Title: Ego
Author: Las (laiqualas@hotmail.com)
Pairing: Erestor/Haldir
Rating: R
Summary: After Erestor gets ungracefully dumped by his lover, he decides 
it is time to learn the marchwarden a lesson that will not be easily 
forgotten.
Warnings: BDSM
Disclamer: Well you just guess who owns these characters…
Author’s notes: the idea for this fic came into my head while I was on 
holiday and was suffering from a severe lack of fanfiction, while listening 
to a rather angry song called  ‘Ego’, from the dutch band Total Touch. I 
promised myself to write it when I got home. So here it is!
Thanks go to Milly and certain other friends that do not want to be named 
here for inspiring me. And more thanks to Milly for putting my story up 
on her page once more! *hugs her sweetheart*




A tall, dark-haired Elf trashed about in bed as his nightmare haunted him. 
His chest rose and fell quickly, hands clenched in fists, eyes wide open 
and staring without seeing the ceiling. In a fit he shot up, and slowly 
became aware of his surroundings. The bed beside him was empty. 
“Love?” A weird feeling settled in his stomach. “Hal??” 

In one movement Erestor slipped of his bed and in two paces he reached 
his closet. A trembling hand opened it. All his lover’s clothes were gone. 
He froze, but the hammering sound in his head only got louder. He quietly 
moved a hand to his mouth as his eyes searched the room for any sign of 
the missing Elf. “No…”

He ran through the corridors, almost tripping over his sleeping robes when 
descending the stairs, crossing the hall as if being chased by a band of 
orcs, bursting out the front door, and then directly went on to the stables. 
The blond Elf who was just leading his horse to the courtyard didn’t even 
look up when the advisor came to a halt next to him. Words failed to leave 
Erestor’s mouth when he saw Haldir’s face, cold and arrogant, ignoring. 
The blond mounted quickly, then finally looked down. “Erestor, would 
you mind stepping aside? I would hate to have my mount run over your 
pretty body.”

“But…” Erestor hardly heard the words Haldir had spoken, since his 
whole head was ringing with one thought. “You are leaving me?” 

The Galadhrim snickered. “How clever of you to notice. For some of my 
previous toys it took days before they stopped coming after me, in the 
thought that I had only been joking. It was nice to have an advisor 
surrendering to me for a change. But the time has come for me to get 
someone new, since even you get boring after a time.” He smiled and 
patted the dark hair when riding by his previous lover. “Goodbye, don’t 
wait for me, dear advisor.” Then he spurred his horse into a gallop and left 
a blankly staring Erestor alone, just as the sun sent its first rays over 
middle-earth. 

With an unemotional face, Erestor slowly made his way back to his 
chambers while he let the words of the guardian of the Golden Wood 
settle in. They echoed through his mind. His love was gone. Had just left 
him. He sat down on his bed, tears overwhelming him, and curled up 
under his blanket like an elfling, shaking with misery. 


--------------


“Have you seen Erestor this morn, Glorfindel? We agreed to look over our 
supplies together at eight, and it is not like him to be late.” The Lord of 
Imladris looked up from his work to meet the other’s eyes. 

The golden-haired shrugged and smiled. “Probably lost in his work. You 
know him.”

Elrond smiled back. “Could you…?”

“Sure, I’ll go get our smart Elf.” With a toss of his golden hair he turned 
around and left the room. When not finding Erestor in the library, his 
usual hiding place, Glorfindel raised two elegant eyebrows, shrugged, then 
turned around and headed for the dark-haired’s private chambers. After a 
firm knock he called: “Erestor, are you in there? Elrond is waiting for 
you!” When he got no response he frowned slightly. Where was he? Just 
when he was about to walk away he heard a small sound coming from the 
advisor’s room. 

“Erestor?” Had the Elf still been sleeping? It seemed almost impossible. 
Or had he awoken Haldir? “Haldir?” He pursed his lips and shook his 
head at the stubbornness of the person inside. “I am coming in!” he 
warned. /One way or another/ he thought, while trying if the door was 
locked.

