Title: Orli's Hot Date
Author's Name: Lostiawen
Email: changeling@planetx.org

Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: VM/OB
Genre: RPS

Website : http://www.planetx.org/~changeling/index.html

Archive: Viggorously, Of Elves and Men, my site.  All others
please ask, I'll surely say yes.

Feedback: Yes, please.

Summary: Orli finally gets a date with Viggo...but things
don't turn out as well as he had hoped.

Disclaimer : This is a work of fiction, none of
this really happened.  The author is not associated
with or is implying anything about the sexual
preferences or the lives of the people depicted within.

Warnings : Comically bad sex for this chapter.

Author's Notes: Written for the September Viggorously
"Bad Sex" challenge.

The trick with the lipstick was inspired by
Tricia's fic, "Taking Advantage."

Posted Oct. 13, 2003.

****
Orlando twisted his hands nervously as the make-up artist
removed his elf ears.  He had a date with Viggo tonight, and his 
stomach
was fluttering at the prospect.

His mind flashed back to the day that Peter had first introduced
them, remembering how he had immediately drowned in those blue
eyes.  During the cast dinner later that evening,
Viggo impressed him further with his knowledge,
thoughtfulness, and kindness; causing Orli to fall
head over heels in love.

He took every opportunity after that to spend time
with Viggo.  So much that Elijah started joking that
Viggo would need a leash for his new elven dog.

Viggo, however, seemed to be content to be
just friends, and friends they remained.  Orli
kept his true feelings hidden, letting people
think that the attraction was merely a crush.

He had no idea what prompted Viggo to decide to change things, but he 
didn't want to question his good fortune.  After he accepted, 
new doubts assaulted him.  What if did something embarrassing 
or klutzy while he was over?  Would Viggo even be interested in 
hopping into bed with him?  What if he put his foot in his mouth like
he always seemed to do at the worst times?

He still remembered how Viggo had asked him last week
as he was leaving the Cuntebago.  As soon as the question
had left his lips, Orlando had almost fallen down the
stairs.  He nervously accepted, and since then, he 
spent most of his free time obsessing over it; oscillating
wildly between feeling elated or worried.  His mind wandered 
frequently,
and the hobbits teased him about his lack of attention, which prompted
Orli to chase them around the set.  Still, he welcomed the 
distractions, 
because it kept him from worrying.

And now the day he had been both looking forward to
and dreading had arrived.  Orlando felt a bubble of panic
forming.  He needed help or reassurance, but
he wasn't sure whom he could turn to.  Not knowing what else to
do, he went to the trailer Ian shared with the hobbits,
fervently hoping that they were still in feet.
He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Ian open
the door.  He relaxed further when he glanced in
and saw that the rest of the trailer was empty.

"Orlando, and to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"
Ian beamed as Orli came in.

"Um, well, uh...Viggo asked me out on a date," Orlando blushed
and scuffed at the floor with his foot.  Keeping the date
secret, especially from the hobbits, had been an accomplishment
of Olympian magnitude.  "I've just...never...um..."
God, his tongue wouldn't work.  "I need help, um..."

"My dear boy, I sincerely hope that you're not asking me
to correct your troubling lack of experience.  I'm in
a committed relationship right now," Ian said.

Orli bristled and before he could stop himself, he
blurted, "Bugger, that's not the problem, Ian!  
I've fucked blokes before, I need help because I don't want to 
bitch things up on my date with Viggo tonight!"  He suddenly
blushed at his tirade.

Ian smiled.  "Viggo asked you out on a date?  How wonderful."

Orli played nervously with the hem of his t-shirt.  "Yeah.
It is."

"But surely you've been out on a date before, Orlando."

"Not with someone as fantastic as Viggo.  And, um..." Orlando
controlled the urge to babble about how he never had felt
this way before about anyone.  "I've only
gone out on dates with girls," he said lamely. 

"I see..." Ian said.  "Well, to start with, where are you
going?"

"He's cooking dinner for me at his place," Orli said.  "Should
I bring wine or something?"

"Do you know what he's serving?"

"Um...no."

Ian said, "Well, knowing Viggo, I'm sure he's picked out
something suitable."

Orlando shuffled, "I, uh, I also really don't know what to wear."

Ian's eyes twinkled.  "Then it was definitely a wise move to
talk to me first.  I doubt that the abominable shirts you normally 
wear will impress Viggo.  Let me finish changing and then we can 
drive over to your house."

"Thanks Ian," Orli said, hugging him.

"My pleasure."

***

"Good heavens, Orlando, don't you have *any* shirts that 
are one color?  And don't think about even pulling one 
out that has ruffles," Ian said as he looked through Orlando's 
wardrobe.

"Um, yeah, this one," Orli replied, holding up a shirt
that was a blinding salmon color.

Ian sighed.  "You should really invest in some
black shirts some day."  He poked a bit in Orlando's
closet and pulled out a pair of black jeans.  "These
should do.  Pair this up with one of your plain white
t-shirts and some white socks."

"Um, isn't that a bit too casual?"

"Not for Viggo," Ian said, smiling.  "And do remember to
use just a *touch* of cologne, instead of the truly 
phenomenal amounts you tend to use."

"I do not," Orlando huffed indignantly.

"For other men your age, perhaps.  But as you
get older, subtly is appreciated."

Orlando slapped his forehead.  "Shit! I forgot 
that I need to shower!"  He looked at the clock.  "Oh God,
if I don't start now, I'm going to be late!"

Ian got up.  "I'll let myself out, then."  He patted
Orlando on the shoulder, "And remember to remain calm.  
Good luck, my boy, I'll expect a full report tomorrow."

