed someone 
else…or, worst of all, in Haldir’s mind, would be the day when Faramir realized 
that he had unintentionally bonded with Haldir. No doubt, he’d feel trapped, but 
try to hold to his duty and stay by Haldir’s side, as he wistfully dreamed of 
leading another life with someone else. Every day, he struggled not to tell 
Faramir exactly *how* he’d saved him, and why he’d ceased to fade. Faramir could 
never know…never. 

After clearing the table, Faramir walked into the outer room of Haldir's talan 
and smiled when he saw him curled up on the small couch reading. "I will need to 
go get more tea tomorrow. Would you like me to get some more books?" Faramir 
asked as he sat down next to Haldir. Haldir had still not been comfortable 
enough to leave the talan yet and Faramir had not pushed him about it. He 
thought he could use the fresh air, but he didn't want Haldir to feel pressured. 

Haldir looked up from the book in his hands. He’d read the same page five times, 
and still had no idea what it said. The very idea of leaving the talan made him 
sick to his stomach. Everyone would see him, would see how dirty he was, and how 
he’d dishonored his family, and all of Lorien by letting them rape him. He’d 
even refused to see his brothers, who’d returned the day before, begging Faramir 
to tell them that he was sleeping more than once, and had asked not to be 
disturbed. He’d heard them whispering to Faramir about how they’d taken great 
pleasure in killing the Haradrim, hunting them down and making them beg for 
mercy before taking their revenge. //I can’t ask Faramir to stay here with me 
every moment of every day. My strength has returned…now I simply *want* him 
here, whereas I *needed* him before. He has a right to a life…and I’m keeping 
him from that.// 

He stared at Faramir for a moment, praying that there was some other way, but he 
could think of nothing. “I don’t want more books,” he said, concentrating on 
keeping his voice steady. “You should go, though. Take your time. I…I need to be 
alone. I need to…to think.” It was time. He just needed to find the words to 
finally let Faramir go. //You’ll thank me for this one day, my darling Faramir. 
You’ll be free.// 

"Oh," Faramir said softly. "I guess I am a bit underfoot at times," he smiled. 
"I'll go tomorrow then, Aredhel said that he'd go with me if you weren't feeling 
up to it yet." Faramir sat back on the couch and picked up his own book that 
he'd started reading that afternoon. He couldn't blame Haldir for wishing some 
time alone. //It's not like I've given him a chance to even breathe. I have been 
a bit of a mother hen, perhaps a few hours apart while I go to the market will 
do us both some good?// 

Haldir fought the urge to go curl up in Faramir’s lap. He could almost feel his 
head resting on Faramir’s shoulder, strong arms wrapped protectively around him, 
the sweet scent of the Ranger’s hair wafting over his skin. More than once these 
past few days, he’d given in and shared the sweetest of kisses with the man he 
loved…but that had to stop. Each time he’d pulled back in shame for teasing this 
generous and kind man who loved him, and each time, he’d swear that he’d find 
the strength to let him go. 

Haldir would never be able to face the other Elves again, he knew that, and 
there was no point in Faramir simply staying with him and feeling sorry for him. 
He knew Faramir loved him, knew that without a doubt, and that made it all the 
harder to do what he was about to do. “Why not go now?” he asked as he blinked 
in an effort to keep the threatening tears at bay. He stood and turned his back 
toward Faramir. “I…I….Faramir, listen,” he continued, keeping his back turned 
and refusing to look toward the man he loved. “This isn’t working. You know that 
as well as I do. I’m strong now. There is no need for you to stay here. Aredhel 
will bring me whatever I need. I think…I think it is time you left. For good. We 
can…write or…something. Maybe one day I will visit your city. But for now…I need 
to be alone.” 

Faramir stared at his book dumbly, unable to think of anything to say. 
//He's...he's asking me to leave? We...can WRITE?// Closing his book after a 
long moment, he turned to look at Haldir. "I...I am afraid you've completely 
confused me. You....you want me to leave, and...not return? You...but...why? 
Have...have I done something wrong?" he asked confused, his heart aching in his 
chest. Faramir was completely lost, they'd spent a good day on the couch, 
reading, talking, and then had dinner...and...now this? 

Haldir closed his eyes and steeled his heart against the pain in Faramir’s 
voice. //This is for him…you *have* to do this.// “No,” he said, struggling to 
keep his voice even. “You haven’t done anything wrong. This…*we* just aren’t 
working. There’s too much between us, too much behind us. I…I need you to go.” 
//Gods, don’t go…yes, you have to…please don’t leave me…go now before I wrap 
myself around you and never let go.// 

Running his hands angrily over his face, Haldir closed his eyes and willed the 
warring voices in his head to be silent. They didn’t of course, and they were 
soon joined by the voice of Nasir, a voice he knew he would never forget. Nasir, 
calling him dirty, filthy, taking what he would have freely given to only 
Faramir, and now was no longer something he ever thought he’d give again. 
“Please, Faramir. Go…I’m sure Aredhel or my brothers will let you stay with them 
until you leave for Gondor.” 

"I...I don't want to leave for Gondor...I, Gods, Haldir *we* aren't working? 
What...what are you talking about?" Faramir asked feeling his heart shattering 
in his chest. //This can't be it...he loves me. He said he did...just today he 
said it!// "So...so when you told me earlier that you love me...was...were you 
just saying it because you thought it was what I wanted to hear?" he asked 
standing up and crossing the room slowly. He needed to move, he couldn't believe 
what he was hearing. He looked up and his eyes caught Haldir's for a moment 
before his love looked away from him. The pain he saw in Haldir's eyes briefly 
made him almost understand. //We do have too much between us...too much we can't 
talk about...too much we *need* to say that we are both afraid of.// 

Haldir’s hands twisted into fists so hard his fingernails dug deep into his 
palms. He *had* to do this, and he knew it would be hard, but Gods…this was 
killing him. “I do love you, Faramir,” he said honestly. “But not enough 
for…this…for us.” //Liar! You love him beyond all imagination, beyond all 
else!// “You will always be a dear, beloved friend,” he continued, “but nothing 
more. It’s time we both moved on. You saved me, and I will repay you one day, 
but I want you to go.” 

Faramir felt tears sting his eyes and he looked away for a long moment and took 
a deep breath. "Friends? I...I see," he whispered. Taking a deep breath, he 
looked down at the floor. "This is your home, and if you do not wish me here, 
then I have no choice but to leave, but I will not be leaving Lorien," he 
whispered barely able to get the words out past the lump in his throat. "I...am 
sorry, Haldir. I...I will be close by if...when you change your mind. I don't 
believe you. I refuse to believe you...when you kiss me...when you look at me, I 
can feel and see more than friendship. I have had many close friends and none 
look at me the way you do...but perhaps I'm blinded by my own love for you," he 
said turning for the door. "I...love you, Haldir. For what its worth, and I will 
love you until my dying breath," he whispered as tears began to stream down his 
face and he walked out the door of Haldir's talan. 

He owned nothing in Lorien. Not even his clothes on his back belonged to him. He 
had no idea where to go, but he knew in his heart that he would not return to 
Gondor. Not...now and perhaps not ever, even if Haldir never changed his mind. 
He couldn't go home and face the life he led there now that he'd known 
love...and now that he'd lost it. He left Haldir's talan blindly, unsure where 
he would go or what he would do. 

