Title: Big Mistake Author: Nenya Author's Email: nat_hj@msn.com Pairing: Legolas/Aragorn, Merry/Pippin implied Rating: R Archive: Sure Summary: Everyone knows how childlike and immature a virgin elf is, so is it really a good idea to have one such elf on a quest as important as this? Disclaimer: I do not own the characters unfortunately, as they belong to the great J.R.R. Tolkien, Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema so not sue me. I have nothing of value, so it would cost you more in court costs than you will receive. If did own the characters, I would not have time to write this anyway as I would constantly be engaged in LOTR threesomes! Warning: Very bad language. Rape. BDSM. Authors Note: This is my first ever fic/ slash fic so any feedback would be appreciated. If I receive no feedback, I will not continue the story. Also, this fic has not been Beta- read, so any mistakes are totally my own and only I should get the blame. Chapters 1-6 of ? Chapter one: The escape of Gollum “Yes father. We have reason to believe that the escape was planned, as he refused to leave his tree.” Lasanor explained to his father once they disappearance of Gollum had been discovered. “This is grave news indeed” the king replied “If it is your wish father, I will go to the lord of Imladris to explain the current situation.” Lasithil volunteered, for Lasanor, being the crown prince, had far too many responsibilities within Mirkwood. “Oooh, can I go Imladris too Ada, please, please, please?” Legolas begged of his father. A smile spread across Thranduil’s face. He had loved the innocence and carefree nature of his youngest son. Of course, he had always tried to keep Legolas innocent, therefore forbid him to have sex, for everyone knew that the moment and Elf lost its virginity, it would instantly lose all innocence, and take on full responsibility of its actions. Legolas had never any desire to do as his father forbid, for Thranduil would know as he would become serious, and besides, Legolas enjoyed the freedom that he got and never wanted to be as serious as his brothers, especially Lasithil whom he found particularly boring and uptight (“””think Percy Weasley from HP”””). He was also aware of how much like his father his brothers looked (Tall with Blonde hair and sapphire blue eyes the changed colour with their mood.) and although he was very similar to them himself, he had always denied it. His younger sister, Arilinalas, was always serious too, but Legolas had excused that; Arilinalas was in love and his favourite sibling before she had lost her virginity. “Of course you can my son.” Thranduil said fondly “but you cannot go alone. Lasithil will go with you.” “Nooooooooo” wailed Legolas, “I don’t want *him* to go, he’s boring.” Lasithil glared at him “What, you are?” “Fine Legolas, Lasithil will not go. I have something here I need him to do anyway, (*Lasithil looked very disappointed*) but you are not going alone. You must take five companions. You may choose three of them, but I will choose the other two, and before you even think about it, Arilinalas is not going either.” Thranduil said strictly and Legolas knew that it was that or nothing for his father very rarely took that tone with him. “Aye Ada. How about Junier, Fien and Gearon?” Legolas suggested, naming his three best friends “Aye, they will suffice” Thranduil said smiling. He had known that Legolas would choose his friends and knew that two of them were semi- serious as although they were technically virgins, they had had oral sex and were the only people (aside from himself) who could keep Legolas in order “Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssss! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!” exclaimed Legolas, jumping around like a loony “However” interrupted the king “you must also take Thasad and Ianon.” Legolas just nodded his head in recognition but was still thinking of how much fun he was going to have going away with his three friends “Can I go and tell them now Ada. Can I? Please!” Legolas asked “No Legolas. I will send Blaizien to find them and take them to your chambers. But first, you must go with Lasanor so that he can fill you in about the disappearance of Gollum because I know you weren’t paying much attention (Legolas looked sheepish) so that you know what to tell Elrond.” Thranduil replied. He knew that who ever escorted Legolas would have their work cut out, especially since Legolas’ temper could instantly change, and sometimes for no reason what so ever. After about fifteen minutes of Lasanor explaining everything to Legolas, the young prince began to grow impatient and started fidgeting. Seeing this telltale sign, Lasanor quickly finished the input and allowed Legolas to leave. He sprinted down the corridor to his room to find three elves there. One was wearing a dark green tunic. His face was quite plain, although there was always a mischievous look behind his bright blue eyes. Another was wearing a dark brown tunic. She had green eyes, blonde hair and was fair of face. The third was lightly shorter and stockier than the other two. He wore a light brown tunic and had a longer face than any of the others. This Elf was the only Elf that lived in Mirkwood with brown hair and eyes, for he had Rivendell blood in him. “Junier!” Legolas cried hugging the first Elf “Fien!” he said and hugged the female Elf before turning to the third Elf “Gearon!” he said repeating the process “My dear friends how are you all?” Legolas asked his friends who all simultaneously muttered that they were fine and enquired on the princes well being. “Aye, I’m fine, I’m fine” laughed Legolas “has anyone told you why you were here? Have they? Come on, tell me?” Legolas said, and without waiting for a response said “we’re going to Rivendell. Imladris. Whatever you want to call it. Its so exciting isn’t it? Isn’t it?” Legolas persisted “we leave in the morning. Gearon, you get to visit your mum.” Legolas finished