Title: Suilad Penneth
Author: Milly
Author's Email: ElrohiradoresElladan@gmx.net
Pairings: Glorfindel/Erestor, implied Glorfindel/Legolas and 
Elrond/Celebrķan as well as possible Thranduil/Elrond
Rating: R
Summary: A little "prequel" to Esteliel's story Anestel. 
Disclaimer: Not mine, a sad but simple fact. :( 
Warning: au, angst, bdsm, h/nc, pov, first time, mentioning of mpreg and 
het
Authors Note: Well first of all thanks to Esteliel of course, for allowing 
me to use her brilliant story Anestel to base my story upon. *hugs* I really 
appreatiate that, hopefully my story will not be *too* bad. :/ 
I strongly recommand you to read Anestel by Esteliel if you wish to 
understand this. It is mainly based on it and we were considering just why 
Erestor became so cold and prudish. Here is the explanation I could think 
of, based on the fact that I just love Glorfindel/Erestor as a pairing and 
always missed it in my favourite story. Oh, just to mention it, it's rat-
bastard Glorfindel as we call him, this is not meant to be fluffy. 
To read Anestel go to Esteliel's page: http://www.loes-valthen.de.vu/ 
For more information about the discussion check out:
http://depresso-girl.com/libraryofmoria/viewtopic.php?t=30&start=0
Apart from that thanks to both Elfy and Esteliel for not thinking my ideas 
too unbelievable and seperatly to Elfy for all the time she spent on the net 
to entertain me and discuss with me. :) Oh and as usually I would love to 
get feedback, even if it's just to tell me that Glorfindel's being a ratbastard. 
*winks at Elfy* 


Suilad Penneth


Chapter 1

He found himself a new lover. Or rather, he did find himself a new 
foolish, innocent child which followed him all the way home from 
Mirkwood after he once laid his hands upon it, maybe twice. Another on a 
very long list. The next one who failed to resist against his touch. It is his 
way that charms you, the thought of belonging to him is arousing at first, 
to those who do not know better. I have been watching his actions for 
many years now and he never changed his tactics. Why should he? They 
still work as good as they did when I first met him. Almost two millenia 
and still I do recall it as if it had been yesterday. 
Back then, when I had just become one of Lord Elrond's advisors and 
would never have dared to dream of being their chief. When I still 
believed in love and care. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We had been busy with preparing Imladris for the arrival of Lord 
Glorfindel for several weeks. A new member of my Lord's household and 
a valiant and celebrated warrior. When he finally arrived we celebrated, 
everyone in Imladris knew what it meant to us to have the Balrogslayer 
under our Lord's command. I was stunned when I first saw him, he pushed 
a curly, golden strand out of his face with an impatient yet gentle gesture. 
It was the first time in my life that I met a blond elf, long before I met the 
Lady of the Light or the King of Mirkwood.

But even though I quickly averted my eyes as soon as I noticed that he 
looked towards me he must have noticed my glance. My shyness seemed 
to amuse him and he left Chief advisor Angaiāth to walk towards me. 
Before I could even consider leaving he had already reached me and his 
lips curled into a smile. "Suilad penneth." To my own surprise I was 
amused, not offended. Perhaps it was the way he spoke, the slightly 
sarcastic tone in his voice that made me shiver immediatly. 

My reaction seemed to please him and he told me that I was the most 
beautiful elf in Imladris and that he had thought I was Elrond himself 
when he had first seen me. He said more things, making me blush more 
openly than I ever had before and with more reason. Needless to say that 
he was drunk as a dwarf and nearly as smelly, but I didn't mind. I was 
caught in a web of compliments and golden curls within several moments. 
When he asked me for a dance I did not even protest and neither did I tell 
him that I couldn't dance. The good mood of the newest member of our 
household was more important, I told myself, not wanting to admit that I 
just didn't have the strengh to decline such a tempting offer.

It didn't take long before he had pulled me up into his arms and we were 
dancing vivaciously. Perhaps I should have known what would happen 
when he bluntly rested his hand upon my hip, carelessly displaying the 
attraction between us towards everyone who wished to see it. But I didn't 
protest, suddenly anxious that he would lose his interest in me if I did. 
And for some reason that seemed to me like the end of the world. Being 
held close by Glorfindel of Gondolin was special, not only because he was 
strong and determined, but also because of the knowing smile upon his 
lips, a smile that seemed to promise that he knew what I needed. 

