Title: The Speed of the End
Author: Jenni-Digdigil 
E-mail: (elennf569@rogers.com)
Type: (Required, FPGen, FPHet, FPS, RPGen, RPHet, RPS, etc.) FPS
Pairing Caranthir/Finrod 
Rating: NC-17
Beta: Dawn Felagund.  Thank you, doll! 
Dedication: 

Summary: Will Caranthir and Finrod find that despite much separation, 
their mutual attraction will last through the Ages and that they have 
enough in common to keep their bond strong?




THE SPEED OF THE END


CHAPTER ONE:  COUSINS

As children Findaráto and Carnistir were not friends.  The cousins were near the same 
age but they were too dissimilar to be close comrades, opposites in nature and attitude – 
even appearance.  Findaráto was fair-haired, friendly, loquacious and loved to wander 
uninhibited through his homelands.  Carnistir was tall and dark in appearance, mood and 
thought.  As a child he was temperamental, changeable and irritable, yet beneath his 
formidable exterior was a soul of concealed kindness.  This trait, the cousins would find 
later on in life, they had in common.

The children of Tirion went for lessons to tutors until they reached their majority.  
Findaráto and Carnistir attended the home of Master Handelerin along with a number of 
their neighbours’ offspring who were of the same age.  Carnistir and Findaráto were 
driven from their homes in a horse-drawn wagon and strangely enough, rarely spoke to 
each other in the wagon or the classroom, although they saw each other often at family 
functions.  Findaráto would have liked to begin conversations but was always put off by 
Carnistir’s aloofness and sombre countenance.

When they were about thirty years old a nasty confrontation occurred between them one 
day.  Carnistir had arrived at the tutor’s house that morning in a foul mood and had sat 
brooding at the back of the classroom during the lesson.  He had refused to answer any of 
Master Handelerin’s questions during class, remaining quiet and unresponsive. He 
recorded everything dutifully in his exercise book in his beautiful, flowing script, rarely 
raising his eyes from the page, his mouth turned down into a frown and occasionally 
raising his head to fix some of his classmates with a warning glare.  Two of the outgoing, 
fun-loving lads in the class had decided to make fun of Carnistir that day by drawing a 
crude sketch of him with a dark cloud above his head and rain pouring down on him. 
Findaráto had been innocently drawn into their joke-making when one of them nudged 
him and handed him the drawing.  He did not say anything derogatory about his cousin 
but he laughed at the picture and at something that one of the boys said.  Carnistir sat 
behind them, watching them as they turned around many times to look at him and he 
made note of Findaráto’s posture and his smiling, laughing face.

Later, while the students were outside during a break, Findaráto stood with the two boys 
against one of the outbuildings, sharing a bag of sweets and laughing at a joke.  Carnistir 
strode up to them, reached for Findaráto’s arm, and pulled the smaller Elf around to face 
him.  “What do you think you are doing, Cousin, laughing behind my back at me?  And 
even in front of my face in the classroom?”

“What is this you say, Carnistir?” asked Findaráto, his hair fluttering away from his face 
as Carnistir spun him around.  A flush grew over his cheeks and he swallowed a whole 
piece of candy hard, and coughed.  He stared at his cousin in disbelief.  He saw 
Carnistir’s eyes flash as if blazing lights dwelt behind them.  “I have not been making fun 
of you!”

“Disloyal cur and liar that you are!  I saw you!” cried Carnistir.  He swung at Findaráto 
with his right arm, hitting him in the chin. Findaráto fell to the ground with a cry of 
anguish.  The two boys, now frightened or Carnistir and fearing retribution from him for 
the drawing, fled to the safety of the house.  “That should teach you to make jest of a 
family member and throw yourself in with two lowly dogs of lesser people!” And 
Carnistir spat down upon Findaráto lying in the dirt and bleeding from his lower lip, 
before he turned to stride away.  But Findaráto caught him by the foot and pulled him off 
balance, uprighting him so that he fell heavily down on top of his cousin.  Findaráto 
grasped Carnistir by the collar and stared into his flashing dark grey eyes.

“I did not make fun of you.  Believe me, Carnistir,” he said softly but firmly.  His blue 
eyes sought the dark ones of his cousin as he strove to understand this strange Elf.

Carnistir looked down at his cousin and believed him.  The fierce look of anger withdrew 
suddenly from his eyes, and it was replaced by a strange look of puzzlement mixed with 
interest in this warm, blue-eyed creature.  His anger instantly melted, running from his 
body as an icicle melts swiftly in the beam of a warm spring sun.  Involuntarily, he took 
note of the innocent blue eyes of his cousin, the smooth soft skin and the warmth of the 
slender body pressed so closely beneath his.  Without another word he reached to pull 
Findaráto’s fingers from his throat and in that instant when their hands touched there was 
an understanding between the two Elves.  The look in Carnistir’s eyes softened and 
Findaráto saw this change in him.  He felt also the softening of the muscles in Carnistir’s 
body.  The tension had left him and was replaced by an exciting vibrancy that Findaráto 
felt through his clothing.  He prepared himself for a cousinly kiss of apology but it did 
not come.  Carnistir pulled himself up and off of Findaráto and stood looming over him, 
looking down with a puzzled expression at his cousin’s fair face.

“Aww,” said one of the two joking boys.  “Are we not going to have a fight?”  Carnistir 
responded by pushing the boy hard against the shed wall before he strode away.

				~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In later years, Carnistir and Findaráto did not see a great deal of each other.  They were 
still not good friends. When they saw each other they both would stare curiously and 
appraise the other Elf silently, like two cats passing, wary of each other, yet yearning for 
company. They each recognized a certain pulling together of their spirits but they resisted 
this attraction and went their separate ways.

Findaráto fell in love with a young maiden named Amarië and became her constant 
companion in Tirion.  She was of the Vanyar and while their betrothal made his parents 
very happy, it did not please his cousin.  Carnistir spoke to him of his feelings while they 
attended a feast to which Arafinwë had invited Fëanaro’s family.

“You lower yourself, cousin, to take her for your wife,” Carnistir said, a sneer upon his 
handsome face as he stood leaning languidly against a parlor doorframe, a glass of wine 
held in his left hand, his right arm folded against his body.  Findaráto looked at his dark 
and imposing cousin, at how magnificent his hair looked as it gleamed in the lamplight, 
and how the colour of his deep red robes matched the rosy flush in his otherwise ivory 
cheeks.

“You do Amarië a disservice and me a great hurt by saying those words, Carnistir,” said 
Findaráto.  “Why is it that you dislike me so much that you would speak so unkindly?”

“She is not Noldor,” Carnistir replied with a shrug, but he looked at Findaráto closely 
with a haunted expression in his eyes.  “I do not dislike you at all. Meet me outside in 
half an hour.”  And he turned and strode down the hallway, his red robes swirling behind 
him as he walked, taking great strides with his long legs.  Findaráto stood watching him 
in puzzlement for a few seconds, until the door at the end of the hallway closed behind 
him.

Findaráto sighed.  The golden glow from the nearby lamp made little bright spots pool in 
his eyes that emphasized his expression of sadness. He felt sad yet he knew not why.  He 
returned to the parlor to talk with the other guests for a few moments and made his 
excuses to Amarië, telling her that he had to retrieve something from his room.  He 
retired quickly there to freshen himself and comb his hair in nervous anticipation of going 
to meet Carnistir.

Slipping outside, Findaráto found Carnistir in the spacious garden.  His breath caught in 
his throat as his gaze fell upon his cousin lounging upon a bench, looking splendid, 
breathtaking, in the red robes. One arm was thrown behind him and rested along the back 
of the seat.  One knee was bent and his other leg was thrust straight out in front of him.  
The crimson robes clung to his legs.  His waves of lustrous raven hair fell around his 
shoulders to his waist. He sat staring at Findaráto as the blond Elf approached, his eyes 
like hot coals burning into Findaráto’s face.

Findaráto smiled when he reached the still figure on the bench, posed as if he were an 
imposing stone statue.  Carnistir had not removed his gaze from Findaráto, and Findaráto 
found his relentless stare quite disconcerting but nonetheless arousing.  Never before at a 
loss for words, he was now, and stammered a question.  “Wh-why d-do you wish to talk 
to me, Carnistir?” 

Carnistir did not waste time on small talk.  “Atar is going to cause the Valar to be very 
angry,” he said.  “After that I am afraid that I may not see you again for a long time.  
Maybe never again.”

“What has Fëanaro done, Carnistir?” asked Findaráto in a tremulous voice, fear creeping 
up his spine like a cold sword held against his back.

“No.  It is not yet done, but it will be soon.  My brothers and I shall go into exile with 
him, Cousin.  For many years.”

“How do you know this, Carnistir?  I mean --” Findaráto paused for a moment because he 
was aware of Carnistir’s prescience.  His father Nolofinwë had told him of it when 
Findaráto’s own prescience became known to the family.  Carnistir’s had been a source 
of a few problems for Fëanaro in the past, and Nolofinwë was aware of this.  Despite the 
fact that Findaráto was prescient too, he was perturbed by Carnistir’s words.  “This is 
terrible,” he finished, his voice faltering.

“Yes,” said Carnistir, looking grieved for the first time since Findaráto could remember.  
He put a hand to his forehead, inadvertently disturbing a perfect coil of hair.  He seemed 
not to notice, and Findaráto found this endearing, that the perfect Carnistir had faltered 
and upset his impeccable appearance.

“Why are you telling me this?” asked Findaráto. “I am not sure I can do anything to 
prevent it, although I shall try, if that is what you ask of me.”

“No, no, Findaráto,” said Carnistir, and grasped Findaráto strongly by the wrist, pulling 
him down onto the bench.  “That is not why I told you.”

“Why then?” asked Findaráto, trembling with excitement caused by Carnistir’s touch.

“Because,” said Carnistir, leaning in closely toward his cousin.  “Of this.” Findaráto 
could see sparks of white in the irises of his dark eyes and flecks of blue within the grey.  
He had never noticed before what a beautiful complexion Carnistir had.  Smooth ivory 
skin but with an attractive flush of colour in his cheeks.  Carnistir raised a slender hand to 
touch Findaráto’s face.  Then he moved his face slowly forward until Findaráto could feel 
his breath on his skin.  Findaráto closed his eyes.  Carnistir’s breath was rapid, falling in a 
series of short pants onto Findaráto’s cheek.  It made exquisite flutters ripple through his 
stomach.  Then he felt a soft touch like a dove’s wing against his face when Carnistir 
placed his cheek against Findaráto’s.  At the same time Findaráto felt a hand upon his 
thigh and it moved searchingly toward his groin.  Findaráto moaned and dropped his head 
to rest his mouth against the soft red fabric covering his cousin’s shoulder.

Carnistir gasped and bent his head to nibble the tip of Findaráto’s ear and his hand 
searched and found the warm place between Findaráto’s legs.  He began massaging the 
soft, velvet-covered protuberance that lay there, fondling it as it grew larger and harder 
beneath his fingers.  “Not here,” Findaráto panted.  He moved his mouth from Carnistir’s 
shoulder.  “Someone will see us.”