and began jumping on his bed “Calm down Legolas” Junier said laughing “well, if we leave in the morning, we better go pack”. The three elves left the room, Junier and Fien hand in hand. They would have already had lost their virginity if Thranduil hadn’t forbidden them, for he knew his son would lose his best friends and wanted his happiness. About five minutes later, Legolas ran down the corridor to the throne room. He ran to his father, ignoring the fact that a very important meeting was being held. Lasithil was still in a bit of a mood and was glaring at him. “Ada who’s gonna pack my stuff cos if we leave tomorrow my stuff needs to be packed and if its not packed I cant go and I really want to go Ada” Legolas said in one breath. “Calm down Legolas. Can you not see we are in a meeting? Do not worry; your things will be packed. The cooks are making a fresh batch of Lembas as we speak. Go find Blaizien and ask her *nicely* to pack your things for you.” Thranduil said, trying to withhold imminent laughter. Chapter two: The journey to Rivendell The next morning, Legolas was already in the stables when the others arrived. He was stood by his horse Imharindir. The first to arrive was Thasad and Ianon and Legolas instantly knew why his father had chosen these two as his companions. They were both very high in the ranks of the border guards. Next came Gearon, but he was wearing a look of apprehension on his face. “What’s wrong Gearon, are you not excited to be going to see your mother?” Legolas asked. “Nay Legolas, it is not that. I received a letter from her a few days ago. She has re-married some dude who calls himself Figwit. It has only been 239 years since Ada died. Plus, she says I now have a little 37 year old sister. I am not sure if I want to see any of them.” Gearon replied. Legolas had never seen his friend this sad, usually it was these two who got up to the most trouble and spent most of their time thinking up new ways to annoy his brothers. “Sure you do. You wait until will arrive there. I bet you change your mind. Do not worry about it until we get there.” Legolas said reassuringly, but even his friend’s depression could not dampen his spirits. Legolas’ good mood dramatically cheered up Gearon. Soon, Junier and Fien arrived in high spirits. Both seemed as excited as Legolas. Thranduil, Lasanor, Lasithil and Arilinalas all came to the stables to see Legolas off. “Good luck little one. Do you remember everything I told you about Gollum? (Legolas nodded) good. Have fun.” Lasanor said before pulling him into a tight embrace. Despite the constant tricks that Legolas played on him, Lasanor dearly loved his brother “Legolas, be good. Be safe. Remember, your there to deliver a message. Good luck” Lasithil said. He was not quite as forgiving as his brother, and when he pulled Legolas in for a hug, it felt as though it was for show. “Good bye Greenleaf. Don’t mind Lasithil. He is still bitter that you are going and not him. I will miss you dearly. Enjoy yourself” Arilinalas said with tears in her eyes and gave her brother and extra big hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Legolas, my child, remember what Lasithil said. He may not know it, but he gave you some very good advice. Make sure you do NOT get laid. I know that you will probably stay in Imladris for at least a year. From what I hear, there are Many innocents there for you to have fun with, and the last time we travelled t Rivendell, I know you enjoyed yourself and had fun with the lady Arwen, let us hope that she is still a virgin. You may stay as long as you wish, but bear in mind we will miss you. If there is a problem, send Thasad and Ianon immediately, and keep in touch.” Thranduil said before embracing his favourite son. “Aye Ada. I will miss you all. Oooh I cant wait. Rivendell sounds great. Well bye” Legolas said before mounting his steed. The company set off at a relatively steady pace, but as soon as they had passed the palace borders, Legolas said “who wants a race?” and without waiting for a response, he rode off. Gearon was on his tail, closely followed by Fien then Junier. Thasad and Ianon called to Legolas to stop, but he just shouted back “NO!” Soon, Fien agreed that they should stop and told Legolas so. After five minutes arguing his case, Legolas finally gave in and stopped. “Legolas,” said Thasad “we are still Many days from Rivendell. We should not exhaust the horses before the journey has even begun. It would not be wise.” But Legolas wasn’t paying attention “I’m hungry” he said, absently playing with one of his braids Ianon leapt down from his horse. He quickly gathered up some dried wood and lit a fire. Next, he went through one of the bags that his horse was carrying and pulled out a large piece of salted meat. He put it on a spit and began turning it. Legolas watched all this with fascination before “Oooh, let me do it, let me do it!” he said. Ianon shook his head. “Why not?” he whined “It is too dangerous Legolas. The metal gets very hot. You could burn yourself” Thasad said. “I wasn’t asking *you*, I was asking him!” Legolas said scathingly. He was beginning to get angry. “Ianon cannot speak. And Orc cut out his tongue.” Thasad replied. “Fine. As prince of Mirkwood, I order you to let me do it. NOW!” Legolas said. Junier tutted, but Gearon and Fien were giggling. Thasad nodded at Ianon who moved out of the way so that Legolas could turn the spit. After about five minutes or so had passed, Legolas was beginning to get bored. “Is it done yet?” he moaned before “OUCH!!!!! Shit, shit, shit, shit, and shit” he said, cradling his newly burned hand between his legs. Ianon instantly took the water from his flask and poured it over Legolas’ hand before wrapping it in bandages. Junier, Fien and Gearon stood there looking at Legolas in admiration. They had never before heard him swear. As soon as most of the pain had gone from Legolas’ hand, he looked at the meat. It looked like it was done, but