Title: Burning To Shadow
Author: Camilla
E-mail:Verdandeurdarbrunn@hotmail.com
Rating:NC-17
Pairing: Legolas/Haldir (Aragorn/Haldir implied)
Summary: The Ring did one good thing.
Disclaimers: Not mine. No money made.
Archive: List;yes, other;ask.
Notes: Picks up the thread about two hours after the end of All About 
You (but is *very* different from it's big brother)
Also, this fic is completely ignoring the extended movie and the books. 
What you see in the theatrical version of FotR is all you know, ok? (I've 
used a couple of things from the book though; The Fellowship stay in Lorien 
for a while and Legolas doesn't sleep together with the rest). - And, I'm 
giving Haldir away in this one...Sorry!
Warning: Angst.
Beta'd by: Sue. Thanks! Still my hero!




I

Lord Celeborn watched the sky as night came.

Watched as the soft blackness, covered with glittering stars, chased 
the bright daylight away and rested above Lothlorien. Framing his beloved 
woods with silvery starlight and the sweet promises of the Moon.

He thought about the Fellowship and their arrival in Lorien.
But where his wife's thoughts were occupied with the implications, 
concerned with the larger canvas, the destiny of the lands - his were drifting 
towards someone dear to his heart.

He could feel it coming...It stirred in the air.

The time was now, and there was nothing the Lord could do to prevent 
it.

Not this time.

His heart was filled with unease. He had always known that it would 
happen. That it was unavoidable. But still, he wished...

The Lord closed his eyes and listened.

Through the familiar voice of the wood, the wisdom of the stars reached 
down to whisper to his heart. Mingled with the song of the earth, it created 
a different tune: There was a threat, yes. And there was a destiny. But 
also there was an expectation of joy. Of fulfillment. Of purpose made clear.

Paths that had been chosen a long time ago.

Celeborn opened his eyes with a sense of loss, yet gain. Fear mingled 
with joy. An overwhelming feeling that this was all as it should be.
There would be cause for celebration, although sorrow would lie 
therein.

****************

Legolas sat on the forest ground and let the drifting, golden leaves 
shower him with the scent and peace that was Lorien.

He needed this time alone. To regain his balance, tend his wounds.
To let the air and the earth heal his pain. The loss of Gandalf weighed heavy upon him. 
He had thought the Wizard stronger, more eternal than the Golden Woods themselves.
His death meant more than the loss of a good friend; it meant that Legolas' whole world 
was disturbed. Even if he himself were immortal, Legolas did not think Death itself 
evil. It was natural. He had seen nature reborn, the cycle of life repeat 
itself endlessly. It was how it was supposed to be! Death did not scare him, 
but never before had he witnessed a seemingly eternal being like Mithrandir 
fall. He had to have this time alone, away from the others. To muse upon it, 
think it through. If not to understand, then at least accept it, so he could 
go on. Unchanged.

He thought of how Gandalf would have loved this place, this hour, this 
night. Nature spoke so clearly. The air itself celebrated the forces of 
life. The flowers were still blooming; the trees stood tall and proud, 
singing to the stars. The grass on the forest floor shone like silver 
and the moon hung full and shining in the sky above. Like a mirror of mithril, casting 
its veil over the world. Everything made beautiful. Divine...

He rose from his seated position, deciding to go back to the camp. He 
felt stronger now. The others would need him. Need his comfort. But as he 
passed through the wood he heard the sound of something familiar; a human 
rushing through the trees. Partly alarmed, due to the haste of the person, and 
partly glad to be able to share his solitude with someone now that he 
had regained his balance. Be it Aragorn or Boromir, he did not mind. He 
moved quickly between the trunks of the trees, towards the sounds.
It was Aragorn. His face was flushed and held a wild expression. His 
fingers were busy; straightening his clothes, adjusting the silver clasps on 
his tunic. Legolas was alarmed. Surely, he thought, nobody in Lothlorien could 
have dared to assault the man...

As Aragorn passed by him without seeing, Legolas' sensitive nose caught 
the unmistakable scent of arousal. It left him standing, baffled and 
shocked, bewildered as to what to do next. Should he follow him back to the 
camp? Or, if it was so that he had been attacked in any way, should Legolas try 
to find those who had disturbed him thus? He decided on the latter course 
of action. The raw scent still haunting his mind. Maybe the man wouldn't 
want him to know.

He followed the careless track of the man back through the wood. The 
silvery moon shone on the path before him. Making it easy for his elven eyes to 
follow where Aragorn had run, or stumbled. He had not been steady on 
his path. Legolas was worried. He had never seen Aragorn behave like this.
Whatever could have happened to leave the brave, fearless man in such a 
state?

Eventually he came upon a clearing. With soundless footfalls, he 
entered it. Keeping to the shadows, out of sight. Watchful eyes searched the 
knee-high grass. What he saw there surprised him. But it didn't shock him.

He stepped out of the shadows and walked confidently towards the elf in 
front of him. A little smile played on his lips. Half amused, half 
annoyed.

"Haldir!" he said,"I should have known it was you!"

The naked elf rolled over, exposing himself to Legolas and the Moon. 
Marble skin glittering in the pale light. His hair like a river of mithril 
over his neck and shoulders.

"Legolas!" A broad smile lit up his face. " My friend!...You found me 
at last!" Legolas couldn't help but chuckle. "Welcome back to Lorien," 
Haldir continued. "We have missed you!"

" I have missed you too..."Legolas answered. "But you have to be more 
careful! I was ready to point one of my arrows to your head for 
upsetting my friend."

"Estel?" Haldir smiled. "Ah...he is guilt-ridden as always. But surely 
it will keep his mind from Mithrandir's fall... I help...in my own way..." 
Haldir stretched his long-limbed body on the elven cloak, then curled 
himself up. His eyes were warm and dark. His expression one of utter 
contentment.

Legolas sat down beside him. Legs crossed, bow and arrows in his hands.

"So you are the reason, then" Legolas said, "for the mistrust that I 
sense between him and the Evenstar of Imladris?"

His friend nodded slightly. " You should not play with him," Legolas 
said. "They are so fragile those two...And he is to be king, you know that!"

Haldir just smiled and nodded again. His fingers found a dry bud on the 
ground, he picked it up and tossed it teasingly in Legolas' direction.

"I never play!" he smiled. "When did I ever play with anyone, be it an 
elf or a man?"

Legolas laughed again, then he became serious...He played with the 
multi-colored feathers on one of his arrows. Fixed his gaze on them 
before speaking;

"What I call play, you may call a conquest," he said. "And I know you 
always think you have good reasons for what you do, even if those reasons seem 
unfair to others. But good intentions do not prevent people from 
getting hurt, Haldir."

Haldir sighed and stretched out his body again. One arm across his 
forehead while the other one fell limp to his side. His lips and nipples the 
color of ripe plums in the dim light.

"Do you think me a child, Legolas of Mirkwood?...And do I not recall 
having had this conversation before? Honestly...I was so happy to see you, I 
had almost forgotten how annoying you can be!" Haldir's eyes were 
glittering with humor. Legolas lifted his gaze and let it rest on Haldir.

" I was looking forward to seeing you too," he replied. "But I do care 
for Aragorn. He is carrying a heavy burden. He has so many battles ahead of 
him...And he is my friend." Haldir's voice grew soft:

"I care for the Ranger as well, Legolas. Do not doubt that."

Legolas shook his head.

"Do you love Aragorn?" He asked surprised, distrust painted on his 
beautiful features.

Haldir rose to a half-sitting position. He was still smiling, still 
comfortable:

" Estel is my friend." he stated. " And I love him..."

"...and what you love you must have?"

"Why do you sound so bitter, my friend? Surely the ages must have 
taught you something! My heart has many rooms. And there are many kinds of 
love...Besides," he added," you know that I love *you* as well. But I 
have never tried to persuade you to something like this, have I?"

"No," Legolas smiled. "Should I be flattered?"

"That depends on what you want..." Haldir murmured. His voice, dark and 
low.