Orlando hugged Ian again and kissed him on the cheek.
"Thanks, Ian."

"It was my pleasure.  Goodbye, Orlando," Ian said as
he opened the door.

"Bye," Orli replied.  After the door clicked shut,
he tore off his clothes and quickly showered.

As he was drying himself off, he was glad that
his mohawk didn't need anything in the way
of styling.  His curls always tended to be
unruly at the worst times, and it would be
just his luck to have a bad hair day when
it was most inconvenient.

He poked through his dressers, looking for
a clean t-shirt.  "Bugger, I forgot to do
the wash again," he grumbled, fighting
down his rising fears. He hoped that he wouldn't 
be forced to comb through his mounds of dirty laundry for a
shirt that wasn't too rank.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he found his last
clean t-shirt tucked away in a drawer.  As
Orli dressed, he grinned when he noticed that Ian
had picked out a sinfully tight pair of jeans.

"Well, well, someone's a pervy old man," he
mumbled to himself.

Remembering Ian's admonition, Orlando dotted on his cologne 
instead of splashing it.  He checked his breath, sniffed 
cautiously at his armpits, and checked his teeth to
make sure nothing was stuck between them.

Satisfied with his appraisal, he said to his
reflection, "All right, Bloom, here we go."


****

Orli tried not to panic as he pushed the doorbell.  It's
just Viggo, he kept trying to tell himself.

Yeah, it's just the man who is completely fantastic
in whatever art form he touches, who can turn even the
simplest of roles into a complete character study, who
just oozes sex out of every pore, and who makes
your heart thump every time you see him.

He swallowed convulsively as the door opened and Viggo
smiled at him.  Orli felt the butterflies forming in
his stomach and he restrained himself from greeting
Viggo with his customary flying hug.  This is a date, 
you git; don't knock him to the ground.

He walked in hesitantly and gave Viggo what he hoped
was a confident smile.  "Hi," he said shyly.

Viggo said, "You're just in time, dinner's almost
ready."

At the mention of dinner, Orli finally noticed the delicious
aroma drifting in the air.  "Christ, Vig, that smells fantastic."

Viggo said,  "It should, it's your favorite.  My secret 
Firecracker Fish recipe."  

Orli sighed.  How thoughtful of Viggo.  As always.
"God, you've got me drooling already.  I can't wait to try it,
you always make the best shit...uh, I mean, the best stuff..."
Orli said, blushing crimson.  Bugger, why did he have to
start babbling *now*?

Viggo laughed. "Orli, you don't need to worry about your language
or your behavior because this is a date.  I've listened to you swear 
your
head off for months."

"I know...it's just...well...you're just so brilliant...and I love
being around you so much, and I'm afraid that I'll cock this up,
like maybe I'll get monged and tell you a gross joke over dinner,
or maybe I'll burp in your face or something..."  Oh God,
did he actually mention burping?  Good deal, you tosser, if you
don't shut your yap, you'll probably tell him a fart joke
next.  Embarrassed beyond all belief, Orlando became very fascinated 
with studying the pattern on the carpet.

Viggo put his fingers underneath Orli's chin and tilted his
head up.  "Just be you, Orli.  That's all I want."

Orlando swallowed nervously.  "Really?" he breathed.

"Really.  Just pretend that this is another dinner
at my place and we'll take it from there."  He grinned from
ear to ear.  "Besides, it wouldn't be the same without
your little potty mouth shooting off, elf boy."

Orlando gulped.  "Um...okay."

The buzzer went off and Viggo smiled gently at Orlando.
"I have to take the fish off the stove.  Go ahead and 
make yourself comfortable before you sit down at the
table.

"All right," Orli said, trying to control the
shake in his voice.  He removed his shoes and
socks, which he usually did when he was over
at Viggo's.  He then wandered over to the 
dinner table, walking slowly so that he 
wouldn't knock anything over.

As Orli sat down, he spotted the bottle of wine on
the table.  He recognized it as an obscure brand that he 
was particularly fond of, making him feel warm inside.  It was 
just like Viggo to pay attention to that kind of detail.

"Vig, do you want me to open the wine?" he called out.

"If you could, Orli, that'd be great," Viggo said from
the kitchen.

Orlando stood up and opened the bottle carefully, not 
wanting to give himself a black eye while he was pulling the cork out.  
He poured the wine slowly, trying to make sure that 
they had exactly equal amounts in their glasses.  He cursed softly as
his hands shook, and it took a supreme effort
to not spill it.

Viggo appeared at that point with the fish and
Orlando sat down quickly, almost knocking his
glass over.

Viggo placed the plate on the table before
he disappeared briefly into the kitchen again.
He reappeared with a salad and a side of
rice and arranged them on the table before
he sat down, also.  He noticed that Orli was twitching
uncomfortably, so he reached over and squeezed one
of the slim hands.

"Orli...relax.  I won't bite."

Orli felt his heart race as Viggo's hand
touched his.  "Um," he mumbled.

Viggo said casually, "Well then, how are you
going to handle your scenes tomorrow?  The prissy
elf doesn't have many lines."

At the light jibe, Orlando grumbled, "I'll have
you know that Legolas doesn't *need* to say much.
He lets his actions speak for him."

"But exactly how are you going to project
that?"

Orlando launched into a small rant, chatting
away about Legolas' motivations.  The persistent
knot in his stomach soon faded, and he felt much
more relaxed.

Viggo smiled again and started talking about
further insights he had into Aragorn's character
as he served the fish.  Orli listened, feeling
warm inside at Viggo's consideration.

