Natul Poika (Becoming Pure) by Nerwen

Chapter notes: Dedication: This is dedicate to my first reviewer, thanks so much for the support!
Terrance watched ad Glorfindel finally returned with Thranduil as the two spoke softly to one another for a short time, obviously making a point to meet each other again the next day. With every passing day the two became closer and closer to one another, Thranduil was smiling more and seemed to finally let go of his previous concerns and relax enjoying his time here. It brought joy to Terrance that his king was actually enjoying himself once more, it had been long since he last saw Thranduil so carefreea33;but Terrance also knew it was because of this new elf that his Taurelasse was so happy, and as much as he hated to even think it he was terribly jealous of him. It wasna33;t as if he thought Thranduil could only be happy with him, he wanted Thranduil to be more sociable if anything, but he did want his Taurelasse to be with him as he was with this new elf. He silently watched the two of them speak.

a33;You seemed quite insistent that you return me here today, usually I am the one to end our time together.a33; Thranduil said.

a33;Yes, I promised your escort that I would return you safely today, a respectable hour hopefully will put him at ease so he will maybe allow me a few moments to be truly alone with you.a33; Glorfindel said a smile upon his features.

a33;He means no harm by it, I assure you.a33; Thranduil said. a33;He didna33;t follow us today, I know him well enough to know when he is near, and if asked I know he would stop.a33; Thranduil paused for a moment. a33;He cares for me, but he also trusts me.a33;

a33;Nevertheless, he said he might stop following us if I returned you home safely tonight. I am true to my word hopefully he will be true to his.a33; Glorfindel said with a smile. a33;Besides ita33;s best he stops following us by his own accord, he shouldna33;t feel the need to watch us constantlya33;I wouldna33;t hurt you.a33; Glorfindel said softly placing a gentle hand on Thranduila33;s cheek. a33;I will see you tomorrow morning Lirimaera33;a33; Glorfindel said kissing Thranduila33;s lips gently before walking away.

Terrance felt his heart constrict when he saw them kiss. He didna33;t know why he was feeling so betrayed though, Thranduil and Terrancea33;s love was long ago and it never re-affirmed itself. What they had was no longera33;but if that was the case why did it hurt so much to see him with another? The jealousy he felt against Glorfindel stabbed him like a knife and he cursed his feelings for Thranduil. He wanted to be happy for Thranduil, it had been so long since his lord was happy, and he wanted to share in that pleasure but all he felt was pain and envy. He knew Thranduil would never love him like he had oncea33;so long ago.

Terrance knew that Glorfindel and Thranduila33;s relationship would only grow from this point, and they had more than enough time to develop a truly devoted relationship. This new elf seemed genuine in his advances toward Thranduil. Glorfindel came about his attraction to Thranduil completely wrong at first, but as the two spent more and more time together he learned how to approach Thranduil in ways Thranduil would accept his affectiona33;and slowly Thranduil began to return the affection as well. As Terrance watched them, Glorfindel seemed to start caring more and more for Thranduil with each passing daya33;this was not a fleeting love, the two of them were falling in love, even if they didna33;t realize ita33;this was the start.

Thranduil broke his thoughts. a33;My friend, how was your day today?a33; He asked his voice was light and jovial as he spoke.

a33;Rather uneventful actually, I returned to the talan after I left you at the archery tournamenta33;caught up on some reading.a33; Terrance said masking the emotion in his voice, the last thing he wanted to do was ruin Thranduila33;s good mood.

a33;I was hoping you would find more to do in your time here, you would tell me all the times about what pleasure and entertaining activities you had at the ceremonya33;you were the one who convinced me to come after all.a33; Thranduil said. a33;You do not seem so interested in joining the games or activities laid before you, why is that?a33; Thranduil asked.

a33;Ia33;I am your escort, you are my responsibility and I intend to hold true to my promise to watch you.a33; Terrance said noticing his own temporary hesitation. Although he tried hiding how much he was hurting on the inside, Thranduil always had a knack for knowing when something is wrong; especially when it came to Terrance, he knew the elf all to well.

a33;a33;Yesa33;a33; Thranduil answered as he noticed Terrance seemed stiff and uneasy but decided not to ask why, as of now. a33;Speaking of which I was hoping that since mellonen returned me safely to you, you could possibly stop following us.a33; Thranduil asked. a33;I appreciate your concern and I know you only seek my well being but I am not an elf-ling and I feel you are treating me as such.a33; Thranduil said.

a33;That is not my intent, I tend to over protect you I know, buta33;a33; Terrance began but Thranduil cut him off.

a33;I know why you do as you do, that does not need an explanation. I am simply asking you, for now, allow me to venture off on my own.a33; Thranduil said.

a33;I will do as you ask but Ia33;a33; Terrance stopped. He wanted so badly to know why he and Thranduil had never gotten back together, he was married and he thought it was the passing of Thranduila33;s wife, but he was reanalyzing everything now that his lord was free to fall in love once more.