"Ah...You're hopeless!" Legolas exploded with a wide grin.

"You never could stay angry with me." Haldir teased.

"No," Legolas admitted and looked down in his lap. "But be careful with 
Aragorn, will you?"

Haldir rose to his feet and stretched his arms above his head. 
Revealing himself in all his elven glory. Legolas did not move a single muscle in 
response.

"Why are you so protective toward him, Legolas? Is there something I 
should know?"

"No!" Legolas cried out in surprise. "Why...why do you ask me that?"

"Because..." Haldir said with a strange look in Legolas' direction.
"He thought it was you that I wanted tonight."

"What?!" Legolas could not hide his surprise. "Why would he think that? 
His expression changed as a realization grew inside of him. "Haldir! What 
did you say? What did you tell him?"

"Nothing!" Haldir replied innocently. " I merely looked at you..."

"...And made sure that he saw?"

Haldir smiled:

"And he reacted as a jealous lover," he said." He nearly strangled me 
for it..."

"Jealous, yes" Legolas said softly. " But not over me... Can't you see 
what 
you're doing to him?"

Haldir ignored the last question;

"You should be careful," he said with a smirk. "The man is working up 
an appetite for beautiful elven males."

" Haldir..." Legolas pleaded. "Listen to me!" His eyes fought to keep 
Haldir's gaze in his. " The Ring is making it even more difficult for 
Aragorn to keep mind and soul together. And with the...death...of 
Mithrandir still so fresh in his mind...Haldir! Would you let him go... for me?"

Haldir sighed but kept his gaze steady on Legolas'.

"For you," he said at last. "Yes, I will do it for you."

"Thank you!" Legolas said with a soft smile.

Haldir closed the distance between them, bent down and gave Legolas a 
soft, chaste kiss on his temple.

" I am glad to see you again, Legolas!" He said and hugged the other 
elf tenderly.

"And I you!" Legolas replied and kissed him back. "Now put your clothes 
on, you shameless elf!"

Haldir laughed;

" Don't tell me you don't appreciate the sight of a naked elven warrior 
under the moon. I know you better than that, Legolas Greenleaf!" 
Legolas just smiled.

As he walked around the clearing, picking up his clothes Haldir 
suddenly said;

"Arwen thinks me heartless, do you think that as well?"

Legolas carefully weighed his words before speaking;

"I do not think you incapable of loving," he said. " But I am not sure 
that you are capable of the love between two as it is counted among elves 
and humans."

"Why is that, Legolas?"

"Because I have never seen you lose yourself, totally, completely in 
another being. I have never seen you tormented by the sweet, ravaging 
thing that is love..."

Haldir came to stand in front of him. His clothes clutched in his 
hands.

"Neither have I seen you, Prince of Mirkwood, lose yourself to those 
feelings. Does that make you incapable of it?"

Legolas paused;

"I have loved," he said at last. "You just didn't happen to see it..." 
Haldir's face was unreadable. Legolas continued, tried to make the 
other understand. "If I had come to you willingly in this moment, would you 
have enjoyed it at all...Or would you miss the thrill of the hunt?... The 
conquest?"

"All would enjoy your company, Legolas. You are beautiful!" Haldir 
replied, but his voice was distant, his eyes a blank stare.

"But would you have done it?" Legolas pursued the question. It suddenly 
seemed very important to get an answer from the other.

Haldir laced his tunic, fastened his sword.

" No, I could not do that..." he said at last. "Not to you. I love you, 
you are my friend."

Several questions, none of them new, came stumbling into Legolas' mind, 
but the other elf had left the clearing before he had time to voice any of 
them.He was left stuck with the last, most important one: What was wrong 
with him? What was so wrong about him, Legolas?

What Haldir loved, Haldir had to have, he knew that. So why not  
Legolas? Not that it mattered. Legolas had convinced himself he didn't want 
Haldir in that way, not really. Not anymore. But still... Did Haldir think him 
unattractive? Was that it? Legolas lifted his hands to his face and 
trailed the smooth features with his fingers. Why didn't Haldir want this? Why 
had he *never* wanted it?

Embarrassed, Legolas shrugged off the thought. Pride was hardly 
suitable for an elf, and definitely not something he wanted to nurture.

~~

II

There had been a time when Legolas of Mirkwood had thought Haldir of 
Lorien the most frightening creature in the world.

Those first few times he had met him, the tall, broad-chested Lorien 
Elf had seemed so cold and distant. So wickedly arrogant and self-assured that 
Legolas had done his best to avoid him.

Haldir didn't even seem to notice. As a guest of his father's and an
ambassador of Lorien he had been busy with the affairs of the Elves and 
had no eyes for the youngest prince of Mirkwood.  Neither had his brothers, 
Rumil and Orophin.

Still Legolas had found Haldir fascinating. They would sit together for 
the evening meal. Legolas polite, but silent. Haldir charming, courting the 
ladies of the house. And Legolas would watch him. He was curious as to that unreadable 
expression. The warmth that seemed to radiate from the elf even though his eyes were 
cold. They gave nothing away...

Legolas' greatest skill back then, nearly six hundred years ago, had 
been his ability to read men and elves. Oh, he could wield the bow as well 
as the others, better than some, and his skills with the knives were also well 
known. But his particular skill had lay in the matters of the heart.
He was much sought after as a healer and mender of broken hearts. He 
had helped several elves return from the first stages of fading, guiding 
them through their grief. He could read them so easily. He knew how 
emotions, matters of heart and minds worked. It made him a good counselor and 
negotiator. He was well known for his wisdom and compassion.

That's why Haldir puzzled him. He could not read him at all, could not 
gauge his emotions.

In one way he was relieved. It was good not to be able to, for a 
change. But it unsettled him as well. Made him curious.

He could read Haldir's brothers well, though. Even if they also held 
some of the same untouchable serenity so typical of the Lorien elves. The rest 
of the court could feel it, he knew. They would keep their distance from 
the cool Galadhrim, but Rumil and Orophin were no match for Legolas. He 
knew what stirred in them. And the thing he saw that made him wonder most 
was their apparent jealousy and protectiveness when it came to their 
brother. Part of it had to be, he reasoned, the fact that Haldir was skilled and 
held the Lord and the Lady of Lorien's trust. They had to be very proud of 
him. A different matter was the power he seemed to have over their hearts. It 
was less than a lover's hold. It held no passion as such. But it was more 
than brotherly love.

What was it about this creature, he thought. That made him deserving of 
such love. Haldir's beautiful face gave nothing away. Marble smoothness, 
shiny eyes. Like dark pools of liquid. Blue as the deep, deep sea. Pieces of the 
night sky. Silent and unreadable.

But Haldir *had* noticed Legolas. Legolas became aware of this the 
second or third time he had met the Lorien elves. It was the night before their 
departure and his father, the good host that he was, held a feast for 
their guests.

Legolas had stood by the window with his back to the party, discreetly
trying to scratch his head under the silver circlet that embraced his 
head. He had hated those things. Always too tight, always uncomfortable.
When he turned around, Haldir had stood there. His waist-long silvery hair fell free 
around his shoulders, over the pale grey, velvet cloak that he wore. The sight had been 
startling, especially since it was so unexpected. And so close.

"We are kindred spirits, you and I" Haldir had said. "We both know them 
so well..." he motioned towards the party of graceful elves. "On our next 
visit to Mirkwood, we should spend more time together. You and I",  Haldir 
bowed and smiled slightly, then he turned his back to Legolas and disappeared  
in to the crowd.

And "You and I" it had been, for almost a century. Haldir had become the friend and 
mentor that Legolas had sought. The one who understood the solitude of those who 'knew'.

With Haldir, Legolas rediscovered peace of mind. He did not feel 
responsible for him like he did for all the others. Responsible because he knew 
their hearts and could read their actions. He felt he should guide them. Help 
them. Not so with Haldir. Haldir was still unreadable. He learned to know
him, but not by his intuition, just by experience. He had to trust that Haldir could take 
care of himself. That made him more carefree, more relaxed and more able to enjoy life 
than he had since he grew out of childhood. Being with Haldir was to put the burdens 
down. To laugh and smile, play and compete. Rediscover the beauty of the world. The woods 
and the waters. The Sun and the Moon above.