He promptly dug into his food, glad that his
nerves finally calmed down.

"Christ," Orlando said as he took his first bite.  
"That's fucking fantastic, Vig...this just melts as
soon as it hits my tongue.  Shit, it's like having an orgasm
on your tastebuds..."  he blushed crimson as he realized
what he had just said.

Viggo grinned.  "I caught the fish just yesterday.
I'm glad you approve."

They chatted amiably for the rest of dinner. Orli
carefully sipped at his wine, drinking just
enough to take the edge off of his nervousness,
but not enough to get even a light buzz.

He sighed contentedly after dessert had been served.
"Oh God, that was wonderful, Vig."

Viggo said, "Why don't we move over into the 
living room?"

Orli smiled and bounced over with Viggo
following him.  As he flopped down on the
couch, a memory suddenly leapt into his
mind, causing him to snicker loudly.

"What's so funny, Orli?" Viggo said.

"Oh God, do you remember my first night
on this couch?  I was completely monged and
I left my keys at the pub..."

"So I took you to my place to crash, but you
were annoying as all fuck.  You kept yelling
drunkenly at the top of your voice, you
wanted to wrestle with me, and then
you nearly threw up on my shirt."

Orli laughed.  "I knew I had brassed you off when
you dragged me to the bathroom and turned on the cold
water in your shower.  I don't remember much after
we left the bar, and then the next thing I knew, I was screeching my 
fucking head off as you doused me."

Viggo grinned. "I got you sober enough so that
you could stumble over to the couch. Liv called me 
right after you passed out and said that she found 
your keys.  So, when I went to pick them up, I 
borrowed her lipstick."

Orli chuckled.  "I still remember wondering
who in *hell* wrote 'I am a drunk git' on my
chest when I woke up.  I raised a row about 
it with Billy and Dom for weeks.  And then you
finally 'fessed up, you wanker."  

Orli paused.  "I'm still surprised you even let me stay 
here.  I was a complete twat that night."

Viggo said huskily, "Certain things made it
worthwhile."

Orlando swallowed.  Viggo was looking intently at him,
his cobalt blue eyes stripping him bare.

"Um, like what?"  He felt his heart thumping out
of control, and his cock immediately leapt to attention.

Viggo leaned in until their lips were almost touching.
Orlando trembled, feeling his shaft drip with
anticipation.

"I had to undress you completely before I hauled you into the
shower," he purred before he captured Orli's mouth.

Orlando felt his nerves come dazzlingly alive.  
Viggo pushed him back on the couch, rolling on
top of him.  Orlando's senses spun out of control,
he had dreamed about touching Viggo so much, 
and now he was finally tasting him, smelling his
scent, feeling his hard cock.  All of his
earlier nervousness dissipated, the energy now
channeled into the heat flooding through his
body, oversensitizing every inch his skin.

Viggo's tongue plundered his mouth as he ground
their cocks together.  The contact sent
Orlando into complete overload.  Before he 
realized what was happening, he moaned loudly and he came hard, 
bucking upward.

Viggo rolled off of him, looking confused.  When
Orlando stopped quaking, he turned several shades
of crimson as he noticed the wet, sticky stain 
now appearing through his jeans.

"I'm sorry," Orli mumbled, desperately wishing for
a bolt of lightning to strike him and end his misery.  

Viggo kissed him lightly.  "It's all right, Orli.  Why
don't you get out of these clothes so that you
can clean up?"

"Um, I don't have anything else to wear."

Viggo said huskily, "You won't need it."  Orlando
shivered, and then scampered off to the bathroom,
eager to clean up so that he could enjoy the
rest of the evening.

He removed all of his clothes, carefully rinsing off his 
jeans and his boxers, before he hung them in Viggo's shower.  
He left the rest of his garments neatly folded up in a pile
by the hamper.

As he was wiping himself off, he glared at his
cock.  "Now, are you going to behave?  None of that
earlier stuff, you hear?  I don't care if Viggo is
a complete Sex God, *you* will last through a 
shagging session."

Satisfied, he went back to the living room, smiling
when he saw that Viggo had spread a blanket out
in front of the fireplace.  A blaze was burning
merrily behind the metal curtain, and Viggo was reclining on
the blanket seductively without a stitch of
clothing on him.

Orlando's throat went dry as he saw the size of Viggo's
dick.  It exceeded anything he had imagined in his 
frequent wet dreams, and he felt himself getting
achingly hard at the sight of it.

"Come here," Viggo purred.  Swallowing convulsively,
Orlando sat down by his side.  Viggo cupped
Orlando's face before he tilted him back gently,
lowering him onto his back.

"You're so beautiful, Orli," Viggo purred
as he pressed tiny kisses up the inside
of his thigh.  Orlando felt as if he
was going to explode as the teasing
flutter of Viggo's lips traveled closer
to his cock.  He whimpered, silently begging
for more.  His many fantasies of Viggo's lips wrapped
around his hard flesh played through his
mind, making him ache out of control.

He cried out as he felt a hot, wet lick
on the head of his cock.  Smiling wickedly, 
Viggo started to lap at the slit.

The sinful look in his eyes and the decadent
sight of Viggo's tongue darting out overwhelmed
Orlando again.  He shuddered, crying out as
another orgasm washed over him.

When he came back down, he was horrified to see that he
had splattered all over Viggo's cheek and beard.  
A mixture of shock, disbelief, and surprise played
across the other man's face.

"Shit!" Orli said, looking about for a tissue.
He quickly found one and started mopping Viggo up.
"I'm such a twat, oh God, I'm sooo sorry..."

Viggo calmly took the tissue from Orli and
cleaned his face off.  He said patiently, "Maybe
we should stop?"

