Herz Aus Stein (Heart Of Stone) Type: Oneshot, RPS Author: Ezellohar aka Hoarmurath Email: corinn@hot.ee, ezelloharshark@hotmail.com Pairing: Karl Urban/Sean Bean, implied Orlando Bloom/Viggo Mortensen, Dominic Monaghan/Billy Boyd, Craig Parker/Marton Csokas(last three pairings are only mentioned in passing, so the focus is on Karl and Beanie) Rating: R Warnings: slash, bloodplay, implied non-con, implied chan, implied het Summary: Karl has a heart of stone. Sean is so pleasant and friendly. What will happen after he becomes entangled with a man who does not love him and only uses him for his own sexual satisfaction? Disclaimer: Do not own Karl or Sean. This not true. Do you really think I would be here if I owned them? Also, not owning the song, which spawned this. Belongs to Megaherz. I wouldn’t here if I was a member of Megaherz anyway. I would be off shagging some other members of the band or getting stoned. Or be off harassing the members of Ramms+ein. Translation for song here. http://www.megaherz.com/en/lyrics/kopfschuss/3 Archive: Library of Moria, slashfanfiction.net, adultfanfiction.net, my livejournal and your place if you ask nicely. Date: February 13th and 14th, 2004 Words: 3310/3670(with the lyrics) A/N: Having a brain, you have read the warnings and aware what the heck this fic is. If you didn’t read, go read. If you are squicked by slash or non-con or whatever and still read the fic, it’s your own fault if you get bad dreams and are scarred forever. If you give FB, please give some constructive crtiticism, because I mostly write to improve and any ways to improve are welcome. Mindless flames will be sent to Elijah to use in the fireplace. I thought that being empty is allright. I am. In my chest, where the should be a heart, is nothing. Rather, it is stone. Hard, cold stone. I do not know why I have been living like this, with a heart of stone. I remember the first time I actually see you. You are sitting against me at the table, engaged in another flighty conversation with Elijah, who gently and sweetly laughs at all your brilliant and not so brilliant jokes. I myself, sip at my beer slowly. I have nothing special to do, this was a free weekend, I can get drunk. Or no. Self control, Karl. Is one of the keys of success. Self control. A thing that can come easily, if you do not wear your heart on your sleeve and keep it hidden away like I do. I do not know how it is to get hurt, because I have never gotten hurt. No, it is only me, who hurts someone and throws them away. I have not registered any fear towards being thrown away, I just have not. Perhaps it is because I break off the relationships first. Das Feuer war da doch jetzt ist es aus Zu viele Tränen zu wenig Applaus Die feuchte Asche klebt noch da Und wo früher Hoffnung war ist jetzt nichts mehr nur noch schmutziger Schnee von gestern Wenn ich in den Spiegel seh wird mir schlecht denn mein Gesicht ist so hart ist so kalt It is always me. No getting drunk for me tonight. I want to watch you. Watch the way you move, listen to your voice, glance at the sparkling green eyes full of warmth. I hate you. I want to take you, use you, rape you and then send you to hell. To burn. So the boring green eyes would not stare at me. So you would have a heart of stone like me. Orlando is beside me, dressed as horribly as ever and boring me with his chatter. He is into me, I know. I am his type, dark, tall and handsome. But horribly cold. Quite sad that he did not see the rotten flesh beneath, the dead heart, the maggots crawling in and out, the smile, smile of a skull. He was clueless anyway. After me, Orlando, Elijah and you, there are Viggo, Dom and Billy. The latter two are all over each other, kissing and groping, Viggo is just sitting there, staring forward and listening to Orlando. Suddenly I lean over to him and whisper in his ear, a promise of what he would get if he rid me of the elf-boys commendable presence. The Dane smiles briefly and brings up an uninteresting topic, which excites Orlando, who then follows Viggo out. “Nice fucking,” I mouth, bringing the beer bottle to my lips. I watch Elijah and you, dear. The babble is as endearing as always, but this time, your green eyes do not just pass over me, unnoticing, but they actually fix on me intently. You are still talking to him, but your thoughts and attention are on me. I know that. I am just so perfect that every person I meet goes out of their skin to even recieve a smile from me. I can smile, but those smiles never reach my eyes and falter. So fake, is not it? And yet most people fall for the trap. They think that there is something in me. They think that I will comfort them, will be love them, will do the things I cannot do. Why I cannot love? Because I do not know what love is. I have been given many definitions, but my own heart has never understood. I still continue to look at you. You are so intoxicating, so pulling me in. I almost falter, but pull back and look cold. Elijah looks uneasily at me and suddenly excuses himself, telling that he has business. What business? Getting away from me, isn’t it? I know that I am not a pleasant person to be around, but still they flock to me and try