I love you... I love you more than I could ever tell you by words. Your beauty is bewitching and I can feel their eyes on you whenever they think I am not looking. Do they try to approach you? Is it their desire to touch you? I do not know what they do while I am not around and it drives me mad. If you are around the world seems to glitter with your eyes, when you smile I know that I could die for you.. your hair is soft as silk.. and your skin always carries this light scent from the woods I love so much. Whenever I smell leaves it reminds me of you. And whenever I look into the sparkling water I can see your eyes looking back at me. But I cannot tell you.. you would only laugh and not believe my words... though they are true... I would never lie to you.
You are the love of my life, I always knew it.. and the moment you said you love me was the happiest in my life. But love carries pain and I cannot face losing you. Do you understand what it means to be mine? Share you with another... no, I cannot, not even if it would make you happy. I would do anything for you.. anything to see you smile. Whatever you ask of me I will do. But I cannot share you with another. I will not share you with another. Mine... you are mine as I am yours. With my heart, with my soul and with my life. You captured it and it belongs to you, but I need yours in return... and I cannot be sure that it is mine and only mine.
Forgive me, love, I trust you. Of course I do. I trust you with my life, but others might try to take this from us. They might try to destroy the gift we carry. And I fear the moment you say that you do not love me anymore. I could not bear it, I would not face it and I have to do whatever is necessary to keep you from doing it. I can feel voices calling me... trying to warn me against this. I hear them telling me that this will never end well. It will not... it cannot...
Yes.. yes I admit that I am jealous. Whenever I see a glance caress your body... whenever I seem to see you shiver if you notice it..
How shall I explain this to you? You laughed when I told you that they are looking at you. And then you turned to leave me. Leave me alone again. Do you not understand that you cannot leave me? I cannot live without you. I cannot live with dreaming of you in another one's arms whenever you are not sleeping next to me. Do you know what it is like to wake in the middle of the night, wet with sweat and tears because you saw your love cheating you in your dreams? I do not think so. You do not seem aware that anyone could change our love. Do you think it so strong? Do you think that nobody could ever destroy it? I wish I had your faith... to me it is as fragile as the flowers I braided into your hair after our first night.
They looked at you back then. And I already noticed their interest in you. He is the worst... he is the one I fear to lose you to. You know who I mean, I am sure you do. His beauty is incredibly, I could never compare to him. And you love him, I saw it in your eyes. If he catches you in the wrong moment he will be able to take you from me. And I fear it, by the Valar, I fear it so much. I have been crying. I have been crying when I saw him touch you. When I saw you smiling at him, just like you smile at me. Do not try deny it, it is true. Do you love him since you know him like you said you love me?
I cannot face this, I tried, but I cannot. It is too much for me, just too much. When your arms are around me I feel your love and my love, I feel them both together and it comforts me and gives me the power to go on. But you left... and you said that you will leave with him tomorrow. Only two weeks you said. Only two weeks. How can I face two weeks without you? Two weeks he is around you. He and he alone. I cannot let you go. But you do not understand me. I promised to show you my love before you leave. And your eyes sparkled and you nodded, promising to see me tonight.
You will not regret it. I will keep my promise, whatever it takes, I will not see you in his arms. I will show you, show you how much I love you, how dear you are to me. You are dearer to me than my life. I meant those words and I will show you, I promise. I will kill myself for you. And then you will see how much I love you. How much I always loved you. Since the first day I saw you. I will love you while I am in Mandos. While I wait till the day I might see you again. If I see you again.
You seem sad tonight, my love. And confused. Do you not love me anymore? Those pretty eyes... why do they not shine with joy to see me? Why do your lips not curl into a smile? They should, tonight is the special night. The last night for me.
It is getting late, my love. Soon it will be time to show you, time to go. All for you... as always... this is all about you and me. Oh how I wished this was true. We would be so happy... but it is also about him. The innocence in his eyes drives me mad. If he smiles at you it is as if he would not crave to have you. As if he would love you in another way. An innocent way. But I know that is not true.