Orlando said, "Oh God, please don't!  I'm sure my
cock will behave this time, Viggo!  I've dreamed
about being in bed with you for ages!"  He glanced
down at Viggo's aching shaft.  "Besides," he said,
brushing his fingers over the tip, "it wouldn't be
fair for me to leave you hanging."

"Please?" Orlando said again, looking at Viggo earnestly.

Viggo laughed, and pulled Orli to him.  His hands mapped
the slim body possessively, and Orlando arched
against him, craving more.

"I want you, Viggo," Orli breathed.

Viggo pulled some lube out of a nearby drawer and slicked
his finger up.  He then captured Orlando's mouth as he lightly 
massaged the small entrance.  Orli whimpered, pushing back
and demanding more.  Viggo complied, pressing his
finger in.  

Orlando winced at the contact, noticing the slight sting.
It had been a while since he bottomed, and he 
tried to relax his muscles.

He moaned as Viggo stroked him inside, but then he noticed
that the sting had increased.  In fact...it felt like
a burn.  A rather insistent burn.  One that wasn't
stopping.

"Viggo...ow, fuck!" Orli said, squirming
uncomfortably. "Stop!"

Viggo pulled his finger out immediately.  "Am
I hurting you?"

"Shit!  What the fuck?  It feels like I'm on fire back there!"

Viggo looked horrified.  "Holy shit! I'm sorry, Orli!
It must have been the chilies I cut up for the fish.
Some of the oil must still be on my fingers."

Orli grimaced; the burn was increasing, and it didn't
seem to want to stop.  "Christ! Can I use
your shower, Vig?"

"Go right ahead."

Orlando darted for the bathroom, hopping in after he
pulled his clothes down.  However, no amount of scrubbing seemed
to take the burn away.

He gingerly put on his damp jeans and pulled
on his t-shirt before he came out
of the bathroom.  "Vig..." he swallowed, "I think
I should just go home."

"It's probably best..." Viggo replied.  "I'm so sorry, Orli..."

"It's okay.."  Orli said as he pulled on his socks and shoes.  
"See you at make-up tomorrow, yeah?"

"Sure," Viggo said, looking rather ashamed of himself.

Once the door closed, Orli rushed back to his house, 
feeling completely mortified.  He pulled a couple of beers 
from the fridge, regretting that he couldn't drown his 
sorrows with more.  He still had to work tomorrow, though,
and he always limited his alcohol consumption on 
work nights.  As he finished up his second beer,
he breathed a sigh of relief he felt the burn
petering out.

----
end part 1


Author's Name: Lostiawen
Fic Title: Orli's Hot Date (2/2)
Email: changeling@planetx.org

Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: VM/OB
Genre: RPS

Website : http://www.planetx.org/~changeling/index.html

Archive: Viggorously, Of Elves and Men, my site.  All others
please ask, I'll surely say yes.

Feedback: Yes, please.

Summary: Loose lips sink ships...

Disclaimer : This is a work of fiction, none of
this really happened.  The author is not associated
with or is implying anything about the sexual
preferences or the lives of the people depicted within.

Warnings : Mild angst, my slightly twisted humor (so you may want to
go to the bathroom first).

Author's Notes: Written for the September Viggorously
"Bad Sex" challenge.

Posted Oct. 14, 2003.

***

The next morning was awkward in the Cuntebago.  Orli 
couldn't bear to look Viggo in the face.  They exchanged 
some stilted conversation and Orlando scurried 
away as fast as possible.

He spent most of his time between takes
avoiding both Ian and Viggo.  If either of 
them attempted to approach him, he found a 
convenient excuse to dodge them.
He *really* didn't feel like talking to 
anyone about his date last night.

Billy eventually tugged him aside.  "Orli, what's
bothering you?  You're usually stuck to Viggo like
glue.  Is he narked at you for something?"

Orlando rolled his eyes.  "I don't even want
to go into it.  I just need a pint after work."

Billy patted Orli on the shoulder.  "I'll see you
after I get out of Feet, then.  Elijah 
won't be able to join us tonight because Peter
wants to go over some script changes with him."

"What about Dom?"

"Something in the canteen isn't agreeing with
him, so he's not up to going out.  He'll be
fine in the morning, though."

"All right," Orli replied.

The day dragged on, and Orli felt like 
it was an eternity before Peter called a wrap.  

He dawdled around before he went back to the Cuntebago.
He knew that it would take Billy a long time to change, and 
he wanted to avoid Viggo as much as possible.

Orli breathed a sigh of relief as he tentatively
opened the door.  No sign of Viggo.  His luck
was finally changing for the better.

After all of his make-up had been scrubbed off,
Orli walked out into the lot.  He beamed when
he saw Billy coming out of Feet.  Perfect.

They went to their favorite pub.  Orli tried
making small talk with Billy, but his mind
kept replaying the events of the previous
evening to torture him.  Disgusted, Orli
soon lost track of how many pints he had downed.

The room gradually felt very warm and fuzzy.  
Orli decided that it would be best if he
leaned against Billy for stability, since
he was having trouble determining which way was
up.

"Orli?  Are you okay?"  Billy asked.

"So, Billy..." Orli said, noticing that his tongue
occasionally misbehaved while he was trying to talk
and couldn't form a word properly.  
"Y'wanna know what's up with me an' Vig?"

"I *was* curious as to why you were acting a
wee bit strange around him."

"Viggo finally asked me out on a date, an'
it was last night..."

"That's fantastic!  You've fancied him for quite
a while," Billy said.  He frowned when he noticed Orli's lack of
enthusiasm.  "Uh oh, did it not turn out?"