“Where then?  Show me,” hissed Carnistir, removing his hand and face reluctantly from 
Findekáno’s body.

“My parents’ guesthouse is at the bottom of the garden,” said Findaráto.  “There is a sofa 
within.” The two Elves made their way quickly to the shed, running along a moss-
covered path edged by swaths of colourful and fragrant flowers, but the two young Elves 
were oblivious to the beauty of Eärwen’s garden.

Once inside the small house, Findaráto shut and locked the door behind him.  “We should 
not do this,” he said.  Carnistir took his hand and led him to the wicker day bed that lay 
against one wall and was covered with comfortable-looking cushions and a floral-
patterned duvet.

“What we do shall not hurt anyone,” he said softly, and crossed the floor to unfasten the 
window curtains so that they fell closed.  “Now come to the bed and sit down.” Findaráto 
did so and Carnistir sat beside him and turned his face to Findaráto’s.  Placing one hand 
in the small of his cousin’s back while the other cupped Findaráto’s chin, he put his full, 
sensuous lips over Findaráto’s.  He began to kiss him slowly and tenderly, feeling with 
the tip of his tongue the curves of Findaráto’s soft lips.  

As the kiss progressed, Carnistir became more demanding, kissing deeper and with more 
passion, pushing his tongue against Findaráto’s teeth.  His hand slid from Findaráto’s 
chin down to his chest and began to play with the clasps on his formal robes, undoing 
them slowly one by one.  When Findaráto gasped for breath, feeling overwhelmed but 
with ripples of delight coursing through his body, Carnistir lowered him down until he 
rested lengthwise on the bed, and lifted Findaráto’s legs up and placed his feet upon the 
duvet.

At length Carnistir broke the kiss and with tender fingers opened Findaráto’s robes and 
his shirt beneath them to expose his heaving chest.  Findaráto gazed up at Carnistir’s face 
and its expression was surprisingly tender while the dark-haired Elf attentively watched 
every movement that Findaráto made.  Carnistir’s hands moved to unfasten Findaráto’s 
leggings.

“We shall hurt Amarië if she finds out about this,” whimpered Findaráto, nervous during 
the silence between himself and Carnistir.  While Findaráto always talked quite a bit 
during lovemaking trysts with Amarië, mainly to coax her into having sex which she was 
usually reluctant to do, he found that Carnistir did not talk at all, but rather used his eyes 
and his hands to look and to touch, as if what he saw and felt told him everything of his 
lover’s feelings.  Findaráto was beginning to feel guilty.  His thoughts turned to the 
implications of his actions with Carnistir.  He found that he could not accept that this was 
to be a brief fling with his cousin only to be soon forgotten.  He did not feel that such a 
thing should be considered in a light manner and then discarded as if it had no meaning.  
And then there was Amarië…

“Shut up,” said Carnistir suddenly.  “Stop talking in your mind and just enjoy the 
pleasure of this experience.  Do not spoil it for us.”

Findaráto whimpered and did as Carnistir said and let himself be transported by 
Carnistir’s attentions.  Once he had untied Findaráto’s velvet leggings, Carnistir stopped 
touching Findaráto and began to unfasten his own robe, and once it was undone, he 
moved his hands down to his leggings.

Carnistir untied his lacings and stood so that Findaráto could watch him reveal himself.  
First, he let the unfastened robe fall from his shoulders onto the floor.  Findaráto saw that 
his chest was smooth yet muscled like a warrior’s.  His long, lean abdomen was rippled 
with muscle.  Carnistir began to tug at the top of his tight leggings until they slid over his 
hips and down his hard thighs.  His arousal was strong and magnificent.  Tears welled in 
Findaráto’s eyes when he gazed upon his cousin’s beautiful face and form and he cried 
out softly in his passion.

Carnistir continued to stare steadily at Findaráto and on his face was a look of great 
tenderness combined with desire.  Findaráto had never seen Carnistir look so relaxed.  
Carnistir gave a little sigh and moved his hand down the length of his own body, stroking 
it from chest to groin, and pulling his hand lightly down the length of his arousal so that 
when he released his rigid length, it sprang back to point straight forward again at 
Findaráto.

He knelt upon the bed, straddling Findaráto’s knees, the ends of his dark waves of hair 
falling onto Findaráto’s thighs.  He bent forward and began untying Findaráto’s leggings, 
and eased them down his legs, pulling them gently past Findaráto’s knees.  He watched 
Findaráto’s erection spring forward and saw that it was exceedingly hard and needy.  A 
smile curved Carnistir’s lips while he gently pulled off Findaráto’s leggings and dropped 
them onto the floor.  He put his hand in Findaráto’s golden hair and began to stroke it, 
smoothing it down over his shoulders.

“Carnistir, you are so beautiful,” Findaráto began to say, but Carnistir put a finger to his 
cousin’s lips to silence him.  He placed gentle hands upon Findaráto’s chest and stroked it 
carefully, playing and experimenting with his nipples to elicit different responses, and 
taking his time while he wriggled his hips over top of Findaráto’s thighs.  Findaráto 
wanted to scream.  He did not know how Carnistir could remain so controlled.

Carnistir moved his hands to Findaráto’s belly, stroking it slowly, without touching his 
erection.  Findaráto could not help himself.  He whimpered and moaned, and bucked his 
hips upward so that his aroused member touched Carnistir’s briefly.  The contact 
inflamed him and he wriggled his body in lust.  He raised his hips again in futile hope 
that Carnistir would fondle his arousal.  Carnistir backed his body away from Findaráto, 
keeping his hands the only contact between them.  His tender fingers continued to stroke 
Findaráto’s belly and passed down his legs, feeling the softer flesh of his inner thighs, 
kneading them before moving to the hard outer thighs and underneath them to his 
buttocks.  He gave them a little squeeze before releasing them.  Findaráto thought he 
would go mad with desire.

“Carnistir!” he cried.

“Shh!” was the only thing that Carnistir said.

Findaráto watched Carnistir open his mouth.  He opened it just slightly, his full lips red 
and ripe, his pink tongue lying pressed against his bottom teeth.  It was a look of pure 
lust.  Findaráto writhed, his head moving from side to side and he moaned in expectation.  
His anticipation was rewarded as Carnistir then flipped his long mane of hair over his 
back and bent his head down.  He placed his sensuous lips upon the tip of Findaráto’s 
erection and gently sucked it.  Findaráto let out a squeal of delight, and Carnistir wrapped 
his tender fingers around Findaráto’s girth and began to stroke his arousal slowly. His 
soft lips worked to envelop Findaráto’s perfect spire.  He sucked slowly and languidly, 
doing things with his tongue that caused Findaráto to scream.  He licked down the 
sensitive underside of Findaráto’s shaft and twirled his tongue around the head, sucking 
the trickle of juices that flowed.  Findaráto bucked and writhed with eyes closed, while he 
envisioned what his cousin was doing to his body.  His movements caused his member to 
slide out of Carnistir’s mouth.  Carnistir had to put his hand on top of Findaráto’s 
stomach and push him down hard on the bed in order to keep him still.

“Ai!  Carnistir, you have undone me!” cried Findaráto.  “I shall explode!  Stop!  Stop!” 
Carnistir released Findaráto and looked up at him in surprise.

“Please!” Findaráto whimpered.  “Let me do the same to you.  I want to taste you.  I want 
to feel your cock in my mouth.  Yes!  I have said it now.  I shall not try to deny myself 
and my true feelings any longer.  I want you, Carnistir.  I have wanted you for a long 
time, since that day in the tutor’s yard when you lay atop me.  I want you badly!”

Carnistir let him spend his words and laughed a deep, throaty, sensual laugh that drove 
Findaráto mad with desire.  Carnistir was lying back propped on one elbow, brushing 
strands of hair from his face.  Findaráto launched himself at his dark-haired cousin and 
began kissing him feverishly.

He kissed his lips hard, sucking on them with such fervour that Carnistir drew his breath 
in sharply.  Findaráto released his lips and began to kiss his neck and chest.  He moved 
his mouth over the satiny skin to suckle each nipple, moved down over Carnistir’s 
stomach, leaving a series of kisses there.  He relished the sensation of Carnistir’s hard 
length rubbing against his thighs and his own belly and chest as he wriggled down the 
length of Carnistir’s body until his mouth was on a level with Carnistir’s rigid member.  
He gazed at it with longing before he took it into his mouth.  He tasted it slowly before 
beginning to suck it rapidly, exploring its ridges and smooth places before he released it 
to move to his soft sac and begin kissing that tenderly.  With his hand he parted 
Carnistir’s thighs and explored the cleft between his buttocks with his fingers.  Carnistir 
did not hold back his moans of pleasure as Findaráto sucked and stroked him.

Findaráto raised his head.  “I must have you, Cousin,” he said. “And please do not shut 
me up this time.  I want to enter you and I want to know you.”

“It is what I want as well,” Carnistir panted while he sat propped up on his elbows and 
watched Findaráto intermittently suck on his cock as he spoke.  He groaned and flipped 
his hair back over his shoulders. His skin was covered with a thin layer of perspiration.

“Then please turn over,” said Findaráto, breathing heavily.

Carnistir obeyed and rolled onto his stomach, exposing his backside of glistening rosy 
skin, his cleft deep and inviting.  Findaráto straddled him and stroked the smooth cheeks.  
“Oh Gods!” he cried.  “Have we no oil?”

Carnistir turned his head.  “Is there something here that your mother uses while 
gardening that will do in its stead?”  he asked.

Findaráto leapt up and began searching the cupboards.  Presently he found a jar of hand 
cream.  “I think this will do,” he said and dashed back to Carnistir.  The dark-haired Elf 
moaned when Findaráto spread the thick cream onto his backside with eager hands, 
dipping in between his buttocks.  When he inserted a finger into Carnistir’s tight entrance 
his cousin cried out and his body jolted forward.  Findaráto was amused at this.   Was 
Carnistir losing his firm grip on his self-control?  It excited Findaráto to think of Carnistir 
losing control.  He grew harder at the thought.  He would endeavor to do everything in 
his power to cause that loss of control to happen.  He inserted another finger into 
Carnistir’s passage.  Carnistir yelped.  “Oh, I like that little squeal.  Will you squeal for 
me again, Carnistir?” asked Findaráto, and bent forward to nibble the tip of Carnistir’s 
ear. Carnistir moaned and wriggled his hips.

“Would you like this inside you, Carnistir?” Findaráto asked wickedly as he slid his slick 
cock up and down Carnistir’s cleft.  Carnistir moaned again.  “Tell me,” he whispered 
into Carnistir’s ear before he took the tender tip into his mouth.

“Yes,” Carnistir whispered.  “Yes.  Please, Findaráto,” he begged.  “Please put your hard 
cock inside me.”