when he inquired about it, Thasad told him it still had about half and hour left. Legolas took a Lembas bread from his bag and ate it hungrily. That night, Legolas awoke. Ianon was on watch and didn’t stop him from getting up, but when Legolas intended to walk of alone, Ianon grabbed his arm. “Let go of me! I need to *ahem* relieve myself.” He said. Ianon nodded. Soon after, Legolas arrived back, but he was holding a handful of leaves. He bent down and crumbled them up in his hand. Soon, the leaves had been crumbled so finely that they turned into a thick dye. Using his finger, he wrote the words ‘Legolas Rulez’ on the foreheads of each of his three friends. Before going back to bed. Ianon chuckled to himself. The next six days were uneventful. Junier, Fien and Gearon had all laughed when they had discovered Legolas’ deed, but had waited to get their revenge. It happened two days away from Rivendell and on the seventh day from Mirkwood. The company had come upon a small lake and had decided to bathe. Legolas was the first in, and when he wasn’t looking, they hid his clothes. When they finally arrived in Rivendell, Legolas took a look around, hoping to see Arwen. She was nowhere in sight. Chapter three: At the council Legolas spent a few days mourning the loss of Arwen. She wasn’t dead, but she was no longer a virgin and had little or no time for Legolas anymore. She spent most of her time with some *human* and he knew that he was the cause of the change in Arwen. Whenever Legolas saw the cause of Arwen’s alteration, he would always make crude remarks, such as ‘pervert’, ‘Corruptor of innocence’, and the one that had annoyed the human the most ‘stupid, fucking smelly human’ within his hearing. After four days of the abuse, Arwen approached Legolas and said “Legolas, I know you do not like Aragorn, and I know why, but please just leave him alone. It was my decision. If there is anyone that you should be blaming, it is I. Please let Aragorn be. For me.” Legolas did as Arwen had asked, and prevented himself from insulting Aragorn to his face. However, he needed to know more about the Man, so he went to Elrond to do some research on the ranger and found his history very interesting. Legolas had been in Rivendell for nine days before the council was called. He sat down and avidly stared at the ranger. On one side of Legolas sat Junier, on the other Fien (Gearon was not present. It turned out that Legolas had been right and Gearon was now spending every available minute with his mother and sister, and got on quite well with his step- father) and Thasad and Ianon on each side of them. Once the council was fully assembled, Elrond began to speak. Legolas took his eyes of Aragorn to listen to Elrond. However after about three minutes talking, Legolas didn’t find the subject very interesting. He got bored and let his eyes cast around others in the council. There were elves on either side of Elrond. Two of them he recognised from his past visit, Glorfindel and Erestor. There were some new elves beside each, and Legolas followed those on the side of Erestor. Beside these elves was what Legolas thought was a child. He was not an Elf, Legolas knew that, but that didn’t stop Legolas hoping that they could be great friends, so that he had someone to mess around with. Next was Mithrandir. Legolas knew Mithrandir from his Many visits to Mirkwood. The Wizard had always found Legolas amusing and so always provided him with entertainment, such as fireworks. At the side of Mithrandir was Thasad then Junier. Legolas looked to his other side at Fien and Ianon. Ianon had a look of great distaste on his face, and Legolas knew why. Beside him sat a group of at least five Dwarves. Legolas recognised one of them, as he had seen him sixty years ago when he was a prisoner in his fathers dungeon. Gloin. The Dwarf that sat beside Gloin, Legolas assumed to be his son as the resemblance was remarkable. Beside the dwarves was a large assembly of men. Legolas knew immediately that he didn’t like them. One of them, the most important it seemed, reminded him of Aragorn. He looked very proud and Legolas noted the keen interest with which he was listening to Elrond, more so, it appeared, than anyone else in the council. At the end of the row of men was Aragorn, then another three elves and Glorfindel. “Bring forth the ring, Frodo” Legolas heard and turned his attention back to the council. He saw the child get up and realised that he wasn’t really a child, but a fully grown creature. “Ahhh, how sweet, look at how small he is, he’s tiddly. I want one.” Legolas said giggling, before turning to Fien who gave him a reproving glance. The small person placed something on a little table in the centre of the circle. “Oooh, it’s a ring. It’s very pretty. Can I have it? Please Elrond?” Legolas asked. “Legolas. Were you not listening to what lord Elrond just said. This is the great ring of power. You cannot have it.” Mithrandir told the Elf “No I wasn’t listening. Sorry Elrond, but it was just sooo boring. Why cant I have it? I’m the prince of Mirkwood, and I want it, so give it here.” The young prince replied. “Legolas, you are not having it. You may be prince of Mirkwood, but Lord Elrond is the lord of Imladris. If you are not going to listen to what is happening, why did you come?” Aragorn asked him. It was the first time that Aragorn had spoken to Legolas since his arrival in Rivendell, and not one person failed to miss the resentment in his voice. “That is none of your business *Man*. Why don’t you run of and corrupt some more innocent elves!” “LEGOLAS GREENLEAF! That is enough. If you cannot be civil, then you will leave.” Elrond told Legolas who just continued to glare at Aragorn. “So, I feel the time is now right for you to share your news” Elrond added [and maybe we can get this over with faster] he thought. “Okay.” Legolas said perking up immediately. “Well, my father wanted someone to come and tell you of and orc attack on