Title: Through the Eyes of a Child

Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon

Main paring; Thranduil/Lindir.

Side pairings: Elrohir/Legolas, Dûrel/Elrond, Elladan/Glorfindel and Erestor/Ereinion.
Haldir/Melpomaen mentioned.

Overall rating: NC-17
Summary: Now that Dûrel has become the new High-King of the Firstborn, peace returns to
Imladris. But for some there is no peace yet. Thranduil, accompanied by Lindir, travels
home and deals with memories he never felt strong enough to face before.

Disclaimer: Not mine, Tolkien’s.
Warnings: mention/memories of severe child abuse. Thranduil witnesses murder and
violence. This story is completely AU, of course.

Author’s Note: this is the sequel to Inside the Dark Forest the Secret Lies.

Beta reading, translations and research by Patricia Pleasant, thanks! I couldn’t have
written this story without your help!

All remaining mistakes are mine.

 

Through the Eyes of a Child

Part 4

 

 

“Glorfindel?” Elladan had felt guilty since the incident which had occurred yesterday. It
had never been his intention to bring the emotional pain Glorfindel had been repressing
out in the open.

 

Glorfindel looked up from behind his desk and nodded once, signaling Elladan he could
approach further. “I will have this roster finished within the next few minutes,
Elladan.” The incident weighed heavily on his mind as well. Later, when he’d had a chance
to mentally review what had happened, he had recalled the lost expression on Elladan’s
face – the half-Elf’s futile attempt to reach out to him. And his reaction had been to
shut Elladan out and ignore him. Glorfindel didn’t feel very proud of himself where his
behavior was concerned.

 

Elladan seated himself opposite Glorfindel and let his gaze wander through the Captain’s
office, which was filled with weaponry, maps and more weaponry. “You like to be
prepared,” he said, chuckling, as he pointed at the large collection of swords at the
back of the room.

 

Glorfindel gave Elladan a weak smile. He suspected he knew why the half-Elf had sought
him out – they had lots to discuss and neither of them was really looking forward to
having this discussion, but he trusted on their friendship to pull them through.

 

After placing the now finished duty roster on the desk, Glorfindel pushed back his chair
and got to his feet. He took to pacing his office, trying to find the right words to
apologize.

 

“I am sorry,” they said, simultaneously. Elladan smiled a bit nervously and Glorfindel
shuffled his feet.

 

“Please let me go first,” requested Glorfindel. After receiving a nod from Elladan, the
blond Captain drew in a deep breath and said, “I apologize for the way I acted yesterday.
I was hurting and you were trying to comfort me and yet, I ignored you. You merely acted
like a good friend and I…”

 

Elladan wasn’t going to have any of this and quickly rose from his chair and walked up to
Glorfindel. The Captain had bowed his head and the golden-colored hair shielded his blue
eyes from any curious looks. “Stop it, meldir1.” Elladan placed a finger beneath
Glorfindel’s chin and raised the head. With his other hand, he brushed the long, fair
hair out of Glorfindel’s face and when their gazes finally met, he offered his former
mentor a warm smile. “You said it yourself – you were hurting. Aye, I wanted to comfort
you, but I will never force you to accept anything I am offering. If you prefer solitude
over my company I will accept that.”

 

“It is not like that.” Glorfindel moved quickly and caught Elladan’s hand in his. “I
enjoy your company, I always have, but yesterday Ecthelion seemed so close… only for a
moment though… Later, I realized how badly I had treated you and…”

 

Sad, pleading eyes met his and Elladan pulled Glorfindel into a loose hug. “Seeing you
hurting breaks my heart, Glorfindel.” He wished there was something else – something more
– he could do for the tormented Elf. /I love you so much and yet I can never speak the
words or reveal my feelings for you. Especially not when I know that you still love
Ecthelion. I never thought you would still love him./ Maybe, subconsciously, he had hoped
he had a chance with Glorfindel, but he would delude himself no more. What Glorfindel
desired was a friend – nothing more.

 

~~~

 

“Legolas, what was your grandmother’s name?” Elrohir sat hunched over the booklet and was
writing down names, putting possible ways of how Thranduil could have written them next
to them.

 

“Gaelveril,” replied Legolas. “Why do you need to know?” He joined Elrohir on the floor
and wondered if his lover was making any progress at all.

 

“I am trying to find out what symbol goes with what name.” Elrohir pointed at the two
names he had already written down, with Thranduil’s symbols next to them. “I reckoned
that Thranduil would often use Saerif’s name and Oropher’s. If that is the case, these
two symbols might represent their names. He might have used this combination of symbols
for his mother’s name…” Elrohir’s voice faded, as he was once more concentrating on
finding the key that would solve this riddle. “I think I can do this.”

 

Legolas’ heart felt heavy. “Do you really think my father devised this language because
he was afraid Oropher would read his diary?” What did this booklet contain? Why would
reading its content anger Oropher?

 

“I do. I did the same thing when Elladan wouldn’t leave my diary alone.” Elrohir’s tongue
popped out, moistened his top lip and he wrote down another combination of symbols.
“Decoding it is not as difficult as I thought.”

 

“Thank you for doing this,” whispered Legolas, resting his head against Elrohir’s
shoulder. “I really need to know what is tormenting my father.”

 

Elrohir was about to suggest that Legolas asked Thranduil, but his breath caught, finally
solving the mystery of Thranduil’s writing. “I have got it!”

 

“Can you read to me what it says?” Legolas inched closer. His heart raced and a fine
layer of cold sweat formed on his hands as he reached for the booklet.

 

“Give me a few more minutes,” replied Elrohir. “There are still some things that do not
make much sense.”

 

Legolas bit his bottom lip, watching Elrohir scribble down more words. In a few more
minutes he would learn more of his father’s childhood.

 