“Ah.  You spoke, and you begged!  That is what I wanted,” Findaráto purred, and he 
nuzzled Carnistir’s neck, leaving a series of love bites on the soft, milky skin.  He moved 
his hips over top of Carnistir’s backside and probed his entrance again with his fingers 
and readied it for warmer, deeper penetration.  When Carnistir was ready, Findaráto 
positioned himself and entered him carefully, easing himself into Carnistir’s opening bit 
by bit.  Carnistir yelped when Findaráto breached his entrance with a little push.  He 
gasped when Findaráto entered him fully after a series of small thrusts, until he was fully 
sheathed.

He rocked his hips against Carnistir’s backside while the dark-haired Elf lifted his 
buttocks and drove them back against Findaráto’s loins, trying to take in as much of his 
cousin as possible.  He gasped and moaned while Findaráto, holding him by the waist, 
pulled him up so that Carnistir was balanced on his hands and knees.  Findaráto grasped 
the rigid cock that jutted out needfully in front of Carnistir’s body and began to pump it, 
sliding his slick hand up and down the hard shaft.  His hips undulated to drive his own 
cock deeper into Carnistir’s body.

Finally, with a loud scream, Carnistir came, jets of pearly fluid spurting onto the duvet.  
Soon Findaráto followed, exploding his seed into Carnistir’s buttocks with a shuddering 
cry.  He held Carnistir around the chest, his hands caressing the perspiring skin of his 
stomach and loins.  Carnistir gasped and took several deep breaths.  His body shook from 
his exertions.  He let his head fall forward, his mass of dark hair stuck to the damp skin of 
his shoulders and back, and to Findaráto’s glistening chest.

“Ah, Findaráto,” he cried.  “I am undone.” He turned to his golden-haired cousin and 
embraced him.  The two clung together and kissed each other tenderly, their lips slowly 
and languidly exploring each others’ once more.  “Findaráto,” said Carnistir after 
breaking the kiss, “I love you.  I want you.  I will not be able to live in exile without 
you.”  He moaned piteously.  He began to kiss his cousin’s neck and nuzzled the sensitive 
place where it met his shoulder.

Findaráto sighed and considered this confession.  He was overcome with lust for 
Carnistir, especially since his control was forgotten and he was begging for Findaráto.  
Even now, after they had just made love, he wished to do it again, only this time to have 
Carnistir make love to him.  He wanted to feel Carnistir’s hard length inside him.  Their 
bond would not be complete unless they both possessed each other.  Their bond!  Did he 
mean that?  And what of Amarië?

Carnistir groaned.  He had sprouted a new erection and he pressed it needily against 
Findaráto’s groin and held his cousin’s face between his hands.  “Quiet your thoughts, 
Findaráto,” he said to him once again.  “Yes.  That is a wonderful idea.  Bond with me.  
Do you love me as I love you?”

“Yes,” Findaráto whispered in capitulation, but he was afraid.  “We must talk about this.  
Please, Carnistir?” he asked.

“Please make love to me,” Carnistir wheedled.  “I need to feel you inside me.  I want that 
bond as I have wanted nothing else.”

“So do I.  But Carnistir,” Findaráto pleaded.  “No, no, please stop doing that,” he begged 
as Carnistir fell to his knees and began to kiss his stomach, inserting his tongue into 
Findaráto’s navel.

Carnistir stopped but he laid the side of his face against Findaráto’s groin and breathed in 
the musky scent of Findaráto’s sex.  “You are very distracting,” said Findaráto.  “I am 
trying to be serious.  We need to talk about what we are about to do.  We shall be mated 
for life.  I was not even ready to do that with Amarië.”

“That is because she was not the right one for you,” said Carnistir, poking out his tongue 
and licking the side of Findaráto’s semi-hard member.

“I used to think that she was,” said Findaráto.  “Carnistir, stop it!  Ai!  You shall have me 
on the floor in a moment if you keep doing that!”

“My intention exactly,” said Carnistir, smiling wickedly while he nibbled the tip of 
Findaráto’s cock, taking only the head between his lips,  just down to its ridge, sucking 
on it as he would a piece of candy.  When it grew hard he released it from his mouth.  “If 
she were the right mate for you, you would have made your bond a long time ago.”

Findaráto sighed.  “But you speak also of going into exile,” he said.  “What shall I do if 
that happens?”

“Come with me,” said Carnistir.

“But then our families will know about us.”

Carnistir laughed.  “Yes.  They will have to know.  Does that thought bother you so 
much?”

Findaráto considered this.  He was still worried.  He knew not what to do yet he knew he 
loved Carnistir.  Of that he was certain, and he knew he did not love Amarië as deeply or 
as passionately as he loved his cousin.  He would have to tell her as soon as possible of 
his change of heart.  He looked at Carnistir, and his beautiful face, flushed and framed by 
his masses of dark hair, caused warmth to spread through his body.  He placed his hands 
around Carnistir’s head and kissed his hair.  He sighed and said, “I do not know if we 
should bond now or wait until I have thought more about what I should do.” 

Carnistir sighed against his cousin’s thigh, and cupped his hands around Findaráto’s 
buttocks.  “If we do not do this now, we may never have the chance again.” 

  




























CHAPTER TWO:  LOVE IN THE AFTERNOON


Findaráto convinced Carnistir to wait to complete their bond until he had told Amarië 
about the cousins’ love for each other.  Telling her had been an unpleasant task at first for 
Findaráto.  Amarië had cried for a long time against his shoulder.  It made him feel that 
he had exhibited ungentlemanly behaviour toward her for letting her down when they had 
been close.  At the same time, he thought he detected a sense of relief in her attitude.  She 
half-heartedly pleaded with him to finish what she called a “brief and sordid affair” with 
Carnistir and then return to her once it was over, but he sensed that she did not mean this 
in a sexual way.  It was not for many months that Findaráto could convince Amarië of his 
true feelings of love for Carnistir.  Findaráto brought forth that Amarië was always 
reluctant to let him bed her and despite her argument that such things should be left for 
marriage, she admitted that she did not have much interest in sex.  She was not enamored 
of the idea of having children and only entertained thoughts of marrying in order to keep 
a nice house that she could show off to her friends.  Therefore, in the end she calmed 
down and accepted that Findaráto’s true love lay with Carnistir. Findaráto knew that 
Amarië did not have the ability to love him as passionately or with the sexual abandon of 
Carnistir.  She was like a delicate white flower whose petals should never be crushed in 
the passion of hard, abandoned lovemaking.  He told her that he would always bear a 
certain kind of love for her.  After they had worked out all of their grievances, Amarië 
took Findaráto’s hand and squeezed it, and he hugged her with great affection.  They 
remained friends.

Carnistir had been right about his father causing problems and the twelve-year exile took 
place as he had predicted.  Despite his prescience giving him warning of this occurrence, 
he was nevertheless stricken with feelings of horror and bereavement.  Though he was 
grieved also, Findaráto was adamant that he would not join with Carnistir on the journey 
to Formenos, out of a feeling of duty toward his father as the oldest son. 

“Carnistir,” Findaráto had told him as he lay in his cousin’s arms in Findaráto’s bedroom, 
“I am sorry.  I cannot go to Formenos with you.  At this time, when there is fear and 
uncertainty among our people, I cannot leave Atar and Ammë.” 

Carnistir stroked Findaráto’s hair and rested his chin atop the flaxen head.  Sighing, the 
sound like the last gust of wind after a storm has passed, Carnistir resigned himself to the 
loss that he would have to undergo.  “I shall miss you.  It shall be hard.”

Findaráto kissed his hand.  “You shall be steel.  You shall endure like your Atar’s finest 
works, until we see each other again.”

Findaráto hoped he and Carnistir would be able to meet one more time before the exile, 
and with that in mind, he went to Carnistir’s home.

The Fëanorions were in a frenzied flurry of packing when Findaráto entered the house.  
The first person he saw was Nerdanel, who gave him a sweet, sad smile.  “Hello, 
Findaráto,” she said.  “Have you come to say farewell and see us away?” 

“Yes, Auntie,” he replied, giving her cheek a soft kiss.  “Is Carnistir in his room?”  

She replied that he was and Findaráto walked down the hallway, passing Fëanaro as he 
did so.  He almost didn’t speak to his uncle because the look on Fëanaro’s face was 
prohibitively standoffish.  However, Findaráto mustered his courage and offered “Good 
day, Uncle,” by way of greeting.  He winced and instantly regretted saying the words 
“Good day.”  Fëanaro gave him a look of furious disgust and replied in a voice as hard as 
cold steel, “If you and Arafinwë take a side in this, Findaráto, it had better be the right 
one,” and stormed off down the corridor carrying two large suitcases.

Findaráto gulped.  He did not know how to reply to this.  Shaken, he realized that he 
hadn’t thought about taking sides until now.  With a trembling hand he knocked on 
Carnistir’s door.  “Come in,” he heard a muffled voice reply.

When he entered, Findaráto found Carnistir kneeling on the floor in his closet, trying to 
extricate a suitcase from under a shelf that was spilling over with a jumble of clothes, 
books and other paraphernalia.  As Findaráto glanced around the room, he was surprised 
to see that it was a mess – that was so unlike Carnistir, who was always controlled and 
prided himself on his neat appearance, always close to perfection.  Findaráto smiled 
fondly at Carnistir’s possessions lying everywhere, and then crept up behind him and 
placed his hands upon the shapely buttocks that protruded from beneath the shelves.

Carnistir gave a violent start, jumped up and banged his head on the bottom shelf with a 
great thud.  “Aulë’s balls!” he shouted.

“Carnistir!” Findaráto laughed.  “Such language!”

Carnistir held a hand to the spot on his head that had hit the shelf, and turned to greet 
Findaráto with a rare and radiant smile.  “Ai!  You startled me, you rogue, but it is good 
to see you!” he cried.

“And you,” said Findaráto with a sigh.  He held his arms open in invitation for Carnistir 
to hug him.  The two embraced and Findaráto slid his hands up and down Carnistir’s 
back, taut and muscular beneath his silken robes.  “You look, smell and feel wonderful,” 
he said, and reached up to pull Carnistir’s head down so that he could reach his lips.

“Findaráto,” breathed Carnistir, his voice like the sad finality of rustling autumn leaves.  
“We cannot make love here.  Tyelkormo could return at any moment from the stables.  
He is helping to ready the horses and organize the wagons for our journey.”

Findaráto sighed and caressed Carnistir’s smoothly braided hair.  “Your journey,” he said 
sadly.  “A great part of me wants to go with you, but I must stay here to be with my own 
family.  Where can we go now?  I feel so desperate to snatch this final chance to be 
together.”

“Let us go into the music room,” suggested Carnistir with a smile.  He caressed 
Findaráto’s cheek with a gentle hand.  “Macalaurë is not there.  He has already emptied it 
of the things he wants to take with him and has gone to help Tyelkormo ready the 
wagons.”

Findaráto agreed and soon the two Elves were on their way through the corridors of 
Fëanor’s spacious home to the music room, which was at the far end of the house.  From 
it, glass doors opened into the garden.  Carnistir tried to open the door but it was locked.  
He rattled the handle and knocked loudly.

“Go away!” came a voice from within, and then another:  “We’re busy!” this was 
followed by laughter and then a voice cried, “Maitimo!  Ai!”

