Helms Deep
Gimli followed Legolas's movements with his eyes. The red-cloaked Haldir had preceded the Prince of Mirkwood out of the shrine; now, Legolas emerged and stood on the threshold for a moment, watching Haldir's retreat. Even across the distance-for Gimli was on the keep's outer stair-the discontent on Legolas's face shone clearly. The elf looked uncertain how to proceed. At last, he started towards the deeping wall, opposite the end towards which Haldir had gone.
Gimli altered his own direction and met Legolas halfway across the enclosure. As he drew nearer, Gimli could see that Legolas was more than merely discontent; he was frustrated and aggrieved. It was a strange thing to Gimli, for Legolas had been ready to burst with joy and excitement at the arrival of the elves earlier that evening. Gimli was well acquainted with Legolas's feelings for Haldir-it had been only too clear during the Fellowship's stay in Lorien-and he noticed the way Legolas's eyes had rarely diverted from watching Haldir as the Guardian and Aragorn had discussed the keep's defense. But now, here he was, frowning and sighing.
"What is it, lad?" Gimli asked.
Legolas grimaced. "Haldir."
"I thought you were glad to see him," Gimli ventured.
"More than glad," Legolas replied. "His appearance gave me hope."
"Is that all you felt when you saw him?" Gimli asked.
Legolas exhaled heavily. "No . . . I was . . . I was overjoyed. You know that I had not believed he would live. And when Gandalf refused to give us any assurances, I feared the worst. And now he is here, and he is well, and I want the chance to make amends for the past. Yet, we are about to go into battle, and he will not permit me to fight beside him. I had forgotten how vexing he can be."
Gimli was slightly amused that Legolas should find another elf to be a cause of vexation. He had imagined that a single dwarf companion would make other irritants pale in comparison.
"No more vexing than any other elf," Gimli replied light-heartedly. "But what do you mean about making amends for the past? Are you feeling guilty for leaving him behind in Lorien?"
"It goes back much further than that, Gimli," Legolas replied, and his voice was filled with sadness. "He is the best elf I have ever known, and I have never been good to him, not the way I should have been."
"I can not believe that," Gimli said.
"It is true," Legolas said, his voice a near-whisper.
It pained Gimli to see Legolas upset, so he offered cheerfully, "If he will not have you fight beside him, you can fight beside me. I would be glad to have you nearby."
Legolas smiled wanly. "I will fight beside you and be honored to do so." He paused. "I have missed him, Gimli. I have never loved anyone in the way I love him. And yet, when I went to talk to him, he was cool . . . distant."
"He fears for you." Gimli spoke as if it were the plainest of things. "During the fighting, he does not want to be a distraction."
"He told me the opposite. He said that I would take his attention away from his warriors," Legolas countered. "He made it sound as if I would be the distraction."
"Wouldn't you be? Listen to yourself, lad. You just said you love him, and it is impossible that the feeling is not returned. Does it not seem likely that you would both be mutual distractions?"
"We are elves. We are able to keep our focus on the task at hand."
"Really?" Gimli snorted in humor. "You don't seem to be too focused at the moment, Master Elf."
Legolas managed a more genuine smile, and his eyes shifted slightly upwards towards the parapet of the deeping wall. "Haldir has a way of making everything go out of focus."
Gimli caught the direction of Legolas's gaze and followed it with his own: Haldir was checking his elves' positions, their equipment, their spirits, bringing encouragement and confidence. Gimli turned and studied Legolas's expression. Here were the telling emotions: deep longing, verging on desperation. The pain of a forced isolation, a banishment from the side of the one with whom he most desired to be. And the confusion wrought by that banishment. There was something here that surpassed the love of friendship. And it struck Gimli suddenly and undeniably what it was that he was observing: it was the love between two warriors-an agape that could no more be denied than diminished. It was incredible to Gimli that he had not identified it sooner. He pat Legolas on the arm, and his voice was one of surety, "Something tells me you will still end up fighting beside him."
Lothlorien
A week off. Legolas had been looking forward to the break, but now he was counting the hours until the patrol would go back on duty. The reason was simple: he had not had a moment with Haldir since the patrol arrived back at Caras Galadhon. And his last conversation with his captain had been very one-sided, mostly Haldir scolding him relentlessly about carelessness and how pleased the enemy would be to find elven weapons lying about for the taking. And yet, Haldir's ire had not upset Legolas in the least. Truthfully, Legolas had felt contrition for his forgetfulness, but the moment of spying on Haldir and Ardamil at the river more than compensated for any reprimand, for now Legolas knew where he stood with Haldir. At least, he had thought he knew where he stood. And when he had returned to Caras Galadhon, it was with a sense of smugness, a certainty that his captain was fond of him; but that smugness had quickly dwindled down to a shadow as the days passed with no sign of Haldir, until it was transformed into agitation and impatience.