~~~

 

“How do you fare this morn?” Lindir looked into Thranduil’s emerald eyes and much to his
relief, found them lucid and sparkling.

 

“Good, for I find you close.” Thranduil’s head rested on Lindir’s lap. The minstrel was
sitting upright, leaning his back against the headboard and the long, elegant fingers
teased through his blond hair. “I want to wake up like this for the rest of my life.”
Thranduil raised his hand and caressed a strand of white hair. Lindir squirmed a bit and
Thranduil immediately noticed it. “Is something amiss?”

 

“Not exactly amiss,” whispered Lindir, wondering how Thranduil would react to learning of
his little ‘problem’. “I am hard.”

 

Thranduil briefly felt speechless, but then chastised himself for not expecting it. He
normally sported a morning erection as well, but last night’s nightmares had made him
feel uncomfortable and his body had reacted to his mental state. “Would you… Would you
like me to help you with that?”

 

Lindir smiled, lazily. Thranduil’s offer surprised him, but it was very welcome. “And how
would you do that, Sire?”

 

Thranduil gave Lindir a shy smile. He knew what motions pleased himself when he longed
for release and figured it couldn’t be much different for Lindir. He sat upright and
wrapped an arm around Lindir’s shoulder. Taking the initiative in this way wasn’t like
him, but Lindir made him feel safe and wanted and that feeling assured him that it was
all right to try something new.

 

Lindir leaned back into the comfort of the pillows and parted lips and teeth, feeling
Thranduil’s tongue seeking entry. The Woodland Elf moved about on his lap, until he was
straddling him and Lindir slipped his hands beneath the firm buttocks. The kissing
deepened and moans, purrs and sighs floated through their bedroom.

 

Thranduil’s gentleness surprised Lindir, who threw back his head the moment the Woodland
Elf released his lips. “I love you so much,” he whispered, seeing his lover’s pupils
darken with desire.

 

Swallowing hard, Thranduil tried to rid himself of his nervousness and reminded himself
that Lindir wanted this – that they both wanted it! One hand slipped down Lindir’s chest
and the fingers curled around the weeping length of hard flesh.

 

Involuntarily, Lindir arched his back and he thrust into the hand. “Kiss me, Thranduil…
please…”

 

Eager to please, Thranduil claimed Lindir’s lips once more. The scent in their bedroom
changed to musky, urging them both on. Thranduil’s eyes widened, feeling Lindir’s fingers
wrap around his erection. Their gazes met, lips locked and hands moved in a simultaneous
rhythm.

 

It wasn’t long before Lindir approached orgasm and he could tell, by feeling Thranduil
tense against him, that the Woodland Elf was close as well. Sucking on Thranduil’s
tongue, Lindir closed his eyes and let orgasm take him.

 

Thranduil succumbed to the sensual overload. It was too much. Cream erupted from his
member, mixed with Lindir’s and the lovers clung to each other, panting hard and savoring
seeing the ecstasy in the other Elf’s eyes.

 

“That was… I lack the words…” whispered Thranduil, his body still trembling with
lingering bliss.

 

“Then do not speak.” Lindir wrapped his arms around Thranduil and pressed a kiss on the
slightly salty skin, making his lover moan. Last night had been pivotal for their
relationship and this morning they had taken another important step. “I love you and I
will always be at your side,” he said, whispering his declaration into Thranduil’s left
ear. He would say it as many times as Thranduil needed to hear it.