Haldir kept his own tears at bay just long enough for Faramir to disappear down 
the steps, and then they burst forth in a torrent. He’d just lost the only one 
he would ever love…and by his own hand. What he had with Faramir was too good to 
be true, he knew that, but these last few, precious days had been utter bliss, 
and he would never forget them. And now…now he had nothing. He went back to his 
bed and crawled across it to lean back against the wall, holding Faramir’s 
pillow close to him and sobbing quietly. //I had to do this, my dear love. I’m 
so very sorry.// He would get no sleep without Faramir by his side, but he 
thought he was strong enough to make it alone. He hoped so, anyway. If and when 
Faramir took a lover, Haldir would fade away fast, and right now, he simply 
needed to concentrate and write letters of goodbye to his family and friends. 
//I *can* do this alone. I have to.// 
~~~ 
Faramir made it only a few steps from Haldir's doorway before breaking down. His 
tears rushed down his face and he could barely see where he was going, and in 
truth had no idea where *to* go. He only knew Haldir...he somewhat knew Haldir's 
brother's and Aredhel...and that was it. He had no family here...nothing, only 
Haldir, and he didn't want Faramir staying with him any longer. 

His mind was jumbled and he could barely think. He *knew* Haldir loved him; he 
didn't believe him when he said he only saw Faramir as a friend. He had seen in 
Haldir's eyes that he loved him...in his heart he knew that he did, and didn't 
understand why he had pushed him away. Why now? Why now that he knew Faramir 
loved him? Did...did he truly believe that Faramir could just walk away? His 
head was down as he walked blindly, unsure where he was going other than away 
from Haldir's talan. 

Rumil stood perfectly still as he heard someone approaching his talan. //It’s 
not an Elf…it must be Faramir.// He’d been on his way to try and see Haldir 
again, but he didn’t hold much hope. Haldir had refused to see him or Orophin, 
or anyone else for that matter, and Rumil thought he knew why. Their eldest 
brother had been fading, and Rumil was convinced that the Haradrim had raped 
him. He’d thanked the Valar every day for the bond Faramir had formed with 
Haldir and saved him, but he still wasn’t convinced that Faramir knew what he’d 
done, or exactly *how* he’d done it. //Gods…Haldir has always been stubborn, but 
this is ridiculous! Faramir deserves to know.// He knew that the young Ranger 
loved Haldir – that was apparent to anyone who’d seen them the day he’d carried 
Haldir back to the safety of Lorien’s borders, and he honestly thought that 
Faramir would chose to keep the bond with Haldir, instead of feeling trapped, as 
Haldir most likely thought he would. //He should have the chance to make the 
choice himself, at least, whether Haldir believes that or not.// 

He waited silently as Faramir wandered in his direction, and saw that Faramir 
was sobbing quietly. “What is wrong, mellonamin?” he asked, seeming to appear 
out of nowhere by Faramir’s side. “Is Haldir all right? Has something happened?” 

Faramir startled slightly as someone spoke to him and then he realized it was 
Rumil. Trying to swallow past the sobs and speak he stopped and looked at the 
Elf. "He...he asked me to leave," he choked out, barely able to form the words. 
His eyes drifted back to the ground and he tried as best as he could to stop 
crying but he simply couldn't. Not while his heart felt as if it had been ripped 
from his chest. 

Rumil moved closer to Faramir and gently took his arm. “He…asked you to…to 
leave?” he asked softly. “I…come, my friend. We need to talk. My talan is just 
ahead. I think there are a few things about my brother you’re not aware of just 
yet.” 

Faramir simply nodded and allowed Rumil to guide him to his talan. He didn't 
have anywhere else to go, and he knew Rumil better than anyone else in Lorien 
aside from Haldir, though...he still did not know him all that well. "I...I just 
don't understand, Rumil...we...I just don't understand," he said softly as they 
walked toward Rumil's home. 

It almost broke Rumil’s heart to see Faramir looking and sounding so dejected. 
He resolutely led him up the staircase to his talan, and decided that even if 
Haldir were angry with him for involving himself in Haldir’s private affairs, 
he’d tell Faramir the truth. The Ranger was a good man, of that Rumil had no 
doubt, and Haldir wasn’t being fair to him in the least. 

As they made their way up the final stairs, he sat down on a small chair and 
gestured for Faramir to take a seat as well. “I apologize for my brother,” he 
said kindly. “I haven’t seen him, but I know he isn’t himself. I’m sure of that, 
especially now. Tell me what happened, and I think I can tell you *why* it 
happened.” 

Faramir swiped at his face with the back of his hands, trying to dry the tears 
that seemed to relentlessly continue to fall. Taking a deep breath, he began to 
relay the afternoon's events. "Everything...everything was fine. We had a fine 
day, then I made dinner, we ate, and he went to read while I cleared the 
dishes...when I said I was going to get more tea tomorrow he told me to go ahead 
and go right then. I was confused, and then he said for me to leave. That we 
aren't working. That....that he loves me but not enough -- that I am nothing 
more than a beloved friend...but...but I don't believe that, Rumil. He...only 
today he'd told me he loved me and I could see it in his eyes. I don't know what 
I did wrong," he said sadly. 

Rumil pushed aside his first instinct, which was to throttle his brother. Even 
in his current condition, Haldir could most likely subdue him, but it was 
certainly worth a try right now. //Haldir, I love you, but you are being foolish 
and letting the best thing to ever happen to you slip through your fingers!// 
“Faramir,” he began, “I can tell you without the slightest doubt in my mind that 
he loves you as more than a friend. He loves you more than he’s ever loved 
anyone in his life.” 

"Then why did he ask me to leave? I...I am not an unintelligent man, but...I'm 
feeling quite confused right now. It...it doesn’t make any sense. I know...more 
than anyone I know everything he's been through, and I have tried...tried so 
hard not to let him dwell on what happened, and I try never to bring it up. The 
first time we did speak of it at all...he became very upset and frightened and 
since then, I've been careful not to say anything that might bring back bad 
memories...but...but maybe *I* am the bad memory," Faramir said softly. He 
couldn't tell Rumil what had happened, but a part of him suspected that Haldir 
finally realized what Faramir had been forced to do. It was the only explanation 
he could think of. 

“He asked you to leave *because* he loves you,” Rumil said sadly. “He doesn’t 
want you to feel tied down, because I suspect he feels he isn’t good enough for 
you…that you deserve more, or better, than he can give you.” He looked down at 
his feet for a moment, and took a deep breath. “I won’t ask you to tell me 
anything you don’t want to, but I will say this. My brother was fading. I know 
that. I think that was because he was…” He closed his eyes for a moment and 
tried to steady his voice before continuing. “I think he was…was…raped. That 
*had* to be why he was fading. And the only reason he stopped fading was because 
you saved him. Do you…do you know *how* you saved him, Faramir? Has he ever told 
you?” 

Faramir stared at Rumil for a long moment and was unable to give him any 
confirmation of his thoughts. He shook his head. "No, he's said before that I 
saved him...but I didn't. Lady Galadriel did. I simply helped him escape and 
come here...I didn't save him...I couldn't even save him from what they did," 
Faramir said sadly. "It...it is far worse than you could ever possibly 
imagine...for both of us. I fear that I will never leave the guilt behind and I 
fear he will never forgive...will never be able to move past it. He can't even 
leave his own talan!" Faramir said in frustration. 

Rumil waited for Faramir to look up at him and then shook his head. “No,” he 
said firmly as their eyes met. “*YOU* saved him. Faramir…you…Gods, he will kill 
me for this, but, you deserve to know. Faramir, you bonded with him. I don’t 
know how or when or why, but you are now bound to my brother for the rest of 
your life. You are free to break the bond, but he isn’t. He sent you away 
because he didn’t want you to feel as if you *had* to stay with him.” Rumil 
slammed his fist against the arm of the chair in frustration. “By the Valar, 
this should be him explaining this to you, not me! He is hurt, I know, but he is 
simply being selfish about this!” 

Faramir stared at Rumil unbelievingly and flinched when Rumil pounded his fist 
against his chair in frustration. "B...bonded? I...I'm even more confused now. 
We...isn't bonding like marriage to Elves?" Faramir asked in confusion. 

Nodding, Rumil took another deep breath and leaned back in his chair. “It is 
similar only on the surface,” he said, “For us, it goes much deeper. Faramir, a 
bond can only be formed when two beings who share a deep, pure love *make* love. 
Without trying to embarrass you, I can say that I know that you’ve made love to 
my brother, and I think that you most likely felt something different when it 
happened. A warmth, perhaps, or a …a light. I myself have never bonded with 
another, and since it is somewhat unusual for a man and an Elf to bond, I have 
no idea how it would feel to a man. But, I *know* Haldir would have to love you 
with all that he is for the bond to form, and I *know* that he knew exactly when 
it happened. He would have stopped fading immediately. He should have told you 
then. If you were making love, I cannot imagine why he didn’t tell you when it 
happened.” 

As Rumil spoke all the blood drained from Faramir's face, he recalled the 
unusual warmth that Rumil spoke of. The only time he and Haldir had ever 
been....intimate in that way had been when the Haradrim had forced him to rape 
Haldir. That wasn't making love, even though he did love him, and he was as 
gentle as possible how...how could a bond be formed that way? It wasn't Haldir's 
choice...it wasn't his choice either. "I...it...it was impossible for him to 
tell me...because of circumstances...that...that I cannot discuss," Faramir 
answered carefully. He would not betray his promise to Haldir even now. 
"But...if...if that's the case then why is he pushing me away?" 

Rumil bit his lip for a moment and wondered just *how* badly Haldir would hate 
him for interfering. “He pushed you away because of what that bond means to both 
of you, my friend. He thinks he’s looking out for you, but there is much you 
don’t understand. My guess is that he feels that there is something he cannot 
give you. He has…he has most likely told you to find love with someone else, has 
he not? Someone better, who can give you whatever it is he cannot?” 

"Yes, he has told me that. Almost those exact words," Faramir admitted. "But I 
don't *want* anyone else...I don't." Faramir sighed and ran his hand over his 
face trying to understand why Haldir never just explained all of this to him. 

Rumil stood and crossed the room, looking across the horizon toward Haldir’s 
talan. “Mellonamin,” he said softly, “I think Haldir is most likely convinced 
that because of the…rapes, that he can no longer be intimate with you. I cannot 
say that anyone would blame him, but…Faramir, if he were ever to be intimate 
with anyone but you, the bond would break, and you would most likely only suffer 
a few days of sadness. You probably would not even know why. If you, however, 
were to be intimate with anyone else, man or Elf, Haldir would…he would fade at 
once. No lingering, no goodbyes, nothing. The bond that saved him would be the 
end of him in less time than it would take for your heart to beat. I fear *that* 
is why he didn’t tell you. He didn’t want you to feel tied to him, especially 
since he feels that he can no longer give you what you need.” 

Faramir was stunned to the core as Rumil spoke. First the feeling of shock moved 
through him and then anger. "He...he what? He'll *fade*. Oh by all that is holy 
why would he not tell me that? I don't want any other and know I will never want 
another, but...but on the off chance that I did...He...he would die? I...I would 
be the one responsible for it!? I...he," Faramir groaned in frustration and sat 
back in his chair, closing his eyes and shaking his head. He was so angry he 
could barely speak, let alone think. Finally, after a moment he whispered, "I 
cannot believe in all the time we spent together he couldn't trust me enough to 
just tell me the truth." 

He sighed heavily. "I know why...he thinks he is sparing me from a life I don't 
want...or won't want later...but...that isn't true. I may not be an Elf but I 
would fade in my own way. I would cease to be the man I am now if I lost him. I 
would be but an empty shell, merely surviving but not living. I love him with 
everything I am, Rumil." 

Rumil felt tears gather in his eyes at Faramir’s words. He was sure Haldir had 
no idea how very much Faramir loved him, or the Ranger wouldn’t be here, in his 
talan, having to hear the truth from his own lips, rather than Haldir’s. He 
crossed the room and knelt by Faramir’s chair, resting one hand on his shoulder. 
“I believe you,” he said softly. “I think Haldir is foolish to push you away, 
but I also understand why he did. Since his last lover grew tired of him, many 
millennia ago, he has thought he would never be good enough for anyone to love 
him forever. Now this…his fear of being intimate, on top of that? I think he 
feels that you won’t be happy with him, when he feels he has so little to offer, 
that you couldn’t possibly love him as much as he loves you. Remember, my 
friend, I told you to listen to his heart, and not his words? I think his heart 
is breaking right now, and if you truly love him as much as you say you do, you 
shouldn’t give up on him. I don’t think you will, but I would understand if you 
did. It would break my heart as well to see him hurt, but, by staying, you would 
be taking on a task that very few men would willingly shoulder.” 

"I had already told him I would leave his talan but that I would not be leaving 
Lorien. That I didn't believe that he didn't love me, and...that I did love him 
and *do* love him still. I could never walk away. I could never give up on 
him...even...even when he gave up on himself, Rumil. You have no idea what it 
was like in that prison...what they did to him. I...I saw it and still can't 
believe everything he endured. There is no one in this life I have ever met with 
such strength, and honor, and no one I would more willingly lay my life down for 
than Haldir. I won't hurt him...I would never hurt him...I...I just don't know 
how to make him see that," Faramir said softly. 

Rumil smiled, wondering how on all of Arda Haldir had failed to see Faramir’s 
love for all that it was – pure and perfect, and everlasting. Something so few 
Elves, or men, for that matter, found, yet, here he was, throwing it away. “I 
think you will figure out a way, mellonamin,” he said softly. “Give him some 
time to think, then go to him. Tell him how you feel, tell him you know why he’s 
pushing you away, and make him see that it won’t work. I know my brother; he 
will not be able to push you away for very long. He will give in, and confess 
how deeply he loves you, and everything else will simply fall into place…even 
his fears will not get the best of him, I think.” 

Faramir nodded, "He has good reason for those fears, I know this better than 
anyone. I cannot fault him for this...he...he was only doing what he thought was 
best for me. But it isn't. I cannot live without him. I will go to him 
tomorrow...give us one night...both of us just a night to think. We've not been 
apart in months now...perhaps we need this time apart...both of us. Do...do you 
mind if I sleep here tonight? I...I truly have no place else to go...my clothes 
aren't even my own," Faramir tried to smile as he said the last, though it 
didn't quite reach his eyes. 

“Of course I don’t mind,” Rumil smiled. “I will be forever at your service for 
saving my beloved brother.” He slowly stood and made his way back across the 
room. He and Faramir had been talking for well over an hour, and he thought he 
could hear soft sobbing from nearby. //It has to be Haldir.// He looked across 
the short distance and saw his brother, sitting in the moonlight on the edge of 
his talan, staring up at the skies, arms wrapped around himself and looking like 
the loneliest creature on the face of Arda. “You might want to take a look just 
over there though,” he said softly as he gestured toward Haldir’s talan. “I 
think you might want to take care of something before you try to get any rest.” 

Faramir turned toward where Rumil had pointed and felt his heart stop in his 
chest. He could see Haldir staring up at the night sky and the moonlight 
illuminated his golden hair, casting it in a silver light. Faramir's breath 
caught in his throat as he saw silver tears streaming down his love's face. He 
hung his head and turned to look at Rumil for a moment. "Thank you...I...need to 
go to him...but...before I do. I have a question...do Elves court?" Faramir 
asked as a sudden thought struck him. 

Rumil raised one eyebrow and laughed. At that moment, he knew his brother would 
be just fine…better than he’d ever been before, he thought. “Yes,” he nodded. 
“Elves do court, though my brother has never been courted before.” 

Faramir smiled the first true smile since earlier that evening at dinner. 
"Haldir and I endured much together but I fear we still hardly know one another. 
So...I know you are his youngest brother but since Orophin is not here and there 
is no one else to ask, I am asking you. May I have permission to properly court 
your brother, to show him that I do intend to stay, and that I wish to share our 
bond the way I think it was meant to be shared?" Faramir asked feeling slightly 
silly since they'd gone through so much together already to go backwards to that 
step, but he felt it was the right thing to do. To prove to Haldir that he meant 
to stay. 

“I would be most honored to give you permission to court my brother,” he 
grinned. “Welcome to our family, my dear friend. There is no doubt in my mind 
that you will be successful in your quest to win Haldir’s heart, so I may as 
well say that now. It belongs to you already, but he needs to realize that it’s 
your choice this time, not just something that happened without your knowledge.” 
Gently turning Faramir toward the staircase, Rumil’s heart was lighter than it 
had been in months. “Go to him, Faramir. Make him see how very deeply you love 
him.” 

Faramir smiled and inclined his head, "Thank you, Rumil, for everything," he 
said softly before making his way for Haldir's talan. As he walked, he tried to 
think of exactly what he would say but he knew the minute he looked into 
Haldir's eyes anything he had tried to think of previously would simply flee his 
thoughts. Taking a deep breath, he moved up the stairs toward Haldir's talan and 
once he reached the top he stopped and looked at his love still standing in the 
moonlight. "Haldir...I...will...will you speak with me? I know if we do not I 
will find no rest this night and I suspect that you won't either," he said 
softly and waited for Haldir's response. 

Haldir had been so lost in thought that he didn’t hear Faramir’s approach. He’d 
been unable to get any rest, already missing the feel of Faramir’s arms around 
him, and had cried so hard he could barely breathe. When he’d finally managed to 
make it out of bed, he’d crossed the room to sit on the small open area of his 
talan, hoping the fresh air would at least make it easier for him to catch his 
breath. 

At the sound of Faramir’s voice, Haldir closed his eyes and wiped away his 
tears. //Gods. I can’t do this again.// He stood up and turned slowly around, 
swallowing the lump in his throat. “Yes,” he said softly. “I will speak with 
you. I thought you would be on your way to Gondor by now, though I suspect 
you’ll wait for morning.” 

Faramir sighed softly, "I do not intend to return to Gondor...nor do I intend to 
find someone else. There IS no one else for me than you, Haldir. I love you. 
Only you," he began and when he saw Haldir shake his head put up his hand. 
"Please just hear me out. If...if you care about me at all, allow me the chance 
to prove myself. Please, I will do anything, anything except leave you. I have 
already asked permission of your brother, and he agreed. We still do not know 
each other that well...everything has been thrust on us so quickly...and with so 
much pain. So...I wish to court you if that is what I must do to prove I do love 
you and want to share our bond properly. Will you allow me that?" Faramir paused 
and held his breath as he waited for Haldir to answer. 

Haldir’s eyes widened when Faramir spoke of courting him then grew even wider 
when he spoke of their bond. //Gods…how did he know? He can’t…he doesn’t 
understand…he….he can’t want that.// More than anything, he wanted to simply 
throw himself in Faramir’s arms and beg his forgiveness, but he was too stunned 
to even move for the moment. “Court me?” he repeated in stunned disbelief. 
“Court me and….share our bond? How…how did you know about *that*?” 

Faramir looked down for a moment not wanting to put Rumil in a bad situation 
with his brother but decided that he had to tell Haldir the truth. "When...you 
asked me to leave, I ran into Rumil, I had asked to stay with him and he asked 
why I was upset. So...in the course of our discussion he told me that I was 
mistaken. That Lady Galadriel did not save you from fading...that I had. I...I 
think I understand why you didn't tell me, and I cannot fault you for that. You 
were only trying to do what you thought was best, but it isn't. What you don't 
understand is...if I lost you, I too would fade, not as an Elf does, but the man 
I am now would no longer exist. I do love you, with all that I am, and...and if 
you cannot see that now...I wish to court you, so that you will one day see," 
Faramir explained, hoping that he hadn't made things worse by talking to 
Haldir's brother . 

Haldir simply stared at Faramir for a moment, trying to convince himself that he 
wasn’t hearing only what he wanted to hear. The thought crossed his mind that 
even if Faramir did court him, he would soon grow tired of him, and wish to 
leave one day soon. “I…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he whispered as he moved 
slowly across the room to sit on the edge of the bed, where he ran his hand 
tiredly over his forehead. “I just…I don’t know what to say. I don’t understand 
why you want this, why you want *me*. I still don’t think I will ever be able to 
….to make love again, and I don’t want you to feel that you’re missing out on 
that. I honestly think you will change your mind, Faramir. You’ll realize that 
you deserve more, or you will tire of me, or…or something. I’m just afraid 
you’ll end up staying because of the bond, and hating me for it.” 

"I will never hate you, Haldir. Please...at least give me a chance? You...you 
keep trying to push me away thinking that you are deciding what is best for me, 
and...not giving me the choice. I want to get to know you better; I want to be a 
part of your life. I love you. I told you more than once that I love you for 
*you* that I loved you deeply before we ever shared our first kiss. You know I 
did or you wouldn't be here before me now. You *know* I love you...and yet you 
still deny it, and try to push me away. Rumil explained the nature of a bond to 
me...it only works if *both* people love one another. Think...think about how 
you feel about me. If...if things were different...our roles reversed. Think 
about it, and tell me if it would change how you feel about me? Would you want 
to walk away? Would you wish to give up a love like this? I know what your 
answer would be...because I don't want to walk away. If we can never be intimate 
in that way...there...there *are* other ways. I am just asking for a chance," he 
pleaded softly, hoping that Haldir would understand. 

Faramir’s words made perfect sense, Haldir knew, and, most telling of all, he 
was still *here*. He’d had the chance to leave, to be free, and yet here he 
stood, wanting to be a part of Haldir’s life, despite everything he’d seen. 
There were other ways for them both to find their release; he could only hope 
and pray that that would be enough. He reached slowly out and wrapped his 
fingers around Faramir’s and gently tugged him closer. “I…Faramir, I…” He 
stopped, cleared his throat, and tried again. “No,” he whispered hoarsely. “I 
would not walk away from you if our positions were reversed. I’m still terrified 
that you will change your mind, but I am simply not strong enough to keep 
fighting how I feel for you. I *do* love you, but I don’t think this will work. 
If you still want to try, it would be my honor to be…courted by you.” 

Faramir thought his heart might shatter anew when he heard the word 'no' but 
then Haldir had continued and he released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been 
holding. "I won't change my mind. I know my heart; Haldir and I will not change 
my mind. I...I am sorry it seems that you had to fight how you felt, but you 
shouldn't. Please. Please just give us a chance. We've both been through so 
much...we both deserve a chance at happiness...and the only way I see myself 
finding happiness is with you," Faramir said softly. He lowered himself so he 
could look into Haldir's eyes and drew his hand up to his lips pressing a soft 
kiss against his fingers. "And...since you have agreed, I know that you have 
found it difficult to leave your talan, so I guess I will need to be a little 
creative...unless you feel that you can leave? I would love nothing more than to 
take you for a walk by the river and for a picnic sometime, but until you are 
ready for that...we will have to come up with something else." Faramir pressed 
another kiss against Haldir's fingers and stood up. "I...I will return to 
Rumil's and will see you tomorrow then. Thank you...for giving us a chance, 
love." 

Haldir kept a firm grip on Faramir’s hand and looked up at him. //He wants to 
go?// His heart still felt warm from Faramir’s words about only finding 
happiness with him…he only hoped that were true. “I….would love to walk by the 
river with you and go on a picnic,” he said shyly. “Maybe…in a few days? I’m not 
ready just yet, but I think I might be soon.” He stood and moved closer to 
Faramir, blushing and trying not to stammer. “I…I know you probably want to 
leave, and it would be strange to ‘court’ me while sleeping beside me, but if…if 
you want to stay, I would love to sleep in your arms again. I will understand if 
you think leaving would be easier, or better, but don’t think that’s what *I* 
want. You are more than welcome to share my home, and my bed. I won’t feel as if 
you’re pressuring me, I promise. It…it is your choice though. I will be fine 
either way.” 

Faramir smiled and tucked a lock of hair behind Haldir's ear letting his fingers 
lightly trail through the silken strands. "I would be glad to stay, I'm sure 
your brother would prefer for me to not be sleeping on his floor. I will not 
ever pressure you, Haldir. We...we can do this however you like; I can even 
sleep on top of the covers if you like, whatever makes you most comfortable. I 
once told you that I would never ask you for more than you can give me, and I 
meant that. I would love nothing more than to hold you in my arms from now until 
the end of time, but only if you wish it," Faramir said softly. 

Gazing into blue eyes that seemed to sparkle in the moonlight, Haldir moved even 
closer and wrapped both arms around Faramir’s waist. “I do wish it,” he 
whispered as he laid his head on his love’s shoulder and pressed a gentle kiss 
to the warm skin of his neck. “You know where my night shirts are, and…you don’t 
have to sleep on top of the covers. I trust you, and I know you would never hurt 
me, or force me into anything.” He pulled back and smiled at Faramir, letting 
his eyes take in every beloved feature. “I know that both of us will 
get…aroused, at times, and that doesn’t frighten me. I can’t say it won’t make 
me feel as if I shouldn’t force myself to offer you more, but I will not be 
afraid, and I don’t want *you* to think there is anything you can do that will 
scare me. Right now, you are the only being on Arda I’m *not* afraid of. So…” he 
smiled, “will you please just put on one of my tunics, and crawl into bed with 
me so we can both get some rest?” 

Faramir smiled when Haldir said he was the only being on Arda he wasn't afraid 
of and then laughed softly at his question. "Yes, love," he said softly. He 
placed a very gentle and chaste kiss against Haldir's forehead and then went to 
the chest and drew out a nightshirt. He pulled his tunic off and laid it aside 
on a chair and pulled the nightshirt over his head and removed his boots and 
breeches. As he turned around, he smiled when he saw Haldir already in the bed 
waiting for him. //You get more and more beautiful every time I look at you.// 
Crossing to the bed he slid in beside Haldir and opened his arms to him, 
allowing Haldir to choose what he wanted. 

Haldir smiled and rested his head on Faramir’s shoulder as he slid one arm 
around his waist. He curled up, snuggled closer and closed his eyes for a 
moment. With a small smile, he pulled and placed a soft, chaste kiss to 
Faramir’s lips. “I’m still afraid this won’t work,” he whispered, “but I am so 
very glad you came back. If only for a while.” He lay his had back on Faramir’s 
chest and his eyes fell shut once again as he practically burrowed underneath 
his lover, loving the feeling of being so protected and cherished. “Sweet 
dreams,” he whispered softly. 

Faramir sighed softly when Haldir said he was still afraid it wouldn't work. 
//I'll prove to you that it will, Haldir. If it takes me until my dying day I 
will prove to you how much I love you.// "Sweet dreams, my love," he whispered, 
drawing Haldir closer and pressing his lips to his forehead gently. "I love you, 
Haldir," he whispered as he closed his eyes and began to drift to sleep. 

“I love you too, meleth,” Haldir whispered softly. “Sweet dreams. And…thank you 
for coming back.” Slowly his eyes closed and he breathed a sigh of relief now 
that he was back in Faramir’s arms. He was sleep almost at once, a content smile 
on his face all through the night, and when he awoke the next morning, he 
realized that not one single nightmare had touched his mind.

*****

Chapter 13

Faramir stood up and looked around the room, making sure everything was perfect. 
He'd spent the last hour making the floor of Haldir's front room into a sort of 
picnic area. Since Haldir wasn't quite up to leaving the talan yet, he didn't 
want him to feel pressured, so Faramir had asked him to stay in the other room. 

He had told him that he had a surprise for Haldir and assured him that it didn't 
involve anyone but the two of them, which seemed to make Haldir less unhappy 
about spending an unspecified amount of time essentially locked in his own 
bedroom. 

Faramir leaned over and lit the last candle and smiled. He had never 'properly 
courted' anyone before but he knew what went into it. He only hoped that Haldir 
would enjoy the little picnic he'd set up. Walking to the door of the bedroom, 
he opened it and smiled at Haldir who looked up at him from his book. "I am 
sorry it took so long...but...I hope you enjoy it," he said crossing the room 
and offering his hand to Haldir. 

Haldir felt his heart leap in his chest as Faramir smiled at him. He reached out 
and took Faramir’s hand, giving it a small squeeze as he stood up. They crossed 
the room hand in hand and before they reached the door, Haldir pulled Faramir to 
a stop and smiled shyly at him. “Thank you,” he said softly. “For whatever you 
did in there. I’m sure I’ll love it. You are spoiling me, after I was so 
horrible to you last night.” 

Faramir shook his head as Haldir spoke. "You weren't horrible, Haldir," he said 
softly, drawing his hand up to his lips and pressing a soft kiss against 
Haldir's fingers. "I told you that I love you, and intend to prove to you that 
I'm not going anywhere...at least, not without you. I do hope you will love 
this...but if not, just let me know. I'm...I'm still trying to learn what you do 
and don't like," he whispered and then led Haldir into the other room where the 
furniture was pushed away to a corner and in the center of the room soft 
blankets held a number of pillows, and cushions. The room was lit with dozens of 
softly glowing candles and in the center was a tray laden with foods that he'd 
come to learn Haldir enjoyed. "I wanted to ask you on a picnic, but...I know you 
aren't ready to leave the talan just yet...so I decided we could have it right 
here." 

Haldir’s mouth fell open as he surveyed the room. //He did all this…for me?// A 
slow smile spread across his face and he turned to give Faramir a hug. “I told 
you I’d love it,” he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to Faramir’s cheek. “I…I 
can’t believe you did all this for me.” He walked across the room, still holding 
Faramir’s hand tightly in his own, and ran the fingers of his free hand along 
one long, elegant candle. He paused, looking around the room, as he simply 
waited to wake up from this dream. After a moment, he turned and smiled even 
wider as he squeezed Faramir’s fingers again. “It’s perfect,” he whispered. 
“Just like you…perfect.” 

Faramir was relieved and happy beyond words that Haldir liked it....and that he 
was smiling so happily. He'd not seen him smile nearly enough in the time they 
had known each other for good reason, and he wanted to make sure that Haldir 
always had reason to smile from now on. "I'm far from perfect, but thank you. I 
am glad you like it," he said returning Haldir's bright smile. "So, you just sit 
down...and let me serve you," he said drawing Haldir's hand up to his lips 
again. When Haldir had kissed his cheek, he'd wanted to turn and catch his lips 
with his own, but Faramir was keeping himself in check. Making sure he did 
nothing to push Haldir, and nothing that might make him feel uncomfortable. 
Chaste kisses to his hands and forehead were all Faramir was allowing himself. 

Slowly lowering himself onto a pile of cushions, Haldir watched Faramir as he 
moved about the room. His hands still felt warm from the soft kisses from 
Faramir’s lips, and he realized what a tight reign Faramir was keeping on 
himself. //He shouldn’t have to do that. He should be free to touch me, or kiss 
me whenever he wants too…// His eyes clouded for a moment, and he wondered just 
how long Faramir would *want* to do this. //He won’t wait for you forever. You 
*need* to get over your fear, or you will lose him, for good next time.// He 
admitted to himself that he didn’t want to lose Faramir. He’d been miserable for 
the few hours they’d been apart the night before, and he was determined that 
should Faramir *really* want to be with him, he would try his best to make him 
happy. He honestly didn’t expect Faramir to stay long enough for him to get past 
his fear, but, then again, he didn’t honestly expect anything as sweet and 
romantic as a picnic on the floor of his talan either. Shaking his head, he 
smiled up at Faramir as he handed him a plate full of his favorite foods. “I’m 
going to wait on you tomorrow,” he smiled. “You shouldn’t have to do everything 
around here. I’m sorry I’ve been so lazy…but that’ll stop tomorrow.” 

Faramir laughed softly, "You haven't been lazy, you've been healing," he said 
shaking his head. "Besides...I enjoy taking care of you, meleth," he said 
plating up some food for himself and joining Haldir on the floor. Taking 
Haldir's glass, he filled it with wine and then his own and found himself 
staring at his love. The way the candlelight flickered across his hair, turning 
it a dark golden hue, and the way his eyes sparkled. Realizing that he was 
staring and probably making Haldir uneasy he looked down at his plate and toyed 
with a piece of bread. 

Blushing as Haldir realized Faramir was staring at him, he was almost shocked to 
realize it didn’t make him feel afraid in the least. He’d meant what he said 
earlier – Faramir seemed to be the only person on all of Arda he *wasn’t* afraid 
of. He actually felt better about himself, knowing someone as handsome and kind 
as Faramir actually wanted to be with him. “I…I like it when you call me 
meleth…meleth,” he said softly as he bit into a piece of ripe melon. He took a 
second small piece between his fingers and offered it toward Faramir, hoping 
that he wasn’t teasing. He simply wanted to share, to be close to the one he 
loved and to know that, at least for now, they could just relax and enjoy 
spending time with each other. “Here, pen velui,” he whispered, “share with me?” 

Faramir looked up and smiled when Haldir spoke and then leaned forward when he 
offered a slice of melon. As Haldir held the tender fruit before him, he took it 
gently between his lips and chewed slowly as he watched Haldir. He felt 
infinitely pleased that Haldir wanted to do that and hadn't feared it would lead 
to something else. Faramir knew from that single gesture that Haldir trusted 
him, and that was better than hearing the words spoken a hundred times over. 
"Thank you," he whispered, sitting back and taking a sip of his wine. 

Haldir smiled and bowed his head, but kept watching Faramir though his lashes. 
Faramir was being so patient, after he’d practically thrown him out the night 
before! He moved closer, leaning back against the cushions and tried to calm his 
breathing. //I want to just…touch him. To see what his lips feel like under my 
fingertips, what it would feel like to touch the long lines of his jaw, to run 
my fingers through his hair.// He sat his plate down for a moment and reached a 
shaking hand out toward Faramir. “May…May I…touch you?” he asked, feeling 
ridiculous for asking such a question to this man with whom he already shared 
such an intimate bond. He’d lain in Faramir’s arms, kissed him, but never really 
had the chance to touch him. “If…if you don’t mind?” 

Faramir smiled and set his own plate to the side. He could see how nervous 
Haldir was and nodded. "Of course, meleth," he said softly. He felt his blood 
burning under his skin but resolved himself to not touch Haldir in return unless 
he asked him to. He would love to caress him, run his fingers through his soft 
hair, and feel how his skin felt against his lips, but he knew Haldir wasn't 
ready for that. Perhaps neither of them was ready for that in truth. 

Haldir let out the breath he’d been holding and nodded. He reached out and let 
his fingertips run lightly over Faramir’s lips, marveling at how soft and full 
they were. Slowly, they trailed over every inch of his face, savoring each 
touch, until they finally brushed soft, copper hair back from his forehead and 
gently carded through the hair at his temple. “Beautiful,” he whispered 
reverently, as he ran the back of his fingers over Faramir’s cheek before 
letting his hand drop back down to his side. “Thank you. I…I’ve been wanting to 
do that for a very long time now.” He’d managed to embarrass himself again, and 
probably Faramir as well, but it was worth it. Picking up his plate again, he 
studied the food even as he had to bite his bottom lip to keep from smiling. 

Faramir tried to not let the gentle touches arouse him in any manner but that 
simply wasn't possible. He concentrated on not reacting too much to Haldir's 
touches but was unable to suppress all of his reaction. He was just glad that he 
hadn't frightened him or embarrassed them both. As Haldir's fingers had trailed 
over his lips, he had desperately wanted to press them against his fingers but 
refrained, but when Haldir's fingers carded through his hair he did sigh softly 
and hadn't even realized his eyes had sunk closed. Opening them again when the 
touch drifted away he smiled. //He thinks *I* am beautiful? He is the beautiful 
one.// "You...you may touch me anytime you like, Haldir," he whispered softly. 

“I…I will then,” Haldir smiled. “I like touching you. I liked touching you the 
first night when you held me in your arms.” He hesitated only a moment, then 
leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Faramir’s lips. “I *do* love you, 
you know,” he whispered. “However nervous or afraid I seem, don’t ever forget 
that. No matter what happens, that won’t change…*if* you leave one day, it won’t 
change the way I feel about you.” 

Faramir returned the gentle kiss careful not to press for more and felt his 
heart skip a beat when Haldir whispered that he did love him. "I will not leave, 
Haldir. I love you too...and I'm not going anywhere. When you see me still here 
in 50 years maybe you will believe that," he whispered softly. 

Haldir honestly didn’t see anything about himself that could possibly keep 
Faramir here, but he was here now…and that’s what mattered. Pushing his dark 
thoughts aside once more, he smiled and continued to feed Faramir the sweet 
fruit and cold meats until the sun was low on the horizon. “I think…maybe in a 
few days, we can do this again if you like,” he ventured. “Maybe…maybe just the 
two of us, somewhere…quiet. We could just…picnic under the moonlight or 
something…unless you’d rather not….” His voice trailed off uncertainly, afraid 
that he was pushing himself into doing something he might not be ready for, as 
well as making Faramir feel pressured to acknowledge their bond publicly. //Why 
would he want to do that? He should, by all rights, be ashamed to be seen with 
me.// “We don’t have to,” he added. “It was just a …thought.” 

Faramir nodded, "Yes, I would love that if you feel up to it. I think it is a 
wonderful idea, meleth," he whispered softly. Raising his hand slowly, he tucked 
a lock of Haldir's hair behind his ear and smiled. "I have already told you how 
beautiful I find you to be in moonlight, so I think that I will enjoy that very 
much." He withdrew his hand slowly and simply watched Haldir's eyes, enjoying 
the way they sparkled in the soft candlelight. 

Haldir’s gaze met Faramir’s for a moment, and he recognized the sincerity that 
lay behind the sparkling blue eyes before him. “Then…then it’s a date,” he said 
softly. He sat his empty plate aside and reached behind him to fluff the 
pillows. “We can…lay here together and…read or…talk or something….if you’d like. 
Unless you want to…go out?” He *hated* feeling this unsure of himself, but he 
was more confused than he’d ever been in his life. He wanted to touch Faramir, 
to let Faramir touch him, but he was afraid…more afraid of himself panicking at 
the last moment and disappointing them both than of anything else. “You…aren’t 
still wanting to stay at Rumil’s are you? I mean, if you do, I understand, 
and….Gods. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I just…if you want to leave, to 
live somewhere else, you’ll tell me, won’t you? You wouldn’t stay out of…pity?” 

"Pity?" Faramir asked incredulously. "Haldir....I do not pity you, I have 
*never* pitied you, love." He took a deep breath and looked down for a moment. 
"I did not want to stay at Rumil's. I did not want to leave in the first place. 
If you want me to leave I will....but...I do not wish to be away from you, my 
love. Please...please believe me when I say that I neither pity you, nor do I 
wish to stay anywhere but by your side," he whispered. "Come here?" he asked 
leaning back against the couch and opening his arms to Haldir. 

Nodding, Haldir moved into the safety of Faramir’s arms, wrapped both arms 
around his waist and rested his head on Faramir’s shoulder. “I really, really, 
*really* don’t want you to leave,” he said softly, as he pressed a gentle kiss 
to Faramir’s neck. “I like you right here, next to me, just like this. And I 
swear, if you can only be patient, I will do my very best to be everything you 
want, and everything you need, meleth. You’ve been wonderful so far…far more 
wonderful than I deserve, but I just need a little time. I *am* trying though, I 
swear, I am.” 

Faramir smiled and felt his pulse double as Haldir kissed his neck so tenderly. 
Wrapping his arms around his love he took a deep breath and pressed his lips to 
Haldir's temple. "I will always be here for you, I will always hold you just 
like this, and I will always love you. No matter what, Haldir. I will love 
you....and you don't have to force yourself to do anything more than you have, 
than you are. You are already everything I want because you are simply you, 
Haldir. You are the other half of my soul, love," Faramir whispered softly. 

Haldir snuggled closer and closed his eyes, holding Faramir as tight as he 
possibly could. It was obvious that they completed each other…otherwise, their 
faers would not have bound themselves together so quickly, under such horrendous 
circumstances. Still, he reasoned, Faramir had loved him even then; even after 
all he’d seen and heard. “I’m still having trouble believing you still want me 
after…after everything. I honestly think you’ll *need* to leave one day. I think 
you’ll get tired of me, that this won’t work, and you’ll return to Gondor one 
day, but for now, I’m just so thankful that you’re still here.” 

"Then I will just have to prove you wrong, my love," Faramir whispered. He 
wished that Haldir would believe in him and in his love but he knew why he was 
so unsure. //One day I hope you can see how much I love you.// "Let's rest here 
for a while," he suggested as he rested his cheek against Haldir's head. They 
spent the next few hours simply curled up holding one another, and during that 
time Faramir had tangled his fingers with Haldir's and caressed his hand with 
his thumb as they spoke about their lives before they met.

*****
Chapter 14

Haldir stayed close by Faramir’s side and clutched his hand firmly as they 
wandered under the moonlight just beneath the talan they shared. It was the 
first time he’d ventured out since their return to Lorien just over three weeks 
ago, and he was slightly nervous. His confidence was returning little by little, 
thanks entirely to Faramir’s endless patience and devotion. Every day, Faramir 
had managed to bring an astonished smile to Haldir’s face with some unexpected 
surprise - a love note or bit of poetry tucked into the pages of Haldir’s book, 
a bright flower sitting on his desk, his favorite, sometimes hard to find honey-
sweetened melon slices tied with colorful ribbons, a warm bath filled with 
perfumed oils when Haldir awoke from a particularly bad nightmare. Never had he 
pushed Haldir in any way, and Haldir was more grateful than he could find the 
words to express. 

They’d fallen into daily rituals that Haldir looked forward to every morning. As 
soon as they awoke, Faramir would give him a gentle, chaste kiss, and whisper 
words of love. He always gave Haldir privacy to change clothes, and then waited 
for him to leave the room before he did the same. They met up just outside the 
bedroom, in the large, overstuffed chair, and Faramir would gently brush 
Haldir’s hair. 

After several days of this, Haldir gathered his courage and asked to do the same 
for Faramir, a request that was granted with a small, surprised smile and a 
sparkle to his blue eyes. They would make breakfast together, talking quietly 
and laughing, then spend the day reading or writing letters, or watching the 
Elven warriors spar in the distance. Haldir always hurried inside if anyone 
approached, but had sent letters, via Faramir, to his brothers, promising them 
that he would visit them when he had fully healed. 

Afternoons and evenings were spent in much the same way, just the two of them, 
reading and relaxing, and each day they learned more about each other – what 
they both liked, what they hated, what their childhoods had been like. Every 
night would end the same, with Haldir telling Faramir that he loved him more 
than anything, but he was still afraid that *they* wouldn’t work. Always, 
Faramir simply kissed him on the forehead and smiled, then wrapped both arms 
around him and told him that it *would* work, and that one day Haldir would see 
that. 

On this particular evening, Haldir had wanted to breathe the fresh air and be 
free of his talan for a while. They waited until no one was around, though he 
suspected that Faramir had asked Rumil and Orophin to make sure they were alone, 
and they’d quietly moved as one down the winding staircase. Haldir’s first 
thought was that Faramir *still* looked breathtaking in the moonlight, and the 
words were out of his mouth before he realized it. “I can’t appreciate the 
beauty of Lorien when you are so close, meleth,” he smiled. “You make even her 
splendor pale when you smile at me like that.” 

Faramir couldn't believe that Haldir had finally asked him if they could go 
outside that night. He had been hoping that soon Haldir would feel comfortable 
enough to wish to venture further than the balcony and walk with him and when he 
had approached Faramir that day he'd been thrilled beyond words. He had secretly 
made sure they would in fact be alone, even though they were going so late at 
night, the moon was high in the sky and the stars were shining brightly. 

Faramir blushed and smiled wider when Haldir complimented him and shook his 
head, "It is you, my love who is beautiful. The way the moonlight dances on your 
hair making it shine like mithril and the way your eyes sparkle; I would think 
that all of the stars in the heavens were looking at me at this moment. You, 
meleth, are the beautiful one," he whispered kissing Haldir sweetly on the 
cheek. 

Haldir smiled and gently tucked Faramir’s hair behind his ear. “Your words are 
so sweet,” he said softly, as his fingers lingered to run lightly down Faramir’s 
face. “And when you look at me like that, I find myself believing them.” His 
other hand was still firmly wrapped around Faramir’s but he found himself 
relaxing more with every passing moment. “Maybe…maybe sometime soon we 
can…venture a bit further? I would like…to see my brothers before too long…if…if 
you would go with me?” 

"You should believe them, because I would not say what was not in my heart, 
Haldir," Faramir whispered leaning into his love's gentle touch. "I would be 
glad to go with you wherever you like, and I do know your brother's would love 
to visit with you. They have missed you," he whispered. He gave Haldir's hand a 
gentle squeeze and they continued to walk in an ever-widening circle around the 
base of Haldir's talan. 

Just as they were making their widest circle yet, Haldir turned to speak to 
Faramir. Before he could get the words, out, he heard raised voices in the 
distance. His eyes widened in fear, and he froze in his tracks, squeezing 
Faramir’s hand hard and moving automatically into the circle of his arms. 
“They’re here,” he whispered as he clutched Faramir’s tunic with his free hand. 
“How did they find us?” His mind *knew* that the voices he heard were the voices 
of Elves, but his body couldn’t seem to process that information. Looking 
fearfully around them, he waited for the Haradrim to make their move, to 
recapture him and the man he loved, and he felt completely helpless to stop 
them. 

Faramir was startled for a moment when Haldir suddenly wrapped his arms around 
him and whispered so fearfully. He immediately wrapped his arms around his love 
and rubbed his back in gentle circles. "No one is here, love. You are safe. You 
are safe in Lorien...it's just some young Elves being a little rowdy. There is 
no one that can hurt you here. No one at all, my love. I am right here...and not 
going anywhere," he whispered quietly against Haldir's ear. "Do...do you wish to 
go back to the talan? We can...you've done quite a lot tonight, love.” 

The sound of Faramir’s soothing voice calmed Haldir almost immediately, and 
after a moment, he stopped trembling. His first instinct was to beg to be taken 
back to their talan, but once he got his breathing back under control, he 
realized that he was no longer afraid. “No one is here,” he repeated slowly as 
he looked into Faramir’s eyes and saw nothing but nothing but love and concern. 
“I…I think I’d like to stay out here for a bit longer,” he said softly, as he 
forced himself to release his death-like grip on Faramir. Even as he spoke, he 
heard the raised voices again, and smiled as he realized that Faramir was right. 
//It is only the Elflings playing. We’re safe…and he’s right here with me…as he 
always is.// “We *are* safe now,” he nodded. “And I don’t think I even come 
close to breaking your fingers this time.” Laughing softly, he nevertheless 
stayed close to Faramir as he teased him, though he was no longer afraid. 

When Haldir stopped trembling and said that he wanted to stay out for a bit 
longer Faramir smiled and felt incredibly proud of Haldir. "Yes...we *are* safe 
and no you didn't break my fingers," he laughed. "I am so glad you wish to stay 
out here...it is beautiful tonight...and your standing here before me makes it 
all the more," he whispered. After a few moments, they began walking again, 
still staying close to the talan but with each stride moving slightly further 
away. Faramir stopped after a few more circles around the talan and whispered, 
"There is something I wanted to show you." 

Drawing Haldir with him, they moved a bit further away from the talan and 
Faramir stopped before a lovely full rosebush. "It bloomed sometime between 
yesterday and today...I had hoped we would get to see it tonight," he whispered. 
Reaching out with their joined hands, he straightened his fingers slightly and 
guided Haldir's hand under his own, caressing the smooth white satiny petals. 
"It's even more beautiful in moonlight I think." 

Haldir closed his eyes as his fingers moved over the silken-like petals. He felt 
a peacefulness settling over them both, and remembered how proud Faramir had 
looked as he said he wanted to stay out longer. 

Slowly, his eyes opened again, and he found himself mesmerized by the look on 
Faramir’s face, a soft smile touching his lips as he looked so earnestly at 
Haldir. //He *does* love me…maybe as much as I love him.// “Meleth,” he 
whispered breathlessly, forgetting all about the rose, which seemed to pale 
dramatically next to his love’s sparkling eyes. “Will…will you please kiss me?” 

Faramir had found that the beauty of the rose paled in comparison to Haldir and 
found himself watching him instead. When Haldir turned and asked Faramir to kiss 
him, Faramir felt as if his heart might beat out of his chest. "I would love 
nothing more," he whispered, moving closer and slipping his arms around Haldir. 
He moved slowly making sure that if Haldir changed his mind that he could move 
away. "I love you, Haldir," he whispered softly as he leaned forward and pressed 
his lips against Haldir's in a soft kiss. He let Haldir have control over the 
kiss, after the first moment and felt his heart thunder in his chest as Haldir's 
tongue moved over his lips. Opening to his love, he simply lost himself in his 
beloved's kiss. 

Slowly and uncertainly, Haldir’s tongue slid past Faramir’s lips and into the 
delicious warmth of his mouth. His arms moved to wrap around his love’s waist, 
and he pulled him even closer as he recognized that Faramir was letting him 
fully control the kiss. As their mouths sealed together, Haldir felt nothing but 
tenderness and love as he tasted Faramir’s sweetness, and realized that he 
wanted more. He sighed into the kiss, still moving slowly, waiting for the fear 
to take over. After a moment, he understood that he wasn’t afraid of this, that 
this was Faramir, the man who had been so infinitely patient with him, so loving 
and cautious, always waiting for him to make the first move, always letting him 
decide how far their kisses would go. He felt his heart pounding in his chest as 
his tongue slid over slick teeth to lick lightly at the insides of Faramir’s 
cheeks, then he slowly slid his tongue back, inviting Faramir to do the same. 

Faramir's blood seemed to race in his veins as Haldir kissed him, his tongue 
gently exploring and he sighed into the kiss, losing himself in the sweetness. 
When Haldir silently invited him to return the kiss he moved slowly, his tongue 
tenderly moving over Haldir's lips, and then slipping past into the warm cavern 
to explore as Haldir had done to him. As the kiss seemed to deepen even more, 
Faramir sighed and drew back for a breath of air staring into Haldir's eyes. "I 
do so love you," he whispered as his fingers trailed through soft golden hair. 

Haldir smiled and lifted one hand to gently cup Faramir’s face. “I love you 
too,” he whispered as his eyes searched Faramir’s for a moment. He saw nothing 
but love there, no disappointment, no pressure, and he leaned forward to press 
soft kisses all over Faramir’s dear face. “You have *no* idea how much I love 
you. I don’t know how you manage to be so very patient with me, but that 
kiss…Gods…that kiss was…was perfect. I was afraid that if I kissed you, you’d 
think I was just teasing you, but I don’t see that in your eyes….I don’t see 
that at all. Thank you….thank you for loving me, and letting me do this slowly. 
I love you all the more for this.” Placing a soft kiss to Faramir’s nose, Haldir 
laughed softly and licked at the tip. “And your kisses are delicious,” he added 
shyly. “Absolutely delicious.” 

Faramir smiled as Haldir began kissing him so sweetly. "I am patient because I 
love you," he whispered. "And I do not think you are teasing me...I would never 
think that. I know...I know that you will need time...and I am willing to give 
you all the time you need. I think love isn't just about being intimate...that 
simply deepens what already exists or should exist...love...is feeling my heart 
skip when you smile at me. It is waking up in the morning with my arms around 
you and watching your eyes flutter open and knowing that I have finally found 
where I belong in this world," he whispered. "And the fact that your kisses are 
delicious as well....is just a wonderful bonus," he grinned. 

Haldir gazed into Faramir’s eyes and felt more like himself than he had in 
months. A simple, beautiful kiss from the man he loved, the sweetest, most 
romantic words he’d ever heard, and glittering blue eyes that stared so lovingly 
back at him made him feel stronger and happier than he ever thought he would 
feel again. He still wasn’t fully convinced that Faramir would stay forever, but 
he was no longer positive it wouldn’t work either. No matter what Faramir chose 
to do, Haldir knew one thing for sure that he agreed with…he had found where he 
belonged as well. His arms slid back around Faramir’s waist and he pulled back 
just enough to nibble gently on his love’s bottom lip. “Will you dance with me 
in the moonlight?” he asked softly. “Pretend it’s our first date, and nothing 
bad ever happened, and it’s just you and I beneath the stars?” 

Faramir smiled, "I would be honored," he said softly. They began to slowly move 
together, dancing to a song that was all their own before the beautiful white 
rose and beneath the silver moon and stars. It was a moment that would forever 
be etched in Faramir's memory. 

Little did either of them know, that from a talan not far away, Rumil stood 
watching for a few moments with a brilliant smile on his face before going back 
into his talan. He had stepped out for fresh air, and in truth to see how the 
two lovers fared, and had seen them talking quietly and then begin to dance 
under the light of night. With each passing day Haldir was healing and anyone 
who looked could see why. Faramir looked at Haldir as if he were the one who 
hung the moon and the stars in the sky. //I hope you see one day, brother, how 
much he loves you.// 
~~~ 
It had been several days since the night that they had walked and danced in the 
moonlight. Haldir was starting to find it more comfortable to leave the talan 
but he still would not leave without Faramir by his side, which Faramir had no 
complaints whatsoever about. 