It was completely off subject but he felt he needed to ask, although he didna33;t know what good would it do for him to ask Thranduil why their love was never reaffirmed, for what good could it possibly do him now? His heart already felt like it had been shattered into a thousand piecesa33;but he didna33;t really have anything to lose either. a33;Please forgive me for asking and if I am out of line do say so but Ia33;a33; Terrance stopped his words catching in his throat. a33;You love me, do you not?a33; Terrance asked taking a different approach.

a33;Of course I do, and you should never question thata33;have I done something to make you think that I do not?a33; Thranduil asked suddenly concerned that his life long friend was asking such a questiona33;the fact that it even entered his mind worried Thranduil.

a33;Not at alla33;but you once loved me more that just as your friend, I never had to opportunity to ask what changed between us. You were married when we finally met once again after your father separated us, so I didna33;t question it then, but I do nowa33;for the relationship you are forming with this new elf is causing me many tribulations.a33;

Thranduil paused for a good few minutes, he never suspected Terrance having harbored feelings for him for so long, it must hurt him so much to see him with Glorfindel or anyone else for that matter. How painful it must have been to see him get married, her bearing him three beautiful children and to always be by his sidea33;without ever being able to get closer to him.

a33;Why did you never say anything? I understand why you stayed silent during my marriage, it was out of respect buta33;by the Valar how this must be painful for you, how it must have felt being by my side and with my wife and childrena33;why did you endure that pain?a33; Thranduil asked.

Terrance shook his head. a33;I cherished youa33;I endured fire for you, I am permanently scared as a mark of my devotion to you Thranduila33;you are my treasured one and always will be. Staying silent for so long was the only way I knew I could stay by you.a33; Terrance said.

Thranduil felt his heart constrict painfully in his chest but he knew he had to tell Terrance the truth for he no longer felt the same. a33;I cherish you also Terrance, more than any jewel in my kingdoma33;but the love we had was so long agoa33;I do love you Terrance, and thata33;s not even a question, but my love for you has changed over time and I do not feel the same as I once did.a33;

a33;But why is that? What changed?a33; Terrance asked.

a33;It is very difficult to describe a feeling Terrance, even more difficult as to why it would changea33;you were my lover for a almost a century and I was very happy with you. You were my first, and I will never forget those times, but they are no more.a33; Thranduil looked into Terrancea33;s eyes his heart nearly breaking at the sight of them. a33;I pray you forgive me for the anguish and heartache you must have suffered through all this time you have been with mea33; Im naa lathynth. Saes tenin mia33;a33; Thranduil said his voice nearly breaking as he spoke.

a33;a33;Very well my lorda33;I need to be alone right now, please do not follow mea33;I will stop following you as well.a33; Terrance said leaving the talan in a hurried manner.

Thranduil closed his eyes feeling tears well, but he refused to let them fall. He had no right to cry, he shouldna33;t be allowed to share in Terrancea33;s paina33;they were Terrancea33;s feelings and Thranduil refused to take any more form him than he already had. He wanted to fix this all, everything was going so well and now it seemed as he was losing his best friend, allowing him to slip through his fingersa33;he didna33;t want to lose Terrance, no matter how selfish it was he still wanted Terrance to be by his side. But he also wanted that bold and charming elf who had managed to touch his heart so intimatelya33;could he have both? Or would he end up losing one? The other? Or worse yeta33;both?




Thranduil awoke the next day seeing Terrance did not return in the night, which troubled Thranduil, he would have gone out looking for him but Terrance asked him not to followa33;so Thranduil had to assume he would come back when he was ready. Thranduil decided to go for a walk, he still felt awful for all that Terrance must be going througha33;and he never noticed his friends pain. Thranduil felt like he had failed at being Terrancea33;s friend, he should have known.

He stopped at a small clear lake and sat down admiring how the trees above reflected upon the undisturbed surface. The ritual grounds were truly beautiful, fragrant flowers bloomed in the morning, evening, and night, by the scent in the air you could easily tell what time of day it was. Lakes, ponds, and small rivers littered the grounds, as well as hot springs and mineral tarns. Thranduil leaned up against the tree and stared into the water, gazing at his reflection as if studying it for a moment. The beauty of this place helped him forget for a moment about Terrance, although he soon found himself drifting off to memories of what he and Terrance had shared once, for that time when they were togethera33;it was more beautiful than the forest could ever reflect.




a33;My Lord!a33; Terrance said chasing after Thranduil as they ran through the thick woodland of Greenwood. It was becoming late and Terrance knew they should return soon or least be chastised by his King and Thranduila33;s father, Oropher. a33;We should return soon.a33; He said.

Thranduil flashed him a brilliant smile. a33;I have been in study for hours, if my father insists on confining me to the library and lessons he should expect me to stay late when I finally am allowed outside once again!a33; Thranduil said obviously having too much energy from sitting still for so long.

a33;You are a prince my lord, you will one day rule Greenwood The Greata33;your lessons are important, he wants whata33;s best for you.a33; Terrance said walking up to his over-energetic lord, being cooped up for so long did seem to boost his stamina. a33;And you are acting very un-prince-like, you behave like an elf ling.a33; He chided.

a33;And you behave as a Pen-iaur! Act you age and have a little fun once in a while!a33; Thranduil said and tackled his overly serious friend to the ground.