 

~~~

 

“Oh, this is not good.” Elrohir had grown pale, reading a random page in Thranduil’s
diary. “Not good at all.” He glanced at Legolas, wondering how his lover would react to
reading the diary.

 

“What does it say? Tell me!” Legolas was about to shake Elrohir, just to make him comply
when the half-Elf finally began to read aloud.

 

The squirrel is dead. I rescued the little thing from the storm a few days ago and kept
it hidden in my closet. Oropher would never let me keep it, I just know that. It was nice
to have a little friend, someone I could talk to, hold and cuddle…

 

But Saerif killed it. He wrung its neck until the little eyes bulged from their sockets.
Oropher laughed and approved, telling me I should not be so sentimental, that I was the
Crown Prince of Mirkwood and that I should act according to my position.

 

But I do not want to be the Crown Prince! I want my Naneth2! But she is gone… I know she
won’t be back… There was so much blood and he just laughed…

 

The black ink had turned into spots on the bottom half of the page, making it very clear
that the child had cried after writing this down.

 

Legolas sat motionless, which worried Elrohir, and he placed the booklet aside for now.
“Meleth3?”

 

Legolas shook himself from his shock. “I do not know what I expected to learn, but not
this…” He couldn’t have drawn the right conclusion, could he? “Would you read some more?
Please look for my grandmother’s name.”

 

“Not before you tell me what is going on in your head.” Elrohir stroked the long, fair
hair and watched Legolas’ pupils dilate.

 

“He said there was blood and that she was gone – that she would never come back!”

 

Elrohir swallowed, nervously. “Do you think…?”

 

“I am afraid to think what I am thinking, Elrohir.” Legolas picked up the booklet again
and handed it to Elrohir. “You must do this for me.”

 

Elrohir didn’t want to open this can of worms, but realized it had to be done – for
Legolas’ sake and Thranduil’s. He leafed through the booklet and found the section he had
dreaded to find. “Oh, Legolas, must I?”

 

The tone of Elrohir’s voice confirmed Legolas’ worst fears. “I was right then? Oropher
had my grandmother killed?”

 

Elrohir nodded once and then began to read.

 

She is gone! She is dead! He killed her! There was blood… Blood everywhere and her
screams… I still hear them! I covered my ears and yet I still hear them! I will never
forget the look in her eyes. She reached for me, but Oropher would not let her hold me.
Oropher told me to watch as he punished her.

 

I want my Naneth!

 

I cannot stop crying. The tears come and come and yet, when Oropher visits I have to
force my tears back. If Oropher sees me crying he will tell Saerif to punish me too.

 

Unable to continue reading, Elrohir’s voice broke and he flung the booklet away from him.
The boy’s pain still lingered on the pages, echoed in every written word. Legolas
released a keening wail and sagged against him. Elrohir reacted by establishing a tight
embrace on his lover. How was he supposed to comfort Legolas after learning something so
atrocious?

 

“Oropher had my grandmother killed and he made my father watch!” The enormity of what
Thranduil had endured as a child suddenly hit him and tears flowed from Legolas’ eyes.
“When he told me that Oropher was a cruel and harsh parent, my father left out that
little tidbit!”

 

“I assume that he was trying to protect you by keeping this horrible truth from you,”
whispered Elrohir. “Legolas, did you notice that ‘he’ killed your grandmother? Thranduil
did not say that it was Oropher.”

 

“What are you saying?” Legolas looked at Elrohir through a rainfall of tears.

 

“I think that Saerif carried out the murder so Oropher’s hands would remain clean.”

 

Legolas’ shivered, recalling Saerif’s taunting words before the doors of the maze had
closed behind him. “It all makes sense now.”

 

Elrohir stared at the booklet, deadly afraid of the other grueling secrets it might
contain. “Do you really want me to read more?”

 

“Not now. I need time to…” Legolas’ voice trailed off, still trying to comprehend what he
had just learned. “And my father was forced to watch. He lost his mother… He was only ten
years old when she died! A toddler! I need to talk to him! I need to talk to my father!”

 

“Calm yourself, meleth,” said Elrohir, trying to sound reasonable. “You cannot confront
him when you are this distressed. You must calm down first.”

 

Legolas nodded his head once. “You are right, but…” And how was he to explain to his
father that he knew the truth? That Oropher had had Gaelveril murdered? /I will have to
confess to him that I went into the caves and retrieved his diary./ Legolas’ gaze came to
rest on the child’s drawing, showing a golden-haired She-Elf. /Is that you, Gaelveril?
Did my father draw you to keep you alive?/ His head reeled with questions and he leaned
in closer, allowing Elrohir to hold and comfort him like only a mate could.

 

~~~

 

Elrond looked at his sleeping lover and sighed. He had escorted Dûrel back to the rooms
they shared and had brewed an herbal tea, which should lessen his lover’s discomfort.
Dûrel had drunk the foul-tasting tea and had then lay down, allowing Elrond to tuck him
in.

 

That had happened two hours ago and Elrond had not moved since. He had watched over his
lover’s sleep, letting his thoughts drift. He understood why being different made Dûrel
uncomfortable; especially considering the fact many Elves looked up to Dûrel simply
because he was their High-King and Ereinion’s son. Dûrel felt pressured to be the best he
could be, and in doing so, was trying hard to deny this unique part of himself.

 

Dûrel stirred and the brown eyes filled with the first signs of awareness. Elrond vacated
his chair and sat down on the side of the bed, allowing for his fingers to entangle his
lover’s dark mane. “How do you feel? Better?”

 

Dûrel needed a moment to fully wake up before answering Elrond. “I…” He paused, waiting
for the stomach ache to make itself known. “The discomfort is gone – mostly.” Only a
faint, throbbing sensation remained in the pit of his abdomen. “Your foul concoction
worked.” He added a smile to his words, letting his lover know that he was feeling
better.

 

“I was blind,” said Elrond, putting the blame on himself. “I should have realized what
was happening to you. I am a healer!”

 

“You could not know… I did not know myself.” Dûrel pushed himself in a sitting position
and Elrond moved quickly to push some supporting pillows behind his back. Only Erestor
had ever pampered him and Dûrel allowed Elrond to fuss over him with a smile. His lover
had better enjoy pampering him whilst he allowed it. “I do not know what to think of
this, Elrond.”

 

Elrond placed his hand atop of Dûrel’s and ran his thumb across his lover’s knuckles. “I
must admit to being surprised as well. I did not expect for this to happen.”

 

“I guess this means I will have to give your question serious thought then.”

 

“What question?” Elrond frowned and scooted closer.

 

“The question if I want children or not.” Dûrel drew in a deep breath.

 

“You do not have to make your mind up right now. Take your time.” Elrond gave Dûrel a
reassuring smile. “We have plenty of it.”

 

Dûrel’s eyes widened. “Are you saying that…?”

 

“That this will occur again? Aye. Most She-Elves go through this each moon. I cannot be
certain if it is the same for you though and we will have to be careful when making
love.”

 

Dûrel blinked. “I had not even considered that – or thought that far ahead.”

 

“Why don’t you rest for the rest of the day and then join me for dinner in the Hall?”
Elrond wanted to prevent that his lover felt isolated or ashamed.

 

“I…” Dûrel brought a hand to his head and released a deep sigh, massaging his brow.
Shyly, he probed Elrond’s eyes. “You hinted once that you would welcome another child.”

