Title: Of Men and Freedom

Author: Lennon (Lamnidae@gmx.at)
Pairing: Faramir/Legolas
Rating: NC17

Summary: After Boromir's death Faramir suffers of the knowledge that he 
has to fulfill a duty he is not ready for. Especially not since he has finally 
admitted his love to Legolas.

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, they were all invented 
by J.R.R. Tolkien. The poem is strongly inspired by "Under your spell" by 
Joss Wheddon

Note: It's late at night and I'm somewhat in an emotional disorder. Please 
don't pick on the mistakes.

Dadication: Finally it's ready. This story was  written completely 
for my "Lieblingsschwester" Mareike. I love you, and I want you 
to know that.




***Our horses rushed over the grass as if hunted by orcs, Legolas and I 
watched each other and laughed loudly. His face was so full of joy and 
love, had we not been riding that fast I'd have leaned over to kiss him. 
We flew towards Mirkwood and we didn't care whether the whole army of 
Rohan was after us or not.***

By this time I should have been married and in the arms of my wife, but 
his smile had guaranteed this would never happen. My beloved elf, how 
mad was I, Faramir, son of Gondor, to follow him and to leave behind all 
that had once been my life? He rode ahead now and I started to relax, 
my mind falling back into the memories of what had happened.

I know that I awoke in the house of healings, they told me, my father 
had killed himself , they told me he had tried to kill me, too. I guess, it 
was that very moment, all the denied feelings inside myself floated my 
body and mind so that I just started to cry, not at all caring who was 
standing around me. Maybe it was time to stop pretending nothing could 
ever hurt me. 

One day, he came to pull me out of my  resignation.  As usually, I was 
glancing senselessly at the wall when suddenly I felt a warm hand on my 
shoulder. "Lord Faramir, will you let me share company?" Those eyes, 
those wonderful, wonderful blue eyes, they were completely fixed on me. 
Legolas has the incredible gift to watch you with all his attention. When 
he looks at me like that I feel like the center of his world, at least for that 
one moment, when no word is spoken yet. "If it pleases you, prince of 
Mirkwood, I shall not try to keep you away from anything". He sat down 
right beside me, his hand still lying on my shoulder and I felt .... like I 
had to embrace him and weep until there'd be no more water in my body 
and my soul could finally break free. " There's so much pain in your face, 
it hurts me to see this, for the battle is won and we might even win the 
war." " If you want to dance and sing on a party, like it's elven custom, 
don't let me be your reason to do otherwise." "I didn't mean to insult 
you, friend, I just did not know how to begin this coversation. Seemingly, 
I chose the wrong way." He smiled and I returned the gesture instictivly.

Legolas.... to me, it seems like centuries since we first met, for him, it's 
just seconds.
I was still a child, but felt very much like a man, for at the age of eleven, 
every Gondorian learns how to handle his sword and I was already 
twelve. That was the first time I saw a real elf, so I must have looked like 
a complete idiot, so much was I astonished by his beauty.  I had never 
thought a man could be that beautiful. His face shone in a way no flame 
can arrive at. Suddenly a voice kept telling me that I had to meet this 
man and make him a friend, or otherwise I'd miss something very 
important in my life for I felt either him or nobody would ever understand 
me. Of course, he was an elf, no ordinary man as I should learn quite 
quickly, but he really did want to be my friend, in spite of my youth and 
strange behavior.

I've always been somewhat ... different than the other children, I was for 
instance not really good at sports. True, I could ride very well, but the 
Gondorians are no knights, meaning they don't use horses for battle 
regularly, only in very few cases. Gondorians trust their own feet rather 
than strange creatures, this they absolutely have in common with the 
dwarfs. Anyway, the time I wasn't riding I spent reading in the great 
libraries. That I often did  together with my older brother, Boromir, so 
that we were called "the intellectuals". In most other aspects ,Boromir 
was different from me; he had always been strong and defeated all the 
youths of his age in training battles. Moreover, he was both highly 
intelligent and practical at one time, which I never was. When I was 
young I thought my brother could do everything, and better than the 
usual human being: fighting, riding, organizing the supplies, playing 
tactical games (often enough he even defeated our father), welcomming 
guests, dancing at the parties held for them, flirting with women, etc.