to shake away the feeling of emptiness when they look into my eyes and find nothing in there. Ich wollte siegen wollte groß sein Meine Gefühle wollt ich los sein Und jetzt steh ich hier und bin allein Me and you are now left alone. Your eyes have turned away from and you seem very preoccupied with your beer glass. Go on, say something. Then you say it. “What the heck was with you and this girl today? She plain walked up to you and asked if you loved her after that night. She was clearly underage. What did you do?” your tone is accusing, your finger is tracing lazy circles on the glass and your sharp green eyes want to pierce into me and strip me naked. That will not happen. Quickly, I reply: “Nothing. She was stupid enough to think that I cared about her. Underage? Well, she initiated it. I fucked her obviously.” There you go. Sex with an underage girl. Sex with somebody you do not love. Your main anathemas. “Don’t you even care?” the green eyes are full of anger now. “Should I?” I reply carelessly, my foot quietly beginning to work up my way up your leg. Oh, darling, you are so sweet. “Don’t you fucking play with me, bitch,” your tone has turned from accusing to angry and you have tensed up, ready to strike at me, whenever I do something wrong. But I won’t. I am quite aware of the effect I have on you. Sometimes I can feel your gaze on me, a searing fire, which wants to consume me. But I always extinguish it and come out the winner. Dominic and Billy break their kiss and slowly rise, walking to the restroom to continue their sexual escapade. I could not care less. “I am not playing, Sean.” We stare into each other’s eyes in a silent battle of wills. I will have you tonight, would you desire it or not. But your eyes tell me everything. It is quite sad, for an actor. Your emotions always reflect in those perfect emeralds-what a weakness. “I am not playing, just telling the truth. I do not fucking care about that little slut I screwed last night. I have not cared about any of them.” Your glance turns softer and you look down. One of the blonde strand falls forward to obscure your face and I take the liberty to brush it away, same time feeling your soft skin. You are really beautiful, just like me. But your beauty is different too. You are always friendly and full of life, that beautiful body so vibrant, those green eyes of yours, so beautiful that even the coldest will melt, that smile, what makes everybody smile back. “Karl... Oh, I don’t know. Let’s get out of this hellhole.” I nod, calling the waitress and we do a split check, remembering to bug the others about the money afterwards. Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein ein Megaherz aus Stein Es geht nichts hinaus und es passt auch nichts hinein Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein ein Megaherz aus Stein Für mich ist es zu groß und für dich ist es zu klein The weather outside is cold. You shiver slightly, when I look at you and then ask:“Where? Yours or mine?” “Mine,” I reply. Less chance of getting disturbed there. Many thanks to anybody who had made this our regular bar, he was sparing me the bother of driving. We walk in silence for a while, you look up at the stars. How corny. Probably there is not anything else to look at, if you stare at the meaningless dots in the sky. Then we are at my place. I open the door and we walk quickly in, me closing the door after you. As soon as we have taken our boots off, you grab me and press me against the wall, smirking. You kiss me, a warm, passionate, yet slow kiss. I pretend to submit, my mouth opens under yours and I let you explore my mouth, my hands running down your firm back. You are hard already for me, your erection presses against my thigh. I cannot blame you for that. When your hands find the way to my vest and unzip, crawling frantically under my shirt, I have had enough. I will be the dominating one here. I always am. So, I twist you around and hold your arms tightly. “You know something, darling?” I whisper in your ear, leaning down to give a quick kiss on your exposed neck. “What?” you grunt out, obviously frustrated both from my domination and the lust overwhelming you soon. “I am the one dominating and you will listen to me. Only to me. You are all mine.” I love the way your stare at me, your green eyes so full of feelings, into my brown, absolutely devoid of any. You know that it is going to be this way. You have seen enough of them walking out after me, following me around, annoying me and demanding attention, which I did not care to give. I plunge into your sweet mouth violently, twisting my tongue around yours and you shiver again against me, but this time from lust. I tentatively release one of your hands and bring my own to caress your chest under the sweater your wearing. Even through the thick fabric, I can feel how your nipples harden under my fleeting touch. I wonder, how would it taste, maybe like your kisses, so sweet and bitter at the same time. I bite your lip and taste the blood welling up quickly, both coppery and sweet. I wonder if you have realized that I am quite a sick fuck. If you haven’t, my bad. Like I care. Das Feuer war da doch jetzt ist es