Aragorn was still surprised how well the battle of Helm’s Deep had ended for them as he was riding on his horses’ back. King Théoden was riding next to him, and there was also Gandalf, Eomer- and of course Legolas with Gimli sharing one horse. Sure, Aragorn thought, a lot of soldiers had died in the fight that lasted one whole night. But they had also slain a lot of orcs and evil men. And at least a lot of the Rohan people were still alive, and that was all that mattered for now. Aragorn was happy and somehow proud that he had been a part that had saved so many lives. On the other hand he regretted the death of many, for example Haldir’s death. It was not fair that such a beautiful and good warrior had to die so young (for the measure of the elves)...
A horse was neighing right next to him and Aragorn was back in the light of day. It is not good to think so much, he concluded. Right now they were heading to the place where Théoden had decided to gather all the soldiers that were left to fight for the last battle at Minas Tirith. All men were concerned and unhappy to join into another fight. They had lost so many friends and other beloved persons, and they all were tired and worn out. But if they wanted to give themselves or other people the chance to live on they would have to face the next battle. Although they wished that there would be no war, it didn’t help to lament and to hope. They would have to get through this again. And there was no way out.
The place they were aiming for reminded them more and more of this. They were desperate and exhausted, but they were also brave. There was no way that the Rohirim people would turn into traitors or cowards like the tribe, which’s ghost still hid in the mountain they were riding to. Aragorn was also afraid of the coming events- he remembered the stories he had heard about the ghosts of the traitors - but at the same time he was paradoxically calm. Shortly Aragorn gazed at Legolas, who was riding to his right side. The elf noticed Aragorn’s eyes on him and returned the look with a smile.
Aragorn felt a strange feeling inside of his stomach and when he smiled back the sun came out and shone so brightly on Legolas hair that it almost appeared white to Aragorn. He knew why he felt so calm. It was Legolas being around. It was the fact that Legolas was still alive.
He remembered walking over to Legolas after the battle had ended. The elf stood between all the corpses of the orcs and stared down at them, unable to hide his disgust and regret. As far as Aragorn had recognized elves didn’t like to kill creatures, no matter how much they hated them. When Aragorn had stopped before the elf, Legolas had looked at him, and a little smile fled to his lips. The sun shone on them, and it must have been a bizarre picture, Aragorn thought, how they stood there, looking at each other with all these dead bodies around them.
“I’m really glad to see you alive.” Legolas had spoken finally. Aragorn had wanted to answer something similar, but all he had felt was complete exhaustion and happiness to see Legolas again. Before he could think about it, he pulled Legolas closely to his chest and hugged him fiercely. Thereupon Legolas laughed quietly and put his arms around Aragorn’s back to return the hug. Aragorn sighed contentedly. His cheek touched Legolas hair, which felt smooth and warm, because the sun had shone on it for so long. There was complete silence around them and they lost themselves for a while, too shattered and too surprised to let the other go. Aragorn felt something growing inside of him that hadn’t been there for a long time. He pulled the elf closer.
Aragorn heaved a quiet sigh when the memory blurred away. Soon they would arrive and now he had to focus on the way he was riding on. Still the thought hammered in his brain that something wasn’t happening as planned. He knew that he had such strong feelings for Legolas, and sometimes they scarred him.
As soon as they arrived at the camp there were a lot of things to do that occupied Aragorn for some time and he was glad to find some distraction after all. He helped to pitch tents and to heal little wounds of some soldiers. Legolas helped too but sometimes he found the time to look at Aragorn and to think about him. He acts like a king already, Legolas thought. It seemed like Aragorn didn’t care about his own exhaustion or his own state- he wanted the soldiers and the minor folk to be okay first before he could take a rest himself. But after a few hours had passed the weariness was clearly to be seen on Aragorn’s face, and Legolas walked over to him to adjure him to rest for a while.
“You did a lot already. Now sleep for a few hours. And after that you can do a lot more to help others.” Legolas smiled and Aragorn answered with a charming smile and a nod. Without further words Legolas grabbed Aragorn’s strong upper arm carefully and with linked arms they walked slowly to the tent Aragorn would sleep in.
Nightfall came over the silent landscape and the first stars where glimmering brightly on the firmament. Aragorn was satisfied to have a peaceful, private moment with Legolas. It reminded him of all those quiet nights when he and Legolas had sat together for hours to talk. He always appreciated Legolas’ presence. The elf was lost in his own thoughts while they walked to the roosts for the king and his royal warriors.
He couldn’t stop thinking about how much he loved Aragorn.
And as tough as it was, he had to push his selfish thoughts and needs away.
He had to behave reasonably.
He had to do what was best for Aragorn, not what he wished he could do for him.
Love in itself shouldn’t be egoistical, Legolas thought.
When they arrived and Aragorn opened the entry to his tent, Legolas hesitated. He just wanted to say “Goodnight” and “See you tomorrow”, when Aragorn turned around and held the blanket open.
“Can’t you stay for a moment?” Aragorn asked quietly and smiled carefully at Legolas. Surprised by that question Legolas could only nod and walk into the commodious tent.
Inside there was a dim but cosy light. Aragorn started to undress, while Legolas built a bed for him out of all the blankets he could find. Legolas couldn’t watch Aragorn undressing; he had to distract himself with something. When Aragorn was finished he was still wearing a claret shirt that seemed to be a few sizes too big and dark trousers. It was still cold, Legolas reminded himself. With a smile he showed Aragorn his so-called bed and the man thanked him for his deed in his elfish language. When Aragorn lied down and put a blanket over his body, Legolas thought about leaving again. But Aragorn had other plans.