 

“I have raised three children, melethron4. I love the sound of small feet running through
the Last Homely House. I never tired of playing with them, or reading bed time stories to
them. But my children are all grown up and no longer need me.” Elrond leaned in closer
and pressed a loving kiss on his mate’s lips. “I would welcome our child with open arms.”

 

Elrond’s admission left Dûrel speechless. He had suspected that the half-Elf would
welcome their child, but he had been unprepared to hear the passion in Elrond’s voice.
“You really want a child?”

 

“I would like for us to be a family, aye. And it matters little to me if our child is a
boy or a girl.” Elrond realized he was getting carried away and composed himself. “What I
am trying to say is that this is ultimately *your* decision, Dûrel. If you decide against
having a child, I will respect that. I do not want you to feel pressured. I merely want
you to know that I am not adverse to the thought of becoming a father again.”

 

Dûrel fidgeted with the corner of the sheet that covered him. “I need time, Elrond. Time
to understand what is happening – the possibilities.”


”I understand,” said Elrond, soothing. Watching his lover’s reactions closely, he
stretched next to him. Dûrel moved closer and Elrond opened his arms. Lying spooned
behind Dûrel, Elrond pressed a kiss onto the dark hair. “It is *your* decision, always
remember that.”

 

“Thank you,” whispered Dûrel, lost in thought. Not pressuring him was the best thing
Elrond could do at the moment, as he was already struggling with his identity and his
heritage.