Carnistir turned to Findaráto with a frown of disappointment, his upper lip curled, and 
said, “Maitimo and Findekáno are in there.  We’ll have to find another room.”

Findaráto was disappointed too.  He liked the idea of using the music room for a tryst, but 
just as he was about to follow Carnistir back down the hall, the door opened and Maitimo 
poked his head out.  “Come in!” he said with delighted surprise at seeing who stood 
there.  His face was flushed but inviting.  He held a silk sheet wound around his body.  
Carnistir and Findaráto entered the nearly empty room and were greeted to the sight of 
Findekáno lying naked upon a sofa.  Findaráto’s eyes opened wide.  Findekáno was a 
very sexually seductive Elf.  His face was deceptively pretty, his eyes blue and innocent-
looking, his perfect oval face framed by raven-dark braided hair.  His body was that of a 
warrior:  lithe, strong, sensuous and muscular.  He was never ashamed to show his 
nakedness.  Findaráto had seen him nude many times, but never before in his current state 
of arousal.

“Would you two like to join Maitimo and me?”  he asked from the sofa, extending his 
arm to Findaráto.  His eyes were wide and blue, and he fluttered his dark lashes at his two 
cousins in a lascivious beckoning.

Findaráto was speechless, and he looked at Carnistir.  Carnistir shook his head.  “No 
thank you, Findekáno,” he said.  “Not now, under these circumstances.  In happier times, 
perhaps,” he said.  Maitimo sauntered up to Findaráto’s side, trailing his sheet, and 
embraced him warmly.

“It would have been a lovely parting gift,” Maitimo sighed as he stroked Findaráto’s hair.  
His cheeks were flushed and his lips parted slightly.  Findaráto gave him a quick kiss on 
the full lips and then moved away from Maitimo’s intoxicating presence.

“Yes, it would have been that, Cousin,” he replied to the beautiful redhead.  “Perhaps 
another time we will have the opportunity.”  Findaráto smiled as brightly as he could 
muster although it was tinged with sadness.

“Come, Findaráto, let us go into the garden.  With luck we shall find a corner where we 
can be alone,” said Carnistir, pulling at his arm.

The two Elves murmured regretful farewells to Maitimo and Findekáno and made their 
way into the garden, which wound away from the house in a serpentine pattern.  In a 
small, secluded alcove they sat down on the ground and each removed his own clothing.  
They decided to sit behind a boxwood hedge with a large juniper tree in front, which they 
thought successfully hid them from anyone’s view.  Behind them was a deserted 
wilderness area from where no one was likely to emerge.

“Carnistir,” whispered Findaráto, “Have you thought upon it?  This may be our last 
meeting.” The corners of his eyes drooped and he dropped his chin to his chest.

“Not the last, surely,” Carnistir said, and touched Findaráto’s face, tenderly caressing his 
cheeks.  “How many times have I said you think too much?  But look at me, my love. I 
want to remember your smiling face.” He stared into Findaráto’s eyes, as though 
searching their depths for memories that he wanted to take with him.

“I want to give you my soul,” Findaráto said.  “Our fëas shall be joined as one, as shall 
our bodies.”

“Manwë may not give his permission for us to wed now that the House of Fëanaro is in 
disfavour,” said Carnistir.  “We will probably have to wait at least until I have returned 
from exile.”

Findaráto sighed.  “I will not say ill against your father, but…at times he is the most 
exasperating Elf I have ever ---”

“I know,” Carnistir interjected.  “You do not have to tell me for I know it also.  Let us not 
speak of what he has done.  Let me kiss you and make love to you.” He clasped Findaráto 
by the arms and pushed him backward onto the grass and positioned his body on top of 
his.

Findaráto laughed softly.  The grass felt cool, and the fallen leaves dry and crunchy 
beneath his body.  “We are in the position we were in the tutor’s yard so many years ago.  
I wondered then why you did not kiss me.”

“Kiss you?  Why would I have kissed you?” asked Carnistir and he, too, laughed at the 
memory.

“It could have been a cousinly kiss, like this,” said Findaráto, and placed a soft kiss upon 
Carnistir’s cheek.  “It need not have been like THIS,” he said and more fervently pressed 
his open mouth to Carnistir’s ruby lips, devouring them in a merciless and greedy kiss.  
His hand sought Carnistir’s hair and he began to twist open one of his plaits.  His other 
hand trailed down Carnistir’s back and grasped one of his buttocks, squeezing it in a 
passionate grip and grinding his loins against Carnistir’s taut abdomen, feeling the length 
of Findaráto’s arousal against his stomach.

“Ai!  Ai!  Cousin!” cried Carnistir, pulling his head up and away from Findaráto’s needy 
lips.  “You are pulling out my hair, and you shall leave bruises on my backside!  Let us 
take our time and be gentle with each other!” He rolled over and sat up and began to untie 
his braids more carefully than Findaráto had done.

“You are angry with me,” Findaráto said sadly and picked up a brown leaf from the 
ground.  It was edged with yellow and veined with green.  He fitted it against his palm 
and studied it, trying not to let Carnistir see that his feelings were hurt. “I am sorry, 
Carnistir.  The fact that you are going away has upset me and has made me agitated.” He 
dropped the leaf and ran a trembling hand through his golden tresses.  

“No, no, my love, I am not angry,” said Carnistir.  He reached out to take one of 
Findaráto’s hands in his and squeezed it.  “You must forgive my peevishness.  There are 
many strains of anger running below my surface today and I do not wish them to rise.  
But I would like us both to relax before I take you bodily and seal our bond.”

Carnistir was about to say more but just then the two Elves heard the rustle of someone 
treading upon the dry leaves nearby, and it startled them.  They both turned to look in the 
direction of the sound. “Perhaps we can help you,” said a voice, and Maitimo and 
Findekáno appeared, turning the corner of the hedge.  They were both wrapped in silk 
sheets.  Both had groomed themselves to look their most beautiful.  Maitimo’s hair was 
unbound and fell in waves of crimson to his hips.  Findekáno’s raven tresses were almost 
entirely unbound but for one small braid that circled his forehead and was held at the 
back of his head with a silver clip.  Their eyes shone with a luster of sensuality. 

Carnistir looked at his older brother and a frown formed between his dark eyebrows.  
“This was to be a special union for us,” he said angrily.  “You two should not be 
involving yourselves in our affairs.”

“Hush, little brother,” said Maitimo in a soft voice like the velvety flutter of butterfly 
wings, “you are to sit back and watch us.  We are here to relax Findaráto for you.  After 
we have finished, he shall be prepared for the best lovemaking that you can give him, and 
both you and he shall enjoy it all the more.”

“I think he is starting to enjoy it already,” said Findekáno, and looked pointedly at 
Findaráto, whose member had swollen appreciatively at the sight of his two cousins.  
Their talk of preparing him for lovemaking had caused his arousal to jut toward the blue 
autumn sky as he lay back propped on his elbows on the grass.  Findekáno dropped to his 
knees beside the prone body of Findaráto and began to slide his hand down the length of 
Findaráto’s naked body, stopping to give his member an appreciative tug and then move 
on to stroke his thighs.

Maitimo cast his brother a reproachful glance and moved to kneel on the other side of 
Findaráto who lay now splayed on the grass, his legs spread and his fair hair fanned out 
behind him.  Tiny goosebumps covered his ivory skin in the cool autumn air.  Findekáno 
leaned forward to take one of Findaráto’s erect nipples into his mouth and sucked on it 
insistently, pulling the rosy flesh with his lips until Findaráto uttered cries of desire.  

Maitimo massaged Findaráto’s shoulders and chest while Findekáno sucked his nipples, 
and he also bent over to kiss Findaráto’s face, leaving little whispery kisses on his 
forehead, cheeks and nose, but not touching his lips.  Findekáno then let his sheet drop 
from his body and it fell in a pool of white silk to the ground.  His taut muscles gleamed 
in the afternoon light as he bent over Findaráto, whose flailing hand found a grip in 
Findekáno’s raven hair.  Both Elves were aroused and Carnistir, alarmed, began to step 
toward them.  He was stopped by Maitimo, who noticed his movement and left 
Findaráto’s side, to go to Carnistir.

“Don’t be alarmed, little brother,” he said, and restrained him with one arm wrapped 
around him, pinning his arms to his sides.

“I do not wish for Findekáno to do this to Findaráto!” Carnistir cried.  “Look at them!  
They will not be able to resist each other!  And you, my own brother – I cannot watch 
you in this state either – doing such things to my lover!”

Carnistir was agitated.  His face was flushed and he pushed forward against Maitimo’s 
hands which were now held against his chest.  “Very well!” said Maitimo.  “Please calm 
yourself, Moryo!  I will call off Findekáno.  Wait here,” and Maitimo returned to the two 
lusty Elves writhing on the grass.  Findekáno was aroused to a state of excitement that 
showed in his face, his erect nipples and his solid erection.  He caressed Findaráto’s body 
in appreciative strokes, giving the blond Elf’s equally engorged member a few languid 
tugs that elicited moans of pleasure from him.  Findaráto’s head lolled from side to side 
as he groaned, “No, Findekáno, stop.  I cannot abide anymore!  Ai!  What are you doing 
to me?”

Findekáno’s lips were parted as he spoke endearments to Findaráto.  “You are such a 
pretty Elf, Cousin,” he drawled and his eyes were glazed.  He was about to lower his face 
to Findaráto’s loins when Maitimo placed his hands on his lover’s shoulders and pulled 
him forcefully backward.  Findekáno’s back rested against Maitimo’s legs and the red-
haired Elf put his hands under Findekáno’s arms and pulled him back farther away from 
Findaráto’s quivering body.

“Maitimo!  What --?” Findekáno began to protest.

“Stop!  Carnistir is upset.  This was not a good idea after all.  Things are more serious 
between them than I had thought.  Go to my brother and see if you can calm him.  Use 
your wiles on him while I see to Findaráto.  You have brought our cousin to such a state 
that I do not know how I shall hold him for Carnistir while you work on my brother.  But 
do your best to calm Carnistir and hurry him back to Findaráto before it is too late!”

Findekáno did as he was told and raced after Carnistir, who had retrieved his clothes and 
had begun to stalk back toward the house.  When he reached him, Findekáno caught 
Carnistir by the arm and pulled the dark, angry Elf around to face him.

“Carnistir,” he said softly, looking into his cousin’s eyes.  His lips were downturned and 
his eyebrows knit in the middle.  “Please forgive me,” he said.

Carnistir looked at him with a flash of anger.  His cheeks were a deep shade of red and 
his chest was heaving.  “Why did you have to interfere?” he shouted.  “Findaráto and I 
wanted to make our last time together a special one.  I am surprised that you and my 
brother do not wish to do the same.”