Mirkwood.” Legolas said to Elrond “That is important how? Orc are always attacking everywhere, what makes you think that Mirkwood is any different?” asked the son of Gloin “I wasn’t talking to you, you filthy little Dwarf” Legolas spat, and much uproar followed. It took at least half an hour to calm everyone down. Everyone except Legolas and the particular Dwarf, that is. Eventually, Fien and Junier took Legolas aside. Junier walked around Legolas before beginning to speak “Legolas, I know how much you hate the dwarves, but this is going to solve nothing. You must try and calm down.” “Junier is right, Legolas. I love you as a brother, and I would not like to see you get in trouble with anyone. Even Elrond and Mithrandir seemed angry with you.” Said Fien “That’s not my problem. That Dwarf shouldn’t have stuck his nose in. I was talking to Elrond, not him.!” Legolas said, still a bit angry “Legolas, this is a council. Everyone has come here to share news. Gimli did not here the full story. From now on just ignore him. And what is this whole thing with the Man?” Fien asked “He corrupted Arwen. The last time I came here, she was like me. We did everything together, and the amount of tricks we played on the twins, but now, she is exactly like Lasithil. He did it to her.” Legolas retorted “Do you ever stop to think that maybe it was her choice? Maybe she is in love?” Junier asked, looking at Fien “With a *Man*? No.” Legolas replied spitefully “Why not, its happened before. Luthien and Beren. Elwing and Earendil.” Fien replied “Oh yeah, and its *all* in the blood line” Legolas replied sarcastically “Okay, fine. I’ll be *civil* to the Man, but I’m going to ignore the Dwarf. Now, can we return to the council?” Legolas snapped. He had had enough of a lecture from his two friends, but his father had been right, they were the only other elves who could put him in his place. When they returned, Elrond bid Legolas continue his story. “Okay. Well, the creature Gollum was brought to Mirkwood and was under the care of my brothers Lasanor and Lasithil. Well, they let the Gollum dude climb trees outside, and one night, the Orc’s came and the was this big massive fight, which of course we won because we are just so much the better than any other race (*grumbling came from the dwarves*), but Gollum’s guards were killed and he was able to escape. Personally, I think it was planned.” Legolas concluded “This is grave news indeed. How come Lasanor or Lasithil did not come?” Mithrandir asked Legolas “Oh, Lasithil wanted to come, but so did I and I didn’t want him to, so he didn’t. Ada said he didn’t have to if I didn’t want him to.” Legolas replied, and most of the council thought ‘Spoiled brat’ The council quickly moved on to other matters and once again Legolas got bored. It was only when one of the men stood up and started talking that Legolas began to listen again. He noticed the one that was talking as the proud one he had instantly disliked. By the time Legolas had caught on what was going on, Aragorn had said “You cannot wield it. None of us can. The one ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master.” At which the proud Man had replied “And what would a mere ranger know of this matter?” Legolas knew that he was more that just a ranger and instantly stood up “He is no mere ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, peverter of elvish women.” The proud Man looked around at Aragorn and said “Aragorn? So this is Isildurs heir?” at which Legolas replied “And heir to the throne of your smelly, stinking, human city” the Man glared at Legolas at which time Aragorn said ^Havo dad Legolas^. Being ordered around like this just made Legolas even angrier, and he was about to storm over and hit him when Fien and Junier grabbed his tunic and pulled him down to his seat. He didn’t hear what the proud Man had replied. “Then we have but one choice. The ring must be destroyed.” Elrond said and Legolas couldn’t help but laugh when the Dwarf said “well, what are we waiting for?” and tried to break the ring with his axe, only to fall flat on his back. Elrond told the council that the ring must be taken to Mordor and “cast into the fiery chasm from whence it came.” After a few moments silence, Legolas heard the proud Man bitching about Mordor. He sighed, stood up and said “have you heard nothing Lord Elrond just said? The ring must be destroyed” at which point the Dwarf stood up and said “and I suppose you think you’re the one to do it?” Legolas turned to him and replied, “Well, yeah actually. Better me than you anyways, you smelly midget!” but before Gimli could reply, the proud Man had said “And if we fail what then?” but Gimli quickly interrupted him “I will be dead before I see the ring in the hands of an Elf!” this simple phrase had caused Fien, Junier and even Thasad and Ianon to stand up and immediately go to Legolas’ side, although Junier and Fien had to hold Legolas back from attacking Gimli, amid cries of “you stupid little fucking son of a bitch! You’ll pay for that you fucking dickhead!” from their prince. Soon, nearly everyone at the council was involved. During the whole argument, Aragorn and Frodo had remained seated. It wasn’t until Frodo stood up and said “I will take it” twice, did the commotion calm down. Mithrandir immediately agreed to help Frodo, and Legolas was about to say “Me too” but Aragorn got there first. He gave, what Legolas thought, a pathetic speech before offering Frodo his sword. {oh no you don’t. your not going to pervert his innocence too. I’m coming} Legolas thought before approaching Frodo and saying “You cannot have my bow, as I like my bow and I want to keep it, and it would be way to big for you anyway. Actually, it would be quite funny to see you trying to shoot it; but I will go with you and help you on your journey. I am, after all, the greatest archer in middle Earth.” The Dwarf mumbled something like ‘stupid, selfish Elf’ before offering Frodo his axe. Then the