 

~~~

 

Glorfindel watched Elladan for most of the evening, which they spent in the Hall of Fire
in the company of Elrond and Dûrel. The two dark-haired Elves seemed distracted and so
Glorfindel had focused on Elladan instead. The half-Elf still looked hurt, although he
was trying hard to hide his feelings. Why had he reacted in that way yesterday?

 

/Because Elladan is dear to you and you can not let him come too close,/ supplied a
little voice from the back of his head. /You have kept everyone at a distance since your
return to Arda./

 

/But no one knows what it was like!/ he thought. /They do not know what it was like to be
torn away from Ecthelion! One moment he was still at my side and the next, I found myself
on a ship sailing for the Grey Havens!/ Glorfindel hoped that his reply would shut that
little voice up, but he had thought wrong.

 

/Ecthelion is your past, Glorfindel. And you did your best to make your current life as
unpleasant as possible. Aye, you love Elrond and his children dearly, but you have yet to
fully admit your true feelings./

 

/My true feelings?/ Glorfindel arched an eyebrow. Why couldn’t this annoying voice shut
up?

 

/Be honest, Glorfindel. You have kept everyone at a distance to prevent your growing
attached to them. Did it work?/

 

/Nay, it did not,/ admitted Glorfindel.

 

/Do you plan on living out your life alone? All alone and unloved?/

 

/I am loved,/ countered Glorfindel.

 

/Do not act dumb, Glorfindel. I mean *loved*./

 

Glorfindel pushed deeper into his chair, wishing for this conversation to stop, but that
little voice had other plans.

 

/You have watched him the entire evening, why?/

 

/Because I feel guilty for shutting him out last night./

 

/Why did you shut him out?/

 

Glorfindel growled, softly. /Stop asking questions./

 

/Not until you answer them!/

 

Glorfindel pushed back his chair, got to his feet and marched out of the Hall of Fire. He
felt Elladan’s worried look upon him, but ignored it, as this annoying voice continued
its lecture.

 

/You shut him out because you saw something in his eyes that scared you, didn’t you? You
saw love in his eyes./

 

/I was his teacher and now I am his friend. There is no love! And most certainly not the
kind of love you are referring too!/

 

/Are you so certain, Glorfindel?/

 

The taunting laughter that followed remotely reminded him of Ecthelion, who had had a
similar way of making him admit things. /I am certain! Elladan is…/

 

“Glorfindel? I saw you leave – quite abruptly – and I wondered if something was amiss.”
Elladan had followed the Captain out of the Hall and into the rose garden. The look,
which Glorfindel gave him, could only be described as spooked. Acting instinctively, he
raised a hand and rested it on Glorfindel’s shoulder, eager to establish some sort of
contact through which he could offer support. Hopefully Glorfindel would accept it. “I am
here, if you wish to talk about matters. I am a good listener, at least, I have been told
that I am.”

 

The echo of that annoying, little voice still lingered in Glorfindel’s thoughts and made
him study Elladan in depth. The voice had stated that Elladan loved him and that it
wasn’t a child’s love for his tutor. Could that voice be right? And if it was, what would
that mean? “Elladan…”

 

Elladan smiled, hearing Glorfindel whisper his name in such a thoughtful way. “Aye, it is
I, Elladan. What troubles you, Glorfindel? Is it…” Oh, by the Valar, he couldn’t say the
name for fear of upsetting Glorfindel again.

 

“Nay, it is not Ecthelion, not tonight.” Glorfindel rested a hand atop of Elladan’s,
removed it from his shoulder and held it clasped within his slightly bigger hand.
“Elladan, can I ask you something personal?”

 

Elladan didn’t like this reversal one bit, but couldn’t deny Glorfindel. There was a
remarkably soft expression in the sapphire eyes, which lured him into a sense of safety.
He trusted Glorfindel; he always had. “You may ask, but I cannot guarantee I will
answer.”

 

Glorfindel recognized the answer he had given Elladan the evening before and nodded once.
“That is fair enough.”

 

Elladan managed a small smile, but in truth, he was growing nervous. Why was Glorfindel
still holding his hand?

 

“Last night you asked me why I had not taken a lover. Now I want to ask you the same
thing. Elladan, I know that there were suitors… that your father received marriage
proposals and I also know that they were discarded. Why? Who holds your heart?”

 

Elladan had trouble breathing. Glorfindel couldn’t be asking him this! “How do you know
my father received such proposals?” His question was meant to buy him time. He needed to
think!

 

“Because I saw them and later, I talked to the disappointed messengers who had to take
the letters of rejection home. Elladan, you are very fair. You are a skilled warrior and
a truly beautiful soul. I expected you to find a mate before your brother did and yet…”
Elladan tried to free his hand, but Glorfindel didn’t allow it. “Please answer me.” Until
now, he hadn’t considered that the voice had told him the truth, but as he stood here,
with Elladan’s hand in his, he grew aware of feelings, which he had repressed for
centuries.

 

Elladan struggled with his emotions. Telling Glorfindel the truth scared him and went
against his instincts. The Captain would doubtlessly let him down gently, but Elladan was
certain that Glorfindel *would* reject him. After all, he didn’t compare to a warrior of
Ecthelion’s magnitude.

 

“Elladan?” Glorfindel’s thumb caressed Elladan’s palm, trying to pull the half-Elf from
whatever trance he had fallen in to. “Please be honest.”

 

Elladan closed his eyes, gathered his courage and then blurted out the truth. “I fell in
love with you during the feast father arranged for Arwen when she reached her majority.
You looked radiant that day, well, you always do, but that day you really caught my eye.”
Elladan fully expected Glorfindel to release his hand as if bitten by a snake, but
nothing like that happened and instead, the caress continued. “I never planned to reveal
my feelings for you, certainly not after yesterday. Yesterday, I realized that I stood no
chance. I mean, just look at me! I am not a legend, like Ecthelion. Compared to him I am
nothing but a whelp who dabbles at sword’s play, never achieving his skill and…” A
finger, resting against his lips silenced him and Elladan’s eyes opened.

 

A lump of emotions blocked Glorfindel’s throat, making it hard for him to speak. He had
listened to Elladan’s rambling with growing apprehension and had finally realized what
conclusion Elladan had reached last night. He also grew aware of his heart, beating
faster and the sweat that formed on the palms of his hands. Oh, he had been deluding
himself for a very long time – too many years – and he had almost let Elladan pay the
price for his self-pity. “Why do you think you have to be like Ecthelion when you are
Elladan?”

 

Elladan swallowed, hard. “For some time I fooled myself into believing that I stood a
chance to win your love and now that I know who your lover was I…”

 

Speaking his next words was hard on Glorfindel, but he managed, aided by the presence of
that little voice that was once more resounding in his head.

 

/Tell him, Glorfindel. Tell him the truth. Stop holding on to someone who is no longer
there. Ecthelion is in the Halls of Waiting and lost to you./

 

Glorfindel doubled over, suddenly realizing whose voice he was hearing in his head.
/Ecthelion?/

 

Worried for Glorfindel’s well-being, Elladan lunged forward and caught the other Elf
before he could crumble. “Glorfindel?” What had happened? Had hearing his admission
shocked Glorfindel that much that he would faint?

 

/You know that I speak the truth, Glorfindel. I was angry as well, when the Valar
separated us, but I have made my peace with their decision and you should do the same. Do
you really think I would begrudge you a new love in your new life? We had our time,
meleth. You must stop living in the past. Let Elladan be your future. You have my
blessing./ And with those words, Ecthelion’s presence fled Glorfindel’s subconscious.

 

“Glorfindel?” Elladan was beginning to panic, now that Glorfindel wasn’t responding.
“Maybe I should take you to my father? He will know what…” He was stopped mid-sentence
when Glorfindel’s gaze met his. The Captain drew in a deep breath and seemed able to
stand unaided, so Elladan released him – with regret.

 

“I had a revelation of sorts,” whispered Glorfindel, still pondering what had just
happened. Had it really been Ecthelion advising him or had it been his subconscious,
providing him with permission to court Elladan? Would he ever find out? “I do not need a
healer,” he said, sensing Elladan’s distress.

 

“You do seem better now,” whispered Elladan, taking a step away from Glorfindel. He
interpreted Glorfindel’s reaction as rejection and made ready to return to the Hall of
Fire alone.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

Glorfindel’s question made Elladan halt in his tracks. “Back inside. I reckon you would
prefer to forget this conversation ever happened and I am giving you back your privacy.”

 

“I do not want my privacy. I want you to stay with me.” Glorfindel moved quickly and
gained a tight hold on Elladan’s wrist, pulling him close.

 

Glorfindel’s reaction puzzled Elladan, who had little choice than to stand in front of
Glorfindel. The expression in Glorfindel’s eyes was hard to decipher and Elladan waited
for the blond Elf to either speak his mind or to release him.

 

“Elladan?” Glorfindel pulled the half-Elf close and quickly folded his arms around
Elladan’s frame, making sure he couldn’t walk away again. “I need to tell you something.”

 

Elladan savored being this close to Glorfindel. Their faces were only inches away and the
warrior’s strong arms held him close. “I am listening.”

 

“I have been hiding from my feelings for a long time, Elladan. I did not think – did not
want to think – that someone could take Ecthelion’s place as my lover. I clung to my past
love, to my memories of him and chose not to see your feelings for me.”

 

“But you know of my feelings for you now.” Elladan inclined his head, wondering where
this conversation was leading. Why would Glorfindel not release him?

 

“Last night opened my eyes – the way I treated you made me face myself and I do not like
who I have become. Nay,” he said, seeing Elladan was about to object to his words.
“Listen! I was wrong and you were right. I thought that I wanted to be alone and to hang
on to the past, but I do not. I want your company, the comfort you are offering and
foremost I want you to love me.”

 

At a loss, Elladan could only stare into Glorfindel’s eyes, which were honest and
inviting. The blond Elf was serious! “But, I do not understand…” he said, weakly.

 

“Maybe you will understand this,” whispered Glorfindel, bringing Elladan in for a kiss.

 

The moment Glorfindel’s lips touched his Elladan closed his eyes in bliss. If this was a
dream, then he didn’t want to wake up ever again!

 

