Title: Songs of Despair 
 
Author: Crystal Dragon (crystaldragon_79@msn.com) and Rufferto  
(gbower@twcny.rr.com) 
 
Pairings: Haldir/Celeborn (implied), Haldir/Rumil 
 
Rating: NC-17 
 
Category: AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, and Drama 
 
Archive: Absolutely, anyone who wants it. 
 
Series/Sequel: Part 1 of ? 
 
Feedback: Always welcome. 
 
Disclaimer: Tolkien owns LOTR and all characters within. No profit is  
made from this fic, written purely for fun. 
 
Warnings: Incest. More warnings for later chapters. 
 
Summary:  
 
Notes: ***Please Read*** This Fic is a transcript of a private  
roleplay between the two authors. If you like this fic, please feel  
free to come to our Public Roleplay Message Board. At:  
http://pub82.ezboard.com/blordsoftheslashed Trust me you will not be  
disappointed. Many wonderful authors. Lots of Pairings and  
situations. Something for everyone. Come to read, or feel free to  
apply for a character yourself. New applicants always welcome. Hope  
to see you there. 
 
 
 
Songs of Despair 
Part 1 
 
 
Haldir lay against the back of his father and mother's old bed, his  
head resting on the mattress and staring up at the ceiling. In his  
hand was a full bottle of elven wine... and scattered about the room  
were more bottles. 
 
He was a mess... his hair was in disarray and he had stripped himself  
down to just his leggings. Candles burned by the door and he listened  
to a song in the distance someone was singing. 
 
Joy... 
 
There was no joy in life. When had he ever had it? He'd fallen in  
love with someone who would only ever hurt him... time and again. And  
yet... he always went back for more. He always went when Celeborn  
called him.... always... 
 
He had come back to Lorien having received a message to see Celeborn,  
but apparently he had been misdirected... and was in time to see the  
new person who now shared his lover's bed. A young thing... pretty  
and new... not like Haldir.  
 
He wiped his mouth after drinking more of the wine and looked up at  
his father's portrait.  
 
"See what has become of your son." he said bitterly. "You always 
told  
us we'd find love. But all I've ever seen is pain." 
 
He was only good for one thing, it seemed... to defend the borders of  
Lorien. He would do that until his dying day... but every time there  
was but a small chance that he could have a bit of light... some  
love... he went to Celeborn's side without hesitation. 
 
The world was coming to darkness around them... and all he wanted was  
to find love before they left for Valinor. He could not see his  
parents again and tell them he was a failure. To tell them... he was  
someone no one wanted. To tell them that he had fallen in love with a  
married elf. Not only a married elf.... but also the Lord of Lorien  
himself. 
 
Haldir took another drink. 
 
* 
 
Rumil ran through the woods as quickly as he could back to the home  
he shared with his brothers, Haldir and Orophin. All of his muscles  
screaming in protest, yet he did not slow his pace in the slightest.  
Desperate to return home and find out what had happened to his  
brother, Haldir. None so far had been able to tell him where the  
older elf was, and quite frankly Rumil was very near panicking with  
worry. 
 
It had been an exhausting day and an even more exhausting night. The  
young elf had been out on patrol all during the day, and then half of  
the night when his relief had not shown up at the appointed time. At  
first he had been angry with his brother for being late, and then  
worried. It was not like Haldir to ignore his duty like this... not  
like him at all. In fact Rumil could not remember a time before  
Haldir had ever been a –second- late to relieve him on patrol  
before. However as much as he might have wanted to he could not  
leave his post to search for his brother and the younger elf's worry  
only continued to grow as the minutes passed into hours. 
 
To top it all off a rather large band of orcs had decided to try and  
penetrate Lorien's borders that night during his watch, though they  
had not made it very far. His arrows had taken out most of the foul  
creatures and his knives had done a good job on finishing off the  
rest before they had finally retreated.  
 
It was only –after- then did someone show up to take over his 
watch,  
the other Lorien guard understandably surprised to see *him* still  
there rather than his brother, Haldir. 
 
He was weary and his shoulder ached from drawing his bow over and  
over rapidly but he ignored the small pains, not slowing his pace  
until he could see their home in clear view. There was a light on  
inside… but not where one would have expected there to be. High 
in  
his parent's old room. It had been empty and unused for many  
hundreds of years… since his mother and father had traveled over 
the  
sea. 
 
Rumil's confusion grew almost enough to match his worry as he entered  
their home and sprinted up the stairs. Throwing open the door to his  
parent's room without even bothering to knock first. His eyes  
widening in shock and if possible becoming even more worried now that  
he –had- found his brother.  
 
Haldir was an absolute mess and... drunk? He almost couldn't 
believe  
it. His brother rarely drank enough to even become slightly  
intoxicated, and never enough to ever become –drunk- before. 
 
"Haldir? What is wrong?" The young elf whispered softly, shutting the  
door behind him softly and coming over to the bed, kneeling down  
beside his brother and taking a slightly chilled hand between his  
own. He had never seen his brother like this before... and it hurt.  
For more reasons than one, that he did not allow himself to think  
about right now. Something must have happened... something very  
bad... But what? He couldn't even imagine... 
 
"Haldir... tell me please... did something happen? Orophin... is he  
all right?" A knot of fear welled up inside the younger elf thinking  
something might have happened to their other sibling and that's what  
upset Haldir so… He prayed to Valar that were not the case. 
 
"Nothing has happened to Orophin. He's fine." Haldir said shortly and  
turned away, pulling his hand away from Rumil's as though it was a  
hot coal. He took another swig of the wine and growled, "Leave me  
alone." 
 
Rumil was the last person in the world he wanted to see like this. If  
his younger brother knew how low he'd sunk... how desperate he was  
for the attention of a married man.... surely he would turn away in  
disgust. 
 
His hands were ice cold and he drew his legs up. His eyes were so  
bloodshot he could barely see. The older elf closed his eyes as  
though shutting out the world. But when he closed his eyes all he  
could see was the image of Celeborn locked in passion with another  
and he gave a choked sob. 
 
"Just go away, Rumil." 
 
His fingers twisted around the top of the bottle he held, more were  
readily available and it looked like he had drunk more than enough to  
get two elves drunk...and that was some feat.  
 
"I need to be alone." 
 
He rubbed his face, causing the dirt on his face to be smudged  
further because of the sweat on his forehead. Dirt streaked across  
his cheeks and he didn't seem to care. 
 
Rumil was both relieved when Haldir informed him their brother was  
fine and hurt by the sharpness of his brother's tone.  
 
A brief flash of pain washing over the younger elf's features before  
he could hide it. Though he doubted Haldir would have noticed anyway  
in the state he was in. 
 
Seeing Haldir like this hurt. Very much. His brother had always  
seemed so... invincible. Always as calm and steady as a rock in a  
flood. What in Middle Earth could have happened to do this to his  
brother? He was in so much pain... and his brother's pain hurt him  
more than any physical wound possibly could. 
 
"Haldir... My brother..." Rumil rose slowly and laid down on the bed  
next to his brother and tried to put his arms around him. Offering  
what comfort he could, much as his brothers used to do for him when  
he was very young.  
 
"I am not leaving you like this. The last thing you need right now is  
to be alone I think. Tell me please, what is wrong? Let me help?"  
Rumil whispered softly, raising his hand to his brother's cheek and  
trying to wipe away some of the dirt that was smudged there. Even  
though he did not look much better than his brother at the moment,  
covered in sweat and dirt from his long run and splattered with orcs  
blood from the battle. 
 
"No..." Haldir wrenched away and drank again from the bottle,  
sputtering a little as his body rejected too much liquid at once.  
 
Gods....he couldn't say anything about it. How could he? How could he  
tell Rumil of all people? He buried his face into one of the pillows  
and let the bottle slide from his fingers. It rolled onto the floor  
empty as Haldir's shoulders tensed with trying to hold back tears. He  
would not cry, he would not break down. Why couldn't he get that damn  
image out of his head?  
 
"I'm not worth it. Go... just walk away. Pretend you never saw this.  
I'll be fine in the morning..." Of course it had already been 24  
hours... and he had not even noticed the blood on his brother. 
 
Rumil's eyes widened in shock, his heart clenching in response to his  
brother's pain and for one of the few times in his life the young elf  
felt completely lost. Not knowing what to do to comfort his older  
brother. It was usually the other way around, Haldir the one who had  
always comforted him before... 
 
Haldir had always been so strong, invincible, yet so gentle with 
him…  
Rumil remembered the times he had been ill and Haldir and Orophin had  
been the ones to take care of him. In fact the young elf had allowed  
no others. When he was hurt it was his older brothers who had eased  
his pain, dried his tears, made him smile. 
 
He knew others thought of the Watch Warden as cold, but Rumil had  
seen past the wall Haldir had built around himself and the warmth his  
brother tried so often to hide. It was probably no wonder that the  
child's love he had for his brother had grown into more. More 
than  
the love siblings aught to share for one another. 
 
"Haldir... how can you ever think such a thing...?" Rumil whispered  
softly. Risking his brother's anger by wrapping his arms around  
Haldir once again and laying his head against his brother's tense  
shoulder.  
 
"You mean everything to me... everything... you and Orophin. I could  
never leave you, my Brother... Not like this... now or ever." 
 
"Rumil." Haldir looked up and rubbed his face again, drawing a  
shuddering breath. "Rumil... I don't know... I don't think. Its not a  
good idea for you to be here with me right now." he nodded, "Yes, its  
not." 
 
He did nothing to move out of the embrace, yet he did not return it,  
his muscles tense and his eyes dark. "I'm not thinking straight... I  
need... something else to drink." 
 
He moved as though to get up and find another bottle. Haldir refused  
to look at Rumil directly. He knew if he did his feelings would just  
get more and more jumbled. "How can you stand to be with me, anyway?"  
he cried out angrily. "I ruin everything. There is only one thing I  
can do and I even failed at that today." 
 
Rumil's arms tightened around his brother, refusing to let the older  
elf up from the bed. He was not sure how much wine his brother had  
consumed already but judging by the empty bottles on the floor... How  
long had his brother been up here anyway? Had he even eaten anything  
all that time? Surely consuming such quantities of alcohol could not  
be healthy...  
 
"Haldir, another drink is the last thing you need, unless it is plain  
water with food to go with it." The younger elf said, pushing his  
brother back to the bed, which wasn't very difficult even though  
Haldir was normally much stronger than he, and straddling his  
brother's waist to keep him there. 
 
He tried to offer his brother a kind smile, even as he wrinkled his  
nose playfully. 
 
"I should be asking you how you can stand to be near me at the  
moment. I must smell like an orc." The young elf said with mild  
disgust unlacing his dirty and bloodstained tunic and throwing the  
soiled material on the floor. 
 
His eyes grew serious once again Rumil tried to get Haldir to look at  
him. Running gentle fingers through his brother's mussed hair, trying  
to keep his touch as soothing as possible. 
 
"Haldir... I don't understand. It pains me to see you like this. I...  
you do not have to tell me what troubles you if you do not wish to...  
but will you at least let me comfort you? As you have always done for  
me, my brother? Let me help you, Haldir. Please..." 
 
Haldir watched Rumil throw off his tunic with almost fascination...  
having difficulty turning his gaze away. What... but... when had that  
feeling started? That was the last thing he needed.  
 
Normally he would have been able to easily outmatch Rumil, but his  
strength was slow and he couldn't put the effort into resisting as he  
fell back and Rumil straddled him.  
 
"I'm not hungry." He said, closing his eyes, shutting out the world  
once again. However, his brother's current position wasn't making it  
any easier, neither was the strange tingling he was feeling when his  
younger brother's fingers raked through his hair. "Rumil...." 
 
"I wish I had gone with mother and father." Haldir said at  
last. "But... there was you..." He opened his eyes again and lay  
where he was, gazing up at Rumil, tears pooling in his eyes, "And  
him. I thought he would change. But... its always the same thing....  
I kept thinking..." 
 
Haldir sighed. 
 
"I don't know how you can help me." Haldir's voice was soft as  
reached up and took Rumil's hand as though trying to make sure that  
he was actually there. "I don't even know myself right now." 
 
Rumil's hand felt nice in his own...it was warm and inviting...soft  
nimble fingers...he caressed them unknowingly. Orcs? His brain felt  
like it was filled with cotton. "You were attacked...and I wasn't  
there to help." 
 
Rumil's own eyes filled with tears as his brother finally began 
to  
speak. Tears for his brother's pain. And beneath that, anger. 
 
Him... he should have known. 
 
It was one of the best-kept secrets in the Golden Wood. Not that his  
brother hadn't been very discreet when he went to see the Lord of  
Lorien, but Rumil was quite observant. Perhaps more than most when it  
concerned his brothers. Especially Haldir. 
 
He wasn't sure if Orophin knew... but he knew... Celeborn had 
hurt  
Haldir again. Very badly this time it seemed. 
 
"Oh Haldir..." Rumil leaned down to wrap his arms around his brother  
once more, pressing his body close offering both warmth and a  
comforting touch.  
 
"Shhh..." He whispered gently, laying his fingers gently on his  
brother's lips to stop Haldir's apology. The younger elf's light  
green eyes full of sorrow for his brother's pain, as well as his own  
whenever he thought of his brother being with someone else... but he  
knew he could never act on his feelings... especially when Haldir  
loved another. 
 
"Do not apologize, it is all right. I am all right, I promise.  
Nothing I could not handle." Rumil said softly, offering his brother  
a small quick smile, which faded just as quickly. "I am sorry I was  
not here for you..." 
 
In spite of himself, Haldir's arms moved around his younger  
brother... it felt good... so good to have someone lying on top of  
him. Warmth he needed... craved. 
 
"I should have ignored the summons." Haldir sighed, "But I can't stay  
away from him... I was late getting back you know... and that's when  
I saw." He nestled his cheek against the warm fingers that had just  
brushed his lips. "He hadn't waited. He'd just...taken someone else.  
She's in Rivendell for a wedding...Galadriel...and he had some time  
alone. But it could have been anyone, Rumil. He didn't care. He never  
has. All he cares about is himself and Lorien." 
 
Haldir laughed bitterly, "I saw them, Rumil. And you know what he  
asked...? He wanted me to join them! To -share- him...as though I  
could share my heart as easily as it was dinner. I ran... I don't  
know for how long... then I came here and I found father's wine.... I  
just want it to all go away, Rumil... I just want to not think...to  
not see them anymore... He didn't come after me, Rumil. He didn't  
even try to explain." 
 
A few tears finally slipped down the younger elf's cheeks even as 
he  
tried to hold them back. His eyes burning with barely suppressed  
anger. Oh what he wished he could say to Lord Celeborn for hurting  
his brother so… but Celeborn was their Lord... and if the 
Galadhrim  
were nothing else they were fiercely loyal to both the Lord and Lady,  
and Lothlorien. But even so the desire was strong... His loyalty to  
his brother almost overshadowing his loyalty to his Lord and Lady. 
 
The younger elf gathered his brother to him, hugging him close and  
brushing his lips gently along Haldir's forehead. His fingers gently  
combing through the long golden silk as he murmured soft reassurances  
to his brother. Wishing he knew of some way to ease Haldir's pain...  
if only for a moment. 
 
"I am sorry, Haldir..." He whispered honestly. He knew well how much  
it hurt knowing the one you loved was with another... never mind  
actually seeing them. "I am so very sorry..." 
 
"I should have seen it coming." Haldir shook his head, his arms  
curled around his brother. "I'm a fool." he held onto Rumil  
then...and the silver tears began to flow. The only ever time he had  
cried in his life before this night was when their parents had left  
across the sea. The alcohol was loosening him... causing all his  
emotions to slip and churn together.  
 
"Can you love me like I wish to be loved? I think that is the only  
way you can help me, Rumil." he said softly, closing his eyes in pain  
and letting his hands fall once again, relaxing his grip. 
 
"I'm not hungry... but I'm still thirsty... I really need... I need  
another drink Rumil." He said helplessly. 
 
Rumil's arms wrapped tighter around his brother. His lips marking a  
gentle trail from his brother's forehead to his cheeks, gently  
kissing away the silver tears that now flowed freely from his  
brother's eyes.  
 
He only vaguely remembered Haldir crying once before… at least as  
long as he had been alive. He had been very young at the time, only a  
couple of decades old in fact, still a child. At the time he had not  
understood as he waved goodbye to his parents that it would be the  
last time he would ever see them. At least on this side of the sea. 
 
Haldir had held him gently in his warm strong arms. He had felt the  
warm salty tear land on his own cheek and he had leaned up to kiss  
them away, much as he was doing now. Hugging his brother tightly and  
telling him not to cry. That he would stay with him always. 
 
"No... not a fool... though perhaps I am..." Rumil whispered softly,  
and before his courage could run out he placed a soft, almost chaste  
kiss on his brother's sweet lips. Lips he had longed to taste for  
what seemed like so long. The residue of the sweet elven wine strong  
yet underneath that the even sweeter taste of Haldir. "I am always  
here for you, my brother... I will always love you... however you  
need me..." 
 
Haldir gazed up at Rumil looking somewhat dumbfounded. Not because of  
what his younger brother had said... but because of how sweet the  
gentle kiss had been.... and how much he hadn't wanted it to end. 
 
Being drunk, his inhibitions had all been cast aside and the only  
thing he could do was want. Maybe it would block out that image. And  
Rumil was looking so... so... his eyes slid over his brothers body.  
Sleek with sweat from running home, yet still lean perfection as it  
had always been. Haldir had always been somewhat bulky for an elf and  
had been teased when he was younger about it. He had learned to use  
that bulk however... quite effectively... and it had earned him the  
title of Watch-Warden of the Galadhrim. Yet... he had failed in his  
appointed duty this night. 
 
He wanted to block -everything- out... and so his strong arms  
suddenly pulled Rumil down. Crushing the younger elf to his chest....  
his hand snaking up to capture the back of Rumil's head as he leant  
up and kissed Rumil in answer... this time taking charge with a  
demanding tongue... and advantage of any surprise he'd gained...  
turning them over so that he was on top.  
 
"However I might need you...?" Haldir repeated after the breathless  
and very quick kiss. Perhaps he'd forgotten Rumil was his brother, or  
he knew, but he didn't care. Perhaps Rumil could be anyone in the  
state Haldir was in. 
 
Rumil's startled yelp was lost in his brother's mouth when those  
strong arms suddenly crushed him against an equally strong chest. Hot  
demanding lips claiming his in a breathless kiss that left him dazed  
and lightheaded.  
 
So much in fact he didn't even realize it when his brother had  
suddenly turned them over, and now *he* was pinned beneath Haldir's  
considerable weight. Not quite sure what he was seeing as he looked  
up into his brother's eyes. A slight nervous flutter beginning in his  
stomach but he pushed it aside immediately. Haldir would never hurt  
him... no matter what state his brother was in. 
 
Though there was no way he could hide the desire he felt at that  
moment in his own eyes. Nor in the way his body began to respond  
pressed as close together as they were now. 
 
His arms wrapped around his brother once again, his fingers tracing  
the taunt muscles as his hands slid up, pulling Haldir's body even  
closer. Nails lightly grazing the soft skin, yet not hard enough to  
cause pain as they slid back down, his hands coming to rest on his  
brother's lower back, just at the beginning of the swell of his  
buttocks. 
 
"Yes... always..." 
 
"Mmmm. I'm very drunk, you know..." Haldir murmured softly, his hand  
left the back of his brother's head, sliding down Rumil's neck to  
caress his chest, gliding over a nipple, his thumb slowly teasing it.  
 
He cursed the fact that he was still wearing pants, for his own sex  
was pressing through them now, betraying what he wanted.  
 
"Ah... Rumil... please don't let me think. Thinking hurts too much."  
he begged softly, "Make me feel... mmmm.... I want to taste you...." 
 
He lowered his head and his tongue laced about the second nipple  
while his thumb played with the other, then he took it between his  
lips and sucked gently, swirling his tongue between his lips as he  
cajoled it to life.  
 
His free hand moved down and snaked under Rumil's leggings, finding  
the stiffness there and caressing it. 
 
Rumil let out a choked gasp as his brother's hands and mouth suddenly  
seemed to be everywhere on his body at once. Finding all his  
sensitive places and bringing his body to life. Making him burn with  
need. 
 
"Haldir... Ai..." The young elf cried out, his fingers tightening  
against his brother's back as his body arched. Slipping underneath  
the thin grey leggings to kneed the soft skin and hard muscles of his  
brother's buttocks as he thrust himself into the loose grip that  
wrapped around his aching flesh. 
 
He was beginning to sweat again, his body beginning to tremble thanks  
to Haldir's manipulations. Everything was happening so fast he was  
not quite sure what to do, how to respond... He had never allowed  
anyone to do these things to him before. He had known he was in love  
with his brother from a very early age and could never bear the  
thought of anyone else touching him in such a way. Even though he  
never really dreamed Haldir would actually –want- to do these 
things  
with him. 
 
"Haldir..." The name was barely a breathless gasp on the younger  
elf's lips as he tried to form a coherent sentence through the  
pleasure that very nearly bordered on pain in its  
intensity. "Haldir... I've never... before..." Rumil finally managed  
to grate out, a rather charming blush staining his cheeks at the  
admission. 
 
Haldir did not seem to hear at first, continuing to nudge the taunt  
nipple to life, yet when his brothers words finally did register he  
set the nub free for a moment looking up at Rumil. "Don't worry, I  
know what to do. I won't hurt you." Just the idea of ... wait...what  
was he...he closed his eyes and opened them again as though trying to  
shake the fog away that was eating his brain. Rumil... he couldn't do  
this. Not now. But he had lost command over himself. 
 
"You've never..." he swallowed. "Never had any one inside you? Never  
been kissed? Never touched...here..." 
 
Haldir's fingers brushed against either side of Rumil's stiffening  
member. 
 
"You would give that to me?" He gazed into those trusting eyes in  
wonder, trying with difficulty to clear his head. 
 
His thumb still played with the aching nipple it tormented, not sure  
why he couldn't pull completely away... but Rumil's hands on his own  
skin were causing him to tingle and desire to build. Was it only  
because of what he'd seen? Or did he really want the elf beneath him.  
But... Rumil was his brother... What was he thinking? He should stop.  
Now... but… his hands kept working....unable to pull away. 
 
Rumil whimpered as his brother's hands continued to tease him  
mercilessly. Forcing himself to keep his eyes open and locked with  
Haldir's though it was hard with his brother's doing such things to  
him.  
 
They kept wanting to roll back in his head, to close his eyes and  
simply give into the maddening pleasure his brother was building  
within him but he forced himself to remain at least semi coherent and  
answer. Though he was not sure how long that was going to last.  
Trying to find the words to prove to his brother that this was indeed  
what he wanted. What he had always wanted. 
 
"Your... the only one... ever wanted to give... it to..." The young  
elf finally managed to gasp out. One hand sliding up his brother's  
back to tangle in the long fall of golden hair. Leaning up and  
pulling his brother forward to seal their lips together once again.  
His movements untrained, yet more than willing to learn. 
 
Offering himself to his brother, whatever Haldir was willing to take,  
or give. 
 
Haldir gazed at Rumil for a long moment after they parted, his  
fingers stilling, though his hands remained where they were, "I  
should not do this... not now." he shook his head. "I'm sorry, Rumil.  
I'm... I'm not myself." 
 
He laid his head on Rumil's chest yet kept his hand where it was  
between his brother's legs, almost not realizing what he was doing.  
He was drunk enough that his hands had minds of their own.... and his  
own desire was pressing through the fabric of his leggings. 
 
"Its not that I don't want you. Elbereth....you're beautiful... Its  
not that you're my brother either, you know I would not care about  
something like that. I... its just that I don't want to hurt you...  
your first time should not be with a drunken fool." 
 
Rumil moaned a little in frustration when his brother's hands stilled  
upon him. His body ached, and he was nearly painfully hard already.  
Longing for his brother's touch. But he reigned in his desire through  
a great force of will, if his brother truly did not want to do  
this... then he would not force him to continue... no matter how much  
it hurt. 
 
"Haldir... if you truly do not want this I will not ask you again...  
I promise... but..." The young elf sighed, running his fingers gently  
through his brother's long hair that spilled like soft silk over his  
chest. Even that light contact nearly burning him with desire yet he  
still held it back, barely.  
 
"If you are only stopping because you fear to hurt me... Haldir, I  
love you... I know you could never do such a thing. Even if you do  
not realize it yourself..." Rumil tilted his brother's face up  
gently, looking deep into his brother's eyes and showing he meant  
every word he said with all his heart.  
 
"I want to ease your pain, my brother. I can think of no better... I  
mean... I would never regret this moment... I would cherish it..." 
 
Haldir gazed at Rumil, his eyes were filled with wonder at the tender  
words that were coming from the younger elf's lips. He'd never  
known... never realized. He'd always been too caught up in waiting  
for Celeborn. He would have to talk with Rumil later... right now...  
he was intoxicated by the way his brother was sprawled beneath him  
and experiencing a burning fire in his sex... a need to possess the  
body that was under him. Not because it was a willing form... but  
because it was Rumil. 
 
