Thunder growled in the darkening sky and the air felt heavy and thick. A storm was coming.
Helm’s Deep had waned in complete silence and awaited the gale with fear and agony. And somewhere behind the strong masses of stones, somewhere in a quieter place, sat Legolas.
He leaned against a cold wall and sat on a flight of stairs and ignored all the people that passed him by. Everyone that walked their way on the stairs didn’t notice Legolas either, because it was pretty dark already and there were so many important things that needed to be done for the upcoming battle. Although many men ran around and gave and received commands or armed themselves, it was unthinkably still in the fortress. But that was just another thing Legolas didn’t realize. He was lost in his mind and its voice was the only thing he could listen to. Maybe one hour had passed since he and Aragorn had carried out a conflict in front of everybody. Legolas felt ashamed. It was true that only Aragorn could have understood his elfish words, but it was clear to the men of Rohan that Legolas was not too confident about their victory of this battle. They didn’t need to understand his elfish language for that, because it was manifest in his beautiful face.
Not that they beheld any hope for this night...
Still, Aragorn’s words had made them bitter and resolute- they didn’t want to give up yet. And so it was no surprise that everyone was busy with doing important things for the future fight and that nobody stopped to look at Legolas. In his elfish heart there was a thorn that stung achingly and which made breathing somehow difficult. He hated to argue with Aragorn. They never argued. And he hated it even more to shout at him and to receive wild gazes and angry words in return.
This conflict had been something that he had been capable to avoid. It was not necessary to tell Aragorn that it was hopeless to survive this night. It was useless to tell him they were outnumbered.
Was it not Aragorn who had seen the power of Isengard with his own eyes? Was it not Aragorn who had come to warn them all? There had been many other ways that the ranger could have chosen to stay alive- but he had decided to go into a battle.
Still, Legolas found an excuse to calm his heart and to legalize his behaviour. The only reason he had set this whole rattle up was that he couldn’t stand the death that was waiting for them. He personally thought seldom about death, because he was an elf, and elves didn’t die young. But he was reminded often these days that other people he loved died indeed- and that was hard to understand, hard to accept. He loved Aragorn with all his heart.
The thought of losing him through death was more than he could take. That was the reason he couldn’t have kept his mouth shut. He wanted to tell Aragorn that he loved him, that he was afraid and that he never wanted to lose him. But then everything came out wrong and if it had not been for Gimli the whole thing could have gone out worse. Again Legolas felt sick and rueful.
Who was he to tell Aragorn what to do?
After all Legolas was astonished by the man’s will and energy. Legolas was not too sure about it, but he had heard from Gandalf that Arwen was sailing to Valinor- Aragorn had never talked with him about that, so it had to be something that was too hard to take for him. Aragorn was losing his great love for ever, and now he had to face a battle, which could not be won and his elfish friend had started a dumb discussion with him and... Still, he was willed to fight with all his soul. Legolas was ashamed. There were so many things Aragorn had lost and so many other things, which could be lost soon. But it seemed like he was not afraid of losing anymore...
The ranger had only looked so very tired at Legolas in their conflict- too tired to defend is faith and hope (which was the reason he had walked away. Another reason had been the fact that he also hated it to argue with Legolas). With a sigh the elf thought about the strange happenings of today.
Firstly his heart had been filled with fear and shock as they had realized that Aragorn was probably dead after falling from the cliff. Then he had been so glad and happy to see him again- alive. And now he was angry with himself for being so childish. Somehow he felt like standing on this cliff again, looking out for Aragorn and praying he’ll be fine, he’ll be alive. Helm’s Deep was this cliff right now.
He prayed Aragorn would survive. He hoped they would soon be together again. This thought reminded Legolas that their relationship had been oddly in the last few weeks, anyway. At the beginning of their journey Aragorn must have felt lonely and sad at some days because he wasn’t with Arwen anymore. But there had been the funny young hobbits, his comrade Boromir and his good old friend Gandalf. There had been enough people and enough dangers to force him away from his dark thoughts. Then Gandalf had fallen in Moria and something had changed. Maybe it was the sorrow that isolated Aragorn and that made him more and more taciturn.
Sometimes, when everybody slept, Aragorn and Legolas sat there, side by side, for hours.
Whenever Aragorn wanted to talk Legolas listened to the ranger’s whispered words, and whenever Aragorn needed comfort or just a shoulder to lean on, Legolas had been there, too.
And between their talks and friendly touches and comforting hugs, the elf had fallen in love with Aragorn. He knew Aragorn’s heart belonged to Arwen, or that it was still veiled with her presence, but that couldn’t stop him feeling the way he felt.
There had been some days when Legolas had felt like Aragorn knew and that it didn’t seem to disturb him. Then they had shared hugs and sweet, innocent caresses, such as stroking one another’s cheek softly or playing with the hair of the other man/ elf. But after all Legolas had accepted the fact that Aragorn’s mind was still full with Arwen and that he needed time to sort things out. Legolas’ assistance and care had helped Aragorn so much that it was so natural to him these days to open his innermost thoughts and feelings to the elf. Wherever they were, the most terrible dangers did not matter to him, when Legolas was around. He had never felt so safe and so calm. That was one of the reasons he felt so hurt now about their conflict, and Legolas was drowning in his melancholy, too.
He remembered giving Aragorn Arwen’s jewellery back this day. He knew it had been an important gift for him and he was glad to see this touched and relieved expression in Aragorn’s face. But there was also gratitude and love to be seen in his blue eyes, which produced a warm and giddy feeling in the elf’s stomach. He couldn’t tell how good it felt to see the man he loved alive- but there was also a feeling of sadness, because he knew he could not replace the woman Aragorn still loved. Maybe if they had more time Legolas could tell him, he thought- tell him everything.
Finally he awoke from his thoughts and stood up. He made his way to the room in which he expected Aragorn to be at and took one last deep breath. He made a few steps forward and stopped before Aragorn to hand him his sword. Legolas’ heart pumped hard when Aragorn’s eyes looked at him. They were filled with surprise, regret, love, trust and tiredness. Legolas wanted to hug Aragorn so badly right now and tell him that everything would be okay in the end. But then he decided to tell Aragorn his excuse for his former behaviour.
“Forgive me. I was wrong to despair”, he ended and tilted his head.
Now it was up to Aragorn.
“There’s nothing to forgive, Legolas”, Aragorn smiled and touched his shoulder in a friendly but also fondly way. Legolas fell even more in love with him. If they only had more time to put things straight..., he thought, until he heard the sound of a horn.
The battle was calling them- there was no time now. Not yet.
THE END
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Wrong to despair by MistofStars
Story notes: Author’s note: Okay, this has almost nothing to do with the books- it’s really just about an idea I’ve had while watching the second movie.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters, this is all just a beautiful lie.
Oh, and I don’t make money with this.
Comments: Appreciated, please to mist.of.stars@hotmail.com
