Title: The Lord of the Thing: Generation (Se)X;  Book One;  Prologue: Concerning Slash
(Being the mad slash-lover's Parody of Prof. J.R.R. Tolkien's 'The Lord of the Rings')

Author: Unbegrenzt (unbegrenzt2002@yahoo.com)

Pairings: Hobbits with Hobbits, Hobbits with Elves, Hobbits with Dwarves, Hobbits with Wizards, 
Hobbits with Orcs, Elves with Elves, Elves with Dwarves, Elves with Wizards, Elves with Orcs, 
Dwarves with Dwarves, Dwarves with Wizards, Dwarves with Orcs, Wizards with Wizards, Wizards 
with Orcs, Orcs with Orcs, Men with Men, Men with Hobbits, Men with Dwarves, Men with 
Wizards, Men with Orcs, Men with Elves, Gollum with Anyone Who Wants Him, Sauron with 
Everyone... but since it's a ::cough:: prologue, I haven't really started ELABORATING on any of that 
yet.

Rating: For now, a rather weak PG-13, seeing as this is only the prologue bit.

Warnings: None- Except that this is my attempt at being witty... Be afraid... and it's AU (obviously) 
and a parody.  So there WERE warnings after all!  Fancy that!

Summary: It's a prologue (for the third time)!  It's almost a summary in and of itself!

Author's Notes: Read on, if you dare.

Disclaimer: I don't own a hobbit, not even one elf-
                  And all of the dwarves
                  Belong to Tolkien himself.
                  Please do not sue!  Please have some class!
                 And if you don't like my disclaimer,
                  You can kiss my furry, hobbit-loving bum!

Feedback: I'll only write more if I get encouraged to continue with this massive brainfart... or if I 
upset enough people... In which case I will be amused enough to continue anyway!  So, send the 
flames or the praise this way; I'll take both.

****

Prologue: Concerning Slash

This story is largely concerned with hot, steamy, slashy sex, and from its pages a reader may discover 
much that they did not know, nor ever wanted to know, about this touchy subject.  Further 
*information* will also be found in the selection from various LOTR-slash-devoted sites and mail-
lists on the web which have already dealt quite a few ways with the suggestive matter in Prof. T's 
lovely books.

Many, however, may wish to know more about this remarkable twisting of seemingly innocent 
feelings and words, while some may not rightly know what slash is, or from whence it came.  For 
such readers, a few notes on the more important points are here collected from Slash-lore, which 
dealt mainly with a beloved and crazily raunchy half-grown people known to most of us here in the 
Tolkien Universe as Hobbits.

Hobbits have always seemed like a rather boring folk, more numerous formerly than they are today.  
This requires some explaining.  A large number of hobbits (a continually growing number of them, I 
must say) have come to realize that their preference lies with Hobbits of the same gender.  That is to 
say, more than 50% of the hobbit population is indeed made up of homosexuals, and thus, the 
number of wee babes born annually is decreasing steadily with each passing year.  There is, of 
course, the option of artificial insemination for the female couples if they want it, but hobbits have 
never really been into anything as unusual as that, and the hobbit lads are rather shy about donating 
to Ye Old Spermbank, as it were.

Despite the fact that more than half of the hobbits who currently, or have ever existed, are indeed 
homosexual in orientation, that very thing was still rather frowned upon by the remaining 'Normies' 
(as they were called) until the events which will undoubtedly take place in the tale that you are about 
to (hopefully) read.  The hobbit culture was indeed quite backward, to the point where even lesbian 
couples raising children would encourage their young ones to be, or at least seem to be, hetero at all 
costs.  Those Normies of the East Farthing were brutes, and in spite of their dwindling numbers, they 
still seemed to be set on keeping openly homosexual behaviour to minimum, right into the Third 
Age.  Thus, the more numerous homosexual hobbits were and had always been raised in fear, and 
kept themselves locked quite tightly in their little figurative closets.

This really was of no concern to the rest of the inhabitants of Middle Earth, who were at that time
concerned rather with global warming, and the increasingly thick blanket of smog which was settling
over Greenwood (This particular forest was, at the time, nicknamed 'Mirkwood').

But, I am getting ahead of myself.  The story recounted here is a deviously slashy rendering of the
late Prof. J.R.R. Tolkien's remarkable tale; giving you, the reader, a glimpse of how it might have 
been told had Tolkien been a slash-favouring writer.

The following tale, however, in all of its slashy and magnificent glory, has little to do with J.R.R.'s
original tale, save that the hobbits meet the same people and go to many of the same places.  I own 
none of these charming characters, nor any of the places, as stated in the disclaimer.  I merely wish to
entertain my corrupt fantasies of 'passionate hobbit love'* and naughty 'Nazgul nine-ways'*.  The 
story goes ever on and on.  It's your choice whether you want to read it or no.

*****

*-These sayings are not original to me... I'm not THAT witty!

COMING SOON (if I get enough feedback): Chapter One: The Long-Expected Orgy