Title: New Mithril Moon
Series: A mini sequel to - and the end of 'Blood, Moon and Mithril' series
Author: Camilla
email: verdandeurdarbrunn@hotmail.com
Rating:NC-17
Pairing: Legolas/Haldir, Legolas/?
Summary: Legolas crosses the Sea to meet his beloved again just to find a completely 
different Haldir...
Disclaimers: Just borrowed, not mine.
Note: AU, set in Valinor after Gimli and Legolas' departure. 
Warnings: Angst, lots of it. Sap.

Dedication: To Sue for betaing this series for me.



Prologue


The first veils of mist drifted around the grey boat and Legolas' smile
widened.
"We have reached the realm of the enchanted isles..." he told his companion.

Gimli bent over to look out.

"I cannot see a thing but grey fog" he exclaimed. "And it's getting foggy in my head too," 
he added and sat back down, resting his forehead in the palm of his hand.

"Don't worry," Legolas' fingers caressed the elvish runes carved into the grey wood of 
their boat. "These will get us through..." he smiled at the dwarf. "Try and rest, Gimli," he 
encouraged. "Maybe it wont afflict you so if you rest..."

The dwarf looked at him with glazed eyes.

"You are sure your husband gave us the right directions?" he asked with an arched brow.

Legolas smiled;

"Yes I am sure, I know where we're going Gimli...and I'm not dizzy either. It's elven 
magic..."

"I figured so much," the dwarf replied crankily. "Pointy ears and their
cheap tricks..." he muttered but Legolas knew it wasn't seriously meant.

"Just wait until you see the Lady Galadriel again..." he smiled. " I think you'll feel even 
more dizzy then..." he teased.

"Yes..." the dwarf whispered. He held both his hands in front of his face now, obviously 
struggling against the confusion that seeped into his mind from the unnatural mist. "And 
the hobbits!" he exclaimed. Suddenly heremoved his hands and stroked his forehead with 
the back of one of them in a weary gesture. "Ay, Legolas!" he said. "There was no place 
for an old dwarf like me back home. I had seen too much. Endured to much evil...the only 
place I can rest now is with you and the others...What is left of them!"

"I know Gimli," Legolas reached out and gave his hand a light squeeze. His slender elven 
fingers lay on the rough, dark skin of the dwarf. "So is our fate...I am the luckiest one of 
us...I always knew I would come here in the end, and they are my people..."

"Do not feel bad about it, Legolas." Gimli changed the grip of their hands so that he was 
holding Legolas' now. Giving it the same light squeeze in return.
" You lost your soul's love in Helm's Deep. And even if he has returned as you say...well, 
one never knows...being dead can change an elf, I guess."

A shudder ran through Legolas' body, expectation mingled with joy. Emotions too strong 
to define properly or understand with the mind.

"Haldir will be there..." he said it as if he hadn't fully understood it
before this moment.

"And a fine boy he is too," Gimli chuckled. "If I had liked those." Then he added quickly, 
"which I don't!"

Legolas grinned. "Elven maids on the other hand..." he teased.

"Oh...too much light and fine spun hair.  I wouldn't know what to do with my hands," he 
laughed, still rubbing his forehead with his thumb.

"We'll see..." Legolas smiled and then continued in a soft voice; "I love him, Gimli...still, 
after all these years apart, I love him...and the feeling is so strong I...I have tried not to 
think about it for so long and now that I'm so close...his soul is pulling me...I can feel it in 
my very being."

"Ah, Legolas!" Gimli's hand came to rest on his thigh. " I am so happy that you will have 
him back from whatever foul place he's been. It will give you peace, my friend. A peace 
you have sorely lacked after that unfortunate incident in Helm's Deep." He swayed a little 
as he spoke. The fog had gathered on both sides now, embracing them and their small 
elven ship as it slid through the water as if it had a will of its own.

"We are the last ones," Legolas mused. "The last ones of the Fellowship to cross the Sea. 
"

"And it's about time we did." The voice was muffled. His head hung between his knees. 
Both hands pressed against the unruly mass of hair on top of it.

"Gimli..." Legolas said patiently. "Do not fight it...lay back...rest!  I will wake you up 
before we reach the shore..."

"Thank you," the dwarf sighed and let his body fall back in a very
ungraceful manner.

Legolas smiled and turned his back to him, stared into the fog, he knew they were close 
now, it was there, in front of them. Valinor, the undying lands...Haldir.



I


She was there on the white shore to greet them. Legolas afforded a quick
glance at the dwarf and smiled when he saw him redden. Then he searched the shore, not 
fooling himself to believe he was looking for any
other than the tall well-known silhouette of the Elf he loved so dearly. His heart was filled 
with joy to see so many of his sorely missed friends gathered there.  He even caught a 
glance of Saelbeth.  Then the boat hit solid ground and he sprang out of the boat to set 
foot on the blessed realm for the first time. It was a divine moment, a homecoming. Still 
his heart beat only Haldir's name.

He had awoken the dwarf when the mist had disappeared and the boat had led them 
between mountains of shiny, black rock.  The soft elven harp had reached his ear across 
the water and the elven city in all its shimmering glory had been revealed to his gaze. It 
was overwhelming. It was beautiful. But all he could think about was Haldir...

Now Lady Galadriel took his hands in hers ;

"Legolas, our brave Greenleaf...at last..." she said affectionately.

"And Gimli," she said with a smile, bent down to give the dwarf a gentle
hug.

"L..Lady Galadriel..." Gimli stumbled over his words and bowed his head.
Blushed visibly in the clear, bright light.

Legolas found himself surrounded by friends. Frodo, old and graying now
came to throw himself around his neck.

"We have been waiting for you for days!" he said. "Galadriel knew you were coming and 
they opened the mist for you and guided your boat through..." he said without breathing. 
He sounded almost like his young, unscarred self, Legolas thought. There was light in his 
eyes now, a light that hadn't been there the last time he had looked into the dear hobbit's 
eyes. It was like youth had come back to him now in the autumn of his long hobbit life. 
Sam was there as well,
less talkative but more emotional as he flung his arms around Legolas and shed a tear on 
his collar.

"Not a day older," he sobbed. "Not a single day older..." He held Legolas close then he 
gently removed his hands, repeating the action on Gimli.

Legolas received and cherished their greetings and embraces as he walked. His heart 
filled with joy but his eyes constantly searching for Haldir.

He met Haldir's brothers. They greeted him respectfully but said nothing. Just bowing 
their heads when he passed. It was strange to see them all again. They were all a part of a 
time that had passed. The old world before the War of the Ring. The old world, before the 
Elves had left Middle-Earth. A time he had become used to thinking of as over, although 
he had sorely missed it.
His kin, his people. Even the last of the Mirkwood elves had chosen to leave shortly 
before Legolas, leaving him as one of the very last in the other world. He felt sorry for 
those who still dwelt there, hoped they would follow him shortly. Because...this was 
home. He could feel it in his core.
All the known faces, the voices greeting him. Familiar hands embracing him, stroking his 
face. Joyous laughter, loving smiles.

"We have missed you!" someone said.

"Dearest, Legolas," another, followed by a loving touch.

Legolas smiled, and smiled. Tears running freely from his eyes. It was like a burden had 
been lifted from his shoulders. This was where he belonged. He hadn't known how badly 
he'd missed them, missed it all, before he found himself surrounded by them again. He 
was home now...

There were other elves there as well. Elves he didn't know. Some of them he knew as 
creatures of myth even to his people. He was filled with awe as the thought unfolded and 
he caught himself staring openly at a couple of golden haired elves who were looking 
down at the gathering on the beach with amusement.

"A dwarf!" one of them said and Legolas couldn't help but smile.

He took a deep, relaxed and tear filled breath and looked around again, all the time 
politely answering questions from the other elves. Saelbeth stood by him now, squeezing 
one of his hands in his.

"Legolas," he whispered affectionately and Legolas, filled with joy, threw himself around 
the other's neck.

"Saelbeth!" he breathed. "It is wonderful to see you again."

Saelbeth laughed into his ear. Returned the embrace with just as much
affection.