"It was a complete fucking disaster," Orli moaned into his beer.

Billy patted his back sympathetically.  "It couldn't have been
*that* bad, mate."

Orli chugged the rest of his pint and poured another one out
of the pitcher.  "Yes it was.  I'm sure that it was a sign 
from above.  We're just not meant to be."  He sunk down into 
his chair.  "But nooo, I had to ignore the fact that I 
popped off early..."

Billy looked at him.  "Don't tell me you..."

"Yeah, creamed my jeans as soon as he touched
me."

"Oi, I think that's too much information for me..."

Orli ignored him and continued, "And I did it again, right
in his face, which I'm sure should've put him off...but 
we went ahead and tried to shag anyway...then I got to feel 
first hand what a two-way burn was like..."

Billy's eyes went wide as dinner plates.  "You're taking
the piss."

"Wish I was.  Vig had been cooking with chilies, you see,
and the oil was still on his fingers..."

Billy promptly fell out of his chair laughing.  Orli
glared at him and said, "Thanks a lot, Billy," before
he downed another pint.

***
Orli threw the clock against the wall when it went off,
killing the cheesy elevator music that was playing.  
He sat up and groaned.  His head was pounding and he 
felt like a furry elephant had curled up on his tongue and died.

"Christ, *why* did I fucking forget my own rule," Orli
moaned.  He had an early make-up call, and the previous 
night was a complete blur.  The last thing
he remembered was ordering a few pints with Billy.

Orli stumbled into the Cuntebago, feeling like
death warmed over.  He gratefully accepted his coffee
and just sat in a huddled lump as he was transformed
into Legolas.  He didn't say a word after Sean and
Viggo arrived.

He still felt incredibly shitty after he dragged
himself out of costuming and onto the set.
The crew was busy setting up for the Council
scene, so Orli decided to refresh his coffee
while he was waiting.

Elijah was by the cooler and he smiled 
brightly. "Morning, Orli!" 

"Mornin'," Orli mumbled.

"Had a hard night drinking, huh?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, you know, coffee with extra cream is just
the thing to get rid of hangovers," Elijah said
in an overly cheery voice.

Orli looked at Elijah, his muddled brain not quite
understanding the statement.  Elijah smiled at him
angelically, and Orli wasn't quite sure if it was
his I'm-Fucking-With-You smile or a Sympathy-For-Poor-
Hungover-Orli smile.  He opted for the sympathetic smile because his 
head
ached too much to deal with anything else.  

Elijah looked up and smiled as he saw Dominic
coming over.  "Pete's calling me.  I'll let Dom
keep you company, Orli.  Bye," Elijah said.

"Bye," Orli said unenthusiastically as Elijah wandered off.

"Morning, Orli," Dom said.

"Morning," Orli said slowly.  He could feel the
daylight stabbing his eyes like little daggers,
and he hoped that if he blinked slowly, the pain
would disappear.  He growled when nothing of the
sort happened.

Dom's voice cut through his haze.  "Hel-lo, Earth to Orli!  
I asked you a question."

"What?" Orli said, feeling incredibly cranky.

"Nervous about the fact that you actually get two lines today?"

Orli moaned as his head thudded.  "Why should I?"
he asked, hoping that Dom wasn't in one of his teasing
moods today.

"Well, you do have a problem with going off too soon,
but I'm sure Viggo will understand," Dom said, grinning.

Orli's face drained of colour.  Before he could
even sputter indignantly, Dominic disappeared.

His mind was suddenly filled with a thousand ideas
as to how he could best kill Dominic.  While he idly
wondered if hobbit meat would taste better with
Worcesterchire sauce, he saw Ian in the
distance.  Needing a comforting presence, he
stumbled over.

"Orlando!" Ian said, "You look terrible."

"Got monged yesterday," Orli said, leaning his aching head
against Ian.

"I wasn't able to find time to talk with you yesterday.  How 
was your date with Viggo?"

"Oh God, Ian, don't even ask," Orli groaned.

"Well, if you have any *burning* questions, let
me know," Ian said.

Orlando turned bright red and contemplated
finding a very deep pit to bury himself in.  Before
he could, Peter was barking at everyone to take
their places.  Orlando trudged up to his seat,
dreading what was coming next.

The rest of the day was a complete wash.  Orli
couldn't bear to make eye contact with Viggo, and
when Legolas had to leap out of his chair to defend
Aragorn, Elijah and Ian kept sniggering.

Breaks were worse.  The hobbits and Ian teased him
mercilessly.  At the end of the day, Orli had heard
every single pun possible on cream, things on fire,
and being premature.

He was quite exhausted when he finally got out of make-up.
To his surprise, Viggo was waiting outside the Cuntebago for him. 

He said curtly, "Orlando, may I have a word with you?"

Orli felt his stomach sink.  Viggo hadn't called him
by his full name since they became friends.

"Uh, sure...what is it?"

"How is it that the hobbits and Ian know about what happened?"

Oh no.  "Um, what makes you say that?"

"Because when I went to get some extra cream for my coffee
they snickered loudly.  I asked them what exactly was
so amusing and Dominic said that you should have
provided more than enough."

Orlando blanched.  "I don't know...honest, Viggo!"

"They seem to have heard all of the embarrassing details.
I corralled Elijah later and he spilled everything.  Why
did you blurt it out to them?"

"I swear to you that I didn't.  I have no idea
how they found out...I went out with Billy
last night for drinks because I was feeling so miserable..."
a memory flashed back.  "Oh shit!  I must've told
Billy while I was monged."