~~~

 

“Ada5?” Legolas peeked into his father’s bedroom and found Thranduil seated on his bed.
Lindir was nowhere in sight and so Legolas advanced on his father.

 

“Legolas, my son.” Thranduil shifted on the bed. His hair was still wet from the bath he
had just taken. He had left Lindir in the bathroom, as his lover was untangling his hair.
The last thing he had expected at this early hour was a surprise visit from his son.

 

Legolas sat down on the bed and studied Thranduil’s expression in depth. Although he
still saw pain and horror in the emerald eyes, he saw something else as well -- something
new. “You look happy.”

 

“Lindir makes me happy.” Thranduil combed his hair and watched Legolas in turn. “I trust
Elrohir makes you happy as well?”

“He does, Ada.” Noises came from the bathroom, alerting him that Lindir could return any
moment now. This wasn’t the way he wanted to tell Thranduil that he had found the booklet
and had begun reading it. He wanted time and privacy. “Will you meet me for a walk later
today? I would like to talk to you – spend some time alone with you.”

 

If Legolas’ request surprised Thranduil, he managed not to let it show. “I will always
have time to talk to you, my son.” Thranduil leaned forward and placed a parental kiss on
his son’s brow. “I will meet you at the old oak after lunch. We will talk then.”

 

Legolas nodded, gratefully. “I will be there.” He jumped to his feet and quickly left the
room. He needed to sort out his thoughts and emotions before confronting his father with
his new knowledge and he did not want to burst out in to tears, as he suspected his
father would also be emotional. One of them needed to remain in control of their
emotions!

 

“Did I just hear voices in here?” asked Lindir, who left the bathroom with only a towel
slung around his slender hips.

 

“Legolas visited with me.” Thranduil gestured for Lindir to sit down in front of him.

 

Lindir settled down between Thranduil’s legs and sighed, feeling his lover’s fingers
braid his hair. It was a beautiful morning and he didn’t want to address the nightmare
Thranduil had suffered last night, but he also knew they could not avoid discussing it
much longer. “I am sure that your mother loved you.”

 

Thranduil’s hands stilled momentarily, but then continued their braiding motion. “I know
she did. And I loved her.”

 

“Have you had this nightmare before?”

 

“I have suffered from it since the night she died.”

 

“Each night?” asked Lindir, turning his head.

 

Thranduil cursed, as the braid had escaped his fingers. “Almost each night.”


”Are there other nightmares as well?” Lindir suspected what the answer would be, but
needed to hear it in order to be absolutely certain.

 

“Aye, many others… You will find out in time. There is no need to allow them into the
sunlight just yet.” Thranduil finished his lover’s braids and then pulled Lindir closer
in order to press a kiss on his lover’s shoulder. “I will be tied up in meetings most of
the morning… and I already promised midday to Legolas… Will you be mine this eve?”

 

“This evening and all others as well,” said Lindir, snuggling close to Thranduil. In
spite of their light tone, he sensed the tension that still lingered in his lover’s body.
/What nightmare will haunt you tonight? And what ghastly revelation will await me this
time?/

 

~~~

 

“I still do not think this is wise, Mithrandír.”

 

The Istar chuckled into his beard and patted Shadowfax’ head. “Only Eru knows true
wisdom, meldir.” He stole a look at his companion, his face hidden in the deep folds of
his hood. “If Eru willed this, it must happen.”

 

Mithrandír’s companion extended a pale hand and buried his fingers in the white mane of
his mare. “This is wrong, my old friend.”

 

Mithrandír shrugged. “Why don’t you stop worrying about what is wise and what is wrong
and enjoy Arien’s warmth instead? Listen to the birds chirping! Inhale the sweet
fragrances of the flowers, which have just come into bloom.”

 

“You always were too much of a romantic.”

 

“I was? I am?” Mithrandír continued to chuckle. “Nay, I am merely someone who knows to
savor the silent moments, the peace and harmony nature presents. I have learned this
lesson a long time ago, when I set my first steps upon Arda.” Mithrandír stole another
look at his companion and scowled, still finding the facial features hidden. “You do not
have to hide from me, meldir.”

 

“I am not hiding,” came the hoarse response. “I am no longer used to the sun and merely
shielding my eyes.”

 

Mithrandír didn’t believe him, but allowed the white lie, knowing that this journey
couldn’t be easy on his old friend. He would give him the time he needed to get used to
life again.

 

~~~

 

I had such a wonderful dream last night. Actually, I do not think it was a dream,
exactly. Tharmalthen called it a vision. The fever is causing me to see strange things
and last night, it made me believe Nana6 had returned to me.

 

The fever is finally going away. Tharmalthen told me that I have had a fever for over a
week now. He took care of me during that time… Thankfully Oropher did not visit with me.
I know I disappointed him, but I am only little. I can not take on such a huge spider!

 

I never wanted to enter the maze. The spiders that live down there are dangerous and
vicious. When Oropher said he wanted to give me a gift for my eleventh begetting day, I
did not think he wanted me to walk the maze. What kind of gift is that?

