Title: Down by the water.
Author: Az
Email: az.ombie[at]gmail.com
Homepage: http://www.forgottenjuliet.net
AN:  this might classify as a darkfic, there is issues such as abuse and violence. but
rest assured i am a fluff girl at heart, and well in my universe there is always sun
behinds the rainclouds. i found it to be a very very difficult pairring, glorfindel and
erestor, so dont count on more of those from me, but i had to try and write it just once
before i run back to my first age yumminess. - ah i should say that Arato is a oc, but i
needed him in this story, i am taking huge liberties with erestor and glorfindels pasts
btw.
Fandom: LoTr
Chapter: 1-11/11
Betaed by: Lisbet
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: none of these characters are mine, sad but true.
Summary: Erestor has a dark past, glorfindel has completely forgotten all about it, but
what will happen once that dark past shows up on the doorstep? and will erestor ever
learn how to be close to another elf again? 
Warnings: elf pr0n. abuse, h/c
Pairings: Erestor/Glorfindel. Erestor/Arato (Elladan/Legolas implied)

****************************************************************************************
**'

Solitude stands by the window
She turns her head as I walk in the room
I can see by her eyes she's been waiting
Standing in the slant of the late afternoon

And she turns to me with her hand extended
Her palm is split with a flower with a flame

Solitude stands in the doorway
And I'm struck once again by her black silhouette
By her long cool stare and her silence
I suddenly remember each time we've met

-Susanne Vega  Solitude standing

1.Solitude Standing


Erestor sat at his oak desk; he looked at the entry he had made in his diary, reading it
over as he waited for the ink to dry. He opened the desk drawer to search for yet
another bottle of ink, because the one on the desk had just run dry. Instead his fingers
encountered something he had not felt between his fingers for some time. Erestor picked
it up and twirled it between his fingers. His locket. Somewhere in his heart he had
wished the damn thing lost, and still he smiled as he pried it apart. He looked at the
inscription inside, and frowned. This was his wedding gift, the token his husband had
given him on that day they had spoken their wows. The dark-haired elf sighed as he
remembered that day. He still bore a scar behind his ear to show for it. Erestor closed
the locket and tossed it in his desk drawer again, and decided that the ink was dry in
his journal; he closed the journal and placed it in his drawer as well. "I am not your
flower," he whispered as he slammed the desk drawer shut. 

He rose to blow out all the candles but one, and walked to his bed. He sat down on one
side. And a smile crept back onto his face. He thought of Glorfindel, the charismatic
blond with the characteristic little smile crinkles in the corners of his eyes,
something he had gotten after his time spent in Mandos, but something that most elves
envied him. His smiling blue eyes and his contagious laughter. Erestor liked to pretend
that he was immune to the Elda's attempts to befriend him, but sitting here in the dim
light in the privacy of his own bedroom, he had to admit that he was not. Glorfindel
tried his hardest, the Glorfindel way, to breach all the walls Erestor had built around
himself. And the dark-haired elf couldn't help but to let down his guard when it came to
Glorfindel. What he wouldn't give to be his friend, but he couldn't. Not the way
Glorfindel wanted, he knew, and he hoped Glorfindel knew it. But never the less, he
found himself extremely flattered over the attention that the blond was giving him. 

Blowing out the last candle, Erestor stood up and shrugged off his robe, and flopped
back on his bed. One of the twins, Elladan, had come to him today and had acted all
strange and clumsy, trying to strike up a conversation, and Erestor had gone along,
tormenting the youth with a playful grin. He knew what it was all about. Elladan wanted
to ask him to the dance at the midsummer's feast; maybe he should just have pity and ask
Elladan himself. 

Pulling the covers over his weary body, Erestor couldn't help but feel his bed large and
empty. Maybe it really was time to move on. Not since his husband. and not before, had
he shared his bed with anyone, but the lack of body contact and closeness was getting to
him. Or was he just glad he wasn't bothered? He turned restlessly onto his stomach and
sighed. No matter what, tonight his bed seemed impossibly big, empty and cold. 
He closed his eyes, and tried to relax, but instead the lively blue eyes kept popping up
in his mind. He tried to will the image away, but all he got for his effort was that his
mind wandered to the soft full lips, and the slender neck. For a second he wondered what
it would be like to be the one to kiss that soft skin, what the blond would smell like,
and what he would sound like with his body buried deep inside him. 

Erestor turned to his back in a annoyed move, and tried with extra effort to make this
mirage disappear from his dream landscape. But Glorfindel seemed to have invaded his
mind and his treacherous body this night. A little timidly the dark-haired elf snaked a
hand down and caressed his beginning hardness. He shouldn't, he really shouldn't. It
just seemed wrong to touch himself while thinking of the blond. But his body didn't seem
to listen, as his member twitched in anticipation of the gentle touch, craving more.
Erestor wrapped his fingers around the slick flesh and slowly started to pump it,
feeling deliriously naughty and aflame. His other hand found his lips, tracing his own
outlines, before he sucked on his fingers, closing his eyes. He saw the mane of golden
hair spread between his legs. Whimpering softly, he imagined a wet tongue trace the
folds around the head of his shaft. 

The blond looked up, and smiled at his, and to Erestor's horror, this was not
Glorfindel. It was the blond who had once given him his locket. This was his long gone
husband! Erestor gasped and sat up in the bed, covered with sweat, panting softly. Not
even in his fantasies would this damned elf leave him alone. "Leave me alone," he
whispered as if to a ghost. He pulled the covers up over himself again, as he slowly lay
down on the bed once more. His erection was disappearing. But the unfulfilled feeling of
a release not achieved would not leave him alone, and his whole body tingled from it. 
Leaning back with one arm planted behind him on his pillow, he pushed off the covers
with the other, wrapped his fingers around his now half flaccid member, and started to
stroke it with hard and sure strokes. Feeling the warmth spread throughout his body once
more, he closed his eyes, Glorfindel gone  replaced by other blue eyes, these one more
steel grey, and the smile less warm. But otherwise the same fair golden hair, and
flawless skin. The elf bit his lip, as he pumped faster, lost in his own fantasy, and
before he knew it he spiralled down, gasping with sharp intakes of air, ejaculation on
his own hand and stomach. 

Not bothering to clean up, he just threw himself into the bed, and pulled the covers up
to his chin, curling into a little ball. This release that had promised such safe sleep,
now only had his eyes swimming in tears. The image of his husband would haunt him to the
end of time. And as a ghost would whisper in his ear, he heard the  voice from long ago
whisper, "First and last and always, yours, your flower," in his ear. Erestor gave in to
his tears, remembering his own wedding vow. Why did the Valar permit that to keep
tormenting him? Was he never to even think about another lover, no matter what his heart
told him? 

In the morning, Erestor braided his hair into a single plait as he always did, and left
his chambers to join the others for breakfast. Long before he got there he heard
Glorfindel's laughter roar down the corridor, and his lips tugged upwards in a smile. He
straightened his face before he entered the dining halls, where the elves of Rivendell
were gathered around the breakfast table. 

Elrond smiled as his chief advisor entered. "Good morning to you," he said, apparently
in a jovial mood this morning. 

"Good morning, my lord," Erestor answered and sat down on his chair, next to his blond
nemesis. Glorfindel turned and smiled at him, reaching for the teapot and offering his
friend some. And with a smile Erestor nodded and lifted his cup so Glorfindel could fill
it. 
"So, Chief Advisor Erestor," Glorfindel started, "'tis a fine morning, is it not?" 
Erestor nodded and took a little sip of his tea.

"And midsummer's feast is almost upon us!" Glorfindel continued. "It is going to be
absolutely breathtaking!"

"Of course, it always is, Lord Glorfindel," Erestor replied and buttered a piece of
bread.

"Did you see the beautiful paper lanterns and flower arrangements?" the blond continued.

"Yes," Erestor just answered back. He didn't know why, but something stopped him from
indulging himself in conversation with Glorfindel. He wanted to, but didn't know the
right words. And so he had had to just learn to enjoy the infamous Balrog slayer's
morning enthusiasm. And as Glorfindel chattered on, Erestor and the rest of the elves
finished their breakfast. 

Later, back in his office. He had used an hour to search for a book that listed all
those damn binary rivers in Middle-earth, before and now. He sighed; it was not there.
How was he to see if this map was correct if he could not double check?

He left his office and walked into the library, where he found Elladan, who almost
tossed a book behind the couch in surprise. Erestor smiled to himself. He had a fairly
good idea of what kind of book it was Elladan would pick up in Elrond's vast library,
and it was not the binary rivers of Middle-earth. "Elladan," he said, moving over to sit
next to the youth, inwardly grinning like an idiot at Elladan's facial expression. "Did
you by any chance see a book on rivers here?" he asked. 

Elladan shook his head a bit too eagerly. "No," he whispered with a flustered
expression.

"Very well then," Erestor said, and made a move to stand. Then he sat down again.
"Elladan, penneth, I was wondering if you would mind dancing with me at the midsummer's
feast. I have no one to dance with, and I will be ridiculed by half the household if I
sit out one more dance." He knew it was a lie, but if this made it easier on Elladan,
then he figured it was all right.

The elder twin son of Elrond nodded and bit his lip. "I would very much like to do
that," he whispered.
 
Erestor patted Elladan's thigh with a grin. "See you there then," he said as he stood
up. Elladan seemed about to flee the library, and Erestor stood with his back to the
young elf. "Don't forget your book, young Elladan." 

Elladan stopped at a dead halt, and turned around, leaning behind the couch and picking
up the book. "Thank you, Erestor," he said softly, before he walked out of the library
with a bit more dignity than before.
 
 
 
AN:  with all the recent fanon discussion I might add here just to be on the safe side,
that I borrowed Bone Fauna's binding ceremony theory. Not for any other reason than I
love it. 
_____________________________ 

Solitary brother 
Is there still a part of you that wants to live 
Solitary sister 
Is there still a part of you that wants to give 
Solitary brother 
Is there still a part of you that wants to live 
Solitary sister 
Is there still a part of you that wants to give 
If we try 
And live our lives 
The way we wanna be 
There's no other love, there's no other love, there's no other love 
there is no other love no other love like ours

Seal  Killer 
_____________________

Chapter 2 - it's the loneliness that's the killer

He didn't quite know why Elrond had summoned him to his office. This was most
unorthodox, and on the day before the midsummer feast? Elrond had to know that the
entire household was turned upside down, and that it was hard for Erestor to find a
moment to leave his chores.

He knocked the huge oak door, and upon hearing Elrond asking him to enter, he opened the
door with its squeaking hinges. "My lord?" Erestor asked, looking very confused. "You
wanted to see me?"

"Ah, yes Erestor!" Elrond cooed and clapped his hands together, rubbing the palms
together, unnerving Erestor. "Please sit," the lord of Rivendell said, gesturing towards
a chair.

The dark clad advisor promptly sat on the wooden chair assigned to him, and looked up at
his lord. "My lord Elrond, I do not understand what can be this urgent?"

"Be at ease, Erestor," Elrond said with a smile and poured himself some more hot tea. He
offered Erestor some with a gesture, but the advisor shook his head. "Very well," Elrond
sighed, "What I wanted to discuss with you is a somewhat delicate matter."

Erestor opened and closed his mouth in surprise. Elladan! It had to be Elladan! He had
invited the elf to dance with him  Ai, he had known he should not have done so! "My
lord," Erestor said quickly, wringing his hands in his lap as they started to sweat, "I
assure you that I did not imply anything…" his voice became a whisper, "improper."

Elrond raised a brow and just looked at Erestor, who feverishly explained about the
invitation.

"its the first I heard of Elladan's plans for the feast, my friend," Elrond said with a
quizzical smile.

"Oh," Erestor just breathed. "Now you do, my lord," he said with a strained smile, not
knowing if he should feel at ease or more tense.

"No, what I wanted to discuss with you was our golden Balrog slayer," Elrond said,
leaning slightly in over the desk.

"Glorfindel?" Erestor exclaimed softly. "Why on Arda would you want to discuss his
lordship with me?"

"Because it has something to do with you, my friend," Elrond said with a sly smile,
putting emphasis on friend. "Surely you must have noticed, Erestor."

"Noticed 'what'?" Erestor said, raising a perfect, black eyebrow.

"Do not tell me you are that dense when it comes to matters of the heart, my friend!"
Elrond said in a teasing tone.

"What? Glorfindel? No…I…ah…" Erestor's voice trailed off. He 'had' noticed, but had
dismissed the thought, and so he kept it to his own nightly fantasies.

"Come now, Erestor, you were the first one to warn us of the impending inflation in the
value of the mortals' gold, the first one to foresee the devastating draught's effect on
the Mirkwood trading routes… now do not tell me you have not noticed that Glorfindel is
trying to befriend you."

"My lord" Erestor tried. "I cannot see what these things have in common, and I assure
you that I have not had, and will never have any lover's interest in Lord Glorfindel."

Elrond got up from his chair, and started to pace the floor. "Forgive me, my friend. I
am aware that it is not my place to speak of these things," he stopped right in front of
the baffled advisor, "but I do believe it is time for you to move on."

Erestor looked away from the ruler of Rivendell. "I am still bound. There is no need for
this discussion at all, my friend," he said, sounding chillier than he had intended. But
Elrond knew this, and had even known his mate, how could be possibly be suggesting what
he did?

"I know, Erestor," Elrond said and reached out to grip the desk, leaning against it on
his left arm, looking at Erestor in the chair, "but he is no longer alive, and you are
free from your vows."

"You don't know that!" Erestor barked, not even thinking of how he was sounding. "His
body was never recovered from the battlefield! I had an empty pyre for my mate. You were
there, and you know this to be true! I am still bound to him."

"Calm down Erestor, It was never my intention to slight your loss," Elrond said in a
soothing voice. "All I was saying was that Arato has been considered dead and gone for
decades, and yet you have not taken another lover." Elrond lay his free hand on
Erestor's shoulder. "Your period of mourning is long done."

Erestor turned his hand, tracing the fine scar in his palm with his fingertips. "I made
an oath, I bound myself to him, until the death," he smiled to himself, "be it his death
or mine."

"Dear, dear Erestor," Elrond said softly, squeezing his cherished advisor's shoulder
gently, "no one expects you to uphold such an oath when your mate is no longer on Arda."

"I made an oath, Elrond," Erestor said in a small voice.

"Erestor, you are dear friend of mine, you stood by my side when my brother died, and
yet again when my wife deci
attraction in Glorfindel's eyes?"

"Aye," Erestor whispered, still mesmerised by his own scar.