Today I know of course, this wasn't true. My brother had not been able 
to do everything. He had never been a brillant singer.

I for my part was the younger son. I was a dreamer, I wrote poetry that 
was never published and spent my time with the animals we had in and 
around the white city. Though I did have friends, I had never been too 
fond of other humans around me. Small wonder, I fell in love with an elf. 

Of course, I didn't recognize my feelings when I was that young, I just 
sought his friendship for he shared my interests and was as fond of 
nature and its secrets as I was. He taught me to see miracles in the 
simpelst events, as dusk or dawn. We could spend whole nights watching 
the stars and telling stories. I could not get enough of the things he told 
about his life. Unfortunately, he left too soon and I had to start 
assimilating to the others of my age. Only the memory of him helped me 
not to forget my real identity.

He returned when I was fifteen and suddenly I realized that world ended 
each time he finished our embraces between friends.  I never dared 
telling him as I feared the disgust in his eyes.

But I wrote poetry for him. So many, many words written but never 
spoken. I burned them when Boromir's death was prononced because I 
knew, from now on my life would be different.  I'd become steward of 
Gondor and thus my time of dreaming was over.
Only one text I can still remember, it was my favourite. 


"I lived my life in shadows, never the sun on my face, 
it didn't seem so sad though, I figured that was my place 
now I'm bathed in light, something just isn't right, 
I'm under your spell how else could it be, 
anyone would notice me 
It's magic I can tell, how you set me free, brought me out so easily

I saw our world enchanted , spirits and charms in the air, 
I always took for granted, I was the only one there, 
but your power shone, 
brighter than any I've known 
I'm under your spell nothing I can do, you  just took my soul with you 
you worked your charm so well, finally I knew everything I dremed was 
true 
you make me complete

When my battle starts, 
I'll have you in heart, 
I`m under your spell searching for the sea trying for eternity
 and in the nights I dream I was lost in ecstacy, spread beneath my 
greenleafed tree,
you made me complete."


"What did you say?" Legolas watched me intensely, I thought he had 
been asleep, and I thought I hadn't spoken the words out loudly. Both 
prooved to be wrong. Five years too late had I thus admitted my love to 
my fair elf.

My wounds hurt again, I was dizzy. I didn't say anything.

Neither did Legolas, but he stroked my hand, then my face and finally he 
kissed me. I'll never forget this kiss. So very gentle first and then... 
demanding as his tongue found mine and played with it until I moaned  
and slung my arms around his neck. The warmth of his body made me 
shiver and I started to imagine what it'd be like to touch the soft skin of 
his muscular body. My hands acted without my consciousness as they 
slowly rubbed his back and then found their way under his tunic. The 
moment I felt him like that, Legolas withdrew, placing himself in front of 
me. I was irritated, but his passionate glance told me quite clearly that he 
wanted the same as I did. 

He opened his shirt and let it fall to the floor, then he also got rid of his 
boots and trousers, so that I could not hold back an admiring "Wuh," as I 
saw him standing all naked in front of me. His torso was hairless, the skin 
white like cream. To me, he seemed like a perfect statue, slender, but 
strong, graceful like a cat. "Nothing lets the body feel so much alive as 
the body does." He said with a smile, while tenderly taking away my 
clothes. "Do your wounds still hurt?" "No."  My voice had become very 
rough and suddenly I was extremely insecure about what to do next. 
"Neverthless, I want you to lay back and be comforted...."

Then, before I could convince my brain of thinking clearly again, I felt his 
lips on my neck and reason left me completely. Legolas was lying on top 
of me, his hands and lips exploring the whole of my body, as if it was an 
exquisite piece of art. And suddenly I felt  beautiful. The fact that he, the 
most beautiful creature I've ever seen wanted me made me feel worthy.