Yes, he knew exactly what I wanted back then and he was willing to give 
it to me. I had never been with a male before and only once had I dared to 
kiss a female. It surprised me just how well Glorfindel knew that I wanted 
him because I hadn't known that my behaviour was that obvious. But he 
just danced with me until most of the other Elves had left already and then 
excused himself to Lord Elrond before returning to me and quietly leading 
me away from the others, not even touching my hand while we were 
walking next to each other.

It was when the others were out of sight that he suddenly pressed me 
against the wall and kissed me hungrily and I immediatly found myself 
responding to him. He pressed tongue against my lips until I allowed him 
acess to my mouth and he began to tease my tongue with his. I really 
thought that I couldn't take anything more, that I would climax 
immediatly, right then and there just from the thought that he wanted me. 
But I pulled myself together, for I didn't want him to see my impatience. 
My actions had been too blunt already and I didn't want him to think of me 
as a needy child. 

When I had just regained the mastery over my body he pushed up my 
robes, making me blush like the virgin I still was, but my protest that we 
couldn't make love outside and against the wall died when I felt his hands 
upon my bare skin and I heard the loving praise for my surrender to him. It 
was just impossible to resist him and I think he knew that. There was a 
strange, satisfied smirk upon his face when he lowered his leggins and 
divested himself to me. And I will never forgot his groan when he tried to 
push inside of me, it was impatient, something I did not hear from him 
again and he closed his eyes in pleasure for a moment when he realized 
that I was untouched. 

He did prepare me when he noticed that he couldn't push inside of me, 
taking two fingers into his mouth to wet them before sliding them into my 
body and poking tenderly until I was wide enough to welcome him. Then 
he started to thrust inside of me, first carefully so my body could adjust to 
his intrusion and later with more force, groaning my name with every 
thrust until he spilled his seed inside of me with something that sounded 
like a scream of triumph. But even as he was done he didn't stop holding 
me up and thrusting inside of me. I reconized the tingling feeling from 
when I had touched myself and just gave in to his knowing caresses and 
his encouraging words.

Back then I did not know why it was so important for him that I came as 
well for I had no idea that our relationship had only just started. I was 
delighted when I felt his lips upon mine as soon as I had climaxed and I 
moaned shamelessly, feeling loved though I would have thought someone 
as important as Lord Glorfindel to leave me alone after taking what he 
wanted. After several moments of his lips upon mine and his hand digged 
deeply into my hair we started to dress and I led him to his room to find 
him following me to mine.

He didn't come inside, knowing better than to show his new Lord that he 
had already found himself a lover by sleeping in my room. But he wanted 
to know where I was living and glanced inside, for a moment seeing my 
room, filled with books and scrolls like it had always been. And then he 
kissed me, just sweetly upon the lips and said goodnight in such a caring 
tone that I was sure that he was in love with me. 

~Elvish:~
Suilad = hello
penneth = young one

Chapter 2

I didn't realize that the child was pregnant of him. Do not ask me how he 
managed to impregnate a male, there are many myths upon the idea why 
the Sindar have fertiles among both men and women. But it would be 
useless to repeat them, it just disgusts me to know that he created himself 
a little half-sindar. Though I do not know why it surprises me. There is 
only one thing you can you can rely on with Glorfindel, he is absolutly 
unpredictably. He can be cruel and careless and only a short moment later 
he treats you like a Valar or his first and only love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And being loved by Lord Glorfindel was the most important and 
wonderful thing in Arda for me for the first weeks after our encounter. Or 
what I thought was being loved by him. There was a secret smile he would 
use when he looked at me, a sweet little smirk that could calm and cheer 
me for several hours. We had agreed that we didn't want Lord Elrond to 
know of our relationship or rather, Glorfindel had told me that it would be 
better. Perhaps because he was worrying on the Lord's reaction on his 
affair with the youngest of his advisors. Or for other reasons I do not know 
of. It is possible that he had other lovers, but I think he had not as he came 
to me every night with the same demanding need and the same sweet 
promises.

If we were alone and knew we would remain so for a while we did kiss 
and he pulled me into his lap, telling me that I had bewitched him and 
nobody could ever uncast such a powerful spell. I felt special when he said 
that, thinking that noone else could possibly make up something more 
beautiful. He sung for me and told me stories and I became addicted to his 
touch. It was something I had never felt before and looking back I 
presume I was actually in love. My behaviour towards him was 
embarassing, but at least noone but him knows of it and I do not think he 
will ever speak of it. But it was his behaviour that changed within the 
weeks.