Over Saelbeth's shoulder he could see that Galadriel came walking up to
them. She still had her loving smile but Legolas could see that something more serious 
had come into her eyes.

"Where is he ?" Legolas thought and then voiced the question when she was close enough 
to hear.

"Come," she motioned, still smiling.

Legolas let go off his old friend and followed the former Lady of the Wood up to a grassy 
hill top.

"He is here," she assured him. Still smiling.

"What is it?" Legolas asked worried. "What is wrong? Is he still a child? Is he ill?"

"No," Galadriel smiled. "There is nothing *wrong* with him..." and then she said no more 
for Haldir came walking towards them. Clad in a powdery blue robe he came striding 
through the grass. His silvery hair caught the rays of the sun, his features unchanged. 
Legolas breath caught in his throat.

"Be patient," Galadriel whispered to him before taking a few steps back,
leaving Legolas and Haldir to greet each other.

"Haldir!" It was barely more than a whisper.

He didn't know what to do with his hands.  Noticing that tears were still running down his 
cheeks he lifted them to wipe them off. He was grinning like a fool and knew it. This 
moment so precious, and so unbelievable.

He looked at the approaching elf. The calm smile on his lips, the serenity in his blue eyes 
and couldn't bare the sight for it was all too much.
Beautiful, beautiful Haldir. He lowered his gaze to the ground, his feet
seemed glued to it, he couldn't move. He just stood there with a pounding heart, waiting 
for the other to arrive.

"Greetings, Legolas Thranduilion," Haldir's low voice followed by a slight bow. No hands 
touching him, no arms lifting him off the ground to press a kiss to his lips. No embrace, 
no touch...nothing.

Legolas head snapped up.

"Haldir?" He didn't understand. Bewilderment spread from his gut to his
mind, he turned to seek Lady Galadriel's advice but she was gone.

"Welcome home," the elf in front of him continued. "We have been waiting for you..."

Legolas tried to clear his head:

" Why weren't you down on the shore to greet me?" he said at last. The hurt seeping into 
his heart. He knew it was foolish.  This was no way to greet a long lost lover, but Haldir's 
actions, his coolness was unnerving. It froze Legolas to the spot.

" Was I acquired to?" he asked curiously in return. Cool eyes measuring
Legolas.

"Haldir?" Legolas tried again. What was wrong with him? "Aren't you going to greet me 
properly," he asked while a dreadful suspicion took shape in his mind.

"I thought I did," Haldir replied questionably. Insecurity flaring in his eyes.

There was something wrong with them.  Something wrong with his eyes, Legolas thought. 
They were Haldir's, oh yes, but they held so much light, it was as if a sun had melted in 
them, coloring them with it's rays. His Haldir had been a child of moon and night; his eyes 
held pieces of the night sky.

"What is wrong with you?" he whispered more to himself than to the other and reached 
out to touch his face. The other elf flinched and took a step backwards.

"Can't I touch you?" Legolas asked. He felt numb, as if he'd been hit full force.

"Of course," Haldir swallowed. Still his beautiful Haldir; soft hair and marble skin, but 
the scar by his temple was gone, evidence that this was a new body. Not the one Legolas 
had held and loved, this one held no memory of his touch.  
Legolas swallowed hard himself as the other elf continued: "You
are my consort, " he explained. "You can touch me as much as you like..." Haldir stood 
still as if waiting in dread for Legolas to do just that.

Suddenly Legolas felt tired, as if all his strength had been drained. He
swayed on his feet and the world around him drifted in and out of focus.
Disappointment the size of the Sea herself flooded through his mind and
created a silent cry, a mind blowing, raging, fiery cry that never reached his lips. No! He 
screamed inside. No! No! It can't be!

"A hug," he murmured. "A hug would be nice..."

The robed body moved in and embraced him a little awkwardly. Pressed his
smooth skin to Legolas' face and let go again, taking another step back. But he smiled.

" I am glad to see you, Legolas," he said. "I carry much love for you in my heart..."

"You do?" Legolas whispered and felt sick.

"Yes," Haldir answered. " You are my love, " he said in a gentle voice. "The one I am 
bound to..."

Legolas shifted his gaze to meet the other's. The smiling rays of sun, the calm serenity of 
them and the weight of it all suddenly became too much, it mingled with the pain from 
Elessar's death, the exhaustion from months at sea and Legolas' world turned cold. As if it 
cracked open as swallowed him whole. 
Cold, painful and very, very dark.

************************

When he woke up he found himself in a wooden bed, clean sheets under his
body. A flowery smell reached him from an open window.  He heard soft,
murmuring voices but couldn't see anyone in the white room. It was a nice room, he 
thought. Fresh and clean. Calming.  Carvings on the wooden beams that crisscrossed on 
the ceiling. An elven room, he smiled to himself. Built by and for elves.

Then it hit him again like a fist, the memory, the unbearable memory of his reunion with 
Haldir. The feeling of powerlessness seeped back, the feeling of utter confusion and 
bottomless disappointment. 
What had happened to him?
Who was that icy cold creature he had met? The warmth in his eyes had been real enough, 
but not there for Legolas. Not at all.

He had problems breathing. Shock and confusion battling in his mind. He had pictured 
that moment  so many times on their way across the sea, but never in his darkest moments 
had he pictured the indifference radiating from the other elf. Never had he pictured the 
unsaid rejection and the other elf being so obviously oblivious  to how his actions hurt 
him. He had reminded him of...Galadriel...to a certain degree, of Celeborn.  Distant and 
shrouded in magic. Loving yes, but  still...not quite there. Silent and serene, calm and 
pure. Glowing creatures, keepers of the soul of the elven race.  There had been love there, 
in Haldir's eyes. Just not the love he had expected to
find, or was he wrong?

The elven prince turned over on his side and spilled bitter tears into
the pillow. A confusion, more powerful than any he had experienced
threatened to overwhelm him again. A sadness, greater than by any loss, for his love was 
there, but their *love* seemed lost...

Hours later, still undisturbed, Legolas fell asleep again, exhausted and
drained by the emotional turmoil. Would this never end? He wondered before his mind 
drifted off into dreams. Why didn't Haldir just open the door and come to him, be his 
Haldir again, loving and unchanged.  Still somehow he already knew that it wouldn't 
happen.

**********************

Mithrandir was sitting by his side the next time he woke.

"Do you know where you are, Legolas?" he asked.

"Valinor..." Legolas murmured.

"Do you know where in Valinor?" The Wizard lifted his brows questioningly.

"No..." Legolas admitted.

"You are in a guest house," the Maia explained, "Haldir carried you here after you fainted 
on the hill top."

A bitter smile curved Legolas lips;

"And then he wandered off again, I suppose..." he asked the Wizard.

"Yes..yes...he did..." Gandalf confirmed his suspicions. "You are
disappointed in him, aren't you, Legolas?"

"I am..." his voice was weak...his limbs trembling.

"Legolas," The Wizard bent forward on the chair, piercing him with his gaze; "It is a rare 
and precious gift to get your loved one back so soon and so unchanged...it is something 
you should treasure..." the mighty Maia, still weraring his human form, trailed off.

"But he's not unchanged," Legolas said, bitterness seeped into his voice.

" But he is back!" The Wizard exclaimed. "You are an old elf, Legolas...and wise...this is 
your hurt talking, not your heart, for your heart knows better..."

"I know," Legolas interrupted and furrowed his brow, " I just didn't expect him to be so 
indifferent to our love, to what we shared..."

"You cannot expect someone to walk through those halls and return unchanged, 
Legolas..."

Legolas didn't answer. There was wisdom in the old one's words.They put balm on his 
wounds but still...

"I do love him, still...as I always have..." Legolas said, at last. "I
cannot change that, Mithrandir."

The other smiled a sad smile;

"I know, Legolas. And I cannot tell you why he has changed in the way he has but 
maybe...as strongly bound as the two of you were, maybe this is what he had to sacrifice, 
as harsh at it might seem, to survive with as much of his former self as he has."

"His emotions?" Legolas asked.

"No..." the old one sighed, "his love for you..."

It made sense. It did. And if it had helped Haldir, his eternal love,
Legolas could not say it was a bad thing, although it stung his heart to
hear those words spoken.