Elrond knew his battle was lost, but he continued on relentlessly. "Do you not see his
body language yearning for your presence?" he asked.

Erestor's mouth became a fine line, as he bit back, "You have not taken a mate since
Lady Celebrian left either."

"True," Elrond confessed. 

"Now if you will forgive me, my lord Elrond, I must attend to my duties," Erestor said
with a stern voice, and stood up from his chair.

"But of course, my friend," Elrond said, holding back an annoyed groan. Why did he not
get trough to his stubborn advisor? He did not have to be alone anymore, company was
there, right under his nose, and he saw that and yet refused to act upon it. Elrond
looked after Erestor as he walked out of the study with long angry strides. He knew how
lonely he must be feeling inside, and didn't understand why he lashed out at anyone who
tried to get close to him.

Erestor did not return to his duties; instead, he retreated to the library and closed
the door. He sat down on the large divan located in the middle of the room, and sighed.
Why had Elrond asked him something like 'that'? Truth be told, he had noticed
Glorfindel's subtle advances. But he just had to decline; he just 'had' to. Yes, it was
true, just as he had told Elrond, he was still bound, but Arato was not just anyone, he
was Glorfindel's elder brother! Elrond knew this, and yet he had urged him to accept the
golden-haired elf. Erestor closed his eyes and remembered the damned bonding ceremony.
He remembered he had stood there next to Arato. Back then his husband to come had been a
stunning elf, beautiful and valiant. And Glorfindel? Had he even been there? Yes, yes he
had. Standing next to Ecthelion, he had been there. Had he harboured those feelings for
Erestor back then? He knew that Ecthelion had been saddened that he was never able to
catch the golden lord's attention long enough to speak words of love. By Eru! What if it
had always been there and he had never noticed?

The sun had set before Glorfindel came into the library, searching for Erestor. He
smiled when he saw the advisor sleeping on the divan. He squatted down next to the
raven-haired beauty and shook his shoulder lightly. "Erestor?" he whispered, "you should
not sleep here."

Erestor slowly opened his eyes and looked up at those same merry blue eyes that haunted
his dreams at night. Though now they were filled with worry. "Oh," Erestor murmured and
slowly move to sit up. "I was not aware that I had fallen asleep here."

"You look tired, my friend," Glorfindel said softly, as he sat down next to the dark-
haired advisor. "Did you not sleep well last night?" he asked. But upon seeing the
advisor's somewhat annoyed expression, he quickly added, "Forgive me, I did not intend
to pry. It is really none of my business."

Erestor sighed and shook his head, running a hand over his sleep tussled hair. "No, you
are right, I did not sleep well last night."

Glorfindel smiled gently. "Are you hungry?" he asked. "I take it that you are, since you
missed supper." 

"I missed supper? Oh my," the raven-haired elf whispered.

"I didn't get supper either, and I know the kitchen maid set some aside for me, and for
all I know for you as well. So will you join me for a late supper, my friend?" the
golden elf said with a warm smile. He looked at Erestor and his disarranged state, and
he thought it was the most erotic sight he had seen in a long time. "Come on, say yes."

Erestor nodded slowly and rose to his feet. "Yes, let us hope she put a lot a side, for
I am hungry like a wolf," he said with an embarrassed smile.

And food in abundance there was, more than enough for the both of them. Glorfindel had
had this brilliant idea of bringing a bottle of Elrond's wine for them to share. And
Erestor couldn't help but feel that sitting here in the kitchen, eating, joking and
drinking wine in the dim light from a candelabra, took thousands of years from them
both. This reminded him of home, and had Ecthelion come barging through the door, he
would not have been surprised one bit.

"Erestor?" Glorfindel said with a strangely serious tone, "did you just get this deja-vu
feeling as well? Like we did this before?"

Erestor smiled and nodded. "And we have, my friend," he finally whispered, before taking
a large gulp of his wine.

Glorfindel tilted his head somewhat and looked at Erestor. "Do you… Do you really think
he is dead?" he suddenly asked.

The dark-haired elf paled at these words, but after a time he nodded. "Yes, I think he
is dead," he finally whispered, somewhat afraid that uttering his name would bring upon
them an angry ghost from the past.

"Erestor?" Glorfindel whispered back, "Is this perhaps the reason that we never became
friends again?" The blond blushed and looked away, very unlike his character. "Like we
used to be, remember?"

"Yes, I remember," Erestor said softly as he reached to fill their glasses yet again,
having the feeling that this discussion needed wine. "And perhaps it is, I do not know.
Maybe we just got older."

Glorfindel nodded and took a sip of the clear fluid. "Perhaps," he repeated. 

"Do you remember when we did this the last time?" Erestor suddenly said. "I do not know
how much of your memory is intact from your time in Mandos."

"Yes, I remember," Glorfindel whispered and smiled. "It was a thunderstorm, and Arato
was out on patrol, when Ecthelion's personal guard came here and told us that there had
been some obstacle on the road, what and why he didn't know. And we sat in the kitchen
having honey tea and bread with raisins in it, like two frightened maidens."

"Exactly!" Erestor chuckled.

"But they were all right," Glorfindel said, "and he returned home at daybreak."

"That he did," Erestor murmured, looking at Glorfindel to see if he also remembered that
Erestor had been dragged out of the kitchen by his hair, and no one had reacted. Erestor
remembered that Glorfindel had just turned his head and looked away. But if the golden-
haired elf remembered, he didn't show it.

Glorfindel wanted to ask Erestor if he perhaps held any resentment that he had not been
able to keep his brother safe under that last battle they had fought together. He wanted
to ask if it was because Arato was lost there in the piles of dead bodies, and that was
the reason that they had never become as close again as they used to be. But he didn't
ask, instead he raised his glass to a toast "to my brother, the valiant," he said
smiling.

A taste of bile rose in Erestor's mouth, but he kept it back and smiled. "To Arato," he
said and toasted with Glorfindel.

When the wine was gone, and they both felt a warm drowsy buzz, from both the food and
the wine, Erestor rose from the table. "My friend, we have a long day tomorrow, and I
need rest. I suggest you do the same."

The golden elf nodded and stood up also. "Dance with me tomorrow," Glorfindel said and
smiled a brilliant self-assured smile, fueled by the nice conversation and alcohol.

"Say what?" Erestor said and turned to look at Glorfindel's goofy grin. "I could have
sworn you asked me to dance."

"And I did, tomorrow." Glorfindel said. "Will you?" 

Erestor shook his head, amused ."I promised a dance to our little princeling Elladan
too.

"But you don't have to dance with him the whole night," Glorfindel said in a slightly
whining tone, that annoyed even himself.

"No, that I don't," the dark beauty said. "Yes, I shall dance a dance with you, my
friend, though I am afraid I am not dancer anymore."

"Don't worry about it, it is like riding a horse," Glorfindel grinned.

"Very well then, I promise to step on your toes, come tomorrow evening," Erestor said
with a smile.

"Wonderful!"

And with that Erestor let the heavy wooden door slam shut behind
 
 
 
AN: Alright, I was made aware that it was not Bone Faunas binding ceremony theory, but a
spin off, off Ilye's – so credit should go to her, id still want to credit both, for no
other reason than I want to. – and again, this is made for my girl EJ, I really hope you
like it.
_____________________________________

Thank you for holding me 
And saying "I could be" 
Thank you for saying, "Baby" 
Thank you for holding me
Thank you for breaking my heart 
Thank you for tearing me apart 
Now I've a strong, strong heart 
Thank you for breaking my heart

Sinéad O'Connor - Thank you for hearing me 

_______________________________

Chapter 3 - Thank you for staying with me.


Erestor sat down on a bench; he had danced more and had more fun than he remembered
having in years. Elladan had turned out to be quite the dancer, and it had actually been
with a little bit of jealousy that he had handed Elladan on to another elf. Now as he
sat there and 
watched the elder son of Elrond dance, he could see why, even if he would always feel in
his heart that Elrond's children was but wee ones, that was not the case, not anymore.
Elladan was every bit grown up; his brain had just not registered it yet. Erestor had to
hide his wide grin; this was a most wonderful time of one's life, and he couldn't help
but be a little bit envious of the twins, who were just about to discover the world for
real. 

"Erestor?" a voice said, shaking the advisor from his musings.

"Yes, I am sorry," he said, turning to see Elrond with two cups in his hands. He handed
Erestor one and sat down next to him on the bench. "Why are you not out dancing, my
lord?"

Elrond chuckled, and smiled brightly. "I am not much of a dancer." He crooked his head
and looked at Elladan and the elf who danced together. "Not like my son, I am afraid, he
must have gotten that gene from his mother," the elf lord jested. 

Erestor smiled. "Yes, I have to admit that young Elladan proved to be quite the
dancer." 

"So are you," Elrond said with a smug smile.
 
"But, thank you," Erestor said, taking a sip of his warm wine. "'Tis is a wonderful
feast."

"As always," Elrond mused. 
 
"Yes, as always" Erestor repeated and looked up, and to his slightly annoyance he found
himself searching the crowd for one single golden haired elf. 

"He is over there" Elrond said and nodded in the direction of the large table filled
with food and drink.

Erestor would have loved to give some snappy comeback, but instead he just looked in the
direction that Elrond nodded, and there he was, Glorfindel. He was discussing something
with Elrond's assistant, and from the look of it the poor young assistant seemed quite
taken with the golden lord. 

"You'd better hurry, my friend," Elrond whispered.

"Excuse me?" Erestor whispered back. 

"They seem to get along just fine, those two," Elrond said with a little lecturing
voice. "You wouldn't want to see him dance with Glorfindel, would you?"

If it was the wine, or if it was this strange magic moment, Erestor didn't know, but he
opened his mouth to answer Elrond, when the young elf toasted with Glorfindel, and
Erestor clearly saw those deep blue eyes smile at the young elf over the brim of the
cup. "What harm could come from that?" he said, trying not to wring his hands in his
lap, from frustration. Elrond was right, he couldn't stand it. He didn't like to watch
Glorfindel flirt with that other elf at all. "Hmmm," Elrond said looking thoughtful. "He
is a handsome, and might I add young, elf." 

"Do you really take Glorfindel to be that shallow?" Erestor groaned and took a sip from
his cup. He knew how stupid that sounded to his own ears. Of course Elrond took
Glorfindel to be that shallow, he himself took Glorfindel to be that shallow. Elrond
didn't even answer, he just smiled. "Your drink, my friend," he just said.

At first Erestor didn't understand what he meant, but then he noticed that he had tilted
his goblet, and now the wine soaked his robe. "Ai!" he exclaimed and stood up. He
started to try and brush the liquid off, to no avail, and Elrond seemed to find this
highly amusing. 

"Why don't you just go over there, Erestor?" he said as he handed his advisor his own
goblet of wine.

"Because, because…" Erestor stated childishly, and then smiled as he shook his head,
amused at his own reaction. He sounded even younger than young Elladan. "Erestor,"
Elrond said in a parental chiding tone. And nodded towards the couple at the end of the
buffet 
table.

"All right," Erestor sighed and sent Elrond a strange look. Oddly, this was causing
butterflies to rise in his stomach, anticipation mingled with fear, and he felt his
mouth go dry and the gentle buzz the alcohol had given him seemed almost too much. He
bit his lip and looked like he was 1000 years younger than he was. "But what if he
doesn't want me to interfere?" he asked. 

"I thought we already discussed this, Erestor," Elrond said. "Of course he wants you to
go over there." He reached out towards his advisor, and grabbed his hand. "Listen,
Erestor, he might be many years younger than you, but there is only one you, and I know
how 
difficult this is for you, but as your friend, I tell you that you should go and mingle,
now or never."

Erestor just stood there and listened and in the end he nodded. "I shall take your
advice," he whispered and smiled at Elrond, as he squeezed his hand, before he gulped
down the rest of the wine in the goblet that had been Elrond's own a few minutes ago.
And then he let go of the lord of Imladris and slowly walked over towards the couple at
the end of the table. For a minute he wondered if he should just pretend to gather
something to eat, or get himself a new drink. But that would just be too pathetic, for
he knew why he was there. He couldn't stand that his assistant was chatting up
Glorfindel. But the reason why he couldn't stand that scared him; he didn't feel
anything for Glorfindel, did he? Maybe he did. And that was the hardest thing he had had
to admit.

He ‘did' get himself yet another drink before he ventured further down to the couple; he
cleared his throat and waited.

"Erestor!" Glorfindel exclaimed and smiled a bright happy smile. "I never thought your
dance with young master Elladan would end, and that I would get too drunk to even dance
as I promised." 

Erestor smiled back. "Oh, he soon tired of me stepping on his toes," the dark-haired elf
chuckled. 

"I doubt that was the case, my friend," Glorfindel said with a smug grin, as he looked
over Erestor's shoulder, seeing Elladan dancing with a third elf. "He seems to be quite
the popular dance partner this eve," Glorfindel murmured to himself.

Erestor chose to not answer to this and just sipped his drink and nodded at his
assistant "Good evening, enjoying yourself?" he said with a polite smile. And the
assistant just nodded and smiled politely back.

"Come, Erestor," Glorfindel said. "Yesterday you promised me a dance, and I intend to
hold you to that promise." Erestor smiled, and Glorfindel smiled back. He had noticed
the rather cold air between the advisor and the apprentice, and he had in his slightly
drunk, teasing mood, felt like letting Erestor squirm some, before dragging off with him
to dance. This dance that Erestor had promised him, had been the sole reason that he had
even come to this party.

Erestor hid his little triumphant smile as Glorfindel dragged off with him, and they
mingled among the dancers, and as Glorfindel grabbed Erestor's hand and waist, the dark
advisor was surprised for a moment over the warm smooth hands. How could Glorfindel's
hands be smooth? They should be rough from all that fighting and what not. Maybe that
had happened in Mandos? Maybe Mandos 
had given Glorfindel back his infinite self? And who was he to argue? But as Glorfindel
suddenly twirled him about to the music all thoughts of that kind fled Erestor's mind. 

As they danced, Erestor faintly noticed that Glorfindel's hands rested on his hips. He
knew he should object, but he didn't. He just looked up, and looked directly into
Glorfindel's smiling eyes, and for a second Erestor wished things were different. He
wished that he could turn back time to way before that damnable day of his bonding in
Gondolin. Why had it not been these smiling eyes he had met? Erestor felt himself blush
slightly under Glorfindel's gaze, and he watched the golden-haired elf smile even wider.
_________________

The dance was over, and most elves had retired, but in the shadows were two figures
still standing. Erestor and Glorfindel. Erestor had long ago taken his hand back, and he
found that he was a little sad that he had. It had felt nice to hold Glorfindel's hand.
It felt right, and made him tingle inside, in the strangest way, something he had not
had happen to him since he was just of age. It tasted of things to come. 
"Erestor?" Glorfindel said, as he emptied the last goblet of the party. "May I walk you
to your chamber?"