He did treat me with both love and affection during the first weeks and 
then suddenly, one night after we had made love he pinched my nipples 
until I screamed, telling me that he strongly disliked the way I was flirting 
with the other advisors. It was absolutle nonsense, we had just been 
teasing each other and he had come in at the wrong moment. Telling him 
that it was sweet that he was jealous but he had no reason to be wasn't my 
best idea. I can still recall how hurt I felt when he lay down upon me to 
hold me down while he bit my skin painfully, drawing my blood before 
telling me that he needed to claim what was his.

And I accepted that explanation, I didn't protest and tell him that my body 
belonged to noone but me and that it was a gift if I decided to share it with 
him. But it didn't calm him when I promised that it wouldn't happen again. 
He just told me that it wouldn't happen again if I didn't want him to 
decipline me. Young as I was I thought that he was joking, that he merely 
wished to see my reaction on such a threat. I pretended to shiver with fear 
and he was satisfied for the night, kissing my sore skin better and 
explaining that he was showing me how much he loved me through such a 
treatment.

Again I did believe him and didn't tell him that if he would love me he 
would also trust me if I told him that I wouldn't cheat him. No, I was 
foolish back then, an innocent youth who hadn't yet come to age. There 
was noone I could ask such intimate questions, if it was right how he 
treated me, without revealing our relationship and I didn't dare to risk that. 
Even if I hadn't feared to speak about my love to Glorfindel I wouldn't 
have known whom to talk to. Elrond always listened to us, but it would 
have felt strange to speak about such a secret with him, especially when I 
noticed that my Lord and my lover were becoming close friends. It took a 
while until I realized that I had no real friends. There were several I liked 
and who liked me, but I trusted none of them well enough to speak to 
them. And all of a sudden I felt very isolated in the realm I had grown up 
almost all of my life. 

Chapter 3

I saw them together after Elrond had ordered me to find Glorfindel for 
him. It was disgusting, the way how Glorfindel was taking advantage of 
the young one's weakness. And I barely kept myself from challenging him 
when I saw his smirk, this knowing little smirk, showing me that he knew 
that I remembered very well how often he had made me plead and moan 
for his touch. He likes hearing that you are helpless - that you are at his 
mercy. That is one of the reasons why he likes fighting so much. Knowing 
that he is more skillful than the others and he can make them cry and beg.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is one of his games to test how much you can take. And when you will 
break down and cry and are still unsure if you never want to see him again 
or if you could never live without him. He is amused by that, I heard him 
chuckle when I begged for him to touch me. But that didn't stop me and 
being reminded of my weaknesses does not help me to grow fond of 
Glorfindel again. According to my feelings I have not been very nice 
towards the little Sindar. Not that I like Sindars, but usually I feel sorry for 
those he choses, it just confused me too much how well Glorfindel knows 
me to think of my own behaviour.

I think I would have died from shame if he had done that to me, displayed 
my body before another, but luckily his new toy is only Sindar and those 
Elves are not as proud as we are. As even though I dislike both of them I 
do not wish for the child to die. Though it might be a healthy shock to a 
certain individuel. It just reminds me too much of the past, this is the way 
he treated me. Apart from impregnating me and showing our relationship 
to everyone. Sometimes I still feel a slight stab of jealousy when I see 
them together. And what is even worse is that Glorfindel saw it, he knows 
my body far too well. 

He always just needed to kiss or caress me in a certain way and I forgot 
about everything else. If he had taken me to hard or slapped me without a 
reason he whispered to me later, told me that it was the only way he could 
be sure that my heart belonged to him and that I would remain his. Again 
and again I listened to him, believed his words and reacted to his loving 
touch. Being touched and loved by him felt to good to lose him. And 
believed that he loved me, I still think that he did, just not in the way I 
thought. He enjoyed taking my body and I presume that he was amused by 
the way I adored him, no matter what he did. It mattered to him what I 
thought for he always comforted me if he had treated me wrong or if I had 
fights with my friends.

Fighting with them was something that happened more often since the day 
I had met Glorfindel. I was tired, even exhausted and they didn't 
understand why I had changed so much. But I had to be careful, for 
whenever Glorfindel was around I wasn't allowed to laugh with them any 
longer and as I didn't want them to suspect something I ceased spending 
my time with them after a while. It was just too difficult to remember 
when to laugh and when to be serious and the colder I became towards 
them, the more reserved they were towards me. I concentrated on my work 
instead, using all the energy my lover left me to learn different languages 
and study myths whenever my counsel wasn't needed.