"Rumil..." Haldir leant forward and brushed a kiss against his  
brothers lips, "I do not believe I could stop anyway... do you have  
any idea how beautiful you are... lying as you do now?" he asked  
wryly as indication of his desire was clear. "Shall we remove this  
material?" he touched the leggings Rumil was still wearing. "Let me  
help you..." 
 
He curled his fingers under the material and slowly began to peel the  
leggings off his brother, moving down as he did, kissing down Rumil's  
stomach, lightly licking his bellybutton until finally his tongue  
snaked over the stiff member as he passed over it.... up... then  
down... his warm breath tickling it . 
 
Haldir did not stop there, he kissed all the way down Rumil's thighs  
and finally freed him from the burden of the leggings... then he  
began to kiss his way back... up the other thigh until he was once  
again nearby the stiff flesh between the younger elf's legs. Bracing  
himself on his elbows, his hands ran up to Rumil's nipples... his  
fingers catching the light nubs and twirling around them.  
 
His tongue did not glide along the shaft itself this time, but played  
along the edges of its head, deftly teasing. "Since you are new at  
this... I think perhaps we'll deal with you first..." Haldir  
whispered. 
 
Rumil whimpered beneath his brother, unable to keep his eyes open any  
longer under this new assault they rolled back in his head. His eyes  
sliding closed as he arched beneath Haldir's talented hands. His  
brother's name a breathless moan on his lips. 
 
"Haldir... oh Elbereth..."  
 
His hands slid down his brother's strong arms, wanting... no, needing  
to touch his brother. Lightly caressing the strong muscles. Gripping  
and kneading the taunt shoulders and down his brother's back as far  
as he could reach. 
 
His brother's lips were like a hot brand against his aching flesh.  
The young elf unable to control his body's trembling with each 
soft  
teasing touch. He forced himself to open his eyes when he felt the  
soft wet tongue touch the tip of his throbbing shaft. Wanting to  
watch, wanting to learn everything. So he could return the pleasures  
his brother was bestowing upon him. 
 
"Please... show me..." 
 
"Mmmm...." Haldir murmured as his tongue danced across the tip of  
Rumil's shaft. "Its something to get used to." He whispered. If he  
wasn't quite so drunk he'd think of something more intelligent to  
say, but at the moment, all he wanted was to take Rumil into his  
mouth and hear the sweet sounds of his younger sibling as he was  
brought into an orgasm he was fairly sure Rumil had not yet  
experienced.  
 
Then Haldir let his lips slide over the tip, not pushing downwards  
yet but lightly teasing still, his tongue still working.  
 
Haldir's looked up to meet his brother's eyes for a moment, and then  
he slid forward... just an inch. 
 
His hands moved from Rumil's nipples up and down the young elf's  
stomach chest, and sides... feeling the warm soft flesh... feeling  
every inch of his brother.... then his hands slid underneath Rumil,  
cupping his buttocks.... kneading down to the small space between  
them his fingers teased and caressed across the opening. 
 
Rumil groaned and panted, trying to draw in enough breath into his  
quivering body. Biting his lips to stifle some of the nearly pitiful  
sounding moans that slipped from his mouth uncontrollably. 
 
He had never dreamed it would feel this way. Could never have  
imagined... His entire body felt electrified, tingling from his head  
to his toes. He was unable to control himself, his body no longer  
obeying him only reacting to his brother's talented, knowing touches.  
He was helpless in his brother's arms and yet he did not care. It was  
so wonderful... Beautiful... 
 
The younger elf gasped feeling the light touch against his opening,  
his entire body shivering again hard, but not in fear. Never in fear.  
His hips beginning to move of their own accord, pressing down on the  
gentle teasing fingers then rocking up into the hot mouth that was  
slowly engulfing him. 
 
"Haldir..." He gasped again, his hands tightening even more on his  
brother's shoulders. It was all so intense. Rumil could feel himself  
building up for release, despite his efforts to hold it back. But  
this being his first time with another, unused to the nearly painful  
pleasures his brother was building within him… He didn't know how  
much longer he could hold on, despite how he wished it could last  
longer. "Haldir... I... Ai..." 
 
And as he pushed down further upon the shaft within his mouth, Haldir  
slid his finger into the tight opening behind Rumil... pushing at  
equal times so when he finally took the entire length into his mouth,  
his finger touched the tender spot within Rumil. 
 
He stayed where he was for a minute, his finger moving back and forth  
over the little nub, gently vibrating... while his tongue worked a  
little... as much as it could.  
 
Then he began to suck, vibrating faster with his finger as he slipped  
his mouth up and down... creating a steady rhythm.... a steady rhythm  
of fire and heat that slowly swept its way through him and caused his  
entire body to tingle with desire and need.  
 
*Rumil...* he whispered to himself, unable to make any sound other  
than faint moans as he worked.... bringing to life... fantasies of  
the past. 
 
Stars exploded behind the young elf's eyes, unable to contain the  
hoarse shout of pleasure that his brother's manipulations ripped from  
his lips. The first of many and soon he was crying out  
uncontrollably, his melodious voice echoing off the walls of his  
parents room. Indistinguishable sounds of pure pleasure, mixed with  
broken pleas for more. Thick with passion and burning need. 
 
Rumil's nails dug into the tender skin of his brother's back and he  
forced himself to move them to the sheets instead. Not wanting to  
hurt his brother and fisting the silken material in a white knuckled  
grip, nearly hard enough to tear. 
 
The young elf nearly screamed again, his back arching so sharply  
there was an audible crack as his body finally gave into the  
torturous pleasure. His orgasm ripping through his body with the  
shock of a bolt of lightning, leaving him dazed as he struggled to  
draw enough breath into his heaving chest. His body spasming over and  
over as he emptied himself into his brother's burning hot mouth.  
Freezing for a split second as time seemed to stand still and then  
collapsing back against the covers of the bed. 
 
Sweat covering his slim form causing his long golden hair to stick in  
certain places sensually. His entire body still trembling  
uncontrollably as his body slowly eased back down from that peak.  
Breathing his brother's name over and over in between whimpering  
moans of ecstasy. 
 
Haldir did not pull away... he drank the hot liquid that sprang forth  
from his brother, and licked and licked until it was clean... his  
finger still manipulating the little bud... causing the orgasm to  
linger. 
 
When at last, nothing further came Haldir slid from over Rumil,  
focusing entirely now upon the manipulation of the small tight  
place... for he needed to prepare Rumil... and he was enjoying  
hearing the young elf's cries of pleasure... and feeling him shiver  
wantonly.  
 
He looked down at the writhing body, his fingers still working as he  
felt himself now painfully hard against his own leggings. Rumil would  
be ready soon... ready to accept him.  
 
"What do you want in here, Rumil?" he asked softly...adding another  
finger and swirling about.... stretching. Moving... 
 
Rumil forced his eyes open, gazing at his brother with eyes that were  
glazed with desire and burning passion as his brother's talented  
fingers slowly began to build the fire up within him once more.  
Gripping his brother's arms hard and pulling him up and down for a  
breathless kiss.  
 
Thrusting his tongue deep into the other's mouth, once more exploring  
and tasting every inch. Drawing his brother's tongue into his own  
mouth and sucking on the slippery muscle greedily. His brother's own  
unique flavor mixed with the sweet wine and the residue of his own  
release, making the young elf moan and tremble wantonly beneath  
Haldir's heavy weight. 
 
"You..." The young elf whispered between tasting and nibbling on his  
brother's lips. His hands slipping around to lightly caress the  
strong chest pressed against his own. His nails lightly scraping over  
his brother's taunt nipples as they slid playfully down. Lingering a  
little on the taunt muscles of his brother's stomach before moving  
even lower.  
 
Reaching beneath the tight leggings that were hardly a barrier  
between them to grasp his brother's hard sex. His fingers beginning a  
gentle caress, sliding from the base of the shaft to the tip over and  
over. 
 
"I want... you... this..." 
 
Haldir briefly considered for a moment that he should not be doing  
this... he hadn't anything to really make it easier... except for the  
preparation his fingers had created.... but he didn't think he could  
stop.... and he knew Rumil wouldn't let him. 
 
Haldir drew out his fingers, releasing his brother for only a moment  
in order to remove the last article of clothing between them. 
 
Rumil wanted him... someone... someone wanted him... wanted him  
desperately. Through the haze of alcohol he knew who he was with...  
and yet... still he was not going to stop. Haldir returned the kiss  
nearly savagely, his tongue hot and probing as it collided with his  
lover's. 
 
The question was... how gentle could he be in this condition? He  
paused a moment and positioned himself over his brother's opening...  
his shaft taunt and ready to slide in to the precious untouched  
depths and yet he hesitated. 
 
"I have nothing... nothing to make it easier... Rumil... Its going to  
hurt at first." he whispered, his chest heaving slightly under the  
assault of the hands upon his sensitive parts. 
 
"I should not be doing this..." He said once again. Only really as an  
afterthought, though. "Ai....Rumil...I need this. I need you..." 
 
Rumil's eyes wandered appreciatively over his brother's beautiful  
body as Haldir removed the last barrier of clothing between them. His  
eyes falling a little shyly to his brother's hard weeping sex, desire  
as well as nervousness filling him in anticipation for what was going  
to occur. 
 
The younger elf moaned sweetly into the almost bruising kiss, his  
body nearly melting in response. His arms wrapping around his  
brother's neck trying to draw him even closer. His own tongue playing  
against the one that explored every inch of his own mouth, curling  
around the other's sensually. He might not have much experience, but  
it was quite clear Rumil was a fast learner. 
 
The force of the kiss left him gasping when Haldir finally released  
his lips, a soft moan escaping feeling the tip of his brother's shaft  
probing his entrance. Trying to relax his body as much as possible  
despite the continued nervous fluttering in his stomach. 
 
"I want you to do it..." Rumil whispered softly, his hands sliding  
down his brother's back to rest on his buttocks. Pulling his  
brother's body even closer, as well as preventing him from pulling  
away. "Please... I need you..." 
 
Haldir gave a low moan and he nodded, "Alright..." his arms reached  
around to hold onto Rumil's shoulders, and he buried his head against  
his younger brother's chest as he pushed forward... sliding  
inward.... ever so slightly at first... stretching the tight flesh. 
 
The moan escalated into almost a purr, perhaps of a great lion as he  
penetrated the small opening. "Mmmmm... Rumil..." he whispered  
softly.  
 
He waited a moment, while Rumil got used to him being there...  
knowing the younger elf was probably feeling a great deal of pain at  
the moment. He held Rumil, and nuzzled his fingers against the back  
of his younger brother's neck... soothing. "Its normal...natural..."  
he reassured him softly. "It always hurts the first time." 
 
Rumil gasped at the sharp pain that flared through him when Haldir  
began to push into him. Squeezing his eyes shut against the intense  
burning that began in his nether regions and seemed to spread  
throughout his entire body from that one point. 
 
Of course he had heard it could hurt your first time, he was not  
completely ignorant of such things... but he had not realized it  
would hurt quite so much. He tried to relax, not to tense up knowing  
it would only hurt more if he did, but it was hard. 
 
A small whimper of pain escaping his lips when his brother pushed  
further before he bit his lip to silence anything further from  
escaping. Drawing in a sharp breath when Haldir finally stopped,  
letting him get used to the sensation. The gentle fingers massaging  
the back of his tense neck helping him to relax a little more. 
 
After a few moments the young elf nodded, not trusting his voice at  
the moment. Urging Haldir to continue. 
 
He wanted this... he did... 
 
Haldir's fingers moved up and down Rumil's neck and shoulders,  
massaging gently as he pushed further in...sliding  
forward...stretching...and finally he hit that particular spot his  
fingers were working with earlier. His throbbing member pushing  
against it. 
 
"Rumil..." he whispered softly. Taking a deep breath he pulled  
himself out a little again... and then he pushed in deeply...  
thrusting forward to hit that spot again. 
 
Then he paused though it nearly killed him to do so, he wanted to  
make sure he wasn't hurting Rumil too much. He kissed up Rumil's neck  
and chin and took his lips in another searing kiss. He wanted to  
move... to thrust more... but he also wanted to try his best to make  
it easy for his brother. 
 
Even though in a few moments he would lose himself in the sweet warm  
untouched depths. 
 
Rumil moaned a little when the hard flesh began pressing into him  
once again, clutching his brother's shoulder's hard his nails digging  
into the soft flesh and hard muscle but unable to make himself stop.  
Forcing himself not to cry out as Haldir slid into him ever so slowly  
and only praying it would become easier. It *had* to become easier...  
or else what would the appeal be in the first place? 
 
Finally his brother's flesh buried in him completely, the young elf  
letting out a small gasp when it pressed against that spot inside him  
he had not really known was there till a short while ago. Another  
moan escaping his lips when the flesh inside him pulled out slightly,  
and pushed in again. Rubbing over that spot once more. This time much  
less pain in the tone of his voice than before. 
 
The young elf parted his lips at his brother's urging, allowing the  
hot wet tongue inside and full reign of his mouth. His body slowly  
unwinding underneath his brother's talented hands and lips in spite  
of himself, the burning inside easing. Enough for the young elf to  
arch his hips slightly, urging Haldir to continue. 
 
Haldir gave a cry of triumph at the movement of Rumil's hips, even  
slightly as it was, taking it as an invitation to begin to really  
take what he needed. He continued to kiss Rumil as he began to thrust. 
 
He began slowly at first, but as he began to get used to the tight  
space he needed more and more. Soon his senses were whirling with  
desire, and he pushed harder, rubbing intently against the spot he  
had found. Haldir was now vibrating and pushing, vibrating and  
pushing, nearly losing himself in the intoxicating pleasure of it. 
 
He shuddered, sweat breaking out over his back as he moved harder and  
faster, plundering the offered innocence with an abandon he might not  
have had he been sober. It just felt so good, and so right. 
 
"Rumil! Ai!...." he cried out again and again. And he seemed to only  
move harder and as faster, filling his younger brother completely  
time and again. 
 
Rumil cried out sharply into the kiss as his brother began to move  
within him. Partly from pleasure and partly from pain as Haldir took  
up a slow rhythm. His body gradually becoming used to the invasion,  
shuddering every time his brother caressed that spot within him that  
made bright bursts of light flash behind his clenched eyelids. 
 
His brother's seed from his weeping member slicking his insides  
slightly, something he was intensely glad for when Haldir began to  
move within him faster and harder. His own hard flesh rubbing against  
his brother's stomach as the older elf moved above him. Rumil crying  
out as the pleasure increased, yet so did the pain. It simply would  
not fade completely. 
 
It was a strange sensation feeling both pleasure and pain from such  
an act, but at that point the younger elf was beyond caring. Simply  
focusing on one and ignoring the other. His cries increasing in  
volume and intensity as Haldir pushed them both to the point of no  
return. 
 
He wrapped his legs around his brother's waist, clutching Haldir's  
shoulders bruisingly tight as the hard flesh inside him claimed him  
over and over with abandonment. His hand slipping between their  
bodies to grasp his own stiff flesh, stroking in time with his  
brother's thrusts. Using the extra stimulation to help block out the  
burning of his insides. 
 
"Please..." The younger elf whispered in short quick gasps, yet even  
he did not know if it was a plea to stop or continue. 
 
Haldir could not take it as anything other than a plea to continue.  
He was altogether lost in the sensation of it. He growled low in his  
throat in pleasure as he moved. He could not stop himself if he had  
wanted to. The sensation of filling Rumil was just entirely too  
intoxicating. "Rumil...Rumil." he called his brothers name again and  
again.  
 
He would not be able to last much longer but he wanted to bring Rumil  
to another orgasm... he wanted to thrust against the at little spot  
just enough to send his brother to a point he had never been... but  
would never want to leave. 
 
Oh ... Elbereth... it was so tight... so warm... 
 
He felt as though he was going to explode within his younger brother  
when his release came... he was beginning to see stars himself... his  
own orgasm slowly beginning to build. 
 
"Rumil... Gods... you're perfect... so... ahhhhh..." 
 
Rumil's breath hitched in his throat, small moans and whimpering sobs  
he could not control escaping his lips with every powerful thrust.  
His senses were out of control. He no longer knew what was pleasure  
or what was pain for they both now seemed one in the same. He was  
helpless against it. His brother pushing him closer and closer to  
that breaking point.  
 
His body beginning to tremble once again and his inner muscles spasm  
around the hard flesh buried deep inside of him as he neared his  
second orgasm. This one perhaps even more intense than the first if  
it was possible. His finger's tightening around his own weeping  
flesh, stroking harder and faster. Trying to bring himself over the  
edge. Wanting it to end. Never wanting it to end. 
 
Rumil screamed as the first wave of pleasure hit him unexpectedly,  
his burning hot seed splashing over his hand and both their stomachs  
in what seemed like never ending streams. His entire body drawing  
taunt and the younger elf screamed again when his brother pushed into  
him. This time in pain as the hard flesh forced him open,  
unrelenting. But he could not make himself relax as his own orgasm  
continued to wash over him. He could only endure it as the hard flesh  
continued to move inside his tense body, still touching that spot  
within him that kept him there on that peak. 
 
The younger elf finally gave one last shuddering gasp before his body  
finally gave up, slumping beneath his brother practically boneless.  
Breathing hard, his body still shaking nearly violently from the  
powerful aftershocks. His eyes still clenched tightly shut though it  
did not stop the faint silver trails sliding silently down his  
cheeks. Not even sure when he had begun crying and now unable to stop. 
 
And when Rumil's seed spilled over them...Haldir gave his own cry of  
triumph... a hot pulsing stream of liquid shot into Rumil... filling  
him again and again... as Haldir himself shuddered from the mutual  
orgasm they had generated. He pushed a couple of more times... every  
time that his seed shot forth.... then finally... finally he began to  
diminish... though he kept himself where he was... not yet  
withdrawing as his body shivered against Rumil's, causing vibrations  
still against the spot that had brought his brother over the edge. 
 
They had both managed to come at practically the same time. Haldir  
opened his eyes and looked at Rumil, still buried deep within his  
brother. "Gods...." he took a shuddering breath and wiped sweat from  
his face. 
 
"Ai Rumil..." he licked his lips, dry despite what they had been  
doing earlier. He found that he really really needed a drink now.  
Rumil probably did too. But at the moment... he stayed where he was,  
lying on top of Rumil and nuzzling against his neck. "Mmmm." 
 
Rumil moaned softly unable to respond with anything more intelligent  
at the moment as his breathing and heartbeat gradually returned to a  
more normal pace. Sighing with more than a little relief when he  
finally felt his brother beginning to soften, easing a bit of the  
pressure inside him. But still Haldir did not pull out, and his  
insides were beginning to throb uncomfortably. Promising a great deal  
of pain later once the afterglow of his orgasm finally wore off. 
 
He did not think he had ever been more exhausted in his entire life.  
Wanting nothing more than for sleep and the promise of oblivion to  
claim him, but still he managed to force his tired eyes open to look  
at his brother. 
 
The young elf couldn't help but smile seeing the pain that had been  
so strong in his brother's eyes was now forgotten. Making him forget  
about his own discomfort as he wrapped his arms once more around  
Haldir's strong shoulders holding him close. A pleasant sigh escaping  
his lips feeling those tender lips nuzzling against his throat. 
 
"Haldir..." Rumil wasn't quite sure what else to say at that moment.  
Running his fingers absently through his brother's sweat slicked  
hair. It had certainly not been what he had expected... but then  
again he really hadn't known what to expect. Perhaps next time it  
would be easier... He knew it was supposed to hurt the first time  
after all... but... The younger elf wondered if there would be a next  
time… 
 
"I love you, Haldir..." He whispered softly. His tone betraying he  
meant much more than just a brother's love for a sibling. Not really  
knowing why he had felt the need to say it... not sure what his  
brother's response would be. But good or bad... he needed Haldir to  
know. To know how much this meant to him... even if the feeling was  
not returned. 
 
Haldir pulled out of his brother then, easing out of the sweet tight  
space and nestling against Rumil, his arms sliding around the soft  
body beneath him and holding him close. He looked away and rested his  
head back against Rumil's chest.  
 
He did -not- know how to respond to something like that. He'd just  
taken his younger brother's innocence. Plundered it for his own  
desire and he wasn't sure what to think about that yet either. 
 
Love...Rumil loved him. 
 
"Mmmm." Haldir murmured softly, "We should clean up before we  
sleep... its somewhat sticky...."  
 
He felt terrible changing the subject... but he honestly couldn't say  
that he loved his brother in return. His heart was still aching from  
Celeborn's betrayal. He knew that he -wanted- Rumil... that he needed  
Rumil. But he did not know if he loved him... he was almost afraid to  
love anyone else right now. 
 
"I know that we can probably find some warm water in the washbasins.  
If you wish... I'll carry you there." 
 
In their home there was a common area for where the three brothers  
would bathe after long days on the watch. It was always kept warm and  
ready for whatever moments they might need it. "And we can sleep in  
my room... its a bit rumpled in here..." 
 
He was still somewhat drunk, though he was not quite as bad as he was  
before Rumil had come to help him. With elves...the effects of  
alcohol did not last long. 
 
Rumil closed his eyes, trying not to feel disappointed or hurt when  
his brother suddenly changed the subject. Obviously avoiding his  
words of love. He should have expected as much after all. He had  
offered himself to Haldir and his brother had accepted. It was not an  
act of love, merely desire. Lust. And it had been pleasurable for  
both of them... he should leave it at that. But even though he tried  
not to be hurt it did. Very much. Though he managed to keep it from  
his face. The young elf opened his eyes again, none of his inner  
turmoil showing and even managing a smile for his brother that was  
almost convincing. 
 
"Yes, I think a bath would be welcome as I'm certain I still smell  
like an orc." Rumil said lightly, rather glad for his brother's offer  
to carry him as he did not think he could walk on his own right now  
without a great deal of difficulty. Hoping the warm water would ease  
some of the burning ache inside him. 
 
Haldir smiled and slid off the bed, he did not bother to put his  
clothes on. Instead, he lifted Rumil up and threw the quilt over the  
bed so as to cover the obvious evidence of their lovemaking. "I'll  
clean tomorrow." he promised Rumil softly.  
 
He was somewhat unsteady... and a bit woozy... but he was as strong  
as he ever was... and Rumil was not a heavy burden. He held the  
younger elf tenderly in his arms and smiled at him all the while. He  
felt awful inside, knowing how much pain Rumil must be in... and not  
being able to ease it with words of love. 
 
He did know one thing. "I care about you a great deal, Rumil. You are  
my brother, and you helped me tonight... more than you'll ever know."  
he whispered softly. "I never needed anyone more than I needed you  
tonight, Rumil." 
 
He carried the younger elf cautiously down the corridor after locking  
the door and found the bathing chamber. Indeed, it was ready as it  
always was. There was everything that he would need to clean his  
brother. "And you smell wonderful, Rumil. You smell like someone who  
has been most thoroughly... pleasured." 
 
He stopped as they got to one of the bigger basins. He had thought  
about taking a bath separately, but... instead... he stepped into  
it... rather awkwardly...and nearly slipped. Rumil and all, Haldir  
settled down into the warm water... his arms still wrapped around his  
brother. 
 
Rumil had to bite back a painful whimper when his brother lifted him  
into his arms, even though he knew the older elf was now being as  
careful as possible with him. But any movement seemed to only  
aggravate the pain inside him. He could only hope the worst of it  
would fade by morning as he still had to return to his patrol along  
the borders. Before the sun rose in fact which was not too many hours  
away now. 
 
The young elf laid his head gently on his brother's shoulder, letting  
his eyes slip closed as Haldir carried him gently through the hall.  
Haldir's words did ease some of the ache in his heart and he looked  
up at his brother and smiled up at him a little more genuinely. Even  
though he couldn't help the blush that stained his cheeks at Haldir's  
comment on how he smelled. 
 
Haldir still cared for him as he always had, that would never change.  
He had helped his brother when he needed... that was enough for  
him... it had to be. 
 
"Oh really?" The young elf asked, raising an eyebrow, his smile  
turning mischievous all of a sudden. "Perhaps it is you then who  
smells like the orc." Rumil said with a giggle that turned into gasp  
when Haldir lowered them both into the steaming hot water, making his  
nether regions burn for a few moments before easing into a dull ache.  
A small sigh escaping his lips as the water began to ease his tender  
raw flesh. 
 
"Oh... that's good..." Rumil breathed, his eyes sliding closed once  
more as he relaxed in his brother's embrace. 
 
"No... I smell like a Brewery." Haldir chuckled. He took a bar of  
soap and began to lather his younger brother's body as well as his  
own, delving underneath the water to apply the soft soap to Rumil's  
raw nether regions... not apparently at all embarrassed to do so.  
 