The two wrestled with one another for a few moments until their playful wrestling turned into a lovers embrace on the forest floor. They didna33;t return home till late into the night which both earned them an angry king and father. They usually tested the Kinga33;s patients but they were happy and in love and for the longest time they believed nothing would change between them.




He was about to go back to his talan to see if Terrance had returned, but on the way he crossed paths with Glorfindel, he suddenly remembered that he was supposed to meet him for breakfast near the arrival plot but he had forgotten with everything that had happened with Terrance last night.

a33;Ia33;m sorry, I forgot about our meeting.a33; Thranduil said.

a33;Ita33;s all right, I took the time to catch up with a friend of mine I wanted you two to meet actually, but there is still timea33;a33; Glorfindel stopped seeing his Lirimaer was not really paying attention, his face held concern and a bit of worrya33;he seemed sad. a33;Lirimaer? What is wrong?a33; Glorfindel asked concerned.

a33;a33;My escorta33;I believe I have hurt him, and I am not sure as to how to remedy this situation we have found ourselves in.a33; Thranduil said lowering his head. a33;When I find myself in situationa33;s that I am unsure of I would go to him and ask his advicea33;but now when I need advice more than any other time I cannot go to him.a33; Thranduil said.

a33;Then ask me, allow me to help youa33;if nothing else you can at least tell me your woes and I will sooth your worries the best I can.a33; Glorfindel said with a warm smile.

a33;It is a long storya33;if you really wish to listena33;a33; Thranduil said as Glorfindel nodded.

Glorfindel found it astonishing that his Lirimaera33;s mood would seem to determine his own mood, and his Lirimeara33;s problems appeared to trouble Glorfindel just as much as they troubled Thranduil. It seemed as they had finally made a connection as if they were empathetic with one another. And this empathy relation made Glorfindel want to help Thranduil in any way he could, so they would not both be miserable.

Glorfindel found the tale about Terrance and Thranduil to be slightly heart wrenching being separated from someone you loved so dearly, by your own father nonetheless, and when Terrance and Thranduil were allowed to see each other once more Thranduil had gotten marrieda33;and yet Terrance did not and could not give up on loving Thranduil, although Thranduila33;s heart then belonged to another.

It must have torn Terrance up on the inside and the outside. Harboring feelings for someone else out of respect and devotion must be horrible, pain is one thing but what Terrance was feeling much more than pain at the momenta33;it was closer to sheer agony.

Glorfindel understood Thranduila33;s position though, he simply didna33;t feel the same and Terrance would need time to get over this before he was able to be near Thranduil again. But that is what probably what hurt Thranduil the most, the two were confidants to one another, and it hurta33;that when Terrance needed someone to talk to and be consoled by, the one he would normally go to was the cause of the pain he was feeling nowa33;and Thranduil felt useless and inadequate in his friendship with Terrance for being unable to help him in his hour of need.

a33;You must understand he feels rejected by your actions, although it was not your intent to cause him any type of paina33;being with me was enough to surface those memories and feelings he had apparently be harboring all this time..a33; Glorfindel said.

a33;But I enjoy spending time with you, is it selfish of me to want both of youa33;will I end up losing one of you?a33; Thranduil asked.

a33;I dona33;t think you will, your escort just needs some time to process this and hea33;ll move beyond it. He cares for you very much, too much to just throw everything the two of you have away, over simple jealousy.a33; Glorfindel pulled Thranduil into his arms. a33;Everything will be well Lirimaer, youa33;ll see.a33; He said gently kissing the top of Thranduila33;s head.

Thranduil smiled, feeling slightly better getting those concerns off his chest. a33;Should I feel guilty, that I didna33;t notice? Because I already do and I wonder if that guilt is justified.a33; Thranduil asked.

a33;Honestly I wouldna33;t. He had the opportunity to tell you this for a long time but chose to stay silenta33;and even if he did mention it sooner would it have made a difference?a33; Glorfindel asked.

a33;No, I suppose nota33;considering my feelings, I doubt, will change. I am not fickle in my decisions either.a33; Thranduil paused. a33;I wonder though when he will return to our talan.a33; Thranduil said.

a33;Hard to say, it might even be a few days before you see him again, I can relate to what it is like being near one you care for so dearly knowing that nothing will become of ita33;it takes work, some people have limits.a33; Glorfindel said.

Thranduil became curious of his tone he seemed a little distant when he spoke. a33;Do you have someone you love? Back home?a33; Thranduil asked pulling himself from Glorfindela33;s arms to look at him in the eyes as he spoke.

