Orlando hear! I saw Elijah the other day at the awards gala. He looked absolutely smashing in his tux! When we first saw eachother there, he ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug ever. Feeling his body so close to mine sent chills up and down my spine. I had to control myself not to take him into a passionate kiss right then and there. But, I could not, as there were millions of people and cameras around. And besides, I had Kate there by my side. That was all just a publicity stunt with me and Kate getting together. All of my agents knew that I was gay, but they thought it would'nt look good in public since I am a celebrity and all, so, they paired me up with Kate. I must admit though, she is a truely sweet and beautiful girl and I hate having to do this to her. But, she says that she understands the situations and that she is happy to help out. She also told me today that she has a huge crush on someone she knows back home. To be honest, I hate the whole idea of this, pretending to be dating Kate and acting as though I am striaght, when I know that I am not. I wish I could just come out to the entire world and not hide who I truely am. I have come out to my family and friends with my sexuality years ago and they have been very supportive about it. I love them all so very much for that. But, the one thing that is driving me absolutely mad right now is not knowing how Elijah feels about me in return. He acts as though he is straight. But sometimes I have caught him starring at me and a few times he even blushed when i teasingly winked at him. And, I can also see that there is a difference when he is around me. When I see him around other guys, he very upbeat and loose. But when it is just me and him, he is reserved and so very caring. It confuses me alot of the time. I don't think he feels uncomfortable around me though. I can tell that he enjoys my company. I wish I could just tell him how I feel about him! But, I am too scared to do so. It hurts so much not being able to reach out and take him into my arms and kiss him. I do not know what to do. I have never loved another man as I do with Elijah. He is my first male love. Well, journal. I best be getting to bed. It's been a long night. Goodnight.
Good mourning! Orlando here again:) I had a night of much rest indeed. I saw Elijah in my deams as well:) Well, today is bit of a boring day so I think I shall go out for some coffee and take a drive around the city. I will write more later when I return home. Bye!
(Later that evening)
I'm back! Oh sweet mother of Arwen! You will NEVER believe what has happened to be today! Where do I begin?? Well, I ran into Elijah at a cafe in Malibu. He was alone. He said that he had nothing else to do today either and that he was going out for a drive as well. What a coincidence, eh?:) Anyways, we got our coffee and took a table outside and talked for a bit. After a few minutes, we decided to go back to his place and hang out. When we got there, we went into his room. He went directly over to his bed and motioned for me to sit next to him. I don't know what came over me though after a few moments of chatting. I started to come out to him. It just seemed that all of the sudden I had all the courage and the moment seemed so right, so I started spilling my buts out to him about how I felt about him. When I finally confessed my love to him, I got quite emotional. Then, all of the sudden, Elijah took me into his arms and whispered in my ear and said, "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear those words Orli. I feel the same for you too". After hearing him say that, I felt nothing but joy and relief. Then, he brought my head up with his hands and looked at me as he whipped away my tears. He started to kiss me then. We were just kissing ever so softly and lovingly. I finally felt whole for the first time in my life. I love this man. And the best part is that he loves me in return as well. Well, There is much more to be talked about tonight. So I must be going. Bye.
It has been about a few weeks since me and Elijah got together. We talked this mourning and we feel that it is time to come out to the public and to the world of out love. Yes, we are a bit nervous but, this is what we need to do. We can't lie to the world and to our fans anymore. We will deal with the outcome of this. We don't care what others have to say about this. This is our choice and our descisions. This is the right thing to do, and it's going to be done weather everyone likes it or not. Wish us luck!
Well, me and Lijah have come out to the world and we are so suprised how well everyone took the news! Even the media was supported about it as well. And I think we both have gained more fans by doing this. Of course, there are some that don't agree with all of this, as was expected. But, the whole outcome of it was very positive. We are both so very happy now that we have come out. Elijah is now planning to move in with me:) I feel like the happiest man on this earth right now. I could't have asked for anything more sweater.
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