They had gone for a short walk after dinner and then returned to the talan where 
they both took baths and then sat together reading on the couch. 

Once the stars were brightly shining outside their window they both made their 
way for bed. Each night Haldir had said that he still didn't think Faramir would 
stay and each time Faramir had assured him that he would. He looked forward to 
the day that Haldir would finally be convinced of that fact. 

Setting his book on the dresser, Faramir moved across the bedroom and crawled 
into bed next to Haldir who was already waiting for him. Snuffing out the 
candle, he rolled toward Haldir and opened his arms to him. "Goodnight, meleth," 
he whispered softly as he pressed a gentle kiss against Haldir's forehead. Even 
though they had been progressively kissing and touching one another more, 
Faramir always let Haldir be the one to initiate the contact, aside from just 
chaste kisses to his forehead or hands or cheek. He wanted Haldir to know he 
would never pressure him for more, and that anything they did was always *his* 
choice. 

Haldir’s arms automatically wrapped around Faramir’s waist and pulled him close. 
He’d felt so much stronger and more confident since their moonlight dance a few 
nights ago, and hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the kiss they’d shared. 

Each kiss since had been just as sweet, and he found that while he was still a 
bit nervous when he became aroused, or felt Faramir do the same, he was no 
longer afraid. If Faramir were ever disappointed or angry when they broke away 
from their kisses, he never showed it, simply making a point not to pressure 
Haldir, or make him feel guilty. 

Slowly, Haldir reached up and ran his fingers through Faramir’s hair. “Remember 
that kiss we shared after dinner?” he smiled even as he tried to hide the blush 
that colored his cheeks. He simply couldn’t seem to get enough of those soft 
lips and the gentle way Faramir held him, as if he were the most precious gem on 
all of Arda. “I was thinking that I didn’t have nearly enough of that kiss, and 
wondered if I could interest you in continuing?” 

Faramir smiled at the memory of the kiss they had shared that evening. It was 
loving, yet...more passionate than any of their previous kisses had been. "I 
would love to, meleth," he whispered. Leaning closer, Faramir pressed his lips 
to Haldir's gently and let his fingers sink into soft golden hair pulling Haldir 
slightly closer. He immediately felt Haldir's lips part under his own and slowly 
his tongue slipped past perfect full lips to taste the sweetness that was 
uniquely Haldir's own...a flavor that Faramir found that he had become addicted 
to. 

Haldir’s eyes fell shut and he slowly lay back against his pillow, pulling 
Faramir down with him. His heart began to beat faster and harder, and his hands 
splayed over Faramir’s back, needing to feel him closer, as Faramir so gently 
and thoroughly explored every inch of his mouth. Their tongues danced languidly 
together, as slowly and carefully as their own dance of a few nights before, and 
a soft sigh was lost between them, falling silently from his lips to drift past 
Faramir’s own. He was becoming aroused, and could feel that Faramir was as well, 
but he didn’t want to stop this time…he wanted more…what, exactly, he wasn’t 
sure, but he simply couldn’t bear the thoughts of simply pulling away from the 
kiss and going to sleep tonight. //He’s waited for me for so long…and he *did* 
say there were other things we could do.// As they both pulled slightly away 
from one another to draw in deep, shuddering breaths, he stared up into 
Faramir’s eyes. Without another word, he pulled his lover back down, renewing 
the kiss and pulling him closer still. 