Erestor smiled a crooked little smile and nodded. He crossed his arms over his chest in
lack of somewhere else to put them, but at the last second he became aware of how his
body language must seem, and he let his arms fall to each side again. 

They walked side-by-side towards the house. "I really enjoyed this feast," Glorfindel
whispered as they made their way into the main hall.

"So did I," Erestor answered and turned up the large spiral staircase. "You are quite
the dancer, Glorfindel."

"Oh, but so are you," Glorfindel hurried to say, and patted the other elf's shoulder in
camaraderie. What he really wanted to do was to slip that arm around the dark haired
elf's shoulder and hold him tightly as they walked on. Just to walk such a way with
Erestor would make him happy. But now was not the time, it seemed, and Glorfindel, who
had given up all hope of ever courting his hearts desire, suddenly felt more bold. He
smiled to himself as they reached Erestor's door. They both stopped and Erestor turned
to face Glorfindel. "I am glad I came," he said softly. "I really enjoyed myself."

"I found you to be really pleasant company as well, Erestor," Glorfindel murmured. And
as Erestor turned to open his door, Glorfindel moved closer, and when Erestor's door
squeaked open, and the dark-haired elf turned around again to look at him, he grabbed
his heart's desire with a hand on each side of his face, and kissed him. 

Erestor felt the soft lips on his, and instead of pushing Glorfindel away, he raised a
hand and rested it on Glorfindel's hand on his cheek. He tasted of wine and something
Erestor couldn't put his finger on, something that was uniquely Glorfindel. 

Glorfindel had hoped this kiss would never end; it was even sweeter than he had ever
imagined. For so long he had fantasized about what those full lips would taste like,
what Erestor would feel like against him. And now he knew, but it was not enough! He
wanted more. He 
wanted!... Slowly and reluctantly Glorfindel let go of the dark-haired advisor. His eyes
sought out Erestor's and found them worried. Oh no, he had gone too far, but he had
thought that Erestor had wanted this as well, he really had. "Forgive me," Glorfindel
whispered.

"You're forgiven" Erestor whispered back, as he stropped backwards into his room. Oh, he
needed to think about this. He didn't know what to make of it, what to think or feel.
"Good night, Lord Glorfindel," he whispered as he slowly closed the door. 

Lord Glorfindel?? The Balrog slayer dropped his head and pulled his hands up in his
sleeves, just standing in front of Erestor's door. "Good night, Chief Advisor Erestor,"
he whispered as he turned from Erestor's door and left for his own chambers. 
___________________
The next day after breakfast, Elrond had announced that he wanted Glorfindel and Erestor
to come to his office after the meal. Both elves were curious to what could be such
urgency that it could not wait until everything from the party had been taken care of.
Both elves walked to Elrond's study in silence. But just before they reached the door
Erestor finally broke the ice. "I am sure it is nothing really serious," he whispered to
Glorfindel.
 
"I pray you are right," Glorfindel whispered back, and smiled a little nervously. He
didn't quite know what to do or say. Should he just blame the amount of alcohol he
consumed? Or should he just admit the truth, that he had wanted to kiss Erestor for
years and years?

Elrond looked at them both and gestured for them to sit. "I imagine you're wondering why
I called you here." Both elves looked at their lord with equally confused faces, and
Elrond continued. "Something has happened, and I must express my utmost apologies to you
both. I should never have meddled like I did. I hope you both forgive me."

"My lord?" Erestor said with a slightly nervous tone, very unlike him.

"This came for you," Elrond said, "along with one for me." He handed Erestor a parcel
with a seal on it. "Oh," Erestor gasped. "Oh!" 

"What is it?" Glorfindel asked, looking at Erestor as he paled, and Elrond who handed
his friend a glass of water.
 
"This is... it is…" Erestor whispered and looked at Elrond and then at Glorfindel, with
eyes full of confusion and what Glorfindel could only interpret as sorrow. "It is the
seal of the hours of the golden flower." 

"Arato?" Glorfindel gasped and looked up at Elrond, and as Elrond nodded, Glorfindel
felt as if his heart clouded over. What had he done? He had assumed his brother dead,
and pursued his husband with a lover's interest. "But wh-why did he wait so lo-long?"
the golden haired elf stuttered.

Erestor had opened the seal and was reading. He felt his skin crawl as he saw the
hastily written note. It was Arato, all right; he even recognized the handwriting.
"Alive," Erestor whispered. "He is alive, and on his way." 

Glorfindel let out a breath he didn't even know he had been holding. "When will he be
here?" he whispered, not meeting Erestor's eyes.
 
"Soon" Elrond said, looking at the two elves in front of him, feeling terribly guilty
that he had even suggested that Arato had been dead. But who would have thought that he
would show up after so long a time? No one. "I must take care of something," Elrond
said, knowing how stupid it sounded, but he wanted to give the two of them some privacy.
And as Erestor nodded faintly, Elrond quickly left his office, leaving Glorfindel,
Erestor and that damned letter behind the closed door.

"Erestor?" Glorfindel whispered. Erestor looked up from the letter and looked at
Glorfindel with large frightened eyes, and for a second something prodded Glorfindel's
memory, but he couldn't put his finger on it, so he just continued. "I hope you will
forgive me for… for..." he paused for a second and searched his brain for the right
word, but he didn't find it, and all that came to his mind was, "I… I thought he was
gone." 

"You are forgiven." Erestor whispered and then slowly stood up. "Promise me something,
Glorfindel, my friend," he said softly but with a desperate edge to it.

"Anything," Glorfindel said and reached up for Erestor's hand, but the advisor moved
backwards and Glorfindel's hand missed its target and he let it fall idly to his lap
again. 

"Never mention yesterday again," he whispered.

 "I promise." 

"Thank you," Erestor said and turned to leave, but then he suddenly stopped and turned
halfway to the door "Will you come greet him with me?" 

"Yes, if you wish me to," Glorfindel answered, turning in his chair to face Erestor. 

"I do," the advisor said. He wanted to say a million other things, but he stopped
himself, and just nodded to Glorfindel as he left the room. Who could have thought that
Arato was still alive? He had known, hadn't he? Somewhere deep inside he knew that the
devil was alive, and now he was coming here for him, in what he had thought his
sanctuary for thousands of years.
 

No one should fear what they cannot see, 
And no ones to blame it's just hypocrisy, 
It's written in your eyes, 
And how I despise myself.
But you can't deny how I feel, 
And you can't decide for me.
And it's your heart, 
That's so wrong, 
Mistaken, 
You'll never know, 
Your feathered sacred self.

Portishead - Elysium 
________________________

Chapter 4. - If you felt as I do, would you betray yourself?


Sitting in the garden, looking at some flowers, Glorfindel looked almost as if he
expected the flowers to suddenly get up and dance, or the like. Elladan had noticed him
sitting there for hours, looking lost to himself. Elladan had been busy carrying out his
duties and some extra work due to Arato's arrival today. But now he had a moment, and
slowly walked over to sit at Glorfindel's side.

He gently touched his teacher's shoulder. "Glorfindel?" he said softly. "Is something
wrong? You don't seem happy."

Glorfindel looked up at Elladan and smiled sadly. "I am just a little lost," he
admitted.

"Of course," Elladan said with a nod. "He is your brother, so it's only natural that you
are a bit beside yourself… I know if I had not seen Elrohir for so many years, and I had
thought him dead, only for him to re-emerge suddenly, I would feel lost, and my soul in
chaos."

Glorfindel nodded, he really didn't want to bring the Erestor issue up; this only
complicated matters, but Elladan was right, he was troubled by the return of Arato. What
if he were not the elf he remembered? He opened his mouth and was about to say something
when he heard a horn. He was here, already? Elladan got up from his seat and dragged
Glorfindel with him.

"Come now, you won't let your brother wait, will you?" he said softly and gently guided
Glorfindel back to the house with a hand on his shoulder. 
____________________

Glorfindel stood on the shallow stairs of the courtyard, watching as the single horse
slowly trotted in. He looked over at Elrond who, just smiled and nodded. Glorfindel
wrung his hands, not sure what to say or do. He couldn't really remember being this
nervous before, not even when he had arrived here to start a new life, when he had had
to face an entire new household and an entirely new world. He looked up, only to see the
blond elf jump off the large black horse. The elf smiled and the elda felt his heart
melt. Yes, this was his brother, he remembered those dimples and those impossibly blue
eyes. As if he were hypnotised, he walked over to his brother. "Arato," he whispered.

"Glorfindel," Arato said softly, "brother, finally I find you," and with that he grabbed
Glorfindel's arm and hauled him in for an embrace.
Glorfindel let out a shaky breath, trying his hardest not to cry. "I thought you
perished," he mumbled into his brother's thick hair. "And I thought you dwelled in the
halls of Mandos as well," Arato whispered back and then he pulled from the embrace and
held Glorfindel 
out in stretched arms, looking him over with a big smile. "My brother, the seneschal of
Rivendell, who would have thought?" he said with 
adoration in his voice. "My scrawny little brother, a war hero and a praised
strategist."

Glorfindel blushed a little. "Thank you," he whispered, beaming under his brother's
loving words. Looking to his left he saw Elrond descend the stairs also, smiling at
them. Elrond welcomed Arato and told him that he was welcome to stay for as long as he
pleased, and 
that he hoped he would like it in this valley.

Arato looked back to Glorfindel and said with a cocky smile, "Where is my sweet husband?
I was told that Erestor was here, in this household."

Glorfindel stepped to the side, and behind him stood Elladan and Elrohir with Erestor,
who to Glorfindel looked even more nervous than he.

"There you are, my love," Arato said and held out his arms, inviting Erestor over for an
embrace. Erestor moved slowly to his husband's arms, and was whirled around when Arato's
arms closed around him. "Erestor, Erestor, Erestor, I missed you terribly," he laughed
softly and kissed the dark-haired elf on the lips.

Erestor blushed and whispered, "And I, you." 

"I trust my brother took good care of you in my absence?" the golden haired elf
whispered.

"He did," Erestor whispered back and rested his head on Arato's shoulder, closing his
eyes.

When they were done hugging, he greeted the sons of Elrond as well, and the rest of
Elrond's advisors, before he and Erestor walked into the house to go and get acquainted
with his new suite of rooms, Erestor's rooms. Glorfindel watched as the pair walked
away, and kept staring at the door from the courtyard as it closed shut behind them.
"Glorfindel?" Elrond said softly resting his hand on his friends shoulder, "I know how
you feel," he whispered.

Glorfindel looked up at his lord and friend. "You do? For I do not know how I feel
myself," he admitted.

"I am truly sorry for my poor advise regarding Erestor. I could not possibly have known
that his husband would show up, even if that someone is your own brother," Elrond said
as sadness flashed in his steel grey eyes.

"I know, mellon," Glorfindel whispered. "Don't worry, Elrond." The blond looked up at
the lord of Imladris and smiled a sad little smile. "I won't embarrass you."

"Oh no, I know you won't, Glorfindel, and I would never worry about that," Elrond said
and wrapped his arm around Glorfindel's waist. "But I 'do' worry about you."

Glorfindel smiled and let Elrond lead him back into the house. 
________________

That night Glorfindel stood in his balcony door and watched the little cobblestone yard
under his balcony. The little fountain spurted water with continuous soothing sound, and
the chickadees made noise further away. The warm breezed lifted tiny strands of the
Balrog slayer's hair. This was a night like any other night in the last homely house,
except that the house had gained a new inhabitant. Glorfindel let his gaze wander from
the fountain to Erestor's windows that were directly opposite his. He took a sip of his
tea and sighed. He didn't understand, never had he taken a mate, neither male nor
female. He had been holding out for someone special, someone to make him forget time and
place, someone that could make his world turn. But that special someone had never come
along. Not in Gondolin, and not here either. For a second he had almost believed that
Erestor could be that one, the one he would lose his heart to, but fate had had other
plans. He was happy to see Arato, yes. But... Glorfindel closed his eyes for a second
and then opened them again, looking at Erestor's rooms.

He could see Arato sleeping on his back naked in the beautifully carved bed, and
Erestor. He was sitting and looking at something, squatted on the floor. Glorfindel knew
that the fireplace was placed there from the times he had been in the advisor's rooms.
Erestor looked thoughtful, running his finger absentmindedly over the rim of a glass of
something Glorfindel couldn't make out. Over and over again Erestor ran his finger,
making a crisp little noise.

Glorfindel couldn't help but to notice Erestor's naked form. He was much more fragile
boned than he had thought. Skinny was the thought 
that came to Glorfindel's mind.

What he wouldn't give to be the one on his back in Erestor's bed, sleeping like a baby,
he thought to himself. Quickly finishing his tea, 
he silently chided himself for that thought alone. Erestor was bound to his brother, not
some strange elf, no, his own brother! What was he 
thinking? Committing adultery against his own brother? He was about to close the balcony
door when he had to look out at Erestor once 
more. Now he could see that the elf was whispering to himself. Glorfindel shook his head
as he closed the door, and blowing out the candle, he walked to his bed. Whatever ailed
Erestor, was none of his business, and whatever happened, he would not put his lord to
shame and meddle.
 

AN:, An extra long chapter – Happy Birthday EJ!!! *throws party* - Betaed by; Lisbet. 
_________________
You only see what your eyes want to see 
How can life be what you want it to be 
You're frozen 
When your heart's not open 
You're so consumed with how much you get 
You waste your time with hate and regret 
You're broken 
When your heart's not open 
Now there's no point in placing the blame and you should know I suffer the same 
If I lose you 
My heart will be broken 

Madonna  frozen 
_____________________ 

chapter 5 - Love is a bird, she needs to fly

( 2 years later) 

Glorfindel stood in the kitchen, placing food on a tray.  Absentmindedly, he knocked
over the glass of milk, and an annoyed sigh slipped past his lips.  Fine way to start a
day, he thought to himself.  There was a slim chance that this would actually work, if
only he didn't pour the food all over himself.  He started to pour a new glass of milk
just as Figwit opened the door to the kitchen.  Glorfindel fumbled but managed to save
the glass from falling to the floor. 

"Oh, I didn't know you were here, lord Glorfindel," the small advisor said and smiled.
"Might I ask who you are making that lovely tray for?" 

Glorfindel laughed.  "Good morning to you too, Figwit," he said, as he placed the glass
on the tray, and turned to face the other elf.  "It is for Erestor." 

