"Pregnant?!" Aragorn laughed, "You're joking! You are joking, arent you?"
Legolas scowled at him, "I'm not joking, it's the only possible answer... I'm pregnant, knocked up, up the duff, got a bun in the oven..."
"Okay, okay, we get the picture!" Frodo said, "But how?"
"Well Frodo, I would have thought at your age you knew about the birds and the bees, but here goes..." started Legolas.
"No!" Frodo quickly stopped Legolas from going into detail, "I know about the birds and the bees... but isnt it usually the female ones that end up preggers?" he asked.
"That was the theory... unfortunately, it seems I am the exception to all the rules!" Legolas was on a roll, full on sarcastic mode, thanks to the mood swings.
"Okay, this is gonnae sound wrong, but hey," Pippin started, having removed his snot covered jacket and placed it at the furthest side of the camp, "Who's the father? Or Mother... or, uhm... well, there's gotta be two people to, y'know, in order to get up the duff, so to speak... and, y'know, what with you being a guy n'all, I was wunderin' who the other person is..."
Legolas groaned and hung his head, "I dont know if he'd want you all to know," he mumbled.
"HE?!" Gimli, Boromir, Merry and Pippin exclaimed, before turning to the oddly quiet pair of Hobbits and other Human. "No reaction, Frodo? Sam?"
Frodo shrugged, "I'm gay; it doesnt phase me."
"Same here," added Sam.
"Why arent I surprised?" asked Merry.
"Because it was soooooo obvious, eejit!" Pippin clouted him across the head with his hand.
Boromir then turned to Aragorn with an evil smirk, "What about you Aragorn, whats your excuse for not reacting?"
Legolas butted in, "I think he'll react once it's finally sunk in... in about, 5, 4, 3, 2..."
"ARWEN'S GONNA KILL ME!" Aragorn cried out in horror.
"See?" said Legolas, still unmoving from his seat on the ground next to Aragorn.
The rest of the fellowship turned to stare wide eyed, and mouths open, like fly catchers.
"Of course, upon translation from 'Aragorn' to 'English' that little line does lose some of it's flare... what he means is 'I'm very pleased that Legolas is pregnant, and yes, thats right, I'm the father, and I care so much for my unborn child'" Legolas remarked, as he turned to Aragorn. Legolas then punched Aragorn in the stomach with all the strength he could muster.
"You bastard! You did this to me!" Legolas cried out while punching and kicking at Aragorn, whom had curled up in a ball, unwilling to retaliate in fear of hurting the pregnant Legolas.
After a couple of minutes, the rest of the fellowship decided that Aragorn had had what he deserved, and non-too-gently pulled Legolas off his badly beaten body.
".... owww..." said Aragorn as he moved onto his back, "pain, hurts, everywhere... owww..."
The rest of the group shrugged, and slung a blanket over him; he didnt look like he would be able to make it to where his bed had been laid out. They then decided to go to sleep for the night.
After about 20 minutes, Legolas sat bolt upright and looked around. He soon spotted what he was after, and crawled over toward it.
"Merry! Wake up!" Legolas shook the poor Hobbit in an attempt to wake him up.
"What?!?!" Merry cried out half asleep.
"I'm hungry, you're the best cook, make me something to eat," Legolas ordered.
"Bog off," Merry replied, before lying back down, and pulling his blanket over his head.
"Please Merry! Please! I'm starving here!!" Legolas whined.
"FINE!" Merry shouted, slinging the cover off him, "What d'ya want to eat?" he asked. Worst mistake ever made, if you ask me.
"Well... everything, I want mushrooms, and bacon, and eggs, and some bread to go with it, oh, and have you got any peas? Carrots? No? How about onions...?"
In the end, Legolas ended up eating best part of the fellowship's supplies in one meal, and much to the dismay of poor Merry, he didnt let the helpful Hobbit have any of it.
"You're a great friend, Merry, thanks!" Legolas said, heading back to his bedding with two bacon sandwiches, and an apple in his hands.
After Legolas had finally finished his bacon sandwiches and his apple, he finally got to sleep, and drempt of various things, such as killing Orcs, without being killed himself, and of killing Aragorn for what the man had done to him. Damn humans.
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