Faramir was breathless when he drew back from the deep and beautiful kiss they 
had shared only to see Haldir's eyes dark and sparkling in the faint light 
coming in the window. He felt his heart skip a beat as Haldir drew him back down 
for another intense kiss. He could feel his own arousal growing and pressing 
against Haldir's thigh and tried to shift his hips away only to find Haldir pull 
him closer still. He wrapped his arms tighter around his love and rolled 
backwards pulling Haldir with him. He wanted Haldir to be in a position to pull 
away if he wanted to, though Faramir hoped that he wouldn't. 

Haldir was quickly becoming ever more aroused as the kiss deepened and Faramir’s 
hard length pressed against him. Loving him all the more when he tried to shift 
his hips away, Haldir simply pulled him closer and was startled to find himself 
suddenly lying almost on top of the man he loved. //He wants me to know I’m in 
control. Gods, I love this man…// He knew he wasn’t ready to make love, not yet, 
and honestly wondered if he ever would be, but the past few weeks had made him 
realize that what had happened to him back in the caves did little to dampen the 
need they both shared when they were this close. After long moments, he pulled 
back and stared into Faramir’s eyes. “Meleth…I…,” he paused, trying to gather 
his wits, and took a deep, shuddering breath. “I…don’t want to stop,” he 
whispered, slowly letting his hands trail underneath the sleeping tunic Faramir 
was wearing. “May I touch you?” 

Faramir's eyes went wide as Haldir whispered to him. He looked at Haldir 
intently for a moment wanting to make sure this truly was what he wanted. 
"Gods...yes please, love," he gasped just as warm fingers moved over his chest. 
"May....may I touch you in return?" he asked shakily. He'd been afraid to ask 
for too much but he desperately wanted to feel Haldir's skin under his hands. 

“Yes,” whispered Haldir, urging Faramir’s shoulders up off the bed, and pulling 
the tunic over his head. He swallowed the lump in his throat and took a deep, 
calming breath, though it did absolutely nothing to suppress his arousal. Slowly 
pulling his own tunic over his head, he prayed that the moonlight was too faint 
for Faramir to see the myriad of scars on his skin, and that if he felt them, he 
at least wouldn’t be too disgusted to continue. They had healed remarkably, and 
there was a good chance that he might not even feel them at all. He lay back 
down on his side, pulling the covers over their lower bodies, facing Faramir and 
resting his palm over Faramir’s chest. Faramir’s heart was beating just as fast 
as his own, and he took heart in knowing that he wasn’t the only one affected by 
their kisses. “Maybe we can…touch each other?” he said softly, even as his 
fingertips gently combed through the soft, curly hair on Faramir’s chest. 

Faramir was surprised by Haldir's actions but could not be happier as he looked 
at his love. "You are so beautiful, my love. So beautiful," he whispered, awe 
evident in his voice. "I would love for us to enjoy touching each other," he 
whispered. He turned on his side to face Haldir and slid down slightly to press 
a soft kiss against the smooth column of Haldir's neck, as his hands moved down 
his body lovingly. He stopped his hands progression at Haldir's waist and drew 
back to allow Haldir to be able to touch him as well. "I have wanted to taste 
your skin for so long...to feel it's smoothness and warmth against my lips. You 
have no idea how beautiful you are, and how much I love you," he whispered 
softly. 

“It is you who is beautiful, meleth,” Haldir murmured, as his hands slowly moved 
over Faramir’s skin. “Beautiful and so patient, and you make me feel so loved. 
I’m…I’m not afraid of you…never of you. Don’t worry about me…If we can just keep 
going slow, I’ll be fine.” His fingertips traveled lovingly over the broad 
chest, lightly running over hard, peaked nipples, and further down, where he 
pressed his palm flat against the soft down below Faramir’s navel. As he 
explored, Faramir’s hands were doing the same, and Haldir’s body began to 
tremble – with love and passion this time, the fear only a distant memory at the 
back of his mind. He knew there was, at some point, a line he would cross – one 
that would make it difficult for either of them to stop once he crossed it, but 
he continued nevertheless, certain that he could give Faramir *this* much, at 
least. He leaned forward and ran the flat of his tongue over Faramir’s left 
nipple, teasing and kissing until Faramir shivered beside him, before moving on 
and giving the same treatment to the right. 

Faramir felt himself tremble under Haldir's caresses and gentle teasing. He felt 
his stomach muscles clench as Haldir's hand pressed against him and he moaned 
softly as he shifted so he could touch his lover. "I love you, Haldir. There is 
no pressure in this, meleth...we will do as much or as little as you feel 
comfortable with," he whispered as his fingers caressed Haldir's arms and back. 
He leaned in slowly and licked a trail from Haldir's neck down to his chest, 
teasing the small nub until it was stiff against his tongue and then doing the 
same to the other. He was careful not to go too fast and stopped anytime he felt 
Haldir tense and would not continue until he felt him relax again before kissing 
further. 

Haldir’s body reacted immediately to Faramir’s gentle kisses, and he wondered 
how on all of Arda he had slept next to this man every night and not allowed 
them this, at least. He shivered as Faramir spoke, and ran his fingers through 
soft copper colored hair. His arousal was so hard, he was beginning to ache, and 
knew Faramir must be feeling the same. Yet he knew, without the slightest doubt, 
that if asked to stop, Faramir would do so at once. //I don’t want to 
stop….Gods. I need to touch him….I need him to touch me.// 

Beloved lips moved over his skin and moved closer, until their arousals were 
pressed firmly against one another beneath the sheets. “I can’t possibly tell 
you how much I love you, and how very sure I am that you would never pressure 
me,” he said softly as he cupped Faramir’s face in his hand and gently tilted 
his head up until their gazes met. “I…I don’t think I can make love, but….I want 
you, I want…to feel you come undone.” Pressing his hand flat against Faramir’s 
stomach once again, he took a deep breath and gave his lover a tentative, 
nervous smile. They were both naked beneath the bedcovers, and he let his 
fingers slowly slide just underneath the edge of the sheet. “I don’t want to 
stop,” he whispered. 

"I have to admit, I don't wish you to stop either, but if...if anything at all 
makes you uncomfortable we can. Immediately, Haldir...I mean it love," Faramir 
whispered shakily. He was painfully aroused and knew if they did stop he would 
need to make an excuse to leave the room to finish himself if they did stop, but 
that was simply the nature of things. He shivered under Haldir's touch and 
caressed his skin gently, letting his lover take control. He had longed for 
Haldir's touch for so long, and could feel his heart beating rapidly in his 
chest as he looked into dazzling eyes. "Please...love...I am yours," he 
whispered. 

Taking another deep breath, Haldir nodded, and leaned in to press his lips 
against Faramir’s once again. His hips shifted back to allow room between them, 
and his hand moved slowly underneath the covers. An instant later, his 
fingertips encountered the rigid arousal that lay curved up against Faramir’s 
stomach and his own arousal twitched fiercely at the contact. He wrapped his 
fingers around the hard length and let his thumb trail over the leaking head 
that was hot and swollen and as needy as his own. He couldn’t completely shake 
his nervousness, but his desire was almost overwhelming as he gently began to 
stroke his lover and his own hips moved forward, desperate for Faramir to touch 
him as well. “Gods,” he whispered, “I love you, Faramir…please…please touch me, 
meleth.” 

Faramir gasped as strong fingers wrapped around his aching arousal and for a 
brief moment he thought that he might come undone from just that alone. When 
Haldir spoke he felt his breath catch in his chest and nodded, "Yes, meleth, I 
would love nothing more," he whispered softly. His hand trailed down, moving 
over sleek muscles until he reached his lover's hard length and wrapped his 
fingers around the leaking shaft, stroking it firmly but slowly. He felt Haldir 
shudder and felt an answering response race through his body. Leaning forward he 
captured Haldir's lips and kissed him deeply while their hands moved between 
them. 

Haldir moaned into the kiss, as he was touched for the first time in such a long 
while. His free arm slid underneath Faramir to gently tangle in his hair as he 
pulled him closer and deepened the kiss. He became increasingly more confident 
as his hand slid over the thick length, and his hips moved in tandem with 
Faramir’s firm strokes over his own aching organ. The thin, clear fluid that was 
leaking over his fingers made his strokes all the firmer, and his hand continued 
to move over the slick length with ever increasing speed. 

Faramir was completely lost in sensation as Haldir kissed him and stroked his 
steadily leaking shaft. As their desire increased, so did the depth of their 
kiss and the pace of their hands moving over one another. He tightened his grip 
slightly as he heard and felt Haldir's moan and arched into the firm hand around 
him. He felt his release building within him and it seemed that the room grew 
even warmer around them as their bodies, slick with sweat slid against one 
another’s. A low moan built within him, and became lost in Haldir's kiss as 
their tongues moved together at the same pace as their bodies. 

Entangling their legs, Haldir moaned again and felt his release drawing nearer 
with each stroke of Faramir’s hand. His own grip tightened and he forgot 
everything but the way Faramir made him feel when they were together – loved and 
safe and aroused more quickly than he’d ever thought possible. He sucked on his 
lover’s tongue and drew him even closer before finally pulling away from the 
kiss to draw in a ragged breath. His lips fastened on Faramir’s neck and he 
marked him as they continued to move, loving the salty/sweet taste underneath 
his tongue and knowing that he could hold back no longer. “Gods, love, I’m 
coming,” he murmured as he gave one final thrust into Faramir’s fist and felt 
his release surge between them. He cried out softly as he came again and again, 
his seed covering Faramir’s stomach and hand even as he felt a warm, comforting 
stirring of the air around them. Despite everything, their bond was still strong 
and sure, and he could feel their faers dancing together, entwining sensuously 
and merging into one being as he continued to stroke his lover’s length. 

The feeling of Haldir's lips against his neck marking him, threw Faramir to the 
edge. His release building quickly and as Haldir murmured against him and the 
hot slickness spilled over his hand and against his stomach, Faramir moaned 
deeply, his own release slamming into him. Arching into Haldir's hand he too 
lost all control and his release spilled between them hot and slick. He felt as 
if he were blanketed in warmth and love as he shuddered in the aftermath. 
Haldir's hand continued to move over him, coaxing all of his release from him. 
"Gods, Haldir. I love you so very much," he whispered shakily as he struggled to 
regain his breath. He pressed a gentle kiss against Haldir's temple and held him 
close. Never had his release felt so perfect and he knew without a doubt that 
Haldir was his destiny...his entire reason for living. 

As Faramir’s seed covered his skin, Haldir closed his eyes and continued 
stroking him until he was completely spent. He was still breathless and warm, 
but he had absolutely no desire to move from his lover’s arms. What they’d just 
shared was more than he ever thought he’d be capable of again, and he wondered 
if maybe, just maybe, he would one day find the courage to do more. He moved his 
head back to rest on Faramir’s arm and smiled contentedly at him. “I love you 
too,” he said softly. “I don’t know how on all of Arda you managed to be so 
patient with me, but I have thanked the Valar every day for leading you into my 
life. Thank you for loving me…and for loving me even back then enough to save 
me.” 

Faramir smiled and brushed Haldir's hair back from his face. "I have thanked the 
Valar everyday for you as well. I do love you, I loved you then, and I love you 
even more now, and I always will," he said softly. Looking into Haldir's eyes he 
smiled lovingly. "And thank you...thank you for allowing me to touch you 
tonight. Thank you for loving me and trusting me enough for that," he whispered 
softly. He knew that Haldir had been nervous, but he had moved past it to share 
this with Faramir and he would always treasure that. 

Haldir’s eyes filled with tears and his heart swelled with love at Faramir’s 
words. “I do trust you,” he said softly, his eyes searching Faramir’s in the 
moonlit room. “I have always trusted you, and I always *will* trust you. I 
just…I just wish I could offer you more. I will try, I promise you that, 
because, as perfect as this was, you deserve so much more, meleth.” 

"You don't have to, Haldir...you don't. This *was* wonderful, and more than I 
ever expected. Please....please do not push yourself to do more than what is 
comfortable for you. I don't want that, if it means you have to do something you 
aren't ready for or absolutely comfortable with. I love you and it would break 
my heart to see you hurt again by..." Faramir's voice trailed off and he closed 
his eyes. //To see you hurt again by me.// Opening his eyes again he tried to 
keep the pain from his thoughts from his voice. "It would break my heart, love. 
Please...I don't need more. This....tonight...was perfect, meleth." 

Seeing and hearing nothing but honesty from the man he loved, Haldir nodded 
slowly and pressed a gentle kiss to Faramir’s lips. He hadn’t missed the 
darkness that moved across his face for a moment before he closed his eyes, and 
wondered if he’d said or done something to cause him pain. “It…it *was* 
perfect,” he whispered. “I could feel our bond, could feel our very souls 
merging in the moonlight, and I feel happier and more at peace than I’ve felt in 
a very, very long time.” He reached behind him and closed his fingers on his 
discarded tunic, gently cleaning them both as he continued. “So…maybe we can…do 
this for now? At least until….until I can offer you more?” 

Faramir smiled as Haldir spoke of their souls merging. "I felt it too, a warmth 
and love I've never known until you. And I'm am so glad to see you happy....I 
love your smile, Haldir, and I hope to bring it to your lips more often.” A 
contented sigh passed his lips as Haldir cleaned them both so gently and he 
reached up and tipped Haldir's face up to his own. "You never need to offer me 
more....and I will be glad to do this...to touch you and you touch me. It was 
perfect, love," he whispered. He truly didn't need more...what they had shared 
had been pure and beautiful and more than enough to sustain him and satisfy him 
for a lifetime. 

The sadness that had touched him left Haldir at once as Faramir gazed so 
lovingly into his eyes. “I truly love you, Faramir,” he whispered, shifting to 
rest his head on his lover’s shoulder and snuggling close. “It was perfect, and 
beautiful, and made me remember once again how much love we share.” His right 
leg bent and rested possessively over Faramir’s thighs, and he pressed a tender 
kiss to Faramir’s shoulder. He hoped to one day offer himself freely to this 
gentle man whom he loved so deeply, but wasn’t sure that would ever happen. His 
heart, however, felt lighter than it had in months and turned his head to nip 
playfully at Faramir’s nipple. “I think we should sleep like this,” he teased. 
“With nothing between us. And before you start worrying about 
getting…aroused…during the night and frightening me, or making me nervous, I’ll 
go ahead and say that if you *do* get aroused, I sincerely hope you’ll wake me 
so I can…take matters into my own hands again…” He knew his face must be glowing 
in the moonlight, but he wanted Faramir to know that of all the things he now 
feared, Faramir was *not* one of them. 

Faramir felt his heart soar as Haldir snuggled close and rested against him. He 
laughed softly as Haldir spoke of 'taking matters into his own hands' and 
pressed a tender kiss against his forehead. "I will keep that in mind, meleth. 
Definitely keep it in mind...and should you...encounter the same problem I would 
hope you'd wake me as well," he grinned. Being able to lay with Haldir next to 
him, skin to skin, was one of the most wonderful and erotic things Faramir had 
ever known. He knew he *would* have trouble not becoming aroused feeling his 
lover's warm skin against his own. Yawning, Faramir smiled. "You've also 
completely exhausted me, meleth." 

“I…I most definitely *will* wake you,” Haldir smiled as his face continued to 
turn increasingly darker shades of pink. “And I think we’ve exhausted each 
other…I can barely move.” He pulled the sheet over them both and closed his 
eyes. “I love you, I loved *this*. I’m still afraid that you’ll change your mind 
one day, and I’m still afraid this won’t work, but I *do* love you more than you 
can possibly imagine.” 

Faramir sighed softly and tightened his arms around Haldir. "I won't change my 
mind. One day hopefully you will realize that," Faramir whispered. "I love 
you...and loved being with you this way tonight. I will cherish every moment, 
every touch, and every kiss because they are so very precious to me, my love," 
he whispered. "Goodnight, meleth." Faramir pressed a gentle kiss against 
Haldir's forehead and closed his eyes, feeling sleep starting to overwhelm him. 
His heart felt lighter than it had in his entire life it seemed and he was more 
than content in his lover's arms. 

Haldir’s own slumber followed closely behind Faramir’s as his lover’s words rang 
in his ears. //I won’t change my mind.// Smiling softly, he only prayed that 
were true as he drifted into sweet dreams of sharing the rest of his life with 
the man he loved. //I won’t change my mind either, my love. I will never, ever 
love another…how could I, when all I ever dreamed of is right here beside me?// 

*****

Chapter 15

Faramir laid the last note in place and prayed that no one else in Lorien was 
curious enough to pick them up. They'd been clearly marked with Haldir's name so 
he hoped that none other would be curious. He knew that Rumil and Orophin had 
probably spread the word to others though. Faramir had learned that sharing 
plans with those two meant they didn't stay secret, though he'd managed to make 
them promise not to tell Haldir any more than he wanted him to know.

He'd been planning this the past week since Haldir had started being able to 
venture out on his own without Faramir needing to be at his side. A small part 
of him missed that Haldir didn't need him as much, but more than anything else, 
he was proud and happy for his lover…seeing him becoming more and more of the 
Elf he used to be.

His plan however he knew was contrived and just a little bit silly, and he felt 
rather nervous about it. Not about what he wanted to ask Haldir, he wanted to do 
that, but…he was nervous about Haldir's response. He *thought* that he would 
want this...but...he hoped that it wouldn't be misunderstood. He didn't want 
Haldir to think he was pressuring him for more than he could offer.

This wasn't about that at all. Faramir would never dream of pressing Haldir for 
that…this…this was about giving himself completely to his lover. Something 
Faramir had wanted for months…but in light of everything that happened he was 
never sure he could ask without Haldir feeling uncomfortable or pressured to 
reciprocate. He hoped that their last few weeks of intimacy though still quite 
innocent intimacy would help to make this easier. He spread out a soft blanket 
in the small clearing and waited.

Haldir still felt slightly nervous when Faramir wasn't next to him, but, with 
great effort, he could usually dispel his anxiety for small periods of time. He 
always, however, felt immensely more at ease when he returned to their talan and 
could sink into Faramir's arms and revel in the simple peacefulness that 
descended upon them both when they were together.

He'd found the first note between the pages of his book. With an almost giddy 
smile, he'd followed the instructions, which lead to a second note, then a 
third. The notes continued, leading him progressively further from their talan, 
and he was too intrigued by the sweet messages to even think of being afraid of 
wandering the woods alone. Finally reaching the last note, he pressed it to his 
heart for a moment and closed his eyes. Every day had brought a different and 
incredibly romantic surprise, but he somehow felt *this* one was different. If 
the notes hadn't been so beautiful, he'd have worried that Faramir simply wanted 
to break up with him as kindly as possible, realizing that he needed more than 
Haldir could ever give him, but the tender and loving notes were decorated with 
hearts and the sweetest words he'd ever known. //I don't deserve him, but Gods, 
how I love him!//

Slowly opening his eyes, he rounded the mallorn tree that held the last message 
and smiled as he saw Faramir sitting on a blanket spread on the ground. The 
fading sunlight cast shadows around him, and his blue eyes were sparkling with 
excitement…or nervousness. Haldir's smile widened and he moved to sit next to 
his lover. "What's this for?" he asked softly as he lowered himself to the 
blanket. "You look...a little…uneasy. Is something wrong?"

Faramir smiled as he saw Haldir approach and it seemed his nerves kicked in full 
strength at that moment. He cursed himself when he realized Haldir sensed it or 
saw it in his eyes. "Nothing is wrong love....all of this is because I love you. 
I had worried that others might pick up your notes though and you'd not find 
me," he grinned leaning forward to kiss Haldir gently. He wasn't quite ready to 
reveal his motives yet, but knew that he would have to soon. //What if he 
doesn't want me? What...what if he thinks I'm only asking because I want him 
to...no...stop it...he loves you. You know he does.//

Haldir brushed his lover's hair back from his temples and began to nibble on 
Faramir's full bottom lip. "All because you love me?" he repeated, the words 
still sending a thrill down his spine every time he heard them. Drawing back 
slightly, he reached down and entangled their fingers as he studied the beloved 
face before him. //Gods…how can he possibly look at me like that? Even after all 
he's seen?// "Well, I'm glad," he continued. "I was ready to fight off any Elf 
that tried to steal you or your notes away from me. I find that I'm quite 
possessive of my gorgeous Ranger, now that I've finally found him."

Faramir laughed softly as he felt a blush color his cheeks. "No one can steal 
what belongs only to you, my love," he whispered. He glanced down at the notes 
still clutched in Haldir's hand and smiled sheepishly. "You truly liked the 
notes? I worried that you might find them a bit silly," he said remembering the 
way Orophin and Rumil had laughed when he'd first told them of his idea and then 
when they realized Faramir was serious turned more serious themselves.

Haldir looked down at the notes in his hand and nodded. "I love them...every 
last one," he said softly. "They're not silly at all...they're incredibly 
romantic. You go to entirely too much trouble for me, meleth. I already love 
you…you know that...don't you?"

"I don't go to nearly enough trouble for you, love. And I do know...I know each 
time you look into my eyes, and each time you kiss me, and hold me close, I know 
without having to hear the words because I feel it. You are my heart, my soul, 
Haldir," he whispered softly.

"As you are mine, meleth," Haldir murmured as he ran his fingers lovingly over 
Faramir's face. //Gods…I think I would die without you even if we weren't 
bonded.// He fought back the dark thoughts of any semblance of life without 
Faramir, and let his lover's smile warm the dark corners of his heart. "I see 
you have food and drink," he continued, determined not to let those thoughts get 
the best of him tonight. "Come...love, rest your head on my lap and let me take 
care of you for a change?"

