Dom turned over in bed. The sun peaked into his room, causing him to squint. He looked at the pillow next to him. There was a note on it. He picked it up groggily and rubbed his eyes to read what it said.
Dom, I know you thought we had something, but I just don't think I am the man for you. It was fun. -Josh
"Fuck!" Dom crumpled up the paper and tossed it across the room. He got out of bed and stretched. Yea, fuck the celebrity then dump him...
Dom stood in the kitchen, sitting on the countertop, eating a bowl of cereal. He swung his feet so they kicked the counter. thud-thud-thud The phone rang. Dom set down the bowl and hopped off the counter. Maybe its Josh. I knew he'd come crawling back. Or maybe he just wanted his bottle of lube back...
He checked the call scanner. He answered the phone.
"I'm surprised you're awake. I figured you and Josh were up late."
"Josh is gone," Dom replied nonchalantly, grabbing the bowl and slurping up his milk.
"I'm sorry, Dom."
"Four in five months. No big deal."
"At least you are finally dating again. But, I know you really liked him though."
"Yea... " He slurped his milk again.
"Maybe he left you cos you eat so loudly."
"I'm sure that's it," Dom laughed, "Well its a better excuse than some people gave me."
"Dom, those other boys just weren't ready. They had good reasons. I thought you were over-"
"You know who I am talking about, Bill."
"Its always back to this, isn't it?"
"I can't help it, Billy."
"I know he hurt you, Dom, but you have to get over-"
"Billy, I don't want to talk about this right now."
"Alright, Dom, I just wanted to check up on you."
"Thanks, Bill. I know you just wanted to help."
"Yep. Lily and I are taking a trip to L.A. in a few weeks so I'll see you then."
"Right, Bill. Bye."
Dom hung up the phone and rolled his eyes. Bill had gotten married. Orlando was becoming a big celebrity. Sean was on his third or fourth kid. Dom was just... left behind. After he had come out in 2004, nobody wanted a B-list gay actor when they could have others. It was going to be a mutual coming out. But someone backed out. Dom flinched. Elijah...
Elijah and Dom had been dating since 2000. They had wanted to come out and maybe even get married. Their P.R. people begged and pleaded. So, they decided to wait until the Lord of the Rings was all over. They were going to come out of the closet in 2004. Dom was even going to propose to Elijah. Then it happened...
Three days... three days till the interview. Then he's mine. My baby is mine forever and always.
Elijah would be over in any minute. They were going out to dinner at Elijah's favorite restaurant. Dom put on Elijah's favorite shirt of his and styled his hair just the way Elijah liked. Billy always joked and said that Elijah controlled him. Dom always shrugged it off but now he realized it was true. But it wasn't a bad thing. Elijah was the center of Dom's universe. It was the only reason Dom woke up every morning. And Dom wouldn't have it any other way.
He heard a knock at the door. He didn't want to seem eager so he ran to the door and stood there until Elijah knocked a second time. He stood with his hand over the knob, waiting for the third, impatient knock.
"Dom, I know you are standing right on the other side of this door. Open up!"
Dom smiled. Elijah knew him all too well. He opened the door. Dom had a huge grin on his face, but it faded as soon as Elijah walked in. Elijah had a grim look on his face.
"Someone die?" Dom asked. Elijah half smiled.
"No," he chuckled, halfheartedly, "Nobody is dead. But we need to talk." Dom felt his heart fall to the floor and jump in his throat at the same time. They went to the kitchen table and sat down. Dom never used his kitchen table except for when him and Elijah were together. He never ate there alone.
"What is it Elijah? We are going to be late."
"I'll be quick so we can go." Dom felt relieved. At least we are still going out to eat. It can't be that bad.
"Ok, shoot," Dom smiled, feeling a little better.
Elijah took a deep breath, "My mom visited me yesterday. She asked me how everything was going. And... and I slipped. I told her-"
"You told her about us?"
"Yes, I am sorry," Elijah put his head down. That's it!? That's the bad news?
"It's alright Elijah, we are coming out in three days anyways," Dom took Elijah's hand in his, "And I will always love you. Even if you have a big mouth." Dom smiled. Elijah grinned. It didn't totally convince Dom that Elijah was alright, but Dom didn't think to question it.
