Title: Here We Go Again  
Author: Blank Girl (blankgirl66@aol.com)  
Pairing: Everyone/Legolas  
Rating: R (for Language)  
Summary:  Comedy.  Legolas is the only member of the fellowship not 
succumbing to those manly urges.  
Disclaimer:  If these guys were all mine, Legolas would always be naked! 
 Yay!... But they're not, so don't sue me, I'm funny.  
Warning:  Stupidity ahead  
Note:  Movie canon.  Legolas' POV  
 
      Oh, crap.  He's doing it again.  Every time I walk in front of him, that 
stupid dwarf just stares at my ass.  Not that I can blame him, but still!  I 
give him my most angry-elf look, but apparently my ass is just too 
distracting.    
      Suddenly, I notice that entire Fellowship is walking behind me up the 
hill, staring at my ass.  This is just too much.  I flip out.  
      "Look, I have a fine, sassy little ass of steel!  And I have to live with 
it!  But can you all stop staring at it?!"  Of course, at that moment, Pippin 
bursts into tears and sobs,  
      "But that's just the height I look at!" Then runs off crying like some 
moron and gets kidnapped by stupid orcs.  Perfect.  I spin around and glare 
at Aragorn.  
      "And don't you have a girlfriend, Mr. Angsty-I-Want-To-Be-King?!" 
 Aragorn tries to hit me, but instead tackles me.  Realizing he WANTS to 
tackle me, I panic.  
      Aragorn is complaining how he is so sensitive and angsty, and no one 
wants to try and understand him, and blah blah blah... all while attempting 
to stick his hand down my pants.  
      I finally get Aragorn off of me.  Then Boromir comes over and begins 
to sing a song in honor of my beauty.  Aragorn goes off to suck.  Boromir 
obviously desperate for me to hurt him.  I tell Boromir I am not interested, 
and with thighs like these I can get an elf-maid I want.  Then he runs off 
and commits suicide, but makes it look like Orcs so Aragorn will have to 
get vengeance or something.  Two-timer.  Oh God, what am I saying?  
      Meanwhile Sam has his little hand on Frodo's butt.  Frodo is confused. 
 I explain to Frodo how it's not his fault he wants my sexy little body, but I 
am simply not interested in short men with big hairy feet (now short 
GIRLS without hairy feet... mm..)  Frodo then lies, saying he doesn't want 
anyone, just wants to solve the magical curse of Sam's hand being glued to 
his butt.  I tell him there is no curse.  Then I chase him, screaming "I'm the 
fairest of them ALL motherfucker!"  Then he and Sam run off to destroy 
the stupid ring.  Hate hobbits.  
      Gimli suddenly kisses Merry, who sobs he loves only Pippin, and runs 
off to get kidnapped too.  Gimli goes off to sulk, saying I am too pretty 
and should be hurt.    
      Bastards!  Boromir dies, and gets a kiss from Aragorn!  They didn't 
even like each other!  What about me?!  Oh, shit...