His hands ran up and down Rumil's thighs, arms, neck back... and  
chest. They glided over his flesh tenderly. "I hurt you...I'm sorry."  
he whispered softly. "I know that it's painful." 
 
He finished lathering and began to rinse water about Rumil, intending  
to work on his brother's hair next. He was still not in complete  
command of his senses yet, though the drunken stupor was wearing off.  
 
"I know who I am with, Rumil." he said gently, just in case his  
brother might be thinking he was wishing to be elsewhere. "And  
there's no where else I'd rather be. Thank you for staying with 
me." 
 
Haldir gently kissed his brother's forehead and then began to work on  
Rumil's soft hair. 
 
Rumil nearly purred as his brother began to wash him tenderly, being  
especially careful of his rather tender areas. Soothing him till he  
was once again nearly boneless in the other's arms, his head falling  
against his brother's shoulder once more rather limply. Sighing  
contentedly. 
 
He was very nearly asleep when his brother spoke again and Rumil  
looked up at the older elf sleepily, his hand coming to rest gently  
on Haldir's cheek hoping to reassure the other elf he was fine. 
 
"It is all right, it is not so bad." Rumil lied easily, not wanting  
his brother to feel bad about what happened between them or regret.  
His sleepy smile widening a little at his brother's next words,  
brushing his thumb lightly over the sweet lips so close to his own. 
 
"There is nowhere else I would rather be as well..." He whispered  
before leaning up to replace his fingers with his lips, kissing his  
brother slowly but then pulling back. Looking up at his brother,  
uncertainty dancing in his eyes. No longer certain if Haldir wanted  
such attentions from him. True they had just finished making love  
but… was it only for that one time?  
 
Haldir had begun to return the kiss and was a little surprised when  
Rumil pulled away. He reached up to brush a bit of soap away from the  
side of his younger brother's head. "I don't know Rumil. I can't  
promise you anything. Not right now. I made an oath to him, and I  
have to deal with that. I know he never promised me exclusive  
attention." Haldir sighed, but he didn't look as upset as he had been  
when Rumil first found him earlier.  
 
"I do know one thing...I do not think any less of you and...and if  
you're willing... I... I'd like to do that again sometime soon. I  
like holding you... and kissing you. You feel very good Rumil. Next  
time... I want to do it properly, using things that we need to make  
it more comfortable for you. I have some oil in my room for that.  
And... not when I'm drunk, either." 
 
He leant forward and proved it by restarting the terminated kiss,  
probing Rumil's lips open and gently taking charge of his younger  
sibling's sweet mouth. Haldir's hands ran down Rumil's back and up  
again. 
 
Rumil closed his eyes and nodded even though it hurt to have Haldir  
speak so of returning to Celeborn. He knew the Lord of Lorien did not  
love his brother in return, merely used him for physical pleasure  
alone and then hurt him.  
 
And now... now he had admitted his feelings to his brother. Feelings  
Haldir did not return though he obviously enjoyed their time  
together. Even wanted more from him. The physical act if nothing  
else. Refusing to promise him anything more. 
 
The situations were strikingly similar but there was one thing that  
made them different. Haldir –did- care for him... loved him.  
Even if  
he did not love him the way he wanted. Rumil was not sure if Celeborn  
truly cared for his brother, he did not think the Lord of Lorien  
cared for anyone but the Golden Wood as a whole and himself. 
 
The young elf sighed, warring with himself as his brother claimed his  
lips once more, yet he allowed his brother full entrance inside.  
Stroking the gentle probing tongue with his own. Arching into  
Haldir's gentle and soothing hands, they were so warm... 
 
Could he really give this up now? Even if Haldir could not offer him  
everything he wanted? Would this be enough? 
 
"Yes... I would like this again..." He found himself saying, wrapping  
his arms around his brother and holding him as if he never meant to  
let go. His brother cared for him, loved him as a brother, desired  
him... It had to be enough. Because he did not think he could live  
without being able to touch his brother this way ever again. 
 
Haldir washed his own hair and finally they had both lain in the bath  
long enough, he knew that Rumil was fast drifting to sleep, but he  
didn't want this moment to end... not yet. He almost wished the  
entire world would go away... everything. He didn't want to see  
Celeborn again but he knew he would have to face the ancient elf. 
 
He knew he was probably going to feel very ill in the morning, he  
still felt the wine buzzing in his system. However, he was drunk on  
something else now... filled with a desire that he never knew he had  
before... yet it had always been there. Filled with a desire for  
Rumil.... and a need for this not to end... not to be the last time. 
 
He gazed at the young face, pale and beautiful as it lay against his  
shoulder.... the voice had been filled with so much love when he  
spoke those words. He wished he could return it. He wanted to feel  
that kind of love badly... he did... didn't he? When he was with  
Celeborn? Or it wouldn't hurt so much. But...Celeborn never told him  
that he loved him. Never. Haldir had said the same words many times. 
 
Was it not real? What he felt for Celeborn? Then why would it hurt so  
much... and why did he not want this desire for Rumil to end. Why did  
he want this night to go on forever? 
 
He stroked the soft cheek, running his finger along the gentle smooth  
bones of the exquisite cheek. "This will not be the last time."  
Haldir said softly.  
 
Would he be able to defy Celeborn? For Rumil's sake? For his own? 
 
Rumil had never felt so relaxed. His brother's gentle attentions  
lulling him almost to sleep and he felt safe to simply close his eyes  
and let himself drift semi-conscious knowing his brother would never  
let anything happen to him. The young elf could not remember when he  
had last felt so exhausted, yet pleasantly so. He felt as if he could  
drift off to sleep at any moment but he didn't want this moment to  
end. He wanted to stay in his brother's warm safe arms forever. 
 
Rumil heard his brother's whispered words and smiled at the tender  
touch on his cheek. Snuggling a little deeper into Haldir's warm  
embrace, though he did not open his eyes. As it would have probably  
taken too much effort to do so. 
 
"Will you let me stay in your arms tonight?" He asked softly, his  
words nearly inaudible, barely an exhaled breath against the soft  
skin of Haldir's throat. 
 
"Of course..." Haldir kissed Rumil gently on the lips, "We will stay  
in my room." He then lifted the young elf out of the bath and sat him  
down while they dried off. He took a big towel and wrapped it around  
Rumil, rubbing the towel with his hands as he dried off his younger  
brother, pressing the silky blonde hair. 
 
All the while as he was doing so he kissed Rumil once or twice, on  
the forehead, the lips, his cheeks.... chin. All very gentle chaste  
kisses. 
 
"You were absolutely amazing." he whispered when they were done. "You  
took my breath away." 
 
He lifted Rumil's chin up so that he could kiss both of his younger  
sibling's eyes. "I ... " he swallowed. "Thank-you. I will treasure  
this night... no matter what happens." 
 
Rumil finally opened his eyes, though an attractive blush stained his  
cheeks at his brother's praise. He had not really... done anything  
after all. But he was too tired to really offer any kind of protests. 
 
"I will always treasure this night, I promise you..." The young elf  
whispered softly before his eyes slid closed and he once more  
pillowed his head against his brother's strong shoulder. No matter  
what happens... Even if his brother decided to stop... to stop  
whatever this was between them. At least he now knew what it was like  
to be with the one you loved... even if they did not love you in  
return. 
 
"Please... take me to bed, Haldir. I am so tired..." The young 
elf  
mumbled softly, stifling a small yawn. He wanted to say 'I love you'  
but he didn't want to make his brother uncomfortable again. But he  
could not help thinking the words he wanted to say... 
 
Amin mela lle, Torormin... Amin mela lle... Ten'oio. 
(I love you, my brother… I love you… Forever) 
 
Haldir lifted Rumil back up into his strong arms, letting the younger  
elf's head rest gently against his shoulder and he walked down the  
hallway again to his own room. He kicked open the door and then let  
it shut behind them. 
 
Taking very little time he put Rumil into his own bed, pulling down  
the covers and smiling when he saw his naked younger brother lying on  
his sheets. "I'll never forget this vision." he said softly. 
 
Rumil's hair splayed out in disarray because it was drying. Yet 
still  
so soft and silky. His body warm from the bath and glowing from their  
recent encounter. He traced his hand up and down one of Rumil's  
thigh's tenderly. 
 
"You're so beautiful." He took a few moments to just gaze at Rumil  
before settling down so that his younger brother could curl up  
against him and he could draw the covers about them. "I do not  
deserve you." 
 
Rumil had been almost asleep when his brother laid him tenderly in  
his bed, nearly missing Haldir's soft words. Opening his eyes and  
smiling beautifully at his brother as he lay beside him. Scooting  
closer, ignoring the pain inside him that had not completely faded,  
and pressing himself against that warm strong body he loved so much. 
 
He couldn't help purring softly at the gentle touch on his thigh, and  
he smiled even as his brother's words also made him blush faintly.  
The young elf could not remember a time before when anyone had spoken  
to him so... He was not a vain elf and while he did not think of  
himself as ugly he did not think he was 'beautiful'. At least not as  
beautiful as his brother. 
 
Hearing Haldir speak to him so both warmed him even as it made his  
heart ache. It was not Haldir who was undeserving... but perhaps it  
was him. Perhaps that was why his brother could not love him... how  
could a mere elf ever compare to the Lord of the Golden Wood? 
 
Rumil sighed softly, snuggling even deeper into his brother's warm  
chest, his fingertips tracing small patterns into the soft skin.  
 
"Never say that." He whispered softly, his breath warm as it ghosted  
over his brother's fair skin. The young elf leaning forward to place  
a soft kiss there, directly over his brother's heart before resting  
his head there so he could listen to the strong soothing beat.  
 
Soon the younger elf was fast asleep. Both happier and sadder than he  
had ever been in his life. 
 
Haldir shivered a bit as Rumil's fingers swept over him lightly. He  
tucked the covers around the both of them and curled Rumil against  
him... practically laying the other elf on top of him. But... it felt  
good. Very good. 
 
He ran his hand up and down Rumil's spine, massaging lightly. He was  
not altogether tired yet, though his eyes were drooping. He wanted to  
savor the moment, to enjoy the feel of Rumil in his arms... to hold  
the one who loved him and to feel that love. 
 
"Sweet Rumil." he whispered softly, "Sleep." 
 
He blew out the candle near the bed and began to fall to sleep, his  
hand resting on Rumil's buttocks, one finger a bit lower than the  
others but applying no pressure.... simply falling there easily. 
 
 
To Be Continued…

Title:  Songs of Despair 
 
Author:  Crystal Dragon  (crystaldragon_79@msn.com) and Rufferto  
(gbower@twcny.rr.com) 
 
Pairings: Haldir/Celeborn (implied),  Haldir/Rumil 
 
Rating: NC-17 
 
Category: AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, and Drama 
 
Archive: Absolutely, anyone who wants it. 
 
Series/Sequel: Part 2 of ? 
 
Feedback: Always welcome. 
 
Disclaimer: Tolkien owns LOTR and all characters within. No profit is  
made from this fic, written purely for fun. 
 
Warnings: Incest.  More warnings for later chapters. 
 
Summary:  A story of forbidden love and sacrifice between brothers. 
 
Notes:  ***Please Read*** This Fic is a transcript of a private  
roleplay between the two authors.  If you like this fic, please feel  
free to come to our Public Roleplay Message Board.  At:  
http://pub82.ezboard.com/blordsoftheslashed Trust me you will not be  
disappointed.  Many wonderful authors.  Lots of Pairings and  
situations.  Something for everyone.  Come to read, or feel free to  
apply for a character yourself.  New applicants always welcome.  Hope  
to see you there. 
 
 
 
Songs of Despair 
Part 2 
 
 
 
Rumil slept deeply. Perhaps more deeply and peacefully than he had  
ever slept in his entire life. However despite his exhaustion and the  
lateness of the hour he had gone to sleep the young elf still awoke  
about an hour before dawn. Centuries of discipline not to be undone  
by a few hours lack of sleep. The young elf had not expected however  
to wake up feeling as if he had been trampled by a cave troll. His  
whole body feeling sore and aching all over, but nowhere as much as  
his lower regions, deep inside. 
 
A little dazed, probably from lack of proper rest, it took a few  
minutes for Rumil to remember exactly what had happened. Haldir not  
showing up to relieve him.  The orcs attacking.  Running home.   
Finding Haldir... What they had done… Rumil blushed. Well that at  
least explained the ache inside of him.  
 
Now he had to rise and return to his post at the borders in an hour.  
Even if he secretly wanted nothing more at the moment than to fall  
back asleep and not get up for the next several days... but he had a  
duty that he could not ignore. 
 
It was only when the young elf tried to rise that he noticed that  
there were warm, strong arms wrapped tightly around him. Holding him  
close to an equally warm and strong body. 
 
Haldir... his brother had stayed with him all through the night… The  
young elf couldn't help but smile and forgetting all about his aches  
he leaned up on his elbows to study his brother's beautiful sleeping  
face.  Haldir looked so relaxed, and peaceful in his sleep. All signs  
of worry gone, he looked so much younger. So beautiful. 
 
"I love you..." Rumil whispered softly, so he would not wake his  
brother.  Knowing Haldir did not want to hear such words... at least  
from him. But he could at least say them out loud while his brother  
slept without fear. 
 
Leaning forward the young elf brushed his lips softly over Haldir's,  
then deepening the contact just a little. He had to leave soon... but  
he did not want to slip away without telling his brother goodbye  
first. And perhaps... that he would see him later tonight... 
 
Haldir murmured... stirring a little. He was more than a little  
groggy and his head was pounding. Perhaps the only thing that helped  
him to focus was the sweet taste against his lips. Sweet temptation.  
His eyes remained unfocused as he returned the soft kiss and his arms  
tightened around the warm body next to him. Mmmm..... he pulled his  
brother over so that he was now lying on top of Haldir and his eyes  
finally focused on the younger elf in his arms. 
 
At first... there was some surprise... as though it hadn't been Rumil  
he was expecting. But then... recognition, and a tentative smile when  
he remembered what had happened. He reached up and brushed the  
wayward strands of Rumil's hair from his face when the kiss ended.  
 
His eyes looked quite terrible, bloodshot from too much alcohol the  
previous night, but he didn't smell as badly as he had and he seemed  
to not be unhappy that Rumil was there. 
 
He ran his hands up and down Rumil's arms, feeling the soft skin. It  
had been a long time since he'd actually -woken- up with someone in  
his arms, Celeborn always used to leave in the morning and not wake  
him... 
 
"Rumil...." He laid has hand against his brother's cheek. "Good  
morning." He cleared his dry throat, "How do you feel?" 
 
Rumil smiled down at his brother, not having failed to notice the  
surprise in his brother's eyes upon seeing him… perhaps expecting  
someone else… but keeping the hurt it caused from his own face.  
 
"Good morning. Better than you look, my brother." The young elf  
teased lightly, leaning down to brush another sweet kiss against his  
brother's lips as if nothing was wrong, before sitting up. His legs  
resting on either side of his brother's hips, but the position was  
not as comfortable as it should have been. In fact it hurt quite a  
bit, but he managed to keep that from his face as well not wanting to  
worry his brother. 
 
"How is your head?" Rumil asked, changing the subject. Running his  
fingers lightly through his brother's silky golden hair. Smoothing it  
back into some semblance of order. 
 
"Ugh...it feels like a bunch of dwarves have taken up residence in  
Lorien and are reconstructing." Haldir managed a soft joke in spite  
of the situation. "You probably shouldn't be sitting like this." he  
murmured gently, his hands running up and down Rumil's thighs, gently  
brushing over the space in between. 
 
"Mmmm....Rumil I'm sorry...my behavior last night. I wasn't myself. I  
shouldn't have taken you like that. Your first time should not have  
been like that." he whispered softly, gazing up at his younger  
brother. "I don't. I don't regret what happened. I just regret that I  
was not sober." 
 
"Come..." he adjusted his brother so he was no longer on top of him  
in such a manner. "Rest your legs...there. Better now?"  
 
He smiled tenderly at the younger elf, there was a great deal he  
wanted to say... but he found it too difficult to talk about right  
now. In the back of his mind was a growing sense of dread. He'd have  
to face Celeborn today. 
 
"You shouldn't go on watch today, I'll call for someone else to take  
your place." 
 
Rumil laughed softly at his brother's small joke, but was unable to  
contain a soft moan of unease as Haldir adjusted him so he was once  
again lying down partially on top of the older elf. The younger elf  
suddenly realized he would not be able to fool his brother into  
thinking he was completely fine, but at least this position *did*  
hurt much less than the other. Even if he was not about to admit it. 
 
"You do not have to apologize, Haldir... I wanted it. It was...  
enjoyable." He said, blushing slightly. However he couldn't help but  
frown as his brother mentioned him not going on his watch. 
 
"Haldir, it is all right, really. I can make it. I'm fine. I will  
just have to be careful." He could not allow someone else to take his  
place at the borders. It was his duty; he would not allow a little  
pain to keep him from performing his duty to Lorien. Especially when  
the pain was from his own doing. 
 
As if to prove the point Rumil pulled out of his brother's embrace  
again and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.  
Ignoring it when pain once again flared up inside him and a slight  
feeling of nausea swept over him. Still he managed to stand only a  
little unsteadily. Turning to offer another smile to his brother that  
was even more shaky. 
 
"Besides I have to be at the borders in less than an hour. It is too  
late to find a replacement. I will be fine, Haldir." 
 
Haldir sighed as he regarded Rumil. "I'm due to stand guard while  
Celeborn receives a guest later this morning."  
 
With Rumil suddenly out of his arms, there was no reason to remain in  
bed. Haldir sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. "I will  
clean up the other room." 
 
He did not know what to say, only that he wanted to make sure that  
Rumil came back to him later. That... 
 
"Come back to me tonight?" He suddenly blurted out. He couldn't bear  
the idea of having to be alone after dealing with being so near  
Celeborn and not being able to talk with the Lord all day. The pain  
of that thought might have reflected in his eyes, but he tried to  
hide it. 
 
Rumil saw the hurt in his brother's eyes and walked around to the  
other side of the bed. Placing a gentle hand on Haldir's cheek and  
leaning down to press his lips to his brother's gently. 
 
"I will... I promise." He whispered, running his fingertips lightly  
over Haldir's shoulders in a gentle massage.  
 
He did not really like the idea of Haldir going to see their Lord  
again so soon after... what had happened between them, but he was not  
about to say anything. Neither he nor Haldir could refuse their  
Lord's summons. No matter what the situation. He would have gladly  
taken Haldir's place at Celeborn's side later today if he could, if  
only to spare his brother's hurt feelings, but he knew he could not.  
He doubted Celeborn be pleased if he did. 
 
He hated seeing his brother in pain. But at least when he returned he  
could help take that pain away once more. 
 
"I will come here... will you wait for me?" 
 
"I will..." Haldir said softly, not really sure if it was an empty  
promise or not. He had no idea what the day would bring or what  
Celeborn would say. 
 
"Rumil. I will try to be. If I'm not here... its not because I  
regretted tonight. I -will- find you." He returned the kiss then  
gently... his tongue probing a little... then more as his body  
tingled in response. 
 
He pulled Rumil close to him and held him there, refusing to let go  
yet. Orcs be damned...he was going to kiss his brother goodbye  
properly. 
 
His hands ran up to run his fingers through Rumil's hair and his  
tongue delved further... 
 
Rumil gasped softly, nearly falling into his brother's lap as Haldir  
pulled him close. Yet he did not protest in the slightest, even  
though the abrupt movement hurt more than a little.  
 
Moaning into the kiss the young elf parted his lips to accept his  
brother's probing tongue. His own curling around the other slick  
muscle sweetly, pressing his body a little closer as a gentle warmth  
began to spread through him from the contact. 
 
It hurt a little that Haldir could not even promise to meet him  
later; even though Haldir had asked him to wait for him... but... at  
least he said he would try to be here. If he didn't... well... he  
would know where his brother was. Who his brother was with... But he  
would still wait for Haldir nonetheless... even though he began to  
suspect his brother would not return to him this night at least. 
 
Haldir gave a low soft purr as the kiss grew more and more desperate.  
He wanted to hang on to it... to never let Rumil go. But his brother  
did not have that long to get to his post, and Haldir had a few  
things to do before attending Celeborn. 
 
When the kiss finally ended, Haldir embraced Rumil gently and then  
set him free... though it pained him to do so. He did -not- want to  
face the day. Not at all. 
 
"Rumil..." he whispered softly, gazing at his brother. "Be careful  
today, please." 
 
He smiled then gazing at the gentle beauty before him. "I don't want  
anything to happen to you." 
 
Haldir then rose off of the bed and stretched. "I suppose its time to  
face...everything..." 
 
Rumil smiled softly in return, raising his hand and placing it once  
more against his brother's cheek. Stroking gently. 
 
"I will be careful, I promise." Leaning forward to brush his lips  
against his brother's one last time before pulling away reluctantly.  
Walking over to the door, a little slowly yet he managed to keep  
himself from limping. His hand resting on the knob as he turned to  
his brother one last time before leaving. 
 
"Everything will be fine." He said softly, though he would have  
rather said `I love you', smiling one last time at his brother before  
leaving his brother's room for his own to get ready for his watch.  
Hoping that he was not the one now making an empty promise. 
 
Haldir watched Rumil go with a faint sigh. He stood by bed for a  
while, unmoving, but finally went to get dressed. Then he went to  
clean his parent's room. When that was done, he carefully brushed  
then braided his hair and then had something to eat and drink. When  
he was ready he looked at himself in the mirror. The headache was  
easing, but his head was still pounding in the back. His eyes didn't  
look quite so awful... but he was ready to do his duty. 
 
He adjusted his weapons and his cloak and took one last look at  
himself. He would need the wall today, the wall of ice that had  
protected him before when he had to deal with Celeborn.  
 
He was Haldir, watch warden of Lorien, and he would do his duty. No  
matter how awful he was feeling inside. 
 
As he walked towards the palace there was only once face in his mind  
though.... 
 
Rumil's... 
 
* 
 
Rumil cursed softly under his breath as he made his way back to the  
home he shared with his brothers slowly. Much slower than normal but  
at least he kept from limping most of the way. He had received enough  
looks from the other border guards today and needed no more. He could  
not even recall how many times he was asked if he were all right. He  
was perfectly fine he had just... had a bad day. 
 
He was late arriving at his post, as he knew he probably would be,  
even though he had tried to hurry. The other guards had noticed his  
stiffness and difficulty climbing the trees to reach his post  
immediately but thankfully no one had said anything. At least at the  
time... then the orcs had attacked. 
 
Blasted orcs... why did they have to pick today of all days to attack  
the borders... stupid creatures... Rumil cursed again, a little  
louder as he squeezed his arm a little tighter to staunch the flow of  
blood dripping down his forearm. Thankfully it had been the worst of  
is wounds other than a few minor scrapes and bruises.  
 
The other guards had known something was wrong with him then, but of  
course he could not tell them what... then, much to his  
embarrassment, the captain had sent him home... sent him home like a  
child! Telling him to take the time to rest if he were ill and  
another would watch his post for him...  
 
Oh he had said it kindly enough... it was not a rebuke... but it  
still hurt. Rumil couldn't remember ever feeling more shamed in his  
life as he turned without a word and left. Though he did not go home  
right away, instead wandering around the wood for a few hours until  
well past sunset. 
 
It was some small blessing that there was no light in the house when  
he finally did decide to return home, hopefully meaning both of his  
brothers were still out. He shuddered to think of either of them  
seeing him like this... home hours earlier than he should have been,  
even with all the time he had wasted. What would he tell Orophin and  
Haldir? He was sure the captain would inform his older brothers what  
had happened today... 
 
Cursing himself one last time as he finally made it to his own room  
Rumil slammed the door shut and pulled his tunic off over his head  
with a little more difficulty than he should have had. Tossing the  
soiled material to the floor as he lit a few candles and began  
inspecting the blackening bruises along his back in a mirror. Caused  
when he had fallen... FALLEN... from the tree he had been perched in  
when he had suddenly gotten dizzy and lost his balance. It was  
probably a wonder he had not broken his neck and had escaped the orcs  
with only a slash on his arm thanks to the aid of the other Galadhrim. 
 
With another groan that was partly in pain and partly frustration the  
young elf threw himself on his bed, even though he knew he should get  
cleaned up... he had promised to wait for Haldir after all... even  
though he knew there would be no way hiding his wounded arm and the  
bruises from Haldir if his brother wanted to... 
 
No... Today had not been a good day... he only hoped Haldir's had  
gone marginally better... 
 
* 
 
Haldir was still with Celeborn. He saw the sun go down and was trying  
hard not to look impatient. Rumil would be waiting... wondering what  
was going on and where he was.  
 
Watching Celeborn have dinner with his guests from Mirkwood. 
 
The Elven Lord was taking his time on purpose, he just knew it. Every  
now and then Celeborn would give him a pointed stare and he would try  
not to think about what had happened this morning. 
 
The dinner included Thranduil, the king of Mirkwood, and another  
elf.  The very person he'd caught the elven lord in bed with.  
 