"So...his love for me is lost?" Legolas heard himself whisper. Dreaded to have it 
confirmed but felt like he had no choice.

"I do not know this, Legolas," The Wizard said in a weary voice. Compassion radiating 
from him, wrapping around Legolas' hurt feelings, soothing his pain.
"You are still bound. Nothing has changed in that. Your souls are
united, and it's a strong bond as well.  Talk to him, Legolas! See if you can come to some 
understanding.Maybe then you'll get your answers," he finished.

Legolas nodded slowly. Knowing it was the only thing to do. If he could bare it, if he only 
could bare being measured with those cool eyes, being spoken to as if he were a stranger. 
..

His arrival in Valinor had become anything but what he'd expected. And it hurt, badly.


II

Gimli accompanied him on his way to find Haldir.  Down the narrow path
leading from the guest house through a beautiful garden with skillfully
carved statues and figurines tastefully placed among the rare flowers.
But
neither of them saw the beauty this day.

"He is not the elf we met in Lothlorien, that is for sure," Gimli growled,  hurt on behalf of 
his friend.

"He has gone through Mandos Halls, Gimli," Legolas automatically
defended Haldir although his heart agreed with the other's dismay.

"From what I've heard  he has remembered his former life for a while...measured in 
human
years..."

"What are you saying, Gimli...how long?!" His heart twitched again. This
only got worse, never better...

"I don't know, exactly..." the dwarf murmured. "Long enough to call to you sooner, that's 
for sure..."

"Oh, gods!" Legolas hand drifted to his forehead. He couldn't take much
more > of this. A part of him wished he'd never come here, but where else would he go?

"Do you wanna go back?" Gimli read his mind.

"To what, Gimli? There is no going back..."

The dwarf sighed loudly beside him.

 "I am so terribly sorry for you, Legolas!" he blurted out." When I saw him come with you 
in his arms, not a trace of emotion on his face and just dumped you in that bed and went, I 
swear I could have taken my axe and..."

"Hush, Gimli," Legolas soothed him gently." There is no need for an
axe...I am sorry too, but...as much as it hurts...there is nothing I can do about it . If his 
love for me is lost...left somewhere in the Halls of Mandos..." They had reached the gate 
and Legolas opened it, a somber expression graced his face. "Go back to the house now," 
he instructed his friend," I will seek you out when this...conversation, is over..."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather come with me? Explore the city and the
island?" Gimli grinned hopefully, offering Legolas a way out.

"No Gimli," Legolas smiled with regret "I must do this now, but thank you for the offer..."

"Very well then..." he accepted Legolas' answer. " Good luck, then..."
Gimli's chubby hand came to rest on his shoulder, a comforting blink with his eyes and he 
turned to go. Left Legolas alone with the burning pain in his gut.


 ********************

Haldir was not alone when Legolas found him. Instructed by Gimli, he had
easily found his way to the big, open house where Haldir dwelt. He found
him sitting on the ground in a big garden sharing wine with a tall,
darkhaired elf he remembered having seen in Rivendell. He knew he should be able to 
attach a name to that face as well, but it kept slipping his mind. Probably because once his 
gaze fell on Haldir, it was impossible to see anything else.  His heart cried but he could 
not remove his gaze. Slender grace and beauty, still able to startle him after so many 
years, and now, lost...

Finally he bowed his head and approached the elves.

"Prince Legolas," the dark haired elf saw him first. He rose and bowed his head 
respectfully.

"Legolas...?" the host followed shortly. "Are you feeling better?"  It was a polite request.

"Yes, my lord...Ha...Haldir." Legolas stumbled over his words. The world
slightly spinning again. How he wished he could just run to him, hold him, nuzzle his face 
against his neck...

"Good," Haldir said calmly and Legolas snapped out of his daydreams. It
was a certain irony to it he thought.  He had spent so many years just dreaming about him 
before Haldir finally gave in, and now he was back where he had started. Dreaming, 
longing, aching for the distant elf in front of him. He felt like crying again, but he didn't.

"Do you want to share a glass of wine with us," Haldir offered.

Legolas just shook his head, feeling tired.

"No...no...I would wish to speak with you,Haldir...about...our...private
matters." he swallowed hard, not able to look at the other's face.

"Perfectly understandable," the dark elf that Legolas now remembered was
Melpomaen, said in a dry, calm voice. He bowed and left them silently on soft, elven feet.

" I will see you tonight," he addressed Haldir while passing him. Haldir
gave a slight smile in return and nodded, a short and graceful tilt of his head. It ripped 
something open in Legolas heart, an old jealousy flaring to life. He silently prayed it was 
not the case.  For to see Haldir with another again after having been so close to him, he 
knew he couldn't bare it.

"Now, Legolas what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Haldir said and gestured for 
him to sit down on the grass beside him.

Legolas searched his eyes, his cool, indifferent eyes. Looking for some
trace, some sign of that love for him that had used to live there.   But he couldn't find 
anything. It made him uncomfortable. It made him uncomfortable to be looked at with 
those eyes. Because Haldir's eyes looking at him without love was slowly killing Legolas' 
heart. This knowledge was sudden but still true. It would drain him until he was as empty 
as this new Haldir with the sun-filled gaze that sat beside him on the ground.



"Is he your lover?" the question burst out although he didn't mean it to.

Haldir's eyes widened in surprise;


" No, no...far from it..." he answered. " I am bound to you." He said it
as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Yet you do not claim me!" Legolas said, unable to keep the hurt out of
his voice.

He could see unease and confusion spread on Haldir's features as he
shifted restlessly on the ground.

"No..." he said at last. " But I suppose you should...live with me now.
Share my house and my...bed."

"Are you sure?" Legolas asked, a bit taken aback by this sudden offer.
Suspicion coloring his voice.

"Yes...that's how it should be, isn't it? I love you..." Haldir continued in his indifferent, 
half-hearted way.

"Tell me Haldir," Legolas touched the alabaster skin, the smooth surface
of Haldir's face. " Do you love me, or is it just a memory, something you've carried with 
you through Mandos Halls." He sighed, his eyes were sad. " Is it love for me that blooms 
in your heart or do you just think that you love me because you remember that's how it's 
supposed to be, because I cannot see the love I cherished so long ago in your eyes 
anymore...."

Haldir sighed and for the first time Legolas could see something like
genuine emotion in his eyes.

"Legolas.." .he started. "I love you...I care deeply for you, in my heart and in my soul. I 
feel you in me, we are bound..." he trailed off.

"But?" Legolas urged him on, swallowing deeply. Knowing that he'd rather
not hear those words uttered than them being said with so little emotion.

"I look at you, but the passion I remember so clearly, is something I
think I left in Middle-Earth...or lost when I died... I do no longer carry that fire..."

"You have come back, you are the same, but still someone else.  Maybe it
isn't me this time. Maybe it's another elf in this new life of
yours...maybe I have no place in your life...now." Legolas mused, sadness creeping across 
his face.

"Maybe..." Haldir admitted. "But I do not think so, Legolas. I think it is more like, those 
things that used to be important aren't anymore. My old ways of thinking...feeling, are 
gone. And believe it or not," he
exclaimed. "I have never known such peace before. It is a blessing, my friend, to have 
such a carefree heart as I have now.  Now when there is no passion, no longing, no 
regret..." His eyes looked at Legolas with pleading eyes, as if he wanted Legolas' blessing.

"No regret..." Legolas voice held biterness."Your foolishness has cost me five hundred 
years of peaceful bliss, Haldir..."

"I cannot relate to that anymore," Haldir said and shook his head. "It is as if it never 
happened. It was a different time, a different world...A child, a Haldir, I have outgrown."

"So you think our love was a childish thing?"

"I think it was...a thing that happened between young elves. Something
that was important to us then.  But I also believe, " Haldir's hand came to rest on his wrist. 
"that we would have found the same peace of heart as I feel now, together, given time. 
That our raging desire, our passion would have been molded into this...peace..."

"Maybe, Legolas admitted "...but we will never know that now, will we?"