They became inseparable. Legolas would stay in Lorien for years at the 
time, sharing Haldir's talan in the mighty mallorn tree. He would accompany 
him on his travels as an ambassador, much to Rumil and Orophin's distain.
Haldir would stay with him in Mirkwood and help defend the kingdom 
against the Orcs when needed. They became like family to each other. More than that; 
friends.

Haldir was charming where Legolas was gentle. Haldir was passionate 
where Legolas was serene. Still they had found something that bound them 
together. Legolas was Haldir's only friend, he knew that. They both knew that.
Although Haldir often would use his knowledge and charm for political
reasons, seducing his way in to hearts of elves and men, Legolas was 
the only one he would to talk to about it. Haldir knew that Legolas did not approve. But 
he would accept it. He would accept it as a part of Haldir. As Haldir would accept 
Legolas' compassion and lack of political will as a part of Legolas.

Legolas could remember the joy he always felt at seeing the grey clad 
elf approach the gates of his father's palace when they had been apart from 
each other. The smile Haldir would greet him with. The security and peace he 
found by hearing the other's voice again. The scent of him had been the 
scent of home.

How he came to love him, Legolas did not know. Maybe it had been there 
all along.  But he knew now that it had been the beginning of the end. How 
his feelings grew in to desire for the first and only time in Legolas' long 
life was still a mystery, but the morning he found himself straddling his 
sleeping friend while spilling himself in his hands, he knew he had to 
leave. The dream was over. He had been deceived by his own nature.His 
slumbering sexuality had been awakened at the wrong time, for the wrong 
elf. And it saddened him. Made him grieve. For the price was dire. All sense 
of security and peace, all that was home would disappear with Haldir.

Still he remained by his friend's side for several years longer. The 
feeling of loss increasing with each day. Every time Haldir seduced someone 
into his embrace, Legolas would go and cry. Silvery tears would fall to the 
ground, Nature being the silent watcher of his grief. And the desire had been maddening; 
whenever Legolas braided Haldir's hair, helped him with the clasps and lacings of his 
clothes, when they bathed together, things that used to be normal before, he would catch 
himself shivering and sweating. He had to hold himself back with a mighty force 
of will not to bend over and press his lips to the other's smooth skin. Trace 
him with his tongue. Taste him, feel him.

And he wanted Haldir to be his, his alone.

That is why he never told him. Not only for the fear of rejection, 
because he knew Haldir would reject him in a gentle way. He would not hurt 
Legolas. But because Legolas wanted Haldir to be only his. And he did not think that the 
special love between two beings was meant for Haldir.

He reasoned through the love Haldir felt for him. Their strong friendship and kinship. 
The world that they shared was as close as Haldir would ever get to this particular kind 
of love. That he, Legolas, already had everything Haldir was capable of giving.
He knew that he was privileged. And still, it hadn't been enough. And he would not share 
his body with the other elf unless he could have him completely, because it would surely 
break his heart.

That's why he stole away one night while Haldir was still asleep. 
Packed his things and kissed the other elf softly before leaving the talan. And 
Lorien. His home.

Back in Mirkwood he had closed his inner eyes and ears to his 
surroundings, tried to force the impressions out of his head. Closed himself off from 
the world and his own nature. He did not want to feel his broken heart. And 
so he could not bear to feel the hearts of others either. It would've been 
too much. He would surely break.

The bow and arrow became his sole focus. His salvation. He would 
practice, hunt. Improve his skills to such a degree that they now spoke of 
Legolas the Archer, instead of Legolas the Healer. It was all well. As long as he had to 
focus on his body. The target. The precision. He would not have to feel the longing and 
sadness inside.

Haldir came for him. Of course he had. He spurred his horse onto the hill-top in front of 
him one day as he was out hunting. Their keen eyes locked over the distance.
Neither of them smiled. Frozen in place Legolas had stood there. Lips parted. No words 
came out as he watched his friend from the distance: His hair blowing in the wind. 
Fine strands of blond hair taking the color of the sun. His face held an 
expression of utter sadness. Many minutes were filled with sorrowful exchanges. Then 
Haldir realized that Legolas would not come to greet him and he turned his horse and 
left.

They had stayed friends. But were no longer companions. Haldir had never asked him why he 
had left.

Just as he had never wanted Legolas as his lover. Not once in all those
years.

It had puzzled him then, it puzzled him now. Haldir worshiped the 
pleasures of the flesh. The sensuality was a part of his being. As natural as 
breathing or eating. He had even stirred those emotions in his own 
brothers. Made them tingle with his touch, ache for his caress. Balance 
on the edge of desire. But the one he claimed to love the most, he did not touch.
Maybe he was the only pure love in Haldir's life. He reasoned. The only
relationship he had that was uncluttered with erotic feelings.
But it hurt him. Hurt him because *his* feelings were not that pure. And he desperately
wanted those not so pure feelings to be returned.

And it still had a way of getting to him.

Make him wonder why. Make him crave for the answers he wasn't really 
sure that he wanted. - And he still missed him. After five hundred years he had still not 
found a replacement. He wasn't sure that he ever would. Especially when he saw 
him again.When they renewed their friendship. When he heard himself laugh. 
Talk freely. Be as relaxed and joyful as only Haldir could make him.  He 
doubted that there would ever be anyone else for him.

But the desire, the craving of the flesh been pushed to one side, had 
ceased to exist. He could hardly remember what it had felt like to hold 
another in his arms. In the tranquil state he lived in, he had no use for sensuous 
pleasures.


*************

When he at last returned to the camp after his encounter with Haldir,
Legolas felt regret at having pursued the question he thought he had 
laid to rest countless decades ago. He blamed it on Gandalf's death. He wasn't 
quite himself this night. The strength he had felt earlier was waning. His 
mind now wasn't at all as sharp and alert as it had been. He felt tired, in 
body and mind.

A sharp sense longing flared through him. If only this unanswered, 
unspoken question hadn't stood between Haldir and he. If it had never come 
between them...He missed his company. Missed being with him. Haldir would have 
healed his mind. He knew that. Haldir would probably have done his best 
even now, to ease him, if Legolas had asked him. Maybe he even expected him 
to. He wasn't really sure why he didn't go. He lay down beside the hobbits and tried to 
find some rest.

*************

A dream. A living, vivid dream, although he wasn't really asleep:
He dreamt of one of his past lovers. One he had taken back in those 
days when he was still with Haldir. Back then when his flesh had been alive.
Forced alive,  by Haldir's presence. He had had many lovers in those days. At first it 
had been a way of entertaining himself when Haldir was off, away on one of his 
adventures. Legolas lovers had been beautiful, inviting elves. Eager to please him.
And he them. Always careful not to hurt. To be sure, it was the same 
thing they wanted from each other: A joyful celebration of the forces of life 
and the passion in their elven nature.

Later, he wasn't at all that careful. Not after the desire caught his 
heart. Then his lovers were merely an attempt to forget. To dull the pain, the 
aching desire. It was one of these last lovers Legolas dreamt of this 
night; A blond Lorien Elf, just like Haldir. A beautiful Elven male who had 
looked at Legolas with inviting eyes all night. He was young, and Legolas 
should have known better. He knew he had caused the elf much grief and sorrow. 
He would always be sorry for the way he had treated him. - Or , not, 
treated him.

He relived the scenario in his dream. His own body crushing the other's
beneath him on the forest floor. His mind dizzy from too much drink and 
a red fog of never ceasing pain. The young elf panting under him. Trying to fix his gaze 
in his in the dark. His mouth begging for kisses. Seeking reassurance that Legolas' was 
his in this moment. But Legolas had not been there. His mind had been with 
Haldir. Sorrowful, Legolas had pictured him with his chosen one. No jealousy, 
just pure pain and heartache.