As he began sucking one of my nipples I softly whispered his name and 
tried to pull him even nearer to my body. Never had I touched such soft 
skin, I longed to taste him and so I kissed his bare shoulders, feeling 
happiness rush through my body. Meanwhile, his hands had wandered 
down further and I felt his fingers softly stroking my member. The calm 
stream of happiness grew to a river and with it grew my moaning. "Do 
you want me to continue?" Needed he to ask? I just took his head and 
kissed him once more, until his stroking became more intense and I had 
to draw back, gasping for air. I thought nothing could ever be better than 
this and felt my hardened penis was close to explode. But Legolas has 
many skills and so when he instantly took me into his mouth I went mad 
completely, burrying my hands in his golden hair and begging for relief. 
His tounge licked me quicker and quicker, the experience was so 
incredible and so new for me, that it needed only minutes until I 
collapsed and spent myself into Legolas mouth. Then we just lay there, 
his blond head was lying on my belly and I remember how I caressed his 
neck and hair before I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

When I awoke I first thought nothing of what had happened was true, for 
Legolas was no longer there and the blankets we had thrown off the bed 
covered my body as usual. But then a door opened and I saw a light 
figure carefully approaching  the bed. In his hands, he had two cups of 
tea. I pretended still being asleep and was rewarded, as he softly kissed 
my lips in order to wake me up. "Good morning, love". I couldn't say 
anything, for being overwhelmed by my feelings. I just looked at him in 
admiration. "Has ever anybody loved someone else as much as I do?" 
"Yes." He smiled again. "Me." And then he kissed me once more.

After our first lovemaking, it needed only days until I was able to walk 
again. We used the time for riding, what a feeling to fly next to the 
person you love. Incredible. But as usual I overestimated my strength, so 
one day, when my horse got scared, I just slipped and found myself 
down on the naked grass.

Legolas was worried first, but laughed about my riding skills as he saw I 
wasn't hurt badly.
Suddenly I started crying and Legolas jumped down his horse. "Faramir, 
baby, what's up with you?" I didn't know what to answer. Not until I lay 
safe in his arms. "It's because of Boromir." He looked very sad." You 
never really stopped thinking about him, did you?" "No. And just now, I 
remembered him so very strongly. As children we often set out to ride, 
and once, we were riding together with a beautiful girl Boromir had a 
crush on. The two of them were riding ahead, chatting. Then they started 
a loop. My horse slipped, I fell. Boromir was furious, because he had to 
let go the girl and take care of me. He didn't talk to me again that day." 

Legolas tried a reluctant smile. "The two of you had a great relationship, 
eh?" 

"No, you don't understand- he behaved just like you did. When I called 
him, he turned his horse immediately and he looked so very worried, as if 
I was the most precious thing in his life.  He loved me, Legolas. He 
always took care of me, protected me, and I ... never had the chance to 
thank him because I was jealous. What a stupid jealousy- after our 
mother had died, father became the most important person in our lives. 
We feared his rage but also did everything for his love, although we both 
knew, he loved Boromir more then me. Small wonder, I've never been 
the child he wanted. I should have been my brothers sword arm, his 
captain, the only person Boromir would trust later on. But you know how 
I was as child, Legolas. There was never much hope I'd ever become 
something useful." My elf smiled again and streched himself out next to 
me on the soft sand. "Tell me more about Boromir and you. I realize how 
much I still have to learn about my lover." 

"Boromir was the brave one.  You should have seen how he took care of 
me after our mother's death. So often I cried at nights because I was to 
young to really understand she'd never come back and I just couldn't 
accept her absence. But then my brother asked me to come over to his 
bed, he took me into his arms and told me stories until I could finally fall 
asleep. He was only ten or eleven, but he behaved more adult than our 
father. Without him, I wouldn't have managed to get through these 
times.  I loved him so deeply when I was a child and then threw it away 
during my youth. I tried to measure up with him, not understanding that 
my skills were of a different sort. I didn't accept that. I kept on struggling 
with myself until I became finally captain. Then he set off. We had just 
become friends after the long time of competition. But I didn't tell him 
how important he really was for me and I will never forgive myself for 
having let him go." 

Legolas took me into his arms, saying nothing for a while. I couldn't cry 
though. Just felt the hole inside me and wondered whether it could ever 
be filled again. "His death is not your fault, my love." "I know. But it's my 
fault he left without his brother's love." "Don't you think he knew, or 
knows now?" "I don't believe in a life after death. I believe in the things 
we do here and now. And when those are not the right ones, then our 
lives have been useless." Legolas seemed confused, for he was immortal 
and could not understand my worries, bacause even if elves die, their 
families and friends can feel the presence of their spirits in nature, so for 
them, the importance of living each moment as if it was the last one is 
hardly understandable.