Legolas learned from Orophin that Haldir had gone out on a hike with Ardamil and was not expected back until the day before the patrol went back on duty. And being that Legolas had honestly expected Haldir to resume his challenge during their time-off, the news that Haldir had gone off for the entire week with an elf with whom he clearly had a deep affinity was more troubling to Legolas than Haldir's chastisement over the weapons. Legolas passed the time with the other patrol members; and although they were excellent hosts, Legolas found a persistent restlessness pulsing through his veins. And it was not until the patrol's first formation upon resuming their duties that the restlessness subsided, if only very slightly.
Being back in Haldir's presence had the dualistic effect of both soothing and increasing Legolas's agitation. Soothing, for the simple comfort of Haldir's physical presence. Increasing, due to the fact that Legolas had built up in his own mind the insistence that he could expect more from Haldir, yet Haldir was not reacting as anticipated.
Legolas watched Haldir's interaction with Ardamil, but there was nothing to be seen there except the usual kindness and joy that the two had always exhibited in each other's company.
After first formation, Haldir led his patrol outside the gates of Caras Galadhon and across the Anduin to the field where he had chased Melthea. During the trek, Legolas maneuvered himself next to Ardamil.
"How was your hike?" he asked, his voice one of pleasant interest.
Ardamil gave Legolas a sideways glance. The Prince of Mirkwood could not disguise his anxiety over the thing, no matter how hard he tried. "It was very relaxing," he replied with a grin.
"I would have thought, after spending six weeks wandering all over the land that you would want to spend your free time doing anything but hiking," Legolas posed.
"It is different when one is alone with Haldir," Ardamil replied. "Our hike was for pleasure, not duty. It was peaceful."
Legolas did not know what to say, but Ardamil had no intention of being cruel.
"He will take you with him one of these weeks, and you will see what I mean," Ardamil went on.
Legolas was coy. "I think he will never want to take me with him after what happened with my weapons. He was very angry."
Ardamil chuckled. "He will take you, Legolas." Then, after a pause, he added in a more serious voice, "And you will be happy when he does." He turned and faced Legolas directly. "He will be happy, too."
Upon reaching the meadow, Haldir removed his quiver, then unclasped his cloak and set it aside. "Pair up," he announced. "Hand-to-hand drills."
Legolas turned to Mythis, next to whom he was now standing, but Haldir reached out, took firm hold of the strap of Legolas's quiver and tugged him back in his direction. "No slouching today, Greenleaf. You are with me."
Mythis smirked. "That is very good, Nikerym. You take the only partner I have a chance of beating."
Haldir sent a warning glance in Mythis's direction. "If you are not careful, you will be next." Then he looked at Legolas. "Besides, there may be more to our good Mirkwood cousin than we know of. We may yet be surprised."
Legolas's expression was one of droll humor. "Are you trying to intimidate me with all this talk?"
"Where did you learn such arrogance?" Haldir's question was rhetorical and meant in fun. Legolas did not hesitate to respond in kind.
"I have been reminded daily by my fellow warriors that I have the best teacher in all of Lorien overseeing my activities. I would be dishonest if I said that I am not trying to imitate you in all things," he said.
"I see." Haldir looked as if he were enjoying this exchange very much, and the members of his patrol had their attention focused on the tit-for-tat. "You shall never approach me in arrogance until you have equaled me in ability."
"I have already shown myself to be a willing student," Legolas countered. "Teach me and I will learn."
"Very well, then." Haldir turned to the rest of the patrol. "Get to it, a good bit of sparring." He then resumed his attentions to Legolas, who was removing his quiver. "When you first arrived, you told me you were not very good at hand-to-hand. Do you still hold to that estimation of your skill?"
Legolas was honest. "Yes. I have not much experience with it."