Viggo said, "I see."  His eyes blazed intently.  "Orlando, 
if you're going to be this irresponsible,
we really shouldn't see each other any more."

"What?  Viggo, it was a fucking slip!  I was drunk!"

Viggo said quietly.  "I'm sorry, this just isn't going to work out."
He turned on his heel and walked away.

"Fuck!" Orli yelled, wanting at that moment to shoot himself 
full of elven arrows to end his misery.

The next two weeks were incredibly uncomfortable.  Viggo refused
to talk to Orlando unless it involved work.  Orlando constantly
felt as if his stomach was filled with lead, and the bounce
went out of his step.  He sat like a zombie in his make-up
chair, not talking unless someone asked him a question first.

Bean was incredibly confused at the sudden rift between
the two formerly good friends, and he tried to talk
to Viggo about the situation.  He was forced to give
up when Viggo taciturnly stated that it was a private matter.

Orlando had also given the hobbits a severe tongue-lashing
after his blow up with Viggo.  Once the trio had found out 
what their teasing had done, they told Ian, and all four of 
them apologized profusely to Orlando.  Later, Ian tried to talk 
some sense into Viggo, but he was politely brushed off.

Viggo still treated Orlando professionally, though, and Orli
was constantly amazed at how Aragorn never showed any
anger towards Legolas.  Orlando struggled to maintain
his role, but it was quite a challenge, and it stretched
his acting ability to the limits.

At the end of a grueling day on the Edoras location,
Peter called out, "All right, everyone, we need to
film some footage at the crack of dawn.  The call
is for 3 a.m. for Orlando and John and 4 a.m.
for the humans and crew."

Everyone groaned loudly.  Karl said, "Shit, it's
8 right now.  By the time I get out of make-up, go home, 
eat, and go to sleep, I'll have to be up again."

Viggo suggested, "Why don't we camp out here?
The night's mild, and we can get more sleep that
way."

"That's an excellent idea!" John boomed out.

"Um, I think I'll go home..." Orli said tentatively.

"Oh no you don't, Orli," Karl said, "I don't
want to be stuck here with the old timers by myself.
Besides, us blonds need to stick together."

"Karl...I really think I should go back to my place..."

Karl tugged him aside.  "Orli, please?" he asked softly.  
"I'm worried about the fact that you're
not getting any sleep.  You look like shit most
of the time, and you rarely bounce around anymore.
Come on, I'm asking you as a friend to stay." 

Orlando ran his hand through his wig.  He was too tired
to really argue.  "All right," he said wearily.

Karl clapped him on the back.  "Thanks.  Come on,
let's get out of these costumes."

Orlando dreaded seeing Viggo in the make-up trailer, but he needn't 
have
worried.  Viggo opted to stay in his costume and he built a fire
while everyone else was changing.  

Peter had made sure that the crew had left them with plenty of food, 
water, beer, and blankets. The four of them chatted away as they
ate around the campfire, although Viggo and Orli were still very
reserved around each other.

After they had finished their simple dinner, Viggo abruptly said, "I 
think I'll sleep in the woods tonight, gentleman."

Karl snorted, "Vig, you just carry this ranger thing
too far."

Viggo grinned.  "It's a nice night, and I haven't
slept in my costume for a while."  He rose, grabbed
a blanket, and disappeared off into the darkness.

Karl noticed Orlando staring glumly at Viggo's
retreating form.  He said, "Orli, could you 
help me with the beer?"

"Um, sure, Karl."

When they reached the cooler, Karl said quietly,
"What happened between you two?"

"I can't talk about it."

"Orli, please," Karl said. 

"No," Orlando said, helping himself to a beer.

They sat down by the fire, making small talk.  Orli's 
beer soon turned into three.  As the alcohol
permeated his system, he decided that enough
was enough. 

"Gonna wander around for a bit, don't wait
up for me," Orli told the other two as he got up.
He wandered off in the direction that he saw Viggo
take earlier, hoping that the other man was sticking to his
habit of contemplating the beauty of the New Zealand
countryside for several hours before he went to
sleep.

Orlando cursed.  It was dark, and his night 
vision had never been very good.  The flat countryside
soon gave way to a small copse of trees.

"Viggo!" he called.  He didn't hear a response.

Grumbling, he wandered about aimlessly. He squeaked in
surprise as he almost crashed into Viggo's solid
chest; the man was near invisible in his Aragorn 
costume.  

"What is it, Orlando?" he asked.

"We need to talk," Orli said.

Viggo held up his hand.  "You've already said 
everything that you needed to," he replied before he 
disappeared again.

"Viggo..." Orlando called out into the darkness.  "Vig, where
are you?"

No reply.  "Damnit, Viggo!  I'm sorry that gossip got
out about our date!"  The silence continued.  "Fine! Be that
way!"  Orli turned to stomp back to the campsite, but his
foot caught on a branch and he tumbled roughly to the ground.

"Fuck, ow!" he yelled as he scraped his knee. The pain
brought reality into sharp focus, killing the last of
his buzz.

"Orlando?"  Viggo's voice called out of the darkness.  "Are you
okay?"

Orli said, "Yeah...just putting my foot in the wrong place and
bitching everything up like always.  I'm not 
surprised that you hate me."  He loathed himself for
the shake in his voice.  He heard crunching nearby and 
he tried to get up to run, but Viggo was by his side too quickly.
He put a hand on Orli's shoulder.

"Orlando...I don't hate you," Viggo said mildly.  "But I
am angry that gossip got out.  Can you blame me?"

"Fuck..." Orli felt angry with himself.  Angry that he couldn't
keep his mouth shut, angry that he cocked up their relationship
so badly...he brushed away a tear.