Faramir smiled, "I thought you might enjoy dinner outdoors for a change," he 
said happily, finally able to push the last of his nervousness away. Tonight, 
even if Haldir said no, would still be special like every other night in his 
lover's arms. "I would love that," Faramir whispered turning slightly and laying 
back with his head resting on Haldir's thigh. He found himself staring up at his 
lover, as the golden light of sunset shimmered in his hair. "Gods, each day you 
grow more and more beautiful, meleth," he whispered not even realizing he 
whispered the words aloud.

Haldir fought the urge to blush as he cupped his lover's face in his hand and 
their gazes met. "I think I have never heard sweeter words from anyone in my 
life...but, given just how sweet I *know* your lips are, I suppose I shouldn't 
be surprised." His fingers slowly combed through Faramir's hair and he felt his 
heart skip a beat at the look of love and happiness on his lover's face.

Over the past weeks, he'd grown more and more comfortable telling Faramir how 
much he loved him, and was more confident in showing his feelings as well, even 
resorting to gentle teasing now and then, and the occasional bout of flirting. 
Their nights had been tender and sweet, hands gently exploring, tentatively at 
first on both their parts, then growing in intensity as they each realized their 
passion was returned. Haldir still hated the fact that he couldn't give himself 
to Faramir, but Faramir had never made him feel pressured, and slowly, they'd 
progressed to using their mouths and hands to pleasure one another, and Haldir 
realized that he was making slow but sure progress.

Faramir grinned as Haldir's fingers moved through his hair and he sighed softly. 
"I hope you enjoy what I brought, I think I got most of your favorites...in that 
basket," he smiled as he watched Haldir go through the small basket with 
curiosity. He had learned over the last several weeks that Haldir could be so 
many things, he'd learned more about him, his likes, dislikes, his sense of 
humor, and his great love of books and lore, which Faramir shared. Not to 
mention he'd discovered his love positively loathed black walnuts.

Haldir reached for a small bowl of sweet, thick cream and dipped a wedge of 
apple around the edge. He slowly trailed it over Faramir's lips, licking his own 
lips at the incredibly erotic site as Faramir simply lay still and tried not to 
lick the cream away. "I think you *did* get all my favorites," he whispered. "I 
*still* think you go to entirely too much trouble, but that just makes me love 
you all the more." He leaned over and felt his heart swell with love as he ran 
his tongue across the cream-covered lips. "Delicious," he said softly. 
"Absolutely delicious."

Faramir felt his heart skip in his chest as Haldir brushed the thick sweet cream 
over his lips and found himself enthralled as he watched Haldir's eyes darken 
slightly. His pulse was racing as his lover's tongue moved over him slowly 
licking the delicious dessert from his lips. Reaching up, his hand tangled in 
soft golden hair and he drew Haldir closer and kissed him tenderly, tasting the 
sweet flavor on Haldir's lips and tongue as well as his own. "It is delicious," 
he whispered as they drew apart.

Haldir felt that there was something waiting to be said between them, though he 
had no idea what it could be. Pushing aside his desire, he decided to let his 
lover dictate where this was leading, and continued to feed Faramir juicy bits 
of fruit and dried meats, stopping only to press gentle, loving kisses to his 
lips now and then.

Faramir thoroughly enjoyed being fed so lovingly but soon decided that he needed 
to reveal the true reason he had planned all of this. Closing his eyes for a 
moment, he tried to decide exactly how he would word what he wanted to say. He'd 
been over and over it in his mind for days now and had still not been able to 
come up with exactly the right words.

Opening his eyes, he gazed up at his lover and smiled. "It is truly beautiful 
here in this spot...but I...I have to admit that my asking you here...has a bit 
of an ulterior motive, other than just simply sharing a picnic dinner," he said 
softly.

Haldir's hand reached down to allow his fingers to wrap around Faramir's as it 
lay on his chest and he worried his bottom lip. He wasn't worried that it was 
something *bad* exactly, but Faramir's hesitation was making him a little 
anxious. "You said nothing was the matter," he said, "so I'm not going to get 
*too* worried. I.I guess you're thinking that you need to return to Gondor? 
To...to at least show your family that you're alive and well? I...I've been 
expecting that, actually, so." His voice trailed off and he looked across the 
horizon at the slowly sinking sun telling himself to stay calm, but already 
feeling his stomach clenching into knots. //He *is* leaving. He loves you, but 
he needs some time to think..//

Faramir sat up and faced Haldir drawing both of his hands in his own to his 
chest, "No...no, if I return home it will be with you by my side, meleth. I said 
I won't leave you and I won't...it would kill me, Haldir....no....I'm not going 
anywhere, love," he reassured him. "It...well...I wanted to ask you 
something...and you can say no and I promise it won't change anything between 
us...but I...suddenly I feel incredibly awkward asking you this. I...I...want 
you to...to make love to me...but...if you aren't ready for that I 
understand...and this does not mean I want you to reciprocate at all...I 
just...I...want to feel you inside me," he whispered in a rushing babble and 
blushed hotly as he finally said the words.

Haldir's mouth dropped open and he stared at Faramir in astonishment. 
"You...you...want that?" he practically squeaked. "I mean...I *want* that, Gods, 
how I want that, but…but it wouldn't be fair to you…and…I honestly don't see how 
you could want me…like that after…after...everything that they did...I...meleth, 
I…I'm rambling and I can't seem to stop, but I can't believe you'd let me..., 
that you'd.." With a mighty effort, Haldir finally managed to stop talking, but 
his eyes were still wide with shock.

Faramir drew Haldir's hands up to his lips and kissed them both gently. "I *do* 
want that...I want to...to know that with you, and it is fair to me because it's 
what I want. I have always wanted that with you...please understand love, I have 
loved you for a very long time. I've wanted that...for quite some time...and 
I...want you to know that I do not expect anything in return....this isn't about 
that. It isn't about pressing you for more; if you think that then I'll drop the 
whole thing. I...I just want to know what it feels like to be yours completely. 
Please...I don't think any less of you for what they did...I never have. I love 
*you*, Haldir, and I want to share that with you if...if you want that too," he 
said softly hoping that he had made sense. He didn't want to frighten Haldir and 
he was afraid by his reaction that he had.

Unable to find the words to express how very much he loved this man sitting 
before him, or how very touched he was that Faramir would still want him after 
everything he'd seen, Haldir simply moved closer and wrapped his arms around his 
lover and held him tightly. He'd never in his life felt as treasured and loved 
as he did at this moment, and he buried his face in Faramir's neck as tears of 
joy threatened to spill from his eyes. "My sweet Faramir," he whispered softly. 
"I *do* want that. I want that very, very much, and I do know that you're not 
pressing for more." Leaning back, he took Faramir's beloved face gently between 
his hands and smiled. "I would love to make love you. I would love to know you 
in that way."

Faramir had been so worried that Haldir either wouldn't want him in that way or 
that he would take it wrong. Seeing now that he didn't, Faramir's nervousness 
seemed to slip away as he looked into Haldir's eyes. He leaned forward slightly 
and pressed his lips to Haldir's gently and whispered. "Thank you, meleth."

Haldir gently urged Faramir to lie back on the blanket and covered his face with 
dozens of soft kisses. He almost suggested they go back to their talan at once, 
but found that he didn't want to wait a moment longer than necessary. Not a 
sound could be heard in the forest around them, and he pulled back to look into 
Faramir's eyes one final time, needing to make sure that was what he truly 
wanted. "You're sure?" he asked softly. "Even though I cannot promise you I will 
ever be able to offer you the same? I will try, I swear, but 
I...I...sometimes...I think I will never forget...what happened, what they did 
to me."

Faramir felt treasured as Haldir kissed him gently. As he spoke he felt his 
heart clench in his chest. "Yes, I'm sure...I love you, Haldir, and I want this 
with you. Please don't worry about the past and don't think that I *want* you to 
offer me the same. I cannot lie and say I wouldn't enjoy that...but I do not 
need it to love you. Does that make sense? I know that...that what they did what 
I...did...I know that you will never forget that. *I* will never forget either, 
and I would never do anything that would bring those memories back or want you 
to do something that made you uncomfortable or...ask you to do anything you 
didn't want to do," Faramir said honestly.

Haldir's fingers combed lovingly through Faramir's hair and he shook his head as 
he gazed into glittering blue eyes. "What *they* did," he said softly. "*They* 
raped me. You loved me, and made love to me, and you saved my life, and I love 
you all the more for how worried you are that you'll frighten me or make me 
uncomfortable or nervous." Pressing his lips to Faramir's, Haldir kissed him 
deeply and let his fingertips trail under his lover's tunic to gently stroke the 
warm skin of his stomach. He pulled back breathlessly and let his tongue slowly 
run across his lover's bottom lip. "You could never make me feel those things, 
meleth. I have *never* been afraid of you, and I never will."

Faramir still felt guilty for what he had been forced to do, but as always he 
was amazed that Haldir did not blame him. All thought fled from him when 
Haldir's lips moved over his own in a deep kiss that left them both breathless. 
"I love you," he whispered softly as his hands ran through soft golden hair. The 
sun had set and the first silver light of night was starting to dance through 
the mallorn leaves, making Haldir appear to be lit from within. "You are so 
beautiful, meleth," he whispered, gazing up at his lover before pulling him down 
for a tender kiss, giving himself over completely to Haldir. "Please...I have 
wanted this for so long...make love to me here...beneath the stars?"

"Yes," Haldir said softly as he leaned back down for another soul-searching kiss 
and his fingers began to nimbly unlace Faramir's tunic. Heat was building low in 
his stomach, and he felt his arousal hardening at the mere thought of making 
love to this man who had given him everything - love, protection, gentleness, 
happiness, and was now offering himself so freely, asking nothing in return. He 
broke their kiss only when he sensed they both needed air, took a deep breath as 
Faramir did the same, and once again pressed his lips to Faramir's, sealing 
their mouths together as his hand moved from the laces of the tunic to the laces 
of the soft breeches that were the only barrier between Faramir's arousal and 
Haldir's questing fingers.

Faramir barely had a chance to breathe between deep kisses before Haldir's lips 
were on his again. His arousal had quickly grown, as gentle hands unlaced his 
tunic and then moved lower. He moaned softly as Haldir's fingers brushed against 
his stomach when the laces were loosened. Faramir's hands moved up and down his 
lover's back gently, and then moved to the laces of his tunic as well. As Haldir 
drew back again for a breath of air, Faramir smiled up at his lover. "I wish to 
feel your skin against my own, meleth. May I?" he asked quietly as he still 
struggled to regain his breath. Over the last weeks he had not always had to ask 
permission, but this time in particular he felt that he needed to. Just in case 
Haldir felt more comfortable leaving some of his clothing on.

As the last lace fell free underneath his fingers, Haldir nodded and smiled down 
at his lover. "Of course," he whispered, as he leaned down and ran the flat of 
his tongue over Faramir's nipple. He leaned back to allow Faramir access to the 
laces of his tunic as his hand continued to trail over his lover's stomach, 
avoiding his arousal for the moment in favor of bestowing loving caresses over 
his upper body.

Faramir's smile melted into a soft moan as a warm tongue teased his nipple and 
he realized his fingers were shaking when he began to unlace Haldir's tunic. 
Once he had it open, he leaned up and tugged it off over his lover's head and 
smiled as Haldir looked down at him slightly bemused. "Sorry, wanted to touch 
you, love," he whispered sheepishly as his fingers moved over smooth skin. He 
pulled Haldir down to him again and kissed his neck, letting his tongue trail 
down to his chest gently sucking and nipping at a dark nipple. Feeling his lover 
shiver, Faramir lay back and smiled up at Haldir.

Haldir moaned as his lover's mouth and tongue moved over him, then grinned as he 
spoke. Sliding one hand under the small of Faramir's back, Haldir lifted his 
upper body easily from the ground. Kissing him soundly, he pushed Faramir's 
tunic from his shoulders as Faramir's arms wrapped around him, and Haldir could 
feel both their hearts pounding in their chests in perfect rhythm. As he gently 
laid his lover back on the ground, he moved to pull Faramir's breeches down long 
legs, and then discarded them in a pile at the end of the blanket. He quickly 
unlaced his own and pushed them down as well, feeling the need to feel every 
inch of Faramir's skin upon his own. He lay back down, his own body half 
covering Faramir's and stared down into lust darkened blue eyes. "This is much 
better," he murmured hoarsely as his arousal pressed against Faramir's hip and 
Faramir's own was hard and leaking against Haldir's thigh.

One moment Faramir was smiling up at his lover and the next he was completely 
undressed and so was Haldir. His breath caught in his throat, as he looked at 
his lover in the moonlight. //So beautiful...and he loves me...I don't know how 
or why but I will never stop being grateful for that.// Faramir smiled as Haldir 
spoke drawing him out of his thoughts. "Yes, it is much, much better," he 
whispered. His hands moved over Haldir's skin gently as they continued to kiss 
and tease one another, their desire building more and more. Faramir parted his 
legs so Haldir could settle between them and his hand trailed down his lover's 
back, as his body moved under his lover's. "I want to feel you inside me, 
love...please," he whispered.

"Gods, yes," Haldir whispered as he gazed at his lover for a moment in utter 
wonder at his beauty. He moved down and pressed a kiss to the tip of Faramir's 
arousal, then slowly lowered his lips down the thick shaft as the swollen head 
began to leak on the back of his tongue. His right hand gently cupped the smooth 
sac that hung beneath Faramir's arousal, kneading and rolling the heavy balls 
inside, as his left hand reached blindly toward the basket that had contained 
their food. His fingers immediately found a bottle of scented oil hidden 
underneath the lining and he looked up at his lover with twinkling eyes. "I see 
you came prepared," he teased as he pulled away and set the oil aside for a 
moment. "But I think I have another idea first, if you don't object." Slowly, he 
licked and kissed his way down Faramir's length and over the smooth pouch in his 
hand, then further still as he tasted the smooth skin between the heavy sac and 
Faramir's entrance. "May I?" he asked softly. His own arousal was aching 
painfully, but he wanted this to be something they would both never forget.

Faramir moaned softly as Haldir's lips sunk around his arousal, losing himself 
in the sensation for a moment he closed his eyes. When Haldir drew away his eyes 
opened to find his lover looking at him with amusement lighting his eyes. 
Faramir blushed hotly as he spoke, "Well...I had sort of been planning this..." 
he said smiling. He watched as Haldir set the oil aside and wondered about it 
for a moment. "Other ideas?" he barely managed to get the words out as a warm 
tongue moved down his arousal. As Haldir's mouth moved further down and he heard 
the whispered request, Faramir realized what he wanted and felt heat rush 
through him. Not trusting his voice he nodded.

Haldir pulled away only long enough to spread his lovers legs wide, kissing the 
crease where hip met thigh on each side, and using his thumbs to gently expose 
Faramir's entrance. He swiped his tongue from end to end, wetting the wrinkled 
skin thoroughly and pulled away only long enough to press two of his fingers 
into his own mouth. He shifted on the blanket, moaning softly as his arousal 
began to leak on the blanket beneath him, then moved to press one slick 
fingertip just inside the tight ring of muscle before him. He pushed his finger 
steadily and carefully forward, continuing to lick around the slowly 
disappearing digit, as his arousal got impossibly harder.

The feeling of warm breath and a hot tongue moving against his skin almost made 
Faramir jump, and as a slick finger dipped within him, Faramir moaned softly. 
His hands tangled in the soft blanket beneath him and he thought for a moment 
when Haldir's tongue moved against him again, licking and teasing as the finger 
delved deeper that he may simply come undone from that alone. Shivering under 
his lover's ministrations, Faramir bit his bottom lip to keep from crying out 
loudly from the sensation.

A second digit joined the first as Haldir continued to lick and kiss at the 
small opening that was stretched and slick from the gentle assault of his 
fingers and tongue. He slowly twisted and scissored his fingers, feeling the 
muscle loosen even more, then withdrew them and took a deep, shaking breath, 
forcing himself to maintain his not-so-firm handle on what little control he 
had. With a final lick to small opening, he sat up on his knees, and commenced 
sucking and licking Faramir's arousal once again as he quickly slicked his own. 
Moaning deep in his chest even as his lips still surrounded Faramir's length, 
Haldir finally pulled away and pressed the swollen head of his arousal to his 
lover's entrance. "Need you," he whispered. "Gods, I want you so much."

Faramir was nearly writhing under the sensual assault and moaned in 
disappointment when Haldir drew away, only to gasp as his mouth sank around his 
aching shaft. "Gods, meleth," he moaned barely able to even form the words. He 
had never in his life wanted to be taken more than he did at this moment. His 
body was practically screaming for his lover to sink into him. As Haldir drew 
away again and he felt the thick arousal press against him, Faramir nodded. 
"Please, love...please, I want to feel you inside me," he whispered shakily. He 
shifted his hips slightly, pressing back against Haldir hoping to show him that 
he was indeed ready. More than ready in fact.

Haldir bit his bottom lip and leaned forward, resting his hand on either side of 
Faramir's chest. "I love you so much, gûren," he whispered, wrapping Faramir's 
legs around his waist and staring into his lover's eyes as he slowly pressed 
forward. He sank into tight heat, moaning, as his arousal was engulfed inch by 
inch, not stopping until he was fully sheathed inside the man he loved. Resting 
his weight on one arm, he moved his free hand to caress Faramir's beloved face 
and leaned down to kiss him as the tight muscle surrounding his organ clenched 
around him and slowly began to adjust to his presence.

"I love you too," Faramir whispered in return. His body arched to meet his 
lover's as Haldir sank within him slowly. Faramir moaned deeply as his hands 
released the blanket he'd held so tight to wrap his arms around his lover. The 
feeling of being filled completely and perfectly for the first time in his life 
seemed to overwhelm him. He'd had lovers before, but nothing had ever compared 
to this...to what he felt with Haldir. After a few moments his body adjusted 
fully to the intrusion and he shifted his hips slowly. "Gods...I love you so 
very much," Faramir whispered.

As Faramir moved beneath him, Haldir moved to fasten his lips on his lover's 
neck, marking him as his own. At that moment, as Faramir whispered softly into 
his ear, he *knew* that they would work.that they would be together for all 
their lives, and when Faramir's life came to an end, Haldir's would as well, and 
not a moment before. They were bound, and any thoughts of that bond being 
severed for any reason were quickly pushed from Haldir's mind. This was where he 
was supposed to be, and no matter how unusual the circumstances of their initial 
bond were, nothing, not even the fear that still lurked in the back of Haldir's 
mind, could tear them apart. He slowly shifted his hips back until his arousal 
was almost free of Faramir's body, and then thrust back in, burying himself to 
the hilt again and again, setting a slow and steady rhythm.

Watching Haldir's face, Faramir's hand reached up to trail against the soft skin 
of his cheek and jaw as if memorizing the feel of his lover's skin. Long, soft 
golden strands of Haldir's hair tickled against his chest and shoulder seeming 
to light a fire against his skin. Shifting his hips back to meet each one of 
Haldir's slow thrusts, he wrapped his legs tighter around his lover and gave 
himself over to him, staring into lust darkened blue eyes glittering with 
passion and love. This moment was even more beautiful than he thought it would 
be, the feeling of being made love to, by the one person who had ever touched 
his heart, his very soul. The feeling of warmth and love that surrounded him was 
like nothing he could ever describe, and he simply let go of everything. Nothing 
existed but the two of them. Nothing, but them and their love. "Gods, meleth," 
he moaned deeply as Haldir's thick shaft moved within him.

Trying his very best to make this last for as long as possible, Haldir 
nevertheless moved faster and deeper with each thrust. Faramir's lips seemed to 
draw his own toward them, and his tongue moved sensuously inside his lover's 
mouth in perfect time with his arousal as it delved inside Faramir's body. He 
made love to Faramir with everything in him - his mouth, his sex, his hands, his 
heart, his very soul. He carefully slid both arms underneath his lover's back, 
holding him close as he leaned back and settled his lover on his lap. He stared 
up into beloved blue eyes as he continued to thrust into the velvety warmth, 
losing himself completely, his last bit of resistance toward their bond leaving 
him at once. Faramir's own leaking shaft was trapped between their sweat-slicked 
bodies, and Haldir worked his free hand through to wrap firmly around the slick 
length, stroking it in time with his thrusts.

As Haldir's lips sealed over his own, Faramir moaned into his lover's mouth, 
their tongues slipping and dancing with one another sensuously. Then he felt his 
love's strong arms slip beneath him and pull him up until they were chest to 
chest, their bodies were slick with sweat as they moved together. The change of 
the angle was incredibly deeper and each thrust pressed against his sweet spot, 
sending sparks of desire and passion throughout his body and setting off golden 
sparkles behind his eyelids. Once he opened his eyes again, he stared into 
Haldir's, and could see in his dazzling gaze how much he was loved. He felt 
tears sting the back of his eyes and rested his forehead against Haldir's 
shoulder for a moment. He gasped as strong fingers tightened around his arousal 
trapped between them, and began to lick and suck at the smooth skin of Haldir's 
neck, marking him gently.