This time, in this dream, Haldir was there. He came to sit on the 
ground beside them. Legolas found himself unable to move, unable to stop from
rocking into the body beneath him. Unable to stop the building pressure 
of relief inside.

Desperate he caught Haldir's gaze. He was watching him with barely concealed 
amusement. His eyes as unreadable as always as he visited in Legolas' memory.

"I wanted to love you like that." Haldir said. His eyes trailing the couple 
in front of him slowly. His gaze went back to Legolas'; "but I could not."

Legolas moaned in his involuntary pleasure. Though he wanted to cry out in 
pain. To make Haldir stop or go away.

"But I could not force myself to feel a passion that was not there." Haldir 
continued. " You did not wake any desire in me. I did not crave to make you 
my own..."

"Do you think me repulsive?!" Legolas finally managed to cry out, in a
strangled voice filled with despair. His eyes filled with tears while his 
hips still moved. Forced pleasure from the young elven body beneath.

"No," Haldir answered. "Just not...tempting." And with those words he rose 
to his feet and walked off.

As Legolas found his release he gave a loud scream of pleasure and despair.
His insides felt like a fiery inferno. A raw and bleeding wound.

*****************
He woke up with the taste of ashes in his mouth. His body tense but spent.
How long had it been since his limbs had experience the sensation of sensual release?
His heart was black. Crumbled and dry. It felt heavy and lifeless. Legolas 
had to fight to get up to a sitting position.

It would be stupid not to believe that this had been Haldir's way of
answering Legolas' question. Haldir knew how to walk in the mist. Weave
dream webs in the minds of others. Legolas knew this well. Still he was
curious about the cruelty of the dream. Maybe it was Legolas' own guilt that 
had conjured up such a repulsive scene. He could not believe that Haldir 
would be so cruel to him.

And, yes, it hurt him. It hurt him a lot...but he would deal with it. It was 
better, he told himself, to know the truth. To have received his answers 
instead of wondering what might have been. Instead of  wondering...now he 
knew why, why he had lost.

It was with a heavy, grief-stricken heart Legolas of Mirkwood started the 
second day in Lorien. He would have expected Haldir to stay away, at least 
for most of the day after last night's dream encounter, but he did not. He 
came to see Legolas shortly after dawn.

"Legolas, my friend!" He greeted him and even embraced him, held him close 
to his chest. " I had expected you to come and see me last night.," he 
continued. "Why didn't you, my friend? You carry much grief, you should not 
be alone."

"I'm hardly alone," Legolas murmured, caught off his guard.

"You know what I mean ," Haldir murmured back. " You should be with someone 
who would take care of *you*. Not with those who need you to take care of 
*them*".

Legolas met Haldir's eyes and read only concern in them. Apparently he had 
decided to behave as if the secret had never been revealed and answered.
Continue their friendship as it had always been.

" Sleep in my talan for the rest of your stay, Legolas. Let things be as
they once were between us, even if it is for a short time." Haldir offered.

Legolas smiled. He was still confused, but the offer was tempting. Who else 
could he turn to? He should consider himself lucky, he who happened to be so 
close to his best friend when the horror that was the loss of Mithrandir 
had struck.

"I shall speak to the company," he said, worrying how Aragorn would react to 
the suggestion. Maybe he didn't have to tell them exactly where he was staying. That 
would surely spare the Ranger much grief.

"Good," Haldir said and combed through Legolas' hair with his fingers. "Now 
lets do something with those unruly braids, shall we?"

*************

The Lord and the Lady of the Woods held a small welcoming feast for the
party. Because of Gandalf's death it was not as big as it normally would
have been; just the Lord and the Lady, about fifteen of their elves and the 
fellowship gathered in a small hall in the Lady's private chambers.
Despite the gloom the guests had brought with them and the recent loss, the 
hosts seemed determined to make their guests feel as relaxed and comfortable 
as possible. And also to take their minds from the quest be it for a short 
time only.

Legolas would normally have enjoyed the intimate atmosphere and the feast, 
but as it was he still felt weary and his mind had problems coping with all 
the emotional turmoil he had gone through in the last couple of days. He 
admired the architecture of the palace and remembered the days when he had 
been a more frequent guest in the fair woods. When the sight of Lorien's 
beauty had been as natural as breathing.

A part of him just wanted to be alone with Haldir again. To let the other 
soothe his mind. Another part of him grew tense whenever the other elf was 
around. They had had a pleasant day together. Legolas had been allowed to 
rest in the other's presence:Lay still on the grass and listen to Nimrodel 
while Haldir sang elven songs of hope and healing softly in to his ears. 
Still, the revelations from the night before had haunted him. A shadow in 
his mind, dark and threatening. It had grown even worse after he rejoined 
the company and the sun fled the sky. A restless uneasiness that gave him no peace.

He would listen to the skilled singers that were there on Galadriel's
bidding, hear them retell old tales that he knew by heart and loved dearly 
and it would not touch him. Not tonight.  The music did not reach his soul.
Instead he found himself following Haldir with his gaze. He knew exactly 
where the other elf was at all times. He could not help it. He was like a magnet to 
Legolas' eyes tonight.

He noticed that Aragorn's eyes followed him as well. It made him feel sad.
In his mind he tried to recount all the times he had been a witness to this 
scenario: A longing lover noticing his friend's every move with badly 
concealed desire, while he, Legolas, sat by, watching it all with a heavy 
heart. Only this time his burden was even heavier. He cared for both males and 
even worse; he had gotten his answer. He knew why the chosen one had never 
been him. Haldir had wanted it to be him, but had failed because he simply 
didn't find Legolas tempting as a lover. It was all fair, wasn't it? Legolas 
held no grudge...

Suddenly the Lady Galadriel rose from her seat. Tall and proud in her white robes, yet 
gentle as the morning sky she stood in front of them holding a golden flower in her 
fingers.

"Winter draws near," she said."Both for nature and for the free people of 
Middle-Earth." She lifted her arm so they all could see the small flower. "This is a 
token that spring will return. Both to our woods, and to all living creatures. 
This is the course of nature...No evil has so far been strong enough and no 
loss has ever been great enough to change this. Spring *will* return!" She 
finished and paused to let her words sink in.

"Haldir!" She called and the elf crossed the floor to kneel in front of 
his queen.

Gently she smiled down at him before reaching out the flower to him.
"Give this to the beauty closest to your heart," she said in a teasing tone, 
her eyes sparkling with humor. "Give it to the one that reminds you of 
spring and the days to come. Give us a prince or a princess for tonight. Someone that 
speaks of hope." Haldir accepted the flower with a smile. Murmurs and smiles, a sense of
expectation rose among the elves.

Legolas went pale. Hope? he thought. Did this mean that the Lady knew of
Haldir's intrusion in her grand-daughter's affairs? Even approved?

Graceful Haldir rose to his feet and spun around. He let his gaze teasingly 
measure the crowd in front of him.

Some of the Lorien elves laughed out loud. Legolas remembered this game to 
be one of the most cherished among the Galadhrim. No elf grew up in these 
woods without being proclaimed prince or princess at least three or four 
times before they came into age...

Slowly Haldir turned to the Fellowship's part of the table. His twinkling 
eyes moved over the company while a half-smile curved his lips.
Please don't, Legolas silently begged. Don't do this to him. He could see 
Aragorn turn pale as well, and small pearls of sweat cover his forehead. He 
is afraid you'll give him away, Legolas thought with his eyes back on 
Haldir.

With slow, graceful movements, almost like a dance, Haldir bent over the
table and handed the flower to Legolas. Their eyes locked in the other's
gaze as Legolas reached out his hand and took it. Legolas' eyes flickered 
somewhere between surprise and confusion. Haldir's gaze was steady and 
filled with self-assurance. Telling Legolas, this was no mistake.

Thrown out of his usual calmness Legolas accepted the flower and managed a 
smile when the party approved with cheers and low bows.