 "Don't say that, Legolas!" Haldir exclaimed but in his soft, concerned
voice. " I remember our friendship so clearly, it was the best part of my former life...and 
nobody has a more important place in my heart..."

"Haldir!" Legolas interrupted, " I have no such peace.  Sharing
your house and your bed wouldn't be enough..."

"Why not?" Haldir's voice held genuine surprise.

Legolas swallowed hard, his gaze was fixed in the horizon, on the setting sun that seemed 
to mock his hurt with its rays.

" Because I would want to touch you," he said. "I would want to feel your body close to 
mine. I would want us to share the same passion, the same love as before..."

Haldir sighed beside him;

"They warned me this would happen, " he said. " But given time, " he
continued, "when the ways of Middle-Earth wear off...when you have settled here..."

"Who knows, " Legolas sounded tired. "But I feel like I've spent all my
years waiting for you Haldir. I am not sure I can wait for you anymore...I think I should 
try and find my happiness as best as I can without you this time..."

"But we are bound..."

" I know." Legolas lowered his gaze to the ground, focusing on a spot
between his feet. " But we are more separated and apart than we ever
were..." he finished.

" Don't you think you could, learn to live with me, the way I am?" Haldir asked carefully.

"No..." The answer held no anger, just sadness.

Haldir smiled a sad smile as well;

" I was afraid you would ask this of me," he sighed. " That you would want me as your 
own.  But I belong to all of them now, our people..."

The bitter smile came back on Legolas lips;

" I know," he simply said. "And the night has faded from your eyes...if
you are happy Haldir, I am..." he trailed off.

"Legolas, " Haldir stroke his hair in a compassionate gesture. " I didn't want to hurt 
you..."

" But you did," Legolas interrupted in a low voice. "Why didn't you call
for me sooner?" he asked.

"It wouldn't have changed anything, " Haldir answered, "and Elessar needed you." His 
hand was still combing through Legolas hair, carefully avoiding the braids.

" Maybe you are right..." Legolas swallowed again. " But you called me
your love...?"

 "When?"

 "When you called for me...so I thought that..."

"Did I?" Haldir interrupted, surprised. " I cannot recall doing so, but
then again I didn't choose the words. They just came..."

Legolas just smiled to this. Not really knowing how to react.

"It is strange," Haldir said, with a expression of wonder on his beautiful face. " The fire is 
long gone from my body and my mind. Still I know you were the reason I came back at 
this exact time, to this place.It was to see you..."

"Haldir!" Legolas burst out, begging him with his eyes. "Do not say such
things. You light a hope in my heart that has no place...no future.  Let
it be.Just...let us...part now. In peace."

Haldir bowed his head slightly.

"As you wish" he said. "But remember, I will always be here if you change your mind. I 
would like us to be..."

"Friends?"

"Yes..."

"I do not think so Haldir. I have been your friend and I have been your
lover. Being that last has excluded the first, at least for now..."

"It grieves me," Haldir replied, "for I care deeply for you..."

Legolas rose and gave him a short bow;

"Not deeply enough," he said in a harsh voice and turned on his heel. He
didn't look back, couldn't, didn't want the other elf to see the tears
that welled in his eyes.

************************

He sat on a white rock by the sea and watched the light spill out over the water. He gave 
his tears back to her; the salty mother of the earth. Let her have them to carry them away 
or hide them in her heart. He had been a fool to believe he would come back unchanged. 
A fool to believe he could awaken a love strong enough to survive death.
The memory of Haldir's hand on his face, his fingers in his hair, the
alive Haldir's sad smiles made his hurt even worse. He was here, still he was not...
He didn't regret turning down the offer to live with him. It would have
become a constant humiliation. A constant reminder of everything that had been between 
them... it would have increased the pain not lessened it...

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around to see. It was Saelbeth. He 
gave Legolas a gentle smile and sat down by his side, just resting there, with his hand on 
Legolas' shoulder while the elf gave his tears back to the Sea. After a while, when the sun 
had fully set he embraced him and held him close to his chest. Compassion and 
understanding written on his face, he held Legolas and rocked him slowly in his arms, let 
him cry out his grief and his sorrow.

****************************

"Gods, does everybody know about this?" Legolas said and met Frodo's gaze across the 
table.

There had been a steady stream to the guest house over the last couple of days.
Soft spoken visitors who came to offer him friendship and compassion.
Legolas knew it wasn't fitting for an elf of his stature to feel
humiliated by it, but it still burned every time he had to meet sad eyes or receive a 
comforting embrace, for most of all he wanted to be left alone.

This was supposed to be a homecoming, a time for joy, instead he found
himself the receiver of pity, and his pride rebelled against it, although he knew he was old 
enough, wise enough that he should be able to accept it with grace. And every time a new 
visitor came to comfort him, the wounds started bleeding again. They ripped him open, 
those eyes. All those sad, knowing eyes...

"Well," Frodo shifted uncomfortably on his chair and exchanged a nervous
look with Gimli who sat beside him. " We all know you were bound...at that you don't live 
with him...and we never see you together...and the rumors says that he has changed and 
turned his back to the love you once
shared..."

"Well," Legolas said, surprisingly cold, " the rumors were right.  Please don't bother me 
more with this...I'm sick of it all!" He burst out in a a rare display of temper.

Frodo, of course, was not ready to let the matter rest;
"He is nothing like he was when we first met him in Middle-Earth.  It's
like he's become someone else. Like Lord Elrond or something. Someone wise and old 
and..".

"Lord Elrond isn't here, isn't he?" Legolas interrupted, tried to force
the conversation over to something else.

"Yes," Frodo said, but still wouldn't let the topic go, "but there's no
limit to how many times people, and elves, can change..."

"You would know that, wouldn't you Frodo?" Legolas said. His voice and
eyes suddenly soft and warm. He reached out and stroke his fingers through the hobbit's 
greying hair. "You are happy here..." it was not a question. It was an answer.

"Yes, yes," the old hobbit smiled through his wrinkles. "I feel young
again," he said. "Carefree...I never thought I'd feel so carefree again in my life..."

"And Sam?" Legolas asked.

"He is with me...he is happy too..."

"So I thought..." Legolas sighed softly. "As for Haldir, I don't know
Frodo. "There's been so much...in the past...I will not wait for another miracle to occur, 
and truth be told, I don't think it will this time...Haldir has found his peace. I wish I could 
do the same."

***************************


The days went by,before they knew it the Moon had grown full five times since their 
arrival. Legolas could not help but let the beauty of the place seep into his soul: The green 
city with it's silvery trees, large flowers and glittering waterfalls seeped into and soothed 
his mind. Soon he and Gimli found a nice little house, among proud, tall trees not far from 
the mighty mountain walls, that they agreed they could call their own. A small river ran 
through their garden and every
morning Legolas could be found contemplating by the stream. If he still
cried, nobody saw it. 
They acquired horses and Legolas spent a lot of his time on the horseback, roaming the 
surrounding areas and the woods, often
in the company of Saelbeth. The two old friends seemed to bond again and
their thrilling laughter could often be heard from Legolas' and Gimli's home.

It was clear to see though, that Legolas avoided Haldir as much as he
could, and when it was unavoidable, his friends saw pain flare to life in his eyes.
It didn't make things better that Haldir obviously thought he had to
approach him and *talk* to him every time they met. Legolas would wear a
stony expression on his face, Haldir's would be gentle and calm. Legolas' friends cursed 
the other elf, but there was not much they could do. Even Gimli realized that his axe 
would do no good in this.

The dwarf on the other hand blossomed under Galadriel's care, he was said to be her 
servant, but hardly ever did anything but linger in the lady's presence and gift her with 
flowers, rare stones and shells from the sea.

The silvery tunes from the harps and the choir of elven voices that always drifted in the 
air alone was enough to clean one's soul, make one see the beauty of the world once more. 
A wound had to be deep and dreadful not to be healed in this environment and Legolas' 
friends finally found comfort in this and left it up to Valinor and the blessings of time to 
erase the pain from their dear one's heart.


III


It was the first day of spring and the elves gathered to celebrate. They
hung lanterns from the branches of the trees and showered flowers on the
grass. Fresh fruits and wine were spread on the ground of a big meadow in the woods and 
everybody wore their most beautiful garments to welcome the new cycle of life and 
celebrate the earth that fed them.

