I miss you, Mr. Frodo.
It never gets any easier. I thought it would, right after you left, but it didn't. Got better at hidin' it though, I did.
Poor Rose, she never knew she ought to've had somethin' better. Told her so, more'n once, but she'd always tell me to hush my mouth, Samwise Gamgee, she knew what she was gettin' when she moved in. I don't believe her, but maybe it's the truth.
I still call you Mr. Frodo, or Master, even in my own head, even after you asked me not to. I can't help it, it's only right.
You were the ring-bearer, and what did you get for your trouble? Gossip and talk. If I'd had my own way, you'd be greeted with bended knee wherever you went, but I don't have my own way, and that's flat. So the least I can do is call you by title.
I still remember the first time I clapped eyes on you. Only five I was, and you a great giant of twent y, movin' in with Master Bilbo. You were carryin' in baggage, and my Gaffer sent me over to be of use. Damned if you didn't put me to work eatin' biscuits in the kitchen o' Bag end, while you carried in the heavy stuff. Left a few little bags for me, so as I'd feel useful. When I carted 'em in, you looked me right in the eye, and said "Thank you, Master Samwise, for your assistance," formal as you please.
I was yours, right then.
Made quite a bother of myself over the next fifteen years, didn't I, followin' you about, tryin' to be of use. But you never let on that I wasn't needed, or wanted. Always a kind word, you had, and a snack, and sometimes a small task, so's I wouldn't lose heart. Those were the best days, the one's where my Gaffer didn't need me helpin' out, and I was free to tag along after you. We'd walk about in the forest, and you'd tell me stories, and rhymes, and we'd have a good lunch, and I'd think I was a help to you when I carried your pack.
Do you know how much it meant, Mr. Frodo? That you cared? No one else had ever made me feel so much like I mattered. Like I wasn't too small, or too stupid to be important. I'm not sure why you spent all that time indulging me, though my Gammer always said you had a good heart.
I know t'was you who had Mr. Bilbo teach me my letters. I heard you ask him, when I was weeding under a window. "Uncle Bilbo," you began, "Young Master Samwise is of an age to be learning to read and write a bit. I'd show him myself, but I doubt his father would approve. But he couldn't disapprove if it were you, surely. Do you think you could instruct him?" And o'course Bilbo said he would, but t'was you that gave him the idea.
That opened up a whole new world for me, Mr. Frodo, and no mistake. Mr. Bilbo would teach me, and tell me stories of elves. He told me they were tall, and slim, and fair, and when I pictured them in my head, I always thought they'd look just like you. Why do you think I loved them so?
I'm sure you thought, when I got a little older, that I'd come to my senses and leave you to your business, but I wasn't as smart as all that. Though you never stopped bein' kind to me, askin' my advice on your own little garden, and tellin' me about the books you was readin'.
I know you knew I tended your garden while you wasn't lookin'. At the time I thought I was bein' sneaky, but it's pretty obvious when weeds disappear overnight, and the plants just suddenly look better. You never said a word. This was about the age when the boy-hobbits start noticin' the girl-hobbits, but I never paid them no mind. I just weren't interested in them, and that's flat. If I could've followed you around and served you the rest of my life, that'd've been good enough for the likes o' me.
After Mr. Bilbo left, with you up all alone in that big place, I knew it was my job to see as you took care of yourself. Left to yourself, you'd like as not forget to eat, or wander off without your coat, or forget to shut the windowns in the rain. Probably you were annoyed as anythin' with my fussin', but I worried.
I knew you were thinkin' of leavin', but I tried not to dwell. It made me sad, like when we saw them elves goin' to the Havens. The world won't be as wonderful without them. And the shire just wouldn't be the shire without a Baggins at Bag End.
My Baggins, in particular.
So, when Masters Merry and Pippin approached me with a plan, so's you wouldn't just run off into the night all alone, how could I refuse? I spied on you. You couldn't spill your tea without me knowin' about it. And you made no move to leave, so I thought I was safe.
That night Gandalf came, I thought to myself, "This is it, Sam Gamgee!" And I was right. I heard a good deal that night, about a ring, and a dark lord, and the elves, but the only part that got through my thick skull was that you were goin' off alone. Alone! Without your Sam!
I took a sobbing breath, and I thought I was quiet, but I guess you and Mr. Gandalf heard. Gave me a right fright he did, and no mistake, when he hauled me in, but when he said I was to go with you, I forgave him. I don't know what I would've done if you'd gone off and faced the dark lord on your own. Followed, more'n likely, and got myself killed before I reached the edge of Hobbiton. But Master Gandalf told me to go with you, and not to leave you. And I knew with all my heart that I didn't mean to.
I never thought that you'd be the one leavin' me.
And didn't we see so many wonderful things, Mr. Frodo, before things went bad? Never in my life did I think t'see Bree, but I did, and a good bit further. I like Masters Merry and Pippin well enough, and I knew we were a good bit safer with them there, but I resented, just a bit, that it wouldn't just be you and your Sam, to the end.
If only I'd know.