"Really?"  Figwit's eyes went impossibly big.  "But.." 

"My dear Figwit," Glorfindel answered with a sweet smile, "he is the spouse of my
brother, there is nothing more to it, than I would like for him to join me for
breakfast." 

"It 'has' been a while since I saw him at the breakfast table," Figwit said
thoughtfully. 

"I know," Glorfindel responded.  Actually no one had really 'seen' Erestor for as long
as Arato had been in Rivendell.  Glorfindel understood that Erestor was somewhat
avoiding him, but he had also distanced himself from Elrond and the twins.  And now
Glorfindel was worried to say the least, and just maybe he could get the elusive elf to
talk if he just pushed his own presence.  As he knocked on the door, some of his
previous bravery disappeared, but he put on a determined expression, and knocked harder.
"Erestor?" he called.  

Erestor stood with his back to the door on the other side.  He didn't want Glorfindel to
come in, and he didn't want to see anybody at all.  He vaguely shook his head as
Glorfindel kept calling for him. 

 "I know you are in there, Erestor.  Please answer me." 

"No," Erestor finally croaked.  "I am not dressed yet," he lied. 

"I have breakfast for you and Arato.  But you need to open the door, my friend,"
Glorfindel said with a silky smooth voice, hoping to trick the elusive elf into opening
the door.  As Erestor's clammy hands fiddled with the lock on the door, the dark-haired
elf wondered what on earth possessed him to even open the door.  The door squeaked on
its hinges, and slowly opened, and Glorfindel knew he had to be quick.  He pushed
himself half inside the room. 

"Erestor," he said with a happy smile, "good morning!  Look what I brought you." 

Erestor took a step back and looked at the tempting tray of food.  "It indeed looks
delicious, Glorfindel," he admitted.  But then he looked up at the elf.  "Just place it
on the table," he said while gesturing towards a small side table, and he himself made
his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.  His heart thundered madly.  How
he wished that the golden-haired elf would be gone, as if by magic when he opened the
door again.  Didn't he realise how dangerous it was for him to even be here?  Glorfindel
placed the tray where Erestor had asked him to, and sat down on a chair and waited. He
didn't mind that the other elf seemed to take forever in the bathroom, he had time, more
than enough actually.  He couldn't help but wonder about where Arato was; it was early
morning, and his brother really should have been here.  

Erestor came out of the bathroom, but to his disappointment his wish had not been
granted.  Glorfindel was still there, sitting on a chair looking at him with those big
confused and slightly accusing blue eyes.  "Why are you still here?" he said, trying to
sound annoyed, when actually he was only frightened. 

"I figured we could have breakfast together," Glorfindel said softly, but upon seeing
the mortified look on Erestor's face he quickly added, "I see that Arato is not here, so
I thought I would keep you company this fine morn." 

"Oh" Erestor said, not sure what to say.  To dismiss Arato's brother would spell
trouble, but to let him stay would most likely do the same.  "It is very kind of you, to
think of me." 

"There is no need to flatter me so," Glorfindel said with a warm smile.  "All I want is
to share this tray of food with you."  He picked up the tray and placed it on the little
round dining table next to the balcony.  "Like we used to do, remember?"  Oh, this was a
sneaky trick, he knew.  But he had to get through to the other elf somehow.  And it
apparently worked.  Erestor sat down opposite him, and reached out for some food.  

Looking at the normally stunningly beautiful elf, Glorfindel frowned.  "Erestor? May I
ask you something?" he said softly. 

"Like what?" Erestor said, and looked up at Glorfindel.  Studying Erestor, Glorfindel
was sure in his assumption, the dark-haired elf had been crying recently.  His eyes were
all puffy and red, and the grace that normally surrounded this magnificent elf was gone.
He seemed animated and flat. 

"Are you happy, Erestor?" 

"Ha-Happy?" Erestor whispered, and shot Glorfindel a pleading look.  "But of course I am
happy.  My beloved Arato has returned to me." 

"I see," Glorfindel said with a smile. "I just wanted to make sure.  We used to be
friends, you know… Before…"  He took a deep breath.  "Before all this." 

Erestor nodded and when silence returned to the room, he pushed his loose hair behind
his ears, and Glorfindel's eyes squinted, noting large bruises along the slender pale
neck. But he wisely decided not to comment on it now. 

---- 

Erestor and Glorfindel had finished their meal in a rather uncomfortable silence. And
right after he had left his brother's chambers, Glorfindel went straight to Elrond's
office. Elrond looked up from his papers, and smiled a welcome at the Balrog slayer.
"Glorfindel, what a nice surprise, what brings you here this fine morn?" 

"Erestor, my lord," Glorfindel said as he closed the door. "I need to speak with you.
Our dear friend has me worried." 

"After the terrible advice I gave you the last time, you still seek my council?" Elrond
said, a little puzzled. 

"You couldn't have possibly known that it would turn out like that. What were the
odds?" Glorfindel said and offered a friendly smile. "I had breakfast with Erestor this
morning, and I saw disturbing marks on his skin." Glorfindel avoided Elrond's surprised
expression. "I am not accusing anybody," he added quickly, "but I would be much more
relaxed if you would take a look at it." 

Elrond rested his chin on his fingertips and looked deep in thought. "All right, I have
never known you to be one to see ghosts, so I shall go see Erestor later, if it will
ease your mind, my friend." 

"Thank you," Glorfindel said and nodded to his lord. "I will come back tomorrow, then."
"You do that, Glorfindel," Elrond said.

 --------------- 

Later that evening when Elrond knocked at the door of Arato and Erestor's chambers,
Erestor opened the door, and Elrond walked inside. 

"My lord," Erestor said with a surprised tone. 

"Erestor," Elrond said and rested a hand on his counsellor's shoulder. 

Arato looked up from his book, and let the pipe slip from his lips. "My lord Elrond,
what brings you here this evening, is something amiss?" he asked calmly. 

"Nay, Arato, I am only here to steal away your husband for a little while. I need to
discuss something with him that cannot wait till the morning," Elrond said, feeling
Erestor tense under his grip. 

"Oh," Arato said as if he understood. 

"Erestor, come along, let us go to the office," Elrond said and firmly guided the elf
out the door. They walked along the corridor and into Elrond's office. 

Erestor looked confused at the lack of papers everywhere. "What is the emergency, my
lord?" 

"No emergency," Elrond said and locked the door behind them. "Please sit down, Erestor,
and let me explain this late night abduction." 

Erestor sat down with his hands in his lap and looked up at Elrond, who started to pace
the room. 

"You see, Erestor, Glorfindel came to me today with the most incredible story, but never
the less, I promised him to take a look at you. And this is the reason why I brought you
here." 

Erestor paled. "Story? What story?" 

"About your bruises on your skin," Elrond answered. "Glorfindel claimed it looked like
marks from fighting, and I honestly cannot understand why he would claim such a thing,
but never the less, I intend to put his mind at ease." 

The lord of Imladris looked down at Erestor. "So, strip." 

"Excuse me?" Erestor croaked. 

"Forgive me, I really meant it in the most professional way" Elrond smiled a fatherly
smile and said, "please remove your clothing and let me examine your skin, Erestor." 
"N-No" Erestor said, "I refuse, that Glorfindel sees things is none of my business." 

"Then there is really no harm in letting me examine you, now is there?" Elrond said with
a sly smile. 

"I..I.." Erestor stuttered, but in the end he started to unbutton his robe, and stood up
in all his naked glory. "You win," he whispered. Ignoring the vision that met him,
Elrond let his hands probe the skin, and wincing every time Erestor yelped when he
pushed a sore spot. 

"Enough," Elrond whispered. "Put your clothes back on." 

And as the advisor pulled his robe up again and started to button it, Elrond walked over
to his desk, visibly disturbed by his findings. "Do you mind explaining this to me?" he
said softly. 

"The bruises?" Erestor whispered, knowing that this had to be what Elrond meant.

"Aye." 

"Arato and I…enjoy playing," Erestor said with a little weak blush. "This is why I did
not want you to see this, and why I do not think Glorfindel should jump to conclusions.
The golden lord assumes too much. This is but a case of me and my husband enjoying to
play master and servant in our bed." Erestor knew he was lying through his teeth, but he
had no choice really. 

"Oh" Elrond said, and now it was his time to blush. "I never intended to meddle in your
marital affairs." 

"I had hoped I could avoid this rather awkward situation," Erestor said. "Now do you
need me for more? Or can I return to my chambers?" 

"Oh, you can leave," Elrond said and gestured towards the door. "And Erestor? I am sorry
for all of this." 

"Don't think about it," Erestor said with a cocky smile as he left.  All the way back to
his chambers, Erestor's mind raced. Glorfindel had noticed, and he had actually gone to
Elrond. How should he really feel about this? A part of him was glad that the golden elf
cared enough to see, but on the other hand he was very upset with him. Why had he
meddled? This could turn out very unpleasant for all, but mostly for him. And when he
opened the door to his chambers, seeing Arato's angry gaze, he knew it was about to get
very unpleasant for him indeed. 

"So?" Arato said, "What did he want?" 

"He just needed my signature for a document," Erestor said, smiling casually. 

"Really?" Arato said with a dangerously softly voice. "Are you lying to me, Erestor?" 

"No!" Erestor said and moved to sit on the armrest of Arato's chair. "You are my beloved
husband, I would never lie to you." 

"Is that so?" Arato said and looked up at Erestor, running his fingers down over the
other elf's cheek and down to the collar of his robe. "Then why is your robe not
buttoned correctly?" 

Erestor tried his hardest not to pale, and smiled reassuringly. "I must have done that
this morning." 

"No," Arato said, "I noted this today. Earlier it was buttoned perfectly, so why is it
crooked now, Erestor 'dear'?" 

"Surely your memory must be playing tricks on you," Erestor said, less convincingly than
before. 

"My memory is absolutely spotless." The golden elf squinted his eyes suspiciously.
"Weren't you a bit eager to follow him?" 

"He is my lord!" Erestor yelped as Arato pushed him off the armrest. "Please, Arato, I
cannot deny my lord my counsel when needed." 

"Or a quickie in his office?" 

"No! Nothing like that!" As Arato stood up, Erestor crawled on his back, crabwise,
across the floor in a futile attempt to get away from his husband. 

"Get on your feet," Arato barked and with a forceful pull yanked Erestor to his feet.
"Why are you always aggravating me? What have I ever done to you, that justifies this
kind of behaviour from your side?" 

Erestor blinked and looked at Arato for the smallest indicator of what he wanted him to
do, anything that could tip him off would help, but to Erestor's horror, Arato only
revealed one thing, distrust. And when the back of his husband's hand made impact, it
really didn't surprise him, nor did the pain that spread, red hot, over his skin.
Erestor spit a little and watched blood drip to the floor between his feet. He guided a
trembling hand to his mouth and ran it across his lips, and when he removed the hand
again it was covered in blood, making Erestor all cross-eyed. 

"Maybe that will teach you not to lie," Arato spat. 

Erestor looked up at Arato wide-eyed, as he slowly backed away from his husband. "This
will show," he said with a voice slurred from his now swollen lip. 

"Silence!" Arato hissed. "Why do you keep forcing me to discipline you like a child?" 

"I.. don't," Erestor breathed. He had wanted to say more, but the second punch came down
harder than the first, and all he could muster was a sound. 

"On your knees, Erestor. You might be a ruthless child inside, but you are still my
mate, so do what you are best at." 

Erestor dropped to his knees with an un-ceremonial thud when his knees hammered
painfully hard against the wooden floor. He would do whatever it took for Arato to stop
being cross with him. With trained fingers he freed his husband's erection, and kissed
the head, keeping his eyes closed. Feeling Arato's fingers curl up in his hair painfully
tight, he knew it was time to move, and he opened his mouth, letting the swollen member
slip past his lips. Erestor rested his hands on Arato's hips, but his hands were quickly
swatted away. 

"Keep them on your back," Erestor heard Arato's voice purr. Purring was good he decided,
and so he knew that at least he was doing something right. But soon Arato started to
thrust inside Erestor's mouth, and all Erestor could do was concentrate on not gagging
too much. He held his hands on the small of his own back, his knuckles white from
squeezing, trying not to lose his balance with nothing to hold on to. Hearing Arato's
breathing speed up, he allowed himself to open his eyes momentarily, before he shut them
tightly again, waiting for what he knew to be inevitable, and when it came he almost
choked, but somehow kept it all inside, clamping his lips down hard, forcing himself to
swallow. He didn't want to anger Arato any more. 

"Erestor," Arato said softly, gently pulling his husband to his feet. Arato leaned in
and kissed Erestor on the forehead. He couldn't help but notice that the dark-haired elf
winced a little, but he just smiled and whispered, "You did very well. Now go and clean
up before you join me in the bed. You are sticky." 

Erestor just nodded as he slowly opened his eyes, looking at Arato. He couldn't believe
he had gotten off that easy. Was this really it? But the satiated look in the blue eyes
of his husband told Erestor that the storm was over.
 

AN:, For those of you who does not read Winterborn, I will repeat what I wrote there, I
didn't dissapear of the face of the internet, but I moved to a house in the contry and
has been without internet. And I closed my smut LJ, should you still want to stay
updated via LJ please look at my regular journal Azmodan76- thanks. –Az
_______________________________

Soft spoken with a broken jaw 
Step outside but not to brawl 
Autumn's sweet we call it fall 
I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl and 
With the birds I'll share 
This lonely view...
Scar tissue that I wish you saw 
Sarcastic mister know it all 
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause 
With the birds I'll share 
With the birds I'll share 
This lonely view 
With the birds I'll share 
This lonely view...

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Scartissue 
_______

Chapter 6  - Scar Tissue

Yuletide. This had always filled Glorfindel with such a melancholy feeling. He loved
this time, and had always done. But he also couldn't seem to forget all the ones he once
shared this with. It was not that he did not love his newfound family, but at the same
time, he missed friends and lovers from long ago. He looked at the painting that
Elrond's children had made for him. It was of Asfaloth, on a field that to Glorfindel
looked suspiciously like the back yard of the stables. A smile crept to his lips as he
thought of how they might have managed this picture.. In particular that one of them
would have had to try and lure the damn horse out of his warm nice box, which had to be
a quest in itself. And then to get the damned creature to stand still... The blond elf
shook his head in amused appreciation, and took another sip of his wine. 

"Lovely painting," someone said, and Glorfindel turned his head and looked at his
brother, who dropped unceremoniously into a chair next to him.

"Arato."

The other blond elf smiled. "Did you get anything good?"

"I like this picture, actually," Glorfindel said a little sharply.

