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This is also lovely. You do poetry so well. I especially loved the seregon lines. Kind of gave me a pang. I suspect you are more interested in this coming from two OFCs but it fits so nicely into my headcanon for Lalwen. :)
I have no real objection to your thinking of Lalwen here, except that some of the words would have to be re-interpreted slightly (as it was intended to say that all this happened before Morgoth returned to Middle-earth, that is before Lalwen ever entered Beleriand).