It wasn’t, and again two eyebrows went up when he saw a quiet form 
under the blankets. As far as he knew Erestor never slept like that. After 
all, the advisor was a very normal Elf that no doubt slept in a very normal 
way. And there was no reason for Erestor to still be in bed. “Erestor? 
Smart Elf? Are you okay?” he said while approaching the bed. When he 
still got no response real worry grew in his chest. He carefully sat down on 
the bed and laid a hand on what he thought would be his friend’s arm. 
“Erestor? What is wrong?”

A sob came from under the blanket. /Erestor is… *crying*?!/ “Did you 
have a fight with Haldir?”

“No.” After this short answer it was quiet again. 

Glorfindel let a hiss escape his mouth. It had to be something *really* 
serious if Erestor was crying. “Please tell me what happened.”

“He left…” 

“Left? Haldir left you?” amazement sounded in the blond’s voice. He got 
no response, but didn’t need one. When he let his eyes search the room he 
knew it was true. The door of the closet was half-open… And all the 
Galadhrim’s personal belongings were gone from the room. “When did he 
leave?”

“First light... Without even telling me.”

The golden-haired growled. “Damn that Elf! I *knew* he couldn’t be 
trusted!”

With a wild movement Erestor shook of Glorfindel’s hand. “Oh shut up 
Glorfindel! If you came here to tell me that I’ve been a blind fool than 
*don’t* bother. The last thing I need at the moment is your *stupid* and 
*arrogant* remarks! Leave my room and close the door behind you!” 

“I am sorry, I did not mean to…”

“LEAVE!!!”

The seneschal closed his mouth, frowned, then got up and left the room as 
quiet as possible. And made sure he closed the door behind him.


--------------


Erestor felt sad after he had sent Glorfindel away, but he knew his blond 
friend always said the wrong things at the wrong times. And he just 
couldn’t take that at the moment. A cynical smile formed on his lips. If 
only Glorfindel wasn’t so right. If only he had listened to his common 
sense. And to his dreams. If only he didn’t love Haldir so much… With a 
resolute movement he sat up, pulled the blanket aside and walked to the 
mirror. His eyes were red and swollen from crying, streaks of fallen tears 
all over his face and his hair a tangled mess. “Look at yourself, Erestor. 
Completely in tears because of some arrogant marchwarden that came by 
and stole your heart, then left you.” He sighed and shook his head. Haldir 
didn’t just leave him. He tried to make him feel like he was worth nothing, 
not worth caring for. A toy, that’s what he had said. His lips became a thin 
line.

He went over to the sink and splashed some water into his face. “Get over 
it. Did you really think he would stay with you forever?” He snickered at 
his own question. After a deep sigh another splash of water followed the 
first, then he dried his face and pulled one of his usual dark robes from the 
closet without looking. He slipped into it, combed his hair and went on his 
way to do his duty. It was best to just forget about it all.

-----------------


“I’ll get…” thud  “you for…” thud  “this…” thud  “Haldir!” The softly 
muttered words where lost in the sound of the thundering hooves crossing 
the roads towards Lorien. The whole figure riding the proud white stallion 
seemed to breath with rage. A face with burning eyes, eyebrows frowned, 
mouth in a grimace that bared the teeth… Pitch black hair wildly flying 
behind the lithe form. 