Dom closed the door and locked it with his keys. Dom was never much of a cook, but he already had macaroni and cheese for breakfast and lunch. Dom wasn't in the mood to have it for dinner as well. Him and Elijah always experimented together. And that one time when Elijah almost burned down the- fuck, Dom, can't you get through a single day without thinking about him?
Dom slid into his car and buckled up. Then he got out and started walking. He didn't feel like driving today. He walked down the street to the restaurant on the corner.
He entered the restaurant to see that Grace was there. She always used to serve me and Eli- I mean... she used to serve me...
"Hey there, Dom."
"Hello sweetheart, how are you?"
"I got the night off, so it's all good."
"That's good to hear. Do you want to go out to the club tonight?"
"Josh can't come?"
"Josh is gone."
"Oh, Dom... I'm sorry," she apologized, "Yea. I'll go with you. I haven't gone dancing in a while. Do you want the same booth?"
She led him over to the booth. It seated two people, one on each side of the table and whenever Dom looked on the edge of the table by the empty seat, he'd see EW+DM carved into the wood. Elijah used to sit there. Couldn't sit still...
Dom ordered his lunch and ate it in silence. He said goodbye to Grace and told her to be ready at eight. Then he left. He didn't go home, though. He walked. And he walked some more. Then he sat in the park. Then he walked. He didn't stop until 7:55, when he walked back to the restaurant and him and Grace walked again.
They walked to the club and they sat at a table together. It was smoky, loud and dark. Dom loved the chaos of clubs. Grace leaned in towards Dom.
"I am gonna get a beer. You can dance if you want tho."
Dom nodded and got up. He headed out to the floor and did his normal routine. Stood there and closed his eyes and let the beat pulse through his body. Everything was in slow motion when Dom was on the dance floor. He felt his body start to move and sway. He opened his eyes and let the music take him. He saw Grace sitting at the table. A man had gone up to the table and was talking with her. He smiled and spun around. He closed his eyes and continued dancing. He felt someone rub against him. He went along with their movements. He felt them slip their arms around his waist and then up over his head. He shuddered. The hands were familiar. He recognized their breath. Just as the trail of fingerprints were left on his body, memories began rising. He stopped suddenly and spun around. It hit him like a ton of bricks.
Dom stood behind the door. Where is that damn boy?! They were going to be interviewed by Entertainment Weekly in five minutes. This was it. This was their moment.
Billy and Orlando stood outside the door with Dom and his PR Representative.
"Just calm down, Dom. He'll be here."
"I know I know... " Dom breathed. Billy patted Dom on the back.
Five minutes felt like five hours. But no matter what they felt like, they passed without Elijah showing.
"Dom, they are waiting. Elijah isn't here," Dom's PR Rep said to him. Dom closed his eyes. He was getting frantic. He didn't know what to do.
Orlando tapped Billy on the shoulder and pulled him over to the side.
"Billy, I just called Elijah," Orlando whispered, looking at Dom, who was nervous as hell.
"Is he coming?"
"He was freaking out. He doesn't want to do it anymore. He's afraid. He's gonna back out," Orlando said.
Billy put his head in his hands.
"What do we do?"
Orlando and Billy turned to Dom to tell him the bad news. He was already walking into the room. He looked over to the two of them and they saw a tear going down his cheek. They both slumped over. They sat in complete silence as Dom gave his interview. They had no idea what he was saying or doing. Then the door opened.
Dom walked out and looked at them sitting on the floor. His face was emotionless.
They looked up, waiting for him to say something... anything. Maybe cry. Even punch a wall. Just something. But he didn't.
"See you guys later," he said and he left.
"What are you doing here?" Dom asked, both surprised and angry at the same time. He started to feel dizzy and nauseous.
"I-I-... Dom... " Elijah's voiced squeaked when he said 'Dom'.
Dom looked over at Grace. She was looking right at them in shock. He looked around and suddenly the room became very small. He couldn't breathe or think. So he did the only think his body would do.
The phone rang. Dom picked it up and dropped it right back on the base. bastard...
There was a knock at the door. Dom let them knock once. Then he walked over to the door and stood there. Another knock. He put his hand over the knob, waiting for a third knock.
"Dom I know you're right there. Open up!"
Dom swung open the door to a surprised Elijah. Dom walked over to the couch angrily. Elijah stood in the doorway and went to take a step in.
"I didn't say you could come in," Dom hissed.
