Title: One More Chance
Author:  Tayuri
Pairings: Legolas/Haldir
Rating: PG-13
Summary:  Aftermath of Helm's Deep. Legolas regrets what he left unsaid
to Haldir.
Disclaimer:  Not mine, Tolkien's.
Author's Notes:  Movie-verse.  I've taken a lot of artistic license
with the whole Mandos Hall thing.




Legolas was not like the others.  Even as much as he hated the Uruk-hai, 
those creatures never meant to live, for an elf, the mad slaughter of the 
night before weighed heavily on his mind.  The death of so many, 
especially of his kind, beings meant to live forever, having been granted 
immortality, kept his mind from celebrating upon the victory that had been 
won.  For him, the price had been too high.  The guilt for being alive 
gnawed at him, and a single accusatory thought circulated in his mind.

'Haldir.'

All because he had been too late.  Too late to catch him as he fell.  Too 
late to kiss him one last time before the other's soul departed this world. 
Too late to have comfort the one he loved before he died, to let him know 
he was not alone.  Too late to tell him that he was loved.  That he, 
Legolas, loved him.

Legolas had always known the depth of Haldir's love for him. The other 
elf made no pretense of it, never let one moment go without reminding 
him in one way or another.  A gentle smile, little gifts left behind for him 
to find, whispers when Haldir thought he was asleep, or even the lover's 
knots Haldir would braid into his hair when they were alone.

And just as he had known of Haldir's love, he had also known Haldir was 
afraid.  Afraid that Legolas was only interested in him as a friend, that 
though they had shared a bed, it did not mean that he had the archer’s 
heart.  In some way, it was as though Haldir thought Legolas would one 
day wake up, tired of him and leave to find someone else.  Someone of 
higher status than a mere guardian of the woods of Lothlorien.  Or that he 
might one day give into his father's intimations of a royal marriage.

It was a jest Haldir would often make.  Yet he had done nothing to dispel 
Haldir's fears.  Merely smiled or laughed along, pretending it was all a 
joke. But he had known, deep down, what Haldir really wanted was some 
sort of denial of his fears from the prince of Mirkwood.  One that Legolas 
had never given him because he had foolishly believed that he had all the 
time in the world with which to prove his love and this was the heart of his 
current pain.  For Haldir had died, never finding out that Legolas had 
indeed loved him, that Haldir was first in his heart. Had always been the 
only one in his heart.  He had died thinking that he was alone, that perhaps 
the one being he loved did not love him back in the same way.

'If only I had told him, perhaps...'  Perhaps then Haldir would have known 
he was fighting for love's sake.  For a love returned, not unrequited.  And 
maybe, just maybe, somehow he might not have died.  That he would be 
here now with Legolas. That Legolas would be embraced in those strong 
arms, would be kissed by those soft, sensuous lips, and would be told in 
that musical voice he was loved.  And he would have the chance to return 
that embrace, that kiss, and that one phrase which might have spared him 
his broken heart.

Such was the nature of his thoughts that kept him from seeking comfort 
from the others.  He wanted to soak in the hurt, as if it could atone for his 
mistakes. He had abruptly left the others to their planning, needing 
solitude.  Had missed Gimli's attempt to stop him, having been intercepted 
by Aragorn.  The ranger had grown up amongst elves, he knew and 
understood the time to took for them to grieve. It had been difficult to tell 
Legolas of Haldir's death, to destroy the hope in the elf's voice when 
Legolas asked him if he knew of Haldir's whereabouts. Aragorn hoped 
that the elf would be able to pull through, and not give into his  grief and 
fade away as was the nature of elves to do when their heart was broken.

Legolas wandered through the halls of the keep at Helm's Deep. He passed 
by crying mothers, wailing children, and reunited lovers without sparing 
them much thought.  He wanted so much to be able to curl up in some 
corner and hide, but knew he could not.  The others still needed him for 
though the battle was won, the war was not.  Until it was, he would not 
waste Haldir's death, would not allow what Haldir had fought for to be 
lost.  It was only this, the strength of his duty that would keep him from 
completely fading.  But even then, he kept on thinking, kept on nurturing 
his pain, unable to stop.

'Just one more chance...' Though he knew it to be futile, Legolas prayed 
with all his might that there was a way for him to undo his mistakes.  If 
Haldir could be returned to him, Legolas knew he would never let the 
other elf go again. That if he could be with Haldir, he would take him in 
his arms, run his hands through the soft, silken strands of the other's hair, 
braid the mark of his love into that hair and finally be able to tell him the 
strength of his love.

