I don't always protect Pippin, that's where other hobbits, and elves, and men have got it wrong. It's not that I don't. I do. I've spent a good many of my years protecting him, and making sure that he grows up all right, and away from harm. Most would say I've done a good job. Some would say I've done too good a job. Frodo is one of them; especially when we were younger, Frodo would always keep an eye on the two of us, clucking his tongue at me when he saw how attached Pip was getting, but I didn't care. Why would I? I had Pippin, and he had me.
But as we got older, and things began to change, I noticed that it wasn't always that way. There were times when I found myself in the moment, always caught up with something, and Pippin would catch me and hold me back. He kept me from making so many mistakes, that I tend to overlook them all. All I remember is caring for him. Moria is long and dark, and there is nothing to do at night but think; what kept running through my head is that he held me back from falling. The mithril was gorgeous, and I just wanted a closer look; I was in the moment. He stopped me from falling. My Pippin. It reminded me of home.
There was this one time...a party; I remember there being plenty of ale, and food, and many pretty lasses. I hadn't seen Pippin in what seemed like an age, but he was there...somewhere.
"You seem distracted," A lass had whispered in my ear, as she caught my glances out to the crowd. The ale had begun to set in, and I kept wondering where Pippin had wandered off. I wanted to talk to that scamp, but at the same time, I wanted to avoid him. I hadn't told him yet about exactly how I felt about him, but I was a lad of 30, and he was young. Too young. He was much too young; especially to know exactly what type of thoughts and dreams I had been having about him.
"S'nothing," I promised her, and gave her a wide smile. We held a gaze for a long while, and many thoughts had screamed at me in my head, as I debated exactly what I was doing. Another food course was going round, and I finally saw the familiar tufts of hair; a new sensation coursed through me, one of desire, and I realized that to satisfy those urges, I had to find someone. I had to find someone that wasn't Pippin. I couldn't destroy what I had worked so hard to protect.
I took her hand; I can't remember her name, not to this day, but I remember that I had almost made it off with her to the edge of the forest, where bushes and trees could conceal us when I felt a familiar hand around my arm.
"Merry," the voice had chirped, and the lass looked past me and she knew that whatever we might have done wouldn't happen now. She had given me a look that I never could describe, and wandered off. "Merry, what are you doing here?" he sounded hurt.
"I was just taking care of..." I began, but stopped what I was about to say, when I saw the look on Pippin's face, and realized what he had just done. He had stopped me from making a fool of myself in front of all the families and prevented many rumours from circling. "Pippin, you..."
"I couldn't let you make a mistake," he simply shrugged. "Plus, I hate it when you hurt me," he added quietly. He had said it so quietly, that I never even knew that was what he had been saying until years later.
"Mistake? Is that what you thought that was?" I asked, not able to get past the look of betrayal Pippin wouldn't stop wearing on his face.
"It was, Merry," he said, "it was."
"Well, maybe so, but it's my life, now isn't it?" I stood straight up, as I put my hands on my hips. Pippin merely looked at me; he looked wounded and hurt in the light of the moon, and I knew right then that I loved him, and couldn't ever do anything to stop that. "Pippin, I..."
"Peregrin!" A woman's voice cut me off, and we had both turned to look back towards the party. It was his mother calling from one of the head tables.
"What is it, Mum?" he yelled right back.
"Come over here and blow out the candles on your cake! Don't keep everyone waiting!" She ordered, holding the cake knife in her hands. As sobriety crashed over me, and I remembered exactly whose party it was, guilt crashed over me, as Pippin had merely given me one last look that showed he knew everything before heading off.
Since then, I have done everything in my power to show my Pippin over the years that I love him, and that I never meant to hurt him. In return, Pippin takes care of me, much more than I'd ever asked for, and sometimes, I don't even realize he's doing it. It's one of the many things I really love about him.
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