 

The spiders were fast, faster than I could see and I reacted too late. I could hardly
lift the huge sword Saerif had given me! I wanted to please Oropher – a pleased Oropher
is always good and keeps me from getting punished, but this time, I failed. I can not see
how I could have succeeded!

 

Oh, I was telling you about my dream, wasn’t I? It was marvelous! Nana was back and
rocking me. She was singing my favorite lullaby and her arms were strong and welcoming,
just like I remember them.

 

“Do you want me to continue?” Elrohir felt concerned, seeing Legolas’ blank stare. At his
lover’s request he had started reading from Thranduil’s booklet again, and what he was
reading was not only breaking Legolas’ heart, but his as well. He couldn’t imagine the
sheer torment Thranduil had been subjected to as a child. It was nothing short of a
miracle that Thranduil had become such a loving and devoted parent!

 

“I want you to continue,” said Legolas in a trembling voice. He didn’t want to hear more,
not really, but if he wanted to truly understand and help his father he had to hear it
all.

 

I do hope that no one will ever read this diary. They will think me mad if they do. But
you are my only friend. I can tell you what troubles me. Devising this way of writing
took me some time, but I cannot take the risk of Oropher or Saerif ever finding out that
I am confiding my feelings to paper.

 

Tharmalthen says that I will be confined to this bed for at least one more week. I do not
want to be locked up in here! It is dark in here! The light of the candles is cold and
false. I want to leave these caves and never return here!

 

Nana, I want you back. Please come back for me and take me with you. I do not want to be
left behind.

 

“Stop it,” whispered Legolas. “Please stop reading!”

 

Elrohir instantly placed the booklet aside and enfolded his lover in a hug. “I never knew
Elves were capable of such foul deeds. How can a father do such horrifying things to his
son?” He was merely saying the things Legolas was thinking and wasn’t surprised when
Legolas nodded against his shoulder.

 

“I am so fortunate that my father is nothing like Oropher. It would have been easy for
him to become like Oropher, but he remained true to his nature.” Legolas wiped at the
tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. “When he became a father he must have been
determined *not* to treat me like Oropher had treated him.”

 

“Aye, he was determined not to make the mistakes Oropher had made.” Elrohir rested his
chin on the top of Legolas’ hair. “What will you tell your father when you go for that
walk?”

“I will show him the drawing… It might be better not to mention the booklet yet. Maybe
the drawing will make him open up to me.”

 

“What will you say when he asks you how you came by the drawing?”

 

Legolas pressed closer to Elrohir, savoring his beloved’s closeness and support. “I will
tell him I found it in the caves. I will not lie to him.”

 

“Legolas, you are doing the right thing in telling him. Thranduil needs to know that you
know.” Hopefully then the healing would start for both Elves.

 

~~~

 

“I feel better. Your foul concoction helped,” said Dûrel, snuggling up to Elrond on the
couch. He had counted the minutes until his mate gave the signal to leave the Hall of
Fire. He had felt watched all evening, as if the members of their household knew what was
happening to him.

 

Elrond pulled a blanket around them and parted his legs. Dûrel immediately moved closer
and settled between them. “Are you still suffering from cramps?”

 

“Not much.” Dûrel buried his fingers in Elrond’s hair and busied himself with putting
lover’s knots in the half-Elf’s hair. “I have been thinking about… my problem.”

 

“Problem?” Elrond didn’t like hearing it phrased like that.

 

“My condition, then,” said Dûrel, growing agitated. 

 

“Peace, meleth, I meant no disrespect. I just do not understand why you are fighting
this. You have been given a precious gift, Dûrel. The gift of creating life.” Dûrel
pulled at his hair, making him gasp. Had he just been given a warning not to discuss this
any more?

 

“It won’t be you being pregnant for a year.” Dûrel lowered his eyes, avoiding eye
contact.

 

Elrond’s eyes widened. “Are you considering having our child then?”

 

Dûrel shrugged. “I really do not know what to expect. It would be easier if Erestor were
still alive to guide me, or at least tell me what to expect. He conceived, carried me for
a year and gave birth to me. He knows about the risks… and the possible joy.”

 

“Meleth,” said Elrond, raising Dûrel’s chin and waiting for his mate to look at him. When
the other Elf finally did, he continued, “I am not Erestor, but I *am* a healer and I
believe I have enough expertise to keep you safe during a pregnancy. You do not have to
decide now if you want to carry our child. This is the first time your fertility cycle
appeared and I will need time to figure out when you are able to conceive. Even then, it
might take months or years for you to become pregnant. It is not like you will get with
child the next time we make love.” Seeing the serious expression in his lover’s eyes,
Elrond opted for some humor, which he hoped would be well-received. “I would have to aim
for the right opening, meleth.”

 

Dûrel managed a weak smile. “You are right of course.” The truth was that he had enjoyed
having the twins around when they had been little and he would love to have a child of
his own. But he was concerned for what others might think of him, and call him, once his
belly had swollen with child. After all, he was High-King.

 

Elrond read all that and more in his lover’s eyes. “You will always be my King, Dûrel.
You being pregnant won’t change that. Children are precious to Elves; you know how seldom
they come to us. You would be cherished for your ability to have children. You are afraid
they will look down on you… I believe they will look up to you.”

 

Dûrel’s expression softened and he sighed, hearing Elrond’s comforting words. “Now that
is exactly why I love you. You always know what to say to make me feel better.” He closed
his eyes and gave in, slowly drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

 

~~~

 

“Mithrandír!” Surprised at the Wizard’s unexpected arrival, Glorfindel got to his feet
and welcomed his old friend. It had been Mithrandír who had helped him adjust after his
rebirth and a deep friendship had formed between them back then. “I did not expect you to
visit with us!”