"Sure you do," Arato laughed. "Are you sure you don't like the ones who painted it
better?"

"Watch your tongue, dear brother."

"Come on now," Arato said in a playful manner, smiling an over-friendly drunk smile.
"Don't tell me you didn't notice that one of them resembles you-know-who."

Glorfindel's mouth became a thin line. "Those are lord Elrond's sons. I think you are a
bit confused, brother-dear."

"Still..." Arato chuckled. "I wont tell, if you won't."  His eyes followed Elrohir as he
walked past them with three drinks. "I wouldn't blame you, brother. They are pretty
elves."

"Don't even start, Arato," Glorfindel sighed. "I am not looking for a mate or similar
troublesome company."

Arato sighed and nodded. "I hear you." he took a sip of his drink. "They are much too
much trouble at times." 

"Speaking of mates," Glorfindel said, "Where is Erestor?"

"About, I guess," Arato said with a gesture of the hand out over the crowd. "Or went to
bed, the bore that he is."

"Having headaches?" Glorfindel chuckled and smiled at his brother.

"Very funny," Arato grumbled. "No.. dear Erestor just forgot what being my mate means…"

"Oh my," Glorfindel said with a understanding smile, not really at all interested in his
brother and Erestor's love life, actually more the opposite. But something told him to
go on with his inquiring.

"I even bought him a very expensive book for Yule," Arato whined, "and did I get as much
as a smile in return? Noooo, I got something that resembled a tick more." Arato frowned
and shook his head. "I am getting really, really tired of his attitude." He looked up at
Glorfindel. "You would at least think that he appreciated what I do for him." 

Glorfindel just sat there like a sheep and looked at his brother. "I'm… I'm sure he
liked the book," he finally managed to whisper.

"Maybe you're right, Erestor never was one for showing emotions." Arato smiled a cocky
smile. "But that doesn't mean that he cannot learn. Even an old dog can learn new
tricks."

"I'm sure he just didn't know what to say," Glorfindel said, trying to keep a straight
face... old dog? Was Arato comparing Erestor to a dog? Or was he reading something into
Arato's words that he shouldn't have. He closed his eyes for a second, and suddenly a
flash came to him, dog. Yes, a dog... Erestor had had a dog collar. Glorfindel's
eyebrows met over the bridge of his nose. But why? He could see the image as clear as if
he were looking at it right now, but why was his memory this elusive? He opened his eyes
again and looked right into his brother's worried gaze.

"Are you going to faint on me, brother?" Arato said and steadied Glorfindel with a
tender hand on his shoulder.

Glorfindel shook his head. "Don't worry, Arato, I think I just might have been drinking
a bit too much." He offered his brother an embarrassed smile.

"It is as I've always said, little brother," Arato laughed in a friendly way, "you
cannot hold your liquor, or a lover in your bed for long."

Glorfindel actually blushed at this. "No those are not my greatest virtues," he
admitted.

"Don't you worry, Glorfindel, they are nothing but trouble, the drink and the lover." 

The younger elf smiled timidly under his brother's probing gaze. "I wouldn't know any of
it, all I am good at is killing."

"Nonsense! I am sure that most elves here would give their right arm to share your bed!
Don't be so depressed, little blossom." Arato leaned in closer and whispered in his
brother's ear. "What you need is a concubine, heed my words little brother, you do not
need a master, but a lover who obeys your every whim... Believe me, should you find one,
keep him." 

Glorfindel just sat there and listened to his brother's soft whispers in his ear with a
dawning horror. Concubine? Obeys? He blinked rapidly, trying to remember something that
tried to surface. Little bits and pieces… oh yes, now he remembered that Arato never was
one to be argued with, and should that trespasser be one below him, then woe to him. "Or
her," Glorfindel whispered softly, not really trusting his voice.

"Or her," Arato said and chuckled. "I don't know, I just always thought you fancied
males... oh well, it just goes to show how long I have been gone, little brother." Arato
wrapped an arm around Glorfindel's shoulder. "I promise it shall never happen again. I
won't leave you ever again, baby brother."

-*-
Lying in his bed later, the words kept coming back to him, "You need a concubine." How
could he even say that? Tears rolled slowly down Glorfindel's cheeks just thinking about
the one he held so dear, who was now being treated as little less than a harlot . Now he
remembered, not all, he was sure, as a lot still had that odd misty veil over it, but he
did remember Arato having Erestor flogged in public... Now why had he done that? And he
also remembered that Ecthelion had taken him away, guided him far from the square so he
would not have to look at it, but he could still hear it. Even now, after so many
decades he could still hear the chilling screams. Glorfindel closed his eyes and sighed.
That was why he remembered the dog collar, because Arato had made Erestor wear one
afterwards, saying that it had been the only wedding band that this dog was worth. By
the Valar! Right now all he really wanted to do was to forget it all again. Why did he
have to remember all this now? Now, when he didn't even stand a chance to change it.
Falling slowly asleep, Glorfindel couldn't help but to wonder if he had already been in
love with Erestor back then.
-‘-

The next day this strange worried feeling still wouldn't leave him, and Glorfindel felt
even worse now than before he had fallen asleep. He needed to tell someone, he needed an
ally. Sitting on the bed, running his brush through his golden hair over and over again
until it shone like the sun, he suddenly knew exactly who to trust. Elladan! He would
seek out Elladan, and maybe he could help him, but help him with what? He couldn't
disgrace his own brother like that... Glorfindel frowned. He couldn't let things stay
the way they were, either. 

Elladan had been somewhat surprised when Glorfindel had asked him to accompany him to
the gardens for a walk. But as Glorfindel's tale proceeded, Elladan grew more and more
ashen. The golden elf did not even have the courage to look the elder twin in the eyes
as he spoke, but as he came to an end of his tale, he sat down in the grass with a sigh.
"And as to why I never did anything... I really don't know," Glorfindel whispered.

Elladan sat down next to Glorfindel, and actually he couldn't help but feeling a bit
proud and baffled that his mentor had chosen to come to him with all this trouble of the
heart. He could have chosen any other elf, an elder and wiser elf than Elladan. "But all
that is going to change now, right?" he said softly.

Glorfindel nodded. "I hope so."

"You could tell my father what you just told me," Elladan suggested.

"I tried to tell lord Elrond that something wasn't right, but it was no use. He won't
listen," Glorfindel said, "and should I insist, I will just shame Erestor and anger my
brother."

"I see your dilemma, my friend." Elladan sighed  and for some time they both sat there
in silence until Elladan spoke once more. "We should separate them."

"Separate? How?" Glorfindel turned to look at Elladan for the first time since he
started the hideous tale. "And to what use?"

"To buy you time to talk to Erestor, and figure out how to help," he smiled at the
golden elf. "Allow me to involve my twin. He has a quick wit, and he will know what to
do with Arato."

"But no matter what, you shall return, and things will go back to normal," Glorfindel
whined, hating feeling this helpless.

"Don't you worry about that, my friend," Elladan said darkly. "You just focus on mending
Erestor."
__________________________________________________________________________________
 
AN; I do not try and sideline Arato with any "famous" philosophers, and I do realize
that nothing this ordinary should kill an elf. But tuff, in my story it can..  

________________________

Undefined, no signs of regret,
Your swollen pride assumes respect,
Talons fly as a last disguise,
But no return, the time has come.

So don't despair,
And this day will be their damnedest day,
Oh, if you take these things from me.

Portishead – Cowboys
_____________________________________



Chapter 7 – No return, the time has come.


Erestor was not there to see the twins and Arato take off from the courtyard.  He was in
bed claiming to be ill.  Glorfindel, on the other hand, was there to play his part.  He
hugged Arato and buried his face in his brother's hair, wishing he could tell his elder
brother what he was thinking, but knowing that he and the twins had made a deadly pact,
which they would all be judged for once facing the Valar.  A tear flowed from
Glorfindel's eye.  Arato patted him on the head, thinking that it was for him, but
Glorfindel wept for the un-deed he had gotten the twins to agree on.  He knew what
sacrifice they offered for Erestor, and only hoped that the Valar would be merciful.  He
had lain awake many a night wondering if he should just call off this ludicrous plan of
Elrohir's, but he hadn't, and the twins probably wouldn't have allowed it anyway.

Arato let go of his little brother and smiled.  "Why are you so sad? I am only going to
the Golden Woods.  I shall be back before the leaves fall." 

Glorfindel nodded and smiled back.  "I know."

Arato took hold of the horse's reins and laid a comforting hand on Glorfindel's
shoulder.  "I made you a promise, brother.  I won't disappear again." 

"I know," Glorfindel whispered and stepped back, away from Arato's touch, and turned to
look at Elrond who joined them.  Together they watched the three elves set out from
Rivendell.

____________________

The twins rode next to each other, and as the hours went by, Elladan broke the silence.
"Master Arato, should we camp soon?" 

Arato turned in the saddle and nodded.  "Sure, little ones, if you are tired of
travelling." 

Elladan looked offended, but Elrohir hurriedly said, "Yes, I must admit I did not get a
full night's sleep, and I could do with rest." 

Arato snickered and nodded.  "Don't we all know that feeling, young one." 

Elladan looked at his brother and raised a brow; Elrohir just smiled and shook his head
silently telling his twin not to comment.

___________________

They set up camp as the sun slowly descended in the horizon.  Elladan was in the woods
gathering firewood, when Elrohir walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder, even
though he knew his brother already knew it was him.  "Elladan?" he said softly. 

Elladan turned.  "Yes?"

"I will venture further into the woods.  Will you make excuses to Arato?" Elrohir looked
a little nervous as he bit his lip, but when his twin nodded grimly, he too lit up in a
little determined smile.

"May the Valar be with you," Elladan whispered as he hugged his twin.  "I am sure they
are," Elrohir whispered back before he kissed his brother on the cheek and slipped off
into the already dark forest. 

Coming back to the camp, Elladan dumped the firewood and kneeled to start laying the
kindling for the fire.  Arato came back from his horse with two large saddlebags.
"Would you fancy a drink, young one?" 

Elladan looked up and smiled.  "I am Elladan," he chuckled softly, ever so used to
people not being able to tell him and his twin apart.  "A drink? Yes please.  What do
you carry, Master Arato?" 

"Elladan," Arato said as he sat down cross-legged next to the heir of Rivendell, "this
is dwarven mead."  He pulled the cork out of a wineskin.  "Have you ever tasted that?"

"No, I can't say I have," Elladan said as he returned to building the fire.

"This is a drink for the gods, young Elladan… but be careful.  It is very potent!"
Arato laughed crudely and took a swig before he handed the skin to Elladan.

The young elf took it and sniffed the liquid.  "Phew!" he exclaimed but Arato gestured
for him to taste and he did.  Gasping, as it felt like his mouth and throat were on
fire, "Ai Elbereth!" he coughed.  "This is strong, indeed!" 

"Yes," Arato laughed and thunked Elladan on his back to ease his coughing fit. "  It
tastes like troll piss, but it does the job. It will make a grown elf sleep like a baby,
and a young man venture lone into war." 

"I'm sure it does," Elladan croaked. 

_____________

Elladan prepared the fire as Arato was drinking from his dwarven mead, forgetting to
offer Elladan any, which the younger elf was eternally grateful. But the more mead that
passed Arato's throat, the more drunk he became.  And when Elrohir returned from the
woods, he barely noticed, but Elladan lit up in a smile.  "There you are, did you get
any game?"

Elrohir held out two rabbits.  "Yes brother, but now I want a nice cup of tea, while I
skin these rabbits."

"And tea you shall have," Elladan said and now it was his turn to bite his lip. 

"I found these herbs in the woods," Elrohir said casually and laid a bunch on the ground
next to Elladan. 

"Great," Elladan murmured and took the boiling water off the fire and poured it into
three mugs they had brought from home.  Without even looking at his brother, Elrohir
took out yet another bunch from his belt and pushed it toward Elladan.  As Elladan
reached out for it, Elrohir grabbed his brother's hand and held it tightly until Elladan
looked up at him.  Elrohir sent him a serious look, and Elladan blinked and smiled
nervously, understanding what his brother said without words. /don't touch it/ Elrohir
mouthed.

With slightly shaking hands, Elladan poured out the chunks of a stem into the boiling
water.  He looked at it.  Most of all it looked like a mutated rhubarb, but he would not
ask his brother what it was for now.  The only thing he did was watch the pieces of stem
as if he were hypnotized, cursing that he had slept through his plant lore classes with
Erestor.

Elrohir took his own cup, and Arato's cup and went over to the blond elf.  "Master
Arato?" he said softly with a sweet smile.  "I have tea for you." 

"Tea?" Arato mumbled.  "Why would I want tea when I have mead... tea is for women."

"Then pour your mead in the water, Master
I assure you.  I learned my plant knowledge from Master Erestor himself, and I know this
will do you good... sir." 

"If Erestor said so," Arato slurred and smiled as he looked up at Elrohir. 

"Excellent," Elrohir said and took the wineskin from Arato and poured a good part into
the tea, before handing both back to the blond.  "Here you are, sir."

Arato took both and sipped the tea.  "You are right, this is good," he smiled thankfully
up at Elrohir. 

"Then I shall return to skinning the rabbits," Elrohir said with a nod and walked away
from Arato.

_____________


A little later, when they were eating the rabbit, Arato was sleeping soundly and snoring
softly.  Elladan turned to Elrohir.  "What was it?" he whispered.

"What?"

"The plant, the tea you gave him?"  His voice dropped below a whisper.  "Is it lethal?"

"Water hemlock," Elrohir whispered with a grave expression.

Elladan paled.  He remembered what Erestor had said about that plant.  This was lethal
to men and elves alike, and there was no cure for the hemlock's poison. Even the most
gifted healers amongst the elves could only treat the symptoms and hope it would not
cause eternal damage on the one inflicted.  "Oh." 

"It is good he is drunk," Elrohir whispered.  "He will sleep through to the end, if we
are lucky."  He turned and looked directly at Elladan.  "Or he will wake up when it is
already too late."

"What will happen now?" Elladan murmured, almost afraid to ask.

"Now… now he will start to breathe shallowly, then he will get dilated pupils, perhaps
even hallucinations, and then loss of the bladder and spasms."  Elrohir searched his
brother's eyes.  Elladan was avoiding his gaze.  "And then, then he will start to slowly
breathe sporadically, and then the breathing will simply end as he is paralysed." 

"Wouldn't it have been better with a hunting accident?" Elladan whined softly.

"Maybe," Elrohir said and pushed the remains of his rabbit away from him.  He grabbed
Elladan's head between his hands.  "I love you," he said softly. " Please do not be
frightened, you are not alone." 