“Stay”, he whispered and smiled. The elf kneeled down beside Aragorn’s body and smiled down at him. Aragorn’s hand reached out and Legolas grabbed it softly and held the warm fingers with his own. They both seemed completely happy, but the dark shadow that hung over them could not be ignored. With caution Legolas stroked Aragorn’s palm.
“You’re a great kind of man, Aragorn.” Legolas said thoughtfully. “And you’ll be a good king and loved by many. But you have to remember to watch your health.” Aragorn gave him a certain look, which Legolas could not understand. It seemed like Aragorn knew that this was not everything Legolas wanted to mention. Aragorn was a man that could read between the lines. He let his fingers slid through Legolas’ and held his hand firmly.
*”You do not know how much you mean to me”*, the elf suddenly said in his own tongue.
Astonished Aragorn sat up and looked Legolas right in the eyes.
Tears found their way out of Legolas’ eyes and crawled down his cheeks.
*”In all this great world there is no space for me.”*
All at once Legolas’ felt Aragorn’s strong hands wiping away his tears, his forehead touching Legolas’. His hands still framed the elf’s face and they breathed against the face of the other. Legolas couldn’t stop feeling the pain growing inside of his heart. The distance between Aragorn and himself might have killed him already, but this nearness was even worse.
*”You have no idea, my friend”*, Aragorn whispered with eyes closed.
He lifted his head to look right into Legolas’ sharp blue eyes.
*” I love you, Legolas, I really do.”*
Stunned Legolas opened his mouth to say something, but Aragorn was faster and put one of his hands carefully on Legolas lips to stop his attempt.
*”No. Do not speak. It’s good for nothing.”*, Aragorn smiled sadly.
*”I can’t change the fact that I love you. And I know that you love me too, Legolas. But it’s hopeless.”*
Legolas felt a hot tear running down his cheek until it touched Aragorn’s fingers. Those words were the cruellest thing he had ever heard, because he knew they were true. He wanted to sob and fight and scream out all the pain he felt inside his chest. But it was useless.
Slowly Aragorn pulled his fingers away from Legolas’ lips. Sadness and love sparkled through Aragorn’s eyes in the twilight. Carefully he approached the elf’s face. Legolas felt his heart stop beating, he held his breath. His whole body was exciting.
Aragorn put his lips hesitatingly on Legolas’.
For a few seconds both of them did not move or breathe.
Then Aragorn grabbed Legolas’ neck and pulled him closer to kiss him desperate.
Legolas had to sigh deeply moved and reached out for Aragorn’s back to hold him as close as possible. The man’s fingers stroked carefully through Legolas’ hair and the elf couldn’t stop his fingers wandering over Aragorn’s strong muscles. They both had waited so long for it- too long.
Soon they separated again to breathe some air, but then they were back together again and each kiss was becoming more and more desperate and intense. The first moans escaped Legolas and Aragorn’s body was shivering in excitement and agony. Aragorn’s soft and unerringly lips made Legolas forget a part of the ache inside of his elfish heart.
Aragorn loved him. He loved him with all his heart.
And there was no way that they could be together.
Slowly Legolas pulled back from Aragorn’s ardently kisses and looked down to the ground.
“We have to temper ourselves, Aragorn”, the elf whispered softly. Actually he didn’t wanted to moderate himself, but he knew it was the best thing he could possibly do in this situation.
He felt Aragorn’s shaky breaths exhaling against his own wet lips, again and again, and the warmth of the man’s skin was almost in tactile nearness. All he had to do was reach out his hand and touch the person he loved...
“I’d love to give myself to you, mellon”, Aragorn spoke under breath, whereupon Legolas felt his heart sink into his stomach. Strong hands grabbed his shoulders and pulled him softly closer to Aragorn’s body. Soon their lips were touching each other’s again. Legolas hands stroked through Aragorn’s hair, he felt the ranger’s fingers crawling down his collarbone gently and a great fire of desire seemed to be under his fingertips. Every time they touched Legolas’ body he felt more and more defenceless and ready to sacrifice himself for Aragorn. Finally he made it to escape Aragorn’s passion for a while.
“Don’t offer me something you can’t give me. We have to temper, for our own sakes.”
Sometimes Legolas was surprised by his own behaviour and for acting so rationally. Right now the last thing he wanted to be like was being prudent. But he recollected that he had told himself love should not be selfish if it was a pure and honest love. It seemed like his destiny to be there for Aragorn; and if he could help to achieve the best for him and if he could lighten his burden, the purpose of his love would be fulfilled.
“*Why are you saying this?*”*
Aragorn ultimately asked and his eyes were searching for Legolas’ to find some answers. Hurt was plainly to be seen in the man’s eyes. It was hard to understand why Legolas was refusing his love. Elfish blue eyes answered his desire and looked with a strong firmness into his.
“*Because I can never have you.*”
Carefully Aragorn touched Legolas’ hand with his fingers and held it loose in his own hand. It was such a little fond gesture that expressed more than words. Yes, they were holding each other, but it was a dithering tender venture. Aragorn’s fingers entwined with Legolas’ intuitively.
“*You can have me now.*“
A sad smile fled on Legolas’ lips. It would have been so easy to ignore his thoughts and to follow his desires. His fingers reached out to touch the Evenstar, that trailed on a thin chain around Aragorn’s neck. It was wrong to hope.
“*No, love. I can never have you.*”
THE END
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Wrong to hope by MistofStars
Story notes: This is more or less mostly based on the third movie from P. Jackson (somehow it gives you more options to think slashy about characters) ...
Sentences written in “* ...*” are spoken in elfish language!
Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters; this is all just a beautiful lie.
Oh, and I don’t make money with this. Though I could always need some *ha ha* yalla yalla!
Comments: Appreciated, if there’s no other way (forum, pm, whatever): please to mist.of.stars@hotmail.com