Lost in his thoughts, Legolas hardly knew where his feet took him.  It was 
at the end of the hallway, past the rooms where the injured were being 
tended.  The door to his right was open, and he entered.  The room was 
small, cluttered with old, dusty furniture.  There were racks for weapons, 
but these had been emptied, the weapons handed to the men of Rohan last 
night.  The only light in the room came from the torches out in the 
hallway, making the room very dark even to Elven eyes.  Along the back 
wall, a hue of red caught his attention.  Eyes widened in recognition, the 
red had been the mark of Haldir's status among the elves that had come to 
Rohan's aid.

'It can't be!' Legolas did not want to see his lover's body.  He would not be 
able to take it, seeing Haldir's beloved face, seeing the light gone from 
those eyes.  He whirled away from the body to face the exit.  He stood for 
several long moments, eyes closed, heaving several deep breaths, trying 
his best to calm down, to stay in control.

"Legolas, what ails you, love?"

It was his voice... Haldir's voice... yet it wasn't.  That once beautiful voice 
was broken, rough with pain.  The voice of the dead.  Legolas fought back 
his tears, desperate to keep his mind intact from his grief and guilt.  A 
mind that was becoming delusional if he thought he could still hear his 
lover's voice. Legolas took a deep breath and opened his eyes, only to 
become even more shocked at the sight in front of him.

"NO!!"  It was too much.  The image of Haldir standing in the doorway, 
one shoulder leaning against it.  The worst part was the expression on his 
face. Legolas might have been able to bare it, had Haldir's face been the 
one everyone saw.  A mask of superiority, of arrogance, of complete 
reassurance in his stature and skills.  What greeted him was what few saw, 
were privileged to see, Legolas being one of those people.  No shields, no 
walls, just concern and unconditional love radiating from that beautiful 
face.  Knowing he would never again be able to be showered in its 
affection anguished him, caused Legolas to fall to his knees, his head in 
his hands.

‘No, no!!  It cannot be...!'  Legolas prayed valiantly to what unforgivable 
being was making him relive his guilt without relent.  Legolas thought to 
give into despair and madness when he thought he felt Haldir's touch.  
When those callused hands were laid gently upon his shoulder, the same 
ones that used to be able to bring him to the brink of ecstasy.  Arms 
gathered him into a comforting, loving embrace.

Legolas moved, almost with a snarl, to shove the ghost of Haldir away 
from him.  He gasped in surprise when his hands met a solid, warm and 
very much alive body.  Tentatively, he raised his head and looked into the 
eyes of the other elf, afraid of what would greet him.  Legolas had always 
loved staring into Haldir's eyes.  Large, dark beautiful eyes that had 
always reminded him of the clear night sky, filled with stars.  Eyes that 
always sparkled and lit from within when they lay on him.  Those same 
eyes, without a doubt, were now sparkling with something even more 
precious to Legolas, life.

Haldir brushed hesitant fingers across his cheek.  Tears filled Legolas' 
eyes at the touch, and he leaned into that gentle caress.  He turned his head 
and when his lips met the palm of Haldir's hand, tasted the salt of his skin, 
he allowed himself to believe.  Forced the fear and doubt from his mind. 
With a shout of immense relief and delirious joy, he crushed Haldir's form 
to himself, breathed in his scent, buried his hands in his hair.

Only at the hiss of pain that escaped from Haldir's lips did Legolas 
reluctantly loosen his grip on his lover.  "Haldir?!"

Haldir smiled.  "My shoulder is still quite tender, my prince.  It will be 
some time before it heals completely."  Haldir stood up, pulling the archer 
along with him.  He pulled his shirt down to expose a shoulder swathed in 
strips of cloth, some of which were stained with blood.  Only now did 
Legolas take in the poor state of Haldir's clothing. Gone were the golden 
plates of armor and the brilliant red cloak, signifying the command Haldir 
had held over the Elven army. He was still dressed in his own leggings 
and leather boots.  Over it all, Haldir was dressed in a shirt, not of Elven 
design, but of mankind.  His own must have been discarded as useless for 
the blood that must have soaked through it.

Looking up at his love, Legolas touched Haldir's face almost reverently. 
"Haldir... it is you, isn't it?" he whispered.

Haldir responded by taking Legolas' into his arms, pressing their foreheads 
together, nose-to-nose.  "What does your heart tell you, love?"

"But... but I saw you... you fell... Aragorn told me himself that he held you 
when you died!  How... how can this be...?"

"Is it hard so hard to believe?  Or did you not desire my return?" Haldir 
smiled mischievously, and winked.

"Shut up!  I never want hear you say such a thing again!"  The harsh 
words exploded from him, his earlier guilt fueling the anger behind those 
words. Anger meant not for his lover, but for himself, for the doubts that 
must still linger for Haldir to make such a statement.  Legolas regretted the 
words even before they left his mouth.  The shame in him doubled at the 
change it caused in the elf in front of him.