Haldir's length was sheathed from root to tip as his lover took him in even more 
deeply, and his head fell back in sheer pleasure as he felt his release building 
past the point of any control. For one brief moment, he had seen his own 
feelings of love and passion reflected back to him from his lover's eyes, and 
somehow fell even more deeply in love with the man in his arms. His faer seemed 
to drift outside of his body, and wrap around them both, and he moaned at the 
sensation, feeling as if nothing but his love for Faramir was keeping him 
grounded to Arda. His fingers tightened on the shaft between them, and his 
thrusts became erratic as he titled his head forward again and moaned low in his 
chest. "Come for me meleth," he pleaded as his both his hand and his cock moved 
harder and faster. "Come with me, love."

Faramir's hands tightened on Haldir's shoulders as they moved together, and as 
his lover's head tipped back in pleasure he could not resist the smooth column 
of flesh. His lips, teeth, and tongue moved greedily against the warm flushed 
skin and he moaned deeply. "Yes, love," he answered as his hips moved with his 
lover's. His shaft throbbed within Haldir's hand and with a soft cry, his 
release slammed into him stealing his breath away as his seed pulsed hot and 
slick between their bodies. "I love you," he moaned, shuddering from the force 
of his climax. He felt a warmth wrap around them both, and thought for one brief 
moment he'd seen golden light flash around them before it dissipated.

Feeling Faramir's body clenching around him as his seed splash over their skin 
and covered Haldir's fingers, the Silvan Elf lost all control. With a final deep 
thrust, he felt his cock surge and pulse within the warm confines surrounding 
it, spilling his release deep inside his lover's willing body. His hips 
continued to move as Faramir's griping tightness milked him dry and he moaned 
sweet endearments in both the common tongue and Elvish as he wrapped both arms 
around his lover and rode out the waves of his orgasm with is face buried in 
Faramir's chest. Their bond flared to life for a brief moment, and he trembled 
in his lover's arms as it slowly faded away. "Melin chen, gûren, (I love you, my 
heart)," he whispered as he tilted his head and pressed his lips against the 
warm, salty skin of his lover's neck and closed his eyes.

Feeling Haldir's release surge and pulse within him, Faramir cried out again 
softly, his muscles tightening around his lover. His heart was beating hard and 
fast in his chest and he could feel Haldir's doing the same. For a moment he 
could almost imagine they were one being, one heart, one soul, bound together 
before the feeling faded. His hands moved to caress his lover's back as the 
golden head rested against his chest. After long moments, Haldir laid him back 
against the soft blanket and he sighed contentedly as he gazed up at his lover. 
"Nothing in my life has ever felt like that, meleth. You...complete me in every 
way, my beautiful love," he whispered as his hands trailed up and down Haldir's 
back. Feeling his lover slip from within him, and as he settled beside him, 
Faramir turned to face Haldir, snuggling against him and pressing a soft kiss 
against his neck. "There are no words to express how much I love you," he 
whispered.

Sliding one arm underneath Faramir's neck, Haldir held him close and smiled as 
he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head. "I think I know," he whispered, 
"I think I saw it in your eyes while we were making love…I don't know how, or 
why, but I think I saw everything I was feeling reflected back at me. It's so 
hard for me to believe you could feel that way after everything you saw, but I 
cannot deny that I see nothing but love in your eyes when you look at me." He 
slowly brought the hand that was covered with his lover's seed to his lips and 
gazed into Faramir's eyes as he began licking his fingers clean. When he was 
finished, he dipped his fingers back down between them, gathered the rest of the 
pearly drops, and licked them away as well.

Faramir smiled as Haldir spoke about seeing how much he loved him. When his 
lover brought his fingers up to his lips and began to lick the cooling seed from 
them, Faramir swallowed hard as he watched the erotic sight while incredibly his 
spent arousal seemed to twitch. "Thank you for this, my love. Thank you for 
sharing this with me," he whispered pressing a gentle kiss against Haldir's 
cheek. The moon was high in the sky now, and casting silver light to mix with 
the shadows of the forest. It was incredibly beautiful, but nothing in Faramir's 
mind could ever compare with Haldir's beauty.

"No," Haldir said softly as he again wrapped his arms around his lover and held 
him close, "thank *you* for this. You have offered me so much, and you never 
make me feel guilty for what I cannot yet offer in return." He gently tilted 
Faramir's face upward and kissed him deeply before he could speak, knowing that 
he would try hard to reassure Haldir that he didn't mind or expect anything more 
than Haldir could give him. His strength had returned in full force and he 
fought the urge to simply wrap the blanket around his lover and carry him back 
to their talan, worried that Faramir would think him silly or foolish. He 
settled for teasingly licking the tip of his lover's nose and laughing as 
Faramir giggled beneath him. "Let's go home," he whispered. "Let's go to our 
talan, curl up in our bed and worry about cleaning all this up in the morning."

As Haldir spoke, Faramir's mind was already forming a protest that wound up lost 
in his lover's deep kiss. He loved Haldir's kisses, the way his lips fit 
perfectly against his own, the way *they* fit perfectly together. As Haldir 
pulled away and teased him playfully he found himself giggling, something he 
hadn't done in years and smiled up at his lover. "That sounds wonderful, love. 
Our talan," he whispered softly.

Until this moment, he had always referred to it as Haldir's talan, but hearing 
him say 'our talan' made Faramir's heart fill with joy. Maybe, just maybe Haldir 
was starting to understand that he truly loved him and that he would sooner die 
than leave him. //Soon...as soon as my package from Gondor arrives...I will ask 
you something else. Another question that I hope you will honor me with the 
answer of yes to.// Faramir had no doubt in his mind that his father and his 
brother received his letters and were returning a parcel to him containing 
something very dear to him that he wished to give to Haldir.

Haldir smiled and gently tucked Faramir's hair behind his ear. "Yes, meleth, 
*our* talan, *our* home," he whispered. Unable to resist any longer, he reached 
for Faramir's tunic and laid it across his lover's chest, then hurriedly slid 
his own unlaced tunic on over his head. He stood, wearing nothing but the long 
tunic, and leaned down to slide his arms underneath the blanket and scoop 
Faramir into his arms. Laughing at the look of surprise in his lover's eyes, 
Haldir pulled him close and nibbled playfully on his lip for a moment. "You 
carried me through the forest for many leagues, meleth," he grinned. "The least 
I can do is carry you back to our talan."

As Haldir handed him his tunic, Faramir pulled it on and then looked up at his 
lover wondering why his eyes were sparkling so. Before he had a chance to think 
on it or ask him about it, he was scooped up into his lover's arms. He laughed 
softly and shook his head. "But I'm not injured...though to be completely 
honest, I'm not entirely sure my legs would work right now anyway," he teased. 
He was surprised by Haldir's reaction, they hadn't even fully dressed yet though 
their tunics were long and Faramir was covered in a blanket. Over the last 
weeks, Haldir had regained his strength and Faramir was grateful to feel just 
how powerful his lover was now that he was healed. "Let's go home, meleth," he 
whispered, resting his head against Haldir's shoulder and letting his lover 
carry him.

Haldir sighed contentedly as Faramir rested against him, and continued toward 
their talan. He found himself stopping every few steps to simply admire his 
lover's profile under the moonlight, or his smile, or his sparkling blue eyes.

Faramir felt slightly awkward being carried since he was not in fact injured, 
but that feeling soon melted away. The sweetness of the gesture made him feel 
even more loved.

It took them much longer than it should to reach their talan, but they finally 
found themselves at the top of their stairs, and Haldir gently lay Faramir down 
on their bed. Moments later, both their tunics were gone, and they were curled 
around each other, sharing soft kisses and gentle caresses along with whispered 
words of love. Their words soon turned to yawns, and Haldir reached up to 
lovingly cup his lover's face in his hand. "I love you," he whispered, pressing 
a soft kiss to already kiss swollen lips and closing his eyes. "Sweet dreams, 
gûren."

Once they were inside their home, and he was settled on the bed, naked once 
again in Haldir's arms, he smiled as soft kisses were pressed against his lips, 
neck, chin, shoulder and neck. When Haldir spoke he smiled lovingly in return. 
"And I love you, Haldir," he whispered. He paused for a moment waiting to hear 
Haldir say as he always had, that he loved him but that he feared it wouldn't 
work between them...but the words never came. Instead his lover bid him sweet 
dreams and closed his eyes.

Faramir watched his face for a few moments, the way that soft golden hair framed 
it, and he felt his soul sing within him. "Sweet dreams, meleth," he whispered 
feeling tears prickle at his eyes. He settled down beside his lover and rested 
his head against Haldir's shoulder. He had never felt more grateful in his life 
and thanked the Valar for this gift. His Haldir.

*****
Chapter 16

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Faramir whimpered. 

Haldir's eyes opened and looked into his own and he felt his heart still in his 
chest. All the light in Haldir's eyes had gone out…he was fading before 
Faramir's very eyes…and *he * was the cause. He is who had sealed Haldir's fate. 
"Please, don't go…don't leave me…Haldir, I'm sorry!" he cried out as his lover 
seemed to simply disappear. Fading beyond his grasp. 

Faramir awoke weeping and howling his lover's name, sitting up in bed his heart 
was racing and immediately he threw his arms around Haldir as he sat up beside 
him with a look of sleepy confusion and concern on his face. 

Haldir’s arms immediately wrapped around his lover and held him tightly. He’d 
been woken from a dead sleep, and his heart was in his throat at the misery he 
saw in Faramir’s beloved eyes. His hands ran soothingly over his lover’s back as 
he rocked him gently in his arms and tried to assure himself that Faramir wasn’t 
injured. He was hot and sweaty, and his hair was stuck to his forehead with 
perspiration, but he seemed not to be in any physical pain except for the 
gasping, shuddering breaths he was dragging in between heartbreaking sobs. 
Countless tears were hot against his neck, and Haldir pulled his lover closer, 
despite the heat, wondering what on all of Arda could have caused him to shake 
and tremble so desperately, as if he’d lost everything in the world that meant 
anything to him. Bending his head to kiss away the tears that continued to spill 
from Faramir’s blue eyes, Haldir whispered softly to against his skin. “Meleth, 
I’m not leaving you,” he crooned softly as Faramir continued to cling to him as 
if his life depended on it. “I would never leave you. What’s the matter, love? 
What are you sorry for?” 

Faramir knew he was awake and that it had only been a dream. Haldir was here. He 
was in his arms, safe, and loved, so very loved, yet he couldn't shake the fear, 
guilt, anger, and despair of his nightmare. He sobbed openly, as hot tears 
streamed onto his lover's skin and he held onto him tightly, almost crushing him 
to his chest, as if to convince himself that Haldir was in fact here and 
wouldn't disappear. "I...my nightmare...you...you faded...because of 
me...because of what *I* had done...been forced to do. I lost you...it...it was 
my fault," he stammered the words not quite making sense and tumbling over one 
another. "I lost you," he whimpered clutching Haldir close. 

Tears filled Haldir’s eyes as Faramir spoke…tears not for himself, not for the 
memories that his lover’s words brought back, but for Faramir – for the guilt 
that he still carried over something he’d had no control over whatsoever. It had 
been months since the Haradrim had raped Haldir and forced Faramir to take him, 
yet the memories that seemed fixated at the back of Haldir’s mind seemed to be 
stuck in Faramir’s as well. “Gûren, no,” he whispered, as his arms locked around 
his lover and he pulled Faramir into his lap. “No, meleth, you didn’t lose me, 
and nothing that happened was your fault. You saved me….you’re the only reason 
I’m still here…you saved me so many times, and what they forced you to do that 
day….you did with so much love in your heart that it kept me here, it kept me 
from fading. You know that, love…deep down, you know that.” 

Faramir nodded against Haldir's chest though his tears continued to fall. "I 
never wanted our first...never wanted it that way. I wanted you, Gods I did, but 
never...never like that, meleth. I...I wanted to kill them, all of them. If I 
had thought I had the barest of chance of doing so and still protect you I would 
have. I would have. I hate them for what they did to you...what they did to 
*us*," he said hotly. He realized then how tightly he was gripping his lover and 
released him quickly. "I'm sorry, love," he whispered rubbing his hands over 
where his hands had been gripping Haldir so tightly, probably tight enough to 
leave bruises. "I'm so sorry. I know...I know you don't blame me, you never 
have. Incredibly, you never have...but...*I* blame myself. I worry if I hadn't 
said anything to them. If I'd kept my mouth shut, if I hadn't spoke in their own 
damnable language that maybe...just maybe they would have spared you 
that...their anger at me because they were under orders not to touch me turned 
against you. They *never* took you before I came along!" 

“Meleth,” Haldir whispered, keeping one arm around his lover and wrapping the 
fingers of his free hand around Faramir’s fingers to bring them to his lips as 
he continued to rock him. “They wanted to take me the very first night I was 
there. The only reason they didn’t was that they had other prisoners at the time 
– an Elf and some men. They thought I was arrogant and haughty, and they hated 
me, they wanted to hurt me and humiliate me from the moment they laid eyes on 
me. The *only* reason they hadn’t raped me before that night was that they had 
the other prisoners they used for that…they knew if they took me earlier, I 
would fade, and they would have no one to torture every morning. They took me 
that night because their last prisoner faded away….you *know* that, meleth. Your 
words *did* anger them, but if you hadn’t said what you said, you would have 
been stuck back in our cell, waiting for my return every day. I would have faded 
before your very eyes as they continued to use me, and there was nothing you 
could have done about it. When they forced you to….to take me….meleth, that’s 
when we bonded, that’s when you stopped me from fading, and when I knew that you 
truly loved me.” 

Faramir trembled slightly as Haldir kissed his fingers and rocked him in his 
embrace. He listened to his words and nodded. "I...honestly couldn't believe you 
didn't draw away from my touch afterwards. I...I didn't know I *had* stopped the 
fading until Rumil told me, and still...there are moments when I still find it 
remarkable. I do love you...I loved you from the first moment I saw you. 
I...still feel angry over it though...something that should have been special, 
should have been private, something of our very own was taken from us," he 
whispered softly. Haldir was right after all...if he hadn't talked back to them 
then Haldir wouldn't be here in Faramir's arms after all. He had once said he 
believed everything happened for a reason...and now he was starting to 
understand that belief even more. 

Pressing his lips to Faramir’s forehead, Haldir nodded and released his lover’s 
hand to gently brush back the sweaty tendrils of hair that were stuck to his 
cheeks and temples. “I should have been the one to tell you about our bond,” he 
whispered sadly, “and I shall always feel guilty that I didn’t. But, my sweet 
Faramir…look at me, meleth,” he continued, gently tilting Faramir’s face up 
until their gazes met. “They cannot take away everything we have shared since 
that day…they cannot take away the love and the tenderness and the patience you 
have shown me. And even though our first time was not what we would have wished, 
I think that, if they were alive, it would devastate them to know that what they 
thought would be the most terrible moments of both our lives, would actually be 
the moment we bonded, and the moment that made me yours forever….the moment that 
allowed me to find true happiness in my darkest hour. Please, love….let your 
anger go. They are dead, and as much as I hated them, I would go through it all 
again a hundred times– every single day, every single hopeless moment that I 
lived through until you came along – I would go through that again in a 
heartbeat if it meant that I could be here with you like this and know what true 
love is.” 

Faramir felt fresh tears slip down his face as Haldir spoke and shook his head. 
"You will never know pain or hopelessness again, dear one," he whispered using 
the endearment he had first used with his love. "Never again." There was so much 
that Haldir had endured, and had healed from, each day he was stronger, and each 
day Faramir felt their love and their bond grow stronger. He was absolutely 
certain now that once his parcel arrived from Gondor he would ask Haldir to 
formally and publicly bond with him. He had asked Rumil and Orophin about that 
and they said that many Elves did it. It was not all that common in the world of 
men but it was not unheard of for a man to marry another man. He wanted that 
with Haldir. Wanted everyone to know without any uncertainty that they belonged 
to one another. 

A single tear escaped from the corner of one of Haldir’s eyes as Faramir spoke. 
He’d meant what he said – the pain was, for the most part, a distant memory, 
made even more indistinct by each night he spent in his lover’s arms, feeling 
their love and the strength of their bond surrounding them…and every tear he’d 
shed was a small price to pay for what he now shared with the man in his arms. 
“I know,” he said softly, as he rested his forehead against Faramir’s. “I know I 
will never know them again. I have you now…how could I ever know anything but 
the happiness and peacefulness and love that I feel every time you hold me?” 

Faramir swallowed the lump in his throat from his lover's words and held him 
closer. "I feel the same, love. You make me a far better man just by loving me," 
he whispered. He looked around their room for the first time since he woke up 
and realized it was still the middle of the night. "We should go back to sleep, 
meleth. I'm...I'm sorry I disturbed you, but...I am glad we talked about all of 
this. I *have* felt guilty for so long now, even now I'm still not sure what to 
feel. Just...lay down with me, love. Hold me," he whispered softly, pressing a 
gentle kiss against Haldir's cheek. 

Haldir nodded and lay back on the bed, carefully pulling Faramir back to lay 
almost fully on top of him. His arms locked around his lover’s back and he 
sighed as Faramir’s arms slid underneath him, holding him equally as tightly. 
“Please, meleth,” he whispered, “please let go of this guilt that has haunted 
you for so long. I have never blamed you, and I never will, I promise you that. 
You did nothing wrong, and there is no reason for you to feel guilt over 
anything that happened in those caves. Just…just try and do that for me?” The 
knowledge that Faramir had felt so guilty for so long broke Haldir’s heart, and 
he felt he should have *sensed* something before now, instead of Faramir having 
to have such a nightmare. He had been far too selfish, dwelling on his own 
memories and humiliation and fears, and letting the man he loved suffer in 
silence. “Please, meleth?” he pleaded softly as his hands moved lovingly over 
Faramir’s back. 

Faramir melted into Haldir's embrace and sighed softly. "Yes, my love. I...I 
will try," he smiled faintly. "I should have said something before to 
you...but...I thought it would make me sound selfish. What you went through was 
far worse than any guilt I carried within me," he whispered pressing gentle 
kisses against Haldir's neck. 

“Oh love, we both went through so much,” Haldir whispered. “Your time in those 
caves was not easy either, and I’m so sorry if I didn’t see your pain earlier. 
But we both made it through those terrible days, and we’re here together, and 
that’s what matters most.” Reaching down to lace his fingers with his lover’s, 
he smiled and tilted his head back as sweet kisses were pressed to his skin. “I 
love you. I love you and I am *never* going to leave you, no matter what. Just 
remember …you never hurt me…you *saved* me, and I’ve known that from the very 
instant that our faers bonded.” 

Faramir smiled sadly, he had not gone through even half what Haldir had, but he 
had born witness to it. The pain of seeing the one you love hurt, and have no 
way to stop it being the hardest thing for him to handle. He nodded slowly and 
sighed softly. "I love you too...Gods, I love you," he whispered. When Haldir 
spoke of their faers bonding he wished that he were an Elf so he could feel it 
more fully...could know exactly what Haldir felt. He only felt a warmth and 
contentment when they made love, and could almost imagine he could see golden 
lights flash but...other than that he didn't know what it was Haldir felt. He 
knew he'd never felt that with any other lover in his life, but...what was it 
that Haldir felt? "What...do Elves feel when their farers bond? I mean....how 
did you *know*?" 

Haldir’s hands slowly ran over Faramir’s cooling skin and he smiled. Reaching 
down to pull the blankets over them both, he let his fingers return to their 
soothing task, and rested his chin on top of his lover’s head. “It feels as 
if…as if everything on Arda has slipped perfectly into place,” he said softly. 
“As if nothing that isn’t good and pure and wonderful can touch you, as if you 
are whole for the very first time in your life because you are finally with the 
one you were made to be with. I had never felt it before that day, but I knew 
what it was, I knew that I had stopped fading at once, and I knew that I would 
love you for as long as there was breath in my body. And you know what?” he 
whispered, as Faramir gazed sleepily up at him. “When we first bonded, it felt 
warm and beautiful and amazingly perfect. I thought nothing else in my life 
would ever feel as wonderful, but….but every single time we make love, I get 
that same feeling – only now it is even better, even more pure and incredible, 
because our bond is even stronger.” 

Faramir smiled lovingly at Haldir as he spoke of their bond. "I...I had always 
wondered that first moment...after...when you looked into my eyes and said my 
name. I was completely lost at that moment, and every time we make love now...I 
feel a warmth and contentment and...love that I never have felt before. I...I 
was curious what it felt like to you...maybe you recognize it because you are 
taught of it as an Elf...for me...honestly it added to my guilt because I didn't 
know what it was. I felt horrible for....for....enjoying that feeling. Does that 
make sense? I understand now though, love. I understand now," he whispered, 
pressing a soft kiss against Haldir's lips. 

Haldir ran his tongue lightly over his lover’s lips, dipping gently inside to 
taste the sweetness that was Faramir’s alone. “It does make sense,” he 
whispered. “Not many Elves bond, you know. The love that is required for a true 
bond is a rare thing. It has to be pure and honest, and between two who were 
truly destined to be together by the Valar. I have only known a few couples who 
have been lucky enough to find that, honestly. You have no reason to feel guilty 
about what you felt; my dearest love…the formation of our bond was comforting to 
us both. No matter what you *think* I was feeling at the time, I promise you, 
the strongest feeling inside me at that moment was one of the purest love I have 
ever known and utter astonishment that someone as perfect as you could possibly 
love me back. I know you have a hard time believing that, but that was truly 
what I was thinking at that moment.” 