Findekáno looked startled at this, and tilted his head to one side.  “But we have,” he said.  
“What could be more special than the four of us…?”  But then his voice trailed off as he 
saw a thunderous look cross Carnistir’s face.  Clearly, this tactic was not going to work.  
Switching techniques, Findekáno then suggested, “Let us go for a little walk, you and I,” 
and began to lead Carnistir away from the house and in the direction of the deserted area 
behind the garden.  A path led from the back of the garden through a patch of brush and 
toward a copse of birch and poplar trees.  Both Elves were still naked and Carnistir 
carried his clothing.  Findekáno resisted an urge to place a comforting arm around his 
back.  Instead, he talked to Carnistir in a soothing voice.

“Believe me, I do understand how you feel.  The idea of us being apart for so long is 
almost unbearable.  But bear it we must.  Maitimo and I are secure enough in our love for 
each other that we know we can wait until he returns and the flame that is our passion for 
each other will not be extinguished, but will burn the brighter for having had to wait.  
You and Findaráto can do the same.  He and I will wait for you both.”

Carnistir turned to stare at Findekáno suspiciously.  “I believe that you will try to bed him 
while we are gone,” he said.

Findekáno snorted.  “My friend, you have a suspicious mind!  Do you not think I will be 
able to control myself?”

“No, I don’t,” replied Carnistir.  “I believe you to be an incorrigible sexual being.  You 
will not be able to resist him.  I saw you with him a moment ago, remember?  As soon as 
Maitimo and I are gone you will try to seduce him.”

“Findaráto is comely, yes,” said Findekáno with a shrug.  “No Elf could resist him.  But 
resist I must, for if I do not then I would lose that which is most precious to me, and that 
is the love and trust of your brother.  Believe me, Carnistir, I would not risk it.  Maitimo 
and I thought that you would be willing to join us in four-way pleasure this afternoon.  
We were sure that the memories of such an undertaking would have lasted us the twelve 
long years of your exile.  But I see now that is not to be.”  And with these words he 
sighed sadly.

“What I see,” said Carnistir, “is that there is no attraction between you and I.  And I 
would not make love to my brother under any circumstances.”

“Very well,” said Findekáno.  “I agree there seems to be no love between us.  But I do 
regard you as my friend, and I hope that you will trust me to not seduce Findaráto in your 
absence.”

“I would like to know that I can trust you,” said Carnistir.

“Then let us clasp hands on it,” Findekáno replied, and the two Elves did so in a gesture 
of friendship.  Then they turned around and retraced their steps back to Maitimo and 
Findaráto.  They found the blond and the redhead sitting and talking and Findaráto was 
holding his cloak demurely across his lap.  Maitimo had wound himself in his sheet.

“Ah,” he said when Carnistir and Findekáno reappeared.  “Come, Findekáno, let us leave 
these two alone now,” and he rose to his feet.  Carnistir walked over to Findaráto’s side 
and sat down on the grass beside him.  They gazed fondly into each other’s eyes, their 
shoulders touching and their breaths mingling.

Maitimo and Findekáno walked back to the house together after making their farewells to 
their cousins.  “Carnistir looks quite calm now,” said a surprised but pleased Maitimo.  
“What did you do?”

“I told him the truth,” Findekáno replied, “and he was able to discern that I was sincere.  
By not attempting to lie to him I convinced him that I was more trustworthy than he 
otherwise thought.  How did you fare with Findaráto?”

“He was easy to convince.  I have never known a more agreeable Elf.  He was willing to 
wait until Carnistir returned from your walk, and I believe he will also be able to wait 
until he returns from exile.  I do believe that Findaráto could have resisted your charms 
after all.”

“We shall see,” said Findekáno, “After all, I will have twelve years to work upon him.” 
And he laughed wickedly at the look of shock that crossed Maitimo’s face.







CHAPTER THREE:   UNFOLDING EVENTS 


During the time that the Fëanorions were in exile, Findaráto became great friends with 
Turukáno, brother of Findekáno.  He preferred the quiet grace of Turukáno to the bold 
abandon of his brother.  Findekáno became closer to his father Nolofinwë as the years 
dragged on while they waited for the return of the Fëanorions.

To pass the time, Findaráto and Turukáno often rode out to visit Alqualonde, and 
befriended many of the Telerin people.  Findaráto renewed his friendship with Amarië, 
although they did not again become sweethearts, and thus passed his days while he 
waited for Carnistir to come back to him.

But events unfolded quickly after Fëanaro and his sons returned from Formenos and 
these events shocked Findaráto and alienated him from his lover.  After the tragic death 
of Finwë and the theft of the Silmarils, Fëanaro convinced the Noldor to rebel against the 
Valar and leave Valinor.  Following the dreadful events of the kinslaying at Alqualonde 
and the burning of the Telerin ships at Losgar, the hosts of Fëanaro, Nolofinwë and 
Findaráto made separate camps at Lake Mithrim in Hithlum.  Nolofinwë and Findaráto 
remained together, but Fëanaro’s people moved to the opposite side of the lake.

Findaráto was overwhelmed with conflicted emotions.  Sitting alone in his camp that 
teemed with soldiers, women and children, he felt overwhelmed by the events that had 
occurred in such a short time.  Fëanaro and his sons had committed murder, and it was 
the murder of his friends, the Teleri.  Then they had burned the stolen ships so that 
Nolofinwë’s and Arafinwë’s hosts could not use them to cross the ocean to Middle-earth.  
Findaráto’s father had turned away and gone back to Valinor, and Findaráto had become 
the leader of his people.  He felt unready and unworthy of such a task.  Fëanaro died, 
tragically killed by a Balrog before he had a chance to see anything much of Middle-
earth, and Maitimo was taken by Moringotho.  And then there was the problem of 
Carnistir, now estranged from him. 

Findaráto stood at lake’s edge and stared across it to the Fëanorion camp where he could 
see a fire burning.  He felt pained and bereft of his father and his cousin and was still in 
shock.  He wondered what Carnistir was feeling and concentrated on letting his thoughts 
reach out to those of his lover.  He concentrated hard, but he could not detect anything of 
Carnistir through the maze of darkness and horror that swirled between them.  His friend 
and cousin Turukáno approached him, carrying his little daughter.  Turukáno’s eyes 
brimmed with tears while Itarillë lay in his arms, too quiet for such a small child.  A child 
should be happy and playing, thought Findaráto, and not witness to the death of her 
mother. Findaráto sighed and turned away from the lake and did his best to comfort his 
grief-stricken cousin and niece.

On the other side, Carnistir and Macalaurë stared at each other with grim faces, eyes deep 
and dark with sadness, mouths no longer able to smile.  They were streaked with dirt and 
blood and their eyes, which had seen dreadful things, burned into each other with bleak 
stares.  They were covered in the blood of many people: of their Telerin victims and of 
their dead father.  “Come,” whispered Macalaurë to Carnistir.  “Let us bathe and wash 
away the blood of our kin.  I cannot abide the feel of it on my skin anymore.”  The 
brothers disrobed and entered the water.

Carnistir bore the most wounds.  His body was covered in cuts and gashes everywhere 
except on his face.  Macalaurë was not as badly wounded as Carnistir and he helped to 
wash him, pouring water over the worst of his cuts to try to clean them.  Carnistir had 
suffered some burns on his hands, too, and these Macalaurë bound with clean strips of 
cloth.  Then he noticed tears falling down Carnistir’s cheeks and he kissed them, holding 
his brother close.  “We have suffered many wounds these last terrible days, Moryo,” he 
said, “not all of the flesh.  And we shall suffer many regrets in the days to come.  But 
remember that our enemy is ruthless, and unless we make reparations to our friends then 
we shall be a scattered force too weak to withstand them.  Findaráto now leads his 
people.  You must go to him and seek forgiveness.”

But Carnistir was reluctant.  In his heart he wanted to go off somewhere and be alone.  
He did not care where he went, as long as it was far away.  He was ashamed for the way 
he had acted during the fighting.  Overcome with battle-lust, he had fought fiercely 
against both kin and foe, not discerning between them and killing both alike with the 
vigour of bloodlust.  He decided not to go to Findaráto right away but to wait until they 
could put some time between them and the terrible events that had occurred, and he shut 
his thoughts away from Findaráto.  It was not difficult because darkness had descended 
on him and he let it place a barrier between them.  He could thus slink away and tend to 
his wounds and not have to think about anything else. 

As it happened, it was Findekáno who made the first move and came to the Fëanorion 
camp to try to befriend again the sons of Fëanaro and reunite the Noldor as one army to 
be ready to fight their foe.  In tears Findekáno sat before Macalaurë, Tyelkormo and 
Carnistir and proposed his plan.  To solidify their bond, he told them that he would try to 
rescue Maitimo from the precipice of Thangorodrim.  “I know you think me foolish to 
undertake this task,” he told them, “but I cannot abandon him there.  If he should perish, I 
shall too.” Maitimo’s brothers were astounded by Findekáno’s bravery.  He did what they 
could not. Against all odds, he was successful.  After this feat was accomplished, the rift 
between the houses was healed.  Nolofinwë held Mereth Aderthad – a great feast of 
reuniting – at the Pools of Ivrin, and there followed many years of peace.

During these peaceful years, Carnistir and Findaráto thought often of each other.  They 
had been apart for almost fifty years.  Carnistir’s new home was far in the East in 
Thargelion, where he trafficked in the natural resources and raw materials of the region 
with the Dwarves of Beleriand.  He had thus become rich in material possessions, 
although he was bereft in heart. Lonely and desirous of seeing Findaráto again, he left 
Thargelion to come westward to seek Findaráto on Tol Sirion.  

When fifty years had passed and on the same day that Carnistir left Thargelion to seek 
Findaráto, Turukáno also left his home in Nevrast to journey to Tol Sirion. When 
Carnistir finally arrived, he found that Turukáno had reached Tol Sirion and Findaráto 
before him.  He had been hoping to be alone with Findaráto for a satisfying reunion since 
they had not seen each other for many years.  Over time Carnistir had managed to put his 
old, horrific memories of the kinslayings and ship-burning behind him, and remembering 
with fondness his cousin and once-lover, he desired to renew their relationship. 

Upon arriving on Tol Sirion, Carnistir was directed to seek Findaráto on the banks of the 
Sirion where he was said to be fishing with friends.  But when Carnistir ran down the 
rocks to the beach, he found Findaráto and Turukáno bathing naked together in the river.  
Carnistir stood and watched them.  He held his breath as he gazed upon Findaráto’s 
splendid form.  His memories had dimmed and he had not remembered quite how 
beautiful Findaráto looked.  Or perhaps it was the years that had passed and seasoned the 
son of Arafinwë.  His once-slender body had developed strong muscles, yet he still 
retained his slimness.  His hair was as bright as the Tree of Gold had been and fell to his 
hips in radiant waves.  Carnistir could not see the blueness of his eyes from where he 
stood, nor the pink hue of his beautiful lips, but he saw Findaráto take Turukáno’s hand.  
They were both laughing.  Carnistir watched Turukáno and jealousy grew in his heart.  
Turukáno had the same raven hair, blue eyes and seductive quality of his brother 
Findekáno, but he had been married and had a young daughter who’d survived the 
crossing of the Helcaraxë, yet his wife had not.  Carnistir could not prevent fear of losing 
Findaráto from entering his heart, filling him with anger and frustration.  However, he bit 
back his dark feelings and continued down the rocky steps to the sand.