Haldir nodded thoughtfully. "Then I will test you first to see where our lesson should begin." He added with a quirky smile. "I will not hurt you." With that, he threw out a backhanded slice that Legolas parried very well. But just as quickly, he had spun around and with the opposite hand, made contact with Legolas's neck where it met the collarbone, drawing back on the force of the blow at the last instant, so that only a light touch fell there. But he did not stop at that. From there, he flew behind Legolas, wrapped one arm around his neck and with the other, held tight one of his wrists, twisting it up behind his back. He was very impressed when Legolas stepped back to knock him off balance in order to throw him. Haldir had long learned how to overcome such a tactic, but he permitted Legolas to succeed. He landed on his back and Legolas pounced on him as if to deliver a knock-out blow; but if the Prince of Mirkwood were entertaining any thought that his victory would be an easy one, Haldir's next move made him reconsider. Legolas had seen Haldir in action before. He had seen the body hidden beneath the clothing. He knew that Haldir was strong, but he'd had no idea just how strong until that strength was being used against him. As Haldir managed to strong-arm him from his dominant position through the use of muscle alone, Legolas began to revisit his appreciation for Haldir's prowess. And when he found himself being slowly driven down under Haldir's rather formidable weight, he began to wonder if, in fact, he had overestimated even his own meager abilities.
The sound of Haldir's voice in his ear caught him by surprise. "I have it on good authority that you believed that I was partaking in the activities of the dark rooms at Wayfare."
Legolas was mortified. His body stiffened as his struggles ceased, but Haldir urged him on, "Don't stop fighting. I did not say that so you would stop fighting."
"I-cannot believe-Lostilsil-told you that!" Legolas gasped between breaths, as he renewed his resistance, his efforts aided perhaps slightly by the perturbation he was feeling towards Lostilsil.
"It was not Lostilsil," Haldir replied, "Although I would be curious how he came to know of it." He was silent for a moment as he grappled to pin Legolas, then when he had him down flat on his stomach, he spoke again. "It was Enthamis."
"That-was very good-of him," Legolas said with noticeable sarcasm, as he fought to push up onto his knees or roll to one side, anything to dislodge Haldir.
"He meant no harm by it," Haldir replied. "He had entertained the same concern."
"And that does not make you angry?"
"No, it does not make me angry coming from either of you," Haldir said, sounding almost amused. He was tightening his hold on Legolas. "If it had been one of my more experienced warriors, then it would have been terribly upsetting. They know me better than to even imagine I would do such a thing." With a sudden powerful contraction of his limbs, he put an effective end to all of Legolas's struggling. "But you and Enthamis are to be excused. You could not know." He stood up from his victory. "Although I might have expected Enthamis to have formed some higher opinion of me by now."
Legolas got to his feet and turned to face him. "I feel foolish for having suspected it of you."
"Do not concern yourself with it any further," Haldir replied. "You have much more important things to worry about, not the least of which is how to conduct hand-to-hand combat. You really are very deficient, Legolas."
"Yes, I am aware of that," Legolas replied calmly. "I leave it to you to improve my skills."
"And I shall," Haldir said assuredly. "You have some strength in you; we shall improve upon that. But I am afraid you will never have a powerful build, so you must concentrate on speed and agility, anticipation of your opponent's moves, and a better coordination of your own."
"That sounds like quite a project," Legolas frowned, discouraged by Haldir's assessment.
"Not really. You have the proper spirit for it," Haldir said with confidence. "Come then, let's have another go."
They engaged again, and this time, Haldir gave instruction as they fought. Legolas hung on every word and did as he was told; and although these sessions marked his first time in full physical contact with Haldir, they were distinctly different from the unplanned wrestling matches which Legolas so long for. Here, Haldir's purpose was clearly to improve Legolas's skills, although he combined business-like efficiency with light-hearted ribbing. The wrestling matches represented something else altogether.
Nearly an hour passed before Haldir called a halt to the training. He went to the bank of the Anduin and splashed the cool water onto his face. Legolas hunkered down beside him and did the same.
"Orophin told me you went hiking during our week off," Legolas ventured.
"That is true," Haldir replied. "There is a very beautiful trail a day's travel to the south up in the plateaus. It offers several fine prospects to the north and west. It is a very pleasant trip."
Legolas tried to sound casual. "I had thought you might have wanted to finish what you started on the riverbank."
Haldir grinned. "And you would like that, wouldn't you?"
Legolas laughed with uncertainty. "I'm not sure anymore. Before, I at least had some hope that I might beat you, but now I think that I was being optimistic."
"You were being optimistic," Haldir replied. "But I do not discourage optimism. I only discourage foolhardiness." He straightened up. "How long will you stay in Lorien?"
"Some months, at least," Legolas replied. "Why?"
"It will take more than 'some' months to properly train you," Haldir replied. "I am wondering how much effort I should put into the attempt, if you are not to stay for any reasonable duration."