Faramir smiled sadly. "I do believe you, I do...I find it amazing after 
everything....but I do," he whispered. "Have you ever..." Faramir began and then 
trailed off stopping himself. He wanted to ask if Haldir had ever considered 
they share their bond formally but decided against it. Not now...not tonight. 
"Have you ever wondered what it would have been like if we had met each other 
before? What if we'd met in some other way?" he asked trying to cover his 
initial question. 

Raising an eyebrow at the hesitation in Faramir’s voice, Haldir nevertheless let 
the moment pass. “I have,” he said with a smile. “Before…before they…they did 
what they did at the end, I had hopes of escaping and trying to convince you to 
give me a chance. I looked into your eyes, and I fell so hard for you, meleth. I 
have no doubt whatsoever that if we’d met on a field of battle against the orcs, 
or if I had one day wandered into Gondor, or even if I had merely passed you in 
the forest, that the instant our eyes met, we would have *known*. The only 
reason I didn’t say anything earlier, before…before they….they used me, was that 
I was worried you would think I was weak and fragile…all I seemed to do was 
cling to you and sob. I wanted to be strong for you, to show you that the Elf 
you first laid eyes on was not the real me…that I was better than that, 
stronger, and heartier. Then….well, after everything happened, I was worried 
about that, and the fact that I couldn’t see how you could possibly want me 
after everything you’d seen…that you would think me unclean…or unworthy.” 

Faramir shook his head. "Never once did I think those things of you. Never once, 
and I never found you weak....I saw what they had done to you...for months, 
Haldir. Oh my love, you have such strength in you. I cannot believe you don't 
know it...you *lived* and you found it in your heart to love me, to trust me, 
after all you had been through. I...too have thought about what it would have 
been like to meet you another way but not out of regret. Never that. I only 
would have liked to have known you in a time when you were not in pain...when 
you had not endured so much. I remember the day they came for you, and you were 
so calm, you simply stood proudly before them. Do you know how much bravery that 
took? You heard the other captive screaming as they drug him away, yet you 
fought the times before I was there...and then to protect *me* you simply walked 
out...to face whatever torture they had planned. That takes more strength of 
character and bravery than anything I have ever known," Faramir said firmly. 

Haldir shivered at the very idea of his captors touching a hair on Faramir’s 
head. “You have no idea what your words mean to me," he whispered. "Always, I 
was afraid you would think less of me…especially when they tortured that other 
poor Elf that finally faded, and I was so thankful it wasn’t you or me. But it 
would surely have killed me for them to hurt you. I would have gladly taken 
everything they had to offer if it meant sparing you one moment’s pain. 
Honestly,...they only hurt my body. If they had harmed you, if I had heard you 
scream as the other captives screamed, I think I would surely have died then and 
there of a broken heart. The bodies of the Elves are strong, but my heart, at 
least, would have shattered to hear that…I don’t think anything could have saved 
me then.” 

"I am glad you did not see me in the cell after you left. I probably appeared to 
be a lunatic. I was nearly climbing the walls I was so angry, I even yelled at 
some of the guards...and...and I heard everything that they did. Every lash, 
every one of them. Each one of them tore into my heart, each one," Faramir 
whispered. When he had finally heard Haldir scream that night, deep down he knew 
what it had been from...he knew and it had shattered him. He'd fallen to his 
knees and wept for the Elf he loved so dearly. "I would have given myself in 
your place, I would have. Your extracting that promise was the only thing that 
kept me from it. Even now I don't know why I allowed you to talk me into it. I 
wouldn't have faded if they had taken me...I shouldn't have allowed you to make 
me promise that," he said softly. He knew they could not change the past but he 
wished that he could have. To spare his lover what was done to him...to spare 
him what had nearly ended his life. 

“No,” Haldir said firmly, holding Faramir’s face between his hands and making 
sure he lover was looking into his eyes. “NO. Don’t ever say that…don’t ever 
even *think* that. Knowing you would keep your promise to me is the only thing 
that gave me the strength to hold on while it was happening. I’m so very sorry 
you had to hear that, and Gods, so sorry you had to see that, but it’s over, and 
I cannot bear to hear you say you regret that promise. If you had taken my 
place, you would not have been able to plan our escape, and we would still be in 
those caves. Everything that happened, happened for a reason, and I swear to 
you…if they had touched you, if they had done to you what they did to me, I 
would not have been able to keep the fading at bay for as long as I did until 
you bonded with me. Most Elves fade hours after they have been….taken against 
their will, meleth. I would have been too brokenhearted to even try to hold on 
if I had seen you in such pain.” 

Faramir felt tears spill down his cheeks yet again as Haldir spoke of other 
Elves fading within hours. "Thank you. Thank you for holding on for me. I...I 
was angry at myself for asking you for that...for prolonging your pain for you 
to stay with me. I felt it was selfish...and maybe it was...because I simply 
couldn't bear the thought of losing you. Everything did happen for a reason I 
suppose. I...has Rumil ever told you about the day we arrived at Lorien's 
borders?" he asked knowing that Haldir's brother had probably not told him what 
Faramir had said. 

Haldir kissed away his lover’s tears and shook his head, finally letting his 
hands trail back down to wrap around Faramir’s back. “It wasn’t selfish,” he 
said softly. “I would have asked the same of you, because I wanted you with me 
more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. And…Rumil…he hasn’t told me much 
of anything, except that he can see how very much we love each other, and that 
he often watches us dancing under the moonlight and it always makes him smile.” 

Faramir laughed, "He watches us dancing?" he asked with a slight blush. 
"Well...I am glad Rumil likes me now. I'm afraid when I first met him...he 
didn't care much for me at all. He tried to take you from me that day...He and 
the other wardens meant for me to leave immediately. I refused. There were at 
least a dozen Elven archers with their arrows trained on me. I told Rumil if 
they intended to take you from me, and to send me away then they needed to loose 
their arrows right then. I would sooner die than leave your side. He was shocked 
by that...and never asked to take you from me again. He was hurt that you didn't 
want his touch and clung to me...but after a while he seemed to understand how 
much I loved you," he whispered softly. 

Haldir’s eyes widened and a small smile touched his lips. “You faced a *dozen* 
Elven archers and *still* refused to let me go?” he laughed. “You were that 
intent on staying with me even then? Gods…I never knew. I thought you must be in 
a hurry to return to your city and wash your hands of me forever, but I could 
not help but cling to you and pray for a few more days of your nearness.” He 
leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Faramir’s lips before continuing. “I don’t 
remember much at all about our return…I simply remember that I only felt safe 
when you held me, and that I could not bear the thoughts of *anyone* else 
touching me. Even now, I find myself resisting any other’s touch…even my 
brothers. I do remember strange hands reaching out for me while I was in your 
arms, but they quickly went away, and I remember you whispering “dear one” to me 
again and again. There is little else I can recall, but I do know that you 
carried me for many leagues, and many hours. I don’t think I have every properly 
thanked you for that.” 

"You thank me everyday with your love," Faramir answered simply, pressing a soft 
kiss against Haldir's lips. "It was Rumil who reached for you...he was ...hurt 
that you pulled away from him though he tried not to show it. You are well loved 
by many, and I don't think you even realize that sometimes," he said smiling and 
running his fingers through soft golden hair. He yawned slightly and shook his 
head. "We really should get some rest, the sun will be rising soon and I've kept 
you up half the night," he said softly. It was as if their discussion had lifted 
a great weight from Faramir's heart and he felt more relaxed than he had in ages 
it seemed. Now...everything was out in the open between them...and he could 
simply enjoy loving and being loved by the incredible Elf in his arms. 

“Maybe…one day, I will apologize to Rumil,” Haldir mused, “but for now, I cannot 
bear to talk about those days with anyone but you, and I think he knows that.” 
Sliding down further under the covers, he hugged Faramir tightly against him for 
a moment, and then gave his lover a sleepy smile. “Wake me if you have any more 
dreams,” he whispered, as Faramir curled up against him and rested one leg 
across his thighs. “I will always be here for you…right beside you, and ready to 
tell you how much I love you and need you, and how I will never, ever leave you, 
as many times as you need to hear it.” 

Faramir smiled as Haldir hugged him tight. "I will my love. And I will always be 
here for you...always, I have promised you over and over again that I will never 
leave, and I will not. You...are my life, my light, and my soul," he whispered 
against Haldir's neck kissing him softly. "Sweet dreams my love, I believe mine 
will now be sweeter as well," he said sleepily. Yawning and snuggling closer, he 
closed his eyes. 

Haldir’s smile widened and he closed his eyes as well. “Sweet dreams,” he 
whispered, even as his heart sang with the knowledge that he finally was able to 
believe that Faramir really *would* never leave him. He had no idea what the 
future would bring, and his biggest regret was that he still cringed at the 
thought of being taken, but he determined that he would get over that one day. 
He did know, though, deep in his heart, that whatever happened, Faramir would be 
by his side, and would love him unconditionally, and without the slightest 
reservation. “I love you, gûren,” he whispered, just before drifting off to 
sleep. 

Faramir vaguely heard Haldir's whispered endearments and murmured his own 
against his skin. "And I love you, dear one." With that, he slipped into a 
peaceful and this time dreamless sleep, content in his lover's arms. 

*****

Chapter 17

Haldir laid his bow on the ground and smiled as Faramir took aim at the nearby 
tree they were using as a target. They’d had a quiet, romantic picnic by the 
stream behind their talan earlier, and had spent the afternoon practicing both 
swordplay and archery. It felt good to Haldir to simply laugh and relax outside 
of their talan, and he’d been reluctant to suggest they return to their home for 
dinner. 

As Faramir’s arrow hit it’s mark dead center, Haldir crossed over to him and 
wrapped both arms around his waist, pulling him close. “Perfect, as usual,” he 
whispered as he nibbled on his lover’s ear. He could vaguely hear footsteps 
approaching, but took heart in the fact that the sounds didn’t make him want to 
cling to his lover or run and hide. He was safe….Faramir’s love had healed him 
in more ways than one, and with another soft kiss to the warm skin of his 
lover’s neck, he turned in the direction of the approaching footsteps and 
waited. “I think we are about to have company,” he whispered, realizing the soft 
footfalls belonged to a fellow-Elf. 

The afternoon had been beautiful, and Faramir felt his heart warm each time 
Haldir laughed or smiled. He knew that he would never tire of that. As Haldir's 
arms wrapped around him he smiled. "Not always...not always," he said softly 
about his archery skills. He turned in his lover's arms and smiled as he looked 
into sparkling blue eyes. "It's probably just one of your brothers." 

“I suppose so,” Haldir sighed, “I was really hoping to just lie down on our 
blanket again and kiss you senseless for the remainder of the afternoon…but I 
suppose we’ll have to get rid of him first.” Laughing as Faramir’s sparkling 
eyes gazed into his own, he reluctantly looked away only when he heard Orophin 
softly calling his name. “I’m here,” he called out. “And quite busy at the 
moment, if you must know, my dear brother.” 

Orophin moved through the trees into the small clearing and smiled at his 
brother and his lover. "There you two are," he said approaching and unable to 
stop his smile spreading wider as he saw the way the two were in each other’s 
arms. "I really don't mean to disturb you, but Lady Galadriel has asked that the 
two of you come to see her. I am unsure why, she just asked that I deliver the 
message," he explained. 

Haldir gave Faramir another gentle hug and nodded to his brother. “We will be 
there at once,” he said, finally pulling away and gently dragging a leaf from 
his lover’s hair that must have snagged there as they’d curled up together after 
the picnic. “Ready, love? My Lady does not like to be kept waiting. We can 
always stop by on our way home and gather our blanket and supplies.” 

Faramir and Orophin both laughed as Haldir pulled a leaf from his hair. Faramir 
blushed from the knowing look that Orophin gave him, though their afternoon had 
been quite innocent. "I suppose I am," he smiled. 

He took Haldir's hand in his own as they began to walk toward the Lord and Lady 
of the woods home. Orophin had fallen into step with them for a few moments 
before he bade his farewells and headed off in the direction of the talan he 
shared with Rumil. "I have to admit I'm slightly curious about what she might 
want," Faramir said after a few moments. 

“I have served my Lord and Lady for countless millennia,” Haldir smiled as he 
gave Faramir’s hand a gentle squeeze. “And I can honestly say that she has never 
quite lost the mysteriousness that surrounded her from the first time I lay eyes 
on her, when I was but an Elfling.” 

Slowly, they began to ascend the steps to the largest, most beautiful talan in 
all the Golden Wood, and bowed to the young, silver haired Elf who met them at 
the top, then ran back to inform Lady Galadriel that her guests had arrived. 
“Maybe she just wants to congratulate me on finding such a fine and handsome 
mate,” he teased. 

Faramir laughed as Haldir spoke and returned the gentle squeeze of his fingers. 
"She does have quite a knack for the mysterious, the first night when she spoke 
to me it seemed she did so in riddles, and then when she said goodbye...she knew 
my name though I'd never told her. Quite unsettling, but not in an exactly 
uncomfortable way," he grinned. They waited a few minutes before they were asked 
to enter; when they did Galadriel was just as Faramir remembered her and she 
still moved with such grace it was as if her feet did not even touch the ground. 

Haldir bowed low and saw Faramir do the same as Lady Galadriel stood before them 
and smiled serenely. After a moment, he looked up and tilted his head again 
reverently. “You wished to see us, my lady?” he asked softly, as he stood 
straighter, but kept his head slightly bowed. 

Galadriel smiled at the Elf and man before her and motioned for them to sit 
down. "Yes, please have a seat," she said smiling kindly. "I am glad to see you 
are doing well, Haldir, and you as well Faramir." Galadriel sat down across from 
them and watched the couple as they crossed the room hand in hand and took the 
offered seat on the small couch of her solar. "I know you are both curious why I 
have asked you here. How much do either of you know about fate and destiny?" 

Faramir looked up at Galadriel curiously as she spoke and then looked at Haldir 
for a moment before turning back to regard her. "I…I have always said that I 
believed everything happened for a reason, though often the meaning is unclear, 
my Lady," he said softly and feeling slightly unsure why they had been summoned. 
//Fate and destiny? Why would she call us here to discuss that?// 

Haldir was intrigued by her question, even as he felt her gently probing the 
deepest recesses of his mind, though she gave no outward sign of doing anything 
but giving them her full attention. He knew she most likely already knew 
everything that had happened to him when he’d been captured, yet he felt no 
shame in her presence. “My thoughts are much the same as Faramir’s,” he said. 
“The Valar often make choices and decisions that we do not understand, but must 
make every effort to live with. I think they have a plan in mind for each of us, 
and they will find a way to lead us on the path they have chosen for us if we 
stray.” 

Galadriel smiled as Haldir spoke and nodded in agreement. "They do in fact have 
a plan, and in yours and Faramir's case, they, despite their wisdom, almost 
failed," she said softly as she turned her attention to Faramir. "You were 
destined to meet one another, and fall in love, though not at this time. In fact 
the two of you have just missed one another many times since Faramir reached 
adulthood. So, when you were captured, Haldir...they intervened as much as they 
could, and eventually managed to have Faramir captured as well so that he may 
find you and help you escape. Have you not wondered why you were both placed in 
the same cell when others were available? Did that never strike you as...odd?" 

Faramir felt slightly uncomfortable as Galadriel spoke. He had not realized that 
he and Haldir had ever come close to meeting before their capture. And once he 
had been captured he had never truly given it thought before as to how it was he 
had been placed in a cell with Haldir instead of on his own. He had assumed it 
was because Altair felt for Haldir and wished him to have a companion to help 
him, though...now...now he was just confused. "What exactly are you saying, my 
Lady?" he asked curiously. The Valar intended for him to help Haldir escape? 
That made sense he supposed and if that was true then he was grateful to them 
for that. 

Haldir remembered Faramir asking him only a few nights ago if he’d ever wondered 
if things would have been different had they met under other circumstances. 
Somehow, he simply *knew* that he was destined to be with Faramir, though he 
couldn’t find the words to explain. After their escape, he’d wondered so many 
times if the Valar had only bewitched Faramir into loving him until he could say 
goodbye to his family, but now…now he knew Faramir truly loved him. With 
Faramir, he felt alive and happy, really and truly *happy* for the first time in 
all his years. It *did* make sense that the Valar had put them together…though 
he wondered how he’d managed to miss meeting the love of his life so many times 
before. He could do nothing more than stare at Galadriel as he waited for her to 
answer Faramir’s question. 

Galadriel laughed softly, Faramir was far more direct than she had ever expected 
him to be. He had a very gentle nature, but he also had a quick mind as well. Of 
course he would want answers, direct ones.

Galadriel wasn't ever one for directness but she felt in this case, it was the 
best course. "I am simply confirming that the two of you were destined to be 
together, to bond, and you were supposed to save Haldir...though the Valar had 
not anticipated the way in which you would bond. They had only intended for you 
to help Haldir escape...but dark forces guide the Haradrim. They had no control 
over what took place, the fact that you bonded so...soon because of 
that...though I guess in the end it worked as planned," she said carefully. 
"Since the two of you were to meet years ago, and have a longer life together." 

The implication of Galadriel's words hit Faramir hard and he swallowed and shook 
his head. "Have a longer life together?" he asked almost to himself, the idea 
almost making his stomach turn. "I...it's not fair," he blurted after a moment. 
"The Valar have planned this all along, our entire lives, leading us to this 
point and they....they sent me to save Haldir only to....only to have his 
destiny tied to a mortal life. He...he will pass from this world when I do won't 
he? They let me save him only to have such a short time before he..." Faramir 
trailed off. "How....how can they be so cruel, to allow us to find one 
another...to have him endure what he did...and then his destiny be tied to a man 
who will pass from this world and take him too? It's not fair! Why would they 
allow one of the First Born to be bound to a mortal? I...I am afraid I just 
don't understand. I love Haldir with all that I am, but...I hate that he has had 
to suffer, and it pains me to realize that I will eventually be his death." 

Haldir slid one arm around Faramir and gently rubbed soothing circles on his 
lower back. “Meleth,” he whispered as his free hand tangled once again with 
Faramir’s. “It is all right. I would rather live fifty years with you than an 
eternity without you, and I would never wish to live on Arda without you by my 
side.” He’d known in his heart that loving a mortal man wouldn’t be easy. 
Faramir would age and die, and Haldir had no wish whatsoever to live on without 
him. He’d never given it much thought, but, at this moment, he knew that the day 
Faramir passed on to the next realm, he, Haldir, would take his own life if the 
severing of their sacred bond didn’t take him immediately. 

Faramir shook his head. "I would feel the same, but that still doesn't make it 
fair to you, my love," Faramir whispered sadly as he turned and rested his 
forehead against Haldir's. "If our places were exchanged I would feel the exact 
same, I cannot live without you, meleth but...it...it just seems so cruel. I 
cannot believe that the Valar would do such things," he whispered with tears in 
his eyes. 

Galadriel looked away from the pair for a moment trying to keep her own tears at 
bay. Now she knew what she needed to know, the Valar had indeed made the right 
choice in the end. "Faramir...Haldir," she said softly waiting for them to turn 
to her. "What if the Valar did feel they had made a mistake and wished to 
correct it? Haldir if you were asked to sail to the undying lands...would you 
accept?" she asked knowing already what his answer would be. 

Haldir wiped away the tears that had gathered in his eyes and shook his head. 
“My Lady,” he said firmly, with absolutely no hesitation in his voice, “I will 
not leave his side. Faramir has stood by me and loved me at my darkest hour…he 
would not even leave me to visit his family in Gondor. I certainly would not 
leave him…not even to sail to the undying lands.” 

Galadriel nodded slowly, "I suspected that would be your answer," she said 
softly. "Though what I am about to tell you may change it. It seems the Valar 
have realized their 'mistakes' and it also seems that Faramir has enough Elven 
blood -just enough left to him through his mother's line...that they are making 
an exception. If Faramir so wishes, he can make a decision here today, he will 
cease to age, and he will be offered a seat on one of the ships sailing into the 
west. It is his choice. He can stay here, live and die as a man, and not outlive 
his brother and his father, or he can sail with you and live in the undying 
lands as your mate," she explained softly. She had little doubt that Faramir 
would choose to follow Haldir; she had already looked into his mind and his 
heart more than once. She knew what his choice would be, but Haldir she knew did 
not. She knew deep within Haldir he still believed that he was not worthy of 
Faramir after what he had gone through at the hands of the Haradrim. She hoped 
that this would change that. Neither of them should harbor guilt for things that 
were not theirs to control. 