Glorfindel shook his head. a33;I did love him, very much indeeda33;but we never were together like you and your escort, he never felt the same about me either, it was always one-sideda33;and I suppose it was better that way it was easier for me to let go knowing this.a33; Glorfindel said. a33;Doesna33;t mean that it didna33;t hurt though, partly why I took to pleasure during the rituala33;it was easy to forget him by indulging in the things I knew I would never receive from him.a33;

a33;Strange that we all want love and yet it can be so painfula33;rejection, want, need, humiliation, ache, we all go through so much just to love.a33; Thranduil said being pulled back into a strong embrace.

a33;But you are forgetting, happiness, acceptance, having, belonging, blissful, the good will outweigh the bad in the end my Lirimaer.a33; He kissed Thranduil for a moment enjoying the feel of the othera33;s lips on his for a moment. a33;See? Was that not blissful?a33;

a33;Granteda33;but it worries me that he would think I no longer love him because of these blissful momentsa33; Thranduil said.

a33;Thata33;s impossible.a33; Glorfindel said giving Thranduil a squeeze. a33;In the few weeks Ia33;ve know you and spent time with you I have found that you have an absolute way of loving others, true that there are many different ways and types of lovea33;but even so it is a pure and unwavering love, no one can question that.a33; Glorfindel smiled warmly at him.

a33;Thank you for saying thata33;but his tribulations are my fault, weather or not I intended it, I still hold responsibility for this. Ita33;s awful that I can hurt someone so much in so many different ways, I shouldna33;t have control of something that powerful, Ia33;ve been abusing him without even realizing it.a33; Thranduil said.

a33;Like you said, it was not intended, and this power you speak of, you only have because he has given it to you in the first place.a33; Glorfindel lifted Thranduila33;s chin. a33;Hea33;ll process this pain and move forward soon enough, for now let him be alone to sort through his feelings. Sometimes you can grow closer to someone after they have been away for a whilea33;it will also allow you to think about your relationship with him as well.a33; Glorfindel pressed his forehead against Thranduila33;s. a33;But for now, enjoy your time with me and allow us to grow closer.a33;

Thranduil smiled leaning into the embrace, he honestly didna33;t feel guilty about being with Glorfindel right now or any other time regardless of Terrance. While he couldna33;t help himself but to worry about Terrance he knew there was nothing he could do but wait for him to come around, and self punishment was not Thranduila33;s prerogative, not to mention he shouldna33;t blame this all on himself, he was honest and that was all he could do.

a33;Tell me things about yourselfa33;take my mind of these rather disheartening matters.a33; Thranduil said. a33;Where do you hail from?a33; Thranduil asked.

a33;I am from Imladris, ita33;s always been my home.a33; Glorfindel said a33;You?a33; He asked.

a33;Mirkwood, I suppose you could say Ia33;ve lived there all my life as well but I was a part of it when it was once called Greenwood the Great also.a33; Thranduil said.

a33;Ia33;ve never been to Mirkwooda33;Ia33;ve seen the halls of Thranduil but I never entered. He protects his realm well. The lord of Imladris has always been curious as to how he protects his people without a ring of power, I admit I am curious as well.a33; Glorfindel turned to Thranduil. a33;How are your borders protected?a33; He asked.

a33;There is an enchanted river, any who drink from it, or find themselves within it, fall into a never ending slumber.a33; Thranduil said.

a33;What happens in the event of an accident?a33; Glorfindel asked.

a33;The kings herbalist has an antidote, but to my knowledge no one from Mirkwood has ever fallen victim to the river.a33; Thranduil said. a33;Most, like you said, get as far into the forest as seeing Thranduila33;s halls, after that most cannot venture further, you cannot enter the halls without King Thranduila33;s direct consent.a33; Thranduil said finding it odd to talk about himself like a third person, but it was the rules he had to abide by.

a33;I guess that is what one must do to protect his peoplea33;do you know much about him, the king?a33; Glorfindel asked.

a33;More than some.a33; Thranduil said not going to delve into personal reasons why he knew so much, that would certainly break many rules.

a33;Does he protect his borders with magic as they claim he does?a33; Glorfindel asked seemingly intrigued.

a33;Yes, or so Ia33;m told, the river is not enough as orca33;s have learned to be wary of it, and although to enter the halls you need an invitation not all of our people live in the caves, many do still dwell within the forests treea33;s and cottages upon the ground. Also most of the caves are not directly connected to Thranduila33;s hallsa33;the halls are basically the palace.a33; Thranduil shook his head getting off topic. a33;But he uses his magic to further protect his borders, shielding his people from attack with invisible barriers and incantationa33;sa33;it takes almost all of his strength to do so but I suppose that is an expression of his sacrifice for his people.a33; Thranduil said with a shrug, it was true he sacrificed much for them, he loved them so dearly.

a33;Have you been to his halls before?a33; Glorfindel asked.

a33;Yes.a33; Thranduil answered simply.

a33;What do they look like? Ia33;ve heard elves say he wished to recreate the glory of Doriath, and he started to build a cave hall to match Menegroth.a33; Glorfindel said.

a33;That was his initial intent yes, but the terrain proved inappropriate so the finished halls do not resemble Menegrotha33;although glorious nonetheless.a33; Thranduil said.

a33;Maybe when I visit you in Mirkwood we could see the halls together one day.a33; Glorfindel said cupping one of Thranduila33;s cheeks lovingly.

a33;When? You have plans to continue seeing me?a33; Thranduil asked slightly surprised.

a33;Of coursea33;I do not want our relationship to end with the end of the ceremony, I wish us to flourish and growa33;together.a33; Glorfindel said. a33;Do you not wish for the same?a33; Glorfindel asked concern washing over his features.