Legolas rose. "Would I be out of place to say that I desire that you give me your full effort? I will stay for whatever duration you deem appropriate," he said earnestly.
"That is rashly spoken, Legolas," Haldir noted. "You have only been here for a matter of weeks; you may feel differently as more weeks go by. And I also believe your father has some say in the matter."
"He will not protest if it is something I truly desire," Legolas replied. "And I can not imagine my feelings taking such a drastic turn, even in the course of many years, that I would suddenly decide that I no longer wanted to be in the patrol."
"You can not stay in the patrol forever, Legolas," Haldir said. "That was never the intent of your visit, and you are well aware of that."
"But I might stay for some time," Legolas insisted, then he added in a tentative, almost shy manner, "Long enough to-to . . . to become one of you."
Haldir regarded Legolas thoughtfully; and although he could hear Ardamil's voice in the back of his mind, warning him to exercise caution, looking at Legolas, he could discern nothing to warrant such concern - or even if he had found something, he was prepared to overlook it in exchange for the combination of gentleness and fire that beamed back at him from the face of the Mirkwood prince. Yes, there was admiration and longing in Legolas's face, but Haldir had seen that before - many times and from many different elves. And rarely had Haldir been mistaken in his selections; and those few times when he had been in error, the difficulties had been fairly resolved.
Haldir nodded slowly. "Very well," he said. "Perhaps you will stay for a good while. We shall see how things progress."
By the time the patrol returned to Caras Galadhon, it was evening-the sort of cool, fair twilight that follows upon a cloudless day. Legolas was grateful for the crispness in the air, for it worked upon and livened his senses, which, along with his body, were quite fatigued-a condition that was becoming all too familiar to him whenever the patrol tended to some soldiering task. He would not complain, though; for an afternoon of hand-to-hand combat training with Haldir had taught him many things-not the least of which was just how formidable and dangerous an adversary Haldir could be. And how excellent a trainer he was. Haldir overlooked no detail, spared no measure of instruction or correction, and brooked no halfhearted participation from his trainee. And the truth was that Legolas had enjoyed every minute of his captain's undivided attention, even if he were now reaping the physical consequences of that attention.
As they entered the gate of the city, Haldir announced casually, "The Lord and Lady expressed a desire this morning for the honor of your presence at supper this evening."
"What?!" Legolas started, his eyes growing wide, his heart beating suddenly faster.
"You needn't worry. You are not expected for another hour," Haldir replied.
"Why did you not tell me of this sooner?" Legolas asked.
Haldir turned to regard him curiously. "Because it was not necessary. You know now, and there is ample time for you to prepare," he explained, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.
"But I am completely done in by the day's training," Legolas complained. "I shall be dull and stupid in their company. Had I known of this, I would not have permitted myself to be worked so hard."
Now, Haldir smiled. "You would have refused my training? For I would still have 'worked you so hard' even if you had been informed of tonight's engagement."
The expression of humor on Haldir's face dissipated some of Legolas's concern. "Of course, I would not have refused." He paused for a moment, then added, "I do not think it is possible for anyone to refuse you anything. Only, I would have liked to be able to attend this dinner without fear of falling asleep in the presence of the Lord and Lady. And I am feeling rather remiss, for I still have not delivered to them the gifts my father sent. My pack is still in Orophin's talan. I shall have to go fetch that, as well." Another pause. "At least, if I begin to act foolish from exhaustion, you will be there to prod me back into sensibility."
"I am not invited," Haldir replied, his eyes beaming with mirth. "You will have to rely on yourself to stay awake and alert."
"O, this is a fine thing, indeed!" Legolas cried dramatically, his voice ringing with levity. "You drill me into the ground, despite the fact that you were aware that I must dine with the Lord and Lady, and now you will not even be there to lend me any aid. Did you plan it this way?"
"By Elbereth, are all the Mirkwood princes so helpless?" Haldir asked. "You have grown up in your father's court, yet you act as if I could possibly contribute something to your bearing in such lofty places; when, in truth, is it more likely that you could teach me how to comport myself in the presence of high blood."
"Is that flattery?" Legolas asked.
"Not at all," came the sincere reply. "Come now, Legolas, you are here as a guest of Lord Celeborn. You are Thranduil's son. You did not honestly believe that you would never be called to an engagement the Lord and Lady, did you?"
Legolas was thoughtful for a long moment. "I am being ungrateful. I should feel honored to dine with Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel. But if you desire me to be honest, I must admit that I would rather spend the evening in other pursuits."