"We have a prince! - Of Mirkwood!" Galadriel exclaimed and lifted her
goblet, her eyebrows slightly more arched than usual.Lord Celeborn, on the 
other hand, gave Legolas an openly curious look.

The most disturbing thing was Aragorn's expression. The turmoil of confusion 
and pain Legolas could read in his eyes.Don't do this to me, he pleaded 
silently. I can not bear to see you suffer so...

Haldir had withdrawn after giving him the flower and could give no answers.
Legolas decided to at least do what he could to lessen the burden for
Aragorn: "He is letting you go," he said silently to the man beside him. "He 
is letting you go, that is all, Aragorn. There is no such bond between 
Haldir and me."

Aragorn looked startled;

"How do you know...?"

"I am an elf!" Legolas answered and regretted it as he spoke, remembering 
that it was one of Haldir's frequently used phrases. Doubtlessly one the 
Ranger had heard before. He realized it would do nothing to reassure the 
man. "Be at peace," he added. " You are dear to Haldir in a way I am not."
He tried to smile at the Ranger, begging that he had not heard the faint
bitterness in his words.

***************
That old attraction...Why did he feel it so strongly again tonight?
He loved Haldir, yes, he did! It was apart of his being, printed on his
soul. But he also knew that what was now, was all there ever would be. He 
had learned to live with that. He didn't even have to struggle anymore to 
avoid thinking about it. It was just *there*, a hunger laid to rest.
Unless his blood boiled hot as it did right now.
For some reason the resting arrow had left the bow.
He *knew* that Haldir did not want him. He *knew* it. He had heard it from 
his lips, still he couldn't help the old confusion from hitting the surface 
and mingle with a newborn bitterness. The mixture was harsh. It tasted like 
sour wine. Made Legolas feel sick.

Orophin came to greet him. He bowed with an ironic smirk, called him prince.
Legolas tried to laugh at him. Noticing the curious look Orophin gave the 
flower in his hand.

"It's been a long time..." Legolas tried to explain, wondering again about 
the jealousy the brothers felt when it came to Haldir. A jealousy none of 
them would admit if confronted. Maybe they didn't even realize it was there, 
Legolas mused.

Orophin's gaze fell on Aragorn, the Ranger sat silent with his goblet in his 
hand, staring at it with a brooding expression. Suddenly Orophin became more 
serious. His blue eyes met Legolas in a steady gaze.

" He is more unpredictable than he used to be..." He said without
introduction. Knowing very well that Legolas would follow.

They broke their stare simultaneously and let their eyes search the room to 
find the source of the conversation.

Haldir stood by a party of five elves. Apparently he was entertaining them 
in some way, for they were all looking at him, laughing.

Legolas' marveled at his beauty. The full, sensuous lips, the pale,
shimmering skin. And the dark eyebrows that matched the long lashes framing 
his startling blue eyes.

" He used to take more care...back when you were around..." Orophin
continued. "Not even we, his brothers, know exactly what he's up to
anymore..."

"You never did!" Legolas thought, but didn't say anything. Suddenly he
realized that Orophin was worried.

"It's getting worse," Haldir's brother continued. "That restlessness...The 
hunger..." His voice was almost dreamy.

He lifted his gaze to meet Legolas' again:

"I wish you would come back to him," he said and left the table.

Legolas was startled. Startled and annoyed. Annoyed for being labeled the 
steady friend, the calming influence, roles he normally would have been 
honored to fill. And the expression of trust, the acknowledgment Orophin had 
just given him. It should make him happy, shouldn't it? Now it only made the sinking 
feeling in his stomach increase, the taste of bitterness fill his insides like a toxic 
intrusion.

He caught himself wishing that he was the incarnation of a fiery lover. Someone Haldir 
had no choice but to love, in all ways.

*****************

Later he found Haldir by the winding stairs that led down from the palace.
Legolas' noticed that his hands were shaking again, just by being close to 
him; His heart's desire. What was wrong with him tonight?

He tried to straighten and focus on the elf in front of him, keep his voice 
steady:

"So you are really giving Aragorn up, are you?" He asked.

"I told you I would do it for you," Haldir smiled relaxed and gave his
shoulder a light squeeze.

"...It's only fitting then, I guess," Legolas continued. "That I received 
the flower in his place." Where did this anger come from? Rising inside like 
hot, hot waves. Legolas had to struggle to keep it under control.

Haldir didn't seem to notice. He smiled at Legolas, beautiful and relaxed as 
always.

" That's not why I gave you the flower," he said. "I gave it to you because 
you remind me of the beauty of spring and  the days that are still not 
born...Have you decided if you'll stay with me or not?" he continued, 
seemingly indifferent to the emotional turmoil inside of Legolas.

"...No...no, I have not" Legolas murmured and walked fast by him. He needed 
air. He didn't feel well. Not at all!

****************


Legolas sat at the camp and watched his sleeping companions. Boromir 
and Aragorn so much alike in their sleep. Speaking of the same blood. The 
same tribe. Beautiful men brought together by destiny. The childlike hobbits, which 
nevertheless reminded Legolas more of his own people than did the men...Or the 
dwarf...Legolas smiled at the comparison.

One was missing. One was not there. Gandalf's calming presence was 
sadly missed. Legolas felt the weight of the loss heavy on his chest. As the 
group's oldest he felt the responsibility fall to himself. So why 
didn't he want to try to be happy now, while they were still among his kindred, 
still in an elven realm? Why didn't he spend his time with them? Enjoy the 
company of the one who knew him better than any creature, living or dead?

Because he is playing his tricks on me, a cold voice murmured inside 
his head. He is trying to ensnare me...Catch me...Get me, for some unknown
purpose...

But what could he possibly want from me? Legolas tried to reason.  I 
can't see any reason why he would do that...

He wants to have power over me...Power to hurt me...Confuse me...Take 
my mind off the tasks ahead... The unfamiliar voice continued.

Why would he do that? Legolas mind crumbled at the thought. Surely 
Haldir had not become evil. Fallen under some dark spell. Lady Galadriel at 
least would have sensed such a change in him.

The new voice inside of him changed direction;

He has no right to refuse me! Who is he to refuse a prince?!

Legolas head straightened, his eyes flew open as he searched for the 
voice in his head. What kind of evil was this?

Not evil. The voice murmured. It's the truth! Why do I let him sadden 
me so? Have me think less of myself...Could he really resist me if I tried? 
He, a servant of his own flesh.

Legolas head fell to his chest, his eyes rolled under half-closed lids.

I want to take him! Make him have me! His thought half-conscious.

I will not! Another part of him protested.

He is challenging me. The other voice insisted, He is just waiting for 
me to react. I should take him!Have him, as I've always wanted...

Pictures of Haldir's naked body flared through his mind. Deep blue eyes 
and soft silvery hair. Red lips smiling at him. Teasingly, inviting. A 
slender leg, a broad chest. Smooth, marble skin, warm with hunger for his 
touch. Pictures of them together: Legolas' own naked body embraced by the 
other's.Slender legs capturing his own. Pressing him close to the 
other's body. Soft lips against his throat. Haldir's fingers embracing the 
flesh between his legs. Moans of passion. Haldir crying out his name.

Legolas came to his senses with a snap. He was still by the camp. Still
sitting on the ground. But a pair of burning eyes that hadn't been 
there before were staring at him through the darkness.

Why was the Ring bearer looking at him like that?

Had Legolas been the one to look at him first?

Quickly and with a hammering heart, he rose to his feet and ran into 
the woods. He didn't want to be near anyone this night.


~~


III.

The haze appeared before his eyes... He could not see! Red rage ran through 
his body. Rage and despair. He felt sick, his head hurt. His body felt feverish. Too hot!
He threw off his cloak as he ran deeper in to the forest.

He had to stop and bend over as the sickness shot through his body in heavy, pounding
waves. Cold sweat broke through the surface onto his forehead. He could not think 
straight. The maddening thoughts screamed through his mind:

If he could only lay his fingers on that small, golden circle, hold it for 
only a short time. Haldir would surely come to him. Lie with him. Love him.
Never leave but stay with him forever!