Haldir had never felt so uncomfortable in his entire life.  
 
Rumil... his thoughts slid to his younger brother as he tried to  
focus. He hoped that Rumil was faring better. 
 
"Haldir."  
 
Suddenly he was snapped out of his reverie. Celeborn was in front of  
him, speaking to him. Haldir blinked. 
 
No one else was in the room... when had that happened? 
 
Celeborn's hand reached up to touch his cheek. "You've been standing  
a long time, come... sit with me." 
 
Haldir swallowed, he couldn't do that... he had to get home. But how  
could he refuse the Master of Lorien? So... he obeyed.  
 
Celeborn stretched out on a chair easily, eying Haldir with a  
predatory gaze. "I am sorry for yesterday, Haldir, I had thought you  
would not be quite so shy." 
 
Shy? No… He hadn't been shy... Haldir tried to focus. Celeborn knew  
exactly how to move... 
 
"Stay tonight." The elven lord said silkily, and very subtly. His  
fingers reaching over to run over Haldir's thigh. "We'll be alone." 
 
Haldir's mouth ran dry and his heart pounded in his chest. No... He  
couldn't... Rumil... Rumil was waiting for him.  
 
"Are you refusing me, Haldir?" The voice held a dangerous tone to it. 
 
Haldir shook his head nervously; he knew that he could never refuse  
Celeborn.... but Rumil... 
 
* 
 
Rumil yawned and rolled over, letting out a yelp of pain as he rolled  
over onto his bruised back and he sat up quickly. Gods he felt as if  
he had been run over by a cave troll... but... wait... when had he  
fallen asleep? 
 
The young elf glanced out the window, seeing the bright moon high in  
the sky through the treetops and he sprang from his bed, cursing  
himself yet again this day. Haldir... He was supposed to have been  
waiting for Haldir, but he had fallen asleep! 
 
He pulled a plain soft tunic out of his drawer, hoping it would be  
gentle enough against the rather tender skin of his back and slipped  
it on to cover the worst of the bruises.  Making his way as quickly  
as possible to Haldir's room. However the house was still very quiet  
and dark... Orophin was probably still out on watch but Haldir… he  
should have been home by now... Rumil's suspicions were confirmed  
when he came to Haldir's room and found the door open, the room  
empty... and it was obvious that his brother had not returned at all  
today. 
 
A sharp pain blossomed in the young elf's heart even though he tried  
to push it back. Haldir had promised him nothing... he had said that  
more than once... but it still hurt... hurt even more knowing who his  
brother was with. Who Haldir had given him up for... 
 
Rumil sighed softly, blinking back his tears as he moved into the  
room and laid down on the bed gingerly, so as not to put any pressure  
on his bruised back. He had made a promise after all... he would wait  
for Haldir. Even if Haldir did not come back to him... he would wait. 
 
The young elf closed his eyes but try as he might he could not keep  
two silver tears from spilling from his lashes and sliding down his  
cheeks. Though he made no move to wipe them away. He soon fell asleep  
again... dreaming of warm arms holding him tightly that would not be  
there when he woke. 
 
* 
 
But then with surprisingly equal measures of hurt and relief, the  
entrance of his Lord's young guest distracted Celeborn; his lover's  
new lover, and the Galadhrim guard took that opportunity to quickly  
bow and turned to walk away. "I shall leave you...alone."  
 
Haldir did not look back, if he did... he would have seen the look of  
anger that flashed in Celeborn's eyes and the way the Elven Lord  
gripped his wine glass as he stared at the retreating form of  
Haldir... who had not been dismissed. 
 
"Haldir!" Celeborn's voice cracked like a whip. 
 
Haldir stopped in his tracks but did not turn around. 
 
"You have not been dismissed." Celeborn's lips curled as he sipped  
his wine. 
 
Haldir turned around, his fists clenched as he held his emotions in  
check. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he met the Lord of Lorien's  
gaze. Celeborn's guest walked up to the Lord...and he leant down,  
taking the ancient elf's lips in his own in a heated passionate kiss,  
forcing Haldir to watch. 
 
When it was over, Celeborn turned to look at Haldir again, his eyes  
flashing with anger, "You are now dismissed." 
 
And Haldir turned on his heel, and stalked out of the room. 
 
"I want you back here in the morning." Celeborn said sharply. 
 
Haldir did not look back, merely pausing slightly when the Lord  
spoke. He walked quickly, his gaze focused as he headed home...and up  
to his room. 
 
He laid his weapons down and then he noticed Rumil in his bed, curled  
up and looking quite sad and vulnerable. Haldir frowned and walked  
over to the bed, sitting down on the edge as he reached a hand over  
to push away a few loose strands of the younger elf's hair. How long  
had Rumil waited for him? His fingers caressed the soft cheek. 
 
He didn't deserve this. 
 
Rumil sighed softly, his lips parting a little in his sleep as he  
instinctively leaned into the gentle touch against his cheek. 
 
"Haldir... " He mumbled softly in his sleep, the words barely  
recognizable. Still caught in the grips of an obviously pleasant  
dream as evident by the slight bulge in the front of his thin  
leggings. "Love you..." It was some moments before his foggy mind  
realized the touch on his cheek was real, his instincts pushing him  
towards wakefulness, but with no real urgency. As if he knew who was  
there with him even before his eyes finally cleared and the young elf  
blinked away the last traces of sleep. 
 
Blinking up at Haldir in a little surprise, not having expected to  
wake so soon. Haldir... he had really come back to him tonight? He  
had thought his brother would stay with Lord Celeborn… Rumil couldn't  
help the small smile that curved his lips, even though he tried to  
push away the thought. Haldir had not made him any promises... but  
Haldir had come back... 
 
"I... I was afraid you would not come..." The young elf admitted  
softly, raising his own hand to cover the one that caressed his  
cheek. Nuzzling into Haldir's palm and kissing it gently. 
 
Haldir looked better cleaned up, much better than he had looked that  
morning, but his eyes were troubled... hurt even. Yet, that pain was  
not directed at Rumil. Without a word he reached both arms underneath  
Rumil's and lifted his brother up into an embrace, kissing Rumil's  
neck and then burying his head against his younger brother's shoulder. 
 
"I am here. It took longer than I expected." he whispered  
softly. "I'm sorry." All he wanted was to feel Rumil's arms wrapped  
around him, to feel the comfort of love.... and to try and force the  
image of Celeborn from his mind. 
 
He held Rumil tightly... almost too tightly, clutching him with an  
almost desperate force. 
 
"Rumil..." he whispered gently. 
 
The small smile slipped from the younger elf's face seeing the pain  
in his brother's eyes, and he knew without even asking... Haldir had  
returned because Celeborn had hurt him... again... "Oh Haldir..."  
 
Rumil wrapped his arms tightly around his brother, threading his  
fingers through the long fall of hair as his other hand caressed  
Haldir's back in long soothing strokes. Trying to impart warmth and  
comfort... and love.  
 
"I'm sorry..." He whispered softly, almost too softly to be heard. He  
was happy Haldir had come back to him but... he did not want his  
brother to be hurt. 
 
When his brother's arms tightened around him, Rumil stifled a small  
gasp of unease, ignoring the pain it caused as Haldir put pressure  
against his bruised back. Returning the embrace just as fiercely and  
placing a small kiss against the side of Haldir's face. But when the  
arms around him tightened even more he could no longer contain the  
small whimper of pain he tried to hide from his brother. 
 
"Its alright, really." Haldir whispered softly, "I chose to leave."  
He wasn't exactly sure -why- he had, for he knew that his choice  
tonight would bring him trouble. Celeborn did not like to be ignored.  
He just... he had wanted to be with Rumil and had not wanted to deal  
with Celeborn's little control games. "I wanted to..." he paused a  
moment. "I wanted to be with you." 
 
Haldir frowned slightly when he heard his brother's gasp and pulled  
away, loosening his grip on Rumil, "What is it?" he touched his  
brother's cheek, "Are you hurt?"  
 
He had not liked the idea of Rumil going back out to the borders  
after last night... but he had known it would have been futile to try  
and keep his younger brother at home. 
 
Rumil merely looked up at his brother, the surprise now quite evident  
in the younger elf's eyes. So much so he almost didn't hear his  
brother's inquiry of if he was injured. 
 
Haldir chose to leave? Because he wanted to be with him? His brother  
had actually chosen to be with him over Celeborn... but... the look  
of hurt in his brother's eyes. Their Lord must not have been pleased  
Haldir had left... yet Haldir had left anyway. The younger elf smiled  
again in spite of himself, nearly forgetting about all his own hurt  
and humiliation he had suffered today. Swearing he would take away  
that pain in his brother's eyes, forever if he could... swearing  
Haldir would not regret wanting to be with him tonight... 
 
"I am glad you are here..." He whispered softly, leaning up to brush  
his lips lightly over his brother's before finally remembering Haldir  
had asked him a question, to which he shook his head. 
 
"No... A few bruises, nothing serious." He assured Haldir softly,  
which was more or less true. He would certainly not die from a few...  
well maybe not a few... bruises along his back.  They would probably  
mostly fade by morning anyway. Even if they did hurt quite a bit now  
and he was still sore from the night before... but he was not about  
to tell this to his brother. Especially since both pains were easily  
ignored now that his brother was with him. 
 
Haldir kissed Rumil firmly but frowned a little and pushed him down  
onto the bed. He knew it was a bit more than a couple of bruises, for  
otherwise his brother would have endured the pain and not made any  
noise.  
 
He lay Rumil back down on the soft pillow and slowly began to pull up  
the tunic refusing to allow Rumil to prevent him. "I know you've had  
a rough day, Rumil. You can't hide pain from me, my brother. What I  
did to you last night was.." he sighed, "I should never have done it  
like that. I should not have used you." 
 
He touched his brother's cheek gently, "And you should not have let  
me use you, Rumil. You are worth far more than something like that.  
You deserve someone far better than me, Rumil." 
 
The watch-warden regarded his brother softly for a long time before  
he moved the tunic up once more, determined to see what had put Rumil  
in such pain. 
 
Rumil's jaw dropped and a look of hurt passed over his face before he  
could think to hide it. Should not have used him? Used him for  
something like that? Worth more? Did not deserve? 
 
What exactly did Haldir think last night meant to him? True it did  
hurt… a little... but he had known it would hurt. It was his first  
time after all… But it had been more than just sex. At least to him  
even if it meant so little to Haldir. 
 
The younger elf's hand gripped Haldir's wrist in a surprisingly  
strong grip and he looked up at his brother, his eyes flashing with a  
little anger. 
 
"Stop it. Don't ever... I do not want you to ever belittle what  
happened between us last night again. It was my choice; I told you I  
would never regret it. That I would treasure it always, and I do even  
now. Even if... even if it meant nothing to you. I have never let  
anyone touch me so before because you are the only one I have ever  
wanted. The only one I will *ever* want. If I do not deserve you...  
then I deserve no one." 
 
Haldir's eyebrows shot up at Rumil's heartfelt words, angry though  
they were. He had thought he'd only imagined the strength of Rumil's  
words last night as drunk as he had been. He hadn't wanted to believe  
anything in case he'd only heard what he'd wanted to hear. 
 
He swallowed, gazing at his younger brother's fierce _expression  
wishing that he could say something equally forceful regarding his  
feelings... but in truth... he was conflicted. He knew that he cared  
about Rumil, and wanted him. He loved him, yes, but was it love... or  
was it just what a brother should feel for his sibling? 
 
He'd believed himself so long to be in love with Celeborn it was  
difficult to accept that he might be beginning to love another. "I  
wasn't..." he tried to say, "It did not mean nothing, Rumil." he said  
softly, trying to piece together his jumbled heart. 
 
"I'm just... it's difficult right now.... and I don't know whether or  
not I'm free to say one way or the other. But I left him tonight. *I*  
left him... because... because all I could think about all day long  
was you.... you Rumil." 
 
Haldir took a deep breath, trying to steady his shaking hand. In his  
eyes was no longer pain, really... but perhaps a little fear. 
 
Rumil's _expression softened, his grip easing on is brother's wrist  
yet he did not release it just yet. Raising the hand he held to his  
lips and brushing a gentle kiss over the palm. His eyes never leaving  
his brother's as he nuzzled into the soft gentle touch against his  
cheek. 
 
"I know it is hard..." He said softly, if a little sadly. Even though  
he wished more than anything Haldir would return his love... he knew  
he could not push his brother. It would not be fair.  He would never  
ask for anything more than Haldir was willing to give to him. But it  
did not mean he did not have hope. More hope now than he had ever had  
in the past. Hope that Haldir would perhaps one day feel for him as  
he felt for his brother. To utter those words of love he so wanted to  
hear from his brother's lips.  
 
His other hand reached up to gently caress his brother's cheek, then  
thread through the long golden hair, letting the silky threads slide  
through his fingers. Coming to rest on the nape of his brother's neck  
and pulling Haldir closer for another gentle kiss. 
 
"Shhh... Do not fear. Do not think anymore tonight. Feel... Follow  
your heart and you will never regret, my brother." The younger elf  
whispered softly against his brother's tender lips. 
 
Haldir leant into the kiss, his tongue flicking into Rumil's mouth as  
he leant over his younger brother. The kiss quickly turned passionate  
as he felt the heat rising in his body. "Rumil..." he whispered  
softly as he climbed into the bed. "I... alright. We won't talk about  
that." 
 
Then he realized that Rumil had effectively managed to distract him  
from the fact that Rumil had been hurt earlier today. He leant on one  
arm as he surveyed his brother. "I want to see your body." he said  
with a half-grin. "I've been thinking about it all day... after all." 
 
A light flush stained the younger elf's cheeks as the slow kiss  
quickly turned passionate, igniting a fire within him he had only  
just learned was there the night before. Making him moan softly and  
arch his body into his brother's warm heat as Haldir settled over  
him.  His cheeks reddened even more when his brother admitted to  
thinking about him all during the day... the thought more than a  
little pleasing to the young elf and he smiled, until he realized  
that would mean showing Haldir his injury... sneaky elf... 
 
Rumil sighed softly, resigned, and slipped out from underneath  
Haldir's body, turning his back to his brother. Knowing it would be  
better to get it over with quickly. Even though Haldir would probably  
not be happy with him at all once he saw the dark and ugly bruises  
that ran from nearly his shoulders down to the small of his back. But  
that's what apparently happens when you fall from a tree... a very  
high tree. 
 
With only another moments hesitation Rumil lifted his tunic over his  
head, trying not to make a sound as his muscles protested even that  
movement and let the material slip from his fingers to fall to the  
floor. Bracing himself for his brother's inevitable explosion. Rumil  
waited for his brother's sharp scolding words. The same reprimand he  
had come to expect every time one of his brothers caught him doing  
something foolish... But surprisingly none came and when he risked  
looking over his shoulder he saw only concern in Haldir's eyes. 
 
Haldir smiled as Rumil finally succumbed to taking off his tunic, his  
smile changed into a frown as he saw the bruises and then he helped  
Rumil take it off so his brother did not have to do it himself. His  
frown did not turn ugly nor did he explode, only concern showed in  
his eyes. "My Rumil." he whispered softly. "You're beautiful." he  
leant forward and kissed the back of the younger elf's neck. 
 
Then he maneuvered himself just slightly and proceeded to kiss each  
and every bruise on Rumil's body, very gently, very lightly. He  
didn't use his hands, just his lips as he moved sensually up and down  
the younger elf's back. 
 
When he was finished, he pushed Rumil carefully back down to the bed  
and worked his way back up the gentle body beneath him, still kissing  
each tender spot gently, and playfully licking each nipple. When he  
was done, he leant on his elbow at Rumil's side and smiled softly. "I  
think those bruises might need a bit more attention, Rumil. What do  
you think?" 
 
Rumil was more than a little surprised.  He had thought Haldir would  
be angry with him... or at least upset. He had promised he would be  
careful after all, and he had made more mistakes today than a border  
guard in their first years of training.  But he returned his  
brother's gentle smile with one of his own and a small nod.  
 
"You are too good to me..." The younger elf murmured softly with a  
small playful grin. Pressing his body closer to the older elf's,  
leaning up to nuzzle his brother's lips with his own, practically  
begging his brother for another sweet kiss. 
 
Haldir smiled silkily, "You have been abusing your body today, my  
little one." He bestowed a another kiss upon Rumil's lips, still  
feather light... refusing to let it become deeper as he pushed his  
younger brother back down on the covers. "I think that you should  
just lay right where you are." 
 
Rumil whimpered a little in disappointment and pouted quite  
becomingly as his brother's lips drew away much too soon for his  
liking. However he remained still against the bed as Haldir  
instructed.  
 
Haldir drew off his tunic and tossed it aside, shaking down his hair,  
and then he moved downwards... his lips trailing along Rumil's  
stomach. "No moving now." he warned gently.   
 
Rumil merely smiled. Letting his eyes roam over his brother's  
beautiful body appreciatively. Gods Haldir was so beautiful... such a  
deadly strong beauty. It took his very breath away... and for this  
night at least, Haldir was his.  Then the younger elf moaned softly,  
his eyes fluttering closed against his will as his brother's talented  
lips traveled over his stomach. 
 
The older elf's tongue made a short sweet path towards the top of  
Rumil's leggings. Then he drew them down in one swift motion, using  
both hands. "You were wearing too much. I didn't want the material to  
be hurting you." He said playfully. 
 
Rumil lifted his hips slightly to help the other elf remove his  
leggings, and then lay there totally bare to his brother's eyes. His  
breath coming quicker almost able to *feel* those dark eyes on him  
like a caress. 
 
When Rumil lay naked before him, Haldir moved back up again and  
brought his brother's hand to his lips, kissing each finger as his  
eyes roamed over the younger elf's body, taking in every detail.   
Once he finished kissing each finger, his tongue began to play around  
the tips sensually. Caressing the edges. Oh yes...Haldir had been  
trained well. Trained by the best. 
 
"What happened, today, Rumil?" he asked silkily, though he had a  
strong idea that Rumil's mind was not going to be able to form a  
coherent answer. 
 
The younger elf's lips parted in a delicate gasp and his eyes  
fluttering open. Gods his brother could undo him completely with only  
one look, with the barest touch. So much so he almost didn't really  
hear Haldir's question yet answered it automatically completely  
focused on the gentle lips and tongue playing with his fingertips. 
 
"I fell..." 
 
"I have something to put on you." Haldir said softly. "To help the  
pain... ahem... That I caused last night." He reached over to his  
bedside drawer and pulled out a small vial after rummaging around a  
little. It looked like it was filled with some kind of cream. "Turn  
around." He commanded gently. "I know what its like when that  
happens." he said softly. Haldir did not let Rumil turn around  
however without first placing a lengthy kiss upon the pouting lips  
and licking the bottom one sensually. 
 
Rumil moaned deep in his chest as his brother's lips descended on his  
once again. His arms coming up to wrap around Haldir's torso tightly,  
letting his wet fingers play up and down the strong back. Not letting  
his brother pull away this time until he was completely satisfied,  
even though he suspected he would never get enough of those talented  
lips. 
 
Finally releasing his brother and pulling away with a small smile,  
turning around to lay on his stomach. Crossing his arms and laying  
his head down atop them, looking at his brother over his shoulder  
with an almost mischievous glint in his eyes. The smile never  
slipping from his lips as he relaxed his body against the covers,  
letting his legs slide apart slightly. Exposing himself completely to  
his brother's gaze, with only a slight flush to his pale cheeks. 
 
Haldir's hands settled on his brother's soft skin and ran smoothly  
over Rumil's back and then once over each twin globe of the younger  
elf's buttocks. Merely caressing the soft skin for a few moments  
before he coated his fingers with the soft substance in the vial,   
then slipped his fingers in the gentle crease.  Frowning when he felt  
the abrasion from his earlier plundering of his brother's sweet  
innocence. 
 
He vowed that next time... next time it would not hurt Rumil. He  
would make sure of that. 
 
With gentle fingers he swirled up and down in the crack between the  
globes, and then found the small tight hole that had been so abused  
the night before and carefully swathed it with the cream... not yet  
inserting his fingers, just gently smoothing the cream over the top. 
 
Rumil's eyes fluttered closed once more, moaning faintly as his  
brother's hands ran down his back and then over his buttocks ever so  
gently. He tried not to tense when the gentle fingers dipped in  
between but the reaction was an automatic one. However the touch was  
light and soothing and the cool cream helped ease the burning he had  
been suffering through since last night. The younger elf sighed then  
moaned a little as the fingers both soothed and then began to arouse. 
 
"Haldir..." Rumil breathed, his hips lifting slightly searching for  
more contact. More of the soothing relief for his aching insides.  
More of the slow touches that were making his flesh that was pressed  
into the soft covers of the bed swell and harden. 
 
The soothing gentle fingers then began to delve a little deeper,  
pushing slightly inward, swathing cream where it was needed the most.  
First one...then another finger working its way into the soft  
contours of the sweet small space. 
 
Haldir leant down and pushed Rumil's hair away from the back of his  
neck and began to trickle kisses along it, playing lightly with his  
tongue over the back of Rumil's ear as his fingers caressed and  
soothed aching places. 
 
"You will be taking better care of yourself from now on, Rumil. I  
think you need a couple of days off." Haldir said gently, but  
firmly. "To recover from this fall, I will inform the captain of your  
patrol." 
 
Rumil let out an almost pitiful sounding moan, his fingers fisting  
into the covers as hips began to rock almost of their own accord.  
Letting his pale thighs part even more, silently begging his brother  
for a deeper penetration. Begging for more of everything. The sharp  
ache within him was quickly fading, now almost completely gone as the  
fingers worked inside him. The burn fading and then beginning anew,  
yet in an entirely different way. A very pleasant kind of way.   
Making his body quiver and tremble, a fine sheen of sweat breaking  
out on the fair skin. 
 
He pushed back onto the gentle fingers probing his most intimate  
area, then forward. Rubbing his shaft that had now grown quite hard  
and wanting into the mattress.  
 
The young elf heard Haldir, if only barely, recognizing the tone and  
that it broke no argument. He understood his brother's concern but he  
could not simply abandon his duty. He opened his mouth to protest but  
the only sound that emerged was a gasp and whimper as his brother's  
talented tongue played over his ear. 
 
Finally deciding to give up on thought all together as he pressed  
back onto his brother's fingers even harder. His whole body seeming  
oversensitive, the slightest touch making him ache and need all the  
more. His arousal almost painfully hard and begging for attention. 
 
"Haldir... please..." He whimpered again, forcing his eyes open,  
staring at his brother pleadingly. 
 
Haldir let his fingers dip farther, moving inward as he sought to  
apply the cream deeper and then to rub against a familiar place. His  
fingers creating a rather interesting rhythm but not. His tongue  
still played against Rumil's ear. Nibbling lightly, then his free  
hand moved underneath his brother and began to stroke the already  
hard member that he found there. 
 
"Yes, for the next few days." Haldir whispered in Rumil's ear. "For  
the next few days you are going to relax and let your muscles and  
bruises heal." his tongue played into Rumil's ear, delving deep as  
his fingers were doing, mimicking the rhythm he had built up. 
 
"God. I've been thinking about you all day." Haldir said again... and  
his desire was obvious.... hard against Rumil's leg as he worked his  
fingers deeper and deeper... in and out and around. "I don't know  
what you've done to me, but I can't think of anything but you." 
 
"Oh gods, Haldir..." Rumil merely moaned sweetly, rapidly loosing the  
capacity for coherent thought. Even when Haldir said something about  
resting for not just one day but several. He knew he should offer  
some kind of protest, but he merely nodded in agreement... not quite  
knowing what it was he was even agreeing to. 
 
All he could think about, all he knew was those fingers playing  
within him. Pushing deeper and deeper. His brother stroking his  
aching shaft, the pleasure inside as well as out with the added  
stimulation to his sensitive ear nearly his undoing. 
 
"H... Haldir..." The younger elf's pleasurable cries slowly increased  
in volume and he buried his face into his brother's pillows. Inhaling  
his brother's rich scent that lingered there as he tried to stifle  
his cries a little. Though it did little good as he was rapidly  
loosing control over himself in every way. 
 
And those tempting fingers continued to delve further in and around,  
vibrating over the little spot Haldir had discovered only recently.  
Finished with one ear, he worked on the other, using the same  
manipulations as he had with the other. His other hand stroked and  
caressed the hard firm member that begged for release, teasing the  
tip with his thumb and holding and closing over the tip so Rumil had  
something to push into other than the mattress. 
 
He worked his fingers in little circles, tantalizing little circles  
caressing and pulling apart Rumil, yet not really preparing him for  
entry, simply drawing him to climax while spreading the cream to heal  
previous wounds. 
 
"Rumil, Rumil Rumil..." Haldir whispered fiercely into his brother's  
ear, his own sex pressing against Rumil's leg as his hips moved in  
unison with his fingers. 
 