As a young advisor you aren't summoned often. My main tasks were 
writing letters and translating notes and doing that barely kept me busy 
enough to disatract myself from the bruises I had gained myself the other 
night. It was necessary to focus on something all the time or I would have 
lost my sanity. And as I had always enjoyed reading and learning my 
knowledge increased and I became even more interested in the in the 
finesse of politics. For some reason Glorfindel did not seem to like seeing 
me study that much as well, but as he prefered it to the idea of seeing me 
enjoying the company of others he magnanimously allowed me to 
continue.

Chapter 4 

He takes his Sindar to the table now, scaring the child to death, but I 
cannot take pity with it. I am not to blame for the way Glorfindel enjoys 
displaying his dominance and it amused him when he saw my disgust 
upon them. It is the way he underlines the child's youth that disturbs me 
the most. For years he had ceased spending his time with Elves who are so 
much younger than he is, but this one is even younger than I was when we 
met. And he knows that I take it personally, I read it in his eyes when I 
adressed Elladan who was sitting next to him. Just a Sindar, I tell myself, a 
little slut I called him when I spoke to Elrond's older son. Still I cannot 
help but think of my own actions while I look upon him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And it disgusts me to know that he told me how to dress, how to braid my 
hair. Of course he could never have dared to make me wear his braids of 
possession like he did with the Sindar child. But he did critize me 
whenever I hadn't plaited them perfectly or if he thought the green of my 
robes to cheerful. I listened to him, obeyed his wishes and tried not to 
make the same mistake twice. It wasn't hard to remember which robes he 
liked and which he disliked but sometimes I just couldn't braid my hair in 
the way he wanted after a busy night of making love and reading after he 
had left me. 

Depending on his mood he let it pass just pinching my behind while I was 
walking close to him or quietly threatened me with what would await me 
during the next night. He never forgot a single disobidience, not even after 
he punished me for it. It surprises me that I never noticed anything. That I 
never understood that it wasn't his right to make me kneel and crawl 
before him. Or maybe it was his right. A right I granted him by not 
protesting against it. By obeying his commands by my own choice, as I 
was scared of being punished, and even worse of losing his affection. 

Yes, he wasn't the only one to blame for our relationship. I wanted him, 
possibly I even wanted him enough to give up myself and my rights for 
him. And explaining how I loved, even adored him is almost impossible. It 
is not the attraction you feel first, the way you react upon another body 
and want to be either claimed or claim the other yourself by someone. 
Well, it was at first but it soon ceased, being replaced by something else. 
Thinking on this topic is difficult if I try not to blame Glorfindel for 
everything that happened. But lying to myself wouldn't help me and I 
cannot help but thinking whenever I saw them together. He knows that of 
course and he enjoys displaying him to me and specially to me when he 
seems to show him to everyone.

It is one of the many games he developed to tortue me after the end of our 
relationship. When he couldn't claim and master me any longer he needed 
other ways to ensure that I was still his, that I still couldn't find any peace. 
Casual remarks and knowing smirks at first and later the lovers he found 
himself. Sometimes he displayed their submission to him openly, 
sometimes he just winked at them when they couldn't sit down without 
wriggeling. He knew very well that I remember that feeling, that I know 
what it is like to sit while your skin is burning from a hard spanking or a 
belting.

Chapter 5

I hurt the child's feelings. Even though I didn't really want to do it. But it 
was so tempting to degrade him and see him flinch at my words. This time 
I did not even call him a slut, it wasn't necessary. Everyone who heard me 
knew what I meant, but it annoys me that it amused Glorfindel. I tried to 
sound as if I didn't care, as if it was beyond me to even think of being with 
another. And Lord Celeborn and the Sindar believed that, I pesume. But 
Glorfindel didn't. He just wrinkled his nose and cocked his eyebrows 
when he looked upon me, telling me that my own behaviour towards him 
hadn't been different. No, it had been even worse, for I had had no reason 
to submit to him like that. The Sindar is pregnant and was banned from his 
realm. Everyone around is disgusted by him and his actions and Glorfindel 
is the only one he can look upon for help. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While I had friends and a posistion and just gave up what I had to please 
him. At least I never ceased working and Elrond noticed my efforts. He 
was very interested in me and sometimes I even think that maybe 
Glorfindel mentioned me every now and then. But then again he did not 
want me to become more important, knowing well enough that his power 
upon me would decrease if I did. No matter for which reason Elrond never 
failed to see what I had done right and praised me for it just like he critzed 
me if I was too shy towards strangers or if I protested against Angaiāth's 
decisions if I knew better. 