All that was Legolas struggled against the idea. All that was Legolas cried 
out in vain.

A spinning image of the ring, its fiery words of wisdom...One ring to rule 
them all...Rule them all! Rule them all!

Legolas fell to his knees and screamed against the night sky. The stars
seemed distant, their comfort could not reach him tonight. Legolas was
on fire. Torn apart by powers he could not control.

And in the middle of it all; Shame! Shame because he had not been strong
enough. Because a part of him knew what was happening. A part of him knew...

Shards of solid ice cut through his mind. Screaming their message as they 
battled his will...

If he could only lay his hand on that small, golden circle...

Haldir would come to him! Lie with him! Love him! Never, ever leave him!

Yes, that's what he wanted. That's what he had always wanted.

Why should he be alone when it was so easy to make his wishes come true? To 
hold it, for just one minute. Long enough to force the other's will to his 
own.

Rule them all!

The words echoed in his mind.

Legolas screamed again, but his voice lacked force. Deep sobs made his body 
shake and shiver. He fell to the ground and wrapped his arms around himself 
in an embrace as the poison poured in to his heart. Passing the point of no 
return, sanity had lost this round.

*****************

He wanted to go to Frodo.  But with what little self control he had left, he 
steered his feet in the other direction. He wanted to go to Frodo and rip the tunic from 
his body and grab the precious prize. Hold it in his hand, feel it. Kiss it. Hold it. 
Love it...

He kept walking in the opposite direction. Along a path he knew by heart...

He would *not* think about the precious, golden ring. He would not! The
tears ran down from Legolas' eyes in seemingly endless rivers.

Why he went to Haldir instead he did not know. Maybe it was to seek help. 
Maybe to demand his wishes fulfilled.

The Lady Galadriel's voice in his head, broken pieces of words and
sentences: "..fight it Legolas...do not go there...Evil!...despair...no 
good...son of Mirkwood...Do not!...Haldir...danger, danger, danger."

*****************

By the time he reached his destination, all the sorrow had dried up, only 
the anger was left. He approached the talan as in dream. Unable to reason 
his mind could only focus on one thing. One aim. One goal.

"Why are you doing this to me?"  His voice was cold, his face a closed mask.

"Leoglas! You came!" Haldir greeted him as the other elf approached his talan.

Legolas' fist went up before Haldir had time to react. His knuckles
caught him under the jawbone and left him spinning across the room before he 
hit the trunk with his shoulder and fell to the floor.

Shock and pain was written on his face when he rose from the floor. His
chest was heaving as he laboured to breathe. His nostrils were white, his 
whole body tense and alert.

"Legolas," he whispered. "Why?"

When Legolas attacked him again he was ready. He grabbed the furious elf by 
the wrists and forced him to his knees.

"Legolas!" he demanded. "What is wrong with you?!" His breathing was heavy, 
his voice colored with fear.

Legolas tried to force his hands free from the grip.

"Why wont you leave me alone!" he whimpered. "Why are you playing your
tricks on me?" On the edge of despair, his voice shook.

Haldir steadied himself against the trunk while fighting to keep his hold on 
Legolas, he shook his head while trying to understand;

"I am not playing with you Legolas ! What is this? Are you angry about the 
flower?"

"The flower!" Legolas spat while his eyes flashed, suddenly filled with pure 
rage. "You pity me, don't you?"

"Pity you, Legolas? Why would I do that?"

Suddenly Legolas' leg flew up in the air, hitting Haldir in the soft of his 
belly.  The shock of the pain made him almost loose his grip on the angry 
elf. He had to battle him down, straddle him between his legs to keep him 
still. He was silently praising Legolas rage, his lack of sanity, since he 
knew that if Legolas' had been able to think straight and launch a 
calculated attack, he'd be a dead elf by now, judging by the look on his 
face.

Both were now breathing heavily, their bodies strained.

"What has come over you?" Haldir tried again.

Legolas' expression changed, his tongue slipped out between his lips,
wetting them before disappearing back in to the cave of his mouth. His eyes 
went from burning to distant. As if someone had pulled a veil over them. His 
hips buckled under Haldir and a slight moan escaped his lips.

"You want to lie with me!" Haldir's shocked voice broke the silence.

New tears of frustration broke welled in Legolas' eyes.

"Why do you give yourself to anyone but me? Even to my friend! Why am I so 
undesirable to you?!"

Haldir was stunned.

"...It was unfortunate, Legolas, that you came here with Estel. I would
never..."

"Why?!" Legolas cried beneath him. "Why not me?"

"Legolas!" Haldir fought to keep his voice steady. " I could never... Not 
to *you*! I can't..."

The body under him went limp, but Haldir kept his hold on the shivering
elf.

"Am I that undesirable...?" Legolas asked him with a dead, unreadable
voice.

Haldir's breath caught in his throat:

"Legolas," he whispered. "How can anyone as beautiful as you even think
that?"

"If I am that beautiful," the strange elf between his legs said. "Then why 
wont you have me?" His eyes were hardly visible under his lashes.

Haldir's voice hardened;

"Do not ask this of me, Legolas! I will do almost anything for you...but do 
not ask *this* of me!"

"Why?!" Legolas cried again, before his face suddenly turned in to a
sensuous mask. His lips parted, his eyes shone blue and bright. The pink, 
moist tip of his tongue came out again, slowly licking his lower lip. "I can 
be good!" He murmured. "You would like it, Haldir. I am sure...!"

Haldir sat still on top of him for a minute, his breathing slow and
deliberate as he watched the inviting creature between his legs: Moist skin 
and parted lips. A heaving chest and a heavy scent of arousal. Golden beauty 
spread before him. Begging for his touch.

He could feel his own lips part as a slight dizziness come over him. Quickly 
he rose to his feet and pulled Legolas with him. He clutched the other elf 
in his arms and crushed his lips over his. He pressed their mouths together, 
trailed the other's lips with his tongue. When Legolas fought for breath he 
pushed his tongue inside, made the kiss deepen. He could hear Legolas moan 
in his mouth while he pressed himself closer. His head fell back and Haldir 
left his mouth to trail the smooth skin of his neck with his tongue. Kissing 
and sucking his way down to Legolas' collarbone.

Legolas sighed and pressed his body closer to Haldir's. Close enough to feel 
the hardness in his crotch, the little push Haldir gave in return. His arms, 
free from Haldir's hold, moved up to the other's shoulders. His finger's 
tangled in Haldir's hair where he could feel the smoothness of the silken 
skin on his neck under his fingertips. The round of his grey clad shoulders 
in his palms. Haldir's arms encircling him. Holding him. The smell of him so 
close. The essence of the woods surrounding them. And the mouth, moving up 
to his ear, moaning softly in to it. Tasting his earlobe, sucking it in 
between strong teeth.

"Legolas!" Haldir moaned and caught his lips again. His fingers on one hand 
caressing Legolas' strong jaw line while the other stroked down his back to 
rest over his buttocks.

Legolas had fallen in to a new kind of haze. The flaming desire had given 
way, in its place the boiling sensation of the other elf's touch. His own 
arms encircled Haldir's waist, tried to force closer contact between their 
arousals. And all the time Haldir was kissing him. Soft lips on his own, 
demanding attention. Haldir's tongue, battling his own, endlessly. Playing 
with it, teasing it...

Then suddenly Haldir broke off the kiss. He let Legolas go and forced 
his arms from his waist. Pushed himself from the other's body.

"No!" he shouted. " I cannot!" He looked at Legolas with utter horror
written on his face. His eyes were nearly black with fright as he stumbled 
backwards across the room.

" I hope it tasted as expected, Legolas! I hope you got some of what you
wanted!" He said in a bitter voice and turned his back to the prince.  "...I 
could not," he murmured. "...it would surely break..." he dropped himself 
down to the stairs and started climbing.

******************

The moon held no comfort for Legolas this night.