Thranduila33;s smiled wrapping his arms around Glorfindel, kissing him strongly seeming to startle the other slightly, until he returned the embrace and the kiss with equal energy.

a33;You have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that, for I do not wish for this to end eithera33;it has been long since I last felt this way, I do not want to lose it.a33; Thranduil said.

a33;I will stay by your side as long as you allow it.a33; Glorfindel said kissing Thranduil gently.Terrance watched ad Glorfindel finally returned with Thranduil as the two spoke softly to one another for a short time, obviously making a point to meet each other again the next day. With every passing day the two became closer and closer to one another, Thranduil was smiling more and seemed to finally let go of his previous concerns and relax enjoying his time here. It brought joy to Terrance that his king was actually enjoying himself once more, it had been long since he last saw Thranduil so carefree...but Terrance also knew it was because of this new elf that his Taurelasse was so happy, and as much as he hated to even think it he was terribly jealous of him. It wasn't as if he thought Thranduil could only be happy with him, he wanted Thranduil to be more sociable if anything, but he did want his Taurelasse to be with him as he was with this new elf. He silently watched the two of them speak.

"You seemed quite insistent that you return me here today, usually I am the one to end our time together." Thranduil said.

"Yes, I promised your escort that I would return you safely today, a respectable hour hopefully will put him at ease so he will maybe allow me a few moments to be truly alone with you." Glorfindel said a smile upon his features.

"He means no harm by it, I assure you." Thranduil said. "He didn't follow us today, I know him well enough to know when he is near, and if asked I know he would stop." Thranduil paused for a moment. "He cares for me, but he also trusts me."

"Nevertheless, he said he might stop following us if I returned you home safely tonight. I am true to my word hopefully he will be true to his." Glorfindel said with a smile. "Besides it's best he stops following us by his own accord, he shouldn't feel the need to watch us constantly...I wouldn't hurt you." Glorfindel said softly placing a gentle hand on Thranduil's cheek. "I will see you tomorrow morning Lirimaer..." Glorfindel said kissing Thranduil's lips gently before walking away.

Terrance felt his heart constrict when he saw them kiss. He didn't know why he was feeling so betrayed though, Thranduil and Terrance's love was long ago and it never re-affirmed itself. What they had was no longer...but if that was the case why did it hurt so much to see him with another? The jealousy he felt against Glorfindel stabbed him like a knife and he cursed his feelings for Thranduil. He wanted to be happy for Thranduil, it had been so long since his lord was happy, and he wanted to share in that pleasure but all he felt was pain and envy. He knew Thranduil would never love him like he had once...so long ago.

Terrance knew that Glorfindel and Thranduil's relationship would only grow from this point, and they had more than enough time to develop a truly devoted relationship. This new elf seemed genuine in his advances toward Thranduil. Glorfindel came about his attraction to Thranduil completely wrong at first, but as the two spent more and more time together he learned how to approach Thranduil in ways Thranduil would accept his affection...and slowly Thranduil began to return the affection as well. As Terrance watched them, Glorfindel seemed to start caring more and more for Thranduil with each passing day...this was not a fleeting love, the two of them were falling in love, even if they didn't realize it...this was the start.

Thranduil broke his thoughts. "My friend, how was your day today?" He asked his voice was light and jovial as he spoke.

"Rather uneventful actually, I returned to the talan after I left you at the archery tournament...caught up on some reading." Terrance said masking the emotion in his voice, the last thing he wanted to do was ruin Thranduil's good mood.

"I was hoping you would find more to do in your time here, you would tell me all the times about what pleasure and entertaining activities you had at the ceremony...you were the one who convinced me to come after all." Thranduil said. "You do not seem so interested in joining the games or activities laid before you, why is that?" Thranduil asked.

"I...I am your escort, you are my responsibility and I intend to hold true to my promise to watch you." Terrance said noticing his own temporary hesitation. Although he tried hiding how much he was hurting on the inside, Thranduil always had a knack for knowing when something is wrong; especially when it came to Terrance, he knew the elf all to well.

"...Yes..." Thranduil answered as he noticed Terrance seemed stiff and uneasy but decided not to ask why, as of now. "Speaking of which I was hoping that since mellonen returned me safely to you, you could possibly stop following us." Thranduil asked. "I appreciate your concern and I know you only seek my well being but I am not an elf-ling and I feel you are treating me as such." Thranduil said.

"That is not my intent, I tend to over protect you I know, but..." Terrance began but Thranduil cut him off.