And that is why I have to take my life. I prepared it... all of it. The candles, the roses and my daggers. I polished them, I do not want to scare you. They are clean and they are shinning as if they had never been used before. Though they have been used, I assure you. To carve arrows and to cut marks into bows. And to take lives... like they will tonight. You are looking at me now. I think you sensed that something is different tonight. My words seem to assure you... because you keep coming with me. Up to my room... and there I will show you, I will finally show you that you are my life. And that you are the reason to take it. Before you can leave me for him.
I will take it for you, only for you. It could never be different. I will do what is necessary to keep our oath... to stay together until the day we die... we die... But if I mean to keep it I will have to take your life with mine. We could be together. Together in death, together in the halls of waiting. Would you come with me? Would you come if I asked you? Why do you flinch from me, my love? The room is locked, no one is going to disturb us. Are you frightened? I would never hurt you, you know that. You are my life as I am yours, do you remember these words? They passed your lips, those sweet soft lips I kissed so often. Why do you try to run? Did... did I scare you?
You refused to kiss me... it pained me more than anything else you could do. I wanted to feel your mouth one last time... taste your sweet lips, caress your hair... But you said that I am mad, that you want to leave. I cannot let you. Not to see him. Not to lie in his arms. You cannot leave anymore, my love. There are steps on the stairs... and I can hear him calling your name. He seems frightened... he seems to sense that you are here... and that you are trembling with fear like you used to tremble with need when I entered your body when I claimed you as my lover and felt you shaking with need beneath me. Trembling and moaning... hoping for me to touch you.
Even when he came into the room...
He has always been like that. His ability to find you is annoying. And his knowledge of your feelings... the way he does not care if I want to be alone with you... and you do not mind, you do never want him to leave us... it is as if you were happy to have him around. Whenever he wants it you want it... Again!... he called for you again. I cannot wait.. forgive me, but he would take you from me and I cannot let him.
Your eyes are frightened, my love... now that my dagger finally touches your skin. To take what is mine from you before he can take it from me. Your eyes are empty but you do not flinch anymore. I took your smile, I took your life. But at least he can never have it now. Not anymore. He smashed the door... I have to leave now. He cannot take your eyes off you, his expression is more than just pained... "Elladan... ai... Elladan, gwanur-amin... what did he do? What did he do to you..." He is hugging you now, hugging you and kissing your hair... whispering to you as I knew he would.
Suddenly he lifts his eyes. "Are you happy now? Is it this you wanted? Did you have to take his life? He did nothing to deserve this. And you know he did not. Do you feel responsible for what you have done? You are mad, Legolas Thranduilion. You are mad enough to murder your lover..." But he cannot go on anymore... his eyes are filled with tears and his body shakes with his sobs because he knows that he lost... what he lost... he lost your love forever. While I am going to be with you, he is going to be alone. I am sure he will mourn you. Mourn you more than any other brother would. But you are mine, you will be mine forever and there is nothing he can do. Just you and me forever... I can feel my dagger against my skin now... Im mela lle, Im mela lle, melamin.
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Just You and Me by Milly
Story notes: This story is written for my sweet darkfic fancier (Az, for those of you that did *not* figure who I mean), basing on one of my favourite songs which is sadly German, but I will post you an URL in case you have enough knowledge of my language to understand it. Die Toten Hosen - Alles aus Liebe (about "All out of Love") G, but don't let me fool you, it needs a char death warning, maybe some angst as well, it's POV and it's a little dark.
Chapter end notes: gwanur-amin = brother of mine
Im mela lle = I love you
melamin = my love
My thanks to: LoM and Meredith and Marie, for introducing me to slash and the LoM-message board for introducing me to Az. Thanks to "Die Toten Hosen" without their wonderful song I would never have been able to write this. And thanks above all again to Az, for she is the only one to make me write this stuff and sometimes it just feels so good to kill those you love. Im mela lle, girl! :)