Elijah looked at his feet and started talking right in the doorway.
"I wanted to tell you the other day when I called. I couldn't. I freaked. I can't be gay, Dom."
Dom spun around, "Can't. Be. Gay. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You are gay, Elijah, whether you like it or not. You can't not be gay."
"My mom says you're wrong," Elijah spat out like a timid boy standing up to the school bully.
"She does, does she?" Dom walked up to Elijah and stood eye-to-eye, so close that Dom could feel Elijah hold his breath.
"God made us all straight, Dom. We only act gay for attention. We can change. We can stop acting... " Dom stepped away from Elijah.
"This isn't a movie, Elijah. It's not "cut! print! that's a wrap! you can stop being gay now!". We are gay, Elijah. I don't see what your little religion has to do with it."
"My mother showed me in the Bible-"
"Forget it, Elijah! I can tell we aren't going to see eye to eye. So you go off and be a little straight preacher or whatever and let me fucking live my life."
Elijah stopped. He took a step back out of the doorway. Dom slammed the door in his face. Elijah fell to the ground in front of the door. He cried for hours. Dom sat in his kitchen, listening to every sob and wail. It broke his heart. Elijah broke his heart. Then... it stopped. He heard Elijah get up and walk away. He was just done. Like that... he was gone...
Elijah followed him out the door. Dom felt Elijah behind him and started to run. Elijah began running too. He started screaming out his name.
"Dom! Dom- please stop... Dom!" Elijah became frantic and he stopped running.
"Dom- I love you!"
Dom stopped dead in his tracks. He leaned up against a wall of a building. Elijah took the chance and caught up with him.
"God gave you permission to love me?" Dom sneered. The words Elijah had said that day, were fresh in his memory.
"Dom... "Elijah swallowed, "I. am. gay."
Dom looked up at Elijah. Elijah looked so much older than he had last seen him. He had filled out and his face was older. Wiser, almost.
"Dom, I tried to deny it. I tried to not... to not love you. For my mother. She said no. She sent me to all these classes and therapy. I was studied and counseled. But Dom... there is no denying it. I love you."
Dom's heart leapt a thousand times and then some.
Then it got cold. "You expect me to just kiss and make up after all this? I haven't had a single job since I came out. We were in it together."
Elijah's face fell. Neither of them spoke.
Then Elijah walked away. Dom stood under a streetlight. Tears flowed down his cheeks. He felt like he was in a dream. He wanted to call out and scream after him 'Elijah! Come back! I Love you too! I am sorry! PLEASE!'
But he didn't. He went back to the club and told Grace he was leaving. And then he left.
... he's gone... Elijah had just left him yesterday and Dom was already going insane. He sat in front of the television and flipped through stations. He stopped on a televised sermon.
"SON OF A BITCH! YOU STOLE MY BOYFRIEND!" he screamed, then threw his bowl of popcorn at the TV.
It did little damage, but made Dom feel much better. In fact, he did it every day.. Even when he had his other boyfriends, he would through his food at the ministers on television. He cursed every time he drove or walked past a church. He never prayed. He never picked up a Bible. If an evangelist came up to him on the streets he'd curse at them and tell them to go fuck the altar boys.
He never thought he would see Elijah again.
Dom got home and saw a message on his answering machine. He knew it was Elijah and didn't want to answer. But his curiosity got the best of him. He hit the 'play' button and sat at his and Elijah's table.
"Hello? Dom? It's Orlando. I just got a call from the hospital. Elijah's there. They couldn't get a hold of you. I'm going to go there. When you get this message meet me up there. Bye"
Dom dropped his coat on the ground and ran out his apartment. He ran all the way to the hospital and frantically asked the nurse where Elijah was. They directed him to the emergency room.
Dom stood in front of the elevator pushing the up button about twenty times. "God dammit, open up!"
"Woah, slow down there, buddy," a man said.
Dom turned around. It was a minister.
"I am in a hurry."
"What happened, if you don't mind my asking."
"My boy- my friend... he- I don't know what's wrong with him. He's in the ER."
"They didn't tell you?"
"I got a call from a friend. They tried to get a hold of me."
The door opened. Dom and the minister stepped inside.
"What floor, son?"
"That's where I am heading," he pushed the button and they headed up.
"Why are you here?" Dom asked.