Haldir turned his gaze to meet that of Legolas. "I feel confident in saying that it will not be a long evening. And when it is over, you may come to my talan. I have a desire to hear you sing again - that is, if you are not too worn out from the day's training."
"I am not too tired for that," Legolas replied, grinning broadly. His lack of enthusiasm for the dining event had been suddenly transformed into anticipation: the undesired dinner transformed into the necessary step leading to more time with Haldir.
"Then I will see you later this evening. Orophin can direct you to my talan," Haldir said, patting Legolas on the shoulder. He then trotted towards the front of the column of elves and fell into step beside Ardamil, who was leading the way.
Legolas watched the two of them together, but jealousy found no place in his heart. After all, Legolas would have his time with Haldir, and at Haldir's own request. If Haldir found pleasure in Ardamil's company, that was all to the good. After all, Legolas enjoyed Ardamil's company, as well. Anything that contributed to Haldir's joy would meet with Legolas's approval.
It was at this moment that Legolas recalled the words Orophin had spoken to him at their first meeting, his assertion that there was no competing with Haldir. Orophin had insisted that Legolas would grow to understand the meaning of the words as time passed; and now, Legolas was beginning to believe that Orophin had been correct, although Legolas might have added that, while there was no competing with Haldir, nor was there any competition for him - and this held greater significance for Legolas. How was it that Haldir seemed more than able to spread his one self so evenly and fairly among his warriors? How could it be that each of them felt that they filled a special place in their captain's heart, a place reserved for each one individually, a place that would go vacant otherwise, if not for their presence there. Haldir belonged to them, collectively and individually; and they belonged to him.
The sense of yearning in Legolas's heart swelled to near bursting, for he knew that he was not yet a part of that belonging. He was accepted and well-liked, welcomed and admired - but he had not crossed the invisible threshold. Not yet. Not with the patrol, and not with Haldir. And strangely, at that moment, as he watched Haldir walking alongside Ardamil, exchanging smiles and laughter, he openly admitted to himself that he wanted nothing more than to be drawn into that belonging, to be to Haldir the very same thing that Haldir was starting to become to him.
Forgotten gifts . . . again.
Legolas was fully prepared to abandon any future attempts to deliver the gifts to Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel. He was beginning to think that he had not an ounce of sense left to him. At least his pack was now in the patrol's common talans as opposed to Orophin's private one, but much good it was doing him there, snug under his sleeping roll, while he was in the great hall, partaking in a very fine dinner in the company of the Lord and Lady and a dozen or so guests. Still, no mention of the absent gifts were made, and to own the truth, Legolas was too preoccupied with his later meeting to give much concern to his current occupation.
The only point in the evening that interested him was when Lord Celeborn inquired how he was enjoying his time in the Wide Patrol.
Legolas's response had been one of contained excitement. "I am enjoying it very much. They are an excellent group of elves. Your selection of Haldir to oversee my time here could not have made me happier."
"I am pleased to hear it," Celeborn replied. "My Lady and I both believed that you would do well under Haldir's tutelage, and that Haldir would be glad to have you in the patrol."
"I am learning many useful things," Legolas said, then he added in earnestness, "Haldir is the best elf I have ever met."
Galadriel smiled as her gaze grew distant and indistinct. "Yes, Haldir is a rare creature, even among elves," she said. Her vision refocused, concentrating on Legolas's face, and her smile wavered slightly. "He is genuinely good. You must never forget that, Legolas."
Legolas was taken aback slightly by her words, and he wondered if there were more subtle powers possessed by the Lady of the Golden Wood than those he had heard tell of. It was almost as if she were seeing something in him that gave her concern, something that had merited her gentle warning - a warning which Legolas actually resented, for if the Lady could but see truly into his heart, she would find there only respect and admiration and a friendly sort of love for Haldir. She would see that he would never do anything to damage the goodness that was Haldir, that it was impossible for him to even contemplate causing Haldir distress. Absolutely and utterly impossible.
But outwardly, Legolas replied with a gracious, "I will not forget, my Lady."
At last, the evening came to an end, much later than desired. Haldir's earlier statement that it would be a short engagement had proven to be wrong. After the meal, there had been singing and talking. Legolas had considered more than once excusing himself on some contrived reason, but his breeding forbid it; and when he was finally bidding a good night to his companions, it was with the fear that the hour was too late for him to go to Haldir's talan. Still, he would let Haldir determine if the hour was too late.