proud Man also made a speech and agreed to come too. Then, unexpectedly, another of the small people rushed out from behind a bush. Nobody heard what he had said though, because Legolas had begun laughing and saying “Oooh look, another small one” and began pointing. Suddenly, another two of the creatures ran out from somewhere else, and Legolas was beside himself with laughter. Tears were in he eyes, and he only stopped when Elrond said “Nine companions. So be it. You shall be the fellowship of the ring” at which Legolas outburst “Woohoo, road trip” and one of the small people said “Right where are we going?” Over the next few days, Legolas spent time with the small people. The two that had entered the council last seemed to have a lot in common with Legolas, and over the next few days, nobody way safe from their pranks. It was especially Pippin that Legolas had liked. Chapter four: Relief for the refuge They day before they left, Legolas went to see Mithrandir. He learnt the names of the rest of the fellowship before finding his three friends. The rest of the day was spent in one of the gardens. They were all sorrowful about the next day, and Legolas was even considering not going. All the others told him that he couldn’t back down, he’d never hear the last of it from Lasithil which worked, he was determined that he would be the best person there. “I shall miss you all. Feel free to return to Mirkwood if you wish, I am sure that Thasad and Ianon no doubt will.” He said before retiring to his chambers with a “Goodnight” The next morning Legolas arose. It was still quite dark and Legolas thought it the best time to play a final prank on his friends before leaving. First he went to Junier’s room. Junier was still asleep, and Legolas added some black ink to the Blackberry juice by his bedside table. Next was Fien’s room. She was asleep too, so very quietly he put worms in her slippers in silent fits of laughter. Finally, he went to Gearon’s room. Before he even entered, he knew Gearon was asleep as he could hear the snores. Legolas crept through the bedroom into the en-suite bathroom. He added hair dye into Gearon’s shampoo bottle, knowing that Gearon bathed every morning without fail if there was a bath available. Legolas returned to his room and began to prepare for the coming day, and after an hour, he was eagerly awaiting a scream from Fien, and before long, “AAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” the scream was loud enough to rouse the whole refuge. Legolas ran to Fien’s room smirking, and by the time he arrived there were already Many people crowded around, including all the members of the fellowship except Gandalf and Aragorn. “Legolas you bastard!” Fien screamed the moment she saw the prince “I know it was you! I’ll kill you for this!” Legolas began to laugh heavily which only made Fien angrier. “Fien, calm down. What has he done? How do you know he did it?” Junier asked “He put worms in my slippers. I know it was him because he’s the only person thick enough to do something like this!” Legolas looked up “Hey, it was only a bit of fun.” He had stopped laughing now and looked deeply insulted “Oh I’m so gonna kill….. Junier, what’s up with your teeth?” Fien replied and Legolas’ attention was taken to his other friend. He saw that his trick had worked, the ink had turned Junier’s teeth black the moment that Junier had drank his blackberry juice. Once again Legolas burst onto fits of laughter and Junier looked in a mirror and began to get angry too “Legolas! Why the hell did you do this? Are you really that desperate to visit Mandos?” Junier demanded and the members of the fellowship (with the exception of Pippin) were all scowling as everyone else was laughing at the situation; they knew that they would have to put up with such immature, stupid behaviour from the Elf for quite a long time. Legolas was crying with laughter, as were Many of the spectators when suddenly a door burst open at the other end of the corridor, “LEGOLAS!!!” everyone turned round to see Gearon storming down the hallway with a towel wrapped around his head. He looked murderous. “You….you….you fucking asshole! How could you? I’m going to slaughter you!” with that he pounced on the prince, and the two began to fight. Legolas had been expecting this, he knew how much his friend loved his hair. They had always had a fight when one of them had played a prank on the other which involved hair as both thought it their best feature and was very protective. At his first opportunity Legolas pulled of Gearon’s towel and everyone gasped as they saw that his hair was bright green. Junier and Fien encouraged Gearon, but Many of the audience, once recovered from shock, dived in to pull the two apart. It was evident from Gimli’s face that he had enjoyed watching the elves fight, and only Merry, Sam and Pippin showed any sign of concern for Legolas. Frodo and Boromir were wearing looks that clearly said ‘he deserved what he got’ It took ages to calm Gearon down, and during that time Elladan and Elrohir had arrived. They had taken Legolas to his room and nicely asked him sit down. He did as they had asked. “Legolas, our father has asked us to have a word with you before you set of this morning.” Elladan told him “He apologises that he couldn’t be here himself, but he is having final words with Mithrandir and Aragorn (Legolas snorted) before they leave.” Elrohir added. “It is mainly about Estel, sorry, Aragorn that we…” Elladan began but was interrupted by Legolas “Estel? Estel? You call him hope? What hope can that *Man* offer? He brings hope to none. You have seen what he did to your sister. How can you even allow him to visit this place?” Legolas spat. The twins were amazed at how quickly his mood had changed. “Legolas, we grew up with Aragorn. He is our foster brother. Arwen consented. It was her choice.” Elrohir told him “Your foster brother? So that makes him Arwen’s foster brother too? Does that mean that