Legolas had too much wine, he knew it, but couldn't stop himself, it was
too easy to drift away on the red wings of the sweet wine in his goblet.
Escape the darkness he still nurtured in secret.

He had seen Haldir watching him the last couple of weeks. Had seen him
from afar, from a window or among the trees. Just silently watching him. A slight pull in 
his soul and he knew he was there. Legolas thought he knew what Haldir wanted. He 
wanted them to be friends, companions again, like they used to be before they became 
lovers. But Legolas couldn't see that happening. How was he supposed to live close to 
Haldir now? A Haldir that spent most of his time in councils or libraries and tutoring half-
grown elves? A Haldir who would take long strolls with Melpomaen, discussing the turn 
of the ages.  The irony wasn't wasted on Legolas. When they had first met he had been a 
compassionate healer and advisor, Haldir the bold politican, the born seducer. 
Passionate...Irresistable...

He filled his goblet again, felt the dreamlike state of drunkness wrap
around him. He watched some of the other elves dance. It was beautiful to look at, the 
way their veils and robes fluttered in the air, the glow that radiated from them.  Gimli and 
the hobbits sat beside him enjoying the meal and their conversation. It was always a 
comfort having them around. Like family...maybe stronger. But right now he needed some 
time alone. He'd had far too much to drink, he needed to clear his head before it became 
too obvious to the others.

He found a grassy clearing in among the trees where he sank down, resting his back 
against the cool surface of a white stone. He wasn't alone for long. He felt the another elf 
approach before he saw him.

Drowsily behind half-closed eyes he said;

"Greetings, Orophin...are you taking a walk or seeking me out?"

"Both..." the tall, beautiful elf answered and came closer, he had a
slight smile on his lips. It reminded him of Haldir.

"What is it that you want?" Legolas asked, not very politely, but he had
always had a strained relationship with Haldir's brothers. And he was drunk...

Orophin straightened the fabric of his silvery robes and knelt before him;

" I wanted to tell you how sorry I am..." he said. " I am so sorry that
Haldir has changed as he has and let you down...I...." he trailed off, it was obvious that he 
found the topic hard to talk about.

"Why?" Legolas said. " You never liked me anyway.  Never thought me good
enough for your brother..." Legolas didn't care about the hurt in the
other's eyes. He was tired of lies, tired of appearances and Haldir was
lost to him anyway.

"Maybe," Orophin said and met Legolas' eyes with his own dark ones, almost the same 
color as  Haldir's. "but we do not like him much, Rumil and I, this new brother of ours..."

"Why?" Legolas said again.

A sigh and a quick smile, a voice that held pain;

"He is not our brother anymore...he used to burn so bright...now he's
cold. As if he's lost something important, a piece of his soul..." Orophin trailed off, his 
eyes drifted to the tiny white flower he nervously played with while talking to the prince.

Legolas felt an unexpected jolt of relief, it was soothing to hear that
someone else also had a difficult time adjusting to the new Haldir. Not
just him...

" He has changed much that is true, " Legolas softly replied. "But I do think he's happy..."

"Happy?!" the elf snarled. "That creature doesn't know what happiness is,he can't feel a 
thing anymore!" Orophin's eyes met Legolas almost
challenging.

"But you are glad to have him back...?" Legolas tried, even if he agreed
in his heart .

"Yes...yes...of course." Orophin smiled at him before his eyes drifted to the sky above 
them, caught the sight of a crescent moon, the color of pure mithril, " but it is...in a 
way...like he is more lost now...more dead to us than he was when he had died, isn't it?"

Legolas thought about the other's sincerity for a while.  Wondered if the elf was pulling 
some kind of trick on him, then dismissed the idea. Orophin's grief seemed real enough:

"Yes, " he sighed at last, "it is as if he's more dead now. The new one
is...the wrong one..."

Orophin chuckled softly by Legolas' choice of words.

"I braided his hair the night you were bound," he said. "Did you know
that?"

"No," Legolas answered. "But I remember wondering who had done it..."

"I remember being jealous," Orophin's eyes dropped to the ground, his hand drifted 
towards the green silk of Legolas' tunic.

"Yes, you always were..." Legolas mused. "You never liked it much when
someone came too close to your brother."

Orophin lifted his gaze;

"At first perhaps," he said. " I was jealous of your place in my brother's heart...then, " he 
broke off,  the moon caught in his eyes again before he fastened them on Legolas'. "Then 
it was you I dreamed about..." he finished.

Legolas laughed a soft, thrilling laugh.

"Orophin, " he said. "You're lying...!"

"Perhaps," the other elf admitted with a smile. "But whether I do lie or
not I want you to know that there are still elves with fire left in their loins, even here in 
fair Valinor..."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Legolas smiled back, even if he thought
he knew.

The answer came in form of a soft kiss on his jawbone and a tickle of
silvery hair on his neck.

"Orophin...no!" Legolas said gently, making the elf withdraw from him with a shameful 
expression.

Then Legolas panicked, he felt an urge to keep any possible route of escape open if the 
pain became too much and bent forward and took the other elf in his arms.

" I cannot..." he explained in the other's ear. " Not yet...maybe one day..." He cursed 
himself for being so weak but the elf's suggestion was
tempting. It would give him peace...for a while.

He found the other's lips and kissed them gently, felt the other stiffen
for a moment then sigh and melt into the kiss. It tasted of Haldir, still - it was not.

"You are so beautiful..." Orophin whispered when the kiss ended. "And my
brother is a fool," he continued.

"I know," Legolas smiled dryly , but his eyes were still warm and gentle
when he looked at the other elf.

"Come, let's go back," he suggested and rose with Orophin's hand in his.
They walked together through the wood and squeezed each other's fingers
gently before parting when they reached the others.

Later that night Haldir appeared. Of course he did. Legolas knew he would.

He was watching Legolas calmly across the meadow while drinking his wine. If Legolas 
hadn't been drunk, it would've been unnerving. As it was now, he simply decided not to 
care.

Saelbeth came as well, his face was an anchor, a comfort in the crowd.
Something known and familiar. Something safe.

The two elves sat together for a while, Saelbeth slightly amused by
Legolas' state and Legolas slightly amused by Saelbeth's amusement. It
turned out to be a rather giggly conversation. reminding Legolas of  their younger days in 
Mirkwood...and the love they almost shared...would have, if it hadn't  been for Haldir.

His eyes drifted across the meadow and caught the elf himself. Haldir
noticed the stare and obviously took it as an invitation, as he came
striding across the distance between them. Eyes fixed on Legolas.
Saelbeth saw it as well. He was always uncomfortable around Haldir, ever since he had 
found the truth about his manipulations regarding the relationship between himself and 
Legolas. Now he rose and smiled at the prince:

"I'm going for a walk," he excused himself. "I will be back, " he assured him.

Legolas could hardly force him to stay, he'd rather not meet Haldir
alone, as things were, he had no choice in the matter.

"Legolas" Haldir bowed. He didn't sit down but remained standing before
him.

"Haldir," Legolas smiled. "Are you enjoying the celebration?" he asked
politely.

"Do you sleep with him?" Haldir answered and startled Legolas even in his drunk state.

"No...should I?" he replied quickly, annoyed that Haldir  obviously
thought it was his right to ask him such questions.

"No...I was just curious, I remember the two of you being fond of each
other back in the old world..." Haldir replied calmly. "Is the dwarf your lover?" he 
continued, startling Legolas even more.

"You know he is not, why do you ask me these questions?"

" I know you are a passionate being, and some say you are sleeping with
the dwarf. It made me curious.To think that an elf would choose to take a dwarf to his 
bed..." Haldir shook his head in amusement and took another sip of his wine.

Something told Legolas that the other elf probably had had a bit too much wine as well.

"Are you drunk, Haldir?" he asked.

"Are you?" Haldir replied and arched one of his brows, reminding Legolas
so much of the old Haldir that it stung in his heart and he had to look away.

"Do you *have* a lover on this island?" Haldir asked the more and more
confused Legolas.