"What have I done?" he whispered as he sat in Haldir's talan. His legs
crossed. His eyes unfocused but clear. His hair fell in thick strands down 
his back. His face was flushed. He held the hand that had delivered the blow 
to Haldir's jaw hidden inside the palm of the other.

******************

Haldir stood with his forehead pressed against a trunk. Embracing the 
tree,letting it comfort him. He tried to force his body to cool down, 
extinguish the flames of hot passion that still burned inside of him.
He had not cried in years too numerous to count, but now he could feel the 
preassure building behind his closed lids.

Suddenly he felt a hand run over his hair, coming to rest on one of his
shoulders. A familiar voice spoke in to his ear;

"Go back to your talan, Haldir. There is nothing there you need to 
fear."

"Has he left?" Haldir asked, still with his forehead against the tree.

"No, " Celeborn answered, gently running his hand over Haldir's hair again. 
"But there's nothing in there you need to fear," he repeated.

"It's the Ring isn't it?" Haldir asked.

"Not anymore," Celeborn answered. " Now it's just Legolas..."

Haldir turned around, facing his lord. An amused smile curled his lips but 
his eyes were sad;

"And you are telling me there is nothing to fear..."

Celeborn withdrew his hand;

"You have done enough, Haldir. You should tell him what you know. Do not
suffer anymore and do not be afraid." He said while holding his gaze steady 
in the other's. "Go back to your talan now. It is time."

*******************

Haldir paused for a while before entering his home in the trees. Drew
strength from Wood around him. He looked at his world as it lay before
him draped in the velvet of the night, and knew it would never look like
this again. Whatever was about to happen, things would never be the 
same... he drew a last deep breath and started climbing. His heart dancing 
somewhere between relief and pain.

"Haldir." Legolas' voice was a broken whisper.

"Legolas." Haldir whispered as well. He looked at the elf in front of 
him.The way he held his hand. The grief that was written on his face. The 
traces of tears. His whole body seemed broken. Almost as if there was no 
strength left.

"I am so sorry!" Legolas whispered.

"I know," Haldir answered.

Legolas stared out in the night.

"When did this come between us? When did it make me so weak?" He asked the 
darkness.

Haldir smiled softly;

"When you first started to crave for me..."

"That's..."

"..A long time ago, yes, I know... And it had begun to come between us 
already then."

"So, you knew..."

"...why you left? Yes, I did."

"I am sorry!" Legolas' voice failed him. The words were barely audible.

"No, " Haldir said, approaching the other elf. He sat down beside
him before continuing. "*I* am sorry." he said. He swallowed hard and put 
his hand over Legolas'. "Do not conceal that. Maybe I deserved it more than 
you think."

Haldir let his eyes rest on the nightsky as well. His mouth was dry. The
words caught in his throat. He had to force himself speak;

"I see that my foolishness has endangered you. I will never forgive myself 
for that."

"*Your* foolishness?" Legolas managed a slight smile.

Haldir chuckled softly, although it had a bitter taint to it.
Suddenly it broke out of him:

"You are the most frightening creature in the world to me, Legolas! I fear 
you as much as I fear death itself...No, more! You are my greatest fear!" 
Haldir's voice was somewhere between laughter and tears.

Legolas turned his head and looked at him with surprise.

"Why is that? What have I done?"

"Don't you know? " Haldir's voice was sad. "Surely you must feel it as
well..."

"Feel what?" Legolas felt confused, like the world was about to spin
out of control again. What was he supposed to know? Surely Haldir didn't
mean...

"I have always known that it was you," Haldir continued. " From the moment I 
first met you, from the moment I saw your beautiful eyes, I knew that you 
were the one."

"The one?" Legolas echoed, unable to believe that this was happening.

"The one I was made for. The one the Valar had decided for me, for some
purpose unknown."

Legolas tried to think, tried to let the words make sense. But all he could 
feel was confusion.

"But your desire...You do not desire me, as a lover," he said at last.

Haldir glanced at him. Something hot found its way into his eyes.

"Don't I?"

"That's what you said!" Legolas exploded. "In my dream, in the 
clearing..."

Haldir shook his head;

"What dream? I have never sought you in your dreams..."

Legolas grabbed Haldir's wrists in his hands, forced the other elf to look 
him in the eye.

"Have you never been in my dreams? Never told me that you wanted to, but
could not desire me that way...? Never told me that you didn't find me
tempting? Ah, I'm such a fool!" He cried out. "Such an easy prey for the
Ring and its golden tendrils..."

"No!" Haldir broke him off. "I am the fool! Because of my foolishness you 
have had a weak spot in your defenses. A breech in which evil could reach 
your beautiful heart...I can never forgive myself for that!"

Legolas gaze went back to the night.

"I don't think I understand..." He said at last.

Haldir sighed.

"I should have told you years ago when we first met, or later, while we were 
companions. But my courage failed me. "

"Why?" Legolas voice was tense.

" Because you, with your pure heart and your glowing soul would surely mean 
the end of me." Haldir's voice held no passion. He did not smile. His eyes 
were empty when they fell on Legolas' fair features.

"What do you mean? You know I would not hurt you." Legolas managed a slight 
smile as he looked at his friend. Surely Haldir  knew that...

Haldir paused before answering; his eyes met Legolas' with an almost hostile 
expression.

"No, but once I had had you," he exploded with an angry voice " Once I had 
been so close to you, I would've wanted you to be with me always! I could 
never let you go..." he trailed off, his eyes went back to the black 
night.

Legolas looked at him with distrust;

" And why would that be so bad? If you say that you know we were meant to be 
lovers..."

"Because...!" Haldir started. "It would be the end of all that I am!
Everything that is Haldir would die! You would burn me to a shadow. I would 
lose myself in you! You would become the purpose of my existence. The 
reason why I lived! My loyalty to the Golden Woods would mean nothing! There 
wouldn't be anything left of me! You *would* kill me, Legolas. You would 
take everything that I am..."

"How can you say that?!" Legolas cried out.

"Because it is the truth!" Haldir stated. "But it is also my destiny," he 
continued, his voice softening. "I see that I cannot avoid it any longer, 
that it was foolish of me to try. And it endangered you!" His eyes fell on 
Legolas and his lips curled in to a smile as he lifted his hand to stroke 
Legolas' cheek. "I will try no longer," he finished.

"Haldir!" Legolas' arm wrapped round his shoulders, he drew the other one 
close to his chest and began stroking his hair slowly. Comforting.

"Are you sure about this?" he said at last. " I do not want you to suffer..."

"Legolas, " Haldir's voice was soft. "I will mend the damaged that I've
caused. If it means loosing myself, my soul, I will do it. I owe it to
you...my life!"

"No, you don't..." Legolas' said in a  soothing voice.

"I do. " Haldir replied. "For making you wait so long, when I knew all
along. For putting you in this position..."

"What position?" Legolas asked.

"This one!" Haldir answered with a sudden smirk and raised his head from
Legolas' chest. He captured the elf's mouth gently with his own. Pressing a 
soft kiss to the lips above him.

Legolas broke off their kiss, embarrassed, he looked away.

"Haldir, you don't have to," he said. His voice seemed fragile, insecure. " 
I don't want you to feel like you have to...Even...even...if you do love 
me."

Haldir cupped his chin in his fingers and turned his face back. A sudden
predatory glow had come in to his deep, blue eyes.

"No...no!," he warned the other. "Don't you dare refuse me now, Legolas
Greenleaf!" He bent over and stole another kiss from Legolas' mouth." I
*will* have you!"

Legolas felt himself shiver hearing those words. Although he had thought
himself unable to feel anything but pain for the rest of the night there was 
something about Haldir now: The way he looked at him, the way he smiled that 
made him believe he would have to reconsider.

"Don't you feel...repulsed, by my behavior?" He whispered. Unable to believe 
that the other was so forgiving when he himself was so ashamed.

Haldir laughed, after their quiet conversation it rang out loud in the
silent wood. A clear, thrilling sound. He let himself fall backwards and pulled Legolas 
with him, into his embrace.