Viggo cupped Orli's face and rubbed his thumb across the
smooth cheek, catching a tear.  He looked into Orli's eyes, 
concern shining in the blue depths.

Orli turned his face away. "Don't look at me like that, Vig.  
I don't deserve it."

"Why?  No one's perfect."

"You are."

Viggo laughed.  "No, I'm not."

"Shut up.  You're a brilliant actor, and an incredible
artist, poet, and photographer.  You're a fantastic
cook, a loving parent, and you're a complete Sex God.
Why you even saw anything in a punk like me, I'll never
know."

Viggo interrupted, "Orlando, I'm always late to the make-up,
I get obsessive, and I'm a bit of a control freak.
Don't put me on a pedestal."

Orli replied, "Why not?  You're the most fantastic person who's ever
come into my life, and I used to dream about the chance to
be with you.  When you asked me out, I thought I had
died and gone to heaven...I wanted us to have a spectacular 
evening, and then I fucked everything up by creaming my pants 
like a bloody teenager.  Then I spilled all of the details to Billy...
so much for the earth-shattering first date."  

Orli laughed bitterly.  "You were right to blow me off.  I 
don't even know why you even bothered giving me the time 
of day," he said, his voice full of loathing.

"Orli, look at me."  Viggo said gently.  Orlando trembled,
and forced himself to turn his head.  His breath caught
when he saw the vulnerable look in Viggo's eyes.  
"I didn't ask you out before because 
I was afraid of ruining our friendship."  

He looked pained. "Although it looks like I didn't 
do a very good job in that department, either."

"It's mostly my fault," Orli said softly.

"No.  It's mine.  I shouldn't have blown up like that
at you.  But I was already kicking myself for
being a dumbass with the chilies, and when you told
me that you blurted everything out to Billy...well,
I thought you did it because our date didn't
mean anything to you."

Orli was completely confused.  "What gave you that
daft idea?"

"Because you're so damn beautiful and vivacious, Orli.  You can have
your pick of lovers, and I didn't think
you wanted to have anything to do with an old man like
myself other than to have a fling."

"I never wanted just a one-night stand with you,
Viggo," Orli said, looking deep into his eyes.
"Please believe me."

"I do.  And I'm completely stupid for not
realizing that earlier.  Can you forgive me?"

"Yes," Orli said, "Vig, something's still not
making sense.  Why did you ask me out in the
first place?"

"Because I couldn't stand the thought of us just
being friends."  He slowly stroked
Orli's cheek.  "Hugging you every day was
agony, because I wanted to touch so much more.
Even if it was going to be for one night, just having the chance
to be with you would have made me happy...because I
love you."

Orli's jaw dropped open.  "You do?"

"Yes," Viggo said.

"Vig...I've been in love with you ever since I
met you.  Can you give me another chance?" Orli
breathed.  He looked hopefully at Viggo, melting
inside when he saw the tender gaze in the cobalt
blue eyes.

Viggo leaned in, his lips ghosting lightly against
Orli's.  His breath hitching, Orli closed the
rest of the distance, opening his mouth for a
slow, sweet kiss.  He savored the feel of Viggo's 
firm lips against his, the slight graze of stubble, and 
the languid, teasing glide of Viggo's tongue.

Orli moaned into Viggo's mouth, never wanting
this to end.  He felt as if he were floating while
Viggo continued to kiss him, stealing his breath away.

He gasped as Viggo broke off and began nibbling his way down 
his neck, soothing each bite with a tiny lick.
He was trembling, feeling his cock harden against
his jeans.

Viggo's hands were now pushing up his t-shirt, skimming
over the flat plane of his stomach.  He whimpered softly
as his nipples were exposed.  His head was spinning from
desire as Viggo gently lowered him to the ground.  Viggo 
paused to grin before he swooped in, sucking on the
dusky circles until they peaked.

Orlando cried out, losing himself to the feel of Viggo's
hot mouth and dissolving from the fiery caresses along his
torso.  He bucked against Viggo, mewling plaintively.

Viggo breathed, "Orli...can you wait for a few minutes?"

"What?" Orli said through a haze of lust.

"I don't have any lube with me.  I need to
see if I can find something else."

"Okay," Orli mumbled.  He sighed and looked
up at the sky while he was waiting, watching 
the stars twinkle.

Before long, Viggo was back at his side.
He pressed another breath-stealing kiss to
Orli's mouth while he pulled their remaining 
clothes off.

When they parted, Orlando grinned as he saw
the pat of margarine by Aragorn's costume.

"Nicked it from the supplies?" he said.

Viggo smiled wolfishly.  He began to slick up
his fingers, but Orli stopped him.

"Viggo...you can take your time.  Make love to
me the way you want to."

"Are you sure?"

Orlando nodded.  "I got overexcited last time because
I was worried about impressing you.  Now that I
know that you'll have me even though I'm a complete wank..."
Viggo silenced him with a deep kiss, destroying all
coherent thought.

When they parted, Viggo touched a finger to Orli's
lips.  "Hush," he said, "Just enjoy..." His
tongue traced the whorl of Orli's ear, sending
small shocks through his body.

His voice lowered to a throaty purr, "Do you know how long
I've just wanted to taste your skin?  How
I want to explore your sweet body until you're begging
me to take you?"

Orlando trembled, his eyes fluttering closed at
the promise in that sinful voice.  He moaned
as he felt Viggo's tongue winding a trail 
down the flat plane of his stomach.  Viggo paused at 
the sun tattoo, sucking it lightly until Orlando was whimpering.
He kissed his way over to Orli's navel, dipping
his tongue in and swirling around until Orlando arched
up.