"No!" he burst out. "Although your brother had a rather interesting
suggestion when I met him in the wood a while ago," he added. Couldn't
resist the temptation. "Maybe I'll take him up on it..."

Haldir's face held no emotion when he replied;

"Which one of them?" he asked.

"Orophin..."

"It would hardly be fair to him, would it...? For you to sleep with my
brother, he would be just a..."

"Replacement? No...I would take him for better reasons than that," Legolas lied. "He is 
beautiful, " he added and that was true enough.

"Why do you feel like you need a lover?" Haldir suddenly asked in a voice that held 
curiosity as well as a slight hint of mirth.

Legolas clenched his jaws, he suddenly felt like a child having to explain his wrongs to 
his elders, and this whole conversation was starting to make him feel very uncomfortable.

"Why, Haldir?" He said. "Because there is comfort in it...it is
pleasurable and nice and I have gone for so long without that kind of company...I waited 
for you for so long and..."

"You didn't have a lover in Gondor?" Haldir suddenly interrupted,
something like cool surprise flickered in his eyes.

"Of course not!" Legolas was more than annoyed now, he was angry. " I was waiting for 
your return..."

"But I was dead..."

"It didn't matter, I loved you...!" Still do, he added in his thoughts.

Haldir's eyes grew cold and distant again.

" I will talk to my brother," he said in his usual calm voice.

"Why?" Legolas said gently, his anger giving into this exhausted feeling
that always seeped into his body and mind when Haldir was around. A feeling of 
helplessness, of hopelessness.

Haldir didn't answer his question.

"Find yourself a lover then, if it makes you happy. But we are still
bound...and I wish, mostly for your own sake, for you find your own peace, that you 
would let go of your passionate ways..."

"Do I disgrace you?" Bitterness was back in Legolas voice.

"Perhaps..but I think about you as well, relationships like that must be
tiring...exhausting..."

"You used to know all about it..." Legolas whispered.

" Now I don't," Haldir replied and turned on his heel, was swallowed up by the crowd of 
gathered elves.








IV


Legolas walked home after the celebration with Saelbeth by his side. The night was warm 
and pleasant, the path they'd chosen beautiful, rimmed by tall, greening trees. But Legolas 
had no eyes for the beauty. The thoughts of Haldir and their unpleasant conversation were 
still bothering him. Every time they spoke to each other it ended up hurting Legolas, one 
way or the other. This time was worse than ever before. He made him feel small, like 
some young, inexperienced elf. Prey to his own flesh, guided by his own body.  And it 
was all so wrong.

"I have to get over him!" he voiced his thoughts.

Saelbeth looked at him surprised.

"Haldir?" he asked.

"Yes..." Legolas smiled tired. "I cannot let him have this power over me
when we have drifted so far apart..."

Saelbeth hand came to squeeze his shoulder lightly. Comforting.

"You have to give it time," he soothed. "Such things doesn't just
disappear..."

" I know," Legolas sighed. "But he makes me feel ashamed of myself even
though I have done nothing wrong. And that, added to the pain I already
feel from loosing him...it is too much!"

"Yes," Saelbeth answered. "But what will you do?"

"Saelbeth," Legolas closed his eyes, drew a deep breath and made a
decision. "Stay with me tonight," he said. " I need someone close to
me..." he added softly.

"Legolas..." Saelbeth's eyes darted nervously towards him. " You know how deeply I care 
for you. I have always done....but I don't think I am the one that can wipe your pain 
away..."

"Yes, Saelbeth...you can!" Legolas said. "At least for tonight you can. If anyone can, 
you're the one..." He lifted his fingers to caress Saelbeth's temple. "Don't you want to?" he 
asked to Saelbeth's sweet face.

"Of course I do," Saelbeth said. " I have never stopped...loving you, you know that."

"Please," Legolas whispered, "don't say that..."

"I know," Saelbeth interrupted him," I am not the one who is meant for
you. But until I find the one that is for me, it is you that fills my heart. It has always been 
so..."

"Saelbeth," Legolas' voice held compassion. "I do not wish to hurt you.
If you don't want to, I'll understand..."

"Legolas," the other elf breathed, "nothing would make me happier...I just want you to 
know that I do not expect you to love me..."

"But I do," Legolas smiled. "As my very, very best friend and the most
beautiful one as well..." his smile widened and he caught Saelbeth's lithe body in his arms.

"Will you have me then?" he asked and pressed the tip of his nose to the
other's.

"Yes," Saelbeth smiled back and their lips searched for and found the
other's in a sweet and lingering kiss.

Neither of them noticed the tall and still figure watching them from among the trees.

********************************

They climbed up the ladder to Saelbeth's home. Stopping only now and then to touch each 
other or to let their lips meet in long, lingering kisses.

By the time they reached the big chamber with the wooden bed, much like
the one Legolas had slept in, in the guest house, Saelbeth was panting
heavily. All restraints seemed gone when he let Legolas guide him to the bed and let his 
fingers start working on the lacings of his clothes.

Legolas smiled when he saw the want in his friend's eyes, the becoming
blush in his cheeks. Admiration and want on his own behalf made itself apparent as well 
as he removed the other's clothing, slid his hands over soft, marble limbs. Curled a lock of 
honey colored hair around his finger and touched the other's sweet lips with his own. He 
slid a tongue across the other's lower lip and let it slip in to Saelbeth's warm mouth, 
sucking on his tongue greedily.

Saelbeth's arms moved up to tug on Legolas tunic, almost ripped it in his eager attempt to 
remove it from Legolas golden skin. Legolas laughed
happily and helped him remove it along with the rest of his clothes until they both lay 
naked in each other's embrace, exploring each other's bodies for the first time. Tasting, 
touching, licking...

"Legolas!" A icy voice came from the doorframe. "Get up!" the voice
demanded.

Black eyes fell on the couple in the bed.

"Haldir?" Legolas' eyes met the furious gaze of his former lover and
friend. "What are you doing here? Is something wrong?" He sat up in the bed and pulled a 
blanket with him to wrap around his body.

"Come!" the demanding voice continued, pretending not to hear him. Steel
in his eyes. Boiling with anger.

"Haldir?" the elf behind Legolas said, his voice hardly a whisper and
oozing with fear.

The room suddenly felt cold. Legolas wrapped the blanket around him more
tightly and rose from the bed.

"I have to put on my clothes..." he muttered, his eyes on Haldir begging
for patience. Unease coursed through him. That, and a slight annoyance. "I know we are 
bound, still," he said, "but you have no right to lecture me over this, Haldir..." he 
exclaimed and grabbed his tunic from the floor.

Haldir's eyes darted to the piece of cloth in Legolas hand.

"No time for that!" he said. "Come!"

Legolas' own expression turned to one of ice but he decided to obey him
this time, to get it over with. If Haldir thought he could just burst in and condemn him, 
then he was wrong, Legolas thought. He may not have the Valar's serenity like Haldir, he 
may still have one foot in Middle-Earth but he would not be lectured. Least of all by 
Haldir.

"I'll be back..." he said to Saelbeth, who just silently shook his head.

"Do not worry about me, Legolas," he said, but Legolas didn't hear him.
With the light blanket wrapped around his waist he headed for the arched
doorway leading out to the warm, moonlit night.

Haldir stood with his back to him when he reached the ground. Legolas
noticed that he had discarded his robes for his old style of clothing: Leggings and a tunic 
over soft, black leather boots. It made him look more like the Haldir he used to be, the 
one who loved him.  Legolas had to restrain himself.  Stop so as not to curl one arm 
around his slender waist and lean his head against those broad shoulders.  It wasn't him. 
Legolas knew that. This was not his Haldir. It was the new one.

"What do you want with me, Haldir?" he asked coldly

The elf turned around. His face pale, his nostrils flaring.

"What have I done, my lord to upset you so..." Legolas continued calmly
noticing the clenched fists by the other elf's sides. "Do you disapprove
of my passionate ways?" Legolas' voice was full of hurt. He could feel tears well up 
inside, a cry catch in his throat. It made it difficult to breath. Difficult to see. His own fists 
curled up around the grey fabric of his blanket. He was angry too. Angry and humiliated 
and hurt.
"What do you want?" he suddenly cried out to the still figure in front of him. "What is it 
that you want of me?!" he continued. Frustration and
despair almost chocking him.