Oh gods it was too much... too much... Rumil's fingers twisted in the  
sheets of the bed till he swore he heard a slight tearing sound yet  
he could not be sure over the pounding of blood in his own ears. Nor  
did he really care if he did. 
 
The younger elf trembled, pushing back harder onto the stretching  
fingers inside him. Faster into his brother's stroking palm, slight  
beads of moisture gathering at the tip of his erection. He was  
close... so very close. He could not stop it nor did he wish to. 
 
Strangely it was his brother's voice whispering into the ear he was  
teasing that finally sent him over the edge. Saying his name with  
such possessiveness and yes he belonged to Haldir. Body, mind, and  
soul. He had given himself to his brother long ago, he had only  
waited for Haldir to claim him. 
 
"Haldir!" Rumil nearly wailed as his climax ripped through him,  
sobbing his brother's name over and over with each new wave of  
pleasure. Shuddering again and again as his seed spilled hotly over  
the hand that encircled him. Caught on that peak for what seemed like  
forever before finally sagging back to the mattress quite boneless.  
His breathing ragged as his body continued to tremble with the  
pleasant aftershocks that traveled throughout his spent body. Still  
mumbling his brother's name with every small spike of pleasure. 
 
Haldir chuckled softly, dragging the young elf into his arms upon  
completion of his task and holding him there. "Hold on to me." he  
said gently as he licked off his fingers then stroked his brother's  
head as Rumil shivered from the aftershocks of what had just happened. 
 
"Mmm...Feel better now?" Haldir murmured in satisfaction. "That's  
exactly how I imagined you all day long." He kissed Rumil's ear once  
again, nibbling it playfully as his hands ran up and down his  
brother's back, carefully avoiding bruises yet playfully caressing  
his rear, fingers still occasionally dipping in. 
 
"Do you remember what you agreed just now?" his eyes twinkled with  
mischief, as he knew that Rumil had nearly been incoherent at the  
time he'd extracted the agreement. 
 
Rumil wrapped his arms around his brother's body tightly, as tightly  
as his nearly liquid muscles would allow anyway which wasn't very  
much. Burrowing himself into Haldir's warm body, with a sigh of utter  
contentment. 
 
A soft moan was all the younger elf could manage when his brother  
asked him if he were feeling better. Although he did manage a weak  
chuckle at the understatement of the century and then another moan as  
his brother's hands once more began to travel over his body. Oh yes,  
he was feeling better. Much much better. Wonderful... perfect... What  
had he agreed to again? 
 
The younger elf looked up at his brother. His eyes still glazed a  
bit, and a little confused, but then all of a sudden he remembered  
and he frowned. That sneaky elf... 
 
"That was quite evil, Haldir. Are you sure you are not an orc?" Rumil  
muttered softly, though there was no real bite to the words. In fact  
the younger elf sounded almost amused. Pressing himself even closer  
to his brother's warm body and tucking his head beneath his chin with  
another sigh of pure bliss. 
 
He wanted to argue with Haldir about it but he knew it would do  
little good. He *had* agreed to it after all... even though it was  
under torture... albeit rather enjoyable torture. Besides his brother  
might just tie him to the bed if he didn't comply this time after he  
had already gotten himself hurt, nearly killed, for not following his  
advice this morning. But he wasn't about to tell his brother that  
part...  
 
Rumil sighed again as his fingers traveled lazily over his brother's  
bare chest, allowing himself to come down slowly from the intense  
pleasure yet his touches soon turned from light to caressing. Dipping  
down lower over Haldir's stomach to play with the laces of his  
leggings. 
 
"You are wearing too much..." The younger elf mumbled softly, laying  
a soft kiss and then began nibbling along his brother's throat. 
 
"Mmmhmm. You would never have agreed otherwise. Oh Stubborn one."  
Haldir kissed Rumil's nose gently. "If I'm an orc, than I suppose  
you're my prisoner." he gave a half grin. "Which means I'll probably  
have to tie you to the bed or something so you don't get away." 
 
Haldir's hips squirmed slightly; he still hadn't released himself  
having been focused on Rumil earlier. "Though I don't think I'll need  
ropes to keep you here, Rumil." he said softly. "You are wonderful,  
you know... and I hope you liked that. I had to use it once when..."  
Haldir shook his head, pushing away the memory. "Anyway, next time  
you're in pain you are -not- to go on duty. It won't worry anyone if  
you miss one or two days, love."  
 
Haldir gave a soft groan of pleasure, and tilted Rumil's chin up and  
tasted the younger elf's lips gently at first... then with a greater  
heat as his passion built and his tongue became more and more bold. 
 
Rumil smiled softly at his brother's gentle teasing and lecturing,  
that much at least had not changed and it was something of a relief  
to the younger elf. So much had changed between them in barely twenty- 
four hours... it was comforting to know that some things would always  
be the same. No matter what changed between them Haldir would always  
be his brother first. 
 
But wait... Did Haldir just call him? Love? 
 
Suddenly his brother's lips were on his in a demanding kiss, laying  
claim to every inch of his mouth. Leaving him nearly breathless and  
all he could do was submit to his brother's building passion. Letting  
Haldir ignite the fire within him once again. 
 
Love? Had he imagined it? Had Haldir meant it or was it merely a slip  
of the tongue? But even if it *was*... could his brother have meant  
it without even realizing it?  
 
The younger elf didn't know if he should just let it go or call him  
on it… He did not want to scare his brother away... and Haldir had  
been so adamant on not promising him anything... Then again he could  
just be reading too much into nothing, he should not get his hopes up  
so quickly. But what if Haldir did mean it?  What if he could get  
Haldir to say it again... to realize he had said it... and mean it... 
 
The young elf moaned again, returning his brother's kiss with  
abandonment. Slipping his hands beneath his brother's leggings to  
grip the firm backside and pull his brother's body even closer.  
Feeling Haldir's hard shaft pressing into him and rubbing himself  
against the trapped erection. Trying to draw forth more of those  
sweet needful moans from his brother he had come to love. 
 
"Take these off... I want you... I want to feel you..." Rumil  
practically demanded as he tasted his brother's lips. 
 
Haldir gave a soft groan, and then he chuckled a little as he pulled  
away and let his eyes run lazily over Rumil's body. "You want to see  
me?" He slid from the bed with a grin, pulling away from his brother  
as he lit a candle. "Then you shall. But on one condition...you stay  
right where you are." 
 
The tall elf stood a few feet away from the bed as the shadows from  
the candlelight danced about him. In the distance, vague music could  
be heard from the circle of musicians that always played in  
Lothlorien.  He ran his hand down his chest as he tossed his hair  
back and began unbraid it slowly.... moving his hips a little to the  
sound. He'd only ever done this for one other person. Celeborn had  
always liked the exotic. 
 
Slow even movements... Haldir's own sex taunt against his clinging  
leggings yet he paid no attention to it... not yet. 
 
Dancing had always come naturally to him, yet he had never done it  
outside of private quarters. He was quick, agile and flexible, making  
the task easy. 
 
He let his tongue run over his lips as he continued to unbraid his  
hair. 
 
Haldir was aware it might be a bit much to throw on Rumil at the  
moment; his younger brother had not been exposed to the more  
interesting ways of teasing. He had once promised Celeborn no one  
else would see him dance. But after today, he had decided that his  
body was his own and Celeborn was no longer its complete master. Not  
anymore.  
 
He locked his gaze with Rumil as the last braid came out and he drew  
both hands through his hair, letting it cascade behind him. 
 
Rumil's eyes widened and for a long time the younger elf forgot how  
to breathe. Completely enchanted by the beauty and strength on  
display before him. He couldn't have moved an inch even if Haldir had  
not told him to remain where he was. Frozen immobile by the vision  
before him that seemed to have been drawn directly from his most  
secret and erotic dreams 
 
His gaze roaming freely over the strong chest and taunt stomach.  
Almost hypnotized by the way the light and shadows played over the  
strong flexing muscles. Moving and shifting slowly beneath pale skin  
that seemed to almost glow golden in the dim candlelight. 
 
His eyes drifted lower, following the gentle sway of his Haldir's  
hips. Biting his lip watching the tight fabric of his brother's  
leggings stretch over the strong thighs and firm sex, leaving very  
little to the imagination. Gods... Sweet Elbereth... 
 
Heat flooded him, making his entire body sing with growing passion.  
Pooling between his legs and making his spent flesh stir once again. 
 
It was only when spots began to form before his eyes that he realized  
he had not taken a breath for a very long time now and the young elf  
drew in a sharp gasp. The sudden burst of oxygen making him feel  
lightheaded and he groaned softly, his eyes still fixed on his  
brother unwavering. 
 
"Gods Haldir..." 
 
Haldir smiled at Rumil's gasp of awe and he licked his lips once  
again, then he turned around and began to remove his leggings,  
hooking his thumbs into his side and looking over his shoulder with a  
heated stare as his hips continued to subtly move in turn to the  
music. 
 
The leggings slipped off, but Haldir did not turn around yet, moving  
his hands up and down his body, "Do you want to touch me, Rumil?" he  
asked silkily, knowing the answer already as he turned then and his  
hand was stroking his own shaft as it stood proudly erect. 
 
He climbed on the bed and continued to move, sitting on his knees at  
the end of the bed in front of Rumil as he let his own hands roam  
over his muscles, his thighs... his rear. His hips moved forward a  
little yet he did not come within arms reach of Rumil yet, still  
teasing. 
 
Rumil's eyes widened almost impossibly wide and he felt faint, and it  
was no wonder, as all his blood seemed to leave his head at once and  
pool elsewhere. Making him painfully hard again in seconds and Haldir  
had not even –touched- him. He could not have torn his eyes away if  
Gil-Galad himself suddenly materialized and ordered him to at this  
moment. The only barely coherent thought running through his rather  
frazzled mind was where in Elbereth's name Haldir had learned to do  
such a thing! 
 
Oh gods he wanted to touch his brother so much... he wanted to  
move... he wanted to join his brother, press his body close and move  
with him in that slow sensual dance. He wanted to let his own hands  
roam over that beautiful body as his brother's hands were doing now. 
 
In fact the only reason he remained where he was... was because he  
was very afraid if he –did- move Haldir would stop. Would not let him  
touch... and that thought was unbearable enough that he twisted his  
hands in the covers once again, desperately trying to hold himself  
back. Achingly waiting for his brother's permission to move... 
 
Haldir licked the fingers of one hand with his tongue, and then he  
began to run them up and down his hard shaft, while slowly moving on  
the bed. His legs were spread apart, his thigh muscles taunt. With  
his other, he teased a nipple while his hips moved. 
 
He was at the end of the bed, still too far for Rumil to reach  
without moving, and he grinned somewhat wickedly. "I know what you  
want." he let his tongue roll over his lips snaking it out  
tantalizingly. 
 
His belly moved to the dance. Indeed it was extremely erotic,  
Haldir's eyes were dark with passion as his body began to build in  
speed, the hand stroking his shaft sped faster with his swaying  
form.... and then slowed to a seductive rate. 
 
"You may move." he whispered. 
 
Rumil moaned softly, sounding almost as if he were pained as he  
fought with himself. Trying to remain still, not to move, not to  
touch... merely watch. The slow sway of his brother's hips. The  
rippling of tight muscles in Haldir's chest... stomach... thighs.  
Strong fingers gliding smoothly over golden skin, nipples growing  
hard and taunt under the gentle teasing. Long skilled fingers running  
over the hot stiff shaft, hard and demanding, begging for attention. 
 
The younger elf's eyes were dilated so much they were nearly black;  
following his brother's every movement with rapt attention. His  
breath came out in small quick gasps, nearly hyperventilating, as he  
fought with his own body. Wanting, no, needing to touch. To feel...  
gods it was near torture. 
 
"Haldir..." The young elf whimpered, begging. His eyes pleading...  
When he finally heard his brother whisper his consent he moved, yet  
surprisingly much slower than the thought he would be able to. As  
slowly as his Haldir moved. Flowing smoothly as he sat up and then  
knelt before his brother. Close enough to feel the heat from the  
other elf's body yet still not touching, not yet. Still watching, his  
eyes locked with his older brother's, completely open. Baring his  
very soul to his brother as Haldir bared his body. 
 
"I love you..." He murmured softly, almost unthinkingly, his hands  
finally coming up to rest on his brother's shoulders, pressing his  
body close. Rolling his hips in time with the almost non-existent  
music, barely heard over the beating of his own heart. His eyes never  
leaving his brother's as he joined the slow, sensual dance Haldir had  
begun. Rubbing himself against the other elf's hard body as his hands  
traveled freely over the exquisite skin he had longed to touch so  
much. Down the strong back, squeezing and rubbing the hard rear.  
Wanting nothing more than to get closer, to feel more... 
 
"Haldir..." 
 
Haldir did not say anything in response to Rumil's admission, there  
was nothing he could yet say for he really did not understand his  
feelings yet. He knew one thing though, he -wanted- Rumil and had  
wanted Rumil all day long 
 
As Rumil moved with him, his hands moved around to caress up and down  
his brothers back and then rested on the younger elf's hips, showing  
Rumil how to loosen them in the dance. Then in one swift movement he  
was lying on the bed and Rumil was on top of him.... his hard shaft  
pressing against Rumil's small opening. "I need you." he said heavy  
with desire. "Let me enter you, Rumil. I want you so much." 
 
He gazed up at his brother, his hands still holding Rumil's hips,  
just above him...not yet pressing any further in to the sweet essence  
that waited. 
 
Rumil sighed a little when his brother refused to respond to him yet  
again and the young elf wondered briefly if he should stop. He did  
not want to push his brother after all, did not want Haldir to say it  
simply out of guilt. He wanted his brother to say the words, and  
wanted Haldir to mean them... but he had hadn't he? The younger elf  
knew he had not imagined it... Suddenly Rumil found himself spun  
around and sprawled on top of his brother's body and he couldn't help  
a small yelp at the rather sudden change in position. The startled  
sound changing to a gasp of pleasure feeling his brother's desire  
pressing against his opening. Rubbing against the small hole yet not  
pressing inside yet. 
 
The younger elf felt a small fluttering of unease in his stomach,  
which he could not completely banish. Remembering the pain from the  
other night and all throughout the day. The soreness that had just  
seemed to fade thanks to whatever Haldir had spread into him but...  
Haldir's fingers had felt so good and it wasn't the first time...  
maybe it wouldn't hurt so much...  
 
Rumil licked his suddenly dry lips and nodded, letting his hands rest  
on his brother's strong shoulders for support. His knees on either  
side of the other elf's hips, completely open to his brother. Waiting  
for Haldir to push inside him and claim him again... even if his  
brother did not want all of him. 
 
Haldir himself felt a little bad that he could not respond with the  
conviction that Rumil did. In truth he was a little afraid of the  
strength of his desire for his younger brother. He seemed to be  
aroused simply by looking at Rumil though he had always in the past  
managed to ignore it or file it away as frustration when he was angry  
with Celeborn. 
 
Was this another case where he was upset with the one he had always  
believed himself in love with? No... No Celeborn had used up all his  
chances. Haldir had always been there for the Sylvan lord...and yet.  
Yet he had never felt that heat and love in return. Desire yes, there  
had always been that.  
 
Was he simply using Rumil? 
 
Not really...after all, Rumil -wanted- to be used. Just like...just  
like he had wanted Celeborn. He knew now exactly how Rumil must  
feel... yet he could not say the words that he knew that his younger  
brother wanted to hear. But he would not be like Celeborn; he would  
not treat Rumil without respect. Rumil might have to come second  
sometimes, but his brother would never be disregarded or hurt. 
 
Rumil sat above him gazing down in apprehension and desire. How badly  
had he hurt him last night? Haldir smiled slowly, this time. This  
time it would be slow. He had prepared his younger brother enough to  
receive him and to not feel pain, and later he would be sure that  
Rumil would rest and receive similar treatment following his entry. 
 
With one swift motion, Haldir pushed into his brother... sliding  
upwards as he lifted his hips and met the sweet tight walls that  
waited for him...opened for him as he claimed Rumil. His hands that  
had been on his brother's hips moved down Rumil's thighs and then to  
his shaft, now quite hard again. He doubted Rumil had ever seen  
anything like what he had just done. Celeborn had him learn it once  
from a visiting friend of his from Mirkwood; no one in Lorien save  
Rumil and Celeborn knew Haldir's hidden talent. 
 
He gave a low moan of pleasure as he was enveloped by the hot  
contours of his brother. Did he love Rumil? Dearly, he loved his  
brother because he was his brother. Did he -love- him? Haldir didn't  
honestly know. He heart and mind was caught right now in between his  
feelings for both Celeborn and Rumil. He had always thought his love  
for Celeborn was very real, but his desire for Rumil was stronger  
than anything he'd ever felt for Celeborn. It was strong enough to  
convince him to walk away from his lord that night. What did it mean? 
 
"I will never hurt you again, Rumil." Haldir promised softly,  
unmoving, buried deeply within the younger elf. 
 
Rumil had gasped as he felt his brother's hips move, pushing forward  
and inside. The younger elf tensed slightly though he tried not to,  
expecting pain, yet it did not come. Almost none of the aching burn  
he had come to expect. None of the intense tearing feeling. Pain  
mixed with pleasure. 
 
The thick shaft slid into him smoothly. Haldir's flesh stretched him,  
filling him completely, pushing deep inside. And there was very  
little discomfort or pain. Just that feeling of incredible fullness,  
that incredible heat buried inside him. This... this is what he had  
imagined it would be like. Oh gods it was wonderful...  
 
"Haldir..." The younger elf whimpered sweetly. His head falling back,  
eyes fluttering closed in bliss, hair streaming down his back in a  
cascade of golden silk. His body loosening automatically as he took  
his brother inside him and his entire body trembling, his back arched  
with pleasure. Hands clenching on his brother's shoulders tightly for  
support he whimpered again as he finally settled in his brother's  
lap. "Ai..." 
 
The young elf remained still for a long time, nearly overwhelmed by  
the intensity of his feelings. So good... it felt so very good... but  
he wanted more. His inner muscles clenched around the hot flesh  
buried inside him, moaning his brother's name softly, begging for  
more. 
 
"Haldir... please move... oh gods..." 
 
Haldir smiled when he saw rapture build in Rumil's beautiful face. He  
gazed into his lover's eyes and began to do as begged...move. He gave  
a soft gasp of pleasure as he rocked his hips forward, swirling  
within the young elf...finding that place and beating against it  
gently as he moved. 
 
He wondered once again, very briefly if he should be doing this,  
Rumil was so innocent. And yet...beautiful...and Haldir could not  
help but continue to want him no matter how many times he tried to  
talk himself out of it. 
 
"Move with me." Haldir said softly, "Move your hips in little circles  
as I thrust upward, Rumil. Like this." 
 
He let go his brother's shaft, with a teasing wink and his hands  
rested on either hip. He held his brother gently, avoiding any  
bruises from Rumil's fall. He began to push into Rumil, sliding in  
and out and building an easy rhythm, as he did, he moved Rumil's hips  
rolling them to the right and left as he pushed upward. The sensation  
created was geared towards heightening contact with that special spot  
only just discovered the previous night. 
 
"Dance with me Rumil." Haldir whispered slowly. "Draw me in and out  
of you." 
 
Rumil whimpered pitifully as his brother began to move within him,  
yet not in pain. No, it was ecstasy. That incredible heat drawing in  
and out of his tight body slowly, creating a delicious friction.  
Pressing against that point within him again and again that nearly  
made him sob with need with every new spike of pleasure. 
 
The younger elf relaxed into his brother's hands, allowing Haldir to  
manipulate his body in any way he wished. Rolling his hips as he  
began to rise up and down on the stiff flesh on his own in smooth  
motions. His hands tightening on his brother's shoulders with another  
cry of pleasure as the sensations inside him if possible became more  
intense. 
 
"Oh gods..." Rumil whimpered again, nearly past the point of rational  
speech or thought for that matter. All he could do was feel. Feel the  
hard body beneath him, moving within him, joined together in the most  
intimate of dances. All of his inhibitions were being stripped away  
and he moved now completely by instinct. Driven only by one thing,  
the pursuit of pleasure, both giving and receiving. 
 
The younger elf sat back in his brother's lap, the movement causing  
his brother's firm sex to slide even deeper into his body and Rumil  
moaned again. Licking his dry lips as he began to move even more  
fluidly over his brother. Recalling how Haldir had moved before in  
that incredibly sensual dance. Now, creating a smooth rhythm together  
to sweet music that only the two of them could hear. 
 
Rumil arched his back; his fingers sliding slowly up his own body.  
Over the flexing muscles of his abdomen and chest that glistened with  
sweat, highlighted in gold and silver in the flickering candlelight  
and moonlight. He stretched, running his fingers through the long  
fall of hair, pushing it back to give his brother a clear view of his  
body.  
 
His eyes half closed and his head thrown back in ecstasy, moaning his  
brother's name over and over like a prayer. 
 
Haldir closed his eyes and let the sensations envelop his soul as he  
felt Rumil's passion build and escalate, he began to give light  
little gasps that grew in sound, sounding a bit like a great cat  
beginning to roar in pleasure as he kept pushing into Rumil. 
 
And when Rumil began to move his body on his own, Haldir's hands  
slipped from his brother's waist to his rigid shaft and began to  
stroke it once again as he had earlier.  
 
"Don't think...just...just move, Rumil." Haldir opened his eyes again  
and let his gaze wander over the beautiful body seductively moving  
over him, "We are all that exists." 
 
His body was tingling, and he wanted to cry out and push into his  
brother as he had the night before, but not tonight. Tonight he would  
be slow and easy. Tonight it was all about Rumil. 
 
He rubbed intentionally against the little spot that was driving his  
brother crazy with need. "Aaaaah..." he felt release building...but  
not yet...not yet. 
 
"Rumil!" He cried out. "Oh gods...Rumil.... faster..." 
 
Rumil's body shuddered and the young elf cried out in pure ecstasy as  
his brother's hands moved from his hips to caress his aching weeping  
sex. His body clenching around the ridged shaft buried within him.  
Tightening and relaxing in a delightful rhythm ever time Haldir hit  
that spot within him that made stars burst behind his eyes and his  
body vibrate with pleasure. 
 
The younger elf forced his eyes open, his passion dark eyes locking  
with his brother's as he obeyed his lover's command. Letting his  
fingers glide sensually over his brother's skin. Lightly caressing up  
and down the smooth hard chest and stomach. Bracing himself as he  
began to move faster. Rising up and coming down on the firm flesh  
within him with a little more force.  
 
The muscles in his thighs trembling with the effort, concentrating on  
every movement. His own cries of pleasure mingling with his brother's  
in a beautiful passionate song. Providing the backdrop for their  
intimate dance, no longer quite so slow now. Slowly building to a  
fever pitch. 
 
The force of their movements finally brought Haldir to the edge. He  
couldn't think couldn't see anything but Rumil...and he couldn't feel  
anything but the sensations rippling through his body.  
 
"Oh gods...melleth (my love), Rumil...gods..." 
 
Then...he could no longer hold back. Haldir's vision swam, seeing  
only Rumil and the heavenly clouds around them both as finally his  
warm seed spilled into the space his hard shaft had been claiming as  
its own. He cried out his brother's name again...and again. 
 
He worked his own rhythm on his Rumil's hard shaft, drawing more from  
where it had come before. 
 
His hips pushed up as his seed came forth, and his legs shuddered.  
His body glistening as the effort to please had cost him considerable  
strength....  
 
He trembled as aftershocks of his orgasm continued to rock his body,  
consequently causing him to vibrate within his brother. 
 
Rumil nearly screamed in pleasure, reaching his own peak at nearly  
the same time as Haldir. Calling out his brother's name nearly loud  
enough for all of the Golden Wood to hear, yet he did not care. 
 
He felt his brother's hot seed spill within him and his body  
shuddered in response. His own pulsing flesh emptying his essence  
over his brother's hands and stomach in glistening pearls. Caught on  
that peak for what seemed like an eternity, a blissful eternity,  
before finally coming down hard. 
 
All of his strength seeming to give out in that one moment and the  
young elf collapsed heavily against his brother's chest. Gasping for  
breath as his body continued to shudder from the powerful aftershocks  
of his release. Whimpering softly as the flesh still buried within  
him vibrated against that sweet spot inside him. 
 
"Haldir... melleth..." The younger elf whispered softly. He knew he  
had not imagined hearing it this time. He knew he had heard his  
brother call him his love on the brink of passion... but why... why  
then could he not say it before? Why did he avoid his own words of  
love? 
 
Rumil leaned up on his elbows, raising a trembling hand to brush away  
a few strands of his brother's hair from his face. Looking into his  
brother's eyes longingly. 
 
"Melleth... will you say it now?" The younger elf whispered softly.  
He would not allow Haldir to forget what he had said... even if he  
denied it... 
 
Haldir blinked and tried to think...say what? What had he said? He  
was coming down from the amazing sensations that had been ripping his  
body and how was he supposed to think? He drew out of his brother and  
settled next to him catching his breath as he ran his hand along  
Rumil's back.  
 