He swooped down further, nibbling at the juncture
of Orli's leg and hip.  He nursed the 
skin until Orli was quivering.  Grinning
mischievously, Viggo scooted over until he was between
the slender legs, bending down to circle his tongue 
over the tender sacs.  

Orlando cried out softly, arching up; and Viggo
licked a long, hot stripe up the side of his cock.
Shocks went through his body, and he quivered,
silently begging for more.

He choked off a small cry as Viggo expertly
swallowed his cock, taking all of his length
effortlessly.  Bright flashes sparked in front of his
eyes as he lost himself in the wet heat of Viggo's
mouth.

"Vig...please," Orli cried out as Viggo's tongue
danced in wicked patterns over his hard flesh, causing him
to writhe shamelessly.

Reluctantly, Viggo pulled off of Orli's shaft, pausing
for one last teasing lick before he slicked up
his fingers.  He slid one into Orli, stroking him
inside.  

Orli thrashed about, crying out for more.  He
convulsed as Viggo slid another finger into him,
scissoring them gently and stretching him.

"Viggo," he panted, "I need you..."
His nails dug furrows in the dirt as he pushed
down, hungrily craving more contact.  

Unable to resist any longer, Viggo pulled his
fingers out, chuckling softly when Orli protested.
He smeared more of the makeshift lube on his cock 
and positioned himself carefully.

Orli spread his legs wider, his chocolate
brown eyes opening in a silent plea.  Viggo
kissed him, swallowing up Orli's loud hiss of 
pleasure as he slid in.

Orli gasped as Viggo touched bottom, reveling
in the feel of the incredibly hot length inside
of him.  He wrapped his legs around Viggo's
waist.

"Fuck me," he said huskily.

"Oh God, Orli," Viggo moaned before he started
thrusting.  Orlando mewled eagerly, loving the
feel of Viggo's large cock filling him and
stroking over his sweet spot.

He pulled Viggo closer, wanting to meld their
bodies together.  It was starting to
get cold, but Orli didn't notice.  He was
burning up inside; sweat beaded and
cooled on his skin as he pushed back,
matching Viggo's pace.

Viggo penetrated him slowly, continuing
his unhurried pace until Orlando felt like he
would die.  He thrashed frantically
underneath Viggo, urging him on.

"Patience," Viggo murmured, petting Orli's
mohawk.  He continued gliding in, and
Orli felt as if he was losing a bit of
himself with each stroke.  Everything faded from
his awareness: his entire world now centered on 
the languid thrusts of Viggo's cock.

"Viggo..." Orli breathed, "Please, need to come, ohhh,"
he moaned as another shock of pleasure rippled through
his body.  Every small breeze was caused his skin to
tingle delightfully, making him tremble from the lightest touch.
Moisture beaded copiously from his throbbing erection,
pooling between them.

Viggo kissed Orli's neck, his jaw, and playfully
licked at the full lips before he sealed their mouths in
another long kiss.  Viggo's hips suddenly pistoned hard, and 
Orli shrieked loudly, screaming as a few short jabs 
sent him over the edge.

He slammed his body upward, every muscle tensing
as he was shaken by an orgasm that seemed to
last forever.  Viggo's thrusts grew ragged, and
Orli soon heard him moaning against his mouth
as he climaxed, splashing hotly inside of him.

Orli quivered as the last shocks traveled through his 
body, and then he collapsed to the ground 
like a marionette that had had its strings cut.
Viggo collapsed against him, and they just lay
there, breaths mingling together in the cool air.

Orlando held onto Viggo tightly, shivering
as their perspiration began to cool.
Viggo finally stirred, and he reached
up to tenderly cup Orli's face.

"That was amazing," Orli murmured, pressing
his lips into Viggo's palm.  "I love you."

"I love you, too, Orli." Viggo said, leaning in
for a tender kiss as he slowly pulled out.
Orlando made a small noise of protest at the loss.

A cool breeze blew over them when they parted and 
Orli said with a laugh, "I'm freezing, old man."

"You're so romantic, Orli," Viggo replied, his eyes twinkling.

"Twat," Orli replied, reaching for his clothes.  He finally
noticed how sticky and messy he was and said, "Shit,
did you bring tissues or something?"

Viggo shook his head.  Orli picked up his boxers and
wiped himself off with them.  "Some ranger you are,"
he teased before he tossed them to Viggo.

"Hey, I managed to find some makeshift lube around
here.  Maybe I *won't* ask you to share my blanket
tonight for that insult," Viggo said as he cleaned
himself.

Orli grinned. "If you leave me out in the cold, then I'll keep
flaunting my arse at you tomorrow." His voice lowered to
a purr, "And I'll be in those leggings without
any knickers on."

Viggo laughed again and crushed Orli to him
in a fierce hug.  "All right, I give.  And
Orli?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'll fuck you even longer tomorrow night if you can 
convince Peter to let you run in front of me," 
he growled.

Orli laughed, "You win."

Viggo guided them back to his blanket after they
dressed. They spooned against each other, with
Orli on the inside.   

As Orli drifted off, he smiled as he felt Viggo 
holding him protectively.  After their disastrous false 
start, he now knew that everything would be fine.

A sudden thought popped into his brain and he snickered.

"What's so funny, elf boy?" Viggo murmured.

"I just realized that we pretty much had a trial by fire."

Viggo groaned.  "You'll pay tomorrow for that one, Orli."

"And I'm looking forward to it, love," he replied, snuggling
back against Viggo and feeling utterly content. 

THE END