Haldir's hands reach out to push him violently to the ground.

Shock and surprise registers on Legolas' face as he lies sprawled on the
ground, gasping for breath. Desperately he tries to gather his thoughts, but Haldir wont let 
him. He dives on top of him.  Pins his arms, his clenched fists to the ground in a painful 
grip. His face is still motionless; a closed mask of rage.

Legolas tries to wriggle himself free while he mutters words
incomprehensible even to himself, his mind on the brink of
panic. He is scared now...Haldir is obviously not playing games, and
he's not friendly either.
The strong Elven body on top of him though effectively stops any thought
of escape. He can feel the firm muscles flex through the fabric as he
changes his grip on Legolas' hands, forces them above his head and keeps
them there, locked in one of his hands.  Legolas can feel Haldir's breath against the side of 
his head. Heavy and ragged.
At last the furious elf meets his eyes.

"Legolas..." A hoarse whisper. Strained voice.

Legolas begins to shiver. What does he want?

Soft lips on his face; a tongue trailing his neck.

"Haldir!" Legolas bursts out, shocked beyond belief by the other's
actions.

"I came to see him...to tell him to stay away from you." Haldir's voice is hardly more than 
a murmur as he roams Legolas face and neck with his mouth. Makes his skin tingle, crawl 
with goosebumps, suddenly so very sensitive to every touch, every sweep of those soft 
lips. Haldir's voice reaches his ears as through a haze. " Scars on my soul that bleed... 
cannot be erased." he whispers, still in this half incomprehensible voice as if he's talking 
more to himself than to Legolas. "You are mine!" he exclaims close to Legolas' ear. 
Passion sneaking in to his whispering voice, fever in his eyes. " ...want you so... " he sighs 
between the kisses, " I cannot breath when you're around... what are you doing to me?" 
Finally Haldir lifts his head and meets Legolas' questioningly, but he doesn't wait for 
Legolas to answer.

His free hand begins stroking the side of Legolas' chest. Haldir's hand on his skin after all 
this time is almost unbearable. A moan escapes Legolas' lips. His head feels feverish, 
struggling to understand what is happening.

His body so willing, his mind so restrained. He will not give in to this
sudden madness that has possessed his former companion. He will not expose his 
feelings, freely offer himself to the elf again. Their ties are severed. Haldir doesn't hold 
the same feelings as Legolas anymore and the pain...the pain is still tormenting him. He 
cannot, *will* not let Haldir see his vulnerability again. And he will not see the anger and 
regret, the dismay on Haldir's face tomorrow if he gives in to this sudden passion now. 
Even if his body aches for him, his soul hungers for him...He cannot...

"Oh gods!" he whispers as Haldir's mouth trails the outline of his ear to nuzzle the 
sensitive tip between his lips. "Don't, Haldir!" But it's just a whisper.

"Mine!" Haldir says again with hazed eyes. It creates a shiver in Legolas' body. It is 
Haldir! Legolas' fights his body, his feelings...but it is *him* and...as much as it hurts his 
pride, he doesn't know if he has the strength to fight this, him...off.

"Why are you doing this?" he tries, his voice is trembling, his body
shivering as Haldir's soft lips are caressing the skin of his neck. All
the time he's expecting and dreading that he'll stop. That his eyes will cool and his face 
take on its serene expression, that his voice will grow distant and calm. But instead a 
glowing gaze is lingering on his face, it burns on his lips, drowns in his eyes.

"I want you!" the other elf answers calmly and moistens his lips with his tongue. His 
burning eyes are suddenly shadowed, blurred with a known expression of hunger and lust. 
His hand cups Legolas' face and the moment he has dreaded and craved for since this 
madness on the grassy ground started, since he first felt those beloved lips on him again, 
arrives: Haldir's mouth seeks his own and Legolas can do nothing but obey. When could 
he ever resist those lips? Those red, red, moist and silken lips that rub against his own. 
That velvet tongue that seeks entrance, in between Legolas' lips, in between his teeth to 
battle with his own. He wants to scream into that kiss. Wants to scream out his lust and 
love and utter confusion but Haldir wont let him. Haldir moans and sighs and kisses him 
passionately. His tongue is touching, tasting, feeling Legolas' from within and Legolas 
falls apart into that kiss. He sobs and sighs and when Haldir lets his hands go in a 
moment's distraction. Legolas doesn't fight him or push him away.  He hardly notices it 
himself when he lets his arms slide over Haldir's shoulders and pull him closer. Deeper, 
into the moist cave of his mouth. He closes his eyes, has to, so as not to cry. Pure bliss as 
the kiss continues. Haldir's arms push under his body to lift his back slightly of the 
ground. His muscles are tense; he holds Legolas in a strong grip, as if he's afraid that he'll 
escape. The rough fabric of Haldir's tunic rubs against his tender skin but Legolas doesn't 
care. Now he fears the moment when the kiss will end. He fears the parting of their lips, 
the loss of Haldir's breath on his skin, the fluttering lashes that tickle his cheek. The soft 
hair on his neck. And those lips, those demanding lips on his, the teasing tongue inside his 
mouth. He doesn't want to loose it. Doesn't want this moment to end, for Haldir to come 
to his senses. For *him* to come to his senses. He moans into the kiss again. Feels how 
his body softens towards the other. Lust fills his loins and he arches towards that beloved 
body; the one that used to belong to his Haldir. His legs part under the other to curl 
around his knees. Drag him even closer to himself. He wants to capture this body, lock 
him in his embrace. Make sure he never, ever goes away. And all the time, this kiss. This 
never-ending, passionate kiss. Haldir's heavy breath. The small sounds that escape from 
his throat as he ravages Legolas' mouth with his own. So unbelievably hot and sweet...

"Haldir " he sobs in disappointment, lust and confusion when the kiss
finally ends. Haldir lifts his head and chest from Legolas, forces him to let go of his neck. 
He is leaning over him with one hand on each side of his body while panting heavily

His eyes are glassy, looking at him with an expression of wonder. As if
his mind can't comprehend what has happened to him, what is still happening. He looks 
down Legolas' body.On the heavy breathing, warm and aroused body under his own. The 
moist, golden hair on the ground, Legolas' parted lips and blurry eyes. He has thrown his 
arms above his head; slender limbs sprawled on the ground. His skin is flawless, shining 
in the moonlight and finally Haldir's expression of wonder is replaced with one of 
admiration.

"You are beautiful!" he says softly, almost surprised and dives down to
capture his lips again. Tenderly this time, sucking Legolas' lower lip in to his mouth.

"My Legolas!" he whispers lovingly as he lets his mouth go for the second time.

"Haldir!" Legolas replies in the same, soft voice. His fingers are tangled in Haldir's hair. 
His body unconsciously writhing beneath him.

"I want you," Haldir repeats. Again this fluttering expression of
wonder. "Feel you..." a breath on Legolas' neck. His hands wander to the
lacings of his tunic, he pulls the piece of cloth over his head and
reveals his marble chest. Legolas is just lying there, staring in awe at the other elf's 
actions. He cannot believe this is true. That it's happening. Not until Haldir takes his 
hands in his and guides them to his smooth skin. Not until Haldir throws his head back in 
pleasure when he feels Legolas' caress.
Then, he's beginning to believe.  When his fingers trail those well known paths, moving 
across Haldir's chest and belly, when he touches that soft skin again and hears Haldir hiss 
when he reaches the lower areas of his torso.
Then he can believe. Believe that this is real. That it's happening - and then, Legolas 
closes his eyes and cries.

"Do not cry, my love." Haldir's lips are kissing his tears away. He has
lowered himself now, their chests are resting against each other. Skin to skin, Haldir's 
hands are cupping his face while his mouth captures every drop of silvery liquid as they 
escape Legolas' eyes. "Don't you want me?" Haldir asks.

Legolas answers with a loud moan, a ragged breath. He arches his hips
towards the other.