aus Zu viele Tränen zu wenig Applaus Ich war Exzessiv doch hab ich gelebt Wann hab ich zuletzt vor Leidenschaft gebebt Überspannt und arrogant Bin ich mir selbst davongerannt Ich glaub es nicht doch dein Gesicht ist so hart ist so alt You are quivering under my ministrations and it all goes worse, when my free hand slips down near your groin, to caress the hard area there. You moan with delight and I was not kissing you, I would probably grin. Enough, this does not satisfy me. I pull away and put a finger to your lips, when you want to speak. “Follow me,” I say quietly and enthralled by me and the lust, you follow me, dazed, into the bedroom. There I step close to you again, nearly touching you. “Strip,” I command. You look at me, disbelief in your eyes. “Strip,” I repeat, growing more impatient. Finally, obeying, you lift the sweater, pulling it off and exposing vast expanses of pale, smooth skin to me. You let the garment fall to the floor and then begin working your pants open. Instead of watching, I put my hand on yours and pull the fly down. Little bitch, you were going commando all the time? I chuckle and you look at me, wondering why did I do that. “Nothing, just undress.” You get rid of your pants as well and then stand before me as God has created you. I reache out and run a finger down from your chest, to your well-defined stomach and then coming to rest on your hip, drawing you close to me. You wantonly kiss me, our tongues joining again in that flamed rhythm, our hands caressing each other’s bodies. I feel lust, of course, but when I draw away, your eyes hold so much emotion-I am thinking that for you it is more than casual sex. What a pity. You are growing impatient, rubbing yourself against me in a try to create more friction. Oh no. None of that. “Stop. You will come, when I let you to. On the bed.” I am going to take you so slowly, agonizingly slowly, pound into you, until all you feel is me, me on you and inside you. Until you lose yourself in me. Slowly, almost like you are afraid, you climb on the bed and remain there on all fours, like a dog, displaying the tight romp I am about to ride. Ride like a beast. Not so fast. Quickly I grab a black scarf from the table. Then I crawl on the bed beside you. Of course, you protest when I want to obscure your eyes. Can’t you see that this was all about control and pleasure? My pleasure. I may be an emotionless bastard, but my lust is as great as that of any average person here. Ich wollte siegen wollte groß sein Meine Gefühle wollt ich los sein Und jetzt steh ich hier und bin allein I run my fingers down that smooth back, clawing viciously and you cry out from surprise. “Silent,” I hiss into your ear and you comply, knowing that refusal would make this much harder for both of us. There, there. I run my hands down your back again, this time only petting gently. You are afraid. Aren’t you now? Finally you understood what is going to happen. Still you scream, when the first blow lands. * * * This continues on for months, you coming to me earnestly, but at leaving you curse me to hell. It is working. You are turning colder, fading away into the freezing sea. Your face has turned harder and the once sparkling green eyes are now a deep void nobody wants to look into. Others have turned away from you, because your bitterness lashes out even before you look into their eyes. I have done, what I promised to do. I took you, then I used you and then I broke you. I did to you, what was done to me a long time ago. I had been human once. Strange, isn’t it? I had a heart and my brown eyes were full of life. Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein ein Megaherz aus Stein Es geht nichts hinaus und es passt auch nichts hinein Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein ein Megaherz aus Stein Für mich ist es zu groß und für dich ist es zu klein Now I am just an empty shell and everything I do is for my own good. You cannot blame me for what I’ve done to you. It was your fault. It was the fault of the man that destroyed me and froze my heart. I wake up again, my bedsheets all wrapped around me. The nightmare I had, begins to fade quickly, although I try to grasp it. To no avail. Quick, I throw some clothes on and walk to the bathroom, where I briefly get a look of myself in the mirror. I look awful. There are black rings around my eyes and my skin is pale, almost transparent. I raise a hand to my neck, stroking the scar left there long ago, a reminder of my horror and and his delight. I use my suffering as an excuse. Frankly, I have every right to do it. They do not call me psycho for nothing. I begin to brush my teeth, eyes still fixated on the monster looking back. After that, I wash my face and get out of there, not wanting to look at myself anymore. I am losing my battle, making up excuses for hurting you, that I had been hurt, that I could not stand you and your happiness, that I needed someone to take my frustration out on, that the glitter of your green eyes made me nearly retch everytime you looked at me. Simply, I had suffered and I hated you, making you the perfect victim. I have hurt you, but in my hands you have learned much more than anyone clean could have taught you. I walk into the kitchen, where Orlando and Elijah are already at the table, Orlando eating and Elijah chatting on the phone with somebody. Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein “That is so bad to hear, Sean. Are you okay?” So, he is talking to you, dearest. “The fourth woman, who does not get who you really are.” He seems sorry. I know why you are failing your fourth marriage. I do not know why the first three have gone, but this is evident. Unless your wife has a heart of stone, she cannot live together with a man, who has a heart of stone. I cannot say that I am sorry about that. You knew that you could not lie to somebody so close to you. Warm, lively people just can feel the stone and so will walk away or continue to love along with heartache. “What about Karl?” Elijah asks and I instinctively turn to him, puzzled. “Sean says hello to you,” Elijah looks at me oddly. “Oh right, nice. Hello to him too,” my voice slightly wavers, but neither notice. “Hello from him too. What did she say?” Probably something about the fact that you do not even hold her close after your couplings and those tend to be mechanical and fast, a wedding ritual which gives no pleasure to neither of you. Elijah babbles along for sometimes and I take the liberty of making a sandwich and then wolfing it down. Finally he ends the call. When Elijah passes me on the way to his bedroom, he says quietly: “He’s coming tomorrow. For that moron,” he indicates at Orlando with his head and laughs. Tomorrow will be the first time I will see you after a year. Now I have to figure out, whether I welcome it or not. * * * Orlando’s birthday party is in full swing already, but you have not arrived. Elijah is worried, calling, trying to get any contact with you. Silly Elijah, you have already come in, following Craig and Marton as they walk hand in hand, whispering sweet nothing to each other. Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein ein Megaherz aus Stein Es geht nichts hinaus und es passt auch nichts hinein Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein ein Megaherz aus Stein Für mich ist es zu groß und für dich ist es zu klein You look as miserable as you were last time, when we met. You really lighten my spirit in a perverse, sadistic way. I smile briefly, when I make my way over. You are surprised, I can feel it. Would I really try to avoid you, when you have healed so much and not tear those old wounds open, have you screaming and begging at my feet again? No chance in hell. “Hello, Sean.” My voice is falsely cheerful, but it does blind this little bird. You nearly choke on your drink and then lift your eyes to look into mine. “What are you doing here?” you ask, not believing your eyes. “Me? Celebrating our friend’s birthday of course. Why else?” “Liar,” you snarl and your expression turns into one of disgust. You want to walk away and leave me, but I grab at your arm and do not let go. Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein ein Megaherz aus Stein Es geht nichts hinaus und es passt auch nichts hinein Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein ein Megaherz aus Stein Es gibt nichts zu bereuen und es gibt nichts zu verzeihen “I want to have a word with you. Now.” We go out from the happy and cheerful place, into the hallway. You cross your arms and stand there, looking at me expectantly. Finally you speak. “What in the hell do you want, Karl? You destroyed me, now do you have to come back to a dead man and gnaw on his corpse like a bloody vulture?” “Actually, I have to. You have healed too much.” With that I bring my lips to yours and we share a fiery, passionate kiss. I knew you would not break away, little bitch. This is going to evolve into more, until you break away, looking at me angrily. “I cannot believe that you are doing this. You do not love me and I do not love you. I only thought I did.” I sigh. Do not you understand? “This is not about love. This never was. It was all about making you suffer, turning your heart into stone. Breaking you, using you.” The hurt in you is evident-even in the air around us. I have never told you anythign like that, but now I have spat the whole truth out and you cannot escape the facts. “You know, I hated you. Hated your eyes. Hated them because they were so alive. Hated them because there was not no void. I was like you once. My eyes were alive too. My heart was beating too. I loved and then I was broken and used.” “Are you trying to excuse my suffering?” you ask, voice slightly broken. “Oh no. You suffer, because I suffered. You have a heart of stone now. You are not a human anymore. Remember that.” Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein Ich hab ein Herz aus Stein I smile at you and then walk away, leaving you behind there. I feel your anguish over that fact. I get out of the house and begin to walk around the street. A girl, with brown hair and gray eyes passes me, shyly smiling. I let her pass, but then turn around and call her. How I want to make those gray eyes empty, make that smile vanish, turn that young lively heart into stone. Just like he had turned mine. Into a heart of stone.