Title: To Comfort An Elf Author: Nancing Elf Pairings: Legolas/Aragorn, Legolas/Boromir, Legolas/Gimli, Legolas/Frodo, Legolas/Sam, Legolas/Merry and Legolas/Pippin Rating: NC-17 Summary: HUMOR! After Legolas suffers an accident in Lothlorien the entire Fellowship wants to comfort the Elf. Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.R.R.Tolkien. I’m playing with them again. Rated NC-17 for language and sexual situations: A/U, modern parlance, and everyone is OCC. SLASH: Legolas/Fellowship. Can you count how many movie quotes are used in the story? This silly little fic is dedicated to Riley! You go girl! TO COMFORT AN ELF Chapter One ‘OW!’ yelled Legolas, dropping his bow and clutching at his backside. ‘Oh shit! It was an accident!’ cried Rúmil. Everyone was looking at Legolas’ ass. A quivering arrow lay embedded in the Prince’s left buttock. ‘Man Haldir! I asked for your protection and look what your brother did!’ accused Aragorn, overprotective as usual with HIS Elf. ‘Hey! I didn’t tell Rúmil to shoot Legolas.’ Haldir spat back. ‘I said it was an accident.’ pouted Rúmil. Orophin looked at his brother in support and gently clasped his shoulder. ‘There, there brother. Don’t worry, we’ll make it all better.’ said Orophin. The Company of the Ring and the Lórien Elves stood around the stricken archer from Mirkwood, mouths gaping open, temporarily frozen with shock. Which turned into stares of admiration for Legolas’ butt was really cute. ‘Ok, if you’re all done gawking, will someone please help me?’ asked Legolas. The Elf was trying in vain to remove the arrow without causing any more damage. Suddenly the admirers stirred, everyone wanting to be the first one to ‘help’ Legolas. Naturally Aragorn elbowed everyone aside. The hobbits glared at the man only to be pushed aside by Gimli. Who in turn was shoved out of the way by Boromir. Aragorn froze the Son of Gondor with an “I was here FIRST!” glare. The other Elves deemed it wisest to back off for the moment. ‘If by my life or death I….’ began Aragorn. ‘Yeah, yeah, I know. Just pull it out will you?’ interrupted Legolas. ‘Gently!’ added the Elf. Aragorn placed his hand on Legolas ass. The others watched. And drooled. ‘Sam. Do you know the Athelas plant?’ asked Aragorn. ‘Yo. I got some right here.’ answered Haldir pulling some out of his pouch. ‘He wasn’t asking you!’ said Sam who was quite annoyed. Manners meant a lot to a simple country hobbit. Sam snatched the Athelas from Haldir and handed it over to Aragorn who began to chew it. Then the King in Exile began to gently work the arrow out of the wound. ‘Oh, it hurts Aragorn!’ cried Legolas. The Elf squeezed his eyes shut as the arrow came loose. ‘Everyone turn around.’ ordered Aragorn. Everyone did. Then the Ranger pulled Legolas’ pants down to uncover the rounded cheeks. Everyone peeked. Aragorn quickly placed the crushed plant onto the tender wound, hands wandering around some before covering the injury with some clean cloth pressed into his hands by Sam (‘Now where did Sam get this?” wondered Aragorn) and used some strips of cloth torn from his cloak to bind the wound quickly. ‘Is he going to die?’ asked Pippin, concern written all over the youngest hobbit’s face. ‘Of course not Pip.’ replied Merry. ‘Legolas will be sore but…’ the hobbit began before tittering a bit ‘…he’ll be ok soon. You’ll see.’ ‘By Durin’s Beard! What kind of a place is this where you would shoot one of your own?’ accused Gimli, mostly to cover up how aroused he was by the sight of a partially nude Legolas. ‘I said it was an accident!’ repeated Rúmil. ‘Sheesh!’ Orophin patted his brother again, annoyed with the Dwarf. Aragorn swept Legolas up into his arms (and don’t think Legolas didn’t enjoy that!) and looked at Haldir expectantly. ‘Oh alright. Come, The Lady is waiting.’ said Haldir. The entire group tramped after the Lórien Elves. As they walked past giant Mallorn trees, the hobbits took turns caressing Legolas’ forehead, hoping to ease the Elf’s pain. Aragorn was not amused but decided not to say anything. Boromir and Gimli brought up the rear (yuk, yuk), glowering at no one in particular and then exchanging uneasy glances before acknowledging each other. Haldir ran ahead to inform Galadriel and Celeborn of the guests they were about to receive and the accidental shooting of Thranduil’s son. Galadriel and Celeborn were NOT amused and sent Rúmil, Orophin and Haldir packing for the Northern Borders of Lothlorien in penance for doing such a poor job in public relations. Next, they set up a huge pavilion for the Fellowship in a clearing and provided food and drink for the weary travelers. Legolas was given a private tent so that he could recover away from the rather overly concerned members of the Fellowship. No surprise, Aragorn decided to share the tent with the luscious Elf. Boromir and Gimli shared a look. ‘It figures!’ growled Boromir. ‘Yeah.’ agreed Gimli. As night fell, the Company all began to drift off to sleep. All except Legolas and Aragorn that is. ‘Thank you Aragorn, for coming to my aid.’ whispered Legolas. ‘The Athelas has cut my healing time in half. I almost feel whole!’ And to prove the point, the Elf gingerly felt his backside and grinned at the Man when he only felt a small twinge of pain. ‘You’re welcome Legolas. You know I’d do anything for you.’ replied Aragorn in a rather husky voice. ‘Anything Estel?’ said Legolas with a devilish smile upon his lips. ‘Well then, I need comfort, for I…mfphhff’ Aragorn covered Legolas’ whole mouth with his, crushing the pink lips under his demanding ones. Their tongues clashed as their desire for each other built. Aragorn grasped Legolas in his arms and pressed his hips into the archer’s. He could feel his Elf’s arousal as it strained against the cloth of his pants, his own manhood responding in kind. Suddenly Aragorn pulled away and Legolas whimpered with frustrated desire. He looked at the Ranger, the lovely blue eyes showing his confusion. ‘Havo dad, Legolas.’ ordered Aragorn. Legolas obeyed and sat down on the bed. The injury by now hardly giving the virile Elf any problems. It was a good thing that Elves healed quickly! Aragorn began a slow strip tease as Legolas watched. The Man undid his belt and let it fall to the ground. Then his hands strayed to the lacings on his worn tunic, undoing the ties and pulling off the garment. Next Aragorn pulled his shirt off over his head uncovering a well-muscled chest. Legolas by now was nearly beside himself but remained seated, squirming with anticipation. Boots were removed and finally the pants were slipped off and the Man was revealed in all his glory. ‘Now my beautiful one, it’s your turn,’ said Aragorn ‘but I want you to lie down and then take your clothes off.’ ‘But Aragorn, I’ll have to wiggle and…’ protested Legolas. ‘Exactly!’ replied Aragorn with a smirk. And so Legolas did just that. He laid back and undid he belt arching his back to slide the article out from under him. He lifted his long legs to his chest and removed the boots before unfastening his arm guards and tossing them aside. The naked Man continued to watch, as his manhood grew even stiffer if that were possible. Legolas unlaced his own jerkin and began to draw it off over his head. He wiggled his body as the close fitting item was slowly worked up over his chest, then his shoulders. As the blond head disappeared under the garment Aragorn quickly stepped to the bed and straddled the Elf. He grasped Legolas’ arms, which were enclosed within the folds of his jerkin and neatly trapped the Elf’s arms. ‘Aragorn! I can’t see you!’ cried Legolas. ‘I know. And I don’t want you to move either.’ purred Aragorn. Then he began to undo the hooks on the silver tunic and pushed the fabric aside. Legolas began to breathe quickly, his chest heaving. ‘Holy shit Legolas! You are one sexy beast!’ exclaimed Aragorn as he ran his hands over the Elf’s torso. By now Legolas was nearly mad with desire and he couldn’t stop himself from raising his hips to meet Aragorn’s. The Man could not longer restrain himself. He nearly tore the pants off Legolas and grinned when the Elf’s shaft sprang forth from the confines of the offending garment. That was it. Aragorn took the engorged member into his warm mouth and Legolas moaned so loudly that everyone heard him in the pavilion. There would be no sleep for the Company now. ‘I have the ears of a fox and damned if Aragorn isn’t banging the Elf!’ said Gimli. Merry and Pippin sniggered and whispered together. Frodo and Sam lay within each other’s arms wondering if they should take a walk while Boromir grumbled to himself. ‘I will find no rest here.’ said Boromir. ‘Yeah, well not while they’re goin’ at it. Listen to them.’ And Gimli put a hand to his ear. The sounds of mutual pleasure drifted over from the other tent and suddenly six pairs of pants were too tight. Aragorn was sucking Legolas as hard as he could while squeezing and pinching the hardened nubs on the Prince’s chest. Legolas could no longer suffer his arms to be enclosed by his jerkin and he quickly divested himself of it. He curled his fingers into Aragorn hair, pressing the Ranger’s head into his groin. The Man took Legolas deep into his throat and tortured the Elf with his tongue and teeth. At last with a loud shuddering cry, Legolas was sent over the peak of sexual release. His body convulsed as the orgasm took hold of him. Aragorn swallowed the Elf’s essence and finally released the spent organ. He drew himself onto the Elf’s body and claimed Legolas’ lips again. Everyone listened as they heard the shockingly loud voice of the Elf cry out in passion. Boromir shook his head and Gimli smacked his helmet. ‘Come on Mr. Frodo. Let’s go for a walk.’ pleaded Sam. So Frodo and Sam got up and quickly left the tent walking really stiffly. Merry and Pippin snickered some more and began to play “Where’s the Sausage.” ‘Looks like we’re the only ones not gettin’ any tonight.’ sighed Boromir. ‘Don’t look at me Son of Gonads. I mean Gondor!’ retorted Gimli. Boromir spared the Dwarf a brief glare before returning to his own thoughts. ‘Shit, shit and shit.’ mumbled the frustrated Son of Gonad, I mean Gondor. (Boromir sends dagger glares at the author.) TBC A/N: muwahahahaha! Chapter Two ‘By Ilúvatar Aragorn but you sure do know how to give me comfort!’ smirked Legolas as he lay atop the bed. The Elf stretched languidly, a sigh of sexual contentment escaping from his lips. ‘But I’m not through with you yet Legolas!’ crooned Aragorn. ‘I want to fill you up with my seed. I want to plunge myself deep within you. I want to feel you writhe beneath me as I take you!’ Legolas’ eyes went wide as Aragorn continued to detail exactly what he wanted to do to HIS Elf. Then a throaty laugh escaped from Legolas’ mouth prompting Aragorn to frown. ‘Do you think I jest?’ asked Aragorn, cocking an eyebrow and gazing at the pale form before him. ‘Just what? Oh! Oh, no way! I was hoping that was a promise!’ replied Legolas. And Aragorn bent down on one knee before the exquisite Elf. ‘You have my sword!’ grinned Aragorn pointing to his arousal. Legolas snorted with glee and rolled off the bed. Then he led Aragorn a merry chase around the bed. Meanwhile, back at the Lonely Hearts tent, Gimli sat in a corner trying to ignore the giggles coming from two small humps under a blanket and the even louder giggles coming from the pavilion. ‘You’ve got my arm!’ cried Merry. ‘Is that your arm? I thought it was…’ but Pippin was interrupted when Merry returned to playing “Where’s the Sausage?” ‘Shit, shit, shit…’ continued Boromir, pressing his hands against his ears. He looked up as Frodo and Sam returned looking a bit disheveled. ‘We’ve finished walking.’ announced Frodo a little too loudly. Sam looked guilty as Gimli and Boromir fixed the two hobbits with a withering glare. ‘As if!’ growled the Dwarf as he began to chew the ends of his beard in frustration. ‘Shit, shit, shit…’ added Boromir. Frodo and Sam looked at each other and decided the best course of action was to ignore the sullen Man and Dwarf, steer clear of the moving humps and retire to bed. So they went to bed together. To sleep. Back in the pavilion… ‘You can’t catch me!’ taunted Legolas as he rounded the end of the bed but Aragorn made a feint as if he was going to follow only to launch himself across said bed. Legolas tried to evade but it was too late, Aragorn grabbed him and they both fell against the bed. ‘Got cha my pretty’ crowed Aragorn, ‘now, where do you want me to sheathe my sword?’ ‘Where do you think?’ replied Legolas as he gazed into Aragorn’s eyes. Aragorn pulled the Elf close to him and began to seduce Legolas once more. His hands traveled down the archer’s spine, fingers tickling the sensitive skin. The Man whispered into the delicately pointed ears. ‘Are you well enough for…’ began Aragorn as he nuzzled and nipped at Legolas’ ear. ‘Yes. Always.’ assented Legolas. ‘Well then, talk dirty to me Legolas.’ said Aragorn with a wicked smile. Legolas wrinkled his brows in confusion. Aragorn thought he looked so cute. ‘Mud. Grime, um, dirt?’ Aragorn slapped his forehead and rolled his eyes. He’d forgotten that Elves could be SO literal. ‘No my little blond Prince. I meant talk “dirty” to me. You know, sexy dirty!’ The Elf was momentarily taken aback before an answering smile reached his lips. ‘Oh! Come on then. Be MY Rump Ranger!’ smirked Legolas as he got on his hands and knees presenting Aragorn with the best ass in Middle- earth. ‘By all that’s holy!’ cried Aragorn as he licked his lips. ‘You are off the hook!’ ‘Eh?’ ‘Never mind Legolas. Just let me at you!’ Aragorn grabbed Legolas’ hips and reached for a conveniently placed vial of oil which had been placed next to the bed by Celeborn, bless his heart! The Man smeared the oil over his entire hand in his excitement. Legolas began to move his hips from side to side encouraging Aragorn to hurry. ‘Give it to me Aragorn. I want you to ride me!’ cried Legolas. Aragorn plunged two fingers into Legolas’ tight opening and began to wiggle them around while the Elf pushed himself onto the Man’s hand. ‘Keep talkin’ Legolas!’ Aragorn pushed another finger in. ‘I want you to ride me so hard I see the stars!’ begged the Elf. ‘Aragorn! Now! Please! Take me now!’ ‘Ah fuck the foreplay.’ growled Aragorn as he rammed his sword into Legolas’ Elven sheath. They moved with abandon as the Man slammed into the Elf before withdrawing a bit and then thrusting again. And again. And again! ‘Ai! Harder Aragorn, harder!’ And Aragorn obliged. Sweat dripped from his dark locks as he reached around to grasp Legolas’ shaft. The Elf shuddered as his member was gripped and the two lovers moved with a frenzy born of mutual lust and love (awwww!). Man and Elf grunted with their exertions until finally Aragorn and Legolas reached their climax together and gave voice to their loudest cries yet. ‘I think I’ve seen the Light of Eärendil!’ gasped Legolas. ‘Good Legolas ‘cause I thought I fucked you blind!’ replied Aragorn. They started to laugh again and then the Ranger (Rump Ranger mind you!) slid out of the Elf as his member relaxed. Then Aragorn kissed HIS Elf’s butt and they both lay together on the bed, eventually drifting off the sleep. ‘Shit, shit, shit…’ repeated Boromir when he heard Aragorn and Legolas yell. ‘Man this isn’t fair.’ Quite suddenly Galadriel appeared in the pavilion. Gimli quickly spat out his beard and kicked the giggling forms under the blanket. Frodo and Sam gave up pretending to sleep (fakers!). Boromir looked at the Elf Queen, trying to hide his true feelings. ‘Oh stop that!’ demanded Galadriel. ‘I can read your minds you ninnies!’ ‘Oh’ came the collected voices of a man, a dwarf and four hobbits. ‘Ok. Now I know you all want to bang Legolas up the ass but you can’t figure out how you’ll get a chance with Aragorn all over him right?’ Galadriel looked at each one of them in turn. None could withstand her gaze for long. One by one they lowered their eyes. Then Frodo, greatly daring spoke up. ‘But why do you want to help us?’ asked Frodo. ‘Let’s just say I have my reasons.’ replied Galadriel. What she didn’t say was that Celeborn had been affected by some weird pheromone emitted by Legolas when he became aroused. Needless to say, Galadriel and Celeborn finally got it off after 1000 years of celibacy. Woo hoo! ‘What do you have in mind My Lady?’ inquired Gimli. ‘Well…. TBC A/N: So who should get some next? Threesomes? Foursomes? Let me know. Muwahahahaha! Chapter Three The four hobbits, man and dwarf spent a restless night in their big, huge, Elf-less tent. Galadriel’s advice seemed sound. All they had to do was distract Aragorn in some way and they’d all get to “comfort” Legolas. Unfortunately it quickly became apparent that they couldn’t hope to distract the Ranger of the North six different times without him getting suspicious. So it was agreed that the hobbits would have to share Legolas while Boromir and Gimli kept Aragorn’s attention away from the Elf. And the favor would be returned for the man and dwarf’s turn. It was not the best solution but hey! Anything for a Butt Buddy. Boromir and Gimli sat outside the pavilion and waited for Aragorn to emerge. When he finally did the two conspirators fell in beside The Man With Many Names. Each taking an arm they led him away from the clearing. ‘So my brother, my Captain, er, my King. Why don’t you show us around Lothlorien? I hear it’s lovely this time of year.’ said Boromir. Aragorn looked at Boromir and Gimli and couldn’t decide what was going on. He looked back at his tent, intending to wake Legolas so they could have a nice big breakfast at Haldir’s House of Pancakes (seems being a Guardian didn’t pay much) but Gimli spoke next. ‘Come Aragorn. Let us walk awhile. Legolas needs his rest does he not? I am sure he is still weary.’ The Man With Way Too Many Names reflected that perhaps Gimli was right. Legolas should be allowed to rest. A playful, lusty smile flitted across his face as he recalled just how little sleep the Elf got last night. ‘You are right Master Dwarf. He should take his rest and recover his strength. Are you guys hungry? I’m starved. Let’s have some pancakes!’ Aragorn led the way to HHP with Boromir and Gimli in tow. The hobbits peered out of the tent. When Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli disappeared behind the mallorn trees the hobbits rushed as one into Legolas’ tent. And there they saw the Prince lying asleep in all his glory. An arm was flung carelessly over his head. The sheet was pushed down to his waist and they could all see that Legolas wasn’t wearing anything but the sheet! Frodo stared. Sam gaped. Merry and Pippin nearly fainted. ‘What’ll we do now?’ asked Sam. Sam, Merry and Pippin all looked at Frodo. Frodo approached the bed, his amazingly huge blue eyes starring into another pair of equally blue eyes. ‘Man is that freaky or what? He’s sleeping with his eyes open.’ whispered Frodo. This was too much for the younger hobbits who immediately began making animals shapes with their hands and waving them in front of the unseeing eyes. ‘Stop it!’ hissed Frodo. Merry and Pippin stopped reluctantly and stepped back to give Frodo some room. The Ring-bearer sat on the bed. ‘Legolas? Are you awake?’ said Frodo. When no response came he glanced at the others and began again, a little bit louder now (yeah, I’ve got the song “Shout” stuck in my head). ‘Yoohoo! Legolas!’ Even louder. ‘Anything?’ asked Merry. ‘Nothing.’ replied Frodo. ‘What is going on here?’ asked Pippin quite loudly ‘Why won’t he wake up?’ Legolas had awakened at the first use of his name. But he simply laid still trying to figure out why the Periannath were gathered around his bed. Then he remembered that he was naked with only a sheet covering him. And where pray tell was Aragorn? He suddenly sat up, trying to pull the sheet up to his chest but Frodo was sitting on it. The Elf tugged but Frodo wouldn’t budge. He gave up and let the sheet drape across his hips. ‘Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pip. What are you doing in here? May I help you?’ asked the perplexed Elf with another cute look of confusion on his face. ‘I’m glad you asked that you Hot thing you!’ said Frodo looking at Legolas and gesturing to the others. Sam, Merry and Pippin all sat on the bed as well. Legolas gave each of them a quick look before looking at Frodo again. ‘Frodo, the temperature seems just fine to me…’ ‘No, no Legolas. I’m not talkin’ temperatures, unless you mean I’m burnin’ up because of you.’ ‘Are you ill?’ asked an alarmed Legolas. Frodo smacked his forehead. Legolas inclined his head, waiting for Frodo to continue and wondering why mortals always hit their heads around him. Frodo tried another tack. ‘Legolas, I don’t think we’ve ever THANKED you properly for looking after us. Um, you’ve always been the eyes and ears of the Fellowship and we sort of took that for granted.’ said Frodo. ‘Yeah,’ chimed in Sam, ‘and then when you got hurt yesterday. Well, we felt awful. Didn’t we guys?’ Merry and Pippin nodded but couldn’t stop staring at the naked Elf. Legolas shifted on the bed, a little embarrassed by all the attention. ‘Think nothing of it my friends. I am always happy to be of service.’ answered Legolas. ‘So. How are you feeling today? Any soreness?’ asked Merry with a snicker. Pippin smothered a giggle. ‘Ah, well. A little, perhaps.’ Legolas began to rub the site of his wound absently. The hobbits all stared at the Elf’s hand. ‘Oh! Let us rub it for you.’ cried Frodo. Legolas froze and there was a moment of awkward silence. He glanced from hobbit to hobbit and read the same desire on each little face. The Elf’s brows knitted together as realization began to dawn on him. ‘You want to rub it?’ ‘You bet. I gotta tell you Elf boy, you are HOT. Burning HOT. Like a flamin’ torch. Like the Sun….’ ‘I get it now Frodo.’ said Legolas. ‘You mean you will get it!’ replied Frodo who looked at the Elf with lust filled eyes. Legolas swallowed and licked his lips. ‘Face it, we’ve got the hots for a Hottie. We really want to show you how much we care. What do you say?’ Frodo looked at Legolas expectantly. The others leaned in closer. ‘Are you guys asking what I think you’re asking?’ Four heads nodded and they inched closer to the naked Elf. Blue eyes widened even more. ‘All at the same time?’ squeaked Legolas clutching at the sheet again to no avail. ‘Shit yeah!’ crowed Frodo, ‘Four hobbits and an Elf!’ ‘But I’ve never done anything like that before.’ protested the Elf. ‘Well there’s a first time for everything!’ said Merry. Then Pippin surprised all of them, including himself, by making the first move. He reached out and caressed the Elf’s shoulder. When Legolas turned to Pippin, Merry leaned in and kissed the Elf. Then Frodo hitched himself up onto Legolas’ lap and took the delicate face in his hands while Sam started pulling the sheet down. ‘You’re gonna get the ride of your life!’ smirked Frodo. And with that the Ring-bearer laid the biggest, wettest kiss ever onto the waiting lips. Legolas moaned into Frodo’s mouth while Merry, Pippin and Sam pulled the Elf back down onto the bed. Frodo moved against Legolas’ groin, the fabric of his breeches torturing the hardening length of the Elf. Before Legolas knew what was happening all four hobbits were suddenly without clothes and he got the distinct impression they had worked this all out before hand since they all took stations around his body. This could be very interesting, very interesting indeed. Legolas and Aragorn didn’t have a binding relationship; after all, Aragorn still hooked up with Arwen every chance he got. Legolas decided to give in to the temptation. ‘Come and get me boys!’ teased Legolas (NE ducks as keyboards are chucked at her) and he crooked a finger beckoning the hobbits closer. ‘Well there’s an eye-opener, that’s for sure.’ exclaimed Sam, ever the admirer of all things Elvish. With that Legolas began to laugh and the hobbits joined him before getting’ down and dirty. Merry and Pippin each claimed a nipple and began to suck on the hardened nubs mercilessly. Legolas arched his back, the twin sensations almost too much. Sam went down on the Elf and Frodo continued kissing Legolas’ breath away. The archer’s hands reached up to caress Frodo but Merry and Pippin restrained him. Frodo released the Prince’s lips and gave him an evil grin. ‘Nuh uh! We’re thanking YOU remember?’ said Frodo. Now that his mouth was free, Legolas started moaning as Merry, Pippin and Sam continued their ministrations. ‘Ai! This….’ panted Legolas ‘is too much! AI!’ And from somewhere high above came a cry… ‘WOO HOO!’ drawled the voice. ‘Eh?’ thought Frodo. ‘That sounded like Celeborn.’ The hobbit shook off the thought and returned his attention to Legolas. ‘I’ll tell you what “too much” is Legolas! It’s when we all get you off and then some!’ promised Frodo. The Elf’s lips quivered and then another moan escaped as Sam quickened his pace. Frodo’s eyes watched as Sam’s head moved up and down taking in the Elven shaft with some difficulty as it was quite long and hobbits were, well, small! Merry and Pippin both released Legolas’ nubs at the same time and sat back to admire Sam’s abilities. They didn’t know what was more of a turn on, Sam sucking an Elven lollipop or Legolas’ reactions as the Elf thrashed about on the bed. Then Legolas stopped moving as his orgasm neared. His muscled clenched and his toes pointed when suddenly he reached his sexual release and Sam discovered just how much he liked the Elves. The Prince of Mirkwood let out a long, shuddering cry before opening his eyes to gaze upon the halflings. ‘Oh but we’re not done yet Legolas.’ said Frodo. ‘We’re gonna bang you within an inch of your life. Now give us your booty!’ Legolas grinned and slowly turned over to get on his hands and knees. The hobbits all stared at the perfect ass. ‘Damn but you’re one fine Elf.’ exclaimed Frodo while the others whistled appreciatively. Then Frodo stood on the bed behind Legolas and rammed his hunka, hunka burnin’ love into the ready and willing opening. He drove himself into the Elf again and again. And Legolas was surprised to find that he saw stars all over again. Meanwhile, at HHP Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli ordered their pancakes and sat around chatting about restoring glory to Gondor and all that when they heard…. ‘WOO HOO!’ ‘Did that sound like Celeborn?’ asked Gimli. ‘Yeah’ replied Aragorn. ‘Sounds like he’s getting’ some.’ All three companions looked at each other. ‘Ewwww!’ came the chorus. Back in the rather steamy tent. The hobbits were amazed at the Elven endurance. Legolas seemed quite capable of taking them all on. So they gave it to him three more times. Afterwards they all lay on the bed and Legolas stretched himself like a cat. They couldn’t be sure but the hobbits all thought they heard him purring. TBC A/N: I can’t write hobbit sex! Argh! Sorry about the lame chapter. But you all know what’s coming up next don’t cha? CHAPTER FOUR ‘You want to WHAT?!’ exclaimed Legolas, eyes flying wide open to stare at Boromir and Gimli. He rubbed his backside where Boromir had pinched him. ‘It’s rather simple Master Elf. I thought Boromir here did a good job of explaining.’ replied the Dwarf. *** Earlier that day Boromir and Gimli, with the help of the hobbits, managed to separate Legolas from Aragorn. The Future King of the Reunited Kingdoms of Arnor and Gondor led the hobbits to the newly opened “Celeborn’s”, a swanky nuveau cuisine establishment offering tiny but artfully prepared portions. The hobbits would rather have gone to “Haldir’s House of Pancakes”. The Elf, the Man and the Dwarf had been sightseeing in Lothlórien with Legolas pointing out various flora and fauna when the two conspirators had begun to work on the unsuspecting Prince. The plan was to begin with effusive thanks for all that the Elf had done for the Fellowship. They expressed their gratitude and appreciation with the archer humbly accepting their praise with a slightly embarrassed air. Then Boromir began to drone on about inviting Legolas to come to Minas Tirith and the glory of Gondor, blah, blah, blah and the Elf’s attention started to wander. With a start he realized that Boromir and Gimli were looking at him expectantly and he had no idea what they had just said. ‘Well?’ asked Boromir. ‘Sorry. What did you say?’ answered Legolas, a sheepish expression on his adorable face. ‘I said, “Have you ever seen it Legolas? The White Tower of Ecthelion, glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver?” I would introduce you to it now.’ smirked Boromir. Gimli snorted. ‘Eh?’ ‘Enough of your poetry Boromir. What we’re trying to say is that we would like to comfort you too Legolas. Like the others. In other words, we want to bang you up the ass!’ blurted Gimli, all social niceties gone now that they had the Elf truly alone. Then Boromir pinched Legolas in the ass. ‘You want to WHAT?!’ exclaimed Legolas, jumping back and rubbing his backside. ‘It’s rather simple Master Elf. I thought Boromir here did a good job of explaining.’ replied the Dwarf. ‘Like he said, you’re totally HOT baby and….’ ‘But…’ protested the wide-eyed object of their affection. ‘Exactly Legolas! Your butt, right here, right now!’ crowed Boromir as he slowly advanced upon the Elf. The proposition was tempting enough so that Legolas’ expression changed from shock to acceptance. He’d been curious about Boromir ever since he had the good fortune to clasp the man to his chest in Moria. ‘Oh my’ said Legolas recovering his wits, ‘but you’re being forceful.’ The Elf glanced from Boromir to Gimli and back to Boromir as the Man arrived at his side. Boromir breathed into his ear. ‘Don’t you like being forced?’ whispered the Man. Legolas’ eyes grew even wider. Then Gimli came up to stand next to him. The blue eyes shifted to those of the Dwarf’s and back to Boromir’s. Legolas licked his lips and then swallowed. Two sets of eyes watched the Elf hungrily. ‘Sometimes.’ came the reply. ‘How about now?’ asked Boromir as he walked his fingers from the Elf’s waist, on up his chest and finally brushing the trembling lips. He leaned in to claim Legolas’ lips and was surprised when his tongue gained entry into that warm mouth. Boromir wrapped his arms around the Elf and pulled him close, pressing his entire body against Legolas’, the evidence of both their desires growing hard between them. All resistance was gone as Legolas melted into Boromir’s arms. The Man possessed the Elf, his hands roaming all about the firm, lithe form, kneading the heated flesh almost painfully. Their tongues dueled with one another in an epic sexual battle for dominance…. ‘Ahem!’ interrupted Gimli. ‘If you were to ask me, which I know you’re not, I’d say you’re leaving me out!’ Legolas broke the kiss and regarded the Dwarf at his side. Boromir threw his hands up in disgust. ‘Shit, shit, shit…’ said Boromir who had forgotten the Dwarf was even there. But Legolas’ sense of fair play did not abandon him now. ‘Come now…’ began Legolas gesturing for Gimli to join them. ‘I’d like to.’ interjected Gimli. ‘take my hand and we shall make love in Lórien!’ finished Legolas. And so saying, Legolas led Boromir and Gimli to lie down on the forest floor. They settled down and looked at each other. Then Legolas burst out laughing for no apparent reason. Boromir stared and then smiled. ‘I think I have been called home by the clear ringing of silver trumpets!’ said Boromir, waxing poetic again. ‘Oh shut up Son of Gonad!’ said Gimli, his beard bristling with anger. ‘You shut up Son of Groin.’ ‘Up your’s!’ ‘Sod off!’ ‘Did you forget about me?’ said Legolas who had somehow slipped off his shirt and lay before them, giving them his best “come hither” look. Two mouths hung open, gaping at the sight of a bare chested, lust worthy Elf. ‘Holy shit!’ said Boromir, his eyes traveling all over the Elf’s body. ‘Holy friggin’ shit! I’m gonna bury myself so far in you Legolas you won’t be able to walk right for a week.’ ‘But Boromir, I am the eyes and ears of the Fellowship! I must be able to run like a deer, fleet footed….’ Boromir smacked his head. ‘No, no Legolas. I meant I’m gonna ram my pole into your hole! You’re gonna be sore from all the lovin’ I’m gonna lay on you.’ ‘Oh.’ Legolas finally got it. And boy was he going to get it. ‘Indeed? Well have at me Boromir.’ replied Legolas as he rolled over on his hands and knees. Boromir wasted no time and quickly pulled Legolas’ leggings down. The firm, rounded cheeks were just beggin’ to be spanked. ‘My turn!’ snapped Gimli and he laid a butt stinging slap against the Elf’s hindquarters. Legolas hitched forward with the force of the slap before catching himself. He looked over his shoulder at the Dwarf, a very satisfied smile on his face. ‘Who’s been bad? (SLAP!) Have you been a naughty Elf boy? (SLAP, SLAP!!) Who’s your Daddy?’ (SLAP!) scolded Gimli as he spanked Legolas who grunted with each application of the Dwarf’s rather large hand. Gimli paused to catch his own breath which had become ragged with desire. ‘Now, let me be GOOD for you.’ purred Legolas as he flipped over onto his back. The Elf kicked off his boots and leggings and lay back with his legs bent. His arousal was plain to see. Boromir and Gimli gasped anew at the sight before them. ‘Momma!’ cried Gimli. He could no longer control himself. The Dwarf threw himself atop Legolas and kissed him feverishly. Boromir was quickly undressing himself, muttering about stupid buckles, belts, clasps, gloves…. Gimli could feel the hardness of the Elf between his legs. He began to rock back and forth causing Legolas to moan into his mouth. The Elf buried his hands in Gimli’s hair, marveling at how soft is was. Boromir threw off the last piece of clothing, then he pushed Gimli off Legolas’ hips but the Dwarf retained his command of the Elven lips. The Man starred at the stiffened shaft standing to attention. He licked his lips and pounced on the swollen member, taking it deep into his throat. Gimli swallowed Legolas’ cry of pleasure. Faster, then slower teased the Tongue of Gondor while Legolas thrashed beneath them. Gimli released Legolas’ lips allowing the Elf to give voice to his passion. The Dwarf next paid special attention to the twin hardened nubs on the pale chest. ‘Well, Master Elf,’ said Gimli around a nipple, ‘how do you like the hospitality of the Dwarves?’ ‘Ai! I like, I like!’ replied Legolas before letting out a louder cry when Boromir quickened his pace. ‘AI!!! It feels so good Boromir!’ gasped the Prince of Mirkwood. A faint sound reached their ears… ‘WOO HOO HOO HOO!’ ‘There is a fell voice on the air!’ exclaimed Legolas in between gasp of sheer pleasure. ‘YOU DA BOMB!’ Ok, that was really icky thought Legolas. Boromir and Gimli paused in their activities and craned their heads up to peer into the distance. ‘That is just so wrong.’ murmured Boromir. Legolas’ attention snapped back to the here and now when the Man and the Dwarf resumed efforts. The Elf nearly jumped out of his skin when Boromir’s tongue flicked against the sensitive slit in his Elven shaft and then the Man sucked him off. Waves and waves of release centered around the Elf’s throbbing member and the Throat of Gondor swallowed it all. Legolas lay panting, a fine sheen of perspiration covering his body. But Elves have incredible endurance and in no time at all Legolas was reaching for Gimli’s clothes. Quicker that you can say ‘Bofur’s your uncle’ Gimli was left with only his pants and boots on. The Elf held onto Gimli’s really huge hands. ‘Is it true what they say about a Dwarf’s hands?’ asked Legolas with a devilish grin. The Elf removed Gimli’s pants and glanced down. ‘Oh it’s tahwoo, it’s tahwoo, it’s tahwoo!’ cried Legolas looking at the size of the Dwarf’s engorged dipstick. The Elf reached for the Dwarf’s not inconsiderable length when Gimli drew back. ‘Nobody tosses a Dwarf.’ stated Gimli. ‘What is that supposed to mean?’ asked Boromir, licking the last of the Elf’s essence from his lips. Legolas was looking a little perplexed as well. ‘You know, no hand jobs!’ answered the Dwarf. ‘We only go in for the real thing!’ ‘Oh!’ said Boromir and Legolas together. That explained the muffled laughter in Moria. ‘Well Legolas. Can you handle both of us?’ smirked Boromir. ‘Bring it on!’ cried Legolas as he once again presented his beautifully sculptured backside. Gimli and Boromir crashed onto the Elf. Limbs tangled as the Man and Dwarf each sought to enter the Elf first but Gimli managed to outmaneuver Boromir. ‘I’m in!’ yelled Gimli triumphantly as he began to pump the Elf for all he was worth. Boromir yielded way rather ungraciously but then had a wicked idea. He squirmed his way under Legolas’ arms and wrapped his legs around the Elf’s hips. But the archer had other ideas and using one arm adjusted the Man’s position so that Boromir’s erection was right in front of his mouth. ‘Shall I blow the Horn of Gondor?’ asked Legolas, flicking his tongue out lasciviously. And without waiting for a reply the Elf engulfed the Man’s shaft in his mouth. Gimli continued to thrust himself deep into Legolas, each forward movement bringing the Dwarf’s tip into contact with “that secret spot”© within causing the Elf to pause rhythmically in his ministrations. Now Boromir was writhing on the ground as the Elf brought him closer and closer to his climax. He heard Gimli cry out as the Dwarf filled the Elf with his seed. Then maddeningly, Legolas released Boromir’s member. ‘What? Why are you stopping?’ begged Boromir. ‘Give me but a moment Son of Gondor and you shall see.’ promised Legolas. Gimli collapsed beside Boromir, entirely spent. Legolas stood up and stretched like a cat. A cat that Boromir wanted very much to pet. All over. All the time. Like right now. In no time at all Legolas seemed to be ready again. He came to stand over the Man’s hips. Then the Elf knelt down and using his talented hands, maneuvered the erect Tower of Gondor into his body. Boromir groaned as he felt himself gripped in Legolas’ tight heat. He reached up and began to rub and pinch the Elf’s nipples while Legolas began to move his hips up and down. ‘Oh. My. Lord.’ cried Boromir as each new thrust seemed to drive him further into Legolas. The Elven hips moved faster and faster against the straining shaft, each stroke ramming against “that secret spot”©. Legolas and Boromir’s voices lifted up together as each moaned aloud, their eyes never leaving each other’s. Their bodies moved together in a frenzy as Boromir’s hands traveled down to grasp the Elf’s hardening shaft. ‘Man! You’re hard again! How?’ gasped Boromir as he neared his climax but he just had to know. ‘Simple. I’m an Elf.’ Legolas replied smugly. With that Boromir pumped him furiously and returned one hand to a proud nipple and squeezed it hard. The smug look disappeared as Legolas’ mouth fell open with desire as his body succumbed to the fires of passion. Gimli looked on, marveling at the Elf’s fortitude as the pair continued their heated coupling. Finally, the moment drew nearer, building with intensity until they both came explosively, their cries of pleasure resounding and echoing through the forest. Legolas lay down on top of Boromir, their hearts beating and keeping time in a duet. Then, quite clearly… ‘WOO, HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!’ ‘Ya know, Celeborn is totally creepin’ me out.’ said Legolas. Then he gazed at the Man and the Dwarf. The threesome lay awhiles together, murmuring sweet nothings to each other. Presently Legolas sat up, his golden hair mussed and his lips moist and inviting. ‘So, do you think we could do it again?’ Legolas, it seemed, was insatiable. Gimli nodded. ‘As you wish.’ replied Boromir with a smile. THE END? Chapter Five The sad day had come. The Company was sailing down the Silverlode out of Lothlórien when they turned a sharp corner in the river. There sailing towards them in a ship carved in the likeness of a big ole Swan sat Galadriel and Celeborn. ‘Yo ho, yo ho!’ cried Celeborn, who was still strangely affected by the potent pheromones coming from Legolas’ body. Aragorn stayed his boat and the others followed suit. Otherwise they would have crashed into the Swan boat and no one wanted to go for a swim at the moment. ‘We have come to bid you farewell!’ said Galadriel. Celeborn had a rather strange expression on his face and was constantly grabbing Galadriel’s ass. ‘Yeah. Though you’ve been our guests and all, we never shared a meal, so we thought we’d all have a picnic here.’ said Celeborn. Everyone steered towards the Tongue of grass (that’s what Tolkien wrote in the book, honest!) in the middle of the river and disembarked. Legolas jumped lightly out of his boat and helped Gimli out. Then the Elf bent over and pulled the vessel onto the grassy bank. And now ten pairs of eyes stared at the Prince’s backside. Aragorn’s hands began to itch with sweat and he had to rub them dry against his leather-clad thighs. A knowing whistle escaped from Celeborn’s lips and he gave his Queen a certain look which was returned by Galadriel. They hid their smirks and brought out the parting feast. The Fellowship and the Lord and Lady of the Wood sat down together and partook of the feast. Strangely enough, no one seemed especially hungry…for food. Except for Legolas who was blissfully unaware of the effect he was having on everyone. The blond tressed beauty ate lightly and then lay back on the grass admiring the sky above. Aragorn suddenly wished everyone would disappear so he could have Legolas to himself. Finally Galadriel pulled out gifts for the Company from the Swan boat. To Aragorn, He That Will Eventually Be Known as Elessar, she gave the Elf-stone of the House of Elendil and a sheath for the Sword That Shall be Reforged. To Boromir, a belt of gold; to Merry and Pippin cute little silver belts with clasps wrought like a golden flower; to Sam she gave a box of dirt; to Frodo a phial of white light which she told him would glow in the dark; to Gimli she granted his really odd request for some of her hair. The Dwarf had gone all goo-goo eyed when he first saw Galadriel and yeah it was fun spanking Legolas but now he realized that he really wanted to bang the Queen. Then he saw Celeborn glaring at him so he settled for the three little strands of hair. And to Legolas she gave a bow such as the Galadrim used, longer and stouter than the bows of Mirkwood. And with the bow went a quiver of arrows. The archer ran appreciative hands up and down the shaft of the bow, caressing its length as he admired the workmanship. Up and down went the archer’s hands. Up and down the shaft…of the bow. Aragorn and Boromir could barely contain themselves. They both stood up suddenly and then stared at each other. Then at Legolas, who was still fingering the bow. Galadriel and Celeborn watched the trio with avid eyes and practically held their breath. A suspicion had darted into Aragorn’s mind, he wondered where HIS Elf had gone off to the other day. And Boromir had disappeared that day as well. For that matter he couldn’t recall seeing Gimli either. As the pieces of the puzzle fell into place Aragorn looked across to Legolas, his eyes narrowing. And then he thought of Gimli and Legolas. ‘Ewwwww!’ said Aragorn. Then his attention was captured by the Elven Queen. Galadriel wove her fingers in the air and a slight shimmer could be seen above the hobbits and the Dwarf. Quite conveniently they fell asleep on the grass with contented smiles on their faces. ‘Legolas!’ Aragorn called out to the Elf. Legolas left off petting his new bow and trotted over to the Man. The Elf looked at Boromir and then at sleeping forms around him. ‘Say! When did everyone fall asleep?’ asked Legolas as he cast his eyes about the encampment. ‘Never mind that!’ snapped the Horn Dog Ranger. The Man drew himself up to his full height and then addressed HIS Elf. ‘I’m gettin’ to the bottom of this. Tell me truthfully, have you been with HIM!?’ challenged Aragorn whilst pointing a finger at Boromir. ‘Yes. And Gimli too. And the four hobbits as well.’ answered Legolas, his head raised proudly. Thranduil didn’t raise no liar! Nuh uh. Aragorn was stumped. He didn’t really expect such an answer. ‘But why?’ ‘Because they all wished to comfort an Elf! To show me that they cared and to thank me for my…um…services.’ replied Legolas. ‘I’ll not apologize to you Estel, after all, you’re going steady with Arwen aren’t you?’ The archer hugged his bow to his chest and cocked one eyebrow up in defiance. ‘Yeah but she’s different.’ whined Aragorn. At this Boromir let out his breath explosively. ‘Oh so you want to have your lembas and you want to eat it too?’ sneered Boromir. ‘Peace Boromir.’ Legolas laid a restraining hand on the Son of Gondor’s arm. He turned towards Aragorn and gently caressed the Man’s cheek. ‘Did I ever tell you that you’re very sexy when you’re jealous?’ crooned the Elf. Arathorn’s son suddenly felt his member begin to harden, his lips parted as Legolas continued to touch his face. ‘Very sexy indeed Aragorn’ said Legolas who then turned back to Boromir, ‘and you, do you want to watch or to take part?’ Needless to say, the Men were shocked. They were used to initiating things but this was something altogether new. And terribly exciting. ‘Oh baby, this is gonna be good.’ exclaimed Celeborn. The Lord and the Lady retired to their Swan boat and shucked off all their clothes and began making out like there was no tomorrow. Legolas drew both Men together until they were pressed against his body and their lips practically touching. Then the Elf claimed both their lips in a heated kiss. But Legolas underestimated Aragorn’s desire for dominance. The Man quickly seized Legolas and pressing his mouth against the smooth column of the archer’s neck began to give him the biggest hickey of his immortal life. Boromir threw all caution to the wind and eagerly joined in. The Galadrim bow was set aside and then the larger Man began to undress the Elf. ‘Damn these stupid laces!’ muttered Boromir as he tried to undo them quickly. To his surprise Aragorn started to help him while continuing to suck at the Prince’s neck. Soon Legolas was bare to the waist and Boromir greedily took a proud nipple into his hot mouth. Legolas was nearly undone as he stood wrapped in the embraces of the Dúnedain. Aragorn left his neck and motioning to Boromir gently lowered the Elf onto the soft grass. From long experience he was able to divest Legolas of his remaining clothes in no time at all. ‘Holy freakin’ shit! You’re still the hottest thing since leather underwear!’ cried Boromir. ‘Did I just say that out loud?’ thought Boromir. ‘Thank you but why would one want to wear…’ began Legolas. ‘I’ll tell you sometime my love.’ answered Aragorn before applying himself quite diligently to Legolas’ aching arousal. ‘By Illuvatar!’ gasped the writhing Prince. ‘Ai! Aragorn!’ Aragorn went down on Legolas while Boromir began to tear off his own clothing. ‘Must get the Tailors of Gondor to make me outfits with absolutely no hooks, laces, clasps…’ muttered Boromir. With muffled oaths and exclamations Denethor’s Son shook loose the last remaining stitch of clothing and dropped to his knees behind Legolas’ head. Boromir’s erection was a towering spike of need and he needed to impale the Elf NOW! ‘Aragorn, let’s show our friend here a really good time!’ said Boromir gesturing for the Man Formerly Known as Strider Except When Sam Addressed Him to stop doing the Suck My Kiss© (copyright Riley the Slash Goddess 2002) throat dance for just a moment. Aragorn reluctantly released Legolas’ length to sit back and watch Boromir pull the Elf onto his lap. Boromir gently nibbled on Legolas’ neck and then ran his tongue up his spine before burying his face in the flaxen hair cascading down the Prince’s back. Then the Guy from Gondor lifted Legolas by the hips and slowly eased his throbbing manhood up into the waiting and oh so ready heat that was Legolas. The Elf’s eyes closed in ecstasy and he dropped his head back wantonly to rest against Boromir’s shoulder. The pair began to move rhythmically, their groans of pleasure getting louder and louder. Aragorn couldn’t believe just how turned on he was by the sight of Legolas being taken by another. ‘Crap Legolas. If I’d have known just how horny the sight of the two of you would make me I’d have suggested a threesome a long time ago.’ said Aragorn. Legolas opened his eyes and invited Aragorn to join in. So the Man fell to on the Elven shaft again and laved his tongue up and down and all around the yearning organ. ‘Ai! Boromir!’ cried Legolas as “that secret spot”© was found, followed by ‘Ai! Aragorn!’ when the Ranger deep throated the Elf. Then, disturbingly… ‘Hoochie Momma! Give it to me Baby!’ All three turned wide eyes to stare at the wildly rocking Swan. The boat began to move back into the river with its motions. ‘Oh Cele! Harder! Deeper! Faster!’ cried the Lady of the Wood. With that the Swan lost its moorings and slipped into the river. As it was taken by the quick moving current Legolas, Aragorn and Boromir heard the Lord and Lady’s parting words. ‘WOO HOO HOO!’ from Celeborn and ‘Namárië! Nai hiruvalyë Valimar. But not before coming back this away again! Thanks for the ….’ but Galadriel’s voice could no longer be heard as the Swan sailed away out of sight. ‘You comin’ back this way?’ asked Aragorn looking at Boromir. ‘Nope,’ answered Boromir, ‘you?’ to the Elf. ‘Nay! I think not for the Lord and Lady are exceedingly…AI!’ said Legolas as Boromir and Aragorn resumed their attentions to the Elf. Legolas lay back against Boromir’s chest and bracing his arms to either side of the Man’s hips began to assist him by raising and lowering himself forcefully upon the demanding Shaft o’ Love. ‘Too fast Legolas! Too…ahhhhh!’ cried Boromir as his release came upon him. The Man hugged the Elf to his chest and kissed the bare shoulders. He continued to hold Legolas as he felt the Elf reaching his own climax. Legolas grabbed a handful of Aragorn’s hair and pressed the mortal’s head against his groin. Aragorn was happy to oblige and impossibly, took Legolas even deeper into his throat. That did it. Legolas came with a blinding intensity and pumped the Man full of his seed which Aragorn swallowed with relish. The Prince of Mirkwood collapsed onto Boromir who in turn crashed back onto the grass. They were still panting with their exertions when Aragorn decided to claim HIS Elf. ‘Now Legolas. I think it’s time I showed you just how much I appreciate YOU.’ He stood and extended a hand towards the Elf. Slowly, Boromir and Legolas separated. Legolas stood and took the Man’s hand. Then the Elf stripped the clothes off the Ranger and stepped back to admire the muscled form of Aragorn. ‘Elbereth but you are most desirable my lord.’ said Legolas, his need building again. ‘You may think that Legolas but no one can compare to you. Eru broke the mold when he created you.’ said Aragorn. Legolas blushed furiously and Boromir groaned. Why couldn’t he say things like that? Then Aragorn claimed the tender lips of his Elven lover. He deepened the kiss and drew Legolas up against his body. His desire grew with each passing second and he felt Legolas harden again. Presently the lovers lay on the grass, obvious to everything but each other. Aragorn played with Legolas’ nipples as he guided himself gently into the Elf’s nether opening. ‘Do you think we should be watching them?’ asked Pip. The hobbits and Gimli awoke from their nap to find Legolas undressing Aragorn. ‘Sure, why not Pip. We might learn something.’ sniggered Merry. Frodo and Sam looked on the pair with dreamy eyes before engaging in a bit of hobbit stealth and stealing away towards the rushes by the river’s edge. Soon soft sounds could be heard coming from their direction. ‘Hrump.’ grunted Gimli as he sat up. Merry and Pip placed fingers to their lips. ‘Shusssh’ they whispered. ‘Get down!’ And the hobbits grabbed the Dwarf and hid themselves behind a conveniently placed tree. But the Companions need not have worried for Aragorn and Legolas were in their own world. A world where they loved only each other. And as they climaxed together that afternoon they both had but one thought. Gazing into each other’s eyes they spoke together and said… ‘WOO HOO HOO! Legolas and Aragorn burst out laughing to be joined by snickering and laughter all around. The Elf and the Man were astonished when they realized the Fellowship was watching them. Then Legolas stood up proud and tall, walked over to the remains of the feast and picked up a meat pie. He hefted the pie in his hands and without warning threw it at Pippin. Who ducked and the pie hit Gimli square in the face. As Legolas bent over with laughter a sweet cake smacked into his hair. Merry was pointing a finger at the Elf when he was hit with a basket of berries. In no time at all the entire Fellowship was engaged in a food fight of epic proportions and the sound of merry making and laughter echoed down the Silverlode. THE END Translation: Namárië! Nai hiruvalyë Valimar: Farewell! Maybe thou shalt find Valimar. A/N: Ok so that’s the end. Kinda ran out of jokes so I ended the story with mush! I hope you all enjoyed comforting the Elf right along with me!