The thought to simply forget what happened had vanished from his mind 
in seconds after Elrohir had told him. Haldir had crossed the line. 
Dumping him in the most humiliating way after playing around with 
someone who in all his stupidity didn’t see the betrayal coming, was one 
thing. He could get over that. But *no one* dared to treat his protégé like 
that. Had Haldir really thought he could bed the son of Elrond like that 
without any consequences? /You will pay for this, Haldir, oh… you will 
pay!/

Had anyone from the Imladris household seen the advisor like this, 
dressed in warrior’s clothes, hair braided in warrior’s fashion, a belt 
holding sharp blades around his waist, they would have been sure to 
mistake him for Erestor’s unknown twin brother. It was Glorfindel’s horse 
he had taken after his rushed decision to go after Haldir, and somewhere in 
the back of his head he knew he’d be in trouble when he would next face 
Glorfindel. But this was the only horse that could take him to Lorien quick 
enough, so he could cut Haldir’s throat. He was only three days behind…


----------------------------


Erestor waited quietly on the roof of the Galadhrim’s talan. He had arrived 
in Lorien not an hour later than Haldir, had left his horse on the border, 
sneaked into the Golden Wood and was now waiting patiently until the 
brothers would leave. Voices were heard from inside. 

“I hope you didn’t make a mistake by doing that, Hal. You might’ve 
gotten us all into trouble…”

“Dear brother,” Haldir said in a sweet tone – Erestor wrinkled his nose at 
hearing the familiar tone in which he spoke – “Erestor walked into my bed 
himself. I cannot be blamed for his lust for me!”

The intruder’s mouth twitched downwards at those words, but he sat 
quietly and waited. Swiftness and skill would be needed for this, a skill 
long not practiced by the advisor. His knives gleamed in the setting sun.

--------------

When the door finally opened and Rúmil and Orophin came out, darkness 
had settled over the trees. Erestor waited until they were well out of 
hearing range, then dropped down on the platform before the tree house. 
Inside he heard Haldir walking around. He stole a glance through the 
window, to see the blond undressing himself. Steam was coming from the 
bathroom. “Now now, dear Haldir,” he murmured, mimicking the 
Galadhrim’s earlier tone, “don’t take away all the fun for me…”

As silently as possible Erestor opened the door and rushed inside. A now 
naked Haldir turned around in surprise, but was too late as a hand closed 
over his mouth and the hilt of a knife came down on his temple. Abruptly 
his body went limp in the other’s arms, and a smile touched Erestor’s lips. 
He still hadn’t lost it.

Quickly, Haldir was blindfolded and gagged, then his wrists and ankles 
were securely tied together. For a moment, Erestor stared down at the pale 
face that he knew so well, then his eyes swept over the marchwarden’s 
body. “Let’s see who’ll be the toy now.” 

Contradictory with the words he spoke only moments ago, he carefully 
lifted the naked body in his arms and went down the stairs. No one was 
near, and Erestor walked into the forest without a second thought. His 
paces were soft but fast as he took his victim deeper into the woods, until 
he knew it wouldn’t be long before Haldir was going to wake up. He 
removed the ties around legs and wrists, then tied the limbs to two trees, 
so the marchwarden was hanging in the middle. 
	
Patiently he sat and down and waited. It was only a few minutes later 
when the blond began to stir and lifted his head. Erestor watched with 
interest how first, Haldir’s face turned into a grimace of pain - a nice 
bruise had formed on his temple -, then tried to move his arms to find 
them tied up, then how his gaze became less hazy as he looked around and 
finally saw the dark-haired elf sitting on the ground only a few meters 
away. “Who the hell are you, and why did you…” his voice faltered. An 
expression of complete amazement formed on his face. “Erestor??”

“I’m so glad you still remember me.” The advisor stood up, carelessly 
tossed his hair back and walked towards the other Elf until he was 
standing about a meter in front of him. “I hope your trip back home was 
nice?”

Haldir tried to squirm free of his ties, but failed. He cast an angry look 
towards his captor. “This is not funny, Erestor. Let me go!”

“No.” Erestor simply stated.  He circled around the trees the other was tied 
to, then came to a halt behind him. 

Haldir did his best to follow his previous lover’s movements with his eyes, 
but had to give up and growled angrily. “If you don’t let me go now you’ll 
regret this!” He got no answer, but felt a ghost of a breath on his right 
shoulder. A shiver went down his spine, and a nervous feeling came to his 
stomach. Someone unsheathed a knife. And another. “Erestor what are 
you doing?” Silence.  He felt the tip of something sharp on his shoulder, 
then another one on the other shoulder. He arched his back, trying to get 
away. “Erestor stop this madness!” 

