A month before the Fellowship was set to depart on their quest, Aragorn decided to go and meet with Legolas, as he had not seen him in ages. They had first met years ago when Aragorn was but a teenager, and they had seen eachother frequently during his youth. But as the years progressed, and times grew darker, their meetings dwindled and finally stopped almost 10 years ago.
"It's been a while, my friend," Aragorn greeted Legolas as he approached the Elf. Legolas was sitting outside, on a bench beneith a weeping Willow tree, on the bank of a small stream that flowed with silvery water down the valley toward the river Bruinen. Legolas looked up at him and smiled.
"Indeed," he replied. "Come Aragorn," he beckoned to the man, and patted the seat beside him, "Sit with me, and let us talk."
Aragorn nodded and sat down beside him. A grin appeared on the Ranger's face.
"Care for a drink?" he asked, pulling two champagne flutes and a bottle of the finest Elven wine availible from behind his back. Legolas laughed and nodded eagerly.
"Of course!" he replied.
Aragorn poured the wine into the glasses and handed one of them to Legolas.
"A toast?" said Aragorn, "Lets see... to the quest for starters!"
Legolas nodded with a grin - he knew where this was going. "To the Quest!" They clinked glasses and took a drink.
"To the..." Legolas paused as he tried to think of something, "To the wine!" he said finally, "For without which, we'd not be having such fun and games!" he finished with a laugh.
"To the wine!" Aragorn said before taking another gulp.
This went on for about half an hour, until the bottle was empty, and various things such as trees, individual blades of grass, stars, and various articals of clothing had been toasted, and both man and elf were plesently drunk.
"Hmm, what a pretty tree," Legolas wrapped his arms around the trunk of the weeping willow, "I love trees!"
Legolas was in the 'I love everything' stage of drunkeness - "You, you pretty, nice elf!" - and so was Aragorn.
"Not as pretty as you, cute human, hehehehe," Legolas started to giggle and covered his mouth with his hand, while slumping to the floor in a fit of hysterics.
Aragorn moved over so he was next to the elf, before wrapping his arms around Legolas, "You're my bestestest friend you are!" he beamed while squeezing Legolas tightly.
"I love you," said Legolas while hugging the human back just as tightly, "my favorite human!"
"I love you too!" Aragorn replied with a hic-cough.
The declarations of platonic love eventually developed into groping, and before long, they were doing naughty things in the limited privacy of the weeping willow branches.
7 Weeks Later - Moria
"Blleeeerrrrggghhhh, yrreeeeccchhhhh, bllerrrgghhhhhh," the sounds of Legolas throwing up echoed around the depths of Moria. The rest of the fellowship sat around covering their ears and grimacing that the disgusting sounds coming from the Elf.
"I dont know whats wrong with me," Legolas whimpered, finally sitting down after emptying the contents of his stomach behind a pillar in the great hall. "Elves dont get sick," he said, starting to cry, "It's not fair," Legolas finally burst into tears, and grabbed hold of the nearest person - who happened to be Pippin - and hugging them while wiping his nose on the poor Hobbit's clothes.
This had been going on for the past few days - the vomiting, backache, mood swings, and food cravings. If Legolas was a girl, the rest of the fellowship would have thought he was pregnant - but he was a man, no matter how girlish he looked, and therefore it would be impossible for him to be pregnant... right?
Gandalf had had enough of this, and decided to find out for himself. He was beginning to doubt the "only women can be pregnant" theory due to the Elven Prince's recent health crisis.
"Legolas," he said gently, so as not to trigger another mood swing (it seemed anything would trigger a reaction from him, be it violent of tearful), "Can I have a word with you?" Legolas nodded, and wiped his nose once more before getting up and letting go of Pippin. He walked off a short distance from the group with Gandalf.
"Legolas, I'm going to ask you some personal questions, tell me now if you dont want me to," Gandalf told him.
"Ask away," Legolas said, while nodding for him to continue.
"Okay, firstly, when was the last time you had sex?"
Legolas blushed and mumbled something quietly.
"What was that?" Gandalf's hearing was pretty good all things considered, but no matter how good your hearing is, it's impossible to make out what an Elf says while mumbling.
"Seven weeks ago," Legolas stated again.
"With a man or a woman?" Gandalf asked.
"... a man," Legolas's eyes were studying the floor, avoiding Gandalf's piercing gaze.. the floor was quite nice actually, it was black, but had some little red, gold and silver flecks - maybe gem stones and precious metals? Hmmm, Gimli should have a look at this, really he should...
Gandalf nodded and stopped to think, and then spoke very slowly. "Do you think you could be pregnant?" he asked.
Legolas's eyes shot up in shock and stared at him for a split second. He then burst out laughing - hysterically, might I add. "No way!" and "Impossible!" were the only words distiguishable from the jumble of sentances entwined with the laughter.
He walked back to the rest of the group, and before long, sobs began to break through his hysterical laughter. He sat down next to Aragorn, still laughing.
"Whats so funny?" Aragorn asked, noting the hysterical tone and the occational increasing amount of sobs mingled with the laughter.
"Gandalf thinks I'm pregnant!" Legolas let out another burst of laughter, before desolving into tears. Then, as soon as they started, both laughter and tears stopped. He was completely quiet.
"Oh fuck," he whispered as it dawned on him - it was the answer to his recent problems; the vomiting, the backache, the mood swings, the food cravings. Legolas's groaned, and held his head in his hands.
"My father's gonna KILL me."
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