"My sister. She is in surgery."
"It's alright. What's your name, son?"
"Dominic. M-Monaghan... " Dom couldn't stop shaking. The elevator was going too damn slow and worst of he was stuck with a fucking minister.
"Hello, Dom, I am Father Richard," the minister stuck out his hand. Dom crossed his arms and nodded at the man. Father Richard coughed and put his hands in his pockets.
The door opened and Dom went to step out.
"I'll be praying for you," the minister said. Dom smiled and ran to the waiting room. he ran into Orlando waiting there. He hugged him and then began to cry. Orlando held him.
"It was a car accident. He was driving home from somewhere. He was conscious for a bit. The police said he just drove right into oncoming traffic."
Dom stopped crying, "Is he alright?"
"He was doing fine. But a few minutes ago, his heartbeat stopped. They are trying to bring him back."
"Oh God... " Dom began crying again.
Then the wait began. Him and Orlando sat there for an hour. Then a doctor came out.
She sat down with them.
"He will be fine if we can get him another heart. He had internal bleeding and we have him on a machine. We are receiving a heart shortly and will begin the procedure."
Dom bit his lip. Elijah might just die... and his last memory of Dom would be a bad one. Dom loved Elijah. He always had. He just didn't want to get hurt again.
What I wouldn't give to tell him how I feel...
Dom turned around and saw Father Richard walk past him. He turned around and started to follow him.
The minister turned around and looked at Dom. He had been crying.
"Dominic. Any news on your friend?"
"He might die. I don't know what to do."
"Why don't you pray?"
The suggestion stung Dom.
"I don't pray," he said bitterly.
"Feel like your life has gone down the drain?"
Dom hesitated, then nodded.
"Then what have you got to loose? I am heading to the chapel, if you'd like to join."
Dom paused for a moment. Then he followed.
He walked into the small chapel. He remembered going to church as a child, but he hadn't gone to one since he was ten.
He sat in a pew at the back. Father Richard turned to him.
"I don't remember how to pray."
"Just talk to God. Tell him what you want. Tell him how you feel."
"Can I be angry?"
Dom closed his eyes, "God... I hate you... you took the man I loved... twice... " he opened his eyes and looked around, "You know what I want? I want him to love me and me to love him and nobody give a damn. Oh, I am sorry for swearing, God. That is what I want. And if you take him from me, I will never be able to forgive you. I guess that's all I have to say... "
Dom stood up and headed out the back door. Father Richard caught up with him.
"We'll find out, won't we?"
"I am going to keep praying, but God bless you, Dom."
Dom shook his hand and right as he was about to walk away he remembered Father Richard's sister.
"Father Richard? How is your sister?"
"She-uh... she passed away... "
Dom felt a knot in his throat.
"I'm sorry... "
The minister turned around and went back to praying. Dom went back to the waiting room.
Orlando and Dom sat. All night. Till morning.
Then it happened. The doctor came out.
"He'll be fine, boys."
Dom couldn't think. He couldn't breath. He just began crying. Orlando hugged him. Dom didn't move. He just... cried...
(three months later)
Elijah came and sat next to Dom on the couch. He planted a kiss on his forehead.
"What are you doing, Dommie?"
"I am writing to the family of the person who gave us your heart."
Elijah stretched his neck to read the letter. Dom covered it.
"Not for your eyes."
Elijah pouted. Dom smiled and pulled Elijah in and kissed him.
"Cummon, what's it say?"
"It just says thanks and stuff."
Dom continued writing silently and Elijah became antsy.
"Dommie," he whined, "Can we please go to bed now? Please?"
Dom smiled, "Technically we aren't supposed to. We aren't married."
"Four more days."
"Four days," Elijah beamed.
"You aren't going to chicken out this time?"
Elijah punched Dom in the shoulder.
"Meet me in bed ok?"
"Alright, when I am done writing."
"Alright," Elijah grinned and headed off to bed.
Dom went over to his desk and picked up the pink envelope the hospital had given him. He read the pre-applied sticker with the address.
"Father Richard McKinley... "
Dom smiled. He felt a tear come down his cheek. He walked into the hallway and stuck the letter in the slot for the mail carrier.
"Dom, are you coming?!" Elijah yelled form the bedroom. Dom yelled back, "Don't worry, Lij, we have all the time in the world... "
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