It was not that my thoughts were wrong, usually I had considered t hem 
closely before uttering them, but he was convinced that I was too 
headstrong and whenever Glorfindel heard of such events he held me 
down and made me repeat that I was nothing special to anyone but him 
and that I had no right to speak to Angaiāth as if I was his equal. His 
efforts were in vain in this aspect of my life. I had given up my friends for 
him, but I just couldn't give up uttering my opinion. 

And even though Elrond never failed to tell me that it was wrong to speak 
up against higher ranked Elves it seemed that he secretly approved to it, 
for when Angaiāth left for Lórien, to support the Lord and the Lady of the 
Woods he selected me as the new Chief of his advisors even though I was 
younger and less experienced than the others. Perhaps it was because I 
was the one who never seemed to care about another's opinion and only 
relied on my own informations. Had he known that I would never have 
dared to speak against Glorfindel's thoughts he would have been 
displeased I presume. 

But I think he enjoyed the way I agreed with his best friend everytime we 
were both asked to state our opinions. And it seems that he never noticed 
that I waited until politly waited until Glorfindel had spoken before 
agreeing with him. Glorfindel was one of the Lords of our people, still 
higher ranked than I was and it seemed that he thought me respectful 
towards him for that. Though I had felt what it was like to disagree with 
Glorfindel, even in political aspects, when I had once said what I thought 
without considering his words. 

Being dependent on him like that was wrong. And it was even worse that I 
noticed several times that my opinion would have caused less trouble for I 
knew much more about history. But I didn't dare to complain or point out 
that he was wrong anymore after he had let me far off into the depths of 
the forrest. There he made me take off my clothes and I flinched from the 
cold wind on my skin even before I heard him losening his belt. I can still 
hear that husky command to place my arms around the tree I was to face 
and I remember both the feeling of the bark I against my arms and my 
chest and the nearly caressing move with which he placed my hair upon 
my shoulder to make sure that it wouldn't disturb him. 

The hissing sound of the belt, right before it touches your skin is the worst. 
It is the terrible knowledge that you cannot escape the pain that will 
follow, but still I didn't cry out until the fourth time it hit my skin. I always 
counted his smacks, hoping that focusing on something else would lessen 
the pain. But it didn't work for he waited until I was crying and sobbing 
and begging for his mercy before he granted it to me. And when I 
promised that I would never speak against him again he kissed me and 
told me that he was proud of my decision.

It was wrong of course. We both should have known that you shouldn't 
mix private affairs with politics. But it's too late to complain about this 
now and back then I was much too relieved to feel him kissing me again. I 
moved into his touch, not caring that my body was burning like fire and I 
still couldn't think clearly again. He caressed me and told me that I was his 
own and I didn't protest, I enjoyed the thought of being owned by him. 

Chapter 6 

Today held a surprise for us. The little Sindarchild who so eagerly submits 
to Glorfindel's touch is Legolas Thranduilion, the youngest prince of 
Mirkwood. There were very different reactions at the table upon hearing 
this. Glorfindel was furious that the child had dared to lie to him but also 
proud that he had actually managed to sire a child with the 
Mirkwoodprince. It is not as if he would care that it will still be half 
Sindar and our realm is at War with Mirkwood for several centuries. 
Elladan seemed to be surprised but did not really care and Elrohir was as 
disgusted as I was. We always agreed that you should not trust the Sindar. 
However, most interesting was the way Elrond looked upon him. A 
worried frown crossed his face for a moment, as if he calculated that the 
child could be his son. But maybe it was just my imagination and the 
rumours upon the strange relationship between my Lord and the King of 
Mirkwood. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There had always been those rumours. Even before Lord Elrond started to 
consider marrying the princess of Lórien, little teasing we would never 
have dared to speak of while Elrond was around. And after a time, when I 
had become a strangers to my former friends they didn't dare to speak of it 
anymore when I was around either. Glorfindel laughed at their thoughts, 
but I do not think that he really knew that they were untrue. He just didn't 
believe them. 

Is it surprising that he doesn't? No it is not, of course, for my Lord and the 
King have fought whenever they met. But still they continued to do so and 
Thranduil of Mirkwood refused to attend my Lord's wedding even though 
every other invited elf felt honored about being allowed to witness the 
feast. That could also mean, though, that he did not wish to give his 
blessings to an alliance between the two most powerful Elven realms and 
not that he was an offended secret lover who didn't want to see Elrond 
married. 

I do not know and don't really care anymore since Thranduil has proved to 
be just as much a Sindar as his father was very many times. And I do not 
desire to think of my Lord and the child of that deceiving, evil snake 
Oropher. Rather do I think of my Lady, the most beautiful and kindest elf I 
have ever met. She had all positive traits of her parents, silky, golden hair 
and a voice that sounded so meloudious that even the birds envied her. But 
when I finally found myself a good friend it harmed my relationship to 
Glorfindel more than anything else.