"Father will hate us," Elladan whispered, feeling tears start to fall silently.

"Perhaps, but you will always have me.  I will stay by your side to whatever end." 

"To whatever end," Elladan repeated softly.

_________________________________________________________________

Chapter 8 – Veil my scars..

In the last rays of the afternoon sun, Glorfindel made his way to Erestor's office. He
could take this tension no more. He had honestly hoped that with Arato away from
Rivendell, he would have seen just a little shred of his old friend shine through, but
nothing had changed. Glorfindel's brother might as well have been there still. The
golden elf came to a dead halt in the doorframe and looked in at Erestor, who sat at the
large desk. "Erestor?" he said softly.

Erestor looked up, and saw Glorfindel standing there. For a second his heart missed a
beat, thinking it was Arato, but then he saw the little wrinkles at the corners of the
blond's eyes. "Ah, Glorfindel," he said with a disarming smile, "what brings you here
this afternoon? I don't recall that I have any work that requires your presence."

Glorfindel frowned a little, because some months ago, Erestor would never have thought
he had only stopped by because of business and work. "Actually, Erestor…" he said, but
Erestor cut him off with a gesture of his hand.

"Say no more," he sighed. "I promise I shall dine with the rest of you this night, you
need not worry so much." 

"Actually, Erestor," Glorfindel started once more, "I came to take you with me on a walk
this afternoon." 

Erestor looked up completely stupefied. "What? A walk?" He shook his head slowly. "I am
sorry, Glorfindel, but if I am to finish this paperwork, then I cannot waste my
afternoon looking at daffodils." 

Glorfindel walked over to Erestor's desk and sat carefully down at the corner. "Who said
anything about daffodils?" he said with an annoyed tone. "Erestor, please... we need to
talk, or rather... I need to talk." Glorfindel looked down at his boots and smiled
ruefully at his own voice, and the pleading tone that had crept into it. "We used to be
friends. What happened?" 

Erestor sighed loudly. "I can't just... I have to..." the dark haired elf sighed once
more. "Talk about what?"

"Us," Glorfindel simply said. 

"Glorfindel! There is no us, never has been, never will be, now please let go of this
folly. You are a grown elf, damn it!" Erestor felt himself getting really annoyed; the
truth was that he would love to talk to Glorfindel, but what if someone told Arato that
he had been taking strolls in the afternoon with Glorfindel? Even if they were brothers,
it did not mean that Arato would not be jealous. 

Glorfindel just looked up at the ceiling. "I meant us as friends, Erestor." 

"Oh," Erestor said, blushing a little that he had presumed otherwise.

"Are we still friends at all? You tell me, because I can't figure you out anymore,"
Glorfindel said as he looked from the ceiling directly at Erestor. 

Erestor saw the hurt in those blue eyes, and he nearly leaned over the table and hugged
the blond. "Sure, we are friends." 

You don't mean that, Glorfindel thought to himself, but nevertheless he smiled and said,
"Then come walk with me; I am sure there is no paperwork that you haven't already done
that can be that important." 

Erestor shook his head but smiled. "You are right," he said. "I yield, I yield. Come,
let us go to the gardens, and get out of this gloomy office." 

___________

Glorfindel walked beside Erestor, watching him out of  the corner of his eye. This
strange orange glow in the sky made Erestor's hair the deepest mahogany colour,
complimenting the large brown eyes. In this light Erestor reminded Glorfindel of a doe,
every move made in little rapid jerks, oozing nervous energy like a poisonous aura.
"Erestor, the reason I asked you to walk with me, was that I wanted to ask you
something, something that does not concern others at all, something very private."

Erestor knitted his eyebrows in concern. This sounded bad. His hand, clasped tightly at
the small of his back, trembled slightly at these words. "… And," he cleared his throat
nervously, "… And what might that be?" 

Glorfindel came to a halt. "Forgiveness," he whispered, and reached out to lay a hand on
Erestor's shoulder, but decided against it at the last second, and let his arm fall to
his side once more, useless and numb. 

"Forgiveness? From me?" The dark-haired elf truly looked puzzled hearing these words. He
did not quite grasp what the other elf was saying. "Glorfindel, you have never done
anything toward me that required my forgiveness."  

"Nay, true," Glorfindel said in a small voice. He looked away, over Erestor's shoulder
and unto the horizon. "It is more what I didn't do that is the question here." Erestor
stayed silent, and Glorfindel continued. "I remember now, Erestor, I remember Gondolin.
It took me some time, but it all came back to me." He sighed and looked at Erestor, who
was now impossibly pale, looking on the verge of fainting. "At first it was flashes, but
then more and more came to me. It must be Arato who triggered it with his presence." 

Erestor opened his mouth to say something, but then clamped it shut again, having
wrapped his arms around himself now. Trying to give himself some sort of comfort, he had
no idea! Why had he lulled himself into the belief that Glorfindel absolutely didn't
remember a thing? He felt his cheeks burn from embarrassment. But Glorfindel just
smiled. "Erestor, my friend," he whispered and this time he laid his hand on the other
elf's shoulder, saddening as the dark haired elf flinched under his touch.  "Forgive
me." 

"For what?" Erestor breathed, unable to meet Glorfindel's azure eyes. 

"For not stepping in, for letting my brother... Ab... Abuse… Do what he did." Glorfindel
squeezed Erestor's shoulder gently. "For not speaking up." 

"It would not have made a difference, Glorfindel," Erestor heard his own voice
whispering.  

"Maybe you are right, that he would not have listened, but... Why does it just feel like
I condoned it, being a bystander... I...I... Oh Erestor, I planned for days what to say,
and now I find that the words elude me..." Glorfindel trailed off, and finally let go of
Erestor's shoulder. 

Erestor too was at loss for words, and just tried a very weak smile. He didn't quite
know if he wanted to kiss or kick the elf in front of him, and just when he was about to
open his mouth, they heard a bell ring, heavy roaring tolls. This could only mean one
thing… someone had perished!

"What?" Glorfindel gasped. And looked at Erestor, torn between staying with the dark
haired beauty, or running to the courtyard. 

Erestor nodded and managed a smile. "Just run, Glorfindel. I shall follow."  

Glorfindel shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course I am," Erestor said softly.

Liar! Glorfindel thought to himself, but he still nodded. "Thank you for hearing me out,
Erestor," he said swiftly, before turning on his heels and hurrying to the courtyard.
___________________________

The twins entered the courtyard with their depressing cargo. Hearing the heavy bells
toll, they hung their heads in grief of the soul that passed. Elrohir reached for his
brother's hand, clutching it tight. Elladan gave it a squeeze and smiled sadly under his
hood. "Have courage, brother," he whispered. 

"Aye" Elrohir answered softly.

Elrond nearly stumbled as he ran down the stairs in front of his mansion. Elladan!
Elrohir! Please by Eru, let them be unharmed! His mind screamed, but then he saw his
sons standing next to their horses, clearly just dismounted. He quickly covered the
space between them and embraced his sons in a desperate hug, "Thank Eru! You are safe,"
he whispered. 

"Papa," the twins whispered in unison. 

Elrond let go of his sons and stepped back. "Then who?"

The question was answered as Glorfindel reached them. "Oh no! Arato!" he gasped, looking
over at Elrond and the twins.

Elrond's eyes went impossibly big. "What happened?" he asked, looking at his sons. 

"Papa," Elladan said as he stepped forth, "Master Arato had brought some dwarven
spirit…"

"Yes," Elrohir said, stepping up besides his twin. "He was drunk as a skunk most of the
journey." 

"And..." Elladan supplied, "I think he might have mistaken some poisonous plants for
edible ones." 

"Aye, papa," Elrohir said looking at his father with a pale smile. "We found him like
this one morn, foam at the corners of his mouth, and bloodshed eyes."

"So..." Elladan said shuffling his feet, "we found him to have suffocated in his sleep,
and we brought him home. We did not know what else to do."

"All right," Elrond sighed. "It sounds plausible that he perished from eating something
poisonous, but if he suffocated, then he must have made noise, right? Why did you not
hear him?"

"We were swimming in the moonlight in a nearby lake," Elrohir said quickly. 

"Honestly, father," Elladan continued, "we did not care for more of Master Arato's
drunken rubbish." 

"Elladan! Elrohir! Do not disrespect the dead thusly," Elrond said sternly. 

"Sorry, papa," they said in unison. Elladan turned his head and looked at Glorfindel.
"We mourn your loss, Lord Glorfindel" he said, looking directly into the golden haired
elf's eyes, as if to wordlessly communicate. 

"Thank you, little ones," Glorfindel said, taking a deep breath. "I should find Erestor,
he should decide what happens now, not I." He smiled a little strained smile. He would
come see the twins later, but now the time absolutely did not call for his questions.
After all, he knew exactly what had happened. He had been there to plan it. 

_____________________________________

Erestor stood and watched the three elves as they methodically built a pyre for Arato. A
pyre for Arato, Erestor thought to himself, detecting some kind of deja vú. The last
time there had been no body to burn, and there had been many pyres, many mourners and
much heartbreak. This time was all together different, even given the similarities.
Arato was indeed dead; Erestor had seen his body himself. He knew for sure this time
that Arato would never ever come back to haunt his steps. Why had the Valar granted him
this?  He took a deep breath, feeling butterflies go crazy in his stomach. He was sad
and thrilled at the same time; he was free, finally free! But at the same time this
freedom scared him. He had not really known what it meant to be free, ever. He opened
his hand, looking at the scar that had formed from the bonding ceremony. "I wish I could
erase all of you," he whispered.

Night came quickly and the inhabitants of Rivendell gathered around the pyre of Arato,
who had been wrapped in white linen and laid carefully at the pyre with his sword,
quiver and bow. Strangely enough, Erestor couldn't help but think of what he had read,
that in some places, it was customary for the spouses to throw themselves into the
burning pyre. At least Arato wouldn't get that satisfaction.

"Arato," Erestor said to the pyre and the gathering of elves watching him. "He was my
spouse. I thought him perished in battle for over decade ago, so this is not the first
time I light a pyre for him." He cleared his throat, knowing what was expected of him
"When I first saw him, he was more radiant than Arien itself. I was very young, and he
was a glorified soldier. In a matter of moons he had captured my heart, and a year later
we were wed." Erestor took a deep breath, trying his hardest not to do something
completely unforgivable, like spit on the corpse, or scream ‘I hate you!'. "It was a
feast of friends, and a joyous day, but Arato being a warrior I somewhat always knew I
would lose him in battle." His voice dropped to a near whisper. "I had never in my life
thought that I should light a pyre for my husband because of his lack of knowledge of
flora." Feeling an insane smile creep across his face, he quickly continued, "And thus,
I return my husband to the vast halls of Mandos, praying that he shall not stay there
for an eternity, and that I shall see him again as I set foot on the white shore." He
dropped his head in respect and said, "Arato of Gondolin, you shall be sorely missed."
For a second he was afraid that everyone would see through his lie, but as he looked up
every elf had dropped their head in respect of the deceased. Blinking a little
confusedly, he called for Glorfindel to come stand next to him. 

Glorfindel walked the ladder and came to stand next to Erestor. "I am afraid I do not
have the same gift of words as Erestor, but I would like to say that Arato, my big
brother, was a brave elf. Even if he teased me relentlessly, I loved him." Glorfindel
smiled sadly, knowing it was the brutal truth. "Erestor, light the pyre," he croaked,
getting too emotional to speak. 

Erestor nodded and took the torch that stood in an iron ring next to him. "Farewell,
Arato," he whispered as he tossed the torch into the wood and corpse, which was soaked
in flammable liquid. Both Erestor and Glorfindel took a step back as the flames roared
hungrily up into the sky, devouring everything in its grasp.  And without thinking,
Erestor sought out Glorfindel's hand with his own, and thus they stood there watching as
Arato was claimed by fire, and returned to ashes. 
___________________________________________

Didn't you see me?
Didn't you hear me?
Didn't you see me standing there?
Why did you turn out the lights?
Did you know that I was sleeping?

The Cranberries - Empty
__________________________________________
Chapter 9 – I need all my dreams.

Midsummer was upon Rivendell once more, but unlike last year, Glorfindel did not feel
like participating. He busied himself at his desk, trying to block out the sounds of
music and elves making merry. He could hear Elladan's distinctive laugh, and found joy
in his heart that the twins had found themselves again after their horrendous ordeal.
Taking a sip of his now cold tea, Glorfindel winced. Had he been sitting here that long?
With a deep sigh, he tried to block out the noise of the festival, and once more
concentrated on the map, measuring paces, trying to decide where they should build the
next watchtower. 

Elrohir did not even have to knock on the door, as Glorfindel had left it open. The door
hinges made a squeaking sound and Glorfindel looked up, smiling a little fatherly smile
at the younger twin. "Elrohir, what are you doing here?" he said.

"I might ask you the same," Elrohir said as he walked over to the large desk and placed
his hands on top of the area Glorfindel was trying to measure. "I never saw you miss a
midsummer feast before."

"Well, too much work," Glorfindel said, waiting for Elrohir to remove his hands. "Why
don't you go back down and dance?" 

Elrohir sighed and removed his hands from the map. He stood up, and walked to the
windowsill, looking down upon the festival. "Glorfindel, please come here for a minute."

"Whatever for?" Glorfindel said looking puzzled, but nonetheless he stood up and walked
over to the window.  Catching his eye was Erestor, standing by himself with a drink in
his hand, smirking mysteriously at Elladan and his dance partner.  Glorfindel felt
himself smile along; little Elladan had certainly come a long way since last year.  He
had become an adult, as with the flash of a magic wand. His movements were those of a
self-assured elf, not a child. Glorfindel's eyes wandered back to Erestor, who took a
sip of his drink, shifting on his feet. This made Glorfindel smile to himself, he could
see the chief counsellor tapping his finger on the glass in the rhythm of the music, but
he did not join the dance. 

"He is waiting for you," Elrohir said softly.

"Who, Elladan?" Glorfindel said, shook from his musings.

"No," Elrohir laughed, "I am sure he has his hands full of suitors. I meant Erestor." 

"Oh," Glorfindel breathed. 

"Why don't you…uhm, go dance with him?" Elrohir said as he squeezed his old tutor's
shoulder. 

"Me? Erestor?" Glorfindel shook his head. "No, I don't think that is a good idea,
penneth." He turned from the window. 

Elrohir tried to gain eye contact with the other elf. "Why not, Glorfindel?" 

