Title: Aragorn Sleeping With Everybody Author: PK (hotarushou@hotmail.com) Pairing: Aragorn/various, Pippin/Gimli Rating: R Summary: After the Battle of the Pelennor Fields, recent victory calls for a little celebration on the part of next to everybody, and Aragorn. Disclaimer: Well, sadly, LOTR doesn't belong to me. If it did, well...let's not go there. It all belongs to Tolkien(rather, his estate). Author's Note: The exact quotes from the book that prompted this: "...and so at length Eomer and Aragorn met in the middle of the battle, and they leaned on their swords looked on one another and were glad..." "Thus did we meet again, though all the hosts of Mordor lay between us." -Aragorn. "'And twice blessed is help unlooked for, and never was a meeting of friends more joyful 'nd they clasped hand in hand." "and they rode back to battle together..." As you can see, the two are getting quite cozy here...let's see if I can't fix them some good old romance. And then get them broken up. Feedback: Yes! This is my first LotR fic! WARNING: Very OOC! Don't doubt me on that. Archive: I don't care as long as you contact me first unless it was my idea to archive it in the first place. ~~~ Aragorn leaned on his sword, exhausted. Though he was future King of Gondor and a talented swordsman, this was really getting old. Sometimes he just wished he could relax, free from all duty, free to... 'No, no...' He quickly dismissed the train of thought and, like a wet dog, shook Eomer from his consciousness. 'Who'd ever guess? "Future King Falls for Marshal of the Mark". That'll be the day. Must stop thinking like this! I already have a lover, anyway...' He was soon joined by Eomer son of Eomund, who also appeared annoyed with the situation. "Really, Aragorn," Eomer smiled, "I've had enough Orcs for one day." Aragorn just looked back at Eomer with an amused chagrin plastered on his face. "You do realize that we've practically won? Let the Riders to their part; I've already done as much as I can." "I'm surprised to hear that from you." Eomer looked disbelievingly at Aragorn, not understanding his irresposibility at the moment. "What I mean is, I don't think we need to get in there right now. They're doing just fine on their own." The man sighed. "I can't believe you, Aragorn," The Marshal scolded, but there was humor in his tone. Aragorn shook his head and looked on, musing about many things, mainly about his temporary companion. When he heard a cry of victory, he turned his gaze to the battlefield and, relieved, alerted the already alert Eomer. "We've won! We've won the battle...but there's still much to come." The King's face was suddenly dark and his tone had lost all of its happiness. "Come, Aragorn, don't be such a poot. Celebrate while you can," Eomer invited, nearly pleading to the Lord. "Oh, all right." A smile reluctantly played about the man's lips and slowly he walked back to the battlefield, but before he could leave, a hand on his shoulder stopped him. "Aragorn, wait. I've got something better to celebrate with you," Aragorn only looked puzzled and a bit scared. Was Eomer seducing him? He didn't know. Surely, he wasn't - no. Aragorn steadied his breathing and followed the man's lead. A few hundred feet away, there was a meadow and one final glint of sun out of the darkness shone on it. "What are you-where are you-" Aragorn's question was cut off by a kiss pressed hard against his lips. This wasn't happening. It certainly wasn't, no, it wasn't. Supposing Eomer really was kissing him, he was probably just excited in all the aftermath of the battle. Just as Aragorn was thinking that, his theory was disproven when he felt a prominent bulge touch his thigh through the heavy fabric of Eomer's breeches. Surely, this wasn't... Was Eomer attracted to him? Aragorn just quit thinking and returned the kiss with more hunger than the Marshal had originally displayed. Grudgingly, the King broke the kiss for some air, grasping needily at Eomer's neck. "So...this is what you wanted...to celebrate," Aragorn panted. Eomer pressed his lips all about Aragorn's scraped neck, licking up the blood and causing exquisite thrills to crawl up the King's spine. Hastily, he began to unlatch Aragorn's armor as the other man did so with his own. Once both were free from the metal formerly adorning their lean bodies, light footsteps upon the golden grass alerted the men of the presence of another. Aragorn quickly shook his head and scrambled away from Eomer, but it was too late. And there before them stood an angry Legolas. "Legolas, what? What?" Asked the King, slowly backing away from his dangerous companion. "You bitch! Whore! Slut! I trust you to lead our battles and what do you do? You go off and _sleep_ with Rohan's captain! You don't even know that Theoden is dead and Eowyn is near death? Eh?!" Enraged tears began to fill the Elf's grey eyes as he turned and Eomer stood up. He put his armor on again and brushed the grass off his breeches. "Legolas, mellonamin..." Aragorn began, but Legolas put a shushing finger to his lips. Eomer scampered off in fear. "You used to call me by another name. But that's all over now. Did you know that an Elf can die of heartbreak? Maybe you're so insensitive that even growing up among my kind you didn't notice, but really...I thought you meant it. Melamin." "Legolas, you know that attraction to another couldn't ever steal away my love for you. And you are right...melamin. This is not the time for me to be acting in such a rowdy manner that one might suspect me to be seventeen." "You kidding? Of course it is!" And with that, Legolas stepped forward and pressed his lips to the King's own, and demonstrated the everlasting love of an Elf. When they finished their lovemaking, Eomer popped out of the bushes. And claimed the Lord for his own. At long last, Aragorn finally collected himself, put his clothes on, and seeing the last twinkle of sun, headed back to the battleground to find his horse. Only to be confronted by Gimli. "Aragorn, you're givin' some even to that ruddy Elf and not me? C'mon, it's your old friend Gimli! Give me some sugar!" Aragorn paused. His face contorted. And then he screamed. "Gimli, leave me alone! Please! My asshole is sore enough already!" The Lord complained, only to be knocked over by a Hobbit. "Now, I know there's an age difference an' all, but..." Pippin pressed at Aragorn. And there was only one thing the Future King of Gondor could do. He began to bawl. "All...all I wanted....was to spend a couple of days...without banging a soul. Is...is that so hard?" Aragorn looked piteously at the two small folk, and they only pushed at him further. "Hey, rape's not so bad..." Gimli smiled at his same-size companion. "Excuse me! Please let me go!" Aragorn wriggled out of the grasp of the half-sized folk and ran screaming into the night. "Well, that's one of 'em out of the way." "Yep, that's my motto," the Dwarf began. "Dwarves: scaring the Big Folk one at a time. Until there are none left. At which point they'll take over the world." "Don't forget Hobbits! We're going to rule too!" Gimli smiled and put his arm around the little, innocent creature next to him. They might just pull it off. ~~~~~~~ Translations from Elvish: melamin: My love mellonamin: my friend I don't use Tolkien's Elvish. I use a variation (www.greycompany.org) I know that according to Tolkien 'my love' is 'meleth nin'.Oh, well. I like these too. PK p.s. Don't forget to write me! FEED US!!!!!!