Yes, Celebrķan of Lórien was the only person who selflessly loved me 
without expecting anything in return. When Elrond had to leave we met 
and for long walks, usually finding peace among the waterfalls of 
Imladris. It was a beautiful place and she would tell me about the happy 
times she did spend with Elrond and sing old ballads she had been taught 
by her mother. She completly trusted me with her secrets and I did as well. 
I told her of my relationship with Glorfindel, made her promise that she 
would never tell another. 

And she didn't, though I found her concerned glance upon me whenever 
Glorfindel had hurt me. But she never asked me to end that relationship, 
knowing that I couldn't do that and I would have to find the strength to 
make that decision on my own. It was my life and she only counsoled me 
when I couldn't do it myself. She was wise, much like her husband and 
knew much about the history of the ages as her mother was among the 
eldest of our people and she had read and heard tales a lot during her 
childhood while she had been prepared to one day marry the Lord of 
Imladris.

As well as her parents and my Lord she saw the advantage in their 
marriage and she had grown to love Elrond shortly after she had first met 
him. They were a merry couple and even though she prefered to have her 
own friends instead of sharing those of her husband they spend much time 
together, whenever Elrond could lay aside the political matters. And all of 
us saw upon the birth of the twins as a gift of the Valar.

I have never again seen sweeter children. Whenever they needed a break 
from the crying little toddlers I proposed to look after them and later, 
when they needed to be taught both Elrond and Celebrķan agreed that I 
should do it. It was easy to teach Elrohir, he learned whatever I tried to 
teach to him and even though I feel unwell about it I think that he is much 
smarter than his brother. He is dearer to my heart as I know that Glorfindel 
did always prefer Elladan. For the older twin was the more skillful fighter 
and if he did what Glorfindel wanted him to do he was proud as if the 
prince was his own child. 

Sometimes we discussed the children's development. They had been very 
much alike before we had started taking care of them. But then Elladan 
became more and more like Glorfindel and my own little protege could 
never get enough of any book or story, just like his mother and me. Maybe 
his way to speak with gestures just like Celebrķen was what I liked the 
most about him. He resemlbed her though he and his brother looked just 
like their father, with their raven black hair and their grey eyes. It was not 
in his appearance but in his way to look at you and he had the same soft, 
melodious voice. 

Chapter 7

Once again I had to learn that it is not too intelligent to eavesdrop, even if 
you do not do it on purpose. I was walking past one of the old children's 
rooms when I heard a fight between Elladan and Glorfindel. For the first 
time I heard Glorfindel admit that Elladan should be more like his brother 
and being pleased by that fact I walked closer to hear the damning words 
of my former protege. He claims that Elrohir is unhappily in love with me 
and the words stabbed my heart. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course I always presumed that he liked me. Even while I was still with 
Glorfindel and secretly I have though about him. But I wouldn't admit it, 
not only because I was their mentor and couldn't have taken him to bed 
but also for the knowledge that my best friend had asked me to look after 
them. They always had a special place in my heart, both of them. However 
a relationship just wasn't possible and uttering the mere thought of it 
would have destroyed my relationship immediatly. 

To my surprise spending his days with the twins cheered my lover and he 
returned to his old state at times, being just as affectionate and caring as he 
had been during the first of our relationship. He almost never thought of 
reasons to smack me and kissed and praised me for everything I did right. 
I think he really loved being around the children, teaching them how to 
fight and defend themselves and he was really proud if they did well. It 
was like adopting them and it established a kind of equilibrium between 
us, improving our relationship even though he became more possessive 
everyday. 

And I will never forget the night of the twins' 50th begetting day. We were 
celebrating merrily, watching them dance once we had finished dinner and 
then the twins arrived, asking us to dance with them. Of course I took 
Elrohir's hand, leaving Glorfindel with Elladan as I thought that he would 
prefer to dance with his favourite. Elrohir and I were dancing and 
suddenly I felt a shy arm carefully sneaking up my neck while in the same 
moment I felt Glorfindel's eyes upon me, carefully watching every step of 
my dance. 

I did what I had to do, I gently pushed back to it's place and ceased 
dancing as soon as I politly could do so. It was difficult to miss the 
expression in Elrohir's eyes. He was so disappointed that I had declined 
him and it almost broke my heart. But I needed to think both of my 
position and my lover's eyes upon me. And he never tried to touch me 
again, he just looked at me with that longing, sad gaze whenever he 
thought that I didn't see it.