He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to think about what  
he had called out during his release. He reached up and caressed  
Rumil's cheek tenderly. "Rumil." he sighed. "I wasn't thinking." it  
was a lame thing to say, he knew. "I..." he wished he could say it.  
He wished he could say -something-. 
 
He looked away, avoiding Rumil's eyes...avoiding the hurt that he  
knew he would see there and closed his own eyes. Love, he didn't  
know. He just... 
 
Maybe he was taking too long to respond, he didn't know. He couldn't  
really think of what to say because he was confused. Only two days  
ago he thought his heart belonged to Celeborn.  Now he had no idea  
why he had called Rumil his love at the peak of his orgasm. He never  
usually did anything that spontaneous. Yet...yet it had felt so right  
at the time. But he was not entirely sure and he could not give his  
heart again until he -knew-. 
 
"I can't." he sighed and looked away, reaching up to run his hand  
through his hair refusing to meet Rumil's eyes. "I'm sorry, Rumil.  
I'm sorry..." 
 
Rumil closed his eyes in an attempt to push back the lancing pain  
that ripped through his heart. Wasn't thinking? Wasn't thinking! 
 
"Twice now... twice now you have said it... not once Haldir..." The  
younger elf whispered softly, trying desperately to control his  
emotions. He knew he probably should not be pushing his brother like  
this and he wouldn't have... except Haldir had *said* it. Twice now  
without thinking! Why?!  
 
He had been willing to wait and not rush his brother... he would not  
have thought of pressuring him if he knew Haldir truly was not in  
love with him... but he did not think he could bear this.  To wait  
forever as Haldir professed his love during the heights of passion or  
a mere slip of the tongue just to deny it later. His heart could not  
bear it. 
 
When Rumil opened his eyes again they blazed with hurt and anger.  
Pushing his brother over onto his back and once again straddling his  
waist, forcing Haldir to look at him and so he could not easily run  
away.  
 
"You were not thinking?! No Haldir you were not! You were *feeling*!"  
The younger elf said sharply, his voice rising with every word.  
 
"If you can not tell me you love me... then at least tell me why you  
love *Him*! Why do you love him when he hurts you so! You practically  
begged for my love last night even though you would not return it...  
and now you can not even look at me when I say the words!" Rumil knew  
perhaps he was being too harsh right now, and managed to soften his  
words if not his _expression.  
 
"Why did you leave him to come to me this night? Why did you call  
me... why did you call me love when you were not *thinking*! I love  
you... I want you... I do not want this to end but... Haldir  
please... be honest with me if nothing else. Do you care for me at  
all other than a brother? I can not believe you feel nothing from  
this... or you would be like *him*." 
 
Haldir's eyes came open in surprise, he hadn't expected Rumil to  
react so "Rumil...Rumil you don't understand." he tried to catch his  
breath but it was quickening as it normally did when he was agitated.  
One of the reasons he kept calm most of the time, because he tended  
to get upset easily if he let himself feel too much. That was why he  
lived behind a wall of ice. 
 
"Celeborn is a great Lord. He is in charge of a lot of things, he  
doesn't always have the time to ...spend on me. And he's married.  
I...." he realized that was not what Rumil wanted to hear. 
 
"I do care about you Rumil, more than just because you're my brother.  
But my heart...it's been a very long time since I just let myself  
feel. I don't want to hurt you Rumil. I don't want to hurt you by  
saying...what you want me to say and then realizing I didn't mean  
it." He returned his brother's gaze honestly. 
 
"I don't know why I left him tonight. He...he wanted me to stay and  
he wants me back there in the morning. All I could think about was  
you Rumil.... all day. Not him. I didn't want to be there. I wanted  
to be with you."  
 
Then something clicked in his brain, when had he said it before? He  
didn't remember. 
 
"I feel a great deal when I'm with you, Rumil." he reached up to  
touch his brother's cheek again. "I just do not know for sure what it  
is I feel, and I do not want to hurt you." 
 
Rumil closed his eyes again, turning his head away when Haldir tried  
to touch his cheek. No he didn't understand. Haldir was right about  
that much. 
 
Maybe it would have been different if he were certain of Haldir's  
feelings for him. If his brother would simply admit all he felt for  
him was lust... perhaps he could deal with that. Maybe it would have  
been enough. Knowing not to expect anything more from his brother or  
anything less. 
 
But for Haldir to say he didn't know what he felt. To hear his  
brother say he loved him… but then deny it.  To make him hope only to  
crush those hopes again... What happened when Haldir finally decided  
that he did not love him? Would Haldir end this... whatever it was  
between them... entirely? Was Haldir merely 'trying him on for size'  
to see if he liked him, only to discard him later? 
 
Rumil sighed softly, pushing himself up off his brother and rising  
from the bed. Picking around through the clothes on the floor to find  
his own. There wasn't really any reason for him to stay after all was  
there? Unless Haldir wished to fuck him again, but the younger elf  
was no longer in the mood. 
 
"I think I should go then..." Rumil said softly, slipping on his  
tunic over his head with another sigh. Trying not to wince at the  
pulling of his sore and bruised muscles, but at least he didn't ache  
as much inside him as he had the night before. "You probably need to  
get up early in the morning, and so do I." 
 
"Rumil." Haldir sat up... almost too quickly. "You said you would  
stay home. You're in no condition to go anywhere." 
 
Rumil was giving him a reason to completely change the subject...a  
way out even. Did he want to take it? He was not good at expressing  
his feelings, he never had been. All he had to do was reach out...ask  
his brother to stay with him. He didn't -want- Rumil to leave. He  
didn't think he could bear it if Rumil left his room right now. Then  
again... he could always get drunk again. He still had some wine  
left. He could drink that until he fell asleep...or until the ache in  
his heart went away. 
 
He didn't say anything about Rumil staying with him though he wanted  
to. His instincts and his wall was closing in again. It was his only  
defense against feeling too much.... and not being in control. He  
wanted to reach out and drag Rumil back into his arms. He wanted to  
hold Rumil until the morning light...and take a bath perhaps.... and  
to relax...but then he remembered he had to go to Celeborn. 
 
He reached over to his bedside table and picked up the  
cream...offering it to Rumil. "It may hurt when you wake up." Haldir  
hated himself for not being able to ask Rumil to stay. 
 
Rumil blinked back tears, keeping his back to his brother as he  
pulled on his leggings though not bothering to lace them up. Taking  
the time to run his hand through his hair so that it looked only  
slightly less disheveled than before. The younger elf paused once he  
was completely dressed, knowing he should leave now, even though he  
really didn't want to... but he soon realized Haldir was not going to  
ask him to stay. Perhaps he had really been fooling himself all  
along... 
 
"I can take care of myself." He said softly, still not looking at his  
brother as he walked out the door. 
 
Haldir growled under his breath in frustration as Rumil walked  
out. "Stay please..." It was all he needed to say...but the words  
never did make it out. Why...why did he do this? Gods... 
 
He dragged on his own leggings but left his tunic off and sat where  
he was on the bed, running his hands over the sheets where Rumil had  
just been.  Still warm, his brother had made his bed warmer than it  
had ever been before. 
 
 
 
To Be Continued…


Title:  Songs of Despair 
 
Author:  Crystal Dragon  (crystaldragon_79@msn.com) and Rufferto  
(gbower@twcny.rr.com) 
 
Pairings: Haldir/Celeborn (implied),  Haldir/Rumil 
 
Rating: NC-17 
 
Category: AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, and Drama 
 
Archive: Absolutely, anyone who wants it. 
 
Series/Sequel: Part 3 of ? 
 
Feedback: Always welcome. 
 
Disclaimer: Tolkien owns LOTR and all characters within. No profit is  
made from this fic, written purely for fun. 
 
Warnings: Incest, Non-consensual/Rape, Lots and lots of Angst. Fair  
Warning. 
 
Summary:  A story of forbidden love and sacrifice between brothers.  
(We are developing a plot, honest ;)  
 
Notes:  ***Please Read*** This Fic is a transcript of a private  
roleplay between the two authors.  If you like this fic, please feel  
free to come to our Public Roleplay Message Board.  At:  
http://pub82.ezboard.com/blordsoftheslashed Trust me you will not be  
disappointed.  Many wonderful authors.  Lots of Pairings and  
situations.  Something for everyone.  Come to read, or feel free to  
apply for a character yourself.  New applicants always welcome.  Hope  
to see you there. 
 
 
 
Songs of Despair 
Part 3 
 
 
 
Celeborn saw Rumil walking out of Haldir's room and frowned. He had  
come seeking his lover to apologize for his earlier actions and  
because his `guest' really had not held a candle to Haldir. He was  
just in time to see Rumil walk out of Haldir's room and was extremely  
irritated. He scowled, looking the younger elf up and down.  
 
"Is Haldir in his room?" the Lord of Lorien lifted his chin as though  
he had every right to be exactly where he was in someone else's home.  
He was wearing a cloak and hood; it had concealed his features from  
anyone who may have seen him enter. "Is he all right?" 
 
Rumil looked up startled. 
 
His gaze had been locked with the floor and the young elf surely had  
not expected anyone to be standing almost directly outside his  
brother's door. Not just anyone either, but the Lord of Lorien  
himself. Exactly the last person in Middle Earth he wanted to see  
right now. 
 
The young elf clenched his jaw, nearly biting his tongue to silence  
several biting remarks he could have made in response to Celeborn's  
question. Not to mention what he thought of the other elf inviting  
himself into their home unannounced... if Celeborn had shown up  
merely five or ten minutes earlier... But Celeborn was his Lord… 
 
"Yes, my Lord. As well as can be expected." Rumil finally said  
softly, forcing the proper amount of respect into his tone that was  
expected. "By your leave, my Lord?" 
 
He prayed that Lord Celeborn would simply let him leave now; he  
wasn't the one who the elf lord was here to see after all, that much  
was certain. Haldir should be pleased, the younger elf thought  
bitterly. Oh yes, he needed to leave. He needed to get out of this  
house and go... anywhere else. 
 
* 
 
Haldir made a decision, he would go after Rumil. He got up and walked  
to the door, opening it.  
 
"Rumil, St..." he began to call out expecting Rumil to be half way  
down the hall already and not still at his door. Then he saw Celeborn  
and his mouth opened in surprise. "My Lord." he bowed respectfully,  
and extremely nervously... his gaze locked on the beautiful figure of  
the Lord of Lorien who he had long ago given leave to come to him  
whenever he had the time. Haldir was nearly as disheveled as Rumil. 
 
Celeborn looked both of them over critically. He chose to ignore  
suspicions, deciding they must have been roughhousing like brothers  
tend to do. Perhaps practicing wrestling. "Leave is granted." he  
nodded to Rumil. "Take some rest, the watch I hear was eventful  
today." 
 
Haldir could not choose between Celeborn and Rumil not here and not  
now, and he feared to look at Rumil. He feared to see what he was  
sure was in his brother's eyes. He was elated that Celeborn had come  
to him... but Rumil.  
 
He would have to tell Celeborn... talk to him... explain somehow... 
 
He finally looked over at Rumil...begging him to understand with a  
brief glance just as he returned his gaze to Celeborn, "Please...come  
in, my lord." he said softly. 
 
However Rumil kept his eyes firmly on Celeborn hearing the door open  
behind him and his brother's voice. Refusing to look at Haldir at  
all. His brother had made his decision... he was a fool to think it  
could ever have been any differently. What was a mere elf when  
compared to the Lord of the Golden Wood after all? 
 
The younger elf bowed again respectfully, as he was expected to, and  
walked past Celeborn without another glance at either elf behind him.  
Knowing he would not be able to hide the pain in his eyes if he did  
hearing Haldir invite Celeborn into his room. And quite possibly into  
the bed he and Haldir had shared only moments ago. How was it that  
such wonderful warmth he had been feeling after the experience had  
been shattered so quickly? 
 
Rumil did not go to his room, or to any other in the house in fact.  
He needed to get out.  He was feeling claustrophobic in his own home,  
something he had never experienced before in his life. He needed to  
be outside, among the trees and the cool night air. He needed to  
forget... 
 
He had not walked for very long before he spotted three Galadhrim  
making their way quickly up from the southern edge of the woods. All  
three were obviously injured but two were supporting a third who was  
apparently more severely injured. Alarmed, Rumil quickly ran up to  
the three to see what was wrong. 
 
"What happened?" 
 
"Damnable orcs! An attack along the southern border... The third one  
in as many nights. But these orcs aren't like normal orcs or goblins.  
Their stronger, faster..." 
 
Rumil looked stunned, the news was disturbing indeed. Orc attacks  
weren't all that uncommon with Moria being so close, yet that was to  
the north. These attacks were coming from the south, and far too  
frequently by any circumstance. 
 
"Does the battle continue?" Rumil asked quickly, getting grave nods  
from all three elves. Rumil made his decision quickly. "Hurry on to  
the healers and then inform Lady Galadriel, I fear something more is  
happening here than we know. Give me your weapons and then send for  
reinforcements." 
 
The other elves obeyed automatically, even though they all knew he  
really did not hold any higher rank than the three of them, but they  
all knew him as the brother of the Watch Warden, and in Haldir's  
absence at the moment… he supposed he was the next best thing.  
 
After checking the bow and quivers, and the weight of the knives he  
was loaned the young elf bid the others to hurry in their tasks and  
took off in a run towards the borders. Knowing that perhaps he was  
overreacting, the other guards could surely handle a skirmish with a  
few orcs, even with three of their members down. But then why could  
he not banish the uneasy feeling that had suddenly come over him? 
 
Rumil ran faster. 
 
* 
 
Haldir let Celeborn walk into his room and was surprised when the  
Lord of Lorien pulled him in for a kiss. He was even more surprised  
when he didn't respond.  
 
Frowning, Celeborn set him free and reached up to touch Haldir's  
jaw. "What is it, Haldir? I know that I have upset you, and I'm  
sorry." His voice was silky and smooth as it always was... and  
normally it sent shivers up his spine but Haldir was confused. 
 
He pulled away from Celeborn and sighed, "Celeborn... its more than  
that. Rumil..." 
 
Celeborn frowned, "What about Rumil?" 
 
Haldir scowled, it was the sharpest tone he'd ever used with the Lord  
of Lorien, "Its just that I can't do this with you right now... I...  
he... we..." 
 
"Are you casting me aside for your -brother-?" Celeborn's eyebrows  
raised and he laughed. "Do you even -know- what you're doing? Poor  
Haldir...so confused. Rumil has been very naughty corrupting you. I  
never thought he had it in him." 
 
"He's innocent. It was -me-. I... Look, we can't do this anymore. I  
can't think... I can't... I don't know what I want." Haldir finally  
said.  
 
Celeborn scowled, he didn't beg, he never begged. Yet -he- had come  
to Haldir. "You'll come back, this... fling... will not last. It  
never lasts between brothers. Have your fun with Rumil and then we'll  
talk." 
 
Celeborn turned on his heel and stalked out. 
 
* 
 
Rumil cursed as he threw himself behind a tree to avoid the next  
volley of orc arrows aimed for them. One of the other border guards  
was not so fortunate and the young elf watched in horror as the other  
elf fell to the ground, a lone arrow protruding from his chest. Eyes  
closed in death. 
 
Indeed the battle still raged and the elves were not doing so well.  
It was a matter of shear numbers. The orcs endless while theirs had  
been few to begin with. Yet the Galadhrim still held their own even  
as their numbers dwindled, the orcs still fell faster. They would be  
able to hold out long enough for the reinforcements to arrive... at  
least Rumil hoped. 
 
The three injured who had made it back into the city had been right,  
these orcs *were* different than any Rumil had ever seen before.  
Larger, stronger, smarter... this attack had been planned. Carefully.  
Something normal orcs simply did not do. The young elf did not know  
what it could mean and truly he did not want to ponder it. 
 
He had run out of arrows long ago and knew soon all of their arrows  
would be spent. Already there were several elves on the ground,  
brandishing their long knives to take care of the orcs that slipped  
through. Quickly dispatching the beasts and pulling arrows out of the  
dead to quickly use to kill another. No matter what they would not  
allow these creatures to break through their ranks. They would not  
allow such evil to ever step foot into the heart of the Golden Woods. 
 
Rumil broke his cover when the arrows stopped, slicing the throat of  
one large orc that charged him and plunging his other knife deeply  
into the chest of another. His long blades moving in a deadly dance,  
enough to hold the evil creatures at bay... but not forever, for he  
was still in pain from recent injuries and tiring quickly.  
 
A second too late blocking an orcs blade resulted in a long slash  
across his ribs and the young elf stifled the cry of pain. Quickly  
slicing open the stomach of the one that had dared wound him and then  
slitting its throat, yet the burning cut across his chest bled  
freely, weakening him even more... and something else. 
 
The young elf began to feel sick to his stomach, lightheaded... no...  
The blade... poison… 
 
Rumil stumbled, the slip earning him another slash, this time across  
his arm causing him to drop one of his knives. Still he fought on,  
taking out two, three then four more orcs yet they were slowly  
surrounding him. Like wolves closing in on the wounded deer. 
 
The young elf managed to shove his knife through the eye of one last  
orc before he felt as sharp blow to the back of his head. Darkness  
rushing up to claim him as he crumbled to the ground. Whispering his  
brother's name once, almost in apology, before unconsciousness, and  
the remaining orcs, descended upon him. 
 
* 
 
A lone guard ran swiftly through the city, stopping for no one who  
inquired the reason for his haste. He was on his way to the house of  
the Watch Warden. To inform Haldir of the outcome of the recent  
battle with the orcs at the borders. 
 
Reinforcements had shown up in time to drive the remaining orcs back  
however there were heavy losses on both sides. Though far more on the  
orcs for certain. Seven elves were slain in the attack and many more  
wounded... but the Watch Warden's brother... Rumil... they had not  
been able to find him. Neither among the living nor the dead... they  
could only assume the young elf had been taken by the orcs, but  
whether or not the young Galadhrim still lived...? Perhaps it was  
better to hope that he did not... rather than be at the mercy of the  
foul creatures... 
 
The guard ran faster, finally spotting the brothers home not slowing  
till he reached the door and then pounding nearly frantically on it. 
 
Haldir had not been aware of anything happening at the borders,  
however he was prepared for it hearing the loud knock as he answered  
the door. He was not prepared for the look of desperation in the  
guard's eyes however. Haldir gripped the guard by the  
shoulders, "What is it? What has happened? I was just on my way...." 
 
The guard relayed the tale quickly, and it was interesting that the  
one time that the Watch Warden had not been at his post... something  
like this could happen. 
 
Haldir's face paled when he heard that Rumil... might be  
captured, "No... No form a search party immediately. Tell them to  
come to me and we will track the Uruk." 
 
He grabbed his weapons and went with the guard. 
 
* 
 
Rumil was jolted awake by a ringing slap to his face hard enough to  
make the young elf taste blood. He blinked; trying to make the world  
shift back into focus but the pounding in his head was making the  
task difficult. 
 
He felt rough hands upon him... upon his bare skin and the shock of  
it was enough to jolt him back into reality with surprising force.  
And with a rising sense of horror Rumil realized where he was. The  
fight... the orcs... 
 
He was an elven prisoner in the middle of an orc camp... oh  
Elbereth... 
 
The orcs gathered around him laughed at his obvious surprise, talking  
excitedly amongst themselves in their harsh guttural language. His  
hands were bound roughly behind his bare back, harsh rope burning  
into the pale skin of his wrists. His feet left unbound but he was  
held down securely by several orcs. Their sharp claws digging  
painfully into his pale flesh and leaving long scratches that oozed  
bright red blood. 
 
He could feel the night air upon him, all of him, and he knew he was  
completely naked, and he didn't need to know what was said between  
the orcs to know what they intended to do with him.  
 
Panic filled the young elf and he began to struggle in his bonds,  
fighting the hands that held him but it was useless and only served  
to amuse his captors more. He was simply too weak, from his various  
injuries, blood loss, from the lingering poison in his system… and  
the orcs were too many. 
 
Oh gods... this couldn't be happening... please Elbereth... 
 
Haldir... think of Haldir...  
 
Rumil closed his eyes turning his face away from the orcs trying to  
block out what he knew was going to happen. Somehow he managed not to  
scream when the pain began... at least at first... A foul hand  
covering his mouth to silence him when he finally did. He didn't know  
how long it lasted; a few hours or an eternity... almost didn't  
realize when it finally ended. 
 
The orcs leaving him for dead to be found by his fellows... a grisly  
message to anyone who happened to stumble over him... 
 
* 
 
Haldir came back; black blood that wasn't his own washed his form.  
After he had seen what had happened to Rumil all he could see was  
red. He had killed every last one of them. Every last one.  While his  
patrol had helped they had never seen Haldir take such pleasure in  
the death of another. 
 
He found where they had laid his brother and where the healers were  
tending him.  
 
"Rumil." he whispered softly, reaching forward, wanting to touch his  
brother's face, but the healer would not let him too close to Rumil.  
 
He instead found Rumil's hand and stroked it gently, bringing it to  
his lips and he kissed it desperately. Tears streaked down his  
cheeks. Tears of pain and frustration as Rumil had not woken up yet…  
nor did he seem like he wanted to. He was fading. His light... it was  
Haldir's fault.  
 
"I should have been there with you, my brother." Haldir whispered  
softly.  
 
"Oh gods, Elbereth... please... save him... Rumil.... Rumil." Haldir  
could not understand the feelings that raged through him but all he  
could think about was how much he loved his brother... and how he had  
nearly lost Rumil because he had not said the words. 
 
"Please Rumil... open your eyes... its alright.... It's all right, my  
love. My brother. Please..." 
 
Haldir had never begged anyone in his life for anything, but right  
now... he couldn't help but beg his brother to come back to him.  
There was nothing that he wanted more than to see his brother open  
his eyes. 
 
"Please, I do love you, Rumil...I do..." 
 
He didn't care -who- heard. 
 
But dark lashes rested against frighteningly pale cheeks. Completely  
unmoving and unaware of anything going on around him. The young elf's  
skin was ice cold to the touch, and severely dulled. He could have  
been a corpse... 
 
In fact when the other elves had first found him they thought that  
Rumil was in fact gone. Then to many of the Galadhrim's horror they  
witnessed the slight movement of the young elf's chest. He was still  
breathing... by Elbereth the young one still lived. Though there was  
no certainty for how much longer. 
 
Many of the other guards thought it would have been a kinder fate to  
simply end Rumil's suffering. Knowing even if he survived past the  
next few minutes... no elf could ever recover from... what had  
happened to the young Galadhrim. But they wisely kept their tongues,  
knowing to say such in front of Haldir would probably earn them the  
same fate as the orcs, by the Watch Warden's blade. 
 
They simply watched, tears in many of the hard warriors eyes as the  
Watch Warden begged his brother to return... to fight. Many held  
their breaths, giving a slight prayer to the Valar for the young elf.  
Perhaps foolishly hoping the young elf would suddenly open his  
eyes... but his eyes remained still. Without even a slight fluttering. 
 
It was useless to hope they knew... Rumil couldn't possibly survive  
this. None noticed the slight twitch of the fingers held in Haldir's  
warm grasp. 
 
"RUMIL!" Haldir cried out to the skies as his brother's fingers  
twitched, "Gods... Rumil.... wake up... please. I can feel you...  
fight Rumil. I know you're still there. I know it hurts... but please  
you must fight. You must come back to me. I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."  
 
Haldir saw the healers shake their heads and step away from Rumil's  
body. No… no… no… They had not felt the twitch of his brother's  
fingers. 
 
Haldir buried his head against the bloody bandages that had been  
wrapped around his brother's chest and wept. "Don't stop... please  
don't stop... he's still alive... you must help him." 
 
'I'm sorry Haldir..." The healer bowed his head. "Its too late..." 
 
"No... No it isn't." Haldir cried out. "Please... please Rumil..." 
 
The other elves bowed their heads, many now crying freely. Every elf  
in Lorien grieved when one of their fellows fell, and they had lost  
much today. But this... this... The orcs had not merely just killed  
the young one, but tortured him. In the most brutal way possible. The  
most horrifying way any elf could die.  
 
Rumil had never had a chance... it was too late... his light was  
almost completely faded. They should simply now end the young one's  
suffering. Rumil should not be made to suffer a moment longer, he had  
suffered enough... he deserved a somewhat clean death rather the pain  
of his light fading completely. 
 
Two guards came up to lay gentle hands on the Watch Warden's  
shoulders. Trying to urge him away from his brother's body so the  
healers could do... what had to be done. To send the young one to the  
Halls of Mandos where he could be at peace. 
 
"Come Haldir, there is no need to watch this..." One of the guards  
whispered gently. 
 
It was then that Haldir shrugged away the hands that touched him and  
drew his sword, a wild eyed look in his desperate face "Stay away!"  
he growled at the healers. "Get out of here. I will not allow anyone  
to touch him!" He shoved them all away from Rumil as he stood, sword  
in hand, ready to kill anyone who attempted to end Rumil's life. 
 