"I know why you do as you do, that does not need an explanation. I am simply asking you, for now, allow me to venture off on my own." Thranduil said.

"I will do as you ask but I..." Terrance stopped. He wanted so badly to know why he and Thranduil had never gotten back together, he was married and he thought it was the passing of Thranduil's wife, but he was reanalyzing everything now that his lord was free to fall in love once more.

It was completely off subject but he felt he needed to ask, although he didn't know what good would it do for him to ask Thranduil why their love was never reaffirmed, for what good could it possibly do him now? His heart already felt like it had been shattered into a thousand pieces...but he didn't really have anything to lose either. "Please forgive me for asking and if I am out of line do say so but I..." Terrance stopped his words catching in his throat. "You love me, do you not?" Terrance asked taking a different approach.

"Of course I do, and you should never question that...have I done something to make you think that I do not?" Thranduil asked suddenly concerned that his life long friend was asking such a question...the fact that it even entered his mind worried Thranduil.

"Not at all...but you once loved me more that just as your friend, I never had to opportunity to ask what changed between us. You were married when we finally met once again after your father separated us, so I didn't question it then, but I do now...for the relationship you are forming with this new elf is causing me many tribulations."

Thranduil paused for a good few minutes, he never suspected Terrance having harbored feelings for him for so long, it must hurt him so much to see him with Glorfindel or anyone else for that matter. How painful it must have been to see him get married, her bearing him three beautiful children and to always be by his side...without ever being able to get closer to him.

"Why did you never say anything? I understand why you stayed silent during my marriage, it was out of respect but...by the Valar how this must be painful for you, how it must have felt being by my side and with my wife and children...why did you endure that pain?" Thranduil asked.

Terrance shook his head. "I cherished you...I endured fire for you, I am permanently scared as a mark of my devotion to you Thranduil...you are my treasured one and always will be. Staying silent for so long was the only way I knew I could stay by you." Terrance said.

Thranduil felt his heart constrict painfully in his chest but he knew he had to tell Terrance the truth for he no longer felt the same. "I cherish you also Terrance, more than any jewel in my kingdom...but the love we had was so long ago...I do love you Terrance, and that's not even a question, but my love for you has changed over time and I do not feel the same as I once did."

"But why is that? What changed?" Terrance asked.

"It is very difficult to describe a feeling Terrance, even more difficult as to why it would change...you were my lover for a almost a century and I was very happy with you. You were my first, and I will never forget those times, but they are no more." Thranduil looked into Terrance's eyes his heart nearly breaking at the sight of them. "I pray you forgive me for the anguish and heartache you must have suffered through all this time you have been with me... Im naa lathynth. Saes tenin mi..." Thranduil said his voice nearly breaking as he spoke.

"...Very well my lord...I need to be alone right now, please do not follow me...I will stop following you as well." Terrance said leaving the talan in a hurried manner.

Thranduil closed his eyes feeling tears well, but he refused to let them fall. He had no right to cry, he shouldn't be allowed to share in Terrance's pain...they were Terrance's feelings and Thranduil refused to take any more form him than he already had. He wanted to fix this all, everything was going so well and now it seemed as he was losing his best friend, allowing him to slip through his fingers...he didn't want to lose Terrance, no matter how selfish it was he still wanted Terrance to be by his side. But he also wanted that bold and charming elf who had managed to touch his heart so intimately...could he have both? Or would he end up losing one? The other? Or worse yet...both?




Thranduil awoke the next day seeing Terrance did not return in the night, which troubled Thranduil, he would have gone out looking for him but Terrance asked him not to follow...so Thranduil had to assume he would come back when he was ready. Thranduil decided to go for a walk, he still felt awful for all that Terrance must be going through...and he never noticed his friends pain. Thranduil felt like he had failed at being Terrance's friend, he should have known.

He stopped at a small clear lake and sat down admiring how the trees above reflected upon the undisturbed surface. The ritual grounds were truly beautiful, fragrant flowers bloomed in the morning, evening, and night, by the scent in the air you could easily tell what time of day it was. Lakes, ponds, and small rivers littered the grounds, as well as hot springs and mineral tarns. Thranduil leaned up against the tree and stared into the water, gazing at his reflection as if studying it for a moment. The beauty of this place helped him forget for a moment about Terrance, although he soon found himself drifting off to memories of what he and Terrance had shared once, for that time when they were together...it was more beautiful than the forest could ever reflect.





"My Lord!" Terrance said chasing after Thranduil as they ran through the thick woodland of Greenwood. It was becoming late and Terrance knew they should return soon or least be chastised by his King and Thranduil's father, Oropher. "We should return soon." He said.

Thranduil flashed him a brilliant smile. "I have been in study for hours, if my father insists on confining me to the library and lessons he should expect me to stay late when I finally am allowed outside once again!" Thranduil said obviously having too much energy from sitting still for so long.