 

Mithrandír raised a hand in welcome and pulled Glorfindel in for a friendly hug. He
sensed the change in his old friend and his smile grew even brighter. “You appear
positively radiant to me, meldir! Must be love,” he said in a teasing voice.

 

“It is,” replied Glorfindel, having the grace to blush. “Elladan ensnared me.”

 

“Elladan?” Mithrandír chuckled into his beard and patted Glorfindel’s back. “You will
have your hands full then. Elladan is a young colt, full of energy and passion.” And the
half-Elf was just what Glorfindel needed!

 

“Oh, you are not alone,” realized the Captain. Until now, he hadn’t noticed the silent
figure, dressed in grey standing behind Mithrandír. “I bid you welcome to Imladris,
traveler.” He didn’t know this person’s identity, but if he journeyed with Mithrandír it
meant that the Wizard trusted him. Mithrandír would never bring evil into Imladris’
gates. His only answer was a curt nod from the stranger. 

 

“Glorfindel, I would love to talk to you some more, but it is important that we speak
with Elrond and Dûrel right now. Would you take us to them?” Mithrandír sensed his
companion’s sudden tension at hearing Dûrel’s name. “Or are the High-King and his Herald
too busy to receive us?”

 

Glorfindel’s blush deepened, hearing the hidden innuendo in the Istar’s voice and
apparently the stranger had heard it too. “They should be in Elrond’s study. I will take
you to them. Please follow me.” Glorfindel led the way, trying to catch a glimpse of the
mysterious guest.

 

“Mithrandír, I urge you to reconsider!”

 

Glorfindel frowned, hearing the stranger’s request. /Who are you? And why did Mithrandír
bring you here?/

 

“Eru’s will shall be done!” replied Mithrandír in a firm voice. “And now stop fighting
this!”

 

A shudder seemed to course through the visitor, who pulled the fabric of his robes even
closer.

 

Glorfindel knocked on the door to Elrond’s study and waited for the ‘enter’ from inside.
When it came, he opened the door and let first Mithrandír and then the stranger enter. He
stepped into the study last and then closed the door behind him. He was determined not to
be dismissed as he wanted to know why Mithrandír had come to Imladris so unexpectedly.

 

Elrond looked up from the letter he was reading and a smile formed on his face, seeing
his old friend. “Mithrandír!” He rose from his chair, left the desk behind him and
welcomed the grey-haired Wizard with a warm hug. “It is always good to see you!” The
chuckle, with which Mithrandír greeted him, eased any concern he might have had that
something bad had happened. Mithrandír seemed to be in a good mood!

 

“Elrond! You look well!” The Lord of Imladris looked happy and practically radiated
contentment and joy. Now that he had greeted Elrond, his attention shifted to the second
dark-haired Elf in the room. “And you must be Dûrel, High-King of the Firstborn. I am
nothing but your humble servant, my Liege.”

 

Dûrel felt uncomfortable, seeing Mithrandír bow before him. He had heard stories about
the Istar. Erestor had told them to him, and later, when partaking in Elrond’s
correspondence, he had realized just how influential and powerful the Wizard was. “You
need not bow to me, Mithrandír.”

 

Mithrandír smiled at the nervous Elf. “I always hoped that you had survived, but the
trees hid you well. Not even my power could lure their secret from them.”

 

Glorfindel’s gaze had shifted from Mithrandír to the new arrival and he swore he saw him
tremble. The hood shifted and a lock of brown, almost black hair was revealed. Moving
closer, he even managed to intercept a gaze and found the eyes as dark as the hair.

 

“Dûrel? Is that you?” His voice trembled and his hands shook, pushing back the hood to
finally reveal his features to all present.

 

Dûrel’s eyes widened in shock. Transfixed, he stared at the Elf now approaching him. Nay,
it couldn’t be… couldn’t be… him! Not Erestor!

 

Elrond sucked in his breath, recognizing Mithrandír’s companion at once. “Mithrandír…?”
He looked toward the Wizard for answers, but Mithrandír only raised a hand and urged him
to be silent.

 

“Dûrel? My son? Oh, I never thought that…” He never got a chance to finish as Dûrel had
flung himself into his arms. Erestor held his son tightly, inhaling the familiar scent
and stroking the long hair. “Oh, I have you back…”

 

Glorfindel finally realized the truth. Mithrandír’s companion was Erestor, Dûrel’s
father, but wasn’t Erestor supposed to be dead?

 

Whilst Erestor and Dûrel hugged and exchanged soft declarations of affection, Mithrandír
saw the questioning look in Elrond and Glorfindel’s eyes and said, “Eru allowed Erestor
to return to Arda and I was called upon to be his guide, much like I was yours,
Glorfindel.”

 

Erestor realized there would be questions, but those could wait. Right now, only holding
his son mattered.

 

 


 

1 meldir (sing.) –-“male” friend (Sindarin, noun) mell + dir

2  Naneth  –- mother (Sindarin, noun)

3  meleth –- love (Sindarin, noun) 

4 melethron –- (male) lover (Sindarin, noun)

5 Ada  –- dad, daddy, papa (Sindarin, noun)

6  Nana  –- mom, mommy, mama (Sindarin, noun)

 

OC Names:

Dûrel - Dark Star

Saerif – Bitter Bark

Gaelveril – pale rose – mother of Thranduil

Tharmalthen – golden grass – Thranduil’s chief healer