he caused Arwen to take part in non-biological incest? Eeeeeeeeeeewww!” Legolas said disgusted. “No, *non-biological* sex. It can’t be incest unless they are directly related.” Elladan corrected him “As we were saying, Ada wishes us to speak to you about Aragorn. He says you are to be respectful to him at all times.” Elrohir said, quickly changing the subject. His sister and step-brother had always been a bit awkward for him too. “He shall be leading the group with Mithrandir. Your co-operation is this matter would be greatly appreciated.” Elladan added “WHAT!?! Aragorn is leading us. NO WAY! I will be civil to him, but I will only do as Mithrandir asks.” Legolas retorted “Okay fine. But remember, you are to be the eyes and the ears of the Fellowship.” Said Elrohir “And above all, you must protect the ring bearer, the Halfling Frodo” put in Elladan “And NOT try to take the ring.” Elrohir finished, and before Legolas even had a chance to reply they quickly exited the room. When the bell rang, Legolas quickly gathered his stuff and went to the porch. He was still in a foul mood, and didn’t even try to hide it. Legolas was pleased to see that his friends (even Gearon who was never one to hold a grudge) had come to see him off and instantly became perky. Soon Elrond arrived, closely followed by Gandalf and Aragorn. Legolas didn’t really pay much attention to what Elrond was saying and began to fidget, a sign of his boredom that the whole of the fellowship would soon recognise. Before they left, Legolas gave his three friends hugs. Once the company had left Rivendell, most of the inhabitants gave a sigh of relief. Legolas had finally left and would be away for a while. Rivendell did have many young, innocent elves, but none of them were as spoilt or as unruly as Legolas. The refuge was finally in peace. Chapter five: The elf and the ranger The company had been travelling for about ten-fifteen minutes in no particular order when Aragorn looked around from the front, “Legolas, go to the back and act as rearguard.” He told the prince. The whole company stopped abruptly. They could all tell that the ranger had instantly made a mistake. “Wait a minute…you what…you didn’t.” Legolas turned to Pippin “He didn’t just tell me what to do did he? (*Pippin nodded slightly with apprehension*) How about no! You want someone at the back, you fucking do it.” “Legolas, go to the back and act as rearguard, and watch you language.” Gandalf said, eager to avoid confrontation between the two so early in the journey “Certainly Mithrandir.” Legolas said, once again his temper instantly changing, and went to the back “But why should I watch my language?” “Because if you don’t, I will tell your father the next time I see him. You know how he disapproves of foul language.” Gandalf added and the rest of the company sniggered. Pippin joined Legolas at the back. Legolas was glad of this for he enjoyed talking to the young Hobbit. “Legolas, how come you don’t like Aragorn?” Pippin asked. The question surprised Legolas, but he answered tactlessly “Do you know what sex is Pippin?” “Course I do. I happen to be very good at it, or so I’ve been told (he cast a quick glance at Merry. Legolas did not see this). But what’s that got to do with you and Aragorn…wait a minute…you and Aragorn were..” Pippin said, conclusion forming in his head “Eeeeeeeeeeewww! No!!! how could you think that, that’s just sick. Eeeeeeeeeeewww!” Legolas said, and Pippin instantly knew that he had offended his friend “I’m sorry Legolas, I was jumping to conclusions. My mistake.” “Yeah, well its still sick. Anyway, with elves the loss of virginity is a very important event. Did you see how serious the sons of Elrond were? (Pippin nodded) well, that’s what happens when an Elf first has sex, they become serious and *really* boring, but when they’re still virgins, they’re so like totally not serious, like me. I still haven’t had sex, I don’t really want it, I might end up like Lasithil – my second eldest brother – and besides, I like doing what I want. When I get laid, I’ll have to take responsibility for what I do. Plus my father forbids me. He likes and appreciates my innocence and never wants me to change” Legolas explained “Really, I never knew that. Frodo might’ve but I didn’t. I find it hard to believe that such a good looking Elf like yourself has never been laid (Legolas started laughing and Aragorn looked back and glared. “What are you looking at?” Legolas snapped at the Ranger “I dunno, the labels gone missing!” Aragorn answered sarcastically, but Legolas scathingly replied “oh yeah, I forgot, your sooo thick that you need things labelled for you, all though I doubt you’d be able to read them” “That’s enough you two!” Gandalf interrupted and they stopped. Aragorn went back to talking to Gandalf. Legolas retuned to Pippin) Okay then. So what has any of that got to do with Aragorn?” Pippin asked “Well, did you notice that Arwen was as serious as her father? (Pippin nodded) Last time I was in Rivendell, Arwen was just like me. She obviously got laid. It wouldn’t be so bad if it had been with another Elf, not some damn dirty human.” Legolas finished and started muttering to himself. Pippin decided to drop the subject. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The company were eight days set out from Rivendell. Legolas was still the rearguard, and Aragorn was still in the lead with Gandalf. Not only were the other members of the company very well accustomed to the fidgetiness of Legolas when he was bored (every time they had a rest), the other members of the company began to get really fed up as they had to constantly listen to little malicious remarks between the two. Evidently, now that Aragorn was away from Arwen he had no problems with retaliating to the Elf, although he was beginning to tire of the constant glares he could feel on himself from behind. “Gandalf, I must speak with you about the Elf,” he said “Come now Aragorn, surely you are mature enough to call him by his name. What is it you wish to say?” the wizard replied “Yes, my apologies. I wish to know why the El…. Legolas hates me so. I know that it is because of the relationship between Arwen and myself, but there also seems to be some stronger hatred behind that. I may be wrong, but I sense it.” the ranger said “Yes, you are right on both accounts Aragorn; however it is all to do with Arwen. Yes, he hates you for corrupting his friend. The last time he went to Rivendell, I too was there. It was nigh on a century ago and you were not even a thought crossing your fathers mind. Legolas came with his father, Thranduil. It was the furthest away he had been from home. In fact, it was the first time he had even left the security of the palace. They arrived and he seemed so excited, so full of energy, very boisterous; very much like he is now. At the time, Arwen too, was still a virgin, and just as boisterous as Legolas so as you can imagine they got on really well. So well in fact, that everyone expected that eventually the two would wed, or at least lose their virginities before Legolas departed” answered Gandalf “They were in love?” asked Aragorn “Yes, or so we believe. Legolas no doubt was, but Thranduil did not expect it. They hastily left Rivendell, much to the displeasure of Legolas, for Thranduil adores the innocence which Legolas possess. I believe that most of his hatred stemmed from his jealousy. In his heart, I think Legolas is still in love with Arwen.” Gandalf concluded. Another three days passed and still Aragorn and Legolas would insult each other. On the eleventh night set out from Rivendell, the company had set up camp. Aragorn was on watch, and all the others were asleep save Legolas. After about an hour just lying on the ground staring at the stars, Legolas stood up. [I cannot sleep tonight. I shall take watch, but first I need to dump] he thought. He walked past Aragorn who instantly said “where are you going?” at which the elf replied “Where do you think?” and walked off. After a while he returned and as soon as he was in hearing distance of Aragorn, the ranger said suspiciously “you were gone long. Too long. Whatever it is you are concocting, forget it!” At which Legolas’ reply was “for your information *man* I went for a nice long shit. I’m sure that if you take a very big sniff you might be able to smell it.” highly affronted, Aragorn replied “Watch your language you fucking pussy, otherwise I might have to report it to your poor, stupid daddy” at which he began to chuckle. He did not expect such a remark in retaliation when Legolas said “I would say the same to you but, oh no, wait a minute, that’s right, *you* don’t have a dad, or a mum. That makes you a poor ickle orphan. I’m curious *Aragorn*, tell me, if you didn’t grow up with your parents, then how come you still smell like you just crawled out from their shit-hole of a home?” That was enough to push Aragorn over the edge. He walked across to Legolas and whacked him around the face. Legolas hit him back then kicked him in the stomach. Aragorn fell and landed on his back. From the ground, he kicked Legolas’ knees and Legolas instantly dropped. They began to scuffle and roll around on the floor, all weapons forgotten, and soon were in the encampment. Before long they had rolled over every member in the camp, and all save Gimli woke up. Once they realised what was going on, they immediately tried to separate Aragorn and Legolas, amid shouts of “Take that back you Elfish bastard” and “Never! You are a filthy, stinking, ugly, thick, stupid human with really bad breath and terrible hair! You deserve what you got” and the occasional “OUCH!” from both. Merry, Pippin and Boromir grabbed hold of Legolas, while Frodo, Sam and Gandalf took Aragorn (Gimli was still sleeping). It took all of their might to separate the two, but eventually it was done. “Aragorn, I expected better of you!” Gandalf told the ranger once he had began to calm down, Frodo and Sam still hold on to each of his arms for safety. “Legolas please stop struggling” Merry asked the elf, releasing his arm “Yeah, Legolas please don’t start fighting again” Pippin begged following suit “The little ones are right Legolas, you must calm down” Boromir said, loosening his grip on the Elf’s shoulders “Let go of me *Man*. I do not take orders from you!” Legolas snarled and stamped on Boromir’s foot. Boromir released his grip for a few moments in which Legolas pushed him aside and once again ran at Aragorn, his usually quick to change temperament and not yet been subdued. “LEGOLAS GREENLEAF!” Gandalf shouted, standing in front of Aragorn. The drop in temperature was so sudden that it even awoke Gimli (“Huh, Where am I? What’s going on?”) “YOU WILL CALM DOWN.” He ordered “I do not wish to know how this event took place” he said, speaking to both the Elf and the ranger “but it will not happen again. We are all sick and tired of all this bitchiness between you two. If you cannot even talk to each other with civil tongues, do not talk to each other at all. Do not even look at each other. From now on, Aragorn, you are rearguard and Legolas, you walk up front with me.” The other members of the company gave a huge sigh of relief that they would no longer hear the little tiffs between the two. “Okay.” Said Legolas good-naturedly and he began to hum. “I’ll go on watch for the rest of the night shall I?” his mood had clearly changed. Pippin looked at Merry who just shrugged. “No Legolas, that will not be necessary, I do not think that any of us could get back to sleep now anyway, except maybe Gimli (Who had just sat up in his bedroll). We will continue on, for now.” Gandalf told him. Chapter six: Among boulders and mountains “We will take the passage south for forty days, if our luck holds, the Gap of Rohan will still be open to us.” Gandalf told the others. They came to a peak surrounded with boulders. “Gandalf, would this not be the best place for a