He followed the directions Orophin had given him, coming to the western outskirts of Caras Galadhon. Here, high up in the branches of an aspiring melyrn, Haldir's talan sat far removed from the center of life in the great Elven city. It was a long climb from the forest floor to the flet upon which rested Haldir's home; the first part of the ascent being a spiral staircase circling around the great girth of the melyrn's trunk, the latter part being a rope ladder that disappeared up into the reaches of darkness, punctuated by pinpricks of lantern light.
Legolas climbed quickly, each step increasing his anticipation and quickening the pulsation of his heart. As he drew closer, images of curved lines and flowing lengths of balustrade began to emerge from the darkness. A small dot of light flickered beside a doorway of elegant, yet simple archwork. When Legolas mounted the talan, he found himself standing opposite a structure of incredible beauty, and the first thought to enter his mind was that Haldir could not have inhabited a more suitable dwelling. Turning, he surveyed the depths of the Caras Galadhon, falling away below him. There was not another dwelling within any easy distance, giving the location a feeling of isolation. Then, facing the house again, he was startled to find Haldir now standing in the doorway.
"At last, you have made it," Haldir said with a warm smile.
Legolas did not speak right away; his senses were overwhelmed. Perhaps it was the experience of seeing Haldir in his own home for the first time, or it could have been that Legolas had grown used to seeing his captain in his standard attire of Lorien gray and silver, as opposed to the green and ivory he now wore; but whatever the reason, Legolas felt his throat close around any attempt at speech. A certain softness resided in the face gazing back at him-a softness Legolas would not have imagined possible, for he would never have been able to envision such gentleness coexisting with such strength.
If Haldir noticed Legolas's dumbfoundedness, he overlooked it. Stepping aside, he held out his arm in a gesture of welcome. "Come inside."
Legolas stepped over the threshold into a black space, with only two flickering candles flanking either side of an archway at the far end. He could sense the dimensions of the room into which he had come, which although he could tell was not very large, felt immense and close in the darkness.
Haldir shut the door. "Come," he said, placing a hand on Legolas's back and guiding him across the room to archway, where a sheer parted in the center to admit them into the living quarters. And again, Legolas was awestruck. Before him stretched a talan of elliptical shape, perhaps twenty yards long and ten yards wide. Surrounding the talan was an open space- a moat of air five yards across-bounded on the outside by an ornately carved colonnade which opened on every side to breathtaking vistas and was reachable by four bow-shaped bridges, one on each side. Above the talan and at certain places along the length of its sides hung greath lengths of thin, gossamer netting, draped canopy-like and trembling in the slight breeze. And far, far above this, a roof of woven reed stretched between boughs like a great overarching wing. It gave the place a feeling of openness, yet with privacy and security, suffused with a light of greenish hue. It was plain and yet magnificent, sparsely furnished yet resplendent. And every corner of it spoke the name of its inhabiter.
"I was beginning to think that you might not make it," Haldir said. "I know that the Lord and Lady can carry on some very entertaining events, but I did not imagine that this evening's would be one of them. Clearly, I was mistaken."
"There-there was singing afterwards." Legolas stumbled through the words, his wandering eyes torn between taking in the loveliness of the abode versus the beauty of its resident. For the moment, the abode won out, and he indulged himself with unadulterated amazement.
Seeing this, Haldir asked, "Shall I show you through my home?"
"Yes, I would like that," Legolas replied.
"This is really all there is to it . . ." Haldir replied, walking towards the center of the talan, where the trunk of the melyrn rose up through a hole in the floor, " . . . unless we go up into the roof nests, which are rarely used anymore, except for when the mood strikes me." He looked about and made a gesture here and there. "I have only the one room. There is where I sleep. That is the cooking area, although you have seen that I am no cook at all. A place for company to sit and spend time. It is all very simple," he explained.
"It is tremendous," Legolas replied, his voice filled with awe. "This-this is more beautiful than the great hall."
Haldir smiled. "I am of that opinion as well, but it would not be good of me to say so." A subdued laugh escaped his lips. "I do not believe there is a finer place in all of Caras Galadhon. Of course, I have never seen the private chambers of the Lord and Lady, so I could well be mistaken. But this is my home, and I desire no other." He led the way across one of the bridges to the colonnade. Looking down to the east, into the heart of Elvendom on Earth, the great city fell away below them in indescribable beauty.
They walked the length of the colonnade, coming at last back to the entry from the dark room. "The nests will have to wait for some other time. I am not in the mood for climbing," Haldir announced. "I am in the mood for singing, that is, unless you have strained your voice entertaining the Lord and Lady."