When Findaráto turned and saw Carnistir, he cried out in surprise.   Letting go of 
Turukáno’s hand, he plowed through the water in a desperate attempt to reach the shore 
and his lover.  Carnistir watched Findaráto race toward him and his angry jealousy 
melted away like butter under the hot sun.  He waited, a tall, dark figure dressed in black 
and red, until his lover was upon him.  Findaráto threw his wet arms around Carnistir 
without regard for his fine, regal-looking attire, and embraced him with exuberance.

“Carnistir!” he cried.  “How good it is to see you!”

Carnistir let a smile grace his face, and it was like the opening of the most beautiful 
flower, growing out of a crack in a rock:  unexpected, delightful and brilliant.  He hugged 
Findaráto with fervour and longed to kiss him.  But out of the water at that moment 
strode Turukáno and as he drew closer Carnistir met the glance of his dark-haired cousin 
over the shoulder of Findaráto.  And he knew in that instant that there was a special 
involvement between them.  But he held Findaráto to his heart with a fierce 
possessiveness and said nothing.

Later, they had dinner together with a number of their friends and relatives.  Besides 
Turukáno, Aikanáro and Ambaráto were there, and a number of the other Noldorin Elves 
who made Tol Sirion their home.  Carnistir barely spoke to Turukáno during the meal or 
afterwards, keeping a watchful stare upon him whenever he spoke to Findaráto or moved 
close to him.  The son of Fëanaro burned with desire to have Findaráto all to himself in 
his bedroom later on in the late hours of the night, where he longed to ravish him.  The 
sight of the golden-haired Elf naked in the river had aroused his old passion. Their eyes 
met several times over dinner and Carnistir saw the sparkle of lust in Findaráto’s eyes 
and knew that he also held the same passionate feelings for Carnistir.

At last Carnistir and Findaráto were able to bid their friends goodnight and make their 
way upstairs to their bedchambers.  Carnistir’s room was the first to which they came in 
the long, draughty corridor of Findaráto’s castle.  “Will you come to my rooms later?” 
asked Carnistir as he paused outside his door.  Findaráto turned to him and Carnistir 
could see that beneath his blue robes his chest was heaving.

“Yes,” Findaráto whispered.  His cheeks bore the rosy flush of too much wine and of 
desire.  “In an hour I shall come to you.”

Carnistir watched Findaráto as the blond Elf glided down the length of the blue-carpeted 
corridor to his own room.  Carnistir’s body seethed with a torrent of desire.  He turned his 
door-handle and entered the spacious bedroom.  It was warm inside.  The servants had 
built a fire in the grate and had turned down the coverlet on his bed.  Carnistir strode to 
the tall oak cupboard in one corner and began to disrobe.  He folded and hung up every 
piece of clothing, inspecting each item with care for soil before he put it away.  He 
noticed there was sand adhering to his cloak and he brushed off every speck.  He 
smoothed out the creases in his jerkin, tunic and leggings before he hung them on hooks 
in the cabinet.

Carnistir padded into the adjoining bathroom where he washed his face and hands, 
armpits, groin and feet, using an ewer and basin that rested on an oak stand just inside the 
door.  He noticed that the huge, claw-foot iron bathtub had been filled with water.  He felt 
it and it was tepid.  There was a fire burning in the grate in the bathroom and a large iron 
pot of water hung over it.  On a low table beside the tub was a stack of unbleached linen 
towels, some jars of liquid soap, fragrant oils and various pumices and scrub brushes.

After Carnistir had washed quickly at the basin and picked up a vial of oil, he returned to 
the bedroom and lay down on the bed to await Findaráto.  He crawled beneath the top 
sheet and pulled it up to his chest.  He took a mirror from the bedside stand and checked 
his hair as he arranged it to spread out over the pillow, to frame his face to its best 
advantage.  He did not have to wait long before there was a knock at the door.  “Come 
in,” he said in a husky voice, and Findaráto entered.  He had taken only twenty minutes to 
come to his lover.

Carnistir’s breath became heavy when he saw him.  Findaráto had changed to a light robe 
of pale blue velvet trimmed with white satin bands around the sleeve bottoms, and a sash 
of white satin held it tied closely around his narrow waist.  His golden hair fell unbound, 
the ends resting to the tops of his thighs.  Carnistir could see the sapphire gleam in his 
eyes from the bed.

“You are beautiful,” he whispered.  “Please come here to me.”

Findaráto obeyed, and crossed the room in rapid strides, and stood beside the bed.  
Carnistir leaned forward and untied the white sash of Findaráto’s robe and it fell away to 
reveal that he was naked underneath.  Carnistir took a moment to admire the muscular 
form of Findaráto the warrior before he bent his head and kissed his cousin’s smooth, taut 
abdomen.  Findaráto gasped in response to feel his cousin’s lips once again upon his 
flesh.  Carnistir slid his hands around behind Findaráto to cup his round bottom, and he 
could feel Findaráto growing hard against his throat.  He moaned.  He felt his own 
erection stiffening beneath the bed sheet.

“I have missed you,” Carnistir whispered, taking both of Findaráto’s hands in his and 
drawing him down to sit on the bed beside him.  He stroked the blond Elf’s glorious hair 
and looked upon his face.

“I have missed you too,” said Findaráto.

“Then let us not waste any more time,” hissed Carnistir, and pushed Findaráto down onto 
the bed.  He claimed the blond’s lips in a fiery kiss, his tongue invading Findaráto’s 
mouth, his lips crushing his cousin’s with furious passion.

His hands coursed over Findaráto’s body in a torrent of longing caresses, his pent-up 
desire raging out of him in a stream of frenzied kisses and strokes.  Findaráto thrashed 
and moaned beneath the turbulence of Carnistir’s touches.  He cried out when Carnistir 
bit his nipples in his desire to devour them.  He yelped when Carnistir forced two fervent 
fingers into his tight passage while biting passionately on his lower lip.

“Turn over,” Carnistir growled as he slicked his hard shaft with oil.  Findaráto 
whimpered, but he did as he was told.  Carnistir then oiled his cousin’s prepared 
passageway and tossed the vial aside.  He positioned himself above the fair-skinned 
blond.  “Do you remember our long-ago wish to bond?” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered Findaráto, surprised by Carnistir’s vehemence.

“Do you still wish it?” asked Carnistir, in a gentler tone that crept into his voice like the 
sun emerging from behind the storm clouds after the passing of the tempest.

“Yes,” said Findaráto in surprise.

“Do you love me still?” asked Carnistir.  He was calm now, and laid his cheek gently 
against Findaráto’s back.

“I do.  I missed you and I love you more than ever,” replied Findaráto with a sigh.

“Then I take you, Findaráto, to be my mate, for now and forever,” said Carnistir, and he 
pushed his smooth shaft into Findaráto’s entrance as Findaráto shuddered in ecstasy.

“May Manwë and Varda bless this union,” whispered Carnistir, his head bent over 
Findaráto’s shoulder, his hips pumping his desire into his lover’s rump.

“Manwë and Varda,” Findaráto sighed into the pillow.

Both Elves were suddenly overcome by a feeling of lightness and they were transported 
to a place in which peace descended on them as if a white eagle had come from Manwë 
to brush away all remnants of darkness with its wings.  They both felt it.  They made love 
to each other with gentle caresses and soothing touches. They whispered words of love 
and held each other’s faces in tender hands while they kissed.  The bond between them 
made each Elf feel lighter, as if their burdens were now shared between them.

“I take you, Findaráto, to be my mate for all time, until we are sundered by death or until 
the ending of the world,” said Carnistir, and removed his ring, made years ago by his 
father of heavy gold studded with diamonds and rubies, and placed it on the index finger 
of Findaráto’s right hand.  It was a large ring, almost too large for his smaller hand.  The 
two Elves lay facing each other in the bed, hands clasped between them, gazing into each 
other’s eyes.

“I take you, Carnistir, as my mate, and promise to love you until our doom overtakes us 
or the world ends,” said Findaráto solemnly.  “I love you and no other,” he whispered, 
and slid his ring of silver with one large stone of sapphire, made for him by Curufinwë, 
son of Fëanaro, onto Carnistir’s baby finger.

They fell asleep together, lying in each other’s arms.  A thunderstorm rent the midnight 
sky but they did not hear it.

When they awoke in early morning, they both desired a bath.  Findaráto padded into the 
bathroom to add the still-hot water from the iron kettle to the bathtub water.  The fire had 
not died completely during the night.

They both sat in the warm comfort of the water, facing each other, feeling the soothing 
effects of the lavender oil that Findaráto had added to it.  “Mmm…” said Carnistir, laying 
his head back against the rim of the cold iron tub.  “I suppose now we shall have to think 
about packing up your things to move to Thargelion.”

“What?  Oh, no,” said Findaráto. “I cannot leave Nargothrond.  I have many projects 
under construction.  Turukáno and I have promised each other that we will travel together 
to take a look at Elwë’s caves…”  His voice trailed away as he saw Carnistir’s expression 
change to one of anger.

“Turukáno?  What have you promised him?” asked Carnistir.

“Well – er – we were going to travel…”  stammered Findaráto.

“Now is the time,” said Carnistir, sitting up straight, seething and squeezing out his 
words between clenched teeth, “that you should tell me what has occurred between you 
and Turukáno in the past while you were supposed to be waiting for me.”

The light in Findaráto’s eyes flickered and his gaze almost faltered as he felt a heaviness 
in his heart like a boot heel crushing a flower.  He could not lie.  He knew that Carnistir 
could sense the truth.  “You had shut yourself off from me,” he whimpered.  “I know it 
was wrong, but we were both in need of comfort…”

Without a word, Carnistir stood, climbed out of the tub, picked up a towel to wrap around 
his now ice-cold body, and strode out of the room.  He crossed to the cabinet and took out 
his clothes.  Findaráto leapt out of the tub and followed him, pleading with him.

“Carnistir!  What are you doing?  Please do not leave me!  I am sorry!  I’m so sorry!  If I 
could go back and undo what I did, I would!”

Carnistir dressed himself quickly, and without a word or a look at Findaráto, he left the 
room, closing the door firmly but quietly behind him.

After he had gone, Findaráto dropped onto the bed as if the thunder in the somber sky had 
turned into stone and smote him with one cruel blow.  He lay weeping for a long time.  
When he finally rose, Carnistir was well on his way back to Thargelion.  He still wore 
Findaráto’s ring. 

























CHAPTER FOUR:  THE END IS NIGH


Findaráto traveled through Beleriand with Turukáno as he had told Carnistir he would.  
While the fresh breezes of a peaceful summer wafted across their bodies, Findaráto and  
Turukáno lay together upon the green grass.  Turukáno’s head rested upon Findaráto’s 
chest, and they spoke to each other of their individual losses.

“I knew not what I should do or whither I should go without Elenwë, until you came to 
guide me,” said Turukáno as Findaráto stroked his hair.  “With you I have found comfort 
and peace.”