"You are a prince my lord, you will one day rule Greenwood The Great...your lessons are important, he wants what's best for you." Terrance said walking up to his over-energetic lord, being cooped up for so long did seem to boost his stamina. "And you are acting very un-prince-like, you behave like an elf ling." He chided.

"And you behave as a Pen-iaur! Act you age and have a little fun once in a while!" Thranduil said and tackled his overly serious friend to the ground.

The two wrestled with one another for a few moments until their playful wrestling turned into a lovers embrace on the forest floor. They didn't return home till late into the night which both earned them an angry king and father. They usually tested the King's patients but they were happy and in love and for the longest time they believed nothing would change between them.




He was about to go back to his talan to see if Terrance had returned, but on the way he crossed paths with Glorfindel, he suddenly remembered that he was supposed to meet him for breakfast near the arrival plot but he had forgotten with everything that had happened with Terrance last night.

"I'm sorry, I forgot about our meeting." Thranduil said.

"It's all right, I took the time to catch up with a friend of mine I wanted you two to meet actually, but there is still time..." Glorfindel stopped seeing his Lirimaer was not really paying attention, his face held concern and a bit of worry...he seemed sad. "Lirimaer? What is wrong?" Glorfindel asked concerned.

"...My escort...I believe I have hurt him, and I am not sure as to how to remedy this situation we have found ourselves in." Thranduil said lowering his head. "When I find myself in situation's that I am unsure of I would go to him and ask his advice...but now when I need advice more than any other time I cannot go to him." Thranduil said.

"Then ask me, allow me to help you...if nothing else you can at least tell me your woes and I will sooth your worries the best I can." Glorfindel said with a warm smile.

"It is a long story...if you really wish to listen..." Thranduil said as Glorfindel nodded.

Glorfindel found it astonishing that his Lirimaer's mood would seem to determine his own mood, and his Lirimear's problems appeared to trouble Glorfindel just as much as they troubled Thranduil. It seemed as they had finally made a connection as if they were empathetic with one another. And this empathy relation made Glorfindel want to help Thranduil in any way he could, so they would not both be miserable.

Glorfindel found the tale about Terrance and Thranduil to be slightly heart wrenching being separated from someone you loved so dearly, by your own father nonetheless, and when Terrance and Thranduil were allowed to see each other once more Thranduil had gotten married...and yet Terrance did not and could not give up on loving Thranduil, although Thranduil's heart then belonged to another.

It must have torn Terrance up on the inside and the outside. Harboring feelings for someone else out of respect and devotion must be horrible, pain is one thing but what Terrance was feeling much more than pain at the moment...it was closer to sheer agony.

Glorfindel understood Thranduil's position though, he simply didn't feel the same and Terrance would need time to get over this before he was able to be near Thranduil again. But that is what probably what hurt Thranduil the most, the two were confidants to one another, and it hurt...that when Terrance needed someone to talk to and be consoled by, the one he would normally go to was the cause of the pain he was feeling now...and Thranduil felt useless and inadequate in his friendship with Terrance for being unable to help him in his hour of need.

"You must understand he feels rejected by your actions, although it was not your intent to cause him any type of pain...being with me was enough to surface those memories and feelings he had apparently be harboring all this time.." Glorfindel said.

"But I enjoy spending time with you, is it selfish of me to want both of you...will I end up losing one of you?" Thranduil asked.

"I don't think you will, your escort just needs some time to process this and he'll move beyond it. He cares for you very much, too much to just throw everything the two of you have away, over simple jealousy." Glorfindel pulled Thranduil into his arms. "Everything will be well Lirimaer, you'll see." He said gently kissing the top of Thranduil's head.

Thranduil smiled, feeling slightly better getting those concerns off his chest. "Should I feel guilty, that I didn't notice? Because I already do and I wonder if that guilt is justified." Thranduil asked.

"Honestly I wouldn't. He had the opportunity to tell you this for a long time but chose to stay silent...and even if he did mention it sooner would it have made a difference?" Glorfindel asked.

"No, I suppose not...considering my feelings, I doubt, will change. I am not fickle in my decisions either." Thranduil paused. "I wonder though when he will return to our talan." Thranduil said.

"Hard to say, it might even be a few days before you see him again, I can relate to what it is like being near one you care for so dearly knowing that nothing will become of it...it takes work, some people have limits." Glorfindel said.

Thranduil became curious of his tone he seemed a little distant when he spoke. "Do you have someone you love? Back home?" Thranduil asked pulling himself from Glorfindel's arms to look at him in the eyes as he spoke.

Glorfindel shook his head. "I did love him, very much indeed...but we never were together like you and your escort, he never felt the same about me either, it was always one-sided...and I suppose it was better that way it was easier for me to let go knowing this." Glorfindel said. "Doesn't mean that it didn't hurt though, partly why I took to pleasure during the ritual...it was easy to forget him by indulging in the things I knew I would never receive from him."

"Strange that we all want love and yet it can be so painful...rejection, want, need, humiliation, ache, we all go through so much just to love." Thranduil said being pulled back into a strong embrace.