"I have not," Legolas replied, but he was still looking about him in wonder. "You live here alone?"
"I do," Haldir said. "It was my uncle's. I lived with him for many decades before he left for Valinor. When he left, it passed to me."
"Beautiful," Legolas breathed.
"Come, come," Haldir said pleasantly, taking hold of Legolas's elbow and guiding him to the sitting area, where a brazier was filled with glowing embers, and pillows, rugs, chairs and divans were spread about in a haphazard manner. "Sit down," he said with casual ease, as he produced a flask of clear liquid and two narrow, tapered goblets. "We have duty tomorrow, and I am sure you had something to drink at the dinner, so tonight it's nothing stronger than spring nectar."
"That is good, thank you," Legolas replied absently, dropping onto one of the oversized pillows, his gaze directed back towards the dark room, his thoughts consumed with curiosity about the room's purpose and contents. He felt a hand wrap around his wrist, and as his arm was lifted, he shifted his gaze to see Haldir place a goblet in his hand.
"I did not invite you here only to admire my home," Haldir said good-naturedly, and suddenly Legolas forgot completely about the dark room and the colonnade and all the things that had struck his fancy upon entering the house, for looking up into Haldir's expectant yet patient gaze, he became vibrantly aware that the house would have meant nothing to him were it not for the identity of its occupant. Haldir released his wrist and held up his own goblet. "Shall we make a toast?"
Legolas raised his goblet.
"To the patrol," Haldir proposed.
"To its captain," Legolas replied, for which he was rewarded when a pleased grin spread across Haldir's face.
The goblets clinked together, and the two elves drank. Haldir sat down on the rug across from Legolas and leaned back against the divan. "How was the dinner?" he asked.
"It was delicious," Legolas replied.
"You said there was singing afterwards?"
Legolas nodded. "It was all very nice, but I wished for your company." It was an honest admission, and Legolas was not afraid to own it.
Again, Haldir made no attempt to disguise the pleasure this remark evoked in him. "I would have been happy to accompany you, but the invitation did not include me, and I can not very well invite myself to such a function. There will be other opportunities."
"It would have been much more interesting had you been there," Legolas went on. "I would have liked to hear you sing." A pause. "But I would be just as happy to hear you sing now."
"I believe things are the other way around. I am the one who wanted to hear you sing," Haldir replied.
"And you shall," Legolas replied, taking a sip from his goblet. "But will you not follow my song with one of your own?"
"Not tonight, Legolas," Haldir replied. "Tonight I desire only to listen and be at peace. I do not wish to make any exertion."
Legolas inclined his head in concession. "I do have a song in mind that I think you will enjoy hearing."
"I am ready to listen whenever you are ready to sing," Haldir said.
"Are you in a hurry?"
Haldir gave a one-sided smile. "Not at all. I had nothing else planned for this night-other than sleep."
"Then perhaps we can talk a bit," Legolas said hopefully.
"As long as it does not involve too much energy," Haldir replied.
"You can tell me if it does."
"That is fair. What shall we talk about?"
Legolas did not hesitate. "Orophin told me that your parents have gone to the Undying Lands," he said. "I asked him why you and your brothers didn't go with them."
"What did he tell you?" Haldir asked.
"He didn't say anything," he replied, then added slowly, "Only that he and Rumil did not want to leave you."
"He told you the truth," came the reply.
"Why did you stay?"
"My parents wanted me to stay. My uncle was staying, and they wanted me to stay with him, to continue my learning. And the truth was that I wanted to stay as well. Orophin and Rumil did not want to leave me." He paused and drew in a deep breath. "They have loved me more than I have deserved, in spite of the hurt it has caused them."
Legolas was baffled. "I don't understand. What hurt has it caused them?"
"My parents wanted Rumil and Orophin to go with them to Valinor. They were unhappy with my brothers' decision to stay, but they honored that decision and did not force them to leave. When my uncle left half a century ago, my brothers were hopeful that we would all go with him and be reunited with our parents." He hesitated, searching for the words. "But I could not leave here. I have no desire to leave Middle Earth. I feel I am still . . . of some use here. Rumil and Orophin could not leave me. They have stayed with me and endured separation from our parents. So, you can understand why I love them so."
Legolas was dumbstruck into silence for a moment. At length, he asked, "Why did your parents leave? They could have stayed."
"I do not know," Haldir replied honestly. "It was their decision. Many of our people have been leaving Middle Earth over the years. Whatever their reasons were, they did not discuss them with us.