When you got wounded, Sir, I thought that'd just be the end of me. It looked bad, and nearly was. Three days I spent by you, waitin' for you to wake, and didn't you just go and do it the moment Gandalf sent me off! But I was so glad to see you that I didn't mind. Terribly.
I almost told you, then, how worried I had been, and that I couldn't've gone on, if you'd passed. I almost crawled into that bed beside you and wrapped you up in my arms, and begged you to come back home to the Shire with me and be safe. Maybe I should've, but what's done's done, and there's no undoin' it. When you said you'd take the ring to Mordor, I thought you were the bravest hobbit there ever was, goin' to where all those big men said they wouldn't. But cursed if I'd let you go off without me, Ranger and Wizard or no. You'd need your Sam to take care of you. Who else knew how to do it proper?
Would you like to hear about the greatest day of my life, Mr. Frodo? It may surprise you. It were that day you tried to leave the company behind. Even your Sam. Nearly broke my heart you did, Sir. What would you've done if I hadn't caught you? How did you think you'd manage, all alone in as dark a place as Mordor?
But that doesn't bear thinkin' of, because catch you I did. Well, find you, then nearly lose you again through my own foolery. Thought I was drowned for certain, until I felt you pull me up. I shouldn't have worried. You were Master Frodo, you'd always taken care of me, though not the way I took care of you. You pulled me into that boat, and I told you why I wasn't about to let you wander off alone, and you looked at me. Felt like you were lookin' right through me, like the Lady Galadriel did, but with you, it was alright. I was yours, you had the right, though I don't know if you knew it.
And you took my face in your hands, and you kissed me! It was so beautiful, the most beautifulest moment of my life. And you pulled away, and you looked at me so sad-like, and you said, "Sam, do you see now why I cannot take you with me? I love you. I fell in love with your gentleness long ago. So you see, I cannot risk you. Though I don't imagine you'll be so eager to come with me anymore."
Near broke my heart you did, and no mistake. I couldn't stand seein' you lookin' so sad, so I did the only thing as seemed proper. Kissed you back, with all my heart. And when you pulled away, you smiled such a smile as took my breath away, all bright and shiny it was. And right then I knew what I felt for you all those years was love, and told you so. And said furthermore, Mr. Frodo, that if you thought you was gettin' away from your Sam after that, you were madder than a Took, and no mistake.
And I guess you saw in my eyes that I meant it, because you looked into them for a long time before you told me I was right. Which I knew already.
It seems so sad now, that the first days we spent together after such a declaration were in as terrible a place as that. Not that I minded at the time, happy as I was. You tried to change the way things were between us, sneakin' some o' the heavy things outta my pack, and into yours, and tryin' to get me to call you plain ‘Frodo', but I was havin' none o' that, and rightly so. In love with me you may be, but I'll be dead a year and a day before I see you carryin' more'n you can bear, when there's strength left still in me. And we know how well you did, getting' me to call you just Frodo. Sir. What's your Sam for, but to take care of you?
Besides, even after all that darkness, when I was near to carryin' you up the slopes of that black mountain, you still bore the heavier burden.
You'll forgive me, Mr. Frodo, if I just touch this part lightly. Even after all the years between then and now, it makes me sad, thinking' how you suffered so.
And I thought, when all was done, and we were safe again that now you'd be free! It was the least you deserved, savin' the world and all, to go back to Bag End and be happy. I thought when you got home, you'd be the same Mr. Frodo you always were, and we could all be happy again, but it'd be better, because you loved me.
But when we got home, the Shire was all a ruin, and filled with wicked men. I wanted so to set it right for you, sir. Every bit o' work I did, putting everythin' to rights, was so I could see you contented. But you weren't, Sir.
I knew, when you told me to marry Rosie, that you were leavin'. But I pretended everythin' was goin' to be all right, and you'd stay with me an' Rose, and be kind to our children as you was to me. And that I could love you always, and take care of you. You told me you'd love me until the end of days.
But I knew, Sir, that you were goin'. I even put a fair guess as to when. And when you asked me to come with you for a bit, I was certain. Bein' right never gets any easier.
And I hated every person there, before you left, that stopped me from sayin' goodbye to you proper. But I guess if I'd've had you alone, I'd've just begged you to stay. So maybe it's best.
You told me, Sir, that one day I'd join you, because I was a ring-bearer too, for a little while. But there wasn't never no time, Sir, before now. The village always needed me to run things, and o' course there were the little ones to look after. Rose named one for you. He was my favorite, though I hope the others didn't know it. Fair, and quick he was, and more like you than me Sir, beggin' your pardon.
But the town's got someone new to see to things, and all the little ones have little ones of their own now. And Rosie's passed. So if you'll still have me Sir, I'll be chasin' after you again. And when I catch you this time, that'll be the end of you runnin' off without your Sam.
Coming, Mr. Frodo. Coming.
Site Info
We are the home of 1292 authors from among our 2552 members. There have been 2904 reviews written about our 3820 stories consisting of 10734 chapters and 29400445 words. A special welcome to our newest member, Rosamundeb.Categories
Skin Change
Donate
Help us keep one of the oldest running LotR archives available to all. Even the smallest donation helps!
Many thanks to our previous donors!
Many thanks to our previous donors!