rest? I only ask as the hobbits seem to be becoming weary. It is already past midday and we have been travelling since the middle of the night.” Aragorn asked the wizard, and true enough Sam and Frodo were leaning on each other for support, Merry was holding the hand of Legolas in order to keep up, and Pippin was clinging on to the Elf’s back. He had been there for at least and hour, yet Legolas showed no sign of becoming weary. “You are right Aragorn, we will rest.” The wizard said. They all laid down to rest, save Boromir who was on watch. When much of their strength had been recuperated, they began to stir. “What use are swords if we don’t know how to properly use them?” Merry asked Pippin “I know how to use mine” Pippin replied. “Not *that* sword Pip” Merry mutter quietly. The only other person to hear this was Legolas due to his keen sense of hearing. To him, it only confirmed something he had already guessed from the crude whisperings of the two that only he could hear. “Why don’t we get someone to teach us?” asked Pippin “Legolas perhaps. Maybe he could even teach us archery.” Legolas giggled. He was the only one listening to the conversation between the hobbits, and had just imagined Pippin trying to hold and shoot a bow that was three time too big for him. “Yes, but I do not think it should be Legolas. He is very skilled with his daggers no doubt, but he does not carry a sword. He may be good at wielding one, but I think maybe we should ask someone who uses a sword more often, such as Strider, or Boromir.” Merry replied. “Great idea Merry. You ask Strider, I’ll ask Boromir. He seems to have taken much interest in Frodo, maybe he will with us too.” Pippin told his friend. Both men had agreed to help the hobbits. They decided that the best was to learn was to fight against one of the men (in this case Boromir), and the other man (Aragorn) would instruct them on footwork and movement. Sam had already lit a stove. It was the first thing he had done when he had found some energy, and now sizzling in the pan were plenty of fat sausages, egg, crispy bacon and nice, juicy tomato’s. He took a plateful to Frodo who seemed grateful. Gandalf sat on one of the boulders. He had taken his hat of and had lit a pipe. He told Legolas to scan the surrounding area to ensure that they were in no immediate danger. This he did instantaneously, as though it was his privilege. He then heard Gimli say “If anyone was asking my opinion, which I note they’re not, I’d say we were taking the long way round.” [Oh no, not again] thought Legolas [the Mines of Moria. We hear about those bloody Mines everyday. Why cant that stupid dwarf just drop it?] And sure enough; “We could pass through the Mines of Moria. My cousin Balin would give us a royal welcome” Legolas sighed. There was nothing wrong and no imminent danger following them from the way which they had just come. He skipped across to the other side of the group of boulders. He looked out but could see nothing wrong. He turned his attention to the sky. “Oooh, how pretty. What a nice pattern.” He said, referring to a dark patch in the sky. The rest of the company focused their attention on what he was seeing. “What is that?” asked Sam “Nothing, just a whiff of cloud” Gimli replied “It’s moving fast, against the wing.” Added Boromir. “Loads and loads of pretty, black birds.” Legolas said “Crebain from Dunland!” Shouted Aragorn “Everybody down!” ordered Gandalf. Every except Legolas went in to hiding. The Elf just stood there, looking at the birds before saying “I want one!” and jumping up and down on the spot, waving his arms around and shouting to the birds “Yoohoo, over here, come here. Come on come here.” “Boromir! Get him down, quickly!” Gandalf instructed the man who instantly jumped out from his hiding place and grabbed the Elf. Legolas was very resilient and put up much of a fight. He was determined to get a bird. “Aragorn, help Boromir. Legolas must be hid. If possible, gag him too.” Gandalf said to the ranger. Aragorn sprang from his hiding place and grabbed the Elf’s arms, instructing Boromir to do so with his legs. The carried Legolas under a thick patch of brambles beside one of the boulders, amid much shouting and swearing “Boromir, gag him.” Aragorn told the man as he prepared to straddle Legolas to keep him still. Soon, the Crebain were overhead. After the whole ordeal was over, Legolas was in a foul mood. It was the longest that any of them had known him to stay in any particular mood. Pippin was also wary of him. Soon they were climbing up the side of a mountain ‘Great Caradhras’ Legolas mood began to rise. He could see that all the others were plainly cold and he could not feel the temperature. He chuckled to himself. He also noticed the others were having trouble walking in the snow, especially the men who had a hobbit under each arm, and he could easily just walk on top of it. He raced to the end of a ledge in wait for the others. “Hurry Up!” he shouted and heard and echo. Echo’s had always fascinated him. “Woooooooooooo” he shouted and heard himself reply many times more. ‘Wooooooooooo, Woooooooooo, Woooooooo, Wooooooo, Woooooo.’ “Legolas stop it. you’ll cause a landslide!” Aragorn instructed the prince, and at once everyone knew that a mistake had been made. Merry and Pippin began to tremble and Boromir’s arms. Boromir was hold on to the hobbits as if trying to strangle them. Frodo and Sam were trying their hardest to free themselves from the grip of Aragorn who didn’t seem to notice. Gimli was sighing, tuttting and mumbling to himself and Gandalf was unsure what to do, looking weary and praying to the Valar. Legolas newly improved mood quickly changed to pure anger. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” he screamed out of pure spite and intended to lunge at the man. The noise caused a sudden avalanche above the fellowship, and soon they were all covered in thick layers of snow and there was no movement on the mountain. TBC