“Alas,” sighed Findaráto, “while with you I have found serenity and friendship, I have 
lost the one whom I love, and it is as intense as the pain from a stab wound.”  For 
Carnistir is both my gain and my loss.  He owned my heart yet he pierced it with the cruel 
arrow of his rejection.  With him I have found my most intense love and my greatest 
sorrow.”

“I was going to advise you to go to him, beg for his mercy, and be with him,” said 
Turukáno, “but now that you have told me his love causes you such hardship, perhaps 
you would remain happier without him, and if you wish, you can always find solace with 
me.”

“Nay, but I am not happier,” admitted Findaráto, “And yet I could live as I do live, with 
many friends around me and still find peace, I think.  I am afraid that I shall always be 
restless and try to seek solace in the friendship of others like yourself, and I thank you for 
inviting me to do so, Turukáno.  It is in my nature, I suppose, to be faithless and for my 
loyalties to waver.  Yet I would wish to be faithful. For that I am sorry.”  And he cupped 
the side of Turukáno’s cheek with his hand.  Turukáno turned his head to kiss his 
cousin’s palm.

“While I can say truly that I love you, Findaráto,” whispered Turukáno, and he rolled off 
of his cousin’s chest in order to face Findaráto and gaze into his eyes, “I am happy now 
to have found this vale, and I intend to throw myself into building as beautiful a city as I 
have dreamed about since leaving Tirion, and it shall be a shelter for me and Itarillë.  
This is what I desire most.  And I am willing to let you go, my cousin, and I tell you out 
of love for you as a dearest friend that you should go to seek out Carnistir.  Go to him at 
least once more.  Cast yourself upon his mercy and beg him to forgive you.  I feel that 
you will not regret that you did this.”

“Perhaps you are right,” said Findaráto.  “But I know not if we will have anything more  
in common.  It may be that we have been too long separated.”

And so Findaráto wavered.  In his restlessness he went to visit Elwë, while Nargothrond 
was being built.  He and the King of Doriath had angry words, and Findaráto would not 
defend himself against Elwë’s accusations about the Kinslaying and his own part in it.  
His brother Angaráto, who accompanied Findaráto, told Elwë that it was Fëanaro and his 
sons who had done the most wrong.  Findaráto was grieved to hear that Angaráto and 
Carnistir had become enemies, and he feared that he and his mate might never be 
reunited.

Findaráto returned to Nargothrond after the confrontation with Elwë, to find its 
construction was now complete. Artanis traveled from Doriath to stay with him for 
awhile, and over dinner she expressed concern that Findaráto had no mate.  

“Findaráto, you are a lord of your own vast realm, and you are attractive enough that I 
wonder at your choice to remain single.  Now that your silly fling with Fëanaro’s son 
seems to be over, should you not be concerning yourself with settling down and perhaps 
having a family of your own?”

“Artanis,” Findaráto looked at her with an uncomfortable frown marring his smooth 
forehead, “that was no ‘silly fling’, as you called it.  My feelings for Carnistir are so 
intense that I will never be able to replace him.  Therefore I shall never marry.  I sense 
that a doom has come to lie upon my shoulders as a cloak of heavy cloth, and I cannot 
now remove it.”

“You are depressed and lonely,” said Artanis, her voice soft with sympathy, and she 
placed a cool hand upon her brother’s arm.  “That is why you feel this way.  Come back 
to Menegroth with me and stay a while with us.  We shall introduce you to some pleasant 
female Elves of our acquaintance.”

“No,” said Findaráto, his voice firm.  “I know now my path.”

“Your path has always wandered,” said Artanis, concern marking her face with a frown 
as she saw her brother despairing.

“Then so be it,” said Findaráto, and dropped his head between his shoulders, clutching 
his wine goblet with both hands.  Artanis saw that his shoulders were shaking with grief 
and she put her arms around him to hug him and give him some comfort.

After this he wandered about in his restlessness and still did not go to Carnistir, feeling 
both loneliness and fear of rejection.  Maitimo and Macalaurë came to visit him and 
invited him to go hunting with them.

“Come with us Findaráto,” Maitimo said, “and the hunt shall be sure to take your mind 
away from your sorrows.  You shall experience the exhilaration of the chase with us.  My 
brother Carnistir is a fool, and I shall tell him so when next I see him.”

He joined his cousins for a while but then tired of it, and he wandered into Ossiriand, 
intending to turn north and venture into Thargelion to seek Carnistir.  But instead he 
chanced upon a tribe of Men, and he stayed with them for a while, befriending Bëor, and 
advising him to move westward with his people, to a place called Estolad near Doriath.  
Bëor begged Findaráto to take him to Nargothrond so that he might see it before he died, 
and Findaráto, wavering once more, torn between doing as Bëor wished and following 
his own dream to seek out Carnistir, decided to take the Atani with him and traveled 
homeward.  Thinking that Bëor was mortal and old, and would soon die, he made the 
choice to relinquish the desire to meet Carnistir at this time.

Carnistir, meanwhile, had kept to himself in Thargelion, busying himself with his trade 
with the Dwarves, building his army, and trying to push thoughts of Findaráto out of his 
mind.  At night he lay in his bed and thought of Findaráto with an ache in his heart of 
bittersweetness, and wondered if he would ever see his lover again.  But Carnistir willed 
himself not to make the first move to seek his beloved Findaráto, and he remained harsh 
of word and stern of countenance whenever he met with people – his servants or 
otherwise – and everyone with whom he dealt was afraid of him.  They saw in his face 
and bearing only their dark, harsh lord who never smiled and upon which a gloom 
seemed to lie like a thunderous cloud.

Strange new people eventually came into his lands.  He learned that they were called the 
Atani and he allowed them to dwell there although he was not interested in them and paid 
them no attention, preferring to go about in his gloom and despair, dealing with people 
unknown to him as little as possible.  

But something occurred not long after the Atani had arrived that caused Carnistir’s 
feelings to change.  Moringotho sent a band of Orcs forth to attempt to attack the Atani 
and destroy them, and they broke Carnistir’s leaguer and came into his lands.  These Orcs 
drove Haldad, the chieftain of these particular Atani, into the tight corner between the 
Rivers Ascar and Gelion, where the people built a fortress to protect them from assault.  
But they ran out of food and the Orcs slew Haldad and his son who ventured out of the 
fort.  Then Haleth, Haldad’s daughter, who was strong and had a brave heart, held her 
people together until a week later they heard the happy sound of trumpets and Carnistir’s 
army came to save them, the dark lord, resplendent in his red and gold armour, at its 
helm.

Carnistir looked upon these brave people with pity and kindness.  His opinion of them 
had changed, and his mood had lightened.  After Haleth told him what had transpired, he 
offered her free lands in which to dwell within his kingdom and invited her to stay, 
having taken a great liking to her.  He offered her his friendship, but Haleth turned down 
his offer, gathered her people together and continued west, where they came to Estolad, 
and stayed there awhile.

Eventually, Haleth came to Nargothrond and met Findaráto. When they desired to go to 
Brethil where Bëor’s people dwelt, Elwë denied them this privilege, but Findaráto 
persuaded him to let them stay.  During one of their conversations, Haleth told Findaráto 
about her meeting with Carnistir.

“He was like none I have ever seen, my Lord,” said Haleth.  “Though I have now seen 
many of your people, dark and beautiful I thought him, but his face was like the sun.  The 
light shining from him stunned me so that it was difficult to look at him directly.  I would 
have stayed but for my desire not to be the thrall of anyone, not even of a being as 
beautiful as he.”

Findaráto’s heart lurched at her words, so odd it was to hear this mortal woman speak of 
his estranged lover, and by her description he realized that Carnistir had had a change of 
heart.  For Findaráto recollected with fondness that when Carnistir’s heart lifted and he 
smiled, he was as glorious as Haleth described.  The radiant beauty of the full sun shone 
from his face.  It was as if he spent so much time covering it with gloom and ill thought, 
that when his mood occasionally lifted and a smile broke upon his face, it was like a fire 
burning at night, fiercer and brighter than the stars. Findaráto had seen that happen to 
Carnistir before, and desire rose in him again to go forth and seek out his mate in 
Thargelion.  His mind was made up and he set out as soon as he could ready himself, and 
he traveled swiftly into Carnistir’s realm.

Findaráto was travel-weary and in need of a bath when he arrived in the lands of 
Carnistir.  He was impressed by the beauty of the green meadows, snow-capped 
mountains and the clear, swift-flowing River Gelion.  He was awed by the greatness of 
Carnistir’s halls that had been built by the Dwarves with whom he had dealt and were 
majestic and unlike anything that Findaráto had before seen.  The workmanship of the 
Dwarves rivaled that of the Noldor.  Carnistir’s home was built of solid gold and marble.  
Inside, an enormous staircase wrought with intricate engravings wound from the upper 
levels to the main floor and was framed by solid gold railings.  Soft, dark red carpeting 
lined the marble steps and was mirrored in the red colours of the rugs in every room.  In 
the entryway were many finely sculpted statues and beautiful paintings.  The Dwarves 
had put intricate scrollwork into the trim and mouldings throughout the house, and their 
women had undoubtedly fashioned the exquisite tapestries that adorned many of the 
walls, and the colourful drapes that hung in front of every window.

When Findaráto arrived, Carnistir’s servants went to tell their lord of his visitor and it 
was many minutes before Carnistir descended the stairs to greet Findaráto.  He held out 
his hand in greeting, but his eyes were cold, his face haughty and unrevealing. His 
servants were not surprised at their taciturn master’s formal greeting of his guest, as it 
was his wont.  However, Carnistir could not help but beam his radiant smile when he saw 
his lover again, although he swept it away with a glum look as soon as he could master 
himself to do so.  Findaráto swept off his helm and his mane of golden hair fell free 
around his splendid attire of blue trimmed with gold.  Carnistir looked unmoved by the 
glorious sight of Findaráto, resplendent in his armour, much matured, stronger and even 
more beautiful than he had been in his youth.

“How pleasurable to see you again, Cousin” was all he allowed himself to say.

“Oh, Carnistir,” Findaráto replied, the music of his voice like a salve over Carnistir’s 
emotional wounds.  Tears misted Findaráto’s eyes.  His lips, full and inviting, trembled.  
Those two words were all he spoke, and Carnistir’s resolve almost cracked.  He wanted 
to throw his arms around his bonded mate on the spot, but instead he grasped Findaráto 
by the hand and pulled him toward the stairs.  He turned to the servants who were still in 
the vicinity.

“You are dismissed.  I will call you if you are needed,” he said curtly.  Then he turned to 
Findaráto. “Come upstairs with me now!” he hissed between clenched teeth.  “I want to 
show you personally around my home,” he said out loud for the servants to hear. 

They had barely reached the top of the stairs when Carnistir began to undo Findaráto’s 
clothing and tried to kiss his face and caress his body at the same time.  Findaráto, who 
was trying to admire the fine furnishings and decorations in Carnistir’s home, could not 
see much of them because the attention that Carnistir was lavishing on him obscured his 
vision.