Glorfindel, however, was as it was to be expected not happy to see Elrohir 
trying to seduce me. He was proud of me, though, because I declined and 
rather hurt my protege than I cheated him. Or that was how he did see it, 
not knowing about my own thoughts and doubts upon having my protege 
inside my bed. I was relieved that he hadn't chosen to punish me, for it 
would have been one of his many possible reactions after seeing me dance 
that. And I was truly delighted when I noticed that he had chosen to make 
love to me instead. 

As soon as we had passed the last other awake words he lifted me into his 
arms and kissed me lovingly before carrying me towards my room. 
Usually we met inside his room, but as we both owned some salve to 
prepare me for him and that was all we would need tonight he did not 
mind taking me to and in my room instead. It was surprising to feel his 
hands that gentle and patient while he carefully took off my robes. By the 
Valar, I loved him that night, when I felt soft kisses upon my skin and then 
suddenly one of his hands started to caress and tease my body. 

He tickled me and poked my sides, knowing that I loved it if he did that. It 
helped me to relax for his touch, for the lovemaking which was surely to 
follow. And there wasn't anything that could possibly feel more erotic than 
the fingertips of my lover's hands upon my bare skin. I shivered and 
struggled even though I enjoyed it so much, but it has always been 
impossible to me to stay calm while I was tickled and I squirmed and 
giggled like a child. Normally he smacked me playfully upon the thighs if 
I couldn't remain still, but that night it was different. 

Instead of becoming mockingly angry with me he lowered his head upon 
my member to lick upon my shaft. It was the first time he did that and it 
remained the only time but I couldn't understand the bliss it gave to me to 
feel his lips upon my shaft. And he was skillful with his mouth, pressing 
loving kisses upon my erection and was pleased when I whimpered 
needily. He did not make me beg for his touch, he just gave it to me, like a 
gift and with his hands still lovingly caressing my hips.

It was an incredible feeling when he took my whole shaft into his mouth 
and  started to suck it. There was nothing I could possibly compare to it, 
not even walking among the waterfalls while the sun made the water 
sparkle like diamonds. But it made me think of a waterfall to feel him like 
that, it was like swimming in warm water, something so pleasurable that 
only someone who experienced it himself could possibly understand how I 
was feeling. 

I remember clearly how depressed I was after it was over, even though I 
had just felt pure bliss I regreted that there was nothing that could possible 
be better than what I had just felt. Glorfindel heard my sigh and smiled at 
me and for the very first time there was real affection in his eyes. Not 
desire to possess me or to hurt me, neither the wish to claim me or to love 
me, it was something I had never seen before, just like those golden curls 
which had been sparkeling in the sun when I had first seen him. 

That night made me feel loved, really loved by Glorfindel and I promised 
myself to never forget it, no matter what he did to hurt me on the next day. 
I watched him while he undressed and I must admit that I felt hungry 
again once I looked upon the well trained limbs while his hair was playing 
around his chest and halfhardly pushed it out of his face. He enjoyed 
displaying himself like that and he liked to see my reaction. Even though 
he never admitted it I knew that as he was not the only one who could read 
the signs upon his lover's body.

And then he chuckled quietly, looking at me and teasing me about the 
dreamy expression in my face before he allowed me into his arms to kiss 
and nip my shoulder. It didn't hurt me though the skin was slightly sore on 
the other morning or if it did I was too aroused to notice it. Several 
moments he just held me close, whispering sweet nonsense to me before 
he gently lay me upon the bed and started to prepare more tenderly than he 
had been while preparing me for my first time. 

Chapter 8

Glorfindel challenged me and I lost. He prepared his little prince and 
smirked while I walked into his trap. It amused him more than anything to 
humilate both me and the Sindar by presenting him to me like that. It was 
something that reminded me why our relationship had had to end after I 
had forgotten about his evil deeds and remembered how sweet and 
romantic he could be. Healthy rage and hate aided my heart to become 
stone again immediatly and our conversation convinced me that he was 
still the same bastard who had taken my love and hurt me more than 
anyone else did. My reaction was despressing, I behaved just like when he 
had been teasing me for the first time after we had ceased being lovers. 
Enraged and hurt like a toddler I yelled at him, was even about to insult 
him. And then he called me heartless and I barely kept myself from telling 
him that it was no wonder that I had no heart anymore after he had taken it 
from me, broken it like a toy and left it to die. At least that bit of triumph I 
could withhold from him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, it was his fault though he never understood that. I will always 
remember that year for it surely was the worst in my life. Celebrķan had 
been captured and poisoned by Orcs when she was traveling to Lórien to 
visit her parents. The twins left to save her but she was changed, noone 
could possibly compare her to her old self without starting to cry. Her 
whole expression had changed, the light inside of her had died and the 
melodious soft tone that had always been in her voice had been replaced 
by a sad, resigned croaking and even though Elrond did everything within 
his power to save her she started to fade from us. 