"But you are forgetting, happiness, acceptance, having, belonging, blissful, the good will outweigh the bad in the end my Lirimaer." He kissed Thranduil for a moment enjoying the feel of the other's lips on his for a moment. "See? Was that not blissful?"

"Granted...but it worries me that he would think I no longer love him because of these blissful moments" Thranduil said.

"That's impossible." Glorfindel said giving Thranduil a squeeze. "In the few weeks I've know you and spent time with you I have found that you have an absolute way of loving others, true that there are many different ways and types of love...but even so it is a pure and unwavering love, no one can question that." Glorfindel smiled warmly at him.

"Thank you for saying that...but his tribulations are my fault, weather or not I intended it, I still hold responsibility for this. It's awful that I can hurt someone so much in so many different ways, I shouldn't have control of something that powerful, I've been abusing him without even realizing it." Thranduil said.

"Like you said, it was not intended, and this power you speak of, you only have because he has given it to you in the first place." Glorfindel lifted Thranduil's chin. "He'll process this pain and move forward soon enough, for now let him be alone to sort through his feelings. Sometimes you can grow closer to someone after they have been away for a while...it will also allow you to think about your relationship with him as well." Glorfindel pressed his forehead against Thranduil's. "But for now, enjoy your time with me and allow us to grow closer."

Thranduil smiled leaning into the embrace, he honestly didn't feel guilty about being with Glorfindel right now or any other time regardless of Terrance. While he couldn't help himself but to worry about Terrance he knew there was nothing he could do but wait for him to come around, and self punishment was not Thranduil's prerogative, not to mention he shouldn't blame this all on himself, he was honest and that was all he could do.

"Tell me things about yourself...take my mind of these rather disheartening matters." Thranduil said. "Where do you hail from?" Thranduil asked.

"I am from Imladris, it's always been my home." Glorfindel said "You?" He asked.

"Mirkwood, I suppose you could say I've lived there all my life as well but I was a part of it when it was once called Greenwood the Great also." Thranduil said.

"I've never been to Mirkwood...I've seen the halls of Thranduil but I never entered. He protects his realm well. The lord of Imladris has always been curious as to how he protects his people without a ring of power, I admit I am curious as well." Glorfindel turned to Thranduil. "How are your borders protected?" He asked.

"There is an enchanted river, any who drink from it, or find themselves within it, fall into a never ending slumber." Thranduil said.

"What happens in the event of an accident?" Glorfindel asked.

"The kings herbalist has an antidote, but to my knowledge no one from Mirkwood has ever fallen victim to the river." Thranduil said. "Most, like you said, get as far into the forest as seeing Thranduil's halls, after that most cannot venture further, you cannot enter the halls without King Thranduil's direct consent." Thranduil said finding it odd to talk about himself like a third person, but it was the rules he had to abide by.

"I guess that is what one must do to protect his people...do you know much about him, the king?" Glorfindel asked.

"More than some." Thranduil said not going to delve into personal reasons why he knew so much, that would certainly break many rules.

"Does he protect his borders with magic as they claim he does?" Glorfindel asked seemingly intrigued.

"Yes, or so I'm told, the river is not enough as orc's have learned to be wary of it, and although to enter the halls you need an invitation not all of our people live in the caves, many do still dwell within the forests tree's and cottages upon the ground. Also most of the caves are not directly connected to Thranduil's halls...the halls are basically the palace." Thranduil shook his head getting off topic. "But he uses his magic to further protect his borders, shielding his people from attack with invisible barriers and incantation's...it takes almost all of his strength to do so but I suppose that is an expression of his sacrifice for his people." Thranduil said with a shrug, it was true he sacrificed much for them, he loved them so dearly.

"Have you been to his halls before?" Glorfindel asked.

"Yes." Thranduil answered simply.

"What do they look like? I've heard elves say he wished to recreate the glory of Doriath, and he started to build a cave hall to match Menegroth." Glorfindel said.

"That was his initial intent yes, but the terrain proved inappropriate so the finished halls do not resemble Menegroth...although glorious nonetheless." Thranduil said.

"Maybe when I visit you in Mirkwood we could see the halls together one day." Glorfindel said cupping one of Thranduil's cheeks lovingly.

"When? You have plans to continue seeing me?" Thranduil asked slightly surprised.

"Of course...I do not want our relationship to end with the end of the ceremony, I wish us to flourish and grow...together." Glorfindel said. "Do you not wish for the same?" Glorfindel asked concern washing over his features.

Thranduil's smiled wrapping his arms around Glorfindel, kissing him strongly seeming to startle the other slightly, until he returned the embrace and the kiss with equal energy.

"You have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that, for I do not wish for this to end either...it has been long since I last felt this way, I do not want to lose it." Thranduil said.

"I will stay by your side as long as you allow it." Glorfindel said kissing Thranduil gently.
Chapter end notes: [Taurelasse] - Forest Leaf
[Lirimaer] - lovely one
[Mellonen] - My friend
[Im naa lathynth] - I am sorry
[Saes tenin mi] - Please forgive me
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