He kept his hand in his brother's... the one where he had felt  
previous movement. "Show them Rumil..." He cried to his brother. "You  
are not ready to leave Middle Earth. You cannot..." 
 
Haldir's rage was almost as great as his suffering as he realized his  
brother might indeed pass away from him. "No... no you will not.  
Rumil." He swallowed back a sob as he knelt by his brother and  
dropped his sword... hands trembling.  
 
He stroked the beautiful golden hair from pale lifeless cheeks....  
blood-soaked cheeks..."Rumil. I love you... you can't leave me. I  
won't let you die like this. I won't... If you die... if you leave me  
I will join you Rumil. I can't live without you...." 
 
The healers and other Galadhrim had backed away from the elf who was  
nearly mad with grief. Many gasping in renewed horror at Haldir's  
words. No... To loose one to something so horrible was horrifying  
enough but to loose another... yet they all knew the Watch Warden was  
grieving enough at the moment to make good on his threat. If Rumil  
died, Haldir would will himself to follow his brother... 
 
Nervous whispers broke out among the assembled elves, pleading with  
the Watch Warden, trying to reason with him. 
 
"Rumil would never want such a sacrifice..." 
 
"What of Orophin?" 
 
"How would the oldest brother survive with the loss of both his  
siblings?"  
 
"Will we loose not one but three to this tragedy?" 
 
Everyone was speaking so excitedly that they almost missed the soft  
moan that escaped the stricken elf's cold lips, so soft it might have  
only been a trick of the wind. However it was loud enough to silence  
everyone, staring at the two brothers in disbelief. Rumil moaned  
again yet still his eyes did not open. 
 
Elbereth... It was impossible… 
 
Haldir was too upset to answer any of the other elves, he was  
thinking of nothing but life without Rumil.... but then his breath  
caught in his own throat as the small sound made its  
presence, "Rumil... Elbereth..." 
 
"Oh gods..." Haldir turned back to his brother and stroked his  
cheeks, pushing away the hair and kissing his brother's lips gently.  
He didn't care that others were watching... they'd heard him say it  
after all. He kissed Rumil's pale lips... his hands… and gazed at him  
desperately, "Please... please... look at me Rumil..." 
 
In his agitated, tear-streaked condition Haldir looked far from like  
someone anyone would want to wake up to, but he didn't care.  
Nothing... no one… mattered but whether or not Rumil looked at him.  
 
"I love you." he said again. "Its true Rumil. I didn't know it  
before... I.... thought many things. I was wrong. You were right, I  
should have just felt. My heart has long been yours, I just didn't  
know. I should have just felt… I'll never forgive myself for this,  
Rumil...never. Please... I won't let him take me from you again. I  
won't. I don't care what might happen because of that. I love you...  
my dearest Rumil. My sweet melleth.... Rumil... look at me..." 
 
Rumil whimpered again, the soft sound carrying so much pain it was  
heartbreaking to hear... but it was impossible... could the young one  
really be coming around? No one... no one had ever been able to draw  
an elf back from the brink of Mandos after something like this... it  
was too much to hope for. 
 
Therefore there was quite a collective gasp of shock when the young  
elf's eyelids fluttered... and opened. 
 
There was so much pain etched in those light green eyes. It was quite  
clear Rumil was in agony, and very weak. But his eyes somehow focused  
on Haldir through the pain. Beneath all the pain an intense love and  
longing as he gazed at his brother. The moment lasting only for a few  
precious seconds before the young elf's eyes once again lost focus,  
his fingers going limp in his brothers... but his eyes remained  
open... 
 
Not dead... sleeping... 
 
Haldir gave a shout of triumph, "I told you... I knew it..." He  
grasped Rumil in his arms. Drawing his brother's head to rest against  
his heart, "He's alive..." 
 
"My Rumil." he whispered softly, kissing Rumil's head and rocking him  
gently. "Everything will be alright. I promise. I promise...  
Everything." 
 
He gazed up at the heavens, his eyes pooled with tears as he thanked  
the gods for the return of his brother... for not taking him away. He  
lifted Rumil up into his arms and staggered to his feet.  
 
"We must get him home...he needs to be home. He needs to awaken in  
familiar surroundings.... safe... safe surroundings." He swallowed,  
wiping his face briefly. "Someone find Orophin." 
 
He whispered down to his younger brother, "It is alright, Rumil. My  
melleth. You're alright now." 
 
* 
 
Large rough hands held him down, keeping him immobile for the brutal  
thrusts that seemed to tear him in two. He screamed, yet the sound  
was blocked by a rough hand over his mouth. Stifling his anguished  
cries not because they didn't want to hear him scream but knowing  
they could have longer with him if they kept him silent. Taking it  
longer for the Lorien Guards to find him... if they were even coming. 
 
The rough hands clawed at him; drawing blood over and over... he did  
not think there was a single place on his body now that did not bleed  
freely. Oh gods he wanted to die... he wanted it all to end... only  
one thing kept him from submitting to the call of Mandos. 
 
Haldir... His brother... His love... 
 
He didn't want to leave his brother. He couldn't... He couldn't bear  
the thought of leaving Middle Earth for the Halls of Mandos and not  
ever being able to lay eyes on his beloved again... so he held on...  
Even though Haldir didn't love him... His brother loved someone  
else... even if his brother would never love him. Not like he loved  
Haldir...  
 
* 
 
Rumil was snapped out of the dream... no, the memory... abruptly. A  
soft cry escaping his lips as he was immediately assaulted by pain.  
Gods he had never felt such pain in his entire life... even after  
several sessions with the healers and with the strong healing herbs  
he had been given. His entire body felt as if it were aflame and cold  
at the same time... so very cold. 
 
Immediately the young elf felt a warm and gentle hand on his  
forehead, someone whispering to him softly, soothingly as his hair  
was brushed back from his sweat slicked forehead. A voice he  
recognized well, one who had been there to sooth him from bad dreams  
more than once when he had been a child. 
 
"Orophin?" The younger Galadhrim managed to gasp weakly. His throat  
dry and raw, probably from his endless piercing screams... 
 
"Shhh... It's all right, little one. I'm here... here drink..."  
 
Rumil finally managed to focus on his oldest brother sitting beside  
him on the bed. He felt a cup pressed to his lips and opened his  
mouth obediently; his brother only allowing him to take small sips of  
the liquid. The liquid that was not water, having an almost bitter  
taste, and Rumil realized it must have been some kind of medicine…  
But at least it helped to relieve his dry throat a little. 
 
Orophin continued to caress his hair gently as he drank and continued  
to do so when he put the cup away. Tears were sliding freely down his  
oldest brother's cheeks. Cheeks that looked a little too pale and  
thin.  Eyes that looked a little too tired and etched with worry.  
Sad, yet happy at the same time. 
 
"Thank all the gods... Rumil... oh my dear little brother..." Orophin  
whispered, his voice breaking with emotion as he leaned forward to  
brush a gentle kiss over his forehead and then his cheeks. Rumil  
sighed softly, leaning into the gentle touch, trying to use it to  
push away the pain he was feeling everywhere. Raising a weak hand to  
lay against Orophin's cheek trying to sooth his brother who seemed  
very upset for some reason. 
 
"Oh Rumil... we were so afraid you were not going to wake... that you  
were going to slip away again... You've been asleep for three days.  
Oh gods we have been so worried, I sent someone to fetch Haldir...  
everything is going to be all right now." 
 
"Haldir...?" It was only then that the younger elf realized that  
their middle brother was not there. That it was only he and Orophin  
in the room. Haldir... where was Haldir?  
 
"He's at the borders on patrol." Orophin answered the younger elf's  
unspoken question.  "He did not want to leave, Rumil, but Lord  
Celeborn ordered him to go. There were many wounded in the last orc  
attack, the one that... well… We were undermanned; no one could be  
spared should another attack occur. Haldir and I have been taking  
turns watching over you." Orophin explained softly while checking the  
younger elf's bandages, seeing if any needed changing or more healing  
salve.  
 
"You've been asleep for so long... but we were not going to give up  
hope. Even when the healers said we should... You've had a fever, we  
feared infection, but it's finally broken. Your going to be fine now,  
my Brother." 
 
Rumil managed a small smile for his oldest brother, letting Orophin  
fuss over him, knowing he really didn't have a choice in the matter.  
Trying to push away the hurt he felt that Haldir had not been here  
when he woke, at least enough to keep it from his eyes. Trying to  
forget about the dream he must have had while he was feverish...  
Haldir telling him he loved him, begging him not to leave him, and  
that he would never leave him in return... 
 
* 
 
Haldir could not have moved faster if he had flown. He cared nothing  
for the tree branches that smacked into him when the horse pounded  
through the wood. Rumil was waking. He was conscious... and Haldir  
needed to be there. The last few days watching over his brother had  
been the worst hell he could have imagined on earth. He had not been  
able to think of anything but how blind he had been that night and  
how his choice had done this to Rumil. 
 
He jumped off the horse even before the animal had stopped entirely  
and ran up the stairs to their home two at a time.  Finally fairly  
bursting into Rumil's room, panting heavily. He wiped the sweat from  
his face and his eyes fixed on the bed where Orophin was caring for  
Rumil. He attempted to catch his breath for a moment, standing in the  
doorway, his eyes registering the fact that Rumil was awake. 
 
"Rumil!" he ran to the bed and fell on his knees beside it, grasping  
his brother's hand. "Oh gods... you're awake... he's awake!" he told  
Orophin.  Orophin merely smiled and laughed softly.  Nodding at  
Haldir's observation. 
 
Rumil had been rather surprised when his door suddenly burst open.  
The loud noise making the young elf flinch involuntarily in a sudden  
irrational fear, but he relaxed immediately seeing it was Haldir  
standing in the doorway. His older brother looking quite disheveled,  
with small leaves sticking in his windblown hair. His tunic rumbled,  
looking as if he had ridden through a storm to get here.  
 
The younger elf couldn't help but smile a little at the thought, and  
despite everything that had happened he *was* glad to see his older  
brother. Beyond everything else Haldir was still his brother, and he  
still loved him dearly... even if Haldir was not… and never would be  
his love. 
 
"Haldir..." 
 
Orophin leaned forward to give both his brother's a gentle kiss on  
their foreheads and a tender look. Though he didn't really want to  
leave he knew Haldir and Rumil needed this time... alone. And Lord  
Celeborn would certainly be upset if he learned Haldir had left his  
post, even if Orophin thought it was for a valid reason. The Lord of  
the Golden Wood had been... irritable for the past few days. 
 
"I'll go and take your place at the borders, my watch is to start in  
a few hours anyway." He said softly, and then turned to Haldir with a  
slightly scolding look that however did not reach his eyes. He was  
simply too happy.  
 
"And you, get some rest. I know you have not had a descent sleep in  
days, Haldir, and you need it." The older elf smiling a little  
knowing he had not gotten any sleep at all during these last three  
days either, but now that their youngest brother was awake he could  
rest easy. At least once his patrol was over. Orophin kissed both his  
brother's one last time before finally rising, albeit reluctantly,  
letting Haldir take his place beside Rumil.  
 
Smiling once more at his younger brother's from the doorway.  
 
"I love you both, you know. Now rest and heal, both of you." The  
older elf whispered one last time before he left. 
 
Haldir smiled when Orophin left and threw off his weapons to the side  
and he took both of Rumil's hands and kissed them gently. "You came  
back to me." he whispered softly reaching up to touch Rumil's  
cheek. "Gods... Rumil. I was so afraid. I was so afraid I'd lose you." 
 
He leant over and kissed Rumil's lips gently, not deepening the kiss  
or anything, but feather light. "I'm sorry... so sorry. This is all  
my fault. I said I wouldn't hurt you again... and look... at what  
I've done to you. I'm sorry, Rumil. I should have just felt...like  
you said." he took a deep breath. "I love you so much." 
 
The small smile slipped from the younger elf's face almost  
immediately and he looked at his brother blankly for a few moments  
before turning away. His eyes shimmering with the telltale signs of  
tears. Gods... why? Why did Haldir have to do this to him now? Why  
did Haldir's words cause him so much pain when they should have  
filled him with nothing but joy?  They were the words he had always  
wanted to hear from Haldir… but not… not like this… 
 
"Haldir... don't, please..." Rumil whispered softly, a few tears  
sliding down his still very pale cheeks. Nearly white skin a sharp  
contrast to the dark bruises that seemed to cover his entire body.  
The young elf looked like he had been through hell, and he had. 
 
"This... what happened... its not your fault, Haldir. It was no ones  
fault... it just... happened." The younger elf closed his eyes and  
took a deep breath, as much as his aching lungs allowed. Trying to  
think of something else, anything, to push away the horrible memories  
that threatened to overwhelm him.  
 
Oh gods even breathing hurt... and he was still so cold. Although he  
was not in danger of fading away any longer, light was very slow to  
return. It was amazing it had even returned this much as far gone as  
he had been. The healers probably would never be able to explain, it  
even centuries from now. 
 
"Haldir... before... before you admitted you did not understand your  
own feelings. You felt so sure you loved... you love Lord  
Celeborn..." Rumil finally whispered, even though every word seemed  
to pain the younger elf. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry for pushing you like  
I did... It was wrong... but..." 
 
The young Galadhrim paused for another long moment, but he knew he  
had to say the words. "Why are you so sure you love me now? How...  
how do you know what you are feeling... is not only guilt?" 
 
Haldir climbed up onto the bed and gathered Rumil into his arms,  
nestling him there as he stroked his brother's head gently. "Shhh.  
Don't try and talk too much, my brother."  
 
The watch-warden half-smiled a little as Rumil spoke. "You are right  
about one thing, I only ever thought I was in love with Celeborn. I  
was not in love with him. Losing you... almost losing you made me  
realize what my heart has been trying to tell me for centuries.  
Rumil...." 
 
He lifted his brother's chin up and leant down and kissed him  
tenderly on the battered lips, careful not to exert any pressure,  
just a brief and feather light kiss. Gentle hands pushed back the  
soft golden hair as he held his brother's gaze. 
 
"I love you." he said softly, "And not because you are my brother.  
When you...nearly passed to Mandos I was ready to end my own life. I  
could not bear to live with you gone. My heart nearly froze... and...  
I killed them all, Rumil. You do not have to fear that you will see  
any of them again. I killed them, every last one. I was willing to  
kill to prevent anyone from letting you go... preparing you for  
death. I love you, Rumil. Everyone knows it now, even Orophin. And if  
you ever... if you ever do anything that foolish again, so help  
me.... if I have to tie you to this bed, you are going to rest, and  
you are going to heal before you even try and get up. Do you  
understand me? I am not going to lose you." 
 
Rumil whimpered slightly but made no other protest as Haldir drew him  
into his warm embrace. The nearness of his brother's body helping to  
drive away the cold within him a little. Haldir's warmth and light as  
soothing as it had always been... even when he was a small child, and  
now much like then he curled up against his brother.  
 
Ignoring the pain the small movement caused and tucking his head  
beneath Haldir's chin. His chilled hands slipping beneath his  
brother's tunic to rest against Haldir's chest partly for warmth and  
partly just to feel his brother. To know he was there. To feel his  
heartbeat and the smooth rising and falling of his chest. Letting it  
calm him now as it had always done before. 
 
Rumil closed his eyes as he listened to his brother speak, not saying  
anything. Though more because he had used up most of his strength  
speaking before than anything else. He almost couldn't believe... did  
he dare believe? Before Haldir had been so unsure... now he spoke  
with such conviction... but... Haldir's previous words haunted him. 
 
I don't want to hurt you by saying...what you want me to say and then  
realizing I didn't mean it. 
 
His heart froze with horror as Haldir described what had happened  
after... the attack. How his brother was willing to follow him to  
Mandos if he died... that he had been prepared to... kill another elf  
to prevent them from easing to Mandos. Although the thought of  
traveling to Mandos and never seeing his brothers again was  
frightening enough... the thought of Haldir giving into his grief and  
following him was so much worse. 
 
Haldir's assurances that he had killed all of the orcs... who had  
done this to him was something of a relief. Even though Haldir was  
wrong about one thing... He would see them again. In his nightmares  
for the rest of his life... 
 
Rumil remained silent until his brother finished speaking, not  
wanting to waste what little energy he had at the moment by arguing  
with Haldir endlessly. He then opened his eyes and looked up at his  
brother. Though faded his green eyes still beautiful, if shadowed by  
a great deal of pain. In more ways than one. 
 
"I will give you my promise if you will promise me the same... never  
do anything so foolish again... I came back for you... because I  
could not bear to loose you... but I could not bear knowing I had  
caused your death." Rumil whispered softly, almost too softly to be  
heard as he was rapidly loosing whatever strength he had left. "I  
would rather spend eternity alone than you or Orophin join me in  
Mandos..." 
 
Haldir held Rumil tightly to him, as gently has he possibly could,  
but tightly as well. He kissed the top of Rumil's head, brushing at  
the hair there gently. He gazed into the green eyes that he loved so  
much and wished with all his heart he could take away the pain. 
 
"Rumil." Haldir wanted so badly to kiss his brother, to lean down and  
take the soft lips and show Rumil how he felt. But lust alone was not  
love and he could not do anything that might hurt Rumil. 
 
"I could not imagine eternity without you...I cannot even begin to  
imagine it. I want to promise you that... but I can't. If you had  
died. I would never have forgiven myself, I still won't. I caused  
this...you are hurt because of me." 
 
"I do love you, Rumil; I know it's hard to believe. I've been such an  
idiot. I was in love with something that was not there. Please...  
just get better." 
 
He smiled softly and leaned forward...then kissed his brother gently,  
yet he did not deepen it. 
 
Rumil sighed softly, letting his eyes flutter closed. Trying to block  
everything else out except for the soft pressure against his lips. To  
block out the pain, though it was hard. He had been hurt on so many  
levels... he did not even know how to begin 'getting better'. But...  
maybe this was a start. 
 
"It was... not... your fault..." The injured elf whispered softly,  
looking into Haldir's eyes once more to let his brother know he did  
not blame him for what happened. And he would not let Haldir blame  
himself either. 
 
The young elf blinked rapidly, fighting to remain awake for a few  
moments longer, even though his eyes shifted in and out of focus as  
sleep pulled at him. He knew it was what his body needed... but his  
heart needed this more. Just a few more moments... a few more... 
 
"I... love... you..." He needed to say it… and needed to hear the  
same words returned… 
 
Haldir held Rumil gently in his arms, his hand stroking his brother's  
back softly, "I love you too, Rumil. I do." he said with conviction.  
He kissed Rumil's forehead and drew the blankets around them both,  
determined to keep his brother warm.  
 
"I will never leave you again." 
 
He smiled trying to let Rumil see that he had strength enough for  
both of them.  
 
He did not know what the next days would bring but he did know one  
thing. He would not let anything come between himself and Rumil  
again. Anything. No matter what happened, he would always be there  
for Rumil. 
 
He had not.... and Rumil had nearly died. Now his brother was to  
suffer probably for the rest of his life because of what happened to  
him.  
 
Even if Rumil forgave him, Haldir would never forgive himself. 
 
Rumil returned his brother's soft smile with a weak one of his own.  
Strange how after everything he still felt the need to reassure his  
brother. Trying to let him know everything was all right, even though  
it wasn't... but perhaps they could both pretend. At least for now. 
 
The younger elf finally let his eyes glaze over in sleep, relaxing  
against Haldir's warm strong body. Trusting his brother's strength  
and warmth to keep away ill thoughts and bad dreams.  
 
Trusting... hoping... his brother would be with him when he woke.  
Despite perhaps his better judgment to believe... to believe Haldir  
truly meant it when he said he loved him. Believing his brother's  
promise not to leave him. Even when it seemed like all of fate was  
against them and there was no telling what the morning would bring. 
 
He had to believe... or what else was there to live for? 
 
* 
 
Celeborn eyed the sleeping figure in the bed; his gaze roaming over  
Rumil's mangled... yet strangely still compelling form. He sat down  
on the edge of it and lazily traced a finger down the elf's jaw line  
to his ear.  The Lord of Lorien viewed all of Lorien as his, he  
always had. He and Lady Galadriel protected the realm and gave the  
elves that lived there a safe haven. 
 
He wondered how Haldir could have even thought to pass aside -him-  
for this one. Rumil was hardly beautiful, not like Haldir. Yet it  
seemed the young elf's eyes had the power to bewitch and hold you.  
 
Haldir was needed at the border. Celeborn told himself firmly. It was  
no crime to want to protect his realm from harm.  
 
And yet still... He wondered what it was like to kiss the tender lips  
of the young elf sleeping on the bed and whether Rumil's kisses held  
more fire than his own. 
 
His finger traced Rumil's lips. He felt nothing; Rumil was nothing  
but another elf to him, yet he wondered why.  
 
The Lord of Lorien felt a little guilty about feeling as he did.  For  
what had happened to Rumil no elf should go through. But nothing...  
nothing was going to come between him and Haldir. He would make sure  
that Rumil knew that. Haldir had begged him to be allowed to stay  
with his brother. Celeborn had refused. He'd let Haldir shirk his  
duty for many days now and it was at an end. 
 
Feather light fingers traced Rumil's battered face, a gentle healing  
song upon the Elven Lord's lips. No matter what he felt inside, he  
was the most powerful healer in the woods apart from Galadriel. 
 
Then he smiled. 
 
He would suggest that Rumil travel west. 
 
Rumil trembled, moaning a little in his sleep. His sleep glazed eyes  
turning troubled as his dreams suddenly turned dark. The young elf  
blinked, whimpering a little, yet was still unable to break free of  
the awful memories that claimed him. 
 
Cool fingers touched his cheek making the young elf whimper again.   
He somehow knew it was not one of his brothers... and the touch was  
not a comforting one. 
 
"Haldir..." 
 
Haldir... he wasn't there... someone else was there... someone else  
was touching him... 
 
The young elf came awake abruptly, jerking away from the hand that  
was touching him with a cry of fear and then pain when he wrenched  
himself away. The pain of his injuries, especially the one within him  
flaring in agony as he tried to move. The young elf not sure where he  
was or who was with him. 
 
"Haldir!" Rumil called out for his brother, pure fear coloring his  
voice. Haldir... why wasn't he here? His brother promised to stay  
with him... to protect him... Haldir... 
 
"Hush now." Celeborn said quickly, his hands moving to steady the  
elf. Strong hands. "Rumil, waken. You are safe in Lorien." 
 
He felt only a bit of guilt at the elf's distress and told himself  
once again it was for Rumil's own good. He knew what had happened to  
his own daughter when she was attacked by orcs. His quiet voice was  
filled with calm, but was cold... cold as a winter's wind. The  
fingers that held Rumil did not hold him with tenderness, but need. 
 
"Haldir was needed elsewhere. There are many troubles on our borders.  
He is gone." 
 
Rumil's wild eyes finally focused on Lord Celeborn, confusion and  
fear still present in the light green depths, yet there was also a  
bit of recognition. Even so, the fear did not leave the young elf's  
eyes and he trembled in the Lord of Lorien's grasp. 
 
"L... Lord Celeborn...?" Why was the Lord of the Golden Wood here?  
Where... Haldir...?  
 
Rumil's eyes darted around the room as if to confirm Celeborn's  
words... Haldir... he wasn't there... he really... wasn't... Tears  
suddenly welled up in the young elf's eyes as they shifted back to  
the Lord of Lorien... 
 
"W... why? He..." The young elf whispered, his words barely  
recognizable. Shutting his eyes in an attempt to lock away his pain,  
two tears escaping the dulled eyes to slide down his equally pale  
face. Haldir... he had promised... he had promised... alone... he had  
left him alone...  
 
"O... Orophin... where's my brother? Where..." 
 
Celeborn shook his head, "Haldir and Orophin are protecting the  
borders of Lorien from a possible attack by the Orcs." he did not  
release Rumil, holding him in place with firm hands. "Poor Rumil. I  
had heard of what had happened to you, so I have come to work my  
healing magic." 
 
He reached up to caress Rumil's cheek gently, humming a soft tune as  
he wove his own words. "Only one other time have I seen such pain in  
another. Your spirit has been shattered, and your body… mutilated.  
Your physical scars will heal, though. I can give you that much  
comfort." 
 
"But for your mental distress…I cannot do anything more." Celeborn  
smiled, as kindly as he possibly could; yet in his heart he wanted  
Rumil away from Lorien. As far away from Lorien as he could possibly  
arrange, and away from Haldir. 
 
"You're in love with Haldir." He said softly. "I know, he told me."  
Celeborn's _expression was sad. "As distressed as he was because he  
did not know how else to save you he made a commitment he knew that  
he could not keep." The Lord of Lorien tsked. "He's done this before.  
Well, not quite this way… but he has made others fall in love with  
him to get back at me for hurting him." 
 