Oh so slowly Erestor moved the two blades down, trailing an invisible 
path down the Galadhrim’s back, then over his buttocks. There he stopped, 
then gave some extra pressure. He could hear Haldir take a sharp breath. 
“If you stop now I might just forgive you.”

A smirk came on Erestor’s face, but still no word left his lips. Again he 
placed his knives on Haldir’s shoulders, this time a little a rougher, and 
small drops of blood appeared. Again air was sucked in abruptly. Haldir’s 
breathing sped up considerably when the knives this time left a thin red 
line behind on their way down. “Stop it!”  

The blades changed their direction, now heading upwards again but on his 
side, over his ribs.
A whimper left Haldir’s mouth as he tried to squirm away once more, but 
then ended in a low groan. Erestor’s face was deadly serious now. “You 
enjoy this, do you?” He came to stand closer to the marchwarden, nearly 
touching his back, his knives moving on the other’s stomach.

“Yesss…” Haldir’s breathing had sped up just a little bit more. The 
daggers returned to his back.

“Just as much as you enjoyed taking Elrohir-” two knives bit deeply into 
Haldir’s back, eliciting a cry of pain, “into your bed?” The last words 
ended in a dangerous whisper.

“He… was a most… sweet and… eager youngster…” the Galadhrim 
panted.

“As eager as… I was?” Erestor’s voice was low and deadly as he again 
pushed his knives deeper into the other’s body.

“Arghh… oh yes… as eager as you still are… so it seems.” Erestor could 
hear the smile in the other’s voice, and his lips became a thin line. Haldir 
let out a hiss. “I never knew you could be like this… you surprise me, 
Erestor. But feel free to… prove to me what you are capable of…”

“Don’t worry about it, I most certainly will.” Erestor made his way to the 
other side of his helpless victim, so they were face to face. He looked into 
the other’s grey eyes for a moment, the eyes he had seen in this aroused 
state so many times. Then he stepped closer, lips only centimetres apart, 
noses touching, cloth meeting arousal… Haldir moaned, but Erestor did 
not move a bit to give the other more satisfaction. “I loved you, Haldir. 
Foolish as I was. I shed tears for you, can you imagine it? You hurt me. 
You were cruel. Now shall I show you just how cruel *I* can be?”

Haldir swallowed when something sharp touched the skin under his chin. 
He only realized what the other was doing when he felt a sharp pain on his 
face, and he flinched away. “No!” But the knife had no mercy as it cut 
open the skin on his jaw and cheeks, and blood trickled down his face. 
Gasps and whimpers left the marchwarden’s mouth. “Don’t do this 
Erestor, please…” But he couldn’t avoid the sharp blade as Erestor had his 
head in a solid grasp.

“Don’t worry about it, dear Haldir, scars will heal… As fast as mine will.” 
Erestor smiled humourlessly. Haldir’s eyes burned with anger, though his 
arousal was still standing proud.

“I’ll get you for this, Erestor…”

“I’m sure you will. Unfortunately, I am not the only one scarred by your 
actions, remember? I think I have a nice other addition to your new 
looks…”

He sweetly stroked Haldir’s chest, gripped his chin, then made sure Haldir 
didn’t miss the glitter in his eyes. It had it’s effect. For the first time, fear 
shone through in the marchwarden’s eyes. Erestor moved to stand behind 
him once more, then in a very soft, almost teasing manner, stroked the 
other’s hair. “So soft and pretty.. I’d almost say it’s a shame.”
	