"Because... Uhm... Just because," Glorfindel said in childish defence. But then sighed,
looking at his protégé with a serious glare. "For years, Elrohir, for years I attended
this dance so I could sneak a dance with him. But now that I see him standing there, my
courage fails me. I fear no orcs, or dark magic... but..."

"But you fear Erestor?" Elrohir answered softly, nodding in understanding.

With a little blush Glorfindel nodded. 

"Here have some of my drink, and then you go face him, take him dancing." Elrohir held
out a goblet filled to the brim with clear liquid. "Can you really deny him a merry
evening?" 

Glorfindel chuckled hollowly and gulped down Elrohir's drink. "We raised you boys
well," he laughed to himself, shaking his head in amusement. 

"Certainly did," Elrohir said with a sly smile. "Now shoo..." 

Glorfindel raised an eyebrow, but as Elrohir just shoved him out the door with a laugh,
Glorfindel found himself chuckling too. "'I'm going, I'm going!" 

_____________________________

Once down at the feast Glorfindel could not hold back his grin as he came around behind
Erestor, who seemed so lost in the dancing elves he did not even notice him. "Erestor,"
he said softly when he was standing right behind the elf. 

Erestor spun around, looking directly into amused azure eyes. Feeling his smile widen
upon its own accord. "Glorfindel!" he said a little too enthusiastically. 

He held out his hand toward the dark haired elf. "Dance with me." 

Erestor did not even answer, he just laid his hand in Glorfindel's larger one.

Glorfindel couldn't remember when he had seen such a bright smile on Erestor as this
evening, and he sent a silent thanks to Elrohir. Had it not been for him, he would never
have been here, he would never have seen Erestor smile and blush in such a lovely way
had he not come. The music changed and became slower, allowing the dancing elves to take
a breather, and Glorfindel pulled Erestor into an embrace, dancing slowly. "Erestor?" he
whispered. 

"Mmhmm," Erestor mumbled as he rested his head against Glorfindel's shoulder.

"I am glad I came." Glorfindel couldn't resist the urge to run a hand down over the
silken hair of the other elf.  Erestor was about to say something when he was cut off by
Glorfindel who whispered, "I have been thinking, Erestor." He took a deep breath and ran
his hand down over Erestor's soft hair once more. "I have a confession to make." 

Erestor almost purred but just closed his eyes and murmured, "Yes?"

"Me thinks I have been in love with you from the very first time I saw you." The blond
elf held his breath waiting for an answer. 

Erestor laughed softly. "Really? You were but a scrawny kid, Glorfindel."  

Glorfindel chuckled and poked Erestor in the side until he squirmed. "I am not anymore,
now am I?" Glorfindel whispered teasingly.

"No," Erestor just said. 

Feeling his dancing partner tense a little, Glorfindel squeezed Erestor's hand gently.
"What is amiss?" His smile faded and he whispered against the raven black hair, "I said
something wrong, didn't I?" 

"No…" Erestor whispered, "it is not you, it is me." he pulled back from the embrace a
little, so he could see the other elf's eyes. "I am not ready for… For...You know." 

Glorfindel nodded. "Another lover," he said softly. "I understand." 

The dark haired elf smiled sadly, and whispered "I am truly sorry." 

"Don't be," Glorfindel said with a little sad smile. "Maybe I could... No, it is a bad
idea, forget it, let us just dance." 

But Erestor was not thrown off that easily, and he reached up, turning Glorfindel's head
to look back directly at him. "You could what?" 

Glorfindel swallowed hard and blushed, "Court you, if you would allow me." The blond
cast his eyes down again, and he couldn't remember when he had last felt this insecure
at all.

Taken a little aback by such a blunt request, Erestor found his grin widen.
"Glorfindel?" He watched the other elf nod, and something inside him danced with joy at
hearing these words. Watching Glorfindel squirm, it reminded him of the tall skinny elf
with the large eyes he had known once. "You may court me," he whispered. "But I cannot
promise you anything." 

Glorfindel looked up at Erestor again. "Thank you," he just said, pulling Erestor back
into the embrace. 
__________________________

(Two months later)

Erestor thought that it was the sweetest thing ever as he returned to his private
chambers, seeing a dinner set out on his little table. Glorfindel had even gone to the
trouble of dragging it out on the balcony. Two candles lit up the table and the dinner
in soft light. Erestor walked through the open double doors to the balcony. Looking up
at the starlit sky, he took a deep breath. This was indeed a marvellous night to dine
outside. Hearing a noise behind him he turned to see Glorfindel standing in the door
frame, wearing a light blue tunic rich with cream-coloured embroidery. His golden hair
fell as a river of liquid gold down his shoulders, framing his deep blue eyes. He was
indeed a breathtaking elf. Erestor felt butterflies flutter inside as the elf smiled a
brilliant smile. 

"Sit," Glorfindel said and gestured towards a chair at the table.

Erestor smiled, sitting down, feeling a wee bit off, wearing his old robe, while
Glorfindel was dressed up so. Going through all this trouble for him. As Glorfindel
walked behind him, Erestor could smell that the blond had even bathed in lavender
scented water, his favourite scent. And at the back of his mind he knew, this was the
night. A surge went straight to his groin, and he felt himself grow flustered, losing
all his appetite. All he was capable of was watching Glorfindel's soft lips as he spoke.
Wondering how they would feel upon his skin.  

"Glorfindel," Erestor whispered, "You must have been hours preparing this," smiling as
the blond filled his glass. "What have I done to deserve this attention?"

"Being you," Glorfindel said, "you deserve nothing less." 

Erestor blushed resting his head on his hand; elbow on the table, looking dotingly at
the golden elf. "I don't understand it ,Glorfindel."

"What is there to understand, my sweet?" Glorfindel said, smiling again, picking a
little piece of seafood off his plate and offering it across the table to Erestor. The
dark haired elf opened his mouth and let himself be fed, closing his eyes in reverie as
Glorfindel let his fingers linger on his lips. "After all," he heard Glorfindel say,
"it's not impossible to teach an old dog new tricks." 

Erestor's eyes snapped open, and he almost choked on the seafood. "Wh... What did you
just sa... say?" he coughed.

But Glorfindel just laughed softly, offering him what Erestor first thought to be a new
piece of seafood. But as he looked down he saw Glorfindel holding a dog collar. 

Erestor woke in his bed covered with sweat, in the middle of a silent scream. Sitting
up, he wrapped his blanket around his trembling form, waiting for his heart to beat
normally again. "By Eru," he whispered, "a dream, it was only a dream." Raking a
trembling hand through his sweaty tangled hair he exhaled heavily, inhaling again as
much as he could, trying to steady his breathing. "I can't do this," he whispered to the
empty room. "I can't do this," closing his eyes feeling the tears as they left a wet
trail down his cheeks. "I just can't."  
_________________________

In the late afternoon, Erestor made his way to Glorfindel's study. Knocking on the door,
his mind raced, and as he saw Glorfindel smile brilliantly at him as he stepped into the
room, Erestor almost had second thoughts. Poor Glorfindel, this had nothing to do with
him. Erestor couldn't help but wonder how long they would both exist under Arato's
shadow. Closing the door behind him, he stood, and not before Glorfindel spoke could
Erestor lift his gaze to meet Glorfindel's troubled eyes. 

"Erestor?" Glorfindel asked, but as the elf did not answer, he made his way around the
desk, coming to a halt in front of the other elf. "Erestor? Is something wrong?" 

Erestor was on the verge of just reaching out and pull Glorfindel into a tight embrace,
but with a little trembling voice he whispered, "Glorfindel, you are my friend" 

"Aye" Glorfindel said, slowly getting really worried as to what this might be about.
"Did you come to my study this late to ask me this? You know that. Erestor," Glorfindel
reached out for Erestor's hand, but Erestor stepped back, and Glorfindel's hand fell to
his side again. "I love you," he whispered. Normally these words fell easily to
Glorfindel's heart, but right now they felt alien. Mainly because it did not feel like
it was Erestor standing in front of him, not at all. 

"Oh Glorfindel," Erestor whispered, looking away again, focusing at the lamp on
Glorfindel's desk instead of the elf himself. "I... I just can't do this, I am terribly
sorry." He took a deep breath. "Forgive me for leading you on."

"What?" Glorfindel gasped. "Leading me on? Oh Erestor you never led me on. You
actually…" the golden elf fingered his sleeve nervously, trying to master the knot that
slowly formed in his stomach, threatening to become tears in seconds. "Warned me," he
whispered. 

Erestor felt his lips tremble as he looked up at Glorfindel, seeing that the golden
elf's eyes swam with unshed tears as well. How he hated himself for agreeing that
Glorfindel could court him, he should have know this would happen, he should have
protected Glorfindel's heart better. "I just can't live in his shadow," he finally said.
"And you, you just remind me too much of..."

Glorfindel nodded. "I understand, he was my brother after all." Wiping his eyes with his
sleeve, Glorfindel cleared his throat, looking at Erestor again. "It is only natural you
should think we are alike." He wanted to scream that he was different, that he was not
at all like Arato! And if he could only be allowed to prove that, Erestor would see he
was right. But something in Erestor's eyes told him not to argue his decision. 

Erestor wrung his hands, not sure how to say it, but still hearing Glorfindel saying it
out loud, he felt as if he were stabbed in the heart. 

"Erestor, look at me," Glorfindel pleaded. And Erestor looked from the lamp back at
Glorfindel's sad eyes. Glorfindel let himself fall unto his knees in front of Erestor.
"Don't Erestor, please." 

"Glorfindel, please stand," Erestor whispered, feeling all the more horrible about the
heartbreak he was causing this stunning elf, and as Glorfindel slowly rose to his feet,
Erestor heard his own voice say, "I know you are not Arato, my friend… But…"

"You still want me to stop courting you," Glorfindel whispered. 

Erestor just nodded, not trusting his own voice. 

"If that is what you truly wish," Glorfindel said softly, "then I promise it ends right
this minute." Wiping tears off in his sleeve once more, he continued with a sniffle. "I
wish... I…" 

Erestor closed his eyes, praying to the gods that Glorfindel wouldn't beg once more. His
heart could not stand it. At this moment he regretted ever coming to this office, but he
also knew that this was what would be most fair to Glorfindel in the long run. He did
not need an emotional cripple where the mere thought of intimacy had him go cold to the
core. Glorfindel deserved someone who could make him happy. Erestor had to admit to
himself that seeing Glorfindel smile at someone else in that special way would feel like
a dagger in his very soul. He had thought himself ready, but the reality was that he was
not at all ready for opening up to someone, and Erestor wondered if he would ever be
ready. He was afraid he wouldn't. "All those gifts." he heard himself say.

"You keep them, or throw them out." Glorfindel blinked. "They were mine to give, and I
gave them to you." 

"Still.." Erestor whispered. 

But Glorfindel just shook his head, taking a deep breath as he heard a knock on the door
again, and Lindir stepped into the room. "Lord Glorfindel, chief counsellor Erestor," he
said, a little surprised, but before he could say more, Glorfindel cut him off with a
tired dull voice. "Tell them to cancel," the golden elf smiled sadly at Lindir, who just
stood stupefied and looked upon the couple. As he opened his mouth to speak, Glorfindel
cut him off again, this time with a hand gesture. "Just tell them to remove everything,
and do what they will with the rest, thank you, Lindir." 

Lindir bowed and turned to leave, opening his mouth to speak, but clammed shut again as
he saw Glorfindel's eyes red from crying. "I shall personally see it is done," he
mumbled as he fled the Seneschal's study.

Erestor looked wondering at Glorfindel, who just shook his head in a silent plea for the
dark haired elf not to ask. And he decided not to. "Still friends?" he whispered. 

Glorfindel smiled a little bitter smile and held out his hand to Erestor. "Still
friends," he said. 

That night the elves of Imladris would dine upon the finest food. Elrond quietly
wondered what brought on this feast. Little did he know what a bitter taste this food
gave his chief counsellor, knowing this was the food that Glorfindel, who had not joined
them, had had prepared as a private dinner for the two of them.  
_________________________________________

There's nothing where it used to lie
Conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothings fine, I'm torn.

Natalie Imbruglia – Torn
_________________________________________

Chapter 10 - The nightside of Eden.

(Two years later)

Glorfindel waited, looking out the patio door, seeing Erestor talking, laughing and
lightly touching some elf on the shoulder. He had expected this strange feeling he got
whenever he saw Erestor being friendly with someone else to disappear with time, but it
just didn't. Sighing, he smiled as he heard voices in the corridor. The twins' friendly
bantering, Elrohir scolding Elladan for being a wimp. Glorfindel found himself
chuckling, remembering for a strange second how his brother and he had been. It was hard
for Glorfindel to understand it was the same elf who had mistreated Erestor so, who had
climbed in bed with him to comfort him when he was afraid of thunder. Even when
Glorfindel was too old for it, Arato had still done it, and never once teased him about
it. 

"Glorfindel," Elrohir said merrily as he unceremoniously slumped down in a chair next to
the golden elf, "We should go outside this morn, it is beautiful weather!" 

Glorfindel smiled and shook his head, seeing Elladan swat his brother on the neck as he
too sat down. "What is all that about, if I may ask?"

"Oh, you mean Elladan the fearless?" Elrohir laughed, and Elladan just blushed. "Elladan
had a love letter... Or shall I call it an rather indecent proposal?" the younger twin
smirked, seeing his brother squirm in his chair, and Glorfindel looking amused. "And
now, now he won't act upon it."

"Why not?" Glorfindel asked, looking at the blushing Elladan.

"Just because," Elladan stated in childish defence. 

Glorfindel and Elrohir both snickered. "She cant be that frightening unless she is half
Uruk-hai," Glorfindel laughed.

"She is a he," Elrohir said with a smirk. "That seems to be the problem."

Glorfindel couldn't hide his mirth. "What is wrong with that?"

"Its just that... he... Uhm... " Elladan mumbled.

Elrohir clutched his stomach from laughing. "Afraid he will *poke* you, are you?" 

"Elrohir!" Glorfindel said completely mortified. "Come now, Elladan," he said, looking
back at the blushing elf, "why does this frighten you? Is it because you don't like him,
or because you *do* like him?"

"I..." Elladan said, looking out the window. "I like him a lot, it is just that… What
if... " 

"Who is it?" Elrohir asked.

Both Glorfindel and Elrohir looked at Elladan with amused smiles, and Elladan felt like
he could climb down a mouse hole. "It doesn't matter, I won't take him up on his offer
anyway." 

"Oh Elladan," Elrohir said with a smile and taking his brothers hand, "can't we convince
you otherwise?"

Elladan shook his head, looking out the window again. "Look, there is Erestor, and who
is that elf?" 