Celeborn's hand ran down Rumil's cheek… down his neck… to his  
chest. "We are bonded, him and I. Yet we do not stop one another from  
other interests." Celeborn adjusted the blankets about the younger  
elf. He knew it was a lie, but he delivered it with all the  
conviction he could.  
 
"Haldir thinks with his heart, and he could not bear to lose you. I  
don`t blame him; you are very good in bed. I know, I felt you." 
 
"There is a way though… that you can heal without relying on your  
brother. There is a place that I can send you… the same place I sent  
my daughter when she was hurt as much as you have been." 
 
Rumil's eyes snapped open staring at Celeborn in so much shock and  
disbelief he did not even really feel it at first when the Lord of  
Lorien touched him.  Touched him in ways... that was not in any way  
appropriate. He did not believe it... he could not... Haldir... his  
brother was not so cruel... 
 
He knew his brother; Haldir would never do such a thing. Not to  
him... his brother loved him. Even if he was not *in* love with him,  
Haldir would never hurt him in such a way. His brother had said he  
loved him... with a great deal more conviction than Celeborn spoke  
now. More than he doubted the Lord or Lorien could ever muster. 
 
"You... you lie..." The young elf whispered softly, shoving Celeborn  
away from him with all the strength he could possibly muster. Though  
it was still not very much. Trying to break out of Celeborn's cold  
grasp. 
 
There was no warmth in the Lord of Lorien's gaze, even though his  
words were almost kind. His hands were cold and cruel, nearly painful  
against his already bruised skin. His words were not born from  
caring, but malice. 
 
"YOU LIE!" 
 
The tears now falling freely down the young elf's face. His face a  
mixture of pain and despair. And a great deal of anger as well. 
 
Celeborn had made Haldir leave... and now... why was he doing this?  
Why? 
 
"Release me!" The young elf demanded, still trying to break free from  
Celeborn's grasp. He had never before felt fear in front of the Lord  
of Lorien before... but he could not help feeling it now. The slow  
knot of fear growing in his stomach, much like the one he had felt  
upon waking to find himself a prisoner amongst orcs. "Why do you do  
this to me?!" 
 
Celeborn frowned; he had not anticipated such a reaction. Rumil, he'd  
been told, was normally very docile except during his duties. He  
usually never spoke, nor raised his voice in anger. The great lord  
released the young elf and rose from the bed as he cried out.  
Hysteria. It was understandable after such an ordeal. 
 
"You have been through a great deal, Rumil. Therefore I will forgive  
your outburst, and anything you might say here today. You do not know  
Haldir as well as you think you do. I have known him far longer than  
you, and bedded him more times than you can possibly imagine. I know  
his body, and his soul. Why am I doing this?" he turned back  
around. "You think you are the only one to love Haldir? I have loved  
him for many centuries. And you come along and ruin everything in a  
matter of days. You seek to take him away from me. His own brother?" 
 
He stalked forward then. "I know of no elf who was able to bear what  
has happened to you. You have only one choice. You must go to  
Valinor, leave Middle Earth, and leave the pain behind. You cannot  
expect Haldir to hold your hand forever. He has his duty to Lorien.  
He cannot be at your side day in and out." 
 
Rumil had collapsed back against the bed with another cry of pain as  
Celeborn abruptly released him, pulling the covers of his bed around  
himself and burying himself underneath the blankets as if trying to  
hide. Trying to escape the cold gaze of the Lord of the Golden wood.  
Trying to warm himself, and chase away the sudden chill inside him,  
though it seemed in vain. 
 
Perhaps he was not completely sane anymore... or else he never would  
have spoken to Celeborn in such a way. And surely if he were in his  
right mind he would not risk Celeborn's wrath by speaking further.  
Especially considering the Lord of Lorien already looked angry...  
 
"I will not leave him... I promised I would never leave him. I came  
back for him... I came back for him because his call for me was  
stronger than that of Mandos... Because he would have followed me  
into death..." Rumil whispered softly, staring unflinchingly at the  
Lord of Lorien. 
 
"He came to me that night... he chose me... He loves me as both  
brother and lover. You do not even know the meaning of love! Your  
heart was not wounded when Haldir turned from you, only your pride!  
You hurt him... you have always hurt him! If you loved him you would  
not hurt him..." 
 
"I love him in ways you could never understand. You are irrational  
due to your ordeal." Celeborn said calmly, "But that is not  
surprising." The Lord of Lorien had released Rumil but at the elf's  
recent words he moved forward and grasped Rumil's chin with his  
fingers, forcing the younger elf to look at him directly in the eye. 
 
His fingers were not gentle, yet they were not bruising either,  
Celeborn had for many years practiced the art of control without  
leaving a mark. "You know very little of your brother. You have not  
seen him how I have. He chose you because he was jealous, he wanted  
to teach me a lesson." 
 
"I fear it was a lesson that he turned on himself." He tsked. "You  
are young, and idealistic. Haldir was upset, quite naturally, when  
you nearly died. I suppose it must be because you are a suitable  
second when I am unavailable." 
 
Celeborn did not keep his hands on Rumil too long; he knew the elf  
was unpredictable at best. "Do not try to come between Haldir and I."  
he said in a soft warning tone. "You have done so enough already and  
I will only tolerate it so far." 
 
Rumil tried to move away when Celeborn moved towards him again yet he  
was not fast enough, nor was he strong enough to break the Lord of  
Lorien's hold on him. The ancient elf's words nearly brought tears to  
the young elf's eyes again even though he tried to push them back,  
trying to deny the words. Still though he tried the seeds of doubt  
were still being planted within him.  
 
Suddenly the young elf's eyes turned cold and flashed with anger at  
Celeborn's threatening tone. Once again trying to jerk his head out  
of the older elf's grasp before hissing. 
 
"Release me." His own tone turning threatening despite the fact he  
knew he could do nothing at this moment. That he was quite literally  
at the Lord of Lorien's mercy.  
 
Perhaps it was due to the recent attack upon him but suddenly he did  
not care to whom he was speaking. Uncaring of things such as his  
rank... or Celeborn's for that matter. He did not care that Celeborn  
was the Lord of Lorien, or that he was practically sworn to obey him.  
He did not fear what Celeborn could do to him, already having endured  
far worse than anything the ancient elf could come up with.  
 
At this moment in his mind they were only two elves, and he was  
fighting for his brother. Fighting for their happiness. He would  
remain loyal to Lothlorien, always. But in the matters of his heart  
he would not back down again! 
 
"Do not try to come between my brother and I." Rumil spat back,  
throwing Celeborn's words back at him. "You have done so enough, and  
I will tolerate it no longer! I will not let you hurt him again!" 
 
Celeborn glared icily at Rumil, "I will take care of you." He said  
firmly as he let Rumil go finally and stalked towards the door. Then  
he smirked and looked back. "I take care of all the elves of Lorien,  
after all." 
 
The door opened at that particular moment and Haldir stood in the  
doorway, looking somewhat out of breath. As if he must have run all  
the way up the stairs. 
 
He glanced between Rumil and Celeborn; not missing the fierce  
expressions each wore though Celeborn quickly turned his into a more  
taciturn one as he smiled at Haldir. Reaching over to glide his  
fingers over the watch-warden's cheek. "We were just speaking of you,  
Melleth." he emphasized the last word, in a loud whisper into  
Haldir's ear, as he appeared to be just about to leave. "I'm afraid  
your brother is experiencing a setback in his recovery. He must learn  
not to excite himself so. My healers cannot heal him if he does not  
relax." 
 
Haldir said nothing; his eyes darted back between Rumil and Celeborn,  
worry furrowing his brow as he wondered what had just  
transpired. `What have you done, Celeborn?' He wanted to shout. He  
knew the Lord's jealousy was legendary, but… 
 
Then Celeborn kissed him… and his mind went blank. He was so stunned  
he could not resist, and to his shame felt himself respond. It was  
the kind of kiss that drew you in completely and refused to let you  
go. He had always easily succumbed to it before and he was caught off  
guard. He struggled to react, but it was Celeborn who pulled away  
first… and Celeborn who turned and left Haldir flustered, standing in  
the doorway as he walked away rigidly. 
 
Rumil's were wide with shock, as surprised as Haldir had been at the  
sudden kiss. But his _expression quickly turned from one of surprise  
to anger and then as the kiss lengthened and his brother made no move  
to pull away... pain. 
 
All of the doubts Celeborn had been feeding into him seemed to crash  
down upon the young elf at once, burying him beneath the rubble and  
crushing the small bit of hope that had begun to grow. Hope that  
Haldir really did care for him, that those sweet words that had  
pulled him back from death itself had not been merely a fantasy.  
 
He finally had to force himself to turn away from the scene, pulling  
his covers up around him once more, trying to hide the shivering in  
his body. Clenching his eyes shut trying to force back his tears and  
biting his lip to stifle the sobs that tried to tear their way out of  
him. He would not cry... he would not allow Celeborn that  
satisfaction... even though he had never felt more hurt or foolish in  
his entire life. 
 
Why had he dared to believe? 
 
Haldir could hardly breathe when Celeborn finally let him go. He  
cursed himself inwardly for not pulling away, but he had been so  
stunned…. and unprepared. All he had been thinking about was getting  
back to Rumil as his shift at the border ended and as he took the  
stairs up to his brother's room. He wrenched his mind back to reality  
and wiped sweat from his forehead as he gazed at the bed where his  
brother was cowering.  
 
He laid down his weapons and walked over to the bed.  Sitting on its  
edge as he tried to find his brother underneath the blankets and pull  
the shivering body close to him. What had Celeborn done to Rumil? Why  
had he been so foolish to leave Rumil alone…. he should have known. 
 
Celeborn would never give him up. He knew that now… but he wasn't  
going to let his brother be hurt anymore by the Lord of Lorien. He  
knew what he might have to do. It hurt him terribly to do so, for he  
loved Lorien with all his heart, but there was only one person who  
could possibly heal Rumil. Elrond of Rivendell. He had long since  
earned Celeborn's wrath by failing to protect Celebrian, Celeborn's  
daughter, and would understand. He hoped…. 
 
He pulled at the blankets trying to get Rumil to come out of  
them. "Rumil." he whispered softly. "Its alright. I'm here now. He's  
gone." 
 
Rumil did not come out, in fact tugging the blankets even tighter  
around his abused form as if by doing so he could hide from the  
world. Resisting his brother's every effort to pull the sheets away.  
He did not want to face his brother right now, even less than he had  
wanted to face Celeborn before upon waking. 
 
Why did the Lord of Lorien have to come here? Why now? He could not  
do this now... he couldn't... and Haldir... Haldir had said he loved  
him, promised not to leave him but then... when he had woken Haldir  
had been gone, Celeborn in his place, and then... 
 
The memory of that kiss played over and over in his mind, every loop  
seeming to twist the knife deeper into his heart. Why hadn't Haldir  
pulled away? Why? Why had he been so foolish... 
 
"I'm fine... you don't need... to stay. If you'd rather be  
elsewhere..." Rumil finally whispered softly, hoping his brother  
would leave him alone now. How strange when mere moments ago the only  
thing he had wanted was Haldir to be at his side… 
 
Haldir ran his fingers over Rumil's head, though it was under the  
blankets still. "Rumil." he had finally managed to catch his  
breath. "I don't want to be elsewhere. I came home to be with you  
just as soon as my shift ended."  
 
"I'm sorry I couldn't stay here. There were skirmishes through the  
night. Rumil. I had to go. The healer said she would take care of  
you. I had no idea he would come here." 
 
The watch-warden did not attempt to lower the blankets again,  
realizing that Rumil did not want to see him. "Rumil. He just  
surprised me… just now. I was already out of breath. It didn't mean  
anything. Rumil… please." Haldir rubbed his face, guilt wracking him.  
He did not know how else to explain it. His attraction to Celeborn  
was not -over-… but it was not Celeborn that he wanted. It was not  
Celeborn that he loved. 
 
"He didn't say anything to hurt you did he?" Haldir then asked  
tentatively. He knew the answer was probably yes. Ever since he'd  
seen Celeborn that morning, the Lord of Lorien had been extremely  
terse. He knew there would be retribution for his choice. 
 
"Rumil…" he sighed. 
 
Rumil shivered slightly feeling his brother's gentle touch even  
through the layers of blankets. Despite the hurt he felt, he  
desperately wanted that tender touch, that comfort. Celeborn's touch  
upon his skin had been so cold... he still could not get warm again.  
The young elf finally sighed softly, lowering the covers and turning  
to face his brother. Fear of rejection still very present in the  
young elf's eyes and looking far from presentable with his hair  
mussed and his bruised face red and streaked with tears.  
 
He looked into Haldir's eyes, needing to see the truth of his  
brother's words there. Even when Celeborn spoke, sounding almost  
sincere, it hadn't reached his eyes... It hadn't been the truth... it  
couldn't be... Then with a small sob the younger elf practically  
crawled into his brother's lap, holding onto him as tightly as he  
could. Burying his face into his brother neck. 
 
"He..." Rumil was not even sure where to begin, or even if he  
*should* tell his brother what Celeborn had said to him. Who would  
believe him anyway? He would not even have believed it himself if  
someone else had told him such things about the Lord of the Golden  
Wood. But he *needed* to at least hear his brother deny such  
accusations, if only for his own peace of mind. If only for now... 
 
"He said... you didn't love me... only pretended to love me... so I  
would not die. He said you only came to me to hurt him. He said you  
and he were... bonded... He... he said I should travel west... to  
leave Middle Earth." Rumil shivered a little at Celeborn's last  
departing words. I will take care of you. The ominous ring to words  
that should have been comforting leaving him with an ill feeling in  
his stomach. "He is going to force me to leave... I know it..." 
 
Haldir did not mind how Rumil looked, but it hurt him inside to see  
how much pain his brother held within him. He wrapped his arms around  
Rumil and held him there securely. "Its alright, Rumil. It is." he  
began… but when Rumil tentatively told him what Celeborn had said…  
Haldir froze. He'd known that the Lord of Lorien would be  
unforgiving… but to be that cruel… he hadn't expected. He'd heard  
rumors… Galadriel had even warned him once or twice in her own odd  
manner. 
 
He rubbed the back of Rumil's neck gently as his younger brother  
sobbed into his chest. "He is wrong." Haldir said softly, "I do love  
you, Rumil. I've turned away from Celeborn. I did it that night that  
you found me…. I was very nearly lost. But… you found me. You brought  
me back… and showed me what love really was. It wasn't a dream. It  
was real and right in front of my eyes. Love was you. Celeborn has  
always been jealous and manipulative, ever since I have known him he  
has never failed to get what he wants. He lied when he said we were  
bonded. We are not. Not in the sense that the word truly means. I'm  
only bound to Celeborn through duty."  
 
He brushed his fingers across Rumil's cheek and lifted his younger  
brother's chin gently so that he could gaze into the younger elf's  
eyes. "He has not accepted the fact that I have chosen you and that I  
will not allow you to be sent away. I will find a way for us to be  
together and for you to heal." 
 
Rumil gradually relaxed in his brother's arms, the tension slowly  
easing from his body as the strong hand gently massaged the back of  
his neck. His brother speaking the words he had *needed* to hear. 
 
Warm. The words were warm, and kind. Spoken with love. Not cold as  
Celeborn's had been. Haldir's touch gentle upon his still tender skin. 
 
He decided not to tell his brother how Celeborn had touched him. Even  
though he could not forget the chill that had run through him when  
the Lord of Lorien's fingers had slid down his neck and chest. The  
touch anything but comforting. What could he really say anyway?  
Perhaps it had meant nothing... it had to have meant nothing. He  
couldn't believe Lord Celeborn would knowingly touch him with any  
kind of malicious intent... it was against everything they believed  
in as elves. 
 
The younger elf looked up into his brother's eyes and tried to smile  
a little. Raising one of his hands to gently caress his brother's  
cheek, allowing his thumb to lightly brush his lower lip, and linger  
there. Trying to offer Haldir a little of the comfort his brother was  
giving him. Knowing how hard this must be for his brother as well.  
 
How difficult it must be to remain strong, not only for him but also  
for everyone. All of Lorien depended on his brother... perhaps  
Celeborn was right about one thing. He could not allow Haldir to  
forget his duty for him. Even though he wanted nothing more than for  
Haldir to remain by his side always... 
 
"I love you..." 
 
Haldir smiled softly at Rumil, "Everything will be alright, little  
brother." he whispered as he leant forward to caress the younger  
elf's lips with his own. The gentlest of kisses was bestowed upon the  
tender red skin as his tongue lapped inward, tickling the edges of  
Rumil's mouth. 
 
"Everything is how I wish it to be. You are in my arms… alive." he  
said softly as he continued to kiss his brother…taking his sweet time  
as he explored Rumil's mouth and worked them around so that Haldir  
was positioned above Rumil… and his brother was lying in the pillows…  
golden hair spread like a halo around him. 
 
"I love you, too, my brother." He then slowly began to kiss Rumil…  
everywhere… starting at his lips… and then descending down his neck,  
gently caressing the wounded flesh… kissing everything away. His  
hands were caught in the beautiful cascade of Rumil's hair as his  
lips trailed downward…. farther and farther… until at last they found  
what they sought. 
 
His tongue twirled in the soft hairs just above Rumil's sex before  
slipping even lower to let his tongue run along the base of Rumil's  
shaft… his hands gliding down his brother's arms, and back up his  
chest again to find the taunt nipples that teased him so every time  
he gazed upon his brother.  
 
His fingers played and rolled over the tight peaking flesh as his  
tongue worked its way around and up… and up… 
 
Rumil whimpered softly, his eyes fluttering closed as his brother  
kissed him ever so gently. Sighing and parting his lips to eagerly  
welcome Haldir's tongue into his mouth. Letting his arms come up and  
wrap around his brother's back as the older elf settled over him  
gently. He hadn't expected what Haldir had done next however. And  
could only whimper again as Haldir began to kiss him everywhere. The  
warm moist lips traveling all over him, making him nearly forget the  
pain his body was still in by replacing it with pleasure. 
 
''Haldir...'' The younger elf arched and let out a soft cry as  
Haldir's lips and tongue traveled lower over his body and let out a  
shuddering gasp as that slick wetness traveled over his slowly  
arousing length. Letting out another whimpering moan when his brother  
found and began to tease his nipples. 
 
''Haldir... Haldir, I love you... I love you... Please...'' The young  
elf's body shuddered again ignoring the pain even these small  
movements caused. His hands tightening on his brother's shoulders,  
pulling Haldir's strong body closer. Wanting and needing to feel his  
brother closer. To feel all of him and forget the pain. To replace  
the memories of pain with new ones. Of love. 
 
''Haldir... make me forget... I only want to remember you...'' 
 
Haldir's fingers continued to trail their way around the twin peaks  
at Rumil's chest, letting his fingers roll and twirl about the hard  
flesh. He looked up a moment and smiled gently at Rumil, "Amin Mela  
Lle, Rumil. Ten'oio, Rumil. Amin Lle." (I love you, Rumil. Forever,  
Rumil.  I'm yours.) 
 
His mouth then descended once again to lick along the base of Rumil's  
shaft, running his fingers down along the entire length of his  
brother's body and over the soft sacks on either side of his lover's  
stiffening flesh as he pushed his brother's legs apart gently. His  
tongue traveled up and down the hardening shaft as his fingers played  
along the flesh at its base and then up and down and around, pushing  
a little into his brother's tight opening, yet not going all the way  
inside.  
 
His hands moved over Rumil's firm rear, softly caressing the abused  
flesh as his mouth suddenly engulfed the tip of Rumil's stiff  
sex...his tongue swirling around the head as he pushed down...  
letting Rumil fill his throat. 
 
Rumil bit his already bruised lip, stifling a cry that was of both  
pain and pleasure as his brother pushed his legs apart. Shuddering  
suddenly in fear as well as ecstasy at the feeling of the gentle  
fingers trailing over his most sensitive areas. 
 
Unbidden he remembered much less gentle hands following almost the  
same path. Their intent to cause pain rather than pleasure. Sharp  
claws digging into the tender flesh of his thighs... buttocks...  
holding him firm as he was brutally forced into over and over. The  
young elf tried to push away the horrible memories, not wanting to  
remember. Not wanting to associate that hateful act with this. An act  
that was born from nothing but love with that born of hate... but he  
couldn't...  
 
''Stop... I can't...'' Rumil wailed suddenly, pushing his beloved  
away with a sob and twisting away from his brother. Sobbing into the  
pillows as he tried to force the memories away and cursing himself in  
the process. He thought he could forget… but the memories were just  
too fresh. Celeborn's words coming back to haunt him. 
 
Your spirit has been shattered, and your body...mutilated...But for  
your mental distress... I cannot do anything more. 
 
Perhaps he really was broken without repair... 
 
''I'm sorry...'' 
 
"Rumil....shhh..." Haldir immediately ceased his maneuvers and  
crawled up the bed very quickly, wrapping his arms around Rumil and  
drawing the younger elf's head against his chest. "Its too soon...  
I'm sorry.  Shhh. It's alright, melamin. Shhh." 
 
He held the young elf carefully in his arms as he massaged Rumil's  
shoulders very gently. "Rest against me." 
 
Haldir could not even imagine what Rumil was going through, it was  
the worst of all fates, and something that he blamed himself for.  
 
"You need not do anything that you cannot, Rumil. " He kissed one of  
his brother's hands, gently kissing the trembling fingers as he  
cuddled the younger elf close to him. 
 
"I am here. Shhh.... I'm here." 
 
Still shaking the younger elf clutched his brother close to him  
again, his hands fisting in material of Haldir's tunic almost tight  
enough to tear the material. Sobbing against the older elf's chest  
nearly inconsolably. 
 
Gods why? Why did this have to happen? Why? 
 
''I'm sorry... I'm sorry...'' The younger elf whimpered softly, his  
trembling gradually easing as his brother gently massaged his tense  
shoulders.  
 
It was a strange sensation both longing for and fearing the touch of  
another. Especially when it was the touch of the one he loved with  
all his heart and he *knew* his brother would never do anything to  
hurt him. 
 
''I'm sorry... I love you, I *do*... I just... I'm sorry, Haldir...''  
Rumil whispered softly, looking up into his brother's eyes, his own  
filled with tears and now a different kind of fear. That eventually  
Haldir might not want him anymore if he couldn't... ''I will try  
harder... I promise... I will try... please... please don't leave  
me...'' 
 
Haldir lifted his finger to Rumil's cheek and wiped at the tears that  
fell down the soft flesh. He smiled warmly at his brother. "You do  
not need to try." He said softly. "I know you love me, and I love  
you, my sweet Rumil. You need do nothing but rest. This is not  
something you can easily recover from. But I -am- here. I won't leave  
you." 
 
He leant down and kissed Rumil's brow gently. "I'm always going to be  
there. Even if I'm not right at your side, I'm here, Rumil. I'm  
thinking about you... and I will always return. You're not alone. You  
never will be alone again." 
 
"I don't know how... but somehow... you will be alright again. I will  
make it so...I promise." Haldir's soft lips touched his brother's  
forehead once again as he drew Rumil even closer to him, wrapping his  
arms tightly around his brother as though to ward away anything that  
could ever harm him. again. 
 
The younger elf tried to offer his brother a small smile in return  
even though it was more or less a failed attempt, but at least it was  
an attempt. Resting his head on Haldir's strong chest and allowing  
his brother's strong heartbeat calm him once again. 
 
Rest... surely it was what he needed the most. For his body to heal  
at least, even though sleep no longer brought him the mental comfort  
it once had. Only nightmares of pain... Haldir was here now but what  
if his brother had to leave again? He knew he could not ask Haldir to  
stay with him always even though his heart cried out for it... and he  
did not wish to think about his brother somehow not returning to  
him... with all the trouble at the borders recently... 
 
''Please... Do not go again without waking me... I do not want to  
wake up alone...'' Rumil whispered softly, holding his brother a  
little tighter. The younger elf's shivering gradually ceasing, and  
his loud sobbing finally dying down to only the softest whimpers as  
the young elf dropped into a fitful sleep. 
 
Dark nightmares waiting for him as he knew they would. Nightmares of  
the pain and humiliation he had suffered at the hands of the orcs.  
And, perhaps even worse, new nightmares of being dragged from his bed  
by rough cold hands, the lord of Lorien watching almost in amusement  
as he screamed. Twisting and crying out in pain as he tried to escape  
as they dragged him away from Lorien itself, yet no one helped him.  
To the West... to the sea... to the Grey Havens... away from Middle  
Earth. Calling for his brothers for help yet it was they who were the  
ones forcing him away. 
 
Haldir sighed as he gazed at his brother, relieved and more worried  
now that Rumil was sleeping. He seemed almost peaceful for a  
while...until troubled dreams would not go away, and all Haldir could  
do was hold Rumil until his brother awoke, stroking his hair gently  
and staying as still as possible. 
 
"Amin Mela Lle, Rumil." He whispered over and over attempting to  
banished the nightmares with his own love. He knew though, it may not  
ever be enough. 
 
 
To Be Continued…