“No no no, Erestor, *please* don’t do this… please… I’ll do anything for 
you… just don’t do this…” 

The dark-haired smiled. “You’ll look just as ugly as you are on the inside 
of your heart, Haldir, you should be grateful.” He grabbed the long blond 
hair and pulled his head backwards with it. Locks fell to the ground. A sob 
was heard. “Ai, my poor, poor Haldir…” He soothingly stroked the others 
back. “Isn’t it sad that the great marchwarden of the Golden Wood will 
have to spend his last moments in such a humiliating situation?”

It took a few moments until Haldir realized what the other had just said. 
An eerie silence fell as he held his breath. Then he released it again. “You 
are insane, Erestor. Very, very insane. But you would not kill one of your 
kin!” As Erestor walked into view again he proudly lifted his head. “You 
may humiliate me, but you won’t scare with such an empty threat.”

Erestor’s facial expression remained neutral. “Empty, you say? As empty 
as my other threats?”

“You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you were a kinslayer, a 
murderer. The guilt would be too much for you.”

“Who are you trying to convince, Haldir? Do you really think you know 
me that well?” Haldir’s body trembled under his hands as Erestor’s blade 
was pressed hard against the other’s throat.

“I wager you wouldn’t do it.”

“Too bad I won’t be able to take you up on that wager once your spirit is 
gone from Arda.” But the dagger nonetheless left Haldir’s throat, and 
Erestor walked so that he faced the Galadhrim again. “I will make sure 
you will never hurt another again. I’ll let Mandos judge you further, he’ll 
decide whether you’ve been punished enough for what you did. Do your 
last prayers, marchwarden. I will look you in the eye when you die.”

Haldir shook his head. “You lie.”

“Fine, then don’t.” Erestor sighed, then brushed his hand over his clothes 
so sweat would not made his hands slippery. He raised the knife high and 
squeezed it tight. His gaze never left the other’s eyes. “Goodbye, Haldir.” 

Only then Haldir noticed that tears shone in the other’s eyes. His eyes 
grew large. “No! Erestor stop! Don’t kill me! I’ve learned my lesson, I 
swear! Don’t!”

Erestor heard the terrified whimper as he took a deep breath and prepared 
to slam the knife down… Then a hand around his wrist stopped him. “I 
think he’s been punished enough, Erestor.”

With speed Erestor turned around, his face going from surprised to 
shocked. There stood the last person he had expected to see here. 
“Glorfindel?!”

The golden-haired pushed the hand with the knife down, then took the 
weapon from limp fingers. The eyes of the two Imladris-elves locked for 
one moment, then Erestor turned back to the Galadhrim again. “It seems 
you are lucky this time, Hal.” He snorted. “Though how lucky we have yet 
to see.” His eyes silently asked the question as he turned back to 
Glorfindel.

The Eldar smiled. “I think he will enjoy being tied up a little longer. After 
all he has his ego to keep him company… or what is left of it.” He winked 
and smirked. “Shall we get back to the horses? Or should I say *my* 
horses?”

“Sure, let’s not waste any time,” Erestor said, ignoring the last comment. 
Without looking back the two Elves walked away, ignoring Haldir’s pleas 
to at least release him. “They will find him sooner or later, I am sure.”

It was quiet for a moment, then Erestor carefully asked: “How did you 
find me?”

“I followed you here.”

“But that means… you *watched*???”

“Aye, until I thought you were taking it too far.” The golden-haired looked 
at his friend. “Would you really have killed him?” 

Erestor threw him a glare that was somewhere between mock and real 
anger. “Despite the Galadhrim’s words, I am *not* insane.”

“Good.”

“Is it?”

Glorfindel smiled. “Yes, I wouldn’t want to be in love with an insane 
person.”

Erestor halted abruptly. “What?”

“I love you, Erestor.”

Disbelief turned into a teasing smile. “Your timing is great as always, 
Balrog Slayer.”

“So I’ve been told, smart Elf. But shall we walk on? Before we get caught, 
I mean.” He winked.

Erestor shook his head disbelievingly, but allowed Glorfindel to put an 
arm around him. “Yes, let’s go home.”

THE END