"Are you-were your parents angry with Orophin and Rumil?"
"No, they were sad, but I think they were proud of how much my brothers and I meant to each other. Still . . . I know Orophin and Rumil miss them." A brief silence. "I miss them, too. I have often felt guilty about my brothers, and I believe that is why they take such prodigious care of me, to show me that they hold nothing against me."
"It is more than that," Legolas replied. "You said they love you more than you deserve, but love isn't something that is earned. It is freely given. They have many reasons to love you, but they would love you just as much if those reasons did not exist. You are their brother."
Haldir smiled. "You are right," he said simply, once again ending a touchy subject on his own terms with a mere change in his inflection. He drained his goblet. "Now, it is my turn. Tell me what it is like to be a Prince of Mirkwood."
A grin formed on Legolas's lips. "At the moment, it is very satisfying."
"And at other moments?"
"It . . . it has its merits," Legolas replied. "Sometimes it is exciting, and sometimes it is dull. My father is a good king. My brothers are good brothers. But there is nothing in Mirkwood like the Wide Patrol. There is no Mythis, no Lostilsil or Ardamil, no Maynfeln, and there is no Nikerym Haldir. My eight weeks here have been more exciting than anything that has passed before."
"That is only because it is new to you," Haldir replied.
Legolas shook his head with serene certainty. "No, you are wrong, Haldir. There is not a member of your patrol who would say life here is boring or without excitement, and the patrol is nothing new to them." He paused for only an instant to contemplate his next probing assertion. "There is something here that keeps them fulfilled, something that brings meaning to their lives. I have my thoughts on what that something is."
"I am sure you do," Haldir replied. "And you are right: the patrol is content. Aluvater has been good to me in giving me such warriors."
Legolas sighed. Either Haldir was the most humble, the most obtuse, or the most dissembling elf in Middle Earth, for at every turn, he was dodging Legolas's attempts to pin down what it was about him that seemed to cause others to gravitate towards him. And, clearly, Haldir was not going to be any more forthcoming this evening than he had on any other occasion, and so Legolas yielded without pursuit. "Yes, I believe He has," he agreed, then he, too, finished off his nectar. "Are you ready to hear me sing?"
Haldir gave a nod.
Legolas settled into a comfortable position, clasped his hands together in his lap, and lowering his eyes to the floor, he began to sing. From the first moment, Haldir's attention was fully focused, for Legolas was singing in the ancient tongue the song which Haldir had sung on that first night at the fountain. The song had burned its melody in Legolas's head, and he had worked hard during the six weeks on patrol with Haldir and the one week of rest to master the words; and now, as he closed his eyes and lifted his voice, he pictured behind his closed lids the images of which the song spoke: Irmo the Vala, his gardens in Valinor, and his coming into Arda to do the will of Aluvater.
When he had finished, he slowly raised his eyes to see Haldir regarding him fixedly with an expression that Legolas had never seen on his captain's face before. He was not even sure how to define it, as it seemed to fluctuate along a range of emotions.
At last, Haldir managed to speak haltingly. "I-I have not heard that song sung-by anyone other than myself-for over fifty years, before my uncle. . . " He could not continue and looked away.
"I told you I wanted to learn the language, and that my desire was in earnest," Legolas replied, baffled by Haldir's reaction.
Haldir glanced briefly at him then got to his feet. He turned and seemed to move aimlessly until his path led him over one of the bridges to the colonnade, where he stood looking out to the west, where the woods of Lorien were cast in colors of blue and gray under the moonlight.
Legolas came and stood beside him. "I have upset you?" he asked.
Haldir swallowed with effort, then turned and faced him. "Far from it. You-you do not know what it means for me to hear someone else singing that song. Other than my uncle, you are the only one I have ever heard sing it. It somehow makes me feel . . . less alone."
"Alone?" Legolas had an overwhelming urge to touch him, but he refrained. He hardly recognized the Haldir standing beside him, and yet, this new facet felt familiar and correct. And to Legolas, it made Haldir seem more reachable. "You are hardly alone."
"Perhaps 'alone' isn't the right word," Haldir replied. "Different."
Legolas looked at him in the pale blue moonlight, the image of stunning beauty, and the words of Galadriel came to his mind: 'he is genuinely good.'
"You are different," he said in a soft, sincere voice. "But no one would want you to be any other way."
Haldir regarded him in silence for a moment, then he asked, "Will you sing it again?"
Legolas nodded slowly.
"Now," Haldir prompted.
"And whenever you wish it," Legolas replied.
He began to sing.
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