Haldir’s heart seemed to stop beating as Galadriel spoke. An eternity with 
Faramir by his side? He did not deserve this…but, Gods, how he longed for it! 
His mind raced, and he pictured the land of his dreams, sharing thousands and 
thousands of years with the only one who had ever touched his very soul, the one 
he trusted and loved more than life itself. But slowly, reality set in, and his 
smile faded as he stared blindly at their entwined hands, forgetting Galadriel 
for the moment as he wrestled with his inner demons. //I cannot ask him to leave 
his family. I have kept him from them for months, and if he were to sail with 
me, he would lose them forever. I cannot take everything he has ever known away 
from him, especially when I have not fully given myself to him, as a proper mate 
would. How could he possibly want an eternity of *that*, knowing that I am too 
much of a coward to even offer myself? We….we could live together, in Gondor…if 
he would still want that, - he would lose nothing that way.// 

Faramir had felt his heart warm in his chest as Haldir had spoke of not leaving 
his side but then he found himself gaping as Galadriel spoke. He had a choice? 
He had known of the slight amount of Elven blood from his mother's side but knew 
there was no possible way it was enough for this...the Valar were truly trying 
to make up for the pain that Haldir had gone through. Then he realized, not only 
Haldir's pain but also his own, because everything that had hurt his lover had 
hurt him as well. Almost before Galadriel had finished speaking Faramir was 
nodding his head. His father and his brother would understand. He was younger 
than Boromir and they had always thought that one of them might die on the 
battlefield...how was this any different? Other than knowing that he would yet 
be alive. His brother would want that comfort of knowing his little brother was 
alive and safe. Faramir smiled as he looked at Galadriel. "Yes, yes. I accept. 
There truly is no other choice for me. My family will understand. My place is 
with Haldir....my heart and my soul is with Haldir," he said firmly. 

Haldir looked up slowly, squeezing Faramir’s hands in both his own. Faramir was 
looking intently at Galadriel as he answered and Haldir was convinced he was 
hearing things. “Meleth,” he whispered softly as Faramir turned to look at him. 
“I…you would give up your family to stay with me? Your city, your 
friends…everything? I would gladly stay here with you and live by your side, 
with your family and the things that have made you happy for all your life 
before me. I…I cannot deny that I would love an eternity with you, but…but, are 
you sure? I could not bear to think that you made this decision simply to keep 
me from dying.” 

"I am not making this decision to keep you from dying, love, though that is 
definitely a good reason. No...I am afraid the decision is a selfish one, for I 
do not wish to ever leave your side," Faramir said softly drawing Haldir's hands 
up to his lips and kissing them gently. "I love you, and I could not bear to be 
parted from you and...and now I don't have to be," he said looking toward 
Galadriel for confirmation of his statement.

The Lady smiled at him and nodded. "No, Faramir, you don't have to be. You and 
Haldir will both be afforded passage to Aman. I have no doubt that the Valar 
have seen what I have seen in your hearts and they have chosen to give you this 
gift...to both of you for what you have gone through. I wish you all the best," 
she said smiling happily at the couple. Her mind touched on something in 
Faramir's and she almost laughed. //Oh Faramir, he will say yes, in fact he 
already has.// 

Haldir’s arms wrapped around Faramir’s waist and he held him tightly as he 
stood, pulling Faramir to his feet as well. Faramir’s feet lifted from the 
ground and Haldir spun in lover in wide circles, completely forgetting 
Galadriel’s presence as he buried his face in Faramir’s neck and laughed. “I 
love you,” he repeated over and over as they continued to spin. “I cannot 
believe you really want forever with me! That I’ll *never* have to let you go!” 
Suddenly remembering that they were still in the Lady’s presence, he stopped 
spinning at once and blushed as he set his lover’s feet back on the floor and 
looked unsteadily at Galadriel, who was apparently quite amused. “I am sorry, my 
Lady…so very sorry. I…got carried away.” 

Faramir was completely caught off guard as his lover tugged him upwards and into 
his arms sweeping him literally off his feet and swinging him around. As shocked 
as he was, he laughed and drew his hands up to Haldir's shoulders to steady 
himself against his love. "I love you as well. I love you so much," he whispered 
in return. Hearing the sound of soft lyrical female laughter, he felt his lover 
set him back down and he saw Haldir's face color as he apologized to Galadriel. 

Galadriel stood and laughed softly as she witnessed her former Marchwarden's 
exuberance. She was so pleased to see him so healthy again after the way he had 
returned months ago. "Do not apologise, Haldir. Never apologise for happiness or 
for love," she smiled tilting her head slightly. "And speaking of love, I must 
find my husband and speak with him. If you will excuse me, I think the two of 
you can find your way out?" she asked sweeping toward the door. "I am happy for 
you both," she said before stepping through the door leading from her solar into 
another room leaving the Elf and man together. 

Haldir bowed as Galadriel left the room, then turned back to Faramir to put one 
hand on each side of his beloved face as their gazes met. “I cannot believe you 
want me….you want *this*…forever. Especially when….when I still have not….when I 
still can’t….Gods, love. I can’t believe this. I’m so afraid I’m dreaming…am I 
really awake??” He studied his lover’s eyes for long moments, praying that 
Faramir wouldn’t change his mind now, or wouldn’t wake him up just yet, if that 
were the case. 

Faramir bowed alongside Haldir as Galadriel said goodbye and he smiled happily 
when she said she was happy for them. Turning back to Haldir he smiled at his 
lover. "I *do* want forever with you, I have always wanted that. And please do 
not speak of what you have not been able to do...please...this is about love, 
about how my heart, my soul cannot survive without you. Please, meleth. I love 
you. Nothing. *Nothing* will ever change that. Don't you see, love, even the 
Valar know this or they would not have given us this gift?" he whispered 
pressing a soft kiss against Haldir's lips. "Come on...let's go home, dear one?" 
he asked taking Haldir's hand. 

Haldir smiled and returned his lover’s sweet kiss, though he could barely see 
through the tears in his eyes. Faramir’s words meant more to him than he could 
possibly say, and his heart was almost bursting with joy and happiness. “Yes,” 
he said softly. “Let’s go home, gûren. We have an eternity to plan for…and I 
think I remember something about kissing you senseless for the rest of the 
day….and I think I might need to do a little licking as well. And sucking. And 
marking. Did I mention marking? I can think of quite a few places that I need to 
mark….” His voice trailed off as they hurried down the staircase, and he felt 
his face color once again as he heard Galadriel’s musical laughter following 
them, but he found he was too cheerful to even truly be embarrassed. The Valar 
had somehow managed to give him the one thing he’d been lacking in his life, and 
he knew that no matter what had happened in their past, no price was too great 
to pay for the privilege of being with the man he loved so dearly for an 
eternity. 

Faramir smiled at his lover, blinking away tears as they raced down the steps 
toward home. He laughed as Haldir spoke of what all he planned to do to him and 
he could have sworn he heard Galadriel's laughter as they moved down the steps. 
"I think I am very much looking forward to getting home," he teased. //I cannot 
believe the Valar have given us this gift, but I am so grateful. After today I 
know that we will have forever, and...I cannot wait to make that official.// 
Faramir was fairly confident now that Haldir would say yes when he asked him to 
formally bond with him. He only wished his parcel from Gondor would arrive soon. 
It had been over a month since he had sent his letter requesting the items. His 
mother's ring and the cloak that had been left for his wedding day by her as 
well. 

They arrived back at their talan quickly, having bypassed their picnic basket 
and blanket, and didn’t emerge for several hours, both looking very happy, and 
very content, if slightly disheveled. They stood at the edge of their talan, 
staring up at the moon, and Haldir leaned back against his lover as Faramir’s 
arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He smiled up at the sky and murmured his 
thanks to the Valar, promising to love and honor Faramir every day for all 
eternity, for he truly was the most precious gift they could have ever given 
him.

*****
Chapter 18

Faramir leaned forward and kissed Haldir briefly before pulling back further 
into the water. "So which idea of how to spend the rest of the afternoon did you 
say you liked?" he grinned. "Swimming, and enjoying the day…or," he lowered his 
voice slightly as he pulled Haldir closer, "Or…what was the other one, love? I 
think I'm getting forgetful…something about…you doing something to me until I 
couldn't walk straight?" 

Haldir laughed and wrapped his arms tighter around Faramir, moving his lover’s 
legs to rest around his waist and nibbling at the juncture of his neck and 
shoulder. “I *think* the last choice involved me leaning you up against that 
rock behind us and seeing just how many times I could make love to you until the 
sun set.” Pulling away thoughtfully, he studied the beloved face before him and 
tried to look serious. “Of course, we don’t *have* to use the rock. I kind of 
like this position right here…your legs around me, and feeling you already hard 
between us…or we could do *both*. I don’t mind carrying you back to our talan…We 
could probably even figure out a way to make love *as* we’re walking back to the 
talan…much like this…” Arching both eyebrows wickedly, Haldir gave his best 
imitation of an evil grin, which quickly faded into hearty laughter at the look 
in Faramir’s sparkling blue eyes. 

As Haldir had lifted him up and he'd wrapped his arms and legs around his lover, 
Faramir arched his eyebrow at all the various descriptions of what they *could* 
do fell from his lover's lips. He blinked and looked at him wide eyed for a 
moment before bursting into a fit of giggles. "While we walk back? Now that 
*would* be quite...creative," he teased. "I do think right here, just like this 
works for me though," Faramir said, leaning in and licking at Haldir's lips and 
then gently nibbling on the lower one. As he did, both of them seemed to hear 
footsteps at the shoreline. Looking over Haldir's shoulder, Faramir's mouth 
dropped open. He had been expecting a parcel from Gondor...he hadn't been 
expecting who had delivered it. 

"It...it is Boromir, my brother," Faramir said softly, as he slid his legs from 
around Haldir's waist and stood before him. Neither of them was exactly prepared 
for company and Faramir felt a deep blush spread over his face. "Boromir?" he 
called out and watched his brother's face. At first it had held a slight scowl, 
then it turned to a smile, and now...now he was...laughing. 

Haldir’s own face was flushing and he sank down in the water immediately as 
Faramir pulled away. He wasn’t comfortable around strangers yet, *especially* 
when he was naked, not to mention aroused, as he always seemed to be when 
Faramir was close by. He took a few steps back into deeper water, until only his 
head was above the waterline, and studied the man walking toward them quietly. 
//He’ll hate me. He’ll somehow know that I’m….unclean…that I’m tainted, that I 
am not worthy of his brother’s love. Gods….he’ll want Faramir to return to 
Gondor with him…why else would he be here?// He moved a few steps further back, 
torn between wanting to cling to his lover and give him time alone with the 
brother that he’d spoken about so often. 

Faramir moved back beside Haldir, tangling his fingers with his lover's and gave 
Boromir a certain look, which stopped the blonde man's progression toward the 
shore. 

Boromir had traveled for several weeks to bring the items his little brother had 
requested. In his letter, he had said that he wanted to get married, and asked 
for his gifts his mother had left him for that. Their father had been troubled 
saying that he would have liked to have met the person Faramir had chosen but it 
seemed from the tone of his letter they would not get that opportunity. 

Instead of writing back and stating that he would not allow it, which was 
Denethor's first reaction, he later relented. He was simply hurt as any father 
would be. He'd always thought he would at least get to meet if not approve of 
whom his youngest son would marry, but in this case it was clear he wouldn't. 

He told Boromir to deliver the parcel and to determine if this Haldir person 
that his youngest had written about, was worthy of Faramir. Denethor and Faramir 
had not always seen eye to eye on things, but he loved him…and normally he had a 
good head on his shoulders. Most of the time he was much more level headed than 
Boromir, though he would never admit that aloud. Boromir also knew this. 

As he had approached, he had seen the couple together, Faramir smiling and 
laughing with his arms and legs obviously wrapped around the slender Elf with 
long golden hair. Boromir couldn't see much of the Elf but what he could see; 
well…his brother certainly had good taste. At first he hadn't been sure how to 
react but when he saw the blush race over Faramir's face he couldn't help but 
chuckle. 

"Some greeting," he called out to them. "I…won't be expecting a hug anytime 
soon…one can only guess those breeches over here are yours," he teased and 
grinned wickedly. "I travel all this way to deliver what you asked for," He 
stopped as Faramir glared at him, "Letters from father and myself…and some 
personal effects and I can't even get a proper hello." 

Haldir’s fingers closed around Faramir’s, grateful beyond words that his lover 
had moved back to stand beside him. He couldn’t help but smile at Boromir’s jest 
about the breeches, and looked down in embarrassment as he wondered just how 
much Faramir’s brother had heard before Faramir had noticed his approach. He 
stayed low in the water, waiting for Boromir’s request for a few moments alone 
with Faramir before demanding to know exactly *why* he was naked in the water 
with an Elf. “You…you can go on and speak with him,” he whispered softly against 
his lover’s ear. “I’ll…I’ll wait for you here, or meet you back at our talan 
later. I don’t mind…really.” 

Faramir shook his head, "No, it's all right, meleth," he whispered softly to 
Haldir. He squeezed Haldir's hand gently and turned back to Boromir. "I'm afraid 
you...caught us at an inopportune moment, brother," he grinned. 

Boromir chuckled again and shook his head. "I should say so, little one. Not 
every day I see my little brother wound around a beautiful Elf. I suppose it's 
safe to assume this is Haldir?" he grinned. "I'm pleased to meet you...I'd shake 
your hand...but I'd rather keep my boots dry." 

Haldir blushed furiously at Boromir’s words and chanced a shy smile up at 
Faramir’s brother. “Pleased to meet you as well,” he said, forcing his voice to 
stay strong and not waver, even though he was still a bit wary. Other than 
Faramir, Boromir was the first man he’d seen since….since they’d escaped, and he 
found that he was still a bit afraid. //This is your mate’s brother…if he is 
even one half the man Faramir is, you will be glad to count him as family.// 
“Maybe…maybe I can have the pleasure of a more…formal introduction when….well, 
when I have clothes on?” 

Boromir laughed heartily as Haldir spoke and nodded. "I look forward to it...one 
of your brothers...Rumil, led me here. I'll just follow him back now and let you 
two...um...well...finish or start on whatever it was I so rudely interrupted," 
he grinned enjoying the dual blushes his words got from both his brother and his 
lover. "Rumil said that there would be a place for me to stay...I'll meet with 
you both later I hope. Perhaps for dinner," he said bowing slightly. "It...was 
nice meeting you, Haldir," he smiled. 

Faramir laughed and shook his head. "We'll see you later then...it...it is good 
to see you again, Boromir. I'm surprised you came here yourself...father?" he 
asked curiously. 

Boromir simply nodded, "Father asked me to...we'll discuss it later," he said 
smiling and turning back toward the woods after saying his final goodbye's to 
both man and Elf. 

Haldir nodded to Boromir and said goodbye even as his arms wrapped around 
Faramir’s waist. “I…I knew you sent for some personal items, but….I never 
expected to meet your brother,” he said. “Did you tell him that…that we are 
bonded?” 

Faramir was unsure how to answer that question. He had not mentioned that they 
were bonded, but he had told them that he wished to marry Haldir. "I...not 
exactly...I told them that I would be living here in Lorien with you, 
permanently, but I did not really mention our bonding...that would have taken a 
bit to explain so, I had planned on explaining it later, I just didn't expect 
father to send Boromir here," he said softly. 

“Do you think he will….will be able to see that I…I am not like the other 
Elves?” Haldir asked slowly, avoiding his lover’s gaze. “I mean…I feel like 
he’ll just *know* I’m unclean, though I know that’s ridiculous. Even after what 
Lady Galadriel told us, I’m still….I’m just still afraid someone or something 
will tear us apart. What if your brother asks you to reconsider and leave with 
him? He *is* your brother, after all, and he could easily sense that you 
might….deserve more, or…or something.” 

Faramir shook his head and turned to Haldir placing his hands on either side of 
the beloved face. "Yes, he will notice you are different than the other 
Elves...because I do not love the other Elves in Lorien. I love *you*. And 
*that* is all he will see. Haldir, you are not unclean, and I will never leave 
your side. I have already made my choice. My fate, my destiny lays with you...my 
heart and my soul lie with you. Even if he did ask me to return, which I am 
doubtful, I would refuse. He may be my brother and I do love him...but I *need* 
you and your love. I could never return to my life in Gondor. I had hoped...had 
hoped that you realized that by now," Faramir said sadly. 

Haldir’s gaze slowly met his lover’s and he studied the serious blue eyes that 
stared back at him. “I’m sorry, ” he sighed. “I *do* know that. I just…think 
seeing another…another man…threw me off balance. I know you wouldn’t leave me, I 
know that.” Burying his head against his lover’s neck he held him tightly. 
“Forgive me. I promise to do better…and not be so afraid of everyone and 
everything…especially your brother.” 

"You don't have to promise that and there is nothing to forgive," Faramir said 
softly. He wrapped his arms tighter around Haldir and drew him closer. "It is 
understandable...truly, you've not been around another man who didn't wish to 
hurt you except for me in...in so long...I do understand." He sighed softly and 
drew back to look into Haldir's eyes. "Perhaps we should go home now, it's 
already starting to get dark," he suggested softly. "We can always continue what 
we started here in our bed...or even our bath at home," he grinned hoping to 
make Haldir smile. 

A slow grin touched Haldir’s lips as Faramir teased him, and he let his hands 
run lightly over his lover’s back. “I think that can definitely be arranged,” he 
whispered as he sucked Faramir’s earlobe between his lips and his mood lifted 
immediately at the reassurance in Faramir’s words and touch. “And I can probably 
still manage to keep you in the bath long enough so that you can’t walk straight 
back to our bed…I’ll give it a try, at least.” 

Faramir laughed as Haldir teased him. "Look at me, in water up to my chest and 
yet I'm already looking forward to a bath," he laughed. "Come on, love." Faramir 
tugged Haldir toward the shore and they quickly dressed and then walked back to 
their talan hand in hand. He and Haldir spoke softly as they walked home but in 
the back of his mind Faramir hoped that Boromir had brought everything he'd 
asked for. Part of him couldn't help but wonder what his father's letter would 
say. He and Denethor didn't always agree, but he hoped that his father would 
accept his decision...he hoped Boromir's being here meant that he had. 
~~~ 
Haldir set the last of the fruitcakes on the table and rearranged the linen 
napkins for the fifth time. He told himself not to be nervous, that this was 
just Faramir’s brother, but he couldn’t help thinking that Boromir would hate 
him, or that he’d do something or say something to embarrass them all. Reaching 
behind him for the plate filled with bread and sweet butter, he set it down and 
tried to center it exactly in the middle of the table. “We need a bigger talan,” 
he murmured under his breath. “He probably passed the bigger ones at the edge of 
the wood and wonders why ours is so tiny. And honestly, this table never seemed 
*this* small when my brothers are here. I wonder if they switched it on us as a 
joke or something?” 

Faramir had pulled some glasses from the shelf and turned around to watch Haldir 
nervously placing and replacing items on the table. He arched an eyebrow for a 
moment, watching him and then as he stepped closer and heard Haldir murmur he 
almost chuckled. "Stop worrying so much, Boromir isn't the type to even notice 
the table or the decor or...much less anything other than the food on it," he 
said softly as he set the glasses on the table and turned Haldir to face 
himself. Leaning in, he kissed him gently, "There is nothing to be nervous 
about, meleth. I promise," he whispered reassuringly as he tucked a lock of hair 
behind Haldir's elegant ear. 

Boromir knocked on the door to the talan and shifted the packages under his arm. 
He had laughed all the way back with his guide Rumil who had stayed safely 
hidden within the trees at the edge of the small lake. Now that he was here...at 
their home, he hoped he would make a better impression on Haldir. 

He'd seen the way the Elf blushed and he felt bad afterwards for making him feel 
uncomfortable. Faramir had told him that they had both undergone quite an ordeal 
when the Haradrim captured them though he hadn't offered details. 

When they had retaken the caves though...seeing… what he saw, Boromir was quite 
certain what the two of them might have seen or endured. He smiled brightly when 
Faramir opened the door and drew him into a tight hug. "Now that's a proper 
hello!" he grunted barely able to breathe. 

Haldir’s nerves were calmed by Faramir’s touch and he watched with shining eyes 
as his lover quickly crossed the room and hugged his brother. He stood quietly 
by the table and watched the two together, seeing how similar they were in both 
appearance and bearing, and relaxed even more. //He could not have been raised 
around Faramir and *not* be kind and good. It is simply not possible.// When 
Faramir pulled away and turned back to smile at him, Haldir’s own smile was 
genuine and he bowed slightly to Boromir. “Welcome to our home, Boromir. I am 
especially honored to have you here.” 

"And I am honored to be here," Boromir said smiling in return. "And...here are 
your things you asked for, I've carried them so long now I think I'll actually 
miss them," he grinned. "I am sorry about earlier...I should have simply waited 
until later...it was poor manners to interrupt the way I did." 

Faramir took the packages into the bedroom and returned quickly as his brother 
was apologizing. "It's never been like you to be subtle anyway," Faramir teased. 
"Come on...I'm sure you are hungry," he said ushering his brother toward the 
table. 

Haldir reached across the table and shook Boromir’s hand firmly, as was the 
custom for men, he’d learned long ago. Boromir’s smile was more than agreeable, 
and Haldir noticed that he studied both himself and Faramir intently as they all 
sat down and began their meal. He relaxed more with every passing moment, 
eventually joining in the conversation and laughing as if Boromir were an old 
friend. He’d noticed that Faramir’s brother had asked little about how he and 
Faramir had met, and hoped that when he finally *did* ask, he, Haldir, would be 
able to find the words to show Boromir how much he truly owed Faramir, and, more 
than that, how much he truly loved him. 

Faramir was pleased to see Haldir opening up some with Boromir and the two 
seemed to be getting along quite well, for which he was grateful. "Thank you 
again for bringing everything I asked for," Faramir said as they had finished 
their meal. 

Boromir nodded slowly. "You asked for what belonged t