Title: Master Baggins  
Author (including email): pickledance20, pickledance20@hotmail.com  
Pairing(s):Frodo/Aragorn  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: All hell breaks loose when Aragorn realizes that if you say 
Master Baggins three tims fast it sounds like mastarbation.  
Disclaimer:I don't own anything mentioned in this fic and am making no 
money off of this.  
 
 
 
Master Baggins  
 
Frodo and the fellowship of the ring were headed toward Mount Doom 
when Aragron came up with the most amusing idea that if one were to say 
"master Baggins" three times fast it would sound as if you were saying 
masturbation. Aragorn rushed to tell Legolas what he had discovered and 
what had resulted in him laughing for twenty minutes straight. Legolas 
starred blankly at Aragorn with his bow in one hand.  
 
"That's not funny," the elf said. "I don't get it."  
 
Aragorn burst out laughing again at the thought that the elf didn't know 
what masturbation was to the point where he was literally rolling around 
on the forest floor giggling like a schoolgirl. Aragorn quickly stood and 
composed himself and then whispered something in the elf's ear.  
 
Legolas blushed crimson and his fist got tight to the point that his bow 
snapped in half and fell to the foliage.  
 
Aragorn continued to giggle and walked away with a cute, "I have to tell 
every one! Especially Sam!"  
 
Aragorn found the Hobbits, Merry, Pippin, Sam and Frodo filling out job 
applications.  
 
Pippin remarked, "Do you think I would pass as a kid if I try for this 
MacDonalds Commercial?"  
 
"Only if Gandalf is the hamburgalar," said Sam.  
 
"Here's an interesting one!" said Frodo holding up a piece of paper. "They 
want people to pose as garden gnomes and scare away any little children 
and little dogs. Probably because both are prone to wet themselves on 
fresh grass."  
 
Aragorn snuck up behind Frodo and put a finger up to his mouth signaling 
the others to be quiet. When Strider was only a foot away from Frodo he 
let out a woman-like scream that made Frodo jump and wet himself.  
 
"Apparently children and dogs aren't the only thing those home owners 
will have to worry about," Aragorn said jokingly.  
 
"Don't do that," Frodo cried, wide-eyed and with a big frown.  
 
"I'm sorry Faggo- I mean Frodo," Aragorn said as he tousled the hobbit's 
hair and gave him a kiss on the lips. "You are so beautiful." Aragorn leaned 
Frodo back until he was lying in the papers on the ground. They kissed and 
Aragorn's hand slid down Frodo's body.  
 
"Excuse me!" yelled Sam as he blushed and looked angry at the same 
time.  
 
"Shhhh...!" whispered Pippin while he and Merry split a bag of popcorn 
and watched intently.  
 
Frodo stoped kissing long enough to notice a piece of paper. "Here's a job 
all of us hobbits could do. It's acting in this children's show called Tele 
Tubbies." He sat up, knocking Aragorn over with a small punch, and then 
continued. "Must be talented at dance and must love music. Awww… with 
these hours we'll never find time to get to work and destroy the ring."  
 
No one spoke for a time and in the distance they heard the sound of 
Legolas moaning and screaming with an undertone of Gimli grunting 
rhythmically.  
 
"They aren't doing what I think they're doing, are they?" Frodo asked 
Aragorn timidly.  
 
"Probably," Strider said and then after a pause asked, "you want to do it 
to?" with a devious grin.  
 
Frodo leapt into Strider's arms and they started doing the mattress mambo 
much to the amusement of Pippin and Merry.  
 
Sam slunk off to see if Gimli and Legolas were actually doing the dirty. 
"Stupid Aragorn. The Frodo fancier, that's my job!"  
 
He walked past Gandalf sitting in front of a fire smoking some pipe weed. 
Gandalf giggled and commented, "Eh buga luga lu!"  
 
"OK... That was different."  
 
Sam continued until he was hiding behind a bush near where the noises were 
coming from. He peered over and saw what he never would have expected.  
 
Legolas was sitting by a bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo and washing his 
hair while screaming, "Oh yes, yes, yes!"  
 
Gimli was sitting a far bit away trying to open a jar of olives and grunting 
with every attempt to screw off the lid. The lid finally came off with a 'pop' 
and Gimli yells, "That's the stuff!"  
 
Sam was sent into a giggle fit at how his mind was in the gutter about what 
he was going to see. Legolas stoped screaming and washed his hair out.  
 
Author's notes:  
 
1 An old man at a bus stop actually said to me what Gandalf said in this 
fic.  
 
2 I had to make Frodo and Aragorn do stuff. Why? Because I'm a sick, 
sick person.  
 
3 This is what you get when a Monti Python crazy Slash lover writes a fan 
fic.