Boromir sat at one of the many large windows in Rivendell. The day was bright and cheery outside and its effects on his normally dour mood were calming. He felt at peace. He felt alive. He felt that if something didn't happen soon he was going to scream.
Boredom was quietly killing him. Everything about this place was "pleasant and cheerful" and (as probably intended by its makers) put everyone in a "pleasant and cheerful" mood. Everything done at this Elven house was made to be pleasurable to everyone as a whole and Boromir was getting sick of it.
Being polite to the Elves and their foppish ways. Keeping a respectful distance from the Dwarfs and their haughty attitudes. Watching the childlike Halflings run and skip and jump like they had just bounded out of a pedophile dream was driving him crazy!!!
Boromir was brought out of his brooding (and very "unpleasant") thoughts by three voices.
"You're wrong. I'm telling you, we're irresistible! That's all there is to it!"
"Nine o'clock in the morning; bit early for arrogance isn't it Legolas? Look Blondie, there isn't a creature living that's laid eyes on one of my people that wouldn't kiss us if we let them!"
"You're both wrong. My people excel at this stuff. Admit we're the best and move on."
Boromir turned as the owners of the voices approached him.
Legolas of Mirkwood, Gimli of Dwarfs, and Peregin Took of the Shire were engaged in a heated debt that stopped once they noticed the man by the window.
Pippin grinned and addressed the human.
"What is your name traveler? Have you only just arrived?"
For some reason Boromir felt nervous. Still, he straightened up and replied confidently.
"I arrived early this morning and I am here to attained the Council of Elrond on behalf of the men of Gondor. My name is Boromir."
"Excellent!!" Pippin clapped his hands with glee and turned to his two companions. The man shifted uncomfortably, not altogether sure if he liked the look of mischief in the young hobbit's smile.
"Here you are gentlemen!" Pippin spoke to Legolas and Gimli. "A perfect test!" He indicated Boromir as if he were some look-sought after item.
"Noble lord who is learned experienced in all our peoples ways, well-traveled, and quite handsome." Pippin winked over his shoulder at Boromir and despite himself the man blushed. Whatever the halfling was planning realization must have dawned on his two comrades because now they too were eyeing Pippin's "test".
Without warning Pippin spun around, lay hold of Boromir's collar and yanked him forward. The man had only a second to think before his lips were pressed to the hobbits small mouth.
Although the start had been violent, Pippin's kiss was timid and coy for a long while before he sucked on Boromir's bottom lip to gain entrance for his tongue.
Boromir was in a daze and responded with only instinctual skill to the halfling's heated mouth. Right as Boromir was gathering his bearings and enjoying the kiss Pippin pulled away leaving them both panting. He looked deeply into the man's eyes and gave him an impish wink. Then he turned to his companions. Wiping a stray trail of spittle from the corner of his mouth he nodded to Legolas.
Boromir's collar was released and elegant hands pushed him to sit back. Legolas seated himself across the human's lap, licked his upper lip and dived in for his kiss.
The elf didn't have the same heat the hobbit had. But, he was quite skilled and knew many breathtaking tricks that soon had Boromir near mindless with pleasure. Yet, once again, as the human warmed to the idea of the elf's kiss Legolas broke their lips apart and smiled smugly over his shoulder.
"Beat that." He said, his lilting voice sounding very much like a cat that had got the cream. He slid off Boromir's lap and sauntered over to stand by a very impressed Pippin.
Unable to tear his eyes away from the duo the man didn't notice the dwarf until it was almost too late.
Once again, Boromir felt his collar gripped, except this time, by much stronger hands. He felt himself being lifted and positioned hard against the wall. His legs fell apart and a pair of strong hips fit neatly against his own. Gimli growled low in his throat and Boromir shivered.
"You may tell me to stop if you wish." Gimli offered, his gruff voice soften ing.
"At least this one is giving me more time to prepare." Boromir thought as full lips brushed lightly over his parted mouth. The beard of the dwarf was soft and silky and slid roughly over his own goatee. He moaned at the feel of it and lunged forward, capturing Gimli's lips.
He was tired of being the kissing doll to these fairy tale folk and was determined to take an active roll.
Gimli responded, proving his dominance and desperate desire to please in a slow simmering kiss. Controlling and yielding in a perfect combination that had them both seeing stars. Boromir wrapped his arms around the dwarf's sturdy neck and sighed as they parted. Gimli planted small butterfly kisses over Boromir's chiseled face before looking over to his companions.
Both had surprised and delighted expressions on their faces and before Gimli could speak they named him the victor.
Boromir watched as Gimli thanked his competitors and grinned in triumph. Then, Boromir tightened his hold on Gimli and let out a gasp as the dwarf ground their hips together. Boromir closed his eyes, the kisses having had a profound effect on him. When he opened them Gimli was watching him with a fearful and dancing gaze.
Boromir grinned and looked over at Pippin and Legolas. He turned back to the dwarf and kissed him again.
"What say you that we go celebrate the Dwarfs' victory in the Battle of the Man's Kiss?"
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Story notes: Alright, I love elves and hobbits. Really I do. But, I think it's unfair they way people just ignore the dwarfs. Elves are hot and hobbits are cute. But honestly!! Dwarfs are the coolest characters. Especially Gimli. So this is for him!