"Didn't you feel me Legolas?" he asked. "Doesn't my body betray my will by 
your touch?"

"Yes, but..."

"No buts, Legolas!...I have kept my hands off your body for so long...I have 
betrayed us both, our love. Do you think you've been the only one yearning? 
That your body has been the only one craving for this? I can't hold it back 
any longer! I am so tired of keeping away from you when just seeing you is 
enough to make me burn!...You are a walking temptation...My truest 
desire..." As he spoke his fingers were busy tugging at the lacings in 
Legolas' tunic. They struggled with the knots, almost frantic, as he 
continued; "I have been such a fool!" His lips parted and his tongue darted 
out to wet his ruby red lips. "I want you, Legolas! I need you!"
He managed to open the tunic enough to expose a part of Legolas' upper body. 
His fingers ran over the smooth flesh. Feverishly caressing it. Haldir's 
eyes were distant. Laden with desire. "I want you," he repeated. "I love 
you!"

Legolas moaned loudly. His body felt warm again under Haldir's
ministrations. His fingers on the naked flesh, moving over the well defined 
muscles in his chest. Caressing one of his nipples, kissing it.
He still couldn't believe that it was happening, even if his body was busily 
reminding him. When Haldir licked a path across his chest he drew his breath 
with a sharp hiss and bit his lip. The other's silver white hair tickled his 
belly as his hands tugged at his tunic, exposing even more of his sensitive 
elven skin. He held Haldir's head and bent over to lick the pointed tip of his ear, 
he sucked it in to his mouth and felt the other elf tens and shudder against 
his body. Haldir's teeth caught Legolas' nipple and forced deep moans from his 
throat as he flicked his tongue across the aroused peak.

"I want you!" Legolas cried out, not really conscious that he spoke. "I want 
you so badly!"

"You will have me!" Haldir replied. His mouth moving up to his neck while 
his hand went down to Legolas crotch, caressing the hardened length through 
the fabric. "In any way that you want..." he added while breathing hot air 
over Legolas' skin. Marking him with his teeth.

Now it was Legolas' turn to tug at the other's tunic. He wanted to feel the 
other's naked skin against his own, as close as possible. He *needed* it.

Haldir paused to help him and the tunic went flying through the air. With 
shaking hands they rid themselves of  the rest of their clothing until they 
stood  naked in front of each other. The proud March Warden and the gentle 
Prince, measuring each other.

"My love!" Legolas said at last and lifted his hand to rest on Haldir's
marble chest.

Haldir marveled at the beauty in front of him. The slender limbs and the
golden hair that surrounded his body like a soft spun veil.

Legolas admired the way the moon beams caught in Haldir's hair, giving him a 
silvery glow. He stroked his fingers across the broad chest, felt the 
flexing in his muscles as Haldir raised his arms to encircle his waist. 
Pulling him close. Close enough that every part of them was in contact.
Legolas laced his fingers behind Haldir's neck and stroked himself against 
the other like a cat, enjoying the silken sensation of Haldir's skin, the 
hot moisture that the movements forced from the other's aroused member.
Haldir rubbed himself eagerly against Legolas' pounding flesh, his hand went 
down to caress his buttocks while their lips met again in a long, fiery 
kiss.

"I wanted to love you gently..." Haldir said in a hoarse whisper. " Love my 
Legolas slowly and kindly...But I don't think I can...I don't think you'll 
let me..." he added with a twinkle in his eye.

Legolas laughed softly.

"Don't torment me..."he pleaded in a whisper. "I burn..." he broke off,
unable to say more. He leaned his forehead against that of the other. A
sparkling blue river met the depths of the sea as their eyes locked in each 
other's.

They kissed again, and sank to the floor. Their hands explored bodies
familiar to everything but the touch. Haldir sighed as Legolas gently licked 
a pattern down his chest and over his belly. Nibbling at the sensitive skin 
surrounding the center of his aching desire. Touching the base gently with 
his tongue before he, in one swift movement, took him into the moist warmth 
of his mouth. Sucking him gently with half closed lids. His mind was alert; 
noting every detail. Every sensation, every touch, every taste. Every sound 
Haldir made beneath him. The way his fingers caressed his temples, the 
rocking movements of his hips that made Legolas' own desire reach new heights.
He reached up again, slid himself along the other's body. His sapphire 
eyes twinkling with obvious desire. He buried his face in the silvery river of 
Haldir's hair. Drank in the scent.

Haldir whimpered slightly with need and wrapped Legolas' slender legs in his 
own, brought their members back in contact, before flipping them over so 
that he lay on top of Legolas.

Legolas' eyes shone soft towards him, his moist, swollen lips were parted, 
his arms wrapped around the other's neck. Haldir's mouth went down to melt with his 
prince's once more.

As they loved each other Haldir noticed that the faint glow on their elven 
skin seemed to increase. As if they were lit from within. It intensified 
until appeared almost transparent in the moonlit night.

"Legolas!" Haldir said in awe.

"Yes...I know..." Legolas answered with blurred eyes and embraced him again, 
forcing Haldir's lips back on his. "Will you have me?" He murmured while his 
mouth traced Haldir's jaw-bone. His skin was hot to the touch. Pounding 
veins forced the blood to run faster, increase the heat and the need even 
more.

"Yes!"  Haldir answered, his voice low and passionate. Loosing sight of
everything else but the aching desire in Legolas' eyes.

He was already moist enough to enter Legolas without causing damage, his
body had ensured that. His weeping need slid in to the beautiful golden body 
beneath him and he rocked himself gently in place. Sheathing himself inside.
He could hear a sigh from Legolas and did not know if was from pain or
pleasure, but he could not stop to ask. The burning sensation took control 
as the pleasure started to build inside of him. He rocked in and out as 
gently as he could at first and then faster, more careless as he felt 
Legolas relax around him and could hear his moaning, this time definitely 
expressions of pleasure.

"Yes..." Legolas hissed and Haldir became aware of a faint, humming sound in 
his own body. A trembling that seemed to expand from his core and reach out 
in waves, finding its answer in Legolas.

"Can you hear it?" he asked his lover.

"Yes, it is beautiful" Legolas whispered with a smile. His eyes were almost 
closed, soft sighs escaping his lips every time Haldir thrust in to his 
body.

Haldir wrapped his fingers around Legolas' swollen arousal and started
stroking it as he moved inside of him. Legolas wrapped his own hand on top 
of Haldir's and together they chased the pleasure until it suddenly hit them 
both, making them cry out with the force of it. Joyful moans and sighs, and 
then it was over.

Little by little the glow disappeared from their skins while they rested in 
each other's arms. Soft murmurs and kisses passed between them as they 
slowly fell in to a relaxed slumber.

"I won't let you burn. Haldir. I promise!" Legolas whispered with closed
lids.

Haldir just looked at him, smiling. A sad smile under loving eyes.

*******************

All the elves, and every other being willing to hear it, noticed that the 
woods sang differently this night. It was as the lovers' passion caused a 
tumble in the air, a silent whisper in the treetops. The earth smelled 
sweeter and the river tasted purer, as if a star had been dipped in it and 
renewed it with its white light.

Even the moon herself threw off her silvery gaze and took the color of pale 
honey, as if she blushed at the sight of the slender elven bodies that lay 
entwined in the talan. Safely wrapped in the Mallorn tree's embrace.

*******************

Lord Celeborn had felt it too. The changes in the air. Just as he had
noticed the way the starlight seemed to increase while the color of the sky 
deepened a little when the lovers found their release.

He stood by the path to Galadriel's mirror, waiting for her when he realized 
that the changes had occurred. With a deep sigh he closed his eyes. Let 
himself sink deep within to gather strength.

She approached him on silent feet and lay her hand gently on his shoulder.

"So he has gone now...to meet his fate, at last..." She didn't ask. Merely 
stated what they both knew was true.

"Yes," Celeborn said. He enveloped her slender, white fingers in his palm. 
"He is lost..."



The End