So we just kept on sitting there and after a while rode home in silence....



***The suddenly returning memory of Eomer demanding my head made 
my mind return to reality again.  The knights were still far behind us, 
Legolas claimed he could see the dusk they eveilled. I for my part didn't 
see anything but was worried, after all. We had planned to find refuge in 
Mirkwood, but a small smirk around Legolas mouth showed me, that my 
prince was not completely convinced of his father's helpfulness. The next 
time we took one of our five minutes rests, I kissed him short but 
passionately and told him not to worry. "This is just about the two of us, 
and where ever we'll have to go, it's no prblem, for we're together, 
right?" He smiled. "Right." And that moment I knew my words were 
true.***



I had not always been so sure,  not when Legolas had returned to war 
and I, though having been able to ride again had been forced to stay 
back in Gondor by Aragorn and the rest of those bloody healers. Then 
doubts came to my mind. A relationship with a male elf? A bad joke, 
really. Boromir would have never done anything that stupid. And wasn't I 
supposed to take over Boromir's place? I was the new steward of Gondor 
and as Aragorn had already told me, my duties wold not be finished after 
the return of the king. 

That was the time I met Eowyn, the beautiful princess of Rohan, who 
was also bound to the house of healings and who understood my inner 
torment more than anyone else, for she, too faced a life she did not seek 
at all. I admired her, her grace and open heart, her skill of speech and 
her bright eyes, that used to have that sad, longing expression. I had 
always thought this was because of Aragorn but then figured out, maybe 
it was because of me. Her ways of watching me, small phrases and 
compliments, gestures that showed she had a strong affection towards 
me. After the thought had been figured out clearly in my head. I decided 
to ask her. She admitted her feelings but knew about Legolas and me, 
so...

I knew I was attracted by her, too. She seemed to be that very bit more 
than a friend that made me embrace her seconds longer then necessary. 
After all, I wouldn't have done what I did had it not been the only way to 
fulfill my task, the heritage I was born into and after all finding at least a 
little happiness. I knew my heart was promised to another, but she 
excited me and showed me a way to finally do the right thing after all my 
failures before. That's why one night I kissed her. When the army 
returned, we were engaged .


***Eowyn. Even the thought of her name made my enthusiasm fade 
away. What had I done? How could I ever forgive myself?***


It was the day of our wedding. I had seen Legolas only once after victory 
hed been declared. Somehow I managed to tell him why it coldn't be. He 
just left without another word. Seven days later Eowyn and I stood 
infront of king Elessar and his wife Arwen, head bowed, my thoughts full 
of the way the silken robe made her mor fair then ever.

The king began the ceremony with the traditional words " Before thouse 
two be bound for the rest of their lives, is there anyone who disagrees 
with their choice?  Silence for five seconds. Then a clear voice saying: "I 
do." I turned ma head. Legolas had just entered the great hall, waering 
his normal riding suit, hair open, eyes determined, the most wonderful 
smile on his mouth. Aragorn gasped for air. "Legolas, what ba the 
Valar..?"

"It's me. And I'm ready to go. I'm ready to leave, for I love you so."

I became dizzy, almost fell to the floor and suddenly I realized, this was 
meant for ever. If I continued, those lips would never be on mine again. 
His gaze found mine and his eyes seemed like the sea calling for me. 

And then I ran. Ran out of the hall, just after him. To my surprise, Arrod 
and Hasufell were already standing infront of the gate, prepared for a 
longer journey."

I looked at him in amazement. " You really did plan this, didn't you." He 
just smiled and climbed Arrod. Seconds later we had left the city, hearing 
Eomer cursing my bloody ass.


***I did the right and the wrong at one time. I saved Eowyn from a life 
with a husband who is devoted to someone else, but also broke her heart 
because of my attempt to be stronger then my dreams and finally be the 
son Denethor had wanted.***

***Feeling the ectasy of the swift ride I could finally see clearly. I am not 
the hero in this story. But that is because I'm human and young and 
hungry for happiness. Hungry for life. Maybe I'm doomed to always do 
the wrong thing until I finally break down.  Boromir died because he gave 
in to his temptation. If this is my destiny, too, at least, I will die in his 
arms.***



FIN