"Have me then...take me!" he bursts out "...I am nothing when you're not
here," he adds in a shivering voice. His lips are trembling. Pain and
confusion visible in his eyes.

Haldir doesn't flinch. His lips touch Legolas' again, but he doesn't break the stare.

"This is where I belong. " he says in a steady voice, his eyes never
leaving Legolas'. "In your arms." he continues. "Do not be afraid Legolas, I have been a 
fool," he whispers, "I will not be a fool again.  Let me come inside of you," he begs with 
passion. His mouth trails Legolas' neck, down to his chest, his tongue teases one of his 
nipples. " You are mine," he whispers hotly." How could I let someone else touch you...? 
I need you!" He finishes his sentence and claims Legolas' lips again. "My sweet prince," 
he whispers when the kiss ends. "Stay with me..."

It is those words more than anything else that finally reach Legolas'
mind, cutting through his confusion and making him understand that this
may not be just a slip, but something that may last. Continue...
And as the understanding spreads in his mind he can see his lover's eyes
darken. As if something is being poured back into them. Something they've been lacking. 
Haldir's love for him. What had created the night sky in his gaze. The knowledge of their 
love is seeping back from its hiding place and restoring the depth of Haldir's eyes while 
Legolas is watching. Filled with awe he reaches out to touch Haldir's face. A smile on his 
lips:

"You are mine!" Filled with joy.

"Shall I prove it?" The old teasing tune, so sorely missed...

"Yes..." a loving smile, although a hint of insecurity, an inability to
understand it all is still fluttering under the surface.

Haldir smiles. His arms close around Legolas, his lips are back on his
skin. Slowly his limbs caress Legolas' body, filling him with warmth.
Haldir's hips are moving against Legolas' and he reaches down to undo the lacings, letting 
him go for a moment to take off the rest of his clothes. Then he is back on top of his long 
lost lover's body. Slides his limbs against the other's, drowns in his scent. Golden hair 
between his fingers, a shuddering breath as he grinds his arousal against the prince's.

"Gods, Legolas!"  he exclaims. " I must have chosen not to remember this
so as not to go insane..." His voice is strangled, filled with emotion.

"Hush..." Legolas is soothing him. " Let it rest my love, just be with
me..."

Legolas spreads his legs wider, making his wishes apparent to the other.

"Come closer," he whispers under half-closed lids. Craving this closeness as much for his 
soul as for his body.

"I will..." Haldir sighs and rubs his arousal towards the other's, the
friction and the pleasure makes them both leak fluid which he gathers and smears over his 
skin.

Then he enters Legolas' body. Moving in slowly, inch by inch. Legolas
makes a loud sound of pleasure and lifts his hips off the ground to meet the invasion. 
They're both panting, pushing and moaning into each other's mouths until Haldir fills him 
completely. Is fully seated in his lover's tight and hot embrace.

"Yes," Legolas whispers. His arms and legs are wrapped around Haldir, just allowing him 
enough space to move. Carefully he starts rocking, slowly in and out of him. To Legolas it 
is pure bliss. The feeling of completion almost outshining the pleasure...almost. Because 
when Haldir reaches down between them to take his weeping desire in his hand, moving it 
in time with his thrusts Legolas' loses himself to the building ecstasy. The burning, raging 
desire that uncoils in his body. Driving him mad, like a fever.

"Haldir!" he cries out. "...Haldir!" How could he ever think that another elf could give 
him this pleasure? No one else could. It was only him! The only one that could touch him 
like this, do him like this...make him feel so wonderful, so loved and so utterly and 
completely alive.
He loves the feeling of him inside his body, loves to feel him move. Loves to see the 
expression on his face. The silent pleasure, the wetting of his lips with the tip of his 
tongue, fluttering lashes, glittering eyes. The feeling of their skin touching. Sliding. The 
salty taste of it. Soft, shiny hair on his chest and shoulders, the pounding vein visible on 
his neck. His free arm is holding him close. Strong limbs forcing him closer...always 
closer...and closer to the edge as well.

Tears are falling on his face from Haldir's eyes. But he's smiling. They
are good tears, tears of joy. They're still falling when the thrusts come faster, heavier and 
the arm that holds Legolas strengthens its hold. His body is trembling and pulling Legolas 
with him.

A sudden panicked thought; what if this is all over when Haldir finds his release?

Then he's crushed to the ground again by the strong body on top of him.
And he realizes there is no return from this. Not for him. He cannot deny his love for the 
other. Even if he should reject him again. The only thing he can do is surrender. So he 
cries out loud. A lasting cry of pleasure and despair as he spills his seed over their thighs 
and bellies and once again surrenders his heart to the other elf. Let him have it to cherish 
or break it. He cannot hold it back. Helpless, faced with the force of his own 
emotions.And in this moment...in this moment he is in his arms...and nothing else matters 
but this moment. And as they reach the peak of their pleasure, a low humming sound 
reaches out from the core of their bodies, a familiar glow flares to life on their skin, 
dances over their limbs and melts together in an almost blinding blaze. Unites them and 
reawakens their woes to each other.
Reminds them to whom they belong. To whom they have bound their souls. Who they are 
meant for.That their love is pure and right and clean. And
sweeter than any other love because this...this is, The One.

"I love you," one of them says. Soft shimmering skin touches soft
shimmering skin. Their foreheads are pressed together. A tongue flicks out to touch the 
other's lips.

" I love you, " the other answers, fingers caress squares of heated skin. Soft lips touching 
the moist surface.

"I love you," one of them repeats and slides one leg along the other's.
Fingers playing in his hair before arms embrace to close the distance.

One of them grabs for the discarded blanket. Wraps them both in it. As
close as they can get.

Silvery hair mingles with golden. Firm muscles and slender limbs are
nested together. Salty skin is slowly explored by loving fingers. Circled and caressed. 
Rediscovered.

Lips lock in yet another kiss. Tongues meet and greet each other.
Welcoming warmth.

"Never, ever leave me again..." A whispering voice, trembling with
emotion.

" I wont...I promise..." another voice, another trembling whisper. Tears
in his eyes, glittering in the dark.

" I have missed you so, being without you was unbearable..."

"I know, my love. I know..."

" I cannot endure it again..."

"Hush..my prince. You're in my arms now, you're here and we'll be well, my beloved. 
Everything will be fine..." Sealed with a kiss. It is a promise.

They curl up together on the ground under the blanket. Their hands never
cease touching, their mouths never cease exploring. Their eyes lock and
they both know; the pain has been worth it.  This is the love that can survive it all; denial, 
defeat, secret and lies - even separation and death. It has been worth it, the pain and the 
longing, for it has brought them here, to this moment where nothing, no shadow and no 
threat, stands between them: They are together now, at last, under a new and undying 
mithril moon.


Epilogue:

From Frodo Baggins' Records:

...I don't know what happened, nobody knows exactly what it was, but
Legolas suddenly packed his things and moved over to Haldir's house and then nobody 
saw them for days. Me and Sam got a bit worried, Gimli too, I suppose, at least he was 
caught muttering a lot about his axe. But then Gandalf told us not to worry because he had 
seen the sky darken and the stars sparkle,whatever that was supposed to mean...
When the two of them finally showed up it became clear to everyone that
they were in love. Haldir held Legolas in a way that told everyone that this was his elf and 
nobody else's. Legolas just wandered around blushing, and as for Haldir's so-called 
serenity...well I think I maybe prefer that version to the arrogant, smirking creature he's 
become. He doesn't even wear those velvet robes anymore, but walks around in this really 
tight clothing resembling those of Lorien. Too tight, in Sam's opinion. But I think he's just 
showing off for Legolas. I actually caught him (Legolas) groping him in a most unseemly 
manner last night.  Makes an old hobbit heart warmer.
Saelbeth, who we all thought would be Legolas' savior was seen in the
woods with Orophin of Lorien last night, at least that's what Gimli tells me.
Ah, elven love.  Nothing as beautiful as that. And Legolas deserves this
happiness, he really does. Even if I personally can't stand Haldir I am
glad for Legolas, I really am.

Else: Nothing much new, things are quiet. I am happy.



The End
- And I mean it this time!
C