Glorfindel looked out the window. "Looks like a Mirkwood elf to me," he said. "Never saw
him before." 

Elrohir chuckled. "Maybe Elladan isn't the only one getting indecent proposals today!"
But seeing Glorfindel's smile disappear, Elrohir clasped a hand over his mouth. "Forgive
me," he mumbled.

"Don't worry so much, penneth," Glorfindel said and turned to look at Elrohir. "I hope
he does," the golden elf smiled a little sad smile. 

"Liar," Elladan stated from the other side of the table. 

"Glorfindel," Elrohir said, "all this time, and I never saw you as much as do anything
as to smile politely to another elf, the last two years you have been missing or
refusing to go to any feast held." The younger twin smiled timidly. "Don't you think
that you should at least try to warm up to the idea?"

"The idea of what?" Glorfindel asked.

"A lover," Elrohir said and Elladan nodded. 

"No," Glorfindel simply stated. 

"And why not?" Elladan asked.

"Just because," Glorfindel said, crossing his arms over his chest in refusal.

"Now you sound like Elladan," Elrohir said, looking at his twin for help.

"OK, Glorfindel. Listen," Elladan said, leaning over the table. "If you agree to meet me
by mother's old birch, and take my instructions, then I promise to meet up with the elf
who sent me the letter." Glorfindel looked from one twin to the other, but he was
caught, and in the end all he did was nod.  "All right, meet me at sundown." Elladan
smiled happily. "And remember to dress nicely." 

Glorfindel groaned, not sure what he had agreed on, but the twins were right, it
couldn't hurt to see another elf, just once. He didn't have to bed this other elf or
anything, he would just have to carry on a pleasant conversation for an hour, and then
he could make his excuses. It was a small price to pay, for Elladan's happiness. 
____________________________

Glorfindel felt like an elfling as he stood by Celebrian's birch. Dressed in a midnight
blue tunic, he even went to the trouble of braiding his hair. Normally he didn't even
bother with his hair, but this night he had combed it and braided it as he had done in
Gondolin. He tried to tell himself he had done this to make the twins happy. The
butterflies in his stomach didn't quite agree with that, they kept whispering,
fluttering. Who could this other elf be?

Elladan came to the birch, smiling as he saw Glorfindel stand there shuffling his feet,
waiting impatiently. The eldest son of Elrond had never seen Glorfindel's hair braided,
and he had to admit he was a very beautiful elf. He couldn't quite understand why
Glorfindel never had any suitors, or perhaps that was actually the problem, that the
golden lord was so cold and beautiful, it was actually rather frightening. 

"Good evening," Glorfindel said as he saw Elladan. 

"Good evening, Glorfindel," Elladan said. "You look absolutely stunning." 

Glorfindel laughed. "Save your compliments for when you hold up your end of the
bargain." 

"Now come this way," Elladan said, hooking his arm with Glorfindel's, dragging him along
through the garden on the little pebble path. Glorfindel just followed Elladan.
"Glorfindel, may I ask you something personal?"  Glorfindel looked at Elladan, but
nodded. He couldn't see why not. "I never saw you with a lover, how come?" 

Glorfindel took a deep breath. "Because I never had one here." 

"Why? Rivendell is full of pretty elves!" Elladan looked puzzled. And when Glorfindel
did not answer, Elladan continued, "What about Gondolin, had a lover there?" He thought
that this might explain it, if Glorfindel had lost his heart to an elf who now dwelled
in Mandos. 

"No," Glorfindel just said with a low voice. 

"Really?" Elladan gasped, getting even more confused. "So, you're a virgin? I never took
you for a virgin. I mean you dance as the devil himself." 

Glorfindel laughed loudly. "No, sweet little Elladan, I am not a virgin, as you so
bluntly put it, and I am glad you noticed my dancing technique. I just said I never took
a lover, I did not say I did not know of the pleasures of the flesh," he chuckled,
seeing Elladan blush. 

"Ah here we are," Elladan said, feeling as if he were saved by the bell. He pointed down
towards a blanket by the river. "I will be back soon with some refreshments." 

Glorfindel looked confused, but Elladan just shooed him down the little slope towards
the lights lit around the blanket, before he hurried off into the dark once more.
Glorfindel sighed and thought, ‘Here goes nothing.'  Getting down to the blanket he
instantly recognized the elf sitting there, fiddling with the lacing on his boots, and
looking as nervous as Glorfindel himself. "Legolas!" 

Legolas looked up and smiled timidly. "Greetings, Glorfindel." He gestured for
Glorfindel to seat himself on the blanket. "So you are my mystery date, what a pleasant
surprise." 

"Likewise, my prince, likewise," Glorfindel said, sitting down on the blanket. He was
not sure what to do. And seeing Legolas just as uncomfortable as himself, he couldn't
help but to smile. "It is really good of you to help an old elf out," he said. Seeing
Legolas relaxing a little, he also relaxed. And thus they sat in silence for a little
while. "Legolas?" Glorfindel finally said, and the young prince turned to look at him.
"You look disappointed." 

Legolas shook his head. "No, no my lord. Not at all!" he said with a friendly smile, a
smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. They just looked sad.

"Out here I am just Glorfindel." He snickered to himself. The young elf gazed out into
the darkness. "Legolas?" 

Legolas looked back at Glorfindel again. "Oh, forgive me, I am terrible company. I was
just lost in thought, it shan't happen again." 

"You are not terrible company, Legolas. Your mind is just elsewhere," Glorfindel said,
scooting closer to Legolas. "Pray tell, whom are your eyes scouting for in the
darkness?" 

"I... I didn't mean to be rude, it is just that..." Legolas said softly with a little
blush.

Glorfindel thought to himself, that the young prince looked absolutely beautiful with
red cheeks. And had he been a couple of hundred of years younger, then he would have
found the Mirkwood prince irresistible. "You are not rude. If it helps at all, I didn't
want to come here either." 

"Really?" Legolas lit up some, and then realised how rude that was, and looked down on
his boots again. 

"Yes, really," Glorfindel said. "So will you tell me who you are hoping to see out there
in the darkness?"

"I really shouldn't" Legolas said, "It is futile. I tried everything to gain his
interest, but nothing seems to work. And now this… No, Lord Glorfindel, we should just
have a pleasant dinner and..."

"You tried everything, you say?" Glorfindel said softly with a smile. "Have you tried
asking him?" 

"No," Legolas said ,blushing all over again. "I did write him a letter, though." 

"Elladan," Glorfindel said, and he couldn't help but feel a little bit victorious,
having guessed whom the prince pined for. 

Legolas nodded slowly. "Aye, you guessed correctly," he said with a little voice. "But
he does not even see my way." 

Glorfindel reached out and caressed Legolas' cheek. "Don't fool yourself, penneth, he
does see you." And the golden elf smiled a mysterious smile. 

The young Mirkwood prince was just about to answer when someone stepped into the light.
"Ah," Elladan said, "here is the food." He stood there with a goofy smile, trying to
juggle a tray with food and a carafe with wine. 

Glorfindel winked at Legolas before he stood up, taking the tray and the carafe from
Elladan. "Will you two excuse me for a moment, I have something I need to do." 

"What! Now?" Elladan asked

"Right this moment," Glorfindel said, and looking over Elladan's shoulder, he saw
Legolas mouth the words ‘thank you'. "Now you keep prince Legolas company, and I will be
right back." Glorfindel heard Elladan say ‘ok' behind him as he walked off into the
shadows. As he had walked some paces and was almost back at Celebrian's birch, his smile
faded, feeling stupid and overdressed, his stomach growling in agreement. And he stopped
to sit down on a bench. He looked up at the starlit sky, sighing. He really should undo
these braids before anyone saw him. He didn't want to answer all their questions.
Finding the first braid with ease he started to undo it with nimble fingers. 

"Leave it in," a voice said behind him. Turning he saw Erestor standing in the dark.

Smiling ,Glorfindel kept undoing the braid. "Good evening to you too, Erestor," he said
softly.

Erestor came and sat next to Glorfindel on the bench "Why do you undo the braids, they
are very… Becoming," he said with a crooked smile.

Glorfindel laughed. "Thank you, I am still ridiculously overdressed for a walk in the
garden." 

"Mayhap," Erestor said, laughing a little himself. After some moments in silence Erestor
whispered, "So your private dinner with the young prince, is it finished already?" 

Glorfindel's mouth fell open. "You knew?" 

"Indeed," Erestor said. "I helped pick the wine."

Glorfindel didn't quite know what to make of that, and he certainly didn't know what to
say. "Yes, it ended," he just said. 

Erestor nodded in the darkness. 

Glorfindel wanted to say a million things, but he just stayed still, watching the sky,
undoing all his braids. This reminded him of a situation from many years ago. He had
spent the night in one of the king's counsellors' bed, being dismissed rather bluntly
afterwards. He had been sitting on a bench like this, together with Arato's spouse.
Erestor.  Not saying a word, just sitting there. Feeling young and stupid, afraid to go
home. And Erestor had calmed him, with his presence alone. "You should go inside,"
Glorfindel said now, and stood up slowly.

"And what?" Erestor said with a hollow laugh. "If I hear one more story about king
Thranduil, I am going to vomit." Glorfindel laughed out loud, and Erestor stood too.
"Where are you going?" he asked suddenly. 

"Down to the riverbank," Glorfindel said.

"Care for company?" Erestor asked. 

Looking puzzled, Glorfindel nodded slowly. Starting to walk, he found Erestor had joined
him. They were silent on the way to the riverbank. They could hear Legolas laugh in the
night. And Glorfindel smiled to himself, at least Legolas and Elladan were happy. This
stroll in itself was a paradox, had Erestor not been here he would have missed him, and
now that he was here, Glorfindel just wished that he weren't. 

"He sounds happy," Erestor mused.

"Who, Legolas?" Glorfindel nodded in agreement "I am sure he is,"  the blond laughed
softly. "Elladan proved to be better company than me." 

"For Legolas, maybe," Erestor said. Glorfindel didn't answer, he just smiled sadly. "So,
Glorfindel. Tell me, what did you have in mind when we came to the riverbank?" 

"In mind?" Glorfindel bit his lip. "Actually I would have jumped in, but now that you
are here, we could just sit and look at the sky." He absentmindedly bit a nail, looking
at Erestor who looked thoughtful. So what if he was boring company?  He had kind of
gotten used to not being anybody's first pick. 

"Swimming sounds fun," Erestor finally whispered. And Glorfindel could see the dark
haired elf's eyes shift nervously, earning him the look of a doe once more.
___________________________

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm.

Depeche mode – Enjoy the silence.
_________________________

Chapter 11 - Down by the water.

Much to his own surprise Glorfindel blushed, and as they reached the riverbank, he
turned and looked at Erestor. "Why did you come?" he whispered.

Erestor took a deep breath. "One of yours braids is still there," he said and reached
out to undo it. 

But Glorfindel stepped back, and looked at Erestor with large confused eyes. "No, why
did you come out here with me?" 

"We used to be friends, remember?" Erestor said, and smiled a timid little smile. "Truth
be told, I missed you greatly. I miss spending time with you. And tonight had wanted to
invite you over to my rooms for a game of chess and perhaps we could talk, but Elladan
bumped into me as I was on my way to you and asked me to help him pick out the wine for
you and Legolas." Erestor twined a strand of hair around his finger, not sure of what to
say. "And so I gave up on that idea, and went for a walk." 

"You came to spy on me?" Glorfindel said, not sure if he should be mad, or flattered. 

"You call it spy, I call it a stroll," the dark haired elf said. "But anyhow, swimming
sounds like more fun than chess!" Erestor suddenly sported a boyish grin. "Last one in
is an orc poop!" Erestor had the advantage of a robe, but still he and Glorfindel almost
stumbled numerous times on their way out of their clothes and into the water. Glorfindel
came last and was rewarded with a splash of water in the face. 

The two elves wrestled around in the water as if they were even younger than the twins,
and after a long time, they both fell down breathing heavily, chuckling on the
riverbank. Once the laughing died down, Glorfindel suddenly became painfully aware that
he was naked lying next to Erestor, and with dawning horror he realised that he was
slowly becoming aroused. Thinking fast, he flipped over onto his stomach with a casual
move, but he turned the wrong way, and landed so close to Erestor that he touched the
soft skin on the dark haired elf's arm. "That was fun," he said, breathing heavily,
trying to will his own erection to die. 

Erestor moved his arm from Glorfindel's side and propped himself up on his elbow,
resting his head in his hand, looking at the blond, who lay on his stomach resting his
head on his arms. "Yes," he said with a smile, "I am so glad you are still my friend,
Glorfindel." 

"I always was," Glorfindel said with a little smile. 

Reaching out, Erestor started to undo the knot the braid had become in Glorfindel's
hair. He hummed softly, a tune he remembered from when he and Glorfindel had been but
children.

Closing his eyes, the blond elf smiled at the memories brought on by the tune, and the
feeling of Erestor's fingers in his hair, even if it felt like he was pulling it all
out. Glorfindel mumbled, "Why did you reject me back then?" 

"What?" Erestor said, stopping his humming.

"You heard me, why did you reject me? What did I do wrong? Is my only crime really just
having a vague resemblance to my brother?" Glorfindel said, opening his eyes and looking
up into Erestor's large brown ones. They were no longer filled with mirth, but with
pain.

"I should never have agreed to let you court me," Erestor said simply. 

"Why?" Glorfindel asked.

"I would only have hurt you more with letting you court me, than just ending it."
Erestor looked at Glorfindel and frowned. "Please can we stop discussing this? I would
hate to ruin this otherwise perfect evening." 

"All right," Glorfindel said, closing his eyes once more, feeling tears prick at the
corners of his eyes, but he willed himself to smile as Erestor once more took up the
task of undoing that knot, humming softly. After some time, Erestor's hands stopped and
Glorfindel heard the other elf take a deep sigh.

"Do you really want the truth?" he whispered.

"Yes," Glorfindel whispered back.

"Then open your eyes and look at me." Glorfindel opened them, seeing Erestor as he lay
there in the moonlight next to him. His skin seemed to glow in the pale light, and his
hair was all mussed. He looked like the most beautiful merman of the most eloquent poem.
Erestor turned his head, and popped up on his elbow again, "I was afraid, having
nightmares haunt me, nightmares where it was not Arato but you who swung that flail, and
you, not him, who made me wear a dog collar. You who dragged me through the entire house
in my hair, abused every opening in my body for your purpose, and... you would do it
over and over, because I deserved nothing more." 

Glorfindel wasn't even aware that tears had begun to fall. "Oh Erestor," he just
breathed.

"I know you are not your brother, but Arato