“Ai!” he cried.  “I am sure that I must be as eager as you, Carnistir, my love, but you are 
so passionate, like one with a fever!”

“Gods, Findaráto,” uttered Carnistir, his breathing ragged, “be quiet and help me with 
these damned clasps!”

“Let us go to your private chambers,” suggested Findaráto, pressed against the corridor 
wall by the weight of Carnistir’s heavier body, as Carnistir fumbled with his cousin’s 
robe while pressing kisses to his neck.

Findaráto smiled at and held up a hand in greeting to a maidservant who passed them in 
the hall and tried to avert her eyes.  She was carrying a pile of laundry below stairs.

“Someone has seen us now.  Let us go inside your rooms,” grunted Findaráto as a deft 
hand slipped into the waistband of his trousers.

“I don’t care anymore who sees us,” hissed Carnistir between kisses as light as petals 
dropped upon Findaráto’s lips.  “Now shut up and keep still.  I intend to ravish your 
beautiful mouth before I take your even more enticing body hard and without mercy.  
You shall have to beg me to stop.” And Carnistir flicked his tongue across Findaráto’s 
lips before plunging his tongue into the soft depths of the inviting mouth.  At the same 
time he reached between Findaráto’s legs, his trousers having been pulled down partway 
to expose his firm length, and clamped his hand over it, stroking and rubbing, alternately 
with hard, then soft, strokes.   While he caressed Findaráto, he pressed his chest hard 
against his cousin’s, holding him firmly in place against the wall.  When Carnistir broke 
the kiss, he was inflamed, his face red and his own length damp and aroused, and hard as 
a sword.

“I longed for you while I waited here alone,” he said, his voice harsh with passion but not 
anger.  His actions were rough, but they were not spurred by violent feelings, rather from 
the estrangement between them that had now been rectified.  “Come into my bedroom,” 
he said, and led Findaráto, who was trying to catch his breath, into his vast, empty 
chambers.  “I am intending to strip you, Findaráto,” he said, his gaze of hot coal burning 
into Findaráto’s blue eyes.  “And then I am going to ravage you senseless.  But before I 
do that,” he teased, “I am going to taste you, and I shall be slow, like treacle oozing out 
of a jar.”

Carnistir led Findaráto to a long wall into which was set a fireplace with a small fire 
burning in the grate.  He pushed his cousin back against the wall and continued to 
unclasp his robe, and when it was undone and had fallen to the floor, he turned his 
attention to Findaráto’s tunic.  Findaráto raised his arms and Carnistir pulled the silk 
garment over his head and flung it aside.  He stared at Findaráto’s heaving chest and 
smoothed his hands over the satiny skin and rolled the pebbled nipples between his 
fingers.  “He loves his sex hard and up against a wall,” Findaráto thought with surprise as 
he did not remember that about Carnistir.

Findaráto cried out.  “Ai, Carnistir!  What are you doing?” Carnistir had lowered his head 
and began to suck one of the pink nubs between insistent lips.  This caused Findaráto to 
moan and writhe, but Carnistir kept him still with a hard-muscled thigh pressed like a 
firm vise against his groin.  Findaráto gasped at the sensation of his body being both 
pushed and pulled at the same time.

Carnistir began a slow descent to his knees, leaving a trail of wet kisses along Findaráto’s 
abdomen.  When he was kneeling he grasped Findaráto around the waist and inserted his 
tongue into his cousin’s navel, swirling around the concavity a couple of times before 
placing his lips against the top of the hard length nestled below Findaráto’s belly.

Carnistir raised his head and looked toward Findaráto’s face.  Findaráto’s blond head was 
thrown back and his eyes were closed.  He uttered a low moan at the sensation of 
Carnistir’s caresses.  His hands clutched the top of Carnistir’s shoulders, his long fingers 
kneading the steely flesh beneath the fabric of his tunic.  Carnistir pulled Findaráto’s hard 
length out of his trousers and began to suck it, twirling his tongue around the head and 
plunging his mouth over the shaft.  He did this with rough, devouring strokes of his lips 
and tongue.  His hands slid to Findaráto’s buttocks and grasped the fabric of his trousers, 
and he yanked them down over his cousin’s thighs and past his knees.

Findaráto gasped and cried out.  “Ai!  Ai!  Carnistir!  You shall have me coming before 
long!”

“No,” Carnistir removed his mouth from Findaráto’s cock and let its length bob in the air 
between them.  “You shall not come until I am ready.” He got to his feet and stood before 
Findaráto, assessing him.  Carnistir remained fully clothed, but his arousal was evident in 
his leggings, the large bulge pressed against his thigh.

“Look at you,” Carnistir said, and his expression broke like sunrise into his magnificent 
smile.  Findaráto stood before him, naked, his chest rising and falling with every rapid 
breath.  His skin glistened, the hard edge of muscle and sinew clearly defined on his 
body.  Carnistir looked at him for a moment, appraising him.  “You are more muscular.  
Your body is bigger,” he said.  Then he began to undress.  When his clothes were heaped 
on the floor, Carnistir moved to close the space between them and took Findaráto in his 
arms.  “I love you, you treacherous Elf,” he whispered, and he held Findaráto close 
against his body, kissing him with renewed passion.  Findaráto sighed, and threw his 
arms around his lover, holding him close.

Moving at a slow, deliberate pace, Carnistir propelled Findaráto to the bed, and when the 
back of his thighs touched it, he fell upon it with a cry of surprise.  Carnistir adjusted 
Findaráto until he was lying on top of the covers with his legs dangling over the edge.  
He positioned himself between Findaráto’s thighs, spreading them apart as widely as he 
could, while Findaráto moaned with the anticipation of pleasure coursing through his 
loins.  Carnistir began to stroke his cousin’s arousal with slow motions up and down its 
length.  His own erection jutted forward like an insistent animal in need of a petting.  He 
let go of Findaráto’s length in order to give his own a few needed caresses, and groaned 
with lust as he fumbled for a vial of oil on a nearby table.  He bit off the stopper with his 
teeth and spat it to the side.  With deft strokes he slicked his own length before applying 
some to Findaráto’s, rubbing it appreciatively up and down his smooth shaft.  Grasping 
Findaráto’s lower legs, he lifted them to rest upon his shoulders, and began applying oil 
to Findaráto’s buttocks, smoothing it into his cleft, and spreading it over his sac, not 
leaving an inch of Findaráto’s lower body untouched.

Findaráto yelped when Carnistir inserted one finger, then two, into his passage and began 
stretching it open.  “Now you are ready for me,” Carnistir hissed.  He pressed his 
engorged member into Findaráto’s passage and pushed into him with one deep thrust.  
Findaráto cried out and rolled his head from side to side, his face puckered into a 
grimace.

“Does that hurt?” Carnistir asked, withdrawing his length until only the head was inside 
the tight entrance.

“No,” whispered Findaráto, “I want you to fill me, Carnistir.”

Carnistir thrust in again and again, driving his hips forward between Findaráto’s spread 
legs with such power that his hands clamped like shackles around Findaráto’s ankles to 
hold him in position.  Findaráto’s face was a mask of pleasure mixed with pain, sweat 
glistening upon his brow, his hair a tangle of golden threads.  His arms flailed, alternately 
thrown back over his head or clutching the bedcover.  He cried out several times, “Ai! 
Ai!” in fevered anguish.

Carnistir watched him as he pounded with relentless lust into Findaráto’s passage, and 
listened to Findaráto’s cries.  He saw that Findaráto’s own member was unsheathed and 
neglected, and lay swaying against his stomach.  “Touch yourself,” hissed Carnistir, 
“Take your cock in hand and make yourself come.  I want to watch you.”

Findaráto reached down and grasped his hard member and began to stroke it with quick 
moves, pulling its glistening skin upward when Carnistir drove into him, and pushing it 
down to the base when Carnistir withdrew.  When Carnistir increased his speed, his hips 
driving like pistons, Findaráto increased his also, his cock turning deep red, a flush 
spreading over his face and chest, and he cried, “Ai!  I am going to come!” He lifted his 
head as his shaft released a stream of milky fluid over his chest and stomach.  When 
Carnistir saw this he gave one last thrust and one great cry of “Findaráto!” and he spent 
his fluids into his lover’s passage with one violent shudder.  Then he pulled out and threw 
himself down on the bed next to his mate.  Taking Findaráto’s flushed face in both of his 
hands, Carnistir looked into his eyes.  “I will love you forever, Findaráto, no matter what 
foolish thing you do,” he said, his voice musical with emotion.

Findaráto sighed and grasped Carnistir’s wrist.  “You are my one love, Carnistir.  No one 
else,” he sighed.

They lay together for a few moments before they retired to the bath, where Findaráto lay 
in Carnistir’s arms, his head resting against his cousin’s chest while Carnistir soaped his 
hair and washed his chest and stomach.

“I am sorry, Carnistir, for taking Turukáno to my bed during that time I thought you were 
lost to me,” Findaráto said.

“I forgive you,” said Carnistir, kissing the top of his head.  “At one time I would not have 
been able to bear hearing his name, but now I do not mind, for it is better to have you the 
way you are, than not to see you at all.”

“But I shall never stray again,” said Findaráto, and took Carnistir’s hand to squeeze it.

Carnistir smiled grimly, his lips stretched into a thin line.  “No, I shall not,” said 
Findaráto, sensing that Carnistir did not believe him.  “For some life is short,” he said.  
“While that may not be so for us, it is that way for the Atani, and it has made me realize 
that we must try to take our pleasure when we find it, for the rest of life holds too much 
pain and sorrow.”

“Yes, it does,” said Carnistir.  “And foolishness also.  Can you forgive me for being a 
fool?”

“Of course I can,” said Findaráto, caressing Carnistir’s thigh under the water as he lay 
against the comfort of his chest.  “You have not been as foolish as I.  I hope in the future 
we shall not commit any more foolish acts.  My brother Aikanáro has fallen in love with 
a mortal woman named Andreth.  He has left her though, because soon she will become 
old and die.  He cannot bear to think of that, and he feels it is better to leave her now than 
to lose her to death.”

“That seems foolish to me,” said Carnistir.  “I have met a mortal woman also.  Haleth.  
She was brave and intelligent.  The females of the mortal race are exceptional, I think.  
That Aikanáro would throw away even a few years with such a woman is great 
foolishness.”

“I have met Haleth too,” said Findaráto.  “I believe Haleth and Andreth understand 
something that we do not.”

“And what is that, my love?” asked Carnistir.

“That for some, life is short,” said Findaráto, “and all too fast comes the speed to the end. 
It was my conversation with Haleth that convinced me to come here. Would you have 
preferred otherwise?” asked Findaráto.

“No, that is not at all how I feel,” said Carnistir, wrapping his arms around Findaráto’s 
chest.  “I can love only one person, and that is you, Findaráto.  To you I give my heart in 
its entirety.  And I would thank Haleth for her part in bringing us together if ever I saw 
her again, before her end comes to her.”

“Let us make a promise to each other,” said Findaráto, pulling Carnistir’s hand out of the 
water to kiss its palm, “never to do anything foolish again as long as we live.”

 


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