Haldir dropped his hands from Legolas' waist, his eyes widened in shock 
as he took a step away from his beloved.  "Forgive me, my prince.  I was 
only..." he trailed off, unsure of what to say.  The look in Legolas' eyes 
unnerved him. The prince of Mirkwood had never responded in such a 
way to him before.

Legolas shook his head.  The formality with which Haldir addressed him, 
the deliberate distance placed between the two of them was not his 
intention. Was this how he was to act after having been granted his heart's 
desire?  Would he still push his love away right after he had just found 
him again?

"No, no.  It is I who should be asking for forgiveness, Haldir, not you. 
Never you."  He took a step closer and ran his fingers down Haldir's 
porcelain-like face.  Looking into those confused eyes, he whispered 
softly, "It is my own fault that I never relieved you of such doubts.  My 
own foolishness.  Can you forgive me? For not letting you know sooner?"

"Legolas..." breathed Haldir.

"I love you.  You are the only one my heart desires.  It has always been so.  
When you fell, it was as if I had died along with you.  I thought that in 
some way I had been responsible for your death, that if only you had 
known how much I love you, then perhaps you would not have fallen."

His lover gave a shake of his head.  "You are wrong, love.  I do know. 
Were it not for that, I would be wandering in Mandos now."  Taking 
Legolas by the hand, he led the archer over to the makeshift bed that 
Legolas had mistaken as the covered body of his lover.  Taking care not to 
aggravate his injuries further, Haldir laid down, his head situated in 
Legolas' lap.  Legolas ran his  fingers in circles on his lover's temples, 
massaging the pain away.

"Tell me."

And so Haldir told him.  Of his arrival at the entrance to Mandos, the 
Elven place for the dead.  Where he now belonged, having been slain in 
battle. And how just before he took that final step, crossed well and truly 
over to death, he had heard a voice.  His voice... Legolas' voice.

//"No!"  Just one word, but the despair and desperation in that simple 
phrase had caused Haldir to hesitate.  Because it had been Legolas' voice 
and it was filled with such anguish, it made him cringe.  He had never 
wished for such a thing to happen to his prince, that his lover would be in 
so much pain.  It made him feel almost guilty for dying as if he had been 
the cause of Legolas' hurt.

The call of Mandos was strong, however, and he turned back once more to 
its awaiting halls.  But, just as relentless, Legolas' voice reverberated all 
around him, crying over and over again, denying its loss.

He had apologized to that voice, "I'm sorry, love.  If we are so blessed, 
perhaps we will be able to meet again."

"No!"  He could not move.  Had he not once sworn to keep his lover from 
such pain?

"No!" came the cry again.  Each time it gripped him more forcibly, 
stalling his descent into Mandos.

"What would you have me do?!  There is nothing I can do now." Haldir 
cried back.//

Haldir opened his eyes, looked up into his beloved's face.  "I don't know 
what happened to bring me back here," he whispered.  "Only that it was 
you who kept me from entering Mandos."

"Haldir..."  Legolas bent down, his long hair falling around their faces, 
creating a curtain that separated the lovers from the rest of the world. 
Their kiss was soft and gentle.

Haldir sighed when their lips parted.  A sudden wave of fatigue washed 
over him, his body demanding rest.  The quick recovery of his kind was 
not without consequences, long periods of rest were necessary to heal the 
body.  "I'm sorry, love, but I must rest.  I do not wish to be parted from 
you though."  He brought his hand to Legolas' face.

Legolas grabbed his lover's hand and kissed it.  "We will never be parted 
again, beloved.  Rest, I will stay with you."  Bending down once more, he 
continued to massage his love's forehead while softly singing Elven songs 
of healing.

As Haldir gave into sleep, Legolas gently shifted so that the other elf's 
head was now pillowed upon a soft nestle of cloth.  Stroking the soft hair, 
making sure his love's rest was peaceful, the prince of Mirkwood carefully 
plaited a lover's knot into Haldir's hair.  He would not plait his own hair in 
such a way, but would wait for Haldir to awaken so that his lover could do 
it himself.

After removing his clothing, save for his leggings and an undershirt, 
Legolas lay out next to Haldir, careful not to awaken the other elf or to 
cause further harm to his injuries.  Curling up on one side, so that he could 
embrace Haldir with one arm, Legolas leaned in and whispered into 
Haldir's ear, "I love you."  One hand rested upon the left side of Haldir's 
chest.  Eyes closed, Legolas could feel their heart beat in unison.  And 
before he, too, fell asleep, Legolas thanked Iluvatar for his chance to be 
with his love again.

The End