The twins were like mad, they ran away from home several times until 
Glorfindel threatened to lock them into the dungeons if they wouldn't stay 
in Imladris until their parents had recovered from their shock. That helped 
but still they were unbearable, even Elrohir who was usually compesionate 
and tender like his mother started to hurt the feelings of his friends and 
pushed everyone away from him. And Elrond despaired when he felt his 
beloved leaving him behind. It hurt to see them like this, to see Celebrķan 
and those she loved to most suffer so terribly. But it came worse for me 
when she decided to leave for Valinor. 

As most Elves in Imladris I felt terrible to see her leave and a day before 
she left she asked me to go for a walk with her. I sensed that she felt 
distressed, regretting to leave and hurt her family and agreed to come with 
her. We spoke until we had reached the Waterfalls and then remained 
there in silence, knowing what the other was feeling without words. And 
then, gently and with the same graceful moves as before her capture she 
walked towards me and hugged me before gently kissing my cheek. Her 
eyes were filled with tears but she promised that we would meet her again, 
when we left for the havens to join her in Valinor and I promised to look 
after her husband and her children as good as I could.

Then we returned home and the next day she left, tired and with tears in 
her eyes, leaving behind her family and her friends with hearts grieving 
about her destiny. But knowing that this was the best she could do I felt 
happy for her as it at least kept her from fading away, though I must admit 
that I cried when she left, but I managed to wait until I was back in my 
room before my tears started to fall. And then Glorfindel appeared and I 
allowed him inside, thinking that he seeked comfort just like me. It wasn't 
unsual for him to come to me if he felt unwell or sad, but before I could 
say a word he had pressed me against the wall and kissed me roughly. 

That still didn't surprise me and neither did I complain when he undressed 
me and pushed me to his feet. He knelt above me and held me down and 
then, suddenly and to my total surprise he started to accuse me in the most 
terrible way, while pinching and hitting my body like a mad man. It took 
me some to even understand what he was saying as he was drunk and 
spoke with a slurr. But when I understood him I laughed despite of my 
situation as it was just too ridiculous. 

Not only did he accuse me of being in love with Celebrķan Celebornien, no 
he also told me that I had sired Elladan and Elrohir with her. It was so 
stupid I couldn't even find words to defend me while he explained how he 
had watched us since the day she had arrived in Imladris. How we had 
touched each other and laughed together and that he had seen us going for 
long walks all alone several times. He even held my denial towards 
Elrohir against me as he was sure that I would have taken him to bed if he 
hadn't been my son. And of course he had seen her kiss me goodbye and 
absolutly misunderstood the gesture. 

Still I might have forgiven him for this, even though he absolutly 
overstepped the line, but I knew he was upset just like me and his heart 
ached, so he had chosen to blame me like that to ease his pain. But he did 
something that was unforgiveable, something I just couldn't live with. 
When I cried and pleaded for his mercy he usually stopped, but during that 
night he didn't. He kept hitting me until I thought I would choke on my 
tears, finally stopping when he fell asleep above me. I didn't dare to move, 
too scared that he might actually kill and just lay beneath him, trying to 
understand what had happened, but I failed. 

In the morning he woke and gave me free and I flinched from his touch 
immediatly. It took him a while to remember what had happened but when 
he did he was terribly sorry, he cried, seriously cried when he noticed 
what he had done to me and pleaded with me to forgive him. But I 
couldn't for I was much too scared that his jealousy might kill me the next 
time he got drunk. And when he understood that I had seriously decided to 
never allow him to touch me again he became mad once more, telling me 
that I was unworthy of him and that I had a heart of stone. 

He even once again accused me to be in love with Celebrķan before he 
reconsidered and decided that I had no heart at all. It was a new feeling to 
him, I think. That I had actually decided that I couldn't bear being with 
him any longer. But he got used to it and since the day I had ended our 
relationship he teased me and hurt my feelings whenever he could and no 
matter at which cost. I do not think that I will ever love again for I am 
scared that I might hurt my lover just like Glorfindel hurt me. And I 
couldn't see Elrohir harmed by what I do for I cannot give him my heart. It 
is gone, I do not believe in love any longer.

~The End~